TFW You Know There's Crunchies Across the Street

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I'll see you in your dreams.

Hey, it's me, Steve Burns, and I'm so glad you're here because you and I go way back, right?

Yeah.

And look at us now.

Like we're all grown up.

We've got this new podcast where we talk about all this grown-up stuff and there's special guests like Jamie Lee Curtis and Bill Nye.

But for the most part, it's about you.

I mean, it's always been about you.

From Lemonata Media, a live with Steve Burns is coming September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts, or you can watch every episode on YouTube.

Freedom!

Freedom!

Freedom is the name of the show you're listening to.

We are three friends, and we like to tell you what to do.

You gotta go out, get a job, clean your face, wash a slob, close those hands.

Wash a slob?

Yeah, wait, go wash.

Wash a slob.

She's a slob.

Let's go wash a slab.

Watch a slob.

We want our listeners to obey us.

Obey.

As you would your parents.

Honor us, much like you would your parents.

Yes, honor thy father and mother.

Keep holy the Sabbath day.

Yes.

Keep holy also.

Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.

What about worshiping craven idols?

Thou shalt have no God before me.

These are all good ideas.

Scott, when do you think about God?

Write these down.

You think about God and his rules?

He sounds crazy.

Yeah, he's a little intense.

But then when you actually put him into practice,

yeah, the guy knew that some method to his madness yes i've never coveted an ox no

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no it's freedom it's freedom i'm scott i'm paul i'm lauren

and we love recording

we love ricotta cheese

cheese i do love ricotta cheese i don't

like it

You're at stuffed shells.

Yeah, I love stuffed shells.

It's disappointing.

It's too, it's not sweet enough.

You're not sweet enough.

How do you like that?

I love you.

Leely.

Oh my gosh.

I want to give a shout out to Leely Pitts, who dropped off

a can of stuffed shells after I had GD.

Oh, that's so nice.

Leely's a very nice person after I had GD.

I was trying to figure out what that state sees.

I had a case of GD.

Giardia.

What is that?

Giardia disinfected.

Once with Giardia.

Is that that song?

Yeah.

Ben and so swell.

Once a day Jardia.

Bam, ba-ba-bam.

I only get Jardia once a day.

Yeah.

That's not bad when you think about it.

Well, yeah, considering it could go on all day.

Yeah, once a day?

If it's just within a specific time, I have Jardia at lunchtime.

Yeah.

It's a big story to tell.

Do you know this ad?

Yeah.

Once-a-day Jardians.

Jardians.

Why would they?

It's too close to Jardia.

Too close.

You can't do that.

No.

What's Jardian?

Some medicine?

Yeah.

I forget what it's for.

I forget, but yeah, it sounds here.

You know what I always say when they go, they don't really tell you what it is, and they go, ask your doctor if you need

whatever.

But then I'm just going to go in and be like, is that right for me?

Like, I don't know what it is.

Supposedly, make an appointment to ask this question.

Yeah.

By the way,

hard to see it.

But by the way, is Jardiance right for me?

Yeah.

Get the fuck out of here.

Hey, by the way,

it improves blood sugar control in adults and children age 10 and older with type 2 diabetes alongside diet and exercise.

Oh, can we just have pills that you don't need to diet and exercise with?

Or can we assume that you want us to diet and exercise and you don't have to keep fucking saying it?

Everyone knows.

Okay.

Okay.

New rule.

Doom, doom, doom.

One, don't tell me to diet and exercise because I know I'm going to do what I don't put it out.

Two.

Don't pick up the phone because he's only going to tell you to diet and exercise.

Three.

Don't pick up the phone.

Cause he's only going to tell you to diet and exercise.

Four.

Don't pick up the phone because he's only going to tell you to diet and exercise five.

Don't pick up the phone because he's only going to tell you to diet in exercise six.

Don't pick up the phone because it's only going to tell you to die in exercise seven.

Don't pick up the phone because it's only going to tell you to die in exercise eight.

Don't pick up the phone because it's only going to tell you to die in exercise nine.

Don't pick up the phone because they're only going to tell you to die in exercise ten.

Don't pick up the phone because it's only going to tell you to die in exercise.

How many rules does she have, Duolie?

I think 10.

I love her, by the way.

I love her.

Well, she just got engaged, Paul.

I'm so sorry to have to read it.

Annoying!

My second part was so much, I'm going to marry her.

She was my backup plan.

She,

I really like that she sang a duet with Chris Stapleton, the countryman.

Oh, I don't know that I've heard that.

It's very good.

She's sexy.

Yeah.

Oh, is it?

And then she was also, it's very sexy.

Is it as sexy as,

what's her name, singing, oh, I feel love.

Who was that?

Donna Summer.

I think it's sexier than that because it's a man and a woman singing, and not just a solo person.

Yeah.

Who's like, I'll take your word for it.

Early sang that song in his special, I feel love, and it was really sexy.

Yeah, his special is great.

Yes.

Yeah.

He sings four songs in it, I believe.

It's really, really delightful.

Yeah.

God, I'm glad you guys had so much fun.

I had a blast.

I had a blast watching this special.

I was like, fuck yeah, while I was watching.

I'm going to look up the name of the speech.

Do you watch stand-up specials regularly?

I do for the

comedy bang bang show.

I've been talking about people as as a guest.

Yes, and I try to watch them.

And sometimes I get them very late in the process and I can't.

But yeah, I try to.

I watch a lot.

I watch a lot.

I like to see what's going on.

Sure.

Yeah.

What's going on in the microphone business?

I keep tabs.

Oh, look,

this is a new microphone.

There's something going on with this microphone.

Oh, they have a blue one.

Oh,

and he, and then

that person did cordless.

I'm trying to think if there's a, if there's been a stand-up special recently where someone had a cord, and it would only be because the person does some sort of physical bit with a cord where they're pretending to whip someone or something.

Right.

That's the only thing it could be.

Paul, what are you looking up?

I'm looking up the song.

It's called Think I'm In Love With You.

I'm going to send it to you guys to watch at your leisure.

Think I'm in love, boy.

I think that I'm in love with you.

But I also really liked her on that Recess Therapy Instagram account.

Reese's

pieces has gone into therapy.

First of all, it's Reese's Pieces, as everyone knows.

Recess Therapy is this guy who interviews little kids.

Oh, yeah, I've seen him.

And it's really funny and cute.

Yeah.

And so sometimes he has a celebrity join him because I love like, this is like a

carful karaoke.

Can I just say, when you said Reese's PCs,

normally I had like a visceral reaction against that.

And I just right now thought, it's kind of cute to say that.

It is cute.

I just kind of went, you know, just.

Paul's trying to do a rat on this.

Reese's Peasies.

I went, maybe I don't know.

It's fun to say.

Yeah.

It's fun to say.

You've been radicalized.

i spent a lot of years being mad at you guys

for saying

why did you ever say anything

uh the commercial says reese's you idiots so you've been sitting here mad at us for years yeah you say reese's peasies so what it's uh tea

uh t the extraterrestrial

uh tea

so you think just across the board there's one rule doesn't make sense one rule one's also don't pick up the phone so i gotta tell you to diet and exercised.

Diet and exercise.

Well, Dua Lipa, you got a fan in Paul F.

Thomas.

It's true, Dua.

Dua.

Dua.

Dua.

But she was very, she's very charming.

Dua.

And she has a great voice, but like not just a great singing voice, but a great speaking voice as well.

What if you did like a Pitbull song on your next varietopia?

Pibble?

Pitbull.

Do you think she does cameos?

And I was just like constantly big upping Miami.

Yeah.

That would be really funny.

Could I buy a place I've never been?

And you're not performing there?

And I'm never going.

But that would be really funny.

It would be really funny.

Think about that.

I'd like to buy you a cameo.

No, you don't have to.

I'd like to buy you a cameo from Dua Lipa.

I hope she makes cameos.

Do you think she does?

No.

I don't think so.

Come on, what up?

It's a little extra cash.

Who do you think is the person who absolutely does?

Does not need to be making cameos.

It doesn't even mean making cameos that is.

Oh, there's a bunch on there.

Yeah, who?

Let's see.

Let's see.

Richest person who still does cameos.

Yeah, because you can't go by highest rate, highest charge, charge, because that's not.

I'll tell you somebody who shouldn't be bothering is Brian Cox because I saw on the cameo page.

Who's that?

The guy from Succession.

Oh, he's wonderful.

Fuck off.

He does cameos?

Yes, he does.

What?

It's something for him to do.

It is what he does.

Advanced age.

You know, he's a star of a great show and probably on another one already.

He has his wife or somebody print out the information that they once said, and then he just like reads it.

Now, I understand that you got a promotion at work.

Fuck off.

And you also always throw in a a fuck off at the end of the day.

I love it.

I think he's literally in a terrible hotel that I stayed in in Atlanta.

He's literally, that's the ceiling I stared up at because I thought it was a plywood.

He's stared up.

I literally, I think that's where he is.

By the way.

By the way, you could tell it's a great angle if you could see the ceiling.

It's up his nose.

Hey, pick up your phone.

Much like Dua Leap has done.

One.

Pick up the phone.

We don't want to see the ceiling.

And you're sad and alone.

He might have stopped doing it because I can't click to his page anymore.

The AI overview tells me that Kevin O'Leary is probably the richest person who he charges $1,500.

Who is he?

Oh, Mr.

Fucking Wonder.

Mr.

Fucking Wonder.

Oh, I was picturing the actor

Dennis.

Kevin O'Leary, fuck you.

But if we do go on Chark Tank, wait, that guy's not going to be able to do it.

Obviously, we want you to buy it.

We want to make sure that it's a tag.

Yeah, he's definitely got to be the richest person.

What do we want to shark tag with a website?

But he's all about business.

So he's just going, who cares?

We may

leave a voicemail anytime you want.

To him, that's just

another investment, I would say.

But I'm curious about an actor where you're like, you know what?

They're cool.

They do a lot of great work.

They don't need extra cash.

They could be perfectly fine with whatever they have.

Because I feel like he's somebody where enough is never enough.

I feel like Kevin O'Leary is doing it for the fame aspect of it.

Like, oh,

my personality is the winner here.

Yeah.

And Mr.

Wonderful.

Yes.

Other individuals with significant wealth who have made appearances on cameo include mark lassery co-founder of avenue capital

what's that

what the

i don't

know

here's the most expensive ones mariano rivera from the new york yankees how much five-time world series champion 750

it's expensive i'm gonna go down to the bottom of the list because it looks like it's an investment caitlin jenner

Why are you nudifying your bottle?

I like to.

Okay.

Paul tore the wrapper off his bottle and made it nude.

It looks like some severance food.

It does look like severance food.

It's just like a white bottle of liquid.

You're like, you only get it at the severance food.

Here's lunch.

Yeah.

Caitlin Jenner, $2,500.

Fuck off.

Fuck off.

Fuck off.

Kevin O'Leary, $1,500.

Kevin Smith, $999.

Juicy J, $900.

Nigel Lithgow,

so you think you can dance, Judge, 1,000.

Reasonably Me Too'd.

Yes, Michael.

Is that true?

Hey, tell me about being Me Too'd.

Michael Lewis.

$1,000, dear.

Could you meet you, my friend?

It's his birthday.

Can you shout out Paula Abdul, who you supposedly harassed?

Michael Beasley,

pro basketball player.

Brian Cox is $689.

Wow.

I think he's off it because I tried to click to his page now.

Uh-oh.

This is interesting.

Chris Diamantopoulos.

Oh, that guy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

$399.

How much did you charge, Paul?

When I first started, I charged $50.

That was a huge mistake.

Huge mistake because then I had a million to do.

That shows you the problem that I have with my self-worth.

And then I eventually raised it to $250 and was still getting like a bunch.

I was really surprised that people had disposable.

You want to make it so high that no one ever orders it.

I don't want to do that.

But you don't want to do it all day long either.

You know what?

Maybe I'm going to get back into Cameo and raise money for my eye surgery.

Yes, please, Paul.

I was going to say that.

I was going to say that.

We should have a Cameo

use.

Where we set up a studio for you and like a camera and all this kind of stuff, and you can just bang them out.

Just boom, boom, boom.

Absolutely.

We'll make it a big fundraiser day.

That would be fun.

If we make it

at least.

I'm glad you said that.

Yeah, make it to, I think, make it $2.50, but you explain what the cause, what the goal is.

Yes, and you always mention your eyes at some point during the cameo.

Should I look for

unfocused at the camera to make it look like, oh man, he really needs this.

Yes, definitely.

Yeah.

Z-Way, $1,000.

That checks out.

That seems good.

And Ice T, $600?

Wow.

Z-Way, how do you feel about charging $400 more than ice tea?

Come on.

One of the OGs in the game.

Z-Way.

Z-Way.

Z-Way being $1,000 makes sense.

I think that's a perfect use for the way her humor, you know, it's funny to make it $1,000.

Drew Brees, $900.

Okay.

John Daly, golfer, John Daly, we should rip it and ribbon.

$800.

Yeah.

So I don't know.

Those are some of the most expensive, according to this website from over a year ago.

Okay.

Now, when you, when, when AI overview comes up on Google,

I need to put in minus AI.

Yeah, how do we display it?

So for every search, you have to

think you just disable it.

There's other browsers where you can disable it or search engineers.

it.

But

so that's that is using water every time.

Every time you search for something with Google, an AI overview comes.

Oh, really?

Well, that's what I'm kind of asking.

Everything uses water.

It's just how much.

Not the ocean.

That's true.

I got you.

Here, I'm going to Google water.

I'm going to put all of that.

Anything that's hooked up to electricity and power.

Oh, it's so much more pleasant to have that minus AI

because it's always written so dumb and it's always like, What are the thing that people need?

And it's like, shush

your face, shush your face, shush your face.

AI, this is much nicer.

It's how you're going to be able to do it.

I would say, let's do away with the letters AI in general.

Okay, well, then we wouldn't have the wonderful punctuation on the song The Macarena.

And your name would be Paul.

No,

we'd, yeah, it would P-U-L.

P-U-L.

Oh, so you're getting both A and I.

Yeah.

Not just the combination.

Not not the combination.

Oh.

Someone would be Lurin Lepkus.

Your name would be Scott Kerman.

Uckerman.

Uckerman.

Uckerman.

Scott Uckerman.

Uckerman.

Yeah, I'd do it to save the planet.

I don't mind pull, P-O.

Yeah.

P-O-I-C-E-L.

I don't mind that.

I don't mind pull.

Great pole.

I don't like pool.

And Lurin.

No, I don't.

Luren.

Good poll, Paul.

Wait, I'd also lose the I and Tompkins.

Tompkins.

But you can still pronounce it Tompkins.

Like the weekend.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

It was so sad.

You know that movie he put out that was universally panned?

He was.

This is before after The Idol.

After the show.

Yeah, I thought it was a show.

It was on the show.

A few weeks ago.

You dumb fool.

Oh, I didn't hear about this.

People don't like you doing these things.

Yeah, he made a movie with Jenner Ortega.

I haven't.

I never heard of that.

And so Kulop and I were walking down Hollywood Boulevard because we had just seen.

We just had seen the new Mission impossible and we passed a big

hurry up tomorrow hurry up tomorrow we passed a big activation

uh that had taken over a a huge lot on this corner of hollywood boulevard with like a giant blow-up thing of the weekend and all this kind of stuff what blow-up thing you don't mean like an inflatable i think something like that i forgot i didn't i i just didn't even really clock what it was because as we were passing by there was a security guard who was practically begging people to come inside.

He was like, He asked us, he's like, Do you want to come inside and take any pictures with this?

I was supposed to be below.

Oh my God.

But there's nobody in there.

Did you come in here, make a scene, cause me to throw you out?

You know, like at the Americana, is that where you were?

No, this is on Hollywood Poulver.

They had so many, when I went to the movies, they had so many

huge cutouts for each movie that the whole lobby was like full of them.

Yeah, there's like a lot of people.

I guess they just want us to post it on Instagram and spread the word.

Well, it's why, which is, when you think about it,

job for them.

They don't invite

celebrities to movie premieres anymore.

They just invite influencers now.

Really?

Because they know they need content, so they'll be posting themselves on the red carpet and go, look where I am.

And so it's just, they just have nights for influencers.

Studios are renting studios to influencers now, to like content creators.

Because it's too expensive to.

Yeah, and they just have these buildings.

Dude, such a dumb, it's such a down.

We are in a bad era, truly.

You know what I like to say?

It's the worst timeline.

Hey, that's funny.

You shouldn't tweet that.

I like to say, I hate this timeline.

I do hate this timeline.

You're so funny, Paul.

You're so funny.

I'm just like

flabbergasted sometimes with how funny you are.

Really?

Thank you.

It's crazy.

The connections you make.

The connections I make.

For example, that one.

Per ejemplo.

That's crazy.

That's crazy, Paul.

Whatever it was that you said.

Wow, that's crazy.

Wow, that's crazy.

When do you want to set up this cameo day?

I was paying attention.

No, I think it is a good idea.

We'll rent a studio because apparently they're really cheap.

And we'll say you're an influencer.

Let's do it at Paramount Pictures.

But you're not going to do it all in one day.

It's going to take place over the course of a month.

No, we want to bust these out in one day with you, but I need you to do it for 24 hours.

Oh, so like you rack them up and you don't film them until then, until you haven't got them all.

Exactly, and then we just bust them out.

Boom, boom, boom.

So, let's see.

How much is the surgery?

Yeah, the surgery is $8,400 an eyeball.

Times two, so

$1,700.

Yeah, $1,700 with

tip.

Is anesthesia included?

$17,000.

$17,000 with tip.

Right.

Is anesthesia included in the cost?

$1,700?

I'd do it tomorrow.

Is anesthesia included in the cost?

Yes, everything's included

except the lens.

So let's just make it $20,000 because, whatever.

$40,000.

$40,000.

You need to get some Uber Eats.

That's true.

40 times 20 is.

4 times 2 is 80?

I'm going to be reimbursed for all those glasses I've worn over the years.

800.

It's 800, so you need to do 800 of these.

Oh, my God.

Okay, those are right.

Should we make it cost more?

20,000.

So why are you making 40?

Divided by 250.

Where are you getting 40?

80.

You need to do 80.

Jesus Christ.

What do we just say 800?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You need to do 80.

I was like, I'll just take my eyes out.

No, 80.

Who took his eyes out?

Me, me, me, me.

80 is reasonable.

80 is reasonable.

I could do 80.

So let's make it, let's make it a goal.

And we need all the piss pigs to unite.

Yeah.

We need 80 piss pigs who are willing to part with $250 for a good cause.

And you can always know that when Paul sees you played a role in that.

Whenever I read a sign, it's because of you.

Yeah.

And I think when he cat calls a woman walking down the street, I would love it.

He could do that with me because he was blind.

They just wouldn't know.

Hey, I'm blind over here.

Turn around with my sunglasses.

Hey, somebody's not.

I think you're hot, whoever you are across the street.

Suggest whistle and then go, I'm assuming.

I really want to unite the piss pigs.

Yeah.

So not just for this.

I think because I've wanted to for a while, but I didn't.

We didn't have a cause.

There's too much division, and I hate, I hate it.

I hate it.

We have, you know, far more than 80 listeners, but probably

80, I think, who who are out there who are going, I have 250 and I want to do this.

So if you're listening to that, I think there's probably one listener out there who would pay the whole 20.

Well, if you, can you, on Cameo, can you pay more than the cost?

What if it's Mr.

Wonderful?

Kevin O'Leary, I know we said some mean things about you earlier.

Oh, and Cameo.

With how we think you're a piece of shit.

Wait, Cameo probably takes a cut.

Cameo probably takes a cut.

Do you have to account for that?

I think I said you're definitely going to hell.

How much does Cameo take?

Oh, yeah.

What's Cameo?

You have to account for for that.

You do have to account for that.

Yeah.

I think they did 95%.

Why are you doing this?

Because at 5%.

Let's get this going.

In fact, maybe by the time this comes out, because this is July 10th,

we should have it in place.

We should have the plan in place.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

I have some time over the summer.

End date of like September.

September 12th.

Okay, your birthday.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

So So from now till September 12th, let's order these cameos.

Should we save them all up for one?

So you'll have to get it all set back up with cameo.

Okay, you're going to do them one at a time.

Can you just like

over the course of a few days?

Can you just like

in one day?

You should do them as they come in.

They're only two minutes.

Do them as they come in.

You don't want to be overwhelmed.

But do you have to tell Cameo you're doing this or just turn it on?

When I was doing the fucking $50 ones, I was in a hotel room.

Going insane.

I like joined Cameo, put it up like $50, took a flight cross-country, and then got there to like a million fucking rooms.

Oh my God.

And I sat in the hotel room for like two days doing these things.

Like you're in naked lunch or something.

You didn't get to like go see anything cold.

Wait, do you have to like, can you just turn back on your page?

Okay, so we're going to do this.

So it's July 10th.

What's that?

I turned my page back on.

You can just choose to do that at any time.

Yes.

Okay, great.

So it's July 10th.

We are announcing it here.

Paul's going to do this.

And hopefully by September 12th,

80 of you will have done this.

And then will you schedule the surgery

before Christmas?

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah.

I will have to check and see what the recovery period is.

They do one eye at a time.

Okay.

Okay.

Which is more than fair.

Yeah.

You want to be able to see.

Like in case they poke one in.

Would you get it on Christmas?

Would you get it the surgery on Christmas Eve if it were available?

Scrooge style?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

The The second eye.

I would time the second eye to get done on Christmas Eve.

Okay, great.

That's that'll be interesting.

Paul's promise.

You get one fixed, and then you're you have glasses and one eye.

So, what are you gonna do?

How are you gonna have to get glasses with one lens?

Well, I'll poke the lens out.

Yeah, yeah, you'll look stupid, but that's fine.

Hey,

no one will know.

All right, we have to take a break, but we're gonna do this.

We're gonna do this.

All right, we're not back.

We're not involved at all.

Guys, there's someone I want to introduce you to.

Okay, who?

J-Lab.

Oh, is that

you misspoke and you're saying J-Lo, right?

No, no, no.

Really?

No, you're incorrect.

Okay.

And no, it's not my girlfriend.

I'm happily married.

Thank you.

Okay.

It's J-Lab.

You don't have a side piece?

J-Lab.

Okay, J-Lab.

Tell me about Jay.

What is J-Lab?

They are headphones and speakers as vibrant as your summer.

Beach days, workout sessions, or chill moments, you can find the perfect sound with J-Lab, as I previously mentioned.

I got some of these.

Oh, so you know.

Yeah, J-Lab's colorful collection has something for every summer adventure and every moment.

Okay, here, Lauren.

Picture headphones and speakers in fresh summer colors with features you actually want for things like beach workouts.

Have you ever chilled by a pool?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or like sunset jamming sessions.

We all do those.

Sunset jamming sessions.

You're telling me something I already know because I recently got a pair of J-Labs J-Buds Luxe over-ear headphones in the color cloud, which was honestly the perfect gray.

It's

with everything.

It's chic.

It's cool.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, they've been the perfect companion for my summer travel because let me tell you, they're lighter than my other headphones that I had before.

Yeah.

They fold up, which my other ones didn't do.

These are things that make it much easier to travel.

I put them in the bag.

They can go.

They're super comfortable.

They have active noise canceling, which obviously you need on an airplane and the best part they fold up that's what i love i could not fold my other ones i love to fold

actually connect unlike remember when we were on tour last year paul and i was watching aliens resurrection and

the headphones didn't connect and i just ended up blasting people shouting fuck you

they were really bad at those aliens

anyway don't miss out on j-lab's newest line their summer speaker series from pocket sized to party sized the j-lab party speaker series brings powerful sound to any summer gathering.

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Oh, good for you.

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It's back to school season.

Back to school season, little boys and girls.

But you know what's not on the syllabus this year?

Tell me, getting schooled by your old wireless bill.

I agree.

That's why I made the switch to Mint Mobile.

Well, well, with Mint, you can get the coverage and speed you're used to, but for way less money.

And for a limited time, Mint Mobile is offering three months of unlimited premium wireless service for only fifteen dollars a month.

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And at a fraction of the cost, it is a no-brainer.

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NGB stands for gigabytes.

Cooler temps are rolling in.

Dude, doo dot.

And as always, Quince is where I'm turning for fall staples that actually last.

From cashmere to denim to boots.

I've never seen you so furious.

I'm mad, but I'm getting happier.

The quality holds up, and the price still blows me away.

Quince has the kind of fall staples you'll wear non-stop.

Like super soft, 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters, starting at $60.

I got to ask you about their denim.

Okay, well, their denim's durable and it fits right.

What about leather jackets?

They are real and they bring that clean, classic edge without the elevated price tag.

Sounds good.

What makes Quince different?

Hey, everyone.

Oh, hey, well, they partner directly with ethical factories and skip the middlemen.

So you get top-tier fabrics and craftsmanship at half the price of similar brands.

Can I hear some personal experience from you?

Because I'm still a little skeptical for some reason.

Well, one of my favorite pieces from Quince is their 100% merino wool all-season short-sleeve tee.

Now, I've been trying to incorporate more natural fibers into my wardrobe, as I'm telling you all the time.

And wool totally fits the bill.

It's naturally heat-regulating, so it helps keep you warm in winter, cool in summer.

The perfect thing.

thing for this in-between season.

Now, I've been wearing mine so much, I just ordered one in another color.

I want to keep it classic and cool this fall.

Do you have any suggestions?

You should do that with long-lasting staples from Quince.

Go to quince.com/slash threedom for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.

No, that's great.

How do you spell it?

I was gonna say

365-day returns is amazing because if you're like me, sometimes you forget to return something.

Yes, and you can miss the window.

Like 200 days in, you might be like, I gotta return it.

Honestly, I've done that before.

That's q-u-in-ce-e.com/slash threedom.

Free shipping and 365-days days returns.

Quince.com slash threedom.

And we're back.

Yeah.

And

this is very exciting.

It's July 10th.

Of course, it's a week after my birthday.

How was your birthday in your mind?

Yeah, tell me.

In my mind, it was great because there are currently, as we're recording this, no plans to do anything special.

And I don't know whether that will change.

Now, do you like that or do you not like that?

I kind of like that because it's like the idea of getting older in a birthday to me is like so such a bummer that who needs to celebrate it.

But, you know, who knows?

Maybe I'll go see that Jurassic Park movie that comes out on my birthday.

Don't be bummed.

Are they still making that?

Don't be bummed about getting older.

Why is that dear?

Because the alternative is to die.

Yes.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong.

It seems to me that since ever since the third, no, I'm going to say

they've made six prior to this movie.

So the third, okay, so it's Jurassic Park, the first one.

It's like we did.

Classics,

we made dinosaurs.

Uh-oh.

Yeah.

There's problems.

Yeah.

We didn't.

We shouldn't.

We didn't foresee this.

Second one, they say, hey, there's still those fucking dinosaurs running around there.

Yeah, and then it's like an extraction team, but it's not like the park's open or anything like that.

No, no, no.

Then the third one, I think, is still them going back because

Sam O'Neill is back.

I think we figured it out.

I got it.

Now it's good.

No, I don't.

I actually don't remember.

It's my least favorite, I think.

But

I know they go back and they're still like, now there's pterodactyls and stuff flying.

Which is the one that has the gymnastics?

Gymnastics.

For Jeff Goldblum.

Jeff Goldblum's daughter.

She does gymnastics to run away from a Velociraptor.

What?

I swear to God.

I don't remember that.

I don't remember this.

I swear to God.

What happens in the fourth one?

So then the, well, Lauren's in it.

Is that the fourth one?

Yeah.

They got the park back up and running.

Now Velociraptors can be trained to do tricks.

Yes.

But they're like, you know what?

This park idea is still a good idea.

Yeah.

Instead of like making these dinosaurs, you know, go into other countries and fight our wars for us.

Let's make it a big, let's make it a big theme park.

Why didn't we just turn them loose on other countries?

They decimate the population.

We walk in.

We're hailed as heroes with garlands of flowers.

So then the second one, I think the park is closed at that point, but now they're auctioning off dinosaurs to the heads of other countries.

And they figured out we can clone humans.

Oh, I forgot about that aspect.

Remember the girl, like Hammond's granddaughter or whatever, is a clone.

And they figured out it does.

I don't remember that.

That's crazy.

Oh, yes.

I remember the auction, like the first, the starting bid for one of these dinosaurs, I remember being shockingly low.

Well, we've got a lot of

other products.

I know, but it's like, really?

That's

$250.

Yeah.

And then this, the, the last one prior to this one is

they're, they go back to the island for some reason.

It's all the old people and the new people together.

Jeff Goldblum's back.

Oh, Laura Dern.

Yeah, they're all back.

And now this one.

Lauren is glimpsed briefly in that.

On a nice

card, which I, oh, yeah, that, yeah.

Um, which I learned when it came out.

Sure.

I'd love to be in it again.

Yeah.

Sure, me too.

And now this one.

Look, I think these movies are dumb.

Put me in one.

My character survived, so I'm

willing to work there again.

Exactly.

Yeah, yeah.

And then this one, you think your character would go back to work for this corporation?

We don't know what's gone down in the last 10 years.

Yeah.

Has it been 10 years?

It came out in 2015.

That's so

happy.

Thank you.

10th anniversary of you and Jurassic Park.

I know.

I can't believe it.

Wow.

No one can.

No one can.

It's unbelievable.

Oh, some might say it's crumbling.

Let's get running to crumb ball.

Of course, that's from Kraft macaroni with crumbs on it, not cookies.

As we like to say every time.

Craft macaroni with crumbs on it.

And we clarify that constantly, and people are arguing with us constantly about it.

And we're like, guys, we know what we're talking about.

We're experts.

We're on a podcast.

It's craft macaroni with crumbs on it.

God.

The other day, Emmy and I were at,

I picked her up from school and then we went to Coffee Bean and I got her an orange juice.

No tea leaf?

It also had a tea leaf in there.

But she was so excited to get an orange juice in the middle of the day.

She was like

dancing and

dancing

in the store and everything.

And then she saw Albertson's, which is a grocery store, a local grocery store

across the parking lot.

She hadn't seen it, like getting out of the car or going to the thing, but she saw it and she gasped and she said,

Do they have crunchies in there?

Which is what she calls croutons.

Oh my God.

She's like, she has croutons.

I mean, she likes them fine.

That's really funny.

Is she part duck?

I think she might be part duck.

Like a quarter duck?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Anyway, that's adorable.

That's seeing the world through the child through a child's eyes.

Do they have crunchies there?

I was like, yeah, we're not getting them right now.

Not only do they have crunchies, that was fine.

I was fine with that.

They were everything else.

Just wanted to know where they are.

They're in there.

Look, I thought because I'm having orange juice in the middle of the day that all bets were off today, but I guess not.

I thought maybe some crunchies could happen.

I'm psychotic because I asked if the crunchies were.

Oh, and it's walkable?

Okay.

Or we could just go.

But I can't have them.

Because I'm weird.

Yeah.

There is a picture of her dancing

or just dancing in her chair.

Oh, my God.

Very excited to have this one.

She's so adorable.

She's so fun.

And that was me taking a secret.

That's not her posing.

That's her doing actual.

She's looking directly at the camera.

I think she's noticing that i am okay great story all right you asked her to do that you're right you pretend you're dancing

you took the orange juice of waves just for the picture this is a green screen too wow

that's so sad that you felt the need to do that i just said because i wanted you guys to think i'm cool that's what you chose to do yeah

all right

I voted for the Emmys yesterday.

Oh, I did this recently.

As a member of the Television Academy.

And what do I get out of that?

Well, I'll tell you.

I get to spend money.

I was going to say, because mine lapsed.

To vote for the Emmys.

Mine lapsed.

And I didn't renew it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I'm, but then when you said that, I felt jealous.

But then I thought, but what?

I'm just paying to vote for the Emmys.

Here's what you're missing.

I like to vote, though.

I like to have my voice heard.

Oh, sure.

And you get to see, what you're missing is you get to see the same five names over and over and over again.

Yes.

I never vote for the popular thing anymore because it's like.

Well, if it's already won,

I'd like to let something else win.

I vote for genuinely things that I think are good.

Yeah.

And I also realized, well, I'm not going to, you can vote in some categories, you can vote for seven things.

Yeah.

I'm like, well, I'm not going to do that.

Right.

You don't have to vote for seven things.

Yeah, you're just watering it down.

Yeah.

We had a whole system when something we made was eligible of like, tell all your friends, like, only vote for us and you can't vote for anything else because that splits the vote.

Yes.

You know, so, and it worked.

We got a few noms here and there.

Niza.

niza, that's good stuff.

Nisa.

Um, well, congratulations on

being, you know, a member of society.

And also with you.

Yeah.

That's great, Paul.

We live in a society, is what you were trying to say.

We live in a society.

What is that from?

Is that from Seinfeld?

No, it's like a Joker meme.

It is a joker meme.

Is that where it comes from?

I thought maybe it was what Nicole Kinman said at the beginning of the AMC.

Here, I'm going to explain this.

Please don't explain it.

By going to the We Live in a Society meme explained.

I love meme explainers.

It's so even things I know, it's funny to just read the descriptions of them.

But I think that

what's his name who made the Snyder cut?

Zach Snyder?

Zach Snyder, yeah.

What if his name was something else?

He just called it the Snyder cut.

He put the Joker in his Snyder cut saying we live in a society as a nod to the meme, I think.

Didn't he?

I don't know.

Hold on a second.

It's just purely from a meme?

It can't be.

Yes.

Why would that catch on?

It's always associated with the joker.

It would be something he said.

Yeah.

Somebody wrote this for the Joker to say in a meme.

Okay, it's early.

Because it's not like a funny thing to say in a meme.

The earliest trace of its origins can be found on Hong Kong-based meme site Nine Gag in April 2015.

I'm actually familiar with Nine Gag.

This is in the form of a game.

You know what I mean?

It's like an image macro of the Joker accompanied by the caption: When the nice guy loses his patience, the devil shivers.

Oh, true.

This particular meme struck gold for a few reasons.

Firstly, the whole nice guys finished last gamer incel superiority complex has long been a running joke in the commentary of 9 gag.

Yeah, a joke.

Anyway, then what happens?

This is far too long.

I don't want to read

80 paragraphs about this.

I feel like it it had something to do with George Costanza.

Did Seinfeld predict the we live in a society meme?

You're right.

Okay.

The Chinese restaurant episode.

Didn't predict the meme.

It doesn't predict it.

It would have been pulled from that.

Yes.

Okay.

Then there's 15 paragraphs about.

Seinfeld and its popularity.

Oh, damn it.

I fucking guessed through society.

I want the whole internet deleted.

Here's what I'm guessing.

I'm going to guess this.

In that episode, George Costanza says, we We live in a society.

Yes.

We live in a society.

And then somebody said, Wouldn't it be funny if the Joker said that?

Yeah.

That's it.

And that's pretty much how memes go.

This is literally 30 pages.

Yeah, meme go.

30 paragraphs later, he yells this in the Chinese restaurant.

He says, we're living in a society.

Fucking shit.

I wish it was his own microfiche.

This is the longest article ever.

Wait, did Zack Snyder really put this meme into Justice League?

Yes, and the internet went crazy.

Who played Joker in the Justice League?

Jared Leto.

Oh, good for him.

Because he did it in Suicide Squad where he sent.

Is that a Snyder joint?

No, but it was in the universe.

So he, but I mean, they change out who plays these people all the fucking time.

Well, not for this, Paul.

Now, all the Snyder guys, by the way, Superman opens tomorrow.

All the Snyder bros are trying to review bomb it.

Like, that'll work to get the Snyder-verse back.

No.

What are you doing every day?

What are you doing with your life?

What am I doing with my life talking about it?

What's wrong with you?

What are any of us doing?

What are any of us doing?

I missed that one time I got to talk about and just like that.

All right, you guys go ahead.

You guys go ahead.

We've been talking about We Live in a Society meme for a while.

You guys talk about End Just Like That.

Okay, there was a meme in the episode where Miranda was made into a meme.

That's true.

And she was struggling because Miranda, the

character was turned into a famous meme.

Yes,

she got memed because she said the word see you next Tuesday on the news by mistake.

I thought a meme was more like a picture of someone.

They kept calling it a meme, but I mean, it was a.

It was more like a, she went viral.

It was a viral clip.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, but people were like remixing it and stuff.

Yeah.

There were probably stitches that were incoming.

Okay.

But remember, like the girl who's in that meme of the, she's kind of confused, and then the next one, she goes, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, they saw her at a concert or something about a year ago.

They,

when I say they, I mean they the woke mind police they panned to her on the on the big screen

right and she had to do it and yeah and everyone cheered and I mean that's funny that's funny she was on Kayla Heron's podcast oh good was she really I've never even been able to seek out that episode

Kayla's podcast is really good yes it is

should this be a meme that should be a meme yeah I'm showing the picture of it definitely a meme CFW, you have orange juice during the day.

Yeah.

That feeling when you know there's crunchies across the street.

All right, well, we're going to take a break.

There's so much advice out there, and all we want to do as parents is get it right.

The great news is you're the expert on your child, and sometimes figuring out what they need is as simple as getting them to talk.

I'm Dr.

Susan Swick, a child and adolescent psychiatrist, and I'm also a mother of four.

On my new podcast, Talk Aboutable, I'll hear from parents about what's keeping them up at night, and we'll figure out how to tackle it by talking about it.

From Lemonada Media, Talk Aboutable is at September 9th.

Follow wherever you get your podcasts.

back.

We're back.

We're back.

We're back.

We're back.

Don't bewitch.

We're back.

Bewitched.

Bewitched, bewitched, bewitched.

Bewitched bewitch, bewitch, bewitched.

Bewitched, bewitched.

Guys,

as previously explained, we are not doing our three memes anymore, but we still want to address your VMs on the TMs.

Can I tell you why we we haven't talked about this?

Yeah.

The real reason we stopped doing the thremiums,

our families were threatened.

Yeah.

And people said, if you don't stop doing these thremiums,

we're going to kill your family.

Now, that's.

And we were like, our whole family, because there's certain people

honestly, I wouldn't mind if I could direct your gaze around.

I got a lot of family.

You know what I mean?

I wouldn't miss a few of them.

But then they were like, no, we're talking.

Yeah, we're talking about your entire family.

Yeah.

And we tried to bargain with them.

And we said, what if we do five more thremiums and you just beat up our families?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And they said, no.

And we said, what if we do 10 more thremiums and you just push some of our family down the stairs?

Yeah.

And then they just

care.

Yeah.

That's up to them.

And they said, no, they would not budge.

They wouldn't budge.

They were the greatest negotiators I've ever dealt with.

Yeah.

It was incredible, honestly.

And I liked watching you guys negotiate.

Can I tell you a fun negotiating story?

Yeah.

Yeah.

That it's one of those stories where if you hear it and you think, oh, wow, that sounds cool.

And then you think about it a little bit and it doesn't hold up.

This guy has a meeting with a toothpaste company where he says, I have a way to increase your sales.

You know, blah, blah, blah.

You're going to make this much more money, but I'm not going to tell you what it is until you give me, first you have to give me like $5 million.

And then I'll tell you this, this way that you can do this.

Okay.

So they grant him his request and he goes into this meeting and he says, increase the diameter of the opening of the tube by,

you know, 0.2 inches.

Right.

And then he leaves.

And it's like, it sounds like, oh, wow, what a cool story.

Well, of course it didn't happen because nobody's going to give you fucking $5 billion for nothing.

Yeah.

And then you just say, makes the opening bigger.

This is a fake story.

It's a fake story.

Oh.

But it was told to me like it was a real story that was going to blow my mind.

Right.

No.

I have heard stories.

I kind of love that shit.

Yeah.

But then they were like, I'm just kidding.

No, no, this person believed it.

Oh.

Or

either they believed it or they believed that I would believe it.

So none none of this happened.

So this didn't happen.

This is a fake story.

No, this did happen.

No, no person told you this.

Yeah, no one told you this.

And then what you're revealing is that that was fake?

I just made it up.

And you're making up right now that you made it up?

Yeah.

Oh, it's actually true?

I read in a book.

I have heard about

people stealing money, like bank.

I've heard of people doing that, too.

We're going to hear about this.

The Joker.

We live in a society.

Yeah, I've heard of that.

No, but I've heard something about like ransoms or money

where

they say they catch the person or whatever, and the person goes, you know what?

I could either go to jail or I'll give you half of it back.

And the people usually take half of it back.

What?

Is this the fucking guy who haggles with the grocery store?

Right.

This is what I've heard of.

Who's this?

I'll give you 50.

Like the banks?

It's like the banks or the whatever.

I don't even know what it is, but my friend's father, who's a businessman, was telling us this about

how crimes are usually resolved with the person just going, like negotiating how much they're going to get.

That's absolutely ridiculous.

I'm just telling you what I heard.

Like the bank.

Hey, don't shoot the messenger.

The bank would say, well, you know what?

Yeah, we'll take half the money back.

I mean, if the other option is sending you to jail.

Yeah, we want to make sure you're free.

You just admitted that you did this.

Yeah.

we caught you.

And it's insured.

I know, it doesn't make sense, but this is apparently what happens.

I guess, like, if you're that well-liked at the bank, we're like, ah, you are one of our favorites.

Can I just keep half and then I just won't go to jail?

All right.

What if it was I give it all back?

I wish you hadn't done this.

Yeah.

I know me too.

Although I'm kind of happy I did because I got 50% of the money.

No, sure.

But we will take that off for yes.

We'll take half the money.

Well, in any case, guys, we're doing our VMs on the TMs here.

And these are messages that you send to us.

That's voicemails on the toys mails.

On our famous website, hagclaims8.com.

Yes.

Which is not even, I mean, I feel like it's reductive to even call it a website at this point because it's so much more.

It's a lifestyle.

It's so much more, but you guys know that already because you've already signed up, and we thank you so much.

Yeah.

We've entered the wellness sphere.

Yeah.

And what do we offer?

We offer a website where you can leave a voice.

Kevin O'Leary, you listening?

Or is it Leary?

Sharks,

my pitch to you today on behalf of my two friends is a website called hagclaims8.com

all right

we're gonna hear this one and here we go

hey freedom gay it's shelby from evanston illinois

shout out to lauren i know she's from here i just moved up here from

Chicago to open up my little embroidery business.

If y'all ever need any embroidery, shameless plug.

Cool.

but I just left a message previously about Echo Valley on Apple TV plus

I thought it was a show but it is a movie and I was expecting more episodes

but after an hour and a half I was like what am I doing here

it was just a movie

but there was a point in the movie where

Julianne Moore

was canoeing out into

and was looking for something that she

put in there.

Spoiler alert.

And all I could think was,

she's looking for something, she's looking for something, she's looking for something.

Dead body again.

Spoiler alert.

So my question

is there anything that you guys would

jump into the water to look for if you had dropped it into a deep water?

What a fun question.

Obviously, there's

wedding ring situations and things like that.

There's always wedding ring situations.

I don't know.

What do y'all think?

I wouldn't.

I don't like deep water and can't swim super well.

So

that speaks for me.

So you went to where we were supposed to?

Love you guys.

You guys make my week better every week.

Oh, thank you, Shelby.

Thanks.

First of all, great name, Shelby.

Love it.

Great.

It's a great town.

She sounds like she could be a nighttime DJ.

Totally.

Like, this one goes out to Lauren from Mike.

Mike says, I'm sorry, I'm not a better husband.

But what did you expect?

I have to say,

there's not much that I could ever, first of all, I just wouldn't.

I'm not capable, but would I even send someone else to do it?

There's not much that I would need that badly.

Like, Mike lost his wedding ring in Lake Michigan

a few summers ago.

And we looked for it for a bit because it would have been.

Then why is it on my hand?

It was possible that it could have been washing up to shore from where he was, like, or, you know, it was like not too far out that he had happened.

So we were kind of like looking by the,

it was a futile, you know, attempt.

But we just bought a new one once we were able to do that.

But it was

family albums.

Why would it drop into the ocean?

because you

you stupidly took it on a boat you dumb dumb

i mean i guess i would feel scared and sad but i'd be like it's ruined now

if it's a waterproof family album

then i might have somebody jump down what if it's in a bag but that bag is full of rocks

well then it might land in a place where it could be found pretty easily so good so good for the person who has to go down what about you guys you know i found recently with the fires when when we evacuated,

we were trying to figure out like what to take.

And I really, there was not a lot.

Same.

I know, it's weird how you kind of go, I guess that I would just have to, I mean, it'd be sad and really hard, but I was.

Everything could technically be replaced.

So I took my computer because, you know, that's where

I live.

That's where your current ideas are.

That's where you hear, where you're hearing me out of.

Yeah.

But no, that had, you know, that has like my music on it and scripts and stuff like that.

Although, you know, all that could be backed up.

But I didn't even take the hard drives that have all of the comedy bang bang stuff in it, which I should have.

I feel like we've talked about this.

Yeah, I had like a couple boxes.

But you hose them down every night.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Just to keep them damp.

I have boxes of like some mementos that I would want, but I you can only fill your car.

Like your car gets full very fast.

You can't, if you're escaping something, you can't like fill it with huge rubber maids of like journals and then also have like the necessities that you need.

Definitely take those comedy bang bang action figures, the big Sue one.

You could never replace that.

It really, when the fires happened, it really did, as we were like packing a bag, looking around and like, I, all this shit is meaningless.

I know.

It's a weird thing.

Why am I doing this?

Yeah, it's actually, you're like, why did I buy this stuff?

Even though it's like, I don't care about you.

I don't care about you.

I don't care about you.

It is really weird.

You were looking at Jamie when you said that.

She didn't know.

So I was wearing dark glasses.

But you were putting like tchotchkes tchotchkes into a bag, but saying to Jamie, I don't care about you.

I want these.

I don't care about you.

Yeah, I mean, because, yeah, what would be on a boat that you would lose that you would have to go after?

I don't even, I don't think, I mean, you know, again, I don't wear a wedding ring because of the, by the way, I'm still getting

anytime it heats up, I just get these terrible rashes on my fingers.

What do you have?

Eczema.

I have a thing.

Shut up.

I have a thing.

Wow.

I have a thing that happens now where sometimes the

first knuckle on my

hand, on my finger, gets itchy.

There's no rash.

There's no, there's nothing on there.

It's very similar.

Yeah.

What the fuck is going on?

Our bodies are turning against us.

I don't know.

I don't wear a ring on that finger.

It's really weird.

I noticed.

It is weird.

I waggled my eyebrows.

So you're saying there's a chance?

She gave him a whack.

But I don't think I would die for a wedding ring.

I feel like if Kulop lost a ring and she was like, no, I would maybe dive in there for her.

It also is, how deep are we talking?

Is this something that you definitely can?

Yeah,

if it's 30 feet, there's no way I'm going to get it.

But if it's 10.

I'm not going to get the bens for a phone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The phone.

No phone, I would just go, that's done.

By phone.

I'm not even going to try.

You can replace that.

iPhone?

By phone.

No phone, no motor car.

Not a single luxury.

Yeah.

I would maybe dive down for a jet ski.

That's interesting.

If the jet ski was just pointed straight down.

So you could get back to land.

Actually, I told you that story, I think, when we rented the jet ski,

you told us that.

At my Christian

water ski trip.

And we thought this was going to be where the boat sank.

I don't know about the Christian water ski trip.

Yeah,

the three of us rented a jet ski.

No, we do know this because there was a drunk drive.

Not a drunk driver.

That was a different time.

This is different, I think.

I turned in

where they sank the boat.

They don't tell you, they don't tell you.

No, this is a totally different trip.

This is when I'm 15.

That's what I'm telling her.

Different Christians.

Okay, man.

So they don't tell you,

especially when you're renting a jet ski to 15-year-olds.

They don't tell you, hey, when you turn it on, like, this is all they said.

They said, okay, this key turns it on.

When you turn it on, you should be sitting on it because it will just go.

Oh, my God.

So we were like, they gave us no instructions.

So I turn it on and I'm like, oh, okay, I guess I turn it on and then I get on it.

I turn it on.

It just takes off and crashes into a boat.

Were people on the boat?

Yeah, but the boat wasn't damaged or whatever.

So we're like, sorry.

They're like, yeah, it's fine.

So then I get on the jet ski.

They didn't tell you, huh?

They didn't tell you to sit on it.

Well, for next,

sit on it.

Well, we rent it for an hour, and each of us are going to take 20 minutes, right?

So I get on it and video game style.

I'm toodling around on it and within five minutes, it sinks down to the bottom of the ocean.

I'm holding on to it while trying to swim.

They're not just automatically buoyant, these things?

So this is what they say.

They pull it out of the water

and they're inspecting it and they go, well, there's this big hole in the jet ski.

How did this happen?

And we are like admitting like, oh, well, when we first turned it on, it like crashed into a boat.

And one of the adults with us

looks at it and goes, this is a hole that existed already.

You just patched it over with something and it's come loose.

And they're like, oh,

okay, you don't have to pay for it.

Oh, now I remember that idea.

I was trying to trick you.

So, but anyway, they've made fun of me for years.

They dined out on this, of me sinking on a jet ski in the middle of the ocean.

And just.

I mean, that's funny.

It is.

I mean, it's a funny visual.

I would dine out on it now.

I'm going to dine out on it now.

Let me tell you about this idiot I know.

Anyway, so that's what I think about when I think of those two trips

with the sinking boat and the sinking jets.

You're not good in your water.

But what, what else is it?

I mean, I don't know.

I don't know what's like, I mean, maybe if it was something of somebody else's, I might feel bad and have that moment of panic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I don't think that there's anything that would, because I don't also, I have no, Mike, though, Mike loves to dive.

He loves to swim.

I think he'd be happy to go look for it, whatever the thing is,

if I wanted him to.

So at least I'd probably try if he was there.

But if he wasn't there, I'd be like, oh, maybe some of my priceless artwork, like the Monet, I would maybe.

Yeah, I guess maybe you should go get that.

You'd have to go so fast.

Because it's going to wash the paint off.

Has Mike ever seen the movie The Incredible Mr.

Limpet?

I don't know what movies Mike has seen, dear.

You don't?

You got to talk to him.

I know every movie Jani has seen.

Really?

You know, I don't, it hasn't come up.

The Incredible Mr.

Limpet.

Okay.

Well, I guess guess I hope your relationship improves.

Do you know that movie?

Do you know what that movie was?

No, I've never heard of that.

This movie was a movie that, when I was a kid, would be on TV on Sunday afternoon, like every other Sunday.

Don Knotts, is it?

Mr.

Roper.

Mr.

Roper.

No, Mr.

Furley.

Mr.

Furley.

Mr.

Furley.

That's what I meant.

Andy.

This is a movie that's half animated, half live action.

Uh-huh.

And it's about a man whose life is so miserable, he wishes he could be a fish.

Then his wish comes true, and he becomes a fish who wears glasses.

A cartoon fish.

I know what you're talking about.

Yeah.

And he participates in World War II.

I remember, I can picture the

thing I remember.

Oh, totally.

He helps the nation.

I remember this fight natural picture very much in the Japanese.

I was asked to develop this for a certain actor.

A certain deranged millionaire.

And I turned it down because I was like, I just don't see this being popular anymore.

No.

In the 60s, I get it.

Or Or when I was a kid, I was like, did they update it to the Iraq war?

I didn't know that about the war part of it.

I maybe didn't even watch it.

I was just because he's got a friend who's in the Navy who somehow the friend realizes that's him.

It's fucking Jack Weston from The Four Seasons.

Oh.

And so

from the TV show The Four Seasons?

No, from the

actual movie?

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

He, the Mr.

Limpet, who is incredible, by the way,

he's able to help the war effort as a fish by making

a noise that somehow fucks up the japanese sonar or something like that the noise goes like this

This is like a mummy's voice.

Oh, by the way.

By the way,

we did get clowned by the internet.

I know.

Because that was not the original mummy noise.

I know.

But you know what?

It's just as good.

It's just as good.

It made us laugh just as good.

The original mummy noise is something like,

yeah, that's also really stupid.

And also, like, don't we know if it was a person, it made noises like a person?

Like, what do we even do?

Yeah, exactly.

Great point.

I've never understood why we were trying to figure out what its voice is.

The whole concept of it.

We wanted to know.

It's a buried human.

We want to know what these creatures sounded like.

A mummy is a human being.

What did a mummy sound like?

What did a caveman sound like?

One, two, three.

All right.

Well, that's going to do it for this episode.

Surely is.

Shall we let us know the name of your embroidery company so we can

trying to sift through these emails and we didn't even hear your first one about

that, dear?

About something else.

So who knows?

Apple Plus movie that you thought was a TV show.

If we'll find this one.

But

that's just what happens on Hag Claims 8.

This, guys,

this is a perfect illustration of what happens on HagClaims8.com.

And on the phones.

People will leave three messages and we'll only get one.

That's how it works.

People ask you, what is hagclaimsaid.com all about?

This is a great example.

And use this example.

Yes.

Yep.

It's unclear how it works and it's unclear how to work it.

We're going to see you next week.

So

as usual.

Buy tickets to my show with Mary on August 31 at Dentisty Typewriter and live streaming.

Come see Variatopia at Laudroom on July 13th or live stream at the same time.

And read The Astonishing Spider-Man on the Marvel Unlimited app if you are reading it.

I feel like this week something went down that is of interest.

What?

Uh, is he okay?

And I can talk about it later.

Okay, oh my god, I hope he's all right.

Uh, or maybe it was the week before, who knows?

But uh, I think if you're if you're a fan of mine, you'll be interested in reading this uh particular arc.

Okay, wonderful.

Goodbye, bye.

Our healthcare system is broken in so many ways.

We have a healthcare system that's supposed to be taking care of people that is making it literally more difficult for people to put food on the table.

So, this season, we'll dive into the challenges headfirst while also thinking about how we can find a better way because we all deserve better.

Uncared for season three from Lemonada Media, available August 6th, wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, it's Lena Waith.

Legacy Talk is my love letter to black storytellers, artists who've changed the game and paved the way for so many of us.

This season, I'm sitting down with icons like Belicia Rashad, Loretta Devine, Eva Duvernay, and more.

We're talking about their journeys, their creative process, and the legacies they're building every single day.

Come be a part of the conversation.

Season two drops July 29th.

Listen to Legacy Talk wherever you get your podcasts, or watch us on YouTube.