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I tried to say it backwards for fun.

Would you say mum three?

Mum three?

Me throttle.

That doesn't.

It's not exactly or relatively close, but

it's not even close at all.

Wouldn't it be okay?

Mud.

Mud.

Muddy Earth.

Muddy Earth.

Mud Earth.

Mud Earth.

Oh, my God.

Mud Earth.

300 backwards is mud earth.

Oh, my God.

A lot like how Erwan is

nowhere.

Nowhere.

And Evion is naive.

That's right.

So we live on Earth, which has mud.

Yes.

So we're from planet Earth all along.

Oh my God.

The clues were all there.

So we're not aliens.

No, although it's set up, you fucking assholes.

We are aliens.

We are descended from the Battlestar Galactica.

Yes, of course we are.

Of course, who came down here with all of their astrological spaceships?

Yes, they wrote Bob Dylan's songs.

What?

Look!

I literally don't know what you're talking about.

Are Are you familiar with the Battlestar Galactica?

She's a Cylon robot.

I'm really not.

A skin job?

Are you a skin job?

Are you a toaster?

Okay.

Yeah.

Those are the two slurs in the Battlestar Galactica universe.

Well, I'm offended.

For either a skin job or a toaster.

For evil robots.

But a skin job, though, is that a robot with skin on it?

Or is that what they call the, I guess, Cylon robots?

Because a robot

room for slurs.

What?

They don't have room for slurs.

Meaning, like, like, they're so analytical, they don't call things slurs, maybe.

I don't know.

The robots themselves?

Yeah.

Like, they don't get offended.

Well, you know, they're not out there going, like, hey, look at this skin job over here.

Like, they're just more like Cylon warrior, activate.

No, skin job is a Cylon that looks like a human being.

That's what I'm saying.

So, why would they be saying, oh, so they're saying, so you're saying there's like colorism within the Cylon community?

I'm saying that, I'm saying at first, I was like, wait, is a human being a skin job to a Cylon?

At first, I was like, and then I realized Cylons wouldn't,

they wouldn't, you know, they wouldn't have pejorative names for humans.

Unless they're the skin jobs.

The skin jobs, of course, have more advanced brains and racism.

That's the problem with having an advanced brain.

Yeah.

Is racism.

Good morning.

That's right.

Good morning.

If there had to be a racist, what?

What?

That's in that song?

How dare you sing

such a word?

How dare you sing such a word?

Not that different, different, though, from other musicals of the era.

Certainly not.

Welcome to Freedom.

I'm Scott.

I'm Paul.

I'm Lauren.

And we're back.

And

I have to say,

when you guys walked in, I was anxiously awaiting.

Ever since we did our last episode, I was anxiously awaiting these new snacks that you were going to bring.

I forgot.

I'm so

nervous.

A mention of it.

Well, weirdly, I I do have a full bag of chips in my bag that's open.

I will leave that.

Standard operating procedure.

Okay, well, I will leave that.

One thing I want to say about that.

I'm willing to donate that, but it's almost the weekend.

You're probably going to be recording.

One thing that I want to say about the snacks, which I wasn't properly able to elucidate last time.

Oh, sure.

You guys are the only ones who eat them.

I will eat them.

I know.

But for a long time, you were the only ones who ate them.

What about Brett, who nearly died?

Brett is not usually here.

Let me tell you something.

This is a special.

Can I say my point?

Are you going to let me talk?

Sure.

Sure.

Instead of fucking interrupting me like you always do.

This is like traitors.

They're racist.

No, I was quiet for you.

I was quiet for you.

Now we're sitting there.

Now

I'm going to say.

Yeah.

My point is.

We're about to do that too.

We're about to have a traitor's party.

Oh, my God.

You two are the only one who are here longer than an hour and 15 minutes.

So, like, everyone has to.

Bang bang is longer than that.

An hour and a half.

I'm so sorry that I'm not precise.

It's been clocking.

I'm trying to make it an hour and 15 minutes.

No one ever has snacks here other than you guys who always come starving.

Well, I just ate breakfast at a restaurant right before I came.

Whoa, hold up.

So, this is huge,

which I often do before coming to this resort.

Are you fucking kidding me?

No, I ate a full, I'm not telling English,

but I ate a full English.

I had two eggs over easy.

I had some sourdough toast.

Is that how you like your eggs?

Is over easy?

Yes.

And I had bacon, and that was delicious.

Can I tell you something?

Yeah.

I had unof

over medium.

I did say over medium, but this place always does it a little under.

And I also had sourdough toast.

My friend Catherine baked us some bread.

She lives in our neighborhood.

My cousin baked some sourdough last night and brought it over.

What's going on?

It's baking me bread, and I'm mad.

And she's, she said to us, like, I love to make bread, but I don't like to eat it.

Do you want us to make bread?

Do you want me to bring the loaf over all the time?

I was like, yes.

do you want me to bring a loaf over all the time?

What an offer.

It's a lot.

She has to make two because she does double recipe or something.

I forget how she was explaining this.

I was like, well, cut the recipe in half in my mind.

But she just likes the process and the kneading bread and all that kind of stuff.

And then she's like left with all these loaves of bread.

And she brought one over last night.

It was delicious.

We had some salted butter and very nice.

Why don't you stick one in this fucking room?

No.

Yeah, the least you could.

You want some bread and butter?

This is my point.

You guys always come as if your spouses have let you out of prison to come do your podcast.

Hold on a second, dear.

We come having had breakfast, then we're here for a fucking day.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like five hours later.

Like, yeah, at some point, I get hungry again.

And by the way, we record two and a half episodes every time.

You go to your kitchen and bring stuff down because Kool-Ap and you have great taste in food.

You could just bring a couple snacks.

Exactly.

I already opened my home to you.

I have to do more than that.

You bring home.

You open your home.

Yeah, this is where we record.

Okay, and also,

it's great to hang out.

Why did you push your desk like that?

Why did you do that?

None of your business.

Every time you come in here, you scope out the entire room.

He's going to bring in a big craft service table.

Yo, that's what he's doing.

I'm surprised.

That's an employee who's bringing food.

Yes.

My point is that you're going to be able to do that.

Let me finish and I'll let you talk.

Let me finish and I'll let you talk.

My point is, you guys are the only one who ever eats snacks.

It's not.

There weren't any.

The snacks were piling up here.

You do have to let him finish.

The snacks were piling up here.

And then because this is also my office, which I had to turn into a studio.

No, they were, I was then eating them during the day, all through the day.

And I was like, I don't want any snacks.

Well, you're probably getting gut rot because they're all from 2022.

No,

when I finally stopped having, buying snacks because I was replenishing them all the time because you guys were eating them and then I wasn't.

I wasn't even eating them.

Then they were stacking up and then I was just eating them.

I finally was like, Why am I buying snacks all the time?

These guys are the only ones who eat them.

Okay, no one at Comedy Bang Bang ever, yeah.

Why ever

there's only two people that you can do?

I want to just see on a regular basis who I care about, baby, supposedly.

You bring the snacks, is my point.

I guess what I have to always say in my bag, I have to say now.

I'll let you talk.

Uninterrupted.

This isn't what I was going to say, but I have two cheese sticks, a bag of ruffled chips, and I have seaweed in my bag right now for when I get hungry later.

Well, the point I was going to make was that some people,

some people like to,

some people's response to our food

conundrum on that previous episode

was to say that the expiration dates are bullshit and things

it's not true buddy and the the the snacks in question you say were gross fine they are

I didn't even know I didn't even let me finish I'm you're gonna let you finish uninterrupted you said Brett said

in his text and I quote it was rancid Yeah.

Something was

talking about.

The person said, the person on the Discord said, has nothing to do with safety.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's like, it eventually does have something to do with safety, depending on what you're talking about.

Yes.

I don't want to eat that because I'm going to bar fish.

Just because Kulan bought a large.

Don't blame your wife.

I'm going to blame her.

Because she bought this large tub of, what was it, pretzel?

I don't even know what it was.

Bar mix.

Bar mix.

There was also a large tub of it.

Tavern mix.

She had also been staying.

She bought two soft.

Those were hard tubs.

She bought two large tubs.

She was hard and soft at the same time.

She bought two large tubs because she's a Costco queen.

And my,

I don't know if, I don't know if you're, you're, uh, uh, if your brains work this way, but if you're uninterested in something, if I'm uninterested in something in one of my spaces, I, I, it's like fuzzy to me.

I'd like to.

Yeah, I can't see you right now.

No, but I like don't even, I don't even know.

So those two things have been there because I don't even, I don't even.

You don't even register them online.

I don't even register that they're there.

Why?

We already know that you don't care.

I don't know why you're expecting that.

And also, this all came up because you're saying I didn't bring snacks.

So, that's it.

I fucked up.

I fucked up.

That's what I wanted.

But, guess what?

I'm going to bring, I am going to bring them.

I also will make a point.

You could say to your wife, hey, next time, why don't you get some individually bagged chicken?

Which we were doing for a while.

And they all were going like hot cakes, were they not?

By me.

And I'm gaining weight.

That's a self-control issue.

wow well i have one so let me not have snacks down here so here's what i'm gathering from this yeah you kept rancid snacks here as a as a deterrent to you no it's not because you don't i didn't i don't those are not snacks that i i let you talk i let you talk

let him finish uninterrupted uninterrupted go

i'm i'm saying well the problem is this is this is a tribute to you i'm giving you a compliment this is tribute this is your this is your tribute by the way this is this is just a tribute i volunteer as tribute This is just a tribute.

You are

saying it's not that you don't care about your guests who come in here.

And like a lot of workspaces, a decent thing they would do is have snacks.

You do, of course, you love them.

You love them so much.

You keep ransom snacks around so that you won't eat them and gain more weight.

No.

So you'll be pretty.

The point is, is I stopped buying any snacks because no one was eating them but you.

The coffee is a different situation where literally two musicians come in here in the middle of the day.

We know that I just, I shouldn't have said coffee.

They shouldn't have said coffee.

And they go like, do you have a cup of coffee?

And I'm like, okay,

can I just say it though?

You're saying the snacks nobody ate, that was down to the dredges of like those little alcohol chocolates and the snacks.

That's not a snack that's waiting to be eaten.

No one's no one who ate it.

No, no one ate them while they were here.

There was a, you have to agree, Lauren.

You don't have to do anything.

You have to agree.

There was a period of time where we were replenishing the snacks

at at a good clip.

Yes.

Right?

Yes, I agree.

And you guys were the only ones eating them.

That's not true.

And then me.

Who else was eating?

How many bang bang people?

No, they weren't.

No one comes in here and eats it.

You do not.

How do we know that?

How do we know that?

We're not here for everyone.

I'm here.

Sean.

But you think Sean is a reliable narrative.

Everyone brings in their own stuff all the time.

I'm so mad.

I refuse to believe that.

And I'm going to bring in things and we're going to see how they go.

And it's going to say no Scott on them.

That's fine.

Here's.

Get the lockbox.

Here's what.

Lockbox.

Remember, Al Gore?

Did he say lockbox?

He said lock.

He had some financial plan that involved a lockbox.

And I remember a Daryl Hammond saying lockbox a bunch of times on SNL.

But here's the thing.

Scott, and it pains me to say this.

You're right.

Oh my God.

As much as I,

if I were running this place,

I would have fresh snacks for people and I would tell them when they came in there's snacks over there if you need anything.

Which I was doing for a while.

You have to agree.

And I don't remember that, but I can't keep saying we have to agree.

But I do remember all the bags of chips that everyone that you guys would open like raccoons.

I do remember.

Well,

to be fair, raccoons and humans open chips this time.

Also, sometimes the funniest went bad, too.

None of us like that.

That was harder to tell.

The funniest went bad.

I ate the funniest.

I ate the funions, but you didn't shoot the die.

No, I ate the funyards.

Who let the dogs out of the body?

But I didn't eat the tavern mix.

The tavern, the huge tubs of tavern mix, that's a cool-op Costco era.

Yes.

No one ever liked it.

And then you got these interlopers come in here

who I allow to use my studio because

Brett's house is near a fire zone.

And so these interlopers come in here.

I'm not prepared to have guests or whatever.

They go like, hey, can you use your place?

I'm not prepared because

this is not their usual place.

But why aren't you always always prepared?

This is not their beautiful wife.

I'm not, you know, I have a

guest room.

I'm not prepared necessarily for the guests to call me and say, Can I?

Do you have a fully socked refrigerator in your guest room?

I could have one by the end of the day.

Okay, I'm going to stay there tonight.

What do you mean?

I want you to have a fully socked

guest room.

Nobody has a fully socked refrigerator in their guest room.

No, but I couldn't.

But I could.

Because there's a kitchen.

Yeah.

It's a home.

Because they can't.

This is basically an ADU that has its own kitchen and bathroom.

I wish the kitchen wasn't even here.

Of course you do because you hate the responsibility, but it's yours to bear.

I can't do this.

All right.

I feel like we've talked about this enough.

Okay.

And thankfully, we stay true to ourselves and did not reach an understanding.

The understanding, though, I do appreciate, Lauren, that you say you were wrong and that you fucked up.

Men love to hold on to that part.

Yeah, that part.

I will.

By the way, some people I think were very upset at me me for the way I treated you on a previous episode.

What'd you do?

I don't remember.

I'm so abused.

I think there were some people who said, I did that thing that men do to women.

And my point is, I didn't do it to a woman.

I did it to you.

What was it?

There's the Rue Goldberg.

Oh, yeah.

Fuck you with that shit.

Fuck you with your shit.

So it's my point.

Okay, here's the thing.

Mask off.

Yeah, we look at the Discord sometimes.

And I want to say, you're on it.

If you, I'm on the Discord.

Yeah.

I don't really know what I don't really know what Discord.

Actually, I don't look at the Discord because I don't know what Discord means.

But sometimes I will

have amongst us.

I do sometimes look at Reddit.

Sometimes I will screencap things and send it to you, and that's the Discord.

That's true.

But

if you, I just want to say on the Discord, if you would like to point out how stupid and wrong we are about everything, take that to Reddit.

That's where it belongs.

Yeah, no.

The Discord is supposed to be the nice place where you like us.

I should get more into the Discord because the Reddit is toxic.

Yeah, the Reddit.

Reddit is for him.

Sometimes there is nice toxicity.

Toxicity.

I'm trying to sing toxicity.

Toxicity.

I don't really know the anxiety.

What is?

I don't know.

That's Dochi.

Oh, no.

I was.

That didn't help.

That's a great one, but I was.

Oh, stop.

You're going to love it.

Dochi show?

I was trying to sing, isn't there a system of adult down?

Foster Brooks over here.

System of

down.

You think it's going one way.

Oh, this is her new single that has, yeah.

Wait.

Have you any wool?

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Three bags fall.

Anxiety, keep on trying me.

So it's a sound

of somebody that I used to miss.

Somebody that I used to miss.

Some song that we used to sing.

I feel like my internet is out.

This is making me anxious.

I don't like to hear it.

Turn this off.

So rapping is like

anxious.

The subject matter of that particular rapping song made me anxious.

I love it.

It has the word anxiety in it.

I love it.

I love it.

I love it.

Yeah.

i'm looking up uh what i'm what i'm uh trying to find but i believe my internet is out and it's it just did go out yes that was profound yeah i'm looking for what i tried to find so every so everything's everything's knocked out here everything sucks can we agree everything's hard and difficult yeah why

why is it like that why is it to me

um very odd and you know what my av person uh called

this morning before the internet worked.

You have an AV person, yes.

He like hooked everything up here.

I have my internet run out.

We had to completely keep track of your internet.

We had to completely reset it.

Hold on a second.

Excuse me, Lauren.

One second.

No, we had to make a whole new thing.

Oh, no, Laurie.

What?

What are you talking about?

He keeps track.

He gives you alerts.

So there's some guy who just is like, oh, Scott's internet's not working.

Hey, buddy, Wi-Fi went out.

Yeah.

Hey, get ready for Wi-Fi no more.

You're going to be able to watch your show, bud.

Really good impression.

Are you doing an email right now?

You'll have to put on one of your DVDs, bud.

No, he has, he has, uh, he has, for all of his clients, he has uh alerts when he sees our internet go

turn down.

And then he'll like try to

try to see if it's a continuing problem.

He'll like, you know, try to fix it.

Did you also say the circle?

Yeah, thank you.

Why is your desk pushed against the alert?

Why is your desk pushed against the window?

Is it because you got new shades?

Look at something else that's because your future's so bright.

Look at something else, what?

That's new in the room.

Hold on, hold on.

That credenza?

That credenza.

Yes.

That credenza.

That's it.

That's that.

Woo!

What is that?

Why don't you come to your senses?

So, anyway, I bought this off of Etsy.

You did?

Yeah.

Did you pick it out?

Yeah.

This is interesting, isn't it?

That is.

Yeah, it is.

It seems like a Paul thing to do.

It absolutely is.

Yeah.

I bought this off of Etsy.

You thought I need a credenza.

No, no, no.

Let's go through this.

And it's made of yarn.

Is that correct?

The thing I was about to say is going to answer all of your questions.

Oh, how interesting.

These guys, let's.

Okay.

Are we all still head up over there?

And he also thinks he knows all my questions, but let's hear how it's going to, all my questions.

All of your questions regarding why I picked this.

Yeah, I puff a lot that you can't even think of.

I puff a lot.

Would it surprise you to learn that there is a phonograph in there?

Absolutely.

And

that is why I picked it.

So those little speakers?

Yeah, those are speakers.

Wow.

And unfortunately, they delivered it and it does not work properly.

So now.

That doesn't sound like Etsy to me.

Yeah, no, that's...

So now they are in the process of trying to find a replacement that does work.

Replace the whole thing?

It's like a vintage thing?

Yeah, it's from the 60s?

Is it because the phonograph is so integrated into it that you have to replace the entire thing?

They actually had a person who repairs phonographs take a look at it before they sent it to me, and he thought it was working correctly.

And then I played him what the issue is.

Basically, one of the speakers constantly cuts in and out.

That's not good.

And he said he didn't have any idea why we would be doing that.

And now,

and like, that's his one job, but okay.

And why did you want

guys looking at this guy?

Randomly want a phonograph.

Well, so

I've had a phonograph player.

Now we keep saying phonograph.

You mean record record player?

But do we mean record player?

Yes, record player.

Okay, I didn't mean to play.

Because I'm picturing that big old horn at the top of that little dog list.

This also has an A-track player.

That's a Vitrolla.

Thank you.

This has a working A-track player.

Oh, thank God.

And an inoperable radio.

So two of the things don't work.

But

that guy didn't do a good job when he tested it out.

What if they fixed it?

Not to drag him, but...

What if they fixed the radio and you get like read him to filth?

You get like old 60s broadcasts where it's like, oh, my God.

They're like, snow off him.

Things are going to go crazy for you starting right now.

Three, two, one.

They're broadcast directed to him?

Yes.

Wouldn't that be scary?

No, it would be for sure.

What if I got tomorrow's broadcast?

Today.

Scott, so it's going going to rain tomorrow, Scott.

You better stay inside.

It's like that shows

from now.

That show with Kyle Chandler.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Early

early edition.

Yeah.

If I remember correctly, this little girl from my town was on that show.

And she was like, she didn't go to my school, but she was like my friend's friend.

You know, she went to the other school.

Really jealous.

And she just seemed so cool.

And she was on that show.

The end.

Good for her.

Is she still working?

I have no idea.

Let me go look that up.

Well, the other thing.

Dude, dude, D.

Dude, Duck can't do it.

Were you trying to look up that little girl sorry sorry you'll never find her i have to remember her name can't have to look at i'm db can't

just look up just watch every episode of early edition yeah great until she shows up how many seasons did that run if i had to guess 23 kyle chandler

kyle chandler underrated okay we need we need he's our new green lanterns who praise okay like i guess he's highly rated okay but i think he's a wonderful actor he's um charming he's adorable and fun to watch and friday night lights loved loved it so much.

Yep.

I liked it when they would throw the football and it would like go in the air and then someone would catch it.

I never thought I would like that show because I don't care about football.

Yet that show was so good.

Lauren, that happened to all of us, I think.

You know, I remember when Janie and I, that show came out on

DVD in the early Netflix days.

Whoa.

When you would get the discs.

When Janie and I first moved in together, and it was a big, that was a big thing for us.

Like, why we binge the shit out of that.

And the only time we had a TV in the bedroom.

Wow.

And we would lie in front of me.

I recently

added one to my bedroom.

I have been a staunch no TV in the bedroom person since college.

I mean, I always had one when I was younger, but as an adult

and added one, let me say, I fucking love it.

I fucking love it.

I don't see a problem.

Tell that to Kula because we're not allowed.

I know.

And I always have understood the not allowed thing.

It's always been the thing.

My parents have never had one in their room.

And I've always been like, you just don't don't have one in there.

I don't know what we're so afraid of.

It's wonderful.

I got one of the ones that looks like art, you know, and I love that.

I make it, I made a gallery wall of paintings around it.

It looks really cute.

And I just fucking, at the end of the day, I'm like, yeah, it's my time to shine.

I still, I get, I totally get it.

And I've had a TV in the bedroom before.

And I've, when I lived alone, and I feel like when you live alone, that's that's fine.

Who cares?

Yeah, I don't know.

No, but that's almost worse, I think, because it's like when you live alone,

you're more prone to just be like, I'm just going to lay here and watch this shit all day.

And then it's like, that gets dicey.

I really like

the separation.

Yeah.

I really like it.

I tend to agree.

Bedroom is for sleeping and fucking.

That's right.

Let me tell you, the TV's not

stopping anything from happening.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So it's not, oh, really?

It's not stopping either of those things?

Nah, going great.

Hell yeah.

Oh, thanks for the high five, Lord.

No.

It's a normal thing to say after a high five.

Look, we have to.

We have to take a break.

Okay.

Okay, we'll be right back.

Cooler temps are rolling in.

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Okay, well, their denim's durable and it fits right.

What about leather jackets?

They are real and they bring that clean, classic edge without the elevated price tag.

Sounds good.

What makes Quince different?

Hey, everyone.

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Can I hear some personal experience from you?

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You should do that with long-lasting staples from Quince.

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No, that's great.

How do you spell it?

I was going to say

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And we're back.

Okay, I was going to say that.

Why didn't you join us?

Go ahead.

Do you want to do it at solo?

I'm just talking over it.

And we're back.

Love that.

You did it perfectly.

I love that for you.

Thanks.

Are people still saying that?

Yeah.

I don't know.

I mean, it didn't sound old.

Are people still saying it's giving?

Yes.

Yes.

Actually, I've got that one on TV a lot.

Well, that's the thing.

TV's always had a step because they

film TV episodes months and months before they come out.

And then slang is but not years.

And

white people co-opting AAVE that is now adjusting to

getting into advertisements and stuff.

So you know that we've taken it too far.

And now they

turn up in a commercial wait for it to steal the next cool word.

Yes, yes, yes.

Yeah.

Let's come up with some words right now.

Some slang words.

I'm just not good at that.

What about what about like chili?

Chili could mean something like, oh, that's cold.

But like, you know how

something based

something's cool,

that means it's really great or whatever.

I feel like that.

Let's say it, yeah, maybe chili.

But I meant it not chili like with a Y.

I meant it with an I.

That's confusing, I think.

That's

chili.

When people thought concarne.

Child.

People, like white people would see child

and they wouldn't know how to pronounce it.

They would say it.

So they would chile.

Chile.

They would say chile or chile.

That's crazy.

It's so fucking funny.

Don't you worry.

Don't you worry.

Chile.

Chile.

So, guys,

I felt like a super dab the other day.

What'd you do?

You put on a cape?

Yep.

I flew around the room.

You took off your glasses for once.

So I think

people pressured Clark Kent to take off his glasses.

Come on, you probably look pretty good.

Do you ever think about contacts?

Like, take him out like that.

It was kind of hot without the glasses.

Wait, real time.

With that costume off?

I just have an issue that we didn't fully finish.

Oh, yeah.

So I don't really know why the

phonograph precludes you from putting your desk back to how it was.

You can't get in there.

You can't.

It's pushed against the wall and you can't be on your desk.

They had to deliver it.

And then

they put up new

blinds.

Okay.

And so I was getting stuff out of the way.

Do you miss being able to work at your workspace?

I never work at that desk anymore.

You never work at that desk anymore.

Because I don't, I, that, that desktop computer just is inoperable now.

You should sell it to Apple.

You can do it.

What do you mean it's inoperable now?

Like, how long has it been inoperable?

Year and a half.

You can sell it.

You can sell it.

And so I got one time that they'll give you a, they'll give you money.

So I got a laptop.

They're going to give you money for it.

I do too.

So what?

I don't care.

You're not special.

I know you don't care.

Can I sell it?

Yeah.

Okay.

Great.

Can you give me the money?

No.

You just don't care.

It's just sitting there.

I mean, she's got you there.

Why should you get the money if you don't care?

So I got a laptop and I assumed I would use the desk, but it's just so much easier to be.

Speaking of like just be as well, we were talking about

in the couch.

So

in deck couch.

When he stoned on

so in any case, whoever made that up, that's fine.

Thank you.

Thank you.

That's very helpful.

Santiva, go crazy.

In the couch.

Go crazy.

So I don't know whether we were talking about this on mic, but remember, cool up went out of town.

We weren't talking, but I did hear about it on Elizabeth Lames' podcast that they went and had a mahjong weekend.

Yeah, so they went and had a mahjong weekend.

I was tasked with all the normal duties with our daughter and avoid buying snacks.

We have plenty of snacks.

I'll give a plug right now for

whoever wants a snack.

We have so much.

We have pouches.

Is that what you want?

You want a pouchy?

No one wants a pouchy.

Elizabeth Lames.

Fruit.

Sauchy pouch.

vegetables,

yes,

it's all vaccinations.

Elizabeth Lame's podcast is called Nobody's Listening, right?

And I love it.

It's with her and her husband, Andy Rosen.

It's really funny.

And they do now, they do a daily podcast called Nobody's News.

Yes, Psychic Andy.

And every day I listen to this Monday through Friday, and they have a 30-minute thing about like news stories, big and small.

And it's very you're too busy to do my shows.

I'm driving to your fucking house when I'm listening to it to kill you.

I am too busy to do your shows.

I have so many projects.

You don't even know anything about me.

So so I was tasked with doing everything, getting the snacks, everything.

But one of the, one of the, one of the things was I had to take her to ballet class.

Oh, yeah, because you were worried about the ponytail.

I was worried about the ponytail because

the teacher

says that the kids have to have their hair in this very specific bun.

And Holly's not going to do that.

Is it?

Oh, it's for ballet for ballet, yeah.

Yeah, well, what are you gonna do?

Ballet bun, it's a big part of ballet, yeah.

So, uh, I was stressing out cute, I was stressing out about it a little bit.

I think I mentioned this to you, off Mike, and you mentioned it to Kulop off Mike.

I did, and then she off Mike came to me and said, Hey, you know,

you mean real life?

Yeah, IRL, you don't have to worry about that, just put it in a ponytail.

I was like, Hell yeah, yeah, so

yeah,

so uh,

went to ballet and she did the best she's ever done.

Wow.

She didn't stress out about the separation because we're not allowed in.

Yeah.

There's a monitor we can watch, but she just said, like, after I come back to you, I said, yep.

And she went right in and

then did, I was watching on the monitor.

She did everything that she

usually she's like sitting there not participating for a lot of it and just watching everyone else do it.

And this time she was up there doing leg lifts and all sorts of stuff.

That's so great.

Do you think it was the ponytail?

I think it was the ponytail, just came for this confidence,

but just dad energy of wine, dad weekend.

Yeah, but then here's so.

That's fine.

I conquered that.

But then, here, this is a big one.

Go look at it.

Cool-ops out of town.

Yeah.

She

is downstairs and she tells me, I want to go upstairs because I think I'm going to pee and poo.

Great.

And I said, Cool-ops out of it.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, this area.

Why?

okay.

I don't know why you're telling us this because this is a milestone, Paul.

Because she goes upstairs then, and uh, wait, I'm sorry.

This is Emmy said this, yes, Emmy said this.

I was kidding when I said cool-ups.

You thought it was cool-up who said this?

I did think it was.

I'm gonna go upstairs.

I think I'm gonna pee and poo.

I feel like most of the time, can we just across the board say that when adults say something about going to the bathroom, they wouldn't say, I'm gonna pee and poo.

You just say, I'm gonna poo.

If you're gonna talk about one of them,

are you telling me she's out of town?

If you're pooping, you're saying you're not saying I'm also going to pee.

You're saying the people that we know would never say that.

Adults.

A good point.

Okay.

I stand by my disinjection.

I'm going to say, I'm going to pee and poo.

I wouldn't put a pastor.

Yeah.

I wouldn't say that.

I try not to give too much information when I'm going to the bathroom.

Pooh.

By the way, Paul, you missed it.

No, but I will sometimes say

my stomach hurts.

I have to poo.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

So you only poo when your stomach hurts?

No, the peoples hurt.

You save it up until your stomach hurts extra.

Oh, no, I see what you're saying.

No.

By the way, Paul, you said that you wanted video of our kids cursing.

Yes.

And I offered you,

my daughter says perfect poop a lot because that is a brand of

dog thing.

Dog thing.

Like dog food.

Relaxative.

Yeah,

it helps our dogs poo, which we sprinkle onto the food every day.

So I offered that and you and Perfect Pooh every day.

You turned your nose up at it.

No, I will say this morning.

I didn't want to hear kids saying fuck.

This morning she did.

I usually miss it with the recording.

So this morning she did it.

I'll try to catch it.

Jesus.

Oh, that is.

Holly says Jesus.

That is.

Does she really?

Yeah.

And she says, what the heck?

Because we say that a lot.

What the heck is.

But then her teacher said she can't say, we don't say heck.

And I was like, some people say we don't say heck.

No, you say heck.

I think heck's pretty good in terms of other things that we might be saying.

No, she was always like, ah, yeah, yeah, what the heck?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But today it was like, Jesus.

I was like, there's a video, one of my favorites of all time.

Because every once in a while, I see on Instagram a compilation of kids cursing.

And my favorite one, and I see it a lot, and I enjoy it every single time, is some little kid, you can't see their face.

They have a hoodie on, like an adult hoodie on their head that's just hanging like a cape.

And they're just walking away from the camera going, oh, fucking damn it.

Oh, fucking damn it.

And that has creeped into, that is now my response to things when things are going wrong.

Oh, fucking thing.

Oh, fucking.

Damn it.

Back to the original story.

And he says she wants to go upstairs and pee and poo.

Now, over the past week or so, we have like a little training toilet that she's wanted to sit down on, and then she sits on it for 20 minutes and doesn't do anything.

But it's like getting her used to it or whatever.

So, but this time she says, I want to go upstairs because I think I want to pee and poo.

I think I want to.

Yeah.

We go upstairs.

She sits down on it with her diaper on.

Oh, no.

And I'm like, sure, whatever you want to do but then she goes i want to take my diaper off takes it off has me read her three books uh and i'm thinking this is another one where nothing's gonna happen she's even like half standing during most of this and i'm like shouldn't you be sitting all the way down at one point i finished the third book and she goes uh-oh and i look down and uh There's pee everywhere.

She's peed a little bit because she's half standing up.

She's peed a little bit on her sock, but it's in the toilet.

First time.

It's amazing.

Kool-Op wasn't there to see it.

Good for you.

We did it.

Good job.

We did it, Joe.

Congrats.

We did it, Joe.

She did it in a sort of

a white lotus season one sort of way.

Yeah.

Not entirely.

She was exhibiting her privilege.

Oh, my God.

Mike also had a dad weekend.

I was gone.

Oh.

And he was tasked with taking both kids to a birthday party.

And it was at my gym, like that play place.

Yes, where

Emmy loves to,

she makes us all do circle time from my gym all the time.

What's circle time?

Circle time is the first thing they do at my gym, which is they go circle time, and all the kids are in a circle, and then they have a series of exercises that they do led by the teacher.

And Emmy has memorized it and makes us do that.

Wow.

That's really cute.

Like the viral video of the guy lip-syncing to the safety instructions on the plane.

It's a lot like that, yes.

I have a story, by the way.

Oh, well, I'll just quickly say that this was for my friend's daughter who was turning six, but Holly's three and three quarters now.

And so she was the youngest one there.

It was like all six-year-old girls and then Holly.

And

then Gigi, who was just, you know, making it hard for Mike to do anything because she was crawling over the place and being freaking out.

So, but there was like a zip line.

Like, she just wanted him to hold her.

And it was just like, and he was trying to help Holly.

There was a zip line and all the kids were like lined up to do a crowding around to do it.

And then the the birthday girl was asked who should go first.

And she said, I want Holly to go first.

And she chose her.

And it was so sweet.

And Holly was so felt so special.

And then she got to do it first.

She was the littlest kid there.

And it wasn't a thing where they were like, let's sacrifice the young one.

I don't know if this is safe or not.

I want to do this, but I'm not sure about it.

Let's put this dip shit on.

And then the birthday girl was wearing a cat dress, which Holly really wanted.

So I bought her the exact from Amazon.

And during the cake part, the she was like, the birthday girl was like, Let's sing happy, I want you to sing happy birthday like a kitty.

And so everyone's saying, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow meow, meow, and Holly loved that so much.

And then

she was cosplaying basically as the birthday girl the next day with the same outfit and the balloon that she was able to bring home and just like acting it all out again.

It was very cute and very sweet when the older kids are nice to the younger kids.

I love that.

I love it.

And he has just started like sort.

Sorbet?

Sorbet, yes.

No, no.

She's always been like kind of a passive observer when kids are playing and like looking at them doing it and trying to figure out what's going on.

She's sort of like, look at these fools.

Don't they know the world is burning?

How can they dance to me?

They don't even know each other.

They start playing.

But at ballet, we were waiting for the class to start, and another girl walked in and she said, Hi, do you want to read a book?

And I like offered her a book and stuff.

And I was like, all right, we're messing with

the steps.

Yes.

I love this shit.

She still has a core memory of her

little best friend who was born on the same day.

They went to the zoo in Palm Springs when we were out for the fires.

And

her best friend didn't want to share her crackers that they were feeding to the meerkat.

So, like, it just pops up all the time.

Like, every two days, we'll just be sitting there talking about something else.

And she'll go, like,

this.

girl's name didn't want to give crackers to the meerkat.

We're like, yes, honey, yes.

I mean, we're all learning how to share, though.

Like, remember remember the next time you saw her, she brought a pouchy for you to share with you.

You know, she doesn't remember that.

Yeah.

So she didn't want to share the crackers with the meerkats with Emmy and the Mirkats.

Well, now it's, now it's

like in her mind, it's gone to like, she wanted to steal the meerkat or something.

Like, it's like,

I like where this is headed.

Yeah.

Here's my story.

Please.

And I've told this on the Stay F Honkins podcast.

So

new stories only.

I heard it.

It's new to the podcast only.

Sure.

So we.

What's the reverse of a spanking if you tell a new story on this show?

A butt slap, where you slap with your butt.

You slap my hand with your butt.

Yeah, that's right.

I listen to speaking.

There's no way around

every month.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

I love to hear about the cruise.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Well, so we were on this cruise.

The Jonathan Colton.

I'm too busy buying crypto.

Just put a podcast on while you do that.

Why can't you put a podcast on while you do that?

Just checking out various crypto things.

It takes up all my headspace.

Thanks, Leg.

No, that makes sense.

So,

so I'm on the Jonathan Colton Cruise, which is this wonderful.

Just to interrupt your story for just a second.

The last time we were recording, you sneakily ordered a sandwich

and didn't invite us to.

That's right.

And now I'm realizing that I should do the same thing right now.

Oh, that was funny.

Okay, finally.

But I can tell the story to the listener.

But I don't want to interrupt again.

But what I'm going to ask of you both is, do you want anything?

No, I'm fine.

From where?

I brought something.

I don't know.

Anywhere.

Anyway, go ahead.

I have stuff that I'm going to snack on, as I said before, but I'm curious what you're getting.

I brought a protein shake.

Whoa.

Whoa.

By the way, your muscles are huge.

Thanks, man.

You're jacked and flazzed.

I couldn't think of a word.

Flazzled?

Flazzed.

I made it up.

Flazzed.

You're jacked and flazzed.

Yeah.

I feel jacked and flazzed.

See, this is using the bag.

And that's how slang is invented.

You're flazzed, man.

I knew I could get jacked.

I never thought I could get flazed.

And so this is a personal victory.

Yeah, you can't be flazzed alone.

You're either jacked and flazzed or you're just jacked.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

Exactly.

So once you get jacked, you're like, got to get flazzed.

Yeah.

What if I ordered a big bucket of fried chicken?

That's because.

Are you serious?

I can't have sex here.

I'll gain too much weight.

For lunch, I'm going to have a big bucket of fried chicken.

I'll just have a thing for all of us.

Yeah, sure.

Fuck you.

Everybody gets one leg.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, really?

That's what I'm like?

You've been over here several times.

And we've shown you such horse brutality.

Horse brutality?

Horse brutality.

That's what my friend is.

That truth comes all the time.

It's a Rocky horror thing.

Okay.

Oh, they yell out?

Yeah, yeah.

It's a Rocky horror thing.

You wouldn't understand.

Do you remember when they tried to Rocky horror the room?

They just decided, yeah, we're going to do that same thing.

Yeah.

Where we're going to throw in the footballs and shit like that back and forth.

No, you can't just.

They would do the exact Rocky horror stuff, too.

Yeah.

Lips.

So um, lips.

So,

what about Shake Shack?

There was uh

just text what happened on the just text each other.

Shake Shack sounds kind of great.

So, it's a it's a great cruise.

The singer-songwriter Jonathan Colton started this 11 in 2011,

and it's been going ever since, getting bigger and bigger.

Now, it's the whole boat, and it's really fun, great vibe.

And so, Janie came with me the first time.

I've done it a bunch of times.

Can I ask, did you guys enjoy the cruise part of it?

Because our friend, I was thinking about you last night

because our friend

said he and his husband or fiancé rather are about to

go on a cruise.

And I was like, I wonder if Janie and Paul had a, I mean, you've been on several, but I wonder if Janie had a good time.

Yes.

Now, here's, I like being on the boat.

I really like that part of it the most is being on the ocean.

I never, previously, I'd never gotten off at the stops because I had too much anxiety about getting back to the boat.

Yeah, because I didn't, I thought, like, it's a whole what if I can't find it, it's a whole rigmarole.

And if I'm, if I'm late, I'm stranded somewhere.

And, but Janie,

of course, was saying, no, I want to get off at the stops.

I'm not going to just stay on the boat the whole time.

So I went with her.

And it was, of course, so much easier than I could have imagined.

So we go to St.

Martin,

which is

a

complete, like their whole thing is

tourism.

So it's just a complete, it's just a town built for tourism.

Yes.

And so, or it is, it has evolved into that.

Right.

So we go there.

It was my least favorite place that we went,

but I'm glad that we did it.

And we had, we actually had a really nice time.

D-Islands.

In D-Islands.

We respected everyone's nick.

And

we went and had lunch at this like dive bar by the beach.

It was really fun.

What'd you eat?

I had a burger.

and a cheeseburger, dare I say, in paradise?

No, okay.

So, the the Earl of Sandwich would have been very pleased with your order, 100%, 100%.

And I went to his statue, and of course, I rubbed his toe for good luck.

It's much brighter than the rest of the statue because everyone rubs it.

Um,

but so you have to take a water taxi from the port to the beach,

is that to denote water?

Yeah, okay, well, the water taxi getting into the whatever it was, the Getting into the ocean?

Yeah.

Whatever it was.

Yeah.

So you're, you're imagining a water taxi when it's first placed

onto the water.

Right.

Well, we got there

where it was already in progress.

It was already on the water.

On the way from the port to the beach,

on the water taxi, they do an announcement.

My favorite movie.

On the water taxi.

Okay.

They make an announcement.

How did they make this announcement?

Over a PA signal?

No, they walked up and whispered in every person's ear.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was also an announcement, more of a secret that we all had to spread.

Yeah.

Telephone.

You're a traitor.

You're a traitor.

Yeah,

so can't wait.

The traitors are going to go crazy.

There is, it's over a PA.

And so when I hear the PA, I'm looking around to see the person making the announcement.

And I don't see anybody with a microphone, but there is one of the crew members, one of the two turntables,

One of the crew members.

How do you like this, by the way?

I like it fine.

Okay.

I like it fine.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like old times.

Yeah.

It feels good.

Yeah.

This is what the show is.

This is we're getting back to our roots.

Yes.

James.

Do you know what that's from?

Yeah.

From Annie Hall.

Yes.

Annie Hall.

Great guy.

Great guy.

Annie Hall.

He's great.

Yeah.

I've never seen the movie.

Great guy.

He's great.

So I see this.

One of the crew

seems to be making the announcement.

San's microphone.

Okay.

But

what was that face you just made at your phone?

Scott added me to a group order,

which I've never seen.

I think you should order something.

You got very excited.

Well, I've never seen such a thing.

It didn't work.

So

I realize this gentleman is lip-syncing this announcement but

he is not fully lip-syncing it he is sort of he's giving it 95 oh you gotta give 100 but i feel like where is he holding back he's holding back in the full uh annunciation of the words so it's almost like he's making fun of it and i realized oh this guy has heard this announcement one billion times and to amuse himself and himself only and himself i'm the the only one looking at him.

And he's not looking at me.

Do I amuse you?

Am I like a clown to you?

Can I say?

We should remake good fellas.

No, we should.

But that guy was out of line.

Joe Pesci, his character in that scene.

I feel like if somebody says you're funny, you know what they mean.

You're telling a funny story.

I feel like he was being unreasonable.

He's unreasonable.

And then he goes, I'm fucking with you.

But then he wasn't really.

But he didn't.

He kept up the bit until his friend henry hill was like unnerved his good friend by the way his good friend they came up together yeah

i didn't like that i didn't like

i did if anyone in a movie ever does anything i don't like i don't like it guess what i didn't like i did

i was on his side when the one guy kept saying go get your shine box and then he killed him yeah no of course i would kill him too that guy he should have he should have known you're crossing a line he he tommy's being very gracious very gracious he's he lets you get a bunch of He lets you get a few shots in.

Sure.

But

you went one step too far.

So I agree, kill him.

Yeah.

But could have been nicer to his friend.

Is there more to this story about the lip-syncing fellow?

No.

It's one of the classic stories that I tell where it's a very short story.

Made very long.

Made very long by the interruptions.

And then at the end, it's sort of, I'm the villain for telling a story that wasn't really that interesting.

You're not a villain.

You're a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful guy.

I do say.

Thank you.

Yeah, I I wish you'd looked up from your phone when you were telling me.

I do have to say we need to take a break.

But when we come back, we're going to play a three-trip.

How's that sound?

It sounds great.

Sounds really good.

We'll be right back.

I'm Husa Minhaj, and I have been lying to you.

I only pretended to be a comedian so I could trick important people into coming on my podcast, Hussin Minhaj doesn't know, to ask them the tough questions that real journalists are way too afraid to ask.

People like Senator Elizabeth Warren.

Is America too dumb for democracy?

Outrageous.

Parenting expert Dr.

Becky.

How do you skip consequences without raising a psychopath?

It's a good question.

Listen to Hussa Minhaj Doesn't Know from Lemonada Media, wherever you get your podcasts.

And we're back.

And

I

feel almost embarrassed to say it's a bustero.

Today's bustero is submitted by Yoni Gordon.

I didn't even know what you were going to say.

You really didn't?

I was like, what's he going to get in that?

This is a classic three-chair.

This is like Coke classic.

It is.

It's the original.

It's the OG.

It's just good.

This is called

Jitterbug.

This game involves singing the first few bars of the Wham song, Wake Me Up, just the snaps and the word jitterbug.

Each player needs to go around to go round robin.

Each player needs to go round robin.

We all have to do it.

We all have to go round-robin while each player is also going round-robin.

Yes.

Wow.

Okay.

That's going to be complicated.

I know, but we've done it before.

Seems like a lot of circling robin.

In place of the phrase, in place of the word jitterbug, you have to place a different three-syllable word or phrase without missing a beat in the song.

If you miss a word, you're out.

Okay.

Wow.

This is the stakes are hot.

Let's go.

Stakes is hot.

So we get the snaps going.

We start.

Whoever starts starts with jitterbug.

Then it's on to the next person.

And we're going clockwise.

Let's go clockwise.

Let's do it.

So it's a three-syllable

word or phrase.

Word or phrase.

Word or phrase.

Yes.

Does it have to be in the exact meter of like with the syllable stress that jitterbug is?

Are we going to be that picky?

It has to fit.

I think it's better if it's exactly.

Like I just, something just pops in my head.

Bugs bunny.

Bugs bunny.

You've done it.

I noticed that before.

Yeah, I think that's fine.

You can stress it however you want.

Okay, okay, let's do it.

Yeah,

okay, one, two, three, and

no, why are you doing what are you doing?

Because the way I counted it off:

jitter bug,

jitter bug, okay, right?

Yep,

I was gonna say it first,

bugs, buddy.

I'm out.

Let's keep going.

Come on, come on, come on.

Jitterbug.

Let's take it seriously.

Okay.

Ready?

And

jitterbug.

Jitterbug.

Sunglass hut.

Sunglass hut.

No, no, just wait.

We only do one?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, I know.

Because you were at more than one.

Because we did jitterbug twice.

Honestly, if it were up to me.

You'd only say jitterbug once?

We would do jitterbug three times.

That's what I wanted.

That's what I wanted.

But I thought thought you were going to say once.

Okay, let's do jitterbug three times,

then your word once, and we go to the next word.

That's right.

Okay.

Jitterbug.

Jitterbug.

Jitterbug.

Phonograph.

Mandible.

Toilet seat.

Deviled egg.

Fireplace.

Butterbean.

Butterface.

Battery.

Shoeless Joe.

That was great.

Oh, shit.

Now I'm out because I'm loving a shoeless Joe.

What makes you think so?

I don't know.

The words are just coming out.

I don't remember where that even happened.

I love it.

All right, here we go.

Ready?

And nine men out.

River's Edge.

Monkey Paul.

Razor blades.

Blue Velvet.

Candy bar.

Apocalypse Now.

Out.

All right.

All right.

I had Dennis Hopper on the brain because of Jitterbug.

Jitterbug.

Jitterbug.

Joe Holland.

David Byrne.

Talking heads.

Big suit.

Paul's the winner.

I won!

No, now he has to do three in a row and prove he can win.

Okay, now

ready?

Jitterbug.

Jitterbug.

Last one.

Jitterbug.

Go, Paul.

Tabletop.

Binball machine.

So we have no winners.

Should we do it again?

Going the other way?

Sure.

Yeah.

Oh, the other way.

Who starts now?

I start.

Paul goes second.

He was already starting it.

Okay.

Great.

Jitterbug.

Jitterbug.

Jitterbug

Table Lamp

Hockey Stick

Hockey Puck

Heavy Door

Cookie Time

Mario

Prince of Speech

Oscar Grouch

Go for train.

Mario.

It was right there.

I did it already.

No, geez.

You said it's a me.

No, he said Mario.

Oh, no, I'm out.

But I said go for train.

I don't know what that means.

Go for train.

Yeah.

Go for train.

Okay, it's YouTube.

Oh, boy, you too.

Jitterbug.

Jitterbug.

Who's going first?

Me.

Jitterbug.

Christian church.

iPod ear.

iPod ear.

That's a condition.

That's a condition we used to get.

It's like cauliflower ear.

All right, now you have to do three in a row, ready?

Okay.

Jitterbug.

Jitterbug.

Jitterbug.

Jitterbug.

Three say three times.

Go.

Swimming pool.

Bikini top.

No.

Flippy-flop.

Oh, flippy-flop.

Remember John Kerry running for president in the Republican convention?

They all had flip-flops.

No, why?

Because he's a flip-flopper.

He's a flip-flopper.

Oh, shut up.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

What a stupid country.

I, of course, am still wearing my bandage.

That's.

jitterboat.

Get into your body.

Thanks for listening, everybody.

If you'd like to send us a threecher, send it to us at.

We need them, folks, don't we?

Threedomusa at gmail.com.

We do need three chairs.

We'd love to hear from you.

If you'd like to leave us a voicemail, which we use every other Wednesday on our thremium episodes, you go to the famous website, hagclaims8.com.

It's a so famous.

What are the most

I know?

What are the most famous websites in the world?

Who'd you say?

Google.com.

Google.com is number one with a bullet.

Amazon.com, maybe?

Homepage.

Homepage.com.

Homepage.com.

Probably U-C-L-A.edge you.

Probably.

Edge you.

Probably.

Porn.edu.

Edge you.

Has porn?

I'm sure porn.com must be taken, but is porn.edu?

Like edge.

Edge you.

Like it edges you.

Do you get what I'm saying?

I know, I get you.

I get you.

Porn

edges you.

Edge you.

I get you.

I love it when porn edges me.

Edge me porn?

Edge me porn for I have since edge me on a face.

Okay, we got to go.

No, not yet.

So leave us a voicemail at Hagclaims8.com.

And if you would like to hear ad-free episodes and the three mium content, go to comedy bangbang world,

cbbworld.com, sign up on the maximus tier.

Also, you can hear that at Lemonata Premium.

There you go.

I forget how you got to.

They gave us the instructions, but my internet's out, so I can't look it up.

Wow.

Look it out.

Look it out.

Good.

Look it out.

I think it's pretty easy if you go to your Apple podcast or wherever you

go.

Also, on Tuesdays, something very special happens if you're a freedom listener.

The old episodes of the show, we re-release one a week on Tuesdays.

We call it three visiting on the twos.

And I've been calling calling it that i'll be damned if it hasn't been a really fun thing that people have really sort of taken a liking to i hope that they continue to be delighted by it because you will go to hell

who does i don't want to go there what's going to go to hell i would go there for one day i hope people aren't i hope god is not holding us to that here's the thing if you go to if you go to hell

they're talking about how you're going to burn up does that mean you have like the same nerve endings and stuff after you die and stuff like or are you or are you like a spirit and you're like, this doesn't hurt at all because it's just passing right through me?

Honestly, Scott, that's a fucking great question.

It's a really good question.

It's a really great question.

It's a really good question.

You know what I mean?

But I'd love to explore further.

Like, you could, if you're down there and you're like, ah, it's fat, then keep in your mind, like, oh, this is all fake.

This is all, yeah, it's all fake.

I'm not a body anymore.

Yeah.

I guess, are you a mind?

Maybe you're just a brain in a jar that's burning up.

I don't know.

Anyway,

that happens on Tuesdays.

And

on Tuesdays, we're brains in jars.

The other thing I do

want to mention to everyone out there

is Paul F.

Tompkins is going on tour very soon.

It's very true.

And he has some dates he wants to tell you about.

Paul, take it away.

Starting April 23rd, I'm going on tour with Variatopia, my variety show.

It is comedy, it's music, it's other forms of entertainment, all mixed together.

Is it puppetry of the penis?

I did say say other forms right not all not all okay yes it's other forms so you don't have to do puppetry of the penis we will i'm i i don't like to spoil the show but i will tell you right now there's not going to be any puppetry of the penis oh i know but you did it before

oh yeah that was that super secret show you said nobody could ever talk about

it was really embarrassing what a weird thing that was real yeah puppetry of the penis

it's just as bone i mean it's on the one hand on on the one hand, a little bit

so hot.

I'm curious, like, how accurate could it ever have been?

But on the other hand, I don't ever want to see it.

I don't want to see it.

I think I feel like I saw a picture of it once and I was like, I don't want to see it.

Just the idea of, I don't like it.

Anyway, so

when does it start?

When did what did what did you know?

When did you know it?

It starts April 23rd in Iowa City, Iowa, and then we're hitting so many cities.

We're going to, we're going to, of course,

New York, Philadelphia, Boston.

Oh, yeah.

We're going to

Portland, Seattle.

We're going to

Chicago.

We're going to Lakewood, Ohio, Royal Oak, Michigan.

So many places.

We're doing 20 cities altogether, and we might add a few more later in the year, but go to Anchorage.

That's interesting.

Why are you saying that to me?

Because I want you to go to Anchorage.

Why do you want me to go there so badly?

I've set up a trap there.

Why are you?

Why?

Because I figured you would never go.

So I've set up a nice trap.

I'm definitely not going now.

And now it's just laying there.

Well, you go.

Get in it.

Get in that trap.

Okay.

Go to paulftompkins.com slash variatopia.

All the links are there.

I'm really looking forward to this.

We did our first big tour last year.

So much fun.

Going back out again.

All new show.

Please come see us.

Paulftompkins.com slash Variatopia.

Lauren, do you have anything you want to talk about?

Right now, I don't.

Yeah.

Everything's private.

Yeah, me too.

Well, you can read Astonishing Spider-Man on the Marvel Unlimited app.

I'm still in the middle of that.

And

I believe issue 21 just came out.

So go crazy.

What is Spider-Man's social security number?

Oh, it's Spider-Spider-Spider.

Spider-Spider.

Spider-Spider-Spider-Spider.

Okay, then what's Peter Parker's?

Oh, it's Peter, Peter, Peter.

Come on.

Is that how it works in the Marvel Universe?

Yeah, yeah.

Numbers are whatever the person that is saying them are.

So everybody kind of can figure out everyone's social security number.

Yeah.

Ben Grim, Ben Grim, Ben Grim, Ben Grim.

Do they still have Social Security in the Marvel Universe?

Yeah, that's the thing.

Hopefully, Spider-Man saved everyone from

that corrupt institution.

I'm kidding, of course.

His Uncle Ben still getting checks.

Where's our Shakeshack?

It's coming.

Anyway, that's coming.

That's going to be it for this edition of

this was a good edition.

We'll be back next week with a new edition.

With an early edition starring Kyle Chandler.

As Kyle Secor.

Yes, as Kyle Secor.

And then Kyle Secor as Kyle Chandler.

Oh, it's fun.

Yeah.

Fun to think about.

Boxing day.

All right.

We'll see you next time.

Bye.

Bye.

Our healthcare system is broken in so many ways.

We have a healthcare system that's supposed to be taking care of people that is making it literally more difficult for people to put food on the table.

So, this season, we'll dive into the challenges headfirst while also thinking about how we can find a better way because we all deserve better.

Uncared for Season 3 from Lemonada Media.

Available August 6th, wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, it's Lena Waith.

Legacy Talk is my love letter to black storytellers, artists who've changed the game and paved the way for so many of us.

This season, I'm sitting down with icons like Felicia Rashad, Loretta Devine, Ava Duvernay, and more.

We're talking about their journeys, their creative process, and the legacies they're building every single day.

Come be a part of the conversation.

Season two drops July 29th.

Listen to Legacy Talk wherever you get your podcast, or watch us on YouTube.