T-1000 Run So Fast

Speaker 1 A

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Speaker 1 right?

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Speaker 1 That's drinkag1.com slash threedom. It's morning in New York.

Speaker 1 Hey, everybody, I'm Mandy Potenkin. And I'm Catherine Grody.
And we have a new podcast. It's called Don't Listen to Us.
Many of you have asked for our advice. Tell me, what is wrong with you people?

Speaker 1 Don't listen to us. Our Take It or Leave It Advice show is out every Wednesday, premiering October 15th, a Lemonada Media Original.

Speaker 1 Freedom!

Speaker 1 Are you one of the free hosts on a podcast and you have to yell every time? You might be entitled to compensation.

Speaker 1 Freedom!

Speaker 1 Are you looking at the lyrics? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Freedom!

Speaker 1 That's what it said. I'm Paul.
I'm Scott. Oh, no.
I'm so sorry. We said it at the same time.
I'm Scott. I'm Lauren.

Speaker 1 I'm having an issue with a delivery that was supposed to be made to somebody, and I'm annoyed about it. Oh, no, you're dildo delivery.
I know.

Speaker 1 My friend was supposed to get my dildo that I was sending in the mail. And I was over.
Oh, you're delivering the dildo. I'm talking to the, I was talking to a chat bot.
Right.

Speaker 1 And then they passed me over to a person, which might still be a chat bot. I know.
I had the same thing when I deliver. I was trying to get some ricin delivered to Gavin Newsome.

Speaker 1 It was in that envelope, I remember. Yeah.
Yeah. And it was like label created not yet in system.

Speaker 1 And I was like, come on,

Speaker 1 guys.

Speaker 1 I know I came. Ricin is expensive.
Right. I'm not made of ricin.
Label created not yet in system is one of the most frustrating experiences that a person can have. In today's capitalist society.

Speaker 1 You know what I heard about Amazon delivery people? You know how dish you can, you can now,

Speaker 1 if something is being delivered to you, that

Speaker 1 the bottle piss. That old story.
Oh, yeah, the bottle piss. Oh, it's not.
Okay, I have had votes. I think it's a piss bottle.
Lauren was talking to me in a tone below Scott, so it just looked like.

Speaker 1 I honked at you outside and you didn't hear it. Maybe something's going on.
Shit. It's true.

Speaker 1 I turned the corner to I was going to back up and turn around. And then when I started to back up.
I was there going, I can't believe he's... I was right up on him.
And I'm going, he's just backing.

Speaker 1 He's just, I was ringing. Oh, so you were hunking to me like, hey, you're going to hit me.
Because we're both going to back up. Not a friendly guy.

Speaker 1 So I thought he was going to go forward and I would go back and then we would do a beautiful synchronized move down.

Speaker 1 And he didn't do it. And I was.
I didn't do it. I was scared.
And I said I hunked. And your music was up, but.
I was listening to a podcast. Okay.
I heard sounds. I was listening to the Duff Boys.

Speaker 1 What's that? I'm sure you've told me.

Speaker 1 It's the two guys. It's

Speaker 1 Weiger and Mitchell, and they review chain restaurants. The Duff Boys.
I'm sorry. Okay.
How's it pronounced? I usually say Dog Boys. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Dow Boys. The Dow Boys.

Speaker 1 Dog H Boys.

Speaker 1 Dog. Like Jesus H cracks.
I'm sure it was going to be like some other podcast that you had. The Duff Boys where they analyzed moments in history or something.

Speaker 1 The Duff Boys. I don't know.
Oh, in any case. So I, I, you know how on Amazon now, like, if you're, something is being delivered to you that day,

Speaker 1 you can kind of, it says, like, track where, where they're at. Yes.
And you can see, like, and it's like, oh, they're eight houses away. Yes, wait, but you've talked about this.

Speaker 1 Did you go down to the truck? No, no.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. I never went down to the truck.
Oh, someone I know did. I never went down to the truck.

Speaker 1 I don't go to trucks, honey. You know what? It's on nobody's listening, right? Andy went down to the truck.
Elizabeth Lame's husband, Andy. Oh, oh, oh.
He saw where it was and he walked down.

Speaker 1 And he said, hey, can I get my thing? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because what I heard is, because this has happened to me, I've, I, on the rare occasion that it's something I need that night or whatever, you're sitting there going, like, okay, eight houses away, eight hours, six houses away, five houses.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm talking about this because I was talking about your butt plug that you needed. Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 1 And the one you sent me. Yeah, because I was gonna make it the used one.
I was gonna make the same joke, so I knew it happened.

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 1 and then they just take off and they go, Oh, it's unavailable, it'll get to you another day, right? Like, like three houses, supposedly that's never happened to me.

Speaker 1 It has happened to me a couple of times, and what I heard is that they can see it,

Speaker 1 you checking it, no, and they intentionally do it, damn they go with you, yeah, to fuck with you. They go, Oh, someone needs their little thing, bye-bye.

Speaker 1 I actually can understand and respect that a little bit. I mean, I can't, I mean, if it's you, yes, because there's so much

Speaker 1 to me, I need it now, kind of thing with Amazon when you really don't need the thing at any point, probably.

Speaker 1 Yes, most of this stuff you don't ever need, but I don't even get a package like what the fuck do I do?

Speaker 1 I use that a lot for like prop and costume stuff, yeah, and there is a timeline a lot where it's like, I need this tomorrow. Yeah.
But we live so close to Hollywood.

Speaker 1 You don't want to go to the Halloween. Why do you never want to go back into that store? There's a very big costume store on

Speaker 1 a little too far away.

Speaker 1 Got it. Now, because I've moved further east.
The homie's old apartment was steps away from it. Steps? Yes.
You could get anything you want at any time. If you want wigs and capes.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Wigscapes. You can get weird makeup.
You can get all kinds of stuff. And

Speaker 1 back in the old days, I used to, when I lived in Hollywood, I used to go there all every month for my show for my variety show

Speaker 1 they never once

Speaker 1 never once indicated that they had ever seen me before wow well it's on hollywood boulevard they get a lot of foot traffic

Speaker 1 how many how many repeat customers do you think they get yeah and you're like it's me again can you use my membership card to order my

Speaker 1 my products i would have loved a membership well this is a good question for a business I but I'm thinking of one guy in particular who was like the manager or something and I was like you're not going to give me a glimmer of recognition.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So this is a question

Speaker 1 regarding businesses. Do you want to be recognized at a business and have them engage in small or large talk with you?

Speaker 1 Or would you rather them sort of silently acknowledge your back and maybe one sentence? Or do you want them to never

Speaker 1 acknowledge? I like when people are friendly and they acknowledge you, but there is an element to it sometimes where, like, if

Speaker 1 there was a dry cleaner on our street or in our neighborhood that I would go to a lot to get like pants hemmed or whatever. And then I, then they're like, oh, you have so many clothes.

Speaker 1 And then I feel ashamed. Yes.
I don't like anything. Like, please don't.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Don't notice things.

Speaker 1 Also, not really.

Speaker 1 It's neither here nor there. It's not a compliment.
It's not an insult, but it does feel like a judgment when you receive it. Yeah.
Even though you're smiling when you say it. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And you're happy for the business. Why do you have so much clothing? Wow.

Speaker 1 Even to say that you're like, the amount of anything is off of the norm. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Like, you want them to go in and go, like, oh, you have a normal amount of money.

Speaker 1 What it is, is you have a normal amount of clothing, but you tailor more things than the average Joe.

Speaker 1 So they're not seeing every pair of pants that I have because I don't do that, even though I should.

Speaker 1 Well, I feel like there's a restaurant that I've been going to regularly for years. In fact, Kulup and I had our first date there.

Speaker 1 I'm realizing they've changed the name of the business. It used to be sushi.
It was Cheesecake Factory. Now it's California Pizza Cape.

Speaker 1 But I've noticed them being very nosy about what I'm doing there or why I'm in the area lately. Are you here to eat food?

Speaker 1 And it's like, oh, you always get the same thing, huh? Do you ever get anything different? You know, little questions like that. There is a place annoyed by.

Speaker 1 I go to a place to eat breakfast sometimes. And the one girl commented that I always get the same thing, even though I will look at the menu.
I sometimes think about getting something else.

Speaker 1 But how often are we going into the, like, I go once a week, if that, maybe once every three weeks? It's like, let me order the thing I want. Yeah, yeah, right.
So I don't eat this every fucking day.

Speaker 1 I eat it when I come here. Yeah.
And you don't see me every day. But I also get my nails done at the same place that I go to all the time.

Speaker 1 And that girl, who I love, I love her, but she always comments because I always get like light pink or some version of it. And if I get anything else, she's like, whoa.

Speaker 1 And I'm like,

Speaker 1 that's fun. I like that.
Yeah, yeah. There was a place.
Do you remember when the Whole Foods came to Silver Lake? I do. Do you remember when the Whole Foods and it started out as a 365? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Which was like a slightly cheaper version. Yeah, it was like the Uppledee of Whole Foods.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they're like, nah, nah, we're not going to do that.
I know.

Speaker 1 Why did they do that?

Speaker 1 I sort of liked that it was 365. I did too.
Weren't there neighborhoods that were upset that Whole Foods was moving into it? I remember like it's a 365.

Speaker 1 It's a real, I guess it's a real gentrification signifier. But I, but so.
Well, Silver Lakes crossed that threshold. For sure.

Speaker 1 But they had a

Speaker 1 like a window where you could go order sandwiches and stuff. You could get things made.
And I would get this burrito. It would be the same thing every time.

Speaker 1 And this is, I may have spoken about it on the show before. This burrito does not sound familiar to me.
Me neither. Just wait.
Okay. Maybe this is what's inside it.
Okay. Nothing but chicken and rice.

Speaker 1 That's how I want it. That's it.

Speaker 1 Chicken and rice is one of my favorite combos. It's the same, and I never eat it.
That sounds so good. It is good.
I get a Chipotle sometimes. I love it.
Just chicken and rice. Just chicken and rice.

Speaker 1 I basically never had Chipotle because I think I've maybe eaten something from there one time, not really even, just like some chips and guac.

Speaker 1 I've never had Chipotle because I go, like, well, I don't really want all the stuff, but I guess the make it yourself thing is that I could just do it

Speaker 1 whatever you want. But I feel bad going into a place and only ordering, like, say they have 10 things.
You go, I only want the two. It feels like a waste of money.
Well, like,

Speaker 1 you're paying for the chip. I like the breakfast that I get my breakfast.
They have, like, part of my breakfast that I order is sourdough toast with butter and jam.

Speaker 1 And I always, well, for a while, I was saying I don't want the jam because I don't want it and it feels wasteful because I'm not going to eat it. Right.

Speaker 1 And then they never ever listen to me. They always put it on there.
And then I just go, I just don't say it anymore. But I'm just like, it's like ordering a black coffee somewhere where they're like,

Speaker 1 just you room for milk? No, I'm just black. Yeah.
And they still bring you creamers and shit like that. Yeah.
Happens a lot. But so this guy.
Because you might change your mind.

Speaker 1 Mid.

Speaker 1 It's like how doctors won't perform uh abortions

Speaker 1 like whoa, heavy term. Like if a young woman goes to get her tubes tied and they're like, Are you sure you want to do this? Because you might change your mind.

Speaker 1 Normalize vasectomies and male birth control. Yes.
Yeah, man. Would you find it weird if like they never took a guy out of a vasectomy?

Speaker 1 Because it can be reverse.

Speaker 1 But so can yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And also male birth control, which I has, they've done very little research on, but then like the reason they stopped doing it was because it caused like acne and mood swings, which is what happens to women on a sidebar.

Speaker 1 Very quickly, I do want to say, just a sidebar for the sidebar. I already had so many sidebars.

Speaker 1 Sidebar. This guy remembered my order at the

Speaker 1 1965, and I enjoyed that he remembered it. Thank you.
He was nice about it. He was like, the usual? And I was like, yeah, the usual.
There is something cool about the usual. Yeah.
Yeah. Please.

Speaker 1 Would you find it weird when you were like 19 years old if like a fellow 19-year-old that you were dating

Speaker 1 guy was like,

Speaker 1 oh, by the way, I've had a vasectomy, so don't worry about 19. Yeah, like that early.
I would find it weird, but I'd find it good. Because

Speaker 1 it's reversible, you go like, I'm going to. Well, that's not what they should be.
I'm going to wait until I'm ready to go. Mandatory vasectomy, reverse it when you want kids.
Love it.

Speaker 1 I feel like women would find it weird. Well, I think.
My first thought would be, how much does a vasectomy cost? You're 19 years old. And then I think, and how are you so sure?

Speaker 1 But I guess you can reverse it, but it still feels like you're making some sort of choice. But there are so many.
Or like you love fucking so much. Like, there's something about other people.

Speaker 1 I feel like there would be judgment on condom that way. You'd still want to wear a condom because it's still safe.
So you're going to have to do it.

Speaker 1 It would signal, I think, I don't wear rubber. I don't.
I absolutely don't. And I do not.
And I don't know that I would believe it if I'm being complicated. That's another thing is like, why?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. So that's the thing, but I feel like we should normalize it

Speaker 1 for kids because

Speaker 1 there's way too many

Speaker 1 unwanted pregnancies. We should normalize a guy could take care of it.
We should normalize genital surgeries for children. Yes.
Yes.

Speaker 1 So I want to look up how much

Speaker 1 do you want to take guesses on how much of a sectomy costs? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, yeah. Let's take a guess.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I want to guess before I put it in. Do they have to put you under, right? Yeah.
So

Speaker 1 is it local or something? Is it local? I don't know if you're fully understood. Maybe you have like Twilight anesthesia, which is still great.

Speaker 1 now i've i've i said this on the text thread yes that i got i finally got a colonoscopy my first colonoscopy and i was so excited to get the drugs the propofol that's my doctor was saying like you get the michael jackson propofol you're gonna love it it's gonna but you you the that comes right before you have the

Speaker 1 procedure yeah so you have to go through the colonoscopy part i'd want the drugs for is where i'm shitting my brains out

Speaker 1 absolutely i don't want to say drugs three days in advance

Speaker 1 that shit you have to drink is awful. Absolutely.
I don't know that I can do that. And I think that they need to change that.

Speaker 1 How do they change that? There must be something that

Speaker 1 laxity, extra strength, laxity. I said this to my doctor, like, there's got to be a better way to check for things other than you sticking your finger up my ass.
Like,

Speaker 1 he's dekembying up there going,

Speaker 1 which, by the way, Emmy did to me. She dekembed me the other day.
What's up?

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 1 we, you know, occasionally have to count to three to get her to do stuff because she pretends she's not, can't hear or isn't listening because she's trying to play or whatever. Love it.

Speaker 1 So I said to her, okay, honey, I'm going to count to three. And she went, ah, ah, ah, ah.
I don't like that.

Speaker 1 A powerful compliment. I love it.
I'm shocked. I don't like that.
Yeah. And I was like,

Speaker 1 it kind of made me go like, am I overstepping my bounds?

Speaker 1 Of course you don't like it. That's probably really annoying to you.
Lauren, we saw Emmy this morning.

Speaker 1 Lauren and I parked at the same time and Cool-Op came out with Emmy and said, Emmy wants to see you guys. And Emi said to me,

Speaker 1 well, you said, hello, of course. We were very cordial with each other.
And Emmy said, I don't have a mustache. Good.
And I said, she was pretending to used to have one, right?

Speaker 1 And then she just retreated into the music. Yeah, she didn't like it.
I'm just kidding. Any kind of like question that makes her feel strange or whatever.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Like Jason Answered

Speaker 1 yesterday and did something similar where it was just like, oh, you like that? Oh, great. Oh, that looks so cool.
And then any question of like, well, what do you think about this? She just goes,

Speaker 1 yeah. Okay, vasectomy costs.
Okay, I'm guessing

Speaker 1 $2,000. Right.
Okay. So my first guess was more like $3,500.
And then I went up and I'm like, $10,000, but that doesn't, that seems like $10,000. I would never pay $10,000.
Okay, right. It's too much.

Speaker 1 Okay. So I'm going to say...

Speaker 1 I'm going to say. Oh, you haven't looked it up yet.
No. I'm going to stick with $3,500 because that was my first guess.
$3,500 is a good guess. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm still going to stick with $2,000. I'm going to say a cool grand.
$1,000

Speaker 1 for

Speaker 1 a backroom.

Speaker 1 AI is stupid.

Speaker 1 Whoa. Okay, okay.

Speaker 1 A vasectomy typically costs up to $1,000 or more without insurance. Or more.
But let's see. Oh, so insurance would take care of it? How?

Speaker 1 With out-of-pocket, despite me having insurance, the person said, is over $4,000. So the cost without insurance would be $10,000.

Speaker 1 What? Shit.

Speaker 1 What? But why would insurance

Speaker 1 cover? The San Diego Vasectomy Center says the total price is $950,000, which includes initial consultation, physical exam, the procedure, post-op care. That's all.
That's a good price.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I pay $950 for that. That's great.
To not be able to impregnate people after

Speaker 1 priceless.

Speaker 1 Why did I say $10,000? Well, I guess without insurance, it still wasn't so insane. Speaking of procedures and how much they cost.
Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1 So we all know about my ophthalmologist and his harem of beautiful women. By the way, I want to remind you, you never finished your propofol conversation.
Oh, oh, well, you loved it. No.
No.

Speaker 1 I was so excited for it. And then it's like, count backwards from 10, 10, 9.
I was out. How far did you get? Because

Speaker 1 I want to get to one.

Speaker 1 And I tried.

Speaker 1 We've talked about this before. Like the idea of somebody fighting.
Tonight, I want to do that.

Speaker 1 1976.

Speaker 1 I got you.

Speaker 1 You're fucking fit. But I fell asleep immediately.
And then when they brought me out of it, it was like, oh, I was just asleep for one second. I know.
I didn't feel any kind of fucking. Anesthesia is.

Speaker 1 I know, but I didn't feel any kind of drugs. I didn't feel hormonal.
I was different from anesthesia. Because I feel like that's what anesthesia, any experience I've had with anesthesia.

Speaker 1 My doctor was like, yeah, you're going to feel good all day. Yeah.
And I do admit that

Speaker 1 I got my phone. I sent Adam Scott a really kind of weird text thinking it was normal.
And he was like, what? Yeah, I like it. I just had a camera in my ass and I was thinking of you.

Speaker 1 It was like a scheduling thing, but I made some sort of joke and he's like, what are you talking about?

Speaker 1 And then I think I complimented the nurse on her hair. And I was like,

Speaker 1 oh, when I got my wisdom teeth out, which was one of my 20s, I

Speaker 1 came out of the anesthesia and I told my doctor, you look like George Clooney.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 he's still thinking about that. But somehow propofol, I think, makes.
He's like waiting for other people to see it. Do you think I look like George Cooney?

Speaker 1 Do I look like any celebrity?

Speaker 1 But somehow these drugs make us like turn us into sexual harassers or something. I'm like complimenting nurses' appearances.
You're complimenting me.

Speaker 1 So then I come out of it. They're just so happy.
I come out of it and they're like, basically, they're like, get out of here.

Speaker 1 So, because they make a big deal out of you, I have to have somebody pick you up and all this shit.

Speaker 1 And when Janie had one, I went and

Speaker 1 they like walked her out to me and everything.

Speaker 1 And then for me, I was like, I got my clothes on. I looked around.
Like, nobody gave a shit.

Speaker 1 You didn't need help? No. Did you drive yourself home?

Speaker 1 No, no, I didn't drive my home. Jamie came and got me, and I was like, yeah, I'm just sitting on this bench at the elevator.
That's crazy. Oh, wait.

Speaker 1 A nurse had told me about after when people wake up from anesthesia that everyone says she's beautiful. There must be some sort of like halo you're seeing things.

Speaker 1 Well, also, I felt like it was like, oh, you know what? I should give people more compliments. Your hair looks, you know what I mean? It just like feels, it feels so good.
It makes you feel so good.

Speaker 1 You know what? Honestly, that does feel good when you give somebody a compliment.

Speaker 1 There's something when it like occurs to you, like, I should just say that out loud to this person. Like, I like your outfit or whatever.
I literally grabbed a woman. Like, I was like,

Speaker 1 I was walking on the street. This woman was walking towards me, and I was like, You look so great.
You look so great. And then she didn't hear me.
I was like, You told me great.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
That was scary when you did it. I've almost done it out of a car window so many times.
I'm like, nobody wants it out of the window.

Speaker 1 I don't think it's bad if you're like, you have a great outfit. Yeah.
Like, you don't know, you're not saying like, you're sexy.

Speaker 1 You know what I've done? Is I have done, I love your dog

Speaker 1 to people on the street.

Speaker 1 Sometimes we'll think of something really nice that I should text someone or email someone, and it'll make me feel good about myself.

Speaker 1 I'm a good person, and then I forget to do it. No, that's too bad.
It's not the thought that counts there.

Speaker 1 All right, so my ophthalmologist, I go there and I get a consultation afterwards because what I have is, I don't know if I've told you guys this, the reason I go, I have to go to the ophthalmologist.

Speaker 1 You're brushing rabbit bug eyes when you see an attractive woman.

Speaker 1 That's why I don't bother rolling a window down. Yeah, they can see it.
Like Like they can see me.

Speaker 1 The horn sound.

Speaker 1 That's not my car. That's not my car.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I have a thing called

Speaker 1 pigment dispersion. Right.

Speaker 1 Where like it's literally the color of my eye is going into the white. Yes.

Speaker 1 It's like causing pressure on my eye, which could lead to glaucoma. So I have to go get it, get the pressure checked and see where it is.
And is there anything to stop it?

Speaker 1 To reverse it or a shot or something? Here's what, no, there is not, except this surgery, which is basically cataract surgery. Yeah.
Right. That's a good surgery.
It's a good surgery.

Speaker 1 And so they, they showed me like Kool-Up got, by the way, because she got eye surgery. No, it wasn't hers with her retina being really detached.
Detached

Speaker 1 or something. Right.

Speaker 1 And you got detached. You got detached a moment.

Speaker 1 It was like her retina was like really thin and like about to

Speaker 1 attached it. This is where they've replaced the lens in your eye.

Speaker 1 But also, didn't she get lasic at the same time or something well yeah she corrected her vision wow okay yeah yeah that's the thing i can't do that i'm they showed me um what's what's the word allowed to legally yeah my cornea is too thin no not thin corny i know i can't do it and i have an astigmatism in one eye yes i'm sorry

Speaker 1 as too you know it's just i can't do it i'm not i'm not gonna do it i'm gonna wait till the technology gets there astigmatism ruins so many things marriages tell me more because i don't really even i don't really think about it well i can't wear contacts because i have an astigmatism

Speaker 1 astigmatism is like

Speaker 1 maybe because you only have one eye yeah yeah ruining everything

Speaker 1 astigmatism your eye looks like a grape it's like it's hey

Speaker 1 it's like oblong whereas the other one is more yeah I fucking love the the pictures of your eyes

Speaker 1 it looks like a beautiful planet yes

Speaker 1 so um they showed me like the problem with the lens is that it's supposed to your lens is supposed to be sort of straight across behind your eyeball. Yours is like, and mine has like little ditches

Speaker 1 on either side. So that's where it rubs off.

Speaker 1 That's where the pigment gets to go. We get out of here.
And

Speaker 1 so the witches dig through the ditches. What?

Speaker 1 In my pigment, my corny.

Speaker 1 What is that? It's a parody of Dragula. Yeah.
Dragula. I don't know Dragula.
Did you ever see a music video? Rob Zombies, Dragula?

Speaker 1 It's all about his car, his monster's car. Oh, not a drag queen who's vampire-themed? That's pretty good.
That would be a good name. There must be.
It's been done.

Speaker 1 I feel like there's somebody doing it. I think we can confidently say it's been done.
Yeah, yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1 So, cataract surgery, they say, here's what it would do.

Speaker 1 It would

Speaker 1 fix that problem so you don't have to worry about it anymore. And it would also give you perfect vision.
Like, you wouldn't need glasses ever again. She said, the lens would outlive you.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.

Speaker 1 And she said, I said, how much is that? That would be amazing to be really old and be able to see. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, you think I can't see because I am old. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I can see that. This lens will outlive all of us.
I know that little line says, fuck you.

Speaker 1 So she says, the

Speaker 1 insurance covers the surgery. It covers everything except the lens itself.

Speaker 1 The lens is. $8,400

Speaker 1 for one eye. For one eye.
And you want both.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I want both.

Speaker 1 If you're going to do it, you should go. Then there's tiers where

Speaker 1 it's like they could give you the cheapest one. These eyes are onions.
When you heard the price. The next one down was

Speaker 1 $6,200.

Speaker 1 And then I forget what the third one was.

Speaker 1 Don't cheap out on it. Well, if I'm going to do it, I'm not going to cheap out on it.
But it's also not something I could do right now.

Speaker 1 Well, I think you should set aside a rainy day fund for your eyes. That's what I'm going to do.
Okay, good. That's exactly what I'm going to do.

Speaker 1 Because I do, like, the idea of never having to wear glasses. That's amazing.
Oh, my God, heaven. Yeah, and also not getting glaucoma.
Oh, I mean, I can't see at all

Speaker 1 when I take my contacts out. I can't see at all.
Yeah, you're one of them. It's wild.
And I. So you wake up in the morning like scrabbling around for glasses.
Yes.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 my glasses are clear, which is also a problem because I can't see them.

Speaker 1 I have to just like remember where I put them. Your glasses are like Wonder Woman's blue.
My glasses are clear, and I have such poor vision that they're just

Speaker 1 they're just gone

Speaker 1 I should have said Scientology why don't you get some big black frame glasses you know what actually there is a new style I want but I need to get my eyes checked first to make sure that I don't have a new prescription before I waste the time ordering them I have a pair of around the house glasses yeah that I got because they're very light very lightweight And so now that I have to wear glasses, if I want to read anything, I have to wear glasses.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like readers or like prescriptions? Honestly, if I want to read my fucking phone. Okay.
No, they're prescription. Okay.

Speaker 1 I wear progressives. Do you have a really big font on your phone? No, I don't.
You should. I've never succumbed to that.
Why?

Speaker 1 I don't like the way it looks. Yeah.
Yeah. And then other books can read it easier.
One million years old. Yeah.
I do it because you see it on somebody else's phone. You're like, ooh, boy.

Speaker 1 Why don't you climb in a grave? It's a little bigger than average, but I'm not sure. Let me see.
I'm going to see that font. How do I see that? Turn on your font.

Speaker 1 No, how do I like check the size of the font? I don't know. You show me a window that uses the font, and I can say if it's big or small.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's not that big. That's like a little bit bigger.
That's a little bit bigger. Yeah.
Okay. But you've seen it where people haven't.
No, I know. Where it becomes bold.

Speaker 1 Reading a Texas says, I'll be there in five minutes. They take like three swipes.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 How do I fix that?

Speaker 1 I'm curious to see how small it gets. We'll figure it out during the break.
No. But here's the.
Okay. And then the thrilling conclusion.
We want to make it when we come back. We'll be right back.

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Speaker 1 See Mint Mobile for details. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.
Fall, autumn. It's great.
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Speaker 1 and we're back. We're back.
And a very important text just came in. Trump dethroned? Oh my God, this is great news.

Speaker 1 Who texted you? I don't know. Just a very interesting person.
I'm not sure. Very interesting person.
Listen to this. Okay.
Trump dethroned. Chief Justice John Roberts dropped the hammer.

Speaker 1 Trump is pissing himself. Jesus.

Speaker 1 When did these get dirty?

Speaker 1 Trump just shit his pants.

Speaker 1 Give us $5.

Speaker 1 Okay, so the glasses that I have, the around-the-house glasses. Now, why are they around the house? You would never wear them in public because.

Speaker 1 No, I do wear them in public sometimes, but they're not super stylish, let's say. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I did not realize at the time that I bought them that they were the kind of glasses where you can't just fold them. They have the weird wire frames that are like

Speaker 1 springy, but they don't fold. Get the fuck out of here.
And I fucking hate that. Who's that?

Speaker 1 I mean, would they never close up? No. You can't put them in your pocket.
No, you can't. That's weird.
That's strange.

Speaker 1 You can like squeeze them and get them in there, but it's going to make it. Why would they want that? Why would anyone want that?

Speaker 1 I guess if you are wearing glasses from sunup to sundown or whatever, like you never checked. You can put them on your table and go to sleep.
But I even understand that people who wear it on.

Speaker 1 Like their readers on a chain. It's so, so I mean, I think that seems great.
Like a big metal chain going down around, I don't know. A big, thick metal chain.
I think it conveys authority.

Speaker 1 I think it's like, I think it's really casual. It's like, I need it right now.
I don't need it anymore.

Speaker 1 Don't you think glasses technology, like all of the hole, it rests on our nose and it goes around our ears. Shouldn't they float above our eyes? No, absolutely.
Way down.

Speaker 1 I think what it probably should be. That's what we should be using helium for.
It's going to, oh, I was going to say

Speaker 1 magnets, like opposite magnets in your nose that sort of like so it'll hover. Implant some opposite magnets.

Speaker 1 But opposites attract and it would squeeze the bridge of your nose until they met in the middle. That's a good horror movie.

Speaker 1 It's a great horror. Hey, honey, I got that surgery where I got the metal magnets put into my nose for my floating glasses, and then suddenly it's like.
Wait, what was the thing in the jerk?

Speaker 1 He made something.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he makes

Speaker 1 like a two, like a little bridge on his nose, and it makes everyone's eyes cross because they're looking at him. Right.

Speaker 1 Coming out of

Speaker 1 what Scott hasn't seen.

Speaker 1 You've never seen it? No, it's spreading. Well, you obviously have because you.
How about those glasses that break apart in the middle?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know. The ones that fold into like a...
And then they become a bracelet or a necklace. Necklace.
Yeah. They have a little magnet in the middle.

Speaker 1 My sister-in-law bought those for Holly when she was a baby because she liked glasses a lot. So she just got her those.
Just like non-prescription. Yeah.
Glasses should.

Speaker 1 If they're going to change into something and fold into something, it should be like a transformer where it's like something cool, like a car.

Speaker 1 that's a great point scott when you take your glasses off it should be a car i almost was gonna disagree but then i thought no you can't it's actually you can't but then how would you drive the car you don't have your glasses

Speaker 1 oh you mean it should transform into an actual car oh yeah like a transformer i thought you meant a toy car because i think of transformers as toys

Speaker 1 oh do you

Speaker 1 can you imagine having your whole personality be about the transformers where you were like a super fan of the transformers you knew knew every little bit of it. Oh, you're like, oh, Optimus Prime.

Speaker 1 Well, I remember when I learned

Speaker 1 the Transformers and the AllSpark and all that shit, I was like, for real?

Speaker 1 The AllSpark. Well, I think I told you that.
The AllSpark is what gives these robots who turn into cars life. Yeah.
I could have put that together. I was thinking.

Speaker 1 And they're from another planet, but they coincidentally just transform into cars. Into cars.
I think I told you that I was approached to pitch.

Speaker 1 Before Michael Bay made the movie, like when they were developing it, they were looking for writers to like write the Transformers movie. I was like, oh, there's no way for this not to be stupid.

Speaker 1 It should be a comedy. And they're like, no, we're looking for it.
And it turned out it was deadly serious and it works perfectly. And that's why Once Been Twice Shy,

Speaker 1 you say, oh, don't get, we won't get fooled again. You are writing the Skibbity Toilet movie.
Yes, that's right. Yes, and making it deadly serious.

Speaker 1 And no one has asked for that. You just have that going on spec.

Speaker 1 I still don't know what it is. I

Speaker 1 told you. I don't know, but I can't return.

Speaker 1 I can't give you all the lore again. I don't want to tell you because I don't like it.
No, I don't like it either, but it is being made into a movie by Michael Bay.

Speaker 1 Is it Michael Bay actually making it? No, you're kidding. The last thing I heard was.
Wait, that's like the studio. That's funny.
It's like the studio. That's crazy.
The studio.

Speaker 1 Skibbity Toilet is a movie by Michael Bay. Yeah.
Can they cast me? I'm available. I'll be in it.
I'm available. Oh, wait, I'm available too.
I'd love to be in it. I'm just saying.

Speaker 1 It's such a strange coincidence.

Speaker 1 People in one room could be in the middle. Everything we've ever talked talked about on this show,

Speaker 1 I'd like to be in it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Anything that I've ever criticized on any of my shows, I want it. Oh, yeah.
Shit that I made fun of, please put me in it. I try to be clear with that, you know, all the time.

Speaker 1 I try to be up front. I mean, obviously, we all know this is stupid, but I would like to be a part of it.

Speaker 1 I'd be glad to be there. Yes.
Absolutely 100% of a hypocrite. Put me in.
Put me in. Put me in.
Put me a coach. I'm ready to play.
Today.

Speaker 1 What a weird thing that John Fogarty, the guy who wrote Fortunate Son,

Speaker 1 then he's like, I just want to write a song about baseball. Yeah.

Speaker 1 How much I like it. Yeah.
What song do you write?

Speaker 1 Center field. Center field.
Booming, coach.

Speaker 1 I'm ready to play. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's not about anything else. It's about playing center field.
It's not an innuendo. No.
But that came out in like 80, the mid-80s, 85 or 86, when it just nostalgia.

Speaker 1 That was back when we were still able to do things like that. But it was just like all about all about nostalgia for like,

Speaker 1 you know, the simpler times i have that now and it became the soundtrack for every baseball blooper compilation i feel like we're going for i think we have a little bit of that right now nice there is an obsession with 90s stuff which of course fashion goes that's the cycle but

Speaker 1 i think that there is a bit of nostalgia right now for the times that were when we didn't have phones, we didn't have constant communication, we just had the TV, we just had what, you know, it was like, I feel like people are longing for that.

Speaker 1 I know I am. I miss, I miss how simple it was.
And it's also partly when you look at your childhood. So, I'm curious what you think about that.
Do you miss that? I, I do, I do kind of miss that.

Speaker 1 I, here's what I'm afraid of: is the detox of it. Of like, if I try to do a phone-free weekend or something,

Speaker 1 I, I am pre-ashamed at how much

Speaker 1 you're completely just like reaching for it.

Speaker 1 I want to try to, oh, I, I want to try to just put my phone.

Speaker 1 Has that ever happened? By the way, been saying this for like

Speaker 1 all I've been saying for years that I want to be on my phone list, And that's also really scary.

Speaker 1 I want to put my phone in the other room and then just not, if I want to look at it, I have to go there and look at it. So it's like, I have to go be away from my children.

Speaker 1 Lord, smacking the microphone away like it's a phone.

Speaker 1 But then

Speaker 1 Jason Manzugas, I mentioned he was here yesterday.

Speaker 1 He forgot his phone at the previous place he was. And when he went back to get it, it was locked.

Speaker 1 Locked?

Speaker 1 Yeah, he was doing a podcast and the people had left. Oh, oh, oh, I think the phone was locked.
And

Speaker 1 so he was in a tizzy because he had to figure out how to get from where he was to my place. Jameszi in a tizzy? Yeah, that's true.
I mean, yeah.

Speaker 1 And so you just forget how much like it's, it permeates your life now where you can't even figure out how to get to a place.

Speaker 1 But that's upsetting because, like, I was reading something about an Instagram post about like the way that all this stuff is like. I read an article recently.

Speaker 1 It's like taking away actual like brain capacity

Speaker 1 yeah and like chat gpt is doing that oh that's because you if you're using it to write a letter like you're not able to you're not thinking of things just how you normally do

Speaker 1 hey you know what some when you're writing something and you figure it out and you go oh my god i just like yes like clicked into place something amazing that's a good feeling yes you know what i mean all of that by the way all of that is so much simpler than people think that it is yeah to to write a letter to write a request to write a an apology to write a whatever it's so much simpler than you think.

Speaker 1 Right. And of course, it's simple.
Because it becomes very daunting. Yeah, it's just like a message.
Say what you're saying what you're thinking. Yeah, I sometimes understand, like, oh, no,

Speaker 1 like, for instance, I think a friend of mine's father died or something. And I was like, hey, what's up? Hey, you up?

Speaker 1 No, like, I'll look up

Speaker 1 what are the wrong things to say? What are the right things to say? And there will be an article about it.

Speaker 1 You know, don't relate it to your own experience because they're going through what they're going through. And they don't want to hear about your father dying.

Speaker 1 It's you know, yeah, that's so funny. And I'm sure you had this too.
But when my parents died,

Speaker 1 each time there were people that got it absolutely right, they said the perfect thing, and there were people that wanted to tell you their story. And it's like, what do I do with that?

Speaker 1 I know, you know, it's really, it's a really hard one because I've had that experience at me. I also know that I've accidentally done that.
Sure.

Speaker 1 And because you, because it's a natural instinct of you, wine to say, like, hey, you're not alone. I relate to you like this.

Speaker 1 I know how i know how hard this is or i know and it's and that's really comes from a good place but it feels really bad and it can make you feel like really mad and i mean it happened to my friend recently where she was someone said something to her that was like that and i was like it made me reflect on some of the things i've done where i'm like i i like look back and i'm like oh yeah that person didn't write me back or like that felt i felt like i shouldn't have made it yeah yeah yeah connected to it's easier just to never uh write to anyone yeah i do but i but i but i think those articles are really good that's not that's still using using your brain.

Speaker 1 Exactly.

Speaker 1 Or like saying, hey, what are the kinds of things you say in a toast?

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? But to have a thing actually write it for you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Even if you're just doing minor tweaks after it or something, there's a lot of pleasure to be had in like...

Speaker 1 constructing something. Like, hey, look at some tips of like start with a joke and then go into this or whatever.
But to have something write something for you, I just don't understand. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. There was a funny thing when my dad died where a person who was being very nice who had lost their father not that long before

Speaker 1 was talking to me, like sending a note of condolence and they were talking to me like, you know, losing a parent, it's like a really, you know, big deal or whatever.

Speaker 1 And I was like, do I write back and say my mom died three years ago?

Speaker 1 Like, I'm way too bad. Yeah.
I know. You missed it the first time.
But they were being, they were being very. Of course.

Speaker 1 I think it's always, that's always the intention. So that's a hard thing.
But when when people say the wrong thing,

Speaker 1 because you were going to say something and it had to be about either Chat GPT or about further back phones, phones, how you're trying to detox from phones,

Speaker 1 here it comes, folks. Yeah.
A truly funny thing on the TV show and just like that, which

Speaker 1 I watched last night. Oh my God, I can't wait to listen to your episode.
There is a scene where Paul and Janie break down the episodes every week. Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's a scene where there's a family game night, and I thought this was really good.

Speaker 1 Honestly, it was. Yeah.
It was. That was

Speaker 1 a very real feeling. We all want to be a part of it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Of course I did. That's never been a question.
But all of that was so real that I went, that justified every problem I've had with him leaving for that period of time. Yes.

Speaker 1 I went, that's why it's so hard. That's why they much like Carrie herself.
Yes. And I loved Carrie's realization and understanding.
Yes.

Speaker 1 So it's, it's a.

Speaker 1 genuinely, I was talking to Mike, who was not watching, and I was like,

Speaker 1 I was like, this is so good. I love that she just said that.
I love that she, oh my God, I love this. Yeah.
And he was just like, pawn to King Five.

Speaker 1 Pawn to King Five.

Speaker 1 How many kings were in the king?

Speaker 1 So it's a

Speaker 1 divorced couple and their children. They're having a birthday party for their oldest, who's 21.
Every 21st birthday, of course, is spent at a dinner with your family. Yeah, of course.
And

Speaker 1 so also there is

Speaker 1 the father's new girlfriend and the wife's boyfriend. And so

Speaker 1 this boyfriend, his name is Bob. He's been with the woman, with the wife for four years.
It's not Bob from Twin Peaks, is it? Different Bob. Oh, okay.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. That's confusing.

Speaker 1 It is confusing. They've given him a last name.
Yeah, yeah. They should have given him a last name.
So they're like, is this in the same universe? Yeah. Am I supposed to believe that?

Speaker 1 Because I also was wondering if it was Bob the Builder. He's not in that that black lodge, but he was wearing a hard hat.
I was like,

Speaker 1 so

Speaker 1 they're playing a game and one of the sons who is troubled, he's acting out and he leaves the game in a huff and he goes and starts playing on a Switch. The dad is trying to get him back to the table.

Speaker 1 He's like, we all play the game together. And the kid says, Bob never plays.
And they cut to Bob, who's just over there. He's been on his phone the whole time.

Speaker 1 While the family's all at the table, he's like over in this other part of the room. And he holds up a scotch and he goes, true.

Speaker 1 I thought that was solid. But from the beginning, you see the family, like the establishing shot of the family playing the game.
Bob is over there looking at his phone.

Speaker 1 I was like, oh, I didn't see him. How do I get to do that? I didn't see him in the beginning.
I felt like it was established that he wouldn't do that because Aiden doesn't like when Bob has opinions.

Speaker 1 Yes, which also is really good. I thought that was funny.

Speaker 1 I don't know what you're talking about.

Speaker 1 The boyfriend is telling Carrie, Sarah Jessica Parker, like,

Speaker 1 twice. And he's trying to connect because they're both the new people and the divorced couples.
Like, they're both the new partners.

Speaker 1 So he's going, I've been here four years, you're new, but it gets better over time. But he's like, he's talking like it's the handmaids teller.
Yeah, yeah. This is a lot like Mark Green on ER.

Speaker 1 Like, I understand. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, who what? Park Green on ER, where he, for the first two seasons, he was married and had a kid, and then they split up. Was that Anthony Edwards?

Speaker 1 Anthony Edwards. Yes, yes.
So I understand this now. Who I famously saw at the Hollywood Reservoir once.
What was he doing?

Speaker 1 He was jogging and I was walking. Was he with Mary? We were opposite directions.
So we met each other twice? Going around. Yes.
I love that.

Speaker 1 I used to jog around the Hollywood Reservoir, and it would be thrilling to see someone going one way, and then you come around the other end. You're like, my buddy.
The two chalebs that I saw,

Speaker 1 Anthony Edwards, who the second time we passed together, like, come on, man, you got to pick up the pace. It was very funny.
That's funny, and I like him. The other one I saw, Carl Reiner.
Whoa.

Speaker 1 Who was people were delighted to see him? He was jogging at, I can only describe as a snail's pace. That's a good thing.

Speaker 1 You're a million years old. Good for you.

Speaker 1 But he was like, wait a minute.

Speaker 1 My age. Yeah, oh, absolutely.
I've run in a million years. I used to love running around.

Speaker 1 Man, I loved running on a treadmill. I loved it.
Getting it really fast. And then you're like the fucking Terminator.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, the T-dorphing one. T12.
What is it? The camera. The Robert Patrick one.
Yeah. Yeah.
Whatever that was called. T9000.
Yeah. T1000.

Speaker 1 T1000. What was it called? Run so fast.
Do da, do that.

Speaker 1 T1000 run so fast.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 yeah, I thought that

Speaker 1 I just have to. Thank you.
I did think that scene was so well done. It was like a play.
It was beautifully done. And it was, and it, it really was like the perfect fix for my problems that I've had.

Speaker 1 With just going, like, why is she still bothering me? You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. And then she explains it so well by going, like, I was thinking, I didn't believe you.

Speaker 1 And then I came here and I see that it really is this bad. See, I never didn't believe him.
Me neither.

Speaker 1 I assume that the story. I thought he was right.
I thought he, I mean, I thought he was being honest, but I thought that her

Speaker 1 saying, I'll move on. Why wouldn't she believe him? Because she's like,

Speaker 1 I'm Carrie. I can get whatever I want.
And she did get to go there. Yeah.
You know, okay. She was still whining about that fucking thing.
Did she ever make the speech?

Speaker 1 Wasn't she supposed to do a speaking engagement in Virginia? And that's why she went there? That's right. I literally was like, what is that? We never, that was never mentioned again.
I know.

Speaker 1 I was like, when is it? I think she missed it.

Speaker 1 I feel like you, Lauren, whenever Paul and I talk about something from the 80s. See, you needed a little dose.
You needed a little dose. A little dose of yours.
And I'll move on. I'll move on.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but Paul, you were saying that you wish you could just be on your phone instead of playing a game.

Speaker 1 Well, there's sometimes it's like if you go to a place where you don't know people that well or whatever, and it's like, can I just have phone time over here? Yeah. You're like, that's fun for me.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You're having fun.
I want to have fun. I'm happy to be here, but I don't want to play this game.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What's a good game? You know what we've gotten into in my house? I was going to say:

Speaker 1 Simon Says with Holly. Really? She's fine.
I thought it was going to be too confusing at first, like that you can only do it when we say she wouldn't understand the rule of law. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 She got it really fast and it was really fun. And she wants to play it every day.
And so we're going to see her cousin soon. And I'm like, we're going to play Simon Says.
Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 What's the age where you? Because I remember playing Simon Says through grade school. What's the, where do you age out of it? Where you're like, not fucking Simon Says.
Someone say never.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, I have had fun.

Speaker 1 Did you ever, you, you, you've seen some dropout stuff. Have you ever seen Game Changer where they do Sam Says?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 It's so to watch adults playing this game.

Speaker 1 So it's basically it's Simon Says, but there's like extra stakes or like

Speaker 1 yeah, they do. It's like it gets crazy.
But it's fucking to watch these people lose their minds is so much fun.

Speaker 1 It's so much fun to get so frustrated. Yeah, because when you fuck up.
When you fuck up. Yeah.
Yeah. Well, speaking of fucking up, we got to take a break.
Yep. Because we fucked up.

Speaker 1 We'll be right back. We would do long back.

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Speaker 1 Hello, I'm James Corden and on my new show, This Life of Mine, I sit down each week with some of the most fascinating people on planet Earth. From Dr.

Speaker 1 Dre to Julianne Moore to David Beckham to Cynthia Arrivo to Martin Scorsese to Jeremy Renner to Denzel Washington to Kim Kardashian.

Speaker 1 We talk about the people, places, possessions, music and memories that that made them who they are. These are intimate conversations full of stories that you've never heard before.

Speaker 1 This Life of Mine premieres October 21st, wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 1 And we're back and

Speaker 1 we're, you know, we

Speaker 1 mentioned we're not doing those three medium episodes anymore, mainly out of

Speaker 1 hatred? Hatred for the fans. No, because of time.
Yes, time? Because it adds so much time to an already busy schedule of ours.

Speaker 1 So we're stopping doing them and we're moving the answering your voicemails,

Speaker 1 the VMs on the TMs, of course,

Speaker 1 over just to hear, but we're going to alternate with some treaters as well. So we're going to sort of go back and forth, do some treaters sometimes, do the three chooses we like doing.
Yeah. Exactly.

Speaker 1 Not the ones we hate doing. Yeah.
Which we did a bunch of. Honestly, that's refreshing to me.
I do have to, I feel like I need to acknowledge.

Speaker 1 Steve Max. Uh, we were talking about Simon says,

Speaker 1 Steve Max, of course, is recognized as the country's leading professional Simon says caller and most requested halftime show in the nation.

Speaker 1 I thought it was weird that you didn't mention that in the last one.

Speaker 1 I was remiss. It's a halftime show, like he'll go to a sports game and be like, Simon says, and the whole audience has to do it, or what? What about most requested halftime show in the nation?

Speaker 1 Do you not understand? Honestly, I think I do understand it. I'm just trying to then shut up.

Speaker 1 Oh, by the way, fair enough,

Speaker 1 fair enough we do want to clear up some confusion regarding hack claims eight um

Speaker 1 and uh oh man well i guess one thing that we forgot to mention is that it's also a credit card and yeah it's a debit card and it's a mortgage loan yeah

Speaker 1 but also people were saying like oh how do i prove that i'm driving to get my free yeah Well, you just video yourself on your phone while you're doing it and send it to us. It couldn't be simpler.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But you have to be holding the phone.
You have to be holding the phone with both.

Speaker 1 Because if it's a mount on your dashboard, it's not going to read it correctly. And I might not believe it.
You have to be holding your phone with both.

Speaker 1 I need to see that it's shaking a little because you're doing it. Yeah.
And don't just jiggle it around in your stationary car. We'll go

Speaker 1 just a little bit.

Speaker 1 What's that about? Unsavory.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 we're going to do a three turner now. And

Speaker 1 it's been the weeks. Remind us what a three tree is, Paul.

Speaker 1 It's a bustero. Thank you.
Got it.

Speaker 1 This one's called Hitting the Post. It sure is.
This, of course, is where we play songs on our phone, and

Speaker 1 one of us who is not playing the song has to,

Speaker 1 much like a radio DJ, has to fill the time before the singing starts with some information. And it's almost 4th of July, right? It's true.
Tomorrow? I think it is. It's almost 4th of July tomorrow.

Speaker 1 July 3rd is the day after my 3rd. It's the perfect time for hitting the post because it's very like, you have the radio on, you're going into the weekend.
It's 4th of July.

Speaker 1 um so i'm gonna start on my phone paul have you cleared all the sound effects off your phone no i added more

Speaker 1 why do you have holly has a fart machine it's a fart gun from minions

Speaker 1 well it's like despicable mean it's like a it looks like a bull is it from the moon it's like a bullhorn yeah and it it does fart noises yeah and it's like a hee hee like it does like a minions laugh within it and she literally was like put your hands up and i did this one and then she was like and it was very funny it was like just like shooting me with a

Speaker 1 and I have to admit, it was

Speaker 1 very funny, but we don't call it guns in our house. No, what did you know though? Did you call it a shooter,

Speaker 1 laser shooter, or a fart? What about firearm? Fart maker. No.

Speaker 1 Did you know that Tall John

Speaker 1 made an app a long time? Now it's like 15 years or so ago when iPhones first came out. He made an app where it was like you could, it was a belching app that

Speaker 1 if you shook it, it would continue the belcher for as long as you shook it. How did he

Speaker 1 tall John?

Speaker 1 Can you believe it? He keeps coming up in our house because she'll say that she'll be talking about my dad's 6'5.

Speaker 1 And she'll say, Tall John is taller than him, and Tall John is taller than Daddy. And then, like, yesterday she was like, We were talking about something we had to be strong.

Speaker 1 And she was like, Tall John could do it. She's just like, really.
She equates height with strength. Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. So I'm going to play something on my phone.
And Paul, you're going to try to hit the post. Okay.
Are you ready? I accept your terms. All right.
Here we go.

Speaker 1 July 4th is where it's at. We're going to be at the beach this weekend giving away frisbees and cars.
How many frisbees and how many cars?

Speaker 1 You'll have to come and find out, but I can tell you it's two cars and 30,000 frisbees. If you are a dog, put your hands together.

Speaker 1 Oh man,

Speaker 1 we'll never know what happens.

Speaker 1 All right. Go over to me.
We're going over to Paul, is going to play the song, and Lauren is going to

Speaker 1 hit the post. Okay.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Are you

Speaker 1 ready? Yes. Lauren.

Speaker 1 Here we go.

Speaker 1 Independence Day. I hope you got your red, white, and blue on, folks, because today's the day when you get to show your pride for being American.
Get those hot dogs and start sucking on them, babe.

Speaker 1 Get in your convertible to ride to the beach. We'll see you there.

Speaker 1 But not if you don't have your hot bikini on, babes. We're going to see neon bikinis and leather bikinis at our bikini contest on the stage at the beach.
See you then. She's burning.
Nice.

Speaker 1 Perfect. Oh, perfect.
No, it helps that it's a song you know. Well, I thought it was sooner, though.
I know, it's a tricky one. Yeah.
It's a tricky one. That is a tricky one.
All right. Lauren.

Speaker 1 Lauren's going to play a song, and I'm going to hit the post. I got to turn this up.
A lot of tech stuff for me to do. All right.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Here we go. Lauren's picking.

Speaker 1 I'm getting it. Oops.
Hold on. I'm getting it.
I'm getting it and I'm getting it. Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. Dippa, dippa, da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

Speaker 1 Da-ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Dippa, dappa, dipper.

Speaker 1 Here we go. Oops.

Speaker 1 I think you can talk over this.

Speaker 1 I think a DJ would wait until this is done.

Speaker 1 Hey, everyone, this 4th of July, you guessed it. All you can eat sushi.
Come on down to our sushi emporium where you can get a firework roll. What's a firework roll?

Speaker 1 It's of course Tabasco, Overeel, Unagi, as they say. How much sushi can you eat this 4th of July? You'll be shh.
Fireworks will be coming out of your ass after you eat our explosive sushi.

Speaker 1 I think we gotta get fired for that. Hot, hot, hot.
Yeah. For saying fireworks and shooting out of your ass.
Yeah, you're fired. Like the station marker would come in.
Well,

Speaker 1 we're going to have a talk. Okay, if you would unplug that.
There was a moment on WKRP in Cincinnati where

Speaker 1 Les Nessman is listening to something on headphones in the booth, and somebody comes in, and I think it's Mr. Carlson comes in and turns up the volumes.
Like, why is there no music?

Speaker 1 Why is there no music playing in here? And he turns it up, and Les Nessman

Speaker 1 clutches headphones and go,

Speaker 1 we were recording the neighborhood listen the other day, and Mitch Silpa did that to me. Turned up my podcast.

Speaker 1 I think I actually did,

Speaker 1 like, not trying to. I think I did the exact same thing.
All right, here we go. I'm going to play a song, and Paul is going to try to hit the post.

Speaker 1 Here we go.

Speaker 1 Hey, everybody, it is the 5th of July, and guess what? We have to clean up the city. It's disgusting from all the fun we had yesterday, but we can't let the city down.

Speaker 1 We have to go out there with the stick, with the spike on it, pick up all the stuff you see. Exploded balloons, old streamers, hot dog ends.

Speaker 1 You got to pick them up, put them in a bag, and take them down to the dump. And then we're going to organize the dump.

Speaker 1 We're going to organize the dump. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's a good idea. Yeah, by calling it.

Speaker 1 It's a good use of time. Yeah.
All right. And now we're switching cords.
Paul has a different phone that

Speaker 1 Oh, I didn't realize you both we didn't realize

Speaker 1 so sad.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 is everybody ready? Yeah, everybody's here, everybody's ready.

Speaker 1 Paul's not ready.

Speaker 1 The old is everybody ready when he's not ready. Wow, crazy.
Isn't that funny? The way this is how it can happen is how it is.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 here we go. You ready, Lauren?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I just want to apologize sincerely for the stuff that I said yesterday.

Speaker 1 I didn't mean to say anything like that. It was, I was having, well, I had to take my medication.

Speaker 1 I was listening to that.

Speaker 1 I would find that so strange.

Speaker 1 No context as to what she was talking about.

Speaker 1 It obviously happened sometime in the past. We don't know.

Speaker 1 Okay, that was talking.

Speaker 1 Arielle, listen to me.

Speaker 1 Oh my God.

Speaker 1 The volcano. The volcano two miles away.
It just exploded. All the lava, all the hot lava is coming towards us.
Here's what you need to know to get out of the path of destruction.

Speaker 1 If you're on the north end of the volcano, you're entirely safe.

Speaker 1 It's all shooting out of the south end, and it's got to come for everyone in its path, and you are going to be covered in hot, molten lava.

Speaker 1 And please don't be like the person in Pompeii who was jerking off when it happened. Who's immortalized around history as the person jerking off? Well,

Speaker 1 lava came and covered him. Oh my god, he's coming towards the window now.
Why did I come back to the station? It doesn't make any sense. Please, won't someone save me? Will someone airlift me?

Speaker 1 I'm gonna go up to the roof. Here, I'm taking my mobile equipment up with me on the roof.

Speaker 1 Oh god,

Speaker 1 it's in the elevator. I gotta take the stairs.
This is instrumental, isn't it? Oh, that's good. That's good.
I can get the most information out there to people who need it. All right,

Speaker 1 I've gone up one flight of stairs.

Speaker 1 This is a 30-foot, 30-30-story building.

Speaker 1 I hope you're enjoying the music.

Speaker 1 This might be the last song that I ever hear, and I think it's a fitting, fitting song to hear. What song is this, by the way? Can I see the...

Speaker 1 Oh, this is from the Little Mermaid soundtrack. This is a jig by Alan Mencken.
In any case,

Speaker 1 you guys, volcano, lava is coming. This is my last transmission.
I'm dead. Wow, perfect timing.
Can you imagine hearing that? Can you imagine?

Speaker 1 Well, I'd be so scared of the lava that I probably would be off doing my own thing at that point. I wouldn't know if you believe it or not.
Yeah. After with in a post-war of the worlds world.

Speaker 1 I can't believe anything like that. Yeah, I refuse to believe anything.
All right, Paul, you ready? Yeah. Here we go.

Speaker 1 We are giving away two houses that used to be churches. If you would like to feel like the Pope and live in a house that used to be a church, drop your name in our bucket.

Speaker 1 Our buckets are all over the city. They're bright yellow and they say bucket on them.
You'll know them when you see them. You've got to win that church.

Speaker 1 Nice.

Speaker 1 Really good. Thank you.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 just a little bit earlier. I know what you mean.
I know what you mean. All right, Paul, where's okay there? All right, Lauren, are you ready? I am.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 no, you are already playing something. Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 Okay, here you go, Lauren.

Speaker 1 Yeah, baby, it's next year and it's time for the 4th of July again. We did it.

Speaker 1 We survived a whole year of chaos. Now get out there and party, bitches.

Speaker 1 Nice. Wow.
Nice.

Speaker 1 Candle. Like a flame that burns.

Speaker 1 Candle leads a flame.

Speaker 1 Okay, you ready? I don't know what the intro is. Let's see.
Okay, ready? Oh, is it my turn? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Wait, I just play. Oh, no, no, Paul just played.
Okay, here we go. I just played Paul.

Speaker 1 Hi, does anyone have any children out there? I'm not saying that I'm going to necessarily eat or consume them, but I am a witch and I have a gingerbread house. They may want to come down to it.

Speaker 1 And I mean, I'm more of a warlock, honestly, because I'm a male witch, but they may want to come down to it and just nibble on it.

Speaker 1 I have a hot oven that they don't want to touch, but don't worry, I'm not going going to push.

Speaker 1 Well, parade, I believe in, I'll believe in anything. All right.

Speaker 1 One more round? Yeah, one more round, baby. All right.
Here you go, Paul.

Speaker 1 Hey, it's 20 years from now, and it's 4th of July again. But this time, America is under the sea.
So come on down if you have a coconut bra or a bra made of seashells.

Speaker 1 Either one will get you admission to America under the sea. We're going to have snorkels.
We're going to have crabs. We're going to have shipwrecks.
Everything you want and more under the ocean.

Speaker 1 The ocean now covers most of the Earth. Isn't that good for the aliens from science to not come here? Because we don't like them and we never will.
I hate the aliens from science.

Speaker 1 Those images were taken by a 40-year-old at a child's birthday party. Don't ever forget when he tried to do the Bigfoot.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 righty.

Speaker 1 The chord switching is really what.

Speaker 1 That's what's that's what people want to hear. That's what people love about freedom: constant switching of cords.
All right, here we go. Okay.

Speaker 1 Are you ready, Lauren? Yes.

Speaker 1 It's Christmas Eve. You know what that means? It's the 4th of July.
We've rebranded entirely. And Santa.

Speaker 1 What about Santa? forgot that. It's a short run up.

Speaker 1 Okay, you ready?

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Hey, everyone. I'm writing a musical.
I just wanted to announce it here. I haven't even started, but

Speaker 1 I think it's going to be done in maybe like seven years or so. But I'm going to write it to this song and this song only.
And here's how it's going to go. Hello, everybody.

Speaker 1 Welcome to our show.

Speaker 1 You may may think that you've heard this song before,

Speaker 1 but you don't really know.

Speaker 1 Bye.

Speaker 1 Bye. Do you know what I thought it was at first? Love Shack.
Oh, yeah. Oh, very similar.
Where did I just hear this? I never thought that before.

Speaker 1 Where did I just hear this?

Speaker 1 That tin roof rusted

Speaker 1 is a euphemism for condom breaking? I don't think. I think it's an old here.
Okay, so. Where did I just hear this? I have a heart.

Speaker 1 I went on a date with a girl, and I, this is right when the song came out, and I didn't know what they were saying, and I was singing along, and I kind of went.

Speaker 1 I was like, is it for an unattended pregnancy? Oh. No, while some fans have interpreted it,

Speaker 1 I don't like that.

Speaker 1 That's like AI overview. This is AI overview.
I hate

Speaker 1 it. This is AI overview.
Do da, do, da.

Speaker 1 But I, so I think I said like, Binroof busted or something like that. And she was like, oh no, it's Tinroof Rusted.
She very nicely corrected me.

Speaker 1 I was like, it's tin roof rusted, which is, I'm from the south, and that's a southern saying meaning something, but I can't remember.

Speaker 1 Oh, well, they said it was an old building with a metal roof that had aged. It was rusted.
I was using that image when we were jamming. That's what it was.
So, what? But I thought it was a saying.

Speaker 1 Was she wrong? It was a saying. It was a southern euphemism for being pregnant.

Speaker 1 What? Okay.

Speaker 1 Tin roof rusted. Why would that be in the song?

Speaker 1 Right, because it's love shock. Why would all of a sudden

Speaker 1 yelling out, pregnant? Right.

Speaker 1 That's a good thing to yell out. No, but also, it's it's also, it makes sense with the song to be a love shack and then say ten roof for us.
It's a shack, but also it's a pregnancy.

Speaker 1 They went into the love shack, they had sex, and then they got pregnant. That's what I'm telling you.
Now it makes sense. Don't go into the love shack.
Yes. Anything can happen in there.

Speaker 1 Unless you have a sex. Yeah.
That's right.

Speaker 1 For the low cost of $950,000 to $10,000.

Speaker 1 Very low. Yeah.
All right. That's going to be it for us.
Yeah. This episode.

Speaker 1 This episode. We love you.
Make sure you hit us up at HagClaims8 and send us videos of you driving. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's all we want anymore. We don't want voicemails.
And you can design your own checks. Yeah.
Yeah. You can get whatever you want in the background.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's your baseline picture is us. Yes.
But you get a middle finger. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You can get the poop emoji. The poop.
Pip. The pope emoji.
The pup emoji. You get the pope emoji.
Sure. Sure, do it.
Very popular. Pope emoji, poop emoji.
Pope emoji.

Speaker 1 Bye.

Speaker 1 Are you Team Batman or Spider-Man?

Speaker 3 Is the ultimate dish pizza or tacos? Smash Boom Best will help settle those debates and so many more. Every episode, we take two cool things, smash them together, and we see which one is best.

Speaker 3 Debaters use facts, jokes, stories, and more to argue for their side. And it's all judged by a teenager.
Because who is better at judging than a teen? It's fun. It's weirdly informative.

Speaker 3 It's Smash Boom Best. Get it wherever you get your podcasts.