What It Means Chuzzy

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Oh, I see what you mean.

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I'll see you in your dreams.

Threedom!

That was bad.

That was bad.

You'd think we'd have the hang of that.

It was like we were in different states.

Yeah.

On Zoom.

Freedom!

Freedom!

Hey, that was, who were those people?

I don't know.

Was that us?

Honestly, they didn't sound like young girls.

Or they sounded like us younger.

Yeah.

They sounded like us in our 20s.

When did we start doing this?

2016?

It's been a while, man.

Let's not talk about years.

Let's not give it up.

1492, for instance.

Oh, my God.

When Columbus sailed the ocean blue?

That's right.

In the Nina Pinta and Santa Maria, or is that him?

Isn't that messed up that we know

that

we know the names of his ships so intimately?

We love him so much, we know the names of his ships.

But not all of the terrible things that he did.

I feel like those ships are known about his ships.

Yeah, they are.

Honestly, why should I know the name?

Yeah, so intimately.

So intimately.

I know them all so well.

I probably drew a picture of them growing up.

You probably did.

I'm sure I did.

Yeah.

What they look like.

You know what?

I bet I did too.

Brown.

Ship-shaped.

Ship-shaped brown.

Why are ships brown?

You know what I mean?

Gray questions.

Why is wood brown?

It's like.

Grayer questions.

Why are trees brown?

Let's make them blue.

That's not a great question.

No one can see them in the ocean.

And whales can't can't attack them, and sharks can't attack them.

Did you watch a certain movie recently?

No.

What movie?

Oceans or battlefields?

Oh, no, no.

Okay.

I'm waiting for you.

What's that?

Right.

When you were talking about ship camouflage, I thought you were.

Is this a part of it?

I don't want any information.

Can we get into what you just said right before we started?

That prompted us to jump right into the record.

Yes, folks.

This is Thrita.

My name is Paul.

My name is Scott.

I'm Lauren.

And we were talking.

Look, we warm up a little bit.

First of all, we're human beings.

Well, we're human beings.

We need to speak to each other.

And we catch up a little bit, okay?

Privately.

Then we know it's time to start recording when we start making fun of each other.

And so that's what happened.

And so I recently.

I know, honey.

I'm just

now making fun of you.

God damn it.

Wait.

Are you?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

You're making fun of me.

I can't take this.

I can't take this.

I made fun of your shirt.

You did, but after Paul said, I looked nice, so you couldn't handle that.

I had a moment.

You got jealous.

I had to equalize a positive comment.

You got you, by the way, equalize.

I've seen all three equalized movies now.

Thank you.

I saw three in three days.

Great update.

Thank you.

Great update.

I saw a photograph on social media of the legendary actor.

John Nicholson.

That's not his friend.

Well, I'm not his friend.

Was it a moving photograph of him going, yeah?

Oh, Oh, I have seen that moving photograph, though,

where he's nodding very excitedly

at something I can't see.

But it's usually the comment right above.

Oh, I never thought to connect the two.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

So in this photograph, which is a still frame,

he is holding what looks to be a little cake.

Well, you said he's not.

You said, Jay.

Will you let me?

Lauren.

Lauren.

Go for it.

You know this is not how this show works.

Go for it.

I'm not even stopping.

We went over the rules of this show before we started.

I'm not even stopping you.

I'm just talking.

I'm trying to stop.

You see how that works?

I'm just talking.

Yeah.

And I was also thinking about it.

And that's not stopping you because this is three, though.

This is like my daughter when I say, don't kick the back of the seat.

And she goes, I'm just putting my foot on it.

Yeah.

Repeatedly.

Over.

Don't try to catch me in semantics.

Over and over.

Love to kick the back of the seat.

Fucking love it.

what is it about

for it yeah i don't know i kind of get it seats are oppressive oh man if i ever see a seat i'm just walking by ba-boom yeah

when i get on a plane ba-boom ba-boom

that's why i read on my shoes this machine kicks seats what i said where do you think she gets it from scott yeah where do you think she gets it from where do you think she gets it from

the chance this would have been nice to know yesterday

so but to be fair it's not just that we talk over each other it's that you were cutting off.

I'm trying to

fill time for content

flowery and beautiful, and I want you to tell it how you want to tell it.

It seemed the opposite of that.

It seemed like you wanted to

get to the point.

Now, I want that.

Now I want that.

You didn't know what you got till it was gone.

And now you want to unfold.

Now I want that.

You want to unpave paradise.

Just like

that.

that.

That original Woodstock performance.

Wasn't that great?

It was short for hold the door.

That made me.

I almost smashed my television.

Paul, smash!

So he's holding what appears to be a little cake.

He's looking at the camera.

He's next to someone who could be his granddaughter or his wife.

And he has a big smile on his face.

Yeah.

No, it's still one.

It's still doing the thing.

And

there are condyles on this cake.

The kind you might find on a

ripstick cake?

Cake.

But these candles.

They're in the shape of numbers?

Yes, it can be done.

Okay.

So they somehow fashioned and twisted these candles into the shapes of numbers.

When wax is in its malleable state.

Maybe they used like a form.

A form, like they filled out some forms of gold.

The thing about candles is so much paperwork.

That's why I don't think of anything.

That's why you just buy them once and you just only light them for two seconds at a time.

Yeah.

Hopefully, there's auto-renew on the paperwork every year, but

eventually it goes out.

I love auto-renew.

He's great.

Automatic renewal.

The

numbers depicted

nine and zero in that order,

leading me to believe that Jack Nicholson was 90 years old.

Now,

I mentioned that because somehow Jack Nicholson's name came up and I said, he's 90 years old.

And then someone, I'm not pointing any fingers.

You're not pointing

number-shaped candles.

Somebody shrieked at me.

No, he's not.

Start rolling the tape.

Is that person in this room right now?

Yes, I am.

I did do that.

And I stand by the shriek

because

a couple days ago, and that dates this episode, certainly,

every guy on earth was posting that Jack Nicholson was 90.

And they posted that picture of him with his 90th birthday cake.

And then my friend, Detective Mariah Smith, posted, This is an AI image.

She googled his age.

He's 88.

The cake, first of all, he's not even 90.

What part of it is AI?

Him?

The whole thing.

His hand under the cake is like a smush pie because, you know, they can't do hands yet.

Right.

It looked like a big clump.

His hand looks like a clump, not from the clumps.

No, that's not the one who says you're fragile.

It basically was like that.

And the woman,

of course, we don't know who that is because it's probably not a real person.

Was the cake part of the hand?

Like it was growing out of the palm of the hand.

And he's not 90.

So I thought, isn't, aren't we in a time?

And then cut to yesterday, just a couple days after that, Will Smith is under five.

Don't tell me he's not real.

Well, he is real.

But he

did a concert, apparently, with his new album.

Yes.

And the video of the crowd going absolutely crazy for him is completely AI.

And it's the most obvious thing.

And everyone's dissecting.

The second he posted it, everyone's commenting that's so fake.

All the people, everyone's holding a sign that says like, getting jiggy with it cured my cancer.

Like, it's literally like the signs in the audience are crazy.

How would getting jiggy with it cure one's cancer?

Well, that was the first clue.

Yeah, honestly, a lot of doctors got on board, and then a lot of it's him from behind being right up in the audience, and they're all smiling and like bouncing behind him.

Like, no one's screaming, touching him.

The sound, yeah, doing what it doesn't seem real.

No one's holding up their phones, yeah, right.

There's no phones, and then like people are

all

when you screenshot, everyone's face is like a melting smush,

and they all look really weird.

And like, it's just bizarre.

I loved it, and I loved it.

No, I didn't finish, and I loved it.

And I created it.

Yeah.

I did not know about the Will Smith one.

And the thing that really is so depressing about being taken in by an AI image.

Like you were with this ridiculous Jack Nicholson birthday.

And as was every man.

Which I looked at for like 1.5 seconds.

Exactly.

Everyone put in their stories and went, oh, he's 90.

So

somebody made this fucking thing to age Jack Nicholson two years?

Yeah.

Why?

Why?

Now a small town in the middle of America can't have electricity.

Yeah.

Because you needed that.

Is it, is it, is it, what is the purpose of it?

Is it, are, are they just trying to get us so used to this shit?

I think so.

That we just cannot.

But I mean, is it so that we don't trust anything we see or is that we

no?

Everyone's, I think we're all believing it very immediately and then going,

hold on.

But there's, I think it's like we're in a really bad moment because everyone, and I mean, I don't, not everyone, because I've never used Chat GPT.

I don't know how to access it and I don't want to access it.

I think it costs money, doesn't it?

I don't, I think, I think it, I have just a lot of people.

That's why I won't use it.

But regardless, people are using it and giving it so much information using their own photos, this, that.

And I have, I have friends who love it, and I don't, and we have long discussions.

I'm like, I don't understand how, and like, I have a friend who uses it to write work emails or like posts.

And I'm just like, that's hard to, that's hard for me because I just the one thing I will do is in Google

Mail, Gmail,

people know it by.

Oh, okay.

Google Plex Mail.

Yes.

Yeah.

It'll suggest a response to certain emails.

Sometimes I'll click on that shit.

Well, just sure.

It'll say, sounds good.

Sometimes I'll take a screenshot of all three and I'll send it to the person saying, all of these apply.

I don't mind that.

That's not really...

I mean, is that AI or is that just...

I think it's...

I mean, I guess it must be kind of reading the email and assuming it knows what you want to say.

Like, I had to return a couple of things.

No, actually, someone stole Amazon packages

from our

doorstep the other day.

That's hard.

Well, I didn't ask Amazon to deliver something at fucking four in the morning.

They start doing these overnight deliveries, and they don't give you a choice.

Sometimes I think it's scary how fast you can get stuff.

I don't want it that fast.

They don't give you a choice.

They just say, hey, this is coming between 2 a.m.

and 6 a.m.

I don't want people to be working that short.

Yeah, I don't want people.

Well, you know, if people need jobs, it's great.

Of course, if you need a job, but I'm saying I find it that they're doing too much.

I've seen there's many choices when you check out.

Sometimes you can click two to four.

Sometimes.

There's many airlines you can fly with.

We thank you for flying.

So you picked 4 a.m.

No, I didn't pick it.

They just say, hey, it's coming between these hours.

And I'm like, no, I live in the city.

And of course, if somebody needs a graveyard shift, I'm not going to take that from them just

to backtrack what I said.

I don't remember what it said.

But it can come for me.

They delivered it at 5 a.m.

And of course, someone steals it off the stoop.

Great.

And so anyway, I had to return it recently.

And there's no way to

do dildo that same day, which you were hoping for.

Exactly.

It was double-sided.

Yeah, you needed it.

And I only had a one-sided 5 a.m.

And then suddenly it was gone.

But what I'm trying trying to say is there's no way to communicate with Amazon other than with a robot.

That's true.

I have talked to a real person one time when I had groceries delivered and

a bunch of, well, that's debatable.

Some of this stuff was missing.

And I eventually was on the phone with a real person going item by item.

I didn't get the bananas, but I did get the eggs.

You know, I'm saying like,

how many eggs did you get?

Yeah, that's what she sounded like.

But I'm just, I think it's scary because we're giving them all the information that they need to continue to do this and and then soon enough we I mean you see some people like some creative people or people who are in charge of things saying like how it's gonna be beneficial to entertainment and I find that troubling.

I

absolutely find that troubling and I have not yet seen the application.

It's just a tool Paul much like a semi-automatic weapon

just a tool.

I just want people to be able to do the job of like if it's CGI or something, I want a person to make the art.

Yeah.

I also want people to be able to

understand that it benefits you to be able to write something by yourself.

If it's a note or something, absolutely.

You know, a thank you note, a condolence note, whatever.

It's so much better.

We have talked about this on

this because figure out how to do that yourself.

And

we need to keep doing that.

And we can move on.

We can move on.

Yeah, yeah.

We have talked about this.

When people, because I have had people ask me about

writing, because I honestly, I think I'm pretty good at writing notes for occasions.

I'm bad at writing texts, I'll tell you that much.

Hey, you haven't responded to my last one because I knew I was going to see you in person, dear.

And did you tap him and say, ha ha?

No, it was a question.

Okay.

And it didn't give me any options.

I had to make them on myself.

I feel like

it's always what, think about

what is in your heart to say think about what it is that you are feeling and try to put that into words and and if if you if you're concerned about it keep it succinct and keep it success since success

i will occasionally i think please forgive us forgive us if we're please forget us please forget us please please please please please forget us

and forget us immediately

please forget us that's the title but i will occasionally look up an example of so like if i like for instance oh i'm speaking at a funeral i'm the person of honor at this funeral i just got booked to speak at a funeral i will look up an example of what people say you know online or something some of the great orators and go like oh yeah you want to hit something like this but you're not like cutting and pasting what they said you're just going oh that inspires me to or like your vows in your wedding or whatever

at your dad's funeral didn't you get up and say friends romans countrymen lend me your rears

well that's funny it was funny it broke the ice and everyone People are like,

we're so glad we can finally laugh again.

And it turned into a big roast.

But oh, by the way, please don't let my funeral become a roast.

A roast of you or a roast of other people?

Oh, other people's fine.

Oh, okay, good.

So

that's what it would be.

We're going to have a roast where, like, that guy, you know, that guy.

You know, that guy doesn't

deaf for us.

Like the Roastmaster General?

He's going to get up and and he's going to kind of, you know, tee me up to insult Natasha Legero and so forth.

Would you be upset if no one mentioned you at your own funeral?

I guess I would

if I'm somewhere looking down or up and I could see that.

Well, Paul said he didn't want to be roasted, so we're not going to say anything about him today.

We're only going to say that.

He said he didn't want anyone talking about him at his own funeral.

I'm going to say you could tell funny stories.

Okay.

But don't make it into a like, here's another dumbass fucking thing.

I would never do that.

All right.

Well, I'm just chicken.

I'm trying to think of any dumbass thing you've ever done but but shut it down when other people start doing

okay

nope stop stop stop paul didn't want this paul didn't want this i want to run an attack they get like parliament where it's just like

he starts yeah making noises remember when that guy banged a shoe on the table and everyone was like oh heavens me that guy nikita khrushchev yeah

Remember that?

A little respect.

And everyone was like, no one has ever banged a shoe on anything before.

And it was a huge headline.

We still remember it to this day.

It is crazy.

What?

That a world leader took his fucking shoe off, started banging it on the table.

I think it's fine.

Give him a gavel.

You remember when George Bush threw up?

The one thing I got, oh, not that George Bush.

Oh, when did he throw up?

George H.W.

Bush threw up on the Japanese prime minister.

I'm sorry.

That's amazing.

And he had chunks all over his face.

Ew, no way.

It was like that.

He projected himself.

The video is pretty funny.

Okay.

But

George W.

Bush got the shoes thrown at him.

Yes.

And the one thing you have to give it up for George W.

Bush, he dodged that fucking shoe

like a pro.

When the first one got thrown and he dodged it and they came back up and he was smiling,

that was a baller.

Yeah.

Cool.

That dude ruled.

Cool.

You know what?

I'm re-evaluating.

Starting there, going down.

He was actually great.

Well, now we won't remember anything weird because so much weird stuff happens every day.

Yeah, like, where were you when whatever happened last week?

No, thanks.

Don't remember.

I have no idea.

I was probably doing this, I was probably doing this, talking into my microphone.

Probably watching George Bush throw up.

Oh, do you got it?

Yeah, I got it for the millionth time.

Yeah.

What if I just threw up watching it

and then you threw it?

It's very watchable throw up.

Oh, no.

He doesn't look well at all.

Oh, God.

That's actually.

It looks like he's sucking his dick.

Okay.

First of all, no it doesn't.

I mean, throwing up is the opposite of sucking up.

But he's a stomach, isn't it?

Amusement.

Wait, who is?

I've never seen it with autism.

He's like, he was like falling.

He's falling down as it's happening.

He's not, that's a very inactive vomit.

It's very much like I'm passing out and vomiting.

Yeah.

It looked crazy.

Do you think he kind of was going like, better to act like I have no control and I'm falling down than to have to say, I'm so sorry about that?

I'm so sorry.

I'm going to throw up.

Yeah.

No, that's worse than being like, oh,

I would be like, hey, man, cover for me.

It was like barf fell out of his mouth while he leaned over.

Yeah, you spit up like a baby.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's cute.

Humans actually

cute, baby.

It's funny when babies spit up.

Yeah.

Like, that's a big deal, man.

You're acting like nothing happened.

Yeah.

But it's going,

Emmy puked at her first haircut.

Did I tell you about this?

Oh, stress-induced?

No.

There was some.

She was hungover.

Yeah.

There was some sort of accident on the freeway, which backed up uh

traffic for hours and hours and hours.

And I put in the address because we'd never been to this place.

Um, we went to a place that specializes in first haircuts, it has like uh

they sit in like airplane seats, miniature cars, yeah, airplanes and stuff like that.

And it has all this balloons and they take a picture, all this kind of stuff.

So, I'd never been to this place, and so I entered the you've never been there.

Well, I hope not

just hanging around outside, one child's TMZ.

I've been in a few times.

One child sharecup, please.

I like to ride in the car.

No, it's for me.

I just want to pay the child's prices, and you may give me a child sharecup.

And I'll have the picture at the end, please.

So I put the address into

the map.

Jesus.

I don't even know.

And it had me going this really weird way, like over the hill and through the woods to grandmother's house.

You went?

No, it was crazy.

But so

if you know LA, going over the hill into the valley,

oh, I know LA, babe, very twisty and windy

road,

but you get a little bit closer, get a little bit closer.

So, I was like, at first, at first, cool-up, I was like, just get on the freeway.

And I was like, I think it's must be telling me this for a reason.

And then, when we passed the freeway and it was back for miles and miles and miles, and then I read the news stories later about how it was, there was some sort of industrial spill on it that no one knew.

Ninja turtles are going to be boring.

Yeah.

Boring.

Gonna be boring.

Boring.

Ninja turtles are gonna be boring.

Lauren's gonna want to have sex with one of them.

Only Michelangelo.

He's a party dude.

He was a party dude.

Every girl wants that one.

So we went over the hill and we're so glad we did.

We got there on time.

But Emmy was like in a weird sort of not talking a lot.

And she did this whole haircut and we're trying to get pictures going, hey, honey, look.

And she wouldn't smile.

She's just like holding up the balloon and not smiling.

And she gets this haircut.

That's an amazing photo.

I would like to see that.

Yes.

There's a great, I'll show you a different photo.

That's so funny.

But

so then they take the photo that they're putting into the frame and all that.

And she immediately just projectile volumes onto me.

Oh my God.

From the winding trip.

From the winding.

Yeah, I think it's car sickness.

And they were so nice about it.

They all cleaned it up.

And they were like,

we deal with kids every day.

Every child throws up here, we've seen,

we see stuff like this all the time.

Don't worry about it, don't worry about it.

We're demons, but I had vomit all over, and we had plans to go to lunch after, and I have vomit all over myself.

No, you can't go to lunch, an immediate home trip.

Yes, we must get home right now.

Um, but that's cute, it was cute, anyway.

So, the picture is very funny because she has a weird look on her face, and she is seconds away from throwing up.

So, am I, yeah, um, we have seconds?

Don't say you won't watch.

Oh, okay, all right, bye.

The origins of this podcast were once just a dream.

Remember that day?

Yeah.

I had a weird dream last night.

What was it?

Waking up.

I just wake up, you guys.

I had a nightmare.

Oh, no.

I didn't have ever started a podcast.

Oh, no.

Go back to sleep, honey.

That'll never happen.

That dream turned into the podcast and business you're listening to today.

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Hey, yeah, Paul, what's up?

Yeah,

can we do some real talk right now?

Yeah, bro.

Look, let's get down to brass tax.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Let's go out on the deck.

Okay.

Oh, here we are.

Oh, it's beautiful out here.

Fresh air.

Oh, listen to those birds.

It's just one bird.

That's one bird?

Yeah, it's a crazy bird.

It's a talkative bird.

Yeah.

Wow.

Well, he's trying to find other birds.

He flew away.

Wow.

Too bad.

I guess he found those other birds he was trying to find.

Good for him.

Oh, it's back.

That was a little louder.

It's a little overpowering, I have to say.

I just, you know, those mornings when the day just explodes into a million things and you barely have time to think about lunch, let alone cook?

Do you or don't you?

It's a simple question.

Well, I used to grab whatever was fast, which usually meant sacrificing flavor for health or health for flavor.

It's a devil's bargain.

Yeah.

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Lauren came to visit me.

Well, I just wanted to say that with Cook Unity, there's no cooking, there's no shopping, or thinking about how to get the nutrition you need every week.

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Paul, what was one of your favorite meals?

Well, if I had to choose a favorite, meals can't hear me, right?

No, they can't get your feelings hurt.

Okay.

You know.

I mean, you were telling me the other day.

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I had that too.

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And we're back.

Sham Sham on Shandra back.

Shamo.

Sham on.

Sham on.

Sham on, everyone.

Sham on?

Sham on.

I'm Michael Jackson.

Sham on.

If he hadn't remade the karate kid with himself in the Miyagi role, would he have been like, Shamon, Shamoff?

Yeah, of course.

Shamon.

What a ridiculous question.

Of course, he would have.

Sham, sham, sham on.

Shamon, sham on,

sham, sham, shamon, shamon, shamon.

Oh, no.

Sham, sham, shamon.

What's this book over here?

Are you in it?

Yeah, I don't want to talk about it.

Okay, just asking.

Fair enough.

I don't want to talk about it more either.

I just want to know if you're right now.

By the way, for the listener, it's the dictionary.

And Scott's picture is under stupid.

And only because our novelty dictionary website

doesn't work anymore.

We got to talk about it.

No, we don't.

No, we owe it to people.

Okay.

AgclaimDate.com, the famous website.

So famous.

Okay, so it started out as just a place you could leave voicemails.

And it was fine.

And everyone loved it.

And everyone loved it.

And it was the most famous website in the world.

Yes.

And then it became a lot of things.

We had a phone plan.

We had a phone, a physical phone you could buy.

You could get access to all the apps on our phones.

What else?

I feel like we really built it up.

Yeah.

Oh, there, yeah.

There was definitely the, you could only access the phone

while you were driving.

Sorry, I'm correcting this person who grooms my dog.

Oh, you're correcting them?

Because they have

them where they just change the date to whatever they want it to be.

And then I'm like, do you, I thought we said this day, and then they're like, no, we have you set for this day because that's the day that we, that works for us.

I go, and I said, I just sent a screenshot saying, you said this day.

I just want you to know you said this day.

Yeah.

It's also not how business works.

Yeah.

By the way, I know we agreed, but now I'm doing it whenever I want.

That works better better for me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

I'm glad.

You know what, Lauren?

I'm glad you're doing this.

I am too.

That is such an egregious error on their part that I'm glad you're doing it in the middle of the show.

You know what, though?

It's every time.

It's every time.

They just change it to whatever they want.

Or they'll just set a date and go, okay, here's your appointment.

Is that cool?

I'll go, no.

Because I also have a life.

I don't just care.

My allowed is to revolve around when my dog's ass is getting to the point.

I have to go with my two friends and talk into a microphone.

Okay, back to what you were talking about.

Please.

Hold on a second.

I do want to say this.

Yeah.

I'm not upset that you were on the phone while we were talking.

I can't remember what I was talking about, but I'm upset that you won't let us in on the problems that you're having.

You know what?

Because we're in your corner.

I'm happy to share them with you.

Please.

We're your corner men.

So I'm this close to telling these people that it's it's no war.

No deal.

Tell them that Scott and Paul want a word with them.

It's just every time.

It's just every time.

I'll q-tip my own dog's asshole.

Thank you very much.

You know what?

I will.

I'll get right up in there.

And I'll tell you what, it'll be expressed.

Expressed.

Is Franny a kind of dog that needs that?

Oh, every time.

No, I got every dog.

Every dog?

She doesn't need it often.

Only every once in a while she needs that.

Yeah.

Or at least the dogs I've had, every time you take them into the groomer, they give you a little report card.

Do you get that?

No.

Oh, yeah.

You get a little report card and they're always like, anal glands, expressed.

Move to the top of the hive.

In any case, Hatclaims8.com.

it was also a novelty dictionary website where you could that was my favorite part where you could basically you'd say like uh oh did you know your picture is in the dictionary on on dictionary on had claims8.com the dictionary part of it

you would you would upload that person's picture to our novelty dictionary website for like the tiny you know what's crazy i didn't

fully realize i mean i did at the time but then i forgot that like that's what you guys were talking about while i was sitting on my phone so i knew that it was safe right yes oh Oh, it's very safe.

It was safe.

All of your data is protected by us.

Yes.

I knew it was safe.

Yeah.

You knew that you could just check out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So for me, I'm back, but you know, I went through a little bit of

anyway.

The website is having issues.

We're, we're struggling with that.

Don't try to hurry this along.

Have someone working on this.

Do you have someplace you have to be to?

We do.

I'm just seeing if they liked how I sent a screenshot back of what they told me before.

Right, but why are you trying to hurry hurry this bit of business along?

Send the screenshot and then question mark.

What I did was I said, I said,

what they did was they wrote, your appointment is set for August 8th.

Now, that's a date that's already passed.

So I said, sorry.

Is it still set for September 11th?

And then they said, we have you set for September 8th since that's the day that, da-da-da-da.

And I go, well.

Here's a screenshot where you asked me if 9-11 works for me.

And I said, yes.

This is damning information.

But I said, I can make September 8th.

Oh, you're already back in.

If it's first thing in the morning, because they love to go, how about 2 p.m.?

We'll show up whenever.

It's not going to be like that.

You should absolutely screen cap them saying, does 9-11 work for you?

And ruin them.

And then say, I'm sending this to the 9-11 doesn't work for you.

This is the most insensitive thing that's ever been said for me.

Very, very much doesn't work for me.

It turns out it didn't work for me at all.

Thank you.

And it didn't work out for this great nation of ours.

So funny.

Hey, thank you.

Not that.

Not that.

Oh.

In any case, really fun.

Well, not that.

Nevertheless, Hag Claims, a discount.

Number of Lux.

Hag Claims.

Persisted.

It was not perfect.

Nevertheless, it persisted.

But Lauren did hire someone to work on it.

I did.

Who did you hire by?

So he's this little nerd.

He's like.

His name is Small Balls.

Is that clear?

He's Small Balls.

He's young.

How young?

He's 22.

Okay.

He's Gen Z.

He's really opinionated, but takes a note.

Okay.

So he's got, basically, my point is the website might become very Gen Z

and it might have a lot more Gen Z slang in our dictionary.

Oh, okay.

But

when I tell him, you know, to fix other things, he's very, he's very receptive to that.

And so what's some of the slang?

He's cutting out a lot of the waste.

I think

claims date.com.

Some of the slang that I've seen, I'll just scroll through what he sent me in our recent text.

Sexty sex.

Sexty sex.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Gen Z's favorite number.

People can upload their friend's picture to sexty sex and say, Did you know your picture's in the dictionary?

And then look up sexy sex and your picture would be there.

But you have to, because we're normally going to show, but you have to get your friend's permission.

So it kind of

hurts the practice.

They have to sign a a release they've signed a release that explicitly states what it is yeah going to be used for and it's not in fine print it's in large large print but then if you are doing this if you're instituting

if you're initiating this thank you i didn't even know what words you are still required to then ask the person after it's all done hey did you know that your picture's in the dictionary oh yeah because you're you have to see it through.

Yes.

What's the point in putting the picture there if someone's not going to be burning?

And you don't want to waste all the valuable resources of uploading this picture by hand, by the way, which is the way we have to do it.

Yes.

Now, another word that you can

is putting in there is chuzzy.

Chuzzy.

I'll give you three definitions, and you guess which one

it means, chuzzy.

Chuzzy means what it means, chuzzy.

What it means chuzzy.

Chuzzy is good, can mean a good art.

Good art.

Okay.

B,

tired.

Okay.

C.

Or C.

A thing of the past.

Okay.

Are you crazy?

It's got to mean good art.

Yeah.

Good art?

Chuzzy?

So, like, if you looked at the year old and go, that's chuzzy.

Oh,

that's good art.

Or I could be like, I saw.

That has a quality.

I saw

weapons.

It was chuzzy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You hear like that.

You wouldn't say, like, that is, oh, this is my chuzzy.

No.

No.

It's a descriptor.

It's a descriptive.

It has the qualities of good art.

I see.

Okay.

Yeah.

It's a noun and a verb, kind of.

And an adjective.

It's not really a verb.

An adjective.

It's not a verb at all.

I'd like to chuzz chuzzy at some point.

Hey, you'd like to chuzzle.

Chuzzy.

Oh, chuzz is a different word.

No, chuzz.

You just have to.

Chuzzy the shit out of the guy.

Do you want to know?

Do you want to know what the three options for chuzz?

Okay, sure.

Butt fuck.

Okay.

A.

B,

break your hand through a window and then fist.

Okay.

Or C,

put your hand in the oil tank or the gas tank of your car, like with your ring,

and then give someone a wet willy.

I think butt fuck.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You got it.

You got it.

Yeah.

You got it.

Yeah.

You got it.

You got it.

So don't say chuzz unless you mean chuzz and only say chuzzy if you mean chuzzy.

Okay, I'm sorry.

I do not want to chuzz you.

Thank you.

I want to chuzzy you.

No.

Oh, that's even worse.

It doesn't work like that.

Did you get a response, Lauren?

Nope.

I did not.

So there's a sad story about the scramble at the dog place.

Small balls gotten beaten up by a dog.

Oh.

He got in a fistfight with the dog and the dog won.

That's too bad.

Yeah.

That's good, though.

We don't want a dog to be injured.

No, of course not.

Oh, my God.

Of course not.

But it's kind of humiliating for

it.

Do you think he took a dive?

Like he was paid off?

Yeah.

And do you know why small balls is called small balls?

Why?

He wears small ball earrings in his ear.

No, not hoops.

No.

No.

He's got a hoop in his tongue.

Yeah.

It gets snagged on everything.

And honestly,

he prefers to talk through Google Translate.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

And it translates somewhere.

It changes English to English.

It's just that he types to what he wants to say and it says it out loud.

But he only, but he does use Google Translate as opposed to just doing like, you know, text to voice or whatever.

Google Translate.

Google Translate.

I use Google Translate in Japan when we had a layover there.

That lasted 14 hours, I believe, and we were in the lounge the entire 14 hours, just like on our phones.

It was the day after the 2016 election.

And

the lounge was playing the same song over and over.

And I shazammed it, and it was not a song I'd ever heard of or have heard of since or whatever.

And I was just like, why the fuck would they be playing this song over and over?

And after

eight to ten hours, I put in Google Translate.

Do you know that

this song is being played over and over?

I'm sorry.

After eight to ten hours?

Yeah.

And then what did they say?

I think an hour would have been enough for me to say.

I've heard this song a lot.

Yeah.

It became comical after a bit where I was just singing along with it.

Was it a Japanese song?

No.

It was an English song.

And so I put that into Google Translate.

It's harder to ignore.

Yeah.

I put it into Google Translate and I walked up to the front desk and I showed it to the woman behind the desk and she went, ha ha ha ha,

and nodded her head.

And didn't like

take back Google Translate and respond like, oh, yes, we've noticed this.

There's a problem with it was her song.

Maybe.

It was her demo.

Yeah.

Her demonstration tape.

Pretty good, actually.

I gave her a record deal.

Do you remember how the song went?

No, this is so long ago.

At this point, it's nine years ago, but as long as we've been doing it.

So a song that you heard for 10 hours, you don't remember how it went?

We haven't been doing Freedom for nine years.

When was our first episode?

2018, I think.

I think 2018.

I'll take your word for it.

I think it was 2018.

Hey, I'm not going to argue with you.

I think it was 2018.

It was was March 28, 2018.

And that's why I think that's.

Wow, that's wild.

That's really cool.

But you know what?

We did start recording in 2016.

We banked around a few years ago.

We banked episodes.

Yeah, probably four or five years before we started releasing.

That's true.

We really wanted to get to know these stories we were going to tell over and over again.

We'd also just met.

Yeah.

So I think it was like

trying to get to know each other.

What are your names?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Meow.

Meow.

Definitely Wopner.

How quaint the ideas in that movie are now.

Isn't it funny?

I can't imagine watching that movie now.

I know.

That'll be like really cringy.

Yeah.

I'll watch it tonight.

We're talking about Rainman guys.

I'll watch it tonight.

You watch it tonight?

No, you know what I want to re-watch, which just came up on something else I was listening to.

Reality Bites, which I enjoyed, but I'm like, I want to watch that now.

I was not into it when it came out.

I remember not being into it when it was.

Oh, I liked it.

I think because they also

it was supposed to be like the marketing around it was like, this is about your generation, you.

And I also didn't like Ethan Hawke's character in it.

I thought he was too cool.

I didn't either.

He really annoyed the shit.

And the fact that she ended up with him, other than Ben Stiller, who I found very funny, but he's the director.

He sold out his character and he made himself like too annoying.

I was like, no, you're the only interesting person in this.

Sorry.

No, no, Scott has.

I know that bothers you.

It doesn't bother me.

I'm just trying to redirect the conversation.

It doesn't bother me.

But what did you say in any case?

I have noticed that Scott has been saying, in any case, a lot.

Yeah.

Well, just because I'm trying to focus what we're talking about and change the subject.

So why don't you say to focus

why have we ever worried about changing the subject of this podcast?

I know, because also there's nothing wrong with what we were just saying.

We're talking about a movie from 35 years ago.

I mean, we're trying to get into smooth transitions now, this late of the game.

I think it's only 30 years ago.

30.

Lauren.

30.

That's crazy.

90, 95, 96.

Fucking theater.

Yeah.

Yeah.

As an old man.

I'm almost dead.

I'm almost dead.

You know what you're closer to death than you are to birth.

Yeah.

But you guys.

Unless you want to be born again.

It's weird because it's like you might feel that way, but then like you might live till you're 99.

And like, that's still on count.

I'd like to

go.

I'd like to keep going.

I'd like to keep going.

It's a long time.

Yeah.

I want to,

but it's not up to me.

It's up to me.

I'm holding a gun up top.

Talk to my friend Peter Thiel, who is going to inject me with a bunch of shit.

I'm going to get some young blood put in me.

That's a good idea.

Young blood.

Adrenochrome, the like.

Adrenochrome.

Adrenochrome.

Adrenochrome.

The thing about adrenochrome, as I call it,

it is delicious.

That's the thing about it.

Oh, you drink it instead of injecting it?

Oh, I like it, yes.

If it didn't taste so good, I would probably pass on it.

Yes.

On moral grounds.

I don't want to be taking the list.

Who's offering that to you?

Other Hollywood celebrities.

George Soros.

They're L.A.

Libtards.

All right.

We have to take breakfast.

In any case.

You say it now.

We have to take breakfast.

In any case.

Bye.

Great.

Cooler temps are rolling in.

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Okay, well, their denim's durable and it fits right.

What about leather jackets?

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Sounds good.

What makes Quince different?

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We are so back.

Yeah, I'm thinking we're back.

We are so

back.

Oh, I gotta get, it's almost time for my flu shot.

Oh, wow, dude, are they still gonna give them out

for now?

Yeah, because they're not they're not gonna do the COVID ones this year.

Is that what it

uh that's what it's looking like, but I'm gonna go get my flu shot and then I'm gonna say, hey, do I need to get one of those before they are not a legal thing anymore?

Because we got ours right before we went overseas, overseas, so that would have been this week.

Overseas COVID shot, so it's been a year, like Like a month ago.

Okay.

I'm about to go overseas again.

Oh, for what?

For the Thrilling Adventure Hour.

Oh, you're a good one.

Yeah, what is that?

I saw your post.

Joining the War.

It said the

Warsaw.

I joined up.

I lied about my age.

I said I was 18.

You lied about your feet.

You said they weren't flat.

I said they were round as hell.

In fact, you're a droid.

I'm a ball droid.

We, yeah, thrilling adventure hour, it's the 20th anniversary of

the show.

Yeah.

And so we're doing,

we've been doing some shows here and there, and then we're going to Brooklyn at the good old Bell House at the end of October.

And then we will be going from there to London to do a show there for the first time.

Did it ever take breaks or was it kind of consistent?

Oh, no, it took breaks.

Okay.

But what's really funny is that we

were.

I mean, like, was it every year?

Were there some years you didn't do it?

Was the show?

there, I don't know if we went a full year without doing it.

The show technically ended its regular run

in 2015, I think, or 16.

We went to Australia and New Zealand.

Australia, yo.

And so

we thought what we were.

We had what we were told was our final show

in New Zealand.

Like we walked off stage, we're all crying and stuff like that.

Oh.

and then I think a few months later, we did another show.

That's cool.

So it never fully went away.

That's funny to have that big moment.

Yeah, I know.

I think

I think about that a lot.

Yeah,

that's kind of humiliating.

It's like

it's kind of mortifying.

Crazy.

I'm glad it was in another country on the other side of the world.

Yeah, I know.

Could you imagine?

Like, so no one really had to know that happened, but now you've shared.

I have shared.

People deserve to know.

Yeah.

They don't need to know, but they deserve to know.

Once I heard it, I felt

I can't believe I haven't known that because I've deserved that.

Yeah.

Oh, you deserved it.

Oh, you deserved it, you nasty little frack.

Yeah, frock.

Hey, guys, you babu frock.

Why don't we listen to a voicemail?

I love that.

I love nothing.

From hackclaims8.com.

I love it.

The famous website.

Here we go.

This message is for the Freedom Boys.

I'm Betsy calling from Michigan.

Hi, Betsy.

And I was wondering if you had to live for the rest of your your life without having

anything potato or potato product related or tomato or tomato product related for the rest of your life, what would you choose and why?

That's all.

Thanks so much for all the laughs.

Thank you so much, Betsy.

Or as it says in the transcription, backseat.

Thank you, backseat.

That's hard.

That is, you know what?

Here's what I went through.

She said potato.

I love potato, of course, in many forms.

She said tomato.

I was like, I don't care about tomato.

Wait, there's so many forms of tomato that I love.

Ketchup, sauce, pizza.

What are the pie?

What are the things we like?

Pizza.

Oh, my God.

Both tomatoes and potatoes in them.

First let's go.

Ketchup and fries.

Ketchup.

Oh, my God.

The best friends.

Yeah.

Ketchup and fries.

Pizza, you'd have to have a white pizza, I guess.

That doesn't have tomatoes in the past.

I can make do with that, but I would rather have

all the time?

I think it would have to be potato.

It would have to be potato pizza.

But I would feel a big loss.

For fries.

I would feel a loss.

Okay, Okay, here's the piece.

I love fries more than anything.

Fries, mashed potatoes.

Oh, I love that.

So good.

I don't eat those enough.

Potato chips, of course.

Oh, my God.

No, I'd be so fucked up.

It's always a side that you could probably like.

It's probably better if you don't eat it.

Yeah.

But I like them.

Whereas tomato is intrinsically put into so many dishes that you wouldn't even think about it sometimes.

You need mayo.

I love so many tomato-based and involved things.

I like a crazy

salad.

I like ketchup.

I'm not a crazy salad.

I've come to like ketchup over the years, but I could do without it, I think, and just have ranch.

I could do barbecue sauce.

I could do without ketchup.

I could have a break.

I could do barbecue sauce on a pizza and do barbecue chicken pizza.

That's true, but every pizza?

It's all I would eat.

And then

I would have my potatoes with my

fries.

I guess I'd like to see it.

I would have the Thai chicken pizza from California Pizza Kitchen.

I'd I'd have it every day

for three meals.

Yeah, the one

to make regular pizza.

I'd put a leaf on it.

Yeah, man,

I couldn't not do

tomatoes.

I think I'm going to say tomatoes I'll do without.

Well, you don't like ketchup after going over it.

I can do without ketchup.

The pizza would be a problem, but you know what?

I think I would miss fries too much.

Yeah, me too.

You know what?

I really like fries, but I feel like as I've gotten older, fries are less of a priority for me.

you used to be i like them number one i i think they were higher up in my in your priority hierarchy yeah my priority of your career yeah my family

french fries janie oh you remind me of thanksgiving will there be french fries

um yeah i think i'm i i i you're okay with no potatoes i'm gonna say from from at this point in my life i'd be okay to never have fries again whoa i don't think i would miss them i'm gonna to keep you to this.

I don't think I would miss them.

That's crazy.

You're never going to have fries again and you've made a.

You're never going to have fries again.

Guilty mouth.

Only eats ketchup.

You're going to have ketchup.

I would just eat ketchup, yeah.

I just dip my finger in it.

Suck it off.

That's Emmy.

We'll give her fries with ketchup and she will just eventually dispense with the fries and just be licking it inside.

Both my kids love ketchup.

Wow.

Wow.

Love it.

I used to dip as a child, I used to dip salty chips in ketchup, and I loved that.

That was a snack.

Yum, yum, yum.

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

I don't think it'd be good now.

Well, if you dip fries in ketchup, why not?

Potato chips.

But it's just like, but texture.

Why not a whole fucking potato, you fucking freak?

Okay.

Why not dip a raw potato in there?

Yeah, why don't you get an apple?

Soup dish full of ketchup and just throw a potato in there.

Why don't you roll around?

I would love to get into making some baked potatoes like nowadays.

I think I've mentioned them before.

My mom used to do those those twice-baked potatoes with cheddar cheese on them.

And she would serve them in a cell.

I would bake them three times.

In a seashell, how cute.

Yeah.

Like a real seashell or a seashell.

Like it was kind of just like a thing she liked.

She liked to put it in there.

She had them in a cabinet.

They looked like real, as far as I know, they were real seashells that were

purposed for this purpose.

Paul, they weren't real.

For potatoes.

And Santa Claus isn't real either.

How dare you?

Santa Claus is, I feel like he's not been confirmed real or unreal.

Right, NORAD still tracks it.

I'm sorry, Santa Claus is real.

I won't allow this.

Hopefully, you're not listening to this episode with your children.

I mean, by now, you would have heard so many things that are inappropriate.

Yeah, man.

Don't make your kids listen to this.

Jesus.

They love it.

They love the theme song.

They hopefully turned it off at butt fucking.

Yeah.

Do you think there's parents who just let their kids listen to the theme song?

Yeah, and then we're moving on to something else.

Oh, it's K-pop demon hunters.

I still got to watch it.

Yama, Soda, pop.

Yama.

So you haven't seen it yet?

Didn't Emmy love it?

She loves it, but I've never been in the room.

You got to spend time.

You got to spend time with it.

I've heard these songs over and over and over and over.

My daughter watched K-pop.

I never seen it.

Let's hear another voice, man.

Okay.

Thank you, Betsy.

Hello, Scott, Paul, and Lauren.

I have a question.

If you were to meet God, our Heavenly Father,

he is real for the purposes of this scenario and in real life.

But if you were to meet him and you could ask him a question,

what would it be?

It can be any question, but do keep in mind that since he is God, he can send you to hell if he doesn't like your question.

Or he could like erase you from the timeline.

He can make anything happen.

Erase you from the timeline.

Anyway, thank you.

You know, this is

thank you.

He didn't say his name.

But this is...

Did you bring it again?

Do you think that was God?

I actually know his name.

God speak on what happens?

I know his name.

Should I say it or is that?

I was making a note about it.

No, I think if he doesn't say it.

If he doesn't say it, he doesn't want to.

Okay.

I was making a note about the show.

Oh, sure.

Okay.

This brings up an interesting question.

I know God can do anything, supposedly.

I didn't even imagine.

Other than make a rock too heavy for him to pick up.

Yeah.

But I never even imagined that he would just be indiscriminately erasing people from timelines.

Like the fact that you're born and you go through all this shit and try to do what he wants and all that.

And then he's like, no, I'm going to erase you from the timeline.

So are there people in our lives that we knew, maybe loved

that crossed God and have been erased from the timeline?

That fucking thing.

That's actually crazy to think about.

Also, he's not saying this caller, this caller is not saying God

would do this.

He's just saying he could.

He could if the question were impertinent enough, I guess.

So this is like so wide open.

It's scary.

It's scarier to not know it's the definitive punishment.

Well, especially.

No one has answered what I am asking, which is that I missed a little part of the question.

Okay, honey.

I want to participate.

I just don't know what you're talking about.

Okay, we'll get to the question.

What would you like to know?

What happened in between the beginning and end of the call?

You mean the call?

Between hello and thank you.

When you get to heaven and you could ask one question of God, what would it be?

And but the chance that I could be punished for my question.

Punished for the question.

And here's the other thing.

There are certain rules that you're supposed to follow in order to get into heaven, it can't be revocable once you're in, you know what I mean?

Like, once you actually get in, they go, You, congrats, you made it.

You did either,

you know, you went to confession enough times, or you had a deathbed repentance, yeah, or a piece of shit your entire life, but then at the very end, you're like, I accept Jesus Christ.

Whatever the rules happen to be, and if you make it in, it can't then be like, Oh, but you got to be on your fucking best behavior while you're here, but let me say that find your P's and Q's.

Do we know that?

Did he say you you get into heaven or you just meet God?

This is a good question.

He says,

what if it's sort of in like that dogma movie or whatever?

If you were to meet God.

Oh, it's not even like...

I just feel like someone was God and they were just walking around.

It was Atlantis Morrison.

Okay, right.

He doesn't even say meeting God up in heaven.

He's just like, meet God.

So it could be a burning bush scenario.

Yeah.

God might be in your living room.

Yeah.

And he's like, what would you ask?

Passing through.

It might be a party, and somebody introduces you to God.

Oh, hey, this is God.

Oh, do you know God?

I didn't think

that he was.

Do you know Paul?

Have you two metaphysical?

Oh, hi, I'm God.

I forgot his name.

Thank God he said.

Yes.

Hello.

I think I know who you are.

I feel like there are certain mysteries in my life.

I don't even mean like ones that plague or society has always wanted to know the answers to who killed JFK, et cetera.

Right.

But more like personal mysteries of like, why the fuck did that?

Or who, who did that?

Who stole this from me?

Or, you know what I mean?

So you'd want to get there and just be like, kind of solve one petty issue from your life.

Yeah, like just this, this question that I've wondered over the years, or like,

would this person, I thought, I thought maybe they were interested in me, and then I backed down.

I'm getting this question now.

Okay.

Because I feel like if I were God and you asked me, that was the one question that you asked me, I would absolutely erase you from the timeline.

Yes.

Your life is not worth it.

For you to squander this opportunity.

What do you want me to ask?

Like, why, why is there evil in the world?

I'm going to ask you, why did you even create sin?

How did they make Mount Rushmore?

He just pulls up the Wikipedia page.

Okay, because I thought it was a natural occurrence.

Oh, I thought it was erosion.

Okay.

I thought it was

erosion.

You thought it was a miraculous

showing.

I thought it was like the St.

Louis Arch.

Like, it just appeared.

Oh, yeah.

Aliens just dropped it off one day.

What would you ask, dear?

I would ask him

if I could ask God just one question.

What if God was one of us?

I was first asked, are you one of us?

And then I would say,

I guess I would ask,

like,

yeah.

I think it does depend on whether you're still alive or not.

Well, if I'm, if I'm, yeah, because if I'm dead, then I might,

I might say, God, will you protect all those in my life?

You could, yeah, you could ask for a favor.

People I don't like.

You could ask for a favor.

You could even kidnap God and be like,

I will only let you go if you grant me this one request.

Will you do this for me?

Right.

Yeah.

I mean, I think I guess I'd probably want to know about like

stupid shit too, probably.

Yeah, like what?

No, you know what I'd want to know?

Why is there war?

Why?

I was thinking a similar thing because I would want to say, I would want to ask,

hey, it was already hard enough just to be a person.

Yeah.

Right?

There's a lot of, we have these complex emotions, feelings, thoughts.

That's already hard enough.

In a curb your enthusiasm way, you know, enthusiasm.

In a way of like, oh, did I insult this person?

What are the famous episodes of curb your enthusiasm?

Double dip.

Yeah, did I double dip too much?

But you know what I mean?

It's already hard to do.

I think the famous one was when Paul was on it.

Oh, yeah.

When I I was on it.

You were a lawyer?

Did I judge my lawyer too harshly for not being Jewish?

You know, stuff like that is already hard enough.

The question is.

Yes.

That's already hard enough.

Yeah.

So why did we also have to be murderous monsters?

It was already hard enough to have feelings like, I like that person, but they don't like me back.

I know.

Life would be so much better if there was never even the temptation to do anything like that.

Like it never even entered anyone's mind of like, oh, what if I did this horrible thing to all these people?

Here's, here's what I would ask: I would ask, and this is, I'm going to, okay, mask off.

Yeah.

Oh, this is my serious question.

Okay.

Ask God.

I would say,

what were you doing while all this was going on?

Were you involved?

Were you just watching?

Were you laughing?

Were you crying?

What was your experience up here?

And you know what?

I bet he would love that.

Because no one ever asked about that.

No one ever asked about him.

It's always like, why'd you do this?

What's that?

That's the plan.

And that would get you.

And then that would get him talking.

And that would get you like permanent timeline status.

I'd be like, the only question is, like, how are you?

Yes.

Is there an answer that would satisfy you?

Probably not.

Because it seems that's, yeah, it just seems everything's.

If he said, like, I did all of that, I'd be like, well, why?

And you'd be like, and then you'd be like, no follow-up questions.

You only got one.

The closest to satisfying, I think, would be like, it makes life interesting.

It would be, I created it.

I let you guys take it from there.

And this is what you did.

And I didn't

interfere.

I wish you hadn't done it.

But it's your planet.

I gave it to you.

If that truly was the creator's experience, as not outlined in the Old Testament, where he's always getting involved and going, I'm going to create this flood and kill everyone, all that kind of stuff.

If it truly was just like, I created it.

And honestly, I didn't.

I didn't have the ability to influence anything.

Like, you guys just did what you wanted.

Then I'd go, okay.

You had this power to create life, and then you didn't do anything with it afterwards.

You just kind of watched, or you couldn't even watch, maybe.

Okay, that's fine.

Also, how come we couldn't have more like E.T.

like things where E.T.

shows up?

I know.

Right.

Like, can't we just have a little more fun?

Yeah.

If you're just making stuff.

Like, there was Mac and me

and Fly to the Navigator.

I've never seen Flight of the Navigator.

Oh, yeah.

Paul Rubens does the voice of the ship.

The shit?

The shit.

Yep.

The big pile of shit that someone stepped on.

You're thinking of weird signs.

Oh, right.

I'm always thinking of weird signs.

You horny little maniacs.

What do you little maniacs want to do first?

Do you know what we're doing?

Yes, well, I remember watching that, but I'm like, I'm sure I didn't get 90% of what that movie was.

Very funny line that is weirdly out of place in that movie is

she yells at this one guy, Can't just go around hitting people with your Rex Harrison hat.

Was that also a TV show or just a movie?

Yeah,

hell yeah, it was.

It was everything.

It was everything to us and more.

Yeah.

We really, we really squandered our opportunities with the show Weird Science.

Yeah.

We really did.

So she goes, because why is Anthony Michael Hall doing the TV show of the dead zone instead of weird science?

Yeah.

It's like, dude, come on.

And why was Christopher Walken doing the weird science TV show?

It's so strange.

We've never been able to figure out the answers to these.

That's what I would ask God.

Yeah.

Why did Christopher Walken do the weird science TV show?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'd ask him that too.

Because I probably won't know your answer.

I've never seen The Dead Zone.

The movie or the TV show?

I've also never seen it.

Neither.

Never read the book.

Never read the book.

Never read the book.

Never read the book.

Never read the.

Never read it.

Never read about it.

Never read it.

I wonder how the book calls up.

It's an interesting premise.

Ooh, a very interesting premise.

A man shakes hands with people and has a violent.

We should do Paul hasn't seen it.

What are you guys reading right now?

I'm reading a book called The Country of Ice Cream Star, which is a wild book that I'm really liking a lot.

Nice.

Nothing.

I just finished.

A book last night.

Whoa, that's why I'm going to go to the next one.

And then I just read the first page of my next one to kind of get me into that.

Exciting.

So I'm like, I can't.

Can't hook you.

I just finished So Gay For You, which is the memoir by Leisha Haley and Kate Mennig about Elword and their friendship and everything.

Oh, right, right, right.

I love them.

And the book was great.

I did just buy a book.

I just started

an audition.

Let me see the author name because I haven't even, I don't, you know, when something, I have, when some of my books are on my Kindle,

and then I never know who wrote it because it's like they don't show you the cover of it again.

Like, I think when you open your Kindle, the home screen should be whatever book you're currently reading.

So it feels like you're reading a book.

I like that.

But it's by Katie Kitamura, and apparently it's great.

I keep seeing people talking about this book, so I'm excited to read it.

I just bought a book.

It will arrive tomorrow.

At 2 a.m.

Yes, and it will be promptly stolen.

A thief will enjoy it.

A thief in the night.

It's called Such Great Heights: The Complete Cultural History of the Indie Rock Explosion.

It's by Chris Bill,

the stereo gum writer.

That sounds interesting.

Interviews Interviews with all these bands like The Shins, etc.

Social Service Lee title.

Yeah.

Iron and Wine, Pavement Grimes.

I'd love to do that.

Radiohead, et cetera.

And I'll pass.

And Paul

doesn't like music, you were telling me at all.

Yeah.

I can't stand it.

You only like when people talk monotonously.

I like some notes.

Yeah, that's about it.

C-sharp, you were saying.

Love it.

Yeah.

Love it.

Meanwhile, B-flat, hate it.

And of course, I like the one note, A minor.

A minor.

That's just good poetry.

It's great wordplay.

It is great wordplay.

I'm ready to beat this baby bell.

Are you ready to wrap up?

All right, we're ready to wrap it up, guys.

Anything you want to plug?

Varietopia.com.

Get some tickets.

We got tickets.

Our show in Kansas in Overland Park, Kansas.

I will be in Kansas anyway.

It's sold out.

I will be in Kansas.

What day is that?

Man, I don't know.

It's in October.

It's September 11th, I bet.

It is not.

That's when dogs get groomed.

Yeah.

Can I look at it real quick?

I'll tell you.

I'll tell you.

Okay.

Thank you.

Lauren, is that okay with you?

Yeah, I don't know.

You say it's sold out, though.

Why do we care?

No, because there's other shows too.

Well, because you asked me what day it was.

Jesus Christ.

I'm just being a stinker.

You are being a little sticker.

It's kind of adorable.

Is it October 31st?

No, it is not.

That's Halloween and too scary to have a show.

Here's what I'm going to say.

Wednesday, October 15th, Charleston, South Carolina.

Friday, October 17th, Overland Park, Kansas.

Sold out.

Saturday, October 18th, St.

Louis, Missouri to see the naturally occurring arch.

Sunday, October 19th, closing it out in Louisville, Kentucky.

And you're back to the 2020s.

Nevertheless,

we insist that you get some tickets.

All right.

Lauren, anything to promote

other than this cheese you're eating?

September 12th, Paul's birthday.

I think I'm performing with Ultimate Improv Show at Dynasty Typewriter.

Oh, there you go.

I have some other live things as a birthday tribute.

Yeah.

Oh my god, I would love that.

My show with Mary got moved to November for work.

So you'll be gone till November.

For White Cleft special.

Yeah, gone till November.

The show's gone till November.

November's gone.

It's just November 4th, I believe.

And I have nothing.

Okay.

Bye.

Our healthcare system is broken in so many ways.

We have a healthcare system that's supposed to be taking care of people that is making it literally more difficult for people to put food on the table.

So, this season, we'll dive into the challenges headfirst while also thinking about how we can find a better way because we all deserve better.

Uncared for season three from Lemonada Media, available August 6th, wherever you get your podcasts.