The Lion Piss

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Speaker 1 That's drinkag1.com slash threedom. It's morning in New York.

Speaker 1 Hey, everybody, I'm Mandy Potenkin. And I'm Catherine Grody.
And we have a new podcast. It's called Don't Listen to Us.
Many of you have asked for our advice. Tell me, what is wrong with you people?

Speaker 1 Don't listen to us. Our Take It or Leave It Advice show is out every Wednesday, premiering October 15th, a Lemonada media original.

Speaker 1 And many more

Speaker 1 on channel four

Speaker 1 and Mr. Magoo on channel two

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 what is hmm I was gonna say Scooby-Doo, but that's that's shown

Speaker 1 I will always stop

Speaker 1 you

Speaker 1 on Broadway.

Speaker 1 I had a dream.

Speaker 1 We dreamed it for you, Lydia.

Speaker 1 Rest in peace, Michael Jeter. Yes, you brought so much joy to our lives.
And it's time for celebrity birthdays as of this recording.

Speaker 1 Who do we have? Every celebrity has had a birthday as of this recording. We got Willie Ames turned 65

Speaker 1 from Zapped. Jesse Ventura, 74.

Speaker 1 Hard to believe that Willie Ames is older than Jesse Ventura.

Speaker 1 Jeffrey Kramer.

Speaker 1 Wait, what? Huh?

Speaker 1 You thought Willie Ames was older than Jesse Ventura? He is. Didn't you say

Speaker 1 he was 65? And then Jesse Ventura was 74. Oh, okay.
Well, you know. Did I say 64?

Speaker 1 I mean, Paul McCartney did very famously.

Speaker 1 He did.

Speaker 1 He was kind of one of the first to say that. He was the first one to put those two things together.
As a quote. Jeffrey Kramer, the the actor who played Len Hendrix in Jaws, turns 80.

Speaker 1 Brian Austin Green, 52. Bag.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 He's 52. Did they call him Bag like they called

Speaker 1 Daggy? D.I.D. Dag.
I hope so. Yeah, I hope they do.

Speaker 1 Remember the character Bag on Happy Days? No.

Speaker 1 In the early Happy Days days before there was... Still on film? Yeah, so before it was like a live audience,

Speaker 1 there was like an ancillary guy named named Bag. That was his nickname.
But they filmed it like a multi-cam, but just no audio.

Speaker 1 No, they filmed it like a single cam. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because it was sort of based on American graffiti, so they wanted it to sort of look like that.

Speaker 1 And then did they put a laugh track in it, like MASH?

Speaker 1 They did put a laugh track in it, and then they eventually were like, what are we doing here?

Speaker 1 People want the fonts to walk out. These stories aren't that complex.
We can film them all in one night. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And so there was an episode where a

Speaker 1 they, you know, there was a Happy Days band, of course. Who's in the band? Well, Richie played saxophone.
Oh, good. So is rock and roll.
Ralph Malf played guitar.

Speaker 1 Potsy sang.

Speaker 1 Splish, splash, I was taking a bath.

Speaker 1 He had the funniest voice. Oh, that's right.

Speaker 1 No, I'm thinking of Gomer Pyle, who had the beautiful voice. He had a beautiful voice.
He talked like this, but he sang like this.

Speaker 1 I had a gym neighbor's box set for a while. I thought you were going to say lunch box.

Speaker 1 As soon as you said box, my mind filled in lunch box set. Lunch.
Lunch box set. It was a box set of lunch boxes.
That he had used. Yep.
Yeah. They didn't have him on it.

Speaker 1 They were pretty plain, actually.

Speaker 1 Box set of gym neighbors records. Singing.
Yeah. Singing records.
How many? I got it in a thrift store when I was like 21. I thought it was so hilarious.

Speaker 1 And I've carried it around with me now for all of my life. I still have it.
Is it vinyl? It's vinyl, yeah.

Speaker 1 Isn't that kind of weird the things that last, like that you just keep taking with you every year. From place to place to place to place, and I never listen to it for pleasure.

Speaker 1 It's just a curiosity that I find funny.

Speaker 1 What's weirder to me is the things that you carry around, and then eventually you don't know what they are anymore. Yeah, like, do you have one of those?

Speaker 1 Not anymore. I think I did like a big purge of shit like that.

Speaker 1 I found someone who's like, I'm in the midst of a purge. Like, literally,

Speaker 1 ticket stubs with nothing on them. Like,

Speaker 1 like all the writing paper.

Speaker 1 No, like carnival tickets. Like, oh, yeah.
When did What the fuck? I don't remember. You had a good time at a carnival once.
You're like, I got to remember this. It's really funny.

Speaker 1 I'm sure it was connected to some girl. Yeah.
It had to have been. You got to write that on there.
But there would be objects where I'm like, I don't know what this is anymore. Yeah.
Maybe it was.

Speaker 1 It was just trash.

Speaker 1 Maybe we've talked about it, but when we moved into this place from the previous place, I did a somewhat of a purge where I was like, all these mementos I'm keeping, I'm going to take pictures of them.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 So that they can be stored digitally, but I don't have to have the stuff anymore. You You know, I should do that with the Jim Neighbors box set.

Speaker 1 Just take a picture of the thing and go like, I used to have this. Absolutely.
It's funny, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Honestly, you know what? The story's enough. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Really? I've passed

Speaker 1 a picture of it. I don't even see it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's beautiful.
Isn't it, though?

Speaker 1 Also, you don't know what Jim Neighbors is? No. Have you ever seen Gomer Pyle?

Speaker 1 United States Marine Corps? Yeah, USMC. No.
He was like, Goll, Shazam was his other big cat. I don't know.
The name I've definitely heard. Golly, how sweet it is.
Did you say that? I don't think so.

Speaker 1 That was

Speaker 1 his character.

Speaker 1 Where's the beef?

Speaker 1 Sit on it, Popsy.

Speaker 1 I think I'll be right back. I think I follow.
Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 So we talked like this, and he was real dumb, and he was from the South, but he had a homespun wisdom. He was a spin-off from the Andy Griffith show.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He first appeared in season three of The Andy Griffith show. And then he got his own, he joined the Marine Corps.
And I remember, like, what was the theme song? He's like,

Speaker 1 what was his most famous saying? This is a quiz for you. Shazan.
That's one of them. Golly.
That's another one. But this is not the most.
How sweet it is. Sit on a pot seat.

Speaker 1 Surprise, surprise, surprise. Surprise, surprise, surprise.

Speaker 1 Additionally, he would sometimes say,

Speaker 1 shame, shame, shame.

Speaker 1 I don't remember that. I vaguely remember that.
Additionally, when I was a kid, that show was in syndication. You know, I'd see it.
I would watch it all the time. I hated it.
I didn't like him.

Speaker 1 And even more so, I did not like his sergeant who despised him. Sarge?

Speaker 1 There was something about that actor that was so unpleasant to watch. Because you wanted him to be loved.

Speaker 1 Well, he was, yeah, because he was so mean to Gomer, who was just. You wanted Gomer to be loved.
That's the trick.

Speaker 1 If you're writing a really unlikable character in your thing, write someone even more unlikable who hates that person. And he'll be on the side.

Speaker 1 The idea was the sergeant really was just supposed to be frustrated by this guy who's a man-child and how to communicate with him. Who keeps falling up?

Speaker 1 Does he really? Like, would he get promoted? He never would get promoted, but he would keep fucking up things and then it would just all work out. But he was not like technically a Gilligan, right?

Speaker 1 He wasn't like like actively. I don't know.
I want to play this key song really short. Sure, please.

Speaker 1 I've clicked on it. Will it ever load?

Speaker 1 You know, Nasher and Dancer.

Speaker 1 Donner and Vixen.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to play it, but.

Speaker 1 Pile! Shut up, Pile! That's what the guy's voice sounded like. Yes.

Speaker 1 Pile!

Speaker 1 Would you watch that with your parents? No. I would go to my grandma's house and she would cut out, she would always cut out the Sunday funnies.

Speaker 1 She'd pass the savings on to me. And she would breastfeed me.

Speaker 1 But she would always cut out the Sunday funnies for me and collect them. And then

Speaker 1 she also would

Speaker 1 let me watch TV because I was so fucking bored there. Yeah.
And

Speaker 1 she

Speaker 1 so I would watch it mainly over there because I feel like she was in a different

Speaker 1 city that had different syndication stuff. And I would always say that.
Always excited over there.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to load this fucking theme song and none of the three versions will load. We would not watch it as a family, but it would be TV that was on maybe on a

Speaker 1 maybe like on a Saturday, like after cartoons were over. Yeah.
And you knew like there's some acceptable TV to watch.

Speaker 1 Isn't that so funny how when we were growing up, Paul and I, there would be a family together. As a family, there would be so many TV shows that were in syndication that were black and white.

Speaker 1 Like half of the things you would watch were black and white.

Speaker 1 And I feel like with your generation, that was not the case. No, but I did watch a lot of reruns from like Brady Bunch, Happy Days, all that stuff, and some black and white, like I Love Lucy, and like

Speaker 1 I think is the one that is above all.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there was always

Speaker 1 Andy Griffith would come on, I would turn off the TV. Like there were, they did have, like, we did have black and white ones in the lineup, but it was like, when did that finally go away?

Speaker 1 It feels, it feels like, yeah, it feels like they all moved to like, well, because like then Nick at night

Speaker 1 was that. Oh, yeah.
Now Nick at night is like full house and stuff, which is kind of insane. It's like when the idea of what oldies are changes and moves forward a few decades.
Yeah. I know.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But you know what? Classic rock. We're oldies.
Yeah. And not even goodies.
Hey, it was just your birthday. We didn't talk about your birthday the last episode.
Fucking shit. Happy fucking shit.

Speaker 1 What did you do? What did you do?

Speaker 1 Recorded a comedy bang bang episode. Not for real.
On your birthday. People know it was your birthday.

Speaker 1 Funnily enough, it had two close friends on it who didn't know, and I never brought it up.

Speaker 1 I'm sure they would have wanted to know. One of them later at about 11:55 wrote to me and said, Hey, I forgot to say it was your birthday.
Aww.

Speaker 1 Well, what did you do besides that? So then I took our, or Kulop and I took our nephew to see Jurassic Park,

Speaker 1 Whatever it's called now.

Speaker 1 It happened again. Yep.
And

Speaker 1 none of us liked it.

Speaker 1 And that was it. Here's what I heard about that movie is that they've made up some new dinosaurs.
I did hear about D-Rex. Yeah.
The what? The B-Rex? The D-Rex. The B-Rex.

Speaker 1 Does that mean what I think of me? He got the D-4X. He's got a big ass dick.

Speaker 1 My brother described the D-Rex to me, but I want to see it for myself. I'm just going to look it up right now.

Speaker 1 It's... What is it? because it's called Disneyland.
I think it's the D-fork. I can't remember.
But Disneyland. I mean, I think

Speaker 1 I know I'm biased, but I think that kind of

Speaker 1 is very fun to see in the theater, and I want to do that.

Speaker 1 Here, let me see if I can play some of the Gummer Pile theme.

Speaker 1 This is not the official version. This is like the MIDI version.

Speaker 1 It's like I'm walking down Main Street in Disneyland. Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is not bad, actually.

Speaker 1 That's right.

Speaker 1 Yes. It gets you exactly, it gets across the point exactly.
Yes. It says a military march, but it's a little silly.
It's whimsical. It's whimsical.
Yes. Exactly.
I love it.

Speaker 1 I listen to that all the time.

Speaker 1 Next time we do an episode, will you come back having watched one episode of Gomer Pyle? No. No.
Why? There's just not enough time. What do you mean there's not enough time to watch?

Speaker 1 Like, at the end of the day, when I get to relax, I'm not doing that.

Speaker 1 I think I understand what it is from the pictures. No, but I want you to watch it.
And his impressions.

Speaker 1 No, I don't want you to do it. His impressions aren't good.
So, did you have a birthday dinner, dear? Where did we go? We went. Yeah, we went to a restaurant called

Speaker 1 I don't want to say

Speaker 1 McDonald's way. If you say McDonald's, then everyone will know your favorite McDonald's.

Speaker 1 It was good. We'd never been there

Speaker 1 before, but I enjoyed it. Okay.
And I'd love to know off mic what it was. Sure.
And then

Speaker 1 back in time

Speaker 1 to get Emmy and put her down for bed and all that kind of stuff. And you had cake?

Speaker 1 And YouTube.

Speaker 1 Well, Emmy's saying happy birthday to you, but were you eating a breakfast?

Speaker 1 It was the day after, I feel like.

Speaker 1 We actually did not. Oh, that's right.
We didn't get back in time. So I didn't see her.

Speaker 1 I saw her at breakfast and then didn't see her until the next day. Wow.
And what's your favorite kind of cake? I know. We got a dude.

Speaker 1 We got a Baskin-Robbins ice cream cake. Wow.

Speaker 1 That's really a bull oof. Yeah.
I used to have to. There's a ticking clock on that thing.

Speaker 1 I remember a couple of times I bought one for my own birthday celebration

Speaker 1 and brought it down to my parents' house. And I would get it decorated to say happy birthday to Scott Ackerman, the greatest American living or dead.
Wow.

Speaker 1 I would make them write that on it and then bring it down in the like thing that would keep it cold, the little bag that they give you, you know, and bring it down to cake bag. Cake bag.
Cake bag.

Speaker 1 And then now next up is my birthday and then yours.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so gabbing up Lauren's birthday. Yeah, I know what I'm gonna do.
Coming in, number two. You're gonna be the 40th one.

Speaker 1 Do you have plums? I'm thinking about it. I'm trying to figure out what I want to do.
I've been struggling to figure out what kind of celebration would feel fun and right.

Speaker 1 Because sometimes things feel more stressful when you have have a party. It's like

Speaker 1 my 40th was very stressful. It did not have to be fun.
I don't want to be stressful. I want it to be fun.
So I'm just

Speaker 1 still narrowing down. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We were also about to move to New York for that job. Uh-huh.
And so I was like,

Speaker 1 out of my mind. That's crazy.
I said, golly.

Speaker 1 Golly.

Speaker 1 But I'm going to be 57 this year. No, shit.
Behind. I'm not going to be 55.

Speaker 1 It's my Heinz birthday. 57.
Yeah. It's weird.
I'm now at the point where I forget how old I'm going to be.

Speaker 1 I just can't believe my 50th birthday was seven years ago. Yeah, I know.
I also feel like

Speaker 1 I've been saying what age I am when I turned a couple of weeks ago for like six months before that. Yeah.
You know, because my birthday is like, I might have started rounding up to 40

Speaker 1 mentally. Like, and just in conversation.
I'm like, well, let me just soak up a little more of 39 before I'm saying that or something. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. Absolutely.
Absolutely. Absolutely.
40 feels like a big number, like on, in some ways. Yeah.
Do you know what? It's great. Yeah.
40 is great.

Speaker 1 That's a lot of what I've heard has been from women. You know, they say like it's better as you get older.
It really is.

Speaker 1 It really is. My 50s suck shit.

Speaker 1 Sorry.

Speaker 1 My 40s were pretty good. 50s up and down.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but nothing. But you know what? I really, I cannot complain.
Yeah, it's all okay. At least we're living.
I have a very nice life. At least we're alive.

Speaker 1 At least we're alive.

Speaker 1 My life is filled with good people. people, wonderful people.
That's right. Yeah, that's very lovely.
What more could you ask for? We were going to celebrate uh cool-opp's 40th and my 50th. Um,

Speaker 1 we were, I think, we were we were gonna get a bunch of friends to go out to Montana, and we were gonna do yeah, that almost happened in the pandemic, yeah, and in the pandemic happened,

Speaker 1 right? Because I was gonna go there, I think. I think we were gonna go, and we've just never

Speaker 1 do that cowboy camp, yeah. And we've never um

Speaker 1 maybe next decade,

Speaker 1 I think at that point. How old are you now? Because you're...
I'm the Hagar. What does that mean? 55.

Speaker 1 I thought of Hagar the horrible. Speaking of the Sunday funnies.
Yeah, really. Okay, so at 60 and 50.

Speaker 1 Is that too old to be riding a horse? I feel. Well, then maybe it's not horseback riding.
It's something else. Hawaiian pool lounging.
Yeah. Why do I have to wait five years for that? No, do it now.

Speaker 1 Let's do it right now.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Hey, let's stop this episode and just go ahead to the pool.
I really want to go to Hawaii. I'm starting to think about my 60th birthday.
Yeah, I'm going to do it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's that's three years. Yeah.
Well, you aren't 57 yet. Yeah, it's very true.
Yeah. But I will be soon.

Speaker 1 Do you have an idea in your head about that? Like, what, like, what? Because yours was a big, fun party with a performance and stuff. Do you want to do that again?

Speaker 1 I sang Rock Lobster and got out of breath within 20 seconds. You fucking crushed it, though, bro.
Thank you. And you sang

Speaker 1 a pet shop boy song. It's a sin.
Yeah. That was great.
As I look back upon my life. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Great version. Like almost a big band version in a way.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, it was great. Love it.
It was fun. Do you think that's the kind of vibe you want to do again? I don't know.
I might do some.

Speaker 1 I mean, honestly, what I keep thinking about is

Speaker 1 I feel like I keep thinking about like a Downton Abbey style trip where we go.

Speaker 1 Some people go somewhere for a weekend and then we like dress formally for dinner. Oh, fun.
That's fun. Yeah.
That's great. That's very you.
To have like a weird English countryside sort of thing.

Speaker 1 I don't know where that would be. Yes.
In the States or in out in

Speaker 1 actual.

Speaker 1 I have thought about another idea is to actually go to Ireland or something and have like a week-long

Speaker 1 trip there and play.

Speaker 1 I mean, we were just in Ireland. We had a great time.
You were just in Ireland? Yeah, he and I. With Bangdang.
When was that? Last year? Last

Speaker 1 September?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
It was in September because we watched the debates

Speaker 1 from in England. No way

Speaker 1 for the second time in a row. We shouldn't do that.
I feel like that's on us. We also

Speaker 1 both year, both in 2016 and in 2024, we watched a certain person debate another person. It was different both times.

Speaker 1 We watched the monster debate with us. We can't narrow that down.

Speaker 1 And then both times we said,

Speaker 1 I think that sealed the deal. Yeah.
It's not going to happen anymore. Wow.
And we're disappointed both times.

Speaker 1 I have no choice but to say it's us. Yep.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's on us.

Speaker 1 In any case, yeah, what are you going to do? Do you have well? So the ideas are kind of

Speaker 1 that I was working with were sort of like, I could do like a big party, like 50 people

Speaker 1 party. That would be in my mind.
Like a dinner. Oh, yeah, that's big for a dinner.
For a dinner. Do you think the tip would be included by the server? Yeah, I think so.
Or I do.

Speaker 1 It happened to me the other day, by the way, at this,

Speaker 1 where I saw the first asshole.

Speaker 1 And they included the tip and previously

Speaker 1 the

Speaker 1 server circled

Speaker 1 it to point it out because I was ready to add another $100

Speaker 1 on top of what. Do you know what? If they don't do that, I don't mind.
I think that's fine. I know, but

Speaker 1 we're not going to be able to do that. We're trying to get away from it.

Speaker 1 But I have to say,

Speaker 1 it was appreciated. That's considerate.

Speaker 1 It was very appreciated. Nice.

Speaker 1 Last year, when I turned 39, I had a dinner with like 10 women, and that was really fun. And then I was like, that's what I could do that again, just you and 10 women.

Speaker 1 I was like, I could do that again. I had a birthday where it was just me and women.
Yeah. Because I saw it.
I saw, I was out to dinner with some friends at El Coyote. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think they said El Coyote. There was a table next to us.
There was like a long booth. I know it's still there, but I want to, I just haven't been.

Speaker 1 And it was like

Speaker 1 something like 11 pimp. 11 women and and one guy.
And it was just so funny. Like this guy, like, I could not understand what the story was.
And you were like, I'm going to do this.

Speaker 1 And I said, I was going to do that. So I had a birthday that was when Janie and I had just started dating.

Speaker 1 This is all your ex-girlfriends or girls that you might have dated instead of her. Yes.
Everyone you were at least a little attracted to. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And then my last option, I just want to say, is an activity of some sort, TBD. But I'm like, so maybe it's an activity.
Maybe it's that. So it's very far-reaching.
What about wine tasting?

Speaker 1 I don't really care about that. Okay.
Heat wine tasting. Why? You just want to drink it.
It's so bougie. And I don't care about the difference between the flavors.
I just don't really care.

Speaker 1 The trip aspect of it is fun. Yeah.
The trip aspect of it. I don't want to make everyone do a trip.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 I might do something. I think I

Speaker 1 like a destination thing if the destination is fun. Yeah.
And it's not like a crazy-ask, you know, like if someone's fun. If it it was a drive of air.
People are into.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Like

Speaker 1 Lodi

Speaker 1 where the prison is.

Speaker 1 You want to tour a prison for your birthday? You want to tour a prison for your birthday?

Speaker 1 Let me get this strength.

Speaker 1 What if, though, what if it was Alcatraz? Wow. It's coming back.
No, that's so awful. Alcatraz is kind of interesting.
We went,

Speaker 1 God, how long ago did we go to Alcatraz? I had a digital camera because I took some pretty amazing pictures. It must have been 2004.

Speaker 1 No, see, I almost feel like I rode a boat that went there, but I didn't tour it or something. So I'm like, I don't remember actually seeing the thing, but I remember buying merch.

Speaker 1 You just did it for the boat. I bought some merch.
So you went on the boat. I bought some.
I bought a t-shirt. I had some like nightgown that was like jail, like escaped from Alcatraz.

Speaker 1 It was like black and white stripes.

Speaker 1 God, I wish you would still wear that. I mean, it was in my costume box forever.
I did wear it in a lot of shows. What if you like went to bed one day?

Speaker 1 It was laying up. It was like Mike and you like

Speaker 1 the audience would go wild. I'm the hamburgless.

Speaker 1 All right, we have to take a break.

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Speaker 1 And we're back.

Speaker 1 We're back.

Speaker 1 I'm back for sure. Yeah.
So last night,

Speaker 1 Kulap and I were driving, by the way, we saw the new Naked Gun, which is very good. I was going to go to that.
Oh, I didn't know. I didn't know that was happening.
Yeah. They nailed it.

Speaker 1 They did a great job. I can't wait to see it.

Speaker 1 Written by Dan Greger and Akiva.

Speaker 1 I didn't know that.

Speaker 1 Dan.

Speaker 1 Doug Mand. Doug Mand, yes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they all did a great job. They casted a fantastic job.
And it wasn't like

Speaker 1 certain movies of that ilk that have jokes where you're like, that's not of the style or whatever. Ilks.
Ilks. Anyway, Anyway, so we were driving, and

Speaker 1 first of all, Kulop starts this conversation. She goes,

Speaker 1 So, our nephew, who's been who has been in town, the last night he was here, he,

Speaker 1 while everyone was playing Mahjong and trying to enjoy themselves, he put on a true crime murder

Speaker 1 series

Speaker 1 that,

Speaker 1 so Kulop starts the conversation going, like, by the way,

Speaker 1 you know, if you want out of the marriage,

Speaker 1 just divorce me. Don't kill.
Yeah. Don't kill me.
Yeah. That's not where I thought the story was going.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's not where I thought the story was going.
I'm just like, well, what are you talking about?

Speaker 1 This is going to be a story about Kai and what he should or should not be watching. I think all women kind of need to make that disclaimer.

Speaker 1 Just divorce me. Just divorce me.
You don't have to kill me. You don't have to kill me.
I will go away.

Speaker 1 We can never talk again.

Speaker 1 We can work this out. Whatever.
You don't have to kill me.

Speaker 1 But so I was, so I was like, what are you talking about? And so she explained it, but then she proceeded to tell me every gruesome detail of the thing. Was this new?

Speaker 1 I think so. And I eventually had to stop her and say,

Speaker 1 I didn't want to watch this. I don't want to hear about this.
You know what? Stop telling me about this. Something I think almost men

Speaker 1 cannot handle it. Well, and women know how dangerous the world is, and we can handle that and watch that.
Well, Kulap did apologize and say that was inflicting violence on you. Sorry.

Speaker 1 Like, I don't know why. She goes, I watched it and felt like I had to.

Speaker 1 Sometimes you got to tell someone. You have to say what you saw.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 the details are pretty gruesome. Anyway, so, but I thought that was good advice.
Just divorce someone. Yes.
Don't kill them.

Speaker 1 Janie, of course, is also civic to me.

Speaker 1 Of course. But I think because she watches a lot of that stuff and she will catch me up on it immediately if I'm like walking through the room.

Speaker 1 She's like, oh, just, you know, here's what's going on with this guy.

Speaker 1 But I think that's

Speaker 1 for because I've absorbed a lot of it from being in the room and sometimes I'll just watch it along with her, you know, whatever. I think that

Speaker 1 that is something

Speaker 1 that is in you to do. If you're a killer.
You are a killer.

Speaker 1 That's what I was sort of saying. I was saying because anytime where the guy is like, yes, like they paint it like he felt in faced with the situation, I well, I gotta kill her.

Speaker 1 The killing is insane, but but you do kind of go, a lot of these stories are so scary because it seems like the guy would never, ever do anything like that and is very normal.

Speaker 1 And, but you know, what there was one that I watched that wasn't the lost daughter, that one that she don't know. It was this one was crazy.
It was one where the gentleman also

Speaker 1 did the same to the children. And I was trying to say to cool up, I I was like, I kind of understand the

Speaker 1 wife.

Speaker 1 I was like, I kind of understand, like, you're in a situation where you don't want to undergo the shame of getting a divorce to all your friends you got married in front of.

Speaker 1 Way more shameful to kill someone.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I know. Or you don't.
Unless you're going to kill yourself. Or financially, you don't want to.
Then you don't have to deal with the shame. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You don't want to lose half of your money or whatever.

Speaker 1 I'm kind of like, okay, I can kind of get there with a person going like, what if I just killed my wife? But, but

Speaker 1 I can kind of get there, but but then when it's the whole family, you got to go, like, yeah, that was just something you wanted to do. Like, you're insane and so scary.
I love stories.

Speaker 1 Well, you're, you're so like, your brain, there's, there's like a narcissism to it because that is a common thing of people,

Speaker 1 of these guys, I should say, killing the killing other family members as well for the shame aspect. It's, it's, it's weirdly in a lot of these stories,

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 that that is just like a brain that is

Speaker 1 just mush. Maybe we shouldn't have big weddings then, because then there wouldn't be the shame of getting just divorced.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Weddings should be illegal.

Speaker 1 Ceremony. If you aren't equally happy getting married at the courthouse as you are getting your baby divorce.
If you're not equally happy getting divorced as you are getting married,

Speaker 1 shouldn't there be as big a ceremony to get divorced?

Speaker 1 Yeah, everybody has to have a divorce. A big, expensive party.
We're doing a destination divorce.

Speaker 1 This is a good movie idea. I was going to say that's going to be a movie.
I feel like that has been done. Destination divorce.
That sounds familiar to me. I'm going to write it down.

Speaker 1 In any case, yes. So

Speaker 1 we had that conversation, but then on our way home,

Speaker 1 this was genuinely startling to me, but

Speaker 1 I'm driving and I like to be very safe when I drive. Oh, interesting.
Oh, you're kind of funny that way. Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 1 different strokes. But

Speaker 1 this maybe happened to you guys, but our

Speaker 1 alerts went off on our phone last night.

Speaker 1 No, it's in my pocket. It's not out.
It's in my pocket. I'm not on my phone or anything.
It's in my pocket. It starts vibrating

Speaker 1 very

Speaker 1 robustly. And both of our phones go off at the exact same time.
And so it's a loud

Speaker 1 in the car. And I'm trying to drive, and I went, ah, and I,

Speaker 1 and I like swerved a little bit. It was just genuinely startling.
And then all it is is like a missing person. All it is.
And it's somebody's child. No, it was a corona.
Well, that's somebody's child.

Speaker 1 Everybody's somebody's child. Good save.
I knew it when I saw it. It might be all.
It was somebody's grandchild.

Speaker 1 All it was was some missing person being trafficked.

Speaker 1 Look, I understand, I understand like alerting everyone, forcing everyone to pay attention when when it's an earthquake or something like dire coming.

Speaker 1 But missing people, you're on your own.

Speaker 1 Stop alerting me about these.

Speaker 1 You are saying something that can only end ironically for you.

Speaker 1 Oh, then the other part of it is

Speaker 1 Cool Ops trying to help. She's like, okay,

Speaker 1 tries to click on it. It's a Twitter link.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 yes. X.com, the everything app.
You have to go.

Speaker 1 But I don't have that. You have to go onto it, onto that terrible, cursed app in order to find out the information about it.
It's fucking ridiculous. Stop it, government.
Stop sending me this shit.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to drive it. Stop it.
And the missing person was Jeffrey Epstein. Yeah.
But he's been found. And just client list.

Speaker 1 What if he got one of those?

Speaker 1 Missing. Client list.

Speaker 1 What a world. What a world we live in.
It's a crazy little world we're in. But I love it.
I I love your

Speaker 1 little thing called World. World War I.
Do you remember when the fires were happening and they sent out like the

Speaker 1 mistaken alerts? Oh, yeah. Yeah.
That was bad. Damn.
That was bad. That was very stressful.
I pray that this year is not like that for many, many reasons. But that was already has been.

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, that was

Speaker 1 January. Yeah.
Yeah. Because I feel nervous about that.
Feel nervous about a lot of things. Yes, same.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yes, same. Y'all.
Oh, but speaking of our nephew, he was in town. I think I've told you on the show about his little business of cleaning tennis shoes.
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 And so. Is he still into that? No.
And I just moved on. I asked him,

Speaker 1 Are you still doing the business? He's like, oh, and he didn't even really remember it. Wow.
But I was like,

Speaker 1 I said, you know. And we none of us could forget.

Speaker 1 I said, you know, when I signed up for your business, you upsold me

Speaker 1 and you said if I paid more, it was a lifetime subscription of you cleaning my shoes. So I have several pairs

Speaker 1 for you here to clean. And he got this look on his face of like, oh.

Speaker 1 And he used to like doing it.

Speaker 1 He used to love it. And now he's like, I don't want to do that.
Yeah, I don't. Yeah.
What if you, I wish you'd held him to it a little bit longer to where he's like in front of a pair of shoes.

Speaker 1 And then you're like, I'm just fucking wrong.

Speaker 1 That's really funny.

Speaker 1 Oh, poor nephew. Yeah.
I mean, poor nephew. A lot of stuff.
Hello, nephew. He got scared.

Speaker 1 Sometimes when he would come out here, he would say, like, okay, I need to go to this baseball card store, this baseball card store. Now he doesn't do any of that.
Oh,

Speaker 1 that was the next thing, right? He moved on from shoes to baseball cards. Yeah, and

Speaker 1 he was selling them. And he always has interesting businesses.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's an entrepreneur. He is.
He is. Mark Cuban left Shark Tank.
And I watched the episode.

Speaker 1 Not enough fanfare. Mark Shark also left Cuba.
Okay.

Speaker 1 So the Cuban. Cuban Pete also left in his old broke down car.

Speaker 1 Oh, oh, oh.

Speaker 1 Guys, Stanley Lip

Speaker 1 10. What is his name?

Speaker 1 Oh, I did.

Speaker 1 He had a bad car. Ipkiss.
He had a bad car. Guys, we're burying the lead.
Several people have written to us to alert us

Speaker 1 of this. What do we do? John Mellencamp song.
Oh my God. You You know what? Yes, yes.
I got this information. We have been remiss.

Speaker 1 I found this really upsetting and one of those things where you kind of go, just don't tell me that. And I'm about to tell you all.
This is like ruining a magic trick. So like sucking on chili dogs.

Speaker 1 We've been informed that a chili dog is like a slurp is a brand

Speaker 1 name. For me, that's a big problem because now the song's not funny.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Sucking on chili dogs.

Speaker 1 Outside the tasty freeze. It's like, yeah, of course you're sucking on a slurpee outside of 7-Eleven.
That's not funny. It's not as funny as the idea of sucking on a hot dog covered with chili.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Admittedly.

Speaker 1 But it still is, there's something odd about saying sucking on it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But it just kind of becomes like sucking. You would say you're drinking it.
Sucking on chili. I don't think I want to say I'm sucking.
Sucking on chili-dog. You don't want to say it.

Speaker 1 You don't want to spray it. But you want to do it.

Speaker 1 Sucking on chili-dough.

Speaker 1 Outside of tasty freeze. I still just want it to be.

Speaker 1 a brand that Tasty Freeze makes because it's weird to do, to suck on a Chili Dog outside of Tasty Freeze if Tasty Freeze hasn't sold you the Chili Dog.

Speaker 1 I think they bought it and then they're hanging out.

Speaker 1 Do you watch

Speaker 1 it at the Tasty Freeze? Do you or have you ever watched Claim to Fame on Hulu? Primes. That's the one where you have to guess the playing of or like a relatively.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I've never seen a full season. I'll like start one and watch maybe one or two and then go, this is a bullet.
You You know what? Never have I ever seen it. You have to barrel through.

Speaker 1 No, I don't. You do.
If you're not going to watch Gomer Pyle, I'm not going to watch Claim the Face standoff. And John Mellencamp's son was on there.
I'm just saying.

Speaker 1 Really? Did he suck on anything?

Speaker 1 He almost sucked on something because he started to have a relationship with one of the girls.

Speaker 1 I don't remember who she was with. It would be funny if he was with her heart.

Speaker 1 Her father was also a famous country singer who I wasn't familiar with because I don't really know country. That's fun.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And they just started making out. No, they didn't make out, but they just had crushes.
And so they just started making out. Yeah, but it was like, that's perfect.

Speaker 1 You guys should date after because both your dads are famous.

Speaker 1 Who is the least famous person that a celebrity that a sibling is? Like the least famous celebrity on that show.

Speaker 1 You know what? They're all pretty big.

Speaker 1 Wasn't it like Eddie Murphy? All the ones I've heard.

Speaker 1 I don't think I've ever seen a reveal where I go, who's that? Like, it's always, I know who that is.

Speaker 1 So you think Emmy can't go on?

Speaker 1 Not yet.

Speaker 1 Not yet. I think

Speaker 1 child.

Speaker 1 It'd be Nepal Baby House. She never said there's an age limit.
She said a two-year-old running around. Trying to figure it out.
They're like, is anyone going to watch her? Who are you related to?

Speaker 1 Just ask them.

Speaker 1 Who's dada?

Speaker 1 Who's mama? Who's dad?

Speaker 1 Does she know your full name?

Speaker 1 Well, she knows her full name, and she knows.

Speaker 1 our first names, but I think I said my full name the other day and she went, no,

Speaker 1 you're Scott, or no, you're Dada. Yeah, so she, I don't think she's put that together, and she definitely doesn't have any conception of what we do for a living.

Speaker 1 She just, when, when I say I'm going to work, she just goes, You're downstairs.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah,

Speaker 1 we go to work at all hours of the day. It's like I colleague doing a show, going to work, and like everything's work.
So she just has no idea. Everything is work, everything is work.

Speaker 1 Um, I know uh, two people, uh, good

Speaker 1 us, and they're you,

Speaker 1 and they're right here thanks um two friends of mine who are fathers whose children at a certain point just started calling them by their first name yeah and never stopped i don't like that never went back i don't want it's but it's very funny to me i don't want to be dada forever

Speaker 1 i think it'll be a bummer when it's just dad you think so yeah that happens sooner than you think i know it's probably going to be today could be today oh swimming lessons are happening again by the way the screaming intensified

Speaker 1 intensified.

Speaker 1 You're going to do that. Cool environment.
Caption screaming intensified. It didn't work with our schedule, but I wanted to do it.
It's

Speaker 1 Emmy. It's so funny because Emmy is

Speaker 1 really good swimming. And even the teacher afterwards was like, she's really good.
Yeah. But she can go broke.
Is she afraid?

Speaker 1 Screams the entire time and crying. And it's so funny how kids.

Speaker 1 Even though she's doing it well. She's doing it well, yes.
And she's just like, I want out. I want out.
I want out, mama. And then it's like she's trying every tactic.
I want out, dada.

Speaker 1 Why doesn't she?

Speaker 1 What is her problem that you're able to figure out? Is it the coldness of the water?

Speaker 1 I think she finished her lessons that were six months ago, and then we just didn't have her regularly do it after that. And now I think.
And you can make her swim in jeans. Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1 And a puffy coat. And a jean jacket on the top of that.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 I think there's a level of fear. I mean,

Speaker 1 all of the kids, other than one who loves it,

Speaker 1 were pretty much crying at certain points. Well,

Speaker 1 once one starts crying, it stresses the other ones out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like, oh, this is scary.

Speaker 1 But it's so funny to see the tactics the kids are using because like there's one who's just throwing out, she was so young, just throwing out words, trying to see if any combination of words would work.

Speaker 1 It's like, tornado!

Speaker 1 And then one, one yesterday was like,

Speaker 1 you know, saying, I want to go. I want to leave.
I don't want to do this anymore. I want to go.
Come on, please, mama, please, mama. And then start going, I have to go peepee.
I have to go peepee.

Speaker 1 Like, that'll, that, that's, you know, oh, you'll take me to the bathroom, right? That's how you learn that everybody goes in the pool. Yeah, just do it.
Go ahead. Like that lion.

Speaker 1 I dare you. Like that lion, we get the lion piss.
Yes.

Speaker 1 The lion piss.

Speaker 1 The lion piss.

Speaker 1 Would that show have been as successful successful if it was called The Lion Piss? And it's just that monkey holding up a jar of piss.

Speaker 1 And it's just that.

Speaker 1 That's it. And it's kind of like it goes back and forth like 90 minutes for 90 minutes.

Speaker 1 All the animals watching.

Speaker 1 It's beautiful. Would it have been as fun? And the sun shining through it.
Who can say? From the day we arrived. Isn't it wild

Speaker 1 to realize there's another universe where that did happen? Yeah, anything you can think of has happened in another universe.

Speaker 1 You know what? The more I think about that, the dumber that is. It's stupid.

Speaker 1 You were talking about this what Scott has had seen about the monkeys and the typewriters. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Scott was just saying, you know, they say that in some universe, like these monkeys, infinite monkeys, infinite typewriters, and they would write the works to Shakespeare. No.
No,

Speaker 1 that's not happening. No, it never would happen.
No, it would never. No.
But I mean, I do think it's funny. I love just shutting up.
When you think about

Speaker 1 it. No, there's one universe.
It's this one. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's just fun to think about it.

Speaker 1 It's fun to type the entire works of Shakespeare accidentally.

Speaker 1 No, it would never happen.

Speaker 1 There'd be typos and words that wouldn't make sense. Exactly.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 How much of a curve are we grading on? Yeah. Where we're saying, yes, they type the complete works of Shakespeare.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 yeah, we're just correcting them mentally. Well, this is definitely the story, but it's not the exact story.
I mean, yeah, it's like he got the idea, but like, that's not impressive.

Speaker 1 Character names are the same. Sure.

Speaker 1 They arrived at that somehow randomly.

Speaker 1 I have a question. Have you, and we talked about this? Have you ever been to the sphere? Yes.
You've been to the sphere. Opening night.

Speaker 1 Opening night? Boy, oi, oi, oi, oi. No one had been? Because it was U2.
It was U2. That must have been crazy.
I went with Adam, who

Speaker 1 got invited and took us.

Speaker 1 I have not been. I would be interested to go, depending on what the music was.
Well, I just saw that Backstreet Boys are playing there right now. Are you just back? I'm out.

Speaker 1 And I thought, well, that's fun. And then I thought, I wish the sphere was right here.

Speaker 1 It's only a 45-minute flight, though. I know.
But that's okay. You can go from Burbank? Who's going to watch my kids? Exactly.
I know. That was the first night we'd ever been away.
Wow.

Speaker 1 And it was a little stressful. Janie wanted to go

Speaker 1 when it was, and might still be, Eagles.

Speaker 1 And I just was

Speaker 1 that excited. I wasn't that excited about that, but I thought I could get behind it.
You know, there's a good visuals and all that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but you know what? I mean, I like some of those songs, but I don't think enough. A whole concert.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's no Abba Voyage, let me tell you. Oh, we had a good time at Abba Voyage, didn't we? That was incredible.
Didn't we, folks? And I don't think was that? In England. In London, England.
Wow.

Speaker 1 And I don't think any of you guys knew what it was. That's the hologram.

Speaker 1 I knew that it was. You knew it was.

Speaker 1 But I feel like Ryan didn't because he texted me 20 minutes before going, is it cool if I don't go to this? And I was like, these tickets are so fucking expensive. I was like, no problem, man.

Speaker 1 And then what'd you do?

Speaker 1 Just the seat. Yeah, I just ate the.
I mean, yeah. You ate the ticket.
Oh, yeah, he didn't go. I forgot about that.
He didn't go. He just was like, do you mind if I don't go?

Speaker 1 But he was having problems.

Speaker 1 Mental. He was,

Speaker 1 as always. He was having tummy troubles.
I think he was. He was having like real motion, like travel sickness.
Yeah, Vertigo. Well, that would be terrible to go to that.

Speaker 1 Probably. Actually, I don't know.
Maybe it would have cured him. Yes.
The healing power of music.

Speaker 1 That show was really incredible. I was a little skeptical about how much fun is this actually going to be, but it was tremendous.
I've heard that from people other than you.

Speaker 1 So it must be true. So that's more than one opinion.

Speaker 1 All right, we have to take a break. Give it.

Speaker 3 Hello, I'm James Corden, and on my new show, This Life of Mine, I sit down each week with some of the most fascinating people on planet Earth. From Dr.

Speaker 3 Dre to Julianne Moore to David Beckham to Cynthia Arrivo to Martin Scorsese to Jeremy Renner to Denzel Washington to Kim Kardashian.

Speaker 3 We talk about the people, places, possessions, music, and memories that made them who they are. These are intimate conversations full of stories that you've never heard before.

Speaker 3 This Life of Mine premieres October 21st, wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 1 And we're back. And guys, we have a famous website that everyone goes to every day.
Everyone knows this. So there's a couple of famous websites out there.
You might know it as your homepage. Right.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to even list the other ones because everyone knows them. But this one, of course, is

Speaker 1 hackclaims8.com.

Speaker 1 Hagclaims8.com is

Speaker 1 so useful. You can do so much on it.
You could do it.

Speaker 1 Well, because the website itself is really interactive. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's very intuitive, too.

Speaker 1 It is very intuitive. And it's not AI.
No.

Speaker 1 It's handcrafted by us. Yes.
And you can find yourself going on this website and just

Speaker 1 looking up at the clock after feeling like you've only been on it for five minutes and the whole day is gone. Yeah.
And your wife has left.

Speaker 1 And the clock is as big as the 60-minute timer. Yeah, it is.

Speaker 1 It's incredible what happens. I don't like to say this because it sounds like bragging.
We wrote all the code for this website. We learned to code.

Speaker 1 Everyone is imploring this.

Speaker 1 I heard people, so many people saying, I was like, okay, I will. I will.

Speaker 1 And I'm great at it.

Speaker 1 I got into coding during the MySpace days when I looked at my page. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I never stopped. You designed the top eight.
Isn't that correct? I did. I made it eight.

Speaker 1 And you made it a virus that went on everybody's MySpace days. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Who was my top eight? Yeah. MySpace Tom.
Great. Mr.
Clean.

Speaker 1 Tony the Tiger.

Speaker 1 The band

Speaker 1 Death Cat for Cutie.

Speaker 1 The band. Also.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's it. And Dr.
Jill Biden. Yeah.
And I left a few blanks. Yes.
And Dr. Jill Biden before she was famous.
Yeah. People didn't know.

Speaker 1 She was just Jill Biden. She was just Jill.
I just knew her as Jill. Yep.
With a little heart next to her name. I just knew her as Jill.
Yep. In any case, this website, there's so much to do.

Speaker 1 Today, we're only going to talk about one aspect of it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That aspect is called

Speaker 1 voicemails.

Speaker 1 Yes, it's a novelty dictionary website. Yes,

Speaker 1 so much. That's part of it.
Yes, it's a phone plan.

Speaker 1 But today we're talking about voicemails because every other week or so we're going to listen to voicemails that you leave and we're going to respond to your questions and queries. Queez.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 what do you say we listen to one of these? What do you think? I'd like to. No, let's do it.
We should do it. All right, here we go.

Speaker 4 Hello to the Threedom Boys. It's a Threedom game.

Speaker 4 Just quickly before I ask my question, I just want to say thank you. You guys always

Speaker 4 never fail to make me laugh.

Speaker 1 And in this crazy world, your name, dear, means the world to be able to just

Speaker 4 connect from it and laugh.

Speaker 1 Thank you. My question is:

Speaker 1 identify yourself.

Speaker 4 If we were still in the timeline where Soylent took over the world and we were only drinking Soylent for food,

Speaker 4 what are the top three foods that you think you would miss the most?

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 I know his name, but I don't know whether he wants me to say it. Give him a fake fake name.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Give him a name that rhymes with his name.

Speaker 1 And then put it in pig laps. Ariel the Mermaid.

Speaker 1 Okay, Ariel the Mermaid. It's a long name.
So his name's not Ariel. Lariel the Mermaid.

Speaker 1 It does rhyme with Ariel. Okay.

Speaker 1 But I don't know whether he wants to be identified or not. Well, I'm going to spend my life

Speaker 1 about this.

Speaker 1 Yes. But what foods would I say? Larry Longfellow.
Oh, my gosh. Do you have one that comes to me? Let's each name one at a time.
I mean, the fucking first thing is pizza. Pizza.
Really?

Speaker 1 Are you a pizza fish?

Speaker 1 Yeah. How often do you eat pizza? I don't eat it that often, but the idea that I could never eat it again is

Speaker 1 that's horrible. I would think that about pesto.

Speaker 1 You love pesto? I love it. Really?

Speaker 1 My mom makes pesto. It's one of my favorite things.
I'm not a big pesto fan. I love pesto.
I grew up in a red spoon. But I don't always like it when I eat it.
I just want my mom's. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What if you were rich enough, you could hire your mom mom to come out and be your own personal chef? Wow, if I were rich enough to be able to have my mom visit me once.

Speaker 1 What if you were rich enough to pay your mom to be a personal chef who made pesto all day long? She'd be really happy with that. I bet she would.

Speaker 1 Does she ever make it for you and like pack it up and send it to you or anything? No, but she'll like always have it when I go home and then like it'll be made a couple times while I'm home.

Speaker 1 I'm just remembering my mom used to do that when I moved to LA. Really? She would make you sauce? She would, she would make like she would make sauce.

Speaker 1 She would make um um uh pasta like put it in tupperwares and send it to me

Speaker 1 frozen yeah you must have loved frozen wow how would she pack it in dry ice saved my life yeah

Speaker 1 she would not pack it in dry ice it would just be thawed by the time it goes to you and ready to eat

Speaker 1 yeah pretty much i mean not completely thawed it would it would still be maybe she shipped it like priorities or overnight or something yeah yeah yeah wow but god damn like so many times that was i would make that shit last yeah yeah yeah yeah so pesto for you, yeah, that's one pizza for you, I guess.

Speaker 1 Burgers for me, yeah, burgers. We had a burger off, by the way.
Um, we had another one of our famous monster smashdowns. Well, how'd it go the other night

Speaker 1 when Kai was here, our nephew? Who won? Who won? Frankenstein, yeah, it was a three-way tie. We had three burgers, and it was a three-way tie.
Four of

Speaker 1 the chefs voted.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, no one made them. It was, it was buying local burgers.

Speaker 1 Honestly, I like that more. Three-way tie, and they're all from local chain or places.
That's because all of us voted for one of them in second place and then two of us voted for one in first

Speaker 1 and another one in third and then the other two voted for the opposite. I'm sure that the math checks out, but that made no sense.
What you said was nonsense. I think it kind of makes sense.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. I'm sure the math checks out.
What you said was

Speaker 1 gibberish. Absolutely bananas.
You sounded like a bonobos monkey.

Speaker 1 In any case, yeah, we had our famous burger Smashdown

Speaker 1 where we tried three burgers. And I think I would miss,

Speaker 1 I used to think about

Speaker 1 burgers. Yeah, I would miss burgers.

Speaker 1 I would miss dessert, though. I think that would be the hardest thing.
Ice ice cream.

Speaker 1 I think I would miss

Speaker 1 chocolate. Ice cream.

Speaker 1 I would miss chocolate. I would miss chocolate.
Chocolate. I would miss cookies.
I would miss all sorts. of.
I don't think I could pick up. But top three.
Top three sweets. Top three foods.

Speaker 1 Well, not chocolate. If there's no chocolate, I'm very sad.
I have to have chocolate every day. Every day? Yes.
I have chocolate every day. You're talking about.

Speaker 1 Never mind.

Speaker 1 Brain.

Speaker 1 A baby born will die before this end.

Speaker 1 You know, you know what's funny, though, is. Jayson Day.
Do you think he knew? He did that on purpose that his name fit into the meter? Tazon Day.

Speaker 1 Tayson Day.

Speaker 1 Tayson Day. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Tazon Day. The barbershop quartet.
I think if you're in a world where all you get to eat is Soylent, though, and I think my father

Speaker 1 had a G-tube for the last

Speaker 1 few years of his life.

Speaker 1 And I remember what he said. It was very haunting.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because we were like, what do you miss

Speaker 1 food-wise? And he was like,

Speaker 1 honestly, after a year, you don't even think about it.

Speaker 1 And I felt like that when I was doing the crazy diet for my TV show. Can I tell you something? Yeah.
In my mind, I reversed it. Oh, what was it?

Speaker 1 In my mind, I had it that you'd think you would stop missing it after a while. Oh, no, no.

Speaker 1 You're so unaccustomed to. I don't have to be haunted anymore.
You're so unaccustomed to having these foods that you no longer crave it.

Speaker 1 And when I, when I was on the crazy diet, it was like, I don't even have the taste for it anymore. I had that same experience.
And I can still get that.

Speaker 1 If you can go just a few weeks without a thing, you will lose the taste for it. Yeah.
And you'll be fine. Like you can be around it and be like, I'm okay.
Yeah. Yeah.
I know. That's so hard, though.

Speaker 1 It is. It is.
I don't want it. Heroin, no problem.
After one week, you can be around it. People talk like it's a big deal.

Speaker 1 What are other foods? Any other foods? Ice cream? Pizza, ice cream. My

Speaker 1 pizza ice cream. Is ice cream one of yours as well? Ice cream is definitely one.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to think of like a snack thing.

Speaker 1 I could live without chips.

Speaker 1 Could you live without chips? What was I going to say? What? Cheese and crackers. Oh,

Speaker 1 I fucking love cheese and crackers. Like, how about Brianna baguette? Brianna baguette.
What am am I retatoui? It was so good. Nothing.

Speaker 1 Oh, brie on a baguette. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I, yeah. You know, when Twin Peaks came out, we would have Twin Peaks parties and do Brie sandwiches.
Is it connected to the show? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And Jerry. And that was the first time I'd ever, ever had Bri, and I had it because they were talking about it on Twin Peaks, going like smelling the sandwich, going, oh,

Speaker 1 this, Ben, Ben, this is the most amazing sandwich I've ever had. It was really effective.
Yeah. So So I had brie for the first time.
I was like, this actually is good.

Speaker 1 And so I would have brie and butter and yum on a big baguette. Yeah.
Delicious. I love pizza crackers.

Speaker 1 Did you say three? I think brie, I mean, I'd be sad about it, but it wouldn't be my top one. You said, I think it'd be, for me, I think it'd be

Speaker 1 pesto, chocolate. Pesto.
And I think I'll say, I might have to go with pizza. No, fries.
I would go fries.

Speaker 1 I love fries.

Speaker 1 I have kind of, I'll still eat fries, but they are not as desirable to me anymore. You know what what I mean?

Speaker 1 Yeah, like they're there, and even the best fries, I'm like, these are good, but I don't have the same kind of hunger for them as I used to.

Speaker 1 It's really strange. Can I say a, I guess, a genre of food? Is that what I'm trying to say?

Speaker 1 Sure. Mexican food, just in general.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's all the same kind of stuff. It's how you put it together.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I crave that all the time.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I would miss that.
And then margaritas.

Speaker 1 Margie. Can you not drink anything? Is it all soy?

Speaker 1 Listen, soyl and green wouldn't be all that bad if they were like, well, yeah, you get to like have wine and margaritas.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I can wash it down. Oh, you can get shit-faced.
Yeah, yeah. Absolutely.
You're going to still need to get shit-faced. Do they ferment the soil in enough to make it alcohol? Oh.

Speaker 1 Is it just like those little bars, like little blocks of food? Like, I've

Speaker 1 never seen the actual movie. I've just heard it as a ruler.
Yeah, I'm thinking of like District 9 or whatever where they eat those like bars,

Speaker 1 like bugs. Snow piercer.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that. It's still absolutely insane

Speaker 1 that they named that product Soyland. That is the wildest decision.
Oh, because there's a real thing called that now, right? Oh, meaning there's a new product that they named Soylent?

Speaker 1 No, it's been around for a bit. It's been brown for a bit.
Oh, oh, yeah. And it's like a pouch.
It's like a meal replacement. Oh, oh.
So you're saying it's wild that they they named it after

Speaker 1 a movie that is like a Twilight. The one thing everybody knows about

Speaker 1 yeah, I don't even know what it is, but I know it's people, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's such a strange, that's such a strange thing for us.

Speaker 1 That's so weird, reveal that happens at the exact end of the movie. And it's like, well, I don't need to see that.
You know, you know what it is, right? That's going to be my third one: is people.

Speaker 1 Oh, I would miss eating people. Okay, this is a reveal.
Okay, so okay, this is a reveal. Okay, so we're going to have to cancel you.
Okay, so you're Army Hammer.

Speaker 1 Okay, allegedly. That don't impress me much.

Speaker 1 Her songs are so weird. Should I

Speaker 1 impress me? So many of them, like, so you're broadcasting completely for her to talk.

Speaker 1 Okay, so you're a rocket scientist. That doesn't impress you.
I mean, that should impress you. I mean, it should.
You should be impressed by that. Yeah, you're dumb if science is.

Speaker 1 We should respect science in this country. Yeah.
In this house, we respect science.

Speaker 1 And it doesn't impress us much. Do you think she had fun without being?

Speaker 1 I can respect you without being impressed by you. What if you had a sign that was just the Shania Twain lyrics of, okay, in this house, you're a rocket scientist? White shirts,

Speaker 1 men's shirts, short skirts. In this house, these things don't impress me much.

Speaker 1 Do you think she had fun on stage at one? She'd be like, okay, so you're a rocket scientist. And everyone goes like, what?

Speaker 1 I think she had a stage. And she goes, that don't impress me much.

Speaker 1 And then they'd be like, you know who the rocket scientists are because they'd be leaving. Yeah, yeah.
You see random pushing their glasses up like their tickets. I can't believe it.

Speaker 1 I thought you wouldn't say it this time. One takes off in a rocket.
Tearing up their concert tickets like they're at the racetrack. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then they're saving them in a little box and they just say ticket on them.

Speaker 1 Well, person that rhymes with Ariel.

Speaker 1 All right. Thank you so much for your question.
Thank you. Yes, we do appreciate it.
You never said what your three would be, and there was plenty of time. Hack claims eight, by the way.

Speaker 1 You can leave as long a message as you want. We've written the code to where it'll never hang up on you.

Speaker 1 I don't know that. It'll never hang up on you.
It will. There's a certain threshold, but find out what it is.
There are safe words. Push it to the limit.
It will hang up on you. There are safe words.

Speaker 1 There are fail safes. There are dead man switches.

Speaker 1 There's all kinds of stuff in there.

Speaker 1 We had a ball right now. We loved it.

Speaker 1 We had a long weekend.

Speaker 1 We were laughing our house. We locked ourselves in a cabin for a weekend.
It was hysterical. It was so funny.
We didn't have any food. No.
No, we didn't eat it. But we locked ourselves in.

Speaker 1 We ate megabytes in gigahertz.

Speaker 1 We ate our computers by the end of the whole thing. It was great.
Anyway, we survived on friendship, and we present to you at Hagclaims8.com. Hadclaims8.com.
It's where to go.

Speaker 1 Guys, that's it for this episode. It really is.
We thank you for listening. If you would like to hear,

Speaker 1 what, ad-free versions of the show? Are we still doing that? Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1 Go to CBB World. And if you,

Speaker 1 oh, yeah, if you want to write to us, we've never checked the email, but

Speaker 1 we have in times past. But we don't know what the password is.
FreedomUSA at gmail.com. If you know the password, please tell us.

Speaker 1 If you don't know the password, don't try to hack into it. That's not an invitation.
But if we don't even know what it is, how are they going to be able to do it? Go hack Elmo.

Speaker 1 Everybody's hacking Elmo. Go hack Elmo.
Hack Elmo is promote freedom. Oh, no.
Please don't.

Speaker 1 Can you imagine? Leave us out of this. The FBI calls us.

Speaker 1 They call us. Well, I hope everyone has a really great night.
Let's do the show first, FBI.

Speaker 1 We hope everyone has a great night.

Speaker 1 That's the most important point. Is your show still happening? Yes, August 31st.
Come and see us. I will start posting on Instagram at some point.
I haven't even, I posted it once in my story.

Speaker 1 The next Variatopia is Sunday, the 21st of September at

Speaker 1 Lodge Room. And of course, it will also be live-streamed.
Go to variatopia.com for all the information.

Speaker 1 I have nothing, but the

Speaker 1 final issue of Astonishing Spider-Man came out. It was canceled.
And so I have nothing going on because that was all I was doing with my time. That's intense.
I hear you, bro. Yeah.
Anyway,

Speaker 1 goodbye. Bye.
Goodbye.

Speaker 5 You know, when you're just going about your busy day and a voice asks you something like, Why do people have crushes? Or, do dogs know they're dogs? The Brains On podcast is here to help.

Speaker 5 Every episode answers tough questions with funny skits, cool facts, and more. It's a science show for kids of all ages.
Whether you grew up with JFK, MTV, TLC, or TMZ, Brains On is for you.

Speaker 1 Listening may induce uncontrollable laughter and turn backseat squabbles into harmonious car trips. Find Brains On wherever you get your podcasts.