Threevisiting: The Threedom Framily Plan
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The first two episodes premiere on Thursday, August 21st.
If you turned this off immediately, I don't blame you.
I don't blame blame you if you never started.
That was a good.
But they can't hear it.
I know, but that's speaking of.
If you're hearing this and you never even started listening.
I don't blame you, but you're a redneck.
If you're within the sound of my voice and you can't hear me, I'm sorry.
Guys, welcome to Freedom.
Yeah.
We're back.
Can you believe it?
After last week's episode?
I can't.
I thought that we were just going to quit.
We're still dealing with the fallout from the future.
Well, everything I said was a lie.
I just want to put that out there.
Okay.
And everything I said was what Lauren would have said if she were telling the truth.
And everything Scott said was everything he didn't say when he wished he could have said it to the girlfriend he broke up with in 2020.
The girlfriend in 2020.
What do you think I had going on then?
Treville.
Treville.
As far back as you could think.
You were like searching for it.
I couldn't think of a year.
During the pandemic.
Before pandemic doesn't exist.
Pandemic Gouma.
My pandemic.
Yeah, everybody got a pandemic.
Oh, man.
The wives understand.
That is,
and maybe we talk about this a lot, but the people who had affairs going on when the pandemic hit.
I don't think we do talk about that.
No, we've talked about it at some point, I would say, that they must have been, you know, shaking in their boots.
Well, how did they start bringing COVID back to their wives?
Yeah, that's the thing.
Or husbands?
Do you keep doing it or do you, or is this a good time to go, like, hey, baby, it's we got it.
Hey, baby.
I can't risk it getting this life.
I don't want to fuck you with a mascot.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Didn't someone announce at some point, like, you can fuck with a mascot, but you can't kiss.
What?
Someone.
Someone.
Fauci, I bet.
I'm going to name the person and then I fucking.
Dirty Fauci?
And now I'll turn things over to my alter ego, Dirty Fauci.
Hey, everybody, look, you can fuck, but you can't kiss.
It's pretty woman rules.
You get that now.
I have not seen that yet.
Oh, shit.
But I've heard.
I know that's a thing.
Okay, yeah.
You know that's a thing.
I know, I know.
That's probably the one thing you've picked up on.
Yeah, anyway.
Speaking of Pretty Woman, Gary Marshall is a very pretty woman.
Late Gary Marshall, who directed Pretty Woman.
I just watched the movie Soap Dish for the first time.
You know what?
I've never seen it, and everyone's always like, you gotta watch Soap Pop.
I've never seen anything.
It's not bad.
There's some good jokes in there.
Where
Kevin Klein, fantastic.
Knock, knock.
Kevin Klein's.
Kevin Klein walks up to a door and says, knock, knock.
Somebody on the other side says, who's there?
He says, Kevin Klein.
He is so fantastic.
Kevin Klein, who?
And I reached out to him.
Kevin Klein from Soap Dish.
And they say, come right in.
The movie has started.
I recently learned he's married to Phoenix.
Phoenix.
Phoenix.
Yeah.
Yeah, great couple.
There is one unfortunate joke in the movie
that does not hold up at all.
Well, there's got to be.
I mean,
a brief moment of transphobia that I have to say is mercifully brief.
Like, they don't linger on it in the way that a lot of movies, older movies, would.
Yeah.
But other than that, it's a very good movie.
Yeah.
So you like that.
Very good.
It's fun.
You like the pairing.
So I probably won't watch it.
It's a fine film.
Honestly, it's going down, down, down, down, down.
No, I think you would enjoy it.
I think you would enjoy it.
I just re-watched for the millionth time You've Got Mail the other night.
I just put it on because it was on Netflix, and I was like, sure, I'm going to do some computer stuff.
If you've watched You've Got Mail for a million times, you should take any recommendation I give for you.
Thanks.
Well, then you're not going to like what I'm going gonna say next
perfect film what
start to finish perfectly terrible
are you
kidding me no no you have transphobes dave chappelle oh well
he's simply an actor in the movie he's too simply an actor i i'm not thinking about that i'm thinking about the mag ryan tom hanks pairing are you just kidding me it does make sense that tom hanks and dave chappelle would be best friends well that part is random okay fine not perfect your chemistry was off the charts you guys
it's i'm talking talking about the romance.
Of course.
You hate it?
No, I don't hate it.
I remember it being slow and boring.
I didn't say it's bad.
It's not slow and it's not boring.
It's actually very good.
I mean, Shop Around the Corner is good.
Well, I've never seen that old film.
We'll watch that instead.
I don't want to watch it.
Galloon?
Who's in it, though?
Everyone?
Famous?
Everyone who was alive in that year.
Well, that's true.
Every movie.
The population was much lower.
Yeah.
And it was great because people got to go see the movie and see themselves on screen.
Literally.
Like, that's me.
But, but, but, but, but, do you like?
do you like sleepless in seattle
i don't remember it's a perfect film i can't do this with you guys and sleepless in seattle was based on another old movie yeah night night
up top and then up top that's a great one and it's another meg brian and tom hanks
i i prefer joe vs the volcano never seen that
it's great are they both in that it's a weird movie right yeah i love it though are they both in that they're both in that yeah was that their belief is their first one yeah
so many times i love this You should watch Joe Versus of the Moon.
I will watch that.
It's John Patrick Shanley who did Moonstruck, which is a perfect movie.
I love that.
That's a perfect movie.
That is a perfect movie.
It's one of my family, generally, his favorite movies.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Your general family.
Yeah.
Mom, aunts, grandma.
The idea of them.
Sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
When you think about them in theory.
I think Moonstruck.
They're fun sandals.
Do you like these?
I do like these.
You know what?
I can see them from this side.
I recently lost them in my own home, and I was going kind of.
You should put a tracker on them.
Yeah, I think I'm I'm going to put a tile on them.
And then Mike can track me wherever I go.
Did you say anything about Ragu?
Ragu.
Mike can track me wherever I go.
I know, dear.
I know.
I found my sandals.
Mike and Ragu.
I found my sandals in a basket of hats.
A basket of hats.
You thought it was a hat and you threw it in there?
Or Mike thought it was in there?
This is the title of your self-help book, right?
I found my sandals in a basket of hats.
Well, let's break this down.
Who threw it in there?
And then what's the long long subtitles?
I know exactly what happened.
Tell us.
But first, I need the long subtitle for yourself.
First, I need coffee.
To get through the title.
The title is
I threw my sandals in a basket of hats, colon, and other things I'm not telling my husband.
Why didn't you want to tell Mike about this?
No, it's fine.
That's what the person is.
Because you were blaming Book what he said.
Wait, this is a message.
Because I sound like a marriage.
It's not an article.
But so, butzo.
It's not a menu.
It's a character, a character remote.
Yes, yes, yes.
The character of Lord.
The character of me, who is much sillier and kookier, Amelia Bedelia style.
What happened to this?
But so-butzo, Amelia Bedelia.
I was packing for Disneyland, which I had a wonderful time visiting
with my nephews and family.
And I...
I grabbed my sandals and then I went, I was like, I need a hat.
So I went into the closet where I have a basket of hats.
A basket.
Is Is it a closed basket or is it?
No, it's actually, here's what it really is.
It's a free gift basket I was sent with some bachelor goodies in it for to promote some bachelor episodes.
And it's a nice woven basket.
It's random that I put my hats in there indeed.
But I do.
Random.
And I was grabbing hats and I must have just put the sandals in there and walked away and grabbed them.
Whoa, this is huge.
But then for many, many days, I wondered, where are they?
And I thought, I'm losing my mind.
And then I thought, I feel like I remember holding them when I was in the closet.
And then I looked in the hat basket many times, didn't find them.
But then I went back and actually dug in there, and there they were.
I had an experience like that recently, and I was so mad where I was looking for something
in a drawer.
I looked at 16.
I'm sure I left these in this drawer.
Weren't there condoms?
Yes.
Oh, my condoms.
Ultra thin, extra tiny.
I'm sure.
Extra tiny.
I'm sure.
Can I get a little some ETX TV?
But they're so small.
You usually can't.
You can't see them with the naked eye.
You have to use your hand and feel in the drawer.
Yeah.
And then this, and this is, I'm going to say,
this was like last
October.
What date?
31st.
And then you think a ghost did it.
Couldn't find these fucking things.
And then
you don't want to say.
They were a bunch of tin whistles.
What?
What are you, Amy Sederis?
What?
She has all these little drawers where she keeps little things.
A bunch of tin whistles?
Yes.
I look.
Are you a Brooklyn hipster?
Is that something that they do?
I don't know.
It seems like something.
It seems like they'd have old-timey bicycles.
I am somebody that does variety programs.
Oh,
anyone's going to have a bunch of tin whistles?
It's you.
Thank you very much, Lauren, for that.
You're not like anyone else.
You're you.
I like this line of reasoning.
Yeah.
And so, okay, here's what I mean.
What sounds do the whistles make?
Is it like the...
What sounds to the like a penny whistle?
Like...
Okay, so like, yeah, got it.
They're the slide, slide whistles.
No, slide whistle is a slide whistle.
Right, so it's a, do they have holes in it that you can get?
Yeah, okay, got it.
Will you, Lauren?
I'm simply
playing the track
of you playing with your tin whistles.
I didn't do a single play.
But that's you were doing a slide whistle.
I didn't do anything.
That's what got me confused.
Here's Here's what happened.
That's what got you confused?
Yeah.
Here's what happened.
I didn't do it until way in.
It starts with a death.
Oh.
Oh.
My friend Neil Mahoney passed away.
I'm sorry.
Thank you.
Well, this is a week.
I know, but I feel like I can't just say, okay.
Tell us more.
He passed away.
I feel like it was like the beginning of COVID.
Yeah, I remember seeing about them.
That was really sad.
Yeah.
And then we had a memorial service for him.
Me.
I'm not even going to say service.
It was a party.
Actually, it was.
It was like when things started kind of opening up.
Yeah, when the vaccine happened.
Yes, exactly.
Post-vaccine.
And so I was asked to sing a song
at the party, and it was a song by the Pope.
I'm a bitch.
And I'm a bitch.
So I said, yes.
And so
the band was rehearsing at my house.
And the song, the key of the song was pretty low for me.
And I said, can we change the key?
The guy playing the penny whistle only had the one whistle.
And I said, I have a bunch in different keys.
Let me go find them.
How handy.
Wow.
Well, you think.
Yeah.
And then I went and looked in that goddamn drawer.
They weren't in there.
I looked, I looked all over the place.
Did you blame Janie?
Yeah, of course.
I had to look cool in front of the guys.
Well, because I bet Janie had like a little parade with some neighborhood animals, and they each had a little tin whistle and they were walking around playing.
That was her pandemic project.
She would do animal parades.
Yeah.
This is before squirrels could give you COVID.
Yeah, because if you share a whistle with a squirrel, you're S-O-L.
Some might say.
You're the son.
You're the son-in-law.
The son-of-law.
You're the son-of-law, Paul.
So
I could not find them.
And it was like, okay, well, I guess we got to sing into this trash key.
Find that phone.
This guy got anything on there that can help you with the key?
What?
I beg your pardon?
Like a penny whistle app?
Find it.
You're the key.
Can you play the penny whistle into it?
You're trying to find a key into the phone.
No, no, he couldn't change keys because
his penny whistle was in the key of the original recording.
And I was so mad.
And then
the other day I found they were exactly where I
put it.
Here's what's up.
Exactly where you looked for them.
Here's what's up.
Yeah.
They were in the fucking drawer where I looked for them.
They looked.
Could not find them.
And I feel like I dumped that drawer out of the way.
Let me tell you something.
This is fishy.
Please.
Do you ever use it?
Is LaFish did it?
Is Lafish.
Do you ever use the old phrase
where you pray to St.
Anthony?
Don't shit where you're going.
Who is St.
Anthony, St.
Anthony?
Please come around.
Tony, Tony, tonight.
Tony, Tony, Tony.
Something's lost and must be found.
What?
That's what I was taught.
St.
Anthony, St.
Anthony, please come around.
Something is lost and cannot be found.
I'm respectful to him.
Tony, Tony, we're good friends.
I gotta do it a bunch.
Tony, Tony, turn around.
But, Tony, let me tell you one that happened recently with this.
Because whenever I say it, it fucking works.
It does.
Maybe I'm being.
When I don't say it, it doesn't work.
Because I don't do it.
What?
But exactly.
It's a thinker.
But what happened was Mike couldn't find his wallet.
And we were spending a while talking about this.
Where is it looking everywhere?
Such a bad feeling.
Yeah.
To not be able to find it.
When I said the key phrase, as said previously,
I walked back in the room.
It's sitting right on the fucking coffee table.
It was...
Right there, but there was nothing else on it.
There was no way we didn't see it.
Do you think...
I think Tyler Henry, the medium, put it there for me?
Do you think Mike's wallet and my penny whistle switched playlists briefly?
But anyway, isn't that weird?
What do you make of that?
It's like, is your brain just not seeing it?
Your brain is editing.
Because you know what?
Because it was not one thing.
It was several.
It was like four tin whistles.
I only believe in science and facts.
And what I believe is there's some part of my brain that's not accessing that because I'm thinking about it so hard.
There's nothing like such as spirits or mediums or ghosts.
There's no such thing as psychics.
I don't believe in anything like that.
I think what's happening is
you know how if something is messy in your room,
your brain.
You use that sock to clean it up.
The one on your desk.
You guys have ruined me.
I wouldn't, my mind wouldn't even go to that.
But it does.
What does that mean?
Okay, so you're in your dining room.
It's always there.
You're in your dining room, and on the dining room table, there's some mail that you've left there.
My dining room table gets so out of fucking control.
Yes, exactly.
I hate it.
So when you go through your dining room, you edit it out of your field of vision because you don't want to be unhappy and looking at it would make you feel unhappy.
Because it's annoying, yeah.
Because it's annoying.
So your wallet was...
I was going to try that.
Your wallet was somewhere that you were editing
out of your thing and you're
not recognizing it as a wallet because you're recognizing it as clutter.
Right.
Maybe.
Oh, that's my theory.
I I think it's you don't have to shit on it.
I said maybe.
Granted, maybe.
I think that actually.
Call me, maybe?
I think that's generous.
Generous, Carly, right?
This is crazy.
Here's my wallet.
Don't call me Tony.
Call me Tony.
Well, I'm glad he found his wallet.
I'm glad you found your whatever the fuck these are.
Are you glad I found my sandals?
No.
Okay, I was pretty upset.
They're my favorite.
I'm glad you found one of your sandals.
Can I tell you something fun about Amy Sederis actually?
Please.
So the other day she was having an auction to raise money for a diabetes,
what do you call it?
Charity.
And it was a live, there was, they were doing it live in New York where you could go in and bid on things.
Yeah, just like Saturday night.
Hey, Amy Sederis.
And then they went.
They did a bunch of things.
They did a live stream auction.
And I love her so much.
So I marked my calendar for this.
And then
couldn't wait.
And then I was, I forgot, and I was late.
Oh, weren't you checking your calendar?
Well, I knew I had it, then I just wasn't paying attention to the time.
I showed up 30 minutes late.
However, I was very invested and I bought a piece.
I got something.
I was in a bidding war.
Whoa, with who?
I don't know.
No, a stranger.
But I, and Kate Maguchi was watching it.
So she was texting me, like, oh my God, oh my God.
But I couldn't look at her text because I was in the bidding war and it was
so crazy.
And
then she also later won something really awesome.
But I got this really great painting and
done by who?
Amy Sederis?
Well,
this is all just stuff that she owned.
Oh, God.
And some of it was like thrifted, some of it was whatever.
But this was a John Darren, a painting from John Darien, which is a store that I already collect things from.
But David Sederis's partner, Q, had painted Godzilla onto the painting.
Whoa.
So it's like a sort of
old thrift store.
Yeah.
And then he added.
I love it.
And I'm so excited.
I got it recently in the mail.
I can't wait to see it.
I can't wait to hang it up.
I will post it in my store.
Oh, it's arrived already.
Yeah, it arrived.
I just misplaced my fucking hammer and nail.
Well, I know where they are.
Look at the hat.
Look at the hat bat.
Come on.
That's where it is.
One hammer and one nail.
It's a magical hat.
But it was so fun to be part of an auction with such fun things.
She has such weird things.
Any taxidermy in there?
I didn't catch any when I was watching, but it went on for hours and hours, and they had to continue a different night.
There There was just so much stuff and so many people on the line bidding.
Was she on hoarders recently?
And this is the way they're dealing with it?
Yeah, I don't know why she's getting rid of all this stuff now.
Celebrity hoarders would be a good show.
Oh, I would love to see a celebrity.
About yourself.
Well, didn't Martha Stewart?
I think she did like an auction thing.
I haven't watched it.
My mom was telling me this.
It's like she had a whole barn full of items.
But then celebrities were like calling in and like getting things early,
which I think is
fun.
That sus celebrities like who?
Juliana Sassan?
Chris Kardashian.
Probably.
I know.
She bid on some plate settings.
Chris Kardashian.
You know.
You know.
You guys watch a Kardashians every week?
No.
Every week.
I've been to them all every
I do watch that goddamn Southern Charm, which is a terrible show.
That's the thing.
I don't know.
I can't put anything past you, really.
Or I wouldn't say past that.
I mean, there's no whistle news.
Yeah.
You know, there's you've got a collection of penny lists.
Do you know what else I have?
An ocarina
of time.
That's sometimes called the sweet potato.
Circle with holes around it.
No.
That's a pitch pipe, I think.
Okay, what are you doing?
But I thought an ocarina was circular.
It's not.
No.
Okay.
It is like, it's like an oblong thing.
It's got a little
kind of handily thing coming out of it.
That's the end that you blow into, and it's got holes.
Rose like a dick.
You said the end you blow into?
It got too good.
It got too good.
I'd like to look at what it looks like.
To look at what it looks like.
Please, Link.
Please bring your ocarina around.
The ocarina.
Show me the ocarina.
Ocarina, ocarina.
Okay, correct.
Ocarina, ocarina.
Yeah.
It does have holes all over it.
Oh, we'll give it that.
It does.
It's like a potato.
It's not like a potato.
They used to call it this.
They also refer to it as a sweet.
Well, I could see it with this one.
Yeah.
It doesn't look not circular.
No, it does look not circular.
How about this one?
It's a Sailor Moon.
That was an angle.
It was a straight-up lie.
But look at
the Sailor Moon, Ocarina.
Perfect Circle.
Perfect.
That is it.
Oh, Maynard Keenan.
I can get 10% off if I type in my email right now.
Ocarina, Ocarina.
Ocarina.
Ocarina.
Ocarina.
Ocarina.
Ocarina.
Ocarina.
Ocarina.
Ocarina.
Ocarina.
But like I said, I'm like, 232 Ocarina developed holes.
Ocarina.
That was.
I wish there was more shit like that.
Yeah.
Where Falco puts a timeline of Mozart in the middle of that song.
Yeah.
I wish
I was a song.
That comes with him recording that song.
That's so crazy.
What's he up to?
It is.
What is Falco up to?
Is Falco still with us?
Do you think he turned around?
Uh-oh.
Do you think he's.
Don't turn around.
Oh, uh-oh.
Also, I guess this still happens to be a He died in 98.
Oh, no.
Died.
In 1998, Falco died in the Dominican Republic.
They should edit that into the song.
Yeah.
Died of severe injuries
13 days before his 41st birthday when
Mitsubishi Piero collided with a bus on the road linking the towns of Villa Montelleno and Puerto Plata in the Dominican Republic.
I can't deal with this.
At the time of his death, he was planning a comeback.
The prophecy was true.
Oh, my God.
That was a long ass time ago.
This predicted that he passed away.
He passed away at 40.
That's horrid.
Yeah.
Beat him.
Well, I'm in my Falco year, 40.
That's awful.
Man, that's bad.
I thought he would still be with us.
I thought so, too.
Enjoying the fruits of his labors.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Scott, speaking of being with us, how was your birthday?
It was
airtight.
It was great, and I'm with you.
Great.
Did you do anything special on the day that you care to share with our listeners?
I forgot people were listening to this.
Oh, shit.
I sprained my ankle the day before.
Just like when you rode that horse.
Yeah, but this is worse.
Why?
Because the day I rode the horse, it was fine.
I walked it off.
It was fine.
Oh, it hurt more.
It still is.
You got a boot on?
Not a boot, but a high shoe.
He's wearing heels lately.
Bless you.
Sprained it.
Sprained to playing pickleball.
Oh, trying to be cool.
Trying to beat Strong.
Sprained playing pickleball.
Doo-dah.
Doo-dah.
Sloving the same pickleball.
My ankle broke all day.
Everything I say, you guys should say.
Okay.
Okay.
Club had been trying to get me to play pickleball for months.
Club had been trying.
See, you can turn it on him.
So I played pickleball.
Really enjoyed it for about an hour and a half.
I played it.
What shoes were you wearing?
Low pumps.
Low pumps.
But
kitten heel.
A nude kitten heel?
The Louvre's, my dear.
You,
I hate it.
I hate it.
You, were you wearing
an athletic shoe?
No, I was wearing a just a
sneaker.
A sleek shoe.
A sneaker, but without a high back or side.
And so the next day I was like, let's do it again.
And three minutes in, rolled my ankle.
No.
And did you fall to the ground?
Eyes went, ah!
And then fell to the ground.
And then I had my phone on because of a text I had to get.
And it started beeping immediately.
I'm like, ow!
And I went over and picked up the phone.
Ow, ow, ow.
Because you had to see the information.
I did.
I'm going to send you this text, and you need to see it live.
Well, it was something that I needed to.
So you did need to see it, but the timing worked out poorly that you are.
Yes.
I'm in pain, but I also got to see this.
I want to milk this pain,
but I also.
You look like you're Robertson Hero milking.
Did you milk eggs?
I want to milk the pain, but I want to answer my text.
And then, did Kulop carry you to the car?
No,
I thought it was going to be fun.
I thought I might get back out.
Whoa.
And then I was like,
I'm going to, I'm going to not just in case.
And now it's been five days and still is.
You need to go dock dock.
I need to go dock dock, maybe.
And then, so for your birthday, were you sad?
Because your ankle hurt.
I was sad.
Well,
we ended up not
going into town or anything.
We were out of town.
We ended up not going to the town because.
Oh, right.
Because you went to a special location for your ankle.
Yes, yes, yes.
So you kind of had to just chill in your hotel.
At the pool or whatever.
And then we ate dinner up there.
Did you do rice?
Oh, I did.
Yes.
Rest.
Inclination.
No,
custard.
Everybody.
I don't think it's rice.
It's rest.
It's rice.
Ice.
Rice.
Incline.
No, it's ice.
No, it's rice.
Custard.
What is this guy doing?
Exactly.
It's rice.
Everyone.
Rice.
Rice.
Rice, ice.
Rice, rice, egg, and egg.
Yeah.
And that should do it.
I did everything except for
constriction.
Yeah.
I didn't really have anything to constrict with, so I did all of that, but I have been.
Can take off your t-shirt or whatever, wrap it around there.
Then I'd be nude from the waist.
Tear up, tear it into strips like you're on a desert island.
That's too bad you hurt yourself.
But it's fine.
It was really nice.
I was just going to go out of town.
Yeah.
But it was really.
That's your move.
It was really nice.
I was with some great people, and we had a nice dinner, and
it was very nice.
I'm glad to hear that.
Yes.
So that's my birthday.
And then Paul and I
and Janie and Gulov.
Yeah.
The old broads.
We talked about this on a previous episode of what we were going to do, but last night we went to see Martin Short and Steve Martin at the Hollywood Bowl.
I loved them.
And was it fun?
It was very fun.
It was a ball.
It's great.
It was absolutely fun.
So do they do a show, just the two of them?
How does it work?
Well, see, they used to do shows.
Separately.
I've seen Martin Short do his show, which was like an hour and a half by himself.
Singing, is it?
He would do singing, he would do comedy, and he would dress as Jiminy Glick.
Oh, good.
We always watch Jiminy Glick when we need to be cheered up or we need to watch something quickly.
And he interviewed a.
We want to watch something funny before, but I would put on Jiminy Glick.
He interviewed a local television anchor, and then I think he did, I'm pretty sure he did
Ed Grimley as well.
Oh, wow.
Wow.
Full costumes.
Yeah.
Full costumes for all of that.
So he did like an hour and a half show.
And then Steve Martin also would separately do an hour and a half show mainly of music, I feel like, where it was.
I like his banjo music.
Yeah.
It was mainly banjo stuff, but then he would, you know, like talk in between the songs.
And then they were like,
I think they had to...
or they got the opportunity to do a show together and they just kind of combined it where they had each did less time and then they also wrote a bunch of jokes about each other.
Yeah, I've seen them kind of do that on something on TV.
Yeah, Netflix.
They had a Netflix special.
Yeah, yeah.
But it was, it's really good because they can do less time and then they seem to be having a lot of fun
doing it together.
It was really great.
It was really, I mean, and it was like densely packed with jokes.
Like, it was
fast, fast.
They were not pausing.
for the laughs all that much.
It was, it was great because, and each one was hitting really well.
Yeah.
Which, like, you would think they would pause for a laughs, but no, they were just like steamrolling through it.
I mean, like, every joke, I think I laughed out loud at every single joke, which is, you know, how rare that is.
That's impossible.
Yeah.
And it was like,
I could not believe it.
There was like no joke that I was like, hmm.
Oh my god, I love that.
Mario Martin Schwartz was.
Well, Steve Martin is a lot like the movie Deliverance.
It's all fun and games until the banjos come out.
I unfortunately don't remember that movie, but I have seen it.
I have never seen that movie.
I saw it for some reason.
I still haven't seen it, but I know what the reference means.
Okay.
Yes.
I'd love to know it.
I think we all.
Well, does it have guns in it?
Yeah, it's about guns.
Sure.
Sure.
Guns of the flesh variety.
Going into
love guns.
Love guns.
I don't know the reference.
That would have been one where I went.
Was that Kiss, Love Gun?
Love Gun, yeah.
But see, you got every joke, too.
See, that's big.
I got every single joke.
I got every.
Oh my god, when they.
When you said you left at every joke, you're actually bragging that you got every joke.
You're actually.
It's a big brag.
The funniest part, though.
The funniest part was that.
I didn't think anybody would pick up on that.
In In this
perfect crime, when Martin Short does Jiminy Glick in this show, he does it as like a ventriloquist puppet that Steve Martin is controlling.
And Steve Martin asks him about various celebrities, and they put the pictures of the celebrities up on the giant screens.
And it's like, what about this guy?
And then, oh, I think that,
you know, whoever, you know, Kim Kardashian, oh, I think she's whatever.
But for some reason, he puts up a picture of Elon Musk, and it is the lowest res version and it's on these giant screens.
So fucking funny.
I was laughing so hard that they could not get a
Hollywood bull
or was that intentional?
No, it's not.
Well, it's not intentional.
And here's because later on they do like a Sarah McLaughlin thing and they show pictures of
puppies.
Puppies.
And there was a low res puppy up there.
I was like, well, they're not trying to slam that puppy.
Thank you.
Got him.
I'm just like, there have to be better pictures of Elon Musk out there.
Oh my God, It made me fucking die.
That's really funny.
It was bad.
Like,
this is really funny.
See him blown up on a big screen like that.
That is so funny.
Just like the first one from Google Images.
Exactly.
And then the question I have is, how did Janie's picnic baskets work out?
Worked out very well.
Worked out very well, yes.
It was like she was a bitch.
She had a bit of a drama having a picture.
She's a tutorie board.
Yes, yes, yes.
How did you know about this?
I had private texts with Janie.
Whoa.
Yeah.
Where she was asking your help?
No, it was about something else.
And then she mentioned, I have to go get this picnic basket.
I have to.
Well, she said, because you didn't force her.
Well, no,
the timing worked out where she had to get it on a certain day because they were closed on 4th of July, et cetera.
But it was good.
Yeah, it was good.
I mean, there was a little bit of drama.
She got attacked by a bear in a hat.
Yeah.
Wearing sandals.
So, yeah.
Yeah, there was like a littler bear with him wearing a tie.
Pick on Nick baskets.
Yes.
Yeah.
Right.
I've heard of this.
Yeah.
Oh, I've heard of this.
I've heard of this.
Yeah.
Oh, I heard that story.
They don't harm.
They just want the basket.
All they want is the picnic basket.
Yeah.
They're actually very friendly.
Nice.
Contempt for authority, though.
Yeah.
Which I don't like at all.
Weirdly enough, when Steve Martin started playing his first banjo song, I started tearing up for some reason.
Because it was meaningful to you.
I don't know.
Something about nostalgia for my youth or something.
I don't know.
Yeah, I just gotta cry at that for no reason.
It hit me right before the show started.
Like, wow, this is momentous.
Like, these guys are
two of them.
These are like two people that got me into the life that I have now.
And the fact that they're still performing, doing great shows, and together, it's like, that's a lot.
Also, they showed clips beforehand of just a wide swath of their work.
That's fun.
That's so cool.
It's been since the 70s for Steve Martin and really the 80s that we have been aware of Martin Short, but it's just just like they have done so many things and had such, I mean, Steve Martin's career is so crazy.
The amount of things he's done.
Yeah, that's true.
But just the amount of things that he's done is so massive
from a young age.
And then he still had like 25 years where no one even knew who he was, where he was working at Disneyland, you know, and that's Berry Farm.
It's like so crazy.
25 years.
Yeah, when did he get famous?
Well, he wasn't.
Well, I mean, he wasn't working at this.
No, he must have been famous.
No, but he was a baby during some of that.
You're counting babies.
So when he was a baby, he wasn't famous.
Yeah.
When he was a five-year-old smart and funny, he was.
He was famous at six, but then started not being famous again at seven.
He took a break to work in Disneyland.
He was all washed up at seven.
Yeah.
No, but it was just crazy to see, like, oh, yeah, all those movies and all those SNL appearances and all those television shows and all it, like, it was, it was very overwhelming.
And I think he's also one of those people where he's had white hair for so long that he seemed older when he was younger.
Like in Father of the Bride, he has white hair.
Right.
But he's not.
And pubes.
Presumably.
Well, we don't know.
He might have shaved them.
Mercifully, they don't show them in the film.
Do they say it at the very end?
Like at the end of the credit?
I think he did.
He did also his pubic.
He pulls the waistband of his pants down at the very end right before the credit.
He's fucking a message.
He's creepy though.
That is sick.
Okay, so he was 45 in Father of the Bride.
Wow.
Which was 31 years ago.
Of a bride.
Or it was in 19.
Yeah, 31.
No, it's it's I mean, his book, by the way, Born Standing Up.
I've read it.
I mean, for him to be selling out, you know, Universal Amphitheater in big, is that an arena, I guess?
I mean, it's,
and then to have.
Then 40 more years of doing incredibly diverse, weird things.
That's amazing.
It's like, that's the dream.
That's so cool.
I still haven't sold out the Universal Amphitheater.
Well, I don't count that as part of the dream because that'll never happen, but uh, I told you it's the dude, your dreams are only reasonable.
Yeah, my dreams are absolutely things I can accomplish.
I had a dream the other night that I was like being possessed by this.
Oh my god, and it was like it was so real, but it was like I was very aware of it, and I was going, Are my eyes turning black?
Like, I was like asking questions.
Uh, hey, are my eyes turning black from this demon that's been about to possess me?
Oh, no, I'm being possessed.
What's going on, guys?
Are they?
Do they look black?
Are you clocking?
Does my voice sound like my voice?
We have to take take a break speaking voices.
We'll be right back.
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Cooler temps are rolling in.
Dude, do daughter.
And as always, Quince is where I'm turning for fall staples that actually last from cashmere to denim to boots.
I've seen you so furious.
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I got to ask you about their denim.
Okay, well, their denim's durable and it fits right.
What about leather jackets?
They are real, and they bring that clean, classic edge without the elevated price tag.
Sounds good.
What makes Quince different?
Hey, everyone.
Oh, hey.
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Bad.
We're babba.
Babbidi-babbidi-boo-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.
Bibbity bobbity boo.
We almost talk like minions.
And let me tell you something, Scott.
I listened to the episode of Scott Hasn't Seen
about Despicable Me.
Depicts the Bull Me.
And it made me want to watch that movie.
I haven't seen it.
It's hilarious.
Yeah, I liked it.
I liked it.
Some of the moments that you were talking about sounded really funny.
Yeah, I enjoyed it.
Check that out
if you haven't heard it.
It made me want to watch the sequels, which I have not done yet.
But yeah.
Yeah, how many are there?
Well, there's a new one.
There's Despicable Me 3.
There's Minions.
And then there's this new Minions, The Rise of Grew, I believe.
So many films.
The Rise of Grew.
They love those little guys.
They love those little guys, but they're very cute.
See, I have not been exposed to all of the overexposure of the memes and stuff like that.
I've only known.
I mean, yeah, I see the ads every once in a while, but.
I feel like I've learned a lot about minions without knowing anything.
Yeah, I mean, what is there to know, really?
I know they don't speak English, but they're not.
But they speak Miniones.
They speak the Queen's English.
They were around for The Rise of Grew.
But the language they speak is like a combination of a bunch of languages, right?
They call it Minionese, but yeah, I believe it's.
I know that they were around for the rise of Grew.
They were like, they were there.
They were a witness to the essential.
That's all they knew about Grew.
Yeah, they watched him rise.
Well, how could they not?
Took over the whole town.
Do you think that song will incorporate the song that movie will incorporate the song Rise by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass?
I actually know for sure.
Thank you.
Forget for you.
Is that the
notorious BIG sample?
I don't know.
It is.
It's the General Hospital song, right?
Yes.
Where it's like
there was a non-consensual sex scene between Luke and Laura.
Yes.
And then a laser in an underground thing.
The Ice Princess, the Cassidynes.
Man, that was huge when we were kids.
The soap movie?
The Soap Opera.
Oh, yeah.
When you said Luke and Laura, I thought it was from a soap opera, but I thought you were terminated about a movie, so I was confused.
No, it was General Hospital was fucking so big that even I heard about it.
My mom watched All My Children, so I'm more familiar with that universe.
But the General Hospital universe, I do know Luke and Laura.
It was 1982, probably.
I think so.
This is when it just exploded, and there's that song, General Hospitale.
That's just a song?
Yeah, it was all about the phenomena because everyone was like people.
It was a pop song?
Yeah, pop song that hit the top 40.
Everyone was watching it.
Everyone was talking about it.
How were people even seeing it if they were at work?
Yeah, my mom would tape it on our VCR
and then watch it every day.
She would tape it again on the same tape.
But you forget that soap operas were designed for the stay-at-home mom.
Yeah, but I mean, but it had to have been so big.
But I remember Dallas was also huge at the time.
Who shot you?
Yeah.
Falcon Crest, not as huge.
Could anything be as big now as that?
I don't think so.
I mean, I guess there aren't a lot of opportunities, but every once in a while it feels like there's something that everyone's excited for.
Like Game of Thrones and Balls, most of them are still on the street.
But that's not the same thing.
But even Stranger Things,
which is huge, a million people you know are like, oh, I don't give a shit about that.
But I feel like soap operas,
because
that's more rare for everyone to be interested in that.
Like it's a very specific style of television.
Yes.
It is weird that this dumb thing that is just designed to make housewives have a TV on, then suddenly everyone's talking about it one year
and then no one talks about it ever again.
There has been discussion about
this thing that is designed to make housewives have a TV on.
How about like Susan Lucci from All My Children's
Rights was not won like five trillion times for Emmy's, but never won.
That's right.
She finally won.
She did?
She finally did, yeah.
Yeah.
Good.
Thank God we finally stopped talking about her.
And then she dropped dead on the stage.
Yeah.
She went went up, she put her hands on the trophy, and then she died.
Yeah.
But, you know, I guess what's kind of funny.
She became a trophy.
She became a trophy.
Because of our
internet, you know, that we all share.
You can find your...
If people don't know,
we all have
share an internet bill.
Yeah.
We're on a family plan.
The freedom family plan.
Do you remember the family plans?
Yes.
We're on a freedom family plan.
Well, why aren't we all on a family plan splitting our bills
And spending our golden years together.
We should all be splitting our utility bills in our separate home.
We should all be splitting our phone bills so that I can look at who you're calling.
Uh-oh.
Am I in your top five?
The top five.
Oh, my God.
Those little circles.
Who have you ever called?
Like in the past month?
Who have ever called?
Do you want to know?
Yeah.
Like a legitimate call.
Everybody read your calls.
Okay.
Like outgoing calls.
Like, like, who are you calling?
Three freaks calling you does not.
We only have a call.
I called a company.
I called Mike because I wanted to tell him what happened on the previous call that I had right before.
Previously.
On our
company that I was coordinating some catering with.
Oh, what are you catering, dear?
I don't want to talk about it.
And then I called,
who's this that I called?
Who is this?
Oh, I spoke to a serviceman.
And I spoke to my friend Dan, who calls me all the time.
We talk on the phone.
I have a few friends I talk on the phone with.
Do
I no don't.
Zero.
Anymore.
No, I have zero friends that I talk with.
I've got my friend Dan, who's also known as Big Dipper.
He is a rapper.
Oh, sure.
And then my friend Arden Maureen.
We talk on the phone.
Really?
And yeah, that's a lot of my recent calls.
And then all the other ones were at Disneyland where we were like, where are you?
Where are you?
My last call was last Wednesday to schedule a haircut.
Your last call was last Wednesday.
Wednesday.
Wow.
I literally have like five today.
Before that, June 21st.
I don't even know what this number is.
Wait, you never call.
No, I don't.
How do you get out of this?
Look at my.
I'm out of this.
Every day I'm talking on the phone.
I'm only calling like businesses.
I'm never calling to chats.
How do you do just ones you've sent?
Well, that I don't know, Scott.
Okay.
And I couldn't even tell you if the other call that I mentioned was made by me or received by me.
Yeah.
Well, because it shows a little picture of a phone with an arrow pointing out if you made the call.
Oh, that's cute.
Dig digging with that knowledge.
Oh, got it.
Okay.
So I called.
I literally can't believe you've made like two calls in the last two weeks.
That's it.
Honestly, it's one call.
And do you get spam calls?
And then the previous call, I made one call in the last month.
No, I made one call last week.
And then the last call that I made before that was...
June 13th.
But see, I do some things that are kind of old school.
Like sometimes I'll call places to pay my bill.
Not like
I'll call like my podiatrist.
Because they emailed me and I'm like, it's more annoying to send this
in the mail and do all this stuff.
I'm going to call them and pay over the wrist.
I'm going to call and pay over the phone.
And then I did that for this other like framer that I use.
That's weird.
But I don't think that's weird.
Everybody's talking about my corns and bunions.
Why won't they just let me live?
Damn me why.
I want to state for the record I don't have corns or bunions.
We know your WikiFee score.
It's a 10.
Yeah.
Is it a 10 still?
Yeah.
Wow.
Congrats.
Literally perfect.
Let me see those again.
No.
Let me see those again.
Okay.
I called Kulop today from the car because the garage clicker was no longer in the car and I had to leave.
And I said, can you click me out?
Can you click me out?
Then I called my coworker this morning and we had a nice catch-up
regarding
some business stuff.
I didn't make a call, though.
Oh, you're only speaking about making a call.
And then
two days before, I called my mother.
Nice.
And then we're going back into June.
And then call up
Ryan Gall.
You spoke to him on the phone?
I spoke to him on, I called him at the very least.
I've been in a drunk dial.
Do you know who pocket dialed me recently was Mike Mitchell?
Mike Mitchell?
Of Doughboys family?
The Spoon Man?
Doughboys.
Spoony.
Yeah.
Spoon Man.
Spoon Nation.
Really?
What?
He pocket dialed you?
Yes.
Let me see if they still have to do that.
I've mentioned this so many times.
Yeah, you have.
I told you that Matt Walsh would butt dial me constantly.
Yes.
And I would hear his conversation.
And then his butt would be like, hey, Scott.
Hey, I just wanted to call you.
Hearing the conversations is crazy.
I've accidentally recorded voice memos.
Or like, you know, when you press
the audio keyboard, it starts typing what you're saying.
And like a long paragraph just appears, and it's like all the shit that I I was just saying.
Dangerous.
Arden and I use voice memos a lot.
Here's a lot where we send a voice memo back and forth.
I was doing that with instead of texting people, I was doing videos.
I was recording myself as videos and then sending that.
Listen, here's Mike saying hello.
Hello?
He called me.
He sounds so lost.
Hello?
Hello?
He must have seen that the phone was
ringing and he picked it up thinking that it was.
No, like it was answered.
Like it went to your voicemail and so it was already like longer.
He was was like, someone calls me.
If you're hearing this, please tell Mike to get his shit together.
We have a listener voicemail about this topic.
If you're hearing this, tell Mike to get his shoes together.
If you are hearing my voice right now, tell Mike Mitchell to get his shit together.
We have a listener voicemail about this topic.
Should we hear it?
Yeah, sure.
Let's hear it since we're talking about this.
I love Dave listening.
Yeah, I don't give a shit.
Hi, it's Garrett from Oregon.
Hi.
Hi.
Last time I texted my friend Darren
thinking he was my wife and said, hey, let's make an excuse to get out of going to the Dave Matthews concert with Darren.
No.
So I was standing in Darren's kitchen, and I looked up, and his phone dinged, and he looked at me, and it was really awkward.
Do you have any stories where you accidentally texted the wrong person?
The more embarrassing, the better.
That is so
brutal.
Standing in the kitchen.
In the same room as the person.
Standing in the kitchen.
That's so bad.
Well, I think I have told the story that I had somebody do that to me about me.
Yeah.
They were picking me up
and then they wrote something about me.
It wasn't exactly,
it wasn't like that, but it was a bug in the fucking room.
It's been attacking all three of us.
I only know that.
Paul did this to all of us the other day.
He did?
Yeah, you texted all of us, didn't you?
And you said, oops, that was meant for a different thread.
Yeah, but it seems when it's like actually about you.
I know, it wasn't about this.
Like, I don't know that I've texted you.
I might have done that once before.
Where you feel, or you get scared that you did, and your whole body is like pulsating.
Yeah, it's terrifying.
The best best we ever had was we had
best i ever had
janie and i were
calling thank you
i was next after that guy karaoke and i can't believe they hired him
no that's queen deer oh i'm sorry journey famously it was a a guy like a karaoke that's so great and they hire it is isn't it you know it's just like american idol but skipping all the steps it's just you just you nailed it you got one voice it's like that guy.
There you go.
You were on your phone.
So Janie and I.
Janie and I were arranging.
I wasn't listening.
Come on.
We were arranging a card to the airport.
I think it's a service called Wings.
It's like
Uber, but specifically for this.
I've never heard of this.
Yes.
Tony Shalub is in the back of the show.
Kill the gnat.
Kill the gnat.
I've never heard of this.
Wings?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so this guy.
That's what Red Bull gives you.
This guy we hired,
you can text with him directly, and
he texted
Janie,
you know, the time I'll be there, blah, blah, blah.
That's when my car looks like everything.
Then she got another text that was like, oh yeah,
she's been looking great lately.
You know, obviously on a steady diet of D's nuts.
And she showed it to me.
We fucking howled laughing.
And then he wrote back like a minute later and said, hey, sorry,
that text wasn't for you.
I was talking to my cousin
about
our other cousin who is she's been on a weight loss program.
Our other cousin?
Yeah, whatever it was.
It was like convoluted.
It was like one of those lies that's so convoluted, right?
Well, that was like my friend.
Then he texted up, well, because he was trying to make up a different story.
Then he texted a picture of a bag of nuts.
Shut up, give me Google Dags.
Well, actually, that kind of is next level and kind of funny.
It was so fucking funny.
Literally, these nuts.
But my friend said, oh, I meant to send that to my husband, who she was in the car with.
And then it's like, well, that doesn't make any sense.
You know what I mean?
It's like, okay.
And I just said, I know that you didn't mean to, but that's okay.
We can move on.
But that's fine.
It happens.
It's embarrassing.
I have more trouble with email where it's like you think you're responding to an email.
You have said that you're not going to be able to do it.
I've talked about this, but where like Gmail was confusing to me for a while.
Where I
was going to be able to do it.
I thought it was emailing
Gmails.
I don't even know how to log in.
What's next?
H-mail?
Come on, man.
I wish they would do the whole alphabet.
I could have Z-mail.
Oh, man.
That would be so.
Are you willing to wait for that?
I think it'll happen pretty fast.
Not in our lifetime to go back and do A through who.
They're going to start with A-mail?
Well, they've got to go A through D.
One of these guys are going to be a bunch of people.
They skip over E.
That's already been taken care of.
A-mail, B-mail, C-mail, D-mail, E-mail, F-mail, Gmail, H-mail, I-mail,
J-mail, K-mail, L-mail,
M-mail, N-mail,
O-male, P-mail, Q-mail, R-mail,
S-mail,
T-mail, U-mail, V-male, W-mail, F-male, X-male, Y-male, Z-mail.
None of them are funny.
But we made sure.
We did it.
V-male sounds like female, though, so it's kind of funny.
If it was all women were female, yeah, and men are penalized.
Yeah.
If you guys could,
would you?
Yeah, absolutely.
Say yahoo.
Yahoo.
Can you please play another voicemail?
Why?
Because I want to hear more.
I like that one, actually.
Okay.
That was a good one.
Thanks, Garrett.
Yeah, thanks, thanks, Garrett.
Hi, Lauren.
Hi, Paul.
Hi, Scarlet.
This is for me.
I have a good passion.
I
went to my friend's address a few years ago so that I could send her a piece of baby clothing for her new baby.
And I never sent it because I wasn't sure what to write in the note I was going to send with it.
This is for you guys.
I wonder why
this person wasn't sure because it makes me think.
I was thinking about your baby.
Maybe they had a fraught relationship.
She felt weird.
Maybe you could say
for
so-and-so and to put the baby's name.
This is for your baby.
It could be that.
Love you.
Yeah.
I once.
But I understand the paralyzation.
Yes, of course.
It's easier to do nothing when you really think about anything.
But sometimes it's harder because, look, she's still thinking about it.
My niece.
Forgive yourself, dear.
When my niece was little.
Donate the item, dear.
Go into the light, dear.
When it's time.
It's time to rise into heaven, dear.
That means your time here is done.
When my niece was little, she sent me a,
it was like a flat Stanley type thing where I had to like take a picture with it
and then send it on.
And then I didn't do it.
You never did it.
It's fucking
threw it in the trash?
Oh, no.
It stayed in my home for a long time.
How old was she?
Oh, my God, like eight.
And did she ever forgive me?
It was never brought up again.
It was never brought up again.
I would have realized you were the one who ruined it.
Now she's 51 years old.
Okay, that doesn't make any sense at all.
You should forgive yourself, Paul.
Oh, I have.
Forgive yourself, dear.
Off I go.
Once you forgive yourself, you can finally
die.
Exactly.
Everything you had left on your playlist to deal with that flat Stanley guilt.
I don't know.
You know, I have had that happen on the receiving end and I've also had that happen on the giving end where I say I'm going to do something and then I don't do it.
Yeah.
And then I feel, I might remember later and be like, oh, fuck, I never did that.
And then don't want to say it.
But I've had people say they're going to give me something and then it never arrives.
And I wonder, what happened with that?
It's okay.
But it's okay.
It's okay.
I guess if life's hard to manage if you were going to send it and you didn't, that's where you maybe say, hey, I just never sent this.
Oh, my God.
I can't remember because it was, I think it was before I even had a computer.
So I would not have had email.
I think it was mailed to me, and I don't think I ever responded, or maybe I responded and said, Yes, I'll do this.
I don't remember.
I did this for Cool Op Sister.
Did a great job.
Did it in front of Mance Chinese?
Wow, that's really exciting.
Everywhere.
It was the best.
Everywhere.
Everywhere.
And now I hogged it.
She has a kid of her own who couldn't care less about Flat Stanley and his flat business.
Yeah, he just wants shoes.
She has his own business to worry about.
Shoes.
Well, he's out of the shoes.
Shoes.
Remember that?
Over it.
The shoes, yeah, Kelly.
Shoes.
Shoes.
You know the person?
Well, that's his alter ego, Kelly.
The character.
Yeah.
But you don't know him.
I have met him.
Yes.
Oh, so you do know him.
Shoes.
Shoes.
It was
a moment in time.
Yeah.
You know, 2009.
Oh,
did that comedian character person ever received money, money, money from the shoes video?
I should hope so.
I hope so.
Because everyone saw it.
What about the Honey Badger person?
I hope they got rich.
Yeah.
What about the Trix Rabbit?
I hope he got rich.
He didn't even want money.
He just wanted that fucking cereal.
It's driven insane.
Yeah.
Well, what a bastard.
Let's go to break.
Why wouldn't they let him have.
I don't know.
I don't know.
They just
do you think anyone before we go to break?
Do you think anyone's ever fed a pet rabbit Trix cereal?
Out of like, oh, rabbits like out of a sense of justice.
Or a tiger frosted flakes.
Well, he was allowed to have them.
Okay.
I mean, I don't know that he ever did, Tony the Tiger.
What I'm saying is it misleading Mark, like,
is there suddenly, are there animals dying because kids are like, oh, this tiger likes frosted flakes.
Let me feed, and then they die because of it.
I don't think so.
Okay.
I mean, because I'm telling you, kids feeding tigers anyway.
This is about kids shouldn't be feeding tigers.
Kids, if you're listening, do not feed the tigers.
I don't care what country it's in.
Yeah.
I don't care if you're emailing
your customs.
Don't email food to tigers.
But I'm saying there are certain cereals where the mascot is not allowed to have the cereal.
It's and they're being a mascot against their will.
Like, would someone feed a cuckoo bird cocoa puffs?
Yeah.
Well, that just makes them crazy.
He, yeah, he was cuckoo for it, but that's why he couldn't have it.
Wait, he wasn't allowed to have it?
I think people tried to keep it from him because he had a condition.
So he's under a conservatorship.
Exactly.
Free cuckoo bird.
Let's go.
I had a lot to say.
There's so much advice out there, and all we want to do as parents is get it right.
The great news is you're the expert on your child.
And sometimes, figuring out what they need is as simple as getting them to talk.
I'm Dr.
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On my new podcast, Talk Aboutable, I'll hear from parents about what's keeping them up at night.
And we'll figure out how to tackle it by talking about it.
From Lemonada Media, Talk Aboutable is at September 9th.
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We're back.
Hi, everyone.
Oh, I know everyone's very excited.
And they're listening next to their cathedral phones.
With a roaring fire.
Their hamburger phones.
Father with his pipe and slippers.
Mother baking seven pies.
How beautiful.
The little baby in his bassinet rocking back and forth at breakneck speed.
And now it's time for a threecher.
And this is where we play a game and we call it a three chair, but it's a game.
And this time it's a threecher.
But it's a threecher.
Yeah, but it's a game.
It's a game, but it's a three-chir.
It's a game, but it's a threecher.
Sure.
Yes, but we call it a threecher, but it's a game, but it's a three-chir.
And this time we're going to play the one where...
We can't remember what it's called or who submitted it.
And we don't care.
We don't care.
We're always going to look back for a record.
It's a part of the show.
It It becomes public domain.
Yeah, whoever submitted this, you've already had your little moment of glory.
Now it's time for us to go on freedom.
So, my last remaining days is they said my name on threedom.
So, this is the one where we do a scene.
First, it's two minutes long, then it's one minute long, then it's 30 seconds.
Love it.
Then it's 15.
It's called Dwindling Time Frame.
Dwindling Time Frame.
Dwindling time frame.
Dwindling time frame
to
you.
All right.
So,
and there's no,
there's nothing about these scenes.
They're just scenes.
Yeah.
They're just scenes.
Yeah.
Okay.
I don't think anything inspires them.
I think we just make it up as we go.
On hundo pros tense.
Starting now.
All right, guys.
What?
Just say it.
This is too hard for me to say.
It's just.
I know know what this is about.
What do you think it's about?
Because I don't want to do the whole thing where, like, I then say what it is if you don't know what it is.
Oh, no, I know what it is.
What is it?
Someone stole the cookies from the cook cookie jar.
The cook cookie jar?
Yeah.
The one that looks like a cook?
Yeah.
Well,
like Guy Fieri.
Fieri.
Fieri, sorry.
Yeah.
I have a cookie jar in the shape of Guy Fieri.
So you're really upset because there's cookies missing is what you're trying to say.
I used to have 97 cookies in that jar.
It's life-size.
I know.
And these are junk.
We all live here.
But
now there's 96 and a half.
Well, we're each allowed to.
Someone ate half a cookie.
Well, they shouldn't have done that.
I want to know.
Well, no, they wrapped up.
I want to know.
They obviously cut it with a knife because it was a clean, even cut, and then they wrapped up the other half of the cookie.
What is this witch hunt?
You know what?
I'm also looking for a witch.
Okay,
Dillman.
Yeah.
You've been on this like ever since
ever since
you went through that sort of like embarrassing thing at the office.
You've kind of been on this situation where you're like, I'm trying to point the finger at other people.
It's like, we're not.
How did you hear about the office?
Because everybody.
Dildo heard it from me, Pickleton.
I can't get into this, but Pickleton did tell me because he was there, obviously, the day that you fell into the trash can face forward, your legs were flailing about in the air, kicking in the air.
You keyed upwards.
Pee-pee.
Well, down, but it went up.
Pee-pee-go, sky, sky.
And then when you pulled your head out, when you tried to get out of the bin, your hair got caught on all the gum at the bottom of the bin, and you ripped out the center of your hair.
And you should have pulled your head out of your ass.
So, that being said,
I know that you were embarrassed, but you're trying to have
a dominance at home.
I've never known your name was Pickleton.
Was that 12 minutes?
How long was that?
Now we do six minutes.
No, literally.
That was two minutes.
Two.
Okay.
Now we got to do the same scene in one minute.
Great.
I don't remember anything.
Me neither.
Great.
I wasn't really.
Hi, everyone.
Hey, hey.
Hey, hey, oh, what happened?
Tell us what's up.
Why do you look so serious?
Something wrong.
Not joker-related.
Something wrong, but I'm going to tell you.
Just say it.
What is it?
Wait, I know what it is.
What is it?
Someone stole the cookies from the cookie jar.
Yeah, that's right.
My Guy Fieri-shaped cookie jar.
It has huge cookies.
Kieti, life-size, as we know.
Life-sized, giant cookies.
I have 97 cookies in there this morning.
Bitch ate one.
Someone
took out one of the cookies,
cut it in half with a knife.
Okay, we know what you're doing.
I know what happened at work.
You had that embarrassing situation where everything.
How do you know about what happened at work?
Dildo?
Dill Maddie.
Pickleton told me.
Pickleton told me, and because
he
saw it happen at work.
What do you think happened?
You fell face first into a dumpster.
You had your legs flinging.
You peed upwards.
You pulled yourself out.
That's a nice guy.
And your hair got caught to the gum at the bottom and it ripped out in the middle of your head.
Why were you telling that, Pickleman?
You should have put your hands.
Why weren't you telling her that, Pickleman?
Shit.
Didn't get to it.
That was good.
All right, 30 seconds.
30 seconds.
And
go.
Hide your hands.
What is it, Dillman?
Okay.
Do you know what I'm going to say?
Yeah.
You're going to say somebody stole the cookies from the cook cookie junior?
Yes, that's right.
My guy Fiati.
You're trying to control us because you had an embarrassing situation at work and you want to assert dominance.
But I don't care because Pickleton already told me that you're going to head face down into the dumpster, you peed straight up, and your hair got caught to the gum in the bottom.
I still know that that happened.
Yes, Dillman.
Why would you tell her that, Pickleman?
That's Pickleton, as you should know.
I never knew your name was Pickleton.
All right, 15 seconds.
Here we go.
And hi, guys.
Someone stole the cookies for the cook cookies.
Yes, the guy Fieri shot.
Should you start dying?
That's life size.
You literally had an
eye.
You never
was your head face down.
Keep the hack it up.
You guys
pull your hair out.
And then you're trying to tell me what's going on.
Yeah.
I told you that.
Dillman Pickleton told me.
Pickleton.
All right.
Seven seconds,
the Luke Perry.
There's eight seconds.
Oh, okay.
Plus one.
Luke Perry plus one.
What does that mean?
He's in a movie.
That's as long as you can stay on a bull.
Okay, here we go.
Hey, everyone.
Cookies.
Okay, yeah.
All right.
You're trying to get first dominance because your head fell face first.
Tilde.
Who told you that?
Pickleton.
Pickleton.
Really good.
Perfect.
Perfect.
All right.
Three seconds.
And
cookie.
He's tildo.
Pickleton.
All right.
One second.
And
dildo!
Oh, dildo.
That was a long ass second.
That was a long ass second.
Oh, no.
I pressed three again.
Now we do one.
Ow, my ankle.
I just
hit it on her ribbon there.
I ate it on a ribbon.
I'm sorry, that was spun.
All right, here we go.
Dildo.
Tickle.
Ow.
Oh, no.
Sorry.
You really made me laugh because I didn't know what's going on.
When we were on tour that time, did you break it or did you sprain it?
You broke it.
Yeah.
Walked around on it for a while.
Your ankle's got a lot of problems.
All right.
Well,
but a foot ain't one.
We got to go.
Okay.
We got to go into the light deer.
Thank you all for listening.
We are 3DMUSA on Instagram, Twitter, and 3domusagmail.com.
If you want to send us anything.
And please call us at haha in poo.
You figure out the numbers.
and it's on our it's on our instagram if you want to hear ad-free episodes or the archives go to stitcherpremium or cbbworld.com and may god have mercy on your souls yeah he won't though no not the god that i know that dude's up well goodbye
Hey, it's Lena Waith.
Legacy Talk is my love letter to black storytellers, artists who've changed the game and paved the way for so many of us.
This This season, I'm sitting down with icons like Belicia Rashad, Loretta Devine, Eva Duvernay, and more.
We're talking about their journeys, their creative process, and the legacies they're building every single day.
Come be a part of the conversation.
Season two drops July 29th.
Listen to Legacy Talk wherever you get your podcast or watch us on YouTube.
Our healthcare system is broken in so many ways.
We have a healthcare system that's supposed to be taking care of people that is making it literally more difficult for people to put food on the table.
So, this season, we'll dive into the challenges headfirst while also thinking about how we can find a better way because we all deserve better.
Uncared for season three from Lemonada Media, available August 6th, wherever you get your podcasts.