Threevisiting: I Want Cold Cuts!
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Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
Wowie, Zowie!
We yelled it!
Today is a very special day!
Today is a very special day.
Today is Paul's birthday.
Paul birthday.
It's Paul Birthday.
It's Paul's birthday.
Hi, I'm Paul Birthday.
Do you need a cake?
I have tons.
Come to my birthday cake warehouse.
Everyone just assumes it's my birthday because my last name is birthday.
Because anything birthday?
It's a good last name.
So good.
Is it your birthday, Miss's birthday?
Like, do some people have the last name?
I think some people have the last name Christmas.
I think Christmas is a thing yeah hollywood of course oh of course i can't believe that's not my name jimmy chicago that's real just his last name is hollywood jimmy chicago
i'm just making people up chucky new york ronald oklahoma
if there is a ronald oklahoma out there please be our fan we want to hear from you if your last name is birthday call in right now for a big prize call and right now
send us a letter while you dictate it on the phone Hi, everyone.
Welcome to Threedom.
Welcome to Threedom.
I'm Paul.
It's my birthday.
I'm Scott.
It's not my birthday.
And I'm Lauren, it's not my birthday, but it recently was, so it kind of feels like it is.
True.
Although, you know what?
Six days ago is my birthday, and I'm like, it's very much not my birthday anymore.
It's over.
Did we all say happy birthday to you?
I don't know.
I know I did.
What do you mean, did you say happy birthday?
Did I?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I remember.
On the chain or something?
Yeah,
everyone acknowledged my special day.
That feels like a million years ago.
It does.
It was literally six days ago, and it feels like I was, it was 100 years ago.
I'm 110 now.
Oh my god, I was 10 last.
You look great.
Thank you so much.
Wait, you were 10 last week?
Yeah.
Yeah.
We've always assumed you were in your 20s and 30s.
No, I was like 20, I think, when we first met and it's like a one, two, three sort of thing.
Yeah.
You were like an old soul.
Yeah, for sure.
Yes, yes.
Wait, what the fuck?
Okay, so two entities on Lauren's birthday wished her a happy birthday on Instagram.
Two entities.
One was
Star Trek on Paramount Plus.
Yes, because I'm on that show.
Which show?
Star Trek on Paramount Plus.
Star Trek on Lower Dex.
That's what I'm wondering.
Lower Dex.
Lower Dex.
I play a Blue Creature.
And Dynasty Plus.
You play an Andorian.
So they just track every single person who's on that show and wish them happy birthday on PlayStation.
Well, that was what he was worried about.
Well, because it was Star Trek on Plus and also Dynasty Typewriter, the theater that you perform at.
Yeah, yeah.
Now, as of this recording,
neither Star Trek on Plus, yes.
Okay, not only that, but Star Trek for the main Star Trek account before most people.
Yeah, early in the morning.
Both Star Trek on Plus and the main Star Trek account.
They were morning on main?
You know what?
Star Trek was the first time.
They were morning for my birthday on Maine.
Star Trek was the first post I got.
And I was like, they're on top of this.
They're on top of this shit.
I appreciate that and I respect it.
And I'm an Andalorean.
And
excuse me.
I'm the main slash.
I'm not an angry Andele.
Definitely don't say that.
I'm an Andory named Jen.
That's right.
Okay.
Andory Jen.
And you're blue, and you have antennae.
Yes.
Star Wars has blue people in it.
Stop mentioning Star Wars when we're talking about Star Trek.
Because that
Cad Bane is blue.
That's true.
Cad Bane is blue.
I wonder if they're the same race.
Yeah, for sure.
Because they're both
set on like
planets.
Good point.
So is Goodfellas.
Was everybody blue in that?
But here's the thing.
As of this recording, I've yet to be wished a happy birthday by Dynasty Typewriter.
And what I like about what's happening now is that there's no way they can hear this.
No, this will be
one tip to do this.
They're still in the running to wish me happy birthday.
But here's my theory.
Star Trek has a list of every single person who's on it and what their birthday is, and they just roll it out every single day.
It's like a checklist for whoever runs that account.
What else do they have to do?
Dynasty Typewriter happened to see a bunch of people wishing Lauren happy birthday that day.
No, let me tell you something.
Maybe.
Dynasty Typewriter puts out a calendar every day.
Oh, they do have everyone's birthday on it.
So they have things.
They will post about you.
Should I look now?
Yeah, look.
Yeah, you got to make sure.
We got to get the answer now.
Yeah.
Forever Hold Your P.
Oh, no.
That sounds horrible.
Penis.
Penis.
Penis.
Penis.
Now, did they wish you a happy birthday in stories?
It was a story.
Huh.
It wasn't a main.
If you get a main, I'm going to fucking go crazy.
This is.
But I immediately.
Excitement is.
On Lauren's birthday.
I sent those to her and I said, okay, if I don't get one of these, I'm furious.
It was really threatening and it actually kind of ruined my day.
Can I just say?
They haven't done it yet.
And I'm sorry to hear it.
Day's not over.
They still young.
Certainly not over.
It is merely 10.24 a.m.
I got to say, neither of those places wished me a happy birthday on my birthday.
That makes so much sense.
It does make a lot of sense.
Can I just say.
You really didn't wish me happy birthday in the Pentagon.
I didn't hear anything from the Queen.
Oh, I have some bad news for you.
Well, on my birthday, it was still good news.
Can I just say
good news, the Queen's alive?
Bad news,
she's going to die about five days later.
Every day, and then one day, bad news.
Can I just say really quickly that?
I don't want to say it too much.
Do you want us to time you?
No, I don't because I want the information to be heard.
I'll say it once and I'll say it faster.
Okay.
Hold on.
I'm going to time you saying it the regular way.
Okay, this is good.
And then we'll see how fast you can do it.
Don't press lap.
All right, ready?
Please don't press lap, even though my last name is lap.
All right, here we go.
And go.
Okay, Paul and I have a show coming up, and it's on September 24th at Dynasty Typewriter.
You can see it in person, or you can watch a live stream, and you can watch the live stream anytime you want.
And you can go get the tickets at dynastytypewriter.com.
Is that it?
Yeah.
So you weren't talking to us.
You were talking to the listeners?
Yeah.
You said it like, oh, I have something to say to both of us.
I have a single person.
Well, you know, when someone's listening, they might think that they would be interested in whatever I'm going to say.
It is very hard to tell because Lauren never looks at us when she talks.
I look up the whole time, right?
She looks up the whole time we're recording.
All right, that was 13.
And if I look down,
it's sort of like a nope situation.
Okay.
All right.
How fast can you do it?
Ready?
Okay, yeah.
And go.
Paul and Ambigu John the Medicine.
2.75.
A big part of speaking quickly is getting your tongue in there.
Paul and I have a show, September 24th today.
Brother, watch live, Stuperwatch Online.
Or watch in person.
Now, can I tell you about my fantastic dream?
Yeah.
Okay.
This, I could not have.
Bless you.
It wasn't a sneeze.
I don't care.
I want God to bless you.
I don't want that for that.
It was a cough.
I don't want that for that.
This is the best birthday gift I could have woken up to was having this dream.
I don't want to say it.
I held back.
I had a dream last night.
I was hanging out at your house, Lauren.
What?
With you and Mike.
Wow.
And Holly.
Oh.
And Holly and I were getting along like nobody's business.
Wow.
I was making her laugh and she was talking.
Oh, wow.
She was like, I would say things, she would repeat them.
And then we would both laugh.
Aww.
Don't ruin this for me.
She's so amazing.
But then I got to take care of her for a night.
Wow.
Hey, do you want to?
I do.
Or even then.
Then what?
Three years?
Three years.
I just got to go to the ball.
I got to get cigarettes.
I just want to get a massage.
Could you take her for three years?
And then
we were, I was taking care of her, and we were playing this sort of virtual reality video game.
Oculus.
Well, it was like a Red Dead Redemption kind of thing, but there was no shooting.
You just had to find things.
There was kissing.
So she's like,
instead of shooting, you're like, what?
I love you.
Scott?
What?
Who had the dream?
Because I don't know anymore.
Martin.
Me.
He was, oh, okay.
I got
a dream.
So you had the.
Sorry, MLK, but this dream beats yours.
And so then we were...
Playing Red Dead.
It was like the end of the day, and she was having so much fun.
Yes.
And she's finding all the things.
And then later we were, we were at
like whatever place we were staying at.
And
we were in the so this was not your house, you were
a second location, this was like some other place, and then she was asleep in the bed with the little covers up.
And so, the two people that manage this place, these two women, came over to me and said, Did you read to her?
And I said, Yes, I did, yes.
And they're like, Okay, all right, just want to make sure
that you're not just playing video games, exactly.
Yeah, but it works like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Better look at some paper.
It was the best, it was the best dream, so cute.
I love that dream.
Ugh, That's so nice.
It made me very happy.
She's changing so much.
It's so funny.
I saw on one of your private stories.
Yeah.
You have private stories?
Oh, I mean,
I think I dreamed this too.
The dreams were like a circle around my eyes.
She was like being funny.
She is being funny.
She's like doing she knows that she can make you laugh.
Yeah.
Yeah, she was doing a really cute bit where she first was like sipping water and then like going like and like spitting it out at me.
And then and then she just like put her face up like me, me, kind of like a grandpa face.
And then she knew it was funny.
It was so cute.
Does she have like cognizance that her parents are improv royalty?
You know, I think she does gather, you know.
I think that's there.
I mean, she obviously knows about improv show.
We left last night to do an improv show, Mike and I, together.
It was our first night.
We've only had a few outings since she's been born.
And this was very exciting, actually.
I was kind of like, wow, I can't believe we're doing this.
I'm tired.
And then we had such a fun time.
And it was a really fun set.
Was this holy shit?
No, this was Convoy's show at the power.
We got like 25 minutes.
Yeah.
It was nice.
And it was really fun.
And I was like, you know, I don't even know my point, just that it felt good to be on stage.
It felt nice to do an improv show.
You know, it's been hard with all the theaters being shut down.
And now we're finding these new little theaters.
And now,
you know, some of our places will be coming back, but like the, to be at these kind of random spots.
This is John Ennis' theater.
oh cool um and so that was cool it was like cool to be in a new place and like doing something different and with mike and we had fun and that's all i went great yeah and did i'm glad did you warm up like doing zeep zap zop we said zeep zap zoop yes um we
we
no we um we literally did nothing and we watched us just walked out on us we watched the team before us and then we got up yeah that was really fun that's a good warm-up to watch the team before us you just kind of you kind of go here's what we're working with this is the kind of suggestion they got.
Does they like this?
I think we're okay.
When does Holly
get to see you actually do it, though?
You know, that's the thing.
It's like, I need her to see that because I want to need her to understand.
So as soon as we can get her to the theater, you know, it's hard because her bedtime is right around the time I go on stage.
So we'll just have to see.
But yeah, that's definitely imminent.
Yeah.
I do think about the both of you of like, how do you explain what mommy and daddy does for a living?
Like, you know, I mean, it is weird.
How do you explain what mommy and daddy does?
It's weird because I think being an actor is such a weird job for a person.
And podcasts.
Well, podcaster, I don't think you.
How do you explain what's happening right now?
How do you explain what we do?
Mommy has to go into a room and talk with her friends,
tell stories, and play a game at the end.
And you're not doing it with me.
No, no, no.
Do you think it'll ever be three and a half dumb with her?
Oh, three dumb and a little lady.
Yes.
And a ghost in the corner.
Who's the ghost?
Cardboard cut out of Scott.
Oh, okay.
I can't wait.
Yeah.
Well, for the cardboard cutout.
Yeah, for the cutout.
Everything else in your gut.
I ordered that a while ago.
So it's just, so you leave, and then there's a cardboard and
no talking.
Oh, so you go, oh, so we can do whatever we want to it?
Put a pencil in his throat.
Okay, sure.
I thought you could get behind it, and then you could pretend you were talking.
You put your lips through it.
Sure, if that's what you want to do, we all get to do whatever we want.
Oh, okay, okay.
So he has no lips, it's just a hole.
And then you put your lips through it?
Yes.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
There should be more things like that.
I would probably grab like a zucchini and just shove it down.
Oh, my God.
Speaking of zucchini.
Oh, yeah.
What, Paul?
I think you've seen on my Instagram, I got to meet that tortoise.
I did.
I heard about this.
I don't know what this is.
Now, who is he or she, and what is the situation?
Or they.
Our friends Brett and Dana, one day they find in their backyard, they just move to a new place, which is very
full of wildlife.
There's like a bear that terrorizes neighborhoods.
By the way, that is actually too scary for me.
It's terrifying.
There are some videos.
People I know live near where a bear goes, and I think that's not okay.
The woods.
The woods, yeah.
You know the Pope.
They both go there.
Yeah, they both sit in the woods, right?
Side by side.
Why does a Pope sit down?
And the bear's cap.
Is that a joke?
Some people, it's look, never mind.
I don't know it, and I'd love to learn.
No, you don't want to know it.
From my standpoint,
it's based on two different sayings: Does a bear shit in the woods?
And is the Pope Catholic?
And then people conflate them and say, Does the Pope shoot?
I knew it sounded like that.
Isn't that funny?
And aren't we having fun?
I love it, and I think people, when they make jokes, they're so funny and it's so good.
And
I love that.
That's Holly's first joke that
she thinks she came up with.
If she came up with that, I actually would be impressed.
But what if she came up with it at 15?
I still would be impressed.
I think, you know,
yeah, I think you have to go, like, you're funny.
You know, it's just, you came up with that.
Like, if you didn't, if you never heard that, then I'm impressed.
Then I would be like, Obama, you didn't come up with that.
What if Holly?
Who's that from?
Don't you remember Obama said you didn't build that?
Oh, yeah.
What if Holly?
What if Holly
says it and says, I came up with that, but you can tell she's lying.
Then I'll go, you know what?
Like her eyes are darting back and forth.
I just made that up.
When you hear a great joke I just made.
I still think that would be funny.
No, that would be funny, actually.
Did I tell you when I was like 10 or god?
It has to be like 12.
I think you did.
Yeah.
And then we have to go back.
There's absolutely no chance you haven't.
But I was, I was, I remember I was biking home with a bunch of friends from junior high, so I had to go.
And you covered your eyes?
And
I sang.
Sing, guys.
Let's all shut our eyes.
I sang a song that was like, had some of the lyrics to Def Leppard's Pyromaniac, but I changed them or something.
Pyromania.
Pyromania or Pyromania.
Well, he says, I'm a pyromaniac, so I maybe it is.
Yeah.
And the album's Pyromania.
Yeah.
But
then he sings about him being singular.
I am the pyromaniac of the album Tyrania.
I am the very model of a modern makeup.
Pyromaniac.
It works.
It stands.
But I think I sang like one lyric from Pyromania and one of my own or something.
I said, I came up with that.
And my friend went, oh, Pyromania.
Oh, yeah.
I lied.
I made a lie once.
Wait, what?
But you were trying to fool them?
No, I just, in my head, I kind of came up with a song, but I was like, I think one of these lyrics is kind of familiar or whatever.
Oh, so you thought you made it up?
I've just straight up lied as a kid.
I would just say I like
it.
Yeah.
I remember lying.
Yeah.
Wait, so let me talk about the tortois.
Yes.
So is that how you say it in French?
So he wanders, he wanders into their yard, this massive tortoise.
That is actually quite alarming.
It's what's so funny, and I learned this from doing the neighborhood listen because we do all these next door posts.
It's such a common thing that these big, slow creatures run away and end up in other people's yards.
They're pets.
They're pets, yeah.
So they don't want to be, like, I always wonder that about
if our doors were open,
would our dogs.
Just go like fuck it.
I am out of here.
And just like, go ahead.
I don't know.
Maybe not on purpose.
Yeah.
But you know what I mean?
Like, if they're like, this is my fucking chance.
I don't think they would escape.
I think they would be like, I want to see the great wide world, but I also want to go home and get food.
No, that's happened, but I just, but, but you know what I mean?
Like, but
tortoises, they actually want to leave and don't want to.
They should do like a new homeward bound, but it's like a dog, a cat, and a tortoise.
Oh, and they have to wait for the tortoise constantly.
Yeah.
You know, many animals were harmed in the making of that film.
Oh, I thought it was Milo and Otis.
Okay.
What about a homeward bound where it's a turtle, a scorpion?
I thought it was Milo and Otis because it was filmed in Japan and they don't have the same
or they did not.
I don't know what they have now, but they did not have the same.
Is that why Benji went to Japan?
Did he go to Japan?
I think his family was.
I know the Bad News Bears did.
The Bad News Bears definitely did.
Wait, they were all harmed there.
The whole plot of Benji goes to Japan is Benji goes to Japan.
Yeah, it's like the tree.
It's like a two-hour movie.
He goes to the airport, a tourist, goes through customs.
i think you're right oh do you
after doing well here what i did approximately 30 seconds of research homeward bound um that's the michael j fox i put yes sally field and somebody else i didn't remember that
sally field homeward bound movie
kittens i wrote and nothing the mom from forest gump the mom from mrs doubtfire the mom from lincoln the future mom from gidget the mom of the flag
i love
Lincoln.
Sally Field is incredible.
Mrs.
Fields, we call her.
Sally Fields.
Phil.
Sally Field, but when she makes the cookie, she's Mrs.
Fields.
When she puts
her in the basket.
Or else she gets the hose.
She's amazing.
That clip from Mrs.
Delphire, when she's like, the whole time, the whole time, the whole time, you know, so good.
There's levels of people that clip the part.
The moment, but it's a clip that I've watched over and over again.
I watched
this this going like clips.
Wait, it's a clip that they like.
All movies are essentially clips.
They're all
put together in order.
And I watched that one clip a few times, you know, for enjoyment.
I watched Soap Dish for the first time not too long ago.
I've seen it.
That's right.
We've talked about it.
It's indeed funny.
Did we talk about it on my screen?
Because you told me I should have watched some show, yes.
So you got to stand by it.
You got to stop.
But let me say this, because I don't think I said this before.
We'll see.
Every scene is like one second too long.
Oh, no.
The way it's directed.
Well, that's also a good thing.
So every scene, you go 1,001, and it could have been cut off.
Exactly.
It's all great people, but
the direction of it sometimes, because I was thinking Sally Field, who is great,
sometimes
comes off as very hammy in a bad way.
Because they didn't cut.
She probably didn't cut it.
Yeah, because that's a good lesson for actors.
Like, always do it one, stay in it one second longer than you think you should.
But that's what you shouldn't do because
they're going to use it.
Bail out one second before.
And go, all right.
So you cut
it.
Call cut.
Call cut yourself.
You're going to have a small, perfect ending.
Cold cuts, cut.
Cold cuts.
Cold cuts.
I want cold cuts.
Give me some gobble goo.
What if you ended every scene saying, I want cold cuts?
I want cold cuts.
And they're like, okay, we've got to cut some of these.
But we can't cut all of them.
Cold cuts.
It's like random apocalypse now.
It'd be like if you're trying to get away with godwinds, why
if you were trying to fuck with the director, like you hated them.
So every time you did something, you just put it in the middle, I want cold cuts.
And just like, never let them have a real take.
Except for the one you liked.
Yeah.
Guys, we have to take a break.
I want cold cuts.
Colcuts.
I want cold cuts.
It's back.
Back to school season.
School season, little boys and girls.
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Getting schooled by your old wireless bill.
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Cooler temps are rolling in.
Dude, do daughter.
And as always, Quince is where I'm turning for fall staples that actually last from cashmere to denim to boots.
I've seen you so furious.
I'm mad, but I'm getting happier.
The quality holds up, and the price still blows me away.
Quince has the kind of fall staples you'll wear non-stop, like super soft, 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters, starting at $60.
I got to ask you about their denim.
Okay, well, their denim's durable and it fits right.
What about leather jackets?
They are real, and they bring that clean, classic edge without the elevated price tag.
Sounds good.
What makes Quince different?
Hey, everyone.
Oh, hey, well, they partner directly with ethical factories and skip the middlemen.
So you get top-tier fabrics and craftsmanship at half the price of similar brands.
Can I hear some personal experience from you?
Because I'm still a little skeptical for some reason.
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There's so much advice out there, and all we want to do as parents is get it right.
The great news is you're the expert on your child.
And sometimes, figuring out what they need is as simple as getting them to talk.
I'm Dr.
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On my new podcast, Talk Aboutable, I'll hear from parents about what's keeping them up at night, and we'll figure out how to tackle it by talking about it.
From Lemonada Media, Talk Aboutable is at September 9th.
Follow wherever you get your podcasts.
I want cold cut to the cut not lie.
My other brothers can't deny that when a girl walks in with a cold cut waist in the
cold cut waist.
We're back.
And around ham in your face.
You get to
around hamming your face.
So, guys, this is the first episode since we all came back.
You're petting the mics.
No, there's a bug.
You're petting the mics.
There's a bug that I'm trying to.
What kind of bug?
I couldn't tell if it was a
friendly bug or a bad one?
A fruit fly?
They're all bad.
Okay.
Was it a fruit fly?
This is the first?
All bugs are bastards.
BAB.
B-A-B, absolutely.
I agree with that.
Great for rhyme schemes.
Oh, but it's great for bugs.
For For ladybugs and lightning bugs.
The two good bugs.
There's
ladybugs and lightning bugs.
But you can't say there are some good bugs.
Yeah, you have to say all bugs.
Don't let a few bad bugs spoil the whole bug barrel.
So you're a real bug.
It works, though.
He's like, ladybugs lives matter.
It's like, okay, dude, we're going to have this conversation every day.
I guess it's your birthday.
The thin bug line.
Get away with it.
The thin bug line around my ankles biting me.
I know.
I know.
I got a bunch of mosquitoes.
I got one right on my
man.
We didn't used to have a mosquito.
I know that wasn't.
I think it was within the last 10 years, right?
Yeah.
It was that.
I came that bunch of lumber from China.
Right.
Have we talked about this?
I was very thrilled that there were no mosquitoes.
Anywho.
Anyway, so this is the first time we've seen each other since we were away for six weeks.
And yet we still brought the same topics.
I know.
So tell us how Chicago was, Lauren.
Chicago was.
Oh, my God.
You were gone for so long.
That was fantastic.
I had the best time.
I was shooting a movie called Another Happy Day.
You can follow it on Instagram at Another Happy Day.
Now, this is a sequel to Happy Day.
Yeah, it's simple to Happy Days.
Happy Days.
But it's just another one more happy day.
Mrs.
C.
Yeah, I do.
And it's back in time.
Great-granddaughter of Minnesota.
Basically, she time travels to now.
And so she's young, but now.
And she's like, video games.
Exactly.
This is a lot like that jukebox that Fonzie would get.
It's a postpartum depression comedy.
And
that is what they want to do.
Fuck yourself.
But no, but I feel really excited.
I'm sharing that.
I feel very proud of what we did.
It was really fun.
I, you know, of course, you have no idea how something's going to turn out.
But for me, it was a great experience.
And I got to work with my friend from high school, who is the writer-director.
She's a couple years older than me, but I always admired her.
I didn't know that aspect of it.
Yeah.
And that's why we shot in our hometown.
And she is such a great director.
So it was really fun.
I had to like cry a lot and do a lot of emotional stuff, but I really enjoyed it.
What did you think about us?
Yeah, I was just like, how much I love those guys.
And then I just enjoyed being home for the whole time.
It was really nice.
A lot of time for holiday to spend with my family.
And I liked being in Chicago.
I liked working in Chicago and driving around and getting to go by all my favorite spots and see how much everything's changed.
And that was fun.
It was so weird.
Well, like where I owe was, like, where I first did improv when I was in high school, it was like such a
close place.
It is.
It's a fucking fudge shop.
It's so,
really.
The original location was bought out by a huge,
what's the word?
Fudgery.
No, but
this like company bought like the entire block basically made like these cuts.
Like a block of fudge.
We got it.
There's condos and there's shops beneath.
And this is around the corner.
Is that correct?
It is around the corner from where baseball is made.
It's like the cubs.
Where baseball is made.
Yeah, Regley Field is right there.
And then there's Kill One's Fudge.
And it's pretty depressing because it's so corporate now.
Like that area was very, it was like full of Cubs can't barfing.
And it was like bars and just like raucous.
So, things that started with BAR, yeah, and it was, I, it was just a fun, nasty time, Barbarella, you know what I mean?
Like,
the streets are all
like people are crazy and
fudge.
And you stumble into an improv theater and then watch like amazing performances, and it was like a special time, and then to see it totally nothing is kind of crazy.
Of course, they opened a new IO like in a different area within the last few years, but that also now is being taken over by a new person.
So it's all like everything's changing so much with that whole world.
It's really weird.
But that area bummed me out because it got so corporate and like a really, of course, everything.
If you hadn't left, it would have stayed the same.
I think it would have, you know, if I brought my energy to that.
But anyways, really fun to be home.
You could have chained yourself to some buildings.
You know what I mean?
I think I would have.
You know, that's definitely my type of protesting.
Yeah.
How was yourselves touring?
How was the tour?
It was good.
Did you miss me?
We did miss you.
Yes.
Sharp-eyed fans will know that I wore my Lauren Lapkis pin for
flattered by that.
Thank you.
I don't have one, so I didn't wear it.
Wow.
Bearwolf.corn never sent it to you.corn.
Dot cone.
Oh my God, everyone's too obsessed with the corn kid.
We've got to know that.
The second video was diminishing.
I didn't see the second one.
I'm glad.
I haven't seen the first one.
Don't know who he is.
The first one's great.
He's a little kid who loves.
He's charming.
He's a sweet little boy.
I don't want it.
He calls it.
What did you call it?
The tube with the knobs?
Fine, it's great.
He talks like one of our characters.
I have a startling story from the road.
Thank you.
Oh, what do you think?
Paul's adjusting the.
And by the way, how's your freaking ankle?
Oh, well, I get the results of the MRI after this.
Wait, then what do you mean?
I came back.
They checked it out.
They're like, you need an MRI.
I may need surgery.
What?
I was totally thinking there'd be no problem with your ankle.
No.
So I learned after the show.
So come back
not for next week because we're taping it right after this one, but for our season premiere, I'll have
probably a huge news about my ankle.
Let me tell you something.
This motherfucker on the tour, we had to carry him onto the stage.
Well, he always does that.
Yeah.
Well, but this time he really gave it a dick.
Yeah.
And his ankle is just flopping around.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You were carrying me like Jesus in Jesus Christ Superstar.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But no, God's film.
Oh, my God.
This is Milo Notis Homeward Bound.
situation.
It depends on their production.
But we had a good time.
I have a startling story.
This is the homeward bound Milo and Otis situation.
I have a startling story from the
startling story from the road.
You can't conflate homeward bound with Milo and Otis.
But
you can't conflate God's spell with Jesus Christ Superstar.
That's a little easier to conflate, I think.
I would think that a shit
walking around and talking.
Oh, I just meant from the cruelty part.
Okay, fine.
Yeah.
Because Milo and Otis, it's so...
They went through like five Milos and four Otis because, yeah, that like they drowned them, right?
They like threw one off a cliff.
Yeah, if anyone did a bad tag, what a what a horrific into the river they went.
They must have felt really sad.
I'm sure a lot of people were narrated by Dudley Moore dickish during that from Santa Claus, the movie?
That's correct.
Wow, okay, so startling story from the road clause.
You've got a startling story from the road, oh, you know, this one.
Oh, so I won't be startled, but I haven't told this on any podcast.
So, are you guys excited to be getting a debut?
I'm extremely at rest, so when I get startled, it's going to be huge.
Okay.
So extremely at rest.
We were on the East Coast,
and I don't know if you were tracking some of the videos and stuff.
I discovered soft and I'd kind of pop in and see, are they having fun without me?
Okay, it seems like they are.
It kind of hurts my feelings.
I'll just back off a little bit.
Feeling still hurts.
Still a lot of fun.
Yeah.
Oh, so nobody's saying my name or anything.
Okay, that's totally fine.
Yeah.
No one
the audience isn't chanting, thinking it's me.
Fine, got it, got it, got it.
I do think that in Chicago, when I introduced Carissa,
they thought it was going to be.
I really wanted to do the show, and I could not get COVID.
It would have shut the whole thing down.
You tried as hard as you could to get it.
To get COVID?
Yeah.
So we're on the East Coast, and if you saw one of the videos in Hartford, Connecticut, is that right?
Ryan Gall switched pants with an audience member.
No, no, no.
We did not go to Hartford, Connecticut on this tour.
Wait, where did we go?
Where did we have Ted Leo?
That was in Providence, Rhode Island.
Providence, Rhode Island.
Rhode Island.
Providence, Rhode Island.
Oh, okay, Rhode Island.
You might have talked about this on Staff Humpkins
or no?
I don't think that I did.
I heard about the pants thing.
Well, no, this is a story I've never told before on any podcast.
He might have told it.
No, he didn't.
Okay, he doesn't know that.
But I think
it's a story.
You know it, but you kind of went, huh?
All right.
That's what will I do this time.
It's going to startle me.
Got no reaction from Paul.
Okay.
By the way, I'm going to find the picture while I'm talking.
Okay.
Better not be Ryan with his pants off.
No, it's not.
But so was was that where the pants happened?
He had on underpants.
Oh, good.
In Providence, Ryan.
In Providence, yeah.
Okay, so I think.
So we get to Providence.
Is that where we
go to this little state in the union?
Maybe it was, maybe it was up in
Portland, Maine.
Portland, Maine.
I can't remember.
No, no, okay.
So, no, he did that
in wherever.
It was Providence because Ted was there, yes.
Okay, so we did that.
Shout out to Ted.
His birthday was yesterday.
Happy birthday.
Never forget.
We did.
Same with Ben Lee.
Never forget.
Yes.
So we did that, and then we.
Musician's birthday, September 11th.
So we did that, and then we.
Amy Manns was the 8th.
Never forget.
Fuck you both.
Oh, it's another breakdown.
Fuck.
It's you.
It's a quieter one.
Both.
But you know what?
Fuck.
He's trying to get a chat.
It's actually real.
Fuck you, both.
I can't believe I'm joining in.
Fuck you, both.
I'm the subject of the chat.
Fuck you, both.
Okay.
Okay.
So the next day we get on what we think are two trains.
Two.
But instead it was an airplane.
What we think are two trains?
Yes, we thought we were taking two trains.
Like not at the same time.
No, we're not going to be straddling.
I can't imagine.
You said, motherfucker, you said we got on what we thought were two trains.
Like, obviously, I'm picturing you both in two trains.
Some on one, some on the other.
You're waving.
You're saying, hope I see you there.
I know this is hurting you.
Like a train race.
How you spoke?
I don't want to do the show anymore.
No, stop.
No.
You have to do it.
I can't do this.
I can't even do one more episode.
No, you at least need to finish today.
We have enough time to go.
I'm going to try to give all the money back.
No.
100% of it.
Just yours.
Give us a bunch of people.
No, I'm going to give your money back.
No.
And keep mine.
Because it's your fault.
No.
Okay, we get on a train.
Not the A train, Paul.
Because you weren't in New York City.
But we get on a train and then we think we're getting on another train and it turns out what, Paul, to be a bus instead.
I'm i'm sorry i can't believe this is i'm sorry how did you get on no no no no no i am shocked i didn't realize that's the story you were telling no that's the beginning of the story paul but i'm already shocked you got on a train but it was a bus now i don't understand how it's physically possible no i'm serious we had a if i may we had we had we were supposed to have a connecting you're just doing trains to be an asshole no actually because once i started talking i understood but
so we thought we were going to get off one train and onto another train right but then you go you get off and they're like actually it's that bus over there.
And you're like, oh, shit.
Well, about 10 minutes before we got off the first train, someone looked at their ticket more closely and said, this says bus.
And who booked it?
Well, I don't want to throw anyone under that bus that we took, but it was the baker.
So anyway,
so we get on this bus.
And the bus ride was fine, I think.
And it's actually quicker, I guess, than a train was.
From where to where?
From Boston to
Providence.
Was it Boston that we went back to?
Yes.
Yeah.
We went back to Boston, then we went up to
Maine, Portland.
You know, actually, I don't mind the bus.
But the bus is fun.
But the train is fun.
The train is fun, and the bus, though, wears you out a little bit.
The bus is more car sick.
The bus is more car sick.
You don't have as much room.
Like the train, you have so much more room and everything.
So anyway, we go.
Then it goes clickety-clack and choo-choo.
We get on this bus.
We get to the hotel.
Paul and I are exhausted, but this is one of the rare days that we have time for a nap before we have to go.
Because most of the days we would get into the city, and then it was like, okay, let Paul and I would have to get dressed and do the Q ⁇ A right after we go.
And also sign 100 posters.
Wow.
So this was one of the rare cities where we got there early enough.
Quick sidebar.
I meant to do this, and I'm so mad that I didn't.
I wanted to do a video, like a time-lapse.
of us, Scott and I, we would get to these venues, and it was just the two of us sitting side by side and signing the posters assembly line.
Well, we would sign them at the same time.
Yeah, and then
slide them aside.
And I meant to get a video, and I'm mad that I didn't do it.
I'm sorry.
We could still sign a video.
You know what though?
I can imagine it actually really well.
So in any case, we get to the hotel in Maine, Providence, Maine, right?
Yes.
Providence, Maine.
Yes, Queen.
And I get into the hotel and I just basically like take out my sound machine, get my sleep mask on, take off my shorts, throw them on the ground
and
conk out for an hour, right?
And then
the alarm goes off.
I get up.
I go to the theater.
It's really, you know, scrambling to get there.
Right.
And I kind of hate that feeling of like, oh, take a nap, then you go, do show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do the show, come back, conk out again until the morning.
I wake up in the morning and I'm like fully cognizant and aware for the first time.
And we have to, we have to go to Cleveland the next day, right?
But we have some time and I'm looking around the room and I'm just packing stuff up.
Hey, what happened, Annie?
What do I see on the floor of the hotel room?
Oh, God, what's it going to be?
Pants.
A pair of
gray sweats
that you don't recognize.
That I do not own.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
And this is why I bring up the pants that Ryan swapped.
I thought that he snuck into the hotel
and put a pair of pants on the floor of my hotel room.
But wait, that's not what happened.
These were left over from the previous guest.
You didn't notice them.
But I didn't notice them because I was in the house.
Or someone came in
duck tail style.
Yeah.
Ducktail style.
Style duck.
and they took their pants off and threw them have you ever been snuggled with ducktail style it's when you have three in a bed
but
i have never been to a hotel room with something like this
i play an andorian a dirty pair of sweats has been lying on the ground that's actually so gross that's really cape berland had a really scary story where she was staying in edinburgh and like she had something appear in her bathroom during her stay where it was not there
was a pair of boxers,
appeared in, like, it was not there ever.
She's like, I would have seen that.
Right.
I was there for days, and then they're there on the hanging on the bathroom door or something.
And she was like, this is so unsettling.
And she switched rooms and everything.
It's just creepy.
It's like, what does this mean?
Like, it's just odd.
I have a story like this, too.
It did not happen to me.
It happened to my friend, Mark Evan Jackson.
We, with the Thrilling Adventure, I went to Australia.
And this was our first stop.
We check into this hotel
and we're exhausted because it's a, you know, the flight's a million hours.
But you threw a shrimp on the Barbie the minute you got it.
Oh, we had to.
I mean, you know, I had a giant barrel of beer.
Where was this?
In Australia, in Sydney.
Wait, you and Mark went there?
The Thrilling Adventure Hour.
Oh, sorry.
I know that we went there and you were.
You know what?
What a great time it was.
Anyways, go ahead.
So we check into this hotel.
And
Mark tells us this story that when he gets in the elevator to go up up to his room, the elevator was like kind of stalling out, like it was going up and then kind of stopping and then going up.
And so I'd like never do it again, honestly.
He gets to the room and he calls down and he says, Hey, just so you know, like this elevator is messed up, you know, so you might want to check it out.
And they go, Oh, well,
thank you very much.
Exactly.
So he takes a nap.
Then he wakes up and he finds this
spongy yellow light bulb, like a dog toy almost.
Like a like a stress ball sort of thing.
Yeah, exactly.
That says like
you know, the electr, you know, something about the electrical department of the hotel or something like that.
Thank you, whatever.
And he's like looking at this thing.
And he came in when he was asleep.
He goes down.
He dropped that off while he was asleep.
He goes down to the front desk and he says,
hey,
this was in my room while I was, somebody put this in my room while I was asleep.
And the person behind the desk was like, yeah, that was the electrical department.
They wanted to say thank you for letting us know about the elevator.
And he's like, What?
He said,
He said, I was asleep.
And the person behind the counter is like, Is that not good?
Like, think about if it was you and you were asleep, and then a strange person came in the room.
Saw you sleeping.
It really makes me think about
you.
Yeah, yeah, that's fucking weird.
That's why you got to do the latch and the so our mutual friend, our mutual friend Julie, after that story, bought like a bunch of light bulbs like that to like plan.
And then she never did it.
But then Mark and I did a show in Portland, and she gave, I said, you got to give me one.
And so I had to leave before he did, and I put it in his coat pocket
in the dressing room.
And I was like, I pray to God he doesn't discover this until he gets back to the hotel.
And he didn't.
And it was great.
And what did he, did he think it was you or was he?
Oh, yeah, he did.
And he sent me a picture of it.
And he goes, you son of a bitch.
And I'm like, whoa, where'd that come from?
And he, I instantly shifted blame to to
he like just is like, oh, fucking Carla.
She she must have done this because she had a connection to the theater.
And I was like, great.
Wow.
So is he going to listen to this?
No, it was you?
No.
Okay.
Is anyone going to listen to this?
Very say, oh my God, what if this is the one nobody listens to?
I honestly don't think Josh puts him out.
I think he just like, oh, by the way, we're back with you.
What do we do with these?
Oh, yeah.
Kevin's not here.
We're back with Josh.
We're back with Josh.
We're back with Josh.
For today.
Only for today.
Only for today.
Only for today.
Only for today.
Only for today.
Any other stories from the road?
I think that was about it.
We had three.
Oh, can I tell a story from
being home?
Holly loves the beach.
Oh, wow.
And she loves the sand.
She loves the hole.
You're getting more and more perfect.
What does she like about it?
She has no fear.
I thought.
I just was worried, oh, she might not like to touch her.
She was wearing a no fear shirt and like big dog pants or something.
But she was like,
she was, you know, the first day we went, she was like touching the sand on my lap and like not crawling around.
And then the next time, just crawling all over the place, going right into the water, right back out.
Is this in Chicago?
Oh, so there's a beach there.
Oh, yeah.
It lines the whole city.
I know the lake does.
I didn't realize that there was lakes.
Evanston has beaches, beautiful beaches, and so does Chicago.
That's why the motto of Chicago is relax, you're at the lake.
Yeah, we say it all the time.
Their state flag is one of those posters.
It's like
lake vibes is our state flag.
Like vibes.
But she loved it so much.
I was so happy.
It was so cute.
She didn't eat any sand.
She ate some the first time, but then she didn't do it the next time.
She was like pretty amazed.
So now do you feel like you have to go to the beach here even though?
I do, and it's such a pain in the ass.
Like, I hate going to the beach.
I mean, I like being at the beach, but I hate the process.
And also, it's a lot to drive with a baby for like an hour, get out to the water then drive back for an hour like you're asking a lot we would growing up I can't wait for this when she's a little bit 15 we were 15 minutes from the beach so yeah we were very it was better but it still was like a big day where it was like you I had to put on sunscreen and it would always get in my eyes and I would cry
see for us it was very casual um
there's so many beaches in Evanston it's very like you can just stumble over to one and enjoy yourself so it's like really we did it all the time in the summer but here I'm like you'd have to live by the beach to make it.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
For us, if you don't know California, I'm sure you think that we all just live on the beach.
Well, of course, we're wearing all neon right now and we are in the middle of a volleyball game on the beach.
We stop to record the land of fruits and nuts.
But no, it's such a pain.
It's so annoying.
I think when you move here, you think you'll go by the water all the time.
I'm like, I didn't see the ocean the whole pandemic.
No, you literally have to live by the beach on the west side, and who wants to do that unless you're super rich?
Yeah.
Cher.
Cher does, obviously.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Lives in Malibu.
I would see her house when I would go there.
I went there for, I'm sure I've told you this, for a summer, I went there with,
no, more than a summer, it was like for a year, me and some friends would boogie board and we would go to Point Doom in Malibu.
And it was really fun.
We would like make a whole day of it.
We would go every Sunday.
It was really fun.
Boogie boarding is really fun.
Yeah.
I know.
If you're a surfer, you look down on it.
I know, but it's got such a course.
It's got good branding, doesn't it?
Like boogie boarding.
It's pretty boogie boarding.
Like whoever came up with that is just like, I'm going to call this something really fun.
Yeah.
And it is.
It's super fun buggy board have you ever been surfing?
No, I would I would never I would never
I would honestly be way too scared to fall in I It's just I don't like it the list of things I'm never gonna do is just like growing Yeah, basically like I know like I'm just like resigned to it before I die.
It is funny that it's a thing that
I it never appealed to me in any way.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like the idea of balancing on it, like I, it's a, I can understand why it is exciting for people that do it.
Yeah.
but i don't feel a pull to do that in any way no i agree i and it's cool it's fine yeah
it looks cool it looks fun but it's weird to know like oh that's a that's a cool thing i don't want to do it at all yeah yeah yeah yeah for sure skydiving i don't want to do no interest and i really don't want to go in a helicopter i wouldn't mind going in a helicopter i really don't i also don't want to drive in a car never
never
okay well you gotta try the problem
in hawaii we were like
some of us were you guys gonna go in the helicopter when we were gonna I wasn't going to do that.
I wasn't.
I said, yeah, I said no.
We were going to do some other fucking thing when Janie and I went years ago.
And, oh, I've told this story.
All right, let's take a break.
I'm Husson Minhaj, and I have been lying to you.
I only pretended to be a comedian so I could trick important people into coming on my podcast.
Hussin Minhaj doesn't know to ask them the tough questions that real journalists are way too afraid to ask.
People like Senator Elizabeth Warren.
Is America too dumb for democracy?
Outrageously.
Parenting expert Dr.
Becky.
How do you skip consequences without raising a psychopath?
That's a good question.
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And we're back.
It's time for a feature.
This is the part of the show where we play a fun game.
But we call it a feature.
I know, but I like to call it a game.
No, no, no.
I wasn't correcting you.
Oh, okay.
I was informing the audience.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
First, we said we should have a feature.
Yeah.
Scott said that.
And we took that to mean game.
I honestly don't know what else it could mean.
Well, I guess I meant to be a little bit more.
Or we say, like, this is a section where we talk about our favorite celebrity.
Yeah.
It could be anything.
Yeah, that's what I sort of meant when I pitched.
We talk about our favorite celebrity.
Happy birthday
to you.
No, they brought a fucking.
Oh, my God.
It's such a good cake.
It's a hamburger.
It's not a cake.
It's a hamburger.
It's an actual hamburger that came from the Victor Benna's bakery.
Happy
birthday.
Let me take the chicken.
To
you.
Let's just rip it.
Happy birthday.
Oh, that's so cute.
You gotta like them, son of bitches.
Happy birthday
to
you.
It's a special hamburger day.
Wait, make a wish.
Oh, shh, yeah.
What if he forgot?
You knew you're.
Wait, no.
Paul, traditionally, on a birthday, you make a wish before you think.
You don't just pull it out.
You have to take something.
It's tremendous.
It's tremendous cake.
Thank you guys.
This was your doing?
No, no.
Scott.
Scott came in with this hamburger.
I had already had the croissants.
Yeah, we separately.
We independently had plans for you.
Isn't that sweet?
That's very...
It's very sweet.
When I saw this, Paul, I was just like, this is going to freak him out.
He's going to be like, is this K?
He's like, is it K?
I'm having a psychotic break.
You're like, the, you're like on the show.
Is it cake?
I'm like one of the people on the show.
Is it cake?
Yeah.
You're giving Mikey Day right now.
You're giving me Mikey Day vibes.
I'm giving Mikey Day.
Is it cake?
So really good looking.
Are you playing a game?
Are you playing a game?
I don't even know what flavor it is, but I bet it's good.
Well, a hamburger.
Yeah.
A hamburger, I hope.
God, it probably tastes like shit, huh?
Okay.
No, wait.
Have we all recorded this show on our birthday?
I know we did it on your birthday because we had the chocolate chips and the whipped cream.
Have we done it?
I don't think that we've done it.
I don't know if we've done it a lot.
I don't honestly.
Let's try for next year.
I don't know that I would have agreed to it or two.
Yeah.
Because you like to clear your schedule.
I do.
I do.
You have your birthday month.
No, I actually, I very much don't.
I have my birthday day and I like to do my thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I like it.
And this is one of the things she doesn't like to do.
That's why I said, oh, no, that's your birthday.
And you're like, who gives a shit?
I mean, this is fun for me to see you guys and have fun.
No, it's fun.
Of course, fun.
It's fun.
I just, you know, we're all reassuring ourselves.
It's fun.
This is fun, right?
It's fun for people to listen to.
We have fun.
People enjoy it.
I like doing the podcast, of course.
Okay, so let's do the three chair.
This is called Name That ABC, and it was submitted by Ronnie, not Robbie Williams.
Thank you, Ronnie Williams.
Thank you.
Those are cute candles, too, actually.
Candles are pretty cute.
This is pretty good.
I eat delicious.
I want to eat them.
We think of a song.
The song singer replaces the lyrics with the ABCs.
Yes, which is the alphabet in America.
Which we could go through these, right?
Yeah.
We know.
A, B, C, D, right.
E, F, O, E, F.
D, F.
E is before we.
Well, yeah.
Always.
Yeah, obviously.
Always go before F.
That's how you remember it.
I, J, IG.
Idge.
That's how I remember it.
Gahid.
G-H-I-J.
Yeah.
Clip.
Klimp.
Clump.
Clump.
H I J.
Kelmen O Palmenop.
Q, Anon.
Q Anon.
Thank you.
The best letter of all.
The storm.
Ars.
Ars.
Tub.
Weeks.
Weeks.
Weeks.
Weeks.
Yeah.
So there we go.
Yeah, there we go.
So that's the alphabet.
That's your American alphabet.
That was good.
So
that was good.
How do we do this?
This is i think we go do we just jump in like and guess whoever says it first got you should sing a song first and then yeah we'll guess okay all right should we buzz in with our names okay good and whoever i hear yes i like that and you were great on dope boys by the way when you buzzed in with your names that's what i think great episode
that was funny hot dog on a stick yes
yes i was jealous
you were jealous because i did hot dog in a stick yeah when i when i heard that announced i was like i would have loved it you know what it was very pleasant i have to say even though i i felt it all day Yeah, when you said it was good, I was like, I don't want that.
I wonder if I could do Orange Julius with them.
I wonder if they've ever done that.
I've never done that.
I don't think it matters if they've done it.
They do it at this point.
They keep looping around.
I mean, there's only so many.
They're going to kill themselves.
This is my formal request to Doughboys to do Orange Julius.
Oh, shit.
Throw it.
Everyone out there make sure to get it.
How do we get this to them?
Tweet.
Everyone out there, tweet.
I don't know how to contact either.
Josh, can you clip this and send it to them immediately?
Paul, I really want you to pick this up like a hamburger and bite into it.
Yeah, even if it ruins the whole thing.
Can I take a video of it?
Can you do that?
Well, maybe, well, because you're needing paper towels.
Okay, ready?
Okay, we'll figure it out.
Make a video.
Make a video.
Okay, right.
It's stands.
Is it gonna be?
It's impossible.
It's impossible.
It's impossible, Bertie.
I mean, now get a try.
And action.
Oh, my God.
He's picking the hamburger.
Oh, it's delicious hamburger.
Thanks, Scott.
I'm starving, and I can't wait to eat some hot meat.
Wow.
Hamburger.
The meat's so white.
That's how I like it.
Meat's so white.
Just like Oscar's.
Okay, that was fun.
That was fun.
How's it taste?
It's good.
It's good.
Okay, you guys ready to buzz in?
It tastes like how you think it would taste, right?
Yeah, I mean,
a cake that's all frosting.
We got a couple ideas.
Yeah.
Thank you, dear.
You ready to buzz in?
Yeah.
Here we go.
Ready?
Frosting on my moustache.
Oh, my.
That was fun, though.
Here we go.
Ready?
And
ABC?
D-E-F-G-H-I-J.
Paul.
Yes, Paul.
ABC by the Jackson Film.
Okay, my turn.
Look at the dainty little bite I took.
It's hilarious.
We have to post that.
Can you cut off a slice for me or what?
Yeah, wherever your hands intended.
Yeah, with my mouth knife.
Yeah, your teeth.
Okay, here's my song.
Okay.
Hold on.
Hold on, she says.
Thinking of songs, you know.
You really thought it was just going to come.
A B C D E F A B C D F.
What?
No.
You got to go in order.
What are you doing?
And you have to do more than one note.
Don't do a rap song.
M N
A B C D E F J K L N Poker Face.
Yes.
A B C D E F J K L
Okay.
Okay, you ready?
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P
Q R S T.
Her name is Rio and she X Y Z A B C D
Oh Scott Piano Man.
Yes.
Oh,
I heard what I I heard.
A B C D E F G.
H I J K L
M N O P Q R.
Everybody can sing it.
Yeah.
All the words.
I already know them.
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
All right.
A B C D E F G H I
J K L M N O P Q R
S T U V W X Y Z
Z A B C D E F G
I don't know A B C D E F G H I
Shoot that Paul Poison Arrow by ABC by ABC Wow
ABC on the brain I didn't know that one okay um so young sorry yeah
Do we have to only do the 10 most popular songs in the world that you
excuse me?
You know my musical tastes are far and wide.
i just simply didn't know that one song you like one song from every genre i do anyway
that's it i mean that's pretty well-rounded honestly yeah it's like i would know a lot okay um this song is
a b c d e
d
a h i j k l
m n
song with happy
just beaters out in the middle then it picks back up No, I thought, because I don't know.
I'm getting confused when I was singing the words.
A B C D E F G
H I J K L M
N
O P Q R S T U V W
X Y
She drives me crazy.
Oh,
wow.
Okay.
It's really hard, actually, for me.
For me, for me.
A B C D E
F FGH.
I guess I should have gone higher.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like singing the song how it is.
Oh, that might have helped.
My God.
A B C D
Desperado.
Yes, that's right.
That was it.
That was.
Look, I'm doing
all right.
We need some of them.
Okay.
Now he's gone meta on the first two that he did.
I know.
So let's see if he goes meta on this one, too.
Yeah.
A B C D E F G H
I J K L M N O P
Q R S T U V double U
X Y Z Yeah.
Oh, put a yeah in there.
Um A B C D E F G H I J K L M O P Q R S T U V double U X Y Z A
B C
Yeah.
It's on the edge of my brain.
I can't think of it, though.
I have no idea.
Really?
Josh, what's your guess?
No.
Born in the USA?
No.
Born in East LA.
By Gigi Merritt.
Okay.
Wow.
We got set up a no parodies rule.
Oh, we have to.
We did not say it before I started saying that.
Now it's too late.
They're acceptable.
A B C D E F G H I J K L, baby.
Okay, Paul.
I love Rocky Road, my weirdo.
Exactly.
Al, by the way, I got the birthday card from Al.
Oh, yeah, I got mine.
I don't know how he does this.
I don't want to know.
I'll tell you.
Al will tell you.
It's a computer-generated system.
But he sends a birthday card.
Did he do one with your last name?
No, my first name.
Okay, he did one with my last name, too.
Wow.
And he did one for cool.
He did one for my full name, yeah.
I don't understand.
I'll ask you about it later.
Yeah.
I'll ask you about it later.
Same joke twice.
Yeah.
It's your birthday.
We'll give you a donut.
It's my birthday.
Same joke twice.
Tell the joke twice.
It's your birthday.
All right.
ABCD
E
F G H I J.
Like a virgin.
No, sorry.
I was like a surgeon.
Damn it.
All right, ready?
Yeah.
Sure.
A B, A C.
Wait,
I know it's hard.
A B C D E F G H I J.
A B.
Paul.
Yes.
Is it
No, no.
Is it Hallaback Boy by Weird L and Jerry?
A B C D E F G H I J
K L M N O P Q R S T
Nope Nope that's the chorus and I don't know any of the if there are verses I mean I'm just all I can think is the same thing so I'm done yeah my neck my back my pussy and my crack oh sure
well I'll be like A B
C D
you're doing exactly what I said no you were doing it like it was a cheerleader
my back my pussy and my crack let's hop out
let's go
go team my neck my back my pussy, and crack.
Let's go.
Okay, this song is like this:
ABCDFJ,
whatever.
Scott Lamano.
I'm gonna walk out in the round.
You
sing me a song, and I'll tell you the dream.
I get by with a little help from my friends.
Yeah, okay.
Who's good?
Yeah.
A B C D E F.
Start singing away.
away
Lauren
Lauren.
Star Somewhere.
Jay, I got it.
You know, one more.
One more.
Control time shit.
Sure.
ABC D E F G.
Lauren, Ghostbusters.
Who are you going to get?
Lauren, you got it.
Okay.
Lauren, you got it.
Okay, this is a little song that goes like this.
A, B, C, D, E, C.
Just got it.
The ABC.
Yes.
Yes.
Can I steal it?
The alphabet.
Yes.
You actually got it correct.
All right, here we go.
How did he steal it by just saying the same thing?
A, B, C, D, E, F, G, A, Scott.
Yes.
And or happy days.
The beginning was happy.
ABCD EFG.
That's happy days.
No, no.
A, B, C, D, D, E, F.
Dart rocking and running with you.
Wow.
These days are.
Oh, disagree with jingle bells.
Disagree.
Jingle Bells is a great song.
Jingle Bells is my song.
It's such a beautiful melody.
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle.
Jingle bells.
I love what it's about.
You know, I love what it stands for.
Yeah, me too.
Bells jingling.
Sematically, it's about bells.
I love how the bells jingle and jingle.
I like to imagine the Christ child jingling some bells in the manger.
Would it have been as popular if it were jangle bells?
I don't think so.
It sounds a little chaotic.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, I think we're at the end of the show.
We are at the end of the show.
We have
one left in our season.
Yeah.
And in the season.
And in the season.
Next week is going to be our climactic season finale.
There's one left in the season
of freedom.
We're going to say goodbye to you after that.
Yeah.
And perhaps for good.
We don't know.
We don't know.
We don't know.
And the future is not guaranteed to any of us.
No.
And that's not just about promise.
It's also about freedom.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But we definitely will be back next week.
Unless one of us perishes in between recording episodes.
Do you think from eating that, taking a bite of that hamburger cake, I might die?
How about you both eat it and I don't, and we'll see what happens.
Sure.
Seems mean.
Oh my God.
He said one of us might die.
But you seemed like you were trying to will it.
No, it was an experiment.
Oh, spearmint.
Let's see what happens.
Is it a spearmint cake?
It's a spearmint cake.
It's full of gum.
Have you ever had spearmint anything other than gum?
Toothpaste?
Yeah, I guess so.
I eat spears.
Like it's not a flavor.
You eat it?
Yeah.
It's so weird that people like it for gum, but then it's like for anything.
I like it for gum, but yeah.
Not for like meat or anything.
There was somebody that was on the tour, and I will not say their name, that we learned likes to take little nips of
mouthwash and swallow it.
Yes, I do know who that is.
That person shall remain nameless.
All right, to you all.
Anyway, freedomusa at gmail.com.
If you want to write to us for some weird reason, yeah, we've, I don't think we've ever, or maybe we have, I don't know.
Have we ever read any of these emails?
Nope.
Okay, good.
I never knew about it.
Mostly people use it for the three churches.
I don't know if anybody, I don't know if anybody has.
Yes.
Josh, what do you think?
Does anyone ever just written to us to say something?
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's saying yes.
All right.
And I guess we're being protected, and it's all complaints.
Good.
I like that.
If you want to hear ad-free episodes, they're on StitcherPremium and at cbbworld.com.
And I think that's it.
And come see our show on September 24th at Duncan Typewriter or online.
That's right.
Yeah.
It's, you can watch it anytime.
Anyway, we love you.
Thank you for listening.
And we'll speed speed.
We'll speed
you to God.
Next week.
Goodbye.
Bye.
Our healthcare system is broken in so many ways.
We have a healthcare system that's supposed to be taking care of people that is making it literally more difficult for people to put food on the table.
So this season, we'll dive into the challenges headfirst, while also thinking about how we can find a better way, because we all deserve better.
Uncared for season three from Lemonada Media.
Available August 6th, wherever you get your podcasts.
Hey, it's Lena Waith.
Legacy Talk is my love letter to black storytellers, artists who've changed the game and paved the way for so many of us.
This season, I'm sitting down with icons like Felicia Rashad, Loretta Devine, Eva Duvernay, and more.
We're talking about their journeys, their creative process, and the legacies they're building every single day.
Come be a part of the conversation.
Season two drops July 29th.
Listen to Legacy Talk wherever you get your podcast, or watch us on YouTube.