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I'm fine.

Three of them!

I only ask because

you're falling out.

Just don't ask.

Three of them.

Good morning.

Good morning to everyone out there listening in the morning.

Good afternoon to anyone who might be listening in the afternoon.

And good evening to all of you Night Owls out there.

May I say we routinely record at this time.

We do.

And yet it feels extremely early to me for some reason.

Yes.

Today, I mean, I've been up since 6.30 today.

Oh, what have I been doing?

It feels late, but also I'm tired, but it's early.

What have I been doing?

Just, you know, wanted to do some art.

No, my kids woke up at 6.30.

Oh, no.

And

so usually they get up at 7, so that did seem to make a very big difference in the morning routine and everything.

Story with this.

You know, I'm not doing it.

What is going on with them?

What's their major malfunction?

And also, I already had a very busy day because we had window washers at our home today.

Someone's washing your computer from Windows?

95.

I don't use Windows.

I'm an Applehead.

I had a Microsoft Word washers over.

Although, I kind of want one of those Microsoft, not Microsoft, with those

flip phones that they have, those Android phones.

That's fun.

why because they they're cool and they harken back to the phone I used to have to a super time my windows could not be clean I mean the difference amazing

so you can recognize it's day now yes wow I was wanting to do this for a while then the fires happened and like then there was like ash and stuff that I've been meaning to I to deal with on the outside and I can't reach blah blah blah and then finally yesterday I just said you know what I've had it and I hire and they were available today and

uh

sparkling Sparkling.

The rest is history.

Yes.

History.

Do you remember history?

Do you remember when we were younger?

No.

And there would be...

Well,

yesterday.

Not even an hour ago.

Do you remember your president Nixon?

When like a common sort of joke was, I don't do windows.

Yeah.

What does that mean?

Meaning like somebody would clean, like a cleaner you would have at your house, but I don't do windows.

That was like a, such a common cliche.

If you were to hire someone to come over to your house to clean it yeah housekeeper they would say well i don't do windows that it became like a joke that you would say like on a sitcom or something yeah or or like just around the office or whatever see it in like someone would say hey take out the trash oh yeah well i don't do windows you've seen in newspaper cartoons and like that so

interesting but why why why wouldn't they do the windows well i used to have to do the windows at the mana station of course one of my first jobs of course

the mana station yes, the heavenly ice cream parlor, yogurt, yogurt, yogurt.

Oh, yeah, well, heavenly ice cream is yogurt, and I was so I didn't know how to do them, and so I just kind of did my attempt at them.

And I remember getting yelled at of like

dry, just rubbing them.

Like, is this what you do?

I used to have to clean the um

the front uh

door windows at Tower Tower Video.

Oh, yeah, and one time I was

doing it.

Having sex.

Yeah.

And I said, oh, you got to go clean the windows.

Oh, yeah.

We used to have sex in there all the time.

And your boss that you were fucking said, you have to go clean the windows?

My boss was watching.

Thank you.

He had one eye on us and one eye on the clock.

Oh, he should have gotten that fixed.

Put them both on the clock.

Yeah.

He should have positioned us closer to the clock so it was easier.

So his eyes wouldn't hurt so bad as they split two different things.

Oh, you're wearing

badly.

So I am cleaning the front window, and Amanda Plummer was in the store.

Amanda Hug and Kisses, sisters?

Yeah, it felt like that.

Yeah, they're sisters.

I'm looking for Amanda Plumber.

I'm looking for Amanda Plumber.

I need Amanda Plumber.

My toilet's overflowing.

I need a man to plumber my toilet.

Plumber over here, please.

What happened to Amanda?

Plumber over here and the plumber over there.

So anyway, she walks in.

You must be thrilled because this is around Fisher King time.

I'm going to have to Google this.

It's just post-Fisher King.

And

she's with somebody else, and the person is browsing around.

She takes the opportunity to go out and have a smoke.

So she's standing there smoking, watching me clean the windows.

And then she said to me,

Do you clean your windows at home?

Was she English?

She sounded English in this moment.

Huh?

She's an American actress.

Yeah, but she, I swear to God, that's how she said.

Do you clean your windows at home?

And I said, no, I don't.

And she said, me neither.

Maybe she was was just pretending to be British to not

yeah, yeah, yeah, and then oh, she was also wearing a hood

Do you clean your windows ahead?

When you say a hood, what do you mean like a hoodie or I think that's what I think I mean?

I don't know.

Well, he so commonly refers to

like a like literally like a hood without a cape or anything like that.

A hood without a cape.

It's just a hood.

You know what?

I actually recently bought

a

sweatshirt hood.

Yeah.

That's just a hood.

Okay, that's weird.

Congrats, you're a weird person.

But you're gonna wear it with so.

If I were to live in a city with

cold weather, which you don't trick people into thinking you have a hoodie, but I would be able to layer, like, it's like a dicky.

It's like a dicky

for your hair.

When I was finished cleaning the window,

she

then said, Spanking clean.

She just stayed around till you were done.

She was having her cigarette.

Okay.

And it only took you seven and a half minutes.

Isn't it seven and a half minutes to smoke a cigarette?

I think

seven and a half ounces leave your body when you die, your soul.

Seven and a half cigarettes leave your body.

I feel like that is stuck in my head for some reason: of like, when people take smoke breaks, it only takes seven and a half minutes to smoke a cigarette.

I think smokers.

And so that's why they're only 10 minutes or something like this.

That's like, how

do people

get the original Oceans 11?

Whereas, how long does it take seeing old Lang Zion?

And then somebody has it, it's like two minutes, 41 seconds.

Exactly.

People who smoked, smoke cigarettes, especially back when that was more common, you would get to have your free moment to go smoke.

But if I didn't smoke cigarettes, I don't get a break.

Yeah, that's why so many people would like go out there and go, can I bum a cigarette?

And oh, I didn't know he smoked.

Well, I just need a break.

It's weird.

The concessions we made around smoking cigarettes.

What are the stupidest things you can do?

You know, I ran into somebody the other day who mentioned that their friend...

Now, I don't know how this

I don't even know how this

looked right at you like, when are you going to shake your head?

I don't know how this information came out.

And they probably knew.

Maybe like a ticker tape that came out of the person's mouth.

No, maybe a leak.

My friend, back in the day, my friend...

No, no, they mentioned there was a store called Bats in the, or Hats in the Belfry.

Bats in the Belfry?

Hats in the Belfry.

And I said, my friend used to.

A sorry enemy store.

And I said, my friend used to work work there.

Work there.

And then she said, at the same time, Paul of Tawkins.

I don't know what the conversation was that led to.

What the conversation was.

She was a TV writer whose name I know half of, and I can tell you later.

Okay.

I don't know.

Okay.

I don't know him.

But it was kind of fun when

it was just fun.

That's so odd.

Oh, you know what it was?

Here's what it was.

We were talking about bar mitzvah swag because naturally, you're a name.

Her child.

Has had recently had a bar mitzvah.

And I was talking, we were talking about what he gave out to his friends, which was a monogram, you know, or whatever, sweatshirt with the info on it.

And I was recalling when I was a kid, and I went to a lot of bar and bought mitzvahs in middle school, and we would get

bar-in-bot mitzvahs.

Oh, I see.

And we would get a lot of.

Sounded like Barma mitzvah.

Barma mitzvahs.

And we would get

a little thing to take home every time.

And we were talking about this.

And then she mentioned, oh, there was this hat at this store called Hats in the Belfry, where it was like a Rasta hat.

And everyone would try it on.

And then you would think, how many people have put this on?

And then I was saying, my friend worked at Hats in the Belfry.

That's how we got.

There you go.

Good story the second time, too.

You know what?

I liked.

I liked hearing the story and then hearing the lead up.

It's almost like a topic sentence where you hear an encapsulated version first, and then it fleshes out.

The The theme of my story is friend also knows you.

The details of you.

Or knows of you.

Yeah.

She's not my friend either.

I don't know.

Maybe you just met.

Could you tell it a third time with even more detail?

What happened was I was sitting at a restaurant.

I was at Hugo's in Studio City.

Where'd you get the?

I had a green something salad, the green

goddess.

I don't think it was goddess.

Giant.

I think it was green.

Dalton.

Everything green salad or something.

It was something like that.

So every single thing in it was green.

Everything everywhere, all it green.

How can you tell if it had even more than one ingredient if everything was green?

That's really good.

Camouflage.

You're right.

I don't know.

I think I might have just been eating just spinach.

And I was there with two friends.

Two friends.

Arden enters.

Oh, so Arden enters the picture.

Rob Cohen.

Oh, wow.

And then

Rob Cohen from back in the day?

Yes.

Yeah.

Okay.

Not the director.

Not Not Dragon Hunt.

He's also a director.

But he has not that director.

No.

Yes.

He's Rob Cohen one.

Potentially Mill House was based on him.

Yes, potentially.

Yes.

We'll see if he lives up to that potential.

Which is amazing.

It is amazing.

Do you have what it takes

to be the best Mill House you can be?

And then this woman came up to us.

Whoa.

Oh, so I didn't know she wasn't with you.

I thought this was like a lot.

Okay, wow.

This is a good idea.

And then

we were chatting.

And we were chatting about.

Why did she come up to you?

Because she knows Rob.

Okay.

And she came to say hi.

And I had already waved at her because she was waving at Rob.

And

she, I had already been waving at her.

You know that thing when you think someone's looking at you and so you're like, hi.

And then I was like, I don't think she was talking to me.

And I don't know what's going on.

And then I thought I did know her, though.

And I think I didn't, I had met her before.

You're giving me such eye contact right now.

I love it.

He's on his phone.

I'm looking up Laura.

Okay.

And looking up Laura.

We chatted for a bit, and then the bar mitzvah conversation happened, which led to the music.

What would you chat about before?

Well, we said, how are you?

She, Robert asked me, how are you?

She was like, oh, my son just has bar mitzvah.

I was working on that for so long.

Then we talked about, oh, I said, what was his theme?

She said, neon, which I thought was really good.

I thought that was a great theme.

And inert gas.

Yes.

My bar mitzvah theme was cadmium.

I thought neon was a really good theme because visually, very pleasing, very fun, very teen.

And then they got a candy bar, which all the things were neon colored.

They had blue ice cream, they had all sorts of blue ice cream.

And I just thought it was blueberry-flavored or was it like chocolate?

But I didn't ask what the flavor was, but I, but there's a chance I could have.

It was a good question.

There's a chance you could have asked that

if you have a time machine.

Can you that?

I just got a shiver.

Yeah.

Would you go back in time and ask that question if you had a time machine?

Yeah, because I'm curious.

As a second, Lauren, whoever you're doing.

I'm curious because I guess,

hey,

my feeling is if it's vanilla versus blue raz, it's like people might not be as interested one way or another.

That's the thing is, if you're eating something blue on the plate, you expect it to have some sort of berry flavor, I would think.

Yeah.

And on the plate, sailor takes meat.

Now, is blue raz something that the 90s just created, or are there such a thing as blue raspberries?

I don't know.

Blue razor razz.

Okay.

I didn't know.

I'm not familiar with blue raz.

Okay, blue raz, like blow pie.

I will tell you this.

Blue Raspberry is a manufactured flavoring and food coloring for candy, snack, food, syrups, and soft drinks.

You just know that?

Yeah.

And when was it invented?

Why did you close your eyes when you're in the middle of the day?

I'm going to say 1990s.

It's like you went to a different place.

Well, it debuted commercially in the United States at least in 1950.

That's a long time ago.

Why would you look at us when you say these guys?

With gold medals, snow cone syrup.

I think that in the 90s they wrote cone syrup.

When you want to win.

Yeah, they really.

it was.

They kind of went, we need more blue.

Yeah.

We need more blue.

Blue is, I mean, that's.

It's kind of George Carlin is famous, but there's no blue food.

Yeah.

Oh, I do think kids are attracted to blue food, like light blue things.

You know what I mean?

Bluey.

He

says there's no blue food.

I'd love to eat it.

Kids would love to eat bluey.

Did he really say that?

What?

There's no blue food.

He had some bit about there's no blue food.

Why is there no blue food?

I mean, that's pretty funny.

Some blueberries.

I mean, yeah, blueberries, but still

the immediate answer.

That's the only thing.

Did he ever cop to blueberries?

I don't existing.

You know what?

I don't remember if he acknowledged blueberries or if he said, they're not really blue, they're purple or something like that.

And the insides are white.

Like us are.

When you squish it, sometimes it's white.

Don't squish.

Please don't squish.

Don't squish.

I'm only eating blueberries.

I got to say, the Hugos was a hot spot for Rob because he knew a lot of people there.

Yeah.

And well, the valley in general for Rob is like, yeah, he's hot.

Yeah, he's one of the people.

He'll never come over there.

This old man came up to us.

This old man came up to us and he

and he was like a

missy.

He was like a

guy who kind of like vaguely resembled Don Rickles,

but young, not young, but alive.

And then when he walked, he was very nice and kind of like wearing a leather jacket, like old school kind of guy.

And then when he left, Rob was explaining that he used to be Frank Santra's driver.

Oh.

And then there were all these great stories about that.

And he also drove Don Rickles.

Wow.

Who famously, I worked with him on my first trip.

And then they did a face-off?

Yeah.

Wow.

But his Frank Sinatra would call the driver and Don Rickles when he drove him.

Frank Sinatra

would call the driver's mom on her birthday and sing happy birthday to her.

Oh, God.

He must have had to do that every day of his life.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Just like

different moms.

Every day is like, who do I got to call?

Jack?

Happy birthday.

Jesus.

He forgets the words.

I hate the song.

He has big cue cards.

Did you ever have to sing happy birthday in any of your jobs?

To customers?

Oh, no.

I only did retail.

I was only thinking about acting jobs.

It would be weird if we didn't.

Have you ever had to sing happy birthday in an acting job?

Probably, but I definitely had to sing it in my jobs because I was a babysitter.

Yeah.

And happy birthday would come up quite a lot.

Yeah.

And you had birthday parties.

Okay.

I mean, it's come up recently around the house.

Emmy just likes to sing it and pretend it's one of our birthdays.

That's a good song.

What I like about it is the melody and the way that it goes.

I like this collection of notes.

It's one of my, it's a hard workout mix.

Yeah.

Do you like happy birthday being sung to you?

No.

I don't think anyone does, right?

Do you?

I'm asking the questions here.

Holly's third birthday, she didn't seem to like it.

No, I don't think she does.

And when we went to a birthday recently and the dad was like, you know, he doesn't like his birthday.

Happy birthday being sung, so we're not going to say it.

We're just going to say, yay.

And so we all did that.

I think it's

an unusual amount of attention.

You know what?

It's too long.

I don't mind it.

I don't mind it, but I don't like how long it goes because you're kind of going, okay.

Everybody, I don't know why everybody wants to sing it.

It could just as easily be happy birthday to you.

You know what I mean?

Why don't we?

Because it's like we're all trying to get everyone to start.

Happy birthday.

And it's like, but it doesn't speed up.

Whoever starts it should just make it fast.

Yeah.

Happy birthday to you.

Like, let's go.

I think that's right.

What about the

same thing?

There would be certain restaurants I worked in.

I'm like, it's a new thought.

You know.

Look, I understand.

Look, it's nice for a man to have to hear that every once in a while.

You know what I mean?

I get it.

I get it, girlfriend.

It does happen to women quite a lot.

I'm an ally.

Especially in comedy.

Especially

to have people repeat what you said as if it was their idea.

So they repeat things like it was their idea.

This is crazy.

But you can't do it without technology.

And you know what I heard?

You didn't do it right.

That's funny because I've experienced a lot of men repeating things like

a woman said as if it's their idea.

One thing that happens to me is that a lot of men will like repeat what I'm saying as if it's their idea.

What I like to do is repeat things that women say like it's my idea.

The last thing I'll ever do is repeat something that someone said as if it's my idea because it's something I've seen a lot.

I have to say, like one thing that I'll never ever do is repeat something that somebody said, like, it was my idea, because I think that's one of the most annoying things ever.

I don't know what you said, but I, that's just what I'm thinking about.

But my thought was interesting.

Yeah.

All right, we're going to have to take a break.

We have to.

At this point, we have to.

We get to.

But when we come back, we'll have an exciting update to Snackgate.

Cooler temps are rolling in.

Doo-da-da-da.

And as always, Quince is where I'm turning for fall staples that actually last from cashmere to denim to boots.

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Okay, well, their denim's durable and it fits right.

What about leather jackets?

They are real and they bring that clean, classic edge without the elevated price tag.

Sounds good.

What makes Quince different?

Hey, everyone.

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How do you spell it?

I was gonna say

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It's back.

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I'm Hussa Minhaj, and I have been lying to you.

I only pretended to be a comedian so I could trick important people into coming on my podcast, Hussin Minhaj Doesn't Know, to ask them the tough questions that real journalists are way too afraid to ask.

People like Senator Elizabeth Warren.

Is America too dumb for democracy?

Outrageously.

Parenting expert Dr.

Becky.

How do you skip consequences without raising a psychopath?

It's a good question.

Listen to Hussin Minhaj Doesn't Know from Lemonada Media, wherever you get your podcasts.

And we're back and

upgate update, snack gate, update, snack gate, update.

Let's go.

All right, so snack gate update.

Day two

young.

Snack it up

day

two.

Dump, dump, dump.

Snack it up

day.

Dear Sally.

What'd you say?

Freedom.

Okay.

Sounds like shit.

Yeah, it did.

So.

Wait, who did you say?

Scott said Sally.

I said

happy birthday, dear snack gate.

Okay.

All right.

Happy birthday.

So Kulap came home from Costco the other day.

No way.

And she.

Has she been sleeping there?

Yeah.

They sell beds now.

I know.

It must be hard.

They sell coffins, too.

Yep.

They sell coffins.

Is it a coffin?

This is something that's been coming up, I would say, a few times.

Is a coffin?

I still think they sleep in it.

Because I think it's a casket when it's a person being buried in a bad person.

What is the difference between a coffin and a casket?

I think a vampire sleeps in a coffin.

I think a coffin is like an old way to refer to that kind of thing, like a tomb.

A coffin goes in a tomb.

Okay, well, while both coffins and caskets serve as burial containers, the key difference lies in their shape.

Coffins are typically tapered, wider at the shoulders, and narrower at the feet.

Yes, that's a classic Dracula.

Caskets are rectangular because Dracula.

Casketto.

Casketto.

He has really pointy shoulders.

Yeah.

And then

a really narrow hips.

Oh, my God.

He's snatched.

He's snatched.

He's like 38, 24.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

36.

36 is ass?

No, he's 38, 24, 12.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm so jealous.

It's so good.

Yeah.

It's so good.

It's so good.

He looks fucking snatched.

So

Kulap.

Dracula looks like a snackula.

So Kulap comes into here because he's got to put something in the refrigerator because our refrigerator space.

We only have one upstairs.

And here's the second one.

I'm so sweetheart.

Did you guys have a refrigerator in the garage growing up?

No.

You did not have a garage.

Where did you park your car?

On the street.

Harvard Yard.

But I think a garage fridge.

Oh, so amazing.

We had a gym.

I was always

when people had that, I was always very

you keep all the pops out there.

Yeah, beers, cold beer speakers, called bears.

So she comes in to put something in the refrigerator and she looks in the room and she goes, Oh, do I need to buy you new snacks?

Whoa, see?

And I,

you better fuck her.

She said, no, I'm going to kill you.

I said,

not wanting to get into it, I just went, no.

And then she goes,

wait, where's that big tub of pretzels that I got you?

You had told her about this?

Did you throw it away?

Does she remember when she did that?

I don't know.

Emmy was once.

Or maybe six months.

That might as well be like your mom coming in.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or she bought it recently and it was.

Well, then she could have sued them.

But

I said,

it's a whole thing.

You have to listen to three of them to understand what's going on.

And she said, oh, okay.

This is unrelated but it's fucking freezing in here it is really cold it's better than it being super hot right it's gonna warm up

is there no middle ground

no how about moderate no heat put that blanket around your fucking shoulders

i want to do that too bad he stole the last blanket like the windows are now open

i keep the i keep

i have another one there's one right under it you can use it paul there's one right under it there's two blankets here

that one has my beloved rocky on it

things will put me on a blanket

i keep the uh the shades closed because

it can get hot in here and so i just open them up and it will warm up as we go along but uh i mean we're not going to be here all

day

kind of

i mean no it feels that way of course

um so did she guess anything no i told her not to that sucks why would she tell her onus but i haven't had time.

You're saying onus is on us?

Yes.

I haven't had time.

Onus is on your anus.

I haven't had time.

Paul is bundled up now.

Like

he just got out of a burning building and he's on the

ambulance.

I'm sitting on

a silver blanket.

I don't know.

It just all happened so fast.

I'll take a picture.

By the way, the number of

political

spam texts has grown so much in the past couple weeks.

Like, there was a good period after the election where I didn't get any for months.

I think I'm not going to get anything.

Oh, I've never stopped getting them.

Really?

I've never stopped getting them.

Here's one that I just got.

Trump is screaming.

Our petition to impeach is going viral.

Trump is screaming.

Like, all it takes is a petition to impeach.

100 more signatures needed.

What?

He's screaming.

We're supposed to sign things and then he goes away.

Is that the idea of this petition?

When you hear screaming, you're thinking, ah, or are you thinking like yelling?

When I hear the word scream, when you hear Trump is screaming, when I hear Trump is screaming, I assume anger.

Someone going, ah!

Yeah.

I think of him going, ah!

I think of his hair sticking straight up in the air and turning white.

Yeah.

Oh.

Yeah, he's scared.

Like the dye comes off of it?

His skin turns white.

The dye comes off off of it.

It floats away.

Like if your hair turned white from fright, but you dyed your hair.

Yeah, no one would know.

It's great.

So that's the reason to dye your hair, everyone, in case a ghost comes into your eyes.

And people think he's never scared.

When was the last time you were scared?

That wasn't like serious.

I don't want to talk about something scary that happened, but like, you know, like that you were like.

Like so eerie.

That's a good question.

Every once in a rare while, something will happen.

Like I'll see something out of the corner of my eye and go like oh is there someone in the house

and it's just like a thing i kind of think that all the time like it happens a lot when you want to go watch it

whole like i'll be that's a problem not all the time i would say

twice twice a day i i think i see something but it's because i always have twice a day but i've always been like that like i'm not i'm imagining you have that cardboard i know it's wrong with you no it's not i know i'm imagining it like because i you know okay when you were a kid, like, did you go in the basement and then get scared and like run up the stairs?

Yeah, of course.

Okay, so I didn't even have a basement.

I still have that

skill, though, where I'll be like, I'm perfectly not creeped out.

And then I'm like, I'm creeped out.

Like, I'll kind of be thinking, I'm not creeped out.

And then I go,

and it's like, I'll just kind of run.

I don't, I'm trying to remember the last time I felt like unsettled in that way by something.

I feel like it's been a while.

That's good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Even when you watched Heretic,

I haven't seen it.

I loved it.

I haven't seen that either.

Oh, we just talked about it.

For people who are scared of scary movies, it's very watchable for you.

Yes.

There's very few, if any, jump scares.

And

yeah,

it's more of a thriller, but it's very good.

Hugh Grant, great.

It's more of a thriller.

It's like Fast and Furious.

It's more of a thriller.

Yeah, like Fast and Furious.

Or Conclave.

Heretic is just like either Fast and Furious or Conclave.

Fast and Furious meets Conclave.

Can you imagine those cars driving around in those underground halls?

It's Belle Fable preserving the Holy Roman Church.

Did you see Conclave for him?

No.

I kind of want to see it again.

Again?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Have you seen it?

I've seen it.

Yeah.

No, to me, that's like an exact kind of thing.

Oh, thank you because I'm not available.

It's kind of one of those things where that's the kind of movie where I go, there's pretty much no way I'll ever watch that

unless my dad has it on.

Right.

You know, it's like the circumstances have to be like would you, would he just turn on a movie around you or, or you walk into a room and it's I walk into a room.

He's been watching, he just put on Conclave.

I'd say.

Oh, I was picturing like he walks into a room that you're in and he holds up a D V D and says, hey, good.

It's Conclave.

Yeah.

I mean, and you get snuggled under the same blanket.

Or if my dad was visiting, I might say, do you want to watch Conclave?

But you'd roll your eyes.

No, but I always say, I'll put that on because there's nothing, there's no sex in that.

Oh, you give him some screen time.

So you can get things done.

There's hardly even a mention of the

idea that people have penises.

Yeah, the scandals plaguing the church.

They touch on it.

Yeah, a cursory nod to it.

Like acknowledging, like, man, we think it's bad.

Yeah.

Even though we're in charge of it, we could eradicate it pretty easily.

So scary.

But that being said, I would say, oh, you probably would like that.

I'm sure he's already seen it.

It's like an adult movie that they used to make where it's just,

but those kind of movies used to make $100 million at the Rex Office or whatever because it would be like, oh, Ray Fians, that guy from Schindler's List is in a movie and it's a thriller.

You know what, though?

I will say Arden watched it and she thought it was really good.

And I'm like, you know, both of us would probably say we'd never watch that, but she thought it was great.

Really funny writer named J.P.

Bremer, who

posted on Blue Sky, like, especially if you're Catholic, it's such a the drama is so

delicious.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, if you're not Catholic and you're kind of like seeing, it's, it's great for the behind this, just watching the behind the scenes process of anything is interesting, you know, in a world that you're not familiar with.

Yes, yeah.

So, like, anything that sort of takes, you know, like you'll throw on a movie, a documentary or something about something you don't know anything about.

And if it's, if it grips you, it's sort of like that.

But there's a show called Seven Days Out.

Do you know this show?

It's a docu-series, whatever, where it's about seven days before a big event.

So it's like what people are doing to prepare for like the dog show.

And so you see seven days of before that or whatever the thing the event is.

Each episode is a different thing.

It's pretty good.

I had a different thing in my mind.

I thought it was like historical events, like what happened in seven days leading up to that.

But if you like to see behind the door,

you mentioned, I was thinking like 9-11 and you said dog show.

No, no.

It's literally like there's an event which I have seven days before the event.

I don't even know if I like it.

It's like a restaurant opening or like something.

Yeah, okay.

I will say I'm.

you said you like to see how things, how the how the fudge is made.

Yeah, I've been getting the Lollapalooza oral history

book that just came out.

I always like to see how the fudge is made.

Me too.

You bring the Lollapalooza history.

A shop in Solving, I think, that made.

Oh, you can watch the

process of everything.

Solving.

We should all go together.

I don't think I've ever been there.

Paul and I went together.

We should go together.

You went together?

That'd be a fun weekend trip.

What did you do?

We did the Ultimate Comedy Bash of the Ultimate Comedy Bash.

In Solvang.

And you know what?

They were right.

It never happened again.

It wasn't the Penn Ultimate.

It was in Solvang.

And then I've also been for a couple weddings in Solvang.

Yeah.

It's fun.

It's a lot of fun.

As a group, it would be fun to go.

Because it's only a three-hour tour, as they used to say, on my friend Gilligan's Island.

Oh, my God.

I forgot you were friends with Gilligan.

How is he doing?

He's great.

Yeah.

How old is he now?

Things to do in Denver when you're old.

And he's the only survivor.

is.

Yep.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They all died.

Yep.

They all died.

In real life, they all died.

They all died of coconut poisoning.

Except for Gilligan?

They ate too many coconuts.

Wait, what was I talking about before this?

Were they making coconut poison?

Oh, yeah.

So the Lalapalooza book,

I will say, like, I bought it because you think it's going to be all this juicy dish about Perry Farrell.

And there is a fair amount of bands talking shit about each other, like everyone talking shit about Billy Corgan

and

people talking about Perry Farrell.

Like he came into the office one day with a huge great idea of a communal burrito that everyone at Lollapalooza would eat.

They would eat their fill and then move on.

Yes.

That's so gross.

That's one of the most disgusting things I've ever imagined.

It's like a trough.

Well, so where's this office?

I mean, you know, the office

office.

Well, it's probably, I mean, yeah, it became an incorporated shore.

But it's funny to think of him going into an office.

So, anyway, but what I wanted to say is like probably half of it is behind the scenes of how they set it up

every year and

the challenges of moving it from town to town and all that.

Yeah, I found it very interesting.

That's fun.

Jojo Siwa right now is having a sort of VIP experience.

I think you can pay $900

and you can come before the show and set it up.

It's based on the sort of the Gene Simmons thing where you...

Wait, what?

Yeah, like literally, if you want to help set up, or you could just watch, or you can help set up the stage.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Gene Simmons was charging.

What could you do besides place the waters?

Well, she, yeah, I don't know if they're building some sort of set or something.

I'm not going to help.

What am I fucking Jimmy Carter?

I'm not building a software set.

And you're not paying $900.

One more crack at this sentence.

I'm sure I'm not.

Gene Simmons was charging

over $12,000 for this, for this VIP roadie experience where you could come and set up the show beforehand and then you take your clothes off and he takes polaroid not

um

i don't

think it's a great idea in general but i believe so he did that to a lot of people he he gene simmons would take polaroids of all the women that he slept with and then he put them all in a in a like an album and was gonna sell it that's disgusting yeah

well you're like oh you're sharp doing that for how much

um well i would hope they all sign off on it.

It was probably when their bodies were rocking.

He was doing due diligence, going to all of them and saying, are you looking?

Will you send a release, please?

I think with Kiss, it maybe makes a little more sense because of the fan base that that could be something you could see as cool.

$12,000 sounds insane, but

you might think that was a good thing.

He canceled it because he canceled his tour then.

But then right after that, JoJo Siwa came out with this.

Oh, this was right after that?

Yeah, it's like literally.

Oh, I thought his thing sounded like old school.

Wait, how recent was this?

Like three weeks ago?

What?

Gene Simmons?

Yeah.

What the fuck?

Okay, that's nice to see that monster.

I thought this was back when it was like cool or something.

No.

Yeah.

Back when

this tour willing to see Gene Simmons.

A Gene Simmons solo tour.

Because he no longer famously is touring with Kiss.

Does he wear the makeup?

No.

And then why did he cancel it?

Non-demand, perhaps?

I think, yeah, people didn't want to.

Yeah.

I heard

Lincoln Park's LA Dodger Stadium show got knocked down to a tiny place, and then they had to cut

ticket prices.

That's tough.

It is tough.

It is tough.

I'm going to be facing that as I go on tour.

Just ask people if they want to help set up.

Yeah.

Why don't you?

Yeah.

I'm not asking for you to pay.

What is there to set up, by the way?

There's like a couple of mics.

Well, there's a band.

Sure, but there's actually probably carry the roads.

There's actually a great deal to set up.

Yeah, they do carry the role.

But it gets set up before the show starts.

It does get set up before the show starts.

And with an extra pair of hands, it might get set up faster.

Yep, that's true.

How much do you think would be reasonable for you to charge for like a backstage meet and greet where you do work?

You would probably want to pay them.

$150.

Yeah, that sounds good.

I think it's worth it.

It's like an IRL cameo.

Oh, no, I'm not anywhere around there.

What would you charge?

Oh, you're not there.

No.

What would you charge for someone to Alfred Hitchcock style walk across the stage in a cameo?

When you said Alf, it took so long to hear red.

Do you think that was

Alf Hitchcock?

That's funny.

What a team-up.

That's funny and current.

Yes, two things, two current things mashed up together.

We love someone.

Alf Hitchcock presents.

Alf Hitchcock.

Does anyone call him Alf?

You can call me.

Yeah, people call him Alfie.

Yeah, people call him Alfie.

Alfie.

Doesn't seem like he's.

Get your fat ass over here

and walk across the screen.

Who's that?

I don't know.

The first date that?

Is his girlfriend?

Get your fat off over there.

He's the director, but there's still somebody who yells at him.

Why has no director since Hitchcock done it to that extent?

I mean, yes, there are, you know, the Tarantinos of the world.

The Sean Milan.

You know, but you know what I mean?

Where they're actually trying to act.

But like,

no one has ever done an Alfred Hitchcock-style cameo.

Just literally like in the background walking background.

As like an Eastern, yeah.

Dressed as an Eastern.

Did he walk in the background of all his movies?

He's, I don't know whether every single one, but no, every single one.

He makes a cameo.

He made so many movies.

I don't know.

Like literally the first second on three.

So why would he not do it if he did it in all of them?

I just, I've, he made so many English movies before he came to it.

He's He's made hundreds of movies.

I don't think he made hundreds of cameos.

I think it's probably his American movies, okay?

His Hollywood movies he did.

Do you mind if I look this up?

Famously, in the movie Lifeboat, which takes place on a lifeboat,

he played a seagull.

He was in, there's a

newspaper, and he is in

his picture's in the newspaper.

Oh, I like that.

Yeah.

I like that.

So he figured out a way.

That's pretty fun.

He made cameos in 40 of his films, starting with The Lodger and continuing throughout his career.

How many films did he say?

1927.

How many?

Okay.

How many films.

It's me, James Coffin.

I'm pierced.

How many movies did I fierce cock me?

I'm pierced.

So the first thing you say is

you make more noise than a house cat.

That'll take care of him.

He's credited with directing 53 films, but he was also involved in dozens of other films.

Involved in dozens of others.

That's what's so confusing about his filmography is like all of his early stuff is very confusing.

Anyway, I'm not confused.

I think I understand.

Here's the great thing.

He's dead.

So Rocky.

You can figure it out.

Because you won't keep adding it.

You can do it, but do you need to?

But you can do it.

There's a squirrel right out there.

Whoa.

Oh, my God.

Hey, where's your little picnic table?

I know.

I've just step back into that.

I've let the squirrels down.

The squirrels are coming around your house going, What's up with this guy?

Holly made a little bird feeder at school, it was really cute.

How little?

It was about the size of my hand.

It was a disc.

Basically, it's a cardboard or something flower with a hole in the middle that she painted.

And then I'm listening.

And then this little tin that sits in the middle of it, and then you hang it like flat, like that.

And

put a yard seat in.

And we did.

And then

it was so funny.

I never saw anything come into the dish.

And then the wind tipped it over.

I got had to fix it.

It was very windy yesterday.

There's a bird's nest right outside Emmy's window that she talks about all the time.

Like, where are the birds?

And I don't have the heart to tell her.

Like, I think they've moved on at this point.

But we're like, oh, yeah, they're out there.

Flying.

They did all they can do here.

I don't want to tell you this, but they flew.

How long do birds live?

They're like birds.

They fly away.

How long do birds live?

Yeah.

We're talking 18 years, I think.

18 years, 18 years.

18

years of every species.

It's got to be like pretty good.

I don't think you don't see a dead bird that often.

I think if they were dying really fast,

what do you think you do?

You don't see a dead bird that often, so they must live a long time.

Well, yeah.

I mean, they must live like if they were dying every month, you'd see more dead ones.

What if it was the sixth tenths but you saw dead birds?

Some small birds live only a few years.

Larger species, like parrots and albatrosses, can live for decades, even over 50 years in some cases.

Nice.

I know those African gray parrots can go on for a long time.

Yeah.

So you got to keep that in mind if you're ever like generational pet.

This is a fun gift to give someone this parrot.

It's always so sad when you see a dead bird on the ground.

My friend, my best friend in grade school.

But you don't see it that often.

You know, one Eastern

albatross and they ended up flushing it down the toilet.

An albatross flushed down the toilet?

Yeah.

Isn't that a large bird?

Isn't that the idea an albatross?

Is there any chance that they took a giant shit and were so embarrassed by how clogged up their toilet was that they pretended they bought an albatross?

What happened to the albatross then?

Because we all saw it.

Okay.

And he didn't feed it.

You know what I'm saying?

We're going to flush his hands.

I was just reading about because someone posted about this, that guinea pigs.

So someone basically posted that they wanted their kid wanted a guinea pig, and people were replying about that.

And I thought it was interesting because guinea pigs, apparently, really tough pet, actually.

Wow.

You might think it's kind of like a hamster or something where it's like maybe minimal.

Right.

I mean, it's, I think you have to give hamsters a lot of attention, but I read something about rabbits being like rabbits need a lot, and then they chew everything.

But guinea pigs

poo a ton.

So you have to change their, their like hay, like all the time.

All the shavings.

And the pee and the poo.

And the penny and the poo.

And then they need tons of attention or they get really depressed.

And so if you get one, once you have a little kid, the adult has to be like on board to take it out and play with it a lot.

Oh, hell no.

They get very sad.

Nope.

And bad and bad things can happen.

No.

So they shouldn't be right.

And then sometimes they need a friend and then you need to pay attention to both of them.

Are they an animal that is completely domestic?

Like there's no wild guinea pigs anywhere?

I don't know.

Are they, are they?

It feels like a pet store invention.

Doesn't it?

Like it was

bred to be like a home pet.

I'm sure they are something.

Look it up.

I'm sure there's something.

I don't take orders.

Oh, you only look out of things when you're interested?

Yes, and I'm not now.

I feel like it's getting colder.

Our guinea pigs.

It's not.

It's getting hotter.

All right, we're going to take it.

The ones getting larger.

Larger.

We're taking it right.

No, wait, no, they are not.

Shut up.

They're front in the wild.

There's so much advice out there, and all we want to do as parents is get it right.

The great news is you're the expert on your child.

and sometimes figuring out what they need is as simple as getting them to talk.

I'm Dr.

Susan Swick, a child and adolescent psychiatrist, and I'm also a mother of four.

On my new podcast, Talk Aboutable, I'll hear from parents about what's keeping them up at night, and we'll figure out how to tackle it by talking about it.

From Lemonada Media, Talk Aboutable is at September 9th.

Follow wherever you get your podcasts.

We're back and Lauren has something she really wanted to say.

Guinea pigs can be found from Venezuela to Patagonia.

However, they are not found in western Chile or the Amazon River basin.

While some members of the guinea pig family are still found in the wild, they were originally domesticated as house pets.

And we talked about how sometimes you can eat them.

I've heard of that.

And you can eat them.

I've heard of that.

In certain places, don't eat them at home.

No.

Take it to a restaurant.

But do threaten your children that you will eat it if they don't spend enough time with it so it doesn't get depressed.

Yeah, exactly.

I'm going to eat this.

That's a count of three.

I'm going to eat it.

If you play with that guinea pig, I'm going to eat it.

Peruvian guinea pig or koi, C-U-I, is often served whole, either roasted, fried, or grilled.

Holy shit.

Pictures are kind of crazy.

Bones?

Bones and all, but you got to eat it in one go.

Bones and all.

And it tastes like a combination of chicken, rabbit, and pork with a slightly gamey flavor.

I'm out.

Oh, great.

I'm out.

Only slightly gamey?

It tastes like a combo.

Let me know what it's full game.

A combo of chicken, rabbit.

What does gamey taste like?

Pork.

Like, you know what I mean?

Like, you hear

you hear it described as like, oh, it tastes gamey.

What does that mean?

You know it when it happens.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm disturbed by a lot of the chicken that I get in like.

You taste gamey?

Ew.

Greg?

Do you get grossed out by chicken like sometimes?

Like when you get it in like a salad and like it's like weird?

No, I get more grossed out when you're eating chicken off the bone,

and it's like, I'm a wild animal, yeah, you know, we should eat everything off the bone,

steaks sometimes.

I think about it that way, but not that I want to eat everything off the bone, but nope,

all right, yeah, sometimes when you're eating like a rotisserie chicken, it's very like you just were a chicken, yeah, yeah,

I have a question, yeah, you said to the rotisserie chicken, you were just a chicken.

What's it?

And now look.

Paul, what's a threecher?

A bustero.

We are going to play a game.

Huh?

What is that?

Everyone knows what a bustero is.

I don't think so.

I think we're both saying we don't know.

We don't know.

And if we don't know, we're pretty smart.

I'm a buster.

We're a big most people.

But what's a buster?

A game that we like to play.

Also known as a threecher.

Oh, okay.

Good.

All right.

Got it.

We're going to play a game now.

And if you don't like it, I would turn off the podcast right now.

Yeah.

And throw throw your phone into the river.

Yeah.

And jump in after it, you piece of shit.

And float all the way down to the Panama Canal.

Yeah, where you'll take up residence

forever

at the bottom of the briny depths.

Yep.

Just you, Davey Jones, and John McCain.

All right, we're going to play something called Celebrity Dating Game.

This was submitted by Jacob Ross.

Thank you, Jacob Ross.

Thank you.

All right, so we're going to divide ourselves into two celebrities, one contestant.

The contestant doesn't know who the two celebrities are and has to ask questions relevant to dating, relationships, dating game style questions?

Oh, you remember when I realized that?

I didn't realize it had to be relative to dating.

In order to try and determine who the celebs they're courting are.

And celebrities should be honest when answering questions, but shouldn't give too much away.

I agree with that across the board.

No impressions.

Yes, honesty is the best policy

as far as I'm concerned.

With celebrities.

As far as celebrities go, yes.

Be honest in all things.

Yes, exactly.

But don't give too much away.

Don't give too much away.

All right, Lauren, would you like to date us?

What does that mean?

We mean, would you like to be the contestant and

Paul and I?

We're both celebrities?

Yes, we're both celebrities.

Okay.

Are you familiar with the dating game, Deer?

Yeah, usually there's three, you fucking bitch.

Yeah.

Guess what?

So what are we supposed to do?

We're modifying it.

I'm saying, what if it was one person who's the dater and two people ask questions?

That's also possible.

That's not how they do the dating game.

Well, but this isn't how they do the dating game.

You aren't how they do the dating game.

You aren't how they do the dating game.

I would learn

how they do the dating game.

It could be the bachelorette talking to two bachelors or bachelorettes, whoever you may be.

Okay.

Do you have a person in mind?

Do you want to text each other who you are?

No, sorry, I don't think we have to.

Oh.

I'd like to learn who you are as I'm listening for you.

Fun.

All right.

Let me think of somebody that I know Lauren will know.

Okay.

Yeah.

That would be helpful, Scott.

I already know who I'm going to pick, and it's someone you know very well.

I know who I'm going to pick.

Okay.

And it's someone, I don't know if you've met this person.

Bachelor, no, you're number one.

You're number two.

Okay, thank you.

Great.

Bachelor number one.

That's me.

Are you?

Okay.

Hi.

Hi.

What a great voice you have.

Thanks.

I'm in radio.

What do you do in radio?

I clean the floors.

Oh,

those floors have to be nice and clean in order for the sound to come out of the tops of people's heads.

That's true.

Yeah.

And the fronts.

Yeah.

Excuse me.

Could you fill my meter?

Because I didn't think it was going to go on this long.

Bachelor number one.

Are you a man or a woman?

Oh, honey.

I'm a man.

Okay.

Bachelor number two, same question.

I'm a man now.

Okay.

But when I was younger and probably at the height of my fame, let's say,

I was a boy.

Okay, sort of setting that a whole path.

You've put away childish things, right?

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

Good.

Without love, I am like a clanging gong.

Bachelor number one.

Have you ever been married?

Great question.

Do you mind if I look it up?

I don't mind that, but it does make me concerned about you.

You want to ask me the same question?

Yes.

If I have, it's not a big deal.

Nobody ever talks about it.

Okay.

I will tell you

that I

have

not been married.

Bachelor number two, if you were to star in a movie, you don't have to name the movie, but what type of movie would you star in?

I think it would be the kind of movie where

a guy who does this have to do with the dating game.

Isn't don't they ask questions that are kind of hypothetical?

That's kind of a question that they would ask on the dating game.

Like, are you an action star or romance?

If you were to ever say, okay, got it.

It's just weird because we're moving.

Well, that must be weird for you, but we are legitimate stars.

I'm a, yeah.

I'm not talking to you.

All right, dear.

I would say I'd be in kind of a funny movie where I'm the star, but I don't think it's funny.

I'm trying my best.

Okay.

And I'm doing some amazing things, honestly, but people are frustrated frustrated by me.

Are you,

can I ask who you are?

Sure.

Are you Key?

What's his name?

Key?

I don't know how to say it.

Key Hey Kwan?

Yeah.

No.

Okay.

Great.

Weird question.

God, what a weird question.

What are you?

Am I going to ask you the same thing?

I don't know if she might.

Answer number one.

Yeah.

What are you best known for?

You know, my work, probably.

Is it in the field of movies or music?

Mainly, I'm a legitimate movie star.

Yeah.

Okay.

And you've never been married?

Never been married, no.

No.

But I would, you know what?

If this date goes well,

maybe it'll end in a marriage.

Wow.

Okay.

Hey, moving pretty fast there.

Well, it's easy to move fast when there's someone so wonderful on the other side of the world.

Okay, bachelor number one.

Okay, but did I do that?

No.

Did you do what, honey?

Did I move fast like you're moving?

Yeah, maybe you're a pussy.

Bachelor number one.

Yes.

Yes.

Do you tend to date around a lot?

I,

in my early days, sure, I had a bit of

a thing where I would date around some people.

Maybe you've seen my sex tape.

But, you know, it's sex tape.

It's uh sex tape not so much anymore now that i'm nearing my 50s

sex tape

ray j

who isn't it i'm not ray j

i thought of ray j as well and then i was thought but is ray j close to his 50s i don't know not ray j honey okay does ray j have this accent I think you weren't doing an accent because they're not allowed in this game.

Okay, so no, Ray J doesn't have that.

But I do have an accent, obviously, that you're hearing.

Okay, sex tape British.

Please.

Are you British?

No, that's an insult.

Are you South African?

No.

Are you Canadian?

I know who you are.

I'm not Canadian.

Are you French?

No.

Jeez, you hear my accent right now.

Are you Australian?

No.

Are you New Zealander?

No.

Stop asking.

Like, this is a very obvious accent.

Are you Spanish?

No.

From Spain?

It's a very obvious accent.

From Spain?

Anyone who was...

Are you southern?

No.

Anyone who's eaten a bowl of lucky charms can recognize you.

You're Irish.

Of course I am, dear.

Sex tape Irish.

Colin Farrell?

Are you Googling something right now?

Oh, yes.

Yes, I am Colin Farrell.

Yes.

Yes, sex tape?

Yeah.

Gadzooks.

All right.

Okay.

So do you want to date me or what?

As opposed to this former child star?

I'm interested in Colin Farrell for sure.

But bachelor number two, former child star,

but still famous now, but you're married, but no one cares.

I might be.

Okay.

But it's not a thing that people are interested in.

Do you do people really focus on what you did as a child?

Yeah, they do.

And I get it because

it was very successful.

It was a very successful endeavor.

And,

you know, I became, I emerged as a star.

Macaulay Macaulay Culkin.

No.

For you.

Dewey from Malcolm in the Middle?

Just spotted the other day.

What?

Which one is he?

Dewey, the youngest kid?

Well, they're having a reboot.

Yeah, but he's not in.

He's famously taking himself out of show business, but he was spotted the other day.

Okay.

In the wild.

Well, that's not who he is.

No.

Okay.

Okay.

It was very successful.

Yes.

And

sex sex tape.

Did I do that?

No, I did not.

Urkel.

I almost said Urkel a while ago when you said, Did I do that?

Juliel White,

who is wonderful.

Yeah, um, oh, by all accounts.

That's, I almost guessed that about 10 minutes ago, and then I just thought you said it just we've been playing that long casually, no, five seconds ago.

All right, now I'm gonna be the dater.

Great, you guys be

my

wonderful perspective.

I've got my person.

I've got got

my person.

Okay, your Bachelorette number one.

Your Bachelorette number two or Bachelor.

I don't know.

It doesn't matter.

I'll take anything at this point.

Yeah.

So, Bachelor or Bachelorette number one.

You can call me Bachelor number one.

Hello, Bachelor, number one.

Hello.

So wonderful to meet you.

If

you were

an ice cream cone, what ice cream cone would you be?

And how often could I lick you?

Oh my gosh.

I would be

two scoops.

You know what?

I'm going to say three scoops

of chocolate ice cream.

And you wouldn't want to lick me that often because, girlfriend, I am dead.

Okay.

Good to know, Bachelorette.

Yeah.

Are you a tiny lister?

No.

Tiny lister junior.

Junior.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yes.

All right.

Uh, bachelorette number

uh, number one.

I guess you're bachelorette number one.

Yes.

Plan a Friday night date for us.

You just get off work.

Tell me what you just got off doing and then plan our Friday night date.

Well, I just, you know,

okay, sure.

Let's say I just finished filming at four o'clock.

And good hours.

Do you get there at four?

I just had to do a quick thing today.

And you and I,

it was just a bit for the Oscars for pre-taping.

Okay.

And you and I

would,

I would have my car pick you up and take us to do you have a car that

meaning you have a driver or?

I have a driver right now, and I would have a car take us to, what's that steakhouse, Mastros or wherever

in Beverly Hills?

We'd go have some steaks.

An early dinner, usually probably like a 5.30.

I, you know, kind of like to eat a little early these days.

So you're old as hell.

And,

no, I like to have a lot of fun though.

And so afterward, you know, maybe we'd get dessert and we'd go see.

What do we eat?

Bachelorette number one for dessert.

We would eat

we'd share a chocolate cake and then chocolate cake for breakfast?

For dessert.

Oh, okay.

You're not Bill Cosby.

No, I'm certainly not.

And then we would go out and meet some other friends for drinks at one of their homes.

Like what friends?

Probably

Steve Martin or someone like that.

Okay.

Are you Martin Short?

No.

Are you Billy Crystal?

No.

Bachelor number one.

Yes, still dead.

Still dead.

How are you talking right now if you're dead?

Through the magic of three choirs.

Good, good answer.

Good answer, Bachelor number one.

Can I ask you another question?

There was nothing in the rulebook that said I couldn't be dead.

Bachelor number one.

Yeah.

When did you die?

I'm going to say a handful of years ago.

A handful.

It's probably more recently than you remember.

Well, anything more than a handful, as they say.

Yes.

Bachelorette number

one.

Bachelorette number one.

Are.

So you remember that I'm a woman now.

Yes.

Are you Meryl Street?

Yes.

Now, Bachelor number one.

Yeah.

You are three scoops of chocolate ice cream.

That's right, baby.

You're dead.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Describe how you would incorporate me into your lifestyle.

My pre-death lifestyle?

Yeah.

Don't confuse it with your death style, as Metallica once said.

My lifestyle.

I don't get it.

It's a terrible lyric.

Some kind of monster.

It's one of my favorite things.

What was the list?

I would invite you to.

I mean, I'd invite you to

a set of something I was working on, but that might be kind of boring.

But I'd certainly invite you to a premiere.

That would be fun for a date.

And

so describe a movie premiere that you and I would go to.

And

what would you do to make the night very special?

Well, I mean, we would dress up in our fineries, right?

And I'd take you to the red carpet, kind of ironic given the name of the movie in question.

But we'd walk down that long, long red carpet, getting our picture taken and stuff like that.

Is the movie The White Carpet?

No, I auditioned for that, but never heard back.

Oh, okay, yeah.

So did I.

Which is strange because

I'm offer-only.

I mean, I'm very well known.

But you still audition for it.

Yeah, because I believed in the project.

It's a great film.

It never got made.

Isn't that funny?

It's so funny.

Yeah.

But it was

a great film.

It was on the black.

It was on the black list.

Ironically.

Ironically.

Should have been on the whitelist.

Yep.

Should have been on the white carpet.

And,

you know, obviously it would be tough, maybe fitting us both in frame.

So we'd have to do some adjustments.

Are you Webster?

I

think not.

Are you?

trying to think of tall basketball players who also act that aren't Kareem Abdul Jabbar?

He thinks you're.

Shaq!

No!

Kingdom of the Invisible.

No, I'm not Shaq, Eel O'Neal.

Who are tall?

actors.

Who are tall actors?

But, you know, seeing with you on my arm, a lot of people be green with envy for a country mile.

So, Michael Clark Duncan.

Yes.

Can I ask you a question, please?

I'd like to pick you up.

I only have one hour left on earth before I go back to heaven.

Can we bone down before you go back to heaven?

Absolutely.

I'll tear you in apart.

All right, let's do this.

Oh, my God.

Oh, great, great.

Great three church.

I'll play around for you if you want, but we are out of time.

No, we're good.

We're good.

Thank you for this.

I don't want to tire you out.

I appreciate the offer.

I don't want you to feel left out.

No, I do have to take a nap between recordings.

We're going to sit by the fire.

Yeah, that's right.

For a little.

That's it for this episode.

We really did it.

Now, some housekeeping.

Gang, listeners out there.

We don't do Windows.

First of all, we love you.

Thank you for listening.

If you would like to hear ad-free versions of the episodes and have access to our bonus content, including, well, not including, this is the only thing, is our three mium episodes that we do every other wednesday and that's where we listen to one of your voicemails and we respond um if you'd like to send us a three church you can do so by writing to us at threedomusagmail.com if you'd like to leave us one of those voicemails

i mean i imagine you know by now you go to the very famous website the world's most famous website we finally that's official by the way yeah the world's most famous website hagclaims8.com

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So go to headclaims8.com, leave us a voicemail.

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You can listen to ad-free episodes at CBB World.

Lemonata Premium is where you can hear the premium episodes.

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And

on Tuesdays?

On Tuesdays, we re-release old episodes.

It's called Three Visiting on the Twos.

Sure is.

And Paul, it's April 24th.

You're out there on the road.

My tour just started last night.

I was in Iowa City.

Iowa, thank you, Iowa City, for a great time.

And then tonight, well, there's no choice.

I had to move along the road and head on.

You wanted to just stay there in Iowa.

Of course, you know where you are.

I did.

Now, tonight, St.

Paul, Minnesota.

Wow, your namesake.

The Fitzgerald Theater.

That's right.

You're going to sign another brick.

I'm going to sign another brick, baby.

Another brick in the wall, all in all.

And please come out if that show is not sold out.

It's a big place, so it's probably not.

But Fitzgerald Theater, fantastic place.

I love performing there.

It's going to be good.

And Lauren, anything to talk about?

I'm doing a bunch of stuff.

Music?

I just, you got to keep eyes on the, on the, on the stuff.

If you see Lauren on the street, follow her for as long as you can because she's going to do something cool.

But yeah.

Yep.

All right.

And that's it for us.

No plugs for you, Scott.

I'm still, you know, you can still read Astonishing Spider-Man, which is on the Marvel app every week.

There you go.

Yep.

Don't say you weren't told.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Goodbye.

Spider-Man, although your Spidey sense took care of that.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Our healthcare system is broken in so many ways.

We have a healthcare system that's supposed to be taking care of people that is making it literally more difficult for people to put food on the table.

So this season, we'll dive into the challenges headfirst, while also thinking about how we can find a better way because we all deserve better.

Uncared for Season 3 from Lemonada Media.

Available August 6th, wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, it's Lena Waith.

Legacy Talk is my love letter to black storytellers, artists who've changed the game and paved the way for so many of us.

This season, I'm sitting down with icons like Felicia Rashad, Loretta Devine, Eva Duvernay, and more.

We're talking about their journeys, their creative process, and the legacies they're building every single day.

Come be a part of the conversation.

Season two drops July 29th.

Listen to Legacy Talk wherever you get your podcast, or watch us on YouTube.