S5 Ep40: Bravo, Bravo, Bravo with Paige DeSorbo: Wednesday, April 6th, 2022

Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to the morning toast.

Happy hump day.

Today is Wednesday, and I'm very excited to be joined by someone I've dreamt of

humping for so long.

And she's finally here.

You guys are quaking.

I'm quaking.

It's Paige DeSorbo.

Paige, welcome to the toast.

Oh, my God.

Thank you so much.

You look so excited.

It's stunning.

Like, very toasty.

I dressed for the set.

Yeah, no, you're looking good.

You're looking like a part of the couch.

I was like, what would Jackie love to see?

I know.

So, this has been really hard for Jackie because, like, this month, we don't really have a lot of guests on the show.

And this month, obviously, thank you for subbing in for Jackie as she's on her maternity leave.

And it's like all the people Jackie wants to meet.

And she's like happy for the toast, but she's like devastated as well.

Jackie loves you.

Well, the audacity of her to have a baby right now.

It's honestly disgusting.

And it's so disrespectful to you.

It really is.

I DM'd her and I was like, it's just rude.

Isn't it crazy, though?

I don't think that you wanted to be a mom right now.

So nasty.

It's like I'm wearing silk.

How dario.

I am so excited you're here.

First of all, I have like really fallen in love with you.

I I was like very late to the summer house game.

Okay.

And I really feel like your entry to the show kind of expedited my journey on the show because I feel like you add just such great energy to the show.

Wow, don't read Twitter then.

Oh, do you read like a lot of.

I don't actually.

Like in this past season, I haven't gone on Twitter one time.

So smart.

And you just like, you can't.

You can't.

Is this a new haircut?

Yeah.

I love.

Oh my God.

I chopped it last week.

That's so like

brave and I mean that in a good way like I wouldn't I'm so insecure like my hair is like my

my like security.

Okay, well we filmed the reunion on Friday.

So you have this hair?

And I was getting my I like showed my hairstylist what I wanted and he was like well you have to be shorter for me to achieve that look.

So he literally chopped it in my kitchen like the morning of.

It was like just so

the morning of like that's hair and makeup and he's like I'm cutting it and I was like cut it.

Oh my god.

It looks so good.

How was the reunion?

You know,

reunion is like my least favorite day of the year.

And I almost passed out in the middle of it.

And Andy's like talking about God knows what.

And my whole left arm went numb.

Holy shit.

And my head started doing this like weird, like, I literally thought I was having a stroke.

And I was like, here I am having a stroke on national.

Such a TV.

Yeah.

People are going to be like, she planned that.

She like passed out on par paper.

People are so annoying.

You know, there's a corner of the Bravo fandom that's like so fucking toxic.

It's insane.

And well, it is a cult.

Yes.

You know, and I asked Hannah this because this is like what I'm most curious about when it comes to Bravo reality shows: is the reunion.

Yeah.

And I just want to know what that's like because Andy's always Instagram story.

He's like, oh, it's 8 a.m.

and then it's 8 p.m.

and we're still here.

What are those days like?

What do you, when do you eat?

When do you go to the bathroom?

So we woke up this past reunion.

Amanda actually came over to my apartment at 5:30.

We started hair and makeup.

We got to the studio at 9.

We We start filming at like 10.30, 11.

Andy had a call at 2, so we broke for lunch for an hour.

And then we went until like 7.30.

Damn.

That's crazy.

And you're probably so irritable just because like of the drama, but then also because you're so fucking tired.

And also you're like, I don't care.

I know.

Because it was eight year ago.

Like, I don't remember.

That's actually so true.

I didn't think about that.

Well, I have like a whole list of summer house, just really quick questions that I want to ask you.

And the first question comes from me, but it also comes from every person person on the planet where the fuck is Alex

so Alex oh he's so cute was he at the reunion yes Alex is at the reunion

the thing is that there were so many of us this year yes and we are all camera whores.

Yes.

So like when things are happening, they just don't have enough camera people to follow everyone.

So it's kind of like the main stories get followed.

And he's like so nice that he wasn't like screaming at anyone.

I know.

And you know, that actually makes sense because the way that I perceive it is like, and that was my next question, it's just like the Danielle of it all, how like this became Danielle's fight at the dinner party when Loki had had nothing to do with Danielle.

And I think in the same way, like you, you are to Sierra what Danielle is to Lindsay.

And like, you didn't really stand up and get involved.

So now, knowing that there's like a shortage of cameras, like it actually makes sense.

Like, she was like looking for a moment because it felt so odd to me.

I'm like, this is a fight between Lindsay and Sierra.

Like, why the fuck is Danielle getting all up in it?

But now, now that actually makes sense to me.

Yeah.

And Danielle definitely goes very hard for Lindsey.

And so what body did the two of them bury together that they are like stuck together like that?

It's so weird.

Probably Stravby.

Oh, poor guy.

So weird.

Okay.

Next question.

Oh, I just was watching last night Sierra on WhatsApp inside looking stunning, beautiful, perfect, smart.

It's hard to look at her sometimes.

It's really upsetting, actually.

And then Andy like made the comment about nurses and I thought that was really funny.

And then like the nurses turned on Andy.

But John Mayer was the bartender.

And like, I was feeling something.

My mom texted me and she was like, all I want is for John Mayer and Sierra to go on a date.

I'm telling you, like, there was vibes there.

There was.

And I wanted to know if like he texted her, got her number, anything.

I called her like immediately the next day.

And I was like, so you're marrying John Mayer.

But no, nothing happened.

But like, she did smile.

And I was like, oh my God.

No, and like she was just being so.

And the whole, I felt bad for Andrea actually, because like the whole episode of Watch Happens Live was not about him.

It was about Sierra.

And she was just like wearing this outfit and like she was glowing And it was like the Sierra show.

And I just felt like John felt that energy for her.

Absolutely.

I'm telling you, something could happen.

Something's going on.

I know.

And he really likes younger girls, like borderline inappropriate, but Sierra's of age.

And I just think it's, it's going to happen.

Yeah.

I would love to go to that wedding.

I have some logistical questions about the summer house crew because you guys are.

I love admin.

You guys are always throwing parties.

Yeah.

And Amanda's always kicking everyone out at like six o'clock.

Why?

So it gets to a point in the night where, like, okay, we're done with the party, like just us as people.

And we have like more things to talk about.

We have more things to film.

And we just don't need random people coming into our house who are like friends of friends trying to be like, hey, like, well, I think.

And we're like, no one cares what you think.

But thank you so much.

And who are those people who come to the parties?

Like, Hampton's hanger-oners?

Like, who are they?

So a lot of that, like, we will invite our core main friends and then we'll be like, bring whoever you want with you.

There is like a list at the door that I don't think anyone's ever looked at yeah um so sometimes it does feel like a free-for-all and Amanda is just the best at being like get the fuck out get out of here yeah and so they listen to her I got a lot of questions for you about why you never have your own room

I have the same question.

So it's not a preference.

It just ends up like working out that way.

Like the first summer when it was me and Hannah, I wanted to room with Hannah because I was like, this is terrifying.

And I need someone with me.

And then it just was like, okay, well, me and Hannah will always room together.

Got it.

And then when Hannah left, I was like, oh my God, I'm going to get my own room.

And then Sierra popped in and was like, want to share?

And I was like, sure.

Got it.

Got it.

And now Craig is here.

And I'm like, when will I ever be an adult?

Right.

Because now I'm thinking, like, it feels like Craig.

And first of all, like,

the bullet I would take for you and Craig as a couple, like, you don't know like how many of my brain cells are devoted to your relationship, like, not in a weird way at all.

Yeah.

I just have loved Craig for a long time, and I love you.

And, like, I, it's the couple I never would have expected, but it's perfection, like, beyond perfection.

And I don't want to put too much pressure on you, but like, if you don't get married, like, I will be severely mentally ill from it.

So, no pressure, just like letting you, just letting you know, like, what the status currently is.

I'll let you know.

And, like, I have just, we, me and Jackie were like watching Winter House, like, for the Paige and Craig of it all.

Yep.

But it wasn't really, it was just the start.

Like, it wasn't the real substance of your relationship.

And now we're getting it.

And you and Craig seem to be in a great place, but on the show, like, there's like drama.

And I just want to know what it feels like to have people talk about your relationship because it doesn't really happen to me a lot, but when it does, like, it's the worst thing ever.

It's just a we, it's like weird because you're like, wait, I

can see all the bad things you're saying.

Like, talk about me behind my back like a normal person.

I know.

Like, saying it right to my face is so crazy.

But I will actually say, since we've been like up and down, I feel like sometimes people love us, sometimes people hate us.

It's only brought us closer together.

That's great.

Because I'm like, oh my God, did you see on Instagram that we're both gained 15 pounds?

And he's like, I didn't see that, but thank you, Paige.

And I'm like, well,

we must be in love.

We're getting fast.

So fucking funny.

Like the way, like.

I'm just so obsessed.

Like, I just think it's the greatest couple.

And I'm so happy for you guys.

And I think a lot of people were like quaking.

Like, how could she not choose Andrea?

But like, Craig is like so clearly the right choice.

Like, I just, I really respect respect your taste.

Yeah.

Because Craig is the one.

Like, I'm obsessed with Craig.

Also, Andrea was like going through a whole thing in the summer.

Yeah.

And like, you don't really find that out until the end of the summer.

And so like more of the beginning of the summer made so much more sense.

Got it.

And what Andrea and I had over the summer was exactly what we both wanted.

Like we never talked.

Right.

And sometimes we would be like, you're hot.

No, you're hot.

And then we're like, see ya.

And that's what we needed.

Yeah, I feel that 100%.

So, guys, if you're not familiar with Paige, she's an icon, bravo icon.

She's also a podcaster.

And we love podcasting with other podcasters because it's just so much easier.

Like, it's really hard to podcast with someone who doesn't have a podcast.

So, thank you for being here.

Thank you for being here.

You're also like doing the most.

You guys are on tour now, right?

You're doing Giggly Squad live shows.

Yeah, we've been doing live shows, which the first one I we did in Philly and I blacked out.

Yeah, because drunk or nervous.

Both.

Got it.

And Hannah was like looking at me, like sitting next to me, and she's like, stop.

Stop.

And then I was like, okay, that was just my first one.

We're going to get into it.

And now it is like, I don't know how I never did it before.

So much fun.

You literally feel like you're on drugs when you get off stage.

Because like the cocktail of adrenaline is insane.

No, and it's actually really scary because like in that moment, you understand like how fame is so addicting because you hear people like screaming and clapping and it's for you.

And it's like

it's addicting.

Every time I walk off stage, I look at Hannah and I go, i am justin bieber and she's just like leave me alone that is so funny no it's so much fun i've heard so many good things about your show so if you guys want to check out where are you headed next um we are probably headed to like dc next

and then we're gonna announce our new york city show fun okay we're good yeah absolutely

i'm a giggly girly yeah um so are you uh like a big pop culture girly i think you are correct

you're like a big kardashian girly right i love kim Kim.

Okay, good, because we have so much Kim content today.

When I sit down with someone new, like I never know how it's going to go.

I forever am a Kim stan.

I feel like you and Craig, like not to be dramatic, are like the Pete and Kim of the Bravo universe, honestly.

Craig would murder you if you

like doesn't understand the whole Pete thing.

He's like, I just like don't really like vibe with the Kardashians.

And I'm like, it's just weird that I ever thought of marrying you.

That's toxic.

Yeah.

That's extremely.

I'm like, I don't love it.

Can I just say he's such a good part of the show?

Like the way he was like speaking to Lindsay, who like really can't be spoken to, especially when she hits like a certain level in the night.

He's so calming.

And I'm curious if there's any plans for him to become like a permanent summer house cast member.

I feel like he put that hat on and he was just like, I am Coachella.

The hat was like a moment for Craig.

He was like, I will help you on your ayahuasca trip.

That's Paige's influence, the hat.

No, he would never be a full-time summer house.

No, he doesn't understand like the surveillance part of it.

It's a he's like, this is too much.

Yeah, and you could tell Austin didn't understand it either when he said he wanted to eat Sierra from front to back.

Oh, that's true, because I guess, and then he would be filming like so much year-round because like Southern Charm, it's a lot.

And Southern Charm films for like two hours a day.

They're like, I'm exhausted.

I'm like, really?

Are you going to be on this season of Southern Charm?

Yeah, a little bit.

Fuck yes.

Oh my God.

You're really just like on 1,000 Bravo shows.

I really am.

I also.

You don't say no to Bravo.

Of course not.

Like, if they're like, you're on this now, you're like, I'll be there so much.

Yeah.

We got a lot of questions for you, like, with the new rebrand of Real Houses in New York, if that was ever something you'd be interested in.

I don't think so.

Really?

Well, I don't want to get married yet.

Well, no one on the show is married, so it doesn't matter.

I feel like the housewives are so much more.

Like we fight about, you made out with him.

Yeah.

Like you said that.

They say horrible things.

Yeah, I feel like they are like life-ruining.

Yes, I agree.

They're like, I want you to burn.

Yeah.

Like, well, you don't know about that.

That's actually a fair point.

Like, there's actually a lot more at stake, even though you would think it would be the opposite, because you're right, the surveillance of it all is like so creepy.

It's so creepy.

And then you get back to your apartment, and I'll wake up in the middle of the night and immediately look in the corner of my room.

Really?

Yeah, and look for a camera.

And I also think it's weird how, like, when Lindsay brought home that random man and like fucked him, like, we were literally watching a sex tape.

Like, it was really invasive.

I think about the person that like sits in our garage and edits it and watches things all night long.

Oh, is there like a studio in in the garage?

Yeah, there's someone that like sits and like watches us at night and like transcribes.

Like if we have a fight at like midnight, and no action

people, yeah.

Yeah, there's no camera people, there's no producer.

So there's someone being like, okay, she fought about this with her and she said this, this, and this, then Lindsay brought someone home and it's like, yeah.

So I'm always like, I always want to meet that.

I meet that person every summer.

Unique job.

Oh, that's so interesting.

Yeah.

And then my last question is always confusion.

And I spoke to you about this privately on Instagram.

Is the the way that you guys pack up every weekend.

Like, I just don't understand if you're spending the whole summer there.

Like, why are you guys having big ass away suitcases that you pull out of your car up the steps every fucking weekend?

Like, just leave it there.

Some people do it differently.

So, like, Amanda and Kyle pack for their whole summer and then they leave everything there.

I pack weekend because what if something happens during the week and you're like, I don't have that pair of shorts and I really need them.

So it gives me anxiety to leave things.

I get that for me.

I just feel like you're the type of girl with more than one pair of shorts.

Like, I literally have one pair of shorts, but I feel like you have many.

I do leave all my like hair and makeup stuff there.

Like, I have a separate set that I'll leave there.

Smart.

But when it comes to clothes and shoes, I need everything accessible whenever I need it or I'll have a panic attack.

Got it.

Okay.

I just feel like you would be a girl with so many shoes and accessories.

Like you could just leave them anywhere you wanted.

Yeah, but I'm so psycho that like I'll go through a phase where I can only wear that pair of shoes.

Yeah, of course, of course, of course and have you been to Delaware yet I have a few times oh my god okay well Paige is here and I'll do everything in my power like to stop talking about her and Craig but absolutely no promises are being made and you're gonna join me we're gonna discuss the best five it's also Wednesday which means paige is joining me for some deer toasters I feel like you probably are really good at giving relationship advice like to other people I pretend that I am yeah no by the way like people are always asking me for advice I'm like bitch I've literally been on one date in my life and we got married like I'm either the best dater on the world in the world or the worst because I've literally only been on one.

So we're going to do our best to help you guys through whatever it is you're going through.

And that's to your toasters at the end of the show.

But before that, Paige is joining me to deliver the fast five stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast.

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Okay, Paige.

Wow, that was really good.

I talked 6,000 miles a minute.

Okay, so our first two stories, it's a little Kardashian news because Kim's interview on GMA that's like making a lot of waves because she was talking about get your fucking ass up and work.

We got another sneak peek last night and she's talking about Pete.

And so is Chris.

Chris is like, Pete is such a good guy.

And then Kim Kardashian, like Robin Roberts is doing the Lord's work, just asking the questions.

And she basically said,

I mean, I'm a relationship kind of girl for sure.

So I wouldn't be with someone if I didn't plan on spending a lot of time with them.

Obviously, I want to take my time, but I'm very happy and very content.

And it's such a good feeling just to be at peace.

So like, I want to cry.

And I'm so happy.

Obsessed.

Obsessed.

Isn't it weird?

Like, the way I used to think about them, like when we first saw that picture of them on the roller coaster, I was like perfect yep rebound everything she needs love it and now I'm like Pete is a dad like this is everything like he's a stepdad no he's literally a stepdad and I love it I love it too I feel like Pete I don't know why I have this feeling that like Pete's our friend from New York yeah yeah yeah and he's like made it big and we're so happy for him like we're so excited to watch his journey 100 I feel like his mom is like freaking out somewhere and she like wants to get lunch with us and tell us about it literally the best part of this whole thing is his mom because you know she's like so happy.

She probably watches Kardashians.

She's just like a regular woman from Staten Island.

She probably like loves the show and like for her, this is the best thing that could ever happen.

And Pete just brought Kim to meet his grandparents in Staten Island.

So it's just like, it's too much.

It's too much.

And I think tomorrow or someday soon is the red carpet premiere for the Keeping Up with the Kardashians new Hulu show.

And I feel like that will be like their first red carpet appearance because it'll be a great promo for the show.

And they're just like in this place.

Like he, I don't even know when he's in New York.

He's supposed to be in New York every Saturday.

Right.

He's definitely not.

He's definitely not.

He's never on SNL anymore, but I feel like it doesn't matter because what Pete is doing like PR-wise for SNL is just unmatched.

He, I also heard this rumor, I don't know if it's true, that he manifests.

He's like a big manifester.

Oh, I wouldn't see that for him.

And I don't want to give like WeWork vibes,

you know, like changing your consciousness and whatever, but I feel like he is like very goal-oriented.

Like who gets on SNL at that age anyway?

I know.

No, you're right.

Like, he's just like ahead of his time in a way.

He really is.

Yeah.

I feel like he's going to write a really good book one day.

I mean,

I honestly never thought like he could outdo his relationship with Ariana Grande because it was psychotic.

Yeah.

It was so much, so fast.

Engaged tattoos, the dad's, you know, FDNY number on her foot.

Like, it was so much.

And now I'm like, Ariana who?

I don't know her.

I don't even remember.

I got engaged.

And I love that, like, Ariana is clearly very on board for this because she's really happy she's married now.

And she keeps sending Kim all of her Ariane beauty.

Like there, there's no bad blood.

No, we love women supporting women.

We love

sending our makeup lines to each other.

I know.

Need a makeup line so I can send it to you and Craig.

Craig went totally weird.

Do a tutorial.

I heard that Craig, like I, I heard that I really tricked Craig on April Fool's.

Wait, did you?

Yeah.

Oh, because you said you were doing it.

Jawahar, which I'm not.

And I heard that Craig was like bereft.

He was speechless.

And he was like, I can never go on her show again.

Wait, who did he say that to?

He and Austin did a live show at Town Hall this week.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And apparently, like, I was a segment, and someone sent me, a bunch of people actually sent me a video, and they were like, Craig was freaking out because he thought it was real.

Oh, my God.

He's so naive.

He's so sweet.

And, you know, I love when he doesn't get pop culture.

I know.

He's like, and honestly, I didn't even think about like the effect Dumois has had on his life and also on the season of Summerhouse.

It's so crazy.

He's terrified of Dumois.

He texted me like a month ago and he was like, did you know that Brad and Angelina broke up?

And I was like, wow.

Oh my God, you're so good.

It's like 10 years ago.

I was like, where have you been?

He honestly should keep up with Dumois more.

Well, just back to Pete and Kim.

Like, I am really over the moon, overjoyed.

And I cannot wait to hear this GMA special, but there's also a little bit more news because people are quaking.

Kim Kardashian has introduced Pete to North, and I feel like of all the people in Kim's life, like North is probably the toughest.

Yeah, absolutely.

And if you see this picture, it's a paparazzi picture of them driving around in a golf cart.

North on Pete's lap, she's in heaven, she's obviously like in love with Pete.

And it's like you thought she was gonna be tough.

Like, with North, first, she's sour, then she's sweet.

I feel like Kim, you can say whatever you want about Kim, but I, in my bones, feel like she's a really good mom.

Of course, like, I feel like she's not introducing Pete to North if she is serious isn't serious and had even like a small gut feeling that like this wasn't gonna be end game i feel she'd be like you're not meeting my children yeah no kim is everything she's an entrepreneur she's a model she's really a sex symbol she's everything but first and foremost she's a mom and she's like a diehard like protective mom i agree i don't think she's just bringing people into the house to meet the kids especially north and so the fact that north loves pete like i want to see north like boss pete around in the new season Well, like, I'm really confused about what we're going to get from Kim and Pete on this season because a couple weeks ago, she said, like, he hasn't been on the show yet.

But, like, they're literally together every day.

So, he's like living in her house.

And there was a preview that, like, Chris calls Kim out for like texting him.

Yeah, like, I'm just like, I need it.

No, and then they were in New York.

I remember they went to Zero Bond.

Like, they, they've been together so much, and all while she's filming, so he's off camera?

I don't know, but I do love like when they aren't together.

Any paparazzi picture, she's like laughing her ass off.

Totally.

And Kanye was like, wear this ski mask.

Yeah, literally.

Were you silent or were you silenced?

Right.

100%.

Like, the dichotomy of like the two relationships is like, I just, this is exactly what she needs.

I feel like there's a college kid somewhere like writing a thesis on it.

There's something, there's something there, like 100%.

Yeah.

And I'm just so happy for Kim.

Like, she's really like a good time gal.

And I feel like you're right.

She's laughing.

She's having fun.

She's on vacation.

She's at her kids' soccer games.

Like, ideal.

Yep.

Couldn't be happier for her.

Me either.

And I will continue to talk about them until the day I die.

So if anyone has anything they want to say about that, fuck off.

Next time.

I mean, we grew up with the Kardashians.

I don't even need to begin to justify my obsession.

Like, all the sisters, all the sisters, obsessed, obsessed.

Like,

I would literally take a bullet.

Like, I would.

I would take a bullet from her.

I would cry if I met them.

Okay.

Have you met any of them?

No.

I met Kim.

And how was she?

Like, I was being unwell.

So, like,

it was my fault that the meeting didn't go well.

And it was just, like, really rushed.

Like, and then I met Chloe, and she is, she's the one.

Everything.

Yeah.

She's the one.

Like, we were at a wedding together and like all the Kardashians were there.

Yeah.

And they all were like polite, but they didn't like stay the whole time.

Chloe was the last one on the dance floor, like drunk with all the games.

Like she was being iconic.

I was like, that's my bitch.

She was just everything you wanted her to be in more.

And then like Courtney and Travis were like licking tongues in a corner.

Like it was, it was unique.

It was a lot.

So they're having a great week, but someone who's not having a great week is Erica Jane.

And I feel like she thought she might have been out of it.

But she's back in it.

She's been named in a $50 million racketeering lawsuit.

That's great.

She's been labeled as the front woman in the ex-Tom Girardi's

alleged fraud scheme in a $50 million racketeering lawsuit.

So Erica has been named in a new case from Edelson PC, which is accusing her of using her public platform to prolong Girardi's firm's alleged scheme.

All right, that's a stretch.

Okay, that's a lot.

That was a lot for my brain.

Yeah, no, and also, I don't really get it.

This is what they're saying.

The victims of Tom's fraud have had to sit back and watch Erica spend obscene amounts of money

as they had nothing.

This is a giant step forward in obtaining real accountability for what the largest criminal racketeering enterprise in the history of plaintiff's law.

It's time for her to stop the lies and start taking some accountability.

So they're basically saying

that...

I don't know what they're saying.

That she prolonged it because she was on Housewives.

Right.

I don't really understand.

Because she was trying to spend all the money and show everyone that she was so.

But wouldn't that have made it go faster Cause they ran out of money because she was spending it so much, right?

I just, I do feel like this is a stretch.

And honestly, now watching, do you watch Salt Lake City Housewives?

Of course.

So now watching like the Gen Shaw of it all, I'm like, just as for Erica Jane, like they fucking dragged her.

And you know what?

It was her fucking husband.

It wasn't even her.

Genshot didn't get asked one motherfucking question.

And it's her.

It's not even her husband.

Yeah.

Her.

I just think it's so wild that we live in a world where like there's housewives that are like going to jail.

No, we're on our third.

Like we thought the Teresa thing was insane.

I mean, it was, but like Jen Shaw like most likely will be going to prison for like more than 20 years.

No, that's terrifying.

And she, like, sat there at reunion day and was just like, why can't I wear my gloves?

They make my outfit.

And I'm like, I was like, delusion.

Wait, but what if you go to jail?

No, I know.

And do you know that every single person that was like put on trial with her has taken a plea deal except for her?

I believe it's 30 people have taken a plea deal and she's still going to court because she thinks she's not going to be.

Like the anxiety I would have.

Jail is personally my worst nightmare.

Me too.

We need someone in summer house to like get into a financial crime.

Who do you think it would be?

Who would go to jail for tax evasion?

Probably Austin, even though he's not like a cat summer.

Or like, yeah, no, Austin for sure.

I feel like Andrea could go for tax evasion because he was like, I didn't know.

Yeah, and they're just like, it's fine.

100%.

And he's like so handsome and cute and sweet.

He would get there and the judge would be like, it's fine, sweetie.

And be like, you can't go to jail.

You're right.

You're good.

Look at it.

Imagine Andrea in jail.

Like, no.

Oh, the poor thing.

So I really feel like I've personally had enough of the Erica Jane.

Like, I feel like she's, you know, made it clear that she was not responsible.

I do believe her now.

I didn't believe her in the beginning.

I believe her now.

And this honestly seems like a stretch and a half.

Erica Jane, I will say this.

When she first started on Beverly Hills, first of all, what's your favorite franchise?

I mean, it depends on the season because a lot of them are in like lows right now.

Yeah.

But it's probably Beverly Hills and Potomac.

Wow.

Okay.

Well, I'm really interested that you threw in Potomac in there.

Potomac is the most underrated franchise on the planet.

People sleep on it it's so fucking good and mostly because like the bullet i would take for karen huger is huge their last season was incredible amazing the season before that with the monique and the candace you know i'd actually love to get your take on this because as someone who sat in on reunions like andy's job is really to be like completely

what's the word i'm looking for um indifferent like really a middleman but he has favorite i mean he's a human he's a human he has favorites people and like at the reunion with the candace and the Monique of it all, he was so team Candice when like Candace was so wrong.

So it really pissed me off because I felt like we never got justice, like the Monique fans, because it wasn't a fair reunion.

I was Team Monique.

Yeah, of course.

Like we're normal.

But I'm curious, like, if you've experienced the wrath of Andy when he wasn't on your side and if you think he has favorites in your show.

Okay.

When the first time I ever went on Watch What Happens, I was just a bartender with Hannah.

I don't, Andy didn't know me from like literally this box of spreads.

He was like, thanks for coming.

Not sure who you are.

But I was so much.

I was like, thank you so much.

And then I went on again and, or no, I went to the clubhouse because Craig was on.

And all of a sudden, Andy was like, hi, Paige.

So I attribute anything nice that Andy says about me is because he loves Craig.

He loves Craig.

He loves the boys of Southern Charms so much.

Like Shep, you're 100% right.

And do you feel like he takes favorites on anyone in Summerhouse?

Like, do you think he is loyal to like Kyle and Carl?

I actually feel with our

cast, he's very indifferent because, like, he doesn't care.

Yeah, no, I actually, I don't even think he watches.

No, he's like, so what did you do?

You had a contract.

That's weird.

Tell me about it.

Yeah, no, when he was, when he was doing Watch Hopes Live for Sierra, he like, I forget what exactly it was, but he said something that made it clear like he didn't see the most recent episode because it was like, no, that's actually the opposite of what happened.

Like, so I completely agree.

I don't think Summerhouse, I actually do think Summerhouse is climbing Andy's list of priorities.

Like, I think Summerhouse is the new Vanderprump rules.

Wow.

And I think, like, in a few years, we will all look back on this time in Summerhouse and be like, oh my God, the way we look back on chunky cable knit sweater, the Jacks era.

I think that's what we're going to feel like about Summerhouse.

I agree.

And there's a huge gap because Vanderprump Rules is the workshop on television now, and nobody even knows if it's coming back.

Right.

I feel like it's going to, if it does, they have to do like a whole, they need a rebrand.

I agree.

And I think that's what they tried to do last season, but they like half-assed it.

They were like, we'll keep so many of the old people while also rebranding.

Honestly, it's just not believable anymore that any of these people work in a restaurant.

None of them work there.

Not a single one.

It's silly to me.

But Erica Jane, yeah, so I would say, what is your favorite franchise?

So I am between Beverly Hills and New Jersey.

Jersey, I didn't watch last night, but Jersey's

so good.

I just feel if you're looking at the longevity of each franchise, Jersey has performed pretty much every year.

Yeah, there were those like dark years with Amber and those twins when Teresa was in jail.

Oh, I forgot about the twins.

I could never forget about the twins because they were like so desperate.

And then Amber and her crazy ass fucking husband.

But Teresa was in jail.

So it was a tough time for everyone, you know?

Which is so crazy.

No, it's crazy.

The fact that the first episode of a recent season of Jersey is Teresa coming home from jail is psychotic.

Psychotic.

Did you also see she's like being outspoken saying she doesn't know she's going to film her wedding?

Yes.

You're a Bravo liberty and you are dating a Bravo Lebridge.

Like, would you have a filmed wedding?

Okay, this is like a very interesting conversation in my home because Craig and I talk about it all the time because there are certain things that people like expect you to do because it's like, well, we've seen your whole relationship.

How dare you?

Yeah, feel you privacy and like do this.

But when Craig like initially asked me to be his girlfriend, we were off camera.

And I, when he did that, I always thought like, wow, I'm so happy you did this off-camera because I'm a girl.

Yeah.

And there would have been a thought in my mind that was like, did he just do this to have a moment?

100%.

And then the first time he told me he loved me was off camera, but like Southern Charm was filming, but we were like

in his case.

Those moments should be private.

Right.

So like having these little moments where it's just me and him, I really cherish just because there's so many times where people are like,

What?

Oh my god, you're laying in bed and like, what's going on?

And you're just like, course.

And even though you are a reality star, like you are entitled to a good amount of privacy.

And like, I don't subscribe to that notion that just because you're on a reality show, like.

But Teresa's different.

100.

Teresa needs to show her wedding.

Nobody cares about my potential wedding.

We care a lot.

But I completely agree.

Teresa is different for a multitude of reasons, and she doesn't get privacy.

Yeah.

Come on.

Sorry.

We watched you go to jail.

We can watch you walk down the aisle.

She's seen literally every moment.

Like, it's just, it's not happening.

Not at all.

She's also been on for like 20 years.

No, and the show like literally saved her life in so many ways.

Like, there's no way.

Like, she has to do it.

Okay, well, we've got more news about other people being billionaires who are not me, which is very upsetting.

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Okay, so Rihanna, Jay-Z, and Kanye have finally made like the coveted Forbes billionaires list for the first time each, which I find really shocking that Jay-Z wasn't on.

Wait, yeah, I always thought Jay-Z was like the richest one of all of them.

Me too.

So

Rihanna, who was officially certified as a billionaire in August 2020,

thanks to her beauty and lingerie empire, landed at, this is so crazy.

She landed at number 1,729 on the list.

So Rihanna's the, and I think it's America, the like 1,700th richest person, which is so crazy because she's I mean, I've been dating for like 15 years.

I haven't met one of those people.

And that's annoying for me.

Kanye,

who has disputed his overall value with Forbes, like they're always fighting about how much he's actually worth.

I love when celebrities get into fights with like major brands.

It's always the Kardashians fighting with Forbes about like what their true value is.

Like because they said Kanye was worth worth $2 billion and he says he was worth seven and that's like a really big disparity.

It's not nothing.

He's number 1,513, thanks to obviously Yeezy and Gap.

And then, oh, and Rihanna is the first billionaire from Barbados, which is really cool.

And I'm curious, if you had a billion dollars,

what would you do with it?

This is my favorite game to play.

Like, if you won the lottery and you got $1 billion with a B, how would you spend it?

And if you want some inspiration, this is what I say I would always do.

So unfortunately, we live in a greedy motherfucking country, so I'd have to give 500 million to taxes.

About it's about 50%.

So I have 500 million.

Automatically, I'm putting $250 million in like a really high-yielding

something, like

investing.

Yeah, so that I never really have to work again, but my money will earn money for me.

And then the other $250 million, I would say about 50 of that is going to go to different homes.

Like I'm going to buy like a beach house, a mountain house, a penthouse.

So I think 50 million is enough for like three homes.

Yeah.

Cars, et cetera, maybe a boat the other 200 i have left like i will be giving to friends and family not all of it maybe maybe maybe five million i'll be giving no okay like i'll give another 50 to like friends family another you know 25 to charity um that's up okay maybe like another 50 to charity um and then just like spend the rest like just like bathing in the in the money being really happy about the money i'm spending on whatever i want like going like on vacations getting like the best table at every club in the city like everyone knows you normal things yeah

I, this is like the best Miss USA question.

I would love to see how those bitches answer it.

All right.

And if somebody forgets charity, like you're done.

You're done.

Okay.

First thing I would do is call my dad because I would just be like, what do I do?

What's happening here?

And then he would be like, you probably have to give it all to me and I'll figure it out.

No, I think I would like call my family and be like, how much do you guys need?

Let's take that right off the top.

So smart.

Then I'm calling like a really good financial planner and being like, please don't steal all my money.

That's the tough part.

So I feel like you have to have two.

Yes.

Because one can check in on the other one unless they both conspire against you.

No, which is by the way, you should have two, but they shouldn't be in communication with each other because, in case one of them turns out to be corrupt, at least you still have some money left.

Okay, so we're getting two.

They don't know.

They're all both sides of the planet.

Yeah.

Like they don't know each other.

One in Israel and one in America.

One's up town.

So far.

One's in so far.

They'll never meet.

And then, yeah, I'm doing homes.

I want like a huge yacht.

Like, I want like a yacht that people are like, fuck.

Yeah, like Anna Delby tries to get on.

Exactly.

And then I need to fly private for the rest of my life.

Of course.

So do you think if you had, let's say, $500 million, you would buy a plane or just be like a charter girly?

Oh, my God.

Because it's really expensive to have a plane.

I would think I would call NetJets and be like, let's figure something out and like have everything pink and velvet inside.

Right.

I don't really understand the need.

Unless you have like

Bezos money.

Right.

You really don't need your own plane.

It's so so expensive to like, you know, the staff and the hanger.

When like, whenever you want to go somewhere, you just drop 250 grand for like a big ass plane, and they're all really nice.

That's the way to go.

I think so, too.

Like, Kylie and Kim, like, both just got their own planes, but and they're both like billionaires with a B.

Don't you get annoyed that like you would be such a good rich person?

No, you want to hear like how delusional I am?

I like will lose sleep over the fact that like the Kardashians don't have me in their life as a friend because like I really, I know what they need in a friend.

First of all, like obviously someone funny, like I'm, I bring so much to the table, Right.

But I'm also, like, extremely loyal.

And, like, I know how important family is.

And, like, I just know I'm the perfect person to be their friend.

Right.

And it keeps me up at night.

And I feel sad for them that they'll never have me as that.

And, like, that's how unwell I am.

I, I actually agree with that.

Yeah.

And I'm just like, you don't even know what you're missing out on.

Because I feel like they only have Chloe who's funny.

So like their base is just like, yeah, that's funny.

They need more, they need more comedy friends.

No, I'm like, they don't even know like the value I would bring to their life.

I gotta.

And it keeps me up at night, obviously, because I'm sad on what I'm missing out on, but I'm actually, like, I feel sorry for them.

Like, me too.

Like, they're never gonna know what it's like to have someone as, like, fucking amazing as me.

And you know what?

It's their loss.

It's their loss.

They're jealous.

They're just jealous.

I completely agree.

And, you know, Chloe, like, was the funny one, but I feel like she's kind of been broken down by everyone.

Battered and beaten.

Yeah.

And it's like, I don't even think she's funny.

Like, I don't know her personally.

Like, I just feel like the world has been so mean to her for so long.

Like,

I don't get either.

Like, people used to be so mean to her about the way she looked, and then, like, she got so, so thin and so, like, self-conscious.

And now, people are like, you're too skinny, or you edit your photos too much.

And it's like, leave this bitch motherfucking alone.

And the whole Tristan thing, I'm like, oh my God, you guys haven't dated like the worst man in America for you.

Right.

Right.

Like, you haven't called your exact four on speed dial.

It's so true.

The hypocrisy.

Like, why the Kardashians have to be perfect is beyond me.

Yeah.

All right.

Next story is like very nuanced and very irrelevant, but like I happen to care a lot.

Katie Holmes is showing off her edgy style as she got a nose ring.

I love nose rings.

Okay, I actually, it made me think the first thing I thought of when I saw this nose ring, it made me think of Amanda Petula, who like there could be a world war and she won't take her nose ring out.

Like she is obsessed.

And I wanted to ask you if she wore her nose ring to her wedding.

Yes, she did.

You're kidding.

Yep.

She wore her nose ring to her wedding, but she's the kind of person that like I never notice it in pictures.

By the way, I agree.

Like I didn't didn't really notice she had a nose ring and then I think I maybe notice a couple weeks ago and I'm like, oh yeah, she's always had it.

Like it's not so

different in your face.

Yeah.

It's like there are certain girls that like, like you could see a girl walking down the street and she's fully sleeve tatted and you're like, she looks so cool.

Yeah.

If I did that, they'd be like, what's going on?

Right, lock her up.

And nose rings, I feel like, are the same.

Like with Amanda, I'm like, you're so artsy and you like love graphic design and like you're cool and she can do it.

Yeah, no, I agree.

And I didn't really see this for Katie Holmes, but Katie Holmes has been through so much, like the Tom Cruise of it all, the Scientology of it all.

Like, if a homegirl wants to get a nose ring, like, do it.

She had a face tattoo just to reclaim her independence.

Yeah.

I'm so fascinated by Scientology.

She kind of looked like Katie Holmes.

Anyone ever tell you that?

No, but thank you.

Like young Katie Holmes.

Thank you.

It's totally a compliment.

Remember when she dated the guy from the restaurant?

Yes, of course.

I mean,

that was a time period that I really lived for.

You're right.

Like, Katie Holmes has really existed in so many different lifetimes.

Like, the Dawson's Creek of it all.

Yep.

The Tom Cruise of it all.

I feel like Surrey.

Then the Surrey Cruise of it all.

Is going to like date Mason Dissek.

Okay, Surrey,

the way I see Surrey growing up is like being like a full socialite and like giving Taylor Mompson.

She is Blair Waldorf.

Yeah, for sure.

I think that like we aren't ready as a society

for the looks that Surrey's going to serve.

Absolutely.

And her name is so unique.

Do you remember when like the country was quaked down by the name Surrey?

Like, people couldn't believe it.

I was like 11.

I was like, Surrey.

Surre's going to the Met Gala.

Oh, 100%.

Even though I do think her mom is really scarred by fame.

Yeah.

And I think Suri maybe saw that firsthand and like will actually not be like a famous girly.

Interesting.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Like she might be one of those, like, but that's going to make her even cooler.

Right.

Like, she doesn't even know she's hiding from it, but it's making her so much bigger.

Like, I'm already obsessed with her.

Like, I look to see what she wears.

Yeah, of course.

Does she have an Instagram?

I don't know, but I saw them at Pastise one time.

And I,

there are certain people that you'll see in New York City where I get legitimately so starstruck.

Katie Holmes was one of them.

Of course.

She's an institution.

Yeah.

And I...

spend more time than I care to admit thinking about the Tom Cruise of it all.

Yeah.

Because he's such a fucking weirdo.

And I really think about what he did to Nicole Kidman, which is very similar to what he did to Katie Holmes in that, you know, Nicole Kidman was like, the Scientology bullshit is not for me.

Yep.

I'm so I'm gonna go.

And then he like made all of their kids like shun her, and a lot of her, some of her kids talk to her, some of them don't, all because of Scientology.

And it's so fucking whack.

And I just like, I have always wanted to walk into the Scientology building

and get a pamphlet just to see what they say.

Like, I watched, so do not leave.

Like, do not go.

I watch so many documentaries.

I find it so clear.

Leah Remini is a national hero.

Yeah.

So I just did a show in Clearwater, Florida, which is like by Tampa, but it's like this kind of small beach town and it's the headquarters of Scientology.

So we were at the Capitol Theater, which is literally around the block from like the

Sea Org.

Yes, yes.

The big property.

When I tell you that the town is barren, like the every shop is closed.

It's so, it's a war zone.

It's the scariest thing.

It's like this dead ass town.

And then the beach is a couple blocks over.

So like a couple blocks over, it's like Poppin.

It's like St.

Petersburg area.

Okay.

That town that's right by, it's empty.

It literally looks like a movie set, like how there's no windows.

And do they all like live there?

So, yeah.

And so, if you work for the Sea Org, you dress basically like a flight attendant.

Okay.

And so, when we were like walking into the venue, like the only people on the street were dressed like literally like Scientology Airlines.

Like, it was crazy.

That's terrifying.

It was so scary.

I was like, we drove out that night.

I'm like, we are getting the fuck out of here.

Like, it's creepy as well.

I went to see the Book of Mormon last night.

So good.

Well, I slept through the first half.

What?

It's so good.

I know.

Craig was so mad at me.

Did Craig stay up?

He loves musicals.

I think that falling asleep, not to put you on last, in a Broadway show is peak disrespect.

Like, did you have good seats?

Like, did they see you?

Great seats.

And I've never stayed awake through any Broadway show.

That's psychotic.

Like, they're so loud and bright.

Like, I have slept through,

what's the one with the Wizard of Oz?

Wicked.

Wicked slept through asleep.

That's disgraceful.

Hamilton fell asleep for like 15 minutes.

Never saw Hamilton, so I can't speak to it.

Aladdin fell asleep.

Yeah, Ben saw it, he said it wasn't good.

And Book of Mormon fell asleep.

But you're missing out.

Book of Mormon is so funny.

It is very funny.

Like, it's the only show I've gone to, and I physically have laughed out loud.

Okay, like, the fact that you and Craig are going to Broadway shows, like, I'm going to die.

Craig loves going to them.

He does?

Yeah.

Craig is a funny thing.

He gets like so dressed up.

Is he musical theater girly?

He loves going and like getting the wine at like the bar and getting all the snacks.

It's an experience.

Yeah, he loves the whole thing.

Did he get dressed up?

He wore a blazer.

And when we got home, he was like, no one dresses up to like go.

They don't to go to the theater.

It's not right.

It's not right.

And then we started talking in British accents.

And I was like, no one has any cooth.

Oh, my God.

I'm so...

Speechless from that.

We should do a double date.

Do not tease me because like we will be there.

I'll be there 15 minutes early.

We went to Quality Bistro before.

So good.

So good.

There's a lot of good restaurants in like the theater district.

So there's just washed there.

Then you make it like a night.

Did you take like a pedicab home?

No, we didn't.

Fuck, that would have been cute.

Yeah.

Maybe if you had your own TV show, you guys, they would have made you.

Maybe if we filmed our wedding, they would have let me.

Maybe.

Okay, final story is a little tech news because we're just like such a well-rounded show.

We talk about all the things.

Twitter is working on an edit button.

So as any true blue Twitter user knows, the divide over the social network, adding an edit button is the deepest ideological ravine of our time.

I'm at techcrunch.com.

Relax.

So you're thinking about adding an edit button, which is like crazy.

Definitely something I could have used in high school when I was tweeting offensive things about literally everyone.

And I just feel like it's a little late.

Okay, wait, but also, did you hear that Elon Musk basically like bought Twitter?

We reported on that yesterday.

Basically, he became, because it's a publicly traded company, he became the biggest shareholder.

He just bought billions of dollars of shares, and now he owns 9% of the company.

And then Twitter was like open to working with him, so they gave him a board seat.

So does that mean he like walks in and he's like, I want this, this, and this changed?

And like, is he behind the edit button?

So I don't know if he's behind it, but I do imagine having a board seat comes with a lot of power.

So if you wanted something done, like having a board seat would be a great place to start.

So you can go back to previous tweets, click edit, and be like, no, I actually love Jay-Z.

Right.

And like, I guess it probably would say edited.

Like on Instagram, if you edit a caption, it does say edited.

It does.

Yeah.

Really small.

Wait, I don't love that.

No, I know.

I've also never noticed that.

Because I always have a typo, so every single one of my captions are edited.

Well, one of my girlfriends will always text me and be like, you should have made the caption this.

And I'm like, fuck.

That literally just happened to me, 100%.

I'm like, you're so right.

That's so much fun.

I know.

Also, sometimes, like, if you post something with like a mediocre caption, like, all, like, podcast fans are, like, really funny and smart.

Yeah.

So they're always, like, dropping hilarious comments.

And I'm like, literally, bitch, I'm taking that from my caption.

No, I'm like, I'm literally.

This girl, you love you.

So I just, for me, and this is what we were talking about yesterday, like, Twitter as a social media platform is so irrelevant.

Yeah.

I don't really feel like any update they make is going to change the landscape of social media moving forward.

I just like don't care about Twitter.

Do you tweet like for you don't live tweet your show or anything?

No.

Rubble lebridies love to do that, especially the housewives.

I feel like I would only ever go on Twitter to like maybe I'll follow some comedians that tweet something funny or like maybe look up a pop culture story, but like I don't care what like

diplomats are tweeting.

No, I don't know.

Like I don't care.

It's just not my personal niche.

And I find like the the only time I really use Twitter is like when there's breaking news.

Like yesterday there was like a Joe Rogan death hoax like they're always doing that on Twitter like and that's why when like them people die like I remember when there were reports that Kobe died I'm like there's no way there's always these hoaxes on Twitter so it's like you don't believe it I feel like it's like the girls I kept diaries in middle school and I was just never a diary girl no and I'm not really like

like like like well read like you know what I mean at all I don't really know how to like the fact that I put a book together is beyond mind blowing because like I can't even put together like a tweet that like makes sense I literally read half a book this year, and it was Craig's book.

Oh, that's so sweet.

We actually have it over here.

I've been meaning to read it.

Craig came out with a book.

Craig came out with a book, and there's literally two chapters about like him and his ex-girlfriend.

I was like, I feel like, is it rude if I don't read it?

I feel like Naomi, yes, and I felt like I was actually reading his diary.

I was like, I feel like I should read this.

You should like tell me if you want to tell me.

What is your relationship with Naomi?

Like, she is, first of all, she's stunning.

Stunning, obsessed.

Like, in person.

Like, obviously, she's stunning on Instagram, but like in person, she's even even prettier.

She's very nice, very lovely.

Like, you know, she is his ex-girlfriend, so it's not like...

I'm not going to be like, oh, my God.

What's he going to do?

What do you think about the sex?

You know,

I didn't do this to you, you know, like, I'm not going to do that, but like, I can be in a room with her, and it's like totally normal and like fine.

Well, actually, I was reading some stuff about Craig's book where he was talking about that.

You know, at the beginning of the show on Southern Charm, he was having like an Adderall problem, which I thought was really interesting.

And I think it happens to a lot of reality reality stars.

Absolutely.

And he was, well, I was like looking at pictures from when he was first on.

I was like, he's so skinny.

Yeah.

And I was like, and I feel like as girls and like going to college, we know exactly what that is.

Right.

No one told you.

Come on.

Oh, also, one more question I logistically had to ask you before we keep going.

It appears as though when you guys wake up in the morning after a party, everyone cleans except for you.

And I just want to know, like, is that a bad edit or are you just not cleaning?

So like both.

But also, people are so mad about it.

I got that question like a thousand times.

And I will take, if that is the one thing that, like, they're taking bad from me from the show, it's like she's lazy.

I'm like, totally fine.

Yeah.

Um,

I don't help clean or set up as much as everyone else, but like, I do do it.

But some people are like, so crazy.

Does it bother the other housemates?

No, they don't give a shit.

They didn't, like, I feel like a lot of TV shows, like, specifically when I think back on Jersey Shore, so many of the fights were, like, we did dinner, you guys have to do the dishes.

It was always like housework was becoming we have a cleaning person.

So that was the other question: is like, do you guys, because it gets really clean after like yeah, when we leave on Sundays, someone comes in during the week and they clean it and they clean it.

And like, do you guys think that when Bravo puts a deposit down for the house that they get it back?

Absolutely not.

No, because when Amanda was talking about like the ripped um

yeah, no, but like we, yeah, I don't know any of like those logistical things, but just from like attending a frat party a few times in my life, I don't think we get

a deposit box.

Me neither.

Okay, well, those were the fast five.

Congratulations on making it through your first fast five.

Thank you.

Thank you so much for doing that with me.

And I'm going to hold you ransom for 20 more minutes because today's Wednesday.

That's Dear Toasters.

So if you ever want to write in, it's deartoasters at gmail.com.

We'll always keep it anonymous for you.

If you're having any issues at work, at home, with your boyfriend, whatever it is, you know, your boss is hoarding water bottles in the basement.

I don't know.

Shit happens.

Write into us, dear toasters at gmail.com and we'll do our best to guide you through it.

We're just two girls trying to do our best.

So Deer Toasters is brought to you by Catalina Crunch.

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It's a fucking Catalina wine mixer.

Okay.

First up, someone's writing in.

Paige and Claudia, bless you both for helping me.

When this scenario came up, I knew I needed to write in immediately.

The drama, you guys.

I love you.

You are like a Danielle Steele novel.

We are very happy.

Oh, no, sorry, I skipped line.

I'm an East Coast girly, but relocated to the West Coast, and I met my now husband here.

We are very happy in California, but it's expensive.

My husband's parents have a few rental homes in San Diego, and they offered to sell us one of them under market value.

The house they want to sell us is beautiful, modern, and it has a view of the water, but it's next door to them.

My husband is considering it, and I am naturally most concerned about having any boundaries with living so close to them.

My husband's dad also travels quite a bit for work, and I notice his mom reaches out a lot when his dad is gone and he wants us to keep her company, so I can imagine what she would expect with us next door.

Part of me feels like this could be a recipe for disaster, but I'm curious if you think differently.

Thank you so much in advance.

Well, my first thought is: you said they have a lot of rental homes, so are any of the other ones available that aren't next door to them?

Right.

Because that could be the problem solver.

Okay, I might have an unpopular opinion.

I would love it.

Really?

I would love it because once they start having kids,

get right on over to your grandma's house.

That's number one.

Like, for sure.

Get out of my house.

Yeah.

Go.

Go.

So I love that.

Also,

I

love my mom so much.

So, like, if she was next door.

Okay, but what if it was Craig's mom?

Like, you love her even more.

I actually agree.

I guess it depends on what the relationship is with your in-laws.

Like, if you fucking hate them, like, this is obviously not good.

But if you, I agree, first of all, like, if you have kids and your in-laws live next door, like, right, goodbye.

I have always said to Craig, I'm sending my kids to Delaware for the first five years of their life.

Yes.

Like, learn how to be nice, normal people, and then we'll take them back.

A hundred percent.

I've been thinking about that a lot lately because, you know, Jackie just had a baby and like, I love my in-laws, and I'm like actually feeling so grateful for them because I'm like, you know, when I have a baby, like,

here,

you go, help.

When I go on tour, like, I drop my dog off and they love Theo and they're super like, they're excited.

It's not like a burden for them, even though I feel like I'm burdening them.

So I'm like, like, this could be great when I have a kid.

Like, go-bye.

Like, I also, I feel like, okay, yes, if the mother's husband is like going away, yeah, you're gonna, she's gonna come over for dinner and stuff, but like, she's not gonna like walk into the bedroom when you guys are, like, having sex.

Yeah, you really paint a good picture of what this woman's like, because she, she might be like that.

So, like, if that's the case, hard no, but I don't know.

I'm a sucker for a bargain on a home.

Yeah.

And, you know,

in every home buying experience, there's a give and a take, you know, right?

And you're getting an undervalued, undermarket value house.

And so, well, well, you gotta have dinner with your in-laws once a month.

That's not a big deal.

And you have a babysitter next door.

I know.

Free daycare is not something you should take lightly.

Maybe she's not even thinking about having kids yet, you know?

I don't know.

That's true.

That's true.

I think it's fine.

I think it's fine also.

And if it's really not fine, you make something up and you move.

Yeah, 100%.

We have a rat problem.

Yeah.

Then I guess once you've lived there, like, will they take offense when you do?

end up moving.

Like, if you move, then it's like you have to explain to them, you know?

Yeah.

I mean, there is a potential huge family fight stirring that we're like, we'll put a camera crew in there just so you can watch it.

No, I know, but it does have water views.

So hello.

In San Diego, like that's hard to find.

Yeah.

I think you should just take the house.

Like, also, they should really just give it to you, but it's fine.

Yeah.

All right.

Hello, girlies.

I'm in a bit of a pickle.

Our best friend just got engaged to our other best friend.

His name is Maverick.

Maverick threw a surprise engagement party for her with an open bar.

We all traveled across the country.

Well, okay, so it's actually

a reference to my New York Times best-selling book.

When I talked about the first boyfriend, like the first boy I ever loved, like when I was in seventh grade, his name was something, but I had to change a name.

So the publisher was like, you need to come up with a name.

And I'm like,

I got really flustered because it was like last minute.

I was like,

Maverick, because the boy's original name started with an M.

So like I wanted to keep it similar.

So I was like, MAP.

I don't know where the fuck it came from.

I kind of love it.

Every time someone writes in, they name their fake boyfriend Maverick.

It's like so embarrassing.

Okay, so Maverick threw a surprise engagement party with an open open bar.

We all traveled across the country, bought flights, hotels, gas, etc.

The party was amazing.

Our best friend was so happy.

Fast forward a week later, we receive a group email from Maverick asking if we could contribute money to the food, drinks, and costs of the space he rented for the party.

Keep in mind, half of the people in attendance at the party weren't even on the email chain, which begs the question, why are we paying for other people's food and alcohol as well?

You can say we are a bit surprised.

We just feel it's a little tacky since we traveled to the destination and he's asking for the money for the party that he planned.

Plus, the amount he's asking is way more than what we would have in than what we individually ate/slash drank while in attendance.

What are your thoughts on this?

Do you think we should contribute money?

Should we ignore the email and pretend we never saw it?

Do we just continue to contribute the amount of money that we feel we spent?

Are we the cheap ones if we don't pay anything?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

We promise to follow up with an update once you've sold this pickle.

Sincerely, two confused toasters, who are potentially the cheap ones.

You are not cheap, battle.

Literally, this is the most chutzpod thing I've ever heard in my fucking life.

The audacity.

The audacity.

Do not respond to this email.

No.

Ignore your life choice.

Someone else's life choices are not your responsibility.

Like you show up to a party as a guest and you spent a lot of money to be there.

Like fuck off.

Also, a surprise engagement party is no different than like a surprise birthday party.

It could have been her birthday and he was throwing her a party.

Would he have asked you for money for that?

No, and the thing is, like we are all just trying to survive and like live within

live within our means.

And I need to know how much he was asking for.

I know.

So if you like overspent, it's really not on your friends to help you out of that pickle.

Like that was a life choice.

We're adults.

You're getting married.

Like these are things you have to learn, financial health, responsibility.

Like that's on you, bitch.

Like, sorry.

No.

Also, I just feel like...

If you couldn't afford it, then don't throw the party.

Right.

Or like make some cutbacks, you know?

Or don't have to be open bar.

Right.

If I'm showing up to a party, like, I want a drink.

And so if I have to pay for one, I'll pay for it.

Yeah.

But cash bar is always.

I'm just going.

Something that's wedding-related that's not open bar.

Oof.

Okay, but I do have to say, it's an engagement party, not a wedding.

So I do believe a wedding should be open bar.

And like, for me, that's my priority.

So I would cut budget on other things.

I'd have no flowers.

Right, no flowers, like Nancy J, no anything, no lights, just for the bar, because that's my priority.

Right.

So for an engagement party, I do think you can get away with a cash bar.

I do.

Yeah.

But this is so tacky.

Like, yeah.

So he's worried about being tacky.

so he doesn't open bar, but then he's not worried about being tacky and he'll email all of his friends being like, hey, can you bend with me $100?

Like, no.

And I feel like it was more than $100.

Of course.

And she said he wrote like half the party.

But then it's like, how do you decide which people should give money and which people shouldn't?

Also, like, then when all of those people get invites to the wedding, they're going to be like, fuck this.

Are we going to pay for it?

No, and like weddings are, being a guest of someone at a wedding is so expensive.

If it's a destination wedding, you spend so much money on flights, hotels, and then the gift.

If you're in the bridal party, you have the bridal shower.

It's like so much money you spend on other people's wedding yeah so to ask for even more to contribute to like the fund for the engagement party is like really chutzpah like i don't like it like they're gonna have to go to her shower right they're gonna have to get her a wedding yeah just being a wedding guest in general is like really pricey yeah don't invite me don't invite me that's the thing it's like i people

don't know the favor they do me when they don't invite me to their wedding like hannah's not having a wedding party and the first thing i said was God bless you.

God bless.

Like, thank you so much.

No, and unless I'm like your best friend or family, I usually will reply no to a wedding because I don't want to take up space.

You get charged per person.

I'm like, I'm not really happy for this couple.

So like when the pandemic happened and I got chopped from so many weddings, I was like,

God bless.

Love.

This is amazing.

Amazing.

Like, I just don't really like weddings unless I'm like really invested in the couple.

Yeah.

Then it's like I'm taking up space from someone else who could have been there and it's pricey the more people you have.

So I feel like I'm always doing people a favor when I say that.

And I'm just sitting there really judging everything being like, I would never have that.

Yeah, no.

I would never take that.

Of course.

And I'm always sitting like, my wedding was better.

My feet hurt like this steak is gross like can we go home now yeah it's always like how much time has passed that it's an then an appropriate time to leave because you can't leave too early right and like jewish weddings are really long oh yeah jewish weddings are very well you have you guys have a very long ceremony yes well you can get it done quickly my ceremony was about an hour yeah um and my favorite part of the wedding is um one of my friend's moms like took this great video of like me and Ben smashing the glass and kissing.

So she sent it to me like a week after the wedding.

And I was like, so excited.

And I'm listening.

And she's filming and finally everyone gets up and stands once you kiss and one of Ben's friends in the background is like my god that was so fucking long

it was long I love Jewish weddings because when you're doing the ceremony your family's up there yes I love that I think it's in there all your immediate family is like under the chubbah which I think is nice I think that's really nice yeah actually I love Jewish weddings but they are long like that's just a fact of the wedding they are very fun very fun and like lots of fun my most fun weddings have been Jewish weddings.

Yeah, no, and like they're, they're, in my opinion, the perfect balance of like really meaningful in the beginning and then like diabolical

at the end.

Okay, so I don't remember what advice we gave you, but do not fucking answer that email.

No.

Third and final one.

I've been dating my boyfriend for two and a half years.

Let's call him Craig.

Okay.

We currently live together.

Everything has gone so well.

He's a PJOM, which stands for precious gem of a man.

He treats me like a princess, and I know we will get married one day, and we speak about it constantly.

His family's amazing, loves me so much.

I love them, yada, yada, yada.

I thought my family felt the same way about my boyfriend, but last weekend with my mom, she asked me about my Easter plans and we didn't really do anything for Easter and I had agreed to go with my boyfriend to his grandma's.

My mom flipped out on me and said, just so I know.

Just so I know, you'll probably be doing whatever Craig wants for the rest of his life.

And this girl says, I was so taken aback and confused because I have a great relationship with my mom.

Her opinion means so much to me.

And she accused me of spending all my time with my boyfriend and his family and then falsely accused him of not wanting me to spend time with my own family.

She then specifically brought up a time where I had gone to my aunt's house with my entire family.

Everyone was drunk, having a good time.

It was almost 11 o'clock.

We'd been there for hours and I was borderline blackout, pretty much blackout, and I don't remember leaving.

My boyfriend made me leave because I was wasted.

And now my mom was like looking back on that.

and took it as my boyfriend trying to control me and made me leave my aunt's house early, even though I don't get to see them often.

My mother then said, so when you wonder why we don't care for Craig, that's one of the reasons.

I'm absolutely devastated about this entire thing.

I haven't spoken to my mom since Saturday, and it's now Tuesday.

I haven't spoken to my boyfriend about this.

I know he would be heartbroken.

I just can't ever imagine my boyfriend's family speaking about me in this way.

I have no clue what to do.

What do I say to my mom?

Do I tell my boyfriend?

Any advice on how to mend the situation would be the greatest help.

Sincerely, a toaster with mommy issues.

Sounds like your mom's really toxic, honestly.

Wait, it sounds exactly like her mom knows that she's going to marry this guy and she's kind of like losing her baby.

And this is like her trying to

be freaking out about it.

Yeah, that's true, but like, how do you fix this?

This is insane.

No, I know.

I literally changed my name and move.

Yeah, no, I know.

It's like the worst thing ever, like family infighting.

Like, you never want to be a part of that.

Um, and it sounds like Craig is a great guy, and his name is Craig, so I got back at a baby.

I feel like you also can't tell Craig this.

No, no, because then in his mind, forever, it'll always be like, oh, her mom, even if things are going well, oh, her mom doesn't like actually like me.

Do not tell him, like, figure it out on your own.

I feel like she has to talk to her mom, and then for like maybe a couple weeks,

do some family things with her family.

I know, but then it's like you're rewarding your mom for her toxic behavior.

That's true.

I know.

And if I'm just like so stubborn, like if you're like, this, your mom is wrong.

Right.

You'll have to reflect on this.

You remember this guy for two years and you live with him.

Like, what did she think about?

But now it's all, now suddenly you don't like him.

Yeah.

Like this is the conversation you have when you just meet someone.

I think she has to have a real conversation with her mom being and say, like, are you being serious when you say you don't like him?

Like, this is annoying because, like, we're going to get married.

So let's just, like, iron this out now.

Communication is key and it's hard to communicate because like you always want to be respectful of your elders and you really do value and respect your mom, but you have to be like you know Right, obviously you're pregnant like controlling me right like me going home at 11 from my aunt's house because I'm blacked out isn't me being in a controlling relationship It's just me having to go home because you want me to throw up on my aunt's actually him being really nice Yeah, right like because nobody wants me to stay here any longer because it's gonna turn diabolical So talk to your mom figure it out Do not tell your boyfriend because like it'll just ruin things Yeah, men are so just like dramatic.

And they're just so like one track mind.

Like he'll just remember forever the one time your mom didn't like you.

And if you guys are together for 50 years, like there's just, there's no reason to make it bad.

But thank you for writing in.

Thank you to everyone who wrote in and trusting us with your quandaries.

If you ever want to write in, it's deartoasters at gmail.com.

And if you want to update us on something that we helped you with, like let us know.

You guys leave us hanging all the time.

Like just write a fucking email.

Quandri is a great word.

It's pretty much the word I use every time for deer toasters.

And I'm not 100% sure if it's like the right one.

So I like breeze right by it.

I'm like, your quandaries and your queries.

And I'm like, I don't know if that's like.

I think this is like a science podcast.

Yeah.

It's like so Game of Thrones, laundry.

Paige, I really can't express my gratitude enough for you for being here.

You are everything of a sort as we like to go.

I feel the same way about you.

Thank you for even like thinking of me to have me on.

Honestly, you were top of mind and the toasters would have slit my throat if I didn't have you.

And I'm so glad we finally got you on.

You did amazing, sweetie.

Thank you.

Everyone, follow Paige on Instagram for premium fashion content.

Oh, also, do you have a new line coming out with Amazon?

Is that what I saw on your Instagram?

I actually have one today.

And then I have my Amazon drop is coming out.

So Amazon Drop is like your own line of clothing.

Yes.

Oh, I can't wait.

Yeah.

I have a live today and then my line comes out in May.

That is so sick.

Yeah, I'm excited.

So Fashion Girly, host of the Giggly Squad podcast, available everywhere with Hannah, who is, remember, you guys here on Friday.

And you're also going on tour.

So just follow Page on Instagram for premium content left, right, and center.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much, you guys.

Thank you so much for listening to The Morning Toast, The Millennium Morning Show, where we deliver the fast fact stories that you need to know every Monday to Friday on YouTube.

So if you're watching this on YouTube, please don't forget to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up.

We're also also available as podcasts, anywhere podcasts can be found.

So, that's Spotify, Adrian Sitter, Public Radio, YR Radio Cast Box, all the places where we're listening to podcasts.

Find us more in Tel Clift, Star View, but a beautiful setting in Smart Weird.

Have an amazing day, everyone, and we'll see you tomorrow remotely with Jackie O finally making her return.

Bye.

How do you do that?