This You Remember?!

Speaker 1 A

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Speaker 1 That's drinkag1.com slash threedom. It's morning in New York.

Speaker 1 Hey, everybody, I'm Mandy Potenkin. And I'm Catherine Grody.
And we have a new podcast. It's called Don't Listen to Us.
Many of you have asked for our advice. Tell me, what is wrong with you people?

Speaker 1 Don't listen to us. Our take it or leave it advice show is out every Wednesday, premiering October 15th, a Lemonada media original.

Speaker 1 What accent was that? It was like a sort of German. Sword of German.

Speaker 1 Friedom!

Speaker 1 Maybe it was French. I've always said you're really good at sort of German.

Speaker 1 Thank you, Duncan. Friedom!

Speaker 1 I was going like, Freedom. Freedom.
What does that sound like? Freedom is a name. Freedom.
The gun.

Speaker 1 I understand you have a podcast called Freedom.

Speaker 1 I like it. Donkey Jones.
Scary.

Speaker 1 Is it scary? Too scary? Yeah. Like monster scary?

Speaker 1 Yeah. I'm a little scared.

Speaker 1 I'm kind of like hiding under my bed. What's the scariest thing you can think of?

Speaker 1 A monster with four heads. Four heads or four heads?

Speaker 1 Just a couple foreheads. Two foreheads? One head, but four foreheads.

Speaker 1 He's like a five-head on top of each other. Four heads.

Speaker 1 He looks so stupid. He looks like a

Speaker 1 huge forehead. Don't underestimate him, though.
I would never.

Speaker 1 What if you saw a monster, like a movie monster in real life? Like if you saw

Speaker 1 a Frankenstein. A Wolfman.
A Wolfman. A mommy.
What would be the security? Wolfman, mommy, or Frankenstein? Well, a mommy, I think, would just be a guy wrapped up in bandages.

Speaker 1 Also, he would look like a Halloween costume mummy, so you'd probably be like, okay, who?

Speaker 1 But in real life, wouldn't he be like, he smells like a moment? I think a mommy would be really scary in real life. The other thing.

Speaker 1 Okay, so Frankenstein, if you saw Frankenstein, you'd be like, oh, okay, so you're dressed up like Frankenstein. You know, like that, in Hocus Pocus, when like they kind of

Speaker 1 react that way to all monsters. When they cut open the dead guy and new monster.
The Baba Duke, that's a scary one. Oh, the Baba Duke.
You know in Hocus Pocus?

Speaker 1 Oh, the Baba Duke. Remember that old dead guy's? Hocus pockets? Yeah, yes, I was like, his mouth is open, and it's like, like, there's like that, like, that's

Speaker 1 what, what, like, he, his mouth is all like sewn shut, but then he gets it gets opened at some point, and he's like,

Speaker 1 like, there's just like old dust in there. Yo, like, you know, like a mummy's mouth would probably be like that.
Yeah, because it'd be like, but you know what it makes? It's green dust.

Speaker 1 One time I didn't eat a sandwich when I was a little kid, and I threw it in my closet. Oh my god, so many times I needed a sandwich.
Well, same, but I threw it in my closet. I haven't found it

Speaker 1 months later,

Speaker 1 and it was like green fluff at that point. Like it was like such mold.
Was it like lunch meat?

Speaker 1 It was, it was either turkey or peanut butter, but either way, it was bad. And

Speaker 1 it makes me think of that when I think of like an old mummy having their mouth open. I think of like

Speaker 1 my old sandwich. Your old sandwich.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That closet sandwich.
Yeah. Anytime I watch The Gilded Age now, and sometimes someone with a big top hat walks out of a scene, I say, well, I'm off to become the Babadook.

Speaker 1 Have you seen Babadoke? I have. We watched it for Scott Asn's Scene.
Yeah. So is that the only way you watch films these days?

Speaker 1 You'll have to listen to find out because I'm on a new project. You're on a new project.
Is this where you watch ER? No, no, I'm done with ER now. Is it the pit? No, I'm tired of hospital shit.

Speaker 1 You're not going to watch the pit? Absolutely insane. That's infuriating.
You're the strangest person I know.

Speaker 1 What? You know so many people. You have to watch them.

Speaker 1 You know 12 people. I know some real weirdos, too.
He knows only weird people, and you're the weirdest one. Oh,

Speaker 1 what's your new thing? Oh, well,

Speaker 1 I'm taking a dent into just watching all of the movies that I bought. I'm going to watch them.
I'm going to watch them alphabetically. I'm going to watch one.

Speaker 1 I'm watching one a week and saying what I think of it on the show. Why not chronologically?

Speaker 1 Did you think about that? Did you consider it? Because they're organized by alphabet?

Speaker 1 Well, no, I want variety. Like, if I could just press a flag.
If I could just press random, would, I would do that. But I don't have them all stored.

Speaker 1 Why wouldn't the year that they were released be variety? Because then you get a lot of old movies,

Speaker 1 you know, you'd go through 20 old movies. What if it's the year in which they're set?

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay. So, like, watching Zapped, for instance,

Speaker 1 what's like a movie in 1980? Yeah, you've definitely got to watch that one. What's like one that

Speaker 1 you buy DVDs because you're like, that's probably good. Because I'm like, oh, I want to watch this.
Or if it's something I've seen, I'm like, I want to

Speaker 1 remember, I want to own it or watch it again for like research purposes or whatever. And then you never watched my movie.

Speaker 1 And then I have only been watching movies for this podcast. I mean, I buy a lot of books and I don't read them.
And then I go, God, I really want to read all these books.

Speaker 1 And I, but you don't know where to start, right? So what I did was, because you're always like, oh, I'm not in the mood for that. I'm not in the mood for that.
What I did was I

Speaker 1 said to Kulov Everyone. Oh, no, it's that and I'm like that.
Dude, dude.

Speaker 1 So I've made a list of every single movie I own in various formats, and I made it alphabetical, and I'm just going through alphabetical now.

Speaker 1 And how tedious was it to make the list, or did someone else do that for you?

Speaker 1 I was doing it during the fires. Okay, and then my question for you also

Speaker 1 because you didn't have a fiddle handy

Speaker 1 for insurance purposes.

Speaker 1 I want to go

Speaker 1 into this. LA Burns.
I haven't gone into this closet of yours that I've been wanting to go into. No, it's scary to you.
You're not allowed.

Speaker 1 No girls. No girls allowed me to go.
Paul, you can go in there. But I saw a goblin in there.
I see an interesting contraption here that I actually think I need to buy. Okay.

Speaker 1 I'll sell it to you for $10,000. Holding your different framed art.
It's basically a bookshelf for framed things. It's various movie posters of stuff I've worked on that

Speaker 1 I don't have room for on the walls. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because I have a bunch of things like that, but I'm like. Kulap bought this for me.
Yeah. I always get tempted to just throw them out because I'm like,

Speaker 1 what the fuck am I using? No, but she bought this for me and it's great. And Paul's left, Elvis has left the building.
He's pissed. Do you see? It's like a structure, like it's holding it up.
Okay.

Speaker 1 You see those? It's like a structure. It's like holding it up.
It's a structure that's holding it up. Yeah, exactly.
I want that, kind of. Is it Kulop bought it for me?

Speaker 1 I'll text her and ask her to send me the link. I prefer you don't text my wife.
But then it just lives there.

Speaker 1 No, I should put it somewhere else. That's

Speaker 1 it. The whole room needs a room.
I have like a stack of... They're standing up, but it's a distinct.
Yeah, I have a stack of tampons standing up.

Speaker 1 It's a stack of posters like that, things of art and whatnot that I just don't have room for. Yeah, and I had room in the old house because of the architecture was slightly different.

Speaker 1 This has a lot of windows, which takes up really does.

Speaker 1 So there's just no room for, you know, there's, I think there's the Between Two Ferns movie poster right there, for instance. And also stuff I used to have when I had an office, a showbiz office.

Speaker 1 I don't even know if I've ever seen that. Oh, yeah, it's great.
Let me go look at it. I'm going to go look at it.
Oh, okay. Lauren on it.
No. No, it's.

Speaker 1 Just two friends? No, I think it's Zach in the middle of nowhere.

Speaker 1 Boring. I don't know.
Snooze.

Speaker 1 Hey, your alarm just went off. The snooze.

Speaker 1 Did you snooze it? I snoozed it. And I losed it.
I snoozed it. I snoozed it.
This is doubt fire. A proper snoozed at.

Speaker 1 I'm buying physical media again. Oh, good.
Because

Speaker 1 they will just take things away from you. It feels like we have.
You never get to see them again.

Speaker 1 I'm actually getting to that now, thinking, because I have a Blu-ray DVD collection, whatever, but it's a very, it's not, it's all the best that we love. You know, I've gotten rid of things.

Speaker 1 That's the thing. It's like, there are certain things where it's like, I definitely will want to watch this again, like your little comfort watches and whatever.

Speaker 1 So I got Fast and Furies movies. Yeah.
Don't have all nine, all ten. I do have, of course, Zodiac, one of my favorite comfort watches.
That's down at the bottom of my list.

Speaker 1 I have, well, sure. I have

Speaker 1 a new addition to the Comfort Watch is fucking Conclave. Yeah, it's very cozy.
Conclave. Oh, I haven't seen that.
Very cool. Cozy movie.
Just got Sinners.

Speaker 1 Sinners.

Speaker 1 And Master and Commander, The Far Side of the World. I've never seen that one, and I've always wanted to, but no one picks it.
You know what? Oh, really? Yeah. I'll do it.
You pick it, my dear boy.

Speaker 1 Have me on the show as me. Yeah.
I want to see the list. You never will show me the list.
I don't want. Well, now I don't have to because you picked Master and Commander.

Speaker 1 Why can't I see the list? You can't handle the list. Why can't I?

Speaker 1 What if that was part of Schindler's list where, like, Liam Neeson was like, you can't handle the list?

Speaker 1 Oh, I thought it was going to be more like there's a character that says, let me see the list. Let me say, hey, Schindler, let me see that list for you, man.
What are we doing, man?

Speaker 1 This VIP list are talking about Schindler.

Speaker 1 You've never seen it? No. When I went,

Speaker 1 I loved it the first time I saw it, and then I took my sister to see it.

Speaker 1 And it's three hours, I think, or so. And two and a half into it, the film broke.
And the mother.

Speaker 1 And they all went to heaven.

Speaker 1 Yes. And they couldn't fix it.
So they just were all like, here's passes to come back.

Speaker 1 It's like a skip rope rhyme kind of thing. And that third time watching it again

Speaker 1 in the space of six weeks or whatever, I was just like, oh, that's a lot of Schindler's list. That's a lot of Schmidt.
It's too much Schindler's list.

Speaker 1 But I felt that about Oppenheimer when I saw people there at the theater because I saw it in the morning. It came out and people had seen it the night before and they'd come back the next morning.

Speaker 1 I'm like, what? This is, it's not like Batman. I am fine.
But you can never see Oppenheimer again.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm a one and done Oppenheimer. Wise.

Speaker 1 That's weird. I know, but there's no

Speaker 1 even there's like almost nothing that I would do that about. But I can imagine inception or whatever where you're like.
Sinners was the last time I felt that way. I haven't seen it.

Speaker 1 Where I was like, I could watch this again. I really intended to go see that and I totally forgot.
I just bought it. I'm talking about

Speaker 1 4K ultra. Go watch it on your big screen.
Come watch it on the big screen. Hey, I would.
Yeah. All right.
We would love to have you over. Sinner's night.
Sinner's night.

Speaker 1 I miss having those screenings in my backyard. We haven't had one in a while.
Why don't you do one? Yeah, you have the power. I know, but

Speaker 1 if you've got the power.

Speaker 1 It felt like a COVID kind of thing. But it's not.
I know. It can be anything.
I know.

Speaker 1 We should do one before summer ends. Anything.

Speaker 1 Wait, what movie did we watch? We watched Luca. That was so bad.
Luca was great.

Speaker 1 But didn't we watch one that sucked?

Speaker 1 Well, we watched, okay, we watched Doctor Strange. Okay, I'm thinking of the movies that we watched.
Doctor Strange! We watched Doctor Strange. We watched Luca.

Speaker 1 We were going to watch The Green Knight, but I couldn't.

Speaker 1 But then I accidentally left my projector, which is on like a roller cart, at the top of my driveway, and it then suddenly just rolled down the hill. We went on an adventure.

Speaker 1 It rolled down the hill and crashed into my gate and was broken. So I was like, hey, we can't watch The Green Night anymore tonight.

Speaker 1 And then I watched The Green Night later and was like, that would have been terrible to watch in the backyard. Yeah, it would have been.
Yeah. It would have been.

Speaker 1 But man, I could watch that movie again. I don't even know what that one is.
Oh, it's great, but it's not a backyard album. It's beautiful.
No, you want to be able to see it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What did we watch that was bad? We watched it was some like

Speaker 1 sort of action comedy thing. Oh, it was, was it Red Notice or what, or whatever that Netflix thing? Oh, it was a Netflix movie.
Ryan Reynolds was in it. And it was The Rock and Gal Gadot, I think.

Speaker 1 Was it that one? I think it was that one.

Speaker 1 I thought Samuel Saxon was in it for some reason.

Speaker 1 Maybe.

Speaker 1 But I also, I also, there was a period when we were watching movies in the backyard, not just with you, but where we'd

Speaker 1 split a bottle of wine and it would immediately put me to sleep. And I think Doctor Strange, all of you watch while I lay there on the couch.

Speaker 1 Was that the multiverse of madness? Yes. It was maddening, that multiverse.
I would hate to be in a multiverse like that. Oh, my God.
Get me out of this multiverse.

Speaker 1 I want to be in a multiverse of sanity.

Speaker 1 Or especially now. Oh, my God.
These days. These days?

Speaker 1 With the Cheeto in Chief. With the Cheeto in Chief.

Speaker 1 Oh, this Cheeto who's in chief over here. He's in chief.
What's your favorite kind of cheese? I wish he wasn't in chief. What's your favorite kind of Cheeto? Puffs, regular baked or white cheddar.

Speaker 1 Or

Speaker 1 when they briefly made those paws.

Speaker 1 Paws.

Speaker 1 The paws are okay. They will be fine.
Do you want to have the paws? I fucking loved. My mouth is watering, even though they are kind of disgusting.
There's something about them.

Speaker 1 You're drooling so hard.

Speaker 1 There's a puddle of water down there.

Speaker 1 It's all water. All my lower teeth removed.

Speaker 1 That's why he wants Keto's puffs to get suck on them.

Speaker 1 Get the top ones removed. Those plants.

Speaker 1 Yeah, go get the top ones removed and go talk to him.

Speaker 1 He just wants you to come talk. I just want to talk.

Speaker 1 I just want to talk. I just want to talk.

Speaker 1 We were recording an episode of Neighborhood Listen with Mitch Silpa, who's so funny. And we were talking, somehow, this is like before we were recording.
We got on the subject of false teeth.

Speaker 1 And he, Mitch made the comment, like, isn't it wild how much that completely changes your appearance? Your face shape. If you take the teeth out.
And then he did like the face of no teeth.

Speaker 1 And it was so fucking wild. Like, he can just make his face do that? That's funny.
It was crazy.

Speaker 1 No, he can't. He has the power to see.
No,

Speaker 1 no, he can't. He can point at people and make their face.
Anyone in the world, he can point at them. Anyone can face do that.
All right. But with great power, cop, card, volume.

Speaker 1 Wait, what the fuck were we talking about? Movies or TV. I don't know how you want to take your teeth out of your hands.
Oh, yeah, you brought it. Oh, your mouth is watering.
Planters cheese balls.

Speaker 1 I could eat an entire

Speaker 1 barrel of crazy right now. They're crazy right now.
You can wear the barrel around your naked body because you spend so much money on on them. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it doesn't fit because it's smaller than a human body, but at least you have to get it suspenders. And I'm being scratched at the top and the boss.
Sure, sure. That'll happen.
It's horrible.

Speaker 1 But it's also kind of a built-in shower. Like if you just stand under an outdoor shower head,

Speaker 1 your nude body is covered.

Speaker 1 Exactly. It's like a built-in shower.
It's just kind of like that. It is funny that when we were growing up, that was...

Speaker 1 If you stand under a shower. It's built in.
It's built in.

Speaker 1 That was the code for a poor person, was that they had no clothes, so they had a barrel or suspender straps.

Speaker 1 But now, if you lost all of your money, it would be like, where would you even get a barrel? The barrel. The barrel and you lose the money.
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's true. Barrels are expensive.
But I guess back then, everyone had barrels laying around. Oh, yeah, because that's what your rice was in.
Yeah. Yeah, and your rice.
And your flour.

Speaker 1 You have a barrel of rice. Barrel of flour.

Speaker 1 What have a kind of food you're in to die? Money, give me some flour. Puzzle flour.
Go to the barrel, get me some flour. I want some flour.
I did not. I did not have sexual relations with that barrel.

Speaker 1 And then the barrel would have a hole in it

Speaker 1 because that's where I guess you would put a spigot.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Is that what you're doing? I guess that's where you would pee out of it.
Yes, as a matter of fact. Hey, let me

Speaker 1 spigot.

Speaker 1 Yes, I call my penis a spigot.

Speaker 1 I'm tired of hiding.

Speaker 1 Go ahead then, Paul. Call it a spigot in front of us.
Sure, say it. Spigot.

Speaker 1 Spigot's a funny word. It is.
It is. It's hysterical.
S-P-I-G-O-T.

Speaker 1 Should there be a revision of words? S-P-I-G-O-T.

Speaker 1 You can take my words. Spigot, please.

Speaker 1 Should there be a revision of words? How are they both perfect?

Speaker 1 Should we start over with words at a certain point? 100.

Speaker 1 Why are we beholden to these words that we came up with? Hundreds, if not. I don't even know anything you just said because I made up all new words.
Good.

Speaker 1 Thank you for using your ones to tell us. Well,

Speaker 1 you hear me through a deciphering. You say

Speaker 1 I only hear what I want to. I don't listen hard.

Speaker 1 Don't pay attention to the deciphering.

Speaker 1 Some words, I think, are perfect. Like the word murder, I think it's a great word.
Although we shouldn't be using it for crows and shit. It should have one meaning.
And that's the other thing.

Speaker 1 Words should have one meaning. And if we need to.

Speaker 1 I do agree with that. You know, and if we need to

Speaker 1 just make a different word for whatever the other thing is. You know,

Speaker 1 do. If words spelled differently means the wet shit in the morning.
Yeah, we don't like that. No homophones.
Well, it also means do the do. No homo.
No homo phones. No, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 No homo. No homo.

Speaker 1 Hammer, dude. We got to start over.
We got to start over. We got to start over.
Another good word? Blood. Blood.
Although it looks like blued.

Speaker 1 You look like blued.

Speaker 1 Guys, guys. You didn't do that coming, did you? I'm going to

Speaker 1 kill Paul. No.
Yeah, I want to murder you. Murder blue.
So your blue falls out. Murdar.
When's Traders come back? When is Traders? Who even knows at this point? And when's Irish Traders coming out?

Speaker 1 I need it. I think Traders didn't come out at the beginning of the year.
Well, it feels a long time ago.

Speaker 1 We can't be waiting until January. Remember, though, what else happened in January is all those fires.

Speaker 1 So I don't want January. So we have to wait for the fires for traders to come back.
When the fires come back, then turn your TV on.

Speaker 1 When the fires were happening and our friends Brett and Dana were displaced from their home. Oh, my gosh.
And so we would have them over to watch Traitors. How nice of you.

Speaker 1 And stuff. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then they were nice enough to invite us because they had a couple extra tickets to see Jesus Christ Superstar. How was that, by the way? I heard Jimmy Pardo was there and he loved it.

Speaker 1 It was fucking great. Yeah.
It was fucking great. Like it was really, it was an excellent production.

Speaker 1 Amazing. Oh, it looked amazing.
Every clip I saw,

Speaker 1 I'm not familiar with that musical. Oh, it's so good at all.
Well, that I got interested in. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Cynthia Revo's singing, obviously, she's so amazing, but that looked so fucking Adam Lambert. Oh, I love Adam Lambert.
Jesus Judas or Jesus? Judas. I love him.

Speaker 1 Jean Arrivo was Jesus. I mean, Judas is a Jesus.
And now he's like good. And you have Philippa Sue, right? As Mary Magdalene.
Philippa Sue.

Speaker 1 And then you had Raul Esparza, who was Punches Pilot, who took a big swing when he was singing Pilot's Dream and ended it with

Speaker 1 myself to Blame or whatever. And he went, Blame.

Speaker 1 Was John Stamos in it or was it Josh Stampede? No, Josh Gadd surprised everyone. He took Pax Lovid.
He was filled with Pax Lovid, and then there was a big reveal. Everyone was thrilled.

Speaker 1 But old Baldy didn't show up, huh?

Speaker 1 John Stamos. No, Franco?

Speaker 1 John Stamos. Why is John Stamos old baldy? Because of when he wore the bald cap for Dave Collier in solidarity.

Speaker 1 I forgot about that. I forgot all about that.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 he gets a lifelong nickname from you.

Speaker 1 You know what? Deserved. In solidarity with you, my friend, I'm going to pretend to have no hair for an hour.
For a photo shoot.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was great. Man, I wish I could have been there, and I don't know why I wasn't other than I was out of town.

Speaker 1 Well, that's one reason. But I feel like I could have a great reason I could have made it happen.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I didn't. And, you know, honestly, I was exhausted.
So

Speaker 1 they filmed it. I hope so.
I hope they filmed it. I really hope so.
I assume somebody set up a camera. I hope they filmed it with IMAX 12 camera shoot.
I hope they did it on GoPros.

Speaker 1 And I hope they edited those cameras together. That's the other thing.
Oh, you don't have to watch them one by one. Yes, every angle, one at a time.

Speaker 1 I also heard that

Speaker 1 Baron Andrew Lloyd Weber was there. Was he there?

Speaker 1 He did not come out at the end, but apparently the next night he came out at the end through the curtain call. Wow.
Yeah. Okay.
Also, Jeff Goldblum was there the same night.

Speaker 1 My friend Melissa Stettin was there. Janet Varney was there with Aaron Keefe and

Speaker 1 Star Patrick Cohn.

Speaker 1 It really was. Like we didn't know.

Speaker 1 I'm not counting Jeff Gold, so what we know. Well, you know of him.
I do know of him. I know him.

Speaker 1 But Melissa Stetton got a video of him listening to it in a very Jeff Goldblumy way. Like he was watching it and sort of making weird gestures to himself.

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, very similarly, I saw Ben Acker at the market yesterday. I was going to say, how similar is this? And you fucking got me.
Yeah. Yeah, that's similar.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's a lot like where I was looking for cream cheese and you were watching people sing

Speaker 1 did you guys like hog and stuff you know what uh we didn't did you like hog and stuff no did you get hog and das

Speaker 1 uh no i got uh mcconnell

Speaker 1 you got what mcconnell's

Speaker 1 flavor

Speaker 1 uh one of those seize candy ones with uh am i under oath by the way yes oh airport flavor airport flavor seize candy because they say seize candy makes me think of the airport oh yeah you know what makes me think of the old westminster mall i went into a seize candy recently shop

Speaker 1 to get somebody a gift because they said that was their favorite type of candy. There you go.
Slam dunk, Mr. President.
Slam it. Dunk.
They give you a free piece when you come in. I love that.

Speaker 1 Let me tell you.

Speaker 1 Good enough reason to go in. Yeah.
Delicious. I would go in sometimes and just pretend that I was going to buy it.
I was like, oh, my friend said seize candy is their favorite candy.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't even pretend. I'd just go in and say, give it.
Give it now.

Speaker 1 Give me a free piece of candy. I'd chew it right in their face and I'd turn around and walk out.
And then you'd like do an immediate U-turn, like Homer Simpson, walk right back in.

Speaker 1 He'd go, give me another one. Okay.

Speaker 1 We can't do this again.

Speaker 1 It was Grandpa Simpson. I'm sorry.
Did we do this all day? Yes, we have. He backed into the bush.
Homer backs into the bush. Grandpa Simpson.

Speaker 1 Grandpa does the in-and-out. I'm sorry.
He does the in-and-out urge.

Speaker 1 We have to take a break.

Speaker 1 Listen, telephones, right?

Speaker 1 If you shorten it, it's just phones. We need them, right? We need to get in touch with the people we love, to Google what to do about the weird rash that's on our arms, right?

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Speaker 1 Yeah, we're back. Oh, wow.
Because I wasn't sure. Oh, we are so back.
We are so back. Yeah.
And we're only two years late to that phrase. Oh, we are so back.

Speaker 1 Why did that gain popularity? I don't know. What is anything? Why is anything popular? I think everything should be exactly

Speaker 1 popular as everything else. I think everything should be one person's into it.

Speaker 1 Why did that gain? And not,

Speaker 1 so yeah, I'm thinking I'm back from Jonathan Wick.

Speaker 1 Yes, thank you. So yeah, I I like your idea where everything is only liked by one person, and then you know if you can make money if that person is rich and they'll buy

Speaker 1 $10 million. You've stumbled upon the thesis of Imagine by John Levin.

Speaker 1 Imagine all the people.

Speaker 1 Imagine there's no this. Imagine there's no that.

Speaker 1 Imagine everyone. First, he wants you to imagine there's nothing.
That's hard to do. Then all of a sudden, you're supposed to.

Speaker 1 Is he trying to say, like, okay, imagine the world as it is and then take these things out of it? Or is he trying to to say, imagine a blank canvas

Speaker 1 and then we'll add stuff to it?

Speaker 1 Does that make sense? I don't really like this.

Speaker 1 So he starts. What are you supposed to imagine? There's not? There's no heaven.
Right. But there's no country.
He's saying we're in the regular world. Just imagine there's no

Speaker 1 heaven. Now imagine there's no countries.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But there's land still? Or are we all in the ocean? Is it hard to do? He says. Yeah.
He says all these things are very easy to do.

Speaker 1 Why? Because you thought the most. No, but you know what? This is like that whole thing where it's like some people don't even see anything in their head.

Speaker 1 Some people see an apple that looks like an apple. Some people see nothing.
Some people see a drawing of an apple. I don't believe those people, by the way.
Yeah. People who see a drawing.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't think that's true.

Speaker 1 I see like an elegant painting. My dreams are a flipbook.

Speaker 1 But so Elton John's trying to get us to sing

Speaker 1 and imagine. I was waiting.
I was literally to see if you were paying attention.

Speaker 1 I found the lyrics to Elden John's imagination.

Speaker 1 Imagine there's no heaven. It's easy if you try.
No hell below us, above us, only sky. Okay, okay, slow down.
Slow down.

Speaker 1 Hey, John. I'm trying to imagine the first thing.
Slow down.

Speaker 1 Above us, only sky. When I listen to that, I have to pause it every single time.
Yes, exactly. Uh-huh.
Okay. And then play.

Speaker 1 Imagine all the people living for today.

Speaker 1 Imagine there's no countries. It isn't hard to do.
Nothing to kill or die for. And no religion too.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Why wasn't that lumped in with no heaven?

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 now we're backtracking. It didn't rhyme.
To pick up things? It didn't rhyme. You're in charge of the rhymes.
Make it rhyme. Well, also do a second draft.
How about this is a first draft song.

Speaker 1 If ever I've heard one. That's such a first draft song.
Imagine all the people living life in peace. Imagine no possessions.
I wonder if you can. Oh, do you? Well, what about my clothes?

Speaker 1 You wonder if I can. You want my ding-dong to be flapping around, John.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's your ding-dong? Imagine

Speaker 1 no possessions.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. No, you're safe.
Imagine our ding-dong.

Speaker 1 But you do have underwear. Thank you, John.
That's the one thing that is sold and is capitalism. Okay, imagine no possessions.
I wonder if you're going to have no need for greed or hunger.

Speaker 1 Like, right now we need them.

Speaker 1 Well, because if there's possessions, I need... We're going to need greed and hunger.
Greed and hunger. A brotherhood of man.

Speaker 1 Wait, do people still work to till the fields and turn, you know, wheat into consider the lilies.

Speaker 1 This is the first job you thought of? People tilling the fields? Well, I'm just saying, like, if, okay, no one's hungry because no one has a job. I'm just saying.

Speaker 1 So we all, no one owns these farms, just people, randos, show up every day and go, like, oh, hey, I'll help convert all this food and all these crops into food for you. In 1649, St.

Speaker 1 George's Hill, a ragaband they called the niggers

Speaker 1 to show the people's will.

Speaker 1 This guy. I don't know who that was, but I liked it.

Speaker 1 I'm guessing the pogues are Billy Bragg. A little Billy Bragg.
Okay.

Speaker 1 The idea of,

Speaker 1 you may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us in the world where this ones.
Like,

Speaker 1 I'm ready to do it. Yeah.
Me, John Lennon, I'm ready to do it. Yeah, did he give away his clothes? I'm not going to do it until everybody, if we all, we all have to do it together.

Speaker 1 He did give away his clothes for that Rolling Rolling Stone cover.

Speaker 1 He gave them away permanently so he could be. I think so.
Yeah, I think.

Speaker 1 Brendan Walsh, a long time ago had,

Speaker 1 I think this was his suggestion, or maybe it was my suggestion, and he reminded me of it,

Speaker 1 to do

Speaker 1 for the cover of one of my stand-up albums, to do that cover. But it's me.
Both of you. It's me and me.
It's like a naked me hugging a clothes me.

Speaker 1 And then somebody did it recently, and I can't remember what it was. Whoa, damn.
Another friend of Brandon's?

Speaker 1 Yeah, he told someone to do it. But you know what? It's all fine because I was never going to do that.
I mean, you'd have to listen out to do it. That's not the stumbling block for me.
The nudity.

Speaker 1 Yahoo. The nudity, folks.
I want to see your sweet butt.

Speaker 1 Show us. I know you do.

Speaker 1 Show Kulop and she'll tell us about it. That's why.

Speaker 1 She'll be the impassive observer. Impassive.

Speaker 1 That's a great idea. She's

Speaker 1 impartial. I guess guess that's

Speaker 1 impassive. She'll be very, very not passive.
Yeah, she'll be

Speaker 1 acting. Is impassive a word that we're talking about? I don't think so.

Speaker 1 I meant impartial, but

Speaker 1 I'll never let you hear the end of it.

Speaker 1 Impassive actually is a word. It's not feeling or showing emotion.
So I was right. That's actually crazy.
Isn't that also what passive is?

Speaker 1 Who cares? This is like a flammable, inflammable situation. I know.
Ever since I read The Elements of Style, that bothers me, and yet no one cares.

Speaker 1 I love Strong. I hate white.
Each

Speaker 1 white

Speaker 1 and her web that she made for Charlotte?

Speaker 1 Did you think that was based on the author's experience? And also, isn't the author a man? Yes. Okay.

Speaker 1 But still,

Speaker 1 it makes sense.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 His name was Elegant, Beautiful White.

Speaker 1 And everyone thought it was LB because of elegant. And alphabet.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you know what I heard about alphabet? I know. No, we know this, and we know, and you're not happy.
So much. You don't like it.

Speaker 1 This, you remember? Yes. This is the only thing I remember about you.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Who would you want to play in Wicked Alpha

Speaker 1 if the gender and the roles didn't make

Speaker 1 it

Speaker 1 sense.

Speaker 1 No, it didn't matter. Who would you want to play Wiggin if everything was crazy? I would like to be Alphaba.
You want to play Alphaba. And why is that? You want to put on the makeup every night?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I want to do the hard thing every night. No, because it's the most fun part, the best songs.
I mean, Glinda is a really fun part too, though. Glinda's the comic part.
That's true.

Speaker 1 Glinda's a good comedy part, but Alphaba is a very powerful role. But I would still play.
I guess I'd be Glenda. I would still want to play the wizard.
You obviously would be the wizard.

Speaker 1 I would love to play the wizard. I'd like to play the wizard.
Well, it's not so obvious to a lot of people who think it should have been Alphabet's dad when the movie came out. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The wrong thought you were Alphaba's dad. People were like, why isn't this Paul F.
Top? There were so many comments on that. Because you don't know the director.
But like, why is it?

Speaker 1 But yeah, I could tell you why it wasn't me. I mean, why? Why does it have to be? Because the guy or a topic,

Speaker 1 he resembles

Speaker 1 me enough that people were like, that's him. Yeah.
That should be him.

Speaker 1 But like,

Speaker 1 it's not like he was cast specifically because of how he looked no do what i'm saying yeah oh i see what you're saying they should do i love the problem here they should do a christopher plumber thing where they put you in the movies i thought you're gonna say christopher farley they should do one of those with you where you die he should fall through a table

Speaker 1 do you think if he lived to

Speaker 1 if he lived uh-huh today he'd be going by christopher no i don't know you don't think so No. Oh, I think it's very, I think he definitely would.
He might. He might have.
You think he. I don't know.

Speaker 1 That would have been top of mind.

Speaker 1 I think by now he would be, we would all be used to it. I think there would be a period, of course, where he's like, please call me Christopher.
And you think he'd be doing all dramatic movies?

Speaker 1 No, no, no. He'd be doing the same shit.
But he would be Christopher Farley. I do like when comedians like try their dramatic role.
Yeah. And then some of them go like, not for me.

Speaker 1 They never try it again.

Speaker 1 Who are you thinking of? I don't want to say.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 God.

Speaker 1 Well, that's fine. You don't have Gallagher? Lin Gallagher? Gallagher.
Lin Gallagher, the detective show. No.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 He's like, I think it's the watermelon. It looks like murder.

Speaker 1 Smash that.

Speaker 1 It was always him smashing.

Speaker 1 He would smash a watermelon, then he would read. They go, Gallagher, you need to interrogate people, not smash their brains open.
The answer is not inside their brain.

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ. Oh, somebody turned me on to a review of this show that Gallagher did, where he billed it as

Speaker 1 he was going to be in Spanish

Speaker 1 that he was going to speak. Yeah, uh-huh.
And

Speaker 1 it was not only not in Spanish, but Gallagher did not learn how to speak Spanish to do this show. He knew some Spanish words and then made words into Spanish by just adding an O.
Oh, that's so

Speaker 1 like that year.

Speaker 1 It was crazy. Like, I'm assuming this was the 80s.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 this would be the 90s. Probably this.
This might have been early 2000s. 2000s.

Speaker 1 Do you remember the Cisco Bob Newhart show?

Speaker 1 I remember that that happened.

Speaker 1 No one's seen it, but we had the pilot for some reason.

Speaker 1 And I remember watching it when we were filming a pilot with Bob Odenkirk back in the day. Cisco, like the song song? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And Bob Newhart and he had a sitcom together. And all I remember about it is Bob Newhart, like

Speaker 1 sitting on a porch with Cisco and kind of counseling him, like, well, I know that's disappointing, but maybe you'll see somebody else's phone. That's

Speaker 1 that's unreal.

Speaker 1 Uh, he in ER, by the way, Bob Newhart. Oh, it's kind of funny you're gonna say Cisco.
Oh, no, Cisco never made it to ER, but Bob Newhart did, and just like

Speaker 1 I don't really want to see Bob Newhart like uh off himself in a show. This is March.

Speaker 1 This is March 2001. Wait, he kills himself in the episode? Jesus Christ.
He has like a whole arc over like six episodes.

Speaker 1 2008, Lauren, is when that Gallagher show happened. Oh, that's really bad.
Here, wait, this is 2001. Sisco and Bob Newhart.
Odd Couples don't come any odd.

Speaker 1 Guys, odd couples don't come any odder than this high-concept pairing.

Speaker 1 Thong song singer and flavor of the month, Sisko, and 71-year-old Nick at Nike staple Bob Newhart will co-star in a new comedy for NBC.

Speaker 1 The Untitled Comedy Pilot is a show within a show series built around rap star Cisco. The networking on Friday.

Speaker 1 And guess who else was in it? Zachary Levi, who has been banned from show business.

Speaker 1 On the show, the seasoned comedian

Speaker 1 will offer advice to Sisko, who plays a Baltimore hot dog vendor who saves a kid from being killed at a baseball stadium and becomes an overnight celebrity with his own show. What?

Speaker 1 Okay, and it looks like it was just, and it looks like it was just a pilot that stayed. It was just a pilot.
Can you read it again? What's the top? Okay, the premise is this: a show within a show.

Speaker 1 Okay. So the premise is

Speaker 1 Bob Newhart offers advice to Cisco, who plays a Baltimore hot dog vendor who saves a kid from being killed at a baseball stadium and becomes an overnight celebrity with his own show.

Speaker 1 By the way, we're reading. So Bob Newhart's going, here's how you deal with being famous and having your own show, I guess.
Is Bob Newhart playing himself? I guess. I don't know.

Speaker 1 By the way, we're reading all of this with our,

Speaker 1 by way of our generous contributors at IMDb. Thank you.
Who have given us all IMDB Pro accounts? IMDB Spot. Thank you, IMDb Pro.
Yes, thank you so much. We complained about not having it for so long.

Speaker 1 They just finally were like, shut up here, take it.

Speaker 1 That is really crazy. You can find all this kind of stuff on IMDb Pro

Speaker 1 or just IMDB. They didn't ask us to do an ad.
No, they didn't. I'm just, I just am a big fan.
And right now, right now on IMDb, there's two big pictures of Scarlett Johansson, which is cool.

Speaker 1 And then that other guy from Wicked. So, you know, and it says Jurassic World, watch it home now.
So

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 I use IMDB all the time. Sure.
And I remember once being

Speaker 1 sort of lightly mocked by a friend

Speaker 1 whose name I will not reveal.

Speaker 1 But what's their star meter?

Speaker 1 I won't reveal that anyway.

Speaker 1 I'll overlook it.

Speaker 1 And he was saying, well, yeah, I just go to Wikipedia. No, I don't.
I actually don't even really like Wikipedia.

Speaker 1 I love Wikipedia. I use Wikipedia a lot, but I would not, if I wanted to know somebody's filmography, that's not the film.
That's never, I would go to IMDB.

Speaker 1 Sometimes Wikipedia is complete in that regard, but sometimes IMDB Pro just has it on lock.

Speaker 1 If you're looking for a filmography, the easiest and best way to read it with the most information is IMDB. Yeah.
And by the way, we're not doing an ad for them right now. This is not like that.

Speaker 1 We're not, but we could if they wanted us to and they gave us a code. You know, my IMD Pro account did not work because somehow

Speaker 1 it's it's tied through Amazon or something.

Speaker 1 And so it's Janie's account. And so I can't have my own account.
We had to do a huge, no, we had to do a huge thing with that at one point because when it merged with Amazon,

Speaker 1 all of Mike's stuff got deleted on his, because on your IMDB Pro account, that's how you have pictures and things on your IMDb page. Yes.
And so we had to create whole new systems for this.

Speaker 1 But you can do it. And you can do it.
You can do

Speaker 1 it? Yes. Okay.
Wow. We'll have to figure this out.
That sounds good to me. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Anyway, IMDb, if you're looking for a movie or whatever, like check it out. Oh, update.
It's a great resource. 1999 was at Gallagher Show.
Oh,

Speaker 1 there's a 2008 article which

Speaker 1 links to it. 1999 makes more sense.
It's still bad.

Speaker 1 This is a review written by

Speaker 1 in the LA Times by Alyssa Valdez Rodriguez, and it begins like this. Hmm, how to put this delicately? We'll simplify.
This sucks.

Speaker 1 Mime-like, stringy-haired man in black hat smashes food with mallet on stage for a living. Man, who knows

Speaker 1 Spanish, hears Spanish, thinks Spanish good, Spanish muy, muy denero. Man spends one month learning important Spanish words such as cerveza, caca, and culo.

Speaker 1 Man invents Spanish words such as spermo and embarrazamente. Man decides this is enough Spanish to put on show for Latinos.
Man smashes piñatas, wears giant sombrero, and shakes keg-sized maracas.

Speaker 1 Man mocks Jews and gays and women and constipated old people. What?

Speaker 1 I understand the first two, man. Constipated old people.
Man thinks he is Mui Funny Comedian. Oh,

Speaker 1 it's not good. I'll send you this.

Speaker 1 This is savage fisking.

Speaker 1 Fisking. Savage fisking.
It's taking something point by point. Wow.
I don't know that term. I had looked it up yesterday because someone used it.
Who used it on you? No one used it on me.

Speaker 1 No one ever fisked me.

Speaker 1 Someone made you feel dumb because they said you fisked them. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think I misheard them. And it was cool up.

Speaker 1 And it was cool up. She says, stop fisking me.
Yeah. All right, let's take a break.
Wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 1 Take a break.

Speaker 1 Is it just me, or are things actually really scary right now in the world of public health? Every day brings another confusing headline or yet again a far-fetched claim.

Speaker 1 Vaccines are somehow up for debate, and parents are scrolling TikTok for medical advice.

Speaker 1 I'm Chelsea Clinton, an advocate, author, investor, teacher, and mom, navigating this insane time right alongside you.

Speaker 1 I hope you'll join me on my new podcast, That Can't Be True, a show that sorts fact from fiction, especially on issues impacting our health.

Speaker 1 From Limonata Media and the Clinton Foundation, That Can't Be True is out October 2nd.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 I think we're back.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm thinking we're back. I'm pretty sure we're back at this point.
What does he say, Jonathan Wick? He says, so yeah, I think I'm back. So yeah.
I think I'm back. I don't know, probably.

Speaker 1 Sounds familiar. I'm going to fucking look it up.
Good old Johnny Wick. Oh, that guy.
He can't get your break. Man, when he showed up in the ballerina,

Speaker 1 ballerina, ballerina, ballerina.

Speaker 1 What we're going to do today for this episode, where we are, where we're from this house,

Speaker 1 when we do this episode, we do this exact thing that Scott is going to say right after I'm done talking. We're going to go to your voicemails that you've left us at that famous website.

Speaker 1 Which, I'm embarrassed that I'm going to say this because everyone knows what it is. Hagclaims8.com.

Speaker 1 Now, I didn't have to say that. You didn't ask me.
I didn't have to say that. Because it's the most famous website.
I thought somebody just got born. But HagClaims8.com is the most famous website.

Speaker 1 It is not only a novelty dictionary.

Speaker 1 Yep. It's not only a phone plan.

Speaker 1 It not only gives you a lot of money. It gives you access to all of our phones.
All of our phones, our notes app,

Speaker 1 our passwords. Every single app, every DM we've ever sent.
Yes. Every time we've slid into anyone's DMs, you'll be able to see all of that.

Speaker 1 Every dirty picture we ever looked at and then quickly deleted. Every picture of our butt that we've sent to to people.

Speaker 1 Every picture of our butt that we've received from people.

Speaker 1 Hey, how'd you get a picture of my butt?

Speaker 1 But it's also a place where you can leave us voicemails.

Speaker 1 It started mainly as that, but honestly, it's like such a

Speaker 1 small part of our business now, but

Speaker 1 we still take the voicemails. We think they're cute.
We think they're sweet. We think they're so sweet.

Speaker 1 Laura. Lord's thing.
Where she was taking her cheeks and jiggling them while saying hi clean. Just a liggling pin.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 I'm just trying to jiggle it just a little bit.

Speaker 1 Just a liggling pin. Sometimes that pops in my head, and I don't even know what's going on.

Speaker 1 It's just a liggling pin.

Speaker 1 Relax.

Speaker 1 But you did it in a way that was like somebody made you do it and you didn't want to do it.

Speaker 1 All right, I'm not going to enjoy this. Happy.

Speaker 1 Okay, I did it. Get off my back.
So let's listen to this voicemail because it's getting hot in here. It's hot.
So let's take off all our clothes.

Speaker 1 So let's do a voicemail. Here we go.
Ready and now. Hey, gang.
It's Quinn. They them.

Speaker 1 What's up? Hurry. Okay, so you're on a plane, and the pilot becomes incapacitated.
What?

Speaker 3 Nobody on the flight has any flying experience. So the tower is going to have to talk somebody through trying to land the plane.

Speaker 3 You can all draw lots and whoever wins or loses that drawing will attempt the landing. Or you can volunteer.

Speaker 3 Do you volunteer to attempt to land the plane? Or do you go to the drawing and let someone else who has no flying experience try it instead?

Speaker 1 Did they say that I can fly?

Speaker 3 Also, I thought you might like to know that the original name of Pepsi was Brad's drink.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Okay, well,

Speaker 1 I am obsessed with that.

Speaker 1 Why are we talking about the plane thing? Well, because it's all about Brad's drink. I want to know about Brad's

Speaker 1 drink. And honestly, let's bring that back.
Okay, so... Although Pepsi the dog would have been named Brad's drink.

Speaker 1 Caleb Bradham, a pharmacist, initially mixed the drink at his soda fountain and called it Brad's drink. It was changed to Pepsi-Cola in 1898.

Speaker 1 I like Brad's drink better. So it's like five years later.
Why was it changed to Pepsi? What the fuck is that? Let's go back to what Quinn said because I was, well, it was meant as a digestive aid.

Speaker 1 Oh, like Pepsid.

Speaker 1 Maybe? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Are you dyspeptic? You want to get peptic. Right, yeah.
Exhilarating. You're going to want some

Speaker 1 pep. Yeah.
You're going to want some of this. You're going to want some pepsid.
Exhilarating, invigorating. AIDS digestion.
Now, I wouldn't put AIDS in my slogan, but it was a different time.

Speaker 1 It was a different time back then.

Speaker 1 I would volunteer because. Wait, but was it stated that we could either draw lots either and we nobody has flying you're you in this imagine

Speaker 1 you are still you so I either take the risk of doing it myself or I let someone else I take a bigger risk by letting someone else who I don't even know what their deal is no look quinn we're drawing lots the whole plane or just first class

Speaker 1 right yeah maybe comfort plus I would allow half of comfort plus

Speaker 1 what about the people

Speaker 1 people in the aisles that you know that did get a little more leg room is someone gonna be like hold on to the the straps? Is someone going to be like telling me in my ear what to do?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, all that stuff. They'll talk.
The tower is talking you through it. Yeah.
I would absolutely volunteer. Absolutely.
Because we're going to die anyway. Yeah.
Well, also.

Speaker 1 I would like to go down flying the plane. My grandfather and my father were.
They were hanging out clothes?

Speaker 1 They were pilots, so I feel like it's in my genes. That guy was a pilot as well.
The muscle memory, much like trauma.

Speaker 1 It's encoded in your DNA. And they flew me around a couple of times.
So I just feel like I would know.

Speaker 1 And plus, I watched Flight Risk, that movie that came out earlier in the year that Mel Gibson directed.

Speaker 1 So I just feel like I had, and this was a plot point in it, and I just feel like I've seen enough movies where they talk you through it. Can I say this? I play video games, it's easy.
How hard is it?

Speaker 1 Well, like watching the rehearsal, which I don't think either of you have seen.

Speaker 1 Oh, you did

Speaker 1 spoiler, but there's a well, there's a lot about plane things. There's a lot about flying planes in it, yes.

Speaker 1 And I will say, it

Speaker 1 actually, I've never thought it was easy, but it looks even harder than I thought. When I see the one point where someone is learning to fly planes.
Learning to fly planes.

Speaker 1 There's like some risky moments where the other problem could look like the co-pilot.

Speaker 1 The teacher kind of like

Speaker 1 that. I had to do my

Speaker 1 iron plat top petty impression.

Speaker 1 Gorgeous. The teacher sort of goes like, oh, like takes over a couple times.
Like, you almost just did something terrible. Like his wheels.

Speaker 1 It would be so easy, though. Like, you got to pull back on the thing.
So easy. And in the movies, they're always like harder.
Oh, I would just do it hard the first time.

Speaker 1 You pull back to go up, you go forward to go down.

Speaker 1 It's easy. Invert y-axis.
I feel. The switches part of it is the thing that I feel like I would be like, I don't see the switch.
No, there's too many fucking switches. Here's the thing.

Speaker 1 If it's already turned on, you're in the air, all you got to do is put it down. Here's what's easy.
Here's what these things want to land correctly as well. Where's the co-pilot?

Speaker 1 As my that's what I'm wondering. As my father used to say, they want to stay up in the air.

Speaker 1 And when you land, they to land the right way so you don't have to worry when you're flying but um they want to the planes want to stay up in the air he meant the planes the plane is just the way it's built they just they want to like once they get this like the dishwasher doesn't want you to rinse the planes the dishwasher wants to wash them he's like it's not like these planes

Speaker 1 during it's not like pilots are in there going like constantly going like oh god this thing wants to crash i gotta constantly correct no they want to stay up in the air that would be funny i have more respect for pilots if that's how it was.

Speaker 1 But here's the thing. They should have a setting in the cockpit for

Speaker 1 a civilian who has to land the plane, where like all the rest of the switches get turned off and are not lit up and all that. And it's just like, these are the only ones you're going to need.

Speaker 1 This makes me wonder, is autopilot a real thing? And if so, what does it mean?

Speaker 1 I think...

Speaker 1 that you can turn it on autopilot to land. I think.

Speaker 1 To land? I think you can. I'm not quite sure.
That doesn't seem like it would be a problem. Why is it ever a problem?

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, autopilot is a relatively new

Speaker 1 since the 80s, maybe invention. I don't know.
Let me look it up. Autopilot.

Speaker 1 Autopilot, how old? Autopilot, how old now? Go.

Speaker 1 Autopilot, how old now? Go.

Speaker 1 They're not all good.

Speaker 1 Well, look, autopilot,

Speaker 1 the invention is credited to Lawrence Sperry, who demonstrated a gyroscopic autopilot system in 1914. Fuck! Okay, a little before the 80s.

Speaker 1 I would say a little bit before the fish that saved Pittsburgh.

Speaker 1 But when was it in use?

Speaker 1 Not all passenger aircraft flying even have an autopilot system. That fucked us up.

Speaker 1 Smaller ones are still hand-flown.

Speaker 1 And that's why small airliners with fewer than 20 seats may be without the autopilot, as they're short-duration ones. I don't know.
Anyway, so I think it would be easy, though. Yeah.

Speaker 1 To sum up, it would be easy as shit. And I want to do it because I don't want some dumb idiot that I don't know in charge of this.
I want to be the dumb idiot in charge of it.

Speaker 1 I actually don't know if I would choose to do it. I think maybe

Speaker 1 let a man do it. I'd be like, let's just let some guy do it.
Even if he's drunk, it'll be better than me. I haven't got my period.
I'm too crazy.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I don't know.
I think I'd be scared. Would you not want the responsibility? I wouldn't want to kill everyone.
Well, what if, what if I would

Speaker 1 like, what if it lands and half the people are dead? Would you feel responsible or would you feel like, I saved half the people? I think that's fair.

Speaker 1 That's tough. I'd feel, I'd have a lot of guilt around that.

Speaker 1 What if two people died? That's fine. There we go.
Everyone has acceptable losses. Everyone has a price.

Speaker 1 And they died because they were actually doing something wrong and they fell on like a knife that they were holding and having like a fight.

Speaker 1 It wasn't because of me. me, it was because

Speaker 1 bumpy.

Speaker 1 How many people die annually from falling on knives? Do you think?

Speaker 1 Okay, I'm gonna look it up. Thank you.
I'm gonna say, over under

Speaker 1 Quinn, we would like to say thank you for your uh thought-provoking uh conversational prompt. And Brad's drink is a real great bit of info for me.
The Bradstring

Speaker 1 should have you should have you buried the leaf. Should have been the one that should have been the top, the headline.
2.3%

Speaker 1 of autopsies involving sharp force fatalities were accidents what's all this uh politically correct double speak okay sorry so when people get stuck

Speaker 1 by sharp things stuck like a pig

Speaker 1 like a fat pig yeah sticky like a pig um only 2.3 percent are accidents you usually the other i guess 97.7 percent are intentional people intended to stab themselves yeah exactly

Speaker 1 can i give a book wreck i just yeah absolutely

Speaker 1 So I just read the book. That's the perma wreck.
Big Swiss by Jen Began, which I loved. I don't know if I recommend it to you two fools, but

Speaker 1 I loved it.

Speaker 1 If you liked All Fours by Miranda July, you're going to love this. Oh, my God.
If you love that, you'll love this. This is another smut that people are going to read in public.
All fours? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's another smutty one. All fours is so good.
I loved it so much. I also love all of Miranda July's books.

Speaker 1 First Bad Man is

Speaker 1 Miranda August.

Speaker 1 Okay. But Jen Began also wrote Pretend I'm Dead, which I also loved, but this book, I couldn't put it down.

Speaker 1 You had to, though, at one point.

Speaker 1 I did. When we were on tour last year,

Speaker 1 both Jess McKenna and Lily Sullivan were reading that dirty book in public. We've been trained to be in the world.

Speaker 1 They were getting so horny, and they kept saying, I'm getting so horny. Yeah.
And Paul and I were

Speaker 1 too scared to do anything about that. Both of those books.
Yeah, as a woman who is in charge of her sexual experience. Yeah, both of those books feature that.

Speaker 1 And they also feature just like sort of fucked up mindsets. It's really fun to read.
Wait, now I'm intrigued. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm reading a book that I'm really enjoying called, and it came out a few years ago, called The Country of Ice Cream Star. It was written by Sandra Newman,

Speaker 1 who is an author that I really love.

Speaker 1 Seinfeld.

Speaker 1 Feinfeld. Feinfeld.

Speaker 1 George Costanza. We never talk about if Eileen married Jerry, she'd be Seinfeld too.

Speaker 1 That's true. Elaine Seinfeld.
No, she'd be Seinfeld too. Seinfeld too.
Seinfeld too. Number two.

Speaker 1 Seinfeld, Seinfeld too.

Speaker 1 Hi, I'm Seinfeld too.

Speaker 1 Okay, look, that's it. Ice cream, what now?

Speaker 1 The country of ice cream star. And we know you're not reading.
No, I don't read.

Speaker 1 You're just watching. All of ER.

Speaker 1 I'm finished with that.

Speaker 1 You have to watch the pit. Okay.

Speaker 1 It's fewer episodes. It's really good.

Speaker 1 It's like 15 or 18 isn't it yeah i don't know but it's good yeah it's good you'll be glad there are more yeah i'll get to it after i watch master and commander with the paul side of the world

Speaker 1 did you get the 4k blue ring i can't wait to listen steel book the steel yeah that's the one that i never got a steel book before yeah yeah i can't wait to listen to this you're gonna have to let me borrow it i can't wait to listen to this i can't wait to never listen to this oh right i forgot to

Speaker 1 say never i'll loan it to you and you watch it the same night that we watch Sinners. Nice.
Okay, but so I'm not allowed to

Speaker 1 sign it.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Why? Because I've seen Sinners and publicly said I've never watched it. That's exactly right.

Speaker 1 You took an oath.

Speaker 1 It was in my vows to cool off. If they ever make a movie called Sinners, I will watch it once

Speaker 1 with you.

Speaker 1 Never watch it again.

Speaker 1 Did she like Sinners? Yeah, we both did. Good.
It was great. Good, good, good.
Sada, the Vista. It was a great movie.

Speaker 1 That's it for it, of course, in Ohio. Oh, of course you did.

Speaker 1 I saw Captain America's Civil War in Canada, and it started 25 minutes later. Did you feel Patriot? Oh, is it fucking the Americans? It seemed like it, and no one was like worried about it.

Speaker 1 At least when I saw Oppenheimer and it was 20 minutes late, people were like coming in, going like they're restarting the projector or whatever. 25 minutes in Toronto watching Captain America.

Speaker 1 No one, and no one said it. No one in the crowd said anything.
It was just so is it trailers, then 25 minutes, then Captain America?

Speaker 1 Okay, so

Speaker 1 it was 25 minutes, then everything started. Trailers, at least when I saw Oppenheimer, it was 20 minutes late.
They said, we're going to cut out some of the previews to get you out on time.

Speaker 1 To sit there in that dim quasi-light. Oh my God, they had the lighting on

Speaker 1 the whole time.

Speaker 1 The movies yesterday when I saw Naked Gunn, they had the lights on for like, you know, how they had those commercials. I was like, okay, so commercials.
But then it became trailers. I don't like it.

Speaker 1 Wait, this happened to you too? I don't like it either. They do it at the AMC.
I I thought it was a mistake. I don't like it.
Then they had the lights on the whole trailer.

Speaker 1 Then the lights on were on for the first 15 minutes of the movie. And then

Speaker 1 Mike got up. Two other people got up to go say something.

Speaker 1 Then they turned them off. Then they turned them on.
Then they turned them off. We were like, what? And then they finally turned them off again and we went, yay.
It was like terrible.

Speaker 1 Somebody like leaning on the side. I don't know.
It was so annoying.

Speaker 1 Why is that happening? Why is this a breath of your own? That's crazy. That's right.
Would they leave them on for the trailers?

Speaker 1 I want to be in the immersive movie.

Speaker 1 They should turn them off for the trailer. I don't know why they do.
We come to this place to sit in the dark. Seriously.
Yeah. All right.
All right. Well, we love you all.

Speaker 1 Variatopia, September 21st at Lodge Room in Los Angeles or stream it live. Go to variatopia.com for tickets.

Speaker 1 Lauren.

Speaker 1 All right. We'll see you next time.
Bye.

Speaker 1 Story Pirates is the number one podcast for kids and families in the world and the newest addition to the Lebanon Media Network.

Speaker 1 We take stories written by real kids and turn them into sketch comedy and songs featuring professional actors, famous guests, and original music.

Speaker 1 So get ready to light up your kids' imaginations with a show that you'll also enjoy. The Story Pirates podcast, new season coming November 6th.