Rum As a Beaver

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Freedom!

Help!

Oh my God, the burst is dropped!

Freedom!

Get to the fire department!

I'm giving you a rope!

Grow out of this rope!

Freedom!

Help me have a great time!

What?

Help me!

Help me have a great time!

He's fine.

All right, he's probably fine now.

Help me have a great time.

Fuck.

What does he want?

Weird guy.

Weird guy.

That guy was weird.

There's a weird guy.

He's in a big hole in your yard, and that's what's going on.

Weird guy alert.

What are we going to do?

Hey, welcome to Freedom.

Welcome to it.

We seldom say this, but let's say our names.

My name is Scott.

Oh, my God.

My name is Paul.

I'm Lauren.

Oh, my God.

He admit it.

And we are the Britzel gang.

That's right.

We're the crocodile crew.

We're Dem Freedom Boys.

These are the names that we go by.

By the way, I I know Crocs sponsored us for a brief moment, didn't they?

Yeah, because we got some free Crocs.

One got some free Crocs.

Hey, come back, Crocs.

My kids love Crocs.

Crocs, where are you?

I thought that was going to be a song.

My kids love Crocs.

They cannot lie.

The other brothers can't deny.

That when a kid walks in, a crocky, crocky shoe.

When a kid walks in with a crocky, crocky shoe.

We had to.

All the other kids yell, boohoo, I want Crocs.

Crocs.

We had to impose a no Crocs rule, though, though, with Emmy.

Really?

Tripping?

Okay, yeah, she's tripping too much.

Yeah.

She'd be tripping.

So we cool up, got rid of them all, and she still every day is like, where are the Crocs?

Kids love Crocs.

What about Croc sandals?

Does she have a card?

Are they harder for the kids to walk in?

They're a little harder.

They can't, you know, like sometimes if Holly's going to be scooting on her scooter, I would say, put your sneakers on.

Oh, yeah.

You can't scoot on a scooter with Crocs.

Yeah, also just going to.

Sorry, Crocs.

That's your one weakness.

Yeah.

We would see her like tripping a little, like when she's at the playground and stuff.

and we're like, let's put her in some real shoes.

Yeah.

You know,

any case.

The playground, when I was a kid, playground was the most dangerous place on earth, and it still should be.

Now it's all rubber, rubber floors.

Now it's like, we don't want kids to get hurt.

I know.

I have to say, like, I remember being kind of like shocked by that when those started happening.

When what started happening?

The rubbery floor.

Ground.

No more wood chips.

Things going bad at the playground.

No, no more like wood chips and whatever or like just pure cement under you.

Sad.

But I have to say, when I watch my children climb things, I'm very grateful that at least it's rubber.

Like, why would we wait so long?

Man, the playground in my old school, all the monkey bars and everything, they were like above blacktop concrete.

Yes, and we literally had, I mean, burning metal, long slides that would scald.

That weird triangle thing.

What?

But it was just a big

pussy?

Yes.

You're obsessed.

Oh, yes.

I didn't care for that.

I'm so sorry, Paul.

I want to apologize.

You would never speak of pussies.

You have the utmost respect for pussies.

What weird.

Or like those things you climb.

It's just like a big place structure that's like just metal rods put together like in like a dodecahedron kind of thing.

I'm not thinking of that.

Okay, what's a triangle?

We had this in my playground.

It was a sort of

a triangle,

not like a perfect straight, like a sort of

square.

Acute.

No, maybe acute triangle.

That's where it's.

Okay, so it's not equal

angles, honey.

So it's rounded at the top

and the sides and the sides, the corners, rounded to the corners.

This is not a triangle.

And there would be

at the corner.

If it has corners.

This is a circle.

Where are the corners of the circle?

Well, if they're round,

they're everywhere.

Rounded.

You're not going to get me on this.

All right.

Go ahead.

And it was just a big hunk of metal and it had a sort of railing around it.

And the idea was you were supposed to climb to the top.

You would just like try to run up to the top.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

I know what you're talking about.

Yeah.

And we get

and they were fun.

I didn't know.

I kept trying to do it.

I mean, it's really hard.

Like, it feels like a big accomplishment when you get to the top, but that's all it is.

No, we had this one that was just wood.

It was like an arc or an arch.

And it it was just wood, like two by fours

going up to create sort of like a you know, a rounded arc, and not a circle, and you would just climb that.

And it first all you get splinters all in your hands, sure, and then I got you get to the top, and you have to get down over the other side.

It's actually too, it's too high, and it's scary.

I remember once getting, I got to the top, and I had a teacher come get me down because I was scared.

And it's like, you know, this is last week, yes, and I was like, Miss, Miss Crip.

Um, Polly pretended not to know you.

Yeah.

It's just like, that's not a, it's a, it's a bridge to nowhere.

It doesn't do anything.

We also used to have like these metal stairs that were just like three stairs up, a flat platform, three stairs down.

Boring.

And I fell on that once and got the wind knocked out of me.

Oh, oh my God.

Getting the wind knocked out of you is,

I fell out of a tree one time right on my back.

It was.

I was thinking about my friend.

that I was talking about from high school.

Yeah.

That, that we were ditching or something like that.

And he.

No ding-dong, just ditching.

No ding-dongs.

Well, you were ding-dongs, but you were ditching.

And I was on a

ding-dong.

What's up, player?

Go boy.

And we were on one of those merry-go-rounds.

Not merry-go-round, but the...

Carousel.

You know, the things that you, they're metal and.

Merry-go-round.

That's what they would call it.

Yeah.

But not where there's a horse.

I know what you're talking about.

You know, I was talking about a playground where you just.

Okay.

And he spun me so fast and I went flying off it it

like a cartoon, and I landed on my back and got the wind knocked out of me.

And I was just like, that's the closest I think to being unconscious that I've ever been.

Wait, there was an episode of 9-1-1, that show, yes,

starring Brian Safi.

He's amazing, and I love watching this.

But this episode was

a 9-1-1 operator.

He's like, hello, 9-1-1.

Basically,

they were so some teenage boys who like

they like duct taped the boy to that thing, that merry-girl thing.

And then he, they spun it as fast as they could.

They attached a motorcycle to it and it, like, in the dirt or something like that.

And, like, it just, like, revved up and then it spun really fast against, like, the wheel.

I don't know what they were doing.

And the guy couldn't get off and his eyes popped out of his head.

What?

So what do you call 911 for?

I mean, I would close my eyes.

I started feeling that.

They fixed him, but his, it was the velocity.

His eyes were like popped out.

I was like, that's so crazy.

I just love shows like that where it's like, there's injuries, we've seen them all, you know.

Yes, you make it as crazy as possible.

Well, yeah, watching ER recently, there's a few of those in there where it's just like the crazy, like someone being bisected and all that kind of stuff.

Did you watch all of the pit?

Yeah, no, I'm not done with ER yet.

I love you're gonna watch all of ER before the pit.

You gotta listen to Scott Asncates.

I don't have time, but I love.

Oh,

the wind.

This just turns on occasionally.

The pit is so good.

I know.

I got to see it.

Yeah,

Noah Wiley.

Oh, he's so good.

I still think about that story Raul Julia told about his eye falling out of his socket.

Oh, yeah.

On Adam's family, and he just like, I don't know that.

He was filming the Adams family or something?

No, no.

Real eye.

Was it during the Adams family?

I think so.

Okay.

And it just fell out of his head and he was holding it.

Ow!

My eyes!

My eyes!

And he just went bloop and he just popped it back into his socket.

This doesn't belong here.

But was it attached to his press?

Yeah, it's attached to the string.

The eye string.

But so he just put it back and was like, I'm fine.

He just popped it back in his socket.

I'm sorry, that's crazy.

Yeah, I know.

I'm gonna need more details.

Thinking about the fact that that can happen to someone.

I just don't think

it can happen, is what I think.

Let me look.

I don't know if your eye could just fall out like that.

It seems like there must have been a lot going on before that.

Okay.

Can we curse things?

The eye has fallen out.

First thing that comes up when I put in Raul Julia I, Raoul Julia I falling out.

He had a bizarre

friends anymore.

During the Adams family, he had a bizarre incident where his eye seemingly fell out, seemingly doing a lot of heavy lifting.

By the way, this is an AI overview.

No, I don't.

Get the fuck out of here.

Get the fuck out of here.

You can make it not do that.

Okay, here.

Yeah, I know.

I got to figure out how to do it.

Like, that's what I need to ask AI to do:

get the fuck out of my Google searches.

In a Google's car.

Get out of my Google's.

Get out of my Google's AI.

Get out of Google's AI.

Get out of my Google's AI.

So, no, he had an accident that caused his eyeball to fall out of its socket

during the Adams family.

Then a big bio, this is an article, then a big bio of him.

They say that he had this accident and then a huge bio of him.

But who is this guy?

No.

And then finally, it gets back to it.

One day we couldn't shoot because the white of his eye was totally red.

I asked what happened.

This is the director.

He said,

I was at the hotel bar last night.

Next to me is Christopher Watkin.

We were talking.

I got so excited, my eyeball popped out of my socket and landed on the bar table.

That's embarrassing.

So I picked it up and put it back, but I must have scratched it.

The director, Barry Sondenfeld, sorry, himself expresses skepticism over Julius Starr.

Sorry, isn't it a thing that happened?

But others have vouched for it.

He popped a blood vessel because you were so excited.

It happened.

Listen to this.

Angelica Houston says it really happened, although in her version of the events, the celebrity was not Christopher Watkin, it was Robert Palmer.

So, why was the guy who simply unbelievable his eye fell out to the bar when we were drinking?

Conveniently, Robert Palmer is no longer with us to back this up.

Christopher Walken is.

Christopher Walken is here, we should ask him about this.

Did you ever see someone's eye pop out while they were talking to you?

Well, she was like, Finally, they're not asking me about Natalie Wood anymore.

That was a good impression of Christopher Walker.

It fell out, it fell out.

He got excited.

It fell out.

He was so excited talking to me.

Speaking of eyeballs.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is a good subject.

This is a two-part story.

By the way, if you want to see the most handsome picture of Rojuli.

His eyes hanging out.

The fuck.

That is the ugliest picture.

The bad shirt.

Yep.

Yesterday, I had an appointment with my ophthalmologist.

Oh,

a little behind the scenes for Freedom Fans.

When we were scheduling recordings,

Scott threw out some dates, and I said, On one of these dates, I have my ophthalmologist's appointment, so I can't do that date.

Then he said, Okay, so we could do this date, and I said, Uh, did you forget that I said I can't do that date?

Yeah, you were really sassy.

I was really sassy, and Lauren immediately apologized, yeah.

And then I said,

When did you say that?

And he looked back at the time.

I went back, I put the wrong date in there

and eat a humble pie filled with crow

in my hat

for dessert.

So I went to my ophthalmologist's appointment and I have not commented on this before to you guys,

but every time I go,

there is a new

hot young woman

working there.

And that's almost the entire staff.

Interesting.

That's strange.

There's one other woman who's like my age.

Yeah.

And maybe, I think there might be another woman that's maybe a couple, like 40 or something.

The rest of the staff, and there's new women every time.

And are these, like, what are the quality?

Is this model, like super model quality?

Sometimes Instagram

celebrity.

Instagram thought level.

Yeah.

Like a bop.

They're very attractive.

What's a bop?

What is a bop?

Isn't that a good song?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Baby Bop from.

Is she like Barney Bop?

They all look like Baby Bop from Barney.

A slang term for a person who has many sexual partners.

Oh.

Oh.

Well, she's not a bop.

I can't tell that from looking at them.

Well, yeah, I'm sure

they're very attractive.

It's more attractive young women than you would expect to find

in one ophthalmology.

Here's some possibilities.

And the turnover is like, it's a, I go every six months and there's new women there.

There's new interns who are like getting into the field

of hot ophthalmology.

But maybe here's a, here's my other theory.

You now view every woman who's 30 or 40 years younger than you as hot because they're that young.

That's possible, that is possible, but I don't think that's what you don't have to say.

So, I'm thinking, so just to give you,

I like Scott's idea that it was that you know they're going into the field.

Yeah, I'm gonna offer that the boss, the head ophthalmologist, is that an older man?

He's about my age.

Okay, he likes to look at them

and he will hire them based on hotness and then they're not able to do the job.

So he has to fire them and get their one.

But he enjoys the six months that he has with them.

And he goes, okay, you fucked up enough papers.

Now it's time for papers.

I mean, these women are giving me the exams.

Oh, it's not the receptionist.

No.

But it's the receptionist, too.

Oh.

Yeah.

I'm saying at every level.

Okay, so maybe it is an intern thing, but also he's like a Hugh Hefner where he only brings in hot girls.

But it feels like an aesthetic choice that

it's absolutely a choice.

I've never seen a dude in there at all.

Right.

My optometrist, what's the difference?

Ophthalmologist is the.

An optometrist, I think, just say it doesn't matter.

They are,

they, it's funny because they

are all related.

I've realized over time.

Basically, it was like, there's the guy, then his son, and his wife.

Oh, my God.

I just got a text.

All are optometrists.

What'd they say?

Stop talking.

They value my feedback.

Okay.

Ask them why they're ask them why they're all hot they want me to do a survey why are you all hot yeah

i want to look up i want to let someone be average i want to look up the difference between ophthalmologists and optometrist because i feel like an ophthalmologist can do surgery all of mine are so it's it's a dad's son and white and the son's wife they can do it anytime they want they're all uh they're all working together which i think is very cool one that's the one of them might be a freedom listener oh okay it's possible a piss piss pig out there.

And I will say, it's kind of funny because they have a name kind of goes around the eyes in some way.

So it's like they ended up getting into the family field by the name.

Interesting.

I have found that with my, and I like this, that my dentist is a certain nationality, and everyone that they hire is of that nationality too.

And it feels like, hey, we're looking out for our community because it's like, again, Armenian.

This is Los Angeles.

Not saying that, but I,

I, it's been like, you know, 10 to 15 years of like constant new people coming in.

I'll always be like, oh, they're new.

And oh, yeah, they have the same similar last name.

That's great.

What is an ophthalmologist?

An ophthalmologist is a medical doctor who is able to treat complicated eye problems with surgery.

or other procedures.

Okay.

And then we must then ask, what is an optometrist?

Optometrists

focus on regular vision care and primary health care for the eye.

This is the difference between like an ENT and a thoracic surgeon.

After college, they spend four years in a professional program and get a doctor of optometry degree, but they don't go to medical school.

Some optometrists get additional clinical training or complete a specialty fellowship after optometry school.

Fellowship.

Yeah, a fellowship of optometrists.

Okay, that kind of cleared it up.

So maybe there's someone at the office who's an ophthalmologist, but most of them are probably optometrists.

They don't do surgery.

But

they might be studying to do surgery.

Yeah.

Here's a question, Paul.

If you were

to dress up in a nice pink dress, put on some nice makeup, you look beautiful.

And go to this optometrist office

and apply for a job.

Do you think you would get the job?

I would show up as a sexy lady.

You would have some like big Bugs Bunny tits.

Of course I would.

Yeah.

My face is still like Bugs Bunny.

My face is still exactly the same.

Yes, exactly.

But with all other, all other...

Everything else done.

As a sexy lady.

Yes.

Yeah, I bet I get hired.

I think so.

Yeah.

You're that hot.

Thank you.

You're that hot.

If you don't look at my face.

Oh, okay.

If I'm looking at your fake tits, yeah.

Yeah.

My tail sticking out of my

skirt?

Yeah.

By the way, can I get the address for this place?

Yes, 123

456-789-10-11-12-13-14-15-615.

I think I forgot you were giving me an address.

You just kept counting.

That happened to me in real life.

Really?

I went to briefly to a

I went briefly to a Sunday school

and

because it was

just like another form of daycare, essentially.

It was up the street from our house.

So it was like three blocks away.

When you were a child, yeah.

What's that?

Just recently.

You didn't really get a timestamp on this.

It just sounds like when I was a child.

He went over to the daycare.

And my address,

the address of.

Someone would take care of me.

And you guys genuinely were like, when did this happen?

I'm saying it to protect you.

Hey, thank you.

Mission accomplished.

So my banner that you brought up.

Address.

Do you think it's a little premature?

The address of my childhood home was 123.

Oh.

And so they were fun.

So

it was so much fun.

123 Cherry Lane.

My cousins live next door to me at 121.

And so my cousin Dorothy

came to me.

We were doing a little map show.

Options.

Listener, I hope you decided to listen to one or the other.

Yeah.

And so my cousin and I, my cousin Doreen and I, we're the same age.

We are sent off to this walk up to this Sunday school.

And so they are asking me

my address.

They're both riding one horse.

No, we're little kids.

We just fit on one horse.

So they're asking me my address, and I start by saying one, two, three.

They stop me and they say, no, no, no, we don't want you to count.

Oh,

because I'm a little kid.

So they're like, no, he doesn't understand.

He doesn't get it.

Okay, we're not.

No one has 123 as the address.

So what is it?

123, ABC Street?

So it's three times this house.

Three times?

And then finally, they turn to my cousin and say, where do you live?

She said, one, two, one

in the street.

And I said, and I went, I live next to her.

That's so infuriating when you know you're right as a kid.

Is there anything more, do you ever feel more powerless than when you are a child?

Yeah.

I mean, I've told the Nosferatu story.

That's

where my first grade teacher.

I can't admit it's not ringing a bell.

My first grade.

Oh, yes.

My first grade teacher said, like, it was Halloween, and she was talking about Halloween stuff.

And she goes, name the vampire.

Can anyone name a vampire movie?

And someone said, Dracula.

And then

she said, Can anyone else name a vampire movie?

And I raised my hand and I said, No, Sferatu.

And she went, No.

Anyone else?

And the whole class is like,

and someone said, Love it, first bite.

And she said, Yes, there you go.

That's the answer she was looking for.

Well, it was out at the time.

Yeah.

But it's also, kids shouldn't know about that movie.

And also, why would you not just stop at Dracula?

Yeah,

you said, keep quizzing for more.

It's like that's the main one.

The blood of Dracula.

Thank you.

Dracula is a bad person.

Blackula.

All right, we have to stick break.

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Dude, doo dot.

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I got to ask you about their denim.

Okay, well, their denim's durable and it fits right.

What about leather jackets?

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Sounds good.

What makes Quince different?

Hey, everyone.

Oh, hey.

Well, they partner directly with ethical factories and skip the middlemen.

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Can I hear some personal experience from you?

Because I'm still a little skeptical for some reason.

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Now, that's great.

How do you spell it?

I was gonna say

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And we're back.

I know I am.

I'm not sure if Lauren is, though.

I'm not because I've got an interesting text that I can't share.

You can't share.

Oh, man.

That's too bad because I like interesting texts.

I know.

I love, like, there's nothing I find more interesting than an interesting thing.

I even like boring texts.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah.

I'm not discriminating.

What's the most boring text you've ever received, Paul?

Let's see.

When did you last text me?

Hey, I sent you a picture this morning.

I sent Paul a picture from six years ago

where we're doing something inexplicable to me.

I don't know why we're doing it.

And I said, why are we doing this?

You said, what were we doing?

What were we doing here?

And I said, hugging a cold brew machine.

Can I see it?

And you said, oh, right.

Because that is what we're doing.

But why we're doing it?

I think because this was a best of photo shoot.

You were running out of things to do.

Got it.

Okay.

It looked like it was on tour or something, and I couldn't quite understand.

No, I recognize that terrible lighting from Earwol.

There's Levar Burton in the background.

Yeah, where they just.

Oh, is that why he's there?

It would just do cool.

And how did this get made?

He's right behind me, isn't he?

What has gone wrong in your life if LeVar Burton is sneaking up on you?

I was recently at an event where he spoke, and it was lovely.

I love him.

Yeah.

I love him.

Yeah.

He would, I would run into him every once in a while, either at Earwolf and then another,

some other event I ran into.

A Star Trek thing?

It was not a Star Trek thing.

Oh.

But he always compliments the way that I'm dressed.

It is very exciting.

Do you reciprocate?

No, he knows you dress like shit.

Well, you know, that's an interesting one.

That's an interesting one.

The like, you look great or whatever.

And the impulse is to go, so do you.

But then it's like, but I haven't even had the chance to process, you know what I mean?

Like sometimes people kick it back to you and you're like, no, don't say it back to me.

I'm saying it to you.

Yeah, I don't think anyone is ever wanting to hear it back when they say, wow, you look great.

No, I don't know.

No, because it feels empty.

But the impulse is to say, like, oh, I love your whatever.

Yeah.

But it's, it's unnecessary.

No one's fishing for compliments when they say it, right?

I don't know.

Maybe, maybe 50%.

I like to tell people on the street when they look great.

If it's about like an specific outfit you're wearing, it's like

did you guys seriously not just go, people in the street?

Like, I couldn't believe anyone said it.

It was weird.

I made a New Year's resolution.

I think I said it already this episode.

You said it before, when before the tape was on.

No.

I'm so sorry.

Do you want to to say it again now that we're rolling?

People in the street.

Do you compliment strangers?

Sometimes I will.

Yeah.

I'll compliment a stranger.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I, you know, I was, I was noticing either a mother or a nanny.

I can't quite tell.

He's definitely one or the other.

With a, with one of those, I don't even know what they're called.

Kool-Ap would know the brand name, but yeah, children.

No, one of those like rolling kind of, it looks like a wagon with a top or something like that.

Oh, yeah.

you know what I'm saying?

Like a little, like a little car that the kid pretends to drive.

It's just a wagon with a canopy over it.

Yeah, yeah.

But it's like

when your kid's too big for a stroller, maybe anymore.

Oh, yeah.

It's like these things are not designed for hauling children around, but people are doing this.

No, they actually are designed for hauling children around.

Yeah, they are.

I have a great one, actually, that was sent to me by a company called Veer.

Do they have little seats?

Very nice.

Yes, there's seats and little canopies.

Cool app everyone.

Holly loves it.

Says that we need to be getting one because

they're fun for like the zoo or for like yes if you were it's like there's certain places where it would come in handy you see i always see people with them at the zoo and i go oh yeah i always forget that i have that wagon i should be bringing so i was dining uh at an outdoor place and this this mother or nanny was putting their child into it and i almost said like oh how is that Yeah, and then I realized I'm a single, a seemingly single man.

Right, right, right.

And she's going to go like, you don't give a fuck.

You're just trying to talk to me.

Yeah, exactly.

So I just, so I said nothing.

Yeah.

I often find myself wanting to talk to, and I'm sure I would be invited to chat about that with that lady if I were to say something.

But I'll notice a stroller.

And I'm like, that's a good stroller.

And I'm like, I'll kind of like zoom in with my eyes and be like, okay, make note of that.

I'm like, I got to look that up.

Yeah.

That's the brand.

One time I picked it up and it was, it was a, and it was a stroller.

I'd never seen it.

Product identified.

And it was from Africa.

It was like only available in Africa.

I was like, that's cool.

Wow.

It was just like some crazy stroller someone had.

I was like, that that looks really neat.

And then I looked online.

Yeah, you can only get it in Africa.

Yeah, you stupid bitch.

You probably wouldn't get one of these.

They're only available in Africa.

But I do, yeah, you're when you're said, I have.

If you're going to do it, I think

I have a two-year-old doing that.

And I'm not hitting on you.

I have a two-week

and a wedding ring at home.

Because I can't wear it because I get rashes on my finger.

That's good info.

She needs to know that.

Shit.

There was something I was reminded of.

But I got to pull that wagon.

I should have interrupted it.

Actually, yeah, you always have to interrupt.

I got, so we had the wagon, and Holly and her friend were at the zoo using the

zoo.

And only we only had the canopy on one side, so I had to buy, they both wanted it so bad that I immediately bought another canopy.

Haven't used it since, of course.

But I now have two canopies, and I got an infant seat for Gigi to go in there, too.

So I'm like, that actually is going to be really cute.

I got to get that out in the show.

Can I just have it?

Lauren?

Sure.

We'll put a pin in my zoo content.

Oh, zoo content.

But Lauren, I simply must put you on blast.

Why?

Because you haven't met Gigi?

Yes.

This is.

Am I supposed to invite myself to your home?

A little bit because I don't often think to invite people.

So I'm allowed to do that though.

I'm just giving you the day every day, you know?

With Holly, we were over at your place recording.

And that's how we.

But I was also invited over one time.

Yes.

Janie and I were invited over

on a Sunday morning.

Yes, you were.

I would love to have you over.

You're invited as well.

I don't want to be rude.

Oh, well, I've met Gigi.

Yeah, you're fine.

Paul, well, you weren't in her birthday.

You're invited to events.

You were invited to Holly's birthday.

And then I miss these things.

I know.

And then it's like, and I've said so many times I want to meet Gigi.

I know.

Well, customer.

You don't need to come over.

Well, we will set a time.

Why don't we put it on the calendar?

Yes.

Let's put it on the calendar.

This is all I want to do.

This is why you put people on blasts.

Let's put it on the calendar for when I get back from my trip.

You've shamed people.

And we're going to put it right there.

You shame people in a public film.

I would love nothing more.

And she is so funny and fun.

And you will think she's a blast.

I very much want to meet her.

Thank you.

But when one has a baby, what I found out is that it's customary for people to invite themselves over and say, like, oh, I want to come over and bring you, you know,

like food or bring, you know, I'm going to put somebody else on blast right now.

Okay.

Brothie Gupta

has an adorable fucking baby.

And she said, and I saw on Instagram, I was like, oh my God, he's so cute.

She goes, you have to meet him.

And I say, absolutely.

I'm coming over now.

How about, how about, yeah, like, when can I do this?

And the last time we talked about it, she said, how about this Saturday?

And I said, great.

Where do you live?

And she said, not even yourself.

She just said the neighborhood.

Yeah.

It's like,

is that what you thought I was asking?

I'm going to wander around the streets.

Just like calling out like, brother,

did you ever go?

No, because she still didn't give me the fucking address.

Wow.

Maybe you write back.

Could you be a touch more specific?

be any more specific could you so there you go

brothie you're on blast okay i will have you over

i have to say the best one thing i am finding though because now gigi's turned one it's like she's more in the mix with everything i'm finding that the window of time like after school time it's really great to have a she's not in school but it's really great to have a um

a friend over at that window because it's like kind of no man's land from like four to six thirty.

It's like we need energy.

These are tough.

These are tough.

We need to be like, let's get these are extraordinary times.

Yes.

Otherwise, it's like, you know, we start to go a little crazy.

We're just, we're losing it by that point.

So it's like, that's a great thing.

But that's the times I love the mornings.

Yeah.

I love the energy of the mornings, how happy everyone is in the mornings.

And then those between five and seven.

Yeah, that's really tough.

It's trying times.

Once they're both, once the first one's in bed, I'm able to relax a bit.

I go like, well, there's one.

One down.

One down.

One down.

Goes to bed.

That's when I really do my thing.

but that's when I push it to the limit.

And I'm up too late, scrolling, eating, doing it all, you know.

Scrolling, eating, random, and I'll run all mod.

Exactly.

And I watch all of Special Forces world stuff is toast.

Go ahead.

All of Special Forces world stuff is toast?

World stuff is stuff is toast.

World's tough stuff.

The world stuff is toast, Paul.

World stuff is toast.

We need Special Forces.

The zoo.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hit us with this zoo content because i have been thinking about going to the zoo but i didn't know whether i would like it or not so i want to hear your experience this is not about the zoo itself but yeah it's yeah it doesn't have to be i'm just gonna go but a song about the zoo by simon and garfunkel we went to the zoo called at the zoo are you familiar with this song no

they just list a bunch of animals and their personalities who the like these guys man it's the question is valid but i i've grown up not liking them and then i i hear every once in a while you hear like one of their beautiful songs.

It's just like, oh, I grew up liking them, and then, but there's some songs that I think of now, and I'm like, that was a fucking single song.

Well, they have to be.

I gotta say, personally, Sage Rosemary and Time can go fuck itself.

Absolutely.

What was that one about, like,

what is this song that I'm thinking of about like an ugly person,

something?

Oh, put a bag on it.

I don't like that one.

Why don't you put a bag on your head, you ugo?

Or was it a Randy Newman song or something about being there was something about being ugly that I heard the first time, and I couldn't believe the difference between Randy Newman and the other one.

This is what I'm mixing up a few things, but I'm I was thinking it was a um what's his name, Neil Young, singing a song about like women should be in the kitchen kind of thing.

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah,

everyone needs a maid or whatever, yeah, yeah.

Kulap reacted very strongly to that song.

Is it is he sincere in that song?

I don't believe so, but it's because it does sound like a sort of Randy Newman, sort of like

this is the opposite of what I'm saying.

No, I think it's it's Neil Young, yeah, I know what we're saying.

Oh, you're so sad.

The man needs a maid.

Here are the lyrics.

Okay, that's a good question.

Well,

full lyrics.

Here we go.

My life is changing in so many ways, I don't know who to trust anymore.

There's a shadow running through my days, like a beggar going from door to door.

I was thinking that maybe I'd get a maid, find a place nearby for her to stay.

Just someone to keep my house clean, fix my meals, and go away.

So now.

If you hear it, it sounds pretty genuine.

He's like, Well, yeah, that's.

I mean, I was playing it, and Kulab was just like, what is this fucking song?

Now, the Wikipedia says the lyrics have generated controversy over

chauvinistic interpretations.

Interpretations.

However, the rest of the lyrics express Young's feelings of insecurity, trying to balance his need for an equal relationship with a woman against his fear of being hurt by that relationship.

Oh, boo-hoo.

Grow the fuck up.

You're fucking married to Daryl Hanna.

Daniel Young?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Still?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I didn't know that.

Like, more, it was more

in in the last 20 years.

They got married in the last 20 years.

Doesn't that seem wild?

I mean, people.

I guess it's not.

I guess people have done things in the last 20 years.

I mean, I think you got married in the last 20 years.

Well, I did.

But I just...

How old is Neil Young?

Well, I'll tell you one thing about Neil Young's age is if I were to narrow it down, it would be 79 years old.

Okay, fine.

It's not that crazy 20 years ago.

I thought he was older than that.

And I thought.

That's 15 years older than Daryl Hanna.

And when did they get married?

I'll tell you something.

They got married in

2014.

11 years ago.

Great.

No, sorry, they got married in 2018, but they've been together.

It was not so great.

He was 70.

And she was 60.

People 55.

People should give up, right, after a certain age.

It's great.

It's beautiful.

I'm just intrigued.

I'm intrigued.

That's like a celebrity pairing.

I wouldn't, I don't know.

I'm just like, I don't know anything about it.

Exactly.

I still enjoy when I saw him live at the Greek theater.

He came out going, what's your favorite planet?

And everyone shouted, Uranus.

Oh,

they knew to say that?

Rice.

He was like, mine's Earth.

Oh, it wasn't a setup.

I thought it was like some old thing.

I'm like, I think we should say Earth.

I was like, he wants people to care about the Earth.

And they don't.

They said Uranus.

They said Uranus to fuck with him.

All right.

So

the song at the zoo.

Yeah.

It's all, it's like kind of a children's song, really, if we get right down to it.

Yeah, but these guys were purporting to be adult entertainers.

And so the song starts out.

It's like, you go to the zoo, it's a lot of fun.

It's just easy.

Of course, it's the New York Zoo.

It's just, it's a light and tumble journey from the east side to the park, just a fine and fancy ramble to the zoo.

And then he gets, as it goes down, he starts listing the characteristics of the animals.

Okay.

The monkeys stand for honesty.

Giraffes are insincere.

And the elephants are kindly, but they're dumb.

Orangutans are skeptical of changes in their cages, and the zookeeper is very fond of rum.

Zebras are reactionaries.

Antelopes are missionaries.

Pigeons plot in secrecy.

And hamsters turn on frequently.

I despise this.

Yeah.

And I renounce it.

What?

Yeah.

I like.

Hamsters turn on frequently.

If you're writing a song about the zoo and you run out of animals,

you can't name

two more animals.

You got to come come up with pigeons and hamsters

i'm usually a first draft best draft there's a lot keepers in there but do do a second draft yeah paul simon i'm assuming it's paul simon right or do you think this is a garfunkel this is is this one of the ones where paul simon was like i'm tired of talking about reminiscences from the 30s and 40s this is a paul simon garf did not write this garf hamsters

hamsters you know go to the zoos see hamsters and they're always turned on

they frequently turn on they get high Oh, that's what that means?

Yeah.

Turn in, turn on, drop out.

What?

I guess I thought it was still about being horny.

Well, you think the song is about being horny?

I thought the hamsters were horny.

Have you ever been horny at a zoo?

Wow, great question.

No, but when.

It must have been at some time.

I think I saw a post secret that was like about people who fucked at a zoo.

And then all the comments were like, this is so disgusting.

Like the comments in Post Secret, I think, are really do you know post secret yeah i always loved it back in the day post secret every time i hear post secret i it i have to do a little bit of mental work because i my mind goes to pop secret oh pop secret of popcorn right and then i have to remember and that knocks out what post secret is in my mind that i have to go back and say it's that thing where people well i used to love reading the blog every sunday when i was in college and then um they would upload new secrets every sunday and then i bought the books and loved the books i went to i went to a post secret event that came to my city.

I was like very into it.

What are the secrets, though?

People just mail them on postcards.

Just any secret that you have, you just make a postcard of your secret.

Oh, I have fashions or whatever.

But the problem with Instagram is that there's comments under them.

And so people are like, that's disgusting.

And you're like,

we should turn on that.

It's a secret that's being sent anonymously.

You can't, you don't need to say whether it's good or bad, honestly.

It's just, although I saw one today that I almost commented on, that was about a, it was a guy who said he used to JO to pick an old-timey picture of his grandma because she was so beautiful.

I was like, that's you really,

you didn't even need to tell Post Secret that.

I know, I just told everyone.

I actually really was like, can unsee that.

And why doesn't Post Secret have a nah pile where they get this postcard?

I think they're not.

I'm just not engaged.

Just because I saw this doesn't mean everybody has to see it.

Imagine the things that guy has seen.

Yeah.

Because he would get them all sent to his home initially and he would have thousands.

I saw some like doc thing about him.

And there were just piles and piles of postcards.

Throw them out as you go through them.

But no, he, because he put them in a book and stuff.

So I was like, I guess you could scan them.

But

he had so many.

And it was just like, he must read, I mean, crazy.

Well, they're all one sentence.

Right.

But the things that live in your head then

that somebody did.

But you know what?

Speaking.

It's like being a therapist, though.

Yeah, but he's not trained.

Coincidentally, we talked about 911, the TV show.

Yeah.

And

someone I know, they are dating someone who writes for one of those shows.

And there is a sort of

a trauma that writers of those shows go through because they have to constantly look up weird, weird accidents.

Yeah, that's scary.

Because the shit has to be like...

Well, like the eyes popping out on the thing.

Yeah, yeah.

You just get a weird.

I'm sure that really happened because it's so specific and strange that I'm like, how do you even think of that?

Yeah, you can't have somebody's appendix bursting everywhere.

Yeah, and it also has to be possible.

The eyes popping out thing happened to Roger Rabbit originally.

He originated it.

When you saw Jessica Rabbit, I believe.

Yeah, it started.

And Jessica Rabbit said that it happened in front of

Bob Hoskins, who's dead now.

Yeah, so of course he can't speak to that.

Paul, can I tell you about at the zoo?

Yeah.

In 1991, Paul Simon released a children's book based on it, which combines the lyrics of the song with illustrations.

And they

made some changes, including identifying rum as a beaver.

Another Another animal that does not belong to rum as a beaver.

I guess a beaver could be a zoo.

A beaver named rum.

Yeah.

Rum as a beaver?

Yeah.

Rum as a beaver.

They change it from as a beaver.

Rum as a beaver.

They changed it from as a beaver.

All right, we have to take a break.

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And we're back and

we've gotten such great response to Hack Claims 8.

I can't believe it.

Well, it's become the number two service provider in the country.

Yeah,

it's a in the world.

Yeah.

And remember that map?

It's number two in most countries now.

Yeah.

It's number two in most countries.

So I couldn't just say in the world.

Yeah.

Remember that map?

Is it the Verizon map or whatever where you see the dots of the red?

We don't really name other phone companies typically we're not worried but the other part part of that is we're not worried about other companies because they don't offer crushing them.

Yeah, we're crushing them, but our map

of course is mint our map doesn't even have the dots.

It's just like flat color the entire thing.

Yeah, yeah, because we're everywhere and we bumped it some other one down to number 300 I think.

And by the way, if you're worried about us no longer at Had Claims 8 being a novelty dictionary site, we're still

going to be doing it.

Well your phone, once you get your Had Claim State phone, there's one app on it.

Yep.

And it's the novelty dictionary.

Dictionary, yes.

Yeah.

So you don't need any of that.

We have the other apps that we talked about.

There was one episode.

Well, that's if you keep your own where we kind of were lightly talking about what apps we would allow on the phone if we only each have one.

I, of course, picked the period tracker.

I think, or no, I picked Postmates.

I picked

it.

Was I Google Maps?

You want to track women's periods.

So you still get the data on that.

And I track them all.

Yeah.

That's great.

How many people are having their period right now?

Are you ready for this?

It's like millions of people.

Well, you know that Verizon map with little red dots.

So he has that going.

Okay, God.

Yeah.

And it's just a red screen, basically.

Yeah, full screen.

You can't even see the outline of the country.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But yeah, so hey, out there.

Sorry.

I know you're having a rough time.

Yeah.

In any case, HackClaims8.com is where people leave us voicemails, VMs on the TMs, as we've talked about.

Yes.

And

of course, we're going to listen to one

right now, and we're going to, I don't know, talk about whatever they talk about.

Yeah.

I think that's the right way to go about it.

And this

is it.

Here we go.

Okay.

Hey, Freedom Boys.

Oink, oink, whiz.

It's Piss Pig Drew calling from sunny California up here in Sacramento, home of Sacramentos, the Fresh Baker.

I have a question for each of you um feel free to to answer them for each other or or or share the questions not that you need my permission first question is for lauren

um

chicago dogs or deep dish well uh for paul um trains or river boats and for scott um beads or things

um the things are pool tables all right thank you love the show bye

That's great.

Great questions.

What's that from?

It's from something we said.

The beads and things.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is what this is.

I've talked about this.

Yes, I remember now.

Don't explain it, though.

I remember.

I just said it's from something we said as if that summed it up.

No, but it was in my stand-up for a while.

It was.

Oh,

it was where I went to college.

There were these weird combination stores where it was pets and music was one.

There was video luggage

and beads and things.

And the things were pool tables.

Yeah.

Things are pool tables.

You asked me.

Yeah, he's.

And then I said I remembered.

And he said, please, please, please don't tell me again.

Please don't tell me again.

Please don't tell me again.

You remember

sad?

What?

You remembered and you were sad that you remembered?

No, I was sad that you were going to tell me anyway.

Oh, my God.

I just got so excited for myself.

No, they remember.

Your question excited me, Paul.

People calling for the question.

Trains explain.

I'm going to be going to Chicago this summer and I was just thinking I can do one of the river cruises.

Is this a Philly thing?

Trains or river boats?

Well, it's interesting because there was a cruise on a river you could go, it would just go like out in the river and then back.

As you know, I used to be a caller for one of those, yes, of course.

Yes, and you went from that to movie star.

Yep, this is called the spirit of four days.

It was called the spirit of Philadelphia.

My brother worked on it as a singing waiter.

They would do fun, they would wait on you and they would do a little show.

And it was the first time I ever had a whiskey sour, and it was the last time because it was served in a glass filled with soap.

And so it put me off ever having one of those over.

Oh my gosh, it was disgusting.

And if I was them, I would have cleaned the soap out.

That's just me.

I consider they do that, too.

I don't consider that a riverboat.

You know what I mean?

I think

the idea of a riverboat is very specific.

Yeah.

Like Mark Twainy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I've never been on one of those.

I would do it.

I have to Disneyland.

I would do it.

I guess I have a Disneyland, maybe?

Maybe.

I don't know.

It's not, you know, when it's close to you, you go on the river.

Architectural tour on the river is actually very fun and informative.

I did.

But if you hate architecture and rivers, then stay the fuck home.

I did one of those in Padalee.

Those are my two choices.

I took Paris.

That's beautiful.

Yeah, I was on a boat in Paris on the Saar.

When you say Paris, you mean Paris?

Paris.

It's beautiful.

Yeah.

It's wonderful.

But I got to choose trains every time.

I love trains.

You make sense on a train.

You get on a train, people go, and this, now we're, now synchronicity, we're all good.

I do love a train.

Would you take a what's the longest train trip you've ever taken?

I took a cross-country train trip one time, and it was not that great.

First, how many days?

I would do it again, and I know what I would do differently.

It was three days.

Three, yeah, from LA to Philly.

My LA to

where did I lose?

Milwaukee was two and a half days.

Two and a half days, and that was bad.

Nice.

But what if you had a sleeper card?

Did you have a sleeper card?

I had a sleeper card for two of the days, and then the last day I didn't realize because you change trains.

Oh, yeah.

I didn't realize my ticket did not carry over to that.

So I slept upright in the operation.

Operation.

There's an operating theater.

Like the Nick?

It's bad because the train's very shaky.

Why are they doing it?

In the observation lounge.

And actually it was more comfortable than the bed in the sleeper car.

Interesting.

To just like kind of slightly recline.

I sometimes look at that one that goes up to

like Vancouver-ish or something like that.

And I go, would that be fun?

And then I like being on a train for like an afternoon, but I don't know about the sleeping on it anymore.

Cause I hear the sleeper cars are not that comfortable either.

They're not.

It's basically you push two foam fold-out chairs together, and that becomes your bed.

Boo.

It's not like in the movies where it's like, why can't they make it like the movies?

I don't.

Well, there are trains like that, but it's super expensive.

Would you go on the Orient Express?

If I had the money to do that, absolutely.

Let's all go.

It's fucking really expensive because we looked into it.

Whoa.

Like how much?

It's thousands of dollars.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, even getting there would be.

Because

it doesn't come by your house, right?

No, they don't do local pickups.

No, you have to go to where it is.

Lauren, do you pick

Chicago dogs or deep dish?

I pick deep dish

because I love it.

And I always get it when I go home.

That's a good reason.

But now that it's summer.

I'm looking at some dogs this summer.

We're definitely going to be grilling in Chicago.

Are you really?

Oh, yeah.

We're going to have some dogs.

I'm excited for my trip.

It's gonna be really fun.

I'm gonna say it for you.

Yeah, I can't wait.

If you see Lauren in Chicago, throw a hot dog at her,

and she promises to catch it with one hand.

Okay, sure.

As long as it's plain, I don't want you throwing condiments at me.

Yes.

But also, don't throw any hot dogs at me.

But also, throw hot dogs with condiments.

But you know, yeah, I would, I'm definitely gonna get some dogs.

I'm also very excited because Holly's at an age now where like it's more fun to do activities with her.

So, like, going

into the city and going on a, you know, going to get a hot dog or going to like the going on the boat or something would be really fun.

So, like, those are things I want to do.

We went into the gap

two days ago.

I've, by the way, I don't think I've ever taken Emmy shopping or anything like that.

I don't either.

I don't.

I wish you would, Paul.

Well, you never asked me to.

I will.

Yeah.

Take her on one of your famous shopping sprees.

By the way,

the lowest ticket on the Orient Express is £2,920.

Oh.

Okay.

No, I took Holly on Aaron's yesterday, and it was, I think, going where you're going with this, where it was like, they get excited to go on a store.

Well, I don't know how she even knows the concept of shopping or whatever, but she walked into Baby Gap and she was just picking out things going, buy this, buy this, buy this, buy this.

And I don't know.

Maybe the nanny's taking her.

I didn't know.

But I didn't quite know how to explain to her, like, no, this is not a place where we we have unlimited money and we just

pick that's a really hard

random things out.

Oh, my God.

You know what I mean?

Well, no,

I took Collie to a few stores yesterday.

She's on her little summer break.

And we went to like the paint store, like things that are not.

inherently interesting, but it's fun.

And then a couple stores where I was trying to buy presents for adults in my life, which so you went to Spencer's gifts.

Yeah.

Get some big dildo shirts.

Big dildo shirts.

Night shirts with a dildo attached.

Oh, God.

Okay.

A little floppy.

Yeah.

So the dildos are small.

Yeah.

They're normal.

Normal size, but the shirts are big.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

And

anyways, my point is she does, she does want me to buy her something ever.

We go, and I sometimes will say yes if it's like a small thing or whatever.

But then there's this line.

I go, you can't just walk into a store and then everything you want.

I'm going to say, yeah, I'm going to say no.

So then we're like having these long meltdowns.

You know, she wanted, she was remembering something at Target the day before that I didn't let her get.

And so she wants that of like,

okay, well, what can I have?

And I'm like, we don't go to stores just to buy stuff.

Like, we're going to buy a specific thing.

So, how do you say, like, hey, we're not here buying anything that catches your eye?

I don't, you know, because she doesn't even understand money, although she does, she is when we go to a restaurant, like, did you pay yet?

You know, she knows what that is technically, but she doesn't really know money or anything.

Right.

Well, if if we definitely don't understand how we get it yeah i mean she doesn't even know what our jobs are is there anything to

the i

like somehow getting them to understand the idea that it's not about buying a fun thing but a thing that is necessary yeah yeah that's a good point so they don't think you're having this great time that's true because i mean i'm not every time we go in buying something for myself and that's a good point i also need to start her on our sponsor green light shout out to green light shout out to green light

shout out to Greenlight, Raul Julia.

May I pick your eye up and get your eye back in?

So you pick, so you normally would pick Deep Dish, but right now I actually want a hot dog right now.

I want a hot dog right now.

I haven't had a hot dog in a while.

Same question to you, though.

Deep Dish or Chicago dog?

Do you know I've never had a Chicago dog?

There used to be.

Not that place Joe Mantagna

owned an operation.

Taste Chicago.

Taste Chicago.

Which I went to a couple times, times, but I never got an actual dog there.

But I always assumed I wouldn't like the Chicago dog, but then there was a place across the street.

The Chicago dog is there's a bunch of shit on there.

Yeah.

There's like celery salt, pickles, all this kind of stuff.

And I always assumed I was like,

I don't like certain elements of that, so I wouldn't like it.

But then there was a place across the street from the old Earwolf, which served tons of types of hot dogs.

And I had a Chicago and

delicious.

Do you remember that place?

The place on the old, old Earwolf.

Oh,

like on

the second place we ever had.

Anyway, the place on Sunset Boulevard.

Yeah, but yeah, exactly.

Okay.

Not the scary place.

No, no, the place after that.

Okay, yeah, that's it.

I don't remember that hot dog place for like a year.

I just remember e-juice and e-cig.

That's all I remember.

That's all I bought.

It was like, this is where I get my e-juice.

Yeah.

Those stores are.

I still don't know what it is.

We were like driving downtown.

I think it's just vape cartridges.

I don't want to know.

We were driving downtown the other day and there were so many vape stores.

Yeah, it was awesome.

There were so many vape stores and stuff where I was going, how do these stores stay open?

I actually don't understand.

Are the margins really?

I don't know because there's so many stores like in where even other places that I shop where like it all just gets shut down and they're always rotating.

It's always something new or whatever.

And you're like, wow, people, it's hard to stay open, which I understand.

But I'm like, these places seem to just live forever.

Any like streets where there's like five, six, seven head shops.

Yeah.

And it's just like, how is this?

Yeah.

How are you guys not canceling each other?

Right.

You only need one.

In Burbank, there's this, you know, sort of corner mini market kind of location that had a gun shop, a cigarette store, a liquor store.

It was just like all, just like Vice City, basically.

Yeah.

Hey, Paul, question for you.

Oh, wait, hot dogs, I like, I like them just with mustard.

So do I, but then Chicago dogs are very tasty.

Try to try it.

Try to try it.

We should go on the Orient Express and order Chicago dogs.

Perfect.

I hope they serve those.

If they don't, it's not a quality establishment.

The ticket is very expensive, but the food is dirt cheap.

Okay, question for you: beads or pool tables.

Honestly, beads.

Really?

Yeah.

I'm going beads all the way.

You're going beads?

I'd be fine if I never played pool again.

I definitely don't need to play it again.

The tables themselves are so huge.

They take up too much space in a room.

They're massive.

My grandparents had one, but they built a,

what do you call it?

An add-on?

Addition?

Addition, yes.

To their house to house it, you know, and it was more of a screened in arch.

Wow.

And it was,

you know, I had to spend some summers there, and it was always like a thing to do.

No, it's definitely a thing to do.

You know what I mean?

So if you have the room, get one.

It's okay.

If you don't have the room, get beads.

Beads?

I got to say, Emmy.

Kulop's sister brought over a bead like necklace making kit.

And anytime Emmy like pulls it out and brings it over to me, I go,

No, it's a very, like, it's actually a really, I would say, unfun craft, but they, but the kids do love it, yeah.

And she loves having the neck, and she goes, Look at my necklace, and all the, and they have letters on it.

And I was like, what are they spelling with this?

And I realized she's just putting, she doesn't know how to spell, so she's putting random letters on it.

Are you sure?

Are you sure that acronyms for something horrible?

Oh my God, it might be coordinates, longitude and latitude.

Okay, what about so

okay?

I'm gonna go with beads.

So then the other question that I need you to answer, Lauren, is

riverboats or

train.

I

think I'm gonna go with train.

Choo, choo.

I don't, I mean, I get seasick, but a riverboat doesn't really make me sick.

That's slow and fast.

That's pretty slow.

But I don't really like, like, I don't love boats.

So if I'm picking a way to get somewhere, it's definitely a train.

And I think trains are fun when you're like in Europe and it's like you get to just like sit back and enjoy looking at some weird countryside you never would have seen and wonder about the people who lived there.

Yeah, weird all these weird

weird cultures, yeah, yeah, weird, weird Italian.

I'm gonna go for

there's something romantic about the riverboat about like gambling on one.

Have you ever done that before?

So romantic, like the Maverick style.

I have not gambled on a riverboat, except in the game Red Dead Redemption 2.

Gigi started playing that movie.

She grabbed the remote or like the controller

and pressed a button and it turned on.

And then it was like a guy on a horse hovering there.

And then she pressed a button and he got off the horse.

She wasn't looking at the screen, but she was just touching it.

And I was like, you're like playing this game.

It was really funny.

Tell her, get her online.

I'll play her online.

I'll get her on.

Go for my posse.

Yeah.

I was literally thinking three days ago.

Me too.

I wonder.

I wonder if I I can keep Emmy from ever knowing what a video game is for like a long time.

Do you play?

Well, here's the thing.

So I have a Switch and then, and I love my Mario.

She already has never seen that?

She's never seen it.

She loves the Switch.

I have not played it since she's been born.

I've intentionally like going like, I feel like she'd be too fascinated with this because

she got too fascinated with like Spotify, the 10-second videos that play when you play a song.

So she goes, I want to see.

I want to see.

And we've said, like, you can't watch these anymore.

So I feel like she'd be too fascinated with it.

So I was like, you know what?

I'm going to try to hide video games from her.

And then on Father's Day, Kulop got me the new Mario cart.

And she's like, Can you show it to Emmy?

And I was like, I was just thinking about this.

But

Kulop didn't know it's for the Switch 2, and we don't have a Switch 2.

So you win again.

So I'm, I don't know.

What do you think?

I mean, Holly does enjoy playing games on the Switch, which she likes Zelda and stuff.

Yeah.

I do too.

I don't mind that.

It's all within reach.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She enjoys it as like a little thing.

And then we can hide them very easily.

And so that's good too.

You just go, I don't know where it is.

Well, already, like, Emmy's mood sours after watching a half hour of Daniel Tiger.

You know what I mean?

So it's like, and that's a good program.

It's a very sad show.

It puts me in a bad mood.

Well, his parents are beheaded in the opening.

Yeah.

It's like, why do they keep?

I mean, I don't know why they keep that in there.

Fucking, it's brutal.

It's crazy.

But, but no, I mean, kids, when they watch screens of anything.

No, it's definitely better to not do it.

If you can keep her away from it, great.

I think Mike plays video games pretty regularly.

So it's like hard to hide that.

And she just enjoys.

He could dress up and like disguise himself.

And say he's somebody else.

He's like, and then we say, don't ever let that guy play a video game.

And then she says some weird.

Mr.

Constantinople, are you here again to play our games?

Give me the game.

Speaking of keeping things from people, how are you doing avoiding hearing Trump's voice?

I still have a perfect record.

And by the way, I'm not avoiding reading the news or reading quotes or anything.

I just don't want to hear his voice ever again.

I've said that too, and people are like, oh, so you don't know what's going on.

I'm like, no, I do.

I just don't.

Almost too informed.

I'd rather not be as informed, but I just don't want to hear the voice.

I have there, there was one instance where it I had to turn the channel very quickly.

It was a Super Bowl or something like that, where it was like there because it was on Fox, there was a commercial

for the upcoming whatever the fuck he was going to say, and I was like, no, no, no, no, no, and I like switched it off or something.

I've heard his voice for six seconds, I think, total.

Almost as many as Luke Perry was on a bowl.

Podcast I was listening to that's about local politics in LA.

And then for some reason, they played a Trump clip, and I was in my car.

I'm like, God damn it.

Anyway, I'm doing great.

Yeah, I don't hear it often.

It's great.

It's great not hearing it.

It's so fun.

It's great not hearing it.

I'll be hearing it when I go to Chicago because the news is always on at night.

Oh, like in bars and stuff or what?

At my parents' house.

Oh, oh, they like the news.

I just assumed you were going to be in bars all day long.

I'll be going to bars a lot.

Honestly, that's the summertime vibe.

I'm definitely going to be able to do that.

Are you going to go out on the lake and shit?

Yeah, baby.

That's all I do.

Really?

Yes.

Boogie boarding and stuff?

No, just hang out.

Are you going to retrace my steps from the

Spotlight Roses video?

Yes.

Probably.

I figured I would do it too.

You might have never seen that.

I'll send it to you.

I've never seen that.

Well, this was great.

Thank you so much, Drew.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I love your name as a past tense verb.

Something I did.

I drew.

So that's how Hag Claims 8 works, but it's also just a fraction and a snippet of how it works.

There's so much more to it.

So much more to it when you get the phone, you get the app.

Listen, everybody, Variatopia

live Sunday, July 13th, 7 p.m., live at Loderoom and streaming live to the world.

Get your tickets for one or the other.

And I have to say, I'm still writing Astonishing Spider-Man.

Check it out.

There's some interesting developments happening in it.

And my show continues to be August 30th with Mary.

I'll just plug that forever.

I thought it was 31st.

Oh, shit.

I fucking know.

This is Sunday.

Damn it.

I believe it's the 31st.

Okay.

Then that's what it is.

Actually, the poster might be wrong.

I got to call somebody.

That's what it is.

That's just when it happens.

That's just when it is.

That's just when it is.

Guys, we love you.

We do love you.

And thank you for listening.

And we'll be back next week.

We'll be back next week.

And

keep reaching for the puddles.

Keep stinking in the stars.

Yay.

Bye.

Our healthcare system is broken in so many ways.

We have a healthcare system that's supposed to be taking care of people that is making it literally more difficult for people to put food on the table.

So this season, we'll dive into the challenges headfirst while also thinking about how we can find a better way because we all deserve better.

Uncared for season three from Lemonada Media, Available August 6th, wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, it's Lena Waith.

Legacy Talk is my love letter to black storytellers, artists who've changed the game and paved the way for so many of us.

This season, I'm sitting down with icons like Felicia Rashad, Loretta Devine, Ava Duvernay, and more.

We're talking about their journeys, their creative process, and the legacies they're building every single day.

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