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Freedom!

Freedom!

Freedom!

What's up, players?

What's up, Freedom Land?

I hope everyone's having the best day of their life.

I hope you're crushing your goals.

Do you think anyone listens to this while

working out?

Like,

I'm sure going on a run or whatever, but like, what about lifting weights?

Yeah, man.

Oh, I think for sure.

I think we get people.

I think people have had to stop lifting weights because they were giggling.

Yeah.

Oh, no, I'm dropping the weights on my huge.

Oh, no, I was giggling, and now my big, my big muscular toe hurts.

My abs are already sore from the sit-ups I'm doing, and now they're even more sore.

Yeah.

From the laughing I'm doing.

Yeah.

Laughter is a great way to get a six-pack.

It's kind of one of the main ways.

Nature's original way of getting a six-pack.

Yeah.

Like

the dog from Duck Hunt, he's ripped.

Is that a video game?

Yeah.

He was always laughing.

Like when you miss, he laughs.

Yeah.

That's the prime example of someone laughing that you can think of.

Absolutely.

The dog from Duck Hunt.

What do you think of?

The most famous laugh in the world.

A hyena, I guess.

Hyenas have a six-pack?

Yeah.

Okay.

They're fucking

They are harsh.

What person is always laughing?

Me?

Who do you think of?

Do you think you?

Like, fake laughing.

Isn't there someone who's fake laughing?

Who's like always going, ha ha.

Who are we thinking of?

The Joker?

Yeah.

I don't want to bring him up.

Do you think the Joker is fake laughing?

I think he's surpassed for laughing.

It never occurred to me that he wasn't.

He thinks the jokes are funny or anything.

No.

Or what he's fuck.

I don't think the situation is fun.

He'd have to be truly insane to think his jokes are funny.

Or to think his situations he's in are funny, because usually they're not.

They're quite funny.

Does he laugh when things are going bad?

Yeah.

Okay, so say he poisons.

There's a lesson there.

He poisons the water.

Because he has a six-pack.

So you're saying, like, no, because we should, when you, when things, something bad is happening, why don't you laugh?

Why don't you laugh a little?

Make everyone uncomfortable.

Don't give it the power.

So this is what I like to do.

I turn on the news.

Somebody's punching you in the face, start laughing.

Start laughing.

I turn on the news and I'm just laughing my little ass off.

What's funnier than the news?

So funny, everything going on in the world.

The news is hilarious.

Who was the first person to laugh?

Did Cavemen laugh?

They went,

well, I'm sure funny things happened, but maybe they weren't smart enough.

One, two, three.

Maybe they weren't smart enough to like

put together that something's funny.

We always think about cavemen.

You don't think so?

Like, if they saw another caveman fall down, they wouldn't be like,

but we always think about cavemen like they're struggling, right?

They're coughing.

For instance, they were struggling.

You know, like they only look, what was the,

the, uh, uh, what, what they lived to, their age that they would have to

cave teens, not even.

But, like, say, say, cavemen live to be 20.

Right.

You just think it's a life of misery the entire time.

Like, they're being attacked by saber-toothed tigers.

No, they're probably like laying in a leaf hammock or like doing whatever the fuck.

You think

before the wheel even, they come up with leaf hammocks?

What?

They were laying in their cave.

So they're laying in their cave.

They're huddling together for a while.

They're laying on a skin.

Right.

But

something funny had to happen.

They knew they could kill animals.

They knew they could rip the skin off.

Yeah.

Something funny had to happen.

As long as there have been human beings, there has to have been laughter.

That's beautiful.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Something's funny.

That's beautiful.

Usually it's like a caveman tripping and falling into a bone that

penetrates its skull.

And they go, ha ha, sucks to me.

It's like America's funniest on videos.

Do you only think they laugh at people hurting themselves?

Yeah, well, I mean, what if they laughed at like a witticism?

What, like hug?

Like a dry bon.

Who, what do you think is the driest thing a caveman could say?

You have to, here's what I bet they laugh at.

Like, they're playing caveman baseball, right?

Where they have a big, a big bone from a tiger.

A club.

They have a club.

They have a club, right?

And someone throws like a rock.

A rock at them.

A round rock.

And the rock, they miss swinging at it with a bone, but the rock hits them in the balls and they're like oof, and then everyone goes,

You think they laugh, they just say the one word they know, yep, instead of ha ha ha ha ha, because it would come out like that.

Yeah, what do you think the first word was?

You can't until there's more words, you have to use that for every sound.

What do you think the first word was that they all agreed, like, this is it, this is gonna stick?

Pussy

og, go, go pussy.

That would make them laugh.

Me like.

There's a couple right there.

Me like.

Oh, I just said there's a couple right there.

And that's how language evolves.

And the words were slowing from that point because it got them talking.

From pussy to me-like to, I just had a couple right there.

We were talking about the Bible recently, the Tower of Babel thing.

You know, the lesson of the Tower of Babel is that everyone spoke one language and one language only.

And then,

because they built too tall of a building, they tried to build a tower to heaven.

Yeah.

And then how high did they get up to heaven?

Hey, no.

I'm up here for a reason.

Don't try to poke me with your tower.

If I wanted to be down there, I'd be down there.

If I wanted you up here, you'd be up here.

But how tall do you think they realistically got?

So wait, they're building a

tower.

You're building a tower.

Of language?

No.

No, no, no.

A literal.

They build a tower.

And then the tower gets too tall.

God says, I don't like it.

Not Not only am I going to fuck up your tower, I'm going to make it so everybody speaks a different language.

And that's why that app is called Babel.

Yes.

And that's why Babbling is called Babel.

No, no, no.

That's called B-A B-E-L.

That app is called Babel because of the Babelfish from

the Chiker Skies of the Galaxy, which was a little fish you put in your ear, then you can understand every language.

But that was called Babelfish because of

the Tower of Babel.

Right.

So, but I mean, what a,

I mean, obviously, none of that is true.

Also, why did we change the spelling of of Babel from the Tower of Babel to the word Babel?

Like, Bubbles used to be B-U-B-E-L.

Now it's minimal.

It's a blue.

Bluebell.

But you know what I mean?

Like, none of that is true.

How tall did they actually build it?

That's one thing.

They probably got like

10 feet.

You think they got all the way up to the Sears Tower in Bible days?

Yes.

Okay.

I absolutely do.

I think they built skyscrapers and they just didn't have cameras to take pictures of them.

But they had cave paintings.

They had cave paintings?

Yeah, they would all build a huge tower, then go back to their caves.

They wouldn't live in that.

This is where the paintings are.

I just like the cave more.

I'm just used to it.

But, but, but, okay, so it's not.

Obviously, none of that happened.

It's

obviously it's made up.

But, but, why write that to explain why there are different languages everywhere?

I think because it was a primitive form of zoning laws.

But couldn't languages be explained?

You can't build anything too higher God with cursors.

Simply, with what really happened, and I'm not saying anything against religion, but I'm saying wouldn't the story of people settled in different areas and learned to speak from each other and made different languages make more sense?

That makes sense.

Then everyone building a tower and falling down, and then they were in different areas and they had to speak different languages because it's also

unrelated to the tower building.

But it also makes it a punishment.

Like God says, I'm going to destroy your tower, but also I'm just getting an idea right now.

I'm also going to make it so we can't understand each other.

Yeah, but

that's what I mean is it's kind of a,

I don't want to say God was racist, but it's kind of a, it's kind of a racist story to make saying like, oh,

other languages are a punishment.

Right.

Here's what's xenophobic.

Yeah.

God invented racism.

Yeah.

He invented everything.

By making it so we can't understand each other?

He invented racism.

He did.

Yeah.

Because if we could understand each other, everything would be fine.

Do you think God?

Yeah, because everyone who speaks English gets along really well.

Did God invent driving on the opposite side of the street in England?

Hey, guys.

I know it's a long tradition of driving on the opposite end of the street.

Just change it.

Also, if you're going to write look left, look right, whatever on your own.

It's easier for everyone to just drive on the other side.

Can you please put little eyeballs in the O's?

Yeah, that's a good point.

Right?

I just saw.

I just saw a look right written on the ground in America.

What?

Was it a place that a lot of tourists go to?

Where was I?

I can't remember if it was in LA or if it was in Seattle.

I think it was in L.A.

Oh, that's why I'm glad I voted for Trump.

He'll get that erased.

Hey, I don't really want to talk about who you voted for anymore because you always bring that up.

I love talking about it.

I know.

I just don't want to keep talking about it.

How many times, by the way, did you vote for?

Twice so far.

Only twice?

Now I don't have to vote ever again.

It's all set.

I mean, this is, by the way, we're recording this in advance.

Hopefully there's still a world.

Yeah, we don't know.

We might be just a little bit more.

Within a few weeks, there might not be a world.

Yeah.

I guess it's possible.

There might not be an internet.

Who knows?

We're recording this.

We should be so lucky.

Now, don't you think if they took away social media

entirely, not the government, but just if it just was erased.

Right.

We'd all be better off.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I do think so.

Like, I think, I think the internet is good for like,

here's the problem.

There used to be crazy people everywhere in towns, and you would just kind of go, like, ah, that's the local weirdo.

None of us believe what he believes, but now all the local weirdos have found each other all over the world and they band together.

That's crazy.

And now we have Bitcoin.

And

their beliefs are validated by other local weirdos that used to be outcasts.

Now they're national weirdos.

Yes.

So the internet is good for like i think ebay could still be a thing

oh i would still want stuff like that

you still want to be able to podcast all your weirdos

why do we do away with podcasts they're no they're not good for america wouldn't it be entertainment they could only be entertainment yeah they could there couldn't be any talk about so nothing could pretend to be real that isn't real yes you would just say like oh it's entertainment i don't have to take it seriously yeah nothing could be satirical

no parodies None?

No.

Wait, why it out?

You're out of here.

Why can't you have a picture?

Imagine

there's no parodies.

Because what is one parodying?

The world.

That's not nice.

It isn't hard.

Oh, because it's not nice.

It's not nice.

Oh, I see.

Hey, the world just wants to be left alone.

Can we talk about when Gal Gado did that Imagine video?

Sure.

Of course, Lauren and I have worked with her.

Did I?

She was our colleague.

I think you were there that day.

I think I was.

you were just off camera, I think.

Yeah, and we got some shots of you.

I only remember what I've done if it's been on if I was on camera.

Is this between two farms?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, okay, she's quarantine is happening.

People are stuck at home.

She thinks.

By the way, is she wasn't in charge of it, right?

She just was the first person.

She did text people to do it.

Yes.

All right.

That was my understanding.

She went through her contacts to all these famous people and a couple people.

I have no idea who they are.

I have her contact.

Why didn't she reach out to me?

Oh, no.

You could have been a part of it.

I should have emailed her right after.

Like, hey, I'm here.

And so

the instructions were just sing this song.

In hindsight, sure.

But they didn't give a key.

The key is the problem.

Send everyone an MP3.

Crucial.

Yeah, crucial.

If everyone was listening in their ear, it should have gone well.

Exactly.

It should have.

I don't think everyone was kind of on a different tune, different beat, different tempo, different melody.

Make a click track.

The one that I did in quarantine was David Wayne had his, he was putting together all of those videos where people he knew were forming bands in their own homes, and he would, he would stitch it all together.

And I'd played guitar on an REM song, and I did it in my ear, and I played along with it, and it all worked out great.

Did you play along to the original track?

Was that what everybody was using?

I think everyone used the original track.

Smart.

Yeah,

great.

Yeah, that's what everyone could have done.

I don't really remember those videos.

They're great.

They're fun.

We did an REM song.

They're fun.

They're great.

I'll watch them all every day.

i was seeing that the other day because of what you said so what who cares

but janie and i will at home if somebody says so what or who cares we will both say so what who cares in the manner of fred armiston as joy behar i believe we just talked about this two episodes ago did we talk about it on this show yeah oh i thought we just talked about it off no it was microphone um but that's a good well then you're all caught up everyone's caught up previously on freedom

previously on freedom if we tell the same story think of it as a previously on yeah it's like you know when you're watching the white lotus you don't skip

wait why are we doing the the tomahawk

i wasn't uh no that wasn't what was happening wait in the last episode it didn't have that right wasn't it wasn't it slightly different it was different there was actually a big news article yeah did they take off his music just because he in the final episode to be dicks?

No, no, no, the musician who made the opening credits song.

Yeah, yeah, I guess he didn't like that

news from two months ago, by the way.

That Mike White gave him notes or didn't like something about it.

So then he was basically like, screw that guy.

He very publicly was like, yes.

He didn't like the version I did and everyone was making fun of this version.

They don't like it, but I was trying to make it like the other one, but he said no.

And then Mike White was kind of like, I think he said, quote, that was a bitch move.

Right.

But are you saying they took off his music for the final episode?

No, I'm saying

the theme for the third season is different.

Right, right.

Okay, that's what you're talking about.

But he wants, the musician was like, I was trying to make it more like that, but then he said no, but everyone made fun of it.

And now, look.

Yeah.

But here's the thing, Scott: entertainment news is evergreen.

That's what it is.

People love to hear about it, no matter, even if they've heard it before.

You know how sometimes you'll, someone will remind you of a big entertainment news story from a year ago, and you go, oh, I forgot about that.

Yeah, that's that's the service that we're providing.

We're trying to give you that experience.

Oh, I forgot about that.

I forgot about that whole thing.

Yeah,

like you know, there was a lot of a lot of like BTS fighting on happy days.

BTS, the Korean

engines,

people fighting on happy days?

No, I don't know.

I'm just making up fake entertainment

that's really old.

Yeah,

who?

I guess the, you know, Scott Bayo was on happy days.

Sure, he was on Charles in charge.

Maybe he was the source of problems.

No, there were no problems.

I made that up.

No, I'm saying if there were.

If there were.

Did I tell you about everybody seemed to love each other on happy days?

Did I tell you about when my father, before he

passed away, he weird delivery?

He,

I think two times in his life, he pitched me

shows that he wanted me to make.

Oh, no, bro.

Oh, no, bro.

You don't get to do that.

Whoa.

If you're going to be pitching me shit you better be on board supportive of everything i do yeah and you and i don't get you got to say you're proud of me i don't get to pitch uh uh airline compartments that you get to manufacture

what was one of his ideas so he pitched two two things in his life to me

and one was a gardening show and i just had i just had to be and by the way he took me to lunch he was like well we can meet in the middle of where we both lived and he took me to lunch and like pitched me a a gardening show.

And I was like, uh-huh.

And I was like, Well, is that why he wanted to have lunch with you?

Yeah.

And what would happen?

God damn.

People would garden and then he would be a producer on it.

Or he was the creator or something.

I got a helicopter would drop Agent Orange on everyone.

That's, I have to say, the, the, uh, the, the,

the, the vet department, uh,

the VA, the VA recently, uh, after he passed away, uh, said that Agent Orange was a contributing factor.

And it might have been.

In any case, and then the other one that I remember was with the gardening one, I had to kind of gently say, like, I don't really have any contacts in the

places that would buy that kind of show.

You know what I mean?

Like, I've nor would I

work comedy, not gardening.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But the other one was he had a big idea for a happy days reunion movie.

Whoa.

And he goes, but Ron Howard is now a big dramatic director, so it's a drama.

Honestly, I would love to see that.

And I had to

call it dramatic days.

Dramatic days.

Sad days.

But I was sort of like kind of serious days.

I was sort of going, this is back in.

Let's say it's in the early 2000s.

So I was like, okay, it's been 30 years.

Let's call it 25 years since the show.

They were pushing the end of the 50s by the end of that show.

Oh, no, they were into the 60s.

They were into the 60s.

So this takes place in 1985.

And he was kind of like, oh, I didn't think about that.

That's right.

He didn't get too far with his ideal.

It would have been interesting to see those characters in the 80s.

They'll probably do it.

You have a reunion for everything now.

I don't.

Hey, so this movie, Back to the Future.

I mean, I'll.

But they would, if they did it now,

they would do friends reunion style, probably, where like the most I would do is sit around reminiscing.

There's no way that they do.

That would be nice.

Fuck that shit.

I like reminiscing.

Let's reminisce right now.

Okay.

Remember when you said fuck that shit?

Yeah.

That was so funny.

That was fun.

Yeah, good times.

Yeah.

It was good.

Happy days.

Happy days.

Sunday, Monday, happy days.

Tuesday, Wednesday, sad days.

Thursday, Friday.

Dramatic.

Dramatic days.

Weekend comes.

Tuesday, Wednesday, sad days.

You're doing the Mayor Key version.

Yeah.

Also, welcome to the doll house.

Also, I have to say, then I ended up working with Ron Howard for there's a lot of things you're saying that you have to say.

I do have to say this.

Who's making you

required?

Who's making you require me?

As a disclaimer

to paint my father in a a better light than perhaps this tiny snippet of our relationship conveys.

I came to work with Ron Howard for a year.

Very nice man.

And you worked with him on for a year.

I worked for Jason Manzucas and I worked for Imagine Films for a year.

It's easy if you try.

It's easy if you try.

Bringing it all back to Imagining, Gal Gadat.

And I saw him at a party and he, and I was thinking, he doesn't remember me.

And he very nicely came up to me and then talked to me for 15 minutes.

Wow.

That's very nice.

Very nice, man.

Did he give you a baseball cap?

He did.

That said dramatic days on it.

Does he give baseball caps?

No, he wears them all the time.

He should.

If you're going to wear, if it's a signature thing.

Well, does that mean you're going to start giving them out?

You should start giving them out.

I don't wear them as often as he does.

You wear pins, though, and you give them out.

Yeah.

Right.

Don't you?

What?

You give away the spontaneation pins?

Well, if you do the show.

Sure.

Sure.

I'm not saying you give them out to everyone you meet on the street.

That would be insane.

That would be insane.

I'm not insane.

You're not.

I'm normal.

But I'm not insane.

I do want to say that my father knew that I was working for Ron Howard.

He knew.

And he never brought it up

while I was working for Ron Howard.

Wow.

That 1985 thing threw him so hard.

So it's not something where he was like, hey, remember that thing I pitched you six years ago?

Now you're working with Ron Howard.

Maybe you could.

That's what he thinks.

Do you think he was, but was he excited you were working with Ron Howard?

I don't know.

That is kind of where I thought I was going, that that impressed him.

But

I don't know that anything impressed anyone.

That's hard.

That's hard.

All right, we have to take a break.

It's back to

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Back to school season, little boys and girls.

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And we're back.

We are back.

It feels good to be back.

I like being back.

It feels so good to be back.

I was scared in that liminal space that we were in.

I was scared because we cease to exist when a commercial is happening.

You hear us during the commercials, but we pre-recorded that.

We're not pre-recording this right now.

No, this is happening now.

Yeah.

This is happening as you're listening to it.

And we disappear.

No, that's not true, is it?

It is.

Janie asked us if we could record more so that she could have you exist more.

Yeah.

Because

well, then when do I get time to myself?

So the time when we're not recording is time to yourself when you don't exist?

That's when I don't exist.

That's why I love it.

I love going away to the void.

I love going away to the void.

I did not have sexual relations with that.

I went to the void with that that woman.

If you died and found out that

ghosts were real and that you were a ghost, what would you want to do?

Oh my God, haunt me.

Do you want to hold it?

Do you think you can go haunt people that you don't like?

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's better.

Because then you're not hanging around like

someone you love and watching them move on or watching them be sad all the time.

Either one is bad.

If you were a ghost, how would you feel about getting busted?

We're a ghost.

Like getting getting sucked into a tank it makes it makes the buster feel good well what do you do in the little box yeah i think a lot of screaming is kind of what it feels like because once they get out it kind of feels like yeah anytime they yeah pull the lever or whatever you hear a lot of like ah you put me in that fucking box it's kind of like that mummy yeah hey

if by the way i wanted to say this last episode universal i know you're trying to get the dark universe back up and running are they really well i mean they have the you know the invisible Man and Wolfman movies are kind of like supposedly tied together.

Didn't they already try to do a Wolfman movie with Benicio del Toro?

One just came out earlier this year.

What?

Yeah.

What was it called?

Wolfman, I think.

No.

Yeah.

Are you serious?

I've never heard of Wolfman.

I am more serious about this than anything in my life.

And

who's in The Invisible Man?

The Invisible Man was Elizabeth Moss.

That was their.

I saw that.

That was good.

Actually, it was so strange.

I went to see that movie at a small theater.

Right as quarantine happened.

No, it was literally the last movie I saw before.

And I was in the theater and it was only me.

No, no, no.

In the theater was only me and Mike and coincidentally, Brett and Dana.

And they were like,

we sat in the theater, like rows apart and watched Invisible Man.

And then it became, it was so ironic because it felt like COVID was an Invisible Man.

Yes.

And it's weird also to be like, hey, come see this invisible thing.

I wouldn't go see it.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, I actually think that movie was really creepy.

It was very creepy.

With the technology

creep used.

Yeah, I thought it was the only invisible, it was a new twist on it where

it wasn't like a guy who drinks a potion.

Oh, no, I'm invisible.

It was a guy who invented it.

He tried to make, he actively made an invention that made him invisible.

And it was, and it was a and used it for creep purposes.

But the wolf of the wolf man I saw

and it was

top lined by, I can never remember her name.

She's in Ozark.

Laura Linney?

No, the younger person.

Oh, who's attached to the Madonna biophobia?

What is her name?

She's great.

She's great.

Anyway, so there's

a, it's not Juno Temple.

Who is it?

I feel like I missed this movie in the middle.

The other girl from Dirty John.

I definitely didn't see it, but I don't remember hearing about it.

Yeah.

So it came out earlier in the year.

And so it's them trying to, and

I feel like it has the same producer or like ties.

Julia Garner.

Julia Garner.

In In any case, if they make

a mummy movie,

it's got to include that sound.

Even if it's like the Wilheim scream, where it's like a little meme joke.

If there's somebody, like the mummy gets in a fight with somebody,

gets punched in the gut.

That would be fucking.

It's like when they put the juggernaut bitch into the

movie.

It's the juggernaut bitch.

Was that a cartoon?

What was that based on?

That was a

early meme days,

a YouTube,

I guess it was on YouTube.

Yeah, it was like excerpts from the X-Men cartoon of the character, the Juggernaut, and then somebody dubbing over it and having the Juggernaut say things like, I'm the Juggernaut bitch.

And then they put it in the movie.

Yeah.

In that X-Men 3 or whatever that he was in.

And everyone laughed because it was a reference.

Everyone laughed.

They got a big giggle.

Yeah.

They had a big giggle.

Everyone had a big giggle about it.

They had to be.

I almost started doing an accent that was problematic.

I wasn't trying to do it.

I'm just trying to be a weird guy.

But

if you could

write and direct any monster movie,

which one would you make?

Monster Movie.

Yeah.

What would be fun for you?

Or be in if you're more into acting.

But, you know, I mean, we all have

more fun to think of it.

I really like the way that the Where the Wild Things Are movie looks.

Man, I liked that too.

It looked so good.

I liked that movie while I watched it, and then I've never

watched it again.

I never thought about it or revisited it.

Yeah, but it was like Arcade Fire.

There was a lot of emotion with that movie.

I went to Scandal Feeney.

I don't really, I almost don't even want to know what happened in it because I kind of don't remember.

I went with Paul Rust and Kula

to the Arclight in the Valley.

This is your specific superpower that you can name exactly when and where you saw a film.

Opening night, and there were.

I remember I saw Van Hilsing at the Cinerama Dome.

There were two

16-year-old kids

talking really loud during the whole thing.

And I was like, this is the Arclight.

The Arclight was like a place where that stuff is frowned upon.

It's a movie church.

Because there's kind of someone who's able to say, we're going to watch this film.

No, be quiet.

But this is where I learned the Arclight Valley edition is vastly different from the Arclight Valley edition.

So I had to go.

Jax is there.

I had to go find some, you know, I was like, hey, could you guys keep it down?

And they were like, this is a kids' movie.

Shut up.

And

that's a good company.

We're 16, so this is for us.

Yeah.

You shut up.

And so I had to go get an usher.

And then they said, hey, we're going to kick you out if you ever say anything else.

And then stood there watching them for a while.

And they never, to their credit, they never said anything else the rest of the movie.

To their credit, they were cowed.

But it made me on edge.

Yeah, of course.

In that way, like, I don't know whether I was more relaxed because they weren't talking throughout the whole thing and I solved the problem or if I just should have been like, who gives a shit?

This is a kid's movie.

Shut up to myself.

Right.

But it wasn't a kid's movie.

No, I was looking forward to

not a kid's movie.

Where the wild things things are.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

There's no way that movie was for kids.

No, it's too emotional.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've been looking forward to it.

I'd been to the panel at Comic-Con where they showed previews for it, and we were like, oh, good, and like, tearing up.

And so I was like, really, you know, really into seeing it.

But it just, those interactions, I'm trying to have less of them.

Like, trying to learn

strangers.

Or just like getting...

Getting irritated by strangers.

Oh, you're in a public environment.

I'm just like, take a deep breath.

Just go, none of this matters.

Who cares?

I have found that that kind of stuff bothers me a lot less these days.

Like, if I'm in a, in a public place and somebody's acting up or making too much noise or something like that, it's become more,

I would say, overall, it's become more like a funny thing to me.

Like, these people are fucking weird or whatever.

Right.

It depends, I guess, what I am

trying to do.

Or, yeah.

I feel like my problem that I've always had,

and I've gotten better at not getting involved, but when people are rude to employees, yes, like around you, yes, I like or people you know are rude to employees.

Well, I don't really experience that very, I don't, I don't really have like a memory of someone I know being rude to an employee.

So, just like you're in line at a

dildo shop.

Today I was at my dildo shop and I was getting like 20 dildos and this guy came in.

I was at UPS.

Because they're one use, right?

They are single-use.

This guy's so wasteful.

I know, but that's how they're made.

They're paper thin.

This

guy was just being kind of like ornery to the guy at UPS.

And on my way out, I just rolled my eyes really hard.

Wait, an employee at the shop was being no, like a customer who I think lost his wallet there with them.

It sounded like I heard on the speakerphone that they had found the wallet, but they were like, oh, he, the guy on the phone was like, does he have white hair?

And then this guy with white hair came in.

Oh, I'm a guy with white hair.

This certainly isn't Talcott.

Did you find my wallet?

The employee who was listening to this guy on speakerphone was like, Yeah.

And then that guy came in, and he was like being kind of like,

and then the employee was like, Oh, yeah,

I think he found it, but he didn't understand me.

So he has to look again.

And then the guy's like, What?

What do you mean he didn't understand you?

And he's like, just getting really kind of weird about it.

And anyways, I didn't get involved, involved, but as I was leaving, I rolled my eyes really hard because I just was like, oh, this fucking guy.

And then I was thinking, oh, that's kind of fun.

Like, someone might have watched me on the security footage.

Maybe, like, all the times when you kind of think enhanced that.

When no one's this woman rolled her eyes, no one's looking at you, but like, there is like a camera filming you.

Just think about those weird times when you think you're just making a face to yourself and like someone maybe saw it.

Absolutely.

But anyway, I just was thinking about that because this, that person was kind of rude.

And I was like, why do people get like that?

It's just so fucked.

It's like, he's going to, people are more likely to help you if you're nice.

Yeah.

Not if you're getting like, well, why is it like this?

You catch more flies with honey, honey.

I went out to dinner.

Janie and I went out to dinner with her mom and friends of hers, her mom, and the husband.

of this couple I had never met before.

Were they sitting with you?

No, we were all sitting together.

Okay.

And this guy is an older gentleman, but he was the classic.

He he was the classic, like

giving specific instructions to our server, this young woman.

And

he wanted a certain, you know, scotch or whatever.

She was like, well, I don't know if we have that.

I'll go check with the bar.

And then she walks away and he's like, she has to go check to see if they have that.

Like, she should know, whatever.

It's a little boomer.

Oh, yeah.

It was all boomery all the way.

And then she comes back and he starts talking to her, like,

you know, they should have this and they should have that, and you should tell them they should get this.

He's like, She doesn't care.

That's exactly what it is.

She doesn't have a steak in this restaurant.

Leave her alone.

Just don't come back here if they don't have your O-Bon or whatever.

Yeah,

yeah.

Is that a certain and hey, a lot of our listeners probably are Scotch drinkers out there?

Not a lot.

What percentage would you say are Scotch drinkers?

Two percent.

Two percent.

But you're probably scotch really uncommon.

No, no.

Oh, the one 2%.

But I also think it is.

I don't know.

Oh, okay.

It just seemed low.

I'm making it up.

But I also do think it is a certain mindset.

AKA grindset that

is kind of falling out of fashion.

I know young people are drinking less and less.

So

the statistics have shown that.

So I think the Scotch drinker is a certain type of person that I think 50 years ago,

there are less and less people who are that type of person.

But I just have an impression of the Scotch drinker that that is what they're like.

Like, scotch is the most important thing to them.

And if no, if someone else doesn't have the exact knowledge they have, then they don't know their jobs.

I get that that's your impression, but the scotch drinkers that I know people who are very into scotch and are not like that at all, you know, would never talk to a server that way.

Okay.

And also, this is like just a, this is some Italian restaurant.

Like bottle of red, bottle of white.

Your expectation of their bar in terms terms of the liquor that they stock is like, well, you're, you know,

stop it.

Just fucking shut up.

Yeah.

We're lucky that alcohol exists.

Thank God.

And boy, we really are.

You know what I mean?

And that people are putting a time to make it.

Nothing but good things to the world.

What is one thing if you could get rid of in the world?

Like, it could be a plant.

It could be an animal.

Whatever you want.

Fucking guns.

Yes.

Mosquitoes.

Honestly, number one, with a bullet.

With mosquitoes over guns.

I would allow a hundred more mosquitoes in the world.

I bet mosquitoes.

I bet mosquitoes cause more deaths than guns.

I disagree.

Disagree.

Don't you think?

No, I don't think.

With malaria?

I don't think.

No.

Okay, I'm going to look this up.

In the United States.

I'm going to say the world.

But we're the ones who are.

Why are you amending it to you?

You have no empathy for other countries?

No, of course I do.

I have nothing but empathy for other countries.

Everyone knows this about me.

It's all you have.

It's all I have.

Mosquitoes are estimated to cause over 700,000 deaths annually worldwide.

How many?

700,000.

And guns, in the United States, 46,000.

I wonder how many worldwide.

Let's do worldwide.

Probably 46,002.

I know.

250,000.

So mosquitoes are more deadly than guns.

I still want to get rid of the guns.

Yeah.

I still would get rid of the guns, yeah.

Yeah.

I guess so.

But they make that noise.

You like that?

I like hearing that noise.

Sometimes they also go.

Do you remember when you realized that people use the same sound effects in TV shows?

Yeah, my God.

I remember that.

You would hear like the ricochet of gunshots.

It is so hard to even watch a movie pre-93 or whatever because when there are gunshots, it's like,

you know,

my favorite was the

I remember when I would watch Arthur, the

cartoon show.

Oh, yeah.

And the little baby, I noticed that the baby cried the same.

But Arthur in the cartoon was also drunk all the time.

Every single episode, the baby cried the same.

And I started going, huh?

And then I now know that that's a common cartoon cry, and I heard it in other shows.

It just has an exact,

and then you just hear it.

It goes like the Wilhelm scream.

Yeah.

But it's the baby cry.

There used to be a baby gurgle that would be in a lot of commercials and things like that.

And it was a baby going,

but I can't do it.

I can't get that high.

Oh my god, Emmy last night for dessert, she wanted cheese and crackers, which I was kind of like, that's more of a savory.

But

cheese plate.

So she's very sophisticated.

I know, it's very nice.

But she got cheese and crackers.

And then her last cracker, she had one tiny bit left.

And I think she dropped it and went,

Where's the cracker?

And she's looking around.

And I said, is it in your bib?

And she opens up her bib and goes, oh.

It was very, we laughed very hard at it.

Fun.

There was a years ago, Evan Schlutter and I, Karen Kilgariff and Eben Schlutter and I did this show called Voice Overs the Top, which was about a husband and wife

voiceover artist team who solved crimes.

And

it was a really funny show.

But there was a lot of, because it was a fake radio thing, we did it like radio style.

This is before Thrilling Adventure Hour.

We like did it with scripture.

You came up with Thrilling Adventure Hour.

Yeah, I don't like to brag.

But there were a lot of sound effects in it.

I love that.

We did a fake

40s radio thing back in 89 and 90.

And I loved the sound effects part of it of like showing the sound effects people like cranking a thing.

We didn't do that.

These are just like pre-recorded sounds.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

But one of them was a door opening

and it had a certain little creak in it.

And it was just a stock sound effect.

And since then, I have heard that exact door sound effect in so many

things.

Yeah.

And just it always

you perk up the nostalgia of like, I'm on.

But doesn't it take you out of it when you like hear that and you're like, can you make a new one?

Yeah.

Also, why does every door need to creak?

Like, if the door opened and there wasn't a noise, I wouldn't be like, what?

Right.

It's so wild to me.

And then he opened a door.

And you just hear.

It's like, like, that's what doors normally sound like.

Just kind of like.

You hear the turning of the hardware.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

But it's not like.

Not everybody's a phone in a house.

But also because we were doing that because there was not a, we didn't didn't have an actual door.

If you're a TV show, we can see the door opening.

We don't need to hear that noise.

Just to give you a little pushback.

Please, have you ever seen any door opening on TV?

Wait a minute.

What about

Let's Make a Deal?

They call them doors, but they're really just partitions.

Those doors don't make any noise at all.

Yeah.

Well, isn't that interesting?

Well, isn't that special?

Well, that special chopped broccoli.

Also, it made sense in Star Trek you would have that noise because you wouldn't want people sneaking up on you.

Yeah.

They're like, they probably could have made those doors have no noise in the future.

But it's like the electric car.

They're like, well, you can't just walk into a room and people have to do it.

It's like electric cars now.

They don't have to have that hum.

But when you don't have it, they found that they were getting into way more accidents because people are just walking around.

There's no car.

It's still surprising.

I mean, it's still, you have to be careful of it.

Wait, hold on.

Yeah.

Sound effects.

Thing.

Door.

Sound effects.

Thing.

Door.

Man, woman, camera.

Man, woman.

Eat.

It's gone.

Drink.

Man, woman.

Eat, pray, love.

What were we talking about after the

shit?

Doors.

Partition.

Why were we talking about doors?

I remember.

Here it is.

And I may have talked about this before, but

the feedback from microphones, anytime you see a microphone on screen, it's someone's doing poorly on screen.

Even if they're not doing poorly, it's just like if somebody steps up to a microphone to introduce something, they always put

feedback in there to tell the audience it's working or not.

For whatever, I don't know.

This is a mic.

Yeah, it is like whatever someone like on an auditorium stage.

Yeah, I

got, I was on Twitter and I said, hey, stop putting this in there.

And I think I said, like, hey, editor, stop putting this in there.

And then like a few people wrote back to me.

A few people wrote back to me and very adamantly explained to me, the director always says to put it in.

Well, that's the thing.

I think similarly on X.com, I

said, hey, actors playing

like

leaders of military units, stop saying, move, move, move, after you give an order.

And Colin Hanks said,

It's impossible not to because I feel like the director kind of makes you do it to fill up time, you know.

But it's like, all right, everyone, company, you know, C company, move out, move, move, move, move, move.

While they're going.

I haven't noticed that that much.

I guess

I never would have thought that that's unusual.

It never would have struck me as something that doesn't really happen.

It happens so much in movies, it really bothers me.

But the mic thing is, but I feel that the mic thing is usually

the director trying to communicate someone does bad.

Someone's doing a, like, makes a bad joke.

Or like they're nervous and like it gets the attention of everyone in the room, like, oh, and then they turn and go, oh, that kid's on stage now.

Like, you know, when the feedback goes, and then

like the room's so quiet, and there's feedback, and then it's like, no, but they put it in later.

Right.

No, I know.

I'm saying, but it's like.

But I'm saying it's not like a, it's not, it's not part of the script.

It's not part of the script.

It's not part of the, like, people aren't reacting to it.

Right.

This is not how it works.

I'm putting it in a pork is what we want to say.

Microphones barely ever feedback.

It's so rare that a microphone feeds back.

When someone like tells you something that bothers them, like a pet peeve, like for that, for instance, these two things, are you ever afraid, like, now I'm going to notice that and be annoyed by that?

Because right now I'm afraid of move, move, move.

It's going to,

I mean, I don't think you're going to remember anything we talked about.

I hope that I forget because 10 minutes from now.

I don't want to think about this every time this happens, but I feel like I'm going to.

But when you notice certain tropes.

No, I know.

Then you can't unnotice that.

But then that also raises your taste level, I think, of like, you're not then going to put it in a higher level.

Military dialogue is so cliched in everything you see.

It's very rare that it's not.

There was one in the show 24 that would bug me.

Jack Bauer, he big hit.

He big hit.

When it was pointed out to me, it would bug me.

But when they would say they would confuse brief and debrief all the time.

And I'm like, this is a majorly high-budget show and you're confusing brief and debrief.

And just Google it.

Yeah, just what

or like, just Google it, Jeff.

There would be one person.

It's easy to figure out.

Yeah, there'd be one person who goes, hey, hey, you actually, you know, transpose those.

Yeah.

And then you never make that mistake.

Right.

But I think the problem is, because I've seen similar things, is that

either nobody knows or somebody who does know is not in a position where they feel like I I can say to this person, hey, you got that wrong.

Yeah.

Because I've seen shit like that where it's like, how did this get by so many people?

Well, like, you know, like, if you're with, if you're like acting and then someone mispronounces something and then you're like, is anyone going to say?

Yeah.

And then sometimes they do.

But I, but it's, but it's like, okay, I'm not going to say it because it's like rude as the other actor to be like, that's actually pronounced like this.

Yeah.

Because I, it's always race.

It's just not up to me to say that.

David Spade was saying the wrong missy.

And he was actually saying the rung missu.

Rung missu.

And I forever was just going,

I accepted what this fee.

Yeah.

All right, we have to take a break.

Bye.

I'm Husa Minhaj, and I have been lying to you.

I only pretended to be a comedian so I could trick important people into coming on my podcast, Hussin Minhaj doesn't know, to ask them the tough questions that real journalists are way too afraid to ask.

People like Senator Elizabeth Warren.

Is America too dumb for democracy?

Outrageous.

Parenting expert, Dr.

Becky.

How do you skip consequences without raising a psychopath?

It's a good question.

Listen to Hussa Minhaj Doesn't Know from Lemonata Media, wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi, Romania.

We're back.

I get you.

Oh my gosh.

Oh my God, you startled me.

Oh, God, we're all startling each other.

What if Tarzan did the theme to the good, the bad, and the ugly?

What if Tarzan meets?

What if Alphaba did the theme to the good, the bad, and the ugly?

Great mashup.

We'd love to hear it.

That's great.

That's great.

That's great.

God.

What if they did movie mashups?

God.

God damn it.

Fuck.

Or movies were like layered on top of each other.

Like jaws and E.T.

at the same time.

Yeah.

Like a shark eating ET.

Do you know that they sync up perfectly?

Do they really?

Yeah.

Like if you start one

and start the other at the same time, they both are started.

Yes.

And they sync up perfectly with the

minutes.

Like the minutes line up perfectly.

So like one minute goes by in one.

Yes.

A minute goes by in the other one.

Yeah.

It's freaky.

Yeah.

It's crazy.

I mean, they end at different times.

If you get stoned, though,

crazy.

By the way, we are.

What if they have the exact same running time?

That would be wild.

That would be wild.

All right, we have our sponsor back, by the way, who's sponsoring our gummies.

So I'm oh, I know.

I'm so happy.

Very excited.

I'm so happy.

Because I'm getting roasted and toasted.

I had a gummy last night.

It was so good.

They're wonderful.

I, because I was never

a big weed person.

And then

now that it's legal and you don't have to smoke it,

I go through this every time.

If I get high, there's a moment where I think, this feels so good.

I don't want to clean my room.

Because I got high.

Afro man.

I feel like this is.

You are our generation's Afro man.

Well, thank you.

I've always said that.

We're going to play a threecher now.

Yes, this is pitch a sit song.

What this is, is someone, I don't know.

It's a sit song, the end.

Someone in this room.

Someone gives a name of a song, and then someone else pitches a sitcom based on the song, based on the title of the song.

They make up what that, what that would be.

If that was the title of the sitcom, what would that sitcom be?

Yes.

The person who pitched the song title

has to come up with the theme song to the show so i guess we're uh whoever that doesn't make sense does it no because i think it's you pitch a title you give somebody the title of the song then they have to come up with what the but the thing would be about then you sing a different song classic freedom we're deciding the rules yes

yes you sing you make up a song yeah that would be for that sitcom yeah but it's got that title it's got that title all right so basically like so this is how the three of us play everyone is pitching to two people.

One person

gives the song title.

One person has to come up with the synopsis for the show, what the show would be.

Oh, and then the final person is going to be able to do that.

Two people are pitching to one person.

Got it.

Yes.

So two people are pitching together.

Great.

All right.

We'll start with Lauren and myself pitching to Scott.

Okay.

Okay, and I'm going to do the you give the song title.

Okay.

The sweater song.

Undone parentheses, the sweater song.

Oh, it's got got a song in the title.

Great.

Okay.

Hi.

Thank you for meeting with us.

Oh, my gosh.

We're so grateful for this time and opportunity.

I have to say, it's my pleasure.

I'm a huge fan of both of your work.

Oh, thank you.

Individually.

And then when I heard that you were going to work together, I was like, this is like a super group.

Thank you.

That's so nice.

Well, that's kind of

how did you both decide to work together?

We looked at each other and we thought this would be a super group.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So it's funny you didn't know each other beforehand or you just happened to look at at each other.

We looked at each other's Instagrams.

We looked at each other's Instagrams and we DM'd each other at the exact same time.

This would be a super group.

Yeah.

And then we wrote back to each other, oh my God, I was just thinking that.

And then we're like, oh my God, I was just thinking that.

And then wrote back to each other.

This is where it branched off.

I wrote L-O-L and she wrote L-M-M-A-L-O.

Yeah.

L-M-A-I-O.

M-L-M-A-I-O.

Laughing my ass in outer space.

Well, I wrote back space.

Yeah.

Oh, this is an an incredible story.

Well, what do you have for me?

Because obviously we're not buying a ton, but we have a little discretionary money before the end of the year.

Your mad money?

Yeah,

exactly.

So, what, you know, I can buy something, so I am excited to hear it.

Great.

Well, it's called The Sweater Song, Parentheses, Undone.

And it's a great show.

It's a really great show.

Oh,

I mean, I'm going to tell you all what I'm looking for.

I'm going to tell you all about it.

My partner here is going to sing a theme song.

Okay.

Okay.

I'm really excited to get to do that.

Are you a singer?

I am.

Yeah.

Professionally?

I'm a pop star.

Oh, I thought I recognized you.

You recognize me from like the big stadiums and stuff.

You're Charlie XCX.

I'm Charlie XXX.

Oh, that's different.

It's like no, no, no.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Got it.

Okay.

Well, what's the show?

I'm Bill Nye.

The science guy.

Which is why it's such a fun pairing.

Yeah.

The show, The Sweater Song, parentheses undone.

Is about

a lady who knits sweaters.

Okay.

So this is our POV, our main character.

This is our main character.

She can only, she gets cursed by a witch.

Where's this witch from?

She's from two towns over.

But so that's close enough where she could be a part of the narrative if we wanted to bring her back.

Yeah, of course.

Okay.

Like

not a recurring, but every once in a while.

Okay.

Oh.

So the woman.

I thought recurring meant every once in a while.

This is not even as much as that.

It's few and far between.

We call it a few and far between.

Yeah, this is technically recurring.

You learn something new in this business every day.

This is incredible.

Okay.

Exactly.

Yes.

I learned about how molecules work.

So the witch.

So this woman had knit, her name is Marjorie.

Marjorie had knit a sweater for this witch.

The witch didn't like the sweater.

Was this a pay job upon consignment?

Yes, exactly.

Yeah, it was a commission sweater.

The witch didn't like the sweater, didn't think it was flattering.

So I curse you, Marjorie.

From now on, you can only knit while singing a song.

Okay.

But Marjorie has no voice box.

Oh, no.

What happened?

Was she a smoker?

She was a smoker.

She used to pull the smoker's Tupal.

She was a mid-Nitoker.

And she goes to the local museum.

Yes, the local.

Oh, good.

So she doesn't travel out of town for this.

No, she steals a mummy trachea.

Yes.

So she'll be able to sing and continue working, making her sweaters.

Was it, is it a, do we see the heist?

Is are there lasers that she can't trip?

And

no, there are lasers that she can trip.

She chooses not to.

Oh, so it's one of those museums where you're supposed to trip the lasers.

And if anyone doesn't trip them, that's when the alarm sounds?

Yes, exactly.

I love this.

So, um, and then the undone parentheses comes from if she,

if she, if the, if, when the person who tries on the sweater,

if they're not singing themselves, yeah, this is a secret part of the curse that Marjorie didn't know.

Oh, usually when a witch curses, she lays out all the rules, but this is like a little hidden, yeah, because we're like, why wouldn't the witch have secrets?

Yeah, you can just curse somebody if you're a witch and you're cursing people, you're willing to curse people.

Why wouldn't you be willing to withhold some facts?

I love this.

Yes, if the person wearing the sweater is not singing when they wear the sweater, it unravels.

Perfect.

Now, this is a way we can get tits in the show.

I was going to bring it up.

I'm glad you did.

And it's not just tits.

We also will see pecs.

Yeah, that's true.

Okay.

That's true.

That's all right.

And sometimes asks if there's like in full frontal nudity if the sweater is a long enough.

It was like a sweater dress.

I'm glad you brought this because this is a porn studio.

So I'm glad that this is.

I can tell from the statue of the two people fucking.

Um, can I jump into the song?

I'd love to hear it.

She wants to knit her sweater, but she can't unless she sings.

But she doesn't have a voice, so the doorbell always rings.

The witch, the witch, the witch is at the door.

The witch, the witch, the witch is at the door.

She must sing, she must sing.

Here she sings.

and that's the song she sings

well what do you say tears in my eyes i can see that and a boner in my pants because this is gonna make a huge amount of money oh my gosh thank you so much um who do you anticipate is starring in this katy perry yeah i figure she's like About to do poor and her career's over.

She's been in space.

She hasn't.

Yeah.

That's true.

Was she one of the people who went on the moon?

Yeah, but she was one of the 12 people.

12.

Yes.

I still don't remember.

She's still wildly overshooting it.

Then Gail King stayed inside.

All right.

You have a deal.

Yay!

Yay.

Happy ending.

Happy ending, ending.

Happy ending.

Happy ending, ending.

Yay.

Well, that's weak.

We could

end it there.

I do, I do have you do have a hard out, yeah.

So I don't mean to be that

need to be facetious or didactic, yeah, but we do have to go.

We do have to go.

We want to thank you for listening to Freedom, the podcast.

Um, if you would like to send us a three church, write to us at threedomusagmail.com, follow us on the socials, follow us on socials, freedom USA.

This is Holly Hunter, Shanghai.

Follow us on the socials.

If you would like to leave us a voicemail that we answer on our three meme episodes that we put out every other week, then go to the famous website, hagclaims8.com.

This is one of the most famous websites in the world.

If not the,

it's one of the most.

It's incredible.

Follow us on

social media, too, if you have a brain in your head.

I told them to do that.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm not listening.

It's okay.

I have no plugs at this time.

So I'm just going to get that off my chest.

I did not have sexual relations with that woman.

I, on the other hand, did.

Depends on what the definition of is is.

And listen, I'm still on tour.

I'm getting ready to go to what date is today?

That's a great question.

Thanks, ma'am.

It is,

if I had to guess,

I would say it is

May 29.

May 29?

Are you out of your mind?

May 29?

Are you out of your mind?

Well, then listen, tomorrow night, I'm in Fairfield, Connecticut.

Oh, man.

Saturday, I'm in Westerly, Rhode Island.

Then on to Homer, New York, Albany, New York, Portland, Oregon, Seattle, Vancouver.

This is our final run of the tour for now.

For now.

We'll be out there later in the year.

We'll be going to a few places.

But only on holidays.

Come out for this.

Halloween, Christmas.

Yeah, that's right.

So if you want to see non-holiday performances, this is your last one.

Yes, please come out and see us.

Paulftomkins.com slash Variatopia for tickets.

Is it Varietopia?

Paulftomkins.com/slash Varietopia.

You said Variatorpia last episode.

Well, I shouldn't have because it's Variatopia.

All right, but people can find this info.

If you just look up, please start typing that word.

You're going to get there.

Yeah, come on, man.

Yeah.

Come on, man.

Come on, man.

Wood.

Come on, man.

Come on, man.

What?

All right.

We are exactly at the time that Lauren has to leave.

Goodbye.

Bye.

A 15-year-old girl who chewed through a rope to escape a serial killer.

I use my front teeth to saw on the rope in my mouth.

He's been convicted of murdering two young women, but suspected of many more.

Maybe there's another one in that area.

And now, new leads that could solve these cold cases.

They could be a victim that we have no idea he killed.

Stolen Voices of Dole Valley breaks the silence on August 19th.

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