If You Don't Like This, There's The Door

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I'll see you in your dreams.

Hey, it's me, Steve Burns, and I'm so glad you're here because you and I go way back, right?

Yeah.

And look at us now.

Like, we're all grown up.

We've got this new podcast where we talk about all this grown-up stuff, and there's special guests like Jamie Lee Curtis and Bill Nye.

But for the most part, it's about you.

I mean, it's always been about you.

From Lemonata Media, a live with Steve Burns is coming September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts, or you can watch every episode on YouTube.

Now let me hear you rock out.

Street up!

I can't hear you!

Street up!

Is there anything worse at a concert?

Leave me out of it.

Leave me alone if you don't like what I'm doing.

I'm just here to watch.

Clean the shit out of your ears.

If you can't hear what I'm doing, I'm screaming.

I'm yelling at the top of my fucking lungs.

I'm screaming, bud.

I'm sorry the screaming wasn't quite as loud as you wanted it to be.

Oh, you just reminded me there's concert tickets I want to get that went on sale today.

What concerts?

What concerts?

Belle and Sebastian.

Oh, yeah.

My favorite band from high school, but I still love them.

They went on sale today.

I'm excited.

Yes, pre-sales today.

I have to get online.

I only do the just full and total sale.

Now, what is pre-sale versus regular sale?

Who knows at this point?

I don't even know.

Ticketmaster is always up to something, aren't they?

God damn.

You know that I had to work the Ticketmaster machine

Tower video.

Whoa, that's oh, wow.

That's which was just a source of misery for everyone.

Everyone.

Did you have to undergo special training for that?

They kind of told you how it worked.

They told you how it worked, but it was a very difficult and weird system.

Right.

And

it just, people got mad all the time because it was very hard to figure out how it all worked.

There was one guy who knew it backwards and forwards.

And if he wasn't there, then you had to do it.

Also, we didn't get paid anything extra for this.

No, no.

And also the best part was,

so you go through this trying to find these seats, blah, blah, blah.

It was like the people are getting frustrated.

You're getting frustrated.

And then finally, when it's like, okay, we figured it out.

Here's the seats.

They would hand you a credit card and you would say, it's cash only.

Oh,

what?

That's why would you not say that before it starts?

There's a sign.

There's a sign.

There was a sign.

So you would think people knew and then you'd go to the end and you go, I'm sorry, yeah, yeah.

Because you would also forget.

Right.

Because it was stupid.

Right.

Why would it be that way?

Put cash into the machine.

If you tried to complain.

No, we had a cash register.

Oh.

Yeah.

If you tried to cash into the machine.

I thought it was like a machine that you're picking them out on and it's doing a thing.

No, that would have been great.

Yeah.

It is a compute.

Like you'd, it would be on the computer, right, at your next to the cash register, right?

Here's the thing.

Yeah.

There was a computer for you to buy the tickets,

but in order to look up the tickets and everything, because this was the mid-90s,

there were binders that had seating maps of all

the women you could imagine.

Binders of women, seating maps of every venue in Los Angeles, right?

Yes.

Yes.

That's fucking crazy.

So banana.

Yeah.

And if you said, like, wait, do I get paid extra?

Somebody with like the manager would say, well, if you don't like it, it, there's the door.

Such a rude thing to say.

It was crazy.

They've wondered why I stole it.

If you don't like it, there's the door.

It's like, okay, okay.

Yeah.

Corny.

Part of this job is working another job that you don't get paid for.

And if you don't like that, you can leave.

I guess I always knew I could leave.

I always knew quitting was an option.

I used to stand on the line for tickets a lot.

And so you were a ticket boy.

I was a ticket boy.

But you would find certain places and you'd have a bad experience with it, with employees employees like you who don't care about getting people seats.

Oh my god.

And so you shots fired.

But it was always a with rude employees like you who don't give a I was trying my best.

You were, but I mean, there was you weren't good at it.

Yes, I wasn't good at it.

There were certain stores that they always like.

They got great at it.

But so like, so there might be a really long line for your services?

There would be a long line at any warehouse.

Like if there was a big sale, like a big, a big concert, you'd be like, I honestly think 30 people.

I think if that happened, then they made sure that this guy was oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because it would be a Saturday morning, tickets would go on sale at 10 a.m.

Yeah, and so you'd, you'd find, you'd have to find the right, it was usually the where the warehouse.

Um, what's a warehouse?

Warehouse was a record store, okay.

W-H-E-R-E house.

That's clever and very 90s.

Um, and so you'd have to find

W-E-A-R.

The two fun things you can do with the word warehouse, it's so much more house that would be H-A-E.

Men's warehouse being W-E-A-R-U.

It almost doesn't even register to me as being wrong because I've seen it so much.

Exactly.

Wow.

But you, so you'd have to find the right one.

And I remember the warehouse on Sunset was great because what they would do is they would, you'd, you'd get there early.

They would go down the line before tickets went on sale and they would say, like, how many tickets are you buying?

How many tickets are you buying?

So they wouldn't wait for you to get up to the desk and go, how many do you want?

And then two, and then look up two.

They would just have a list of everyone in line in the order and how many tickets they wanted.

And then the minute they went on sale, just be like,

and printing them out, printing them out.

So that's pretty good.

Yeah, they were amazing at it.

But then there was this guy at Universal Amphitheater when I would try to get tickets for the K-Rock shows who you'd get there early, like two hours early, and he treated it like a performance venue where because he was your gateway to these tickets and he had a captive audience.

So he'd be like, all right, ladies and gentlemen, we're here for tickets, aren't we?

Come on, let me hear you.

It's like a commercial casting.

You liked that better than what I was doing.

Don't you feel like it's like

he was faster at least saying, I'm sorry, I don't know.

I don't know what to do.

It made me think of commercial auditions.

When you're like in a big group, and then the person holds court telling you what not to do and what to do.

So it can be very condescending.

I'm curious if at the time,

because you know how it's

how

Ticketmaster.

Like a soft launch, you being by curiosity.

Remember, by curiosity killed the cat.

He just keeps saying something like that.

We're like, I think he's trying to tell us.

There's

like, you know, Ticketmaster, all these places.

Like, you're ups.

There are people, scammers and people, not scammers.

No, not scammers.

Sorry.

Three sellers.

And how they're

priced

differently on different websites and all these different things.

So, was there a uniform, like a standard price?

So, if that person, my point is

section you'd get in.

If they're going down the line, preparing themselves to print all these tickets out, are they going to say, what's your max you'll spend?

No, they would pretty much say, okay, we're just doing best available.

We're not like searching for sections and stuff like that.

If you're here, it's for best available.

And we're just going to be doing it as fast as we can, printing out as many tickets as we can.

Boring.

This is boring?

Did you just, did did you just please excuse me?

Just find the door.

Did you find the door?

I just tuned in.

Because you can walk through it, buddy.

If you don't like this podcast, there is the door.

And yes, that one leads into more of Scott's house.

And that's where you should go.

You can live with me.

That's where you should go.

If you don't like this, if you don't like this,

Jamie's out of town.

Spend more time with Kulop?

Yeah.

Yeah, that would be great, actually.

Why don't you stay over here when Jamie's out of town?

Maybe I should.

We can watch the analyzer together.

Why don't you have a slumber party?

What's the last?

I don't have any good reason.

What's the oldest you were the last slumber party you had?

I guess we've been dating.

Slumber parties?

Yeah, with like buddies.

Oh, shit.

I don't know.

Like

eighth grade, maybe?

Probably.

Yeah.

I even think seventh was probably too.

Oh, I had one more recently than that.

I would say I at least know that I had one when I was 30 that was with a cast of a show.

Okay, that we all had a slumber.

That's a slumber party, yeah, that's a slumber party, that's kitschy fun, though.

Yeah, but that's what that is, yeah.

So, what's

like where you really genuinely was like, come over to my house.

I want to like, we'll all sleep in the same room, it'll be fun.

That's what we did, I know, but you know what I mean?

Like, you're doing it,

there's a level of irony to you.

There was, yes, there was a level of irony, yes, you know.

I think I only did that once, really.

Yeah, my friend Eric had a sleepover, and but never had one at my house huh um

and there was like you never had one at your house at all

because you had too many siblings

maybe there was too many people in the house yeah i feel like i had a friend who had there were five kids i'm like i don't think i ever slept there but she slept at my house it's like did everyone have their own room at your place Or did you share rooms?

Oh, we shared rooms.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's what I was doing.

There were many like different configurations over the years as people got older and moved out and everything.

Because all the slumber parties, when I was a young kid, like you'd go over and your friend would have their own room, and so you'd like, and an extra bed a lot of times.

Yeah.

This, I'm trying to remember because it's the only one I can remember, and I don't remember much about it.

And I guess we all slept in the living room or some shit, or in his bedroom, maybe.

There was this Instagram.

You blocked this out because something terrible happened.

Okay.

Well, you know what?

I don't know if this is where we're going to die.

Something terrible did not happen, but I do remember that

my friend's mom

was being

not flirty with us.

Okay.

But sort of.

Trying to be cool.

Yeah.

But she was.

Too much.

Trying to hang out too much.

No, she was not trying to hang out too much.

She was just there very briefly.

But I remember

because we looked at some of the things that we had to do.

How old were you in eighth grade?

I think so.

I think so.

Maybe a little bit younger, but that kind of feels like around the right time to to me.

Maybe it was like six or seven.

A little bit younger now.

Get a little bit younger now.

And so we were looking at some album that was like, like had a hot lady on the cover or something like that.

What album could this possibly be?

And she was like, I could look hotter than that.

But she

was nicely.

I remember her showing us.

I got a Lauren Snort.

She was like, oh, yeah, she's really pretty, right?

And I'm like, yeah, she's really pretty.

And I was like, what about this just showed me this melissa manchester album

but she she was she's trying to like

like see what arouses you or she was trying to be like that's fine to think someone's pretty look at this woman she's also pretty yeah like in my in my memory it's not it wasn't creepy it was sort of like supportive yeah

it was sort of supportive you're into

women you like tata's i'll show you another i'll show you you another set.

Look at this album.

There's some big one.

But that one may be interesting.

When I think about it now, it's like,

was that inappropriate?

Was that creepy?

I think kids or parents or adults in general trying to ever ask questions of like, do you have a girlfriend or do you have a boy?

Like, I think that's terrible.

That's more like, it's also kind of, we're moving past it.

It's embarrassing.

But I think

in that scenario, I was like,

it's kind of inappropriate.

I do have a girlfriend.

But

it's not like wrong.

Gene can't hear this.

But it's just kind of weird.

And it's like, you don't, you just don't need to do it.

Kids be kids.

Maybe with your own kid, if you were just being like supportive of like, that's okay to like think that or something.

I don't know.

For me.

I'm not going to shame you.

No.

For me, it's very much filed under it was a different time.

It definitely was.

You know, when it was a Manchester.

Because you're looking at records.

We're barely out of the 70s.

Do you understand?

We're barely out of the 70s.

Can I just say I saw this Instagram post that was?

I saw an Instagram post.

I wonder if it's the same one.

Okay, I'll narrow it down.

It was like 10 slides or more.

And each one was a different like 90s bed sheet set.

Like, and it said, which one of these are you pissing in?

Because they all smelled like piss.

When you look at the picture, it was like Barney sheets, ninja turtles sheets.

These are huge.

Like, they each were like, oh my god, those are the most pissed in sheets you ever smelled.

It was like that comforter that's just like, it doesn't have an inside thing.

It's just a, you know what I mean?

I do know what you mean.

And like, it just gained piss over the course of time.

It would never get fully washed.

And I was sending it to a few friends when we were dying because I was like,

I'm pissing at number one.

Like, everyone was like, I know I'm pissing at number four.

Which was I could smell number two.

It's so funny.

It was crazy.

It was so funny.

I could smell it right now.

It's horrible.

Did you, so can you picture like a novelty sheet set that would make

that for sure?

Like Star Wars sheets.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Original Star Wars sheets.

Yeah, and it's like swings.

It's like sweatpants kids, like at school where you're like, We are sweatpants, kids.

Pissed.

Yeah.

Hey, piss a million strong.

Pissing.

You're saying going?

And growing.

I should have said pissing.

Yeah.

Going would have been.

I used to eat Funstone's vitamins for fun.

I ate a bottle of them one time.

I used to eat.

I overdosed.

I OD'd on Funstone's visit.

You OD'd on bargaining.

Like over the course of a day, I just kept going back to the cabinet.

Yeah, getting more.

They were so never bought them again.

No, I put them in my underwear drawer and I would eat them later.

I would hide them.

you're at a fucking mental institution

hiding your medication, pretending you took it.

They were so good.

But then when you had them, I would put them under my tongue and then spit them out.

When you had them later, like a little, when you're a little older, they're like not good.

They're not even sweet.

It's like very chalky.

But as a kid, you're just desperate for hey, sweet chalky from God shocks.

Don't come down and get vitamins in the shape of me.

Chalky, chalky.

I'm the mask god in the shape of chalk.

I see you at night.

And I don't like what I see.

God will judge you.

I wish I knew.

And I'll be the jury.

And I can accuser.

Me, Chalky.

Hey, what's happening with Head Clean Date?

It blew up.

Honestly, so people started talking about it on other podcasts.

There were some big, big podcasts that started.

They were like, hey, have you heard of this website?

They weren't even doing it as.

They just were wanting to share because they are.

Yeah, they just heard about this incredible website.

It was a free publicity for HagclaimJate.com.

Yeah, it was pretty cool.

It was pretty good.

But then a saboteur decided to blow up the website.

It was sabotage.

And I'm not quite sure how they did it, but they.

It was like a little sort of.

Do you remember those guys from Mad?

Yeah, the white and the spy versus spy.

It was kind of like that, but it wasn't.

They didn't look like that, but they were kind of up to similar answers.

Was spy versus Spy ever funny?

I don't know that it was funny, but it was compelling.

I don't know that it was that either.

But anytime I hear like,

oh, they're making a Spy versus Spy movie, I'm like.

They made a movie of it?

Did they ever make the movie or was it just in development all the time?

Were they ever even on Mad TV?

They were on Mad TV, those videos.

Oh, okay.

All right.

That makes sense.

Because otherwise, it was just a comic strip, right?

Yes.

There were video cartoons of it.

It was a 1984 video game.

I'll tell you that much.

Written by Michael Riedel.

I'll tell you that much.

Reidle me this.

Well, here's what happened.

Spy versus Spy.

Hag Claims 8 was blown up in a controlled explosion.

Yeah.

All you can do on it now is leave voicemails.

All the other features, unfortunately, have to be rebuilt.

And it's going to take us a series of years to get the resources.

It's going to be a series of years.

I think it's going to be a long series.

A series of years.

I think it's going to be a series of years.

No.

He felt that.

Well, that was the percussion on that song on Rocket Man.

That's how he started.

He puts in a track of just claps.

Yeah.

And then he sings over it.

And then they go, we'll find the melody.

We'll figure out the piano.

We'll figure it out.

Then he tells Bernie, you have to write some words for this.

Bernie, I need a poem.

No, no, no.

No, no, no, Bernie.

Bernie, I need a poem that repeats.

Two, no, no.

Two rooms.

Two rooms diverged in a wood.

Two rooms diverged in a yellow wood.

One I could not say.

If I were to enter that one room, then who would have the hay?

A horse would have the hay, my dear.

A horse would have the hay.

He eats it all day long and then he goes nay, nay, nay, nay.

Could have convinced me it was real until the end there.

I wrote a parody of.

This is real?

I heard it.

Thank you.

Whose Woods These Are?

By Robert Frost.

You wrote a parody?

I had to do like a bunch of exercises in middle school.

We wrote like different styles of poems, you know, and one of them was a parody of an old one.

So I wrote, whose shoes these are, I do not know.

And it was all about how they stung, they stank.

And did you

teacher say this is very funny and clever?

She loved it.

One of my poems

got brought out every year.

I remember this.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

People are still taught.

When teaching the glass menagerie, my teacher would pull out my old poem about the glass menagerie every year, which I just wrote, I guess, for fun.

I remember that feeling of when you would get praise like that from a teacher for being clever.

Yeah, that it really

was so validating.

I wrote a poem about

I know, it feels so nice.

So, bless my teachers can be so amazing.

Yeah, I wrote a poem about leftovers that was like inspired by Shell Silverstein's style,

and I remember my teacher saying, Oh, this is like it could be in a book.

Aw, and a book of the worst poems ever written.

Damn it!

But I remember

she printed it out in like book of toilet paper.

Oh, I like this one.

That was the terror.

Yeah.

And that was me farting on it.

Oh, okay.

After it was torn.

Okay.

Just making sure.

That's how it works.

Order of events.

That's how we all go to the bathroom, right?

You tear off toilet paper and then you fart it.

Correct.

Exactly.

Well, you don't want to embarrass yourself by farting into the water.

I heard the fucking craziest story.

Was it a big fart in the bathroom?

Yeah, did I tell you this already?

Oh my God, I've got to tell

the Lord.

I'm trying to remember where I heard this.

The bathroom.

But which bathroom?

That somebody thought

when you took a shit.

No.

That you had to shit into

toilet

and then put that into the toilet.

That's so nasty.

I don't remember if this was a podcast or a TV show that I saw.

Whoever thought that is wow, they really are amazing for sharing that.

Yeah, I would never tell anyone.

You know what?

I feel like it was on Doughboys.

Oh, you know, it was.

I'm sure it was one of those sick freaks.

They always thought you have to hold on to the poop in a pile of toilet paper and then lay it down.

Lay it gently.

Lay it gently to rest.

What if you have Dioria?

What if you have Dioria?

Dioria.

All right, we'll be right back.

No!

Gosh, every day feels a little bit different, doesn't it?

Days have different names.

Well, some days it's about focus, others it's about movement.

Oh, I see what you mean.

Sometimes it's just about turning the volume up and escaping, huh?

Yeah, I mean, sometimes I'm in a mood where I want to just be rocking out and be like, oh, I'm I'm so excited.

I love just aggressive music and I want to listen to music that has loud drums.

You're a cool team.

You're really scaring me how cool you are.

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bye.

Hey, this message.

Hey, it's sponsored by Greenlight.

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Hey, Paul, you know, now that my kid is in preschool,

not pulling in her own paycheck quite yet, although I want to monetize what she's doing.

We should be able to monetize preschool.

Yeah, but frankly, below the age where money is

less imaginary than dragons or talking teapots.

Have you ever imagined dragons?

What?

Anyway, she's not quite.

Talk to teapots.

Of course.

She's not quite ready to use a debit card, but someday soon, when she's a little older i'm gonna want her to learn how money really works if that's true if you're sincere about that i am very sincere 100

that's where green light comes in really it's more than just a card like you thought it's an app and a whole system that helps families teach financial responsibility in a way that

actually works okay okay you're you're talking about that thing that didn't work that i said worked yeah that worked and you were like we're gonna train crows to bring us coins yeah yeah

Listen, you could set allowances, track spending, create goals, even guide them toward smart choices without hovering over every purchase.

Well, what's the best part about all this, Paul?

I'm so, Scott, I'm thrilled that you asked me that.

So good.

The best part?

Yeah.

You don't have to wait for them to have their own card or paycheck.

You are going to be sitting there with an hourglass turning it over and over.

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Letting your long white beard grow.

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have a little fun along the way you read my mom say that i i feel like it it's a way to help the kids in your life grow into thoughtful confident money smart humans without the stress the nagging or the guessing right yeah i mean maybe that's why millions of parents trust and kids love learning about money on green light the number one family finances safety up.

But maybe I could be wrong.

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We're back.

Did I tell you we potty potty trained over the weekend?

Wow.

Wow.

You got it all done in the weekend.

Good for you.

All done in the weekend.

And

there were months and months.

Emmy had like

done it about three times

over the past in her lifetime.

Yeah.

Wow.

Over the past three months.

Stick her to the doctor.

No, peed in the potty.

And we were like, great job.

And we gave her all the praise and all that kind of stuff.

And then for the past like three or four months, we've been like, do you want to go in the potty now?

And she's, she's been like, nope.

Did he use bribery?

I got into that.

No bribery.

I got into that.

Our friend uses

chocolate, like chocolate chips or something.

One friend did MMs, so they would get like two MMs every time.

I was given Hot Wheels cars.

I was going, let's celebrate.

You remember your potty training?

No, with my

own.

No, but I do remember when I was potty trained, I was given Barbie clothes from the dollar store.

Barbie clothes.

I remember

sitting on the toilet and receiving

a set.

Well, you've got it.

Here's your Barbie clothes from the dollar store.

I couldn't be more proud.

It was great.

But then one day last week, Emmy just was like ready and was like promised that she would the next day.

And then she did.

And then we were like, you know what?

We had plans this weekend, but let's just stick around

the toilet and see if she did.

And she just

stick around the toilet.

We were going to go out and have fun.

But you know, let's just stick around the toilet.

Hey, sorry, we can't meet you now.

We're going to stick around the toilet

which we did and she did great all weekend good for her um only had one accident but the did everything it was great and i know i was saying your mother didn't learn how to do this until two years ago because she beat in the parking lot two years ago oh my god was that in front of emmy yes oh my god um and uh

But yeah, she did great.

I mean, there have been some setbacks here and there,

but yeah, we were dreading it.

That's very exciting yeah well it's dreadful it's annoying it's dreadful business yeah and it feels so overwhelming a friend of mine was telling me that uh

they

uh

were training their uh

little boy and it went great but then he decided um he's okay now to just piss his pants yeah wherever he is

doesn't bother him Yeah.

He loves it.

He doesn't give a shit.

He's like that Instagram post.

He's like, I'll be pissing on these sheets.

I don't give a shit.

I'll piss in my sweatpants.

Oh, you'll wish I was pissing on the sheets.

Yeah, there is a little bit of like,

can I have a diaper sometimes, you know, instead of like.

Oh, that'll keep happening.

Yeah.

Because I think there's something comforting where they go, I just want to do that.

Well, I don't want you to.

How about that?

What a strange thing.

I know.

To be like, oh, this feels so much better to be sitting around my own piss.

Yeah.

I love piss.

I love piss.

There's definitely like phases with the potty training.

I mean, like,

we, we thought we had nailed it, then we regressed, then we were back.

Then we, yeah.

So it's, we're now in a great spot, but it's very funny how.

I mean, obviously, I'm not a parent, and I'm, I'm not going to lecture you guys, but I would do tub training where I would just have them do everything in the tub.

She did it once in the tub, and it was so gross and

like cleaning and going,

oh, yeah, it's horrible.

It's fucking disgusting.

Yeah, yeah.

By the way, I just noticed the 47 on your hat.

Is that your favorite press?

I also also didn't know this guy.

That is an unfortunate coincidence for that hat brand.

Oh, the 47.

Yes, yes, yes.

Oh, my gosh.

So you're wearing a New York Yankees cap.

And here's the thing.

It's weird for somebody, I think, to ask somebody who's wearing a Yankees or a Dodgers hat if they are a fan of that team.

Because it says a city name.

Because both of them.

Yeah.

People wear them.

I like how it says LA.

I like how it says NY.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what I like about it.

I would never ask somebody in either of those hats, assume that they were a baseball fan.

And honestly, not to like stereotype, but I just don't think I give enough energy.

No, I mean, even just like, I just think across the board, I'm like, I'd be surprised if I was in D.

I could see you.

If I saw you someplace, I could buy that you were a baseball fan.

All right.

Yeah.

Thanks.

Paul, as a baseball fan, I just got a million-dollar idea.

Oh.

Now, you know,

sell a baseball for a million dollars?

Yes.

Catch it like a run ball.

To whom?

To Martin Shkrelly?

That's exactly what I thought of it.

Exactly what I thought of.

I find that always fascinating when someone catches one of those, you know, hugely important balls and then the pressure that

the team in the stadium puts on them to like just give it back or to, or they'll go, like, oh, you'll have season tickets if you give us the ball back or whatever.

And then basically how they try to like

get you away from your family so you can't be influenced.

Come over here.

Yeah, because basically you can sell these for millions of dollars.

Oh, if it like was like, this is the home run that so-and-so hits.

Oh, wow.

So when someone catches one in the stadium, they usually try to like separate you from your family and like pressure you of like, no, no, no, this is very important.

The player wants the ball back.

We'll give you free seats, all this kind of stuff.

And then just reading about people going, no, of course.

Why would you give it back?

Because I think I naturally would, because I'd be like confused and I'd go, okay.

But a third of the people do.

Because if you give a shit about it,

you know what a momentous thing this is.

And you would not be thinking of yourself.

You'd be thinking of this is a like a huge milestone in the career of the.

Oh, so the thought is that the player wants to keep that because it's special to them.

Yeah, right.

And so you're rude if you keep it.

Yeah.

But I thought it was a lot of fun.

Marlon baseball is like catching a ball that someone I thought you were kind of saying, though, like, you should keep it because

that's not cool.

I think if you, I think if you catch an important ball like that, you should give it back.

And I think if you catch a home run or whatever, give it to a kid.

You know what I mean?

But I have always said that I think that

people in the stands should not only be able to catch the balls in the stands, but they should be able to hop the fence and catch them in the field as well.

Because

if the player doesn't catch it right away.

Yes.

I think if the player does not catch the ball right away, it goes in between two of the fielders, whatever.

Then it's fair game.

Whoever gets out there first,

if you are the first person, you can go after that ball.

Everybody else has to climb back up.

Once you touch the field, everyone else has to climb back up.

Yes, yes, yes.

And they should absolutely take the time to do an instant replay and to see who got there first.

Yeah.

What's an example of a momentous occasion that's not like a home run?

Like a home run doesn't matter, you're saying that you can keep that.

Yeah, if it's just a run-of-the-mill home run.

But if it's somebody's like 500th, you know, home run.

Yeah, like

Kershaw or someone.

500th?

That's a very high number for home runs.

In any case, here's my idea.

Yeah.

Now, Paul, you're wearing, I don't want to necessarily tell tales out of school, but you are wearing a Phillies.

And your hat also says 47.

That is correct.

Just letting you know.

Well, I don't have a problem with that.

I'm not the guy who was trying to make you feel bad.

Okay.

Then.

Okay.

So we don't have to.

You're so scared of him, you're going to attack me.

I'll do whatever I can to stay on top.

Now,

I like your hat.

It has a nice corduroy.

It's corduroy.

How many hats do you have?

I have too many hats.

100?

Like baseball caps?

I don't know, just in general.

It's just in general?

Yeah.

I think I have five.

Five?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think I have 20.

20.

You have 20.

Just of all types?

I probably have 100 hats of all types.

100 hats.

Yeah.

Okay.

So I got rid of a bunch recently.

Do you sell your stuff or just donate it?

I donate it.

Yeah.

I should sell it, but it's a pain in the ass.

Yeah, like even like Crossroads or something, you wouldn't even bother.

Oh, my, those fucking assholes.

Oh, they're like, you get $5.

There's this place called Crossroads in LA where you can go.

It's a chain.

Oh, it's a nice thing.

Oh, it's a nationwide.

It's in Chicago.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

I think we talked about this before because I think I was surprised to discover that.

But they are a snooty and they will

look down on your shit.

And they don't explain.

There's never like a receipt being like, We gave you this much for this thing.

They just kind of will take your bag and they'll go, We bought five items for twenty dollars.

And you're like, So, what were they?

And

then they just take either give your bag back or they say they'll donate it for you, which to me is like, We're all going to dig through it and pick out this.

Yeah, of course, yeah.

So, you're just a million-dollar idea.

So, that's yours.

You're a fan of the Phillies.

Yes, I am.

But you're also a fan of the LA Dodgers.

They're my second team.

They're your second team, but you're a fan of both.

And you'll watch them both, right?

Yeah, meh, meh.

Why can't you have a hat that properly displays your dual fealty to both of these teams?

No, Scott.

Of course, I've thought of this.

And what has been your solution?

My solution is you have to buy two hats and sew them together.

That's what I'm saying.

They should sell hats that either diagonally or

vertically split the team.

I feel like I have seen something like this.

I know I did see one that was Yankees and Mets half and half, which I forget who wore it, like some politician or something.

And people were like,

you fucking idiot.

You can't do that.

A politician can't do that.

Yeah, you can't do that.

You can't do that.

And I'm not talking about your Frankensteining these hats.

I'm sorry, Mary Shelley's Frankensteining these hats.

Who was the doctor, by the way?

Yes.

You're saying you are, this is a ready-made item that you can buy.

Yes, that you go into Lids or any other hat store.

Lids or caps or domes.

This should be a thing.

But then do they have every combination of two different teams?

And what if you like three teams?

That's insane.

They have every combination ever.

But here's the thing: because I'm not fans of them

equally.

Do you know what I mean?

Sure.

So you could do a two-thirds Phillies, one-third L.A.

You should be able to order this in sections.

By sections, by percentages.

I'm trying to look up this hat.

Look up this hat, please.

In any case, I...

You're saying in any case a lot lately.

So just any old case, you're just happy to say in?

Well, there's the door, Paul.

If you don't like it, you see yourself through it.

Did I say I didn't like it?

You love it, really?

Maybe I do.

I'm just pointing it out because I love it.

Oh, I thought you had a sort of

like a protection whistle on your keychain there, but it's your key.

But it's your key.

Why don't you ever...

So now we know we can sneak up behind him.

Yeah.

And he doesn't have a whistle.

He doesn't have a protection whistle.

What?

Who, me?

Yeah.

What?

I don't have a protection whistle?

No.

So we can just.

What are you looking at?

I was trying to look up this hat idea I have.

It's really bad.

It exists, right?

I've heard of it.

It does exist.

They do exist.

It doesn't exist.

You excited for Halloween?

Ah, get it.

Look, this looks fucking terrible.

That's just ugly.

It's also the

best.

Who would wear this?

It's insane.

It's ugly.

what there's nobody in i would say it's new york who's like

i'm a fan of both the yankees and the mets how about one day you wear one and the next day you wear the other is the you know you know how get over it the two chicago teams it depends on where you live right socks and cubs south side north side

but is that the case with the mets and the yankees what is what was your question

paul why do people have allegiance to your phone and get into i'm trying to help with the content do people have allegiance to one or the other is it about location in new york is it about location or is it just about like you get to pick one

i would guess it's about location well that was like what borough you grew up i don't want to guess i want someone to guess no it's i would guess

well one only paul can guess that what's your question

i

they they call it the subway series

meaning you have to take the subway to get to the ballpark.

Maybe it's proximity to the ballpark, but...

That's not why it's called the subway series.

It's because you can.

It's because it's in the same place.

You're forced to.

Yeah.

It's like the freeway series.

You can't go to the games unless you take the subway.

They won't let you.

There are armed guards.

You can't even walk up.

Like, no, go back, get on the subway.

I don't know.

All right.

Who knows?

We'll never know.

We'll never know.

We'll never know.

And we're not able to look at it.

I would think it's like the neighborhood you grew up in.

I would think it's like, it's also what your family rooted for.

Yeah.

Yeah.

i wonder if you're a native new yorker

why are you

the mets

are the mets a newer team new try ai mode they're both equally old you they're both equally old uh the dodgers used to be in brooklyn they moved to los angeles

so at one point i guess they maybe had three teams yeah it's crazy the dodgers used to be the brooklyn dodgers yeah yeah why did they move to la

the 50s or something the 50s yeah do you think they'll ever tear down Dodger Stadium and redo, like make a different one?

That would be wasteful.

No, they'll probably just.

They'll just keep Dodger Stadium there and throw trash in it.

They'll probably just destroy some other people's homes to make a new stadium.

Awful.

It is crazy how there's no good place for stadiums in L.A.

And they keep building up where the forum and sofi is, even though it's a residential neighborhood that you have to drive through to get to it.

And there's so much just empty space here.

Right.

I remember when I lived in Azusa, it was right next to Irwindale.

I was an Azusa trooper.

It was right next to Irwindale.

And I think that there was a giant hole in the ground.

And there were all of these new fast food restaurants that popped up.

And they were all new.

They had all been built in the last year right next to this giant hole in the ground.

And I think, this is what I heard, and it may or may not be true, that the Raiders were moving there.

and they were building like the Raiders stadium there.

And that's why all these businesses popped up, and then the deal fell through.

And so there were just all these new businesses next to a giant hole in the ground.

But I mean, people probably came to see that hole, right?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, it's giant.

I kind of want to see it.

I want to live by the big hole.

I want to live by the great big hole.

I want to fall, want to fall in the hole.

Is that from Little Mermaid?

It is.

I've never seen it.

What?

Yeah, I've never seen it.

Would you see a movie called The the big mermaid oh you know i won't you should see the new one

the live action no i don't like those no see the original well you shouldn't see either of them it's too late it's too late you're too old if it's too late you're too old

you wouldn't get it you just won't you just won't care do you think no i won't care for sure i mean i know the story it's charming do you

Let me see.

You're always singing Under the Sea.

Let me see what I know.

I do love that song.

I wish I knew more the words than Under the Sea.

Here's what I know about the Little Mermaid.

Her name is Ariel.

She's friends with a crab.

Ding, ding.

What's the crab's name?

Sebastian.

Ding.

Okay.

There's also a fish.

Ding.

Named

fishy.

Almost.

The incredible Mr.

Limpet?

No.

If only.

It's like the Avengers of Fish.

Iron Man?

Iron Fish.

I'm just thinking of a movie that had all the famous fish in it.

Absolutely.

You would have Dory, nemo the incredible mr limpet and flounder from the little mermaid what about the the the flounder that's who he is and what about the uh

no i'm

not you i know you pointed at me but for the listener it sounded like you were like thinking of it on your own oh flounder right no i never think of anything on my own that's right yeah you're a puppet i always acknowledge the team i'm your puppet you're a puppet

What other fish?

Finance fish?

What about the turtle?

Can he be part of it from Finding Nemo?

Surfs, Crash?

The Australian turtle?

No, he's like a surfer dude.

He's got a surfer dude voice.

I thought he was Australian, though, because that's where they go.

No, he's not, dude.

He's like this.

He sounds like that.

Oh, okay.

I think that was Alan Tudick, I think.

They do go to Australia, don't they?

I'm not crazy.

Who gives a shit?

You're saying some clownfish swims all the way to Australia.

So is this what you know about Little Mermaid, or are you done with that?

Okay.

Okay, I know.

Let me get back to Little Mermaid.

I'm Finding Nemo, Australia.

I don't know jack shit about Finding Nemo.

Yeah.

Yeah, they go to Sydney Harbor, Australia.

They go there.

There's no way they can make that true.

The turtle lures them into these fucking

fast,

like wave tunnels or something, and that's how they ride them all the way to fucking Australia.

They would not survive.

The whole movie is bullshit.

Like a little tiny fish finding another little tiny fish.

First of all, fish don't.

Elegeneris is likable?

Fish don't even care about each other.

Fish don't care about each other.

They really don't.

You could kill a friend.

You could kill a fish's friend right in front of that fish.

They wouldn't give a shit.

Watching March of the Penguins and hearing them like, oh, they're so concerned with their kids.

And then like, once they're born, they never see them again.

It's just such a bummer.

It got done.

All right.

Little mermaid.

Ariel lives under the sea.

Her father is a big deal.

Poseidon?

Something like that?

King Triton.

King Triton.

Ursula, sea witch, octopus lady.

Ding.

Do you know any of the songs she sings?

I know she wants to be where the people are.

No.

I meant Ursula, but.

Oh, Ursula?

A poor unfortunate soul.

There you go.

Ding.

I knew you knew that one.

You know a lot about this.

Yes.

Then she wants to go on land.

She falls in love.

Ding.

With this asshole.

But she goes on land.

And Ursula is like, I can make it so that you have legs, but then you don't have a voice no more.

Yeah.

And she's like, fucking sign me up.

Yeah.

Would you make that trade?

No.

Say you, you.

If I were a fish person.

I'm not saying you're a fish person.

I'm saying your legs have been cut off in like a

some sort of accident with an SUV crashes into your car.

Oh my god.

And the jaws of life come out.

And they're like, we can rip the car door off, but his legs are attached to the car door.

And they go, and you go, rip him off.

And then they take your legs off.

And then a sea witch comes up to you and says, I'll give you your legs back, but you will not be able to ever talk again.

Meaning, no podcasting.

You can't even talk on Mike.

If I'm the type of person who's going to say, rip them off,

I think they're gone for good.

Rip them off.

Now, I don't know what happens after that.

So she goes on land.

Do you know that there's a song where...

How does she get her voice back?

What's the deal?

Before that, there's a song where she's on a date.

Do you know that song?

Is this like, what do you call them, shoes or whatever?

No, that's

part of

your world.

I don't want to go where the people are.

It's okay.

But there's a song where all of her friends, Sebastian, Flounder, the rest, are all singing because she's...

Wait, who are her other friends?

I mean, I know those two.

At that point, it's some local animals that are participating.

They're not mainstream necessarily, but they're in on the song.

They're work friends.

She's on a date with the prince.

There's a seagull at some point as well.

Yeah.

And they sing a song encouraging her.

Encouraging him, actually.

Encouraging him to do something to her.

Cut her legs off.

Rip them off.

Put her back in the ocean.

Kiss the girl.

Kiss the girl.

Kiss the girl.

Sha la la la la la.

Don't be shy.

You got to buy.

Don't buy.

You've got to

dispigger.

Is this how the song goes?

Where two people sing one girl.

Different parts at the same time.

Sometimes.

There's something

about.

Wait, okay.

So hold on, hold on.

Is she on land at this point?

Yeah.

And she can't talk.

The only way she can get her voice back is if he, a prince, true love.

She has true love's kiss.

True love's kiss.

Well, then fine.

But how's she going to get true love?

She can't talk.

That's what Ursula thinks.

Yeah, because guess what?

She's hot enough that he'll kiss her anyway.

She's pretty.

She's attractive.

Yeah.

Ursula's mean, and I don't know why she does the things that she does.

I know.

That's the big plot hole in the movie.

Anyway, then Ursula uses her voice, and she makes herself into a hot babe who has.

Oh, wait, is this true?

Yes.

I did not know this.

Inside of an amulet.

Of course.

And

she convinces Prince Eric to marry her instead.

And then there's disaster, and then she turns back into the sea witch, and he understands everything for the first time, and he's too scared.

But then they survive, and they end up together, and she has legs.

Oh, so she does abandon the sea to live on.

But her family's supportive.

Abandoned the sea.

That's weird.

I would, I would, I guess I would be, I would try to be happy for my child if they abandoned the species that they were.

Like if to be a different creature.

If Emmy grows up one day and says, like, hey, I'm going to be a crab from now on.

I guess I would try to be happy for her.

Yeah, you have to.

You have to.

You have to.

You just have to.

You'll be the best crab you can be.

Look, she's who she is.

I'd be a little worried she'd end up on a plate someday, but, you know.

We all will.

That's true.

When our alien overlords come.

When we get made into swale.

God, please come.

Please come, aliens.

They don't want anything to do with us.

I also watched,

in addition to all my movies,

I finished the Sandman series.

Oh,

because of all the stuff going on with it, I decided, even even though it's one of my favorite comics, I decided not to.

Well, here's the thing: I felt that way too.

And then I wasn't interested in watching more of it because it kind of bummed me out.

And then

I also thought it was, it was,

I didn't realize how,

I think I didn't realize there was a second season or how long the second season was.

So I'm going through Netflix and I saw, oh, I haven't seen these episodes.

And

I decided to watch them.

And then it goes up to, you know, I didn't watch the very last one, which was the death, the high cost of living.

But I watched, you know, through the funeral and everything where he dies and all that.

And it was very emotional because I really, that those comics meant a lot to me.

It was a great story.

And I reread them, you know, many times.

And the adaptation was very faithful to the source material.

And I'm glad I did because it was like, it felt like an official goodbye to it.

Yeah, that's good.

You know, and I was.

I don't begrudge anyone watching it.

I just

couldn't wrap my mind around the icky feeling of how recently all of this happened.

I think there was enough of a remove of the adaptation that it made it less like I couldn't go back and read those again.

Yeah.

I just couldn't do that.

I own like such good versions of them.

Me too.

Yeah.

We were just rereading them during COVID in our comic book club.

It's such a bummer.

I have an original run.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, it's a drag.

I'm sorry.

We're crying right now.

And you're over there.

Crying as well.

Crying as well.

Okay, look, when we come back, we have something.

You know what it is.

We have another taste test

set up.

Unless you have your fucking head up, your fucking ass, you know what we're going to do next.

Yeah.

I can't wait.

I hope it's fun and good.

All right.

We'll be right back.

Cooler temps are rolling in.

Doo dah, doo-dah.

And as as always, Quince is where I'm turning for fall staples that actually last from cashmere to denim to boots.

I've seen you so furious.

I'm mad, but I'm getting happier.

The quality holds up, and the price still blows me away.

Quince has the kind of fall staples you'll wear non-stop.

Like super soft, 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters, starting at $60.

I got to ask you about their denim.

Okay, well, their denim's durable and it fits right.

What about leather jackets?

They are real and they bring that clean, classic edge without the elevated price tag.

Sounds good.

What makes Quince different?

Hey, everyone.

Oh, hey, well, they partner directly with ethical factories and skip the middlemen.

So you get top-tier fabrics and craftsmanship at half the price of similar brands.

Can I hear some personal experience from you?

Because I'm still a little skeptical for some reason.

Well, one of my favorite pieces from Quince is their 100% Merino wool all-season short-sleeve tee.

Now, I've been trying to incorporate more natural fibers into my wardrobe, as I'm telling you all the time.

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There's so much advice out there, and all we want to do as parents is get it right.

The great news is you're the expert on your child, and sometimes figuring out what they need is as simple as getting them to talk.

I'm Dr.

Susan Swick, a child and adolescent psychiatrist, and I'm also a mother of four.

On my new podcast, Talk Aboutable, I'll hear from parents about what's keeping them up at night, and we'll figure out how to tackle it by talking about it.

From Lemonada Media, Talk Aboutable is at September 9th.

Follow wherever you get your podcasts.

We're back.

And once again, I've set up a taste test.

This is featuring vintage

and unique.

Well, do you like it?

We're just tasting them.

A sampling.

It's a tasting.

We're doing a flight of soda.

A flight.

Okay, sure.

Well, we should have corrected that before.

I said it.

I love that quote.

Adam Sandler.

She told me that yesterday.

It's one of his most famous quotes.

From Wedding Singer, I think.

Take your word for it.

Anywho.

Let me see if I i can find it i went to gelco's i got these are all black cherry flavors so it's black cherry soda

yeah in the middle of the night

black velvet oh wait okay so we have a we have an ad for this is our good um serena and lily before just thought it'd be flight music

okay now i can say what we have here is

all this information that would have been helpful yesterday now this is a one minute and 55 second clip just to get.

Skip ahead to the last five seconds.

Okay.

I guess I can wait.

Why do they do that?

I don't know.

Kids, well, you're off every weekend doing wedding gigs that are whopping 60 bucks a pop.

Once again, things that could have been brought to my attention yesterday.

I love that.

Okay.

So here, when this

time we decided to tell you

what they are as we drink them.

Much like on Seinfeld, why don't you just tell me the name of the movie?

We're going to say, why don't you just tell me the name of the black cherry soda you're drinking?

These are all since we don't know what the freak they are anyway, and they are all very different colors, which I think is worth photographing.

Yeah, one, the first one we're about to drink is a very light.

This is called

Captain Eli's Black Cherry Pie.

I thought it was Captain Eo.

I was drinking very fast.

The label features a little boy fisherman with a parrot on his arm.

Can I see?

God damn.

I don't like that.

Well, take a sip of it, you fucking bitch.

I don't like that.

Can I see?

Can I see?

I don't like it.

It looks like cherry seven.

Oh, it's really cherry smelly.

I hate it.

I hate it.

It's like medicine.

I hate it.

Don't like it.

Okay.

Okay.

The next one we're drinking is.

This is a little bit darker hue.

A little bit darker hue.

You can't set up your own song and then sing.

Americana Black Cherry, delicious vintage, sorry, handcrafted

from lightest to darkest.

Okay, but you're going the wrong order.

Do you want to switch three and four?

Well, why don't you switch the order too, dear?

Okay, this is getting really, really aggro.

Okay, we switched the order.

Okay, great.

All right, so what is this one?

This is called Americana.

Flavor is black cherry.

So is this like

delicious vintage handcrafted in Glendale themed?

Or?

Yeah.

huh?

A little too sweet.

Ugh!

It's like a melted popsicle.

Awful.

No, thank you to that.

Oh, thanks.

Now, this is the one I think you're going to be excited about, which is why I put it fourth.

But now, Paul wants it third because it's lighter in color than the one.

No, it's darker in color, but it's lighter than what it's now for.

Yes, but it's darker than the previous one.

And this is a little more akin to the black cherry color that I'm.

This one is called Boylans.

Yes.

Whoa.

Go crazy since 1891.

Boylans, Scott's favorite flavor from the original Coke Pepsi challenge.

Yeah.

No.

No.

I will say it's very mild.

It's too mild for my.

Do you want to?

I don't know what it is about the ratio of cherry to cola or whatever.

Yeah, this is something's weird.

Something's strange.

This is the last one.

Now, this one was being pitched as a Halloween beverage at Galco's because they were saying perfect for Halloween.

I guess if I was going to a Halloween party, it'd be fun to take a sort of, this is called spider venom cherry cola.

Spider Venom Cherry Cola.

Scary label.

By Orca Beverage Inc.

Smells good, I'll tell you that.

It looks the most like Coke, cherry coke.

This is good.

Oh, no.

Aftertaste.

Yeah.

Weird aftertaste.

I liked it.

Coming in, but very cough syrupy.

Yeah.

This really was my biggest failure.

None of these are good.

Here's what's funny is that I I do not like the taste of black cherry.

You don't?

I thought it was a safe bet.

No, I don't like it.

Oh, you don't like cherry coke?

I realize it's not a terrible thing.

This one's a black cherry, though.

I don't

know.

Cherry Coke is just cherry cola.

This one's called cherry cola.

I guess the one's got black cherry.

I don't like the, I don't like the cherry flavor.

Interesting.

Do you like cherry pie?

Do you like cheese, mud, cherry pie?

No, of course that I love.

But yeah, I don't like, I really don't like cherries.

You know what?

I feel sick from this.

I sometimes would just have cherry pie with ice cream.

It's so good.

That sounds gross.

What?

You sound gross.

Should we listen to a voicemail?

Yeah.

Do we have time?

Yeah, let me find one.

Yeah, we slammed through this challenge.

Let me find one.

It's not a challenge.

It was the cherry challenge.

It was the cherry challenge.

CC, it was the cherry challenge.

How much of this can you stamp?

Say which one was your favorite.

Now,

if I had to pick one, I guess I'd go with Boylans, but I don't want to drink it ever again.

Boylance cola is the best flavor that they have their ginger ale is okay you know you are a good sport considering the second you heard the name of the cherry challenge you got a kid so let's discuss

I could drink four sips of a cherry soda thank you for thank you thank you for thank you thank you for

participating which is pretty easy cherry challenge all right here we go

feel very good we're sending your certificate here's one of your voicemails hey freedom gang this is jason from chicago my question is do you think you three would have been friends as teenagers like in some alternate dimension where you were all the same age uh thanks love the show i've listened to every episode multiple times thank you jason thank you jason chicago thank you very uh

clean question i know in and out yeah i like it almost like he had better things to do it's a great what almost like he had better things to do than to be talking to us he reluctantly realized that we're in the middle of this

uh i think that we would be this is an interesting question

You know how you're often friends with people who are doing the same activity as you?

Yes.

Would we all have been in drama?

I would imagine, right?

Yes.

I think we probably would have been friends.

I feel like we would have been in the same crew.

Same in clique.

Same clique.

Lauren, much like nowadays, you would have looked down on us.

Yeah, well, I want to fart in your general direction.

Well, we would have been left back

several years.

No, he said we're all the same age.

We're all the same age.

We're all in the the same high school.

I think we probably would have been doing plays together and stuff, and that would be, and yeah, I think so.

We probably would have gotten in trouble for like giggling and shit.

Yeah, we would have been spread out in the classroom because if it's by last name, I usually would be in the front, like oh, that's true, I would be in the middle, yeah, that's right,

towards the end, yeah.

I mean, we wouldn't have been in the same homeroom together.

Well, we don't know that, maybe English.

Did you guys take

English, of course?

AP English, or we did, but I

here's what I remember about seating in school

is that when in homeroom, we were seated.

In my school, we were seated by, we were seated alphabetically.

So I went through four years of school with

Nicole Timeny in front of me and Pat Toner in back of me.

The crew.

Names names just sound fake.

So I know.

Pat at your six.

What?

Pat was at your six.

That's right.

And then,

oh my God, Nicole Timony had a sister named Eunice, her younger sister.

Oh, that's unfortunate.

Nowadays, it would be kind of probably

be cool or something.

I don't know if Eunice has made a comeback yet.

It's a little bit of a single thing.

Anything could happen.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Eunice.

Eunice.

Can you imagine Letterman getting out there and going, Eunice Anus?

Eunice Anus.

Yeah, I can now.

I can.

Yeah, you just painted a vivid portrait.

I can picture it.

But I I think that in other classes, you just grabbed your

partner by the hand.

Alaman left.

Yeah, I think you just kind of sit back there.

You just kind of, we understand you're getting the same seat every day.

It wasn't necessarily a signal.

I think we were all, other than something like newspaper class or whatever, where it was a little more freewheeling.

I think we were always in Alpha

for every class I was in.

I also worked on the paper.

We took journalism class, but I was

one of the people in Spotlight

who broke that whole story, right?

I was.

Yes, I was.

Yeah, it was the Chicago Tribune, and then you?

Yeah, just the Evanstonian, Boston Globe, Evanstonian.

And then your high school paper, right?

Evanstonian.

I made a.

Oh, no, that wasn't our name of our paper.

That's the name of that town.

No, I don't know if that's the town's paper or if that's the school paper.

I forget what ours was, too.

There was a while there where I made a parody newspaper in high school.

I did that once.

That's fun.

And I would make copies by hand.

Oh, I remember this.

Yeah,

we Xeroxed mine.

I got in trouble for it.

I remember you got in trouble.

I in trouble well you were you were arrested yes i did time hard time

but you know at least i learned how to pave a road

working on a chain gang is an experience you bond with all of the other gentlemen learned how to pave a road has that come in handy since oh yeah i paved every single road around this neighborhood our

roads are bad right now i know but you know what i a big shout out to here in los angeles here in los angeles i'll be i'll be driving down um griffith park boulevard right now or what los files and there will be a pothole that i'll drive into like two days in a row and then the third day it's paved over wow really yeah

and these are bad potholes

that almost ruin your car griffith park boulevard is people drive like maniacs so i i can see why that would be a priority yeah because the accidents would be so bad and then it would stop so much traffic that i had my car for three days and then ran into a pothole after the rain

we heard about this it was after freedom yeah yeah yeah yeah you try to get home and you couldn't i ran into on the way to freedom and it was raining god my miserable all around my car broke down you had to come here on the freeway

i had to record for three hours after a wedding there was a torrential rain i'm 18 or 19 at this point there's a torrential rain

and my car just stops in the freeway what and i had to pull it over to the to the middle.

Mix them all together.

What do you got?

That actually is not bad.

Let's do a cherry suicide.

Yeah.

So I had to pull it over.

And

then they come out, you know, and it's hundreds of dollars for something to come out, which is such a bummer.

And they come out and they go, oh, your car's too wet.

Your engine got too wet.

Car's too wet.

That doesn't seem possible.

They're like, let it dry off and it'll start again.

Take a sip of your mixer.

Is that what happens?

Yeah.

All right.

Yeah.

Can you put your car in a bowl of rice?

Thank you for listening.

This is actually not bad.

We will be back next week.

Until then, here's a Cherry Suicide.

So here's what you have to do.

You have to buy all four of these brands and then mix them together.

And then it's fine.

And then it's fine.

Well, that's better.

Yeah.

Hey, Jason, thanks so much for your time.

Thanks, Jason.

If you have one, head over to hagclaims8.com.

That's right.

And that's going to be it for us.

And we hope that you honestly, we hope you have a great week and nothing bad happens to you this week.

Yeah, on Cosign.

Yeah.

Awesome.

And if something bad does happen to you, we were not the ones that made it happen.

Remember that.

We were on your side.

We wanted good things for you.

We love you.

All right.

Papa just wants what's best for you.

Papa just wants to see you through.

Goodbye.

Bye.

Our healthcare system is broken in so many ways.

We have a healthcare system that's supposed to be taking care of people that is making it literally more difficult for people to put food on the table.

So this season, we'll dive into the challenges headfirst while also thinking about how we can find a better way because we all deserve better.

Uncared for season three from Lemonada Media, available August 6th, wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, it's Lena Waith.

Legacy Talk is my love letter to black storytellers, artists who've changed the game and paved the way for so many of us.

This season, I'm sitting down with icons like Felicia Rashad, Loretta Devine, Eva Duvernay, and more.

We're talking about their journeys, their creative process, and the legacies they're building every single day.

Come be a part of the conversation.

Season two drops July 29th.

Listen to Legacy Talk wherever you get your podcast, or watch us on YouTube.