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I'll see you in your dreams.

Hey, it's me, Steve Burns, and I'm so glad you're here because you and I go way back, right?

Yeah.

And look at us now.

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Freedom!

I'm sick.

Stop making fun of my neighbor.

Freedom.

You are my

in the freedom.

This episode of freedom.

Paul is singing now.

That was an amazing run.

Yeah,

I love your run.

No, no, no, I know how to sing.

It's like this.

I know how to sing.

I know how to sing it's just like this.

In the intro, I was making Paul my neighbor because I was creating a scene in which you were yelling at my neighbor.

So we're all like neighbors in this scene.

You were like a guy passing by, and you're my neighbor who on their porch was coughing.

And the guy walking up the street was going, stop coughing, or whatever the fuck you were saying, and they were making fun of his cough.

And then I was going, I came out with my broom, and I said, 70 foot of my neighbor.

And then kind of crazy.

No, I want to live in this neighborhood because then you would be my neighbor as well.

And it'd be your neighbor.

It just wouldn't be making fun of people who are it negates, it negates my neighbor thing

if you're also a neighbor, because then it's your neighbor.

What if I was a neighbor that you didn't know yet?

Sure,

fine.

You are.

A stranger is just a negative.

Can we redo that?

No.

Let's redo it.

Just know that in what it was, Let's redo it.

Okay.

You start coughing.

Hey.

Oh, my God.

Lauren, it's your turn.

Stop

making fun of my neighbor.

I'm also your neighbor.

I live next door to you.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

We cannot continue.

Do it again.

Do it again.

We're going to redo the scene.

Don't say anything else.

Just do it again.

Immediately fix ourselves.

Just do it again.

I said, don't say say anything else.

Don't say anything else.

Do it again.

All right.

There is so little time.

Do it again.

Don't say anything else.

All right, here we go.

All right.

Stop coughing at my neighbor.

Why's making fun of me for coughing?

But I didn't remember what I said.

Did I say stop making fun of my neighbor?

I'm not at my neighbor.

Yeah.

okay stop making fun of twice now

now go for your third time don't say anything else stop making fun of my neighbor no we're gonna start it from the beginning we're gonna start from the beginning

stop making fun of my neighbor i live next door to you too since when since just yesterday well i didn't see you move in dear it's true he did just move in oh so so stop making fun of your neighbor That's better.

Wow.

Have you guys...

That is that's more.

That's worse.

Have you started the welcoming wagon or anything?

I just learned that you moved in.

I wasn't here, so I didn't see a moving truck.

What do you expect to be bringing?

Muffins, pastries of some?

I can't bring anything.

I'm unwell right now.

I'm not going to bring anything because I'm not really that type of neighbor.

What type of neighbor are you?

The bitch kind.

Hey, man, why are you making fun of my coughing?

That's a weird thing to do.

Yeah, you seem like an ass.

My second day in the neighborhood?

Yeah.

Even your 50th day in the neighborhood.

What a weird thing to do.

The minute you get somewhere, you find the biggest, toughest person.

You try to knock them down a pitch.

Wait, that's me?

Yeah, that's you.

Wow.

Just to show you who's boss.

Do you agree?

I don't agree.

I don't think you know him.

This is Philippe.

He's like one of the

sort of sweetest guys.

He's the French dip sandwich.

Sweetest guys we have.

Did you invent the sauce that you dip it in?

The au jus?

Did you invent the au jus?

Did you invent the contents of the sandwich or you just were the first person to dip?

I was the first person to have a sandwich and say, I wish this were wet.

He was the first.

There was no one who left their sandwich out in the rain or anything like that.

Why would they wish it was wet?

It would be wet.

It would be wet.

So, wait, did you have a solution for it or just someone else created the aussie?

Excuse me, new neighbor.

What's your name?

My name is Ramon.

Okay, Ramon.

Ramon.

Philippe.

I'm sorry, Shamon.

I mispronounced it.

You mispronounced your own name?

Yes.

It's tough to say.

I blame my parents.

When

Philippe here first said, I wish this sandwich

was wet or were wet?

Were wet.

I wish this sandwich were wet.

Sure.

Alarm bells went off across the world because it was a sentence that had never been said.

So usually when that happens, that person becomes an inventor.

So you probably never had that happen because you've never said something that was never said before.

But so for everyone who's invented something, when they said it out loud, all the alarm bells went off wrong.

Somebody from Webster's Dictionary comes to your door.

Was it Webster?

Well, he's passed on.

I know.

It's his son.

Webster Jr.

The star of Webster.

Is he even smaller?

Yeah.

They get smaller.

It's like a babushka da.

What are they called?

Matroischka.

Matroshka.

Matroshka.

Matroyshka.

Matroyshka.

How you do?

Matoishka.

Matoishka.

Matroshka.

How you do?

So this guy, Little Webster, shows up.

Then he says, In a dumb waiter, these...

Yeah, he was in my house the whole time.

He said, congratulations, these words have never been put together before wow what a thrill did you ask him who he was or you just knew

who he was you could tell yeah yeah you could tell he has a certain air yeah and he smells like an old dictionary

and so what happened was what had happened was i was at a restaurant i was eating a roast beefed sandwiched

um i asked for

a side and I said, surprise me.

Just it could have been anything liquid or just it could have have been a side of potato salad.

Yeah, I was thinking it would be like a side of potato salad.

Right.

This person behind the counter had it in for me.

We'd had many confatants before.

Because you're a troublesome.

Oh, so you assume I'm the trouble?

I mean, the guy who makes fun of people coughing.

How would the guy behind the counter even know that you were troublesome unless you had multiple interactions?

I'm not troublesome.

This guy is troublesome.

And yes, it was a guy.

I know that.

Right?

Obviously.

You know the guy I'm talking about.

Yes.

Do you guys go there together?

No.

But we have been there at the same time.

We're just neighbors.

So, were you neighbors?

I stay on my porch, he stays on his.

That's right.

Unless we go places, but not together.

And if we go places, we do walk on opposite sides of the street, but in the same direction.

We don't want people to think we're having some sort of flirtation or not.

Now I feel like you guys do have some sort of relationship that's gross.

It's not confined to your porches.

That's gross.

We don't have that.

Okay.

And you're new here, so I think.

What is your name, Matt?

I think my name is the way that it goes.

Is my name starts with B.

It ends with A.

And in the middle is a R.

A-N-N-G-G-A.

R.

A-N-N.

Anaga.

A-N-N-G-G-A.

Branga.

Branga.

Pranga.

Pranga.

Are you sure that you've never become intimate or physical?

You couldn't say for certain.

Are you sure that we've never done that?

i'm not sure in fact i yeah how do you like it when it's turned back around on you feel like you don't have all the answers

you wouldn't remember i'm holding hands right now across your porches that's because

yes two reasons my arm's so long i fall down his arm so long he falls down so we figured what if we put him across my arms too short to box with god okay

so this guy behind the counter his name is mitchell okay kind of a weird name yeah and he's got a chip on his shoulder about it a mitchell chip

and Mitchell.

This restaurant has four Mitchell chips.

Four Mitchell chips.

So pretty good.

Okay.

So that's a good rating.

So if you get a Mitchell chip, you're good.

If you get two Mitchell chips, you're great.

If you get three Mitchell chips, you're wonderful.

And if you get four Mitchell chips, you're stupendous.

So he gives me a side of Au Jus.

Okay.

We call it A Jus.

Okay, because you had no idea.

At this point, it wasn't popularized.

You had no idea.

No, I just thought.

Ah, just.

It's just the ju.

And this is traditional a ju, meaning the meat flavor.

Brown gravy in a bowl.

Okay.

With water.

And this guy thought,

oh,

I fucked him now.

He said this to you or he thought this.

He thought this.

I can read minds.

Was this one?

Wait, oh, hold on.

So

you can read minds?

Some.

Some.

Some.

How many?

I have to be around a person for 10 hours or more in order to be able to read their minds.

And how long have you guys been around each other?

Oh, I mean, hundreds of hours,

minutes, I mean, minutes,

hundreds of minutes, hundreds of minutes, so a couple hours, nine hours, nine hours, okay.

Nine times six, five hundred and forty,

okay.

Rent,

rent.

So, yeah, weren't you singing that song from rent?

I thought you were 500 minutes.

Okay, rent man.

I never mean to say rainman.

520.

I never said rain man.

600 minutes.

I never mean to say it.

529,000 minutes and nine hours.

So I said, naturally.

Fucking Mitchell.

Naturally.

I wish this sandwich were wet.

As he does.

And then I looked down at the au jus and I said, Mitchell, you don't even realize you've helped me out here.

Is there any universe where you're not able to read Mitchell's minds?

You're just imagining this.

Mitchell has already created this wonderful type of sandwich and sent you the au jus saying he always complains about it.

He always complains about

his sandwich not being wet.

This is a delicious way to make it wet.

He's the inventor of this au jus sandwich.

Okay, so you're saying my whole life is a lie?

Yeah.

Well, you're wrong.

Can you move out of the neighborhood?

Can you move out of the neighborhood?

No.

And all three of us move into a house together uptown.

Well, first, I think you'll need to get out of my dreams and into my car.

Okay.

Done.

I'm in your car now.

Branga, what do you say?

It's my way or the highway.

Let's take the highway uptown.

It's a big danger zone.

Of interest.

Of interest.

Because the interest is going to rise.

It's a high mortgage rate right now.

Let me ask you.

Okay.

Here's a movie.

Okay.

Idea.

Okay.

The zone of Pinterest.

Oh, interesting.

I think that's really good.

What if it's Shamon?

It's the Twitter Zone of Pinterest by Myspace.

I don't mind mind it.

Can we get Etsy involved?

Twitter Zone of Interest

involved.

No, Etsy presents.

Twitter Zone of Pintoretsi.

Pintoretsi.

By MySpace, presented by Meta.

Yeah.

Pintoretsi is when you just yell out Pinterest all the time.

You can't control it.

Yes.

Yeah.

Sounds good to me.

All right.

Well, at what point do we go back into our houses and not talk to each other again?

Slam.

Slam, slam.

Slam, slam.

Thank you, ma'am.

Well, that was a lot of fun.

We had so much fun being neighbors with each other.

Welcome to Freedom.

My name is Paul.

I'm Lauren.

Come on, man.

And that guy over there, his name is Scott.

He doesn't talk a lot, but his name is Scott.

What a name that he has got.

That name being Scott.

Take a verse.

Hi, my name is Scott indeed.

Sometimes, if you prick me, I do bleed.

Sometimes.

Other times, I've run out of blood.

If you prick me, do I not sometimes bleed?

If you prick me, do I not sometimes bleed?

If the prick was very hard.

I feel like if we edited this down, it would be stronger.

Let me, let's at least do it.

We'll try for opening night the way it is, and then we'll see how the audience reacts.

If you prick me, do I not sometimes bleed?

Hey!

Hey, I throw an old meat pie at you.

Yum.

Oh, it's old.

It's old.

Yeah.

Yeah, Scott did the catering.

You only

need meat punch 2023, bitches.

Or in real question.

Do you only eat new food?

That's pretty much my

desire, I guess I should say.

What's the oldest food you've ever eaten?

Realistically,

it was probably like a Twizzler or something that you know where you're like, oh, that's harder than I want it to be.

All right.

And then Fantastically.

Fantastically, it was a unicorn brain.

That's what I was hoping it was.

Yeah.

But an old one.

It was not good.

You get those fresh.

They're really delicious.

The glitter just oozes right out.

And if you get on the barbecue, of course,

put a

slime marinade on it, like neon blue, something like that, and crunch into that.

The glitters pour out.

You do get a lot of, if their unicorn is unhappy, it'll give you a stomach ache.

So you want to be careful that you're killing like a really happy unicorn when you get that.

And kill them in the way that makes them the happiest.

Yeah, like a like auto-erotic asphyxiation or something like that.

That's your choice.

Do you think

we want to be so crazy when Scott dies that way?

And we're going to go, I knew it.

Yeah.

It'll be so crazy.

That's going to be an amazing funeral.

Yeah.

Well, it'll be, we won't be able to do that.

Everybody lined up to say, yeah, I knew it.

And we won't be able to sell people.

I knew it.

Yeah.

I have something to share with you.

Oh, boy.

Don't do that then.

You won't die that way, okay?

Speaking of eating,

we have a deal.

Speaking of eating a unicorn.

Yeah.

Let me find it.

Let me find it.

By the way, I just got a text.

12 people on this text chain.

Oh, there's more.

No, 13 total.

Oh, my God.

The number keeps rising.

It's not even a chain.

This is the first time

that this group of people has ever been texted.

Okay.

The first entry.

In a text chain.

And do you know all the people on the chain?

I assume so, but some of them just have phone numbers

next to them.

But

I assume these are relatives of mine.

Yeah.

This text is, this is being sent on this thread because my phone is having a problem with me, but this is only for

my cousin.

And then my cousin's name.

I changed my appointment to February 12 at 2 p.m.

Is that good with you?

Okay.

So what just happened?

One of my relatives texting every single person she knows in order to reach one of us?

Whoa.

Are you all okay with this?

By the way, February 12th was weeks ago.

Maybe 2021.

What happened?

I don't know.

This is so odd.

It's a very odd text to get.

Do you remember when that thing was happening where

you would get a text that was.

No, not what I was thinking of.

Okay.

What was it?

Oh, now you're interested?

I was never not interested.

Oh, 90.

Hello.

You were never

a spam text that was addressed to you and like

30 other people.

With the phone number that was like almost yours.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I got one of those that started with the opening was, and I may have talked about it on the show,

but it opened with something like, fuck you.

Now that'll get my attention, certainly, just start a group thread with fuck you.

By the way, I just got an alert that uh on our front door camera

that our circle, our male men who they who this names by name was seen, they know his name, I guess.

Or I guess what what has happened is here's here's here's what happened When we got these cameras.

Oh, yeah, they were like, you think you're your mom.

Yes.

But now they're, now they're,

every single person is wrong.

So you started naming people.

We started naming people for the camera.

For a while, it got nice.

That's what big camera wants.

For a while, it got cool-op, right?

And now it's exclusively her cousin.

Anytime Kool-Op goes in or out, it says Dana.

I don't think it needs to mention who it was.

I want to touch on something.

It said who you were earlier.

It knew me?

He's good at white people.

Okay, that's not.

I want to touch on something that you said.

Yeah.

And I want to counter it by saying, in the words of Buffalo Springfield.

I thought you were going to say Buffalo Bill.

Nobody puts the lotion in the past.

Nobody's right if everybody's wrong.

But Scott, did you put my name in there or does it just know me from the bad Googles?

No, I think anyone who's

scary?

Anyone who's come through, like

the bad Googles.

Kool-Ap took a couple of hours and like attached people's names.

Oh, that's nice.

So I think it gets- That's the kind of shit I would do.

It gets you for sure.

It gets you right.

It says, I'm my mom every single time.

It now says Kulop is her cousin.

And anyone who is not white, it gets totally, totally wrong and just like,

but confidently says that it is this person.

Does this mean that Kulop is the racist?

I think that might be it.

She spent hours putting in everyone's name.

She looked at pictures of people like, I don't know who this is.

It could be any one of 20 people I know.

What about me?

Does it recognize me?

I think, did it say you when you came earlier today?

Let me see.

27

notifications.

I'm just going to go through these until Lauren was seen.

No, it doesn't even say, oh, it says unfamiliar face scene.

Unfamiliar face scene.

All right.

When people make those

videos where they put people's tweets to music, just drums.

Just the most dramatic drums.

All right.

People

think of eating a unicorn's brain made me think reminded me of this.

Okay.

People said tweets to music, and this one really got me.

Yesterday I found out steak is beef, and I am so embarrassed to say what animal I thought steak was all this time.

I'm curious.

Horse, do you eat steak?

Yes, girls.

So you was just casually, comfortably eating horse all these years.

I thought we all were

wow.

I was thinking about this the other day, just how

confusing it is.

Like chicken

doesn't change.

It's like I think about this a lot.

Why do we call beef or steak?

we should call it cow chicken is like the only one that we just say chicken pork is yes but cow pork is pig you should just call it pig veal is calf baby cow baby yeah let's let's call things what they are why

so they're gonna call it like it's they're gonna say cow cooked like a steak

no you know because you want to know how you're gonna get it you can can i have my cow can i have a filet mignon cow

sir did you call me a cow but then you also also have a flem mignon, but cow.

You also then, like, you're like, okay, you're going to eat a hamburger.

What is it?

It's beef.

No, it's cow.

You're now further disguising it.

It's ham suddenly?

Come on.

I don't think this is a problem that needs to be.

I think it is.

And the only reason I was thinking this is because I was like, wait a minute.

Do you think Emmy understands that she's eating these animals?

Well, I don't think she needs to understand that.

I mean, you know, I also give Holly fake nuggets because we all eat a lot of like impossible or beyond meat and stuff because Mike's vegetarian and it's really good.

You don't taunt him with regular meat?

I don't typically cook meat at home, but I where do you cook it?

I eat it at restaurants.

But I like

to

eat fake meat.

But so sometimes Holly will have a real chicken nugget or a fake chicken nugget nugget.

Or I don't differentiate.

I don't say.

So do you ever say, like, this is tofu or this is.

No, I just say, do you want a nugget?

I really

is it goop?

What is it?

Yeah, it's goop.

It's goop.

You know what I mean?

My favorite are, though,

jackfruit nuggets from Jack and Annie.

Oh, those are really good.

And I serve those gleefully because it's just jackfruit.

I know Trader Joe's has

it Trader?

Like the Traders?

Yeah, he's a Trader.

Why did Traders?

store after him?

Do they sell fake nuggets?

I don't know if they sell fake nuggets, but they do have this fake meat that's made of jackfruit.

Oh, which one?

And I don't, oh, what's the name of the brand?

It's like this guy, old-timey guy with a mustache on the box.

That's Trader Joe.

It's you.

Okay, guys, it's me.

But I don't know what jackfruit tastes like.

I don't know what it tastes like for real, but I know

I like it cooked as like a meat,

what do you call it?

Records.

Substitute.

Is this really where we're going to take our first break?

We really front-loaded it.

Oh, I got a little jackfruit nugget.

It's made jack fruit.

Nugget.

We'll be right back.

Hello, nugget.

Aceme, jackfruit.

Bye.

You've got to have a nugget or two.

Cooler temps are rolling in.

Doo-da-doo-da.

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Okay, well, their denim's durable and it fits right.

What about leather jackets?

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What makes Quince different?

Hey, everyone.

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All right.

We're back.

back, guys.

And during the break, we were talking about our fears, our biggest fears.

We were laying our souls bare to each other.

So much happens.

The idea is so much crying.

We were going to get to hopes and dreams, and then we never did.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We just talked about what we were afraid of and then

how afraid are you of being attacked by something in the ocean?

You know,

I have a fear of like being trapped either in outer space or under the ocean with like very little little air.

Like the spaceship is.

Those types of movies to me are very

cringe.

But you have a lot of control over the space one.

Yeah, just never go up in space.

Also, you have control over the.

Yeah, but it's more likely that you'd fall off a boat and be stuck and drowning.

Or like your plane gets shot down and you fall into the ocean.

You don't fall up into space.

You fall off a cliff.

Yeah, that's true.

Fall off a beach and keep swimming out and then just goes.

Oh my God, I fell off off the beach.

Just go straight back.

You know, the few times that I've been singing, singing, the few times I've been swimming around in the ocean, I don't really have a single.

I bet you were singing too, though.

Splish, splish.

I was taking a bath.

And then the shark was like, he's too annoying to be.

What if I start singing?

I got to get out of here.

I feel an awareness of

things in the ocean, but I usually am not going out so deep in the ocean that I'm like, I don't like jump off the side of a boat and swim around typically.

That's very, that's maybe happened to me one time.

I've done that a few times where you take a boat out to the middle of the ocean.

I don't like that kind of activity.

I've done it in the lake, but not

more in the lake.

And I get more nervous about deep water where I can't touch the ground.

Same.

So in the ocean, I'm a little scared.

I love and am scared of the ocean.

I love being in the ocean, though.

It's so fun.

What body part can it go up to before you start feeling nervous?

You can go up your penis before you start getting nervous.

Up your butt and around the bench.

And around the corner.

I cannot go farther than I can stand.

Yeah, I don't want to stand.

So up to the top of your head or your chin is fine with you and you're fine.

So up to your forehead?

If it gets that high, I don't think I'm able to stand anymore.

Up to your chin.

You don't try hard enough.

If it's up to your chin, you can't stand.

You can stand up to your chin.

No, I guess.

I think there's something called.

So that's why I'm asking.

But I think it's.

Like at what point are you like?

I think

the buoyancy takes over at a certain point, and you can't just stand there in the ocean, which is moving all the time.

You can't just stand there.

Let's go to Raging.

We're going to pause the copodcast.

They did say right now.

Pause the cabodcast.

They did say right now

that the beaches are really full of fire stuff, and so it's really bad.

So don't go there, but let's go there right now and just walk in and see how deep we can get.

And we'll walk right back out.

We're not going to spend a lot of time or breathe in a lot of stuff.

No.

So we'll pause right now.

Okay.

And we'll be right back.

Okay.

That sucked.

That was really hilarious.

I got up to my shins.

I fell off the beach.

I got up to my.

You fell off.

I got up into the water.

I got up to my hair follicles where they start.

Like,

not where they end.

The top of my hair, on top of my head.

And then I couldn't do it anymore.

I did get up to my eyes.

They weren't covered.

It was like a split-the-G situation where

the bottom half of my eyes were underwater.

The top half I could see out of.

Yeah.

Let me, can I get a, I have a squeegee here.

Do you mind if I just wipe off your eyes or not?

No.

Thank you.

Okay.

Yeah.

Does that feel better or worse?

I can't tell.

How about now?

Ear or ew.

Better or worse.

How about now?

Better.

Cash me outside.

How about now?

Do you know when they do an eye test and they're like, how about now?

Seven or eight.

Eight or nine.

Yes or nine.

I always am like, do they know that I don't fucking know what's going on?

You tell me.

You tell me.

Like, why?

Like, I honestly feel like when when I'm like, you know, when I went involved in the process, it starts totally unperceptible.

Or, or they go seven or eight, and then they go eight or nine.

Then I'm like, was seven, eight?

And now I said that one's better.

Or, you know what I mean?

It's like, am I being tricked?

I don't know.

I feel they've gotten better at this because now

my eye doctor, I have two eye doctors.

I have my optometrist and I have my ophthalmologist.

Explain the difference between the two.

An optometrist.

You don't mind.

No, I don't mind.

My optometrist is hot.

My ophthalmologist is handsome.

He's an an ogo.

The optometrist is the person who tests your,

basically

tests

what your vision is and then decides, and then decides.

And makes the grand decision.

Of what kind of glasses you wear.

Okay.

Right?

Style.

Ophthalmologist is more of like an MD of the eye.

Okay.

And I have to see an ophthalmologist a few times a year because I have some broken pigment in my eye that causes pressure and pressure can lead

to glaucoma pigment

pressure can lead to glaucoma if I'm not serious

but I thought I thought the person that I go to does both of those things

Well, that's the thing.

Now I have overlapping tests.

So I'll go to the ophthalmologist.

Then when I go to the optometrist, they'll take like some of the same pictures.

And I'm like, let me charge for this both times.

I took this just the other day.

Yeah.

I did have appointments within a day of each other.

And I was like, I just did this yesterday.

Like, send these over.

I already know what the back of my eyeball looks like.

How's it look, by the way?

Looks beautiful.

I love to see

my whole eye.

It's fun.

It looks like a planet.

It looks like a planet.

Like,

my eyeball is like a planet.

Wouldn't it be, would it, would it feel bad to you?

Say we had consciousness after we die.

No.

Would it feel bad to you if you were like taking care of your teeth and your eyes diligently every single year?

Like you're doing this, you know,

you go three times a year to your ophthalmologist?

Two times a year.

Two or three times a year.

You're doing this diligently.

You're trying to stave off glaucoma and stuff.

And then you die being hit by a bus.

Would you go like, that was a huge waste of my time?

No, because I got to see that bus.

I got to see that bus hit me.

I was like, wow, that was cool.

Do you think if you don't die because of your eye or your teeth, that like it was a waste to take care of them?

I died by teeth

like a rotting tooth

gets infected

I bit onto the back of a truck and it drove away

I feel like if you get hit by a bus there has to be a moment just a brief moment we're like this is cool probably

go no fucking way

because it's like really really this cliche I'd be like are you you kidding me?

Are you kidding me?

Then I died.

I think about that with like

physical fitness, though, like the people who work on it so hard and then they die of like a disease.

It's like, that's not a waste of time it was.

Other than all the people they have sex with because they look so good.

They wouldn't get a disease because they have, they work out.

But I think if you're, if your body is healthy, it makes your life a better experience.

This is Scott's argument for not exercising.

He's like, if I get, if I exercise, I might still die of a disease.

So why waste time?

If there was a way to exercise against disease, would you do it?

Well, it's much like our president feels that there is a finite amount of energy that the human body is given.

So to exercise is a bad idea because you're just.

That's what she said.

No, our president's a man.

Oh, that's right.

Decidedly so.

Interesting.

Yeah.

Actually, very interesting.

Very interesting.

Actually, I think he's right.

Wow.

That's really interesting.

Hey, a broken clock.

You know what I mean?

That's true.

I disagree with this guy on a lot of things, but I do believe...

But there being a finite amount of energy in the body.

You are born with a finite amount of energy.

And exercising gets rid of it?

Yes.

As you can see by all the exercise people.

Look at them and look at him.

Who do you think has more energy?

Should we take up golfing?

No.

Why?

I really don't want to.

Why?

I don't either.

I just want to do it.

It feels like then I will give you something to do on the weekends.

I don't have a problem with not having stuff to do.

And I feel bored by it.

I don't want

how it takes forever and you get like one shot.

Wait, wait, wait.

There's points involved.

And then you just drive around in a little cart.

You're in the sun all day, and it's expensive.

The cart has a roof, so you're protected from the colours.

It's expensive.

Wait a minute.

Does it still have some golf somehow?

Is it just expensive?

I'll pay for it.

I definitely don't want to pay hundreds of dollars to do something I don't want to do.

Okay, I'll pay for it.

Okay, then I'll do it.

Let's go.

You'll do this thing you don't want to do.

Let's go on Saturday because you're going to pay for me to go golf.

I'm out of town this Saturday, but next Saturday, we'll go.

I'm out of town next Saturday and the following one, but let's do it.

Oh, that's right, so am I.

Lauren, would you give me $20 if I asked for it?

Yes.

Thank you.

I don't like golf.

There's something that feels immoral about it.

It feels very deadly.

Because of the, I thought about this when I was in Palm Springs during the fires.

Like so much water was going to keeping up this golf course.

That's crazy.

And these lakes and everything at this hotel we were at.

I was just like, this feels a little bad.

Golf courses need a lot of meat.

Well, and golf courses in L.A., like

they take up so much space that could be beautiful park space.

There's certain parts of town where it's like eight blocks of golf course.

And you're like, why is it?

But the Griffin Park golf course, there's so much park there.

That's fine, but the one in Larchmont, how about the one like in Thailand Larchmont?

How about it?

How about now?

Why do we have that?

Cash that outside.

I don't know.

That's a lot of land that's just green grass that's being watered constantly.

Is that not true?

Am I on trial here?

Lauren looked at Paul so acutely.

You really did feel like I was.

I know you brought up that that's the problem.

That is one of the problems.

Yeah.

Somebody said it.

Hey, are you okay?

I just want these golf courses.

Go on.

Something I don't ever think about.

Here's the solution.

What?

We build all of our golf courses on top of high-rise hilltops.

There we go.

And you have to get the ball from one roof to another.

To another, and they're connected by like a bridge.

No, I think you have to take the elevator down and then go bend it.

Do you think anyone would do it?

It's almost like taking the golf cart, taking an elevator down and then going up a different elevator.

You're arguably getting more exercise by at least walking to the elevator.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then walking down the street to the next building.

This is fun.

I think we could do that.

I like this.

And if your ball doesn't reach the other building, that's the ultimate trap.

And think how nice it will look from a plane.

Yeah, it would be fun.

Everyone would fly more because they want to see these wonderful goats.

It would cause people to fly more.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Which is what we're going to do.

And they'd be clamoring for the window seat.

Yes.

Here's the other thing.

Let's put window seats, let's make aisle seats window seats too.

Yes.

So that everyone can see out.

Let's see.

Why don't we just, instead of windows, just make the whole side of the plane ceaseless.

Thank you.

Like Wonder Woman's plane.

Wonder Woman.

Yeah, but you still want the cockpit to be kind of private.

That part should be opaque.

No windows at all.

You can see shadows.

No windows, no doors.

Yeah, you can see shadows.

It could be like a little hazy.

And like a little sexy.

You see a silhouette.

It's like

a piece of sexy.

It's like amber glass.

Maybe if the pilot's doing a strip tease, you see just a hint of like

taking off all the scarves, the pilots do.

All their hats and scarves.

All of their hats.

Yeah.

This sounds good.

And it sounds great.

It sounds good.

We've solved.

We are urban planners.

Are we?

Do you guys ever...

This is a real question that I thought of to talk about

finally.

Like a few days ago.

Thank God.

Do you guys ever have this, like, do you guys tend to think about something you said and go like, why did I say that?

Do you do that a lot or not at all?

There are certain things decades old, yes, that I still didn't think about.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

And I know we've talked about it a little bit.

But more recently, do you feel like you're better at not doing that?

Yes.

I think the other night I was thinking of one, I was just like, I pray I let this go eventually because it's so unimportant.

I know.

Some of those I'm like, stop, stop.

When I lay in bed at night, I'm like, just stop.

I don't care.

Behind me, this can't matter.

I don't think it's happened to me in a while.

I do think I have gotten better about this.

So like, I'll think still about things from like years, years and years ago.

Yeah.

I don't think it's as bad for things that happened like two days ago.

But it's like, I will kind of pick something from like a few.

But you know what part of it is?

It's like sometimes I will do that based on the way things have gone with that person or that thing or something.

And I'll go, it all goes back to that.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So like, it's sort of like I create the problem many years later and go like, it's because I did that or whatever.

I sometimes think about like acquaintances who we are no longer in touch with, who I would like to be.

And then I, and then I go, like, you'll, you'll email them a couple of times and never hear anything back.

And then I'll go, like, it was probably this one thing I said, even though it was not a bad thing or whatever, but you just go, I bet that rubbed them the wrong way.

But you'll never get confirmation on it.

And it's probably not even true.

They're probably just like, you're not important enough to respond to.

Like, with all that.

That's not nice, regardless.

That's not nice, but it's not like a thing where they're actively going, like, you said that one thing.

I feel like I have, there's one person that I have

joked with

twice

on two separate occasions where I realized that.

You've only joked with me once.

You've never joked.

I've never seen me so seriously.

I never will.

Where both times I realized later this person did not know I was kidding.

And they took what I said at face value.

Did you reach out to the person afterwards?

No!

I actually had three instances

where I have requested.

I've had the thing where I've reached out later about something I said, where I was like, within a day or whatever, and then it's always like, they think it's like weird that I said something.

Okay, never mind.

I would rather that, though.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

But yeah, I think.

What?

Do you think I said something?

Oh, no.

I think it's also.

I'm thinking about my own thing.

Like, more recently, if I've said something, it was an honest mistake as opposed to I

said something out of nervousness.

That's the thing that sucks about the older ones is that you sort of remember that feeling of I was uncomfortable or I was anxious or whatever, and I blurted something out that was fucking stupid that seemed like a good idea at the time, and then it haunts you.

Yes.

But if I said something dumb the other day, I would probably be like, oh, yeah, I didn't understand.

I think there should be blank immunity for anything said at a party.

Blammunity?

Blammunity for anything said at a party, because especially a party where there is alcohol and pot being served.

You're saying blame it on the alcohol.

Blame it on the

alcohol, of course.

But you know what I mean?

Like people, when you go into a party, there should be a sign.

First of all, there should be a sign.

This is Checker.

He goes out the door.

Every party.

And then there should be another sign saying, like, you cannot hold anything said.

in a moment of weirdness again.

Like, sure, in anger, hold that against someone.

But you know what I mean?

Like, if someone had an uncomfortable, weird conversation with you, they're probably high or they're drunk.

So let's leave it all at the door and let's have a good time.

Third sign?

Long-haired, freaky people need not apply.

Fourth sign:

there was a brown-eyed, brown-haired, flying purple people eater.

Brown-eyed.

Why is brown-haired?

Sounds gorgeous.

There's a one-eyed, one-horned,

flying purple insulator.

God, can you guys ever forgive me for saying that?

Unfortunately, no, because we're not at a party.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Why did I say that?

Florence said the purple people people eater had brown hair and brown eyes.

She's hot.

That's a good combination.

They go together.

Yeah.

Well, thank you very much.

I mean, if there was like old Violet Eyes herself,

Elizabeth Taylor, she was wearing a brown pants suit.

These have always brought me luck.

Remember, white diamonds?

Oh, these are always brought me luck.

Michael Jackson.

Should we create a fragrance?

These have always brought me luck, Michael Jackson.

She's talking about

his one glove.

His one glove.

These have always brought me love.

Whoa, where are the other one guys?

Oh, the white diamonds on it.

It makes sense.

It makes sense.

It makes sense.

The white diamonds refer to Michael Jackson's diamond encrusted glove, as seen in the video for black and white using morphing technology.

Which at the time was one of the most amazing pieces of morph technology that ever made.

Do you know, I saw that clip from that video recently, and it still looks pretty good.

Do you think they'll come up with anything else like CGI morphing technology just totally changed cinema?

Will they ever come up with anything like it again?

Or are we done?

They're done.

Do you think they'll come?

You know what I mean?

Like computers.

You think there'll be a music video channel again?

No, because that was such a product of cable being introduced.

And I'm always a little confused.

I saw one today.

That was so good.

And I was like, I wish more people could see this, but where would one see it?

MTV was purely a product of

these cable channels being available and someone pouncing on it and needing content you know yeah but now there's just like no way they filled them all up yeah they filled up all the channels that was a cool time but do you know what i mean like with computers are already so fast would they i mean i guess that's what they're talking about with ai of like now there's super computers who can just make these movies i want to see them

put ai to work all talk no show let's see what the ai can do honestly honestly make a great movie go ahead

let's do the AI challenge with my work.

Make the Between Two Ferns movie with AI, and we'll see which one's better.

And I'll be honest about it.

Make AI with a family.

My movie has faults.

Make Elon Musk with the Twitter poll.

Yeah.

Make AI with AI.

That would be the ultimate.

Make AI with AI.

You're fucking blowing my mind.

If you drop me, I will break.

Just the teddy bear says.

And I might bleed from it.

Who voiced the teddy bear?

It was not a recognizable name to me.

Really?

Yeah.

I think it was Ted

E.

Bear?

It was Ted E.

Grahams.

Ted E.

Grahams.

Ted E.

Graham.

Jack Angel.

Known for?

I'm going to say AI.

And Balto and the Iron Giant.

Oh, the Iron Giant.

Only three?

Unfortunately, Jack Angel died about four years ago.

Somebody dropped him.

Also known for Toy Story.

He played the shark in Rocky Gibraltar.

I have no idea what those are.

I don't know, but

you know what?

I'm gonna take this

information with me to the grave.

I have really fallen off on Pixars, they're not good anymore.

But let's, you know what, take a break before we get into a huge cinema discussion because we only have time for a three church.

We're gonna talk about Kristen Cinema.

We're gonna,

of course,

get into that.

Her famous thumbs down curtsy.

Here we go.

We'll be right back with more freedom.

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Beep

and we're back.

We're back.

And Paul, I gotta know

because I was told by someone in my ear saying it's time for a three-turner and I was confused.

I was baffled.

Was that our personality?

Someone told me that too.

Oh, that's what it was.

I was just like, what are you fucking fucking talking about?

Stop saying this.

It was Gelman.

Gelman said,

not Brett Gelman.

Gelman from the view.

From the Regis show.

I knew exactly who you were talking about.

That's what it was.

I forgot that Gelman.

Gelman was an entity.

Well, he had nowhere to go after the Regis show, so he came over.

What happened to him?

He's right there.

Oh, hey, Gelman.

Yeah.

So he was saying it's time for a three-trip, but I was confused because I was like, what the fuck are you even talking about?

But in times like these, I look to Paul for clarification and wisdom.

You know, man, I got to say something.

Yeah.

The fact that you still don't know what a treater is, it's now, it's crossed over into insulting.

Insulting to whom?

To meme.

First.

Are you including me in this or is it okay that I still don't know?

I forgot you were here.

Okay.

First,

it was charming how stupid you were that you couldn't remember it.

Well, thank you so much.

Second, it was frustrating that I couldn't get through to you.

It's frustrating.

Thank you.

Frustrating.

Now it's gotten to the point where you're actively putting this information out of your brain and making me do this emotional labor.

Don't think that I'm intentionally doing this.

At the end of episodes, do I repeat to myself, I don't want to remember what Paul said.

I don't want to remember what Paul said.

Sure.

But that's not an act of intentional

forgetting.

Just because you're saying, I don't want to.

As much as it is self-care.

And I think that what you need to do

is you need to realize that not everyone is you and everyone has different ways to manage their emotional states.

Lauren, would you agree with that?

You know, I actually think what I agree more with is your initial take, which was that Scott needs to shut the fuck up.

Guys.

Is this the last episode?

You didn't say that?

I don't think I ever said that.

That's crazy.

That's crazy.

No, I think you guys are both great.

That's crazy.

I think you guys are both great.

I think you need to hug really long.

We don't need to hug.

Hug.

You're the person who's in the Gelman.

Hug Gelman.

I'll hug Gelman.

I'll hug Gelman all day long.

I'll take the low.

You take the high.

That was Gelman getting out of his chair.

He has trouble getting out of his chair.

That's what it sounds.

You know what I keep trying to tell him?

Push up from the arms of the chair.

Don't pull.

Don't push down on your knees.

I think you can't get up.

Push down on your knees and squeeze out with your butts.

Push down on your knees.

And I want you to squeeze out with your butts.

Now, Jack Nicholson, he got famous just because he talked weird, right?

Oh, yeah.

People are like, get along with this guy.

What did he just say?

I didn't understand that.

He was like, sounds like a lizard.

Here's Johnny.

He does sound like a lizard.

He sounds like a lizard.

He might be a lizard.

He's a gentleman, Adam Sandler.

What animal do you think you guys sound like?

Boy, oh, boy.

Like, if we were going to animate you.

I think I sound like a turkey.

I think that makes sense.

I think I sound like

turkey.

Turkey.

Turkey.

Do you think I sound like a turkey?

Do you think I sound like a turkey?

Do you think I sound like a musical robot?

Hold on.

What do you think?

Do you think I sound like a turkey?

I think you sound like a

annoying bird.

Oh, I think I sound like

I sound like a guinea pig.

Oh, really?

I can hear that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think I sound like a capybara.

Yeah.

Capyberra.

In any case, I guess I'll never know what a three-trail is.

No, it's a bustero.

Oh, okay.

We're ready.

This bustero, I did not look up.

So, what are we playing?

What's a bustero?

Oh, well, a three-traer is a game that we like to play, also known as a buster.

Also known as a buster.

Got it, gotta get it.

Gotta get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it.

This is my favorite style of rap.

I love that one.

Because it it takes a lot of time.

That's easy.

Because I'm bad, I'm bad, you know.

I forgot about Dre.

The real chip on Dre's shoulder.

And it was so funny because he was famous for

the, had been famous for the last 10 years when that was.

He didn't have a chip on his shoulder.

Oh, nowadays everybody wants to say they forgot about Dre?

No, no one forgot about Dre.

He's been a popular producer.

Did he say you forgot about me?

Well, I mean,

there was a whole song about me.

Was it a chip?

Was it his song?

Yeah, it came out on his record.

The Chronic 2001.

But was he the one who said it?

Well, Eminem said it.

Well, but he gave it a tacit endorsement by putting it on his album.

Did you say it?

Could you please tell people they forgot about me?

Please.

Just remind them about me.

I like to think of Dr.

Dre and Eminem

hugging on the couch.

Yeah,

hugging on the couch.

And they go like, what do you want to watch Love is Blue?

What's their age difference, do you think?

Five seconds.

I think that sounds right.

But they were born on separate days.

So Dr.

Dre was born four seconds before midnight, and young man was born one second after midnight.

It's pretty cute when you think about it.

Reminds me of the Seth Myers-Jessica Beal plotline from New Year's Eve.

Oh, great movie.

Great.

Seth Myers-Jessica Beale plotline?

Yeah.

All right.

They're going to have

their

first baby's baby.

Oh, the twins?

No, they are competing with another couple, Sarah Paulson and some other guy.

God, I really don't remember that movie.

I've only seen it once.

What?

You've got to see it five more times in order to remember.

You have to.

You have to.

Yeah.

You're right.

All right.

We're doing a feature called The Great Debate.

This was submitted by Stephen.

Thank you, Stephen.

With a PH.

Oh, I take it back.

Okay.

One of us is the

one of us is the debate moderator.

This treater has everything.

The other two are debaters.

Each person, including the moderator,

secretly chooses a word.

Okay.

Okay.

Then we all reveal our words, including the moderator.

Okay.

Okay, babe, cha-cha.

We all reveal our words, and the competitors debate whose word is closer to the moderator's word.

And then the moderator will choose who had the best.

Now, we have done this before to great success.

We have.

It's a reliable three-trip.

This is a fun one.

Is it in the reliable file?

We text it to

no, you just

know it in your hand.

You just just know it.

Yeah.

You can write it down if you like or whatever.

As the first moderator, I'll write mine down just to prove that I'm not.

But we all think of

and as far as I'm concerned in games like these, it doesn't have to be a one-word thing.

It can be a thing like Bugs Bunny.

You know what I mean?

Where it has, you know, like a name.

You know what I mean?

It can be a proper noun.

Yeah, it can be a proper noun.

It can be a two-word noun, as long as it's a one-idea thing.

Who are we waving at?

A squirrel just hopped up on the picnic table.

All right.

So, can you like check this out a little bit?

Like, what are they doing in there?

What podcast is this?

How old is that snack mix?

How old is this snack mix?

If we put it out there and gave it to that squirrel, that would be a crime.

It would be a crime

against God.

Okay, I'm writing down.

I'm the moderator.

I've written down my word.

Do you guys know your words?

I know my word.

I know my word.

Okay.

What's your word, Paul?

My word is

chalk.

Chalk.

Lauren, what's your word?

Fruit stripe gum.

Fruit stripe gum.

My word is

indistinguishable.

Wow.

You are now to argue why your particular words are closest to indistinguishable.

And do they have a time limit?

Oh, yes.

I can set like a time limit.

I can do it.

Okay.

Press lap.

I'll say it's

one minute if that is all right with the likes of you.

Yes.

And who goes first?

It will be Paul.

Okay.

Okay.

And you have one minute starting now.

Indistinguishable means you cannot tell one thing from another.

They appear to be the same.

And

what appears to be the same more

than

chalk and the chalkboard.

To the touch, they feel,

one might say, identical.

If a blindman were to lay hands on a chalkboard and lay hands on a piece of chalk, he could not tell you that they are made of different substances, for they do appear both smooth, both non-porous, both solid.

That is why, when I think of the word chalk, I also think of the word indistinguishable.

You have 10 seconds left.

I thank you and may God bless you.

You have seven seconds left.

And all of your families, drive home safe, everyone, because it's crazy out there.

Good night.

All right.

Lauren, you have one minute

starting now.

When I think of the word indistinguishable, the first thing that comes to mind is fruit stripes gum.

Now, this gum, of course, is one that is famous for being flavorless after moments of chewing.

No matter which piece you put in your mouth, you can chew on it.

The flavor goes away.

They become indistinguishable from one another.

Did I just have a lime?

Did I just have a cherry?

Did I just have a strawberry?

Who's to say?

It tastes like nothing.

It is indistinguishable from the paper it came in on.

I pray that everyone's family is well.

I pray that the judges' families are well.

I wish everyone a peaceful rest this evening as you lay your head in bed.

Good night.

15 seconds left.

Good night.

Good night.

Lay it down as you hit your pillow.

I hope you think of all the happy things that happened today and you're able to sleep well and have a pleasant, pleasant dream as you know that I am the winner of this debate.

Good night and good luck to all who dream tonight in their beds.

All right.

Now it's time for rebuttals.

Time for rebuttals, and I will give you 20 seconds for a rebuttal.

I would put it to you that Fruit Stripe gum's very essence is that

everything is different in the pack of gum.

The appearance, the flavor,

the rest.

There is no fruit stripe gum

that's time.

May I finish my thought?

No, no, no.

No, I'm so sorry.

You cannot finish your thought.

And now we go to Lauren.

Jesus.

20-second rebuttal.

When he talks about chalk, my opponent forgets that chalk is also many different colors, each one distinguishable from the last.

Red, yellow, blue, black, white.

They all exist in the chalk world.

Now, gum, on the other hand, becomes indistinguishable as you chew it and the flavor leaves, thus making my point stronger.

All right.

Now I have to make my decision here.

You do.

Paul, you really had me with

if a blind man were to touch a chalkboard,

he or she or they

would not be able to distinguish the chalk from the actual chalkboard.

So you're not going to lie, I had you in the first half.

You had me there, but then I started to think of Daredevil and how he would be able to feel the indentations of the chalk, the slight rays of the chalk, and be able to tell what was said on that blackboard just by feeling it.

So not every blind person.

Just ones that exist

now lauren yes you're right that when

any gum is chewed after a certain amount of time

it just it doesn't even taste like anything anymore it's just gum and you could i i can imagine that if you had uh

five different brands of gum and someone chewed it for for each one for five minutes a piece and then gave it to a person, they would not be able to tell which brand was which.

However, the the fact that you named it the gum,

you automatically distinguished it in just your choice of words.

You gave it a specific gum, distinguishing it from all other types of gun.

I'm sorry, I have to go with

wow.

This is really hard for me, but I'm going to accept it.

Okay.

Well, you can get it back because now you're going against Scott.

Great.

Yes.

And I will moderate.

Okay.

And I will think of a word.

And

I

have

that

word.

I have my word.

I have my word.

And

let's see.

Lauren, you say your word first.

Brick.

Brick, the Benfolds 5 song that you danced to in your episode of the character.

Or it could be used in a completely different way, depending on what I'm saying.

My word is chewbaka.

Paul, what word did you pick as the moderator?

Well, I'm not going to lie to you guys.

The word I picked was cruise ship.

Cruise ship.

Lauren, one minute to you, starting now.

Cruise ships are built from all sorts of materials.

Metal, wood,

plastic.

Brick probably wouldn't be included in that.

However, it's kind of like a giant floating brick on the ocean.

Something that, without paying attention to it, could sink very easily easily to the bottom.

Also,

brick has

five letters.

The word

yacht also has five letters.

Brick is to, so when you leave your home to go on the cruise, you probably leave out of a brick home or another material, some such as.

So that would be such as how you would get such as to the cruise ship.

Seven seconds.

Other things that might occur is that the song Brick by Ben Folds might play on a cruise.

That's actually probably where I should have started.

All right.

All right.

Now it goes a minute to me starting now.

First of all,

before I begin, I would like to thank

my house for hosting us here

and Paul for being the moderator.

I would like to thank you for doing all of this.

It's really a treat to be here in front of all of you debating these issues.

This is an important part of our process.

And so I just want to first off say that I am happy to be here and thank everyone.

Wow.

30 seconds.

Wow.

I'm not saying it's an exact match,

but it's certainly more of a match than Brick because Chewbacca is, what is he other than the first mate of a vessel?

The Millennium Falcon is not a cruise ship, it's a spaceship, but it's certainly closer than a brick is to a cruise ship because Chewbacca steers.

He pilots sometimes when Han Solo says, Chewy, take this.

I got to go back and fix something.

Chewy is steering this.

He is manning a vessel much like a cruise ship.

Thank you very much.

Okay.

Lauren, you will have 20 seconds for a rebuttal.

Starting now.

When a cruise ship is no longer in use, the pieces are all taken apart and put in a junkyard where you will find rubble of bricks, rubble of stones, rubble of plastics, and

cements.

All right.

Now, my

perfect rebuttal.

I don't think where things are buried has any bearing on this.

Certainly, Chewbacca would be buried on whatever his planet is.

He's a Wookiee.

I don't know what planet he's from.

Chochach?

perhaps.

But I certainly think that

a Wookiee is a living, breathing thing that, much like a cruise ship, is referred to as a she.

You went over your time, which is interesting because it's not something that's usually allowed in these debates.

Interesting.

That should help with your scoring.

It does indeed.

And let me say that you both made fine arguments.

Fine arguments.

Thank you.

But ultimately, it's not that tough a decision for me.

I feel that Lauren's explanation of bricks being a building material

brings me closer

to seeing a cruise ship in her argument than Chewbacca, who lived on a ship.

Just because he was on a ship, he's not closer to being a cruise ship than a brick is.

Wow.

Also,

and and i don't want to bring this up but bricks used to be used as ballast in boats thank you and i mean

i i didn't say that because i didn't want to crush your argument so well

so so you came in already thinking bricks were used no as soon as she said brick i was like it's gonna be lauren

so

so i i guess the debate doesn't matter then to him in this in this instance it really didn't but It was fun to watch.

Thank you.

And I appreciate you both.

Obviously, did a lot of prep on this.

I'm really happy.

All right.

And Scott, also, you did that thing where you thanked everybody for a long time, which I despise.

I see it in a debate.

So it goes to Lauren.

Thank you.

All right.

Now, everyone think of their word.

Lauren is the moderator.

Okay.

Lauren has one.

I have one.

Paul, you can tie it up and we can all leave as friends, or I can win everything.

Okay, ready?

Yeah.

Oh, wait.

No, I don't have one.

You better have one.

No, I'm sorry.

Paul, you have one.

You have one and Lauren has one.

I can tie it up.

Or, Paul, you can leave the winner.

All right.

Sorry.

I was too busy going over the stats to think of what I wanted to say, which is, I've now come up with my word.

Okay.

All right.

My word is doorbell.

My word is treehouse.

My word is body pillow.

All right.

I have one minute starting now.

Lauren, thank you very much for having us.

Is a doorbell akin to a body pillow?

It certainly is.

First of all, the shape

is a doorbell is round and a body pillow, if you scrunch it up, it has, it's very circular.

Secondly, a

doorbell alerts you to the fact that

someone is in your vicinity.

A body pillow gives you the feeling that you are wrapped around someone who's in your vicinity.

It gives you comfort.

No one's going to come to your house and just waltz right in without announcing themselves.

No, they ring the doorbell.

Same with the body pillow.

You sleep feeling like, oh, wow, I'm next to someone.

Even if you're alone, the body pillow gives you the feeling of safety and comfort.

And that's what both of these things do.

And I just want to thank you so much for listening.

Paul?

Starting now.

It's interesting that my learned opponent should mention comfort

because

a body pillow, indeed, is very comforting.

Not only is it comfortable in the sense that it's a pillow, also because it's the length of your body, it's a pillow that you can hug.

And that's comforting as well as comfortable.

A tree house, that's a house for kids.

Think of that feeling of when you were a kid and the comfort and the coziness that you had in a tree house.

It's almost like a body pillow is hugging you now.

You are inside the tree house.

The tree house holds you in its grasp, keeps you safe, keeps you secure, makes you feel as if you are doing this by yourself.

You are the king of your kingdom.

And the body pillow, you don't need a man in your bed.

all you need is that pillow.

And it's the same thing.

All right, 20-second response:

I don't think that tree houses are safe.

There's nothing less safe.

It's not permitted.

It's usually put up by one's parent who doesn't know what they're doing.

I wouldn't feel safe in a tree house, and I wouldn't feel comfortable putting my child up in a tree house at someone else's house that I didn't know.

Whereas a body pillow feels safe.

A doorbell is the opposite of comfort.

It is an intrusion.

A doorbell means you have to stop what you are doing and hope that there's not a murderer on the other side of the door.

Ringing the doorbell, sir.

You're interrupting me.

I have to respond to this.

Shut up.

The anxiety you have from the moment you hear the doorbell to the moment you open the door or peek through the little peephole.

Wow.

Debate over.

So initially, I actually was really leaning towards Scott in this debate because I felt that it was a strong argument that a doorbell keeps you safe in the same way that a body pillow keeps you safe.

I thought your first argument was kind of piggybacking on that, stealing a little bit of what he had said.

Making more sense of it.

The second round is where it really came to shine.

Your point that a doorbell gives you anxiety is so true, Bestie, that I feel that you

actually annihilated with that point.

So I'm very grateful that there was a second round for your sake, that you were able to win.

I'm sorry for you and not grateful that there was a second round because if it had only been one round, you would have won.

So, Lauren, you essentially are awarding Paul a victory instead of letting us all share a victory.

That means you lose.

Not really.

Really?

How does it mean?

Because if you gave it to me, then we would all be tied.

And you would be the

time to debate.

You would be the co-winner right now instead of the loser.

And then the only loser in that instance would be the truth.

Paul wins.

Thank you.

So you're fine being a loser.

As long as you are as well.

You're okay with being a loser as long as you make me a loser.

Yes.

That's loser behavior.

And that's what I am.

That's pure loser.

Because we both lost.

Because Paul won.

Congrats.

Thank you.

Can you say congrats?

No, I can't.

I'm not going to.

No, I'm not going to shake your hand.

I'm going to slap it away.

Oh.

And that, oh,

and that is the bustero known as the Great Debate.

Thank you,

Stefan.

Thank you for being here.

Do you think it was Stefan from SNL?

Yeah, I do.

I do think it was.

I think it was probably him.

He's not on the show anymore.

What else does he have to do?

Yeah, he wasn't there at the 50.

He's probably typing that up for us.

That is a good idea.

He wasn't there in video.

It was an example of something he didn't age well.

Wasn't it just maybe three years ago?

I know.

All right, everyone.

That's another episode of Threedom.

Another episode of Threedom.

If you would like to send us a buster, please do so at our email address, which is threedomusagmail.com.

If you would like to leave us a voicemail for three meme episodes, which we do behind the paywall every other Wednesday, then go to the famous website, hagclaims8.com.

How do you listen to these three meme episodes?

Well, you can listen to them at CBB World with a subscription, or you can subscribe to Lemonada Premium, which you can do it on Apple Podcasts or at lemonatapremium.com.

And if you want to hear all of our older episodes, you can either listen to them all and binge them, perhaps, at CBB World.

Decadent.

Or every Tuesday we re-release one of them.

We call that Three Visiting on the Twos.

Those are our old episodes.

Lauren, anything you want to add to this?

You know what?

I just think you should keep listening to this show.

And that's that.

That truly is

that's that.

That's that.

All right.

Wait, I want to tell people about something that's happening.

What could possibly be happening?

Well, it's the variatopia, variatopia, variatorpia.

What?

We're going all over the goddamn country.

Why would you do something like that?

For fun.

We want to bring joy to the people.

My variety show, Variatopia, is going on the road, and we're hitting a bunch of cities starting

the 23rd of April.

We're going to be in Iowa City, Iowa.

We're going to St.

Paul, Minnesota, Madison, Wisconsin, Chicago, Royal Oak, Michigan, Lakewood, Ohio, Toronto, Canada,

New York City,

New York City, Boston, Philadelphia, PA,

Washington, D.C.,

Durham, South Carolina, or North Carolina, excuse me, excuse me, please don't get mad.

Atlanta, Georgia, Portland, Oregon, Seattle, Washington, Vancouver, Canada, and more cities to be announced.

Wow.

Paul F Tompkins.com/slash live.

This is a great show.

You will not be sad that you came to it.

You might be sad before it, but you won't leave sad.

Hell no.

You might be sad the next day that it's over.

And that's your problem.

But don't cry because it's over.

Smile because it happened.

Do you think anyone's ever been to a show and just expected it to keep going forever?

Yes.

And they're sad

after two hours.

Like, hey, that has to have happened.

What the hell?

It has to have happened.

Yeah.

I came to this show expecting it to keep going until the end of my life.

No, I thought I was going to live here.

Yeah.

It has to have happened.

All right.

See you next week.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

A 15-year-old girl who chewed through a rope to escape a serial killer.

I use my front teeth to saw on the rope in my mouth.

He's been convicted of murdering two young women, but suspected of many more.

Maybe there's another one in that area.

And now, new leads that could solve these cold cases.

They could be a victim that we have no idea he killed.

Stolen Voices of Dole Valley breaks the silence on August 19th.

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