S4 Ep98: Claudia Explains It All: Wednesday, June 2nd, 2021

Good morning, Millennials.

Welcome back to the Morning Toast.

Happy Wednesday.

It is already hump day.

We love short week here at the Morning Toast.

We love it so much.

It's a hump day and I am sitting next to Dew and so I just feel so full.

Aroused.

So.

Would you agree?

My heart is full.

And aroused.

And aroused.

And my heart is aroused.

Welcome back.

We have been gone for quite some time.

We apologize for that, but it feels good to be back.

It also feels like no time has passed.

It was just the other day we were sitting here, Sans makeup.

Yes.

Oh my God.

How crazy were we?

We did a no makeup and we had so much hope in front of us, you know, a long weekend on the horizon.

And you know what?

We have to acknowledge the space that we're in.

It is Wednesday already.

Like we only have like, you know, two and a half more days of work.

You guys, we're almost in the weekend.

We've been in worse spaces before.

So even though you would think like we're back from the long weekend, the long weekend gave us you know, a shorter week.

For us, it was shorter, but for most people, it was still short.

Yeah, I mean, we love a shorty.

And it's like June.

Like, we just like strolled into

right into June.

Right into June, right into Pride Month.

Happy Pride to all of our LGBTQ plus toasters.

Hope you have an amazing month and life.

I can't believe it's June.

I know.

That's a curveball.

That is something I just really didn't see coming, even though these things are, you know, planned out in a calendar.

Yes, and they are the same every year.

I know, they never change, but yet they always feel different.

Snuck up on us.

It's really summer.

It's 70 degrees and sunny.

The construction has officially moved away from our windows, so we are feeling very grateful, humble,

peace, and quiet.

And we have a great show.

I mean, it's Wednesday.

That means it's deer toasters.

And we have an update for you guys, which we're really excited about.

That'll be later in the show.

We've got the Real Housewives of New York recap.

And we have so many other recaps because so much happened over the weekend.

The Friends Reunion.

There was just lots to unpack.

I watched so much TV.

We have the Friends Reunion as a story, but I finished the big shot with Bethany.

Okay.

Spoiler alert.

Do you want to know who won?

Did you watch any of it?

Yeah, I watched like four episodes.

It gets like less and less like.

I mean, if it's not the person who I want it to be, I want to get it.

I don't know what her name.

I forget her name.

Miloxie?

Yeah.

Don't, okay, you know what?

I'll watch it.

I really hope she won.

Honestly, I may watch it.

It did end up being like a big, fat fucking waste of time.

Like, it was funny in the beginning.

Did you think that it wasn't going to be?

In the beginning, I was living for it.

And then it just got like, she was so chaotic.

She like brought people back, fired people, new person.

Like, there was no structure to the show.

And she had said that in the beginning, like, that's just the type of business person she is.

And I respect that.

But, like, like, as a TV show, like, I need a little bit more structure.

I hear you.

How is it good?

Like, nonsense.

I'll watch it at some point.

I didn't watch any TV this weekend.

I was reading.

By the way, a new episode of The Redheads drops tomorrow.

We're recording it tonight.

So, get your questions in the Redheads Book Club at gmail.com.

I did not plan my reading calendar properly, and I started a book on the plane on the way to Dallas, and I was like looking for a book to read, and I should have fucking started the Redheads book because I didn't even get to finish the other one.

Now, I'm starting, I'm 50% in, and the book is so good.

I know I have to speed through it, so it's like I want to enjoy it, but I can't.

This is Claire Crawley energy over here.

Very chaotic.

So chaotic.

And so,

but for you guys, like, you should read the book and enjoy it and then listen to the episode when it drops.

Yeah.

I didn't get a chance to read really much this weekend either.

I was just like busy, you know.

Did you finish that book, Where the Grass is Green?

No, I made it about 30%.

We made it about.

I made it 28% when I decided, no, thank you.

Yeah, I,

what's it called?

Where the grass is green.

Green and the girls are pretty.

First of all, I didn't had no idea what it was about.

So when I learned it was kind of like an adaptation of a real life, you know, scandal, the college admission scandal, I was like, oh, it's kind of like a played out scandal already.

And it's only like two years old.

And then like the daughter, right when I ended it, the daughter like put up a vlog before she knew like her dad was arrested.

Spoiler alert.

And I was like, this is like Olivia Jade.

I was just like, I don't know.

Part of me like feels like.

Hasn't Olivia Jade been through enough?

Like we're going to really be like, you know, punching her again, making her like the butt.

I don't know if that's what the book is about like vlog yeah but i was just getting like olivia jade vibes and i was just like the story has been told many times yeah i was good i was good without it which just wasn't for me so it's been like

Just a crazy week of reading for me.

Yeah, it's been like a crazy week of travel for me.

I did survive and I am here.

Therefore, you will not have to look for replacements.

Oh, I'm glad.

But I am glad that I gave, you know, my eulogy just in case because I really do want to be able to do it.

And you felt prepared and you probably felt very much at peace.

Yeah, at peace, because I'm like, I have like a last will and testament on this last episode.

If anything happens to me, you know, you know, who to replace me with.

Everyone knows how much I've loved my time here.

But I made it.

So the eulogy was really for nothing.

But it really was very scary.

I have flown to the Hamptons one time before, and I refused to take a helicopter.

I just don't fuck with that.

But seaplanes are more safe.

because they fly over the water than helicopters.

And I hadn't taken it in a few years.

And the second I got on the plane, I had like a reminder of the feeling.

I had deja vu of the feeling I had when I first took it and how I made a promise to myself that first time that I would never do it again.

Yet here I was doing it again and I was like, I was so mad at myself.

I literally wanted to get off.

It was so scary and I flew with TPG obviously and he was cool as a cucumber.

Like this man, it was crazy how he was completely unfazed.

It was unnatural, you know, like the takeoff is so bumpy on the water.

And it was a gorgeous day too.

Like there shouldn't have been an ounce of turbulence, but it was literally like.

a soda can shaking it up before you like it was so chaotic but at the end of the day it was door-to-door service in an hour like how can can you beat that to the Hamptons on Memorial Day weekend?

Yeah.

But the price is high.

It's your life, potentially.

Yeah.

You know how

you know how I felt about it.

I know.

Which was that I just didn't think it was, it was an unnecessary, treacherous risk on a treacherous road.

Treacherous road.

But it rained the whole weekend, and the only nice day in the Hamptons that was like pool weather was Thursday.

And if I had drowned out, I wouldn't have drove out.

I wouldn't have made it till like three, four o'clock.

So I ended up getting there at 11 and I had the whole day to swim.

I don't know if I can tell it.

Maybe I got a little tan.

Like it was.

He does look tan.

And then it rained for three days straight, which I was talking about, how like I was having a lot of anxiety about like all the chaos that would ensue in the Hamptons if the weather was nice.

And I literally didn't see anyone because it rained the whole time.

Oh, nice.

You bypassed it.

You know what?

And I really wasn't upset.

That's nice.

I'm happy for you.

I'm happy you had the best of both worlds.

I did.

I really did.

It was a lovely weekend.

Nice to be with TPG, take some time off.

Very nice.

And I made it back alive.

And that's, at the end of the day, truly all that matters.

All you can ask for, really.

All you can hope for.

I was at my sister-in-law's wedding this weekend, which was so beautiful and so much fun.

And now I'm like sick.

Can you tell my voice?

Yeah.

Okay, I don't know because I don't know what I sound like, which is why I think I have a beautiful singing voice.

No, I caught a cold in the middle of the party, like, and then I've just been like having a cold ever since.

There's like this thing going around, like post-COVID.

I saw, I had it, and I gave it to you.

And then I think you also gave it to Margo.

Sorry, Snatcher.

And then I saw it on TikTok.

Like, a a lot of people are getting like mysterious colds.

It's like you think it's allergies, it's not COVID.

I just think it's like this post-COVID thing where we've been in our houses for so long, like, not exposed to any germs.

That, like, you go in the subway and you immediately catch like this weird cold that's going around.

Yeah, definitely.

And I also think that just with the seasons changing, like, it happens.

But I thought I already paid my dues to the cold, ma'am.

Yeah.

You know, like two weeks ago when I had a cold, but here I am with another one.

But I think I'm on the down part of it.

I think I already passed the hump, which is good, but now I just have this sticky, sticky shoes.

My sticky, sticky shoes.

We have to talk about the friends reunion.

Okay, do you want to talk about it?

Yeah, I mean, is it a story?

It is a story.

So we should talk about it.

And do you want to show everyone what I got you?

Speaking of the Friends Reunion, I got her a little present because I'm always thinking of her.

Jackie went to Ulta and found the Friends X Makeup Revolution collab.

And while I don't, I didn't like die for any of the palettes.

I don't really even wear eyeshadow.

They made a mirror that's a lobster.

He's her lobster.

So it's a handheld mirror.

And I'm so excited because I love using handheld mirrors.

It's a big ass one.

You can really never have enough.

You can't have enough.

So I was just always thinking of you, always wondering, like, what would Claudia, what would

make Claudia happy?

Like, how can I brighten Claudia's day?

That is, like, so nice because, like, I love you, but I don't really think that.

But then when you told me you got me something, I was like, oh my god, I should get her something.

But I literally did not leave my house.

No, you don't need to get me something.

I just would like to see you bring it home from the studio.

I'll bring this home 100%.

Because you know, the inner peace puzzle that I got her is still here at the studio, and that fucking cuts deep.

Well, because you just never know like when we're going to get, you know, like locked in here or something and we'll need to do a puzzle, you know?

Yeah, I guess you never know.

You never know.

And I'm constantly being prepared.

Like preparedness is one of my personality traits.

Okay, cool.

Yeah, cool.

So sorry, I didn't get you anything.

No, that's not why I did it.

Don't get gifts like with an expectation for someone to get you something.

Like I guess, but that's pretty much the only reason I get some of my gifts.

No, like...

I know that's not true about you.

No, it's not.

I do like giving gifts, but also.

I'm sure if you saw something that just screamed me, like you would get it.

But you just haven't been moved like that.

I also just don't go anywhere.

Like that's the hard part, you know?

Yeah.

And if I do go somewhere, it's like just to get like drinks and you don't really even drink anymore.

So what am I going to do?

Get you?

Bring me back a drink.

Like a sparkling water.

I got home on Monday and I had such a traumatic day.

Yesterday, it was top 10, one of the worst days in recent years.

I am aware.

There was a lot of rain in Manhattan.

Over the last couple days, I was gone from my house for about five days.

And when I woke up on Tuesday morning, I went to the kitchen to make myself a coffee and I was going to do a whole coffee review.

And what do I see on my kitchen floor?

I see a quote-unquote water bug.

It's a roach dead on its back.

And I'm like, holy fuck.

Like, that's one of those things where your earth, like the wall, like it just, it shatters everything.

So I run into the bedroom to get my phone.

And then I'm like, what is that under my chair?

Like, something caught my eye.

Another roach, belly up.

So I'm like, holy shit, it's an infestation.

And so I took a couple pictures.

I called my handyman to help me dispose of them because I really just could not do it.

And then I had to call an exterminator.

The exterminator that I, I have, I'm, we're very on top of our extermination needs.

Like I have an exterminator come once a month, but um, I couldn't get in touch with him.

So I just called like a random company and they couldn't get there till seven.

So I had to wait.

This was like 11 a.m.

I had to wait from like 11 a.m.

till seven like in a home that I felt personally victimized by.

Like I sat the entire day in the middle of my bed so that like no, you know, bug could like crawl up my leg or something.

Like I sat in the middle of my bed.

I had had plans to have such a productive day.

I did not do one thing.

I was like, I was fearing for my life in my own home.

And it's just the worst fucking feeling.

Was Theo there?

Yes, but like he was just like kind of feeding off of my energy, which was very, you know, terrorized.

So the exterminator came, you know, we laid the traps, we sprayed, we didn't find any more, which was good.

They say, they say things to make you feel better, you know, like when it rains and the types of roaches,

that's true also.

When the types of roaches that I have, water bugs are

very common when it rains a lot and they can come up your drains.

So they said the fact that they were dead is great.

It means there's not an infestation.

It just means like, you know, someone else exterminated them from their home and they came to your house to die.

Like, so.

I don't really know what to do about it.

I feel so unsafe in my own home and there's no worse feeling than that.

There's only one thing you can do, really, and that's move.

No, I think I can also burn my house down and take actually roaches can survive like a nuclear war, right?

Yeah, you just have to move.

I think the solution for you is on street easy.

Yeah, the thing is.

And I think it's time for you to go.

I mean, you've had a wonderful time there, but it's become clear that this place is

not for you.

Well, I, listen, I have been wanting to move.

I've been talking about that for like a few months.

And if I find something, I will move.

But I made peace like literally two weeks ago.

I'm like, I'm not going to move.

I just made a large, you know, I just spent a large sum of money on something.

And I I was like, to kind of reconcile that, I was like, I'm not going to move.

Therefore, you know, like it all evens out, even though like it definitely doesn't.

And now I'm, I'm left with a true Deandra's choice because I have to move or I have to like burn my entire building.

Yeah.

No, but then you still would have to move because you wouldn't have a place to live.

So why should the building suffer?

That's true.

Why can't you just leave?

And then I could like would be potentially putting others in danger.

Right.

And then like, I'm sure like the insurance company would see this episode and he's like, oh, it's fraudulent.

Fraudulent.

We know who did it.

Fraudulent.

Yeah.

So I'm in a tough spot, I really am.

And I just, I can't sleep.

Like, you know, when you feel like a mouse on you, but there's like nothing there.

I just woke up feeling very irritated.

It's been a true nightmare, like, to be me.

Yeah, no, I feel that.

And so, I mean, I personally really like Roadway.

I think they're a great moving company.

And we, I'll send you links of apartments if I see them.

Please do.

It's just like so frustrating because I'm like, you know what?

Now I need to move out of the city.

Like,

because the city is just filled with like roaches and rats and mice.

But it's like no matter where you go, there are regional rodents, you know, like

there's cicadas and snakes.

Alligators.

Wait, did you see the mouse at Whole Foods?

Excuse me, no.

At Whole Foods in Manhattan.

Anyone see this?

You know how they have those displays of meat?

Like, because they have a butcher there.

Okay.

There was a mouse like nibbling on the meats in the glass case at Whole Foods.

Oh, I did see that.

That's disgusting.

I did see that.

So

it's time to leave New York City.

No, No, but I feel like there's time.

So many people running for mayor now, and none of them are really kind of addressing, like, wanting to tackle this particular issue.

And of course, there's so many issues in the city.

Like, where does one begin?

Where do you begin?

But I do feel like there's something that needs to be done about like the incessant rodent problem.

Yeah.

I don't know what that is.

But you know what I also feel like?

I feel like while we were all at home for the year, like...

locking down the rodents and the pigeons like ruled the city.

They ruled this town.

It is their town.

And they're not going home.

They worked too hard for this zip code to go home now and they're not going home now and so i feel like now that the people are back out again it's like we're encountering all of gang violence like literally the two gangs like fighting for turf you're 100 right like remember a year ago there was those stories about like the super rats because it was rat eat rat crime out rat eat rat world it was a rat eat rat world so the rats only the strongest survived and now that's who we're up against yeah i'm telling you you guys are going to start encountering more and more of these creatures more and more rat violence No, it's fucking terrible.

And I really, I know there's a mayoral race coming up, and I don't feel like any candidate is really tackling this issue.

I feel like the mayoral race hasn't heated up yet.

I've been like, I haven't been all in on paying attention.

I just hear like things here and there.

Barbara Cavavit.

Barbara Cavit.

I see some commercials.

But I do feel like after the summer, things are really going to heat up.

Because it is a little early still, but I really look forward to seeing what everybody has to put out to the table.

To bring to the table.

I'm really, really excited.

And if anybody wants to, you know, get into the hearts of millions of New Yorkers, let's start talking about the true issues of our city, the rodents.

Yeah, that's just a suggestion.

Among the others.

Amongst the millions.

There's, honestly, it's daunting.

I don't know who would want to be mayor of New York.

Like, we have so many problems.

Yeah.

We're inheriting the worst city, the worst the city's been in years.

Yeah.

So good luck to everyone.

We'll be paying attention.

I'm really excited to see what you guys bring to the table.

Pay attention, please.

We have an amazing show.

I really feel like we should just jump right there.

I think we should get right into the fast five stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast.

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Okay, first story: Friends Reunion.

Here's how much money the cast of friends made for the reunion versus season one.

Okay.

So season one, I don't know if you know this, they each made about $22,500 per episode.

Okay, which is pretty cool.

Do you want to go through every season or do you just want to know reunion?

No, they were the first people

on TV to make a million dollars an episode.

Yes.

So then season two, they reportedly made between $22,500 and $40,000.

And at the time, Rachel and Ross were making more than the others.

Really?

Yes, but then at season three, they all were making about $75,000.

Jennifer Aniston said in an interview,

at the time, she said the negotiations were more about we're doing equal work and we all deserve to be compensated in the same way.

I wouldn't feel good going to work knowing someone was getting X amount and I was getting something greater.

And also like she wasn't better than anyone or more of a star than anyone else.

Like they really all and that's what I really liked about the Friends Reunion was they gave such a like an interesting so I know a lot of people were like not happy with it because I think they wanted like an episode.

Yeah.

And that's what I was expecting as well, but I can't even explain like how relieved I was that it wasn't that.

One, because it wouldn't have been good.

Yeah.

And two,

they gave a very clear explanation james cordon asked like if they would do a um like a movie or like another you know reunion special and they were like no and the the creators basically explained like they tied up the show in such a nice way like everyone really got tucked away nicely you know monica and chandler moved to the suburbs phoebe met mike who was paul rudd who was not there which was very bizarre like his absence was felt um rachel and ross finally got back together and joey was like even though being joey and why would they unravel that in order to have a storyline?

Like it gives people who love the show peace of mind.

Like everyone is living their best lives in Connecticut, you know?

And also what they had said was that the premise of the show was that time in your life where your friends are your family.

And the show ended at a time where like they were all having babies, getting married, where like your family is your family.

So for the show friends to exist in a time other than those like special seven years is not the point.

And then they also said back to my original point was that the show was like the first of its kind to have an ensemble cast.

Like everyone was a star.

There wasn't, it wasn't the Rachel show, it wasn't the Jennifer Addison show.

It was really, and that's why people are like, I'm a Phoebe, I'm a, because everyone related in some way, even ensemble shows like Sex in the City, like Carrie's a star.

Like, you really can't say who the star of, I mean, I could if I wanted to, but who do you think?

Well, I did read an article once, like, who was the star of friends?

And based on how much time they had?

Time they had and dialogue.

And the person who had the most time and dialogue was Ross.

And I actually would agree that Ross, maybe not the star, but was like the...

It's just a personality thing.

Like, I think that Phoebe and Ross were so

perfectly cast.

And what's crazy is that in the special, they went through the casting thing, and the producers of the show, the creators had known David Trimmer before for like an audition, and they didn't think he was right for it, but they thought he was hilarious.

And so they wrote Ross for him.

And that's why I feel like Ross is so Ross because the role was like literally written, kind of how like Evan Hanson was written for Ben Platt, you know?

So it's so Ross.

And Phoebe, and they didn't mention this in the special, which I thought was weird, but Phoebe's character was cast as Ellen DeGeneres.

And then something happened, and Ellen got her own show or something, and she gave up the role, and Lisa Kudra got it.

So, but for me, like Phoebe made,

Lisa Kudra made Phoebe so her own.

It also felt like it was written for her, but it wasn't.

Yeah.

So there was like interesting tidbits in the whole special.

But sorry, back to your article.

They made $3 million each, right?

They made about two and a half million dollars each.

Yeah.

And then when the credits rolled, they were all also executive producers.

So they definitely made more than that yeah even more than that and initially they were offered a million dollars each but they turned that down really

so what were your thoughts on the special i really liked it i mean don't get me wrong like i'm so negative so there were so many moments that like was were so illusory like

and i liked that it was long and i felt like i wish more of the airtime was dedicated to like you know more bloopers more you know tom sellek showed up like more

guest stars, but they had so many like celebrities just kind of like explaining what friends meant to them and I just like honestly like David Beckham, like, you know, he travels all the time.

And like, when he gets in his hotel room, like, he watches friends, it makes him feel at home.

And like, that's actually how I feel.

Like, when I'm on the road and like, I watch friends, like, I feel like I'm back in my bedroom.

Like, I really relate to that, but I just don't care, you know?

And then it was like, Mindy Kaling, love you, don't care.

And then, you know, they had Malala and her friend and they were like, this is why we're friends.

Sweet, don't care.

Like, there was just so much like unnecessary like celebrity moments.

So they had this segment, like iconic outfits from friends, like where certain episodes, like Ross has this episode about his leather pants, where he's on a date with a girl, he's wearing these tight pants, and he goes to pee and he can't get his pants back on.

And they had a fashion show of like all the iconic fashion.

And like Cara Delavine modeled in it, Cindy Crawford modeled in it, Justin Bieber modeled in it.

And like, okay, yes, maybe a good idea on paper.

But I so didn't care.

Like, I'm just like, take me back to the friends.

Like, yeah.

I felt like they just wasted so much time on things that weren't about the six castmates.

And James Corden got a lot of, you know, people just don't like James Corden.

And I actually do like him.

And I thought he did a fine job.

He didn't bother me, like, making it about himself, like, which a lot of people do.

But there were great moments.

So I don't want to focus on the negative ones because overall, I was like really entertained the whole time.

I was a little upset we didn't get any Paul Rudd, who is the guy who ended up with Phoebe.

But they did have Tom Selleck come on, which was just delightful.

Like Margo, I was watching with Margo Austria.

She was like losing her mind.

They had Gunther, who like couldn't make it, so he was on via Zoom.

And I'm like, Gunther, like, get on the plane.

Like, it's the biggest thing you've ever done like get on the plane um and then they had janice too and it was just nice to see like how they all interacted with like these celebrities um and they all seem like really nice people like i don't know i don't think there's any you know diva like behavior going on because everyone they seemed like really good friends and they were so nice to everyone like they remembered everyone's names like it was just like nice and they were all getting emotional and it was sweet i did get like a little choked up at the end because it was just like really sweet

it was i actually really liked it and and i was surprised that a lot of people didn't like it because it just wasn't what people were expecting yeah but i think it's like a great new format like not everything needs to be a reboot like sometimes it's great to just get together and chat yeah and that's what it was now there's a lot of stories like being published about matthew perry yes i was gonna ask you so

did i think he sounded weird yes did he act weird no

And so the story that he came out and said is that like he had major dental surgery a few days before and that's why he sounded weird.

Jack Efron tried it, it, you guys.

No, I know, but I do have to say like he wasn't acting bizarre.

He was just sounding bizarre.

So like the dentist's story like kind of tracks like, but they also, he was like barely in it.

Like he didn't say anything.

So I feel like maybe they cut a lot of his stuff out.

Like, and I just think people are worried because he's openly, you know, struggled with addiction and he's sober.

And he even had a TV show, right?

About like a.

Yeah, also, I read this morning that him and his fiancé broke up.

Yes.

So maybe he's just going through a tough time and it wasn't great timing for him.

Yeah.

I don't believe dental surgery.

Like, again, hasn't worked.

The biggest thing in years, we're going to go to get our.

But he also did have like big teeth.

So, like, no, to do it like a week before the special of a lifetime, you're getting paid two and a half million dollars.

I mean, two and a half million dollars to these people is absolutely nothing.

Nope.

Some of them, I think that's a big heyday.

No, literally, like every year when there are these lists of like top

paid TV,

they're on it every year just for like syndication and Netflix.

But they're making like just in like licensing and royalties and this

stupid collab, you know, like they're making like $20 million a year.

It's fabulous, but they're fine financially.

I know, but two and a half million dollars, like, don't get your teeth done a week before.

100%.

That's what happened.

And it's not.

Yeah, so there's just like something going on there.

He was just giving me like sad vibes, you know?

I feel like everyone was really, really excited to be there.

And the one, like, I don't even remember anything he said memorably except for that they filmed in front of a live studio audience and they really said that like that was it was like basically doing like like a theater every every night and it really made you want to like do better and have the joke land and Matthew Perry's character and I guess he was kind of like this in real life is like joke joke joke joke is like he's just like an annoying like jokester you know and if he said a joke that you know the audience in real life like didn't laugh at like it really chipped away at him and he was like really struggling with that and everyone when he said that just went kind of like quiet and phoebe was like you never told us that like so it was just obvious that he struggled with a lot internally on the show.

Yeah.

Stuff we know about and stuff we also didn't know about.

So he was just giving me like sad energy.

And I like actually felt sad for him because he really did not say anything.

Yeah, that's really sad.

I mean, I'm with him.

I think the studio audience had to go.

That's my biggest gripe about

this.

But, you know, like the laugh track that they, I think that they use in the show is not the studio audience because like

I just, it wasn't matching up for me.

Like, you know what I mean?

Yeah, I hear you.

But I, I did love it.

And I just wish we talked a little bit more about like, you know, what's been going on with them.

Like, it's taken them so, because at the end they were like what have you taken away from this experience and they were like it shouldn't ever be this long before we're all in a room together again and i know that the girls hang out and i think that there's a lot of weirdness i i just what i've heard is that it comes from like david shrimmer but he was like being like so friendly but like maybe he's just a good actor like there was i just wanted to know like well why haven't you guys like been together and why have you there been so much like weird rumors like what's the truth yeah we weren't getting into that I understand.

One other little bombshell that they did drop is that Rachel and Ross, like in real life, were like majorly crushing on each other the the first few seasons.

And it was just like bad timing because she was in a relationship, then he was in a relationship, and so they never actually got together.

But and their first kiss, like, was on the show, which was weird, but it ended up being so great.

Like, if they had been together, none of the cast dated at all, which is kind of rare.

And that perhaps is why the show was so successful for so long because when people break up, it gets weird, and then they have to date in the show, but then they want to, you know.

But it never ended up dating, so it never created any sort of like weirdness.

And it actually ended up being for the best.

Interesting.

But I was like, maybe I'm like, you're both single now, are you?

Like, maybe we, I don't know if they are.

I don't know who David Trimmer like does in his personal life, but I'm like, I don't know, maybe now's the time.

Yeah.

I mean, they all are like

so old.

Like, it's crazy, like, seeing the bloopers and then, because they look the same, but they look so different.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Interesting.

Okay.

I'm glad you liked it.

I loved it.

I would, I like, honestly, I would watch it again.

Oh, and another cameo that was excellent that I didn't mind, probably the only one was Lady Gaga.

She came with Phoebe and they performed Smelly Cat.

And then they had this gospel choir come, which is like a reference to an old episode.

And it was so funny.

And then Lady Gaga made this like nice little speech.

Basically, Phoebe was like, you know, the weird, quirky one.

She was into like Tarot cards and shit.

And Lady Gaga was like, thank you so much for being like, you know, the different one and like making it cool to be weird.

And then Lisa Kruder was like, oh my God, that's so nice.

Thank you.

And thank you for carrying that on.

It was like a passing of the torch.

It was lovely.

It was really sweet.

There were a few cute, sweet moments.

There was definitely some lusery ones.

Like Campton and I, like, honestly, Cindy Crawford should know better.

Like, it was really embarrassing for her.

Cara Delavine, too, not once, but she came out on the runway twice.

Like, she was the only model who went twice.

Like, it was, it was losery.

I'm not going to lie.

Were all the models, like, models that we know?

Yeah, no, there was, like, only, the thing is, it was a fashion show with four looks.

Cara Delavine, Cara Delavine, Justin Bieber, and Cindy Crawford.

Cindy Crawford.

Oh, and then Matt Perry did one, which was funny.

It was just like, there were a lot of things taking me away from the cast.

I'm like, no, let's bring it back.

Got it.

That's who we are all here for.

We've waited 17 years.

Like, let's bring it back.

Got it.

That's really funny.

Okay, cool.

Thank you for that very in-depth recap.

I feel like I watched it.

And justice for Paul Rod.

Like, where the fuck was he?

Well, he could have, I'm sure he could have been there.

So it's justice for everybody else that he wasn't there.

Yeah.

Like, I'm sure he wasn't there.

Yeah, they even had

Monica and Ross's parents who were old on the show.

They're from Massapequa?

Yeah, no, that's where their engagement party was, but they're from.

Actually, they might be from Massapiqua.

Because sounds like a magical place.

Why else would they get engaged there?

No, not engagement, sorry, anniversary party.

Why else?

Is it steeped in Native American history?

Actually, I watched that episode yesterday with Alec Baldwin.

Oh, and Alec Baldwin wasn't there.

They did a whole series on like the most famous people who were on the show because they couldn't believe

they were working with some of their idols.

So Sean Penn was on it, Charlie Sheen, and then they mentioned David Schwarmer was like, and your guy, Brad Pitt.

It was so awkward.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

She was like, yeah.

And so they were like kind of rattling off all the iconic people before they were famous and after Denise Richards has been on.

Rebecca Romaine, Gabrielle Union, like so many people.

They didn't mention Alec Baldwin.

That's weird.

Yeah, especially because like I think a lot of the friends fandom like regards that episode as like one of the best.

It's so funny.

Yeah, it's funny when you tell me about it.

Oh my God, just watch it or not.

I watched a Mass Picqua episode.

No, no, just watch the show.

I've tried.

You don't want me, we're not doing this.

I'm not going to take away from your happy occasion.

I really enjoyed it, and I think I got pretty much everything I wanted out of it.

I'm so glad.

Except, you know, you're a loser when they like were doing all these bloopers.

I'm like, I've literally seen them all because I watched videos on YouTube.

Like, that's losery of me.

So, I had seen like half of the

content.

Okay.

It was good.

It was good.

Are you ready for our next story?

Theo looks so fucking deliciously cute.

He is so delicious and cute.

He's kicking me.

He said he's ready for the next story.

He started his new walker today, so I think he's just like spent.

Oh, yeah.

He had his big time exercise.

Brew has exercised today, too.

He's excited.

I'm excited for him.

He kicked me.

Time for the next story.

He said, Next fucking story.

Stop talking about this dumb fucking show.

Okay, Miles Teller's wife corroborates the claim that he was jumped by two strangers in Hawaii.

So, this is a really crazy story that emerged this weekend.

The tellers are telling their side of a complicated story story.

They are the tellers.

They are the tellers surrounding the alleged assault of actor Miles Teller.

While initial reports of the altercation claim that Miles was slugged by a man claiming he owed him $60,000, both Teller and his wife, Kelly, claim he was actually jumped by two strangers.

Kelly wrote on Instagram, the story reported about Miles being punched in the face by TMZ over money is completely false.

Miles was jumped by two men we have never met after they trapped him in a bathroom.

It seems these same men have done this to many people, and we appreciate your support, Maui.

This is now a criminal investigation.

Right, so they've been married in Hawaii, and I guess people were saying that like they had unpaid wedding bills, which like he's in Top Gun.

I don't think that's the case.

I don't think that's the case, but it's just really crazy how this vacation went from like, yes, paradise to hell to hell.

No, literally.

Like last time we spoke we were talking about shaylene and her shorts and and the shapelessness of it all and shaylene's if only shaylene's mysterious shorts were the biggest drama of the trip no i mean never a dull moment when you're shortsless yeah of course and so i'm just

how scary to be locked in a bathroom how scary and now this trip like obviously they'll have a pit about it forever but it started out so lovely on a hike with the waterfalls that's just like what life is like highs and lows you know what i mean sometimes they happen in the same weekend yeah sometimes you get canceled and engaged on the same day on the same damn day on the same evening Like, sometimes that's just how life works, because you know what they say?

Man plans.

God laughs.

And you can be happy and sad at the same time.

Thank you, Casey Musgraves, for so acutely aptly summing that up.

Thank you.

I don't know what acutely means.

No, you were good too.

Oh, yeah, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You were very acute about it.

I'm so cute.

You look so cute today.

Damn.

But back to this story, like, very scary, very sad.

And also, like, the misinformation, assuming that, like, what they're saying is true and what TMZ reports are.

I believe false.

I believe them too.

But it's just like not only do you get beat up but then you also have rumors about you right like you didn't pay dodging your bills like you know uh

withholding money from small vendors like that is traumatizing in and of itself right along with all the salaciousness so I'm glad she just set the record straight yeah took it to me does miles

think he does so she's speaking for both of them I'm sure and and we like to see that a little direct communication I do I love to see like celebrities whether it's reality stars influencers just cutting out like the middleman, you know, like not giving an interview or a statement to TMZ that they can like discombobby.

Yeah, like, no, bitch, here's what happened.

Check my IG and don't forget to follow me.

Totally.

And here's another celebrity Instagram comment making news.

Amy Schumer has been taking to Instagram to share some of her.

Amy Schumer's just been like on a weird one.

She's been taking to Instagram to share some of her thoughts on things and movies that she's seen.

And people can't tell if she's joking, but we believe that she is.

She is.

Amy Schumer took to Instagram to recommend A Quiet Place Part 2, starring Emily Blunt and directed by John Krasinski.

Emily Buntke.

Emily Buntkick.

She's a bonke.

And John Krasinski, who also happened to be married, she raved about the movie, the sequel to the 2018 horror film.

She said, I loved every second of A Quiet Place movie, even better than the first one, which blew me away.

Amazing to be in a movie theater.

I've said this for a long time.

I think Emily and John have a pretend marriage for publicity, but I still think you should see it this rainy weekend.

Okay, so that's pretty funny.

She made two jokes.

And then the other one was she, I guess she also took in Cruella this weekend starring Emma Stone.

She said, she had a busy content weekend.

She said, it's well known Emma Stone is a toxic person, but Disney Cruella is amazing.

Okay, so this one I felt like was so obviously a joke.

The other one was...

Because I feel like I remember stories about them hanging out.

Yes, with Jennifer Lawrence.

Yes.

And Adele.

Adele, yes.

So I, I have like, faint, you know, memory of them being friends.

And this to me is like so clearly a joke.

Whereas the other one I feel like really could have been serious.

Like, it was, it's funny, but it's also like I could see her saying that.

Right.

At first, when I saw just like a screenshot of it without context, I was like, oh, Amy Schumer's like out here, like speaking her truth.

Speaking facts.

Like, yeah.

All cap.

No, no.

But no, John Chris and Sky responded, thank you, Amy, for blowing up our whole marriage spot.

Yeah, okay, that's not a good response, but

like learn how the kids talk.

Blowing up our whole marriage spot.

I think you've been blowing up our spot.

I just like, I don't want to think about it too hard.

So.

Because it could have been so much better.

And, you know, like they actually probably spent time like with the PR team communicating how we're going to respond to this, you know, media blitz.

Yeah, and we've got to be like cool with the kids.

And that's what they came up with.

And it's just not good enough.

No, not at all.

But I did, I did find it funny, but also at first I was like a little confused.

And I don't know.

I just love that like she shh like truly does not care.

Like she didn't clarify.

She didn't do a follow-up.

She's like, interpret this as you will.

Yeah.

And she's not like, oh, sorry, guys.

Like, it was a joke.

Yeah, no, it's just like, figure it out.

She's a a comedian.

So I know.

Emstone may or may not be a toxic person.

Right.

No, we never, we truly never know.

Though, I, my professional opinion is that these are jokes.

Yes, me too.

As somebody in the comedy space, I think I can say with somewhat certainty that these are definitely jokes.

And they're pretty fun.

And they're funny ones.

Speaking of both of those movies, I do plan on seeing both of them.

I heard Corella was great, and I actually saw TikTok.

Do you know why they released it on May 28th?

I'm trying to think of a good enough reason.

It's Cameron Boyce's birthday, and he played Corella's son in Descendants.

Wow, that's really

sweet.

That's really sweet.

And I can't believe that they're like, have such ties to Descendants, you know?

It's the Disney family.

It is the Disney family, but I just feel like, even though Descendants, it's such an amazing idea, like the Descendants of the Villains,

that it doesn't actually tie in to the actual movie.

No, like, and where do we see Corella pregnant, you know?

That's such a good question.

Like, where is the connection?

Yeah, no, that's such a good question.

We'll literally never know.

But maybe we'll find out in the movie.

Maybe.

Maybe there's a man in her life.

So I want to see that.

And I actually do want to see A Quiet Place because I saw Quiet Place one.

I know Abe was watching it on the plane.

This is one of my favorite things.

Abe was watching it on the plane, but Claudia was sitting next to him.

And so she was like watching over his shoulder the whole time, which was actually perfect.

It's a silent film.

It's a silent film.

She didn't need to.

She didn't need his headphones.

Yeah.

And so then he texted me, like, do you want to see the second one together?

And I was like, yeah.

Oh, cute.

Just like how you watch the first one.

Yeah, so we're gonna take a trip to Bogota, and I'm just gonna watch it over his shoulder.

Very sweet.

So I'm gonna plan on seeing both of them, and I heard they were both really good.

Okay, cool.

Yeah, I want to see Cruella.

It's interesting how, like, A Quiet Place was like the first movie to get canceled before COVID, and now it's finally back.

Like, it's literally a full-blown year and a half.

Yeah,

yeah, crazy.

Such as life.

Such is life.

Okay, next story is a little book news.

Book news brought to you by Honey?

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Okay, next story, a little book news.

EL James is talking about her new book, Freed.

It's the newest book in the 50 Shades series, and it comes from the perspective of Christian Gray.

Hitting bookstore shelves on Tuesday is her latest novel, Freed, which is the sixth book in the 50 Shades series.

It talks about a six-week gap while they're preparing for their wedding, but it's very, you know,

what's that book?

Like Twilight, but the new one, Midnight Sun, Midnight Sun, where finally we're hearing from Christian's perspective about how Anna's defiant spirit continues to stir Christian's darkest fears and tests his need for control.

So I guess like understanding why he's a freak.

Yeah, I have been wondering because I haven't read the books, but I saw the movie and honestly, I found Dakota Johnson to be so annoying.

So I can't imagine like reading a book from her perspective because she was was like such a weenie yeah um so no but also when you watch the movies it's like this man like he's so troubled yes and he just mysteriously disappears for like long periods of time yeah it's like where is he going what is he doing so I guess reading it from his perspective and like the backstory of his childhood and all this stuff like will answer some questions I don't know this just like

The book and the movie, I read the book and then I saw the first movie and that's as much as I saw and I just felt like the movie didn't do the book justice.

I thought it was honestly one of the worst casted franchises ever.

And it's weird because I like consider the adapt the movie adaptation kind of a failure, even though it like grossed $1.3 billion.

I still don't think it was a good one.

It's not kind of like regarded as iconic.

Money is money because it has a huge cult following.

People were going to see it, but people don't go back and re-watch it like they do Twilight or people don't.

Unless it's like it's only just ever playing on E, like movies.

Yes.

Movies We Love, aka Movies We Got the Licenses to.

Not Love.

Literally.

I've only seen it once because it was on E, Movies We Love.

Yeah.

Movies We Have the Licensing Rights to.

Movies Movies we have no choice but to love.

And we're going to force you to love.

No, 100%.

And I don't know if you guys read my book.

I actually met E.

L.

James and her husband who made the movie.

And I did have some notes for them.

And did she say anything about that relates to this story in particular?

No, but

who did it first?

Midnight's Run?

Midnight's Sun came out last year, so

I want to say,

like, I guess this is exciting for people.

Stephanie Myers.

This came out first?

Isn't this the third one?

Stephanie Myers is her name, Jack.

Oh, is this the third one from Christian's perspective?

Oh, wow.

People just keep eating shit off.

This is a cash cow.

If I was Neb James, I would have also been writing non-stop.

Next, I'm going to write from the dog's perspective.

This will never stop.

No, literally.

But I actually, like, this is exciting for people because...

If you love the franchise, like, I love Twilight and I actually would, like, love to read a book from Edwards' perspective.

He's so mysterious.

You should read Twilight.

I know.

Next time you call me for a book wreck, Twilight.

Yeah, I should.

I want to do it too.

I I just haven't read it.

There are people who would be excited to read this from his perspective.

Well, there definitely are because she keeps writing these books.

And also, she told GMA that, like,

people come to her book signings and are like, I haven't read a book in 37 years.

And then they like picked up 50 Shades and now they're like voracious readers, which is really nice.

It's a nice entryway into reading.

Yeah, I mean, I think some people would say that about Girls My Jobs book as well.

Yeah, no, I heard people who hadn't read in 37 years love the book.

I heard people who didn't even know how to read learn to read because they heard my book was so powerful.

This man right here.

Available at Amazon, Barnes ⁇ Noble, and really anywhere, Kindle, Nook, all the places.

Once you read that book, you must listen to the episode on the Redheads where we sit down with the author and ask her most of the questions that you'll have.

There's not that many that she leaves you with because she talks about everything.

No stone underneath.

No stone.

She's turning those stones.

Constantly.

Constantly.

But, you know, there's a few things here and there lingering, like, what happened with Maverick?

Yeah.

And we talk about it in the Redheads.

And then once you're a redhead, that's a great place to start.

There's a world of opportunity for you.

And is it, do you think it's possible to be like too late to become a redhead?

No, that's the thing.

It's never too late.

And sometimes you're right on time.

It's beautiful.

Because depending on the book, I feel like this book this month is such a fabulous place to start.

True story, fabulous woman.

I'm loving the writing.

If you like Downton Abbey,

it's just so good.

If you like to code name Helene, like following a real heroine.

I love heroin.

I know you do.

I know you do.

You're going to love this book.

It's called American Duchess by Karen Harper.

That would be a helpful thing to know

as I continue to talk about it.

So, happy for the E.L.

James community.

I am happy for them as well.

And I love a little book news because we love to read here at the Toast and at the Redheads.

We do.

We really do.

Are we ready for our fifth and final story?

It's the final story.

Doom.

Now I feel ready, honestly.

You guys, it's a little more cybersecurity coming for you.

It's the drama, the ransom of it all.

It's a little more cybersecurity ransom coming for your daily needs, okay?

Disgusting.

The meat.

Disgusting.

The meat industry is the latest to be thrown into chaos by ransomware.

So Claire Crawley.

You guys remember the colonial pipeline and

the hacking of the colonial pipeline.

And we were there on the ground in Nashville and lines were long at the pump.

Boots on the ground.

Boots on the ground.

We went just to see how long the lines at the pump were.

Yeah.

And guess what?

The pumps were closed.

The pumps were quaking.

A ransomware attack against the world's largest meat processor is giving a taste of the chaos hackers could cook up with a concerted hack against the agricultural and food sector.

Leave the farmers alone.

You guys, this is like so crazy.

They're just coming for everything.

Everyone, every industry.

And like.

Next up, there's going to be a podcast hack.

It's probably so easy.

The attack against, don't give them ideas.

The attack against Brazil-based JBS has halted production at all the company's U.S.

meat processing facilities and slaughterhouses across Australia, shutting down one-fifth of U.S.

beef

production.

JBS said it expects to have sufficiently recovered to have most plants operational today, but the shutdown is still threatening a temporary surge in beef and pork prices and roiling an industry already battered by the coronavirus pandemic.

Like, honestly, imagine being like that cow that was supposed to be slaughtered and then like some like, it's like literally like a life-saving hack.

Yeah.

And like he was next on the conveyor conveyor belt, but then, like, something happened, and he gets to, like, go back to the farm.

I can't wait to watch a movie about it.

This is kind of like a stunning story.

Like, I know, like, hacks are bad, and Red said, but like, think of all like the cows and pigs that got like just one more day to live.

Yeah.

It's, it's kind of nice for them.

It is, I guess, but it's, it's girls gotta eat, so it's concerning for the world at large.

You know, it's like, who's next?

First, they came for the gas, then they came for the cows, and then they're coming for my neck.

Mm-hmm.

No, you guys, like, this is crazy stuff.

And it's just like, change your password, you know?

I guess.

I guess.

I just feel like we all changed our passwords more.

We should.

That's also a good lesson to take away.

Unrelated to this, I think.

But do change your passwords and make sure you have different passwords across platforms.

It's so hard.

It is hard.

Are you supposed to remember that?

No, literally.

And then it's like, okay, I'll create a Word doc with all my passwords.

First of all, you never keep it updated.

That's impact.

Somebody hacks a Word doc and it's like literally all of them.

That's a bad idea.

You have like your social security number.

Your bad idea.

That's a bad idea.

Your routing number.

It's so bad.

It's so hard.

It's so stupid.

But we're thinking of the meat industry.

Constantly.

Today.

Need a burger.

Need.

Yeah.

Well, you might be more expensive if you could get one.

If I can get my hands on one.

Does this affect the kosher meat industry at all?

No, it seemed like JBS was like, they were dealing with pork and stuff.

Right, so that doesn't include.

But I guess my meat production is not to make this about me, but totally unchanged.

I don't know.

I mean, you say that now until they come from the sloshos.

Yeah,

the kosher slaughterhouses.

Okay, so those were the fast five stories, and I definitely feel as though we were a little late to some of them, but some of them you definitely needed to know more pressing.

Yeah, for sure.

For sure.

I feel,

like, when I woke up this morning, I'm not going to lie, like, I've been so out of touch all weekend.

That's like so unplugged, really.

And now I feel up to speed.

So

we didn't make it a story, but I just want to like indulge the people who are following this TikTok drama really quickly before we dive into the TV.

And please explain it to me for those who are listening who don't know you.

other.

Okay.

So there's this couple on TikTok.

Okay.

Jack Wright.

He's like one of two twins and they're like dancers and they're so cute and they blew up.

They were in the hype house and

Jack is his name.

His brother's name is James.

It'll be important later on.

Jack started dating this girl Sienna Mae Gomez, who is like this body positive

TikToker.

She's super cute and she blew up.

She's like 15 million followers.

I think that they're all on the hype house Netflix show.

I don't know how this scandal affects that, but they've been dating for a while.

Once a while in TikTok terms.

Like,

like an encyclopedia?

I don't know, eight months.

Okay, okay.

Like a decent amount of time.

And they're like very, you know, showy online.

PDA, you mean.

PDA, yeah.

And recently, I think a lot of people have been like wondering what's going on.

They stopped posting.

You know, people just like were, you know, loving to jump to conclusions.

Did they break up?

Blah, blah, blah.

Then,

also, a little piece of backstory.

These people also went to high school together, the twins in Sienna.

That's how they knew each other.

And they kind of all came up together on TikTok.

Look at this: TikTok high school.

Yeah, no, it's like deep-rooted.

So, one of their friends, the friends of the twins, posted and then deleted this like statement on Twitter.

It's so hard to see your friend, you know, be in like a toxic relationship, you know, trigger warning

saying that Sienna was like sexually assaulting Jack and telling him to kill himself.

Like, all these really insane allegations.

and so people for like the last day were just like wilding out with this thing and james who's the twin's other twin like you know made a tick tock fanning the flames and she's been losing hundreds of thousands of followers people are just like coming coming like and so yesterday she spoke out for the first time and stated unequivocally that like everything in that tweet which has since been deleted is untrue um

that this whole relationship with Jack like she was manipulated into thinking that it was a real relationship like they never had sex like he wouldn't even, like, be with her.

I don't know.

And then the real bombshell she said was like, she said, I like, I never sexually assaulted Jack and James, the twin, for you to, like, fan the flames, like, knowing what we know, I think a lot of my friends and my younger brother would have, you know, a lot to say about you in this regard.

kind of subliminally saying maybe there's some allegations coming out of him james it was how old are these people

i mean i'm too old to know if that's what you're trying no they're like 18 they literally just graduated high school.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Continue.

So, no, then she left off like very ominously, kind of, you know, alluding to, but not really saying anything about James, saying the whole relationship with Jack was like a lie and that all the allegations coming out about her are, she

refutes them completely.

Okay.

So now people are just like, well, where do we stand?

And I'm just too old to be involved in this, but I couldn't help it.

Like, it just, it was

insane.

And it was just like non-stop.

Wow.

So I I don't know where we landed with this, like, at all.

It sounds like it's also developing, and maybe we'll hear from you.

She only spoke out last night.

Like, it's developing.

Okay.

We'll see.

Ciane 17.

Is her ex.

The twins.

They were in the same grade.

Oh, so they're all about their same age.

Yeah, they literally just graduated high school.

Okay, cool.

It's crazy.

Congratulations to the graduates.

Yes, congrats.

Congrats.

So if you're following along, like me too, and I just, it's crazy.

Wow.

Okay.

You'll keep us abreast, our TikTok correspondent.

Constantly.

Let me think.

Is there any other TikTok drama that needs to be addressed?

No.

Real Housewives of New York was on last night.

Yes.

Get you a girl who can do both.

Like Jack and Sienna, Ramona, and Luann.

It was a crazy episode.

Actually, I did enjoy it.

Like, there was stuff happening, you know.

The ending was kind of like where it all went down.

But before that, I know you didn't watch, so I'll just give you like a point.

Yeah, sorry, guys.

I didn't watch because, like I said, I'm in this like reading.

I'm behind on my homework.

I'm so sorry.

That's okay.

It was

like

they just basically got ready and went to Luann's house.

Ramona did say, what happened to class?

Oh, was it everything you needed to do?

No.

No.

No, it was like, basically what had happened was she at the dinner said to Leah, like, I love you so much, but like, I just don't like when you talk like that.

And I don't agree with Ramona's right to like police what people say, but it is Ramona's house.

And she did throw this dinner party.

And if Ramona doesn't want you saying, big cock, suck.

pussy like that is her right even though she's being like a little lame about it like i didn't agree with her last year in mexico like yelling yelling at Leah every time Leah said penis, but

especially when like Ramona just decides that she is like so sexual.

So it's not even like.

It's so random.

Yeah, it's so random.

And it is hypocritical.

But if it's at Ramona's house, everyone's staying at her house, or Ramona threw a dinner party, she's allowed to somewhat police what people say.

Sure.

Sure, but then just like, don't expect people are going to come back.

Or like be nice to you.

So she basically said to Leah, like, I really don't like when you're saying, like, cock, cock, cock.

And then Ebony was like not really listening, but then she was like, Ramona, how can you say that?

I just heard you you say cock,

and or I heard you say like big cock, or I like big cock.

And Ramona got really mad because she's like, That's not what I said.

Like, Ebony took that out of context.

Ebony immediately apologized, but it was just like everyone was drunk and like being chaotic, and you couldn't follow anything.

And it was like, they woke up, and everything was fine.

Sounds like the real houses of New York.

Yeah, they woke up and went to the wands where they painted the naked man, and all the women were like funning.

I guess he had like a huge penis.

And then they sat down to eat, and Leah was just like in a bad place all day.

She was like sobbing on Ebony's shoulder about her grandmother, kind of said in that she was really probably never going to see her grandmother again.

And at this point, I was just like, go home.

Like, no one's forcing you to be here.

And if your grandmother is really like, her time is so limited, like, everyone would understand, go.

Like, and she's not even having fun.

She's not, it's not taking her mind off of it.

She just like can't get out of her own grief.

So I didn't really understand why she chose to stay, but they go and sit and have lunch.

And Sonia is just like, so smart.

She stayed out of it completely.

Leah and Ramona get into it again.

Leah just gets up and storms away.

And the thing is, is that Ramona was wrong because, like, if Leah wants to talk and be sex positive, like, leave her alone.

Like, that has nothing to do with you.

But then Leah took it too far and was like,

Ramona just kept saying, you know, my daughter's 25 and she doesn't talk like that.

And Leah just like hates being compared to Ramona's daughter.

And so she was like, oh my God, stab, like, her and her friends are probably sucking dick at 14.

And it's like, okay, you can't say that.

And then, I don't know if anyone caught this.

Leah storms away from the table and goes to the front yard and it's just like minding our business.

And she's like, God, her fucking, I think she said C-U-N-T daughter.

She said, oh, her God

daughter.

Like, I'm like, did you just say,

I think that's what she said.

So she was just like being like rude to Avery for no reason.

Like Avery wasn't even there.

But then when she gets up, the conversation gets so heated between Ramona, Luanne, and Ebony, mostly Luann and Ebony.

Because Ebony's just trying to make the point, like, you know, just because you want to be sex positive, like, doesn't make you trashy.

And then Luanne said this, but kept denying that she said it.

She's like, it's not about like class.

It's about education.

And so Ebony took that as a slight.

Well, she's like, well, I don't care what Leah says and I'm the most educated person at this table.

Yeah.

And I guess Luann went to nursing school.

So she's going to for tat.

She's like, don't come into my house and tell me I'm not educated.

And they're all just yelling at each other and it's so chaotic.

And then Ramona and Luann are like, calm down, Ebony.

When it's like, Ebony wasn't louder than anyone else.

And Ramona's so fucking dramatic, pushes her chair out a couple feet.

And she's like, she's like, that's fine.

I'm just going to move back because you're hurting my ears.

I have an ear condition.

And it's just like so stupid because they're all being just as loud and chaotic.

Literally, Ramona goes from telling Ebony to calm down to literally standing up and banging on the table.

So it was so clear that they were just like, they were microaggressions and Ebony was feeling it so hard and she was like doing her best to remain calm, but like they were just being so hypocritical.

Like calm down, Ebony.

And it's like, calm down.

Like you're screaming.

Like, yeah.

So where they left it was like Ebony stormed off and

is visibly upset.

And Luanne is like seeing red.

Like Luanne cannot even like address Ebony.

Like, it was, it got so heated, and it was very difficult to follow, and there was so much going on.

And literally, like, they were talking about nothing, like, it wasn't even like a real argument.

Like, I couldn't honestly, I'm retelling it to you, and I'm not even sure I'm retelling it correctly.

Like, the crux of the argument.

I don't know what the real point they were all trying to make was.

Something about education, class, and sex.

Like, I honestly have no idea.

Yeah.

And Sonia is just sitting there minding her own goddamn business.

As is the only person who was trying to, like, you know, be like a median was Heather.

I mean, she was somewhat successful in that, but she was just trying to get get them all to like chill and like see eye to eye, but she failed.

Yeah.

It was like, it was chaotic.

I think that, and Ebony posted on Instagram, like, she's like taking a break from social media for the next two weeks because, like, this episode was kind of heavy for her.

And I guess what happens next week gets even more into the conversation.

Is it like a to be continued?

Yes, there was a to-be-continued.

And it was actually like, sometimes I feel like they throw a TB, a TVC in there, like so unnecessarily.

Yeah.

But I did feel like it was very appropriate.

Oh, nice.

Okay.

I'm excited to watch.

And what's on tonight?

Beverly Hills.

Beverly Hills.

Okay, cool.

And Chow's Sunset was on on Sunday.

And honestly, it really wasn't a good episode.

Like, we all know Mike's lying.

We're all just like, you know, waiting for him to admit it.

You know, it was not great.

But I think there's like a new, new cast member that added this girl London who seems like really random.

She's Persian.

She's friends with MJ.

She's a lesbian.

And

three episodes in now and I'm like, I literally forgot she was in the house.

Like when I first met her, she kind of had like eclectic energy.

I'm not feeling that at all.

Then they brought in this other girl last night who, or sunday night who has been on an episode like years ago like her and gigi were like going at it now like her and gigi are friends it just seems like honestly there's a lot going on in the group i don't really feel like they need anyone let alone two new people and then shervin showed up like it was just like kind of chaotic like they're going horseback riding it was just like a lot nice it wasn't my favorite episode okay um but speaking of my favorite things yeah it's time for deer toasters which is our advice segment also i'm just laughing to myself because this episode is all you explain explaining things to you well you know i was friends you didn't watch your your honor.

I was watching.

I know.

I think we should call it Claudia Explains It All.

The one TikTok.

The one we're in TikTok.

Like, I just spent the whole weekend because it was raining on my phone.

So, like, I know everything.

No, Claudia explains it all.

She's like Clarissa before her.

The more you know.

The more you know.

That's why I was just like, smiling.

Okay, yeah.

I was like, did I say something funny?

No, you just, I wouldn't put it past me.

I never laughed like that.

Thanks.

Funny again.

Wouldn't put it past me.

We're going to do Deer Toasters, but we have a very exciting announcement for Deer Toasters because we have a very special episode coming out next week that's really centered on Deer Toasters.

So if you've been thinking about writing in or you've been wanting to write in or you have an update for us, anything, email deer toasters at gmail.com.

Of course, it's always anonymous.

We'll change people's names.

You know,

your privacy is important to us.

But I think you'll want to get in on this episode next week.

So deartoasters at gmail.com is the email.

You can always write there.

But for this specific episode, we think you guys are really going to like it.

So email us.

If you've been like holding out, like, should I, shouldn't I?

I have this quandary.

Like, is that like the weirder, the better?

Yeah.

Is it like dramatic?

Write in, like, right in, you would want to get your advice

for this one.

And so today's deer toasters, we have two submissions and a new update, is brought to you by Noom.

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Love it.

All right, first up.

Dear Claudia and Jackie, the toast has literally

saved me through the queue, so thank you.

I'm currently having an issue with my boyfriend of one year.

We are moving States together this month so he can start his medical residency.

Oh, Zach's are misses.

Hello, hello.

We have talked about engagements and getting married.

He is the one.

I am now in a current debacle because he's getting a tattoo covered up.

Wait, sorry, he is getting a tattoo covered up with what is planned to be this horrible, realistic, scary-looking skull.

And I mean scary, like satanic.

I've tried to talk to him about why he's choosing this and if he can please do something else because it really upsets me.

He says he just loves the design and it's his body, so he should be able to do whatever he wants with it.

I respect that, but as a couple, I feel like you should take my opinion seriously.

It's so bad.

What do I do?

Shut up and look at it my whole life or plead until I'm blue in the face for him to get something else.

Thank you.

This is a real quandary.

Yeah, because like it is his body, but also like it's kind of like half of it.

You're like, you gotta look at it.

Yeah, and I don't know, like,

I feel like, let's say you were getting Botox.

Okay.

Well, not you, because you do get Botox.

Like, if you were, you're married or engaged.

Cosmetic enhancement.

You would talk to your partner about it, obviously, right?

Yes, but at the end of the day, like

it's your decision.

So it's kind of bothering me that he's not even like listening to you.

He should at least like fake listen and pretend to take it into consideration.

Yeah.

Just like for the sake of your feelings.

But at the end of the day, like it's his body.

And maybe you'll end up liking it.

I don't know.

Like, skulls are kind of cool.

I don't know.

I'm curious.

What is he covering up?

What's the tattoo that's there?

Is it worse than this?

Like, maybe we could leave it.

Right.

That's what I was thinking.

Like, is it an ex-girlfriend's name?

Yeah.

What is it?

Would you prefer that?

Maybe it was just like a drunken mistake.

Yeah, this is tough.

I think that at the end of the day, it's his choice.

And whatever it is, like, it will grow on you.

Like, it'll just become a part of him and you won't even remember that you disliked it.

I just think the fact that like you're waiting for it to be drawn on is like giving you anxiety.

Yeah.

Also, like, how many other tattoos does he have?

Why now?

Why this tattoo?

Yeah, like, is it just one big skull on his belly?

Or like, does he tatted up?

Yeah.

I need photos.

It's a skull amongst, you know, tons of other artistry i need more context and also i i think i have to say like i don't know yeah me neither because i this is not if we're comparing it to cosmetic enhancements then i would say it's it like it's his choice his choice but no honestly it's the same thing as getting like lip filler you think yeah like the other person likes to look at it lip filler is not permanent oh that's true okay let's say a boob job a boob job yeah that's what i was thinking yeah if she wants it and he didn't like it it's it's too bad like she wants it yeah we have to give the same sort of respect and like agency yeah to him okay if that's if those are equitable then i think that they are they're permanent yeah body changing modifications modifications yeah okay so it sucks but you'll just you'll have to work on it and honestly like think there's so many it could be so many worse things like you could look it up like some of the worst tattoos ever like yeah it's just it's just not your style yeah it'll grow on you if you love him.

And he loves it, but osmosis, like, you'll love it.

Yeah.

If A equals B and B equals C, then A equals C.

And you'll, you're going to learn to love the tattoo.

But, um, can't wait till we use that advice on ourselves.

You're right.

You're up with that.

Ben wants to do something crazy.

You know, you love it.

Ben grows out his beard.

He loves it.

All right.

Hey, Claudia and Jackie.

Thanks for being absolutely hilarious and brightening my mood every day.

Me and my friends are longtime toasters.

And when I told them that...

When I told them something that recently happened to me, they all agreed that I needed to get your advice.

Wow, it sounds like you have such a great group of friends.

Maybe we should all hang out.

So last week I downloaded Hinge for the first time.

This was my first time downloading any dating apps.

You can imagine how nervous I was to go on my first date last night.

The date was going well, but I kept having to get up to pee.

When we were finished with dinner, my date said he would wait with me outside the restaurant until my Uber arrived.

I really had to pee again, but I didn't want him to think I was a freak for peeing so much, so I decided to hold it in.

Of course, my Uber ended up taking 11 minutes to arrive, and this was too long for me to hold my pee.

It was then that I decided my best and only option was to pee in my pants

in front of him, standing on the sidewalk.

Also, I I should mention that I only had two drinks, so this was basically a sober thought and decision.

So as we were standing, wait, I just like,

I can't get on board with the logic.

No, you're less of a freak for peeing in your pants than you are for going to use the bathroom.

Right, right.

Like, make it make sense.

So as we were standing outside talking, I began to slowly pee myself by spurting out small increments of urine.

I feel like someone's pranking us.

Yeah.

Continue.

Luckily, I was wearing black jeans, so we wouldn't be able to see my pee pants, but then the pee started to leak out of my pants and onto my suede sneakers.

Only a few drops got on my sneakers, so I'm not sure if he noticed.

By the time I Uber arrived, my pants were completely soaked in pee and my bladder was fully empty.

I blacked out during our conversation since I was so focused on peeing my pants discreetly.

I have no idea if he thought it went well or if he wants to go on another date.

I was wondering if you guys think I should reach out again or if I need to throw in the towel and try again with someone else.

If he didn't notice, it wouldn't be that big of a deal, right?

But what if he did notice and still wants to go out?

That's even weirder, right?

What do you think my next move should be?

Sincerely, honey, I peed my pants.

I just feel like before we kind of get into dealing with, you know, how you shouldn't you, with him?

I think there's some work that needs to be done on you.

Like,

let's, you just kind of like breeze by the decision to like not walk back into the restaurant and pee your pants like that.

As if that was like kind of normal.

No, as if that's an option.

Like that's really not.

I thought you were going to say like, okay, you pee in the bushes.

Like, okay, I might do that.

I'm not going to lie.

Like, I don't understand the thinking behind the peeing of the pants.

Like, that.

That's, that, that to me is something that we need to talk about before you, because honestly, before you can kind of give yourself to someone else, like, you have to be cool with yourself.

And like, I'm just, I don't know.

Like, you were too embarrassed to go to the bathroom again, like, too self-conscious to go to the restroom.

And you ruined a good pair of jeans.

No, and what about the Uber driver's car?

Totally.

Very good.

Like, that is right.

Justice for the Uber driver.

And justice for like your sweet sneakers.

I don't want to be too hard on you because you obviously like are probably feeling guilt since you wrote in.

No, but see, the thing is that I do feel like we're being, I feel like this is not a true story, honestly.

We're being pranked, like 100%.

I really feel that way.

No, because

the whole reason she wrote in is not like, you know, how should I work on myself to stop peeing my pants?

It was, should I text this guy again?

Whereas, honestly, I'm like, wait, I have a question for you.

Did you have a good time?

Do you want to text him again?

Take away the fact that you peed your pants.

Like, why treat it as a normal situation?

Like, you said that you did it in small increments.

Hopefully, he didn't see.

So let's operate that he didn't know.

Like, how small could you have?

How the increments have been if it was coming out of your pants?

No, he still hasn't texted you.

This is any, like, aside from peeing the pants, this is any other, like, first date.

He hasn't texted me.

What should I do?

Should I text him?

him i'll ask you did you do you want to go out with him again if so hit him up yeah i just think there's work that needs to be done but if he did um if he did notice then i i wouldn't um ever contact him i wouldn't really i wouldn't expect a response ever again but you know what then you hear those stories of like girls who go on a first date with a guy they do something so crazy like shit their pants throw up married throw up on them and the uber get too drunk married yeah no that's true but like honestly this is kind of different

like i don't i actually think this is like something you can't come back from.

I agree.

And you know what?

I feel like if you were comfortable enough with him on the first date and there was that good rapport, like you would have used the restroom.

You know, I'm just like, I can't get over the hurdle of like thinking it's a better idea to pee in your pants and just like quickly run back into the restaurant.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So good luck.

All right.

Our third and final Deer Toasters is an update.

Hey ladies, I've got an update for y'all.

I wrote into Deer Toasters back in October about my ex-boyfriend dating my current boyfriend's sister.

Do you remember?

My ex-boyfriend dating my current boyfriend's sister.

Okay.

And they were talking about like family meals.

She thought maybe it was like out of spite, you know?

Okay.

Let's fast forward to now.

How do I remember that and not you?

Only six months after announcing their relationship to the family, they got engaged and getting married in October.

I've been processing this for a while now and I still don't know how I feel.

Long story short, it hasn't been pretty.

I moved out of me and my boyfriend's home of three years.

I just couldn't bear living next door to my ex-boyfriend any longer.

We live on a family ranch operated by my boyfriend and his sister.

Wow, sounds like a nice life.

So I guess they were like living near each other.

Yeah.

I'm currently interviewing for jobs nationwide and have tenantly accepted a position on the other side of the country starting at the beginning of July.

There have been some very low lows in my relationship, but this has only strengthened it.

He's a P-Job and he'll do everything he can to support me, but how much can I ask of him?

Here's a list of my quick complaints.

No one in the family has had enough respect for me or my boyfriend to talk to us about this relationship or give us a heads up about the engagement because his mom knew it was coming.

That's really it.

I just want respect from his sister, my ex, and his family.

After his mom found out I moved out, she asked me to lunch where she sobbed with guilt and admitted that she and the sister should have handled this better.

Other than that, I haven't heard one word from his sister.

With my cross-country move approaching, my heart is breaking with the thought of being away from him.

He brought up moving with me.

Oh, she's moving without him.

Oh, he brought up moving with me, but this would mean leaving his family wrench behind and would be a massive betrayal to his family.

Is this something I should ask of him?

This man is my soulmate, but I'm ready for bigger and better things than this tiny town incest.

Sincerely, well, she wrote with an update and another problem.

Sincerely, a toast who has a big problem being tunnel buddies with her sister-in-law.

Okay, a few things.

Like, I think at the end of the day, you need to decide if you love this man more than you.

You hate your ex.

Yeah.

Because it seems like right now, like, you're letting this

win.

Yeah.

And

it's kind of like sucky that it's a family situation where like everybody lives on the same ranch, like, because ordinarily you could just like see them at holidays and whatever.

Um, but also it's kind of sweet, like, you would live the ranch life.

I don't know if that's like what you're looking for, but like, that sounds like a dream, honestly.

I, and they're getting married, and so at this point, it's like and it's so weird.

Like it's still so weird.

It's so weird.

And I can understand why you're like, if only they had handled it better, but I still think like you would be just as hurt.

So I do feel like that's sort of like a

yes.

And now this is one of those situations where it's like, okay, like maybe they got together out of spite, whatever.

Like it was weird when it happened, but now they're getting married and like we just like kind of have to get over it.

Like it is like a true love situation apparently.

Like they're getting married.

So as much as it sucks, I do feel like you're kind of like

throwing your life into chaos just to get away from this man.

It makes me like, you say this, that the man you're with is your soulmate, but like if that were the case, like you might be more at peace with your boyfriend kind of moving in on your life.

And it is really weird.

Like you're excited.

I'm not trying to, but are you really just going to like

yourself?

Right.

And like now live away from your boyfriend.

And I don't know.

It just feels like you had a really nice thing and you can work it out, but you're instead like running away from it and also like causing more problems.

Like you're going to be living long distances.

And then like like you're gonna be even unhappier, I feel like.

I think that you, if this man is your soulmate, that you should stay.

You shouldn't, they shouldn't like get love and then you are alone across the country and like both you and your ex or your current boyfriend are miserable.

And if the family ranch is his future, then that is where you need to be if you want to be with him.

If he like is offering to leave the ranch and you think that like

that is a good idea.

I don't think you should take him away from the ranch.

Yes.

It sounds like there's a position that needs to be filled at as female head of the ranch.

And I think that I'm the woman for the job.

I think you are too.

I don't know.

I just like,

I don't want them to win.

No, yeah.

And it seems like you're not only letting them win, but like you're kind of like

ruining your own life.

Like running away.

Just cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Exactly.

Yeah.

And I don't know if I agree with that.

I don't know.

But it's your life and you have to do what you can to survive.

And the sun is making me sad.

Whereas like I want you to put your bones on the bone,

get down to the ranch milk some cows rub some dirt in it rub some motherfucking dirt in it and

be the matriarch of that ranch yeah no it seems like that was a role you were born to play in like one little hiccup and you're running away i think that you can face this head on you sound brave and strong and it's weird and i'm not down for

it's easy it's gonna be easy but nothing will be worth it nothing in life is easy nothing worth having is easy yeah you gotta fight for what you want you gotta fight i don't think you should run away this really does sound like a hallmark movie like storyline yeah rub some dirt in it.

Five words for you.

Rub some dirt in it.

And that's our show.

And that was Deer Toasters again.

Deertoas at gmail.com.

We have a big special episode coming up for Deer Toasters.

Would love your guys's experiences.

Anonymously, of course, dear toasters at gmail.com.

Thank you, Theo, for being here.

Jackie, thank you for listening to my monologue.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

Thank you for educating me on everything that happened this weekend.

I can't lie and say tomorrow might be different.

Hopefully it won't.

Tomorrow, I hope to be abreast.

Yeah, we'll be watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

Yes.

And I think that's all that's on tonight.

Yeah.

Yeah, but I'll be reading all day if you're looking for me.

Thank you guys so much for listening to The Morning Toast, The Millennium Morning Show, where we deliver the past five stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube.

So if you're watching this on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up.

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So any of you listen to podcasts, find us Morning Toast, leave a five-star view about how beautiful, stunning, and smart we are.

Hope you guys have an amazing hump day.

Don't forget to hump someone you love.

Gotta go hump Theo.

Have a great day.

Goodbye.

Baby, goodbye.