S5 Ep43: Juicy Toast with Heather McDonald: Wednesday, April 13th, 2022

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Good morning, millennials and juicy scoopers.

Today is such an exciting day because we're having, I haven't decided if I want to call it the morning scoop or the juicy toast.

I think they both work.

But I am joined by one of my idols, queen of podcasting, Heather McDonald's.

Hello, Heather.

How are you?

I'm so good.

Thank you so much.

Everyone's really excited about us doing this together.

And I love your show as well.

And there's so many things that I know we're going to get into and share probably some very similar thoughts.

Well, like, you are my favorite person ever.

I think you are so funny.

I was just watching this TikTok of you calling a restaurant, pretending to be your assistant.

And I cannot lie, like, I've definitely done that.

And you went viral on TikTok.

So at first, I just want to congratulate you because it's so hard.

Thank you.

You know, I try and you never know what

gets the action.

I cannot figure it out.

We've tried to figure it out when you post, what you do, and you use that voice that's like, I tried dancing with my grandma.

Like, I don't know what works, what doesn't.

How something can get like 7 million views and another one like 15,000.

You're like, I can't figure it out, but you know, it's fun.

It's always the one that you work so hard on and spend hours on that gets no views.

And then this like piece of shit you throw up goes crazy vile where you look heinous, you have a double chin.

That always happens to me.

Right.

Before I dive in, I love it.

I need to ask how you are doing because you made waves, like major waves.

You, I thought, first of all, I want to ask you if you're okay.

And then I want to just talk about like how you handled the situation from like a social media perspective because you nailed it.

Like, I cannot believe you posted the video of you fainting.

I can't lie.

I watched it 100 times.

I want to know how you are doing.

You fractured your skull.

You fainted.

For those who don't know, you fainted on stage in the middle of a stand-up set, which is like, I think every comic's worst nightmare.

So how are you doing?

It was actually very much, it was very much the beginning.

Like, so it was like within like the first like three minutes and of the, of the Saturday show.

So I'd done Friday fine the Friday night before.

And first of all, no, I'm completely fine.

Okay.

I was, what I was recovering from was just the crack of my skull, which there was no outside bleed.

You know, it it was like internal bleeding inside, a crack of a skull.

And then they, by the next, within 24 hours, they're like, it's already healing.

But they said, you'll have some residual effects, like, you know, and that happened, but now we're

laying down doing Pilates.

And I come up and I'm like dizzy, but that now is all gone.

So I'm like 100%.

But

I just was so horrified.

And all I could think about was the people that got a sitter, was planning on this, and that they they saw me do this.

And so, when I just went back last weekend, and the

manager of the club goes, I don't know if you remember, but you were like, Okay, let me just get a glass of water and go back on stage.

And they're like, No, we're sending people home.

I go, Okay, well, what about the 945 show?

And they're like, No,

EMTs are coming.

And he goes, That just shows you, like, what a professional you are.

And I go, I guess.

I mean, I've never, you know, like when Adele was canceling her shows, because in my opinion, she's dick whipped and in love with that guy.

Yeah, there was something going on.

I'm going to get away from him 100 yes i'm like i've never canceled a show in my life what does that say about my husband's dick

never canceled a show

okay but also the craziest part of the whole situation was the last words to leave your lips before you fainted were jesus loves me the most like you actually cannot write something that's ironic

Well, I have a sweatshirt that says that.

And one thing that I've said is, much like you, who's like a strong Jew, I very much identify as a Catholic girl.

And a lot of my juicy scoopers understand Catholic guilt.

And when you go to Catholic school, you have to do this thing called Christian service.

Like you always have to get your Christian service hours in or whatever.

So I would always say that, and in like a joking way, but of course I believe in God and Jesus.

But

so I'd be like, Jesus loves me the most.

Like, I have never gotten COVID.

Like, clearly he loves me the most.

And anyone that follows me and knows where I'm coming from, you know, it's fine.

But other people that are really like right-wing Christian, that that's their first introduction is this obnoxious female stand-up who's talking about vaccinations and then passes out.

They went off on me, especially on YouTube, especially all these like right-wing like

men.

Like crotchety old like white men are like, this is why females aren't funny and everything.

And I'm like, I agree.

That wasn't that funny of a joke.

I was two minutes into my act.

Like, you know, you put like the least funny stuff up top.

and then you know so I'm like great yeah oh my god so I'm so glad you're feeling better like that was just so crazy

and you just handled the whole thing from start to finish like a pro and you know and actually in one of our Facebook groups someone was there and they were kind of retelling their experience and they for a few minutes people didn't know if you were joking or not

I know it was it was honestly the best comedic timing I've ever had in my life.

And my first thought was, I can't believe this is real.

Like I was pinching myself.

And my son, who's 19 and a freshman at ASU, that was like the first time he's ever come to the club and seen me.

No.

So we decided it was his fault that he stressed me out.

So he did not come this past Saturday.

He went on like some, went to some lake with his friends and girls in bikinis.

I'm like, no, you're doing that.

You're not seeing your mother pass out again.

I'm like, I think you stressed me out because I talk a lot of shit about my son.

And I was like, I know you can handle it, but I'm a little bit nervous.

I don't know what it, we still don't know what caused it, but it just happened.

And being on stage with no, no one to grab, no chair is why I felt so fell so hard.

Right.

And

yeah, but it was hilarious.

And so then my son, who's just like my husband, he came down and the hot EMTUs are like, we have the ambulance for you.

I go, okay.

And my son's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, we're not paying for an ambulance.

We can drive you, mom.

You're fine.

No, honestly, like, I'm so glad he was thinking that way.

Ambulances are extremely expensive.

No, you'll never get it.

It's one of those things I don't, I think you know how, like,

at my daughter's high school,

I just saw a thing because it's my same high school.

They're now doing this, like, like life lesson class.

And, and I'm like, that is so important.

Like, and it's like hygiene, healthcare, like all these little things that you don't learn, not just how to teach a kid how to do their laundry in the dorm.

Right.

But I'm like, that one has to also be one, the ambulance.

Never call an ambulance.

I mean, unless you're like really dumb.

Unless you're on death's door.

Yes, because you

can get that money back, even with the best insurance.

And people don't know that.

And in New York, it can run you up like 30 grand just to call an ambulance.

Wow.

That's crazy.

So,

so blessed that you're doing well, well enough to be here.

I'm so excited to have you.

I have so much I want to talk to you about in the pop culture world.

But before we dive into the fast five, I want to get your take.

You're a seasoned comic.

You've been at this forever.

And I know it's like old news now, but I haven't stopped thinking about the slap.

And I would would love to hear your thoughts on the slap.

Well, I was actually performing.

I was doing a live juicy scoop.

And I ran backstage to do a quick change.

And I had a couple comedians coming out throughout the show.

And Annie, who works with me, goes, and she's like, helping me change.

She goes, Chris Rock just got slapped by Will Smith at the Oscars.

And I immediately thought, that's a bit.

That's an act because no one cares about the Oscars.

And then, of course, when I saw it,

I was obsessed with it.

I did a lot of shows on it.

I went deep dive.

There's just so many layers of it.

But of course, walking up and hitting a comic at all was the most...

I'll say this.

I think it's good for comedy, actually, because I think the overwhelming support was this isn't okay.

This pendulum has swung too far.

We want to preserve the right to free speech, but also the profession of stand-up comedians, that they say shocking things, they say things that aren't true, they're not experts.

if you're gonna be easily offended don't buy tickets to a comedy club i think that message really helped get across to like a very you know post woke apocalypse world that we live in and kind of made people go yeah you're right i don't want i don't want people to be silenced so i think in the end um it was good for chris rock selling tickets it made people

respect him even more than they respected him before.

I mean, he would have done great anyway, but yes, that boosted it.

And for Will Smith, I think in the end, when he finally is separated forever from Jada, he will be a better human too.

Yes.

And what do you think the platform is going to be, or it should be, where Chris Rock finally speaks up?

Because he's been doing a bunch of shows.

And he said at the beginning of the show, like, you guys might have all come here to hear me, you know, respond, but I wrote this material and it's funny and I want to do this show.

So I'm not going to respond yet, but I will.

So what do you think?

It's going to be a special.

I think maybe at the end of this, he'll film a special and it'll include that.

I think he's just taking time to kind of figure it out.

Also, be sensitive to the fact that Will Smith is obviously fucked up.

Right.

And for a number of reasons.

And, you know, Jada's out there on the red carpet.

She's making interviews saying, I didn't need to fend.

I mean, she's, there was one video.

I don't know if you saw this.

Now everyone's pulling stuff from the red carpet.

From history, right.

And where he said, I planned this party for you on your 37th birthday for the next three years.

I planned a 40th birthday for Jada, and it was the most fabulous party.

Did you see this clip?

I didn't.

No.

Okay, so he's sitting at the red tabletop with Willow, Willow, the grandma, and her.

And he goes, and it was the most fabulous party.

I spent three years planning it.

And what did you say, Jada, at the at the party?

You didn't like it.

And she goes, no, I said that party was for you.

It was for your ego.

That was to feed your ego.

And Willow goes, woof.

And the grandma goes, mm-hmm.

And Will's like, and you were right.

And I'm like, literally, no one's ever thrown me a surprise party in my life, let alone any kind of party at all.

I get Costco Roses every, like, every trip.

Every Mother's Day,

you know, every Mother's Day, whatever.

Lots of them are combos, you know, because Mother's Day and my birthday and my anniversary are close together.

I was just like, and

And that's what showed me what I've always thought is she is jealous of Will's career.

Hmm.

I think she saw herself as the same level, like when they got together, and he just skyrocketed in these blockbuster money-making movies.

And she's had a very good career, and one that anyone would envy.

Right.

But she named like a movie that, you know, a movie that she was truly the lead of, or that's like iconic, or even if it wasn't like Oscar worthy, like a really fun.

I mean, she wasn't a pretty woman, you know what I mean?

It was like, so I just, when I saw that, I'm like, of course, in her mind, she's going to think, oh, oh, you did this party so that everybody would come and say, wow,

Will is the greatest husband ever, not Jada is the greatest woman turning 40.

Yeah, I think like now knowing what we know about them and then all these clips resurfacing, like they're the definition of toxic.

Yes.

They are not happy.

And so I think we're all just kind of rolling our eyes because they overshare quite a bit on social, on red table talk.

And it's like, I'm all for sharing your lives on social media.

Like I'm the biggest exploiter of my personal life, and even I have things that are off limits, but they don't.

And now we're just like, enough, we've had enough.

Well, you know, about like, I don't know, 15, I think when I was writing White Chicks, actually, which I wrote with the Wayne's Brothers.

I'm sorry, what?

When I was writing White Chicks with the Wayne's Brothers.

Do you not know this?

No, that's like the most iconic movie of all time.

Yes,

I worked.

They had created the idea of the movie, and then I went to Keenan's house every day and wrote the movie movie with them.

Heather.

Yes, I was the white girl consultant.

Yes, you literally are.

Oh my God, I love that for you.

Like, it makes so much sense.

Congrats.

I know that a little later.

And then I had a part in, and I was the sales girl.

And that was my writing.

Like, I wrote that scene based on this girl who worked at this shop on 3rd Street in Beverly Hills.

But

when that was going on, they were friends.

You know, they're always friends.

Keenan and his wife, they're no longer together, but they have five kids.

One of their kids was Jaden's age.

So they were very close to Will and Jada at that time.

And this is when they would match on the red carpet.

Now they had a couple kids.

They could not be cuter.

They were what?

They were the definition of couple goals that we talk about now.

And I've said this.

I'm like, this couple goals thing, don't ever say couple goals for me.

I think it's a lot of pressure for the couple.

And I think there was, and I remember when Tom Cruise and Nicole Kinman broke up, I said, like, with all these guys writing, I go, well, if Jada and Will break up, the world's going to lose their mind.

And he goes, oh, my God, no, we won't be able to, you know, we won't be able to hold it.

It's like Barack and, you know, Michelle Barack.

Michelle, right.

We can't handle it.

And so I think a lot of it is, they probably, in my opinion, they probably, had they not been on this pedestal, I think they probably would have broken up maybe like.

eight years ago, you know?

No, that's a good, good call.

Once their kids were like teenagers or kind of, and they just were not feeling each other and they were on different paths and they'd been fighting.

I mean, she said, I cried for 40 days one time.

And someone who cries for 40 days, if you're not getting

through divorce.

You got to make a change.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay,

I'm very much on the same page as you with that whole situation.

I haven't stopped thinking about it.

I think it's the craziest thing of all time.

And I'm very much looking forward to hearing what Chris Rock has to say because we've heard from a lot of people, but we haven't heard from him.

Right.

Oh, I have a question for you.

Speaking of just this is, have you seen that people believe that Kanye, who said, I'm going away to get some help, is really with the Cheney girl at that beautiful resort in Utah?

Amangiri?

Yes.

I did not hear that.

Oh.

I don't know.

I follow some weird accounts, and I don't know if someone's creating this story or if it's really,

it's really her posting stories

where she's like, oh, it's my vacation.

And

I'm really feeding into it.

Yeah, I don't know.

But I mean, that's not funny.

It's a beautiful resort, but that's not therapy.

Going with a girlfriend is not getting mental health therapy.

No, no, no, it's not.

But I am glad that he has finally quieted down and is seeking some sort of help.

Okay, so I think it's time we should dive into the

fast five stories.

They're really good today, and they're covering a wide range of topics.

So without further ado, let's dive into the fast five stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast.

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Okay, first up is the J-Lo and Ben Affleck of it all.

Obviously, we know that they're engaged, but now we're getting some more information because J-Lo decided to announce it in like a really weird, thirsty, kind of like Patreon-esque way.

And I heard what you said about this yesterday.

I said the same thing on my show Tuesday.

I was like, when I saw that it was like to collect emails,

remember when like stand-ups were doing this thing, like Whitney Cummings was doing it, all these people, even Burt Kreischer, hey, text me.

They're still doing it.

People are still doing it.

So what is that?

They just get a lump sum of money or what is it?

No, it's just a way of collecting data on all your fans so that when you have like merch coming out or a show coming up, you have like a direct access because email marketing is like a little old school.

People are very much like mobile friendly now.

So the texting thing is like, oh, great.

Now I have the phone numbers of 10,000 of my fans and I have to sell out a show.

Let me send out a text message to those phone numbers that live in Arizona.

you know?

I feel like that went away though.

Like there was a little moment where everybody was doing it and then they would write back these texts like, haha, and hey, girl.

And I'm like, what the hell is this?

No, and sometimes if you go on like a creator's Instagram in their bio, it'll be like 917, blah, blah, blah.

That's me.

Right.

So I don't know, but Jayla was very much on that train when she announced her engagement.

And it was so murky and like borderline mysterious that we didn't even get any information.

Like it was so weird.

But then yesterday, I did subscribe to her newsletter.

So I was one of the first people to get the information.

We got some new, some new details about the whole thing.

She's letting fans know in her newsletter that she is talking about her second chance at true love.

She said, did you ever imagine your biggest dream could come true?

Saturday night while at my favorite place on earth, in the bubble bath, my beautiful love got on one knee and proposed.

I was taken totally off guard and just looked in his eyes, smiling and crying at the same time, trying hard to get my head around the fact that after 20 years, this was happening all over again.

I was quite literally speechless, and he said, Is that a yes?

I said, Yes, of course, that's a yes.

Feels like Teresa Judice wrote this.

I don't know why, I'm just seeing her and Louie like doing this in the bath.

And then I put on my J-Lo Glow serum,

and I was so glowy, I didn't need any makeup

next to my Jolly Rancher apple-flavored green ring.

While listening to my new song.

Yes, yes, of course.

It was very weird and very not A-list.

And J-Lo is A-list.

Well, I mean, I was thinking about all the engagements.

The only one she wasn't engaged to was Casper.

Remember Casper?

And I think that truly was for the best.

Oh, definitely, definitely.

Because remember, he was always like seen coming in and out of like old-fashioned

porn shops and stuff.

And he just was not of the caliber that a j-lo type needs no definitely not but she had the a-rod was a you know a beautifully shot situation on a beach

and i don't remember how mark anthony went down but like And of course, we remember the pink diamond the first time with J-Lo, you know, when they were, that was during the time where she was slicking back his hair and they were buying a Bentley every other day and going shopping.

And

so I think the fact that they did it that way, like privately, even though then she, you know, talked, wrote about it after, and it wasn't a big splash.

It wasn't in front of an arena or an award show.

I think is kind of cool, you know?

I agree, for sure.

They're adults.

They have kids.

And

I love a second time around thing because especially with her, like if you see your old boyfriend from 20 years ago, to be able to go, oh, and by the way, my body is better than it was 20 years ago.

Who has that opportunity except for J-Lo?

No, it's not fair.

She's more stunning, more successful, more famous, more everything of the sort.

Probably better in the sack.

100%.

Yeah.

No, it's not fair.

It's not fair.

I've always been really hot for Ben Affleck.

He is completely my type.

Yes, but, you know, the way he like sprinted away from J-Lo straight into Jennifer Gardner was definitely hurtful for J-Lo.

But I really was loving that moment for him, like being a family man.

Their daughter's name is Serafina after my favorite restaurant.

Like I love that.

And then he went through this like really messy couple of years with the SNL writer and the jack-in-a-box runs.

Yeah, right, right.

And so for a while, I was like, this is America's sweetheart.

Now he's definitely working back towards where he once was.

And I think J-Lo has definitely helped.

Yeah.

And I mean, it's a challenge to marry someone that's in recovery, but she's a great match in that she literally has one glass of champagne a year, if that.

And so like, she doesn't need it or miss it.

However, I do remember seeing one photo of them

like on a balcony in the beginning of them dating again.

And I mean, he, I think he still smokes.

Cigarettes?

Yes.

I don't know what

her wanting to put up with that.

I know, the breath.

And the tox, and like the toxins going into your pores after you jail.

It's so natural.

Right, right, right.

But

how many subscribers do you think she got for a newsletter?

I think she probably got

892.

192,000 is my guess.

Do you know?

No, no, no.

I was going to say about 100,000.

Oh, really?

Maybe?

No, you're right.

Maybe that much.

Because even though I was curious, I was like, well, there's already articles written that they got engaged.

So why do I need to go and see the thing and get all a bunch of emails sent to me every time there's like a sale?

Because like she has 20 million followers.

Obviously, 20 million people are not signing up for her dumbass on the J-Lo.

And, you know, all the news reporting really spoiled it.

Like, you didn't need

the newsletter because when I got the people notification, I ran to her Instagram and I'm like, what the fuck is onthejlo.com?

And do you think, though, at this time, I mean, obviously she couldn't, if she's telling the truth, she didn't know when he was going to ask her.

And it really was a surprise.

I want to say to him, though,

God.

Ben, could you have waited about a week and a half until after the Kardashians launched?

I know.

I mean, we really could have had a bigger splash.

I know.

You know, can I I ask you a question?

Yes.

Do you struggle?

Because, you know, you podcast quite a lot.

So do we.

And we get, you know, some backlash.

Like, all we do is talk about the Kardashians, especially in the last month, because every day they've been giving us just something really juicy.

Do you have a hard time sometimes finding things to talk about that aren't the Kardashians?

Not really, but like.

I do kind of want to like go through it quicker, like go through like each person.

And I mean, I'm not going to report on the, you know, Truze balloon display.

display you know what I mean like there's some things that are like interesting because they're a jumping off point of like talking about a bigger situation with a relationship or whatever but I mean God they really they have really worked hard to get people to uh newly subscribe to Hulu if they weren't subscribing already I mean totally I would have to say you know like

company company girl that Chris Jenner, you know, really, really, it was like, you will not regret this, Hulu.

Yeah.

I thought it was kind of funny how, like, e-news is at the premiere.

Same.

It's like your ex-boyfriend at your premiere.

Yeah, that's what I wrote.

I go out and say, I wrote, I wrote, like, it's your ex-boyfriend coming to the wedding.

And it's like, you want to be supportive, but come on.

It's weird.

Yeah, but I guess there's just nothing they can do because the state, if they're a pop culture thing, what are they not going to 90% of their stories are Kardashians too?

So they've just got to lick their wounds and move on.

Yeah.

You know, you have been in the podcasting game long before everyone else showed up.

And I have actually two questions for you.

The first is like, what are your thoughts on like everyone, you know, getting a platform, then being like, I think I'll start a podcast.

For that, you know,

now I just accept that everyone on earth will have a podcast.

It'll be like an Instagram.

And I'm like, hey, you know, the technology is there.

You may not make money at it, but if it's a way to journal or diary, like, oh my God, I would have loved to have gone back when I was, you know, 22 and heard me do an episode about my crazy night the night before at USC like I would freaking love to have that kind of like you know to

archive or whatever yeah but um I really think there are

I remember okay when friends first came out and friends was popular I was like out auditioning for things and there were so many copycat friends shows yeah there's friends in there was one friends in Alaska there were friends in in San Francisco and they would just kind of change up the combination maybe it wasn't six six, maybe it was five people, maybe it was three girls and two guys or three guys and two girls.

It was and none of them made it.

None of the shows made it except for friends.

So I think that

there are there is room for like micro influencers, just like there's micro podcasters, there's ways to get ads and make money.

But as far as like all these people that you and I used to interview now all having their own podcasts, I just go, hey, good luck.

Because when you're a writer or comedian or something you can see what the top shows are because we are able to without a guest or without a big juicy interview do it and the thing is with everybody having their own podcast there is no interview to get they've already spilled it on their own show they've already gone on 25 different shows yeah so it's still fun to have those people yeah but you know once Even with me, once I'm like, okay, I got that new housewife's life story.

Then the next season comes around and I'm like, sometimes I hit it off with some people.

I'm like, come on, we'll also talk about your opinion of other things.

But other, most, lots of times I'm like, I already got the life story.

I was the first one to get it.

I don't really care.

You know, like,

so that's kind of what I think about it.

And then I guess the second half of that question is like, you,

I think, maybe I'm wrong, but like your podcast is bigger than it's ever been.

Like you are really like.

chart topping, staying relevant.

You have a really, really strong audience.

And might I add, they are just lovely, lovely people, people, like just nice girls.

I really like them.

Yeah.

And what, and I guess this is a question for me, like what advice or how do you maintain that relevancy?

I assume it's just like you're extremely consistent.

I definitely think the consistency is so important because it's just like when you have anything, your favorite thing in life, like, you know, if all of a sudden it goes away, or I understand sometimes people have to take a break and they should.

I just treated it like

kind of like when I produced Chelsea lately and we had like no weeks off.

We would do like evergreen shows and plop them in and other shows like Jimmy Kimmel, they would go off for three months and things like that.

And so for me, it's kind of hard because I'm like, oh my God, like I'm never going to allow myself to, you know, really take a real break.

Because even when you do these shows and you're on vacation and you still got a post that the show was up and all that kind of stuff.

But

I just think

I've just never run out of something to say, you know, and

I think, yeah, you've got to think about that too when you start a show.

Like, is there enough to go for years?

You know,

even sometimes with some of these crime podcasts, I'm like, God, I mean, I've run out of stories that I haven't heard yet.

Like, what do you, and, you know, and there's only so many that are really juicy, you know, like just going to like your local police department.

Oh, this guy was shot on the corner.

You're like, that's terrible, but this wasn't like a big conspiracy.

He wasn't sleeping with the shooter's wife.

You know, so I'm kind of like, I don't know.

I know I think about that a lot too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

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Okay, so another news story that's kind of sad, but then had like a weird twist.

So obviously yesterday it was reported that Gilbert Godfrey passed away, which is so sad.

But then his Twitter was hacked briefly after it was announced that he died.

And it was really like creepy and super fucked up.

So on Tuesday afternoon, the late stars bio was changed to hacked by at

ye at archive on Instagram, an account that no longer exists on Instagram, and then followed by several bizarre tweets that were deleted but snagged by the Daily Mail, obviously, because the Daily Mail is always there for us.

And I just think this is like the most fucked up thing on the planet.

It really is.

I mean, it's, he was, you know, a really funny guy.

He was, I think he was 67.

I wasn't aware he was sick.

Right.

But so

at least it wasn't like a sudden thing for his family.

But yeah, people are gross.

People just want that little bit of fame, even if it's anonymous.

Right.

And at what cost?

Like literally a man just died.

Yeah.

It's, it's, it's amazing what, how gross the world is, especially when it comes to stuff like that.

Never ceases to amaze me.

Here are some of the tweets.

They retweeted someone who wrote, retweet if you eat, and then it's blurred out, but I think we can all imagine what that is.

I'm running a deal on my OnlyFans right now.

Would mean the world if you subscribed.

Drain, gang, blade, fuck that.

They say they can gang.

Just like out of control content and not appropriate.

Terrible.

You know what I also hate is, you know, when you, have you, has this happened to you where you post something and the first five comments are like, I can't believe I could make so much money with Josie Smith's financial services.

And it's like the first, and I'm always like, God damn it.

But I don't know.

You know, people are desperate.

And if this is what they do, but this, this is really gross because this is a loved one and this is right.

And now, you know, this becomes a story instead of like

remembering a great man.

Like funny, like guy with a very unique

persona and point of view and comedy.

So I agree.

Like the lengths that this is just like for me, like really telling of the lengths that people will go to to be relevant on social media, whether it's positive or negative.

And yes, there are all these weird like scam bot things, especially on Instagram that are like, oh, my brother said I'm ugly.

Tap my profile to tell me if I am.

Like, stop.

Wait, there is this one that I always get that's like,

you won't, you want to go to the bathroom after you see my videos.

Can you believe my latest video?

Why do guys go into the bedroom after watching my videos?

That's like my first comment after every post.

Mine, I'll always like scroll through and then I'll see one that's like, if I comment this, it'll get buried, so it doesn't matter.

I'm gay.

But I don't think it's like a genuine coming out story.

I think it's like clickbait.

It is so weird.

Instagram like really needs to do something about that.

Yes.

I've been commenting more now

where I'm just like.

Well, sometimes that's when I got in trouble with the, not in trouble, but when I said something to Chrissy Teigen.

But like now I used to not comment under other things, but now I'm just like, like I saw that like Garcelle's book is coming out.

And she had all these, she did a compilation video of all these celebrity friends going, it's here, it's here, it's here.

So then I just wrote under it, I said, even though you didn't contact me to film myself saying it's here, I'm still happy about your book.

So I'm like, I've worked with you, I've interviewed you, why didn't you tell me?

Asked me for a video.

Yeah.

And did you see that Erica and her obviously having some sort of something because Erica threw away her book and posted it on Instagram?

I love it because what Erica doesn't realize is that really helped sell her book even more.

I know.

I was actually thinking, like, if you really hate Garcelle, then don't post that because people were like, oh, I didn't know Garcelle wrote a book.

Can't wait to go check it out.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

Like, what she's doing.

She's like horonics.

And also, I was disturbed, and I'm not, like, a freak.

Like, I mean, I am good.

I'm really good about, you know, recycling, but like that, whatever trash can that was, I hope that it wasn't wasn't hers because it was she had an old telephone in there yeah you couldn't do that

it was a unique mixture of items that big old telephone like recycle it give it away and then she had like a plastic bottle and a red bowl like that's not supposed to go in the same thing as

right and she lives in west hollywood where i feel like they're extremely strict about recycling I mean, everybody is.

They make it so easy for you.

What's wrong?

Not in the middle of the day.

Well, maybe I never had to do it when I was with Tom Girardi.

It's true.

It's true.

She never had to recycle her own trash did you see her tweets last night oh no what did she do oh my god she was going crazy about

just she's just like I'm bored.

Who wants to write me?

And then it was like, you know, a lot of like, you know, dick emojis and wet things where people said, who are you dating or something?

And she's like, like, I'm getting, you know, I'm getting plunged in this, but I'm still married.

And it was really nasty stuff.

But I have to say, she's pretty clever, like pretty quick with the sexual comebacks on the on the Twitter like she yeah she is yeah I'm like I didn't think she was that bright but and by the way where do you stand now with the Erica Jane of it all like do you think she know

I

I think she

I mean I think she's got to take some responsibility for it but I also think that

I didn't I don't think she like looked into it I mean there's so many women that and especially in her situation and then I think he was like spend whatever you want and she didn't ask she didn't want to know and

I yeah and then also once she knew he was cheating I mean there's nothing worse than being 23 years younger than your husband or 27 years younger than your husband hot as shit getting plastic surgery every year and he's this old bald waddling man and he still wants to sleep with someone other than you right like he's the one cheating on you that's not how it's supposed to work and i always think the fact that he cheated with a judge it's like you know no matter how many new boob jobs and eye lifts you get, you can't go to a plastic surgeon and get a better brain.

So, like, he was cheating with a girl who was really smart.

Yeah.

And I just think that really pissed her off.

And her revenge was

not revenge, but just I'm going to spend even, I'm going to be spending even more.

Because I remember I had privy to like, or maybe it's out there.

How in the beginning of their marriage what her like American Express bill was.

And it literally went from shopping at like bb

to then like bcbg to then like sacks to then like going straight to the louis vuitton store right right and it was so it was just like you know she she's like that 30-year-old girl that gets a rich boyfriend she's like i can buy these little brown bb kitten heels you know like

like oh my god you're gonna buy me a bottle of shampoo and then realizes no i can spend a lot more than this i can get this cartier get

jaguar And even like someone who works for their money would be like, I'm not going to buy my diamonds at Tiffany's.

I'm going to go to a really great jeweler.

Right.

And like get, you know, and so it's.

Same quality.

Yeah, because it's the same quality, but even for better.

I'm not going to do this labely thing.

But for her, it was like, I want to flash to the world that I'm so rich.

And then when she realized that he, you know, that they weren't even, and I heard that like there were times where, you know,

she wanted her divorce or he wanted a divorce.

And she was like, it'll cost you so much more to divorce me

than if you just let me spend whatever I want becoming this, you know, fake pop star.

Right.

And that being the pop star costs so much money.

I mean, she did not make any money

performing

until Housewives.

Right.

And I think she said she was spending 40 grand a month on just hair and makeup.

That's just glam.

That's not getting all the guys hotel rooms, wardrobes, flying them so that you can do like gay pride in dallas like you know and for what you know

for what you you're telling me you're making money off of those i2 downloads no you won't no music is a tough business so i don't know i don't know what will happen i think um

i mean i think she'll she'll continue to have fans sell her hair extensions be on the show and be able to survive that way even if she has nothing really to show from the 20 years of being with tom girardi in the end totally And you know what?

Speaking of divorce, that's a great segue into our third story, which is really juicy.

Julia Hart, who obviously we all know from My Unorthodox Life, allegedly wired $50,000 of company money to hire her divorce lawyer.

So page six obviously has the exclusive that the My Unorthodox lifestyle was fired from her role as CEO of Elite World Group in February amid her nasty divorce with the owner of Elite World Group, Sylvia.

And I like how they left that out of the show, you know, like she was a self-made woman, but her husband ran the company.

It was very, yeah.

So now, page six has documentation showing that Julia's assistant used funds from E1972, which is Elite World's Group Made to Measure clothing brand.

She used money to pay for a retainer for a divorce attorney at Miller Zeiterman LLP.

And it is unclear whether Julia Hart reimbursed the company for the $50,000.

The email that page six had has her assistant saying, please see the signed retainer attached.

I will need an invoice for the $50,000.

This will be coming from E1972 Inc.

So, um, I don't know if they planned on reimbursing, but if they didn't, this assistant is one of the worst criminal cover-ups of all time.

She literally wrote an email saying exactly the crime she's committing.

Well, I mean, I almost think that makes Julia look better.

That it was her assistant, that it was that they were being honest about it.

Like, I need an attorney, and if I don't have $50,000 in a personal account,

and

and this is a company I, I think that one, the made to order, was one that she created with under the thing of the umbrella, yeah.

Yes.

So, um, I mean, I don't think that's that bad.

I mean, the thing is, whether you're really, really rich or you're, you know, and you have your own business or you're the housewife that wants to leave the husband, I mean, when women are with a guy and they want to leave,

they have to start stipending money for months and months and months.

They, you know, have to blindside them.

They go and

pay for the kids' school for the year on the joy account.

They, you know, so that they're not screwed.

So, I mean, it happens even when you're really wealthy.

And so I don't think 50,000 is the worst.

The 850

that he's saying she also took from the company, I don't really know about that.

But

I don't, you know, I look.

It's a very interesting story.

I've hung out with her a number on a number of occasions.

No way.

What's she like?

Tiny.

It's interesting because she doesn't know a lot about the world because she was living in this place where she didn't watch TV or anything.

Right, right.

So if I would just mention something like, oh, remember when Julia Roberts was engaged to,

who was the country guy that everyone thought was so ugly?

Kenny Chesney?

No, no, that was Berne Zelle.

Berné Zell Woger, yeah.

That's even too far back.

But if I just say anything like

something

pop culture from like 12 years ago, she doesn't, she doesn't know.

And I go, did you ever watch that show,

Kimmy Schmidt or whatever?

And she goes, I was just going to say, she's a mole woman.

And she said, I saw a little of it.

And honestly, it was too disturbing for me because she's like, I really didn't like get to do all these things.

And I, my question was always just like, I just, okay, so you're, you're wearing, you know, the, the conservative clothes, you're making your own matzo ball soup.

You're raising these kids.

You're living like a, you know, still like you're in a nice house.

you're not like

and then all of a sudden you create a company and then are traveling as an executive and sell it to this other company and like fall in love with this guy and get married and and one of my questions that i had for her when i interviewed her i was like i just when you go from like

you know being very humble in a lot of ways with your clothes and stuff how do you just feel comfortable buying Chanel underwear within like eight years, even if you have the money.

And And she just was like, well, it's my money.

I made the money too.

And I was like, okay, you know, I'm like, I'm literally asking when someone,

how do you change your mind about money so quickly?

Because

you're asking something like a lot of people, for me, like what I took away from the show was like, I didn't really feel like they did a good job explaining how she got from point A to point B.

Yeah.

And that's because the show.

did it fail to mention that the man she was living with and married to owned the company.

Because it's very difficult to become the CEO of a Fortune 500 500 company when you don't have a master's degree or, and just selling your shoe company to a big conglomerate.

Like I just, I didn't understand the path and how she got from A to B.

So I think a question like that is extremely fair.

Well, when I was talking to her, I did an interview with her and then we hung out on like two other occasions.

But she just would say, it's in the book.

It's in the book.

The book is not what's a saleswoman.

On Netflix.

Got it.

Got it.

So I believe that.

I think if people are really curious, I think if they read the book,

hopefully we'll get the answers or we'll start to get reviews that, you know.

But she's just, she's very sweet.

She's very, very petite and tiny.

And we went to the Gucci fashion show.

She invited me to the Gucci Fashion Show in L.A.

Did you go?

Yes.

Oh, fun.

Very, very weird.

I've never been to anything like that.

Like I'm just very fascinated by like models trying to make themselves ugly today.

i i don't get i come from like you know the cindy crawford times where you know only the most beautiful people you know and like and they're and some things people are beautiful but they'll have them like

make them ugly yeah make them makeup's ugly the outfits are ugly i so so it was a lot of that like it was a lot of terrifying things but it was a cool experience oh i love that for you what did you wear

I just wore like an Alice and Olivia,

what did I wear?

Alice and Olivia dress and cute like jacket that was like embroidered and stuff and some, you know, boots.

I mean, I don't have Gucci clothes.

I did bring a Gucci bag, but I don't have a course.

Yeah, I'm not Darit, you know.

No, right.

Who has Gucci clothes?

Like, that's insane.

I know.

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Okay, moving on, Haley Bieber is like having such a hard time.

She's begging people on social media just to leave her alone.

She posted a video on TikTok on Tuesday.

Basically, she didn't say outright, but it appears as though she's addressing like the Jelena fans, people who are still holding out hope for Justin Bieber and Selena, or as I like to call them, fucking losers.

And she just wrote, she's talking to the camera and she says, This is for you guys in my comments every single time I post.

Enough time has gone by.

I'm minding my business.

I don't do anything.

I don't say anything.

Leave me alone, please.

I beg of you, truly.

That's my only request.

Be miserable somewhere else, please.

I have spoken like at length about how like there are people who wake up every day and choose to daydream about Justin and Selena getting back together.

And those people are such losers.

And anytime, you know, Haley posts on social media, the comments are like, Selena would never do this.

And then she gets paparazzied and the paparazzi are like, Selena, what do you think about Selena?

It's like, leave this bitch alone.

Like, she's been married for almost four years.

Like, can she get some peace?

Well, the fact that you say it's Selena Gomez, I now have a whole different perspective.

Okay.

And that's what Page Six thinks it's about.

And and that's what I assumed it was about, too.

Because

I once did some, I just, I remember I was at the grocery store, and I saw something, Selena's best friend or something.

This girl is her best friend.

And I'm like, wait, didn't she get a kidney

from her best friend?

Yes.

And they don't talk anymore.

This is not the girl that was featured in the magazine as being her best friend.

So I said,

oh, so she's got a new best friend.

What about the girl that gave?

And I'm always like obsessed with, like, I remember like George Lopez, the comedian, his wife gave him a kidney, but then they still got to kill her.

And did she want it back in the divorce?

I mean, I just think it's like such a thing to ask someone for and to receive.

And I used to joke, like, God, do you imagine if

you did receive the kidney from someone and then you're like, hey, can you pick me up for the airport?

And they're like, oh my God, I can't.

It's like, it's fine.

I only gave you your life.

It's fine.

Literally.

Like, I'll get in an Uber.

Don't want to inconvenience you.

It's just going to be like the forever thing that you owe this person for.

So I just like made a little joke about it when I put it on TikTok and it went insane.

And I literally like was terrified.

I took it down.

And then about a week after, two weeks after, every time I posted anything, it was all these Selena Gomez fans with snakes and keep Selena's name out of your mouth.

And then what I really, and I was like, first I was looking at it I was like God These Selena teenagers don't they have like an honors paper to write or something why do they have time to write

and then I realized no I think they're all bots I don't know if she's in charge of it I don't know if her PR company is in charge of it but there is no way these were all actual individual people writing me over and over

again.

There aren't that many losers in the world.

There really aren't.

And I had to like block every single one.

And I was looking at it and that's when I realized that like if you say anything negative about her or somebody else in pop culture, it's like I don't know if someone runs it, if she's aware of it, but it's an automatic onslaught to make you shut up.

And they did, they shut me up.

Yeah, I mean, I won't ever post about Selena Gomez.

I will keep her name out of my mouth, except when I'm talking to you on morning toast, but I will never post about her again.

So, it's like it's the same kind of like mafia mentality

of like, I don't want to fuck with that, you know?

So, but see,

and I have to say, like, I was a Selena hater for many years, and I've admitted recently that, like, I've recently fallen in love with Selena Gomez.

I think her makeup is incredible.

I have it all literally right here.

I think she was amazing in Only Murders in the Building, and I've recently become like a really big fan of hers.

But I think I would be remiss not to mention the fact that she doesn't talk to the girl who gave her a kidney is extremely bizarre.

Well, these

Selena fans tried to explain that they're good, they're fine.

Why are you talking about it, you old woman?

You know, so I think that,

so I don't know like why, who these people are, whether she's in charge of it, whether she's not in charge of it.

I think she's really talented and beautiful too.

I mean, it doesn't make any sense when she and Justin Bieber have been married for all these years.

So it, yeah, I really, like I said, I really don't know why people do it.

But I also think that

I know it's hard because people in this day, they can't give up their social media and it is disturbing when you see all these awful comments and they're the first you know 100

but um i guess maybe it's okay that she brings it up haley barrel beaver just so people know that like it is

a shitty thing to wake up to like even though you're waking up to like justin beaver and a beautiful house and you know a cute dog it's like it's still not a great morning it's still not a great morning for you you know so

and you know these whether they're bots or human beings like they idolize justin and honestly like if i was was Haley, I would be like, bitch, get your fucking ass up and work.

Like go on social media and tell people to leave me alone.

Like it's, she's out here fending for herself when really at the end of the day, the only person they actually might listen to is Justin.

What she should have done is she should have said, you know,

I was reading these awful comments with snake emojis and all this stuff.

And that's when I had my mini stroke.

And then make them all feel really guilty that they caused it.

Yeah.

We live in such a fucked up day and age.

Like no one would care.

Yeah.

that would do nothing, yeah, it would do nothing.

Um, our fifth and final story is a little plastic surgery news because you know, I love it, I love some good filler.

And Simon Cowell has removed all the face fillers from his face after he quote went too far.

So, he did a sit-down interview with the son, and he basically said, There was a stage where I might have gone a bit too far.

I saw a picture of me from before the other day, and I didn't recognize it as me at all.

Enough is enough.

Now, there is zero filler in my face, And there was a phase where everyone was having their faces pumped full of this and the other.

But actually for me now, a lot of it comes down to healthy eating and drinking tons of water.

The only good thing of getting older is you have a lot of experience.

And it's not always about the things you did well.

It's also about the things you didn't.

He also goes on to say like his kid was like freaked out

when he saw his face because it was like so full.

And people have been like posting pictures for years of Simon Cowell, like his face looking different, being mean to him.

And I just want to say normalize getting filler and normalize changing your mind mind and getting them taken out.

I, I mean, I love that he's being so honest.

We, we're a family that watches America's Got Talent.

So we were there when he was normal and then we were there when he looked like he put on a mask.

And I think it's, and I think people, people shouldn't be so harsh on people because even the best doctors, you know, and often what happens, especially with like people that are not huge stars, like a...

you know, a social influencer or a reality star is they go and then someone is like, come into my office.

You want free Botox?

And then they get free Botox.

And maybe they just got their lips done like four months ago.

And they're like, While I'm here, do you want a little bit more?

And you really don't have to refill filler as much as a Botox situation.

And that's what happens.

That's when people start getting the enormous cheeks and the lips and they start to look weird.

And let me just tell anyone that's thinking about this, because I have had it happen.

When you have the filler removed,

it is so incredibly painful, like way more painful than putting it in.

So just

like be very careful with it and really think about,

like,

I mean, it's amazing how much people can change their faces with like a new jawline and cheekbones.

And it's so beyond, but just know once you kind of start that, like, is that something you want to keep up?

It's like the same time where people are like, you know what, I got rid of my highlights.

It just was too much.

I just, you know, it's like, or nails or whatever like it's a big expense and then

um but what's good about filler is like you can get filler and go like two years and it's gone and nobody notices it providing you do it right no one knows that it's gone now and so um

i can i just see how it can happen especially with stars and it's just like when yeah like i was in high school people were into going to tanning salons

and they'd get their and then but it was almost we'd call it tanorexia in that they looked in the mirror and they still saw a pale person.

They did not see, so they kept getting tanner and tanner.

And I think that happens a lot with plastic surgery.

Yeah.

And I think also with plastic surgery, like people change their mind, trends change, things go in and out of style.

So like, I don't know, sometimes I look back, I don't get a ton of plastic surgery, but I get filler in my lips.

I was going to say, your lips look really good.

Thank you so much.

I'm at a good place now, but in order to get to this place, I had to go more.

I had to go less.

And I'll see pictures and I'm like, oh my God, I look fucking crazy.

But I thought I looked good in the moment.

And it is what it is.

it's a slippery slope though for sure I definitely think it is and I think it's also what I like about filler and stuff is that it is kind of a trend and oh but what I do want to warn the young girls about

because um is what do we call it Annie Annie works with me the way they take out the fat in your cheek

buckle fat removal have you heard of this gotta try it no you don't no you do not okay from someone who has i have never had cheek filler or anything i've always had this kind of like fuller face.

Yeah.

And now that I'm old, it's really served me well.

But what I've heard is like Abella Hadid allegedly got this taken down so that she and then filled the cheekbones.

Got it.

And then, you know, along with the nose and a lip and a fox eye and this and that, it looks absolutely stunning.

But now she looks like she's 40.

And you're not going to be able to get that fat back.

So it's like, I definitely don't think people should get, if you have a little baby round face, just love it.

Yes.

And you have a nice little baby round face and you need to love it.

Because it will, it will serve you well as you continue on.

You look beautiful now, but you will, you'll be that girl that looks young at 45.

Do you know what I did do though?

Like a couple years ago, I had like fat

taken out of my neck because I had like a big double chin.

And it was the most glorious thing I ever did.

It was incredibly painful.

The chin thing or the, what do you call the shots that they do?

Kybella.

I don't know if that works that well, but no, I wouldn't advise again.

I've never seen all that, I think, is great.

That's what I did.

I did chin lip bow, and I went in for Kybella, and my plastic surgeon, who was featured on the Real Housewives of New York,

she basically said she does not recommend Kybella.

It is incredibly painful, and there's like a 50% success rate.

So I was like, to go through all that for 50-50.

Fuck no.

And then when you

do it, you can't go out for like a month.

You look like you have a

troll face, like not a troll, a toad, a toad.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Like a big turkey neck.

Yeah.

I don't recommend Kaibela, but I did love my life by the way.

I also heard threading doesn't work.

Okay, so a lot of people are into threading, and I have seen so many videos of people who had threading gone wrong.

Threading is basically they put threads in your face, like under your skin, and pull your face back.

So it's like a outpatient

facelift kind of.

They're so dangerous.

Like there's so many people I've seen who've had it like done incorrectly.

Yeah.

So I mean all those things like, yeah, just be careful with it.

And you don't, and also I don't just think some people don't start so young because it's just

you can look, you could be 26 and you can look like a 42 year old mom with work done.

Like, you know, there is like a youthfulness about a 27-year-old face that you want to hang on to.

I agree.

I agree.

Heather, I literally would take a bullet for you.

Thank you so much for coming on.

I really don't want you to.

No, but like I would.

Thank you so much for coming on.

Everyone, if you don't, I'm sure you already do.

Check out Heather's podcast, Juicy Scoop.

How many episodes do you drop every week?

Every Tuesday and Thursday, and then a Patreon on Friday and more.

Yeah.

Yes, we love a Patreon queen.

Yes.

So check out Juicy Scoop.

Follow Heather on Instagram.

She's unhinged in the best possible way.

Thank you so much for being here.

Thank you guys for listening to the morning toast.

And I will see you tomorrow in studio with Joey Camasta.

Goodbye.

Thank you.