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I'll see you in your dreams.

Hey, it's me, Steve Burns, and I'm so glad you're here because you and I go way back, right?

Yeah.

And look at us now.

Like, we're all grown up.

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I mean, it's always been about you.

From Lemonada Media, a live with Steve Burns is coming September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts, or you can watch every episode on YouTube.

There was a guy, a DJ.

There was a guy.

A DJ.

DJ.

There was a guy.

A DJ.

Philadelphia.

That's such a funny term, disc jockey, isn't it?

Like, oh, I'm like a jockey who rides horses, but I ride these records instead.

Exactly.

Now, does it make it sound cooler or stupider?

Stupid.

But DJ has lasted the test of time where DJ Khaled,

you know,

and there's no longer a height limit.

Yeah.

DJ Khaled, famously 4-2.

Famously, 4-2.

DJ Khaled, another one.

I'm 4-2.

Another one.

I'm 4-2.

Another one.

Not 4-3, baby.

There was a DJ in Philly

called Terry.

I can't remember his last name, but his name was the Motor Mouth.

The Motor Mouth.

It wasn't cloth?

It was not cloth, but that's a good name.

Terry Cloth, here, the Motor Mouth.

If you were like a drag queen who wore like all towels,

just like one towel.

And like your hair is.

The hair is like in the shape of like a buffon that looks like a wrapped towel.

Your drag persona is, I just got out of the shower.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But his, his sort of

catchphrase.

A shower.

The motor mouth.

Oh, it's nice to take a shower.

Motor mouth.

Motor the mouth would go, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

that was this thing.

Was it faster than both of the way that both of you are doing it?

Because it doesn't feel fast enough to be a motorcycle.

You want it faster than that.

Yeah.

Because that was like.

It sounded like a motorcycle slowing down.

Oh, it was more like, yeah,

yeah, yeah.

Not quite yet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, on the motorbike, you're doing it very slow.

Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya.

Yeah, you are going super slow.

It's almost yaw, yaw, ya, yaw.

That's fast, isn't it?

How fast, how much faster can you?

Nobody responded to my text.

It was like piercing.

No one responded to which text.

By the way,

you sent a lot of texts after I've gone to bed.

And then it feels like when I wake up.

This is not a criticism.

This is merely.

He doesn't deserve a response.

This is not a criticism you're telling on yourself.

No, this is merely me experiencing

why I sometimes will not respond to your texts.

I sent a text to the gang

about

a trailer that I saw for a Popeye horror movie.

Oh, yes.

I believe Popeye has lapsed in the public domain so people can do whatever they want.

Really?

Not Popeye,

when things lapse in the public domain, it's whatever version of it.

So we could do like the original cartoon.

Yes.

Yes.

So

there are certain things that were added to the Popeye mythos or whatever.

So

I could sell my Popeye drawings and just be like, I don't have to check.

Depending on what year they're based on, if they're based on the first year, yes.

You could have Popeye and Steamboat Willie having a holy war.

And they could be doing something.

Well, that's what you want to do.

Do you wish you could draw like that?

I could draw Popeye sucking off Steamboat Willie.

Well, don't.

Why?

I'd like to see you try, honestly.

And I was surprised because they, you know, in the description, he's excited.

They mentioned characters named Olive Oil and Castor Oil.

And I was like, wait.

Who's Castor?

That's Olive Oil's brother.

Wow.

And so I started watching the trailer and at one point you see a little old man who's like a fisherman he's sitting in a boat he's got a corn cob pipe sticking out of his mouth then gradually as the trailer goes on you realize this is supposed to be popeye they don't say the word popeye but it's called shiver me timbers and it does have a voice over the tunnel going blow me down

oh my god

I'm trying to draw the suspenders right now.

Okay.

Just focusing on the details.

Yeah.

Well, that's wonderful, Scott.

And

Paul, it's also wonderful.

And I'm sorry I didn't reply to that.

That's okay.

Sorry, I didn't reply.

I'm not actually upset.

I'm glad.

It was something to talk about.

Yeah.

Let's give them something to talk about.

Talk about love.

I remember that video.

That was when Bonnie Rae was having like a resurgence.

She was on the charts.

And was the movie something to talk about starring Julia Roberts?

I think.

Did I make that up?

No, there was a movie called

Let's Get Them Something to Talk About.

And that song was already finished.

It was called Something to Talk About, I think.

Okay.

Here we go.

Jesus.

All right.

So that's Steamboat Willie?

That's Steam on the right is Steamboat Willie.

Yeah.

That's tough.

Okay.

Do we want to put this on the street?

I got the suspenders.

Here, I added.

I got the suspenders.

See, the little suspenders.

Yeah.

And the little, you know, pants.

Something to talk about was a 1995 movie.

His head is very,

it's very

sort of dome-like.

Okay.

That was his other ear.

But let me.

I'm not just saying that.

Looking at this movie is something to talk about.

Yeah.

Now,

it's a comedy drama film from 1995.

But when you see a cast like this, I go, I got to watch that.

I can't see.

Who's in it?

Yeah, you're holding your phone really far away, and it's a tiny, tiny picture.

Is that Dennis Quaid?

We We got Dennis Quaid.

We got Kira Sedgwick.

We got

Geno Rollins.

How do you say it?

Jenna Rollins.

Yeah.

That old guy whose name I can't remember, and Julia Roberts.

That old guy whose name I can't remember.

Wait, is that Robert Duvall?

Yes.

Robert Duvall in that movie?

Yeah.

But then you go, I got to watch that.

That's a good cast.

Sure.

Okay, do you want to take a picture of it or what?

I'm not going to post that.

I don't want to get arrested.

Dennis Quaid.

You think this would get you arrested?

I do.

Dennis Quaid also appeared in the video of the song.

Let's give him something to talk about.

Wow, wow.

What was he doing?

A little dance.

He was being like a sexy dude.

Excuse me.

You know, I'd like to watch that movie and see what that's all about.

You know what?

Let's do it for Scott Asn's Scene.

I would like you to watch it and then give us a report on it.

I don't want to.

Well, you know, it's not like a written report.

You just tell us.

An oral report.

I will.

An oral report.

I will.

I vow today, i will do that someday remember oral roberts did he die hope so do you remember moral oral what was that some cartoon that was uh dino's cartoon i wrote an episode that's right with circular sort of things like oval people is that what they looked like oval clamation oh no i'm mixing it up with something else what are the oval people what was that that cartoon where it was like oral roberts died and very blue

heads at 91.

can you imagine if he was still alive oval heads do you know what i'm talking about like sideways like hey aren't no it was like vertical oval heads, blue, kind of.

It was.

Yeah.

Just look up vertical oval heads.

And I'm sure the first thing.

And then a blue.

Vertical oval heads plus a blue.

Plus.

Hey, Arnold did pop up as this as an answer, but it's not correct.

Of course.

Did you put some word like cartoon in there?

I did.

See, this is cheating.

Could you imagine if you saw somebody who looked like Hay Arnold in real life?

I don't even know what Hay Arnold looks like.

It's not at all what I thought it was.

Yeah.

Like if you saw somebody with a football shaped shaped head,

sideways.

I think it would be odd, but I think, you know what?

I would probably allow them a little grace and I would.

Oh, you're so wonderful.

I wouldn't.

I wouldn't.

I'd be sickened.

I'd say you should be burned to death.

Would you burn anyone alive?

Like, think of all the people you hate in the world.

I like to burn alive.

Like, people who are doing that.

There are people where I wouldn't be mad if that happened to them.

Yeah.

Do I have to stick around with it?

I still feel kind of sad that that was how that happened.

Because it's very painful.

You could light the match, throw it into their car and walk away.

Honestly, now that we're talking about this,

it's so hideous.

I know.

I actually backed off it too.

I was like, that's actually so sad.

It's someone I despise.

I feel like there's got to be like some Denzel Washington movie where he does that.

Like, someone's strapped to a car and he lights a match, throws it over his shoulder and walks away as the car explodes and they burned it.

Have you seen his like as a Denzel thing?

I feel like Man on Fire is Man on Fire is what I'm thinking of.

Because literally has

Tony Scott movies where he was like always killing people.

Have you seen those like Instagram interviews that he's been doing lately?

Denzel.

There's that one clip that's circulating that's so charming.

No, I wish you were my therapist.

I already am.

Yeah.

He's funny.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Denzel's funny.

It was all very,

look it up.

Sit down.

Denzel interview therapist.

That's great.

Denzel interview therapist.

Yeah, here's my advice: sit down, shut up, listen, or whatever.

Yeah.

Denzel interview therapist.

It really is a great thing.

Yeah.

Here's what comes up first: Denzel Washington advice to young actors interview.

Yes.

Yeah.

All right.

That's got to be it.

It is.

It's got to be it.

It simply has to be founded.

We just want to push doors.

Exactly what you have done.

What advice do you have?

Learn to act on stage.

Don't rely on social media.

Put it down.

Turn it off.

Shut up.

be quiet, learn, read,

relax, get better.

First part of your life, you learn.

Second part of your life, you earn.

Third part of your life, you return.

Can you be my therapist?

I already am.

I love it.

And I heard today that he's in Othello on Broadway, and he's the most excited he's ever been in his entire career about anything.

So he's very excited.

That's awesome.

I love that.

Yeah, I do too.

What a fresh actor.

We should do Shakespeare together.

Nope.

Could you imagine?

That way.

I don't want to do that.

Am I including just the two of you?

I think you said this.

I think you two should do it, and I'll watch.

Why would you join us?

I don't want to do it.

You want to be the two gentlemen in Verona?

What about the two gentlemen in Verona, a lady in a pizza place?

I just don't really want to be in Shakespeare.

I really don't think it's, I don't think I'm right for it.

Why?

I think you're actually great for it.

Really?

Why?

You have,

I think you just have a look and a countenance that would look you look like a man dressed as a woman

well okay i got i got the part no i think you would be great as shakespeare actually because you

have a very expressive face and that helps you need that because that nobody understands what you're saying

like i'm grossed up so it's like she's sad she's happy yeah yeah okay i'm interested we should do shakespeare in the park we pick a park griffith park griffith park shakespeare in the griffith park yeah and we should we should do a play where we all switch off roles and it's just the three of us in it.

And we switch off roles.

Why are we switching off roles?

Because there's usually 20 people in each player.

Oh, but we're not trading.

We're not trading

just the three of us.

Just the three of us.

What is the smallest cast in all of Shakespeare?

That's a good question.

I think it should be all Lemonada podcast hosts.

And it's a Lemonada event.

Lemonada presents Shakespeare and Griffith Park.

Two Gentlemen is often regarded as one of Shakespeare's weakest plays.

It has the smallest named cast of any play by Shakespeare.

Why is that weak?

And it has

three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen.

Actually, the outlaws is one, so that's a bunch of people.

So it's probably about 20 people.

The outlaws.

Why don't we just do the outlaws?

Let's do the outlaws.

Outplays?

No, but we should make it a play.

We can write it.

It's the opposite of the in-laws.

Yes.

Where it's oh, wait, isn't this a movie you were in?

I was in the outlaws, yes.

That's right.

Were you zoning out so hard that you couldn't even write it?

Yeah, well, no, I heard you talking about it, but I just wasn't going to say I was in that because I was letting you two have a moment.

Okay.

Oh, thank you.

You knew we'd get to that.

That was quite a bit.

I knew it would come to you, my IMDB.

Because I started going, like, oh, we should make it, we should write it.

It'll be the outlaws.

It'll be about in-laws who are actually outlaws.

And then I realized this is a movie that she's in.

Yeah.

I'm in it.

Did that come out?

Oh, yeah.

Was number one on Netflix, baby.

Was it really?

And everyone saw it and everyone remembered it.

Everyone saw it and everyone loved it.

And my part was great and it was perfect.

And that's all you need to know.

I think it would be great in Midsummer.

Wow.

Okay.

You know what?

I love all these compliments and I'm excited to try it.

The movie Midsummer?

Yeah.

I think it would be great as one of the old people.

They throw off a cliff.

My favorite part in Midsummer is when the old people jump off the cliff and then

tourists get freaked out.

And then one of the guys who lives on the island turns to the guy who brought them there and goes, You didn't tell them?

You didn't tell them about all this weird shit we do?

No, you would be great as one of the like Lysandra.

Oh, no, no, no, that's Lysandra is who I'm thinking.

What do you want to play?

You'd be great as Calavan.

I'd be great as Hamlet's mom.

Yeah, Hamlet's mom.

You'd be great as Hermia.

Oh.

Yes.

Who's Helena?

The lovers in Midsummer.

Wow.

That'd be fun.

Midsummer, it's a pretty fun one.

That's a fun one.

What if we matched up Midsummer with Midsummer Night's Dream?

Midsummer Night.

Midsummer Night's Dream

where old people are just jumping to their deaths during the entire play.

And somebody gets burned alive.

Yeah.

At the end.

Thank God.

I'm warming up to the idea.

No better.

It should be Nick Bottom is burned alive at the end for daring to turn into a a donkey.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How dare you?

They can put the guy in a bear suit and they burn him alive.

Yeah, why not?

So the donkey gets burnt.

Let's do this.

I've never seen Midsummer Night's Dream.

Oh, it's fun.

I've just never seen any production of it or film of it.

I think that's probably the most accessible of

because it's very funny.

It's the story is great.

It's got a lot of

magical element to it.

Yeah, it's got magic in it.

It's got fairies.

It's got a guy turns into a donkey.

What is the closest Shakespeare to

Fast and Furious?

Wow.

Okay.

Well, King Lear is pretty furious.

He's like out in the rain shouting.

He's not that fast, though.

He's an old man.

He is an old man.

So who's the fastest

diesel in a family?

The fastest Shakespearean character.

I mean, if we used chat GPT, it probably would be able to answer.

No, he

doesn't.

But he couldn't trust it.

I don't use it.

No, I don't use it.

While it's subjective, Beatrice from Much Ado About Nothing is often considered one of the fastest

and most witty Shakespearean characters.

Why is that subjective?

Because I think it depends on how fast the actor talks.

You can say that about any of them, though.

Yeah.

I saw John Sharon

Star.

John Machida Jr.

To be or not to me, that is the question.

This is a return to one of our

micro-machines guy.

Well, there's no blood of the mind.

Several of the things I've ever read.

Oh my god, let's read Shakespeare really fast.

Okay.

I bad, I bad, you know what?

You know what?

Shaman.

Shakespearean.

I'm still annoyed at that.

The idea that they thought that was worth something, that that was interesting enough.

To be or not to be monologue, is what I searched.

To be or not to be.

That is a question.

Whether it is nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrightest fortune or to take arms against the sea of troubles and by opposing them to die is to sleep no more.

And to by his sleep today, say we end the heartache of the thousand natural shocks that the flesh is heir to, to the consummation, devoutly to be wished, to die, to sleep, to sleep, perchance to dream.

Aye, the zest, the robe, for in that sleep of death, what dreams may come?

When we have shuffled up all this milder coil, please give us positive as the respect that must calmly give so long life to one.

We bear the whips and scorns of time, the oppressors wrong, the proud man's contumbly, the pings of disparage love, the laws delay, the incense of ostos, and the spurns, the patient merit of the unworthy takes when he himself questions as quiet as makes with the bare bodkin with who shall fart false fire to grunt and sweat under the weary life that's certainly swinging after death.

The undiscovered country from the whose born, no traveler returns, puzzles the will that makes us rather bear those ills we have than fly to others that we know of.

Those consciousness does make powers of us all, and thus they

are societistically over the piano black house with thought and express Enterprise is the great pith and moment with this regard to their current Orion and Lizzy name with action.

I think it'd be fun to see a whole play done like that, and it would be over in 20 minutes.

Yeah, it'd be great.

That's that turned into an auction, kind of.

Do you want to do it?

Here, I'll do one.

No, I'm good.

She should have died hereafter.

There would have been a time for such words.

Tomorrow and tomorrow, and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day.

The last syllable of recorded time, and all our yesterdays have lighted fools this way to dusty death.

Out out, brief candle, life is but a walking shadow.

A poor player that stressed and frets his hour upon the stage, then is heard no more.

It is a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

Wow,

all right, I got one.

All right, what do you got?

Okay,

this is pretty slow so far.

Yeah,

I didn't say I had it.

Do his soliloquies start with one second?

Uh, one second,

uh, to be or not to be.

If you saw Shakespeare playing someone who was doing that the entire time, going like trying to make it more natural by going, uh,

to be, or

uh, not to to be.

Uh,

all right, what do you got?

Okay, here we go.

Darkness falls across the land.

The midnight arrives close to hand, creatures crawl in search of blood to Sarah Riselle's neighborhood.

And whoever saw whosoever shall be found without the soul forgetting down must stand to face the hounds of hell and inside a corpse's shell.

I'm going to thrill you tonight, thrill, thrill, ooh babe, thriller.

I'm going to throw you tonight, thriller tonight, thriller, oh, darling, baby.

I'm going to throw you tonight, thriller, ooh babe, thriller tonight.

That's not part of the monologue.

The foulest inches in the air, the funk of 40,000 years, and grizzly ghouls from every tomb were closing and stealing your doom.

And though you fight to stay alive, your body starts to shiver.

For no memory on a country, it resists the evil of the thriller.

Wow.

I love Shakespeare.

One of the greatest soliloquies.

Oh, the

thriller.

The funk of 40,000 years.

40,000 years.

Is that Vincent Price?

Yep.

Vincent Price.

Vincent Price.

I had, as I've said before, I had Vincent Price tape that I loved to watch as a child.

What was he doing?

Some scary stories.

He was telling them?

He set them up, and then they would play some sort of why was six afraid of seven?

Because seven

age.

I can't do Vincent Price.

He's got such a distinctive voice, but I can't do it.

Danny Gold always had

a dead-on Vincent Price.

Yeah.

Chris Tallman also does a good Vincent Price.

Yeah.

Well,

speaking of

The Immortal Bard.

Yes.

I auditioned for

the acting department of Allentown College when I was a senior in high school and i did

uh i had to do a comedic and a

dramatic monologue song as well no song no song um

for my comedic i wrote a thing and it was probably the first time i ever wrote and performed comedy

for the dramatic monologue i did to be or not to be oh that's a high bar in retrospect like what Yeah, we probably didn't know what to do.

I did not know what to do.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They were very, they were very kind about it.

I think you have to be for because I remember I had auditioned for the School of the Arts and everything.

I'm 16 or whatever.

I just feel like you have to have some grace where you're like, all of these kids suck, but at least this one said things loudly.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

No, it's important to be loud in the theater.

Yeah.

I did Banished for my dramatic from Romeo and Juliet.

Oh.

Where he's like, banished?

Banished?

Because he can't say banished because it has to fit the meter.

The meter, yes.

Banished.

But that was my most exciting.

Banished.

Banished.

I'll knock you upon your head.

If you dare to stay awake, then your soul I will to take.

Everybody knows that you are not it.

Everybody knows.

We have to take a break.

We'll be right back.

Okay.

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Okay, well, their denim's durable and it fits right.

What about leather jackets?

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Get off your phone.

What?

That's so scary.

Lauren, I was listening to Doughboys.

You called out Mitch for being on his phone.

It was such a wonderful moment for you.

It was, but you know, here's the thing.

And I know that sometimes I'm on my phone and people like to say that that was ironic.

He has a string tone that is on that anytime someone goes by his

spring camera sound.

Yeah.

It makes a noise.

It's a beautiful thing.

And he looks at it.

You have to annoy it.

But imagine if I had sound alerts on that were going off the entire time.

I do think he needs to stop that.

And this is a call to action.

And hopefully by this time he has.

I listened to it the most recent episode and it was still a conversation.

But how far ahead are they?

That's a good question.

Yeah.

By the way, I had another, I had a guest on one of my other shows recently

who had the Paul F.

Tompkins thing where they were constantly looking at their watch and I kept being like, oh, they have to get out of here.

They have to get out of here.

And then I realized at the end of it, no, no, they're just getting like messages on their

stopped.

I stopped wearing the watch because it was really bugging me.

Yeah.

I don't like that it tells you a message.

I didn't like the buzzing on your wrist.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I kind of like a, you know, I have it, I have an Apple Watch and I like it for working out and certain things, but I don't, even with working out, it's like, I don't want to get the text message while I'm in my class.

Yeah.

Like I have my phone in my bag and then I have my watch on to like keep track of my workout and stuff.

Yeah.

And then I'm seeing a message.

I'm like thinking about that now.

And I'm like, well, I'm trying to like be in my own zone,

be in my own, my own world.

I'm thinking about my sweat droplets.

Yeah.

That's so cute that you guys are working out.

You could do that too.

Oh, yeah, I could.

That's right.

I have to prolong my life.

Watching these ER episodes, I'm like imagining the day where

in the hospital and they're all saying goodbye to me.

What?

I got to extend that.

If that's what you're watching, then you really need to exercise.

If that's what you're thinking when you watch that,

and you're picturing it being you, I don't think that's every single, every single case.

Every single case is like

no, honestly, like, oh shit, this father who just got into an accident when someone, a drunk driver, T-bone them and his wife dies.

I'm like, oh, shit.

What if that's me?

Well, that

exercising wouldn't help you.

No,

the other guy drinks and drives.

No, I'm saying, don't do that.

No, I'm not the, I'm in.

Scott, it's illegal.

Okay, I won't.

Shit.

Have you gotten to the episode where Eric LaSalle does the

first episode?

They're all in the pilot.

All those things are from the pilot.

Wow.

Wow.

Because they had to have them ready for the second episode.

Sure, exactly.

Because they ran the pilot and then they're like, are people going to like it?

I've only seen the first two episodes now, but I think that that show was really almost going to be the show that a doctor wakes up in the first scene of every episode because it's happened in the first two.

Oh, because they had that room baseball.

Dr.

Green, you need to wake up.

And then it's Sherry Stringfield in the next episode.

I was like, what if they just did that every single night?

I thought that was interesting when they did that, though, because I didn't know that doctor slept at the hospital.

Sherry Stringfield was the one who quit acting, right?

Well, she quit that show before her contract was over, and then she came back to it

years later.

But she might have quit acting.

Which one was she?

She was blonde.

She was on NYPD Blue for a little while.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She was blonde.

She, I believe, she was in a relationship with Mark.

Anthony Edwards.

Anthony Edwards got married to

ran off with his old friend.

He was in the movie Miracle Mile with

Mary Winningham.

Mary Winningham?

Yeah, Mary Winningham.

They eloped together recently.

Recently?

Yeah.

Good for them.

Wow.

That's wild.

Yeah.

Watching it again, I'm like, this guy's a pro.

He's so good.

He's great.

Anthony Edwards is great.

Can I make a note?

Half the time I'm looking at my phone, I'm looking at something you're talking about.

Okay, what were you just looking at?

Sherry Stringfield.

Oh, okay.

I I didn't know who that was.

What did you come to learn about Sherry Stringfield?

She, I, I.

She's an American actress?

I, I, I learned her age and I learned the

what she looks like.

And then I was trying to remember.

I always go down to personal life.

I always go to controversy.

Um, she was married years ago.

She has two kids.

And, you know.

Skip down to arrest and she left the show twice.

Imprisonment.

Clapped in iron.

She left the show twice.

That's interesting.

Yes.

Yes.

First during the third season in 1986, and again in 2005, after which she moved back to New York and pursued teaching and other acting roles.

Why would you leave?

And I mean, I respect whatever she's doing.

I was always fascinated.

But I just like, wow, how interesting.

Like, it's not, that's just interesting.

I was always fascinated by the people who played the like nurses and office staff on that role because they only ever would have like three lines an episode.

And they were always like, oh, it's door three.

Yeah.

You know, room three or whatever.

And I was like, it's such a cushy job.

Yeah.

You're getting paid but they're never exploring your character golden handcuffs as they say

but i mean are they considered series regulars i think they're no i think they're recurring yeah so they're they're getting

they're they're just popping in for a day here and there for

a thousand some of them probably end up like having a contract

it's like star trek has people like that too yeah that every once in a while they get a couple lines or something yeah tig is so hugely in star trek now i haven't watched all of all her new her stuff but she's in a like

a spin-off or something with like

who are the actors?

Holly Hunter.

What?

And I have not heard anything about another guy.

Holly Hunter.

Wow.

I don't know if this is public.

Maybe we should delete it.

You probably should.

Oh, wait, no.

Starfleet Academy taps Academy Award-winning actress Holly Hunter.

Okay, great.

So it's an upcoming show, Starfleet Academy.

Is that the one that Tony is right working on?

Probably.

Wow.

Who is the

famous male actor?

There is at least another one.

Well, I know there's somebody on it where you're like, he's on that?

Wow.

It's like a really cool cast.

No, Tig has been on that for like a while now.

And then

now she's on this new one.

But I thought this was like a completely different time period, but maybe I'm wrong.

Who knows?

At this point, like Star Trek has done such crazy shit.

It wouldn't surprise me.

They could do anything.

They're phasers.

Oh, Seth is on stun.

How would it feel being zapped by a phaser that's set on stun?

What is that?

Is that like someone someone like poking you hard enough to knock you out?

You know what I mean?

Or like doing a billy club on the back of your head or something?

That's a good question.

What does it feel like to be able to do this idea?

Is it like a hard thing or is it just an energy comes over to you and stuns you, meaning it drains you?

Do you just go to sleep?

Yeah, you know what I mean?

Or is it like someone whacking you in the back of the head with a blackjack and going, ow!

How long are you stunned?

Yeah.

Stunned.

Ooh, I'm stuck.

Like Like stunned.

When I think of stunned, I think of like, oh, God, oh, I can't see for a second.

I'm seeing stars.

But it is good that they said stunned instead of knockout.

Set phasers to knockout.

Phasers to KO.

Yeah, I want to say it's,

no, it's like someone really famous.

This is exciting.

Paul Giamatti or something.

It might be Paul Giamatti because it says, was Paul Giamatti?

Yeah, he is in it.

Great.

Giamatti.

I'm like, that's pretty cool.

Giamatti may be one of the coolest actors alive.

Absolutely.

I love him.

Oh, man.

The holdover is so fantastic.

holdover is amazing i gotta rewatch that i really gotta rewatch he was in that uh trash can or whatever on chris gethard shows

he was on chris gethard show yeah in a trash can yeah somebody told a story about him online that um

when he won i guess he won an emmy for something and he went to in and out billions this is before internet before he went to in and out okay he was like at some party

you know after party that he took to in and out right yeah wasn't it yeah did he he win the Oscar?

Maybe.

I think so.

Who knows?

It was either an Emmy or an Oscar.

And

someone at this party, the person who was telling the story, asked him, you know, if I give you $5, will you let me hold your Emmy?

And so

he did.

And, you know, the person got a picture and then handed the Emmy back.

And then he held out his hand.

And this person, I think it was a woman, gave him the $5.

And he said, pleasure doing business with you.

Yes.

I feel like we've talked about this.

We have.

We have.

Not that long ago.

But love it.

Still a good story.

And I forgot what he said.

I'm going to tell that story every four episodes.

Good.

He has not won the Academy Award.

He's won

Golden Globe.

For the holdovers.

He's just a Golden Globe.

Holdovers is such a good idea.

I've seen it twice now.

It just feels like a cozy

holiday film.

I look forward to watching it again.

Yes.

I've only seen it once.

I only seen it once, too.

And the soundtrack is really wonderful.

The way it looks is very pleasing to mine eyes.

You'd have to film a movie in the winter.

Wouldn't that be nice?

Yeah.

Between Two Ferns Winter Edition.

Sure.

They're begging for a sequel.

Everyone's asking.

Why didn't you?

Why didn't you?

They keep saying.

Do they want to explore the game show more?

I think it's a game show-based sequel.

What was the funny thing that you said that Zach wouldn't let me put in?

Oh, that

it was, we do have to take away 500 points from whatever the the guy's name was.

Abraham Lincoln was, in fact, assassinated.

Something like that.

I forget exactly what it was, but Zach was like, no.

It's very funny, but no.

From the South, you know.

Yeah.

Very sensitive about Lincoln.

Very sensitive about all that stuff.

One of the best hat wearers.

100%.

Yeah.

I actually don't picture him in a hat.

It's great in a hat.

It looks great in a hat.

We're talking about Abraham Lincoln.

Yeah, I know, I know.

But I am trying to picture Zach in very weird hats.

That in Lincoln, the movie, they never go into the first time.

Like, you would think it would be like all those other biopics where it's like the first time he sees the tall hat and goes, What if this was like three?

You know, it's I used to think he walks out bad to the bone.

Abraham,

Abraham Lincoln, already a very tall man.

Yeah, why add to this?

But then I thought it wouldn't look right if he had like a shorter hat on.

Right.

It makes sense somehow.

It's like,

yeah.

Who else, you know, like on a short person, it's going to look like he's the mad hatter.

If you're a short guy, you can't wear a super tall hat if you're a little guy.

But then he's also trying to like elongate his face with that big beard and no mustache.

What is this guy's deal?

He's he's weird.

He's a weird guy.

He's a weird guy.

Lauren, are you looking up Abraham Lincoln?

No, I was looking up ways to

show you out of podcasts.

Is this house an escape room?

Have you ever done an escape room?

No, no.

I've done a couple.

Wow.

Tell us about your experience.

Wow.

In detail, leave nothing out.

Well, I don't remember.

And do they know you've escaped?

Do they put out an AP?

They do.

I got a certificate at the end.

The first one was with a big group of people.

This was got to be 12 years ago.

It has to be.

And at least 11.

And if not, it was downtown.

I don't know how it ended up happening, to be honest.

It was so random.

It was like a lot of improvisers, but I really don't know why we were doing that.

And

it was fun, but it was like so many people where some of them were very good at puzzles that I just sort of was able to kind of coast a little bit.

Then I did another one with Wild Horses when we were on tour, and I believe we were in Philadelphia.

And we went to one because we had like a weird amount of time to kill, and Mary loves escape rooms.

And so, and she hasn't done one in a long time, I don't think, but at the time she was very into them.

This is, again, probably

what is she like the most about solving puzzles or getting out of a room?

I think it's the puzzles.

And

that one was pretty fun because there's only four of us.

So we all had to participate heavily.

And

we solved it.

We solved it.

What were some of the puzzles?

Do you remember?

I really don't remember.

I really don't remember.

Yeah.

Do you remember like there being a lock involved?

I'm sure there was a lock in there.

A combination.

A combination.

A mysterious letter.

Yeah, I will say, like, I'm not too invested personally in the lore of escape rooms.

I don't really care.

I can get excited about a game and I can get excited about the competitiveness of it.

But yeah, it's not something I'm seeking.

The thing about that is, I think I would enjoy the sort of lore of it if they really fucking did it up.

But I feel like that's one of those things where it's very easy to sort of half-ass it.

Yeah.

And I feel, well, like, a lot of times the buildings that they're in are really janky.

Yeah.

So you're walking in this like really strange, like abandoned office building, and then you're in one room and you're like, okay.

There's a ventrolla here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like, yeah.

I don't really get into the mindset of it.

Well, I used to live in the heart of Hollywood.

And I used to live over by the old Earwolf Studios.

Yes, I did.

You did.

And then when

the neighborhood started changing and one of the

ticket for going through a stop sign, going to your place.

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

I think about it literally every time I get off on sunset and the 101.

No, we shouldn't have done that.

And I pass through and I go, like, this is where I got that ticket.

And I did not even know the cop was behind me.

I got out of the car and was walking to your place.

And they're like, hey.

And I turned around and lights are flashing.

There's an intersection near where I live now, which is, it's one of those really wide intersections where it's a four-way and all the corners are very far apart from each other.

So it is often like a

you gotta, you gotta really be on the honor system of like, yes, you were here before I was.

And you go.

And so one time I was driving through it and it was my turn.

It's my turn.

I started to go and this woman starts honking at me and like she's cursing.

And she goes to the intersection and I was like, all right.

And I went through.

I get a text a minute later from my friend, Todd Cooper, who said, you were right and that lady was wrong.

And so now I think about that every time.

You're at that end.

I think about him texting me.

So when the neighborhood started to like get a little nicer, but it's still not great.

Ashton Kutcher opened a restaurant at the end of my street, the bottom of the street.

Did he open it with Mike Boogie from Big Brother?

Maybe.

Who Dr.

Will has a restraining order against?

Just Dr.

Will.

Dr.

Will has a restrainting or something.

And the person I used to work with at Chinchin?

No one knows what you're talking about.

They were all investors in these restaurants.

This was called the Geisha House.

Yes.

And so it was, oh my God, Ashton Kutrick at a restaurant here.

And then I'll like started, that started a whole thing of like new bars and stuff being opened up.

And they all closed down.

They all closed down.

Within a year, that place, the geisha house was an escape room.

Great.

Can you fucking imagine?

A geisha-themed

escape room.

Like to open a restaurant is such a huge undertaking.

Yeah.

And then it just goes away.

Yeah, I know.

And that's that's like a lot of them.

That's

really hard.

It's crazy when a restaurant has been around for longer than 10 years, even.

But like, it's, it's always so comforting a place that's been there since the 20s.

Absolutely.

Or something like that.

Although there was that one that just in downtown that the

workers tried to unionize and the

descendants of the original owner who loved his employees just like went out and sold it because wow.

They were like, fuck this.

Yeah.

And Kulop and I went there once and we ordered and realized the subway

was shutting down.

We thought the subway would be until probably midnight or something.

No, it shuts down at 10.

So you're going to eat there and then go get subscribers.

Go get the subs.

That doesn't seem you're going to go get subs?

And we had to say to our waiter,

we didn't realize the subway, the last train is in 15 minutes.

We have to go.

And the waiter was nice enough to say, like, I'll cancel your order.

So you were hell-bent on taking the subway back home.

We had no other way to get home.

This is pre-Uber.

Pre-Uber.

Yeah, this is when we first started dating.

And so it was just like, oh, shit.

I don't even know how I looked it up because this is pre-iPhones and stuff, too.

I must have.

You probably had the paper schedule with you.

Yeah, probably.

Oh, man.

I was thinking about that today of when I worked at Olive Garden.

And I had to move back in with my parents after college for six months.

And I had to take the bus to Olive Garden.

How

like you'd get there to the bus station, and there was a printed schedule, and it was always like 1237,

1.03.

You know, it was all, it was all these very specific times, but occasionally you'd get there like right as 1237 comes around, and you'd see the bus already like lit, like they got there a little bit early and they're already gone.

And so, your only recourse, you couldn't just wait another 25 minutes.

Your only recourse is to try to run as fast as you can to get to the bus before it stops again, or just go, Well, I guess I'm going to walk to work along the path of the bus, and eventually one of these buses will like come by and get me.

Yeah, yeah.

So you would either be like,

You guys are really bored by this.

I'm not really bored by it.

I was going along with it.

I think at a certain point,

no, at a certain point, I started to say, Yeah, that's what happens.

You were a babysitter, and then you were

going to get a business.

I took the bus and the train my whole life in a city that is very public transportation.

But my point is, this was Orange County and it was not very like,

there weren't a million different ways to get on.

I guess I have to say, welcome to GOC, bitch.

That's a good point.

Oh,

is Schwartz and Sandy's still on?

I think it's gone.

I think it closed.

That's maybe what I was talking about.

Yeah, what's Schwartz and Sandy's?

The Tom Sandoval restaurant.

Oh, oh, no, no.

Oh, yeah.

They closed.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

They, in fact, okay, so they had a big sign that everyone, the few times I went there, every time we would go there, there'd be a million people taking pictures in front of the sign and none of them going into the restaurant needing.

They have covered it with a like locked thing.

And

yeah, anyway, it's even though it's closed.

So it's like you can't take pictures, even though you can't take me, but also they're, I think they're afraid of someone stealing the sign.

Well, that's what I would do.

That's why I asked.

I was going to go steal a sign.

Yeah.

But that place is cursed, I think.

First of all, it's very weird.

That location.

That location is cursed.

No restaurants have ever succeeded there.

The place that was there was there for a really long time, but since that place closed,

then there was awkward spot, though, because you kind of forget that it's even over there.

Yeah, it's hidden.

It's too hidden.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Then the Mexican place moved.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It moved into a better location.

That's right.

But I just don't see it being a successful restaurant.

It's weird that they picked there and they picked it only because it was cheaper.

It's always wild when there's a cursed location like that where you just see business after business.

I think the only way that you can solve that is by putting in a big chain restaurant.

Like there, there was a place like that by my house that was a different independent restaurant.

And it would just turn over every couple of years and you'd see like a new restaurant there.

And it would be like, and no one would ever go to them because it's like, I don't trust that place.

And the only thing they could do was turn it into like a,

you are just gazing off.

I'm listening to you.

I'm listening to you.

You caught me looking at you.

No, because I'm thinking about a storefront that was constantly changing, or I'm listening to you, but I was thinking about what they sold.

I'm listening to you, and I'm thinking about this trend from the 90s.

I'm listening to you.

We're both wrapped.

Yeah, just keep telling me this is

what we want to hear.

Okay.

Well, it finally turned into a Winchell's Donuts.

There we go.

Big success.

There we go.

See?

Thank you.

And I was thinking.

God bless the USA.

I was thinking about a storefront that in a store in Evanston, it was called Perennials, I believe.

And they used to, I used to love to go there as a kid with my mom.

And the style was all very delicate, perfumey, Victorian, sort of.

I think the 90s there, I was just thinking there's like this period where that was kind of in, like where like a teen girl's bedroom would be like very floral with like white and like this is the 90s with like a lot of different colors.

But then like Victorian, like

pastel

house.

Yeah, like very, very like,

like pokemon.

Yes.

It was a moment and that store was really cute, but I guess they wouldn't really cut the mustard nowadays.

Although with the 90s coming back, maybe people would be into that.

You got to cut that mustard.

You got to cut it.

Hey.

Hey, you know, we, okay.

I've been thinking about this since we recorded that ad that mentioned data and data.

Yeah.

How is that allowed?

That there's a word you can pronounce two ways.

Well, that's anytime you mispronounce a word, shouldn't you be able to say, oh, that's just how I pronounce it?

Because look at data and data.

Yeah, you know what I mean?

I mean, there's a few words like that, and it's fucking ridiculous.

Well, like pickle and picle,

what

exactly, exactly, pickle and picle.

What are some of the biggest ones?

Data and data, but there's pickle and piclet, pickle and duvet, duvet and duvet.

There's another one that's as famous as data and data.

I remember there was once a friend of mine who,

on an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer,

they

the word was integral.

Yes.

And integral?

One particular actor kept saying integral.

And

this friend of mine was getting very upset while we were watching it saying like it's integral, idiot.

It's integral.

And I was like, I think you can say it either way.

And then I looked it up in the dictionary and I showed it to him.

And this person said, well, the dictionary is wrong

and stormed out of the.

Did the dictionary have both?

Yeah, it said both.

I think that's when I struggle with reading where I often will say integral.

I always say integral.

I think I like it.

I like saying it that way better than saying it integral.

Integral sounds to us like integrity.

I think if you're saying it's an integral piece of this thing that we're today, or you're saying it's an integral piece, I think integral, I would probably want to.

I think that sounds a little bit.

I feel like because it's related to integrity, that it's important to it, it has to be there.

I like to say integral.

I said integral to my girlfriend in high school.

And she gave me a little bit sloppy kiss.

She did like a condescending little laugh.

She did a condescending little laugh and said, it's integral.

Come on, bitch.

How dare you?

This was my first girlfriend who also.

You didn't know how to react when she would say that.

I was embarrassed.

I was embarrassed when she did that.

Of course.

And then later I was mad.

But

she loaned me her copy of Clan of the Cave Bear.

What?

With the movie or the book?

The book.

With the caveat that this was a book that was very important to her and made her cry and stuff like that.

So I was reading this book like it was a deep, like serious book.

Okay.

And then like it's halfway through, I was like, is this just a piece of shit?

She's like, yeah.

And I breezed through it.

And then what did she say?

Did it make you cry?

I said, yeah, I cried all over the place.

I dropped it in in the tub, so I would, it would look like I was crying.

Um, but she was, she used to spray, she, when she would write me little notes, she would spray perfume on the note.

Yeah, I thought that was very hot.

It's hot shit.

It's hot shit.

Somebody out probably got a bill that smelled really good after bringing the mail next to her letter.

She wouldn't mail me.

Oh, she didn't mail it to you.

Oh, okay.

Oh, my electric bill smells gorgeous.

Hey, this electric bill is really hot.

This will be a pleasure to pay.

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Hey, Paul.

Yeah.

Oh,

hey, sorry, real quick.

I just, I gotta, I gotta talk to a friend of mine.

Oh, okay.

It's my friend Lily in Italy.

Okay.

Si, my piace molto y colori.

Di piacho no e colori caldi o fredi

mi piace mi piace il colori uh

Capisco, y color, Fredi sono multo tranquili.

What?

Oh my god, do you think she's a bad person?

Okay, sorry, we just have to talk about colors for a second.

Oh, that's okay.

Yeah, she sounds cool.

I like cool colors.

That's funny that you should say that.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Where's she live?

She lives in Italy.

Where?

Like, where?

Milano.

What was that?

Like an app?

Let's do a lingo, dear.

But you just popped into a combo with her.

That's one of the lessons.

Oh.

Is you do a conversation with her.

Never gotten that before.

Why did she say oof?

Because

she says, I ask her how she is.

She goes, oof.

Sembre un po annoyato, which means I'm always a little bored.

Wow.

That's the bore.

Her character is, that's her character.

She's kind of cool.

She's like too cool for she's kind of cool.

She's kind of like a Parker posing in a 90s movie.

Yeah, I love that.

I'm always a little bored.

It's like, well, get out there and see what's going on.

That's what I say.

Yeah.

You're talking to somebody on the other side of the world.

Yeah, that's pretty interesting.

Did Lily ever explain what a fucking creature is?

Yeah.

I don't think she knows how to un boostero.

Oh, boostero, claro,

well, it's time to play one.

Yeah.

And we're going to play something called Taboo Word.

This is where we improvise a scene, two of us decide on a taboo word, and we try to get the third player to say it.

The third player will suggest a household item to start the scene.

On the subject of taboo, I could not remember Taboo's name from the

Fantasy Island.

Black-eyed people.

Right.

The other famous tattoo.

Who are the most famous tattoos?

Fantasy Island and Black Eyed Peter.

All the things she said, all the things she said running through my head, running through my head, running through my head.

So tattoo from, or sorry, taboo from.

Oh, yeah, taboo, tattoo.

Yeah.

Which one?

I saw one of them, and I've talked about this.

I know.

I saw one of them in a cuckaroo.

One of who?

The Black Eyed Peace.

Okay.

Honey.

And

you know, it wasn't Fergie.

It wasn't Fergie.

It wasn't William.

It was the one with the long.

That's taboo.

That's taboo.

Yeah.

So I saw Taboo in a cuckaroo.

Taboo in a cuckaroo?

I mean, that's a good thing.

Soul taboo in a cuckoo room.

I got to google taboo.

And

I simply have to.

Behind the counter, they were all a buzz, and they said, Hey, man, love what you do.

And he said, I'm just on my grind, man.

And I also saw at the very same cuckaroo.

I used to love cuckaroo.

Apple de app.

I did not see Apple DeApp.

I saw Kim and Kelly Deal eating lunch together and they'd held hands the entire time.

How nice.

The twins!

Wow!

That's cute!

I didn't know they were twins, I believe, or maybe they're not.

I thought they were, but they are sea stars, they are sea stars, definitely.

Yeah,

um,

all right, taboo words.

So, the idea is: two of us try to get one of us to say the taboo word.

All right, so, Paul, you and I will uh

text a taboo word because you look like you're ready to text it.

Yeah, I have my phone out.

I have my phone out,

I have my phone out,

Waiting on that text, brother.

All right.

Yes, I got it.

All right.

Now, you, Lauren, uh-huh.

Household items, start the scene off.

Ugh, my TV remote is not working.

Oh, is your TV working?

Yes, it works great.

I couldn't help but overhear your problem.

Oh, hi.

Little wizard.

Are you

a little wager?

You're too little.

Hey, you just met him.

He's just right.

I expect wizards to be like Gandalf.

I did too.

I thought I'd get bigger.

Well, I'm sorry.

What are you doing in my home?

I'm lost.

Oh, well, the door is over there.

Oh, okay.

Goodbye.

Oh, are you lost in the world?

Can you help us with our problem, though?

Because we have.

Maybe I am a weaker.

Our TV remote won't work, and we have all these apps that

we want to use.

What are all these things?

They're apps.

It's like ways to watch different shows.

They're like streamers.

What are streamers?

It's like channels.

I don't know.

What are channels?

You've never seen TV?

No, I'm a wizard.

Okay.

What do you do for entertainment?

Spells.

Okay.

You just cast spells on me?

Yeah.

I make little pictures in the air.

Oh, okay.

So not on other people.

It's not like you're cursing people for fun.

Not for fun.

Have you ever made anyone thinner?

Yeah.

They struck the skin.

Do they scream thinner?

No.

Well, honey, like, what apps are you having trouble getting?

Netflix,

Peacock.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, I want to watch Severance, but...

What's that?

It's a show about an office.

Well, not really.

It's an office workplace comedy.

No, it's not at all.

It's just that there's people who have an Indian and an Audi and they exist in two ways.

Like belly buttons.

Yeah.

I want to watch the morning show.

Yeah, he just wants to watch that black one with the white picture on the, that one you can see right there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What is that?

Is that one of the famous channels you're talking about?

Well, it's a fruit.

You'd recognize it.

What?

What's it talking about?

The app that you want to watch it on?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I thought you were talking about a picture of a fruit that I have.

What?

On the app of the.

Oh, oh, oh, I understand.

Okay, you're trying to explain apps to him.

You want to watch Severance on that one?

Yeah.

Okay, so an app.

What will it do?

It will play a show.

You know, like it's at entertainment.

The TV will.

What happened to the S guys in that account?

Oh, my God.

Is this...

This guy's just looking for a place to live.

All right, can you fuck off?

Hey, do you mind fucking?

I'm powerless against it.

My.

I'm sorry, honey.

I hired a wizard.

What?

Why?

Come on back.

Come on.

Is it a tech wizard?

Were you sure?

Yeah.

so i i went to the what i thought was the geek squad but it was a bunch of geeks at a comic book store

they were a squad

they had squad goals and everything aoc was in there yeah and um they were playing dungeons and dragons they conjured up a real wizard and i thought he could help us out with our problem we want to watch you know things like i'm lost uh

you're lost so you do know lost the tv show is that oh yeah i know lost the tv show

but i really want to watch this Ted Lasso.

Okay, he wants to watch Ted Lasso.

He's so positive.

So, you want Apple TV?

Yeah.

Yes, I fucking got you.

I knew what I was avoiding the whole time.

Of course, you did.

Okay.

All right.

Now, I'll send a word to Lauren.

Yeah, this is going to be fun.

All the things you've done, all the things you've done, running through my head, running through my head, running through my head.

This

is not enough.

Running in my hand.

I hate when something updates you every five seconds that it's going to be delivered.

Like, we are sending it out now.

We created a shipping label.

It isn't going in the mail.

It is going tomorrow.

It feels like I'm working for you.

I'm just

going to go.

Stop updating me.

I don't give a fuck.

You know.

I almost said the word out loud.

Okay.

Wow.

Hey, have you guys seen my spatula?

Oh, yeah.

I I was using it to clean the toilet.

Why?

There was a lot of stuff.

Why not use the toilet brush?

Stuck to the side.

Use the toilet brush.

Wait.

Oh,

have you been flipping my eggs with the toilet brush?

Honey.

I wondered why you put it next to the toilet.

Do you mind that I have been flipping your eggs with the toilet brush?

Oh my God, it's a little wizard.

Yeah.

Delude.

Hello.

Well, what are you trying to make?

I'm real now.

Oh,

hey.

it's great to see you again thank you i haven't seen you since that uh whole apple tv

plus huh who are you you

mean my brother oh your brother that's right i know too many wizards he's taller i'm just want to i'm just here do you have a spatula i could borrow well i have this toilet brush is that look i guess we're just swapping uses for these i don't want a toilet brush but what's the toilet brush supposed to clean

it's right there in the name

it's supposed to clean a toilet brush.

I mean, it could, I guess.

What is it supposed to clean?

Somebody tell me, wizard, anybody?

I don't fucking know.

What am I supposed to say?

Shitter.

Honey.

Can you tell me where the spatula is?

Here's the spatula, but she's just been using it to clean the toilets.

Are you sure you want it?

What's a toilet?

Oh my God.

We don't have toilets.

Look, where I come from, we just shit on the floor.

We magic it away.

Oh,

we go in a toilet and it goes into the way.

I've heard of where you go.

You've heard of where I lose.

Yeah.

Train station eight and a quarters, eight and a half.

Oh, okay.

So tell me.

Well, what are you trying to make with a spatula?

What do you need?

I need...

No, I'm talking to him.

He wanted a spatula.

He asked where it was.

I need to fly these pancakes over.

They're burning.

Do you have enough mix to make new ones?

You think I should just throw these away?

Well, I'm just wondering if there, is there enough pancake mix?

There's enough.

There's enough for, I was going to make pancakes for you.

Okay.

So you already made some in the.

I made some.

These were going to be for me, and then I was going to make more for you.

Do you want these burned ones?

What is no?

Do you want these burned ones?

I don't want the burned ones.

Pancake mix.

How do you make it if you mix it?

It's like cornstarch,

flour.

Okay, then what do you do?

Eggs, milk.

Well, then what happens?

You mix them together and you

beat them

in a bowl.

You motherfucker.

Damn it.

I didn't fucking

remember what the word was.

No, I was so focused on it this whole time.

The bowl was the secret.

We got your ass.

We got your ass.

We got your ass.

All right, Lauren, send me one of these words.

We got your asses.

We got your asses.

I saw Dave Tooney walking down the street the other day, and I just wanted to text him.

I saw your ass.

I just got a text from someone,

Alex Reed.

Do you remember Alex Reed?

Yeah, of course.

I used to play poker with him every week.

Alex Reed said, I was just driving a Pillharse and saw someone dressed with a Paul F.

Tompkins vibe out in front of all time, but there's only one person with a Paul F.

Tompkins vibe, so I'm assuming it's you.

And I had to write back, it wasn't me.

Oh,

it was Emmy.

I saw you at all time.

He directed

episodes of Andrea Savage's show.

I'm sorry.

He segued into directing.

Won the Emmy for Malcolm in the Middle.

Good for him.

Who?

Alex Reed.

Was a writer on Malcolm in the Middle

East.

And wrote on a bunch of shows, and I think then segued into directing, and he's a good director.

Good for him.

And he reads me to filth.

Okay.

Would you please start us with a house?

Yes, I will.

Oh boy, my blender's broken.

Your what is broken?

My blender broken.

Can I help with that?

Could I also help with that?

Two wizards.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We're competing wizards, though.

I'm the smartest.

Hey, this is my turf.

Oh, wow.

I thought I was supposed to be here.

I poofed over here myself.

Oh, yeah, I know you poofed over here.

You're always horning in on my customers.

What are you looking for?

New blender.

How do you spell blender?

Are you a wizard, too?

How do I spell it?

Yeah.

With letters.

Oh, good.

Okay, this will work out perfectly.

Yeah, I come from a family of wizards.

I have two brothers.

You are also a wizard.

Wait a minute.

Are we the brothers?

Yeah.

What?

You guys!

Bro!

Bro!

My long-long brothers!

Hey!

We're actually brothers.

Brothers.

I remember growing up.

Yeah.

Boy.

We were in a castle.

We were in a castle.

We all slept in one room.

We were doing spells.

Yeah.

There was a dragon.

Yeah.

We all slept in that one room.

Oh.

The one room in the castle is a giant castle, and they forced it in one room.

With one window.

The great hall.

One lamp.

Yeah.

And the walk-in fireplace.

Yeah,

we would walk into it all the time.

Burn ourselves.

I can't believe we always shared one pillow and you didn't even recognize us.

Well, your faces will be too close.

If you were just one big eyeball, then I'd recognize you for sure.

Yeah, that's a good point.

I want to turn into a big eyeball.

So if my bro can recognize you.

What was your favorite part of sharing?

Oh, hey, your eyeball now.

What was your favorite part of sharing the room with us?

When our feet feet will tickle each other.

Where?

On the feet.

What?

In the bed.

Hey!

Wait, you guys said it.

I didn't realize that.

A bed is good.

You guys said it.

We never said bed.

We never said bed.

Yeah, you did.

We kept saying we sleep together.

Sleep, we kept saying.

And we said there's one pillow, one pillow.

Run back to the tape.

We never said bed.

I swear I heard you said.

We never said bed.

We never said bed.

We never gonna say it.

But I said it, and that's the thing.

I was gonna say it.

Well, that was fun.

It was.

We had a great time, and I know you did, too.

If you would like to send us a threecha right to us at threedomushmail.com.

Or if you'd like to leave us a voicemail, you can go to the famous, famous website.

I think you know the name, hagclaims8.com.

We love it.

Poke around on there.

See, have fun.

And then before you leave, give us a voicemail.

And we'll use those voicemails in our threamium episodes, which come out every other Wednesday.

And they are accessible through the maximist here on cbbworld.com or lemonada premium that's right if you want to hear old episodes i'm sure paul just said this but if you want to hear old episodes you gotta go over to cbb worlds because they're all up there they're all ad-free if you get tired of hearing us prattle on about you know all this stuff that we're we're using then you just uh listen to us ad-free over there and then um On Wednesdays, we do the three meme episodes.

That's where we answer your voicemails.

That's every other Wednesday.

And on Tuesday, we re-release some of our old episodes.

We call those three visitors.

Visiting on the twos.

Anything coming up, Paul?

Because you're just about to be on tour.

Yeah, man.

Come out and see Varia Torpia,

my variety show.

I'm traversing the country and a couple stops in Canada.

Starts April 23rd, kicks off as Iowa.

This is this Wednesday.

This Wednesday, Iowa City, Iowa.

Come on out and see me sometime.

Yeah.

The old May West.

We're going to so many places.

We're doing over 20 cities on this tour.

So

please

come and check it out.

No, it's more than 21.

I can't remember the exact number.

Why did you say that?

I can't remember the exact number.

Say more than whatever one less is.

Why?

Because that's fun.

We're doing more than 23 shows.

We're doing more than 23 shows.

So yeah, this is a great time at the theater, by the way.

You're going to like, first of all, getting a babysitter

is going to be worth it because sometimes, you know, how you go to a show and you're like, oh, we got to get the babysitter and all that.

Is it really going to be worth it?

This is like, you're going to come home going,

it's like what

Larry King,

his experience going to see Cavalia.

That's right.

His favorite show of all time.

Yes.

And that's this is the best thing I've ever seen in my life.

That would be the kind of quote you would say after you got in your car.

Yes.

That would be the kind of quote you would say after you got in your car.

And thank you, my friends, for saying that.

And please do come out and see us.

Go to paulftompkins.com/slash varietopia, and you'll see all the ticket links there.

That's amazing.

I, you know, I don't have anything I can expressly plug at this time.

Just find me

on Instagram.

Find her in the street.

And you'll just see what I'm up to.

And I'm still writing Astonishing Spider-Man.

So check that out on the Marvel Unlimited app.

And

until next week,

keep

reaching for the stars and keep grabbing them.

Our old people.

Because I don't want to see them up there anymore.

Keep your feet off the ground and hold hold your breath in space.

Keep your head on your pillow and your feet underneath the pillow.

Some of us are in the gutter, but we're looking up at the stars.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye, bye, bye, baby, bye bye, bye, bye.

Our healthcare system is broken in so many ways.

We have a healthcare system that's supposed to be taking care of people that is making it literally more difficult for people to put food on the table.

So, this season, we'll dive into the challenges headfirst while also thinking about how we can find a better way because we all deserve better.

Uncared for season three from Lemonada Media, available August 6th, wherever you get your podcasts.