Naggy B*tch Wife with Andrew Schulz on The Toast: Monday, March 31st, 2025

I sound amazing. Welcome back to The Toast.
We are so excited to be sitting down with a guest. You know, we kind of don't really do guests.
But today is very special. Jackie and I spent all week last week talking about one of our new favorite comedy specials, Life on Netflix, by Andrew Schultz.
And today we are joined by Andrew Schultz. Welcome to the toast.
Thank you guys so much for having me. This is an honor.
It is so crazy to be sitting down with Andrew Schultz,

like not.

I like the full name.

Does anyone call you Andrew,

or is it always Andrew Schultz?

I think it's Andrew usually,

but I like this Andrew Schultz.

He's a firsty lasty.

You're a firsty lasty.

You're a firsty lasty.

And I say Andrew Schultz.

Firsty lasty.

Okay, go, go.

You know people who you have to say their full name.

Like a president or something.

Right.

That's a firsty lasty.

Yeah.

Ooh, or like a serial killer. Correct.
Totally. It's not Jeffrey, right? You're right.
You're right. Well, I bring up your last name because...
We're so formal with mass murderers, right? What is that about? It's too formal. I bring up your last name because it's genuinely shocking that you're not a Jew.
Everybody assumes I'm Jewish. Do they? Yeah.
And to be clear... Because I did.
You listened to what we said about you at the toast so we don't have to like catch you up, but I was like accusing you of being a Jew. And you know what? You're also like a big friend to the Jews.
Love the Jews. Yeah.
No, it's really refreshing to see. I've seen you on a lot of podcasts recently.
The Jews are always a topic of combo. Yes.
And you've been a really good friend and ally. I want to say thanks.
Oh, for sure. For sure.
Absolutely. And to be clear, you don't look physically Jewish.
It's just the sound of your name. You're the first person that's ever said that.
What are you? Like Italian? No. Italian is usually next.
My mom is from Scotland. And my dad is Irish and German.
Oh. Now I will say.
Oh, so he's German. So there is some family history.
Oh, yikes. Really? Well, it depends how you interpret the history.
Apparently my family in my German part on my dad's side was from Prussia. They came in like the 1800s.
So there's not like a lot of like... They missed all the action.
They missed the action. But one family member went back there to look for the Schultz family.
And apparently in this little town in what is now germany but it was like prussia at the time they were like um i can imagine the conspiracy theories already on the internet but they're like yeah i mean there was a schultz family that lived here but they weren't uh catholic they were they were jewish yeah obviously yeah but schultz was like johnson but is that you or no they don't know they back to Chicago and they're like, yeah, there was this Schultz family in this place. So it's a Jewish name where you hail from.
We don't use the word hail when we talk about Germany. We try to find another word.
Fair, fair. That's so true.
No, but they basically came back and they're like, yo, are we Jewish? And the whole family is Catholic in Chicago. They're just like, I don't know what you're talking about definitely like a mix-up or whatever but anyway that that could be what have you ever done like your ancestry 23 and me giving your DNA to and are you scared now I am my wife did it and I found out she is is what Jewish Jewish oh wow but she was raised like Christian and she like goes to you know she'll go to church and everything like that but like her mom's Jewish.
Oh, so she's totally Jewish. By your guys' rules.
By our standards. If it's the female blood.
Yeah. So technically my daughter.
And your child. Yeah.
Oh my God, congrats. So I gotta protect you guys.
Thank you. They will take it.
And they're taking me down too if they go after you guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're right. And I don't even get to go to your heaven.
How shitty is that? It's true. We have eight different versions.
We're all killed and I just get like, all right, see you later, guys. Thanks for the house.
Such a good ally, but you can't get in. No exceptions.
So Jackie and I were talking before because we watched your special and I feel like actually this is not the first time you came up on the toast. You made news the last time you did a special where you bought back your own special from Netflix.
And I'm so curious. It was Amazon.
It was Amazon. I never said which one it was.
How do you go back? Yeah, like with your tail between your legs. I've said millions of things about Netflix.
I said Netflix was dead on Rogan the first time I was on there and then did a Netflix special with them a few years later. And so they're forgiving? They're forgiving or it's like, you know, you kind of got to be a little mean to them.
Oh, they like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, fuck nothing. They're like a fuckboy.
I had to be a dickhead a little bit. When you buy back your own special, like, do you just have to give the money back that you got? Or you have to, like, spend more of your own money? Like, how much did you spend? You got to spend more.
I don't know if I could legally say how much I spent. But you got to spend more because you got to spend what they think they can make on it.
And did you make back everything you spent? Yeah, and some. We bought it.
We did buy it. On Moment House, right? Thank you, guys.
Yeah, Moment. Well, you said it was so controversial.
A streaming service wouldn't pick it up. We were like, well, now we need to know what he said.
I didn't even think it was that crazy. Like, I get it for, like, if you're Amazon, like, you make most of your money selling, like, home goods and shit, right? Like, so why would you want to mess up a trillion dollar business on my Michael Jackson joke or some bullshit so I get it as a business owner if I was a Netflix or not a Netflix an Amazon stockholder I'd be like don't buy this asshole special like it's not gonna make the company any money but it's gonna lose us money potentially now culture's changed I guarantee if like this happened this, they wouldn't even balk at me.
It would be nothing. Yeah, would you ever go back there? Like if things worked out? I did like three movies with Amazon.
Oh, okay. Movies are.
So you're an actor? Did you not see that? No, I hate acting. But I do it because, isn't it boring? Yeah, we actually did that.
We had a commercial shoot today. Oh! Yeah, it's really painful.
I know everyone clowns on actors. You guys have too many opinions to be around actors.
This actors is like yes queening. They all just hang out with each other.
They're not really educated about anything. And they just say the kindest, sweetest thing to each other.
And they will go, oh, yes. You are so right.
Where you girls are like, I don't like gray carpets. You have strong opinions about things,

and you walk into a room with them,

and they're like, I don't know what to do

with this information.

We do have strong opinions,

but loosely held.

At least for me.

What does that mean?

I will go so hard for a topic,

and then somebody will say something,

and I'm like, you know, you're kind of right.

I see that.

The last YouTube video I watch is what I believe.

Thank you, yes.

I am so easily swayed. Yes.
Dude, especially with kids. I would joke around about this all the time with the vaccine stuff.
I don't even know what the hell is going on. I hate that it's even a topic now.
No, totally. Why did you even give us information that now we've got to learn? No, when I go to the grocery store now, I take my thermal receipt like this.
Have you seen those videos yet? No, why? What's the deal? The ink, the heat that prints, the printer that prints a receipt like has some thermal like hormone disruptors. And I look like an asshole that I don't want to touch what the lady touched behind the check.
And I'm like, I just wish I never saw that. You don't want to touch what the lady touched.
No, I'm fine. I'm literally touching this disgusting shopping cart.
Oh, you think you're better than that. It's not about germs, but now I'm just like hormone disruptors, thanks.
Yeah, see, this is what we have to go through as parents. And then people call call us lunatics that don't even have kids.
And it's like once you have a kid, you're a lunatic. No, and it's like even if one out of the 10 things that they say turn out to be what it is, it's worth doing all the other nine things, even if it's just for nothing.
Yeah. It's like what is that stupid thing about like not walking under a ladder? It's like I still don't do it.
I know it doesn't mean anything, but I know it doesn't mean anything, but at the same time, it's so easy to not walk under the fucking ladder. So the same thing- Like, why would you? Yeah, the hormones aren't gonna do anything if they are there, but it's also, I could just wrap my hoodie around it and then have to not deal with these hormone side effects.
Right, just in case. I just feel like I should leave you two alone, like you and your hormones.
We have a lot in common. Yes, You're both parents.
It's really parenthood that makes you this person. And podcasting.
Podcasting just makes you curious. This is what I want.
Go, go, go. And it makes you have strong opinions about things.
It makes you just think about stuff. Because you can't just come on here and be like, everybody makes sense.
Things are Things are good and working the way they should. It's like a reality show.
Like, the best characters on reality shows are either people who are hyper aware, so they're super insecure about what people think of them, or Kathy Hilton, which is the opposite. Doesn't give a fuck.
But like, doesn't even know what's going on. Like, I'll watch my wife watch the Real Housewives thing, and I'll walk in, and there's that scene.
She's like, I found out I'm Chinese. And they're like, you didn't answer the street.com? She's like, no, a person told me in Bangladesh.
And you're like, what? And she's, like, most of us would say that and know we're being silly. She's completely unaware.
I believe her, too. And it's amazing.
Yeah. So that's what we need.
Do you watch a lot of Bravo by osmosis? By osmosis, yeah. And it's so weird.
I reluctantly watch it until there's a tipping point. And then I'm like, I've got to kind of know what's going on here.
Because it's so good. Dude, I bumped into Andy.
Oh, wow. We was at the Sunset Tower in LA.
And he was staying there. And I had to stop him.
I'd be like, dude, I don't know if anybody's giving you your flowers like regular tv is kind of dead the only tv people are watching are the shows you made yeah it's like no he created entirely new yeah well bravo is sports for women yeah we like have watch parties we bet on it yeah that's what the gambling companies need to figure out if they can figure. If they can figure out how women can gamble on real housewives it would be over.
Or like The Bachelor. A thousand percent.
The Bachelor. I think they do that.
They do like March Madness for The Bachelor. You have a bracket.
But there's got to be someone who knows what happens. So it's kind of like.
That's true. No they send out screeners of the episodes.
Same with NFL. Just kidding.
I don't even have an opinion strong opinions loosely held i actually don't even have an opinion on that like i can give two shits if it's scripted i just like how naughty you thought you were big yes you did it was just like you know that's what people say that's what the haters say you watch one fucking video you see one tweet and you're like that's is. Yeah, you saw that video.
Once somebody opens your eyes to it, it's a little convenient, you know, that everything happened with Taylor Swift and what's the same, Travis. You realize this exact thing happens to Jews.
That's how it happens. Oh my God, you're so right.
It's one video. No, it's true.
It's one video people watching and they're like, wait a minute. On the Rothschilds.
What do you mean they own the bank? What fed what another one and then here we are it's actually a fair comparison yeah okay okay we'll stop we'll scale it back yeah we'll scale it back we feel bad so your special came out and everybody's talking about it because it made us all cry oh and I obviously felt extremely susceptible to cry I had no idea you cried a lot I was uncontrollably sad pregnant. Yes.
Congratulations, by the way. Thank you so much.
Do you know boy or girl? It's a boy, yeah. And I've only gained about 11 pounds, which is amazing.
A little basketball. Yeah, just from the back, people don't even know I'm pregnant.
They just say, wow, she's fat. That is the worst stage, right? I just saw my weight yesterday.
I've been saying, I'm like, please don't tell me.

It's my first pregnancy.

It's like a lot.

My wife does the exact same thing.

I said, I don't want to know.

She says, don't tell me when she goes into the gyno.

Is it the gyno?

Yeah, then they handed me a form,

and I don't know why I looked at it,

and I saw it right there yesterday.

And for the first time, it was really...

I don't want to talk about it.

Do you want to tell the people?

No, no, actually.

I already pressed her.

I literally, I sent her a text message.

I'm like.

I thought you were about to say,

I'll tell you her weight.

She can say it.

It's 105 pounds.

I would never,

but she told us like how much she's netted so far.

Like that's different than saying.

Yeah.

And I have like a long complicated history

like with being fat.

So like it's just been,

it's been a journey,

but I don't want to talk about me.

Right.

Well, I might want to learn about those things.

Having said that,

I turned on your special.

Yeah.

You know, to become spirit. I like to call it fertility.
Okay. Yeah.
Like, you know how, like, when someone goes on a spiritual journey,

it's not called an unspiritual journey. Yeah, to become spiritual.

The idea is, or like, you name the thing the goal.

It's like a weight loss journey, not a weight gain journey.

Yeah.

Hopefully.

You name the thing the goal.

It's true.

So it's fertility journey.

I love that.

Yeah, our journey to be fertile.

So I knew that that was, like, the subject.

I thought maybe my husband and I would both enjoy it, because we're, you know, we did TTC, you know? TTC? Try to conceive. That's what it's called when you're trying.
Got that period, got it, got it, got it. So you say, are you TTCing? Yeah, we are, we are.
That's just on the internet, actually. People don't say that.
They just say we're trying. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Thank you for that. That's an important description.
It's very internet. It's a super intimate thing to ask people.
It is, it is. That's why I think, you're not supposed to ask people now these days.
Are you trying? It's like somebody, but in internet speak, it's like, so everybody knows, like, just stop asking you. I'm TTCing, you know? Having said that, I thought we would enjoy it, and we did, but I really thought you just came out of left field and hit us with a bus at the end.
And I was inconsolably crying. It was a mix of things, but also the editing on that little montage.
Shout out Vala for doing that. I already did spoil it on the podcast.
It was so, so good. Yeah, he's brilliant.
He's super talented. And yeah, that was a cool thing.
That was definitely a cool thing. When we were doing the tour in the beginning, obviously, you know, we hadn't had Shiloh yet.

So a lot of the tour, people didn't see

that part of the video. Oh.
And then

also you're like terrified, right? Because

you don't want to jinx anything.

So I don't even want to say we're pregnant in the beginning

until it gets to the point where like,

you know, the baby's healthy. Past viability.

Exactly. And

eventually it gets there. My wife's like, okay, I feel

comfortable with you saying we're pregnant. I'm like, okay, boom, we do that.
And then I kind of reordered things. And then the end, I was like, yeah, I just feel like they've been on this journey.
And I think that we kind of owe it to the audience to know that it worked out. Or just to know.
I can't leave every show going, and then we'll see. Right.
And then all these people are coming out like, what the fuck do you mean? What does that mean? And, but I started, you know, and we did the video and it was like, yeah, the impact was wild. Like you get these DMs from people and everybody's going through it.
Like at my age. Right.
It's every, feels, it went from feeling like nobody's going through it to does anybody have them regular anymore? Right, right. Like, and it was really comforting.
Yeah. Like, you don't feel alone.
All these people reaching out, like, going like, hey, I literally haven't told a single person because I'm embarrassed. Right.
My wife, you know, doesn't want that information out. Are you saying people reaching out to you sharing male infertility or both? Both.
Okay. Both.
Like, I think that women really, men appreciated the male infertility or both both okay both like i think i think that women really men appreciated the male infertility part right yeah you don't hear about it a lot you don't because most of us don't even know yeah and if there is any issue we just assume it's you right and you just have never heard a story about it where it was like we don't it also we can see it Like you guys see it. We don't ever see your eggs.
Yeah. Like we see.
That's true. You know, the soup.
Stuff, yeah. But we don't see the actual egg.
But our shit we see. So when we look at it, it's like, well, that looks like sperm.
Right. It looks right.
And this is maybe a dumb question. Yeah.
Does sperm like yours look the same as others? Yeah. You know? I mean, less of it than the pornos, but it still looks like it.
So it's not like they don't look like they're swimming. They look like they're swimming on any porno watch, right? So basically, you just go into this thing and there's no way, and then you find it out.
And then when I found out that it was me, it was way easier to talk about on stage. If it was my wife's issue, I don't think I'd be comfortable talking about it on stage.
Yeah. I think that's fair.
Yeah. And making jokes.
Yeah, because it's kind of. Now, don't get me wrong.
She bears the burden of this story. And it was something I worked on.
I'm like, I'm not the the hero in this story and I think that was something I feel like I communicated well yes like you put so much of the emphasis and the part in the special that really made me start crying was like when you were you had that scare and you turned to your wife and you were like I'm so sorry that like my shit is causing you all this distress like you're sort of helpless even though technically though technically it's like your medical issue. And she was just like, no bitch, it's our problem.
I just loved that. And I also loved how like, I think, you know, you know, a funny thing about that line is, um, the first joke I talk about is, uh, you know, is my people when they're like, they say we are pregnant.
And it's like, your wife is pregnant. You know, it's ridiculous.
It's insulting to say's insulting to say it. And I go, it's like when my wife says, we made a lot of money.
So funny. So funny.
I did the joke there as a juxtaposition with that final line when she goes, it's our problem. So like in the beginning, I'm being selfish.
Like look at me. Like, oh, I made the money.
It's my money. It's not our money.
It's my money. And then in the hardest moment of her life, she could easily go.
She's taking on the burden. She takes it all with me.
She puts you to shame. Yeah.
Yeah. And it's like.
She's so much better than you. Maybe it is our money.
No. That's.
No, stop. No, but you're right.
Like, that is, that is, that is the takeaway. And kind of like what I learned through it.
Which is like, yeah, it is all ours. Right.
She's taken on this. Yeah.
What? She didn't, she's not born that way. Like she's, she's choosing to take on that struggle.
So I'm like, all right, then it's all ours. Yeah.
Everything's ours. No, I loved it.
Yeah. Yeah.
I think as like a lot of what you shared in the special, like we feel, and we're, Claudia's pregnant and I have two kids. And like, when you go through this time of your life of like having kids you realize how magical it is and how like how incredible and like and miraculous it is what the female body does and we like talk about and i feel like as like women our age we're like wow yeah that was like hyping ourselves up so to hear it from like a man's pov with a comedic take is like something we've never heard before and i'm sure also men felt the Like, do you feel like the response from this has been so different from everything else?

Everything else.

Nothing like this.

Oh, really?

Nothing like this.

Like in terms of like-

I've never seen a special like it.

Like it was really powerful.

Yeah, just putting like such a positive emphasis on family

and child making and rearing.

But also my biggest takeaway,

like I find it really difficult the older I get

to watch certain male comedians

because if you're gonna,

you know, your life is your fodder.

So that means you're talking about your wife.

And I like, we joke about our husbands

We're going mean to them all the time. But at the end of the day, I think when people listen, they can tell it comes from a place of like real respect and love.
And I just think sometimes you hear people talk about, sure, morons. Sometimes you hear people talk about their wives and it's so derogatory.
And they always say like, loves it but it's so fucking derogatory sometimes it feels angry yeah no and it just feels like okay maybe it's funny but like was this joke really worth it and I liked that it came through that I know that everything you shared your wife ultimately approved it but I didn't think of one joke that she I would be offended on her behalf for like it was still so respectful but you're talking about her vagina like you're talking about her getting fingered at the doctor, which is so true. It's literally so crazy how often you get fingered.
It's crazy how nobody even tells you that that's part of the process. Imagine literally just a finger in your vagina.
What about the probe? I don't have to imagine. The probe.
Oh, the silver shit? Like the transvaginal. Stick, the wand.
The wand. When they check your cervix.
Oh, I thought that was a vibrator. Yeah, it looks like one.
Yeah. I was like, oh, okay, we're warming it up.
What's going on here, Doc? The wand. The wand.
Yes, yes. It's so crazy.
So I just really, really respected your ability to talk about your wife and still like, you know, in a sort of kind of crazy sexual way. While ultimately I'm like, oh, this man loves his wife so much.
Yeah, I heard you guys talk about that. And that was a really cool takeaway for me that like, because again, as I'm doing it, I'm not going, okay, the goal here is that everybody thinks I love my wife.
I'm like, the goal here is that we laugh at this like really difficult time. And I tell this story that people are invested in.
And then icing on the cake is maybe people went through something similar and they don't feel stigmatized. But that's not the goal.
Right. But that'd be awesome.
Right. And, but I've heard this take also from a lot of different people.
It's like, wow, it really feels like he honors her or he really loves her. He cares about her.
And I'm like, that's cool that that happened without it being the goal. Yeah.
Because it means that's how I feel about that person. Because it's easy.
We know people that pretend. Yes.
And then in reality, they don't. And then I think what you've seen with a lot of comedians is like sometimes people marry the person that they think women are or men are.
In other words, like if they don't like women, they marry someone they cannot like. And they are not even aware of that.
Right. And here they are in this relationship not liking them and it's like well yeah this is what you think of women yeah like i love women so i'm gonna not settle for someone that i don't love that makes you dislike women yeah right right but like i think you're gay you're gay no but for real so it's like but i think some people don't really like sometimes i i kind of understand where you're from.
Now listen, like you said, your husbands are going to be fucking annoying. You're going to run up.
And some of my favorite comedians have said the most heinous shit about women. But I wasn't looking at them like, they hate women.
It's a hilarious bit about you. A thousand percent.
It's different when it's about women in general versus your wife. Also, when you make it kind of personal you're letting people into that life.
Yeah. And they're gonna have opinions based on that relationship.
Like just like if you told me a story about your relationship and that's the only thing I know about it I'm gonna be like huh. Yeah.
That's interesting. It's so true.
It's so true. So what's the process of like you writing a joke and running it by your wife? You perform it first or you? Yeah, but we have a good thing.
We have a good understanding, which is she's like, listen, if it's jokes, it's good. I, you know, I trust you.
I don't think I'm never trying to make her look foolish. That's not true.
She'll look foolish, but I'm not going to try to make her be. I'm not going to make her look.
I'm not going to try to embarrass her. Unless it not going to make her look I'm not going to try to embarrass her unless it's for something funny like the other day my wife we were going to take Shiloh to the Museum of Natural History and we parked like literally across the street from it and there's a parking attendant walks by and right in front of the garage that you're talking about and like pull up Yes And I My wife is doing all the paying For the parking Or whatever like that And I asked the parking attendant As he walks in I'm like yo Can we park here And he's like Nah I can't park her And I go to my wife I'm like Ah we can't park her And my wife goes Nah we can park her I'm with her Oh no I'm with The rules are the rules The fucking parking attendant attendant is right there.
Well, why would you ask, first of all?

Well, because I don't want to get the ticket.

Why?

It's the same price.

The ticket is the same price as parking on the street.

She's 100% right.

It's actually cheaper sometimes to get a ticket than to pay for a parking attendant. My friend doesn't get a garage specifically because he's done the math.

My husband, we get three parking tickets every single day.

We also pay for a garage, by the way. But he's like, what if he's going downtown? He's like, I'll leave it on the street.
There's a 50% chance you're going to get a ticket. Sometimes you don't.
So then it's free. And then if it's not, you paid for a garage.
Yeah, this is girl math right here. Yeah, it's my husband's math, actually.
My wife is doing a girl math, too, because she's like, yeah, she does this thing. She goes, Ubers are so expensive these days.
She's right. They're so expensive.
And I'm like, where are you getting with this? Like, what do you mean Ubers are so fucking expensive? And she's like, she's like, for example, like I got a ticket going to this restaurant, but if I Ubered, it would be more expensive than getting this ticket. And I'm supposed to be like, bravo, Craig, look at you, saving us money.
Oh my God. But dude, when the, I'm with her.
When the, the parking attendant said that we couldn't park there. And my wife disagreed with the parking attendant.
It was literally there to hand out tickets, like he works for the NYPD. I looked back at him, and I was about to be like, can you explain? And he just goes, I'm not going to involve this.
Can I tell you something that you should try? Yes. If you're parking in an illegal spot, just like a tip, pass it on to your wife.
I love this. Go find the nearest car that has a ticket, and you take the ticket, and you put it it in your own window and the parking guy will be like, Oh, I already got this car.
And then you move on. Okay.
But then what about that person who thinks they didn't get a ticket? Not your problem. It's also, they mail the tickets.
Like you get, you also get a, you get a ticket like in person, but nobody pays it. They mail it to you too.
So like, in that moment, that person thinks that they crushed it thinks that they crushed it that's the thing you're giving them a no i knew right to your fucking doorstep no i'm telling you it's kind of a brilliant method yeah you it's the city is wild like every man for themselves so true you can't be worried about your fellow passengers it's just not there's not enough time in the day. This is horrible.
Whatever.

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We want to wear something new. We want to wear something on trend.
And Saks keeps us current. At Saks, I found inspiration for wedding dresses.
I have gotten so many amazing wedding guest dresses on Saks. I'll sort by their dresses, long dresses, midi dresses, and they just have everything and make it so easy to shop because I know you're busy ladies and you don't have endless amounts of time.
So we want to be smart with how we're shopping. We want the pargiest things that are on offer and we're going to get all of that at Saks.com.
So I am doing a little bit of a spring wardrobe refresh now and I am doing that at Saks.com. They make it so easy to shop.
They do amazing edits. So like I can just trust their editors who probably have better style than me and just get the cutest new things for the season.
So shop Saks.com. Saks.com is your one-stop shop for clothing, accessories, beautiful things, timeless things, classic things, on-trend things.
They really have it all. They run the gamut of everything that you could be looking for while still making the most of your time and your money.
Saks.com, shop it. So speaking of our spouses, Jackie and I, it actually happened really naturally.
We found ourselves spending a lot of time being naggy, bitchy wives, but we hated that we weren't. Sometimes you're just being right you're just justified naggy bitch wife but like that's what it takes to be a wife sometimes okay i'm so glad you asked so because it inspired the paper towels it inspired like this segment we do on our show called naggy bitch wife where people will write in and being like am i justified or am i just being a naggy bitch wife and so for me like i'm very clean i love to clean I love a clean house my husband is getting better but he we were cooking dinner then we were cleaning up and so he sprays the like surface cleaner on the counter yeah and he wipes the surface cleaner off with a dish rag not a paper towel which I thought was just like dumb behavior and I'm like you should switch but then he like there are certain dishes you have to.
So to hand dry a dish, he'll use a paper towel. Like he's using them inversely.
Inversely, yeah. And it got me so mad because I'm like, first of all, it's such a waste.
And second of all, like it's just dumb. Do better.
And I was like, am I being a naggy bitch wife? And that one I actually feel like. We were split.
100%. I feel like if he's cleaning, he's cleaning.
Take the win. The bar is in hell.
Yeah. Do you remember what his apartment looked like before you guys moved in? Remember that? We've been together since we were like 11.
There was one place. Yeah.
Do you remember what his room looked like? Yeah, filthy. And it's better, of course.
But it's been 11 years. Like, we're not pacing the way we should.
Okay, you know, this is a good example of like with gender roles. I hate this.
what are we supposed to do but still um we both have we both do these things that we say we're doing for one another because it sounds noble like i'll find myself you and doing like i i provide i protect my wife like like as if guys are trying to punch my wife in the head of the bar like like when has that ever happened right like yes, right. Yes, I would, I think.
Hypothetically, yeah. Depending on the size of the guy.
You're not logging a lot of hours protecting. Exactly, but I protect and I provide as if I wouldn't work if I wasn't married.
Correct. Like, I was a comedian before.
I was married. Right, but here's the thing.
You guys would be like, I keep this place clean for my family. All day, every day.
Make a home. I make a home.
You guys are doing it whether we're there or not. You're not doing it for us.
Just like we're not providing for you. Rebuttal though, there is more to clean when you live in my house.
A hundred percent. But here's the thing.
We would be fine with it being dirty. You're the only ones that are upset with it being dirty.
We would live in a pigsty. That doesn't make it right that you want to live in a barn.
It's not right. It's not right.
It's not right. It's not right.
But it is what it is. Yeah, like you're really doing it for you.
You're doing it for you and you're saying you do for me. Just like when I go work, I'm like, I'm doing this for you.
It's like, no, I love what I do for living. You're being paid by bed.
Like, what are you talking about? Shut up. This is why we wanted to ask you because we do a lot of like advice stuff on our show.
We've had a couple like confounding ones. We wanted to get like a male opinion.
Because these are jackie's. I have one too that I want to ask you about.
Yeah, please, please. Okay, okay.
So there's this thing that a lot of people have obviously talked about. I'm sure you guys talk about maybe ics.
Is that like? Yeah, we're not a fan of culture.

We're kind of anti-icculture.

Oh, we're on the same page here.

People have gotten so carried away.

It's like, don't you want to meet with men

who cheat with them, but not who wear

like their shirts on top.

It's so stupid.

So here's my theory on it, okay?

And we were talking to some of the girls

that are in our office about this.

It will take a couple steps to get there.

Some you might disagree with,

but just let me get there and I think it will make sense.

Thank you. And we were talking to some of the girls in our office about this.
It will take a couple steps to get there. Some you might disagree with, but just let me get there.
I think it will make sense. So a lot of times a guy in a relationship, I think one of our biggest fears is being with someone that we actually don't like.
So we like avoid, what is it called when you like say you're in a relationship with each other? Monogamy. Commitment.
Sure. Yeah, I don't even know the word.
God gets married. That's actually a good reason for avoiding commitment because you're in a relationship with each other monogamy uh commitment sure yeah i don't even know the word uh god gets married that's actually a good reason for avoiding commitment because you're scared that like it's the wrong one and we don't want to be with that and then you get out of something that's like not solid exactly right like some people even ghost their way out of that right yeah right like you would never ghost your boyfriend or girlfriend that's fucked up but ghost if it's a loose commitment yeah thought of it that way so whereas and this is what some of the girls in the office said a woman's greatest fear is being alone there's so much familial pressure and yes we live in a new day where women have jobs and can do all these different things but we don't want you still have we are who we are we don't want to and this like learn to like hey i want to be alone.
So a lot of times women, because of this pressure to be with somebody,

to not be alone,

will end up dating guys they don't like.

And when you don't like somebody,

everything about them is an ick.

Wearing a shirt that's untucked is an ick.

When you love someone,

as I'm sure you guys love your husbands,

everything,

it's cute.

Agreed.

When they do something weird, it's like, oh, that's so cute. Because you love them.
Sometimes'm sure you guys love your husbands everything it's cute agreed when they do something weird it's like oh that's so cute because you love them and you know this about yeah exactly we might have some issues over here we gotta be real we gotta be real leave your toenails on the nightstand like that's it his contact lens on my floor Emma Emma listen to what she just said Emma's my wife yeah because I know she's gonna listen to this Emma listen what does. Toenails on the nightstand is a normal thing we all do.
You do that too?

My wife was dying

laughing from the shower. She looks at the door of the

bathroom's open. She sees me organizing

my toenails on the nightstand and she's

dying laughing in the shower as I'm putting

together a nice little pile.

It actually makes me feel better because Jackie's

husband doesn't do that so I was like oh my god is like my

husband especially disgusting?

You don't want to see his feet. He actually doesn't have toenails on the nightstand.
that's the only reason he doesn't do it too much yeah you collect them and then you dispose of them you leave them for your wife to clean up no I put them under the carpet or something behind the bed when we move departments I threw him behind that the headboard and then when we moved apartments my wife send me a picture of what the floor under the bed looks like it makes you feel better so bad yeah this is it's just like my special we all go through it no no no no but yeah okay so this is so the take on the culture is this thing that a lot of girls are with guys they don't like they think it's that they have these ics they just don't like that dude and everything about them they're repulsed by yeah that's a really good take i like for us we're just like all this stuff like these aren't deal breakers this like it's nothing you can get icked out about anything and also an ick doesn't mean you should break up with someone so if you're just like counting all the ways this person is like you don't like that's so mean that's just you're not going to like them you're not gonna like them this is not for you yeah it's done and you're gonna be miserable no matter what yeah if you're worried if he lifts his shoulders in the rain i saw that one and i was like actually i gotta I feel that. This is not for you.
Yeah. It's done.
And you're going to be miserable no matter what. Yeah.
If you're worried if he lifts his shoulders in the rain. I saw that one.
And I was like. Actually I gotta feel that.
Stop it. No I'm kidding.
I'm kidding. Okay.
Okay so you guys go. Okay so Jackie's naggy bitch wife.
I actually think. Naggy bitch wife.
Yeah. I actually think that.
This is actually not me being the naggy bitch wife. But I was wondering if I was wrong in this situation.
Because I was having like a disagreement with my husband. We didn't reach our.
And we never like take each other's husband's side. Like I always have Jackie's back.
But in this particular... Yeah.
In this one, she like wasn't agreeing with me. I didn't see what you were seeing.
When I'm in the car with my husband and our kids were like, you know, doing a weekend outing. And if I go into the console to get like a piece of gum or hand sanitizer...
She's in the passenger seat. I'm in the passenger seat.
He's driving. Yeah.
And if I take out the hand sanitizer, I'll use it. And then I put it away and I shut the console.
And he goes, were you going to offer me some? And I'm like, can't you just ask when you see I'm using it if you would like some? Is it if it's gum? Both. You got to offer.
That's what I said. If it's hand sanitizer, it's actually like a little micromanaging.
Mmm. Hear that? If it's hand sanitizer.
Let's be real, Jackie. You don't even like hand sanitizer.
It's always gum. Yeah, it's gum.
No, I have a hand sanitizer that I like. It's a spray.
It's peppermint. And you do have to sanitize a lot like with the kids.
I might have just changed a dirty diaper. It's totally gum.
Or we just came from the zoo. Yeah.
I think that like pulling out gum in a car is like kind of pulling out gum in like a classroom. You have to have for everybody.

I just feel like if you want some, just ask.

Don't wait till I put it away.

So this, what I think is this is probably pricking a bigger, not issue, I'm not like

psychoanalyzing.

Yeah, where he just like wants me to be like, you want this?

I think he wants, I think he might want a little more attention and he want a little

more consideration.

And this is an example of him not being considered.

Now, I think this happens probably a lot of times when couples have kids is all the concern. Your care goes to your child.
And you want to be like, not mothered, but like you thought of. We want to be mothered.
And honestly, every guy, even if we're not aware of it, we do want that attention. But another thing we do also, and something I know is even with my wife, is like, I'm so excited to see my daughter.
any time I FaceTime my wife, I'm doing it to see my daughter. And I remember I called her once and she picked up.
She's like, oh, I'm just coming from the home from the gym. I'm not with Shiloh.
And I felt so bad because her reaction was he doesn't even want to talk to me. He just wants to talk to the kid.
And it really made me go, okay, I need to really be putting in time yeah to make sure she knows how i do feel about her i haven't changed the way i feel about her but i need to make sure that she doesn't ever forget that the feelings i had before are only amplified now with the baby but as you guys know it's when you have a baby it's so exciting yeah is that how you feel when i call you i'm always just just like, where are the kids? Yeah. I know when she's calling, when it's just not for me at all.

I actually don't even pick up those times if I'm not with them

or if they're not available to talk.

Or if they're doing something where I don't want them on the phone.

But no, I don't feel that way because we talk all day.

Because I feel the love.

Got it.

So what's the last thing your wife nagged you about?

We're going to tell you if she's being a naggy bitch wife

or if she was justified in bothering you about it.

But it really is interesting

like sharing our opinions

because like both sides are human here, you know?

Yeah.

It's crazy that women are human.

Yeah, every woman.

It's crazy that women are...

As you're like shocked,

like men are human.

Like when you think about it.

You know what I mean?

Because we say like people write in the craziest stuff.

Like this one girl was like saying

how her husband just like pees,

like he'll pee in the sink. All the time.
In their bathroom. Like.
The toilet's free. The toilet's free.
And like somebody just like pee in the sink. Why is that? And he's like is that.
And she was asking if that was like a toenail thing. Like to all guys do that.
No that's not a toenail thing. And we were like.
It's not a toenail thing. Your wife is.
Your husband's an alcoholic. And he needs to really figure that out.
Yeah. Interesting.
Claudia always jumps to your husband's gay. Yeah.
But what was the one? Wait why is being in the sink gay? There's one kind of gay glory hole about it I don't know Or like the girl who He just wants Because there's a mirror in front of the sink The guy was like He really didn't want to show her his butthole And I was like oh Because it's like stretched out Because he's Because he's gay Wait a minute Why would she want to see his butthole? For some reason she she wanted to see his butthole. Like a sexual thing? No, it was like either medical.
Anytime it's ever come up, he's like so crazy about it. Like sometimes you have to see your partner's butthole.
I showed my wife my butthole and my wife's father my butthole within like the first few weeks of day. Is he a doctor? Well, where are the circumstances? I had a hemorrhoid.
Oh, that'll do it. I had a brutal hemorrhoid and it was just not healing and I didn't know what doctor to go to and it was like what are his dad a doctor no he's just a plumber and just but i figured he'd know about that i honestly feel like maybe he's a guy no no he's a guy oh so like she basically said she's like listen my doctor is a gynecologist and in pregnancy this happens a lot with women like you know there's a lot of pushing you get hemorrhoid so he would be able to diagnose it if you want.
And I was like, yeah, sure. So I went to the bathroom.
I took a picture. We sent it over.
Wow. That was the first interaction I had.
You took a picture of your own butthole? Yeah. That was the first interaction I had with a father.
That is so funny. I'm just curious.
I think I went like this. And I went up.
Oh, OK. OK.
It's probably not a very good picture. No, no.
It wasn't flattering. his hair all over it.
Yeah, I didn't shave. I didn't go.
I didn't make sure my booty all looked good for her dad. Well, do you think the guy who doesn't want to show his butthole, what's that about? I think he's just a normal human being and I think his wife is a freak.
Something's called for it, like an enema. She's going to stick something in there.
An enema. There's no reason.
Did she do the enemas? Like, why is she? Sometimes you need your partner to give you an enema. Wait, all right.
Yeah. Tell me about that experience.
What is that like? Oh, I can tell you. I've given Ben an enema one time.
What? Yeah. Hold on now.
He was really sick. They're very close.
Did you write this question? No, no, no. I'm not weird.
Like, Jackie's very weird, like, about body parts. Don't do this.
Don't do this. Don't do this.
No. I'm not.
Like, I'm not really. I'm not weird.
I'm not icky. No, like, things don't gross me out.
Proceeds to say the weirdest thing ever. No, no.
Okay. I'm not like I'm not really I'm not icky no like the weirdest thing ever.
Like she's not sensitive. I don't know but holes just a butthole I don't know it's like I didn't think much of it yeah and he was really sick and I was like wanting you know I'm also like kind of freaky like I like popping pimples like I'd like.
That's a normal girl thing. Yeah so I know the butthole was just like let's see what's going on and I gave him an enema and he felt so much better and honestly felt like a hero what'd you put in there what type of it's the fleet brand and it's just that like it's saline solution just saline because they do coffee enemas oh yeah oh no this is like if you really want to know you squeeze it up yeah and then you have to wait seven minutes so he's got to hold it in and you get like the worst it feels like you have the runs, but you have to wait the seven minutes.
And seven minutes are kind of like hellish. But then after that, you're on the clear.
It just flows. And he was just loving life.
And he was really grateful. And I kind of saved his life.
And I think that's maybe one of the reasons he wanted to marry me. Wait, this is before you guys are married? Oh yeah, it was really early too.
Oh, you got to marry that girl. Yeah, 100%.
Because she knows too much. Yeah, 100%.
You got to marry her, kill her. It's a girl that shot something in your asshole.
You can't walk around the street. That's to say, sometimes you need to see a partner's asshole.
Yes, that's fair. That's fair.
I mean, you and I have done that. So we know for a fact it works.
Did your wife's dad deliver your baby? No, no, no. Didn't, didn't.
We got it delivered here up in, was it Presbyterian? Yeah, he's out there on the West Coast. Okay.
Yeah. And what was...
What is it? 68th Street or something like that? 71st Presbyterian. Yeah, yeah.
Presbyterian. It's phenomenal, by the way.
I don't know if anybody's planning on having a kid, but like, I mean, just it's an amazing facility. Like, amazing.
Like, you can get private rooms and stuff like that. And for as stressful as that experience is, to walk in there and, you know, not have to deal with the other people that were also going through it it was incredible so nice i'm glad you had a nice experience yeah yeah so they just said if i shot it on seven podcasts that's nice we're happy to have facilitated that for you yes yeah let them know we really loved the special it was just really so it was different i was thinking what was the one oh yeah yes what is the lesson your wife bothered you about? Like household chore-wise, you know? Oh, chore-wise? She's not, she doesn't really bother me about that.
She's like very great about the chore-wise. Here's something that I think is good.
But I think I would agree with this one. Okay.
A self-aware king. Well, it's like finding, we had a conversation about like, what is the bare minimum amount of time, undivided time that you want from me, with me and you and the baby, and just me and you, a week, where no resentment can build up, where you don't feel like important and valued? What's the bare minimum? And then let's exceed it.
But let's just find the floor where you know you'll feel valued, important, and a priority. Because I think it's very easy like in entertainment as you guys know.
It's very easy to be like oh I got this thing. Yeah.
Or there's another opportunity. There's always another thing.
Yeah. And like for example with Shiloh like the goal is I'm with her every single morning.
And I'm back by 6 six o'clock and I'm there until she goes to sleep. And it's like everything's got to end at 545.
So I can be back by six or 530. Is that you telling us? OK, we'll get you out of here.
No, no. So unless, for example, I'm with her longer during the day.
Right. But I don't want to lose a chunk.
So if I have this many hours. But you still got to apply that to wifey.
And so I don't think she was nagging I think it was like her going listen I don't ever bother you about work have you ever once heard me bother you about work 100% but if you're home and I see you on your phone or doing something like that that's gonna make me feel it's actually gonna just make me feel like you don't want to be with me or you don't value the time with me and she's like I know that that's not the case but that's kind of what it feels like yeah and honestly feelings are what matter we could say all we want about like well here's the data definition it's like okay great this is what it fucking feels like exactly yeah so and and it just made me go oh wow if i won she doesn't ever bitch about work so why don't we find out the amount of time where she really feels fulfilled yeah right and then we're just valued and then if we go over it it's even more and i know if it's under it i know what that sentiment is it's not just like this ambient resentment it's like she's frustrated feels rejected yeah i don't think that's i don't think i think it's pretty reasonable yeah at the end of the day from your pov how nice it is to hear like i just want to want to spend more time with you. Nobody ever says that to me.
Like, that sounds so nice. Like, you're amazing.
You're funny. We have a good time together.
Like, I don't think that, first of all, that's not naggy at all. And second of all, it has to feel good for you.
Yes, 100%. So what do you guys do? So we schedule.
It's like date night, two date nights a week. Two date nights a week? Well, it depends.
If I'm doing stand-up, I'm on the road and that kind of stuff, we usually do Tuesdays. When I'm not, now that it's over and we're not on tour, we do two day nights a week well it depends if i'm doing stand-up i'm on the road and that kind of stuff it's we usually do tuesdays when i'm not now that it's over and we're not on tour we do two day nights a week and then i think come summer summer will be a little different like we'll we'll be out east so it's like okay from this time to this time i'm doing all activities with her and shiloh so we're either going to the children's museum or whatever the hell it is.
And that's every single day. No meetings, nothing during that time.
Like obviously it's emergency, call me, but we're not scheduling any podcasts or anything during that time. And then two date nights and then like a night out maybe with like friends or something like that.
And then after, that seems like a lot of time. It is a lot of time.
But like after that, if I'm saying, hey, I'm going to go hang out with the boys or we're going to go out and do this, it's not this. You this you're choosing to do that over time with her exactly which it can come across like that if there isn't like an understanding this could all backfire in six months and I come back on here and go guys don't do that that's a horrible idea but at least we're trying to find things and that seems like a common denominator of what people say is like really date night time for yourselves and like enjoying time of course with your family but then also each other what have you what have you guys like well you've had two kids so like what have you learned is helpful uh we're really bad about like date nights and stuff but i will say that whenever we do it like it's extra extra special for us because also like i also don't we don't go out separately either like we're just kind of home and we'll just like i guess hanging out at home counts as it does spend together it's not like he's going I guess he actually plays his pickup basketball all right he does it like once a month no no he's been like it's important he cut his eyebrow last time like it's important that we have those things yeah like it makes us and that's the thing that like I think sometimes women don't realize like we are much better at home and much better to be around when you get out yeah no and I love, and I love that for him.
What's your thing? My husband golfs. Paddle.
Not pickleball, Paddle. Paddle.
Paddle, yeah. And I love that.
And I just like, it's exercise. I get out.
I can have some time by myself. I can have my time to just kind of think about shit.
Are you good? Every time I play, I feel so stupid. I'm like chasing this ball around a box.
Yes, I'm not good. But I take lessons.
I'm so obsessed. Oh, i take lessons i'm so obsessed like i'm trying to get good like i really want to get good but it's just having a thing to get better at yeah i agree a healthy habit healthy habit i'm not out and i tell her my wife and my boy jason also tells his wife it's like listen you guys want us to play paddle on vacation because then we're not going to be out late drinking right if we have a game in the morning your knee hurts this is beneficial to everybody here yeah and um but yeah now she gets it she's like listen i don't want you to go do this thing that takes fucking two and a half hours three hours but i do recognize that after you do that you're just down to do whatever the family wants to do it right we want to go to brunch all right let's fucking let's hit sadell's let's go shopping if i like have a great pal game and win like i want to buy or something great mood i want to buy her shit what's the last thing you bought your wife a stupid jacket at chanel that we should return immediately but i was feeling good i was feeling good of course big netflix special is number one on netflix i saw everybody's talking about him he's getting booked on the toast this was the coolest thing this is the thing.
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So she used to do this. She used to.

My wife used to.

She went to NYU probably around the same time you were there.

You guys might have went to school together.

I don't know.

Yeah, we were doing a little research on her before.

We read People Magazine.

She went to Gallatin.

Yeah, did you go to Gallatin?

No, I was in Steinhardt.

Steinhardt is.

The dumb one.

What is it?

The easy one to get into it.

But it's a focus on education.

Education.

Okay.

But you guys were around each other at the same time. I graduated in 2016.
I'm 30. How old is she? She's 30.
Oh. You were literally there with Timmy Chalamet, all three of you guys were hanging out.
Was he there? I think at the same time. I had gotten a boyfriend, my husband, a freshman year.
I didn't talk to anyone. I was like, bitch, I have a boyfriend.
Get away from me. So you told Timmy Chalamet, you said get, get away from me.
No, the girls too. I was like, I couldn't believe I had a boyfriend.
I couldn't believe there was somebody who wanted to hang out with me. I was like, I did not make one friend in college.
Really? I did not make one. So you locked in, you were isolated.
Yeah, no, and we got married, we got engaged a month after college ended. Wow.
It was just a means to an end. He knew she needed to graduate in order to get engaged.
And then you just locked in. So if I missed your wife, that was more on me.
No, no, no. But anyway, so she went there, and then she went back, got her MBA, and then she was working for a while.
And then while she was working, she was also doing this thing called Blistered Peppers, where she would do reviews for restaurants, but also do her own cooking and put out these recipes and everything. It was really cool.
And she's since stopped it, but she she loves cooking and like she just loves food yeah she's fantastic she's fantastic and really just loves just food in general and um so for her 30th i made one of those books but i made a cooking book based on all her recipes that's so so cute. So, like, she had, like, a website with all them, but, like, I actually got the picture printed and, like, bound.
And that's, like, here's this cookbook with all your stuff. And then the last page is, like, but my favorite recipe you've ever made is.
Shiloh. That's so cute.
We love a homemade gift. You also got the Chanel jacket.
Yo, you know what I realized? She was like, this is nice. Can we go to Chanel? No, no, no.
It's a little chilly in here. I can't read this book with this AC blasting on my neck.
What is this? No, no. But what I realized with my wife though, maybe it's her love language, is like that means so much more to her.
Now, she likes a nice thing. Don't get me wrong.
She likes jewelry. She likes nothing.
She can hold space for two shoes. She can hold space for multiple things.
Dude, the coolest thing about Ariana Grande was her calling that interview insufferable. It was.
Right? Like, it was awkward. And then she went out and she was like, guys, I know it was so awkward.
And then immediately like, oh, you're cool. You're self-aware.
Yeah. Yeah.
That's nice to see. It's nice to see.
Anyway. But yeah, she just loves those thoughtful kind of gifts.

So now my focus is on that, which is a money saver.

Yeah, I don't think that should be your focus.

A little bit of both balance.

A little bit of both.

What did the jacket look like?

I don't know how to get it up for you, but it looks like...

Like a winter coat or like a blazer?

No, like that kind of blazer one that has the Chanel buttons. The buttons, the classic classic ones.
Oh, cute. Very nice and done.
No, it's a nice jacket. Nice.
It's like kind of up to like waist length. I can imagine it.
What color? It looks like the Palestinian flag. Oh.
Oh, okay. It actually is the print from Chanel that they've been doing forever.
So it's red, green. No, no, no.

It's the black and white.

Oh, the houndstooth?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, it looks like a keffiyeh.

That's really funny.

That's a keffiyeh.

Oh, a keffiyeh.

Oh, okay.

That's what I was joking with her on that.

I was like, oh, interesting.

They're getting so political over here, Chanel.

That's really funny.

Coco, wow.

Coco, wow.

Well, we know you do have to get back to your kid.

To Shiloh.

Yes, of course.

And we really appreciate your time.

We respect Shiloh's time.

So we can't recommend the special enough.

It's available on Netflix.

I saw it.

Thank you.

You know,

you know, we know you do have to get back to your kid. And we really appreciate your time.

We respect Shiloh's time.

So we can't recommend the special enough.

It's available on Netflix.

I saw it.

Thank you.

Topping the charts.

Congratulations.

Oh, thanks, guys.

It's called Life.

Make sure to follow Andrew on Instagram.

And you have a podcast, too.

Of course.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I do a few pods, so you can check those out, too.

You host a couple.

Yeah, yeah.

So I do one with Charlamagne Tha God.

And then I do one with my buddy Akash and my buddy Alex and my buddy Mark. And that's called Flagrant.
So you have a lot of friends. Flagrant.
We're hanging. That's the one.
We're hanging. We'll go with the one.
Yeah. Can we see on the charts? Do you ever see us? Yes, of course.
You have seen us? Everybody knows the toast. We always wonder.
What do you guys? I feel like you guys are all friends. I feel like you got all the girlies.
You definitely got all the New York girlies. So I asked my wife because I was talking about it.
I was like, know these girls are we're talking about the special they said some really beautiful things and they and I wanted her listen because you guys you said that hey I really honored her and it feels like everybody loved her and I yeah I was like you're gonna see right you're gonna see this is what people think so you should think and uh and uh and she's like yeah yeah of course yeah I know the toast like everybody knows so I feel like you got the New York, a chip on our shoulders. I don't know if you could tell.
Why? What do you think? We're just kind of outsiders. Yeah, we are.
I feel like you all hang out. You guys all go on each other's podcasts.
And it makes sense. But you're, like, away.
Why? Yeah, no, and we're different. Like, we get why everyone hates us.
We're not, like, on the circuit. No, we get it.
We're not. We're not mad.
We don't feel like it's personal. We just feel like we kind of, like, are missing out.
The next time you guys all get together with, like, the male crew you guys need to come we need to come we just want to meet every time you guys gotta pop one flagrant and just like we gotta talk to the naggy bitch wife segment this is a great idea like they're cool they're funny they're beautiful they're thin like what do you did the 5k like she really tried i did the 5k yes and by the way nobody spoke to me when i was there hold on hold on hold on, hold on, hold on. What if we let you guys help us with our naggy bitch wife problems?

I feel like we could really come together.

Yeah, because you guys might agree on some of the nagginess.

Yeah.

And we have tried to enter your crew.

I ran a fucking 5K with Tom and Bert.

Oh, wow.

I didn't even talk to Tom when I was there.

No.

He didn't even say hello to me, okay?

This is not good.

And Bert only said hi to me because I was with Josh Peck Like Wow I'm telling you They We are outsiders Because everybody sees us as such Well I think we gotta bring you in I don't think there's any malintent Do you have like the chart topping Comedy podcast Is there a chat without us No Like Joe Theo Matt and Shane Tim Tim is nice to us We love Tim Tim is great He's canceled us He's canceled us twice we've meant to we've been scheduled to a couple times and it just didn't work out but like we know it's hard by the way he invites us to stuff which is really nice it didn't work out because he canceled twice like we were ready both times Tim's a busy guy of course he's meeting with like spies and shit we love him he's so so, he is one of the best people. Yeah, he's the only one who's made an effort to be our friend.
Which really means a lot. I mean, I'm telling you, like in terms of talking into a microphone and staring at a camera.
Talent. Few people in history.
Agreed. Are as funny.
And he can do it with nobody else in the room. It's so crazy.
It's unbelievable. To listen to his solo episodes.
And we rely on each other so other so much. Same.
All the pods I do is the more

people in the room, the better.

It's funny. When I go on his pod,

I almost feel bad because I'm like

I know everybody just wants to listen to

Tim. I find myself on the pod

even going, why don't you just tell me

about the things and I'll just listen. I'll just watch

it live. I'm here

for this too. That's really funny.

I'm going to do that next time I go on. I'm going to do a disclaimer to the audience.
I'm like, guys, I just want to let you know I just want to listen as well. Yeah.
Yeah. Just like attending a live taping.
I'll just be here in case he needs to take a sip of water. Well, the next time the crew gets together, just suggest inviting those two chubby Jewish girls.
Why about, why the crew? Why, I mean, when you guys are in New York, why don't we all just hang? Come by the studio. We got to do something.
Of course. We just want to be included.
Yes, you are included. The thing is, we want to be invited.
We're not going to come, but we want to be invited. Tim invites us.
He's going to stop inviting us. Tim has invited us to so many barbecues.
You want to not go. That's actually really good.
We just want to be thought of. We just want to know we're thought of.
Yeah. Nothing feels better than being included.
Yes. Yes.
And then not attending. Well, we're tired.
Exactly. No, that is the best.
Yeah. Being invited.
And then I like those people that win the Oscar but don't even go. Yeah.
Is there anything better than that? Yeah. So just let the crew know.
We're available for bookings. And we're open and we're so proud of what everyone's doing and we're cheering them on.
And we love the community. Like we really do.
We love what we do. We're so inspired by them.
Like seriously, everyone's really funny and they're crushing it and they get amazing guests and you know we don't want to say that like we're not invited because we're women but we're like literally the only ones I know that's what everyone wants us to say but we won't say it because I actually don't think that's the truth but it does beg the question I just think like you guys all know each other from the past and like from the comedy clubs from the road we had like I think it's been like a year since we had a woman on the podcast or something like that and And there were like the three girls on the office came for an episode where we were discussing and they were on. And like in that moment, we're like, guys, we broke our streak.
It's like 52 straight weeks without a woman on the pod. But yeah, we need to do a little bit more.
Things happen. We need more women on the pod.
Or just like in the group chat. Like the big ones are males, you know? Yeah.
I'm going to start a group chat with you guys and nobody from the pod. Or just in the group chat.
If there's a reason why the big ones are males, you know? Yeah.

I'm going to start a group chat with you guys and nobody from the podcast circuit.

But I'm going to say that it is.

It's so us.

Yeah.

I'm going to be like, guys, you're on with Theo.

You're on with Shane.

You're on with Rogan.

And it's really just going to be like my mom, my cousin.

The girls in your office.

Yeah, yeah.

That's like what happened to us.

Except I have an app where I can look up phone numbers. So I would know that you were lying.
Oh, you're like a snoop. A freak, yeah.
It's a good thing to add. Even like just as a layperson, like, oh, who's texting me? I forgot their number.
Someone from high school. It's called Mr.
Number. You don't have to say who's this.
Then you can find out. And all of our information is available? You need to pay for it.
It's $25 a month, but yeah. I bet you my name won't come up.
I bet you my mom comes up. Search it.
of times that happens but I recognize people based on their last name okay I'm not gonna ask you for your phone number just type your phone number in yep and this is an app I pay $25 a year for I mean get get a plug for this like you're giving them huge no I'm it's the best app okay I don't want to show the camera yeah good call it says Andrew Schultz look oh wait, I thought that was saved on your thing. Why would I have your phone number? Oh, wow.
That's right. I guess we hadn't texted.
No. Holy shit.
Yeah. It should say my mom's name.
Or you should get your number privated because you're like a celebrity now. How do I do that? Have you had to change your phone number at all since maybe a big...
Dude, my phone number's gotten leaked and like, honestly, when people change their number, I think they're being drama queens. Yeah.
Because my phone number got leaked. And maybe just no one gives a fuck about me.
But like for an hour, it was nonstop. It like blew up.
It was. And then after that, it was like.
Was it fans? Who was calling you? Yeah, it's just people were watching the pod or something like that. And then after like a day or two, it just goes back.
And I'm like, a day or two of dealing with that is way better than having to text everybody. I a new phone and ugh it just seems like just such a big deal yeah so I still get messages from so now that I have your number I'll start the chat and you can add Joe and Tim and everyone I'm gonna add Joe I'm gonna add Tim I'm gonna add Theo Bert and Tom Bert and Tom definitely shout out Tom Tom's a great guy yeah Jackie did read Tom's book I don't think you read mine yeah I don't think so either well I'm gonna have a talk with him it's a children's book you should get it for I'll send one for a copy what's her favorite children's book the one she wrote yes of course the one that I wrote but I actually have like really strong opinions wait that's your favorite the one you wrote it's so good it's so good like Dr.
Seuss could never that was a Kathy Hilton moment it's amazing you're never supposed to say that it's the best one okay what is best one. What is the name of it? It's called The Camper and the Counselor.
Okay. And it's about a summer camp.
And it's about a young girl. So I think Shiloh will really love it.
I'm a huge fan of children's books. I Love You Forever is my favorite.
Oh my gosh. Can't stop crying.
It's unbelievable. You know what's a piece of shit? Rainbow Fish.
Oh yeah. Why? Communist Man Manifesto.
Have you read it recently? No. It's all about giving away all of your personal shine and possessions to be like everyone else.
And everybody was so jealous and he had to give them away. Why? In order to be accepted by the group.
So the dancing giraffe one is the opposite of that. Okay, what's the story? Like a giraffe something, but it's essentially like this giraffe, like everybody comes down to the watering hole and dances or whatever like that, and like he didn't really know how to do it.
He was dancing weird. I forget exactly who it was, but his weird dancing is actually in the end just the way that he reacts to the music and the people really love him, and it's about individual spirit.
Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's nice. Your differences are what make you great.
But that's awesome. Yeah, it's like American propaganda..
Rainbow Fish was the opposite. What is it? Giraffes can't dance.
Giraffes can't dance. It's not that you can't dance.
It's like you dance different and that's awesome that you dance different and you should like embrace and love that. That's not what Rainbow Fish is.
Take another look. I don't like the...
Take another look. It's really actually bad for kids.
You gotta be careful with the shit that they ingest. Oh, yeah.
Do you know Llama Llama? Of course. Is that bad? Don't tell me that.
No, no.

I like Llama Llama.

I think that the mom

Llama Llama red pajama.

I could call CPS on the mom.

She's extremely neglectful.

The kid's having a

fucking breakdown upstairs

and you're gabbing

on the phone doing the dishes.

Having said that

like the kid is definitely annoying.

But what if the kid

was actually having an issue

and Mama Llama

is like just being

you know a deadbeat

downstairs.

Have you seen the people

that these killjoys

that try to say

I love you forever is weird when the mom brings the ladder it's like it's a fucking cartoon you idiots like we know the mom is being that she's not really gonna do that when like he's holding the mom like of course that's not like actually happening it's a book you guys I actually feel like I'm the person you're talking about oh come on I love the book but like what is that bitch doing with the ladder like it, it was really crazy. And then when like the little, I would get a ladder.
When he's like carrying his mom. What that woman is doing is what we all feel we want to do.
Yeah, it's the feeling. No, I don't think she's actually doing it, of course.
But it is jarring to see the illustration. The idea is I love you so much.
I miss you so much. And literally, if we've heard out our kids were being bullied at school, we would drive in a car to the school, find that fucking kid.
Like, you have insane thoughts what you would do in protecting your kids. So the latter doesn't seem like a lot.
It's nothing. This is like a beautiful act of kindness and love for your child.
I agree. I agree.
But when you turn that last page. I know.
It's really beautiful. We won't spoil it.
Go take 30 seconds of your day and read one of the best books. The second best children's book ever.
The Camper and the Counselor. I'll reach out to your team.
I'll send a copy for Shiloh. Signed copy.
Dearest Shiloh. She will love it.
Oh, I love it. I love it.
Can't wait to see you in the group chat. Yes.
Someone to Tom Segura. Of course, of course.
I'm going to send it to Tom. I'm going to make sure.
He'll love it. He got a couple.
They got a couple kids. Oh, yeah, they do.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, we really appreciate your time. Thank you guys so much for chopping it up.
Now it's over. I need you guys next time you're in the city.
I know that you're here. I'll come.
We're available. We come up.
We hang out. We might.
I know you'll cancel, but it will be okay. No, if we actually have something set, we're very professional.
But when it's like a social thing. Yeah.
Especially when you can't drink like what's the point yeah wait why oh you can't drink i'm pregnant and then you can't drink i'm not a big drinker really what's your uh vice oh these days sourdough sourdough yeah what about a what about a drug or something like that not these days you know because i can't be impaired whatsoever when i need to like wake up and be a mom yep and i can't make my life any harder than it already is by having a migraine or being dehydrated feeling like shite very logical you know are you a big drinker no no not really big i have a question for you and then we'll let you go i don't really do it i don't do like i don't like weed or anything weed makes me sad i like the social panicky i really you get anxiety i like i don't smoke pot because i'm a i'll take I'll take myself to the hospital. I'm like, this can't be the thing everybody's smoking.
What's going on? I hate weed. Who are these people that get relaxed when they do it? Some people look at it like I'm so productive.
What? That's bullshit. Bullshit.
What are you saying? My question for you because I feel like we're at a similar stage in our lives with Claudia where you're having children and you want to be present for them. It's different for women because we have to take time off and do things.
But do you find that right now you're maybe doing less or saying no to more stuff? Professionally? 100%. Do you feel like early fatherhood has affected your career? 100%.
Yeah. Okay.
It doesn't look that way as an outsider. I don't think...
This press run I went on was insane. But in terms of...
But I baked that into what this was going to be. I don't think like this press run I went on was like insane.
But in terms of, you know, but I baked that into what this was going to be. I don't think it's negatively impacted my career in terms of like, oh, there aren't opportunities that I can do.
But I think to be honest, it's like made everything better. I think we both say that.
That's why we love this particular job, like being content creators and podcasters. Like I have found our, you know, our numbers went up when I announced some that i was pregnant you get more brand opportunities like there's not people can relate to you not a lot of jobs where you can say that you have more to say you think more and you feel more and so net net it's really good for so much better but yes like opportunities there are less things i can do and you have to take time off and yeah but most people can't say that like when they got pregnant at their job, they got more opportunity.

Like, and I, that's how I felt.

Right.

But I was just curious for you in the same industry, mostly.

But different.

In a new fatherhood who also like wants to be home if you feel the same.

I probably, what I would say is that like, I'm, I'm not turning down a huge opportunity

because I have that privilege being the dad, not the mom.

Yeah. Where like, she's not relying on me for sustenance right first year yeah uh but I don't put as much time into work yeah I have to be really smart about the time I put to work which makes you more effective it also forces you at least for me what I hope is like to hire effectively so back in the day I would just just be like, I'm going to do it all.
I don't do it all. I have people way more talented than me, helping me with everything.
I don't want to take away credit from them. But I'll stay 14 hours.
I'll edit this thing with you. Then I'll go write that thing.
And I'll do this. You can't do it anymore.
You need to delegate. And then you need to do what all these professional shows do, which is you start building out teams and different responsibilities.
It's time, Claudia. No, for real.
I do the same thing that you guys are going through is the exact same thing. But what you realize is once you do that, and I'm not saying we've done that, but once you do do that, you can grow 100x.
Yeah, it will make you better. That thing that you had to do because you were slipping made you better.
Yeah, because you have people more talented than you taking responsibility for these different parts of business. If this podcast, if I hire somebody to run this podcast and that's their baby and they're thinking about every second of every day, I'm thinking about my baby every second of every day.
If that's their baby, imagine how big that could go. We've got to be smart with who we hire, obviously.
But what if we get those people that are as dedicated as us but even more talented? Hard to find. be if it was easy yeah everyone would have it so true but you gotta find those diamonds in the rough and then all of a sudden you see these things grow like I've seen just from people that I've hired like this kid who's doing my social with me shifty and we're editing clips like the amount that I can just off load to him the amount of like days that saves me.
What if I could do that with every aspect, even with Dove, everything that he's done, like the amount of like incoming calls, offers that he, people, agents, producers that he's talking to before it even gets to me. That's nice, yeah.
If I was doing it, I wouldn't have any time with Shiloh, I wouldn't wouldn't have any time anything how many more of those people is it possible to find and then grow and now having a kid and limiting our time actually made us grow 50x right because it made us be smart instead of like bare knuckling everything everything yeah that's a really good lesson for us Claudia yeah everything that we learned today I feel like we like we need to... Just like jot it down.
Remember that, yeah. Apply it.
We love to say we're gonna do stuff and don't. Practical application of policy.
I love that. That's what you guys do.
That's the Kamala thing. That's what she said.
What did she say? Jackie was actually extremely taken with this one thing Kamala Harris said on the Call Her Daddy podcast. She was talking about, and she said it like this, practical application of policy.
She's really big on that. And so we don't really know what it means, but sometimes you just gotta practically apply the policy, you know? And we find ourselves like not doing that, but we really need to.
But we gotta make an effort to practically, what is it, PAP? Practical application of policy. Oh, PAUP.
PAUP. It doesn't roll off the tongue.
PRAP.

Skip the O.

Yeah,

PRAP,

yeah.

Okay,

we're gonna get it.

We're gonna get it.

Now we are officially

letting you go this time

unless there's anything else

you wanted to talk about.

Get your PAPs,

guys.

Yes,

get your PAPs.

You gotta get your PAPs.

Thank you so much

for being here,

guys.

Thank you for listening.

We will see you tomorrow.

Love ya.

Bye.