S5 Ep57: NLOG at MSG(t): Monday, May 9th, 2022

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Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to the morning toast and happy Monday.

Excuse me.

Oh my God.

Hope everyone had an amazing weekend.

Hey Jacks, how you dern?

Um, darn good.

We had an amazing weekend.

And speaking of amazing weekends, it was such like a long,

jam-packed, fun weekend.

I'm so tired today, but I'm just riding high on the memories.

Yeah, I'm like, I'm in a low, if I'm if I'm not, if I'm gonna be honest.

Well, what goes up must come down, and you were on such a high.

So, on Thursday night, after talking about it for 75 years, I performed my final show in New York City at Madison Square Garden Theater

and MSG

Theater

and MSG T

and it was incredible.

I was first of all I remember I was in my bathroom like before I left for the venue like just like sitting on the toilet thinking like the next time I sit on this toilet like this huge milestone will be behind me and I'll be so relieved like I'm so jealous of the girl who's going to be taking a poop tomorrow because she will have accomplished you know this huge feat.

Right.

And that was kind of my sentiment the whole time like just get it behind me and then we can celebrate.

And you can attest to the fact that I was like literally like a wretched wench before before the show.

Like, I was so fucking nervous.

Like, the magnitude of it all really started to hit me.

And I was like being actually a monster, like, yelling at everyone, like, not okay.

I've seen you be more monstrous.

Yes.

On your like monstrous scale, it wasn't off the charts.

And like, you had every reason to be nervous.

And, like, it was just people who were bringing bad energy had to go.

Everyone was like, everyone's energy was like toxic to me.

Not everyone.

Even like two people.

Yeah, but even if they were being fine, I was like, you are being so toxic.

Like, you have to leave.

But it wasn't me.

No, it wasn't you.

It wasn't you.

It wasn't me.

It wasn't any of the girls.

No, no, no, no no it was just boys

but everyone was having fun and i was um i was just so excited for it to be done and the second it was done like i fell into a deep dark depression like i am i like it's that's it that's the thing about life it's like i know you get so excited for these things and they're fleeting and then it's all behind you and i also think for us we're always just like waiting for big things to be behind us like we you don't enjoy the moment you're just like i want this to be in the rear view and then you're like well fuck it's over no like looking forward so much to like this I'm looking forward so much to like taking my bow like I miss the whole thing right you're not looking forward to the event you're looking forward to the feeling of when it's over no exactly and like the emphasis I put on being done I'm like mad at myself even though like when I was on stage like I really tried to be super present and enjoy every minute of it and like have fun it felt like from the audience that you were having a blast like I don't know how the other shows have gone, but it felt like it was never ending.

Like it was such a journey and it was like so long and beautiful.

And it felt like you were just like enjoying yourself.

I really, really was.

Like once I got out there and like it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, I was like, oh, okay, like let's do this.

And I had like literally the most fun of my life.

And I think I probably delivered my best performance to date like ever.

I also did 90 minutes, which I usually go for like 60 to 70.

But I was like just taking my time, having fun.

Like I really didn't want to leave.

So you were making a meal out of it.

I was making a meal.

Like I was literally setting up shop.

I was moving in.

Anyways, like we all came to to the garden.

Like we're in no rush to go.

Right.

And I have drinks.

We have spritz.

Like give us a show.

And I think that I did.

And I'm like so proud of myself.

I'm also so sad.

Like I really can't put into words like how I don't think I'll ever be able to capture the electricity of that night.

Like your first show, New York City, Madison Square Garden.

My hair makeup looked amazing.

Like I looked snatched.

It was just.

It was the perfect storm of perfection.

It was the perfect storm of perfection.

And going into the night, I knew it was going to be a big night for so many reasons.

Like obviously N-Log at MSGT

and that is major.

It's my first night out as a new mom and it's your biggest crowd yet.

But I and I knew that I would be overwhelmed because like everything makes me emotional these days and true to form it did but like walking out the toasters were

bigger and better than ever.

I felt so proud of you.

Like I can't even explain.

I know that like we built this community together and to see the toasters out was like iconic.

But like you go out there every night.

Like you put yourself out there you started a second tour after covid people didn't know if they were going to live shows like the covid wave was so up and down for us and like to see it all come together and the last time i was out really was the beacon show and like this wasn't was even bigger double the size dare i say like the crowd even there was more fervor and zest it and i feel like everyone there like knew how big of a deal the night was like for you and even for me just like having birthed something and now going to like it was just it was overwhelming i was so moved thank you by the whole thing i was so proud of you.

You were so fucking funny.

Thank you.

When teacher smiles, teacher is happy.

When teacher frowns, teacher is sad.

I literally am so excited for Jackie to start using quotes.

Jackie loves to quote my previous show, Disgrace Queen.

And now that you have new material, that makes me so happy.

And just to piggyback off of what you said, like, I think no matter what, like playing a show in front of 6,000 people when you started doing comedy four years ago, like, I was so proud of myself.

But I think why it felt so much better is because like we've been knocked down so many fucking times.

We have rebuilt this business more than once.

Like, right.

And so just to like accomplish things when it really a lot of times feels like so many of the odds are stacked against you.

Like it feels even more good, more accomplishing because it wasn't easy.

Like nothing in life is easy, but I feel like sometimes things are harder for us.

Like I really, and I'm sure everyone feels that way, but like that is how I feel sometimes.

So to see like, and also we sit in here, there's four of us in this room.

Right.

That's the thing.

It's like the personification of your work in real life is jarring yeah because we sit here and we really talk to each other tons of people are watching but we don't feel that every day so to see it in real life it was so overwhelming and like there's no better energy than toaster energy

at msg and the venue was so huge there were so many people i took a video and like the crowd never ends no no it was so big and you know what usually like when i do sound check we test the lighting and i don't like it to be so dark because you know i want to see the people but when we did sound check i was like i don't want to see one foot in front of me because if I see how many rows of people are stacked up, like I will cry.

So, it was pitch for me.

I literally, I know Shannon, Ford, and Tayshia were sitting in the front row because Shannon was like, I want to come to your show.

I'm like, Great, how many tickets do you need?

She's like, Are you kidding?

And then she sent me a screenshot.

She brought front row seats.

I'm like, What are you doing?

Let me give you my, I get free seats.

Like, let me get she's like, No, I want to support.

So, she was in the front row in the middle, and I didn't even see her.

Like, because I made it so bright for me that like you can't see anyone.

And I'm so glad that I did because when I bowed and

finished the show they turned the lights on for me to see everyone and i was like oh my like that's how many people were like thank god i didn't know i would have done such a bad job if i could really grasp the magnitude of how many people were in that room yeah 6 000 that's insane i feel that completely yeah so many people so many people and there was also a rangers game going on that night and like the rangers fans walking through the lobby like seeing the toasters they were like what is going on i'm like what are you doing here like this is disgusting and disrespectful actually really kind of rude of the Rangers to have a game the night that I was performing.

No, but there was like extra cheers.

You could hear them cheering.

I hope they, I'm assuming they won.

Yeah, they did.

They did.

So it was a big night for them.

It sounded hearty.

It was a big night.

And then also when we were leaving the venue, like in

our car and we were leaving through like, you know, the back artist entrance.

You could see all the Rangers fans like really thinking there were Rangers in our car.

And we didn't want to take the window down and disappear.

And ruined it.

When I pulled up,

there were like so many fans behind barricades, like waiting, just wanting to take pictures of each player showing up.

My window was open, and they're like, who the fuck is this fat bitch?

Like,

is she someone's mom?

Is she a player's act?

I was like, hi.

And they were all wearing Rangers gears, and they're like, can you move?

There's another car behind you.

Like, we need you to get back.

And the same thing happened when we left.

Like, fans waiting, waiting, waiting.

And I was like, let's open the window.

You were like, no, don't crush their dreams.

True, because they get to go home and say, like, we saw a car.

Like, maybe it was Wayne Gretzky.

Like, who?

Nearly a yager.

And let's let them have that dream forever.

There were young kids.

They'll remember that night forever on their dad's shoulders.

As opposed to us rolling down the window and then saying, who the fuck is this guy?

You're right.

No, we did the right thing.

We did the right thing.

We are just making dreams come true.

We're just making your dream come true.

It's literally like what we do for others.

It's literally the grand prospect hall.

We make your dreams come true.

Yeah.

And then we headed to the after party, which was just diabolically unwell.

Yes.

I was unwell.

I was just like so happy to be done.

Oh my God.

Also, the juice checks were there.

Finally.

Literally everyone I've ever met in my life was there.

Yeah, yeah.

And it was just like, it was incredible.

Like finally, like.

it was behind me.

I could really like relax.

It was so fun.

Obviously, I didn't want it to end.

So like, I, of course, was like the last one at the party.

And then I went out to the club afterwards.

I fell.

I literally got to the club and I bought a table like thinking like, I just sold out MSG.

Like let me buy this table for everyone.

I bought the table.

They handed me my credit card back.

The second the woman handed it to me, I fell and I left.

It wouldn't have been a successful night if you didn't fall, though.

Like, that's not a fall that you should feel shame over.

I have absolutely no regurgits.

No regurts.

I don't even think, I don't even want to unburden myself.

The fall, my friend Abe, thank God for Abe, like, he did catch me a little bit, but nothing was stopping me.

Let it rip.

Nothing was stopping me from truly hitting the deck.

Like, boom.

And so I left the second we got to the club.

I paid for the table.

Everyone got to enjoy it.

I didn't even enjoy.

She never stops giving, you guys.

No regurts.

No regurts.

It was

the best night of my life.

And like, I didn't think we could top beacon night.

And this was just, I just felt so much more confident in myself, like, as a comedian.

I was so, I'm so proud of the material that I wrote.

Like, there are so many, like, straight up just zingers in there, you know, like that.

Obviously, everything's funny, and you make, you're so physical, and you make everything even funnier.

Like, Teacher is Sad, like, isn't necessarily like funny, but the way that you, you had me rolling, and I did feel like the campers were representing me.

100%.

And maybe the the campers like influenced that moment.

100%.

But you literally, there were so many jokes that were just like, wow, that's A-plus comedy.

Oh, and like to top it all off, like May 5th is our dad's birthday.

So it was just, there was like a special energy in the air for all of us.

It was like emotional.

Special.

Yeah, special.

It was obviously such a

professional achievement, but there were so many personal elements too.

And it all culminated in just being a really special, overwhelming, positively overwhelming evening.

I agree.

And I woke up just like so sad.

And like, that's where I'm at now.

But I did get like a boost of serotonin because the next night, like, for us, nothing happens for weeks go by.

Weeks go by.

We don't leave our house.

Then like two huge moments all happened in one weekend, which was just exhausting.

But you know what?

It was meant to happen that way.

Snitch's birthday was the next day.

She threw herself a fabulous 25th birthday, like really premium and full of influencers, which I was loving, like the TikTokers.

Like I was literally lurking in the corner, like trying to to get in their TikTok.

She was, and I was like, Claudia, get in there.

Like, this is your chance.

And they opened, they welcomed you with open arms.

You said they were so happy to have you.

They were so lovely, willing to share their platforms with me, their tips and tricks.

And it was amazing.

Yeah, it was quite an influential event, like finally getting to see all these influencers that Snitch hangs out with.

And they're such lovely.

So like.

They're such lovely gals.

I just want to go through some of my favorite moments.

First of all, just like getting to spend a moment with Shannon Ford is really a blessing upon our household.

She is

so cool.

And like just being in her presence made me feel cool.

And I was like so grateful that she showed up for counselor.

Yeah.

And I just, I fucking love Shannon.

I, I'm so happy that you do.

I love her as well.

And I haven't gotten to like I saw her a year ago before, like right when before I was pregnant, like we had lunch and I hadn't really seen her since.

And so it was great to spend the weekend with her.

And she's just everything.

She's everything.

And Sophia LeCourt was there.

And I just, the way I would take a bullet for that girl,

obsessed.

It's crazy how like the redheads are really like coming through.

No, there was a photo of you, Sophia, and Shannon, like three premium natural redheads.

It was, it was almost too much to bear.

I know, and like for me, just being next to them, it's a lot.

No, but they probably feel the same about you, honestly.

Not these days.

No, they do, I swear.

Thanks, honey.

Serena Kerrigan, who like I just am in love with.

Like, I'm just obsessed.

These girls, they're so nice.

They're so nice.

They're so pretty and they're so funny.

And like, they're just all like

when you watch all these people on TikTok, you just don't know what they're going to be like in person, but they're all just like lovely normal girls.

And they're all like showed up for Margo.

And it was such a fun party.

I was literally like, I got there.

I was like, okay, I'm going to stay for as long as like

I can get away with.

Not going to drink, just going to like chill.

Just going to support your sister.

Support my sister.

And then I got there and they're like, there was all these like Spritz Society

ice luges and free tequila.

It was like a sickening party.

I was like, I have to partake.

Right.

And the night just got away from me and I ended up home at four o'clock.

And the theme was glitz and glam.

So like everyone really showed up and showed out.

So it's just like, you know, sometimes people look like sobs.

100%.

But Sinch like demanded that everyone come best, like in their best wear.

And so it really was an elevated event for that reason.

Agreed.

Like she left no box unchecked.

Like the music was sickening.

The venue was sickening.

Everyone's outfits looked great.

And it was just good to be with everyone, even though we were literally with them the night before.

But But I did not get a chance to like speak to anyone the night before, and I was so blacked out that I had like more normal conversations with people the second night.

For me, the first night, I was like catching up with everyone, like, How's Harry showing pictures?

Like, literally, being in like such mom mode, like going through my pictures.

By the second night, I had all my favorites.

I favorited all the photos that I wanted to see, so I could just slide through, not like looking through my phone like a grandma.

Right.

But the first night, I was like catching up with everyone, and the second night, I could like just talk about other stuff.

Enjoy, yeah.

And so, like,

now having been in on the town nyc nightlife two nights in a row like how are you feeling it was exhausting yeah like the next day i could barely move and i didn't even really drink

period like i think it's niche's birthday i had one spritz total over the course of opening and leaving many spritzes around and not knowing which one was mine um and for your party i didn't wind up drinking at all really because i just like never got i i you weren't high on me didn't i didn't consider it um

and i i pumped at the garden garden for you it was so iconic you guys Jackie just pumping at the garden and then just like putting all my milk in my purse it was so iconic going to the after party how was the L V the Louis Vuitton so the L V pump is it's really a cool concept and I think that's like you know why people gravitate towards it it definitely didn't get all the milk out that I had and I was like not sure if milk was coming out it was like a little finicky but it's a cool concept that I look forward to exploring further but and I did get some out but also if you leave a lot in there like that so you could get a clogged duck so I could see how it could go go haywire.

But then for the next night, I was just like, you know, I pumped right before I left and I pumped right when I got home.

And I didn't need to bring all that stuff with me.

But I knew for years, like, it was a much longer easy day.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was a long day.

Yeah.

So it was exhausting to be out on the town.

Wearing heels was crippling.

I wore them to your show and it really ruined my night.

Yeah.

I just had to keep finding a seat everywhere I went.

So then the next night I wore boots because I was like, I'm not doing this again, but I need to invest in some better heels.

Oh, also for Margo's birthday, we had tea at brunch at Bergdorf's and it was such a fun day and we went did a little shopping and I'm really just trying to invest in my shoe game because even though I like have cool shoes, they're a little like too cool and funky so I never actually wear them and I wind up wearing my white loafers every single day.

So I'm investing in like more flats and I think you guys are gonna start to see that come through even though today my shoes are from shoe dazzle.

Cute.

Also, the one thing getting me through the weekend, like my feet were broken, my back was broken, my neck was broken, my pussy might crack, the whole thing.

We had the bright idea like two weeks ago for Mother's Day to book massages and I was like, we are fucking geniuses.

No one on the planet has ever been more smarter than us because the only thing getting me through, I woke up on Friday morning, I could not walk.

My feet were like swollen.

I was wearing heels the whole night.

Getting a massage yesterday was the perfect way to spend Sunday of Mother's Day and Sunday after all we've been through this weekend.

Right, exactly.

My massage literally felt like 20 minutes.

At the end, like I knew that it was ending and I was so sad.

Usually like it sneaks up on me and I'm like, oh, okay.

But I was like, I think this is it.

I think she's about to say her goodbyes.

Like, please come back.

It went by so quickly, which is a sign of a good massage.

100%.

But it was really,

it was fleeting.

I just.

We won't have a weekend like that for a while.

I actually have a crazy weekend this week.

I'm going to Austin and LA.

I'm actually going to a little concert on Sunday.

Oh, yeah.

All the girlies bought tickets to a concert and nobody decided to invite me.

Well, we're kind of like the crew who goes to this particular artist.

It's so

have a group chat.

The way I was so left out.

You're not.

You didn't even know I was going to be in LA.

You didn't know.

No, I didn't.

But Dana put it together, so take it up with her.

Will do.

Yeah.

Will do.

Will do.

So I really just thank everyone who came.

It was amazing.

I'm so glad we could have all been there for that historic night together.

Historic.

And I just can't wait to do it again.

Like, gotta get back to the drawing board.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Good luck to you.

Thank you.

I mean, we would all go see it again.

I would see it again.

100%.

So I think.

Is that everything?

I don't know.

We could jump in.

Yeah.

It's like weird.

Also, the stories below.

The stories, yeah.

No, like when I was looking for stories this morning, there were a lot of mediocre stories.

So I had to just choose five mediocre ones.

So there's like mediocre ones I didn't choose, you know?

Yeah, but the thing is, like we are so not mediocre that it'll

be like, I'm not concerned.

And we've got Unburden Yourselves, which is our favorite segment for Mondays.

So we've got a great show.

Let's jump right in to the fast five stories, the fast mediocre five stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast.

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Love to see it.

You do.

Okay, first up, a little book news.

Britney Spears confirms her tell-all book will come out at the end of the year.

She said, I want to talk about secrets.

A few months after a judge ruled that Britney's conservatorship must come to an end, a report revealed that Britney signed a $15 million book deal with Simon Schuster for a tell-all memoir.

I did not know that detail.

While Britney has yet to speak about the specific terms of the deal, she has confirmed that she is indeed in the process of writing that book in various posts that Pop Singer has opened up about her process with the book, including how she feels about certain memories when she reflects on them.

In a more recent post, she revealed that the book will arrive at the end of the year, and she says, I want to talk about secrets.

Um, is she pregnant?

I feel like, remember, that was like that whole hoopla, and I wasn't really sure.

We haven't really heard about it since.

No, I know.

I feel like it's just gonna kind of like go away because I really don't,

I don't know.

I am waiting for more information.

Information, but I am very curious about this book.

Like, this seems very legit.

By the end of the year is quick.

Yeah, and I

believe she's working with a writer.

So

a lot of celebrity, some of my favorite celebrity memoirs are written with writers.

And they do a really good job of like, because for a celebrity, they can just sit and talk and they know what happened.

But for someone to put it in, it's so much easier.

And I think it's a better process.

So I'm sure Brittany has, she could write an anthology, an encyclopedia.

So I do think it'll be really good when it comes out.

Yeah, I think so too.

I I also just wanted to talk about books in general because I just finished Gary Giannetti's book.

Oh, don't stop him.

You said it was amazing.

It was really good, and there's so many parts that I know you're going to die over.

Both of his books now are both so good.

And if you like to read even a little bit, definitely check them out.

It was my first story.

They're so short.

So if you're a short queen like me.

They're so short.

It was my first five-star book of the year.

But I do write celebrity, like memoir, non-fiction books on a different scale than fiction books.

Yeah.

But still, it was five stars.

It was really fucking good.

No, it's on my list.

Like I so want to go on vacation because like I really want to enjoy it like on a beach.

I think sometimes the place in which you read a book can affect your rating.

Definitely.

Like if you're on a gorgeous hammock looking over a seaside cliff, like whatever piece of trash you're reading, like it's going to be amazing.

Yeah.

Also the time it takes you to read the book.

affects it too because sometimes if you read it really quickly like you're immersed in it it's really good when you read it over the course of days weeks like you forget what happened and you're just not invested 100

100 that's how i feel Yeah.

So Gary Giannetti's book is high on my list.

I'm in the middle of Stasi's, and I'm in the middle of Sally Hepworth's new book.

Younger wife.

Younger wife, yeah.

Very good.

I'm about to read Stasi's next, but I actually, I'm excited because I feel like there's a lot of books that I want to read right now, whereas I did go through a drought a few months ago.

But I hate being in the middle of multiple books.

I know.

That's where I was at.

I was in the middle of three books at once.

I hate that.

I just finished two, and now I can get back to Stasi's, even though I was on like page seven.

You should read Josh Peck's.

You will love it.

Add it to the list.

You will love it.

It is so well written.

Also, speaking of books, I just want to remind you that the new episode of The Redheads is out.

Rave reviews as always.

And the next book that we're reading, this would be, I know it's never too late and it's always a good time, but this would be an extra good time because the next book that we're reading is Run, Rose, Run by James Patterson, who's like, you know,

James Patterson.

James Patterson and Dolly Parton.

They wrote a book

together.

It's an

accompanying soundtrack.

And she wrote an album of songs to go with the book.

The book is about like a singer-songwriter on the run.

I believe her name is Rose.

Rose.

Rose, run, Rose.

Rose.

Run, run.

Run, Rose, run.

Right.

And I imagine that the songs on the album are the songs that they're referencing in the book.

You know, James Patterson is a funny fella.

Let me tell you why.

First of all, he's obviously like, you know, did he write the Da Vinci Code?

No, that was Dan Brown.

Same thing.

So he's like this prolific writer.

He's so rich.

He's always popping up in weird places.

First of all, he does commercials for his books, which is just so random.

Like, I've never seen a commercial for a book.

Have you?

Well, his, I mean, I never really thought about it, but that's a good point.

So, he just like sits and he likes to tell the tale of his book, but he also was in the Jeffrey Epstein documentary on Netflix Filthy Rich because he was

to Jeffrey Epstein in Palm Beach.

So, like, he's just like kind of a weird guy, but like, very into the energy he's putting out.

I just want to say, but he's always popping up in random places, James Patterson.

He is, and he's literally written like a million books, and they're all New York Times bestsellers, like forever.

He's so rich, yeah.

What's his net worth?

His oh, let me let me look it up.

I just wanted to like see how many books he's written.

Like, sometimes I'll look at the New York Times list, and it's like this book by James Patterson is on it.

It's part of

part of the Alex Cross series.

It's the 22nd book in the Alex Cross series, right?

He's like kind of stereotype in that way, you know what I mean?

Like, yeah, no, he's

he $70 million.

No, it's gotta be more.

It's gotta be more.

That's so impressive.

Yeah, so impressive.

He's like, top, he's like Stephen King, J.K.

Rowling, like top five authors.

Also, I got a new phone.

This is like a totally random tangent.

And like, explain to me why they have to like change random things on the new phone just to make you sick.

Okay.

Tell me why.

I go to Safari, you know, I want to tap the top of the screen to go to the,

to put a link in.

No, they moved it to the bottom.

Yeah, you want to move it back to the top.

You're kidding.

Yeah, but we've all already experienced this.

Oh, no.

Wait, how?

And you're also experiencing the most annoying update, which is when you're FaceTiming with someone, all of a sudden, well, not all of a sudden, you left the screen for a little, did your own thing, and can't get back to the FaceTime.

Oh, not only that.

Snitch told me how to get back.

This new phone, it's like, oh, we're going to put you on Do Not Disturb whenever we fucking feel like it.

Yeah, that didn't happen to me.

Also, now when you FaceTime, you're in portrait mode.

Yeah, I know how to turn it off, but I like it.

It's kind of cool.

You're like Tom Brady.

How do I move it back to the top?

That's a really good question.

Settings.

Settings.

All right, I'll figure that out later.

Settings.

No, this new phone, it's like they just want to change.

By the way, the phone works exactly the same as my old old one.

It's not that much better.

The camera's exactly the same.

But they want to be like, yeah, we did something new.

That's why you spent $1,300 on a new phone.

So we're going to make you sick and change all the little features that you got used to.

Yeah, no, they're making you sick for sure.

They're torturing the people.

New update for those of us who don't watch, who don't have TikTok, but sometimes watch videos that our sisters send us.

They play in Safari.

You watch the video, you leave.

A few minutes later, your phone starts making noise.

It's the next video playing in Safari.

They're really making it as painful as possible for folks.

Yeah, they've been doing this for a while now.

And also, if someone does a really long TikTok, you can't watch the whole thing.

I think we get like a minute.

I don't know.

And now your phone just like starts playing.

And it's so weird.

Just download TikTok.

Not gonna happen.

I would lose hours, days, years off my life.

You're such a principled person.

Like, you just, you made this decision.

You're actually acting like me a little bit, like, so stubborn.

I guess there is some

similarities between being stubborn and being principled.

Okay.

Also, we discovered over the weekend that I am a colonizer on Jackie's interests and choices because,

like, not only do I make fun of her for like all of her interests, but like then I'll like get into her interests and then I make them my entire personality, like Downtown Abbey.

Reading.

Reading.

Like, I wouldn't read.

I wouldn't watch Downtown Abbey.

I made so much fun of you.

You would talk about it.

I'd be like, oh, my God, shut the fuck up already.

And then like slowly, like years later, i got into it and like now literally like i'm gonna start my own rating podcast and my own downtown abbey podcast yeah yeah no i apologize for that but i feel like if i'm acknowledging that i'm doing it like it makes it better you're acknowledging the space and um i'm just glad you're finally into the things that i'm into though it takes time and it's just what frustrates me the most is like even though you all the time we wasted oh for sure but i can the past is in the past i'm looking forward and even though you know that eventually you're gonna come onto my train like you still fight me every step of the way like if I pick something up right now, you make fun of me until it's your thing too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But like, what are you referring to right now?

Um,

I don't know.

I don't know what it is today.

Okay.

Um, also,

I do want to say, like, that trait that I have is probably my least favorite quality in other human beings.

Like, if I'm into something and then, like, my friend gets into it and then, like, she makes it her thing.

And everyone's like, oh, yeah, Sally loves, you know, knitting.

I'm like, bitch, like, that's my least favorite quality.

So, like, I'm owning it, but I also am apologizing for it.

And that doesn't mean I'm going to stop doing it, but I am owning it.

You know what?

That could be

projecting.

It's like something that you don't like about yourself, so you don't like about it in other people.

For sure, but I haven't liked that about other people like my whole life.

And I really feel like I only started doing it like two years ago.

Okay.

But I'm open to possible projections.

I am.

I am.

Okay, yeah, that's what I think that is when there's something you don't like about yourself and like, then it bothers you and other people.

I think that's like, yes, but

isn't it?

Projecting.

By the way, Jackie, but don't you think like it's not an ordinary for people to find that trait annoying?

Like, you know what I mean?

Yeah.

I think it's common.

Do you ever get like so deep in a conversation that you don't know what we're talking about?

Like, sometimes like you get so, like, you try and evaluate like a conversation so much, you eventually stop speaking English.

You get lost in it.

It happens to me in bed sometimes, and like then he'll say something, and I'm going to be like, what were we talking about?

That just happened.

Yeah, that did.

Like, we just can we just move on to the next story okay a little Mother's Day news from Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas they reveal that their baby girl spent a hundred plus days in the Niku on their first Mother's Day Nick and Pri are opening up about parenthood the couple shared the first photograph of their baby girl and shared their journey on Instagram on Sunday Nick reflected on welcoming his little one into the world earlier this year in the caption of his post while also celebrating Priyanka on her first Mother's Day.

He said, on this Mother's Day, we can't help but reflect on these last few months and the roller coaster we've been on, which we now know so many people have also experienced.

After 100 plus days in the NICU, our little girl is finally home.

Every family's journey is unique and requires a certain level of faith.

And while ours was a challenging few months, what becomes abundantly clear in retrospect is how precious and perfect every

is how precious and perfect every moment is.

We are overjoyed that our little girl is finally home.

That is so sad.

And I was actually thinking yesterday, I think I said it to you.

I'm like, I always forget that Nick and Priyanka Priyan got a baby because they announced it very surprised very um

subtly and like never really followed up on it and I guess this is now why yeah that they're finally home with their baby because we had known that she was born prematurely because they shared when they expected her versus like when she was born but I didn't realize I don't think anyone really did that They were going through this, but I'm happy that they are all home together now.

A hundred days is such a long time.

And I'm sure every day feels like an eternity, like with Olivia when Kayla was in the NICU.

Like Like going there every single day.

It's like a battle.

So and they and I think she was in the NICU for like three weeks, Michaela, and that's 21 days.

So that's five times the amount.

Like that's crazy.

Really crazy.

Really sad, but glad everyone is okay and home.

And maybe this means now they'll like start sharing more.

Right.

Right.

Because I actually had forgotten that they had a baby.

Right.

Just a busy time for the Jonas family.

Busy time.

Also, like, you say Nikku weird.

Niku.

I said Nikku.

No, you didn't.

You didn't.

Niku?

You said Niku.

I mean, there's no, it's not a word.

It's an acronym.

An acronym, so I could say it however the fuck I want.

That's incredibly true.

You can.

I'm sorry, everyone.

No, don't be.

Niku.

Also,

we love to have little trinkets on our couch.

And today we got the most important trinket of all.

It's been getting hot as fuck in here these days.

And that's a silent fan.

It's a silent fan.

We got ourselves handheld fans.

Claudia, you got me one.

I'm not like hot.

I'm not hot right now.

But this last week, I don't know, maybe I was stressed about MSG, but like, I was literally dripping with sweat No, I was dripping too like my crevices were moist every time we got up Yeah back my knees But it's also because we're always wearing sweatshirts you gave me no there's an on and off button on the bottom and then you have to press the okay and there's just like nothing better than a fan Okay, so she didn't oh here it is So we have instruments we have appliances Yeah, we have drinks We have everything we need speaking of drinks tomorrow's a big day for spritz society if you listen to our patreon you watched our patreon spritz society um taste test you would know that we are finally launching a variety pack, so all the flavors in one box, and it launches tomorrow.

So, if you're on the Patreon, we got a code for you, so you should check it out.

Check that out.

Our next story, Sam Hun's pregnant wife, Hannah Lee Fowler, calls off their divorce.

What?

After everything, Sam Hun's pregnant wife is reportedly giving him a second chance after filing for divorce twice earlier this year due to infidelity allegations on the country singer's part.

Hannah Lee Fowler asked the court to dismiss her request in April, and it was approved according to legal documents obtained by TMZ on Sunday.

Sources also told the outlet that the married couple have recently been spotted walking their dog together in Franklin, Tennessee.

Hunt has not confirmed the reconciliation, and his reps did not immediately return a request for comment, but the court docs say what they say.

Wow.

I mean, she's pregnant, so like, even though I think Sam Hunt is the most toxic human being on the fucking planet, like, I have so much hate in my heart for him.

You know, you're going to do what you can to raise the child in, you know, a stable home.

So, like, I understand why this is happening.

I'm sure, like, being pregnant during this very emotional time is like really, you know,

makes you really volatile.

So, um, I get it, especially last night after watching It's Complicated.

Like, you know, sometimes you can go home again.

Interesting.

It's just really crazy because I'm sure for her to, especially being like celebrities, for her to file initially, she no one even knew she was pregnant.

So then that came up, citing infidelity came up, ever all your business is out there.

So to take that really big step and put everything out into the public, you know, you must be really certain.

So then to take it all back, you must also be very certain.

Right.

So it's just a big swing in the emotions.

Right, but it's common for pregnancy.

Right, but

I guess, yeah, I don't think she's like going back and forth because she's pregnant, but she's having to make colossal decisions because she's pregnant.

And that's just not fair, honestly.

Yeah.

Like to be in this position where you have to make such life-changing, momentous decisions and like you are extremely vulnerable yeah like it's really not so much to ask for these men to just like keep it in their pants for 10 months right no i it's it's so out of control like

it's it ain't right so like i said hate in my heart for sam hunt i was about to say sam smith sam smith is a nice guy like sorry to sorry to have brought him into this It's okay.

It's confusing.

Yeah.

But Sam Hunt is like literally one of my least favorite people.

We know.

I feel like we know, right?

I knew.

Yeah, and I don't want to go on my spiel because I know you like to make fun of me for only having five things to say.

It's not five.

There's like 20.

20.

If I really sat at down with them.

When he got a DUI and then like just moved on with his life, like hey.

You didn't.

I didn't.

I'm still.

Physically, I'm here.

Mentally, I'm a few months ago where Sam Hunt.

Yeah, I'm still stuck there.

These things take time.

Yeah.

Are you ready for our next story, which is a little sports news?

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Thank you, Claudia.

It's a pleasure.

Our next story, some sports news.

In a shocking upset, well, the Kentucky Derby was this weekend.

Is Kentucky Derby considered sports?

Yes.

Okay.

It's like the horses running, not the people.

Yeah, but would you consider NASCAR sports?

I don't know.

That's a good question.

Why don't you think about it?

The person who asked a question like that is obviously really smart.

Thank you, Claudia.

Why don't you think about it?

No, I...

Because I asked the question about Kentucky Derby.

Oh, to me, like, that's not a good question.

Like, I know the answer.

You don't think it's a good question?

I know the answer.

Honestly, like, I think.

NASCAR is sports.

NASCAR, you're sitting.

Like, okay, really?

Okay, so if NASCAR.

Okay, wait.

If NASCAR athletes.

Yeah, we're NASCAR fans.

If NASCAR drivers are...

If NASCAR drivers are athletes, so am I.

We both sit for a living.

No, I'm totally kidding.

Yeah, sure, it's a sport, whatever.

Okay, so some sportsman.

I don't know, actually.

Okay.

Do you think those jockeys are athletes?

Yes.

Okay, but now

we're fixated sports.

Now I'm fixated on NASCAR.

Okay, who's like the biggest

Dale Ernst?

Jimmy Johnson?

Is that his name?

Yeah.

Dale Ernhart.

No, football coach.

Bush with the C S C H.

Yeah, Jimmy Johnson, hottie.

He's American prof.

They don't call him an athlete on Wikipedia.

American professional auto racing driver.

Okay, but like if you look up LeBron James, do they say American professional basketball player?

Yes, that's exactly what they say.

That's a good question.

Hold on.

Do they call him an athlete?

LeBron James, Wikipedia.

Basketball player.

Yeah.

Interesting.

It's just something to think about, to chew on.

I know where I land on this debate, but it's obviously not as obvious.

It doesn't mean that much to you.

No, no, that's not what I was going to say.

It's not such an obvious thing for you.

I feel like we're getting to the point in the conversation like we did last time where like we're not going to know what we're talking about.

I know we're talking about the fact that

horse racing is a sport.

Kentucky Derby was this weekend part one of the Triple Crown, and it was a huge upset and a shocking upset.

Rich Strike won the 2022 Kentucky Derby at 80 to 1 odds, the longest among all 20 horses in the race.

It's the second biggest upset in the Derby's 148-year history behind Done Rail, which won in 1913 as a 91-1 long shot.

So I guess if you put like $100 on it, you would have won $8,000 or $800.

80 times 100?

Is 8,000?

No, it's yeah, it's 8,000, yeah.

That's crazy.

No, that's insane.

Now I'm like wishing I went to the derby and would you ever have put $100 on the biggest loser?

Well, the thing is, like, for me, as a gambler, like, I wouldn't have really looked at the odds.

I would have looked at, like, whose name I like the most.

And honestly, like, I might have chosen Rich Strike because I would have been, like, oh man, this is a sign he will make me rich.

Like, I could have seen a world in which I put $50 on this horse.

I could see that, too, because the other two favorites were Epicenter, which I don't think speaks to you.

No.

And Zandon, I don't think speaks to you.

What other horse names were there?

Okay, let me.

Because I'm really more of like a

linguistical kind of girl.

Like, words mean a lot to me.

Uh-huh.

That's so you.

So, if I went to the teller and they were like, which horse do you want to put it on?

And I looked at the names, like, I would have been like, which one of these words means the most to me?

And I do love the concept of being rich.

So, rich strike, I probably would have put my money behind.

Okay, so rich strike, epicenter.

This is in order of who won.

Epicenter, Zandon, Simplification.

No.

Mo Donegal.

No.

Barbara Road.

No.

Tawny Port.

Tawney Port.

No.

Smile Happy.

That might have gotten you.

Yeah, because I would have been like, ah, you know?

Yeah, you would have been like, yeah.

Tis the bomb.

Mmm.

That's pretty good.

I might have done that.

Zozos?

No.

Classic Causeway?

No.

Taiba?

No.

Crown Pride?

No.

Happy Jack.

I would have been like, oh, my sister Jaggie's here with me, you know?

What if I wasn't there?

No, that's what I meant.

Like, in spirit, she would have bought me to do this live.

Messier.

No.

White Abarrillo?

No.

Charge it?

No.

That's kind of good.

Cyberknife.

I just want to say, these names suck.

These names are crazy.

What goes into naming a horse?

Mine would be Disgraced Queen.

100%.

What would yours be?

Oh, my gosh.

Redhead.

Oh, Redhead is cute.

Maybe Bryson Dyson.

What about Bryson Dyson, Streisandora?

Streison, Chris, and Meissen.

Mine would actually be

Dora.

Mine would be Streisand.

No lie.

No lie.

That would be my horse name.

Yeah.

Streisand.

Bryson still Streisand.

No, and then you'd have the gay community behind you because they'd think you were naming the horse after Barbara.

Right.

But you're obviously naming it after Bryce, Bryson, Streison.

Right.

And in a weird way, it's actually named after Bruno Mars.

Because that's who Bruno's named after.

Got it.

Summer is Tomorrow.

No, it's not.

Ethereal Road.

I was in my listing book.

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry.

I didn't realize that

I was still talking about the names.

I was back to the list.

I'm like, Summer's not tomorrow.

I was in my listing book.

Okay, Summer is Tomorrow, terrible name.

Ethereal Road, Road, Rattle and Roll.

I agree that Rich Strike might have struck you.

Yeah, in a profound way.

In a profound way.

And did you watch the Ariel video of Rich Strike coming up from the back?

It was honestly, it was giving Sea Biscuit, Secretariat.

It was giving major motion picture.

It's giving definitely going to have some sort of film, and I will be the first in line to say that.

Only if Rich Strike goes on to do well in the next two races.

Yeah, that was like really crazy.

And as someone who loves the movie Secretariat, it was...

It was giving Secretary because Secretariat always came from behind because he wouldn't use all of his energy in the first few stretches.

Right, which is

a good strategy.

Clearly.

Clearly.

I wonder who the most, like, how much money someone won on Rich Strike, like, the most.

Oh, let's.

I don't know if they share that information.

Rich.

I was just going to ask the dumbest question.

Gambler winner.

Where does the Kentucky Derby take place?

I'm guessing Kentucky.

That's a really good question.

What's the second race?

Not the Belmont.

That's the third one.

I don't know.

But we got to go.

We got to get some hats and go.

To the Kentucky Derby.

Because I've been to one of them.

I've been to the Belmont.

What?

Yeah, that's like a thing you do when you live in New York City, like post-grad living.

I've never been.

It was torture.

Why?

Absolute torture.

Like, you take the train there because it's on the train station.

And so much standing.

Oh, and it was just like not wearing the right shoes.

They didn't give me any arch support.

And then you have to like take the train home.

And the race itself is really short.

And that was the year that there was like some really big buzz

around a horse had one, two, and it was like American Pharaoh.

No, it was like California Kingbed.

Okay.

And you.

Kingbed.

You guys will remember.

And it was just not my day.

Yeah.

And that's all I'll say about it.

It's just like a long journey.

It's like an hour on the train, five minutes at the track, an hour back on the train.

Yeah.

But also, I think there are different like ways you can go.

And I wasn't in the like hats and heels and dresses space.

Maybe if I went like and made a day of it like that, I would have enjoyed it more.

Probably not.

Interesting.

I'm looking.

Oh, oh, hey.

Here's a story for you from kentucky.com.

Stephanie Rogers hadn't won a race all day.

Rogers, whose husband works at Churchill Downs in Louisville, was able to take in Saturday's Kentucky Derby as a fan, but she had failed to find success betting on the races.

She began betting around the seventh race of Saturday's 14 race card and unsuccessfully bet exactas up until the 148th running of the Kentucky Derby at 6.57 p.m.

That's when Stephanie strayed from her usual betting strategy at the urging of her son.

I don't usually do win bets, Rogers told the Herald leader, but she did this time, and she won big.

She placed $3 on Rich Strike, the 80 to 1 long shot at a position number 20.

That was the only in the Derby field after the Friday morning scratch of Ethereal Road.

Well, they're really, just tell us how much you won.

Making a meal.

So what's AC times three?

Roger said her son told her to do the bet because of Rich Strike's long odds.

Just kind of picked the longest shot and said, why not?

And then she won.

How much?

It's a shame.

Kentucky Doc.

She won about $280 from her bet.

That's it?

It's It's a shame she didn't follow with her habit of placing exacticas because if she did $2 with an exactica, she would have made $4,000.

So the person who won the most is $280.

This is just the tale of one woman.

And she was the first one who came up, the first one who sold her story.

I'm happy for her.

I'm happy for her.

It's a big week.

And I'm happy for her son.

He's obviously like the

ambitious.

The the hero of the day right

are you ready for our fifth and final story

no you're gonna hate this one more

meta is opening its first vr store physical store selling vr headsets as they inch closer to mainstream reality meta platforms facebook alt former

formerly known as facebook is opening its first physical store to sell items like its oculus quest 2 headset this week the facebook parent company is prepared to lose $10 billion on its hardware division reactivity.

Oh, just give it to me this year and reported a loss close to $3 billion in the most recent quarter.

Some experts say it may only take one or two killer apps for the metaverse to boost VR use from a mere 5% of teens to a bigger market.

Now, I'm not an expert in tech predictions, et cetera.

You're not.

But stop trying to make VR happen.

It's not going to happen.

I completely agree.

It's not the vibe.

Stop.

Literally for so long now, at at least five years, we've had Google, Lens, we've had

spectacles, Oculus, and the people who want to be like this in their living room are doing it, but most of us do not want it.

And I know that everyone is placing so much

hope.

Hope and even money into the metaverse

and alternate realities.

And I just don't think it's going to happen.

I like this world.

It's not perfect, sure.

No, no, definitely not.

But it's a good one.

No, and it exists.

Like, it's real.

It's tangible.

And the idea, and I know I'm shirking like every single TED Talk and panel that's been taking place, but the idea that like we're going to be buying real estate in the metaverse, like big money.

I'm going to spend

a home here.

So I can spend

my couch and be like this.

I just, maybe I just don't have the vision,

but I don't get it.

It's that I think the technology of VR and AR is helpful in other things.

Like I know it's helpful in like medicine and like other technology.

I think the technology of AR and VR helps to create other things.

But this commercial idea that like we're going to sell people VR and like make things for your home like glasses and and this thing.

Yeah, I don't think like it's necessarily like a B to C concept.

Yeah, and that the whole world is going to be living in the metaverse soon.

So we're all just sitting on our couches living elsewhere.

Like then it's just like, okay, what about, then you start to think about like, what about the national parks?

We're just going to leave those like sitting dormant.

Such a valid question.

Why would I want to go to a national park in the metaverse when there's beautiful geysers to be seen in the real world?

God's creations.

Why do I want to watch Mark Zuckerberg's waterfall when God has created beautiful ones?

No, it's so true.

And honestly, like, I think a lot of how I personally feel about this, and maybe it's you too, it's like, it's just my general like vibe about meta.

Like, I just don't like like anything they do or trust them.

But, like, and so this bothers me, but like, for some reason, like, whenever Amazon does something, I'm like, that's a good idea.

Okay, I feel that way in general.

And even take the meta out of it because I think they just like jumped onto this idea of like metaverses and that call themselves meta.

But like other places are building these communities and worlds too.

And I still think it's just not the vibe stop.

Same.

Same.

But I don't know.

Maybe if Amazon got involved, I would be like, maybe this has a future.

Well, if Amazon got involved, it would make me think it had a future because they don't get involved in small change.

Right.

No, but like.

If Elon got involved, if Elon got involved.

Right.

Like, I just like literally hate Mark Zuckerberg and like his whole energy and everything he creates.

He's like, I love Instagram and it's given me a platform in a life.

But like, you know what I mean.

Thank you, Mark.

Thanks, Mark.

I actually should shut the fuck up.

Like, he literally is a power at one button.

I'm broke, you know?

Yeah.

No.

It's not even a Mark Zuckerberg issue for me.

It's just like a, what's wrong with this world issue for me?

And what we should create another one that we can ruin.

Like, maybe we should just fix this one.

Fix this one.

Yeah.

Fix the issues at hand.

No, I think that's really, really a valid point.

And I love the energy.

I just,

I don't know.

I think people need to like focus on the physical world more.

Yeah, I agree.

And like, I don't think,

you know, submerging ourselves into other worlds is going to be good for our mental health.

Like, I just think it's a lot.

No, our mental health, our physical health.

Yeah.

No, it really is like Black Mirror.

And there's just like no accountability.

I could be anyone who I want to be in the metaverse.

Right.

No, like, remember that episode of Black Mirror where Landon from Friday Night Lights is like this loser in the real world.

And then at night, he like puts on his metaverse goggles and he like has kidnapped people in other worlds.

And he's like a fucking sadistic freak.

Yeah.

That's what's going to happen, like dual personalities, and he can't get out.

And he kidnapped all these people from his office and took them, people who were mean to him in his office, he like took them into his special universe and tortured them and took them away from their friends and family.

That was messed up.

That was the craziest episode.

No, not the craziest.

No.

Sorry, did we all forget about the pig?

No, we're not going there.

But anyways, those are just my initial thoughts on the metaverse.

You know, always I'm open to being wrong, and I don't like know a ton about all this stuff.

It just like rubs me the wrong way.

Do you feel the same way about like Bitcoin?

I was just about to say I don't feel the same way about cryptocurrency.

And like NFTs.

NFTs, that's a different conversation.

I don't feel that way about cryptocurrency, even though I don't fully understand it.

I see it.

Right.

And I think it's a valid currency.

Yeah, I can sense it.

I think that it's real.

And Elon's all in.

Therefore, I am in.

But I'm not only just in because of Elon, but, you know, his seal of approval does mean a lot.

It doesn't hurt to a girl like me who doesn't understand such things.

Right, no, I agree.

I feel the same way.

So it's not like we're totally against like new image tech.

I'm not.

Not at all.

No.

And NFTs, I'm sorry, it's going to be a no for me.

I agree.

Big no.

And that's something I see I could be wrong about.

Someone once explained it to me and I got as close as I could to seeing the value.

And like actually, if I was someone who saw value, like we could really NFT the fuck out of our show.

Okay, so I actually like, I I don't even think I ever told you this, but like I had like a full call with like a company that had all these ideas for how we could become like NFT queens.

And I was really, really like into understanding it.

I was, but then I was like, but what if I screenshot it?

Like, that's, that's literally like the loophole in the whole thing.

Yeah.

Just take a screenshot.

Yeah.

I came really close to understanding and then I went back to the real world and I was like, no.

No, then you like got.

And that's what I think happens.

I think like this metaverse, and NFTs is really a part of that because you buy art that you would hang on your house in the metaverse.

Right.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Because you don't physically get anything.

Yeah.

And I just think it's, it's kind of like a cult.

Like they're so, they're in another world.

It's so true.

And I'm in this one.

And for that reason.

It's giving Nexium.

Yeah, we just can't connect.

No, we cannot.

Those are my thoughts.

Well, that was a very interesting little tech segment.

Thank you so much, Jackie, for bringing that up.

Oh, and so my thoughts about meta, like creating physical stores for people to try on these these headsets, they can't even buy them in the stores.

They have to actually buy them on, they have to order them.

It's giving moronic.

It's giving moronic.

Those are my thoughts.

But I mean, they're investing so much money in it that maybe it's not, but maybe it is.

Yeah.

But also, like, and that's a similar model to Tesla.

Like, when you go into a Tesla store, you can't buy a Tesla.

Well, that's like a bigger purchase.

Right.

You know?

So it's like, what's the point of the stores?

To try them out.

But there's not even, there's no cars in the stores.

Okay, but do they show you how?

I honestly have no idea what goes down in the stores.

They're like literally empty.

We have to go.

Yeah.

Need a Tesla.

Yeah, because you don't even know how to drive, but they drive themselves.

I know.

I do still think you need a license to operate one.

I do believe that as well.

But if it drives so well, like, why should I get pulled over and have to show my license?

No, when Tesla makes a convertible, like, it's over.

Yeah, I think they're close.

Yeah.

That's really the next frontier because they have the pickup truck.

That's the only thing.

Like, you know, I've been getting a lot of Teslas around the city for Uber.

Like, I get them.

I literally had one yesterday and the day before.

And I love the inside.

I think the apparatus is so cool.

But like, we all need to talk about how the outside is like literally so ugly.

Like, it's giving it's giving mom car, like, it's giving minivan.

There are so many different kinds.

There are some that are really sleek.

There are some that is, you know, are giving

Prius.

Prius, or what's the car that goes every Toyota Camry.

Yeah.

But it's Toyota Camry Batmobile Edition.

Yeah, but like, once they really start investing in like sickening, like make it look like a convertible, then I'll get one because they're fucking like expensive.

And I just like,

I want to look cool in my car.

But they have different tiers.

Like, they have an affordable option.

No, I, no, like, I get it.

And, like, the one David Dobrik has, which is just like the most sick, expensive one.

Like, it's giving station wagon.

Is it?

You need to look it up.

Yeah, David Dobrik has, like, the one with the bat mobile, like, the wings come up.

Got it.

It doesn't look like just like a BMW X5.

No, it's literally giving

cars.

It's giving bat,

it's giving minivan.

Well, that is a sleek look for me.

Minivan?

Yeah, I love a minivan.

I know.

Are you going to be a minivan, mom?

You love minivans.

I do.

I love being in the back, though.

I don't know how I'll feel in the front.

Right.

Is this what you're talking about?

Yes.

Okay.

To me, that looks like a BMW X5, but I could see how, you know, to the untrained eye.

Right, yeah, for sure.

Just giving minivan.

All right, let's start into Unburden Ourselves, which is our Monday segment where people write in and unburden themselves with the embarrassing things they did over the weekend.

And it's brought to you by Money with Katie.

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So that's moneywithkaty.com and you could check out money with Katie from the Morning Brew on Wednesdays wherever you get your podcasts.

Unburden ourselves yourselves.

So if you ever want to write in, it's unburdenyourselves at gmail.com.

And trust me, like you may think like I can't say this, it's too embarrassing.

But once you let it go, like you will feel so much better.

Free yourself.

yourself.

Hi, Claudia and Jackie.

Last night I went to dinner with my friends at my boyfriend's restaurant.

It was a lovely time.

It's not a you boyfriend's restaurant.

Right, like subtle.

Just subtle, humble brag.

It was a lovely time, but I was feeling backed up all day, so I drank a lot of water at dinner.

The food was really rich and delicious.

After dinner, I got caught in some traffic, and it took me about an hour to get home.

As I was running from my car to the bathroom, I shit my pants.

I shit my pants.

I'm a 32-year-old woman, and this hasn't happened to me in years.

I didn't want to tell my boyfriend because I don't want him to think there's anything wrong with the food he cooked.

But there is.

But there is.

No, but she said she was backed up all day and then chugged so much water.

So like it was just about time.

Still, I really don't believe, like,

unless you're sick, you can control, you can clench.

It's painful.

It's uncomfortable.

But I think that like just being backed up and everything moving so quickly in an hour because you drank water, like, I'm sorry, you were poisoned.

No, that's, that's an interesting conspiracy.

Yeah.

And I mean, really rich foods can hurt your stomach,

but that's on the food.

No, I don't think you should tell your boyfriend, not because you don't want him to think that you were poisoned.

You shouldn't tell your boyfriend because then, like, you know, the magic is gone.

Right.

You just, if he didn't bear witness to it, like, you don't need to tell him.

Not everyone needs to know everything.

Like, and I think that's really important.

I think that's important too, but don't blame yourself for this.

No, yeah, I agree.

Because, like, a dinner out shouldn't make you shit your pants, no matter what you did earlier that day.

And you know what?

Just.

Unless you, like, took a laxative.

Really think about water?

Really think about how much worse it could be.

Like, at least you were right outside your house, not like in a public setting where you, like, you could literally go in, throw your clothes away take a shower and the whole saga is behind you so i would be grateful for that you know like you weren't an hour outside like joey camasta in the back of your uber you know i have one thing to say what juliana i drink a lot of water

you know you know thank you for unburdening yourselves i honestly don't think that that was that big of a deal like just always think about how much worse things could be and then you'll feel so much better and it's also not your fault right exactly there's no really personal accountability that needs to be taken here

next up hey claudia and Jackie.

I did something so incredibly embarrassing at work this week, and I absolutely need to unburden myself.

It was my first week back at work after six months of maternity leave.

Wow, six months?

Where do you work?

On my first day, I was doing the rounds around the office saying hi to my colleagues that I hadn't seen in six months, but then I bumped into the CEO.

I don't know him super well as it's a big company and we don't work together closely, but he knows who I am and he knew it was my first day back.

He looked at me and said, hey, welcome back.

And he extended his arms for a hug.

What the fuck?

I was caught off guard since I don't usually hug my coworkers, let alone the CEO.

So due to me panicking, we ended up in this weird half-hug where my face was squished directly into his chest and he had his arms wrapped around me.

When I emerged from his embrace, I noticed that all of my makeup

foundation had rubbed off on the front of his black Hugo boss cardigan.

It looked like the perfect print of my ivory-colored face on his shirt.

Oh my god.

He didn't notice the stain, but my face turned red like a tomato, and I, for some reason, was too embarrassed to point it out, so I just walked away.

I sat at my desk the rest of the day, watching him walk around the office with my makeup all over his chest.

Later in the day, I saw someone point it out to him and helped him wipe the stain off the sweater.

I could see the CEO racking his brain and looking around trying to figure out what caused the massive face stain on his shirt.

I just sunk down in my chair and I never looked up for the rest of the day.

I don't know why this is so embarrassing, but I'm still getting knots in my stomach thinking about it.

Sincerely, a girl who needs to get a new setting spray.

Okay,

I would be so embarrassed too, but I think you're okay because I really don't think he knew it was you.

Plus, he's clearly a hugger.

Could have been the other person he hugged or, you know, if he hugged multiple people.

people.

And if he didn't immediately know, oh, that's a face and that's makeup.

Like, men don't realize that that's makeup.

When he sees a stain, he's not thinking makeup.

Like, he's probably thinking, oh, I spilled something.

No, what I was going to say was like...

Even if he did know it was makeup, the fact that he walked around for hours with it really puts you in the clear.

Like, you know how many people he's a CEO?

You know how many people he interacts with?

Like meetings, meetings, meetings.

So you're just now one of 10 people it could have been.

And that is better.

He's not going to put it together.

First, he needs to realize that it's makeup.

Then he needs to retrace his steps.

This is a man who hugs.

Like he, you're probably not the only hug he had that day.

And even if it was, he might, men don't like remember these things like me do.

It's not seared into their memory.

Right, like thinking that was a weird hug for him.

It's just like one of many altercations he has throughout his day as CEO.

Yeah, and you know what?

He's just, he's not worried about where it came from.

He's feeling like a clown that he walked around with it.

So he's like, he has unburdened himself to us now.

Everyone's just thinking about themselves.

You're fine.

Yeah, that's the best advice.

And that's really at the end of the day, like what unburden yourselves always comes down to like you can be thinking about it so much but at the end of the day you have to realize like literally nobody cares about you and i mean that in the nicest way possible like no one is thinking about you no one is looking at you no one is thinking like when they go home about the thing that you did like just you they're thinking about the thing that they did you just have to switch your perspective yeah 100

third and final

Hey girlies, I recently traveled to NYC with two of my best friends to celebrate my 21st birthday.

We had a whole weekend planned on my birthday and we were going to the comedy cellar and then going out.

Being three non-New York girlies, we definitely missed the the right train, we missed the show, and I was bummed.

My friends quickly pulled me into a bar to calm me down, and we made a plan, and of course, I just started drinking.

In true 21st birthday fashion, people were buying me drinks and shots, and the bartenders were really just giving me things.

Of course, I was living for it, but I soon did pay.

At the end of the night, drunk and happy, I called an Uber and rounded out my friends, and we started our 15-minute drive back to the hotel.

In the car, I started feeling a little sick, but I thought I could breathe through it and make it.

Boy, was I wrong.

A sudden urge, and it all came back up, the most disgusting part being my mask was still on.

Oh no,

It was all over me in my clothes, but the only thing I could think about was the cleaning fee.

I sat entirely in my filth, mask filled with vomit until I could get out, hoping I was sneaky enough for the Uber driver not to notice.

I then fell out of the Uber onto the road and had to walk through the lobby and upstairs with throw-up all over me and my friends warning others not to get in the elevator with us while filming me.

So embarrassing, but proud to say I did not get charged a cleaning fee.

So she kept it in some things, you know what?

Like, I'm all about being financially responsible, but like some things are worth paying for.

And to just unhook your mask and let the vomit out from underneath your nose and mouth just to pay like a $50 to $200 cleaning fee, like that's worth it.

Yeah, it wouldn't be the cleaning fee that I feel bad about.

It would be like the driver of the car I

soiled.

Yeah.

And I'm not going to judge you because I was about to.

I was about to be like, who does this?

You know what?

Me.

On my 21st birthday.

I had the exact same night as you did.

So I'm in literally no position to judge.

Happy birthday.

It's a rite of passage.

Agreed.

It wasn't my 21st birthday.

It was my first night out in college.

And I was in the back of an Uber.

This has actually happened to me twice.

I was in the back of an Uber, like drinking a lot.

I think I actually smoked a cigarette, which was like not something I would ever do.

A drunk cigarette will kill you.

Kill you.

So I'm in the back of a car.

I'm with my friends.

And you're not a smoker.

Yeah, I'm with my friends Alicia and Layla.

I'm like, you guys, I'm going to throw up.

And I literally made a bowl with my hands, threw up the perfect amount, chucked it out the window, and all was good.

Then the second time it happened

was a few years later.

I smoked pot and I'm really not a good pot smoker.

I got so anxious.

I was in this apartment.

I was like, oh my God, I have to go to the bathroom.

Like, I'm so anxious.

I could die.

I don't know what's going on.

And then all of a sudden, I just, even though I was in the bathroom, I threw up in my hands and all my anxiety went away.

I guess like the throw up coming up, my system was

coming through as anxiety, but it was just throw up.

I threw up in my hands and then I had a great time.

That's great.

Yeah, no, you're 21.

Like, that's what you're supposed to be doing on your birthday.

And it's really gross.

But that's what happens.

And I think you might have had worse anxiety and had to unburden yourselves even more if you had thrown up in this nice man's car.

Yeah, yeah.

The mask part, like, but

there's always going to be, you know, some grossness to it.

Yeah, but it's a 21st birthday.

Yeah, and it's a sign of the times that you threw up in your mask.

100%.

Well, that was Unburden Yourselves.

Thank you to everyone who was vulnerable with us.

This is always a safe space most of the time.

And if you ever want to unburden yourself, it's unburdenyourselves at gmail.com.

It's plural.

Unburdenyourselves at gmail.com.

We keep it anonymous and we just try to make you feel better because Mondays are hard enough.

All you ladies or gents who wrote in this week, you're good.

You're good.

Yeah.

You're good.

Nothing that will haunt me, you know?

And I've had some things on this show that really stuck with me.

Yeah, but forgive yourselves, you guys.

It's okay.

It's fine.

And that's our show.

That is our show.

Thank you guys so much for listening to The Morning Toast, The Millennium Morning Show.

Millennial.

The Millennial Morning Show, where we deliver the fast five stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

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So, wherever you listen to podcasts, find out some morning toast and leave a five-star view about how beautiful, about how stunning, about how smart we are.

Have an amazing day, you guys.

We'll see you tomorrow in studio with The Snatchler.

I'm so excited for you, and I'm so excited as a viewer.

Snitch on the toast.

Snitch on the toast.

Hey, snitch on the toast.

Spadam bum.

Snitch on the toast.

We'll see you tomorrow.

Don't miss it.

Bye.