S4 Ep157: Slow News Day: Friday, September 3rd, 2021

Audival's romance collection has something to satisfy every side of you.

When it comes to what kind of romance you're into, you don't have to choose just one.

Fancy a dallions with a duke, or maybe a steamy billionaire.

You could find a book boyfriend in the city and another one tearing it up on the hockey field.

And if nothing on this earth satisfies, you can always find love in another realm.

Discover modern rom-coms from authors like Lily Chu and Allie Hazelwood, the latest romanticy series from Sarah J.

Maas and Rebecca Yaros, plus regency favorites like like Bridgerton and Outlander.

And of course, all the really steamy stuff.

Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.com slash wondery.

That's audible.com slash wondery.

Every idea starts with a problem.

Warby Parker's was simple.

Glasses are too expensive.

So they set out to change that.

By designing glasses in-house and selling directly to customers, they're able to offer prescription eyewear that's expertly crafted and unexpectedly affordable.

Warby Parker glasses are made from premium materials like impact-resistant polycarbonate and custom acetate.

And they start at just $95, including prescription lenses.

Get glasses made from the good stuff.

Stop by a Warby Parker store near you.

Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to the morning toast.

Happy Friday.

Theo is front and center today to wish you all a happy

Friday, Friday.

Gotta get down on Friday.

Everybody is looking forward to the the weekend.

More than ever.

It's a long one.

It's a holiday one.

It's the last one of summer, which is such a beautiful statement.

I feel like for, I've been conditioned to like resent this time of the year so deeply.

Like back to school, no, back to school, yes.

And I am unlearning all of that hatred because today was 65 degrees.

It's gorgeous outside.

Gorgeous.

I'm going to go to the park.

It makes you just want to be outside for the sake of it.

Which is a feeling I haven't been able to really truly relate to, probably since May.

Yeah.

I think the last time I enjoyed being when is Rebecca Rittenberg's birthday?

March.

Okay, maybe March when she had an outdoor birthday party.

I was like, oh, this is nice.

We should spend more time outside.

Yeah.

But I haven't really felt that since then.

No, I feel you wholeheartedly.

It's a beautiful day.

It's a beautiful time of year, and we're just enjoying falling into fall.

And so thank you, Summer.

Good day, sir.

See you in like a year.

I don't even think I'm falling into fall.

I'm like steamrolling into fall.

I'm falling, falling.

Is that supposed to be Harry Styles?

I think so.

Yeah.

I mean, the melody was like slightly off, but I knew what you were trying to do.

I could feel it.

Thank you.

So we have an interesting show for you guys today because there's so many things going on.

First of all, there's nothing going on.

Literally, like Jaggie, can you do what you just did before and read the top five trending stories on peoplemagazine.com?

I would love to, you guys, so you can understand what we are up against.

We always say there's no stories, but like Jaggie said there's going to come a day where we actually have zero stories, and like today might be like one of those days.

Today's not the day.

We figured our way around it, but I'm just letting you know.

I want you guys to know how dire things are getting.

So, People magazine has three stories with pictures, and then they have their trending now.

So, these are the three, the big top story of the day.

Princess Charlene hospitalized, released in stable condition after a medical emergency.

Now, we hope she's okay, but we don't know who she is.

I do not know her, but I believe she's the princess of South Africa.

That's what I'm niche.

Well, she's eager to return home from South Africa.

Oh, she was in South Africa.

So what's she the princess of?

I'm going to go with Greece.

Okay, I'm going to, you know what?

I'm going to click it.

Wow.

Click, babe.

The princess of

Monaco?

I don't know.

It's buried too deep.

Okay.

Then Dr.

Addison Montgomery's back.

Kate Walsh is returning to Grey's Anatomy for season 18.

Okay, I have to say, even though like we could not have given less of a shred of a shit, this is like big news for a lot of people who are obsessed with Grey's Anatomy.

So even though I personally don't care, I am happy for those who do care.

Okay, I've just never heard of Dr.

Addison.

That's right.

Characters named Trump.

I know, but like even still, I've heard of Dr.

McSteamy.

Yeah.

McDreamy.

McDreamy, yeah.

Both of them.

They're steamy and dreamy.

Yeah.

I've heard of them.

Okay, then David Crosby calls former band nate Neil Young probably the most selfish person I know.

I mean, if I knew.

Sorry to this man.

If I knew who these people were, it sounds like an interesting story.

I'm sorry.

But I don't.

Yeah, so there's very little going going on.

Wait, hold on.

Now, the trending now.

Top four stories.

Okay.

One, vote for the world's cutest rescue dog.

Oh.

Maybe I'll do that in my personal time.

Number two, MTV renews Jersey Shore Family Vacation for season five.

Okay, a story.

Number two.

Trending.

Trending.

Number three, and I think this one got cut me the deepest.

A hand-standing spotted skunks are considered the acrobats of their ever-growing species.

And then, number four, a dog named Storm interrupts the weather report segment to look for treats.

That's adorable.

You know, that's what we're trying to, like, really, like, impress upon you guys is that it is such a Slow News Day.

So we figured we'd just talk about ourselves for a little while before diving into the mindlessness that is today's news.

But we do have five stories, and they came together, but it was a fight.

There's five of them.

There's five.

And they're probably going to be fast, but you never know.

Some, I mean, we'll make Dewy.

Literally always do.

We've been doing this for so long.

This isn't the first Slow News Day.

Yeah.

And it certainly won't be the last and i'm just coming off the heels of feeling invigorated because i got a huge michaela recharge last night we were able to have dinner with her and i'm just feeling so much better like so invigorated with the spirit of kay yeah she can do that to you no truly she was being so twisted last night like just looking so fucking cute in her custom denim jacket she's insane she's insane like with her belly out eating pretzel sticks like

do you ever think about like if you could trade lives with anyone who would you want to trade lives with

Because I'm sure people say like Kylie Jenner.

Like, I say Michaela Ashre Shapiro.

I say doodadoo.

Oh my God, I actually think about that all the time.

Like, at least Michaela is going to, you know, you know, poo-poo, knock on wood, like, grow up and have real problems like everyone else.

Theo will never have real problems.

He doesn't even have like a subconscious.

Like, I aim to be as like free willy as Theo.

And Theo could be living in a palace or be living in a dump.

And to him, it's all the same.

Like, he has this kind of equilibrium.

I don't know if that's the right word, but I'm jealous of it.

Yeah, Yeah, no, it's an inner peace that you will never achieve.

Never.

No matter how many coloring books.

Oh my God.

No matter how many coloring books I buy.

How many puzzles you do.

I will never achieve the level of inner peace that Theo currently possesses.

And that's something I have to live with.

That's my cross to bear.

100%.

Because at the end of the day, even if I reach like my peak peacefulness, like I am still a human being, like with a brain.

And like, I'll never just be able to completely unplug like that, like Theo has.

Yeah.

So I always think, like, who do I want to be?

I want to be Theo.

Do you want to be be Bruno?

Oh, Brute Dadoo.

He lives the life.

But you know what?

I feel like Brute Dadoo, I mean, he's about to have one of the best weekends of his life because it's a lot of time with his lady friend, Knowles.

And that's all he ever wants.

Like, I could take him here.

I could take him there.

Like, Machu Picchu, Taj Mahal.

And he's like, but is Magnolia coming?

And I'm like, no, like, she's not.

So this weekend, we're staying in with Knowles, watching Shrek, Shrek 3 and Shrek 4.

There's a fourth?

Wow.

That's a lot.

It's a lot of Shreks.

We watched two last night.

It was really good, but Bruno was actually in the other room for most of it, so he missed like the entire plot.

And I was like, I'm not catching you up.

It's too complex.

So he missed Puss and Boots.

And you know what?

Puss also, like,

I remembered him as just so much more of a man than he was.

Puss in Boots.

Puss and Boots.

Puss in Boots.

How do you mean?

Like, I just remembered him as like the star, but it's really, it's donkey show.

But Puss in Boots gets his own movie.

Yeah, no and puss in boots like has you know charisma charisma and he has his thing going on um

but i don't know as i've gotten older i'm just like it's donkey you're saying puss is not the main character no and he's cute like he's super cute and he has his moments but he like

He was coming for Donkey, like him and Shrek, where like puss and Shrek were like talking shit about Donkey in front of Donkey like trying to make him feel bad and I'm just like just as for Donkey He's such a good friend.

By the way, I have to say re-watching the the films as an adult with like an enormous heart, I've been told.

It's really justice for Donkey.

Donkey is this, like, wonderfully positive, good-spirited person.

And even in the beginning, like, ogrelicious is so mean to him.

And he's just like, nothing can take down his positive energy.

Like, in the morning, I'm making him waffles.

Like, he just cannot be brought down.

Shrek, let down your walls.

Let him make you waffles.

It's like an episode of The Bachelor.

Like, put your walls down.

Yeah.

So, Justice for Donkey.

Put your layers down.

Peel back those layers.

And donkey, but donkey does that.

If anyone was gonna get through to Shrek, it was gonna be Donkey.

So he's just so integral to the story.

And I just

have a softer place in my heart for him.

I'm really appreciative of your insights on the matter.

Yeah, so I'll keep you posted on Shrek the third and the fourth.

I just want to share something because we said the word charisma before and it reminded me of something.

So there's this thing on RuPaul's drag race where Rue, when he's sending someone home or just like describing a queen, he'll always say like, you've got charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent.

And it's just like a great way, I thought, to like describe a person.

It's so nice, like a performer.

I have been watching the show for like over a year now, and I've seen literally every episode.

And I just realized that when he says, charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent.

C-U-N-T.

Yeah, okay.

Like, I literally did not realize that up until like yesterday.

Also, the drag race all-star season six winner was announced yesterday.

I didn't watch it yet, so please don't spoil it.

But the season is twisted and not in a good way.

Just like a ragtag group.

Like, I'm so behind.

I still have to watch the Snatch game.

But that's that's neither here nor there.

Okay, well, keep us posted.

I also am like 30% of the way through this book that you recommended, The Lion's Den, like, it's getting better.

I just, like, it might have been me yesterday.

Like, I was not in a good reading space, and I like couldn't get.

I don't think it's reflective of the book.

I think it's reflective of the space.

Well, the book,

I can understand where you're, knowing what I know now, like, where you're at, like, there's, there's still so much you need to get through and experience.

So, but I think the payoff is worth all this time you're putting in.

Yeah, I don't plan on not finishing it.

It's just not the type of thing where like I literally can't go to bed until I finish it Yeah, because there it's it starts out like you think it's just like a dull stupid book about like two friends a trip.

Yeah, yeah, but it takes many in turn, but it's just like I

This is not a spoiler alert, but basically this girl goes on this like big fancy trip with her friend who's like dating this billionaire and it's like a torturous trip and it's like so true like literally you could be on like a private jet on a private yacht in the middle of the Mediterranean and still be having the worst fucking time.

Yeah.

That's the message I've taken away so far.

Yeah, no, and her friend is a torturer.

Torturer.

The whole thing.

And her friend is being tortured by a bigger torturer.

Yeah.

So.

Like the manicures.

The manicures, yeah.

Craziness.

So I'm enjoying it.

Like it's not

grapping me, gripping me yet, but I think I'll get there.

Okay, cool.

I'm excited for you that you have that ahead of you.

Otherwise, this weekend, I'm just going to be enjoying the long weekend, watching the Shreks, as I mentioned, hanging with the kids.

And

yeah, I'm still reading my book, Empty Mansions.

It's really dragging, but I'm going to finish it.

Also, this is a long weekend, obviously, because of Labor Day, but we are also off Tuesday.

You guys, it's Rosh Hashanah.

So Happy New Year to all of our Jewish toasters.

Monday and Tuesday is Rosh Hashanah.

So we will unfortunately not be doing shows, but we'll be back on Wednesday.

Yes.

Happy New Year, everyone.

And you know, like the second we get to Rosh Hashanah, we are a hop, a skip, and a breath away from Yonki Port.

And you know what?

I feel like this entire time, well, not the entire time, but like since you've been like outward, like outwardly pregnant, I feel like I've really just just been able to relate to you on a totally deeper level.

But the fact that you won't be not, will not be able to like commiserate with me on Yom Kippur, like makes me hate you.

Yeah, that I'm not like dreading Yom Kippur.

It's not in the back of your mind.

Sounds like an exciting day.

Like, what am I going to do that day?

What am I going to eat?

That's disgusting.

No, but I still have to atone and repent.

Of course, of course.

You know, and I still, and like, I still, I can't, you know,

wear leather shoes.

Right.

Or like go to a party.

Yeah, or like fragrances.

But you'll be be able to eat, and that's really the only thing that matters.

Ever.

I agree.

Gotta get me.

You think it's have enough time to get pregnant before you can keep boring?

Uh, no, no, no.

Um, I should have thought about that.

You should have.

Well, I think we have a decent show, so I think we can get right into it.

I think I really,

I know that we can, you know,

I just, we've never not.

We've never not.

So without further ado, it is time for the fast five stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast.

And today's episode is brought to you by our Patreon channel.

Patreon.com/slash the morning toast is our subscription service.

So this show is free on YouTube and podcasts.

But if you're looking for more content from your two favorite gals, you can pay $7.99 every month to get five extra episodes from us.

And those episodes are podcasts, they're vlogs, you can request stuff, and also that $7.99 gets you entry into our last remaining Facebook group, The Toast After Dark, which is for Patreon members only.

So again, that's patreon.com/slash the morning toast to get five extra episodes a month.

A great way to get more content from us and to support your local podcasts.

So patreon.com/slash the morning toast.

Great.

Our first story.

Drake drops his sixth studio album called

Certified Loverboy after a months-long delay.

So Certified Loverboy is here.

Drake's sixth studio album.

It includes artists such as Jay-Z, Travis Scott, Lil Wayne, Future, Young Thug, 21 Savage, Ty Dallasine, Kid Cuddy, Rick Ross, Lil Baby, and Project Pat, and Nikki Minaj.

Interesting that the album finally drops the same week as Kanye's when, you know, as we've said, they've been beefing.

And Zach is a huge fan of both of the, both Drake and Kanye.

Zach is like stuck between two ferns, like I am with Taylor and Kim.

Yeah, it would be like

if Taylor and Kim like both put out an album.

Yeah.

So, and he listened to Donda when it came out, and he actually like didn't love it that much.

Really?

Yeah.

He like, and he was so excited for it, but I think probably it will grow on him, but whatever.

I liked it.

Then he, last night, he was like, Love her voice coming out.

Like, it's going gonna be so good.

And then this morning, he said that actually, he listened to the album and, like, that Donda is better.

Well, the thing is, Donda broke all these records.

And I'm curious because it's only been like 12 hours since Drake's come out.

If by like tomorrow, we'll know if Drake broke the records that Kanye just broke.

I don't think that he will.

I don't really think that he will either.

I personally won't be listening to the album and also like the album cover that's really going viral.

All the pregnant women, like, still no redhead.

And by the way, there is a redhead emoji now.

So here's the deal with the redhead emoji there is one redhead emoji you can go scroll through the thousands of emojis and find a redhead but on all of the people emojis you get variations haircuts hair color skin colors

and there's there's not the redhead option in all of like in bride yeah in this in queen in in everything yeah in pregnancy truckers for redheads are fucking in pregnant lady And I'm not represented, red-headed pregnant lady.

So true.

It's disgusting.

Yeah.

Also, like I love that everyone was sharing this album cover, but I think we can all kind of come together and agree.

Like this is not an innovative album cover.

Like emojis.

Yeah.

I mean, but it was like everyone was doing it and it went sort of like.

No, I know.

Spritz did it.

Yeah.

I'm just saying like as a concept for an album cover, like a highly anticipated album, I don't know.

Like Lil Nas X just came out with like the most sickening album cover of all time.

Impregn.

No, that wasn't his album cover.

That was like a press thing.

Like I'm pregnant with my new album, but his album cover is like, he's in this gorgeous, it kind of looks like Lisa Lisa Frank, like enchanted waterfall forest.

And his body, just completely naked, is like laying

like in the middle of the forest.

Oh, I have to check it out.

It's really, really cool.

And so I think that's

gorgeous.

Yeah.

Let me see.

Make sure.

Yeah, gorgeous.

Very Lisa Price.

So Lisa Frank, great call.

So, I don't know.

I just thought this album cover was like, meh, you could have made it on like Canva.

Yeah.

Not that there's anything wrong with Canva.

I feel that.

And I don't understand the meaning of it, but just I haven't tried or attempted to or even listen to the album.

Yeah, I'm like, when it comes to Drake, I'm not an album listener.

I'm more of like, what song's the most popular?

I'll listen to the one.

I'm more of a, what songs can't I avoid on the radio?

Right.

I'll eventually listen to Drake.

God's Plan.

God's Plan.

I'm just like really not a big Drake fan.

I think I actually went to a Drake concert with Zach once because I'm a nice wife.

That is really nice.

And I really didn't enjoy myself.

But like when...

You guys went with like the big stage that was like an iPhone, right?

Yeah, but like, I remember before I was a Kanye fan, like, I went with him to

Life of Pablo because I was being just like a supportive girlfriend.

And even though I wasn't a fan at the time, like, I enjoyed myself immensely.

Yeah, what you guys know, one of my biggest regrets in this life, I have two, not getting in that police car, and second, not going to Life of Pablo concert.

I was like, Ben, let me get tickets.

He's like, no, let me take care of it.

I'm like, okay.

The night comes, I'm on Instagram, everyone's at the concert, and I'm in my bed.

Like, how did I get here?

Life regret.

Yeah.

What's your biggest regret?

Oh, you're not going to be a big one.

Agreed to host a show with me.

No, going on that teen tour.

Oh, yeah.

Wasting a summer of high school years.

Yeah.

That's a good one.

Yeah.

I never went on a teen tour.

Because, you know, not going on it wouldn't have changed.

Like, in general, I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but I wouldn't change because of what I've learned and where I'm at now.

Of course.

Et cetera, et cetera.

But that's something that...

wouldn't have changed the course of my life and I just would have had a more enjoyable summer.

No, like if you didn't go on that teen tour, you might, we might not be be sitting here.

You just never know.

Okay, but I feel certain that would be-effect.

I feel certain we'd be sitting here.

I don't know.

Like, I don't think anything like would have happened that summer that would have stopped me from like being the person that I am today.

I don't know.

Like, maybe, like, you would have been doing fabulous things that summer, and I would have, like, driven out to meet, and then I would have gotten in a car accident, and I'd be dead.

It's possible.

Okay, it's possible.

You see what I'm saying?

I, now I do see what you're saying.

So, we're happy for Drake.

Happy for Drake.

Next story, a little more album news.

Peppa the Pig is trolling Kanye West on Twitter after getting a better album review.

Than who?

Than the bus.

Than Kanye.

So Peppa the Pig's album has a 6.5

on music review site Pitchfork.

And Kanye's has a 6.0.

And so Peppa's official Twitter posted on Wednesday saying Peppa didn't need to host listening parties in the Mercedes-Benz Stadium to get that 0.5.

Followed by a dropped microphone and an oink emoji.

Peppa's a savage.

Pepe's a savage.

I just have to say,

there are certain publications I've never read, but just despise.

And Pitchfork is one of them.

I feel like they're always coming for Taylor Swift.

I think they're like a website that prides themselves on hating popular things, you know, and that's like, that's why people hate Taylor Swift, like, because she's popular, you know?

I guess.

I mean, I just don't like the website.

It seems a little reductive, but

the fact that they would rate Peppa the Pig a 6.5, I'm looking at them with

differently, and I'm like, respect.

Differently.

Yeah.

For sure.

And it's like, what do they rate Mickey Mouse Clubhouse?

Because those bops are awesome.

Because that's a third out of fucking 10.

Those bops are fired.

Hot dog, hot dog.

And also.

Hot dog, hot dog, hot dingity.

No.

M-I-C-K-E-Y,

M-O-U-S-E.

M-I-C-K-E-Y,

M-O-U-S-E.

We're going on a trip on our favorite rocket ship.

Zooming through the sky, little Einstein.

We're going on a trip on our favorite galaxy ship.

Zooming through the sky.

Little Einstein.

Beautiful.

What other songs does Michael?

One thing I've learned about welcoming a child into my life, Michaela, is my calling that I completely missed out on is doing the vocals for like Fisher Price Toys That Sing or any of these shows.

Like I think that like the voices are so annoying.

Like that's so me.

And like when Michaela opens it, it's like an ABC, like that should be me.

It's not too late.

I know.

Who, like, where does one go to get into this field?

I don't know.

Whose door do I have to knock on?

I don't know, but you should really pursue it because that would be so fantastic for you.

Like to really get out your creative juices.

And then like.

And it'll be good for the kids because you do have an annoying, beautiful voice.

And the kids, like, will associate with my voice forever and I will just become like a piece of, you know early 2000s nostalgia yes nostalgia and then like in a few years you'll be in a documentary and like i'll make a tick tock and i'll be like hi guys remember rae and i'll go viral finally

you'll finally have a lot of credit i deserve the tiktok fame that you've been shining for totally

because you know like there's this girl on tick tock and she was the voice original voice of dora and she like hates it she won't do it oh so do you hate her hate but she did one video she's like hi guys soy dada

and it went so viral it was like really it was her it was like watching dora it was crazy and she's my inspiration that is a really good goal for you i think if you play your cards right in 20 years you will be tick tock famous i just need like a toaster whose dad is big at fisher price or something to like just open a door for me there's like a lot of of kids programming these days like so miss obviously mickey mouse clubhouse but like no offense that's the creme de la creme it's disney jr

yeah but but they have, like, those roles are

spoken for.

Spoken for.

Okay, but there's Cocomelon.

Even though I watched two minutes of Cocomelon, and it was so dumb.

Yeah.

And it's like, this is bad for the children.

Yeah.

And because, like, Mickey, like, Mickey's a pilot.

Mickey's a farmer.

He's showing you how to plant seeds, grow trees.

Like, you're learning things from Mickey.

How are we going to fly this plane?

Like, oh, toodles.

Oh, toodles.

But Cocomelon's like.

By the way, I have no idea what Cocomelon melon is.

Cocomelon's like a kids program that's really, really popular.

And Kay likes it, but it's too dumb.

It's like, I walked in the door, I put my foot in front of the other foot.

Sounds good, and then my next foot.

This sounds like crazy.

And he's like, I went to my desk and I took out my chair and I sat in the chair.

I get it.

It's

so mind-numbingly dumb.

And I think it's not a good influence on Disney.

Is he Disney Cocomelon?

No, I don't know who makes coco melon.

And who makes Peppa Pig?

Peppa Pig, that's British Peppa.

And I haven't watched Peppa the Pig, but the stories that have emerged about American kids speaking in British language, British accents, because they're influenced by Peppa, I think is so beautiful.

And I think that Kay needs to start watching Peppa.

Me too, for sure.

I'm not sure who makes Cocomelon.

I'm not sure.

And what channel is Peppa on?

I don't know where you can find Peppa.

Back in the day, it was channel 31 or 33, Disney or Nickelodeon.

But now, like the options are.

No, now you have, like, Netflix kids, YouTube kids.

So you have Coco Melon, you have Baby Shark.

I bet, like, the toasters who are moms are like, please stop singing that song.

No, or they're like, kid, get in here.

But it low-key slaps.

I just want to say sorry to all the moms, but

baby.

You're on your own on this one.

Shark to do to do,

baby.

Shark to do to do

baby.

Shark to do to do

baby shark.

Mommy, shark, to do it to do.

Mommy shark to do it to do.

Mommy shark to do

mommy shark.

Auntie Shark.

Auntie Shark to do to do.

Auntie Shark to do to do

Auntie Shark.

Okay, that's enough.

That's enough.

Thank you, Kevin.

That's enough.

Anyways,

Peppa the Pig came for Kanye.

Oh, right.

That was a story.

And they dropped the mic.

And you know what?

I think it's hysterical.

Yeah.

I really do.

Okay, are you ready for our next story?

It is a little biz news.

A little

biz news.

I'm ready.

Reddit is seeking to hire advisors to go public in a U.S.

IPO.

Apparently, they'll be trading under the ticker E-V-I-O.

L-O-L!

That's funny.

Honestly, I usually support ingenuity and companies going public.

I fucking hate Reddit.

It gave a platform to trolls, and I just, I literally only wish for them to fail.

I know.

I don't know one positive thing Reddit has brought to our culture for real.

It's just given power to losers, keyboard warriors.

Like,

I don't know.

Okay, but say, like, here, I'm reading this article.

One thing Reddit was responsible for was the like GameStop

AMC thing and like, you know, the Wall Street Bets, which was like, very

cool time.

Yeah.

I guess maybe I have like a really negative like hole in my heart for Reddit because the first time, like before I was even remotely popular on the internet, my first bout of like negative

press, if you will, was with a Reddit sub when I used to write blog posts that were like hella offensive.

I wrote this whole thing about how it like sucks to be a guy who's short because like, I don't know, like if you're ugly, but like you're rich, like anything can help like guys, like get girls, unless you're short, like you're just short forever.

And I guess somebody found the blog post and put it on a sub thread sub-community called Our Shorts, which is her short people.

And I remember I was on my blog, like just, you know, maintaining the blog.

My Google Analytics was like, there's 2,000 people on your website.

And I had never had more than like three people on my blog.

And it was all this traffic from Reddit.

People were leaving comments like for me to kill myself.

Like I was so, I was quaking.

That was like the first time I ever had like negative.

interactions on the internet because no one was reading my blog and Maybe that's why I just feel like a little mmm towards Reddit I just feel like the amount of people who tell you to kill yourself on Reddit every day is if I had a nickel Yeah, it's a crazy, crazy platform.

It is.

And I feel like it also inspired all those other types of

forum-type websites that are even worse than Reddit, like 4chan, you know?

I don't know if there would be a 4chan if there weren't a Reddit.

Yeah.

Yeah, but it's also just people.

Yeah, it's just a dark corner of the internet, in my opinion.

Yeah, like it could be people sharing recipes and improving on them.

No, there are, there are good.

The Love Island USA subreddit is a fabulous place to be.

Right, but like it's the people.

So the platform just

technology.

If you're an inherently negative person, I just feel like the platform you probably gravitate towards is Reddit.

Yes, definitely.

And if you're like, you know, have no balls because you're not anonymous.

Because you want to be anonymous.

Like say it, say it with your face.

Say it to your face.

Say it with your face.

Literally.

And call me ugly girl.

You got to send a pic.

Anyways, Reddit is potentially going public, so look out for it on the stock market.

That was a funny joke, E-V-I-L.

Thank you.

I like that.

Thanks so much.

I mean, it's a good idea if they need a ticket.

Yeah.

I love when people get creative with their ticker.

Like, when we reported that chewy, woof, that's so cute.

So fucking cute.

If the morning toast were to go public, RDH.

Yeah, that's good.

Even though TMT.

Yeah, of course.

But do you need four or three suffice?

I don't work in finance.

I don't know.

I feel like it's probably three.

Or the morning toast.

TMT.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or RDH.

Okay, next in some other biz news, the McDonald's McFlurry machine is broken, and now the FTC is on it.

Took them long enough.

I don't know.

I don't know.

This is a really, like, it's a funny headline, but then it's like, what is the FTC doing?

Dude, also, wait, can we talk about the FTC?

Because isn't the FTC also like, if you don't use hashtag ad, like, they sued J-Lo because she put up an ad like a few years ago for $50,000.

And

you're telling me the same company that sues J-Lo is the same company that investigates ice cream machines?

The Federal Trade Commission.

So they're investigating all trade.

I guess.

And that's kind of just like biz tings.

Right.

Biz tings.

The FTC has reached out to McDonald's franchisees seeking information about what exactly is going on with reports of broken ice cream machines after years of public outcry.

Franchise owners have long complained that the machines are overly complicated, hard to fix, and time-consuming to clean.

McDonald's said it understands the frustration and is working on the problem.

That's it?

Yeah, and

the FTC is looking into it for everyone.

Well, I'm not going to lie, like, is this a cause I can get behind?

Absolutely.

Yes, but it also, it must mean the rest of the world is perfect if this is what we're focusing on.

Right.

Like, honestly, McDonald's is a near-perfect institution.

Like, really, like.

Except.

Except for the founding and the founder.

Yeah, but it's almost like.

Everyone says I've seen that movie.

You've got to watch it.

It's almost as if they're one ice cream machine short of perfection.

So, like, I think we need to relax a little bit.

Of course, it is frustrating.

But I'm glad to hear that everything else in the biz world is up to code.

And now that the FTC can be focusing on this, that means everything is going great.

I love McDonald's

so much.

And I've, not that I often get ice cream at McDonald's.

I usually get a McFlurry.

Yeah, but that's the same machine.

Is it?

It has to be.

For sure.

Yeah, because like that seems like a waste of sweetness.

Because it's vanilla ice cream.

And then when you get a vanilla cream.

It's going to be in that swirler right that just like dizzies it up i so okay so i'll go back to what i was about to say i've never tried to get a mcflurry and was stymied and said the machine was broken no i've definitely i feel like you go to mcdonald's like very infrequently now that you're pregnant you're probably doing it more but like

some of us have like years in this you know industry yeah no and i'm i'm not i'm not Discounting anybody else's experience.

I'm only talking about my own experience.

Yes, and my experience is definitely, I would say, like 75% of the time, it's fine.

And also, my experience at McDonald's's, they're very,

you know,

random.

Like at a different, like, McDonald's here, McDonald's, they're over different course.

It's not like every time I go to McDonald's, I go to the same one.

It's actually quite the opposite.

No, and by the way, McDonald's in the city are the worst.

Like, I mean, I've been ordering from the one that's near me and just the quality control there is.

Yeah, like if you want a good McDonald's, like, you get in the car and you go to a drive-through, but like, the ones in the city are just like barely like they're good enough, but they're not great.

Like I always bend to the chicken finger being like, okay, where's the fingernail?

Like I just know that it's in there.

Excuse me.

So those are the fast four stories.

And for our fifth story,

we have a bit of Kelly's Mindless News.

Mindless News.

Like the 4th of July.

Kelly's Mindless News is in no way associated with Kelly Rippa herself.

We apologize in advance any offense it may cause, but we are personally offended by the mindlessness that circulates on the internet, courtesy of Kelly Rippa's publicity team.

So, we got tagged in this so many times on Instagram, and I'm so glad that, like, when people see a mindless piece of news about Kelly Rippa, like their first association, us.

That makes me feel great, and that we're doing really important work here.

And today's mindless news is especially mindless, okay?

Here's a headline from People Magazine: Kelly Rip, and People Magazine is the breeding ground of mindless news.

That and Hello magazine.

Kelly Rippa claps back at claims she used a filter in a beach selfie.

Quote, it's just the angle.

No, I I think we should unpack the title really quickly because

I don't really know what an angle and a filter

have to do with one another.

They don't.

Okay, that was just dumb.

Apples and oranges.

On Wednesday, the live with Kelly and Ryan, co-host 50, shared a selfie of herself and her husband, Mark and Suelos, enjoying a sunset on the beach.

She is looking timeless without the help of a filter.

She shared a selfie of herself and husband, Mark, enjoying a sunset on the beach.

They were all smiles as they lounged in their chairs on the sand.

I thought the picture was very sweet.

It was really cute, yeah.

With the mom of three implying in the caption that they brought cheese and a baguette to share.

Wow, that's so cute.

Many of Rippa's followers commented on her and Consuelos' youthful appearances in the photo.

You two look like teenagers, one person wrote.

That's nice.

However, another apparently swore that Rippa did some photo editing to the snap in a now-deleted comment.

Oh, well, if they swore it.

Yeah.

Somebody wrote, I love how like one moron's comment is in People Magazine's story.

It's fucking crazy, but like we can't get in.

Right.

We can't get in.

Literally, here's the comment that the person wrote.

How is it you look 10 years younger, Kelly?

Raised eyebrow emoji.

Must be a relaxing holiday.

Honestly, that doesn't even seem like a shady comment.

Not enough to warrant a clap back in an article.

Like, like, yeah, that's like, that's kind of like funny and cute.

Like, how I'm on to you.

Like, then someone else wrote, someone else wrote, as beautiful as she is, it's death a filter.

How little is going on in Kelly Rippa's life?

Like, this is actually getting to her.

No, and yeah, that she even responds to this.

And we know how little is going on in the world of celebrity news, which is why People Magazine writes it up.

Rippa fired back at the assumption, writing, if it was a filter, I would look amazing.

It's just the angle and sunset light.

As of Wednesday afternoon, her response still appears on the post, but the comments have been limited.

So this is literally the biggest.

Oh, okay.

And then she, oh, wow, she's really doubling down.

Like, no offense.

She looks nice in this picture.

Like, that's what she looks like.

She doesn't look like insanely.

No, and like, when someone uses a filter in like an overt way, like, you can tell.

And it just, it looks like Kelly Ripper.

So then on her Instagram story, she reshared the photo, but she made a pick stitch basically of her original photo and then her with a filter.

Like, she literally used face app and put like makeup on.

So she reshared the photo alongside another version that had a filter over it.

In the filtered version, her face is clearly smoother, gives off the appearance that Kelly Rippa is wearing a full face of makeup.

And she wrote, Spot the difference, spot the difference,

adding a thinking emoji.

So she's just really bothered by the fact that, like,

this is

person.

This is such an intricate story.

Like, there's so many layers about nothing.

About nothing.

And I feel inspired by this story to go around and leave mean comments on celebrities' Instagrams because then maybe I'll get written up.

No, and then I could, like, start a business.

Yeah, no, like, I'll get press.

And, like, apparently that's all you have to do.

To be honest with you.

And like, this just sets such a terrible example.

Because it's like, what about all the nice comments saying how beautiful she looked?

And it's like, oh, no, if you're mean, you will get Kelly Rippa's attention.

Go for it.

And honestly it's like sometimes chloe kardashian will respond to haters because they say like the most evil vile things about chloe literally all they're saying is that you look too beautiful kelly like calm the down but i also have like it's a it's a chicken and egg situation i also blame the publications because they like live to write up so-and-so claps back at the online troll so celebrities are like i want to be the so-and-so who clapped back at an online troll i'm like oh i'll get my name in the paper today if i just clap back let me find the meanest comment i just have to say though and by the way that's the movie the word troll here is being used like really unnecessarily.

Like this woman literally called her so beautiful.

Kelly has such a hard life.

No, but it's crazy because I would say Kelly Ripper like works really hard, has so many jobs, like never stops.

Yet somehow she has too much time on her hands.

Literally.

Literally.

Well, that's your Kelly's mindless news of the day.

And we hope you enjoyed the mindlessness of that segment and this entire show in particular.

Yeah, but you know, sometimes you just gotta take your mind off things with a little mindlessness.

And it's a nice Friday.

We don't want to carry anything too heavy today.

Exactly.

Now you know you can go into the weekend really prepped.

And there's really nothing going on, so if you get invited to a dinner party, like you don't have to worry about being caught up on like someone's IPO, you know?

Reddit.

Reddit, yes.

So that's our show, you guys.

And that was our week.

And we'll be back on Wednesday because a reminder, Monday and Tuesday are Labor Day and Rosh Hashanah.

So happy new year, Chags of Mech to all of our Jewish toasters and those who celebrate.

And we hope you have an amazing weekend.

Stay safe.

And thank you so much for listening to The The Morning Toast, the Millennial Morning Show, where we deliver the fast five stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

So, if you're watching this on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up.

We're also available as a podcast anywhere podcasts can be found.

So, at Spotify, I june Stitcher, Public Radio, iHeart Radio, Cast Box, all the places.

So, whenever you listen to podcasts, find us: The Morning Toast, leave a five-star review about how beautiful, stunning, and smart we are.

And if you're still listening to this, leave an emoji associated with the beach because Kelly and her justice for her on the beach, okay?

Okay, bye.

Bye.