If I Saw Coolplay at the Cold Cam What?!

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I'll see you in your dreams.

Hey, it's me, Steve Burns, and I'm so glad you're here because you and I go way back, right?

Yeah, and look at us now.

Like, we're all grown up.

We've got this new podcast where we talk about all this grown-up stuff, and there's special guests like Jamie Lee Curtis and Bill Nye.

But for the most part, it's about you.

I mean, it's always been about you

from Lemonada Media.

A live with Steve Burns is coming September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts, or you can watch every episode on YouTube.

Did you hear what I did?

I didn't.

I did.

I'm doing it again.

Do it again.

Triton!

Three coughs.

I was shouting three to them, so I didn't hear it.

Trito!

That's glorious.

Is that your favorite kind of cough drop?

Oh, my favorite.

I haven't had a cough drop in a really long time.

Yeah, I have.

I have.

I haven't

in a long time.

I've had, well, you know, these aren't exactly cough drops, I guess, but they're vitamin C drops that Halls makes that are tasty and good, give you a daily dose of vitamin C.

And I've also had Ricolas that are

not

the last couple months.

Last couple months.

Mike loves cough drops.

I didn't know Ricola.

He does.

I don't know what to do.

Do you think he may like a hard candy, like a butter candy?

A butter candy?

I don't think he'd like that.

Do you want to think he would like a butter scotch?

No.

And I actually, I hate butterscotch, and I think he does.

No, I'm so sorry.

Buttered scotch.

He does love buttered scotch.

Of course, candy.

I love the word butterscotch.

Yeah, I actually don't even like the word.

Wow.

I actually hate the word.

What if it was scotch butter?

Even worse.

What about buttermilk?

What if you're Sean Conner and it was scotch butter?

And you talk about you and your butt.

What if it was scot butter?

It was all my diarrhea.

All right.

Hi, Paul.

Stupid.

Do you guys mind if I go?

I do, as a matter of fact.

I wouldn't mind.

Welcome to Threedom.

I'm Scott.

I'm Paul.

I'm laughing at this.

Scott Butter.

My name is Lauren.

And we're three people.

On this earth.

Yeah.

And that's it.

That's right.

Are you one?

We come from the earth.

We will go back to the earth.

You know what I got

into this summer?

Oh, what's the Bible?

Yes.

And we're reading every page.

Every page?

E.T.

Whoa, my God.

She was the what to phone home.

She loves E.T.

We watched it about five times within the first week of introducing it.

That's funny.

And she received a lot of E.T.

stuff for her birthday.

Now, previously, she's had E.T.

stuff.

She didn't know what the fuck was going on.

Exactly.

She didn't know.

And then when we watched it, she's like, that's like my girlfriend.

I can't spell exactly without ET.

It's like my rogue.

Yeah.

Does she like the guns or the walkie-talkies?

Which version?

You know what?

I think we watched...

Wow, I actually can't remember.

Did she like the gun show?

I don't know if I noticed what happened.

I saw that.

I think it was the guns.

Didn't they put them back in?

Yeah, they put the guns back in.

Yeah.

It was scary.

You know, E.T., what are we doing?

Kids can see guns.

They're all over the fucking place.

She's young for E.T., but we talked through every part of it.

Like, my gosh, who is it?

Is E.T.

like a Leo DiCaprio?

Because it's very

good.

Can you imagine E.T.

on the Titanic raft

or on whatever?

Was it an iceberg?

What was he on?

It was like a chunk of woods.

He would not do well in that scenario.

No, he would.

Although it was a door.

It was a big door.

It was a big door.

All he's got to do is just like send a telepathic signal to his UFO and then it comes down.

Well, he was trying to do that.

He needed to hold it.

Also, what if he made it fly?

He had a phone.

He couldn't telepathically.

He had to make it hold.

But can I do that?

He would have done that immediately.

Having, like, watching it with her,

you kind of realize, like, okay, there's that part where he's almost dead, where he's, or he basically is dead.

He's like laying face down in the water.

It's so sad.

He looks like the old dog shit.

It's really bad.

They don't have anymore.

And then.

The old white dog shit.

Yeah, yeah.

And then.

What do you mean they don't have anywhere?

You don't see it.

Well, people cry.

People come now.

I'm glad you got there.

Such a fast amount of time.

You got there.

What are you talking about?

Oh, yeah.

You're just picking up dog shit now.

We don't have white people.

People pick it up.

And Harvey Milk was one of the first people to popularize that.

Wow.

Apparently.

Interesting.

But so I just want to say the part where he's in the like hospital situation where, you know, it's like those people inspecting him.

That's like half the movie.

He's like, beep, beep.

He's like, really?

It's so, it's like a solid 30 minutes, if not more.

I should rewatch that movie.

I have to go to the house.

It's really good.

It came out.

My parents watched it with us and they like loved it.

It was, you know what I mean?

We haven't all watched it since we were.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I should see that.

You know, what else I'm weirdly I keep thinking I have to re-watch, even though I don't believe that I enjoyed it,

is uh Francis Ford Coppola's Bram Stoker's Dracula.

Oh my god, I haven't seen it since uh, I was in Sacramento opening night.

I think now that I do not have an expectation for it, I think I would enjoy the visuals of it more.

Right, yeah, and like Gary Oliver.

Because you're expecting, like, this is going to be a good movie, this is going to be a thing.

Exactly, I don't know anything about it.

Now it could just be a fun thing to watch, but uh, yes, I would like to see that.

I mean, and Megalopolis.

I'm okay with that.

I don't need to see that.

You don't need to see Megalopolis?

I don't think so.

I've heard people talk about it, and I could see the appeal of seeing it, but I'm not quite there.

I'm like, I could give that a miss.

Yeah.

Well, I don't know what that is.

It's his latest, Francis Forcopolis' latest movie.

I think he spent $100 and some odd million dollars of his own money on

his wine.

From his wine.

Which I've had, and it's good.

It's good.

It's good, really.

His wine is good.

It's a definite solid bring it to a get-together kind of stuff.

100%.

100%.

Very drinkable.

Good table wine.

Very drinkable.

Very delish.

You know, I was listening to Jacqueline Novak and Cape Berlance podcast, and they were talking about a movie for a very long time.

That's like, like, they were saying all this stuff about how, like, it's so great.

And I missed what the title was.

And I just simply

never said it again.

Yeah.

So, by the way, we were just talking about both E.T.

and Bram Stoker's Dracula, if you were wondering.

Do you think it was?

Yeah, thank you.

No, I don't think it was.

What were they saying about it?

Maybe we could go to the next one.

But it was like something about social awkwardness, something of the times.

You know, it was a lot of, but it wasn't about friendship because I think they've already talked about that.

But I think the wrong missy.

They probably were talking about me.

It was like a big

movie of the times.

Yeah, I think that was the graduate.

There's a lot of awkward moments in the graduate.

Yeah.

Well, like, it's awkward that that lady wants to fuck him.

That's all young.

Random.

Random.

That's a little weird.

Can we talk?

This is breaking news today.

Did it do that?

Because this episode will come out two weeks after it happened.

Yes.

But the people.

By the way,

I became a beeping asshole myself yesterday.

No,

I was backing out of my driveway, and there was a truck blocking my driveway and it very nicely moved out of my way.

And I need to make a like three-point turn to get to drive down the street.

And I made two of the three points and then the truck started like moving back to where it was.

And I honked like, hey, you're going to hit me.

And

it stopped.

And to be fair, it might have been moving too forward, but I don't know.

But then I noticed it was our landscapers and I felt really bad.

But that's not rude to honk.

It's like you're basically saying hello.

But a real car horn.

You weren't like leaning on the horn.

No, I wasn't.

But a real car horn just sounds rude.

No matter what.

It does, yeah.

You know what I mean?

Have you ever tried?

I tried to, by the way, I tried doing the justice.

Yes,

and it doesn't work on our car.

Sometimes nothing comes out.

No, sometimes nothing comes out.

It's very frustrating because you're like, I don't want to, I can't give it full force, but the light has changed and you need to go.

But I really felt like, boy, isn't this ironic that here I was complaining on a podcast about two beeping assholes.

Yeah.

And I've become one myself.

Well, what bothers you

is what you say.

He was technically a beeping asshole.

What bothers you and others

is the thing that I see in my life.

I don't say that, though, and I go, I don't know about that.

Accusation is projection.

But I had to, and I always do say, give a friendly greeting to everyone who was around here.

But I did give, when I came back, I gave like a hi, like a maybe extra friendly.

I love you.

And he, and, and to his credit, he gave me the friendly greeting back.

Everything was fine.

I'm sure everything was fine.

He knew.

Yeah.

He knew like,

yeah, you know, so.

Well, what were you going to say about your problems in others?

No, no.

Why did I

talk about your problems and others?

Your problems in others, the things that bother you and someone else were a reflection of yourself.

The first time I ever heard that theory,

I mean, since the first time I've heard that theory, I do like do a mental checklist of things.

If something bothers me, I'm like, is this because I do this?

Did I do that?

Or I have a similar behavior or something.

Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's great when it's no.

It's like, you know what?

No.

I just,

I think I feel like that.

I feel able to go, I'm obviously jealous, and that's why I'm feeling that way or something.

Like, I can usually

quickly pull out and see that.

Quick to see jealousy.

Yeah.

But I, one, another thing that's nice is when you say, yes, I am jealous because I think I'm better than that person.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But also, that's really annoying.

Yeah.

Or whatever the thing is.

But I tend to, by the way, I'm sorry I interrupted.

Hey, man, look at that.

No, and I don't want to interrupt you.

I'm sorry.

On this subject, I'm glad that I'm able to now say, like, I am jealous, but that's the way life works.

Yes.

We all get different opportunities.

Yes.

It's very true.

And I'm not like back when you first start, you're like, God.

Some people get the same opportunities over and over and over again.

Yeah.

They get bigger and better opportunities.

And that happens.

That's just part of life.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So what did I interrupt you with my beeping asshole thing?

My beeping asshole.

My beeping asshole.

Easy.

Ah, yeah, you did it.

This happened this morning.

We were treated to this video.

It's the CEO

and this

chief of HR officer

having an affair at a cold play concert and being caught on the Jumbotron.

Really amazing.

What's so fucked up about it is this was you know what we're talking about, obviously.

Video was captured of the CEO of some like some billionaire was caught having a cold play was playing for this company, right?

That's no, no, it was no, it was a

real concert, but I think they've incorporated a kiss cam into their concert where they go around the weird.

Don't do that.

No, I mean, but you gotta fill the time, right?

I think it's fine.

Find what?

To have a kiss cam.

To have a kiss cam?

You don't have to kiss just because you're on a cam.

Then what are we doing?

We're just like, here's somebody.

Here's somebody else.

But it's exciting to be here.

Let's take the kissing out of kiss cams and just have cams.

Cams.

Yes.

Let's just call them crowd cams.

Crowd cams.

Crowd cams.

Here's someone else.

Here's someone else.

People are so excited.

I was just at a Dodger game.

We took Emmy to her first Dodger game.

And

people are so excited to be caught on the cam.

It's so thrilling.

But here's the thing.

There's a lot of downtime at a baseball game.

So, of course, I love the kiss cam.

I love any kind of now.

We're going to show a bunch of kids and they're going to lose their fucking minds if they're on a camera.

Now we're going to do the cups where, you know, there's a Dodger hat underneath the cup.

By the way, they've made that too hard.

Well, also, it's not, it's digital.

So it's not.

It's not like a human being doing it.

It's not true.

They could put the ball wherever they want.

Yeah, but it used to be you could follow it reasonably.

Yeah.

And now it's like they turn it upside down.

Now there's eight caps.

Now there's fucking one of the caps, you know, explodes.

One of the caps

turns into a different cap.

One of the two of the caps start making out.

No, that's a kiss cam.

That's gross.

Kiss cap

cam.

That's against nature.

But I do love the kiss cam.

I love seeing people.

You love the kiss cam.

I just feel like you can't.

I like the concert.

Okay.

I even like it, by the way, about the kiss cam.

The concert doesn't stop down for a while.

Right.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, like when you're trying to fill it, it's not like M.

Night Shaman's trap, where it's like, hey,

we need to change all the sets over over for the next.

I got to see that movie.

I really want to see that movie.

But yeah, imagine if, like, after a Coldplay song,

it just stopped.

They were just like wandering around the stage for a little bit,

like practicing.

What key is this in?

I do like on a kiss cam when it's

they get like three in a row of people going like, oh, and having a big kiss.

And then they catch two people and they wave it off going, no, we're brother and sister.

Always funny.

Always funny.

Yeah.

It's great.

It is funny.

I also love the uh, they did the Lion King cam where people lift up their pets or babies.

That's funny.

Oh, fucking great.

Bark of the Park is so good.

So, what's that?

That's when you bring, you can bring your dogs to Dodgers, yeah.

So, there's a certain section where you can bring your dogs.

I was there at a

random section.

We went on a day where Vtubers were.

What's a Vtuber?

So, as I understand it, and I apologize, I haven't done a deep dive into this, but

there are these entertainers called VTubers who

film using avatars covering their faces of like anime characters, and you never see their actual faces.

Never

when they're taking off the face, I heard that it's older men pretending to be young women, but then I said that to someone who knows a little bit more about it the other day, and they're like, Well, you got it for more than the face.

Yeah.

No, I buy it.

No, it's more than it's more than it's their entire body.

They're covered with these anime characters.

so they

it's me sexy Jessica,

but then it's all like are you ready?

It's like knockout

but um

but but apparently very popular last year, so they did it.

Oh, wait, what do they do in the in the guise of these in the game?

They just basically are like, come on, Dodgers fans, let's cheer.

So it's on the description.

Are you ready to, it's on the screen.

Are you ready to play ball?

But then there are a million show me what this looks like.

It sounds terrible.

I'm picturing men with women's heads using fake high voices.

I'm going to show you.

It's not good.

I mean, he made Google image

search, but it's stuff like this.

Oh, I do like this.

It's like little

bitches.

Little sailors looking at full-on sailors.

Oh, that's good.

Yeah.

I was picturing it being kind of like a head-on.

I'm not what do they do during the Dodgers game, but what do they do in general?

Why are they there?

So they discussed.

I'm not asking someone that doesn't care about this.

You know what I mean?

Like, you and I shouldn't know know about these things.

No, I know, but you

should.

You shouldn't know about it.

I barely should know.

I'm a Natali should.

You barely know about this.

I'm saying I went to this game and I'm confused by the whole thing, and then I see a selection of fans all dressed, and it's one of the hottest days of the year.

Okay, man.

Okay, man.

I thought you had more information than you have.

That's all the information I have.

I don't know what they do.

Didn't know that.

Let's Google them.

Didn't know that.

Let's Google them.

Let's Google them.

I understand.

I'll tell you what Wikipedia is.

Listen, let's just say that.

They're an online entertainer who uses a virtual avatar generated using computer graphics.

They're one person?

It says they're an

entertainer.

A VTuber.

VTuber is an online entertainer.

No, it's a type of person.

I thought this was like a name of a group or something.

No, the first entertainer to use the phrase virtual YouTuber, Kazuna Al.

I don't know.

I'm sure it's not AI shit.

It might be.

This is too stressful.

I think we have to move on.

In any case, there were people dressed up like these characters all throughout the Dodger game, which I found very weird.

Wearing physical costumes.

Yes, wearing physical costumes on a super hot day that we were so uncomfortable there.

Cosplay knows no temperature.

And

you want to dress up like that?

You want to dress up like that.

You'll walk around in the fucking 100 degrees dressed like a sexy sailor moon.

Coldplay knows no temperature.

That's why it got so hot.

And by the way, if you saw your lover on the Cold Play kiss cam with someone else.

Your husband.

Your husband.

If if you saw your wife if you saw cool if i saw cool up on the cold if i was at the actual show if you were

cool play at the cold cam what if you were if you saw cool up on

the cold play kiss cam as a meme

yeah kissing someone else that would be sad it would be it would be very sad for me yeah

because in california you have to split up your earnings 50 50.

she wouldn't deserve it they were both she wouldn't deserve it they were she's put in the time yeah but then she did this shit.

I guess I'm relieved to hear that it was not like a company event because

my feeling was because both these people.

And he's flaunting it.

Both these people are married.

And that you're sort of.

Oh, she was as well.

I thought he had a wife and girl.

No, no, no.

They both were.

And the idea that you were just going to do that in front of people

and make them sort of complicit

in your affair is so gross.

Yeah.

The whole thing is gross, but the reaction was very funny because he tried to basically do the walking down the stairs.

Yeah, he went down.

Somebody said he should have started doing the Heimlich immediately.

Yeah.

I want to know what alibi they told their spouses about where they were that night.

Oh, yeah.

Before the meme came out,

like, oh, I'm just going out with some girls.

Like, whatever.

Because you can't,

as an alibi, you can't say, oh, I'm going to a Cold Play concert because then your wife goes, well, I want to go.

Yeah.

And he's worth $1.3 billion.

it's not like he can say, oh, we can't get a baby single.

Let me tell you something.

Wives love Coldplay.

He's worth a billion dollars.

You think you're going to get away from the wife by saying you're going to see Coldplay?

Nah.

No, no.

No.

Wife goes to the bus.

When you hear those pianos.

Yeah.

Oh, you're in.

Dinkle, dong, dinkle, dunk, when the one guy.

And the one guy is hitting a bell like the guy from Andor.

Yeah.

That makes me laugh so much when they play that song because none.

I mean, pretty obviously, none of them are actually playing their instruments, it's just all a backing track.

Really?

To see the guy just hitting the bell makes me really laugh.

Do you think the name Andor came from that thing of like and/or when you're writing something?

Yeah, of course, definitely.

Of course, it did.

And it stuck.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He was like, Do I call this person Fred and or

Charlie?

Wait, what about Andor?

Hi, Fred Charlie.

I mean, on Star Wars, it wouldn't be that weird, right?

Fred Charlie's a good Star Wars head.

Fred Charlie.

He got to do Fred Charlie.

Did you watch Andor?

One.

Now that you're a Star Wars head?

No.

The one good Star Wars thing?

I haven't seen it.

It's really good.

I actually just don't know.

I'd have to, I'll have to watch it.

You'll have to watch it.

I'll have to watch it.

It's good

just as a TV show.

And I would say for Star Wars skeptics, perhaps, there is a, it's not as

pew-pew-pew.

Yeah.

It's much more about the drama and the story.

You know, it's pretty.

But there's enough pew-pew-pew in there.

There's enough weird guys.

Oh, there's so many weird guys.

I love it.

Having done newcomers about Star Wars, I felt like, you know, at the time, we like watched everything.

And then to know it just keeps coming out.

It just keeps going.

That's a sad thing.

And that's a hard thing because I don't know how to catch up on that without being financially compensated.

Yeah.

You, you really did if you're not sure if you're going to watch one thing.

Make it Andor.

On this show.

And or report.

An Andor report where every episode you watch one episode of Andor and you take five minutes to tell us what you thought.

I'm going to watch a trailer and I'll see if it's something that I think I might enjoy.

Or we can just bullshit for an hour like we normally do.

There's a great one.

Well, I definitely want to do that.

There's a great little robot who has PTSD.

I love that.

Yeah.

See, I want the robots to suffer like us.

Yeah.

I think

they should have problems.

This guy is a nervous rat.

Yeah, they should have real problems.

Yeah, he should.

I've seen nervous robots before.

No, this guy has like separate.

Nervous to be around Darth Vader or nervous to be around stormtroopers.

Sure.

Or like a hot girl.

Yeah, exactly.

The Star Wars Christmas special

has a really horny part with Chewbacca's grandpa or whatever.

Yeah, yeah.

Who like puts on a porn goggle?

His name is like sticky or something.

He's got like a dumpy.

His name is like stumpy dumpy and he puts on porn goggles and like watches like a sexy chewbacca lady or something or some maybe it's not even chewbacca It's like a just a sexy lady and then

he's like

What?

Yes, it's weird.

I tried I found a copy of it and I tried watching it maybe 10 years or so ago like oh yeah, I watched this the night.

I was so you know into it the night.

I hated it afterwards other than the Boba Fett part, but I turned it on for like four minutes and Art Carney was there and I was just like this fucking one.

I'm going to watch an hour of this.

So I just turned it off.

Yeah, it's crazy.

So I don't remember that.

That's the part I do do remember.

Just skip ahead to where they all come in super high.

Yeah.

All the real people.

All the real Star Wars people.

What was like missing during it?

Is it someone's missing that they're trying to help them reunite with someone?

I got a text alert on my phone about it.

Person Farm is missing on the Star Wars life day special.

We have to take a break.

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Cooler temps are rolling in.

Dude, dooda.

And as always, Quince is where I'm turning for fall staples that actually last from cashmere to denim to boots.

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I got to ask you about their denim.

Okay, well, their denim's durable and it fits right.

What about leather jackets?

They are real and they bring that clean, classic edge without the elevated price tag.

Sounds good.

What makes Quince different?

Hey, everyone.

Oh, hey, well, they partner directly with ethical factories and skip the middlemen.

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Can I hear some personal experience from you?

Because I'm still a little skeptical for some reason.

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How do you spell it?

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So yeah, it always felt to me more like it was supposed to represent Thanksgiving because it came out on November 17th.

Well, Life Day is like just

its own thing.

Eight?

Yeah, because it came out

1978.

Right.

That's why I think it represents Thanksgiving.

Exactly, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Look at my mom just sent me this picture of Holly when she was a baby.

Whoa.

Oh, my God.

So funny because you think your kids are just all, you know, like when you're at that age, you're just like.

You're just that.

You're just that.

But then you go back and look at old pictures of them and you're like, I don't even recognize you.

I can't believe that was you.

So cute.

Oh, when you're coming home, that I don't know.

You know, we'll have a good time then.

Do you think that was

autobiographical?

It's so strange to put someone on blast like that in a song.

That's like some Taylor Spirit.

Hey, dad, listen to my new song.

Oh, by the way, it's going to go number one, and you're going to have to hear it.

It's going to become part of the pop culture conversation.

TikTok, where it's

Beyonce playing lemonade for Jay-Z the first time.

Oh, it's like, it starts out.

He's just, is this the real?

Same guy playing both parts.

Oh, no, no.

Seeing both parts.

He's sitting at a computer and he presses a button.

And then, you know, in the doorway is Jay-Z, and he's like bopping along to it like like great.

And then the lyrics start to change, and the guy's just staring.

It's really, it's really funny.

If you're Beyoncé and you say, you know what, I'm not going to forgive you, Jay-Z.

Who do you date after that?

I think.

Go back to J-A.

That's a good point.

Start off at the beginning of the J-A.

I mean, you know, the J-alphabet.

She could date anyone in the entire world.

I know, but.

You know what?

The answer is right in front of us.

Obviously, Pete Davidson.

Oh, I'm sorry, of course.

Having a baby, it's reported.

He is having a baby.

It's reported.

Let's not spread the misinformation.

We've heard, perhaps, reportedly.

Well, she's fathered a child.

She posted a child.

Now people know we've had sex.

Oh, okay.

His partner posted.

Okay, great.

And now they're having a baby.

That's pretty good.

That's gauche.

We had a baby.

It's a boy.

We had a baby.

It's a boy.

I'm on a feastide.

That was one

where

long distance calls were very,

they were impenetrable and they were prohibitively expensive.

So you had to get special cards and things.

And

it starts with a guy saying, I thought I was calling Phoenix, but I called Fiji.

Oh, I remember that.

Which doesn't make any how

you spelled it.

I know they spelled it.

You put in a country code.

You spelled it correctly.

Yeah.

I mean, it only works if you're telling Siri.

Call fee.

And that was not a thing.

That wasn't a thing then.

And so there's a guy at a resort answering the phone, and he says something that sounds like, I can't see that.

Oh.

And that guy's not from himself.

He's in Phoenix.

This isn't my grandma.

It's like, no, you're calling Phoenix.

No, you're not.

Remember 1-800 Collect?

I do.

How many wealthy people got paid to advertise 1-800 Collect?

I know.

Those were good commercials.

They were good commercials,

but it's so crazy.

I don't begrudge Mr.

T anything.

No, he should get his dollar.

It's so crazy that phone calls don't cost anything anymore.

Or if they do,

I feel like

it's structured so much differently than it was.

It's more complex, but it's also, I guess it's easier to end up paying a lot more money than you have to.

Guys, this is why we started Hag Claims 8.

You know what?

This is

the perfect segue.

Hag Claims 8.

If you are looking for

a better phone plan, a novelty dictionary,

website.

Website.

Dictionary website.

Sorry, it's not a physical dictionary.

Yet.

Yet.

Although.

Well, it could be if we just printed it.

That would be kind of.

That's true.

We could do that.

We could do that.

Have you ever just printed up a bunch of pages from the internet?

Just call up.

I'm going to print out AaronWebster.com.

I just want a dictionary, but I want it free.

Well, free-ish.

What was the novelty?

I don't even remember.

It would be novelty definitions of real words.

So it's kind of like funny definitions, like a picture.

Oh, it was like, oh, there's a like

the definition of stupid has your picture.

Yeah.

And so like a little mirror in there.

A mirror.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'd be happy to

get gullibles out in there.

Goebbels on the ceiling.

It's like, what?

Yeah.

Goebbels on the ceiling?

Goebbels on the ceiling.

I know.

I know.

Yes, there you are.

Oh, man, the end of, is it the end of Patience where Axel Rose does that really low note?

And then, and then in one of the songs, he goes, Yaza at the end.

What?

Let me look.

Are you thinking of David Lee Roth?

That seems like David Lee Roth.

I think David Lee Roth, I think, Chris Katan.

I forgot that was one of his characters.

It was solid.

Well, the first thing that comes up on the internet is: what is Axel Rose diagnosed with?

God.

Four-stage Yausa?

Four-stage.

I can't.

Oh, it's Mr.

Brownstone at the end of Mr.

Brownstone.

Oh, this took me to fucking X.com, the everything app.

Ew,

Mechahitler, Mechahler.

Mecha Hitler.

Doctor Mey Mechahitler.

I was listening to Grimes on the way here.

Grimes.

And I was just thinking, like, I wish I didn't know that she joined Elon Musk.

I wish I didn't know that.

I wish I didn't know that.

I wish I could erase that.

Was it better when you didn't know anything about anyone?

I actually think it was.

It really was, yes.

I think it was.

Yeah.

I remember when I was working with the Mr.

Show guys

that we were all impressed that someone figured out the production company address and sent us like a fan mail, a fan, a piece of fan mail.

And I was like, wow, that's cool.

A fan actually reached out to us and was able to get us a message.

And now it's just like, fucking, everyone can just send anyone a message.

Yeah.

Don't, don't.

It's, it's weird.

Thanks for messages, guys.

As Spring the Whisperer has said, if you are typing anything on the internet, check yourself into Shutter Island.

He's not wrong completely, but there are

pockets of the internet that I'm really enjoying right now.

And I don't need to get in depth.

A show that we're watching, Carl and I, we have now got into rabbit holes on Reddit about that show

and we are

and people are very funny talking about it and I and I'm like you know what I like these comments oh yeah I know you're everyone's being funny but I there but most of the internet should be deleted I do think I think the the

being able to con being able to write to anyone or comment on someone I think the I think first and foremost disable just disable comments you could do that oh it's great to disable the news should not have comments available

There should be no news reporting site of any kind that allows comments.

Although, sometimes it is like,

hey, that's not true.

Well, you know what I mean?

I think if it's on Instagram and people are just able to comment on that, or like, hey, you need to comment on that.

This headline is misleading.

This headline, yeah.

But I think if I'm reading a website that is like a journalistic website and I'm reading that, I don't need to then at the bottom see some assholes thought about it.

Here's what I will say, though, in

opposition to that.

Okay.

Opposition.

I'm open and available to hear other sides.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Both sides.

Get out of your bubble for two seconds.

I know.

Just today, there was the

Cold Play Kiss Cam.

Ouch.

Did you hit yourself, dear?

I did.

I don't like this part.

I need to put some cushioning here.

Yeah.

Maybe we'll put some baffling there or something.

Yeah, put some baffling.

Why don't you wear some knee pads?

I'll do that.

Like mercury in the

casual think I'll love video.

And so NPR is getting defunded pbs is getting defunded

and uh so npr itself posts this online with a picture of chuck schumer saying the senate votes to defund whatever it's like it wasn't it was and people are like it specifically was republicans you can't just say the senate right why would they want like bro do we have any stock photos of the senate around oh here's one of

the old chuck schumer in there why would they want to say it like that i don't know i think for a while they were thinking, hey, maybe if we're nice to these guys, they won't take our money away.

I was like, well, that's dumb.

And then they did, and they're still like

making it.

It's so weird.

I wrote something, and I don't know if this is true or not, but I'm going to throw it out like it is.

Do it.

It's a podcast.

Yeah, we can

do it here.

This is anybody who's fact-checking us on anything?

What are you doing?

No, the podcast is all about just saying untrue things and try to rile.

Yes.

But I think there was a point where

something about the FCC where they were trying to decide whether it should be legal to sell ads on news

or not.

And they decided, like, oh, yeah, let's let

news programs sell ads.

Yeah.

And how different the world would be if they had never done that.

Because then

news

programs wouldn't be chasing ratings, wouldn't be looking at the metrics of like, oh, when we talk about this thing, our our ratings go up.

And

there probably wouldn't be 24-hour news channels because they wouldn't be.

It wouldn't be profitable.

It wouldn't be lucrative.

Yeah.

So,

gosh, wouldn't that be a great world?

It really would.

It really would.

But instead, we have this one.

And what about podcasts?

What about this podcast?

What if it was illegal to have it?

Oh my God, do you think podcasts wouldn't exist?

Probably not.

If people are like, I love the news, it doesn't have commercials.

Why should I listen to a podcast?

And they're just throwing things out like they're true.

They don't even know.

Mike and I have been have been toying with the idea of getting dumb phones.

Oh, yeah.

And having our smartphone only capable to be used on internet.

Can it be in the shape of like an old

telephone receiver?

The one that we're looking at is like a, just looks like an iPhone, but it only does maps, photos,

texting and email, and you can't do anything else.

Right.

You can't Google anything, whatever.

Sounds like you Google anything.

That's a good one for like kids, probably.

It's definitely, it's like listed as being a great first phone.

Right.

And so I'm like, I'm kind of interested in the idea of having that.

You probably want to add TikTok to it, though.

I want Instagram and TikTok.

Yeah, you should add that.

But I, and then the thought was that we would keep our other phones and just have them only able to be used when you're on Wi-Fi.

So you can like, you could do certain things if you need to and blah, blah, blah, if you were like in some sort of situation.

However, it's already the idea.

I think I have to just jump in and try it for a few weeks.

But the idea already becomes like, well, what if I need to do this?

Or what if I need to do that?

And then it's like, but the, but we used to do that.

Yeah, we never used to be on

TikTok.

Well, even like I can single

tweet or tweet or whatever you call it.

Oh, this is my new pep game, by the way.

I went to see a very good play the other day.

Cold?

Parade.

No, it wasn't cold.

I wasn't on that kiss cam.

You'll never catch me on the cold play kiss cam.

But I went to see parade.

You're on the parade play kiss Cam?

Yes, I was on the parade play kiss cam.

What is parade about again?

Is it a dramatic, but it sounds like a musician?

It's dramatic, but it's a musical.

Beautiful music, but it's about

a real story about a

Jewish

person who was sort of railroaded

and

tried for a murder.

And then

parade.

Yeah, because it was on the day of a parade.

Okay.

And

And then the governor started to investigate it and let him out of jail.

And then a mob found him and hung him

when he was released from jail.

In any case, so

Senator Warnock introduced it,

not live, but there was an audio tape of him saying, like, you know, please put your stuff away.

And this is my new pet peeve, is when people, and Billy Bob Thornton does this on these new commercials, when they say, when they, when they dismissively say, like,

so Senator Warnock said, anything that's like ringing or pinging or dinging,

put it away.

Right.

You know, and Billy Bob Thornton does the, yeah, you're, you're texting and, you know, like.

We're so far past the point of this being like something some people are doing and it's annoying.

It's

everyone.

It's literally every person on earth.

Just don't turn your phones off.

That's the one device.

Yes.

Yeah.

I mean, I feel like I saw a lot of pinging and dinging.

I saw a live show the other day where the person did it too, and it was just like, oh, all of your apps and all of it.

Why are you so derisive towards this thing that you definitely use?

Yes.

What commercials is Billy Bob Thornton doing?

He has some sort of data plan commercial.

So he has a data plan and he's going pinging and dinging?

He's a competitor to HackClaims8.com.

Well, they all are.

They all are.

Yeah.

They all are.

We're climbing on top of them.

Every other podcast phone company is going under because of us.

I'll land on you, man.

Yeah.

But I do, you know, we did go see a movie the other day with our nephew, who's 15,

and he was saying he didn't like the experience because he wanted to be on his phone the whole time.

And that's sad.

And didn't like how the theater was saying you can't be on your phone.

And it's kind of like, well, I don't like what this building said to me.

That's actually really hard to process for me because I think

theaters are now trying to maybe do screenings where people can be on their phones all the time and all this.

Meanwhile, when I saw Parade, despite Senator Warnock's

chastising the audience, the older woman next to me had a phone that or a watch that lit up constantly.

Yeah.

And it constantly got my attention.

Why was Raphael Warnock

the person telling you?

Because it's in Georgia.

It's set in Georgia.

That's what I'm doing.

The play set set in Georgia.

It's an important place.

Let's get a video of him.

That's so weird.

It wasn't a video.

It was an audio.

It was an audio.

That's even weird.

Even weirder.

But

the wanting to be on your phone, your nephew's at an age where he probably didn't go to the movies for like all the pandemic.

There's like a lot of child, you know, brain

childhood, yeah, like of like

experience.

We, we, we concentrate when we're here and we, we pay attention to the sense of

me, and also to

this place.

But it also makes sense with just that age wanting to be on your phone or whatever.

I just feel very sad when I hear that.

That, like, because it's just being in the movie theater is the special thing.

I always

do it at home all day long.

I don't know.

I'm on my phone all the time.

But when I go, if I actually go to a movie theater, it's almost like, oh, thank God someone has made this decision for me.

I won't say it's easy, especially like when something can get in your head about, like, well, what if it happens with the movie theater?

Both Kulap and I are here.

Shouldn't I have it at least?

Shouldn't I I check it?

Shouldn't I check it from time to time?

But it is very satisfying.

But I will say he also

has one

air pod in his ear at all times.

Oh.

And is a lot of people do that.

My nephew was doing that too.

My nephew had, but he had just gotten because they were going to summer camp and they got these like just some little inexpensive MP3 players that, so, because they can't take any phones to camp and everything.

And so they put music on the thing, but then he was, he had that in his

hose again.

While we were mini golfing, and I was going, like, but don't be listening to this music while we're mini golfing.

Is that talking?

Does that mean that that joke has finally left my brain?

And you can insert itself a transfer.

I almost said it the other day to someone, to like a parent at preschool, and I was like, this person's not going to understand me.

What did I say that sparked that for you?

You said it puts the thing in the thing.

I didn't say it puts the music in the thing.

I don't know what it said.

They put the music in the thing, I think is what you said.

Well, Well, regardless.

They put the lime in the coconut.

He was listening to that while hanging out, but I was like, well, it's not a game, and it's like, he is able to hear me.

So at least there's that.

Like, I'm like, I am not going to tell him to not use it.

Do you think games are worse?

Games are worse because they're not able to hear you while they're playing a game.

True, but they're also not.

getting weird ideas.

Well, this was just music.

He was just listening to like music that we had uploaded onto the thing.

So we knew what all the songs were and they were all kid appropriate.

But it's just, yeah, no, I think, I think the YouTube stuff is really scary.

When the kids are just screwed on YouTube, they're in a whole world there that they've now stopped watching.

But there were a lot of times where they just watch grown men play video games and talk about it.

And then I'm like, why is this guy doing this?

Which is very scary.

The guy in the video where he's like some guy who's just like walking through a Minecraft world and talking about it.

And I'm just like, this is just crazy that, I mean, it's that person's money, but they're

mostly.

I know, but I'm like, but only nine-year-olds are watching this, and so that's when I start to think, why are you making this?

This is weird that you're making this.

I want to sound even older.

I have never been clear on what exactly Minecraft is.

I don't know what it is.

You build things, you build things, you destroy things.

That's the craft.

I don't really know what happens beyond that.

I know you have to mine materials.

Yeah.

Oh, so you can build crypto.

You mine so you can craft.

Superman stop.

I don't care if I sound old.

I think that this is just, this is technology changing and it's weird.

And I think that there were the people a little bit older than us were definitely talking about all of this when we were getting all of our phones.

When I got a pair of modern hearts, we're talking about Atari Adventure.

Yeah.

When I got a pair of modern headphones, I didn't know that there was the setting where you can hear everything in the room as well as the thing.

So I was like, oh, okay.

And I'm pretty sure that's what our nephew has on is the setting where it's like

because I would go like, hey, do you want to do or whatever?

And he would answer me and stuff.

But I I think that his phone is in his hand.

He's got one

earpod in.

And he's just like scrolling TikTok the entire day

and concentrating on that with half his brain and concentrating on talking to everyone with another hardware.

I don't use TikTok enough to have an algorithm that is suited to me.

And so when I'm.

I can't look at TikTok for very long.

Like just.

Yeah, I don't have TikTok.

Yeah.

I don't have it either.

I don't look at it.

But I think with like, and I'm not better than I can.

I have it just doing it.

Just so when people send me TikToks, I can see them easily.

You send a few TikToks.

I'm always like, well, can't see this one.

Here's what I try to do.

I try to download them and send them to people.

Oh, that's nice.

That's very generous.

I'm a very nice person.

You're so nice.

It's like a gift article.

When you think about

like when you're talking to your spouse and they're on their phone, and I'm definitely guilty of that.

My spouse is a woman, by the way.

Where Mike will be like talking to me, and then I'm like, he's like, you have to put your phone down because I'm like not responding.

Yeah.

And I didn't realize that I think that I'm able to do two things at once and I'm not.

I'm very guilty of that.

Sometimes Emmy goes like,

hey, wake up.

Which is code for get off your phone.

Yeah, that's scary.

I feel that's part of my thing.

It's like, put down your phone, wake up.

It's part of my thing

wanting the

dumb phone, even though it's very hard for me to give up this thing.

Yeah.

Is that I don't want to be seen with my neck craning down all the time to my children.

Like that makes me feel sad.

When you see other people on their phones, it looks so bad.

It looks terrible.

It looks so like it's so uninteresting.

On Mother's Day, we, Emmy and Kulop and I went out for brunch and we had a nice brunch and we weren't on our phones.

And then I looked over at the table next to us and it was a mom and dad and they're two either teenage or preteen preteen sons.

And all four of them were just on their phone the entire meal.

And I was like, oh, God, I don't want to be like that.

But then happy Mother's Day.

But then life is so fucking boring.

You have to like play games.

I mean, maybe their conversations are terrible.

I mean, who knows?

That's true.

Maybe they all suck and like they put it down and instead they'd be like, eat your fucking eggs.

Shut up, mom.

You're so stupid.

But I was like, should why should you get a dang?

I would always be upset at my dad for rules about stuff like that.

And my mom, sure.

But,

you know, like famously, he threw away our TV for a number of years and just, you know, like, no, this at the table or whatever.

No phones at the table or whatever.

So I'm like, I'm not going to be like that.

that so like phones are okay at the table but then no i would say no phones at the table now i've started to be like i think no phones at the table is fair there's a new thing called wait until eighth and it's like sort of like a parental like commitment that like for example like you and like your emmy's classmates parents would decide we're all not going to give them a phone until they're in eighth grade at least and so it means nobody's left no yes no one's like yes and i like that idea and i even think eighth grade sounds young but it's that's also because i didn't get a i had a phone in my junior year of high school, but even that was kind of crazy.

When I, but yeah, sorry, when I think about like the one asshole parents who would be like, No, I'm not gonna abide by that, I don't agree to,

yeah, because you know it's I know someone's gonna know it's gonna ask me.

I know who in her, I know which oh, I do too.

I don't know why I know this, but I know exactly and I know too.

I know exactly who is what I'm talking about.

Oh, no, okay, oh, yeah, I do.

Um, all right, we have to take a break, okay.

I'm Hussa Minhaj, and I have been lying to you.

I only pretended to be a comedian so I could trick important people into coming on my podcast, Hussin Minhaj Doesn't Know, to ask them the tough questions that real journalists are way too afraid to ask.

People like Senator Elizabeth Warren.

Is America too dumb for democracy?

Outrageously.

Parenting expert Dr.

Becky.

How do you skip consequences without raising a psychopath?

It's a good question.

Listen to Hussa Minhaj Doesn't Know from Lemonata Media, wherever you get your podcasts.

Paul, don't you fucking do it.

Come on, man.

Don't you?

We've been down this road.

I'm looking for information.

Just asking questions.

Just asking questions.

It's time for a three church.

A buster.

Shit.

We're gonna do a three-choke.

If you would like to send us a three-shirt, don't.

Yeah, never again.

I have

I was at dinner at a friend's house, and when I was leaving, I saw this book on their table.

Whoa, and I said, Please, may I borrow that book?

I love it.

This book is called The Omnibus of Party Games.

Whoa, it is written by Gloria Goddard and Clement Wood.

It is from old-timey times.

It is a first edition in 1938.

Cost $12.95.

That's expensive.

It was expensive back then?

Like, I would imagine it would honestly be a dollar or something.

It can't have cost that much then.

Like, what's, I'm going to look up what's, how much is $12.95?

I did this on the, by the way, I did this on the Gilded Age the other day when they were offered $600,000 for the clock.

Have you been watching?

Are you fucking kidding me?

Wait, what?

There was a payoff with that clock?

Oh, shit.

Are you not watching?

I'm sorry.

I'm not watching.

why not i thought that we were watching this together did you i said i sent you an ad for it and you were like hell yes

i have not been watching how far into the season is it it's like four or five episodes so this the kid fixed the clock and then somebody wants to buy it so he put it

he put it on credit these are all these are all spoilers you put it on facebook marketplace these are all spoilers for gilded age i'm sorry but but uh the the payoff to the clock is he patented the technology that he used to fix the clock, and he went into business with a guy across the street.

I call it the driver of the screw.

He went into business with a guy across the street, and

they got a huge sum of money for it, which I was like,

oh, I wonder how much that is.

And I looked it up, and it's akin to $12 million now.

But he's still going to work for

the people.

By the way, this book, you say about 1939 or so?

1938, I said.

Okay, $12?

$12.95.

$12.95.

That is close to $300.

But where did it say $12.99?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

It's $12.95 today.

It's got a sticker on it that it was sold recently for $12.95.

I understand.

That's why I was like, why?

What?

I was going to say, that book does not look worth $300.

No, a book's in 1938.

We'll pay you to take one.

Hardy games were hard to come by.

So they sold out.

You could have to have this special edition $300 book.

Now, here's the contents.

There are things such as

indoor athletics, individual, indoor athletics, team or relay, ingenuity games, guessing games,

serious games.

I don't want to play.

Not for the nitwits.

Fun with the alphabet.

Oh, my God.

Can you imagine how bleak that is?

Oh, Jesus.

Stunt games and gags.

Although we just had it with the J-Z-J-A joke.

The goddess of luck.

We did have fun with the alphabet in that instance.

It wasn't bleak.

It was not bleak.

But the first chapter is breaking the ice at the party.

Okay.

And I think this might, we might find something in here, and maybe we should have done this during the break.

All right.

Maybe we should have, but we were too busy gossiping about people we knew.

Trying to do that.

And it was so fun.

It was fun.

It was more fun than what we're about to do.

A lot of these.

And of course, by the way, if you're a hags claim, hag, sorry, hag claims8.

I almost said hags claimer.

If you're a hag.

If you're a hag or an 8-claimer, you get to hear all of the deleted gossiping that we do about our friends.

So that's another reason to stop.

Yeah, it gets deleted, but it gets uploaded to hagclaims8.com.

Yeah.

So that's enough.

If you are a user to become,

you know, to get our data plan.

That's a lot of the data that you're getting is who we're gossiping about.

Just get it.

Just get it.

Damn it.

All of these are like, you have to make cards and shit.

What if we don't do that?

Well, I guess we can't.

I mean, I really thought this would be easy.

Tell you, why don't you take that book home, dear?

And read that all night long.

Read it all

night long.

Omnibus of party games.

Tombolites.

Hey, Jamba Jambo.

Hey, Jambajala.

Tombolites Etibolia.

Hey, Jamba Jambo.

Oh,

yeah.

We're gonna have a party.

Lauren, I couldn't help but notice you're joining in during the singing of All Night Long.

I didn't actually know those extra words you started adding.

Tumbolites at Mo Ya.

Yeah.

I mean, I've heard it.

I would never feel so bold as to say it.

What about, what if I were to say to you, Mamase Mamasama Makusan?

Mamase Mamasama Makusan.

That one's in my head all the time.

I often want to say that.

All the time.

That's like if you could x-ray Lauren's skull.

It would be a little Lauren singing Mamose Moso Microsoft.

All right.

Well, I fucked up.

Guys,

do you want to apologize to us and then the listeners?

Yeah.

Okay.

Scott?

Yep.

Lauren?

I'd prefer a separate one.

I want to be noticed while you're talking to him.

Scott?

Yes.

Paul?

Regarding the

snafu blunder.

Situation normal, all fucked up.

Whatever you want.

I'm over here.

I just wanted you to kind of.

Hi, Lauren.

Hi.

I'm apologizing to Scott.

And guess what?

I've got something for you, too.

Oh, I hope it's an apology.

We'll see what happens.

I would like to formally

and sincerely apologize for not doing due diligence on the book, The Omnibus of Party Games by Gloria Goddard and Clement Wood.

$12.95.

In Today's Dollars.

In Today's Dollars, $12.95,

first edition from 1938.

I should have looked in the book prior to us meeting today.

I thought it would be, this is an explanation, not an excuse.

I thought it would be fun to discover it all together, but now I see I really should have at least taken a peek beforehand.

And now I'm realizing, of course, it was not as easy as I thought it would be.

And doing something the easy way often leads to something like this.

You know, we could play should have, could have, would have.

Should we just do that?

Oh, yeah, let's do that.

Anyway, Scott, that is my apology.

I don't need to hear from you.

I forgive, but I never forget.

Lauren?

Yes.

I don't know if you remember, but the last time we tried to play a three-church,

I made this big show of having brought in a book.

And,

you know, with the indication that, with the implication that this book has so many games we can play, that we are set.

And obviously, I did not

do any sort of research beforehand.

You didn't even crack it.

No, I didn't.

You didn't even take one peek.

I'm sorry to interrupt your apology that's going on over here.

I just want you to notice me.

I'm going to ignore that because this is your tanking.

I feel like that was you gave me the Heisman right there.

I should have.

I should have even looked at him.

I should have.

Talk to the hand because the face don't want to listen.

I should have

researched this.

I should have opened the book up and seen what type of book it was.

Yeah.

And then I would have discovered numerous props are needed for various games.

You could have made

that.

I'm sorry to interrupt again.

You could have made the props.

You could have brought the props.

And you could have gone to Party City.

Add prop to a Hoctor prop.

Anyway, Lauren, I want to say that I am sorry.

I'm sorry.

I wasted our time, your time, the listener's time.

My response is that it's too little, too late.

Okay, well, it doesn't matter because I don't even care.

I said I would give you a little bit of a bunch of people.

I don't think you're bullshit about it.

I don't care about that either.

I don't care.

I said I would.

You don't care.

So why are you even doing it?

Because I said I would.

I said,

but you're only doing it because you said you would.

That's so.

So you're just saying, sorry, sorry, whatever.

The apology is sincere, but I don't need to listen to what you have to say.

I'm not going to respond to you.

I'm now the listener.

I'm not going to respond to you.

Hey, you guys.

Oh, great.

All three of you.

I want to say I apologize for not doing the work I should have done in advance of this episode.

I thought I was bringing a fun idea to us, and what I brought was a problem and a slowdown and a turning over of the sign to zero days since a three-year blunder.

And I apologize to each and every one of you.

And if you're a new listener, and if you're somebody who's discovering this podcast long after we've stopped doing it, and you're like, Why never listen to that?

Should I listen to that?

And somebody said, Yeah.

And yes, the show where someone apologizes for it.

Yeah, yeah, dude.

Yeah, listen.

Do whatever the fuck you want.

I mean, I don't care if you listen, sure.

If that applies to you,

I'm not sorry.

Wow.

Because these other people, they were there when it happened.

And you,

fuck you, the future.

Whoa.

Fuck everybody in the future.

Fuck everyone in the future?

Yes.

Meaning anyone who's born in the future or just everyone who exists?

Everyone who's in there now.

Whoa.

What about dead people?

Yeah, fuck them.

They're all the past, though.

They're dead in the future.

Do you see them?

Do I see dead people?

Yeah.

Do I see people?

Do I see dead people?

I see dead people?

Yeah.

Do you see?

Very different movie with a question mark at the end of that.

I see dead people.

That's a game we could play.

Seeing dead people?

No.

Wrong inflection?

Wrong inflection.

Okay.

How do we play it, Paul?

You think of.

Who is it submitted by?

You think of it's submitted by me right now.

Okay.

You think of

famous quotes from movies.

Okay.

And you try to change the inflection to give it a different meaning if possible.

Okay.

Now, we could do it where we toss one out to each other.

Okay.

And you say, with this inflection.

Okay.

You want to try that?

Sure.

You've submitted it.

I'll try whatever you want me to.

Hey, I'm your little bitch.

I'll do anything you order me to do, daddy.

Like a famous

line, such as.

How about, how about here's looking at you, kid?

Yes, exactly.

Is this to me?

And then, Paul, you're going to say how it's said?

Yeah.

Okay.

How do you want me to say it?

I want you to say it like

finally.

Oh, here's looking at you, kid.

What if we go around and we have to each give it a different inflection?

Okay.

Okay.

So then we don't assign it.

That's how a three trees born.

Paul.

Say, oh, I'm sorry.

This is for Paul now.

Yes.

And

you were to say how he wants to say it.

No, no, no.

I think we just all give it a different one.

I think we eliminate the assignment.

Okay.

Oh, the part that you wanted us to do?

This is a living document.

A lot like the Constitution.

Well,

well, too living in fancy

Constitution is all its moods.

Let's let that thing die already.

Okay, how do you want to say

you just say it and we'll guess?

I want to tell you.

I want to tell you.

Yes, I want to tell you.

Lauren wants to tell you how to say.

Okay, tell me how to say it.

Tell me how to say, here's looking at you, kid.

Like a creep in the window.

That's pretty good.

A thief in the net.

Here's looking at you, kid.

Right?

Lauren, I want you to say it like you're finally seeing your daughter after they were kidnapped for 15 years.

Here's looking at you, kid.

Okay, it's an acting exercise.

Yeah.

Yeah, we're good actors.

We're great actors.

How about there's no crying in baseball?

okay paul you tell me how to say it

shock to discover

there's no crying in baseball

whoa that's crazy that was crazy that's nuts lowren

how's paul gonna say this

it's a secret

There's no crying in baseball.

Oh, that's gossipy.

Yeah, thank thank you.

XO, XO.

All right, Lauren.

How do you want me to say it?

You say it like you're correcting someone on the sport that they're playing.

There's no crying in baseball.

Sounded just like the rest of the day.

Isn't that what he said?

Isn't that what he was doing?

It's kind of weird.

No, he was saying that there's no crying in baseball.

Not there's no crying in baseball.

There's no crying in baseball.

ET phone home.

Scott,

assign someone else.

Oh, okay.

I think the assignment should go different ways.

Oh, really?

You don't want to be assigned by me anymore?

I don't feel safe.

I don't want to be assigned by you.

A guilty fleet.

I've got no rhythm.

All right, you tell Lauren what to do.

But wait, that's the line, though.

ET phone.

ET phone home.

Okay.

Lauren, I want you to say it

like it's a chore.

E.T.

phone home.

Okay.

Wonderful.

Wonderful.

Thank you.

Now you tell me how to say it.

I want you to say it like

you say it while you're fucking

while I'm fucking.

Eddie.

Eddie.

The face is really alive.

E.T.

phone home.

I couldn't even look.

Were you E.T.?

Fucking.

Yes.

And I was.

That's me coming.

All right.

His phone home.

I'm E.T.

and I associate those words with something pleasurable.

I saw his phone home face.

I'm E.T.

and I associate those words with something pleasurable.

I'm E.T., and I associate those words with something pleasurable.

Sponsor with EPA Fabio Digappa.

Okay, Paul,

you say it like

you say it like you are angry that your father, who has never paid attention to you and actually drove you away from his planet in the first place,

you're nervous about seeing him again.

You're nervous about talking to him again, but you know that you have to, it's something that you have to do, but you're also

growing up and you're like, you know what?

Do I even?

I want to be independent.

I need to.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Say it like that yeah say it like that

okay how about nervous yeah great thank you

yeah he

he he phoned home

wow

what if et had a collar

why was rodney dangerfield the only guy who was able to do that i feel bad for him that his clothes fit so poorly no

do you think he ever was like someone delivered him a well-fitting shirt and he's like, no, no, no.

When did he die?

Oh, when did he die?

Did he die?

You want to take bets on it?

Yeah.

I'm going to say, oh, you got a $10,000 bet?

Yeah.

I'm going to say he died in 2002.

Okay.

Lauren,

you go.

I'm going to say 2000.

I'm going to say 2000.

I'm going to say 2000.

I'm going to say 2010.

Okay.

Let's look it up.

Who died in

closest without going over?

Yeah.

Is Paul, 2004.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Oh,

you know what?

I mixed up my date because I remember wanting to get him on because Rover Dangerfield died in 2010.

I wanted to get him on Comedy Death Ray.

And and

I was like, so he had to be alive then, but I mixed up the date of when that started with when the Comedy Bang Bang podcast started.

Cause of death surgical complications, wives, wives that he had.

He was married to Joyce Indig from 1951 to 1961.

And then he was married to Joyce Indig from 1963 to 1970.

They got divorced for two years.

Yeah, I find that

he was married.

Then

he was single for 23 years.

And he was married to a child.

And he married Joan Child.

Yeah,

from 93 to 2004.

Wow, the widow Dangerfield.

And his full name, of course, Jacob Cohen.

Jacob Cohen.

Wow.

That's shocking.

I thought I knew his real name, but that doesn't sound familiar to me at all.

Jack Roy, born Jacob Cohen, better known by the stage name, Rodney Dangerfield.

So he changed it twice.

What?

Jack Roy's not working.

I need to come up with more syllables.

Isn't it always interesting?

Wait, his name was

what?

He was born Jacob Cohen, then he changed it to Jack Roy.

And then his kid's last name is Roy.

Yeah.

But he had the stage name of Rodney Dangerfield.

So around the house, he was probably known as Jack.

Interesting.

Yeah.

His kids probably didn't respect him.

They called him Jack.

I think rapping Jack sounds worse.

Rap in Jack's knee.

Associated Google questions.

Who said I never get any respect?

So you're already Googling Rodney Dangerfield and then it gives you that.

Wait, do we have more movie quotes?

Yes, of course we do.

One more round.

Nobody puts baby in a corner.

All right, I'm going to tell Paul

you're wondering where to put baby

nobody puts baby in a corner,

right?

Right.

Looking at the people like, right?

Am I close?

Lowryn?

You're going to say it like

you are the person

giving instructions at the beginning of the haunted house.

And this is one of the last things you say before you like

send them off.

Disappear in some fog or whatever.

Nobody puts baby in a corner.

Yeah, there we go.

And you're going to say it

like

you are escaping from a big hole that you fell into.

Like a Heidi hole?

Like Saddam Hussein's spider hole?

Yeah.

Spider hole.

Yeah.

Okay.

Nobody puts baby in the corner.

Similar to the fucking.

I was going to say

i think escaping from a hole is very similar to fucking yeah we talk about et a lot of this podcast it's an unofficial et podcast i would say it's an unofficial et podcast that's how we should have branded ourselves years ago

i have to go all right all right we all have to go goodbye

Our healthcare system is broken in so many ways.

We have a healthcare system that's supposed to be taking care of people that is making it literally more difficult for people to put food on the table.

So this season, we'll dive into the challenges headfirst while also thinking about how we can find a better way because we all deserve better.

Uncared for Season 3 from Lemonada Media.

Available August 6th, wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, it's Lena Waith.

Legacy Talk is my love letter to black storytellers, artists who've changed the game and paved the way for so many of us.

This season, I'm sitting down with icons like Belicia Rashad, Loretta Devine, Ava Duvernay, and more.

We're talking about their journeys, their creative process, and the legacies they're building every single day.

Come be a part of the conversation.

Season 2 drops July 29th.

Listen to Legacy Talk wherever you get your podcast, or watch us on YouTube.