
E875 Going Deeper - Our Miscarriage Story
Welcome back to The Viall Files: Going Deeper with Natalie Joy and Nick Viall.
In this deeply personal episode, Natalie opens up about her miscarriage with her and Nick’s second child. Through vulnerability and honesty, she offers her raw and powerful experience in hopes of making others feel less alone.
*The contents of this episode contain details of miscarriage which can be triggering for some people.
Listen to Humble Brag with Cynthia Bailey and Crystal Kung Minkoff!
Listen on Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/humble-brag-with-crystal-and-cynthia/id1774286896
Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@humblebragpod
Listen To Disrespectfully now!
Listen on Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/disrespectfully/id1516710301
Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCh8MqSsiGkfJcWhkan0D0w
Start your 7 Day Free Trial of Viall Files + here: https://viallfiles.supportingcast.fm/
To Order Nick’s Book Go To: http://www.viallfiles.com
If you would like to get some texting advice on Office Hours send an email to asknick@theviallfiles.com with “Texting Office Hours” in the subject line!
To advertise on the show, contact sales@advertisecast.com or visit https://www.advertisecast.com/TheViallFiles
Thank You to Our Sponsors:
Mack Weldon - Go to https://www.MackWeldon.com and use code VIALL to get 25% off your first order of $125 or more.
Sunday For Dogs - Get 40% off a two week trial of Sundays. Go to https://www.sundaysfordogs.com/viall or use code VIALL at checkout.
Pretty Litter - Pretty Litter helps your house smell fresh and clean. Go to https://www.PrettyLitter.com/viall to save twenty percent on your FIRST order and get a free cat toy.
Episode Socials:
@viallfiles
@nickviall
@nnataliejjoy
Listen and Follow Along
Full Transcript
At Valley Strong Credit Union, we know that local businesses are the backbone of the Central Valley.
Investing in our neighborhoods, boosting the economy, making the Valley stronger.
But when it comes to their finances, where can they turn?
A big bank that just sees another number? That's not good enough.
Valley businesses deserve Valley support.
For payroll, credit, cash flow, and everything in between.
Valley Business is Valley Strong.
Learn how our cash management services can support your business at valleystrong.com. Well, I guess just thanks for tuning in.
I'm sure you got some glimpse based off the title about what this episode is going to be about. I miscarried our second child.
And it was extremely hard it's still extremely hard obviously this is just like not easy to talk about um i don't know the right way to talk about it uh what we're about to play obviously is very personal and very raw and and very descriptive um and so you know just a heads up, in case, you know, whoever you're listening to this with, or maybe it's not your cup of tea. Um, but, uh, we just wanted to give you a heads up, uh, that, uh, the content going forward is, um, very detailed and very personal.
It can be so hard for this special guy in your life, especially when shopping for that guy on Valentine's Day. So why not gift him the gift he'll really appreciate? A wardrobe upgrade.
You know it's something he won't normally do for himself. And honestly, let's be real here.
This is really a gift for you. Because aren't we tired of having your man just walk out in public and some of the just unfortunate stuff he's been putting on his body? That's where the good people at Mack Weldon come in.
Their products are the perfect balance of function and fashion. So you don't have to compromise comfort or style.
Super easy to find everything all in one place. Online at MackWeldon.com.
Their options are limitless. Whether you are looking for their anti-odor tees.
Love their anti-odor tees. They fit great.
They hold their fit. And I work out on them all the time and they really don't because they don't like, I don't know.
I don't know what the technology is, but they really stink less than most t-shirts. So if the guy in your life is a little sweaty, a little stinky, you got to check out their anti-odor tees or their machine washable sweaters.
Absolutely a must have, especially if you and him hate doing laundry because you know, I like to try. Like, yuck.
My personal favorite is their warm-knit flannel engineered with Thermalite technology. This soft, lightweight flannel is designed to trap heat while wicking away moisture.
We love a wick away. So, upgrade the men in your light's wardrobe today.
Do yourself a favor and let him finally look good for you. Give the perfect gift for him.
From Mack Weldon. Go to MackWeldon.com.
Use code V-I-A-L-L. You get 25% off your first order of $125 or more.
That's M-A-C-K-W-E-L-D-O-N.com. All you dog people out there, if you are looking for the world's dog food to keep your furry friends healthy and living longer, you got to check out Sundays for Dogs.
Sundays for Dogs was created by Dr. Tori Waxman, a practicing veterinarian who tests and formulates every version of each recipe.
Sundays contains 90% meat, 10% superfoods, and zero synthetic nutrients and artificial ingredients. Dog parents report noticeable healthier improvements in their pups, including softer fur, fresher breath, and better poops and more energy after switching to Sundays.
Sundays for dogs is a healthy dog food that's easy to store and serve. Unlike other fresh dog food, Sundays does not require refrigeration or preparation because of their air drying process.
You just pour and serve. When you start a Sunday subscription, you'll automatically get 20% off and free shipping on every reorder.
Cancel or pause your subscription anytime with their 100% satisfaction guarantee. Every order ships right to your door so you'll never have to worry about running out of dog food again.
The new year is not only the perfect time for us humans to make healthy changes, but for your pup as well. Get 40% off a two-week trial of Sundays.
Go to sundaysfordogs.com slash VIALL or use code VIALL at checkout. This time of year, every cat is an indoor cat.
The weather has changed and it's freezing outside. With weather like this, you've most likely become an indoor human as well.
One thing you don't want to be worried about as a cat owner is the litter box stinking up the place while you're stuck inside. What's the best solution? Switching to Pretty Litter.
Pretty Litter's non-clumping formula traps odor and moisture. It's ultra-absorbent, it's lightweight, low dust, and one six-pound bag works wonders for up to a month.
And Pretty Litter gives peace of mind. It changes color to indicate early signs of potential illnesses in your cat, like urinary tract infections, kidney issues, and more.
Since Pretty Litter ships free right to your door, you'll never run out, never have to worry about huge kitty litter bags taking up space. And the best part is you won't have to go out in the cold and lug around huge tubs from the store to your car and then to your house.
Indoor cats and indoor humans agree. Pretty Litter helps your house smell fresh and clean.
Go to prettylitter.com slash V-I-A-L-L to save 20% on your first order and get a free cat toy. That's prettylitter.com slash V-I-A-L-L to save 20% on your first order and get a free cat toy.
Prettylitter.com slash V-I-A-L-L. Terms and conditions apply.
See site for details. Missions to Mars? Driverless cars? AI chatbots? Feels like we're already living in the future.
Well, Robinhood is built for the future of trading. Robinhood's intuitive design makes trading seamless.
Spot opportunities and take control of your trades with tools like Screeners, Simulated Return builder on robin hood traders have access to hundreds of popular stocks and etfs 24 hours a day five days a week so you can keep up with today's fast-paced markets you can now even trade stocks and crypto all in one place with the new desktop platform robin hood legend the future of trading is fast powerful and precise experience precise. Experience it now on Robinhood.
Investing is risky. Robinhood Financial LLC, member SIPC, is a registered broker-dealer.
Trading during extended hours involves additional risks. Cryptocurrency services are offered through an account with Robinhood Crypto LLC, and an LSD-170-2840.
Robinhood Crypto is licensed to engage in virtual currency business activity by the New York State Department of Financial Services. At Valley Strong Credit Union, we know that local businesses are the backbone of the Central Valley, investing in our neighborhoods, boosting the economy, making the Valley stronger.
But when it comes to their finances, where can they turn? A big bank that just sees another number? That's not good enough. Valley businesses deserve Valley support.
For payroll, credit, cash flow, and everything in between. Valley business is Valley Strong.
Learn how our cash management services can support your business at valleystrong.com. This is definitely going to be a different episode.
We've never done anything with just Natalie and I in the room. But since this is a show that I think more and more we've made into a family show and it's become a place for us to open up and share a little bit about our life when we feel comfortable doing that and
it's also a little bit of therapy for us and every once in a while when we deal with something traumatic or personal um you know we will sometimes talk about whether we should or shouldn't share it but um, you know, this was a situation that obviously really impacted us, still impacts us. And it's also a topic that I think depending who you are and whether you've experienced it, I think everyone knows someone who has experienced it.
You know, it's, it's certainly changes or affects your perspective once it happens to you, like obviously most things, but yeah. Yeah.
I don't feel like there's like no right way to start it or get into it. but I like it's i think it's also just like and i don't want to apologize for crying because it is so sad and i'm still feeling everything but i just think it's also like I've been like putting on this front you know I've been like trying to be a good mom to River and like come and do my job whether it's on the podcast or on social media for the past week.
And currently, as I sit here today, I'm actively miscarrying our second child. And it has been the biggest heartbreak, I think, of my life.
I've never experienced something where I feel so empty inside. And I just, and yeah, I guess like Nick said, it's one of those things that like I've, I've heard of so many of my friends, you know, have, have sadly been through through it my sister has had 12 miscarriages and it's like you feel sad and you want to be there for these people but you don't really know the loss that they feel until you go through it yourself um so obviously natalie has a a very unique perspective since she was the one carrying the baby and as a father I think it's a little different but I think like I said earlier I think we all know someone or many people who have experienced a miscarriage.
And I think it's really, and I think if you've ever heard someone you care about, you mentioned that they've had a miscarriage. I think the vast majority of people know to at least, you know, obviously, you know know express their condolences show their empathy
for the sad you know experience that these people are having but at least for me it always felt like
there was a bit of a disconnect between you know what what i was trying to empathize to
um and the sadness i felt from the people sharing that they had this experience um because you know obviously like depending on when you miscarriage and things like that yeah i mean especially for everyone involved except for the mother even as a father um you know connecting with your unborn child is a process.
And I think especially, I think Natalie's desire, and correct me if I'm wrong, to share with this is just to express what it feels like. especially for all the women out there and all the moms and all the women who desire to be a mom,
especially those who have had a challenge conceiving. It really felt like it may be just because we're going through it right now.
For me, there's various stages of my life. I think every experience you have, until you experience something, it's hard to empathize and and once you can you sometimes feel a bit of guilt for not empathizing the way you feel like you should have now that it's happened to you and I so I think maybe that's just kind of our hope for this episode is to just know, hopefully allow people like Natalie to feel seen that have gone through this
experience because it's incredibly traumatic for even the dads,
but especially the moms.
Yeah.
You,
you really feel alone because,
um,
there's always like this,
you know,
I'm sorry for your loss and be like, Hey, what do you want to do this weekend? You know, like it's, there's definitely a disconnect. It's going to take a long time to heal from this, but it is raw and we're feeling it right now.
And I think that's why I wanted to do this now because I want to show people and I want to give the mothers who have felt this
same feeling like yeah you're not alone because it does feel I mean like my body feels so empty and like I just also don't want to forget this baby, you know?
I don't want to forget this baby, you know?
I don't want time to go on and for this baby to have just been like a blip in our lives,
you know?
It's like, I want River to be able to watch this back and see her parents' love for her
sibling that like could have been here.
Thank you. to be able to watch this back and see her parents' love for her sibling that like could have been here.
I just feel dead inside. And it sucks because I have to be so alive for River, you know? I have to be silly and goofy and funny and play with her.
And then I have this overwhelming guilt that when I'm with you, I can't also do do that you know like i'm sad that like the only version of me you get right now is this like broken person and i'm sorry for that it's okay i'm just so tired you know i'm just exhausted of this like performing, know of this like putting on a brave face and putting on a happy face it's just like it gets so tiring and it's also just like a really confusing state I think for anyone who's gone through this. you question everything, you know, you, I look at myself and I'm like, I just had a successful non-complicated pregnancy and birth and I'm 26 years old.
And like, why, why me? Like, why did this happen to me? you know i think that's also one of the harder parts because you know i want you to be able to feel how you feel um but it does it hurts to know that um you know the pressure and i assume this is common for most women who experience what you're experiencing and i've heard it my mom experienced it a few times um and that yeah the the guilt that i think um women who miscarriage put on themselves and the responsibility of, it just breaks my heart. Because obviously, I assume you know that's not really the case, but I understand why it's hard, you know, not to do that.
Even myself, I mean, you know, there were fires in LA, air quality, you know, like what if we, should we have left town, you know, stuff like that. And that's just me, you know, getting in my head about, is there anything I could have done differently or we could have done differently
um so i can't even imagine what you're going through and but say you know we're lucky to have doctors who you know i guess from a scientific standpoint you know explain that this is sadly common um i guess i'm you know i don't know how it is for you and imagine it's still raw. I mean, that part helps a little bit just because it is, you know, I'm definitely someone who it's easy to second guess myself, but yeah.
I think it's the only thing that like you have to hold on to, to be able to heal, you you know is to like have like the doctors assuring
you of like this baby wasn't gonna live regardless like our doctor being able to
say like there was it was unviable it wasn't going to live outside of your body and it's like
it gives you some hope of like okay well at least like
i don't know it just it if you focus on the scientific part i think that's what like gets you through it which is incredibly hard to do because as the mom you feel everything you know from the second that it was a positive pregnancy test like i felt that baby inside of me and up until I lost it, like it's, it's, it's so real. And it like, I think it's been harder for me now that we have river, you know, like when I first, when we first found out that you were pretty with River, there's definitely like, you know, being someone who always wanted to be a dad, but had never been a dad, we all, we've, we've, we've joked plenty about my initial reaction.
But like, until you had, you know, when I got back from special for the first, you know, when I got back from special forces, uh, I, um, I, I got my phone back and, and, and there was a message waiting for me from you that was river's heartbeat. And like, that was definitely like the first moment I felt like connected to river.
Um, and then throughout the the pregnancy you get more and more connected but like ever and i've talked about this but ever now that river's with us and we've gotten to know her like and i think about the moment i found out you were pregnant with river all the time and i think about that moment where i heard River's first heartbeat you know and I think about all the doctor visits we had with River and so like every time I look at River like River's been even for me been in our life since the moment like I opened that drawer and saw the positive pregnancy test so now knowing knowing what that's like it made it this that much more difficult just because like you know i remember where we were with river when we found out you were pregnant this time and um you know and and obviously we've talked about this but you know a lot of you heard our end of the year episode where we talked about how great of a year we had and our excitement for this year and you know a vast majority of that excitement was us knowing we you know nally was pregnant um um so yeah it's just it's um it's a shitty experience and i don't know if you want to talk about you know what happened and and how it all started and what that was like um yeah i mean i was spot bleeding for a while which i't do with River. So I definitely was freaked out at the first sign of blood and immediately reached out to my sister who had 12 miscarriages and one daughter.
And she was like, this is normal. Everything is fine.
I'm googling all this stuff and it definitely I think I read something like like 20 to 30% of
pregnant She was like, this is normal. Everything is fine.
I'm Googling all this stuff, and it definitely, I think I read something like 20% to 30% of pregnancies can have spot bleeding and things like that. So then we try not to worry.
I think I knew from the jump, but I didn't want to accept that. And then it just got heavier and heavier.
I'm just
so thankful that we were home and not traveling and not in a hotel or on an airplane, but
we got home and I went to go pee. And it was like I gave birth, you know? It was like I did, you know, essentially.
And I was screaming and crying, and Nick ran into the bathroom and you know you just like think like how are you supposed to stand up and like flush this baby down the toilet like how do you do that how do you just I we had been talking to my mom and i remember um you know a miscarriage my mom had and my mom knew like natalie was experiencing these symptoms and uh you know tmi but my mom said you know natalie might want to when she goes to the bathroom peeing a cup and i didn't at that point i didn't relay that message to natalie because i just wanted to stay positive um but i remember i was i don't know how old i was i was i don I don't know, maybe middle school or something. But my mom experienced that same thing.
And I don't know the details of what happened, but she miscarried into a toilet and was unable to retrieve anything, for lack of a better way of saying it. And so Natalie, obviously, she called for me, and at this point I'm just trying to...
You really don't know what to say or do. So I don't think I said anything other than I didn't think I just held you and then you mentioned you looked at me and I remember you you know like I don't know what I'm supposed to do I don't want to flush the toilet and then I think I just got you out well you went into the shower we went into the shower for a while.
Me, you, and River. And just left the toilet where it was.
And then after we got out, when Natalie was in the living room, I went back into the bathroom. And yeah, I mean, I just stuck my hand in the living room i went back into the bathroom and um yeah i mean i just stuck my hand in the toilet and and was able and i didn't know what i didn't know because you know nally said she felt it and it was really just again tmi all at least all you could see was blood um but i just you know i just remember, you know, I remember that it was very traumatic for me.
I just remember it being a traumatic moment for my mom. And that's why she told me to bring her cup because she didn't want Natalie to potentially experience that feeling as well.
But thankfully, and I was a bit surprised, but I was able to know um the baby and everything that came with it and it was it was definitely that part was i hope no one ever has to experience that at the same time i hope that if you do experience a similar situation that um you do retrieve um the baby because you know we were
able to set it aside um so that we couldn't you know mourn the loss and um and we want to you know bury our baby in a place that
we can
always connect with
so baby in a place that um we can always connect with um so i i don't know what we would have done if i wasn't able to retrieve it or i was we were forced to flush the toilet without getting the baby out yeah I mean as traumatic as it was
for any yeah I mean as traumatic as it was I hope the moms never have to do that themselves and I hope that all the dads out there are willing to do that because I'm very grateful this could have happened on the flight home you know we it we landed in la and it happened later that night um yeah it could have it could have happened you know yeah when we weren't home um so thankfully we were but um and was, that was very surreal.
That was like definitely the hardest night of my life. Um, just experiencing that is like something I wouldn't wish upon anyone.
And unfortunately I know a lot of women do experience it. And I'm just like feel for these people so much because it's such a...
It's like I was so mad at my body for letting it go.
I was like, why couldn't you just hold on to it?
Why did you have to let it go?
And I was so mad at my body, and I was so mad at myself.
And then I reached out to my doctor, and I had experienced all this heartbreak, and I was...
Thank you. And then I reached out to my doctor and I had experienced all this heartbreak and I was so sad.
And then she kind of gave me a little bit of hope of just like, there's a lot of reasons that, you know, it might not have been. You know, I didn't give her the exact description of what Nick was able to save, she was like come in monday and um we'll we'll check everything out so all of sunday i kind of had this like hope again you know which was extra dangerous i feel like just because it was like my heart was already broken just for on Monday to go in and like be rebroken, you know, when the doctor confirmed that I had miscarried.
I just feel really grateful to have you because it was. It was the worst thing I've ever been through but you made it as easy as it could have been to go through and you did everything right which I feel like is impossible to do in those situations and yet you managed and you still continue I'm still I'm still bleeding every time I go to the restroom I'm reminded of what has happened I don't think I'll ever be able to go into our bathroom and like not feel that feeling oh my god I think what Analia said obviously this is still very raw for us and more specifically her um yeah i just started thinking about you know my friends and people i know who have experienced something similar and when they told me And again, many times it was like a text, I'm so sorry, or even in person, I'm so sorry.
And not that, again, this is not to make anyone who's been in that position that I'm describing and feel like they didn't empathize well enough um but i just i just started i just started sobbing probably because i was a little out of it but like all the emotions kind of it's a challenge trying to be there um for you and also just trying to make sure that we don't lose ourself and our sadness but also allow us to feel these feelings um you know and you know we are grateful for our doctor who who mentioned you know if that's something we want to try for again you know there's I learned the word rainbow baby and am i right by a rainbow baby or the babies you have like right after a miscarriage yeah i didn't know that phrase existed our doctor was telling us that she as sad as this moment is that you know something that she feels very grateful to be able to do in her profession is to help women deliver what she referred to as rainbow babies. And yeah, if you guys listen, my least favorite phrase in the world is everything happens for a reason.
In moments like these, it's, you know, because I'm definitely someone, it's just like we make choices and we have to live with our choices.
But this is not one, this experience has nothing to do with a choice that we made other than the decision of growing our family. so it's it's definitely been a um a mindfuck for me to have to lean into the, accept that things happened this way.
there's also a huge part of me that feels really shitty because every time and it's i've had to take so many breaks off social media because it's like every time I get on I see a friend or someone I follow or a stranger who's pregnant or announces their pregnancy and it like makes me so mad and like I'm so happy for them and I have my beautiful baby at home and I'm so happy these people get to experience that but I'm just so mad that it's not me and then I would get like which is also just a note for anyone in general dms of like oh I know you're pregnant you know like you've got to be pregnant and it's like every time I read one it was just like a fucking punch in the gut it's like and it's like every time I read one, it was just like a fucking punch in the gut. It's like.
And it's like I feel like so guilty for feeling that way about people on social media or my friends or people that I am genuinely so happy for.
But it's hard in these moments to like.
Feel that for them when you're so broken yourself but i am still excited about our future and i'm still excited about this year you know i think we went into this year with these really exciting expectations. And we're only a couple weeks in, but it certainly has not started off the way we hoped.
With the fires, it feels like there's just been one after the other. Yeah.
And obviously with the fires, we've been incredibly lucky compared to so many other people. But yeah, it hasn't been the magical time that we went into this year expecting.
But as I try to tell Natalie, that balance between allowing yourself to feel, but again, not make a terrible situation worse by allowing yourself to heal and move forward is definitely a tough balance to strike. and I can't imagine what I'm feeling.
And then Natalie, like I said,
this miscarrying is not just like, from what I understand or I'm learning, is not like a one day or a moment. It's sadly, it takes time for the body to go through that.
And, you know, it comes with a lot of emotions, but I am still excited about what can come and we'll see where we're at in
life, you know, at the end of this year.
And I think as sad as this period is, you know,
we'll see what good can come from it because I am I am hopeful that will still be the case and you know obviously now I still very much want to grow our family um and when that happens that will be very much based on you know Natalie and her body and and what she's able to do emotionally and physically. I hope one day I can come on here and be on the other side of it.
I don't know when that day will be because I am very much in the thick of it right now and very much in the darkness of it all. But I feel like I've survived so many other things that I thought would break me and that i thought i wouldn't survive and to be on the other side of all of those i know that i'll make it i just can't see that side yet and that's okay yeah you will like you said i mean not to try to compare it to anything because that's when you're,
I think more than anything and kind of like you just said,
I mean,
I talk,
we talk about this all the time, you know,
dealing with tragedy is knowing that you can get through things,
you know,
especially for those who people who deal with death,
that's very definitive.
And,
you know,
for us,
it's a very complicated feeling because obviously we lost this baby
and not nally was you know as nally described feeling connected to that baby from that moment
um is not something a father gets to feel um that moment of being able to retrieve the baby was
it was traumatic and yet i'm very grateful i was able to do that because that like i was definitely able to connect there um but we will we will get through it um because we you know we've gotten through things and yeah that's just I guess what I'm trying to say the silver lining of just knowing you can get through stuff even though you're not through it yet is a much better feeling than wondering if if you'll ever get through something um so i am great i'm grateful for that and um i am grateful that you know we have our river and we've been very blessed so far in so many ways um with her health and your health said, you know, we were very lucky to have a very seamless pregnancy more. I mean, you were, um, and we'll see what happens in the future.
Um, but yeah, I, I guess maybe to sum things up, I think our hope for this is to, more than anything, for the women out there who have experienced something similar, and obviously we're in the middle of this and it feels very personal, but it really feels like it's not something that really gets acknowledged all that much. And having a front row seat to how alone Natalie feels.
I think we just hope that for those who have experienced it,
we're with you.
We know what you're feeling.
If this is not something that's,
I guess I hate that I have to say this but certainly we welcome any support you want to send our way we don't welcome any criticisms um and if this is not something that you were interested in hearing about that's okay we're not interested in that feedback but yeah i feel feel lucky to do what we do here and we want this show 99 of the time to be a place that people can come to and and escape the the shit that's out there in the world um and the all the craziness and have this be a place of fun and optimism and and learn a little bit of baby about relationships you know for our ethnic audience and blah blah blah blah blah but we do feel grateful to be able to connect with our audience and and knowing who so much of our audience is and so many moms out there and
potential moms
we felt like it was
worth sharing
it's also like nothing on social
media is real you know it's like
I feel like this
is the epitome of like you don't know
what people are going through
behind the scenes andome of like you don't know what people are going through behind the scenes. And it's like.
You know.
It's like I'm just here to say like first and foremost like.
I'm a shell of a human being currently.
I've never been more heartbroken or sad.
But I know that I have a family that needs me.
And it's what gets me out of bed every day.
And I'm grateful for that,
and I love you so much. I love you too.
I'm eternally grateful for you. Same, baby.
And I wouldn't have survived. I won't survive this without you, and I just wish I could give everyone who's ever experienced this
a hug. I know it's just
the most empty, alone feeling you'll ever feel, and I'm so sorry to everyone who's
experienced it. So if you see me posting an ad, please like it.
Cut that out. I don't know if we should.
I mean, that's the's the thing though it's just we're trying to be you know not to sound cliche real raw whatever some people deal with this stuff differently some people do deal with humor you know some people do i mean it is at the end of the day it's like life goes on you know. This world isn't stopping just because I lost my baby.
And I don't think we're doing this for any type of...
I'm doing this so that I can look back and I can watch this video
and I can remember the love and the feelings that I have for this baby that I lost.
It's the only reason I'm doing it. It's because I don't want to forget.
I'm so scared that I'm going to forget. We'll make sure we won't.
You know, I don't think I told you this, but what used to be the garage door password to my parents' old house was 1215.
And that was because that was going to be the birthday of that baby that my mom miscarried.
So it's been, I don't know how many years, 30 years, 30 plus years, and I still know that that baby's birthday was supposed to be 12-15
so we won't
every time I walked home I went home well thanks for listening.
Um, I'm sure this will be a weird transition to tomorrow.
Uh, when you're listening, cause we'll, um, we recorded this much earlier than that, by the way.
I think that's kind of my point of saying that like life goes on because it's like, while I'm feeling these feelings and we're feeling we're in it so deep, it's like we still have to get home, make dinner, put River to bed, play with River, be parents, be spouses to each other. You have to be a boss and a leader and me, a co-worker.
You know, it's like lives go on and we have a job to do and a show to put on.
And so it's like, go on and and we have a job to do and a show to put on and
so it's like while laughing and joking or this and that it's like you get home and like shit gets real you know it's like i feel like the only time i'm able to feel these feelings is when rivers to sleep. And that's why I feel so guilty that you're the only person that has to deal with...
I'm not dealing with anything. I mean, I'm dealing with everything, but I'm not dealing with you.
That's my job. So, this comes with the territory I mean I you know
this like
this will only bring us closer
this is us being a family
and this is not
a fun part of it
that's why we have each other
yeah
bye
bye Bye. Bye.
the Central Valley, investing in our neighborhoods, boosting the economy, making the Valley stronger.
But when it comes to their finances, where can they turn? A big bank that just sees another
number? That's not good enough. Valley businesses deserve Valley support for payroll, credit,
cash flow, and everything in between. Valley business is Valley Strong.
Learn how our cash management services can support your business at valleystrong.com.