Pour Some Concrete Over The Stump

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You're misspoke in your saying J-Lo, right?

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No, you're incorrect.

Okay, and no, it's not my girlfriend.

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Thank you.

Okay,

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You don't have a side piece?

J-Lab.

Okay, J-Lab.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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It's pretty good.

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Yeah, yeah, well, they've been the perfect companion for my summer travel because let me tell you, they're lighter than my other headphones that I had before.

Yeah, they fold up, which my other ones didn't do, right?

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Yeah, yeah.

They were really bad at those aliens.

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I'll see you in your dreams.

I like CETO!

CEDO!

Crash

in a boy's dream.

What?

Crash in a boy's dream?

Crash.

What's that?

To me, babe.

Oh, to me.

The David Matthews thing.

Those shit dumpers?

Yeah.

Those notorious shit dumpers.

You know, I'll throw on some DMB while I'm driving.

I go, you know, this just hits the spot.

Yeah.

It just hits the spot.

You could just visualize them tossing shit over a bridge while they sing these songs.

It's what I see when I close my eyes.

By the way, you've been closing your eyes a lot.

I love seeing them throw that shit over that bridge.

Your eyes are so wet, too.

My eyes are so.

I think my eyes are kind of dry.

Are they really?

Yeah.

You know what?

I have, I tend to have dry eyes.

Dry eyes.

And there's this product that makes her.

Just dry eyes.

Jennifer Anniston.

Right.

She was the driest woman.

She was like, lotion, water, and dry eyes.

You have to assume that other dudes of her body are dry, too.

No, but they're all not dry anymore because they're all the products.

Oh, okay.

According to that one.

Can I just say alleged level one deposition?

There are these eye drops that take away the redness in your eyes and make them really white, and people use them on set a lot.

Yeah.

They make my eyes hurt.

Oh, no.

Oh, I'm sorry, honey.

I don't, so I can't use them, but they made my eyes so white.

It was beautiful.

I just can't use them.

Have you had to use the

fake tears on set ever?

Yes, I have.

Actually, I texted Paul recently.

This was a few months ago because I was going, I was like organizing stuff in my bathroom and I put on this lip balm and then realized it was a tear stick

and it was like menthol.

This is for when you're a crying scene in a TV show or a movie

and you are not a lunatic, so you can't do real tears.

Sometimes I can do real tears, and sometimes I can do it.

A lunatic who's in touch with your emotions.

Yeah.

But you have this thing that you can put under your eyes, which is supposed to help the tears come out.

It did not work for me.

It doesn't really work for me.

Really?

Yeah.

I've never done it.

It works better if you're actually about to cry, like if you're able to get the emotions really going.

And then you're just like, scrape a little under there.

I've never had to legitimately cry for anything.

It's always been like comedy crying.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

But yeah, I was trying to comedy cry, but I really wanted like some real tears to be rolling down.

I just couldn't get there.

I had one time.

I think I've told you this story, but one time I had an audition

and

I got the audition when I was on the road.

So I was like in a hotel room practicing lines by myself.

I've been in a hotel room next to you when you've been doing that.

You've probably heard me recording podcast ads.

I've heard you screaming in the room.

Oh, that's different.

I'm murdering someone.

I do believe that one time you were

an audition and you were practicing and you were yelling.

And I asked you what was going on.

And you said you just got an audition.

I think it was in England eight years ago.

Oh, yes.

You know what it was?

It was for that movie Bombshell.

Oh.

I was auditioning for the role of,

what's his fucking name?

Sean Hannity.

And who did the other part?

Who read with you?

No, he was.

I think Janie read with me.

Oh, no, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I think you're that was a different trip.

Oh, okay.

In any case.

Why am I getting auditions to hotel rooms so many times?

I don't know.

It's honestly one of the worst situations in my opinion.

But so, by myself, practicing the lines, I like actually.

Oh, you're a bombshell.

I cry.

No, I'm a bomb.

Oh, wow, really?

Yeah.

I sometimes will.

I've never done that before in acting.

Then, when we actually did the audition, I did not cry.

I couldn't get there.

I sometimes think that

it would be helpful for actors who find it difficult to cry to never read the script and just have it on teleprompter and behind the other actor's head.

Because I think the first time you read something,

it's what it has the most impact.

It hits you in such a different way.

And you can find yourself.

I remember on your show.

I was going to say, that's what you're basing this on.

On your, on your Raised by TV show

podcast.

I did the Fresh Prince thing and I cold read it and I got choked up because I was like, oh, this is actually pretty powerful.

Yeah.

Um, I think the one time I was able to cry and roll was when I did, I was Jesus under studying Jesus Christ.

Oh, sure.

The one time we did our well, Jesus famously wept.

Yeah, and so I read that in the stage directions and I said, Better do it.

That actually moves me to tears.

You know, it says Jesus wept.

Didn't say how long?

This was really quick.

It was quick.

It was as quick as the sentence, Jesus wept.

It was like,

I am Jesus.

Do you think Jesus cried as a baby?

I I think he did.

That's the thing.

That whole he never sinned thing,

it's like he probably shit his pants.

He shit his diaper.

I think that's a sin.

Not in the Bible.

Really?

The Bible doesn't say anything about shitting yourself.

Do you know what I found out as a result of doing

the podcast Too Scary Didn't Watch recently?

Yeah.

Because we were talking about a movie that involved.

This is okay.

There's a movie movie called The Ritual that came out this year.

Number one, there's a million movies called The Ritual, so I don't know why that's the title you would go with.

Right.

Number two,

it's based on the same case that The Exorcist was based on.

Right.

And in the trailer, they actually put on the screen

based on the true story that inspired The Exorcist.

In the trailer for their own movie.

Yeah.

It's fucking crazy.

So strange.

The movie is not good.

And it's a

a true story that inspired a really famous good movie.

Yeah.

Yeah.

A movie that everyone regards as a good movie.

Yeah.

Now we're going to do it.

Yeah.

We're going to take a shot at it.

But in talking about like exorcisms and stuff like that,

we were discussing how much the devil is in the Bible.

And he's not really in it that much.

Is he like us?

It's sort of like a Judy Dench in Shakespearean Love?

You know what?

Pretty much.

Pretty much.

Like only in it for 12 minutes, but just gets an Oscar for it.

Impact.

Yeah.

But the impact.

So

in the Old Testament, not mentioned really at all, except for the serpent.

Because honestly, God in the Old Testament is doing devil shit, usually.

That's exactly right.

That's exactly right.

They didn't need the devil because God was taking care of it.

He's like, I'm going to destroy you guys.

Hey, murder your son.

Have you guys ever heard the sort of idea that the devil is in the details?

I've heard about about title hands being his workshop.

Okay, because I, yeah, I don't know if I've heard that part,

but I've heard about the details thing, and I just was curious if you guys knew about that.

I don't think any of that is in the Bible.

Is that a Bible quote?

The devil's in the details?

No, the Bible quote is: have you ever danced with the devil by the pale moon light?

Oh, that's right.

Yes.

And then there's like a sort of bluegrassy sort of instrumental quote.

Ham, have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

Ding-a-ding-ding-ding-doodly-doo.

I mean, there should be a big book in the Bible about the devil went down to Georgia.

I mean, that's arguably more famous.

Yes, exactly.

Arguably more famous than any Bible.

But they don't really talk about America too much in the world.

The book of Charlie Daniels.

Sure.

Like, it would be kind of like, do they mean Georgia, the country?

Yeah, possibly.

And it came to pass that the devil went down to Georgia.

So, yeah, and then in the New Testament, he's only mentioned a few times.

He shows up to tempt Jesus.

Wow.

So,

but then how much he's made a deal, a big deal of in

modern religion,

Christianity.

I mean,

we know that he kind of runs hell.

We know that he runs hell.

He's the CEO.

So it's kind of like if you're, if you're trying to avoid going there.

Yeah.

So he's a big figure in that sense.

But they act like he's around every fucking corner.

Like, hello.

Steal that candy bar.

Did you ever steal a candy bar?

Yeah.

Me too.

Really?

I never stole a candy bar.

My sister said to me once that she'd never stolen anything.

Anything.

Anything.

Wow.

Wow.

That's fucking wild.

Yeah.

And I believe her.

Yeah.

Really?

She is the type of person who would never have stolen.

How do you instill that in your child then?

Because I'm dreading that call of like, you got to come down to the five and dime.

Oh, look.

Emmy was trying to steal some chiclets.

Mr.

Alkerman, this is the Woolworths calling.

She stole a pocket comb.

We still had

Werewolves?

Or were when I was a kid?

When I was a kid, we still had werewolves roaming the land.

Woolworths.

And I did go there, and I really enjoyed that story.

It was definitely hearkened back to a time of once before.

We had a photo booth there.

We had gimbals.

By the way, speaking of gimbals, Gottschalks was the store that I was trying to think of a couple episodes ago.

The department store that I got a credit card at.

Gots Shocks.

Got Shocks.

I got to go over to Gots Shocks and get a new shirt.

Got Shocks.

You need baggage school supplies.

Come to Got Shocks.

We got backpacks.

We've got rulers.

And we like that.

We've actually got chalks, too, if you need chalks for your sidewalk.

Got chalks?

Got chalks.

Got chalks?

Got pencils.

Got pencils?

Got books?

Got papers.

Got papers, got books, got pencils.

Come down and meet Chalky.

And you gotta come.

Chalky's a Chalky's a guy.

His name's Charles.

Chalky's a guy.

Chalky's a guy.

He's bigger than most guys.

His name is Chauffeur Charles.

He went to parochial school, and now he teaches

English language as a second language.

And you guys can meet him.

He actually has nothing to do with the name Got Sox, but he will be there.

He's a friend of mine.

He loves peanut butter on his pancakes.

Oh, that's weird.

That's a weird part of him.

And he'll use a knife and fortain him, but he uses jelly to smear it all over the top.

He gives you a shirt off his back, but don't ask him.

If he gives it to you, he'll keep asking for it back.

He'll want two shirts in return.

Never make a deal with Shocky.

And that brings us to the devil.

The devil is waiting around every corner to getting you to steal a Trapper Keeper.

Don't succumb to his temptation.

Please

pay full prices, Gosh Hawks.

You'll pay double here.

And you'll like it.

If you're a good Christian, you will give us more money than the item is priced at.

Trapper Keepers are currently $6.95.

Trapper Keepers is currently $6.69.

Trapper Keeper is currently $6.95.

I gotta look up Gottschalk.

What was it even based on?

You have to.

You didn't even look it up.

Are you telling me?

You've never looked this up.

That's absolutely crazy.

What is it based on?

It was found by Emil

Gotchak.

The idea of a store?

The name.

Oh, Emil Gottschalk.

It was established in 1904 as a dry goods store in downtown France.

Can you spell the name dear?

G.

I think I will.

Spell G-O-T-T.

No, you have to do the whole thing.

G.

G, I think I will.

Okay.

Oh, oh, wow.

I think I'm going to spell Gosshock.

Oh, are they?

T.

Try to listen while I spell Gotcha.

T.

I'm tempted to spell Goshak.

Tempted.

All right.

Sorry.

Anyway, S-C-H-A-L-K.

Wow.

It's hard to say, but he was a German Jewish immigrant.

Good friend.

And he passed control, of course, to his brother-in-law, Henry Korn

and his nephew, Abe Bloom.

Corn.

Corn.

Cone.

I like Cone.

That's what he said when he transferred the

original I Like Corn.

Yeah.

He's the original I like Corn.

Good.

And then that has passed into obscurity, the store.

It is no longer a store.

After 2000, it declined, eventually closed due to poor sales.

The one exception was the alaska market where sales were strong and only one store in wasilia was closed wasila that's where fucking uh tarot panel's from oh shit um

and then in 2008 went into bankruptcy and liquidation liquidation the new york stock exchange officials stated that the value of the stock was too low to continue to be listed that's so sad that sucks when you're a stock it sucks when your stock are is too low to be considered listed.

That sucks.

That sucks for stocks.

That sucks for stocks.

See, also, Max Gottschalk.

Max Gottschalk.

Is he related?

He was an artist, a furniture designer, and industrial designer.

I'm looking for any kind of.

Oh, he created chairs and stuff like that.

Oh, what an interesting thing.

He created chairs?

He created.

We owe him a mirror.

Oh, my God.

Anytime I sit down, thanks.

I'm sorry.

now.

Yeah.

I don't think he has any connection to the gotcha.

Why would it be on the previous link on the previous?

Not related in any way?

Not related in any way.

Oh, I guess maybe if you're looking just for Gotcha.

Yeah, and you, yeah.

Gotcha.

Isn't it?

I mean, when you think about it, the everyday inventions, it's crazy that they didn't exist at some point.

Yeah.

The wheel, I get it.

They're all a bunch of dumb cavemen.

They're like, ooh, fire, whoa.

Yeah, but it was a long time before the wheel was really used.

How we really need it to be used.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because there were circles

scrolling it around.

Yeah.

Yeah.

For fun.

They didn't know what they were doing with that.

The stick and the hoop.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But when the chair is like,

oh, it's got to be something better.

We were probably sitting on stumps.

Yeah, rocks.

Probably a lot of stumps.

Do you think people like had sawed off stumps and brought them into their homes?

Yes.

I think uprooted trees.

Because they had homes, but it was long before chairs were created.

I would think maybe people built their houses around a chair.

Yeah, the stump.

If a stump existed, it'd be like, this is a good place for me to eat dinner.

Let me build a structural house.

When was the table invented?

That's a good question.

Did I tell you that my father, when he built the house that he had

designed and built, I mean, he had a

contractor.

Architect.

Architect.

Thank you.

Architect.

All I got to think of is Mike Brady.

I should have

popped in my head for anything.

For anything.

Mike Brady, please help me.

He is the touchstone.

But he designed designed it with him and designed a house where he and my parents, or my mom, lived for a while.

But he took me through it one day and he was like, oh, check out this room.

And it was on the bottom floor.

And it was like a little tiny door.

And I opened it up and it was smelly and smelly.

Smelly and dirt in the room.

Dad, this room's smelly and dirt.

It was smelly.

And there was

not a real floor.

It was dirt.

Okay.

What was he doing?

And it had a big

tree stump in there and what was going on in there

and he said

so this we we cut down this tree in order to build the house this is on like a lot yeah that he bought the the land for we cut down the tree to to build the house and i investigated how much money it would be to uproot the stump um

and decided that it would be more cost-effective just to build around it and and to build this little room where it just exists, right?

That's crazy.

And I was like, okay,

interesting.

And then when we had.

Why not put a floor in there?

Because the tree stump is there.

But I mean, why not just build it around the tree stump?

Because that's also money.

Yeah, but it was like a lower ceiling.

It was just like a little, it was almost like a crawl space or whatever.

It was the stump.

That's true.

Yeah.

But why was it happy there?

Why have a door at all?

Why even be able to do that?

Now that's the thing.

Now that I wonder.

Because it doesn't.

doesn't, your dad doesn't strike me as being a whimsical person.

Yeah.

No.

But this feels like a very whimsical thing.

Well, you know, which I enjoy.

But I do, although him showing it to me was whimsical.

I do think that there's a tendency and, you know, I've seen this time and again

when people weigh in with their architects and these people have no sense of stuff like that, they tend to get a little whimsical.

Interesting.

They might go, what if we had a little door here?

What if a little door where I could access the sound?

What if we had a little door?

What about a little bit?

or they make choices that you go what because it's like oh that was my idea well yeah the architect probably wouldn't have gone like we need a door to get to the stump the one thing i want to say about it though is he told it to me like look how smart i am for building around the building around the stump and see how how much cheaper the house was um i don't know how much it would have been like a thousand dollars or something like that to to take out the stump

When we sold,

after he got sick and I was tasked with selling his house,

they tested the air in it.

And because of that stump, there was some sort of like weird air quality issue in the house, which made it have to be listed at maybe $100,000 less.

Oh my God!

Than

what they would have gotten.

And to me, that is a big

lesson of just like just pull the fucking stump.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't make a room for it.

You don't have the door to access the bad air.

Yeah.

Right.

At least seal it off.

Yeah.

But pour some concrete over it or something.

Right.

Pour some concrete over the stone.

All right, we have to take a break.

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Hey, we're back.

That's cool.

That's really cool, isn't it?

Cool.

Yeah.

Hey, guys.

What invention

in this room do you think is the most recent invention?

And what do you think?

Oldest invention.

Yeah.

Okay.

The oldest,

probably

that wheel over there.

Oh, yeah, the big stone wheel?

Yeah.

Yeah, why do you have that farmer?

I don't know.

I think I would say, well, let's get rid of the idea of furniture.

Yeah, furniture.

Can't.

Oldest invention, maybe microphone?

Like technological.

A microphone?

Well, like a microphone existed probably before a TV.

But like door, do you think door counts as furniture?

No, yeah, I don't think doors.

What was the first door?

Do you think if we're analyzing everything

thing in the room, then I'd say like a bookcase is a door is older than a bookcase, maybe.

Maybe.

Well, this is the kind of shit I want to get into.

Okay, then.

Okay, great.

Medieval times.

I bet bookcases didn't exist.

They might have had a bookcase before they even had a door.

Is door older than chair?

Door is older than chair.

You think doors are older than chair?

Well, maybe.

It could be.

It could be.

You think they just had open-air spaces?

Like, what was the most...

Maybe a door with a hinge?

The most pressing thing.

What about Hinge, the app?

that's definitely one of the oldest older than telephone do you guys older than mechanical

i don't mind

i don't mind i would actually love if i found out you're up to some weird like that just because there would be a lot to talk about

on this show yeah i don't think i would talk about it talking about your affairs yes

um man who's next to be crazy who's next

who's next who's next to be three of us uh no uh just in the world of people we know who's going to be like uh uncovered as being crazy it's always funny the people that yeah, because, like, every once in a while, they'll be like, Yeah, that tracks.

And then there will be like,

I feel, don't you feel like the shocking ones are very rare, though?

They where it's somebody who has successfully

successfully put up a mask so convincing.

Yeah, like, I feel like that's very rare.

Yeah, the mask.

Now, that guy, his mask was green.

We could tell he was wearing it.

I know.

Yeah.

I was like, no, people aren't green.

And yet, people were attracted to him.

Well, he was very sexy.

He was hot.

Someone stopped him at one point.

The mask had had.

He asked them to, Scott.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah.

His consent was given.

Do you think frames, like an art frame, existed before a bookcase?

No, I bet bookcase existed for, well, how old are books?

Well, speaking of how old are printed books that need to go in a bookcase?

Yeah.

You know,

1300s?

They had folios and shit.

Oh, they had folios and shit.

Let's see.

How old is the oldest book?

How old is the old times?

They have folios and shit.

Do you think that how old is the oldest book?

and this this kind of this kind of relates to the clock invention on on uh gilded age but do you think

do you think everything has been invented non-computer related at this point you know what i mean oh anything that does not involve something you plug in or yeah circuitry or or what have you the oldest book it's a great question i like that question a lot

is estimated to be around 2673 years old.

That was in 2006.

It was found in a canal off the street.

Strong

ones.

And it's made up of six sheets of 24-karat gold bound together.

The book is written in Etruscan script and includes depictions of soldiers, horses, and other figures.

So they think it was printed from 868 CE.

CE.

Common era.

Wow.

Wow.

Well, that's old.

Okay, then the one, the oldest multi, this one says it was from 660 BC.

Okay, here's the thing, though.

That's not a book.

That's pages bound together.

This page is bound bound together.

But also when

we're thinking of bookshelf, we're thinking of shelves, which

you can put your trophies on.

Or books.

Yeah, trophies on your participation trophy.

Probably the first thing we invented was trophies after the wheel.

We discovered fire.

We invented the wheel.

Trophies.

Yep.

Uh-huh.

Door.

Door.

But like,

my friend once really wanted to patent something that he invented.

I'll just say it right now because this was literally 30 years ago, but he did.

Yeah, if he hasn't patented it yet, he never will.

Still thinking about it.

He did a lot of work on sets.

He did a lot of crew work for theater productions.

And he

had fashioned something out of some material that wrapped around the end of his drill

that he could attach his flashlight to

because he would quite often be in the dark in backstage and having to, you know, unscrew something during the show.

Um, and so he's like, I really want to patent like this attachment for drills because it doesn't exist yet.

Um, but I, you know, I wonder about that.

Like, there's got to be things that people are inventing.

It must be on Shark Tank and stuff of things that people are inventing that are non-computer related, but it just seems like almost, and I know this is like an old thing of like they gone about as far as they can go, but but hinges for doors.

Like, are they ever going to come up with like doors you can open on either way?

Or you know, here does exist.

Here's what I think.

Here's what what i think about how long did it take them to invent roly bags right suitcases it makes so

long did it take them to add another set of wheels so you can just push it flat and then the the extensive they were just two wheels forever and you would have to no i'm talking about i'm talking about the modern like the upright roly bag suitcase yeah because for a while still it's so

four wheels that you would carry with a strap and it would not work

yeah yeah and even that was like very late i was listening to the three bean salad podcast and that the idea of wheels wheels and beans.

Yep.

That's right.

Yep.

Okay.

That

was like a

maybe a 20th century invention.

The

rolling suitcase with the four wheels?

Is that what you're saying?

Or what?

The, the, the, when the, the

landscape suitcase and the miserable little wheels that would be on it.

It feels like that was in the 70s to me because I remember it being sort of like, oh, that's late.

Or like flight attendants would have it in my, in my view.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I feel like the dub, the one that we have today was like in the last

20 years.

Yeah.

I mean, I can't believe how long it took.

Yeah.

It was.

Why didn't some idiot think of that earlier?

Yeah.

It was like 20 years.

I want to say.

Your clothes go that way.

It's a mess.

I do want to think.

I do think it was about 20 years ago, probably, but it still was like a luxury.

And you're not going to throw out your old one to get that.

You know what I mean?

Like that would have felt stupid right away.

Do you think we're, and look, we're idiots.

We don't know what we're talking about.

There's someone out there going, no, don't you know this?

But

do you think it might have to do with whatever material is used for it?

Like plastics, they're suddenly easier to mold into these shapes, or you know what I mean?

But I mean, when you think about it, like I'm thinking about my last suitcase I had when I was a kid, right?

Yeah, it's like the only suitcase I ever had.

Describe it, Paul.

That was a,

it was about this pause.

Extending his arms approximately

I would say it would fill you would it would contain the same amount of stuff you could get in a standard roly bag today because it was wide it was wide wheels but it was it had no it had like it had this one had two wheels on one end and a strap not on four

and a strap and a strap so you could like ostensibly sort of lift it yeah right and pull it along but it always followed it worked terribly yeah but it was also uh a lot shallower than

the shallow.

Shallow, how well, low.

That's correct.

Wow.

It was just like that.

And so it was green, by the way.

It was just like a big rectangle.

Do you remember the color of yours?

Mine was like tan.

Tan.

Tan with brown accents.

Businessman tan.

Oh, yeah.

I can picture what you're talking about.

Where it kind of looked like a briefcase if you could lift it by just a handle, but then it also had like you could pull it like a like a dog on a leash kind of thing.

Do you think though it was

there some sort of mental thing?

It's also the only pet I ever had.

Was there some sort of mental thing about it where people were like,

Yeah, anyone could put wheels on, like, anyone could invent that.

But how,

what kind of message would that be telling people you can't even pick up your own suitcase?

You know what I mean?

Where people are like, people act like it's lazy, like once it's a new invention, you're like, oh, well, you can't pick your, you can't carry your suitcase.

Well, I remember when the cell phone was invented, me and my friend were like, but I don't

get these.

I don't think anyone

in America, if you present

with an idea of this will make doing a physical thing easier, they would not be absolutely on board.

Well, how about the snuggie?

How about the snuggy?

We got on board with that.

Consider the snuggie.

That was like a funny gift for two seconds.

Yeah.

It was a gag gift for literally 0.2 seconds.

If you raise the window, you can't.

Yeah.

I was, you know, doing my ER rewatch recently.

It's very funny to see the evolution of attitudes towards cell phones because they don't exist when ER starts.

Then there is, they do exist.

Then there's a period where it's like

he has one of those cell phones.

They talk about like a patient has one.

And then there's a period where it's like, hey, you got to get that out of here.

That can't be in here.

And then there's a period of like, hey, you're getting one of these where the doctors are sort of like that.

That's so weird.

And then there's a patient on the table during a surgery scrolling.

It just cuts right to that.

Doom scrolling.

No, but then there's a point where everyone just kind of has one at that point.

No, I remember that time when they were new, and I scoffed at them, of course, because it looked like

it was immediately portrayed as this is a thing that a rich asshole thinks is.

Right, because it's like in your convertible.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did I tell you about the guy who came to our theater school?

And I'm

looking for a soul to steal.

He was.

But please forgive me if I've told this before.

So now we're asking for forgiveness if we've told this before.

I think it's easy to do.

but it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

You're right.

Um, because you did not ask permission to tell the story again,

okay.

Should we ask for permission before we tell

any story from Emma?

Paul, do I have permission to tell my story?

Yes, I grant you permission.

Do I have permission to tell you?

Yeah, you have my permission, and you have my forgiveness if I've heard about it.

Thank you very much.

And you have my blessing.

Okay, oh, that's even better.

But this actor came to visit us at theater school.

Did you do figure quotes?

I did because I've never seen him in anything.

I've never saw him again.

But

he

was telling us what it was like to be a working actor in Los Angeles.

This is 1992 or three, right?

And he takes out of his pocket a cell phone and he points at it and goes, see this?

This is your best friend.

So sad.

And then it came true because

you're going to be going to three or four auditions a day.

Boy, wouldn't that be nice?

I missed the good old days.

And you're going to be at one audition, and you're not going to want to pull over to the side of the road and

to a pay phone and have to call your agent for all the information.

It's all your information.

So maybe it was a car phone or something like that.

Because I don't even know if cell phones existed then.

And we all laughed at this guy and we were all just like, what a fucking asshole this guy is.

Like, oh, this is your best friend.

And now,

look at him.

He's the smartest man in the world.

Never Never worked again.

He has a million auditions a day.

He went into cell phones.

He was like Charlie in the chocolate factory for cell phones.

Yeah.

But yeah, I don't know.

Well, yeah, I don't know.

Yeah, I don't know.

The one thing I want to say is, I don't know.

But yeah, none of us know.

When did glass come into door?

Glass, meaning glass doors or panes of glass, like a window in the door?

Either.

Huh.

First, the one pane came in, and then they're like, what if we tried the whole door?

What if we tried all of it?

But the idea of finally we got this door.

Well, I can't see.

I would think the first people to have a fully glass door, like we have these in

our back wall.

Like sliding doors?

Yeah, sliding glass patio door.

Did you ever see that movie?

Sliding glass patio door?

I did, yeah.

I would think that would be very scary for the first people to buy one because it's like, well, what if someone just breaks it Yeah, and enters our house.

There had to be a lot of reassurance.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I still there had to be like demonstrations where they're just throwing bricks against these things.

Yeah, like the cyber truck.

Yeah.

Happy.

But I think that it would be like you could just say, like, well,

people can just, you know, break through wood too.

Right.

Like, it's, we're all on the underside at that point.

Windows are winds, so why should it be?

You know, winds are winds.

I think Winzo is a nice name for a boy.

Winzo.

Winzo.

That's Winzo.

And when are you expecting?

Okay.

You ready?

Yeah.

Yeah.

2027.

Wow.

Whoa, papara tata.

So you're going to have sex next year.

Yep.

Wow, congratulations.

And it's a dog, right?

Yep.

When are you getting your dog?

I don't know.

I always wonder though.

We still talk about it.

Why don't you just do it?

Talk about it.

I'm kidding.

Because it's really nice to not have the responsibility when you go on tourists.

It is.

I don't have the responsibility just being at home.

And going on a walk.

I have had

for something else to get me out of the house, though.

Well, that's true.

I've had as many as three dogs in this house recently.

And it is really booming me out.

Like all their barking and

all of the chores associated with it.

And I just remember those three months after our beloved Rocky passed away.

I know, I know.

That I

kind of was like, this is sort of nice.

Like not having to ever rush back.

I know.

Well, like our dog, we went out of town and our dog stayed with friends.

And then when we came back, we had like one night without the dog.

And I was like, well, this is easier.

She gets up in the middle of the night to go out.

Like, she just, she's, she's not perfectly trained.

And I blame myself.

But it's frustrating at times when you're like, I have to wake up for her children throughout the night.

And then now you're jumping out of the bed and I think you're going to go pee somewhere.

So I have to go let you out.

Oh.

And like, that's, I'm, I want to be asleep now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I prefer sleeping now.

But I care about her a lot lot and I love her.

And it's, but it is when you have a break from a pet, you go like, oh, that wouldn't be less to do.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

But everything's a trade-off.

Yeah.

Cause I love her and I love snuggling with her.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You snuggle with your dogs, right, Scott?

Uh, there, there's, there's one.

The other one is not really fond of me.

And

who knows?

Maybe the feeling's mutual.

She's kind of a dud.

She's kind of a dud.

Molly loves you.

Georgia, no, opposite.

Opposite.

Georgia, I'm like her, as Kulop says all the time, I'm her favorite person.

Um, and so when I

am not giving her any attention, she's very sad.

But Molly, just like all she wants to do is just lie down on the floor.

And occasionally, I'll get up from the couch and I'll return, and Molly's in my spot.

And I'm like, get the fuck out of here.

Here's what bothers me about Molly.

So

you come, you're, you're a visitor to the house.

Yeah.

Of course, the dogs start barking.

Yeah,

Georgia, though, stops barking.

Molly keeps barking.

They both like, hey, idiot.

Can you see how this is

that I'm following?

Is this cool with me?

I know.

We're friends.

The worst is that if people then go upstairs like they're staying here or whatever, even if they are established as they're a visitor in our home, when they come downstairs, you get the same amount of barking.

I'm like, intruder.

Yeah.

You know what I noticed today was,

and I wonder if this is true.

Dogs bark at things on the ground exclusively.

At least my dogs do.

Not in the sky.

Because there was a bird flapping around its wings right above our dogs today in the yard

when I had them on leash now since the attack.

And bird flapping around, and it got my attention.

I was like, oh, this is very close to my head.

What's going on with this bird?

The dogs couldn't give a shit.

Well, maybe they know that the bird is not going to enter their home.

Why?

I don't know.

They can tell.

Because birds are outside.

They know.

I saw a video, though, of a dog barking at the moon.

Like when the moon, you can see the moon during the day.

And the dog was like, what the fuck?

I want that.

Let me add it.

Why do dogs bark at the moon?

Do they think it's a

because you're right, there's that whole cliche about ruling at the moon?

They're ruled by the moon.

They're ruled by the moon.

The tides?

The moon by the moon.

The The moon rules the tides, women's periods, and dogs.

Do you remember when you learned that women's periods sync up?

Like, what a glorious piece of information.

And is that

true?

I was just going to say, I feel like I heard that, I believed it, and then only recently somebody said it wasn't true.

And I was like,

oh, yeah.

I think the odds are that you could both have it at the same time.

Wouldn't everyone in the world, I mean, the world is 51%.

Well, you sync up when everyone in the world have their periods at the same time.

No, but it's always like you sync up when you live together or something, is what they say.

But that's not true.

No, it can't be true.

I mean, it's like I think it's coincidence building around you because you can have it on opposite ends of the month, right?

And then all of a sudden, so what?

Does somebody not have one for a while, or somebody has one in the world?

Right, like it's always late and

everyone lasts for different amounts of days.

Yeah, so I like hearing you guys talk about this until eventually it's all the same.

Are we it's just funny?

You're not wrong.

Are we right?

I don't know.

All right, we have to take a break.

There's so much advice out there, and all we want to do as parents is get it right.

The great news is you're the expert on your child.

And sometimes, figuring out what they need is as simple as getting them to talk.

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Oh, we're back.

We're back.

Happen to be back.

We're back.

Tonight we are so back.

Tonight we we are so back.

We're so back.

What if the Jets and the Sharks sang that tonight?

We are so back.

Tonight.

We've come to the point in the show where

we

go to our famous website, HagClaims8.

Yes.

And we harvest the voicemails that you've left.

If you haven't been to hagclaims8.com lately,

take a tip from us.

You might want to get over there pretty soon.

Because some exciting things are happening.

There's a weather app now.

It does tell you the weather somewhere.

It tells you the weather in any country.

We don't know where.

We can't tell you where it is, but we know it's somewhere.

Yes, we know it's somewhere.

So what you'll see is just a display of like sunny 71 degrees, but you won't know.

It won't say where.

It won't say where.

But if it happens to be exactly that where you are, you win a prize.

Yeah.

That would be great to win the prize.

To win a prize, yeah.

But the prize isn't good.

The prize is not good, but I'm disappointed we haven't had any prize winners yet.

The prize is an old pencil.

Yeah.

Not like an antique.

It's been chewed and the lead's fallen out.

It's got four shoe marks on it.

The lead has fallen out.

Oh, like all the like.

It was sharpened where the hole got big and then the lead just fell out.

You would have to sharpen this down to practically the eraser to get the lead to show.

And that could be kind of fun.

And that could be kind of fun.

And it has a landscaping services phone number written on it on the side.

But so if you sharpen it all the way down, you won't have the number.

You won't have the number anymore.

But you will have the name of the company, which is Hitler Landscaping.

But you can't write down the number on the pencil without the pencil.

So you can't, you have to, it's kind of a catch-22 because you want to shave it down.

And you're not allowed to take a picture of the pencil.

No.

No, you're not allowed to.

You have to only use it.

It is the honor system.

Well, you have to use what was available when the pencil was created.

And when the pencil was created, the original pencil.

The photographs did not exist.

No, and you probably didn't have another pencil either because they were hard to come by.

So you have to use the pencil you have.

Yeah.

This is a pencil from the dawn of pencils.

So in a way, it's pretty valuable.

But if you wanted, you could write the number into the dirt with the pencil.

Yeah, that's allowed.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sharpen it down.

But do you want to do that?

Then you're going to write it.

Do you really want to be living in dirt and filth?

Also, you can't memorize the number.

No.

Well, you wouldn't be able to.

You shouldn't be able to.

I mean, there are people who are.

Not only is there a rule against against it, you can't.

Yeah, you couldn't, wouldn't, and shouldn't be able to.

Not even the people who have memorized the every digit of pie would be able to do this because this is a complicated number.

Well, that's why are people doing that?

I don't know.

They do it because they might need to know that at some point.

Oh, I sound corrected.

Wait, I know pie exists for a reason.

When does it?

Because it's yummy.

When does everyone, anyone needed to know it?

When does everyone and everyone need to know it?

When does everyone need to know it?

I don't know why.

Just tell me when does everyone needed to know it.

I don't really know what pie is, and I don't know how it helps us or hurts us.

Pi.

I mean, it's been PI.

Probably

at this point, it has been 40 years since it was explained.

Has anyone done like a really funny sketch where it's magnum PI, but it's magnum pie?

And he goes, oh, he's going like 3.14.79.

Oh, he's mentally ill.

Has anyone done a mentally ill magnum PI yet?

Oh, wait, that's Monk.

I'm just wondering.

Yeah, Pi.

So here's what I know about Pi: 3.14, blah, blah, blah.

And then I know that symbol that was inexplicably the tattoo on the back of

Pablo Schribert's character on the wire.

What's it?

He had a pie tattoo.

He had a pie tattoo on the back of his neck.

Interesting.

I thought it was like a lower back tattoo.

That would be crazy.

A trumpstamp.

In any case, HackClaims8.com, it's where...

One of its uses is where voicemails are made.

Yeah, you can communicate voicemails to anyone.

They come through us,

and they're usually questions for us.

Yeah.

But you can voicemail anyone.

And we, Scouts Honor, we will pass it on to whomever you intend it to go to.

Yes,

absolutely.

If you leave us a message that's intended for someone else, we will forward that to them.

Definitely.

There's a little bit of.

There's an extra charge.

Of course, there is.

Obviously, and a waiting period.

Hag Claim Date Basic is free.

Yeah.

And then there's tears.

Yeah.

And when you realize

how expensive this is.

So, in any case, why don't we hear one of these voicemails?

Yeah, sure.

Here we go.

Hi, Freedom Gang.

This is Katie from Michigan.

Hi, Katie's Big.

First-time caller.

I have been very lucky that I have lots of people

who've always gotten together a few times a year, at least, for holidays, celebrations, etc.

And those gatherings are usually a potluck sort of thing.

And over the years, like certain people have become known for making like this one great great dish that's so good, and it's their dish.

And if they don't bring it, then there's a problem.

So, like, my aunt Karen makes this Oreo dessert, my mom makes an apple dip, my uncle makes beans, and everyone loves it.

So, my question is: Do you have any specific dishes that a friend or a family member makes for potluck gatherings that's become like their thing that you love, or if you have any memories of that, like when you were younger?

Um, so anyway, love you, love the podcast, thank you, bye,

thank you, Katie, from Threeda.

I mean, from Michigan.

We're from Threedom.

Wait, are we from Michigan?

My friend, Melissa's from Michigan.

That's why I said Melissa.

I apologize, Katie.

Katie.

You guys are a disaster.

Thank you, Katie from Threedom.

Thank you, Melissa.

From Michigan.

We don't know who the fuck you are or where you're from.

You're a disaster.

Like, what the hell?

What do you make, Paul?

What do you make, Scott?

You know, I don't make anything.

I've been saying for years, and I just haven't fucking done anything about it that I should at least learn how to make one thing

that is like, I'm going to make dinner tonight.

Yeah.

And I make this thing.

And I still haven't done it.

Damn.

But my mom's thing when I was a kid

was she would make a cheesecake that I fucking loved.

Oh, my God.

And your mom would send you.

Yeah.

My mommy would send me pasta.

She would send me.

You know, I've had to go to a number of hotluck things since since holly's been of the age to go to preschool there happened to be these events yeah we have these

i used to always be afraid of a potluck or more likely to just buy something and bring that which i don't think is bad because i mean people like a sure

we had a we had potlucks at church and it was thrilling when someone would just bring kfc right right yeah of course and it wouldn't be gone immediately

someone would bring munchkins to the potluck and it's like yeah hell yeah munchkins yeah but like i now

since Mike has gotten into cooking, I've seen that there are certain things that really just aren't that hard that you might have right.

Like, a salad is actually very easy to make and really pleasing.

And so, I like to make a salad that has like arugula, strawberries,

goat cheese, walnuts,

that kind of thing.

Some of those

delicious protein?

Well, no, but you could put chicken in there.

Yeah.

Wonderful.

But I like to do that.

But I wouldn't say that's my thing, but I would say, I guess if I had to go to Potluck right now, I would bring that.

Did your mommy make a thing when you were a kid?

Well, it's the pesto that I mentioned last time.

The famous pesto.

So she would bring it to Potlucks.

We didn't go to Potluck.

Oh, okay.

I mean, I don't know what we were doing.

If anything, we probably would bring cupcakes or something.

Like, we would make cupcakes and bring that to a potluck type scenario.

But dessert was more of a...

comfort.

We didn't really go to potlucks either.

I remember that when we used to do Thanksgiving with my cousins every year.

We did it for a long, long time.

and

the

it would be switched off houses it would be at our house one year it would be their house right the next year because did they live next door or i can't remember no that's my other cousins oh live next door um

but uh if you were the the visitors you would bring dessert

so that the the home team would make the make everything right and then you would bring dessert okay that's nice and honestly alcohol well like one time for her like the first time holly school had a little pollock, I brought like Susie Cakes, which I love those cookies and cupcakes from there.

It's a really yummy look.

I think it's a you can get them at uh Subway these days.

No, you can't.

I think so.

Can't you?

No.

Susie Cakes is like a bakery.

Oh, it's not like a

Susie Q's.

Yeah.

Oh, is that what I'm thinking of?

I don't know.

It's like dollars.

There's like a dessert or whatever kind of thing.

I'd be amazed if they teamed up with Subway, but I don't think they have.

They only have like four locations.

Don't want to be associated with Jared Fogel.

But I brought these like cookies that they're kind of expensive.

And then like it was very much like not necessary to do that because the munchkins were a hit.

Everything was a hit.

Two things.

First of all,

it sucks so bad for Subway.

Oh, my God.

You can't control what this

is for Subway, and then automatically you think of fucking Jared Fogel.

But they've successfully seemed to have moved past the city.

I know that you can't.

Seems fine, but I can't.

I can't.

I won't.

What's your second thing?

The second thing is, how did Dunkin' Donuts get away with Munchkins?

Oh,

they would be.

Well, I think The Wizard of Oz is in public domain.

Do they still call it munchkins?

No, I think they do.

The things you can't

use in Wizard of Oz are the changes that MGM made to the story.

So that's why the Ruby Slippers are copyrighted because they're glass, I believe, in the book.

No, that's fucking

Cinderella.

They're silver or something because in Wicked they

did that.

Right.

So,

yeah.

So, but you can say Munchkins because that is in the book.

Nice.

What about the Munchkin that killed himself?

Well, what are you going to bring to a potluck?

Kulop makes silver.

They were silver, not Ruby Red, just sort of.

Okay.

Thank you.

So I was drinking.

Okay.

Kulop makes Cream Jeans wontons.

And that's her thing.

Crab Rangoon.

Crab Rangoon.

And so she brings them to like the preschool potlucks and stuff like that, and everyone loves them.

I love Crab Rangoon.

love it my mom would make casseroles which i find to be a bit of a bummer

um to this day or hot dish if you're in a certain area

um but she also

she had a she had a dessert business for a while she had like a dessert business yeah she and her friend made really good desserts so they made they started a business where they

people could order them and stuff like that so she's she's really good at desserts and she and it's funny because she brings stuff over now when she visits that she gets gets to make because she loved cooking and she honestly didn't get to cook a lot over the last eight years because, as mentioned, my father added YouTube.

And so, and it's kind of boring or lame to cook just for yourself, and you have so much left over.

So, she really enjoys like coming to visit because then she'll make a bunch of stuff.

That's nice.

And are you going to make a cake for a potluck?

Man, so we were talking about this during COVID.

So many of the things that we got into making, like me with cakes, pizzas, specialty cocktails.

Me with myself fatter by drinking a bottle of wine every night.

Yeah.

We have

using the big

Kulop's sister's husband used the big green egg for the first time.

Sister's husband, I know, I know.

For the first time, I haven't used it since right before COVID.

So

I really should get back into that stuff.

But, you know, having Emmy, it feels like another full-time job.

absolutely so i know it's hard to do but um yeah i had a roommate who would make he would always like and his third date was always like i invited her over to make sour cream enchiladas what did he say it like that it was the one thing you knew

to make sour cream enchiladas and that was always like

and then chris handson shows up we're gonna

get sour cream enchiladas huh oh i thought you were talking to that girl about making sour cream enchiladas well just so you know I'm that girl.

How, what a bummer for Chris Hansen that he can't even show up to a party without everyone going, oh, shit.

Yeah.

I love Charles Lester.

I got to get out of here.

I got to get the fuck out of here.

He found me here?

I knew he's here for me.

Like four different guys.

Woo-hoo!

Well, great question, Katie.

Thank you, Katie.

Thank you, Katie, from Freedom, Michigan.

You know what?

I did make a cake for Emmy last year.

Oh, I did make a cake in the the last

calendar year.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

She loves chocolate so much.

It's good.

Chocolate's good.

Chocolate's good.

I don't know if this is true, but our friends who are parents said,

because, you know, I get very concerned about like,

are you eating enough, I don't know, protein or vegetables or whatever?

They're like, you know, these kids basically just

exist.

on carbs.

Yeah.

Like they just burn so much energy that it's like they're just craving carbs all the the time.

And he's just constantly like, snack, snack, snack.

And you go, what about

this?

And this is always just like, no, pretzels.

He wants crunchies.

Give it to him.

Crunchies.

I know.

A lot of times I'll say like, okay, it's time for dinner.

And she's like, I don't want dinner.

And I'm like, okay, I'll just give you some food.

She's like, I don't want food.

I want snacks.

And then I'll put it, I'll say, here's some snacks, but it's like enough that constitutes a dinner.

Right.

It's like carrots, snap peas, like things that you can eat and I wouldn't feel bad.

And it's like, that's your snacks.

But if I say it's dinner, yeah.

Do you know what I hate, guys?

What?

I really hate it.

Edamame.

I love edamame.

I like it.

I wish I liked it.

If you have to order it at a sushi place, I never do.

But if it comes, sure.

I order it.

You order it that much and I make it at home.

Regularly.

You order it at home.

Holly likes edamame, so I make it a lot.

We have it at home and I eat it, but we have it at home and you eat it and you don't like it.

We don't like it.

I don't like it.

We don't like it when we eat it.

We don't like it when

We don't like cinema, do we?

And I like Janie made something recently that had so much edamame in it.

And I like it in a salad.

I just fucking, I just ate it and I was like, do I say something?

Yeah.

Like, this is a lot of a thing that I don't like.

Wow.

But she's cooking.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, you got to just go with it.

You got your feet up.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, there's kind of a lot of edamame in this, babe.

I got a lot of feet up.

I'm in my tank top.

Hey, I don't really like how much edamame I have to pick around, babe.

Hey, babe.

Hey, babe.

Hey, babe.

Love the dinner.

One small note.

I have a lot of that little green stuff I told you I'm afraid of.

Afraid of.

Every bite.

But there is something that's

comforting as an adult to realize I don't like this on its own merits.

Right.

It's not that I.

Oh, yeah.

Like, I don't like cilantro.

I'm not being a baby.

I don't really like it.

I genuinely don't like beets.

I don't like ginger.

I don't like it.

And I can just go, I don't like that.

I don't like beets.

I just, I don't think I'll ever like beets.

And it's not like

people I know.

Oh, my.

My parents, where I kind of go, drag them.

People you know.

Where I kind of go, like, you just haven't had good versions of these things that you say you don't like.

Oh, totally.

You're like, I love beets, actually.

I mean, like, there's a restaurant near near L.A.

It's in L.A.

Oh, so somewhere near us.

It's actually nowhere near us, which is why it was funny.

This is in Freedom Los Angeles?

Yeah, but they make really good beet salad.

And Mike hates beets, but I like beets.

I like beets, okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I would have been afraid of beets my whole life.

You know, that's like I'm not sure.

No, no, no.

Beets was definitely a thing that I didn't eat when I was a kid.

I think you have to try everything you didn't like as a kid just to see if you like it.

And I've tried beets so many times and have them in so much stuff where I finally just gave up on it.

That's exactly.

When you've put in your due diligence,

then you can say, no, I don't like this.

Yes.

That's on it.

It's not just a, oh, I don't like fish.

I've never had, I've, even since I've been a kid, I've just like never liked fish.

Yeah.

It's like, have your fucking fish and like it.

I'm not crazy about fish, but I make myself eat it.

You know what I mean?

I'm not talking about you, by the way.

That wasn't something.

I didn't think that you were.

Oh, okay.

Now I'm wondering, though.

I feel like he was talking about you.

But yeah, there's certain things I've discovered that there's certain seafood things I can eat and actually enjoy.

And there's other things that are a little bit seafood diet.

I was on that seafood diet.

Is that where you say seafood?

All right, we have to go.

Okay, bye.

Goodbye, everyone.

See you next week.

Hey, it's Lena Waith.

Legacy Talk is my love letter to black storytellers, artists who've changed the game and paved the way for so many of us.

This season, I'm sitting down with icons like Felicia Rashad, Loretta Devine, Ava Duvernay, and more.

We're talking about their journeys, their creative process, and the legacies they're building every single day.

Come be a part of the conversation.

Season two drops July 29th.

Listen to Legacy Talk wherever you get your podcast or watch us on YouTube.

Our healthcare system is broken in so many ways.

We have a healthcare system that's supposed to be taking care of people that is making it literally more difficult for people to put food on the table.

So this season, we'll dive into the challenges headfirst while also thinking about how we can find a better way because we all deserve better.

Uncared for Season 3 from Lemonada Media, available August 6th, wherever you get your podcasts.