S5 Ep59: Volunteering with Ben Soffer: Wednesday, May 11th, 2022

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Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to the morning toast and happy hump day.

Sorry.

Happy Wednesday, everyone.

Hope everyone's having a great day.

I'm having a great day because I'm joined by my roses, my husband, Ben Soffer.

Hi.

Hump Day.

Do you love that commercial?

There are just a few commercials that really stick in your head.

What's the other ones?

Liberty Mutual with the emu.

Liberty, Liberty, Liberty, Liberty.

Don't be wise all takes eyes all.

That's a good one also.

IDK, my BFF chill.

Yeah, that's a good one.

I agree.

Yeah.

Oh, of course, you can't.

Flow?

No.

Progresso?

No.

Progressive?

No.

Progresso's the soup.

No.

No, progressive's the soup?

Yes.

No.

Which one is the insurance company and which one is the soup?

Progressive insurance, progressso soup.

But in terms of iconic commercials, I don't know how we're sitting here not talking about working for an hourly wage, went to high school, didn't do great.

Still I got to make more cash.

Glad we got that.

Education Connection is a good one.

You know what?

And maybe the reason why I didn't have a good college experience is because I didn't use Education Connection.

It's possible.

It's possible.

It also could be the reason that you're smart.

Welcome back to the chose, Ben.

How you doing?

I'm good.

I'm really excited you're here.

I'm really excited to be here as well.

For those confused, we did mention that you would be switching days with Jackie, but then we needed to switch it back.

We're just juggling a busy life, new mom, and just bear with us.

So today is Ben.

He's going to do Dear Toasters with me.

Tomorrow is a very special episode.

It's not me.

It's Jackie, because I have to go travel.

We're heading to Austin tomorrow.

We're doing a meet and greet at Specs,

and we're going to be selling Spritz and having a good time, taking pictures, signing stuff, so it'll be fun.

So I can't do tomorrow's show, but Jackie's going to hold it down with an episode with

someone special.

Are you telling people, or you're not not telling people yet?

I don't know.

I kind of want to be a drama queen about it.

Okay.

Yeah, but if you do live in Austin, Thursday night, Specs, it's going to be lit.

It's going to be lit.

So join us there and don't forget to tune into tomorrow's episode.

And yeah, I'm so excited to be here, Ben.

There's been so much going on with you with Spritz.

I think we should talk about like the major milestone that Spritz recently achieved.

Yes, Spritz Society is now on United Airlines.

Yes.

Really crazy.

Unbelievable partnership.

The people at United are unbelievable and it is a great airline and nobody's holding a gun to my head saying.

No, it's true.

I've actually, I've been talking about that journey recently with Brian, how I've really become like a United girly.

It's a premium airline.

We're on their routes to Italy this summer.

We're in some of the lounges.

It's very exciting.

If you need, if you're looking for all the details, they're on our Instagram if you want to catch Spritz in the wild at which lounges and on which routes.

So I'm so proud of you, Ben.

Thank you, darling.

I'll actually, let me just quickly say that there's only two.

From May 6th to August 6th, if you are a Chicago toaster,

you can fly from Chicago O'Hare to Milan.

And if you are a New York toaster, from May 6th to August 26th, you can fly from Newark, New Jersey to Roma.

And it's available in the lounges.

In the lounges, right?

Yes.

It's really, it's just...

In Chicago and Newark.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Where are we flying out of tomorrow?

No, we're not.

We can't see it.

It's also not until the 26th in New York.

It's just so cool.

Like, nobody's on planes.

Like, we got on a plane.

No, it's so crazy.

I've been in business for like eight months, and we got on a plane.

Like, it's really cool.

And the variety pack yesterday, thanks for talking about it.

Yeah, we launched our variety pack.

It's a great success.

So, if you're looking for spritz and you want to try all four flavors, this variety pack has eight cans, two cans per box, and you can try all of them for fun.

I actually have a custom code:

eight pack season SZN.

Eight pack

season SZN.

So, Ben, how have you been 15% off?

How have you been since we last had you on the toast?

When was the last time?

A couple weeks?

A couple weeks.

I've been good, you know, just doing my thing,

trying to survive.

It's tough in these streets.

Every day you walk outside, you're like, am I going to get stabbed?

Totally.

And every day that you come home not stabbed is a win.

It's a win.

And then you come home to me, which is just like for you, so special.

It is.

And you come home to Theo and the beautiful home I've made for us.

It is so special.

It must be so nice to be here.

The home is amazing.

Thank you.

Yes, I love the home.

you do yes and isn't it amazing when your butler returns

i left yesterday i want you guys to know oh but

i want you guys to know do not do this seriously because you're wrong i want you guys to know don't do it theo has walked at 2 p.m

i went out to play monopoly at seven i said i'll be back at nine i'll walk in when we get back just hang on but monopoly ran over as monopoly always does you are literally like leaving out such important facts.

Ready?

Okay.

Ben says, can I play Monopoly with my friends?

Ben is in this like losery ass Monopoly League.

Like you'll, they made their own rules.

They have like a Google Doc.

It is loser central, okay?

No, the Google Doc was COVID.

You're literally living in like nine years ago.

Did you not make up your own rules?

No, they're great rules.

I said yesterday, like, why don't you invite this person to come play with you Monopoly?

He's like, no, he doesn't know the rules.

Like, it's a loser.

It's a different,

it's a way to make Monopoly more real.

Sure.

So he was going out at seven, and when he goes to play Monopoly, I know it's like a four or five hour thing.

So he always has to, like, you know,

ask nicely because it's a Tuesday night, we should be together.

And because I have no control over my own life or schedule.

So he's like, can I play Monopoly?

And I said, yes, you can, but you have to make these returns at Zara for me along the way.

That way I'm getting something out of this.

And you have to walk Theo.

So then you were like, oh, I'm running late.

Like, I.

No, you threw in Theo literally at the last minute.

And I said, Look, just, it's fine.

I'll be home in two hours.

But when I wasn't home for four hours, you couldn't just walk him.

I got into the kitchen.

The water bowl was bare.

Not a drop of water.

I reject that as well.

There wasn't a drop of water because Theo, while he was under my care, drank all of the water.

He was drinking water.

Don't, don't, don't.

How do you know he drank the water?

I watched him.

You have the camera from the bed?

I watched him because I went to go find him.

He was sitting in the laundry, and then he went up to get water, and I escorted him there.

But you literally said, it's totally fine.

I'll walk him when I get home.

So, okay, I was just listening to you.

It's totally fine.

I'll walk him when I get home.

I wasn't timing you.

Okay, by the way, Theo is totally fine.

He's a bladder king.

I think it's really your fault.

No, I don't think so.

And you lost Monopoly, so it, like, wasn't even worth it.

It was such a good game, too.

Oh,

went really deep.

The problem is I invested all my money in the Browns.

What are the Browns?

Mediterranean and Baltic.

They're secretly.

Those are purple.

What did I say?

Brown.

It depends on the board that you have.

We play on a more premium board, and they're brown.

I have to say.

Purple's an old game.

I don't know exactly your rules, but in a historic game of Monopoly that I once played, I owned those cheap ones at the front.

I had hotels on

all of them because it's so cheap.

And I fucking won because every time, and people dismiss it because it's like $60.

Correct.

Every time somebody landed on that, I was getting like a thousand bucks because it cost me like $300 to put a hotel on it.

Correct.

You actually get $450 for Baltic and $200 for Mediterranean, $250 with hotels.

And yes, cheap builds, big hits.

No one's ever out of cash because they just passed go.

So even if they're on their way out, great property.

Next would be the blues.

But yet, people really overrate the side of the board.

I don't think the blues are valuable.

The thing is, people get sent to jail so many times.

that the ones between jail and free parking, the purples and the oranges, the pinks and the oranges, are the most high traffic zones

because people are always being sent to jail and then getting out.

Are you implying that you want to join the league?

No, no.

You feel quite strategic.

No, honestly.

That's the whole part of the league.

We take Monopoly seriously.

Monopoly is fun every once in a while, and you have to be playing with fun people.

I'll tell you why this version is fun.

This version is fun because there's no luck.

Every time you land on a property, it goes up for auction.

That is why Jackie hates Monopoly.

Like, it's a game of luck.

This game is not of luck at all.

It's 100% of skill.

It's fantastic.

I'm so happy.

Wow.

Should we play?

I'm so happy that you found something that you're passionate about.

Yeah, it's a great game.

There was a time where we were playing oof all the time.

Right, and COVID when like you couldn't really do anything.

But now it's like, I don't know.

Now it's sparse because life is back to normal.

Sparse.

Well, I'm so happy for you.

It's so important to have hobbies.

Yeah, and if you go on hasboro.com slash monopoly,

isn't that what they're doing?

Hasbro?

Hasbro.

Hasbro.

Hasbro.

Hasbro.

Hasbro.

Yeah, not Hasbro.

Hasbro.

Hasbro.

You're saying it wrong again.

Okay.

Hasbro.

Okay.

It's H-A-S-B-R-O.

Like you're adding like an O-U-G-H.

Hasbro.

Hasbro.

Hasbro.

I think you're wrong.

Am I, is he saying it weird?

It's Hasbro.

Hasbro.

Hasbro.

No, you're saying it wrong.

Hasbro.

Okay.

Summate.

Okay.

If you go on hasbro.com.

No, I was making a terrible joke that you could use code toast, but you didn't even pick up.

Oh, good.

What do you think?

I was sending them to the manual for Monopoly?

I thought that you were going to show them a way to make your own rules or something.

Oh, God.

I'm not that big of a loser.

No, I think it's really sweet.

Maybe I am.

I think it's really sweet, you know.

Thank you, darling.

Some guys get together, you know, they do drugs, they gamble.

Not you.

No.

You're playing Monopoly.

Do you guys even drink?

No, of course not.

Sober.

I love it.

Yeah, that's good.

I love it.

Yeah.

It's good.

It's good.

It flexes the mind.

I personally, I don't know why everything you like to do without me takes five hours.

Like, if you, like, I don't mind you playing golf, but it's eight hours.

Monopoly is four hours.

I know you think it's two hours.

It's never two hours.

It's always four.

So like the fact that everything you like to do without me takes so long, like that hurts my feelings.

I'm sorry.

It just means that they're good games as opposed to like short games.

Like, sorry, I'm not playing checkers on the street.

That would be fun, too.

That also could take four hours.

Yeah, depending if you get a really good opponent.

Well, Ben's going to join me here today for the Fast Five Stories, and he's also going to do Deer Toasters with us because nobody gives advice quite like Ben's offer.

No, nobody.

I would agree.

I give great advice.

I also don't ever get like two on one side or the other.

I'm very even keeled.

I can see somebody get hit by a bus right in front of me.

Straight face.

Oh, please.

And then cries.

Do you remember that time somebody once pulled a knife in Dwayne Reid?

That was terrifying.

Yeah, but.

I would say that if it happened to me, I would be straight-faced.

Okay, because I was pretty calm and you were like, we should leave.

By the way, you were like, let's stay.

No, I wasn't.

But there's somebody with a knife.

First of all, we were online for a long time.

We were finally at the front.

I was not giving up my spot in line.

Why?

Why wouldn't you give up your spot?

Leave.

Second of all, if us leaving draws attention to us, he was standing by the door.

So, what, we should get closer to the man with a knife?

No, we should leave the store.

In order to leave the store, we have to get closer to him.

He was standing right by the sliding door.

I don't know.

And we got to check out, and everything was fine.

When you hear the word closer, what do you think?

Closer?

So, baby, pull me closer.

No, but this is like our game.

What, yeah.

No, I'm thinking Neo.

Closer.

I don't even know that song, but me and Ben have started to play this game before, Ben.

Let's play it right now, okay?

Yeah.

I'll start.

So.

So.

Pull me closer.

So.

I don't know.

Sing us a song of the piano music.

It's always just like, it doesn't even relate to

impossible.

It's word association, by the way.

Yeah, you sing the first word of a song, and the other person has to guess it.

Love.

Do it again.

Love.

Oh, wait, I did it wrong.

L.

L.

Ooh, let me guess, is for the way you look

at me.

That was fucking hilarious.

And a great place to dive into the fast five stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast.

I beat the crunch.

Oh, fuck, I forgot.

Never forget.

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What's it like in a women's locker room?

Breasts everywhere.

It's awkward.

Like, what's it like in a men's locker room?

So much saggy balls.

Just like old men just like walking around with like their nuts clanking against their ankles.

Yeah.

Like it's just so, and like, it's funny.

When I was younger, I used to think like, how in the world?

How in the world are people just walking around naked?

And now I understand the older you get, you don't give a shit because I'm never going to see this person again.

Why am I inconveniencing myself in the fear of them seeing my balls when in reality, it doesn't matter.

I'm never seeing them again.

Yeah, but like, you are a public figure.

No, I'm not doing that.

I'm just saying from their perspective.

You know, do I frequent gym locker rooms?

I haven't been to a gym in years.

Spa locker rooms.

One, spas are typically empty in the locker room.

Two, I love a robe.

Yeah.

I remember the first time I was in like a, it wasn't a locker room, but it was like a communal dressing room at a department store.

And like, that's where I first saw like boobs and like a bush.

And I was like, what the fuck is this?

Bush.

It was Bush.

It was the 90s, man.

Bushes.

Actually, it wasn't the 90s.

It was the early 2000s.

All right, ready for the past five?

Yeah.

First up, you know, Kim Kardashian is getting backlash again for something moronic.

fans are slamming controlling kim kardashian for telling pete davidson to remove his hat pete davidson's fans have taken issue with kim kardashian telling him to remove a hat while shooting behind-the-scenes footage of their time prepping for the met gala in a clip kim uploaded in a clip uploaded to the kardashian social instagram page kim is telling the snl star to take the double hats off as he wore a purple cap over a navy one um while filming He said, I didn't know where to put my hat.

And then Kim said, she points to her assistant, she'll hold just in case, because if it works, and we want to use this somewhere, just if I want to post any behind-the-scenes content.

So it's like, it's so dumb.

Like, they're holding hands, and like, she's trying on the Marilyn Monroe dress.

He's wearing a baseball cap and then a baseball cap on top of it.

And she's like, wait, take the hat off because, like, in case this is cute, like, I don't want you to look stupid.

And he was like, oh, you don't want me to have a double hat?

I appreciate that.

Thank you.

And she's like, no, I'm just looking out for you.

It's such a

irrelevant clip.

There's like nothing there.

And fans are like, she's controlling.

now as someone who frequently gets controlled how does this make you feel

it's like a really stupid story right like by the way today it's bleak no I know just like why are people upset why are people talking about this why is this news because people have literally no lives but from the perspective of myself

yes as one that is controlled

I would never even dare a double hat.

I get controlled on my t-shirt or my button down.

I don't really feel like I control your t-shirts.

Like, if you're wearing something with a hole, like, I'm doing you a favor.

No, it's not a hole.

You'll just say, like, oh, yeah, you can leave the house if you want to look ugly.

Okay, that's the thing.

Okay.

Oh, yeah.

I support what you're wearing.

Hideous beast.

Ben always comes and's like, Do you like this outfit?

I'm like, no, you asked for my opinion.

I'll say no.

Why?

I need to explain to you.

I just don't like it.

So then.

Because you have no taste.

Yeah, okay, Bozo, whatever you say.

That's the one.

Bozo the clown.

Sometimes Ben puts the clown.

Anytime I put on even a drop of color, if I'm not wearing black, I wear a light shade of pink.

Bozo.

It's not a light shade of pink.

Okay, you're wearing a nice pink shirt.

You gotta wear a yellow pants and a cowboy hat.

Like, you're always taking it to the next level.

So you ask my opinion.

If you didn't ask, I wouldn't say anything.

You say, do you like what I'm wearing?

No, you look like Bozo.

So the thing is, I've said I want you to stop asking my opinion because you don't like my opinion.

It's true.

Because your opinion is wrong.

Right.

Okay, so stop asking.

Okay.

Bozo.

Feel.

Enjoy.

Okay.

You work at a party this afternoon?

This is like a big nothing burger from Kim and Pete.

Like, they're totally fine.

Let's stop reading into everything.

And like, if Kim, like, Kim approved this video going out.

So, like, if she thought it was bad, she wouldn't post it, you know?

Totally.

It's fine.

It's fine.

There's nothing there.

But it was a really bleak day for Sorius, so sorry about that.

Next up is a Hollywood Reporter story.

So, Suri, Take Me Out, which is a Broadway show.

The theater is pursuing takedown requests.

They're going to add additional staff after the nude photo of Jesse Williams has circulated.

So they said it is deeply unfortunate that one audience member chose to disrespect the production, their fellow audience members, and most importantly, the cast in this manner.

So let me give you the back story.

There is a Broadway show going on now called Take Me Out, and Jesse Williams, who's an actor from

Grey's Anatomy, is in it, and he has like a full frontal noodle scene, like penis and everything.

And somebody snapped a photo of it, and it's gone absolutely viral because allegedly his penis is quite large.

And all the fanfare has been, you know, very,

what's the word I'm looking for?

Has been in his favor.

It's all been very complimentary, but it's still like an enormous invasion of privacy.

And like, you're really not supposed to film anything at a Broadway show, let alone someone being completely naked.

So now, like, the theater and the production company has spoken out.

They're going to be adding all these different levels of security and um

they really should have a no-phone policy yeah but

you're nude in front of an audience yeah but it's in front of an audience it's a controlled environment yeah but it's gonna happen anyways i don't think so like if people had a modicum of respect i don't think it would interesting and i did see like reactions from jesse williams like he doesn't really seem to care yeah because he's full frontly nude in front of people every day Yeah, but like still, that's not, that doesn't make it an excuse.

I'd just like to know if he's upset or if somebody else is upset for him.

Honestly, I'm a little upset.

Like, I think it's a huge invasion of privacy.

And, like, imagine.

Do you think it's imagine if it was a woman?

Do you think it's a huge invasion of privacy?

Even if it's a woman, if they don't care?

No, that's a good call because like Jesse Williams doesn't seem to be bothered.

I just think on principle, like it's fucked up.

On principle, this is the exact problem we have.

People caring too much about other people who don't care.

No,

I still think it's wrong.

Sorry.

Why?

It's not you.

I'm allowed to have an opinion.

That's literally what the show is for.

No, I got it.

But like, if you weren't nude on Broadway and they did it, you can be upset.

No, for sure.

You're probably upset about it for a while.

I just think conceptually it ain't right.

Okay.

I think it's right.

It's not a movie that's getting played everywhere.

It's a controlled environment where you have to buy tickets.

I don't know.

There's something a little weird about it.

A little off.

I think that it's definitely a fucked up move by the person who did it.

Yeah.

But if he is unbothered, I think he's probably probably happy with the press because I've never heard of Mr.

Williams.

Well, he's a really big actor, so that's on you.

Okay, well.

He was on like the number one show of all time, Grace.

And we mentioned that he has apparently quite the hog, according to social media.

Yeah, people are quaking.

And do you think that's like Joey Tribiani, where he took...

What did he take to put on to make his penis look?

Uncircumcised.

Uncertaincised.

It was like below knee loaf or whatever.

Yeah.

Yes.

Do you think it's his real penis or do you think it's like a clay mold?

The thing is, is like we really don't know who to trust anymore.

Because do you remember when I made you watch that one scene

in Sex Life?

Oh, my God.

That big penis scene.

I made men watch it for my TikTok.

That turned out to be a prosthetic.

Shocking.

So, yes, that's totally a thing, but that's also movie magic.

I don't know if you can really get away with a prosthetic on stage in real life, you know?

But that's a good question.

I think it was real.

Crazy.

Yeah.

Cool.

Yeah, I did see it.

Sorry.

I don't know why I'm lying.

Was it big?

Yeah, I searched it on Twitter because I was just like, what is everyone talking about?

It was enormous.

Yeah.

Really big.

Not as big as yours.

See, it's not all about size.

It's about love.

It's all about love.

I agree.

I totally agree.

I love you.

I love you too.

So, yes, I did see it.

I don't know why I was lying.

I was just like ashamed of my actions.

Like, you know,

I'm a part of the problem.

I am, 100%.

And I own that.

And I really, I apologize.

It's okay.

But yes, I agree with your sentiment.

As long as Jesse Williams isn't bothered, then like nobody else should be.

Yeah.

Is this fun?

You're having microphone trouble.

Just like push that down and pull it towards you.

Yeah.

I didn't see that the thing, the little mushroom cap was popping up.

Yeah, no, I remember my first podcast.

You remember my first podcast?

Oh, man, you're being funny today.

Yeah,

it's that love.

Yeah, I am.

So, um, where did we land on the story?

We landed that people need to stop getting upset for other people.

By the way, I don't think there's like a.

You're upset.

No, there's not like a backlash.

He's not upset.

There's not a wave of backlash.

I just want to let you know.

I just like had a weird feeling about it.

Stop touching your microphone.

No, it's good.

No, just stop touching it.

You're making sounds and torturing the podcasters.

It's good now.

Just put it up close to your.

I'm literally just adjusting.

I'm just trying to show you.

Okay.

Just no more touching.

Give it.

You good?

Yeah, you no more touching.

So I just wanted to say, I don't think there's like a big backlash movement.

I personally was just like, we're all quaking over this moment, and it is an invasion of privacy.

That's all I was saying.

I understand.

There isn't backlash.

Got it.

But the theater doesn't want this to happen again because

they want people to pay for tickets.

Yeah.

They want people to get it for free.

You know, I hate Broadway shows, but I just might have to see this one.

Yeah, it's their clickbait.

Totally.

I wonder if it helps ticket sales.

Of course it does.

For sure.

This hurt their paywall.

Now nobody's going to go see it.

Right.

It's like putting something on Patreon into the real world.

Exactly.

Well,

I guess I'll just have to see the play and let everyone know if I think it's a prosthetic.

You can.

So that's what I do for the job that I love.

You'll see a show.

No, I'll bet you a million dollars you won't go to that show.

I hate Broadway shows.

Like, I hate Broadway shows.

Okay, next up is a little movie news from the Hollywood Reporter.

Avatar, the new way of water, the teaser has dropped, the trailer, and it has gotten 150 million views on its first day out.

Whoa.

So James Cameron's long-awaited sequel launched online Monday after debuting exclusively in oh you ever see avatar?

Yeah, of course.

I didn't really dark story.

I feel like it's something I would really like when I was in the 12th grade we took a trip to Poland to visit like all the concentration camps and that morning of our flight it was delayed so we were all like at our high school like ready to get on the bus but we didn't like have to go because it was delayed like six hours so they just like said come back so I went to see avatar

in theaters yeah

so the first teaser trailer for James Cameron's sequel Avatar the way the way Way of Water, wrote a huge wave of interest when debuting online early Monday after playing exclusively in cinemas over the weekend.

The teaser finished its first 24-hour online window with 149 million views, including 23 million from China, according to Disney in 20th Century.

That's ahead of the Star Wars films, Rise of School, like Luke Skywalker, like it's breaking all these records.

The teaser trailer...

For that played exclusively in theaters first.

I didn't realize that.

Oh, you mean like the premieres before the trailers before the movies?

That's what they're saying.

The movie didn't premiere, but like, you know, when you go to see a movie and then they have the trailers?

So that people went to go see it.

And then online, it got 150 million views.

You okay?

I'm confused.

What are you confused about?

It got 150 million views.

Yeah.

And what do you need?

Like, what about the trailer?

The trailer got

the trailer got 150 million views.

Great.

And it's now playing before movies, like the commercials, the previews.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, that's it.

I got it.

Okay.

Okay.

Is there more to get?

Okay.

Now the question is, like, how long is too long to drop a sequel?

Because I saw the movie in 2012.

I was in the 12th grade, yeah.

So it's 10 years.

Do we care?

Yeah.

The only reason we care is because the movie market is so bad.

Right, maybe this is the thing to bring it back to life.

There haven't been, nobody's cared about movies in quite some time.

That's actually not true.

The most recent Spider-Man broke like every single record.

And sorry, I'm just saying.

No, I mean, as a Spider-Man fan, I don't see Spider-Man's without Toby Maguire.

Well, then you're not a Spider-Man fan because there's been like four movies since then.

That's my Spider-Man.

Yeah, for sure.

Toby.

Nothing but respect for my Spider-Man.

However, you could not, I saw the movie.

I think I actually even saw it twice.

You couldn't pay me.

If you had a gun to my head, you'd say, tell me what Avatar is about.

I couldn't tell you.

It's about these little blue people who live in a fake universe, but then there's also people in the real world.

It's been too long, honestly.

I'm curious if it'll be as big or bigger than the original.

I'll see it.

But I got to see the first.

You really?

Oh, that's the first three hours, three and a half, four hours.

It's so long.

And I saw it in IMAX.

It had like a migraine.

The IMAX.

I know.

I always hated an IMAX because you can't possibly look at the whole screen.

I'm not into 3D movies.

Like, it's fun.

I hate 3D.

It's fun for a second, but it's not fun at all.

It hurts your head.

It hurts your head.

Yeah.

I have to bring like an Advil and extension.

Exactly glasses are the problem.

The glasses, yeah.

They need to find a way to do 3D without glasses.

100%.

Can't they just instead of like putting the thing in front of your eye, just put a screen in front of the entire screen so that the entire thing to the entire audience looks like 3D?

It's an amazing call.

Why do I have to put it here?

Just put it there.

That's 100%.

Great call.

Great call.

I'm a genius.

You're a genius.

So, yeah, people are excited about it, I guess, and I'm curious to see if it like, you know, helps revive the movie industry, the theater industry.

But I just feel like at some point it's like, who cares?

It's so late.

Yeah.

But maybe, I don't know.

I mean, I guess.

When you have to just, like, flip these quick sequels, it's also like...

Yeah, shitty.

They didn't spend any time on it.

That's true.

They've been refining this script, this cast, locations.

Should be a great movie.

If it takes you 10 years, it better be a great movie.

And it's James Cameron.

He did the budget book.

Did the Titanic.

No, but also, like, now that I think about it, the way that, like, we keep talking about how there's allegedly a legally blonde three in the making.

Through it?

Yeah, like, Mindy Kaling is writing it.

It should be really good.

With Reese?

I don't know.

Like, there's very few details coming out about it.

I do believe Reese is in it.

And, like, I am excited about that.

And Jennifer Coolidge?

Yeah, so it's been 10 years.

Same way that I'm excited about that.

I guess someone really could be excited about

this.

I just want to share.

If Rhys Witherspoon and Jennifer Coolidge aren't in that movie, boycott.

What is your favorite Liggly Blonde movie, The First or the Second?

Oh.

Because they're both really good.

The First Overall is definitely a better movie.

But Bruiser's Bill.

I know.

It hits home.

Bruiser's Fill.

Don't Animal Test.

Don't Test on Animals.

And

just fight for what you believe in.

100%.

It's a beautiful message.

She took her...

Are you crying?

Are you choking up?

No.

Are you?

Yes.

She took her law degree and put it to work for those that mattered most to her.

For those who couldn't speak for themselves.

The people who couldn't speak for themselves.

It's really beautiful.

It is.

Bruiser's Bill.

Bruiser's Bill.

And what's her name for Mrs.

Dalfire is such a bitch.

Sally Field.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She was like, she's a great actress, but that.

Does she have any endearing roles?

She's Forrest Gump's mom.

Was she nice in Forrest Gump's movie?

I think so.

I don't even remember that movie.

I've seen it, but I don't remember that.

Beautiful film.

Yeah.

Beautiful film.

Cool.

Getting choked up.

So, congrats to everyone who's excited to see Avatar.

That's exciting for them.

Yes, congrats to you.

And we love to see it.

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Okay, ready for a little nightlife snub news?

Sure.

Anna Wintour appears shocked when asked to show her ID outside a public event.

So this video has gone viral.

Anna Wintour appeared momentarily stunned when she was asked to show ID at an off-Broadway show in New York City Monday night.

Upon arrival at the Cherry Lane Theater, Vogue's editor-in-chief, who was rocking her signature pair of sunglasses, had to present proof of vaccination in order to enter the venue.

While Anna Wintor72 had no problem showing her vaccine card, a health compliance worker then asked for a photo ID, a protocol for all attendees.

The devil wears Prada Inspiration, who was only carrying her phone at the time, was seemingly

flummoxed by the request, as seen in footage captured by page six.

The video is so awkward.

The video shows a publicist quickly jumping in to let the healthcare worker know that it was fine and that this legendary editor could be let in without proof of identification.

Wingtor then made her way into the theater for opening night of Allison Leby's Oh God, a show about abortion.

She attended the one woman show with her 34-year-old daughter, and a rep for Vogue did not respond to page six's requests for comment.

So, in the video, she's the woman was too stunned to speak.

Quickly, I am sure that show is amazing.

What's worse than a one-woman show?

No, I agree.

I'm sorry.

By the way, we know nothing about it, but I agree.

I'm sure that show is awesome.

Yeah.

One woman shows in general.

Don't you feel that way about a one-man show?

Yes.

Okay.

Horrible.

No, I think I have a stigma about one-woman shows from that one episode of Friends.

Me too.

Chapter one, my first period.

Yeah, it's funny.

Agreed.

I think one woman shows, except for, excuse me, my one-woman show?

No, that's not a one-woman show.

That's not the same thing.

One is comedy, and one is...

Not like other girls?

Yeah, that's a good show wow i just caught you it's not you think my show is terrible it's not a one-woman show it is there's one it's a show with one woman

it's a show with one woman yeah um okay so what do you think about anna wintor not walking around with an identification i think that

it's

god i which way should i play this i don't know i could have two sides if this was i could fight both if this was the debate team i could argue both sides i'm gonna be like who the fuck do you think you are bring your fucking id with you but also like you don't know who this bitch is No, so I'm gonna fight the side of who do you think you are.

Okay.

Because I guess I'll just take the other side.

In this climate,

people's jobs, there's literally

somebody whose job it is to make sure that a vaccine card matches an ID.

It's a terrible inconvenience

that every single person must endure.

It's terrible, but you have to.

And it's pretty odd to me for Anna Wintor to assume that the person that checks IDs at the theater knows who she is.

Totally.

I would say that 90, and again, this is just Hollywood elite thinking.

Yes, everyone knows who they are.

Their shit don't stink and everyone knows who they are.

I bet you 95%

of the world, if they looked Anna Wintor in the face, would say, who the fuck is this woman?

That's actually a really good call.

I wasn't sure where I wanted to land on this, but you've actually convinced me because, yes, Anna Wintor is definitely someone you know, like if you're heavily invested in like fashion and pop culture.

And that's not everyone.

So like she's not, you know, Kim Kardashian.

Like not everyone knows your face.

She's not Dolly Pardon, like Beyonce.

Like she's definitely a niche celebrity.

Yeah.

And I would argue she's much more of a socialite than she is a celebrity.

So the fact, like the idea that someone, you know, checking IDs doesn't know who she is is not the craziest thing in the world.

And I think, you know, you're right.

I think like the level of entitlement would be like to not walk around with an ID.

When if you live in New York for the last year, you have to walk around everywhere with your ID and your vax card it is literally the most annoying thing ever people I know started taking a picture of their vax card and their ID together and then making it the background of their phone just so that when they would walk in places they could flip their phone like it's so inconvenient everyone knows that everyone knows that yeah so like what are you doing leaving your house without your ID no it's just weird it's and then also like the end of the story like oh the publicist swooped in to save the day it's like why does the publicist have any power over the sky checking IDs right no totally rules are rules rules are rules whether you agree with them or not it's a rule It's a terrible rule.

No, like literally, like you are still having to wear masks in a Broadway play, and that's literally why I won't go.

It's also just like so different.

Like it's like a public health rule.

It's not like a, oh, like, let's get this kid in underage.

He's a celebrity.

Right.

Like, that's a him problem.

Yeah.

But the reason why these things still exist is because Broadway like needs to make sure that COVID never ends.

Broadway is still doing like the most, even though New York has dropped.

I literally just sat on it.

Planes have dropped.

No, no, no one wears masks anymore.

Right.

Except for Broadway.

I went to a Broadway show.

I had to wear my mask the entire time.

I did, of course, sneak it down a little bit during, and then the lights went up, and there's this woman with

another, she's employed to do this.

Not her fault.

No.

Oh, actually, no, sorry.

Volunteer.

Her fault.

Holding a big fucking sign.

Mask up!

Mask up!

It's like my mask and everyone's masks were down for the hour and 30 minutes that the the lights were off.

Right, of course.

And for the 15 minutes that the lights are on,

mask up!

That's fucking funny.

Volunteer.

Sorry, the only thing worse than a one-woman show is a volunteer.

Volunteers?

Why?

Because volunteers, and I'm not talking about a volunteer that like volunteers at the antiquarium

or, oh, I guess, yeah.

No, like volunteers are amazing.

Like volunteers go out.

Exactly.

Volunteers at the botanical gardens are amazing.

What the botanical gardens?

What about soup kitchen?

Sure, shelters.

Soup kitchens, shelters.

All these are wonderful volunteers.

So what volunteers are you talking about?

The volunteer who wants to say, mask up at the Broadway show.

Just that one.

No, there are a lot of volunteers like that.

Okay.

And I'll think of more.

I don't know if you're right about this call, but this is a lot of people.

I am One Woman Joe

Volunteers.

No, listen, volunteers are selfless people by nature.

They don't get paid.

Yeah, and some of them take it too far.

I agree.

I do think sometimes becoming a volunteer will give you a power trip for sure.

Okay, what about the volunteers for the safety patrol?

Those, the people in their towns.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Stop speeding!

Citizens' arrests and shit like that.

Yeah, no.

Volunteers.

Yeah, but they're trying to better the neighborhood.

They are because they're bored.

How about you better the neighborhood from home?

No, I do think that like those volunteers that you're talking about, like they come from a good place, but they, no matter what, like they will end up on some sort of power trip.

They're terrible.

They're not terrible, Ben.

They're trying to save lives.

And you should slow down.

You're always fucking speeding.

They're talking to you.

Very interesting.

You want to tell them about the time that you scratched your car?

I've never scratched your car.

Remember?

Long Beach?

Yeah, okay.

2012.

Yeah, I remember.

I never said I was a good driver.

Like, I literally would be the first to tell you, like, I'm not a good driver.

And I just, like, I can't be bothered to like look both ways.

Like, it's exhausting.

I have a question.

But you, you are a good driver, but like, you will die on the hill that that you're an amazing driver, but like you're actually pretty reckless.

One woman show,

volunteers,

traffic cops.

Traffic cops are a special breed of moron.

And like I feel bad for them in the sense that it's like not their fault because like they're given routes, but like you'll find a traffic cop on the least busy street in the world making traffic.

And then on an incredibly busy street like 34th Street, there won't be a traffic cop in sight.

Like I'll never understand that.

I also no longer, like, one, I don't feel bad.

They're getting paid hourly.

Two,

my life changed when I realized they had no power.

You thought they could give you a pause?

Oh, you're telling me not to make a left?

Fuck you.

I make a left right in front of them.

What are they going to do?

They have no ticket booklets.

Yeah, they can't give you a ticket.

They can't give me a ticket.

I don't think you should be flipping people off.

Fuck you.

Volunteer.

By the way, you know what's so funny?

They're not volunteers, first of all.

They're paid city employees.

And two, like, you talk such a big game.

You've literally never flipped anyone off.

And when we're in the car and I want to start yelling yelling at people, you are literally the always one holding me back.

You're like, Claudia, don't start a fight.

Like, let's just go.

Totally.

So

you're talking a big game.

You're a big, strong man.

No, I'm just saying.

You never do that.

I'm just saying.

You literally, everything you're saying right now, you're incredibly respectful to volunteers.

No.

You don't start fights.

No, by the way, fuck the volunteers.

Agreed, but like you.

Fuck the volunteers.

What are you talking about?

No, that's true.

What are you talking about?

No, that's true.

Okay.

Can I go to the next turn?

You can, but I'm also realizing now a pattern, which is, so there's a man yelling at us in the car,

and you want to yell back at him the same way that you wanted to stay when there was a guy with a knife in Dwayne Reed.

You want to wait for problems.

Yes, no, I thrive on adrenaline and violence, for sure.

Do the toasters know the story of the bank robbery?

Of course I tell it all the time.

Jackie actually told me, I can't say it anymore because I say it all the time.

Okay, well, she wanted to stay.

Yeah, of course.

I fled.

I want nothing to do with that paper robber.

All you had to do was stay.

Ready?

We can move on.

Little human interest story to wrap up the day.

A passenger with no idea how to fly an airplane lands safely after the pilot gets sick.

Volunteer?

Would you say

that's a good kind of volunteer?

It's a great volunteer.

A passenger with no flying experience successfully landed a small plane in Florida Tuesday afternoon after his pilot suffered a medical emergency.

The incredible aviation accomplishment happened at Palm Beach International Airport with the help of air traffic controllers.

So he said, I've got a serious situation here.

The Cessna Caravan passenger was reportedly heard telling air traffic control about 70 miles north of his final destination.

My pilot has gone incoherent.

I have no idea how to fly a plane.

The dispatcher said, Roger, what's your position?

I have no idea, the passenger reportedly said.

I can see the coast of Florida in front of me and I have no idea.

The dispatch said, maintain wings level and just try to follow the coast either north or southbound.

We're trying to locate you.

Controllers helped the plane descend and finally located it about 25 miles north of Palm Beach in Boca Raton.

From there, air traffic control coached the man down to the ground in what is considered a safe and steady landing, the station reported.

The controller said, You just witnessed a couple passengers land a plane, he said over the radio.

And the other radio guy was like, Did you just say the passengers landed the plane?

That's correct.

Oh my gosh, great job.

Wow,

that's amazing.

That's an amazing story.

That's like literally my worst fucking nightmare.

Good for them.

I can barely drive a car.

Yeah, good for them.

By the way, it's funny.

You think you can't fly a plane.

I bet you could

very frighten someone There are a lot of people that can fly planes Someone's coaching me over even though like when the guy said I'm literally a passenger I have no idea how to fly a plane then the air traffic control says maintain wings level and follow the coast normal people what the fuck does that mean?

Well maintain wings level would be just like don't go down or up maintain wings level.

I guess And the coast, you're looking at it.

Stay on the coast.

I just feel like he could have been more like layman's terms.

Yeah, for sure, but his job is the anti-layman's term.

I would literally just be like, tell me what buttons to press.

Yeah.

I would start FaceTiming them so they could see what was going on.

The part of the story that I don't understand, I wouldn't even know how to get in contact with air traffic patrol.

They're always on.

They're always on.

Like that headset.

Oh, they're always on.

Oh, it's on?

I think so.

You don't think it's like a button you need to press to get them?

I follow this girl on TikTok who's like a pilot.

She has like this really cute tiny plane and she's always flying like one to two hours.

Yeah, she's like, Charlie,

air traffic to Charlie, like whatever.

And it seems like they're always available.

By the way, that girl seems to fly like 50 miles at a time.

It's a really small plane, so she can't like fly cross-country, but she can fly like, you know, Illinois to Milwaukee, you know?

Yeah, yeah.

I like her.

I learn a lot.

Yeah, I know that girl.

Yeah.

Cool.

21 Charlie.

That's always what she's saying.

21 Charlie to

Liftoff.

So, okay, let's say you're in an emergency.

Are you volunteering?

Let's say there's like 10 people on a plane.

They need someone

of sound mind to get in the seat and and replace the pilot and talk to aircraft traffic control.

Are you volunteering?

Is there nobody else that's volunteering?

No, no, like,

just, I don't know, but are you volunteering?

I will volunteer if there isn't somebody, like, if there's a doctor on board, I'm trusting him.

A surgeon, great hands.

Yeah, that's true.

Like, do I think I could do it?

Sure.

Do I think that there are probably people on board that could do it better than me?

I would at least like to check.

Yeah, I don't think I'm volunteering.

I think I would be a great person to decide who would be best at landing the plane.

I love that.

We could start a coalition.

Isn't that good?

Yeah, like we'll unionize.

I will tell you what's best for you.

I love that idea.

That is such a crazy story, and honestly, like, makes me never want to fly.

It's just problems always happen in small planes.

That's just the truth.

No, but you know what?

It was here about the accidents are never with these large planes

to that flight.

In times of times.

Was in Malaysia?

In times

of

very good

very good

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All right, are you ready for Dear Toasters?

Your favorite segment?

Sure.

Where we give advice to people who need it.

If you ever want to write in, it's deartoasters at gmail.com.

Try and keep it brief, but give us all the information we need.

Ready?

Mm-hmm.

Hello, Claudia and Ben.

Love you guys, but I need help.

My roommates and I are splitting up after two years together, and I noticed that one of them was posting furniture we all purchased together on Facebook Marketplace.

Should I say something?

None of us have really spoken to each other for the last six months because we went from friends to enemies after about a year of living together.

I'm just not sure it's worth ending the silence over for less than a hundred bucks.

Sincerely, a broke broke but bitter toaster.

That is so weird.

Like,

on principle, like, I'm a principled person.

So I'm like, I paid for this furniture.

I'm not necessarily agreeing to sell it on Facebook Marketplace.

And even if I am, I want my money.

But that's a conversation that you have the day you part ways.

But they hate the.

No, not the day.

You need to prepare.

No, if you leave an apartment, it sounds like this.

They haven't left yet.

Oh, they all live there together.

No, it says, we are splitting up after two years together.

Like, they're not.

And then it says after six months.

Keep reading.

They haven't spoken to each other for the last six months.

They still live together.

That was the bye-bye game.

Okay, if you live together and somebody put it on Facebook Marketplace, very odd.

Yeah, like they're living together and they currently hate each other and they're almost out.

And one of the girls started selling all their shit.

Very weird, because I was going to say, cardinal rule.

If you leave the apartment, if you leave a dresser in the apartment, it's not your dresser anymore.

Yeah, once you leave shit behind, it's the apartment's dresser.

Unless you say, like, I'm leaving this here here once I can find space for it.

Like, I want it back.

Great.

So then do you pay a storage fee?

No.

Once you leave it, it's the apartments.

But do you think it's worth her actually saying something?

It's for like a hundred bucks and they all split it three ways.

It's $3.

Yes.

She said she wants the money, but like she doesn't want to end the silence.

Yes, she lives in the apartment.

She paid for the thing.

This girl can't sell it.

Maybe the girl is.

What kind of furniture is it?

I don't know, but maybe the girl is selling it with the intentions of splitting up the money.

I don't know.

I think you should say something.

Just say like, hey, noticed this was on Facebook Marketplace.

I really think we could have gotten a little more money.

Is this ours question mark?

No, not ours.

Maybe she thinks you don't know and you don't care that like she can just pocket the money.

So you have to let her know I'm onto you, bitch.

I agree.

Nicely.

I see you.

Nicely.

We see each other.

Yeah, nicely.

Nicely.

Definitely say something.

Next up.

Love you guys so much.

I went to N-Log in Detroit and I love the show.

I'm writing because I've been dating my boyfriend Maverick for six years now.

I moved to the States to be closer to to him and I absolutely love and adore him.

The issue is he has super religious parents that really control him.

The other issue is that when we first started dating, I sent him news on Snapchat and he screenshotted them and it's synced with his family's iPad via iCloud.

And long story short, his dad saw my full breasts.

We were mortified.

For reference, his dad is practicing Muslim and his dad is a southern, his mom is a southern Baptist.

We are obviously way more serious now contemplating marriage, but we do not live together because his parents don't want us to.

And he has not proposed to me yet, despite saying if I had a normal relationship with my parents, we would already be married years ago.

Basically, I think he hasn't proposed because he's scared of what his parents will do or say.

I'm basically at my wit's end wanting the relationship to progress, and so does he, but his parents are in the way.

What should we do?

What should I do?

Oh, that's tough.

Because, like, you know what?

It sounds like you're going to end up asking him to choose between his parents and you.

And, like, you never want to be that girl.

I still can't get over the news

on the family eye cloud.

Even if his parents weren't super religious, like, that's horrible, no matter what way you slice it.

That's terrible.

But also, like,

the dad is that tech savvy to go through the family eye cloud?

It also sounds like he was a snoop.

No, it sounds like it really was, like, a terrible accident where, like, nobody won.

Very weird.

Okay.

Yeah.

But moving on from that piece.

What would you do?

Like, you know, I...

Let's say your parents fucking hated me.

Then you wouldn't be the person you are, though.

Okay, that's very sweet.

But like, no, no, no, no.

We need a real example.

No, like, there's something going on there that's like...

So you think there's something wrong with this girl?

No, I think that there might be either something wrong with this guy or he's using his parents as an excuse to not commit.

That's a good call.

Like there's not...

Like if you love someone, you convince your family that, like, unless the girl

unless the girl is a monster, which she sounds very lovely.

Well, she's a toaster, so she's not.

She sounds lovely, so...

Obviously, this can work, but the guy is using this as an excuse.

Yeah, I actually think that's a good call.

Like,

oh,

I would have proposed three years ago, but my dad, like, nope, not true.

No, and he's failed.

How old are they?

He has failed to represent this girl in a way that's meaningful to his parents.

Totally.

You know, like, we're all responsible for managing communication between your partner and your parents.

I'm sure you're so right.

I'm sure he downplays it all the time.

He's probably like, oh, yeah, like, we're friends.

Yeah.

You got to meet these parents, show them that you're lovely.

Right.

Show up in a nice, if that's what you want, like, if you want to to impress them like show up in a nice conservative dress bring you know halal cookies like be thoughtful but it seems like this guy's not giving you the opportunity it sounds like he is the one that is stopping this from happening it sounds like a conversation needs to be had with him about

how he's talking about you to his parents and then telling him to man the fuck up right like how is he presenting this relationship to his parents behind closed doors yeah clearly not well i'm just saying this is good advice that was good advice he's totally, he's the problem.

He's the problem.

All right.

First and third and final.

Sorry.

Thank you for reading my submission.

You two add so much strain in my week.

I'm getting married in a week, and a few days ago, my dad let me know that he'd like both him and my mom to walk me down the aisle, as is customary in the Jewish faith.

We are an interfaith couple.

My fiancé is Catholic, so we are weaving Jewish traditions throughout our day and ceremony, but we aren't being married by a rabbi or having a traditional Jewish ceremony.

We're also getting married in the South near my fiancé's parents, which is a bit of, which was a bit to my parents' dismay.

My mom and I are close, but also have a pretty tumultuous relationship and have for most of my teenage and adult life.

The idea of walking down the aisle with my dad feels so special and having my mom on my other arm, unfortunately, just isn't what I envision.

My mom doesn't seem to care strongly about this, but I don't want to disappoint my dad, especially because of the no rabbi southern wedding thing.

Do I suck this up and make my dad happy, or do I figure out a way to tell them both that I'd prefer to walk with dad only?

Many thanks, toasters, and a pickle.

It's not a pickle.

Your wedding day is not about you.

Your wedding day is about everyone.

No, that's not what I was going to say.

Well, that's my that's my thought i i actually your parent your parents raised you it's a jewish wedding for them

they're flying give them something across the country put your mom on your arm you won't remember it anyways so here's what i have to say i don't agree about the first thing you said like it's literally about nobody but you and anyone who makes it about themselves is selfish i'm sorry then why then why don't you just get married on a but alone let me finish my thought but

but your parents are probably conceding a lot in the sense that like you're not having a Jewish wedding and like for you know Jewish parents That's like it's like the worst thing ever so like I happen to really like there's so many things I love about Jewish traditions and Jewish weddings, but I love that it's not just the dad walking the bride down the aisle first of all That's like so old school like fuck the patriarchy and two It's like bitch your mom also raised you too arguably like your mom shoved you out of her puss like moms do the most moms are doing everything and then like the dad gets to be like I'm giving you away bitch you're not hers to give away like your mom fucking does everything that always pisses me off about like traditional weddings.

And I love that in Jewish weddings, it's the mom and it's the dad.

For me, it was just the mom and I loved it.

So like,

that happens to be a tradition I really like and value.

And I think it's like, it's the great equalizer.

So I'm all for you doing this tradition.

Also, like relationships with parents, they are high, they're low, but they're always your parents.

And you never know where you could be at your relationship with your mom in 20 years.

And you'll always regret.

I don't think you'll really ever regret having her do it, but I do think you will regret not having her do it.

That's my piece.

Agreed.

You were interrupting me.

You had something you wanted to say?

No,

I said the same exact thing as you, except in a different way.

No, we said two totally different things.

No, we were on the same page.

No, we were completely different pages.

We're on the same page.

Different chapters.

Different books.

We're on the same page.

For sure, for sure.

So it is your wedding day.

You can choose whatever you want, but I would

insist that you just pause and think about what we said because at the end of the day, you're allowed to make whatever decision you want.

It is your day.

But I don't know

maybe we're biased because we're Jewish definitely but like I think you should do it no we're biased because we're parent loving people that's true too respect your damn mom I know and even though she maybe makes it hard sometimes she is your mom and as Jews it's one of our core commandments respect honor thy mother and thy father and sometimes they make it hard but you have to do it must that's a good call too love bringing in the commandments

That's our show.

Cool.

Love you.

Peace.

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