Is This a Remix of Beep Beep Beep?

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I'll see you in your dreams.

Hey, it's me, Steve Burns, and I'm so glad you're here because you and I go way back, right?

Yeah.

And look at us now.

Like, we're all grown up.

We've got this new podcast where we talk about all this grown-up stuff, and there's special guests like Jamie Lee Curtis and Bill Nye.

But for the most part, it's about you.

I mean, it's always been about you.

From Lemonada Media, a live with Steve Burns is coming September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts, or you can watch every episode on YouTube.

Yeah, we just just have to let that go.

We just look, it happened.

The end.

Stream!

Oh, shit, I did it again.

We ran to pretend that didn't happen.

Stream!

We are the number one podcast that sings their song by themselves.

Live.

I think that's true.

Yeah.

It has to be.

It has to be.

Welcome to Freedom.

I'm Paul.

I'm Paul.

I'm Lauren.

We're two Pauls and a Lauren.

Two Pauls.

Pauls and a Lauren.

We're in a pizza place.

And a baby.

We.

Why did they.

But then they cut off the pizza.

What's wrong, Paul?

What's on your mind this week?

They shouldn't have had the pizza place and then they took it off.

They took it off.

I know what are they, David Zazla?

And it was two guys, a girl.

Two guys a two.

Two guys and a girl.

It should have been two guys, a girl.

Two guys, a girl.

What about just a girl?

Why do we need the two guys?

What happened to the other two?

The other guy and the girl?

Uh, What?

Because Ryan Reynolds became a superstar.

I know.

The other one is...

I actually was just looking at this show the other day.

A poster of it.

Because

Trailer Howard.

Trailer Howard.

And Taylor Mompson, which is what I always think.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Two different people.

No, no.

But yeah, I was just reminiscing, going down memory lane.

We love memory lane.

Yeah.

I was going down memory lane last night because I watched the movie Crimson Tide.

Now, you've been talking about doing my recommendation.

You've been talking about Scott's recommendation.

We're going to do it for Scott Hasn't Sheen.

No, this was just came up during

the movie because it's a submarine movie.

I love because it's a submarine movie.

I love boat movies.

What about you, 571?

I think I have seen that one because wasn't Bon Jovi in it?

I hope so.

If he's not.

That's not why I saw it.

John Bian Jovi.

I believe that's why it sticks in my mind.

Little twin shoes.

John Bon Jovi is Lieutenant Pete Emmett.

Lieutenant Pete Edmett?

It rhymes?

Lieutenant Pete Emmett.

Yeah, rhyme.

Emmett, but if you want it to rhyme.

I do.

Oh, yeah.

If you want it to rhyme, you can just make it rhyme.

I ain't going to rhyme.

So Lieutenant

Pete Emmett.

And your name is Paul F.

Tom Paul.

That's correct.

And that rhymes as well.

Yeah, that rhymes as well.

So I'm watching this movie.

And who should be in it?

In addition to young James Gendolfini,

young Vigo Mortensen,

young Steve Zahn.

I love Steve Zahn.

The kid from, an older kid from A Bronx Tale.

Another guy who I surely have seen in things but couldn't play.

Oh,

the haunted submarine.

Is George DeZunza in it?

Yes, he is.

I thought it was George DeZebia Bush.

George DeZebia Bush.

Dezunda is the sign of quality.

But there's, couldn't agree more.

You know what I mean?

Couldn't agree more.

First season Google Lawn Order?

Absolutely.

You can afford Dezunda.

But there's an actor in it named Rocky Carroll.

Oh, yeah.

He's been on an NCIS or something like that for a billion years.

He's doing great.

But I used to wait on him at Tower

Video.

And I would always have,

I would always cause a problem with him when he was trying to check out.

Because

he is the second Rocky I ever met.

The first.

Of course, Rocky Balboa.

You bought him in Rocky Two and a Half.

This is a steal you've met with.

Which is going to be released, by the way.

Oh, good.

It's been in the cam for so long.

I've met a total of three Rockies.

They turned my life.

I've got a six for footage into two and a half cops.

Yeah, two and a half cops.

What am I doing?

It was a cop and a half.

And then they added another cop.

Two and a half cops.

I was the additional cop.

Cop and a half.

We're not having fun like that anymore.

I know.

Let's make movies fun again.

What are we doing?

I mean, honestly.

Go on.

There's movies about policemen with dogs.

I need it.

I need Turner and Hooch.

K-9.

So for many years, I would see this headshot hanging in the hallway of the Comedy Works of Philadelphia of Robert, quote, Rocky, end quote, Wilson.

Okay.

Robert Rocky Wilson.

He just, he just went by Rocky Wilson.

He's Rocky as in the movie?

No.

You just met people named Rocky Wilson.

Just a nickname, yeah.

That's what you're saying.

You've met three Rocky Willie.

I've met three people named Rocky.

No, I thought it was Go by Rocky.

Three Rockies.

So then I think, well, there's only one Rocky.

Well, there's my dog.

Well, of course, you met that one.

Yeah, you've met Rocky.

There's also some people named Raquel.

Go by Rocky.

That's and Rocky the Squirrel.

There's also a famous raccoon.

I always have a field pucker of Bonnaroo.

Rocky the Squirrel.

I love that voice, that woman's voice.

There's four Rockies.

At this point, though, though, you haven't met her.

June Foray.

Yeah, you know that kind of raspy voice?

Hey, Bo, wake up!

It's really nice.

Perfect.

It's beautiful how it sounds when you do that.

It's like a song.

It's like sweet enough.

From a bird.

Yeah, it's like a song from a bed.

So when I would go to look up his name,

I would always try to look it up by Robert.

But his given name is Roscoe.

Holy.

That's how he was in the system.

And I want to say five times this happened where I would go and say, like, ah, man, you're not, you're not in here.

Cause I knew he was Rocky.

Uh-huh.

And I would always look it up by Robert.

But you, did, did he, I mean, it is weird that it's not Rocky.

Shouldn't he, isn't the onus on him to say it's like, it's under Roscoe?

I think right.

You know?

No, but he

thought you knew.

We had gone through this so many times.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You see so many people.

I want to, and I apologize every time, but I want to apologize in public.

Wow.

Yeah.

To Roscoe.

Oh, Rocky.

He's standing on the table, folks.

Carol.

Maybe they'll do.

Oh, Captain, my captain.

Maybe they'll do an NCIS live show at Madison Square Garden or something, and you can come on stage.

Oh, my God.

Wouldn't that be fun if they did that?

They should do that.

We're going to put it up on his feet.

We're going to

see it live.

We're going to shake the dust off and really.

I would love it.

I would love it.

I would be there.

NCIS in the round.

I would love to see it.

Speaking of waiting on people, we were at a child's birthday party the other day.

Woo!

Wait, were there images of an alien taken by a 40-year-old?

What?

No, I don't know that.

One of my favorite lines of dialogue in all of cinema, in the movie Signs,

where they are showing the alien on the news.

Oh.

One of the aliens is invaded.

Right.

And the newscaster says, the images were taken by a 40-year-old at a child's birthday party.

Why did they say that?

I don't know, but it's stuck in my brain forever.

It's good.

It's very specific.

Thank you for saying that because you said it like something I should know about.

A 40-year-old.

Yeah.

I mean,

why would that matter?

Why are you specifying?

But these images are from a child's birthday party.

Oh, the child must have done it.

Yeah.

The child must have taken these images.

Well, they were from a 40-year-old.

That was a note they got.

These images.

These images were taken at a child's birthday party.

Okay, so did a six-year-old take them?

How are they?

This is video from a child's birthday party.

VA.

Yes, yes.

Right.

That's all we need.

So I'm at this child's birthday party.

It's a someone turning three.

What's the theme?

It was at a one of these.

Children?

Yeah.

It was at one of these play places.

Okay.

And most of the kids are three or four who are there.

But

there's this one who seems to be seven, I would say, like this boy who's seven.

I don't know what his, I don't know what his relationship is to anyone there.

But I have two interactions with him.

Both when I'm standing next to the food table.

And he's, I'm standing next to the adult food table and he sidles up to me.

Oh, it's like erotic cakes.

I'm going to have some of these titty candles.

We have a table of chicken tenders for the kids, and then for the grown-ups,

we have these filthy cakes.

Kids, don't look over there.

We put the table up higher so the kids can't see.

Well, the seven-year-old kind of fucked us.

Yeah.

Could see over everything.

So this kid, this kid comes over to the adult table, and he's like searching through the pizza boxes.

And he's like, Cheese, cheese, got any city D?

Some purple pizza.

Well, he's like, cheese, purple pizza.

He's like, hey, is there any

did they get any pepperoni here?

And I was like, I don't know.

I love when kids just talk.

It's just funny.

But I was like, I was like,

I was like, polite at that point.

I'm like, oh, yeah, I don't know.

Maybe.

Polite at that point.

Where's this going?

Well, so then I'm sitting on an ice chest next to the kids' table.

Must be cold on your ass.

Yes, my butthole is very cold by the end of this party.

All right.

It had a hole in the center.

Something that ice cream cake.

Scooping up ice.

And I'm sitting on this, having a conversation with another adult, and he sidles up to me and he points at one of the like sauce containers with a white sauce in it.

And he's like,

So, is this ranch?

And I was like,

I have no idea.

Like,

I was like, does this guy think I work here?

What is happening?

And I determined.

Oh, wait, were you wearing your party apron?

Yeah.

Oh, yes.

But I determined that I must still have table waiting energy.

Yeah.

You know, I just seem like I.

It seemed like you would be knowledgeable about what's happening at the table.

Yeah.

Many times I've been approached at the

hostess stand, the host stand at a restaurant because because i'm waiting for a table and someone thinks that i'm the hostess and you're wearing probably dressy clothes i think this guy's gotta work here who would ever wear although one time it happened at the cat and fiddle oh that's crazy who who who works here would be wearing a tie at target you know you just wear a red shirt of any kind of any kind it doesn't have to be a polo you're wearing just a red shirt can it have writing on it i don't think so

i work at target

yeah you can get one that says i work at target or i work here you know actually, I had such a lovely interaction with.

We should make threedom tees that say, yes, I work here.

Those will sell great.

I had a, I work here.

Let's just say threedom.

Yes, I work here.

And then on the back, it says threedom.

Hey, that's kind of good.

Hey, that's good.

That's kind of good.

Who would buy that?

Our idiot fans?

We love you guys.

I mean, they voted to call themselves piss pigs, so I can't really count them.

People are weirdos.

They're weird.

They start screaming it at me in public.

Yeah,

you know, they love the name piss pigs and they own it.

They really,

they're proud of me.

It is very good.

It always gets flagged on Instagram, though, like when people, when I'm on another podcast and piss pigs are commenting.

Those are always hidden.

Yes.

I wish I could go ahead and unlock them.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's that.

That is that.

I mean, that is a good point that that is that.

Can I talk about my bad day?

Oh, no, you had a bad day, Paul.

Having one right now, right now?

Today, today's the bad day.

This is still part of it.

Wait, this is part of it?

No, I haven't come around yet.

That's how many hours have you been up?

We're doing this early in the morning.

I have been up for a long time because

we were supposed to have.

Okay, so behind my desk in my at-home,

there is this just shitty plywood counter.

Okay.

And found, I wanted to do something to make it a nice counter.

I wanted to zhuzh it up.

Yeah.

And don't you think I deserve it?

You do.

I was about to say you deserve it.

You deserve that and nothing else.

So I found this place.

Or Janie found it because first I was thinking, what if I had like a metal counter, like a sort of hammered brass kind of thing or whatever?

And then Janie found this place.

They do this epoxy thing.

Oh, yeah.

And it looks fucking cool.

And so I was going to get a metallic sort of

thing done.

And it's, this is a shelf that, what is on this?

It's like it's countertop.

Countertop.

Got it.

Yeah.

And

so I'm just going to say when somebody gives you a window of time,

it's a lie.

Every single time.

I see.

We just had this.

We just had this where someone, we hired a service.

They said we're going to come between whatever, whatever.

Just nothing.

Didn't hear from them.

The end.

Wait, what?

They never came.

Because a couple episodes ago.

Yeah, the dog.

I got.

You never get back to the dog.

Well,

we did establish that they're going to come the day that they wanted to do it, not my day.

But then I said it has to be the first thing and they said, sure.

And TBD, it still hasn't happened yet.

But did they return your text?

Or did you have to return it?

They did, but they didn't acknowledge the screenshot where I said.

Random gif of me from Orange Moon Live.

Out of context.

They returned the text, but they didn't acknowledge my screenshot.

I wasn't even trying to be rude.

I was just trying to go, just to be clear: you did say this day, and now you're saying this day, right?

Okay, because they also wrote August 8th when they meant September 8th.

It's like we're all over the place.

Right.

Maybe the dog was responding.

It might be lucky enough.

It might be.

Some of it made sense.

That's how good they are.

Yeah.

It's like they've gotten their dogs to be.

And honestly, it's a good, it's a good service that they provide, but the scheduling is very infuriating.

Right.

That shit drive me crazy.

Yeah.

So what happened?

And so, so, what was the window?

I, the window was

seven to eight.

That's a

small window.

It's a small window, which by the time of my leaving to come here, they had not met.

And by the way, they agreed to it.

They could say, I can't do that.

This was their idea.

Yeah, when you do a seven to eight window, you're expecting to get there at seven.

Like it's the first thing of the day.

So I set my alarm.

What are you doing before?

You're not making

another stop and then coming by.

Exactly.

And building another table at 5 a.m.

Right.

So I

set my alarm for, you know, 6 a.m.

Then, of course, I have horrible sleep because I'm thinking about, you know,

waking up in time and having to come here and all that shit.

Table falling on your head.

And so as of this recording, I have no idea if the guy ever showed up or not.

I hate that.

Really?

So no messages.

Did you ever call them to say, yo.

13 minutes ago, Janie said, no one is here yet still.

You know, I find it interesting because I think a lot of a lot of times this happens with like independent contractors.

Yes.

And they just do whatever they want, but it seems like it always works out like for them.

Like they're, they're fine.

Yeah, of course.

I mean, like, they don't give a shit.

Like, they don't.

If you need something, you'll show up.

It will not work out for you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

And if they needed your money or the job, they would show up.

Yeah.

That said, I've had some great experiences with people making deliveries and picking stuff up.

Well, of course.

I just want to say, I would say I primarily have good experiences.

I want to say I primarily have good experiences as well.

But it's times like this.

But I hate a large window.

I hate an eight-hour window.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

I have stuff to do.

And sometimes it'll be an eight-hour window, and they always come in that eighth-hour.

I like when they say, and we'll give you a text or something when we're on our way.

And that never happens.

And that never happens.

Why is that?

I don't know.

Why lie?

Yeah, why is everyone a liar?

And I get in my car.

I'm about to get in my car.

And I say, oh, I'm going to grab my bottle of water.

Good.

Yeah.

And

you're going to need it soon.

Make sure I hydrate.

I just filled it up the night before.

So you got night water.

Yeah.

I like night water the next day.

Leftover water.

I love it.

The molecules just have time to sell.

It tastes even better the next day, I think.

Got a sport top.

Click up, click down.

What happened?

What do you think happened?

It spilled all over you.

It's

sprayed out on your virginity for the one millionth time I have done this.

Too big to fit in the cup holder.

Yeah.

So I just put it on the seat next to me.

Yeah.

Dude.

Had not closed the lid.

Let me tell you about this.

Look at this.

Pick it up.

Why is it so light all of a sudden?

Let me tell you about this guy.

This is an open top water, but it's called a hydro flask.

I

twist on the top, hydro flask, not great for drinking on the go.

It does fit in the car cup holder, however, twice now I have

jostled it with my hand or sudden stop, and it just spills all over the fucking place, fills the whole thing with water.

I'm like, it's ridiculous what I'm dealing with.

The amount of water guzzling out, yeah, so much.

Yeah, and it's like make a sound or something.

I'm just like, Do I know this is happening?

Buddy, stop it.

Like, I look down, and there's an envelope on my seat that's got wet on the edges, and I'm like, oh God damn.

That was the letter you were sending to Jeannie to say.

She thinks I'm overseas fighting in the war.

And I have to keep it up.

I also have to, the next time I see her, I have to limp.

The good news is it's just water.

It is just water.

And I'm like, is this going to stink up my car?

Is it going to get moldy in there?

Water?

Because it went through the passenger seat onto the floor.

If it hits some old food that you dropped in there, then yeah.

I never do that.

Okay, sorry.

Okay.

Are you because I imagine you both keep your cars clean?

Yes.

You keep it clean.

Yes.

I like to keep my car clean as well.

Every time I get out, I'll take out the trash

accumulated.

Me too.

I've cleaned cars of friends before.

I like to get in there and just really.

Sometimes I think.

So your car is messy.

Because sometimes I think.

I just want to put her to work.

When you see,

and this has been many years of me saying this in my life, but like, you know, driving around, people, when people drive around a pile of trash, I think that's how you feel about yourself.

Yeah.

Sometimes there's a pile of trash.

That used to be my cars in high school because it used to be my locker and everything because I would just not want to do my homework, but I would know it's important.

So I would hold on to all of this stuff.

I had the vaguest memories of my locker in high school.

Yeah.

Like, I remember I guess putting my coat in there.

I had some pictures hanging up in there.

What did I hang up?

I don't even fucking.

Did I have pictures?

I don't even know if I had pictures.

I hung stuff up.

I had a mirror, you know.

Well, of course.

All that natural stuff.

I feel like there was a sort of fridge style.

There was a long door and then a short little shelf door.

Yeah.

Did you?

I don't remember.

We didn't have two doors.

It was just you open it and there's a shelf at the top and it's or it's long.

Or sometimes we would have a half where you only have a top half or a bottom half.

Yeah.

And you don't have a lot of doors.

I don't remember there being two doors.

Maybe I'm wrong.

But yeah, I don't remember.

I guess I put a front door and a back door.

Yeah.

Sometimes I sneak out of school through the locker.

Yeah.

I remember watching.

You'd watch like 902 and 0 or whatever, and then they had lockers outside.

That blew my sunwork outside.

That's crazy.

Yeah, it was California, baby.

That's so cool.

I know where I'm from.

So cool.

You can't do that.

You can't do that where it gets cold.

You can't do that.

Speaking of cars, we just got a couple of new cars.

A couple.

Just

because we bought, or we leased.

It turned out.

They both expired at the same time.

And so we ordered these cars and they both came in the same week.

That's exciting.

It's very nice.

But

the one that Kulop got,

I was,

she wasn't around, so I received it and was, the guy took me through all the features.

And it has like one of these electronic buttons to push to open the door.

And I was like, I said, so how, so what happens if you drive into a lake and you, it shorts out the electrical system and you need to get out?

And the guy goes,

I guess just kick out the window.

And you should get this little tool.

No, there, we found it.

We found it ourselves later.

There is one in the car.

there's an emergency latch yes that will open the door oh no there's like a tool that'll crack your window yes we we have that as well okay good and it has because don't go driving to the lakes but you know

there's millions in the country so you it could happen we found that out the hard way this tool also has a sonic alarm that i accidentally triggered oh you doctor who

a sonic alarm i'm doctor who so it was the 16th doctor i'm so sorry i'm so where does the thing live in the car so it goes into the cigarette lighter right oh And it also has like a plug, like a, I've got a

not even know.

It's a multi, this is a multi-tool, right?

But it also has the thing to knock out your window, right?

Hey, sure.

Fine.

I don't know.

Do you know what I mean?

Sorry.

Yeah.

But it has a sonic thing, which I accidentally flipped on and had never heard it before and didn't know what it was.

And I thought it was the song at first that was playing.

And I'm like, this is a weird part of the song.

And then this.

I usually love beep beep beep.

Yeah.

And then I turned that.

It usually switches into something like boop, boop, boop.

is this a remix of beep beep beep.

Is this a remix?

A remix

of yep yep yep turn down the radio

pregnant again.

You're laughing at me so much.

No

ever again?

No.

Emphatic no

turned down the radio is still going.

I was like what car is and and I started fearing I was being pulled over and I couldn't figure out what it was and I was like what is there must be an alarm in my car.

I'm searching the dash.

I pull over and searching the dash everything.

Turned out it was this little tiny tool.

Well we already knew that.

You're a little tiny.

You knew a tool.

I should have started in Media Res.

Yeah.

You're a little tiny tool.

You're a little tiny tool.

Thanks, buddy.

You're a little tiny tool.

Dude, I'll be right back.

I thought I had one of those little hands.

I want to go check

that I have.

I do.

I got to check in my glove box.

Yeah.

I have to look into this.

I did have the whistle with the compass on it.

What?

You ever seen it?

There's a whistle.

It's like a help whistle.

Yeah, there's this little whistle.

It's not to figure out what direction's north.

There's a little whistle called birdie that I saw at at a place recently.

Oh, yeah.

It's like a, I know these guys.

It's a, I think it was a mother-daughter that made it to help if you're, you know, feeling unsafe out in public.

Janie gave them as gifts to the gals in the neighborhood.

That's good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I thought it, I thought it's a handy.

I won't be going by that neighborhood.

Yeah.

I thought you like beep, beep, beep.

That's true.

I want to make you go beep, beep, beep.

All right, we have to.

I want to make you go beep, beep, beep.

We have to take a break, break, break.

The origins of this podcast were once just a dream.

Remember that day?

Yeah.

I had a weird stream last night.

What was it?

Wake up.

You guys had a nightmare.

Oh, no.

I didn't have ever started a podcast.

Oh, no.

Go back to sleep, honey.

That'll never happen.

That dream turned into the podcast and business you're listening to today.

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Oh my, who's this little puppet on the wall?

I love this puppet.

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Ah, that's true.

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That's the only one that I use.

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riddle be this what's softer than cashmere and warmer than wool um

softer than cashmere warmer no it's not a riddle it's an alpaca hoodie it's not a riddle it's not a riddle i'm sorry why did you phrase it like that i uh i was trying to get something started in gotham oh okay oh you're one of those

gotham super villains Yeah, well, hopefully.

Fingers crossed.

See, I've heard of these alpaca hoodies.

I had to check them out after hearing some of my favorite podcasters talking about PACA.

Who are your favorite podcasters?

You guys.

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You know, their best-selling hoodie is lightweight, but it's still cozy and it doesn't stretch out, doesn't pill, and somehow keeps me warm when it's cold and cool when it's hot.

I don't know how it works, but basically it just adapts to whatever life takes you.

Riddle be this.

Is each one handcrafted in Peru by artisans who stitch their name into the tag?

A personal signature of quality and care?

Okay, Batman.

Can you take this?

No, no, no, don't, don't, don't call it.

Don't call it.

Okay, all right.

It's not a riddle.

I have been living in my pack of hoodie ever since it arrived in the mail.

You know, I live in California.

You don't want to get more specific than that?

No, just generally here.

And the daily temperatures can be all over the place, especially at this time of year.

You know, it's a little cool and overcast in the morning and it's hot in the afternoon.

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I'm going to shine the light into the sky.

Don't.

To grab your PACA hoodie and a free pair of alpaca crew socks, head to go.packaapparel.com/slash threedom and use my personal code, not Paul's, not Lauren's, threedom.

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And enter code threedom.

I am Batman.

Oh, no.

Shand, we're back.

Shaman.

Shamon.

Ryan Holweet.

Ryan Holwell.

Ryan Holweet.

I'm seeing the weird alpha.

Oh, sure.

Ham on.

Ham on.

Ryan Holt.

What is it?

Ham on, Hamon.

Name Ryan.

You'll figure it out.

If we just give him a hundred thousand dollars.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Give them enough rope.

Give them enough rope.

They'll fing us long.

Well,

so I'm tired.

So you're having a bad day.

So you've been, first of all, you've been up since six.

I've been up since five.

I've been up

to a business.

I've been up six.

You've chosen his life.

Okay.

Fair enough.

I was raised on the doctor.

Yeah, I mean,

you are able to sleep in essentially every day unless you have a job.

It's true.

What's your normal get-up time?

Because I know Janie is always texting way earlier.

Do you know it has changed because my normal getup time used to be about like seven or eight.

And then lately, I've been sleeping in when I can, when I have the ability to.

God, I wish I could.

To like 11.

I can't even imagine.

I can't even do it anymore.

Because even when I've been in a hotel.

I thought I couldn't do it anymore.

Yeah.

But yeah.

That's nice.

Man, I remember the days in late teens through late 20s, probably, where it was like you would stay up till two or three, probably

get up at 11.

oh my god it was great i think also

part of it is that i don't sleep that well our mattress is not great we're getting a new mattress i heard about that on your podcast

your mattress podcast and i had never heard of that you did a reverse of

a mortifying thing no this is how

you did a reverse of the podcast where it was most of it was about mattresses and the ads were i like to listen to your podcast i love to hear what you guys are up to i'm very touched by that and i i get very excited when there's a a new episode.

And I never heard of that podcast or that

I'd never heard of that mattress brand.

And now

there's a store of one that I saw.

I was very surprised because Janie was asking me, do you have a coupon for any of these from your podcast?

I'm like, I haven't heard a mattress ad in a long time.

We should be getting one soon.

We should be.

We've been trying.

Fingers crossed.

I was thinking about it the other day because we were talking about this off mic.

And what is it about, did everyone just get a mattress?

I think everyone got one when we were doing all the ads.

Like everyone was doing podcasts.

Did did they all go out of business?

Because we were, of course, we were a Lisa.

I think there was the boom.

Lisa's still there.

There was the boom of them.

Mattress boom.

Of being able to order it in the mail.

So everyone replaced it.

And also, maybe it was an awareness thing of like.

Now everyone knows about them.

Right.

You know what I mean?

So, like, why bother?

We got it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's, it sucks having to go.

It fucking sucks.

But you know, it's interesting because I have

one like

new cool mattress from a cool company.

and then I have one that's from like a mattress store.

Who has glasses on it, or why is it so cool?

It's so cool because, well, actually, it is the helix

with the cooling technology.

Oh, so it's a lovely mattress.

I love it, but my guest room, which we've now made into Gigi's room, big news.

Whoa, they split up.

Big news.

How did she take this?

It's going great for everyone, I think.

That's great.

But the guest bed is still in there, and it's like a mattress that I got when I bought the bed.

Gigi has that all to herself.

Yeah, she just rolls around.

The bed I got at like, you know, West Elm or Critton Barrel.

And I bought the mattress at the same time, I think, through them.

But it's like an old school style mattress.

It doesn't fold into a box.

You know what I mean?

Right, right, right, right.

I love it.

So I might say, you need to go lay down on some mattresses.

That's what we did when we got this mattress.

Oh, I thought this was a box.

I feel too embedded.

No, no, no.

We're getting a mattress delivered.

I don't think it's a box, though.

I think it is like a, you know, full.

It doesn't roll.

Yeah.

And the mattress, the previous mattress we have was, which we have right now, is a old-fashioned.

We went in and laid down on some fucking,

you don't, you're too embarrassed to lay down.

You don't lay fully.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

It's like you, you're too, it's like if you really wanted to test it out, you'd be there for like half an hour.

You know what you got to do is read reviews because honestly, I was buying a pillowtop mattress pad and I we talked about this, I swear to God.

But I was in the store and then I googled the reviews and then I picked the one based on the highest reviews and I love it.

But I'm like, that must be true with any mattress in the world.

Yeah, yeah.

Even like an old school style.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know.

So I sleep like shit.

What if you, uh, what if you got a sleep number bed?

I can't imagine doing that.

You're up, Janie's down.

You're going this way.

It's too hospitally to me.

I know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I can't do that.

I don't like them.

I don't know anything about it.

My friend's parents have them.

It's for your friend's parents.

You know what I mean?

Until your friend's parents.

Who has that bed?

Your friend's parents.

Although that said, if any of these companies want to advertise with us,

we're willing to take them on.

There has to be parents.

I have no complaints about

any mattress that we have advertised.

I have laid on myself and I've loved it.

Yeah.

Because I either gave it to someone in my family or I used it myself.

Yeah, absolutely.

I like our current mattress so much.

I feel like we've had it now for a good, probably longer than what is recommended, but it's so good.

I don't want to give it away.

Give it away, give it away now.

You know what's hard, too, is you're supposed to rotate the mattress.

I've never done that.

We've done it a couple of times.

Never done it.

We've done it.

Is it worth it?

Gosh.

Yeah, probably.

I don't know.

I mean,

we're very comfortable with it.

This one we're getting, we have to rotate it, I think,

a couple times in a month.

In a month?

It's part of the trial period.

Oh,

if you don't rotate it, then they can figure it out and

stick you with the map.

No, no, no.

They monitor.

They come over to your house and they watch you rotate.

They watch you sleep.

Do you ever watch you?

Do you ever sleep?

It's not weird.

They just come over and they watch you rotate the mat.

But you could rotate it back when they're gone.

No, you can't.

Really?

Because they put the paddock on.

Do they put a padlock on?

They put clamps on.

They put clamps.

The clamps are really hard to get off.

The clamps are hard to get on.

It's like a boot.

It's like a boot.

Is it a car?

Do you ever switch sides of the bed?

Because we do that every once in a while.

I go, I think it's time for me to be over there now.

We've never done that.

Oh, wow.

We've never done that.

We We do it every few months.

We'll be like, I think it's good if I'm over here now.

I don't know if I could do that.

I like access to certain things.

I like it, but it throws me off for a few days.

I'll keep going over to my side.

Yeah.

I know a couple that have no established side of the bed.

That's fucking mayhem.

Like, like every day, it's just

anarchy.

Anarchy.

Whoa.

Mere anarchy is loose to the business.

Just whoever gets there first.

I guess, yeah.

Wow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But it's like, don't you have.

What if you got a book?

What if you got

your charger?

I got my ear plugs.

I got all my shit.

Yeah,

that's crazy.

I don't like this.

I can't have that.

I can't.

They need to, they need to break up.

Who are these people?

I'd rather not say.

Let's tell them, though.

Just say.

If you're listening to this, it's time for you to knock it off.

Your marriage days.

I'm trying to think in like when I go to a hotel,

if I end up on the same side of the bed that I I would when I'm at home, I find that it's I just naturally pick the side that's closest to the restroom, no matter what.

Oh, I think I that's what Janie does.

I think I go closest to the window, like away from the door.

Oh, really?

I go closest to the door, too,

because I want you want to beat that ass whoever comes in.

You like to be as close to as many doors as possible.

Well, I bathroom door, front door, emergency accessories, emergency door, you know.

I was like out of town recently in a hotel, and I was like, it's going to sleep in.

And then a fucking little baby was outside the door screaming.

And I was like, this isn't fair.

I have a child.

And I'm away from my child.

I'm not hearing this for one day.

And then they were out there in the hall.

I'm like, move it along.

Yeah.

I support that you need to cry, but can you just do it somewhere else?

Every once in a while, I catch myself in a hotel like with, you know, we're on tour or whatever.

talking to other people and realizing, oh, no,

we have to get out of here because people are trying to sleep.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's fun.

When we go on tour or whatever, and there's a big group of people, you can tend to have these loud, boisterous conversations about

the hallelujah.

Yeah, we're not going down there.

And then you go, oh shit, no.

That is true because it feels so dead in the hall.

You just kind of forget that there's people behind those doors.

Okay, I'll give the baby the benefit of the doubt.

No, baby shouldn't be in hotels.

I always forget to request a room away from the elevator, and so often I'm like right next to that elevator.

I get that elevator room sucks so badly.

Yeah, it really does.

That sucks.

Because

She's like,

Yeah, and just hearing bing, bing, and like people's luggage all the time.

You want to hear beep beep beep.

You don't want to heep beeping.

Beep beep beep.

Oh, we did our little trip to San Diego last week.

Oh, yeah.

Tell us how it went.

Where did you go?

Yes, we went to San Diego.

We did four days because Holly had four days in a row off

for Labor Day, I guess.

There was some admin day or something for work.

And so she's not a baby having days off.

She's not a baby off.

She's not a baby.

She's a big kid.

Does she acknowledge she's a big kid?

Because she'll be like, Am I a teenager?

And she's like, Am I seven?

Because a lot of times we'll trying to give Emmy praise, we'll say, You're such a big girl, you know, regarding her body training or whatever.

And she always vehemently says, I'm not a big girl.

She'll go back and forth, I'm a strawberry baby, is what she says.

Oh, that's a strawberry baby.

Although now she's taken it to saying, I'm a witch.

I'm not a big boy.

A witch.

I'm a strawberry baby.

It's so cute.

We stayed in an Airbnb near the zoo, and that was great.

Yeah, that was just Mike waking up.

Oh, no,

but it was kind of great to be right by the zoo because

then there wasn't the like traffic going to the zoo where then you start to lose steam on either end.

You know, like it was like we kind of just were home immediately around.

Yes, yes, yes.

Um, it was a beautiful zoo, it's known to be one of the biggest and best zoos there is.

Truth, and if you have, if you have opinions about zoos, great, and happy, happy to hear them.

It's beautiful.

It's quite large, so it's a lot of walking, and we didn't see much, honestly.

We were there for like two hours.

We were maxed out.

What was everybody's favorite animal?

We really, the gorilla came right up to the window and sat right by us.

That was cool.

And watch the other gorillas.

So one of the guys.

They have pandas.

I'm not like them.

They have pandas at the zoo, and it's very special because they're very rare to see.

However, you have to either have a ticket, which was already sold out by the time I was getting our tickets.

Oh, you can't separate.

You have to wait in the line.

And the line was like a million hours long.

I'm like, I'm not getting in this line.

The gorilla couldn't hook you up?

I wish.

And I was like, you know what?

I read Good Night Gorilla every night.

We want to see Panda.

You help?

So we bought panda stuffed animals, which honestly

scratched the itch.

Yeah, exactly.

Who cares?

Same thing.

They were thrilled.

Yeah.

They love those things.

If you've seen a video of a panda, you've seen a panda.

Yeah.

There's not much to.

at this point, right?

Almost.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There's two bugs left.

Wow.

Yeah.

We went, also, we went out to dinner, which is kind of a bold.

We don't do that often.

Yeah.

We don't do that often because it's

a lot.

And we went to Easter seats.

Yes.

And we were like, you know what?

Mike was like, let's go someplace that we want to eat, not based on like what they have for fans.

Oh, and then did they find stuff that they had?

Everything was fine.

They barely ate it anyway.

And I don't care.

I had a great steak and it was lovely dinner.

And

honestly, a couple drinks.

And I was like, this is so nice.

I was like, about to cry.

I was like, this is so great.

Even though it was like really stressful and not that fun.

When we were leaving, I was like, we have to do this all the time.

This is all the time.

Next day, we did not go out.

We were like, no.

And then the next day went to the aquarium.

What were we going to say?

I was going to ask about the aquarium.

I got to go to that aquarium.

Were you really?

I was.

Because it's not good.

Oh, no.

My friend is from there.

And I said, what should we do?

We're obviously going to do the zoo, the aquarium, this that.

He goes, I would say you could skip the aquarium.

I go, we're probably still going to do it because I've been talking about it and we love aquariums.

And so I ignored his advice.

It was a bit far.

It was like a 20-minute drive, which, you know, is a lot with kids when you're trying to like do anything.

The parking.

The parking was crazy.

They only had like

a hundred spots, maybe 200 spots, parking spots, but this, it was full.

You're driving around in a loop.

We finally got like an EV parking spot, but it required like I had to download two different apps to get like a parking permit and do all this fucking bullshit and we had to pay for that parking spot even though the other ones were free so we we did that we finally get in it's of course expensive

it's like two steps long we saw an octopus we're like whoa okay what i will say there are a lot of adults who were like really pushy and they did not care for my children walking around even though there's tons of kids yeah it felt like everyone in san diego hates strollers and they don't like little kids like it was like there was a lot of pushiness around that.

And

a grown man who was probably my age up on the fucking tank looking at fish and like, whoa.

And like, you know, my kids are trying to see.

And then like nose to the glass.

Yes.

He was like, and then I went, he's high as fuck.

I was like, of course he's high.

He was, because then he was sitting there watching the tank for a long time.

I was like, he's just all platonic.

Yeah.

But then it was, you know, it was really not that great, but they had fun.

But it was, I was like, well, that's what it's all about, isn't it?

It was fine.

But then we went to Belleville Park, which is also beautiful.

Yeah.

And it was very hot and very crazy, but we got beautiful pictures, and that was worth something to me.

And then by that point, we were like, we're going home and we're not leaving tonight.

We're not going anywhere.

That's right.

We just watched movies in that rule.

In the hotel room?

In our Airbnb.

Oh, got it.

And then the next day, we went out to breakfast before we left.

And that was also, oh, they, you know, I fed them, but before we went out to breakfast because they were up so early, they both ate breakfast.

And then I got to sit there and just eat my meal without trying to force someone to eat something.

something and it was great that is great yeah they just colored and stuff and i was like holly ate ice

it's harder with two right for sure

when we see

one real when they hype up people like and they go oh we should have another it's easier because they can play with each other there's a little bit of that but i'm like when we see someone walking with one baby we're like oh my god they don't know how easy they have but then you go but you don't know how easy you have it because it's all relative and it's still hard with one child so it doesn't matter i'll say it again.

Someone told my mother when she was pregnant with her second child: if you're going to have two, you might as well have 10.

See, I felt like if I'm going to have two, I might as well stop because it does

having sex entirely.

Yeah, never do it again.

But it does feel like it does feel like.

You're too oral.

Jesus.

It does feel like two

different moods, two different wants and needs, and then you're just, you and schedules.

The idea of three, I

applaud those who have more.

I curse them.

I can't imagine.

I mean, one is one is already way too much.

Yeah.

Not to mention the, you know, I mean, the expenses.

I mean, I think when you think about people having so many kids, I'm like, how do they afford to go to do all these things?

It's just occurring to me that the TV show Eight is Enough.

Yes.

That Eight is Enough is supposed to be kind of a funny title.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like that would make you laugh every time you heard.

It's an absurd, yeah.

I think we'll stop at eight.

It's an absurd amount of children to have.

Yeah.

Eight.

But I always admired

lives with love.

I don't know that one.

Always spend

packaging in shiny new dimes.

How many are in your family?

Troubled by

the changing times.

There's a plate of homemade cookies.

How many are in your family?

You're in the the kitchen windows and windowsill.

How many of you are in your family?

I got to.

But it is enough to fill our lives with love.

No, no, no.

Because it is enough to fill our lives with love.

No, what about just the tune?

It was sung by Grant Good Eve.

Just the 10 of us.

Just the 10 of us.

That's another show.

It's another show.

We can make it in.

Which is also supposed to be kind of funny, right?

It's only a plan.

How about who's the boss?

It's kind of supposed to be kind of funny, right?

Who's the 13?

Yeah.

Who's the 13?

Who's the 13 Reasons Why?

Yeah.

It's supposed to be kind of funny.

Yeah.

It's supposed to be kind of funny.

Supposed to be kind of funny.

Supposed to be kind of funny.

Now, that was a sitcom based on a t-shirt.

Is that correct?

Supposed to be kind of funny.

Who's the boss?

13 Reasons Why.

Oh, I don't know.

What t-shirt?

I think it was a shirt that said the.

What t-shirt do you think?

The one that says federal body?

It wasn't 13 Reasons Why it was 13.

Oh, wait, 13 Reasons Why.

13 Reas Why.

That was the suicide one.

Yeah.

And then 13 Rules for Dating My Daughter.

Eight simple rules.

Eight simple rules.

Oh,

I thought he cared about his daughter.

It's only eight.

I love that show.

I never seen it.

That was the late John Ritter.

I know.

He was like my favorite.

He was the best.

Yeah.

Oh, we have to take a break.

Okay.

Get ready to embark on an unforgettable journey where the worlds of fantasy, sci-fi, gaming, and more come to life like never before.

Okay, I'm ready.

You said to get ready.

I packed everything.

Are you all ready?

Yeah, I'm ready now.

Okay, you want to be?

What are you talking about?

Yeah, what are you talking about, though?

Because I'm ready now.

All right, you figured it out.

That's right.

I'm talking about Comic-Con the Cruise.

Oh, Comic-Con the Cruise?

What?

This is more than a convention, folks.

You'll get to meet and interact with fan-favorite celebrities, enjoy intimate experiences you won't find anywhere else, and skip the endless lines found at other land-based events.

Okay, let me guess.

This happens from January 30th to February 3rd, 2026.

And you're sailing from Tampa to Nassau on the celebrity constellations.

You're a great guest.

This four-day luxury cruise fuses your favorite parts of the Comic-Con community with unique, interactive, and immersive experiences designed exclusively for fans like you.

Huh?

Four days at sea, where everyone is welcome, and every event is open to all.

It's the ultimate fan adventure.

I remember hearing about this.

There's going to be epic theme nights.

There's going to be cosplay, panels, workshops, and late night conversations and parties.

This is everything I go to Comic-Con in San Diego for.

It's a floating community.

It's a floating community.

Where you can truly be yourself.

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Chand, we're back.

Chand, we're back.

And

hey, we love you here at Threedom.

We talk.

I have always said, I love all of our fans.

We talk about you guys off-mic so much.

Yeah.

And not gossiping.

No, we're just like, I wonder what they're doing right now.

God, I love our fans.

I wish I knew what they were up to right now.

I wish I could join them.

What are you guys doing?

I wish I could spy on them.

Yeah.

I wish I was like some sort of omniscient god-like figure that could see everyone, see every one of our fans all day.

I wish I could control death.

Yeah.

What do you mean by that?

Yeah.

Yeah, not at random.

No, no, no.

Intentionally.

Yes.

Yeah.

I wish I was the arbiter of unholy justice.

We've always said that about our fans.

Yeah, I have always said that.

Yeah.

So in any case, sometimes we like to hear directly from our fans, and they leave us voicemails at the famous, famous website.

You better do a test.

Yeah.

Do a test?

Yeah.

Of what?

A pregnancy test.

Shut up.

That's not cool.

So I'm happy.

Do you mind if we administer it on this website?

Okay, I'll piss on you.

Please tell me if it smells like pregnant.

Smells like pregnant.

Hmm.

Decepting top notes of fetus.

So our fans leave us these messages on this famous website, had claims8.com.

Oh, can we talk about had claims8.com a little bit?

Yeah, I wouldn't mind.

As you know, we were hacked by North Korea.

Yeah.

But we are.

And all of our business is out there now.

Yes.

Everyone in North Korea is making fun of us, and it sucks.

And we're getting pwned.

All of our emails are out there about what we think about each other, what we think about our friends, our business dealings.

It's honestly humiliating.

I can't believe we didn't bring it up till now, but we were trying to move past it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

but they destroyed our site.

Yeah.

Took all our data.

All our base now belongs to them.

Yep.

And we have been rebuilding.

Yeah.

And we have been rebuilding back rebetter.

That's right.

We've rebuilt hackclaims8.com,

where now it's

very easy to get to it.

Yes.

The URL, we changed it.

We tweaked it just a little bit.

Yeah.

It will look the same to you.

It looks the same, but you

bless you.

Is everything all right?

It was a cough.

I'm just blessing you.

I know you cough.

I don't want to be blessed.

Why don't we say bless you for coughs?

Well,

it's just as stupid as sneezing is a big event.

Sneezing, we're trying to keep the soul in your body.

It would be one thing

if someone sneezed and like 50% of the time they died when they sneezed.

And you were like, oh, bless you.

You're alive still.

Yay.

Oh, can I tell you something random?

Yeah.

That's not about that.

Holly loves my big Sue action figure.

She doesn't know that it's me, and it feels too complicated to explain.

Really?

Emmy knows mine is.

I mean, I guess, I guess, well, yours looks like you, not especially, but it's she, I think she just was told.

Yours looks more like you than hers.

Thank you.

I mean, come on.

I have to explain more if I'm doing that.

This is me in a being silly costume.

I was just, I was actually explaining my job to her yesterday.

Like, sometimes she asked what I think.

I wonder about this.

When does she know what the concept of job is?

And what does mommy and daddy do?

Yesterday, she said, What is so?

So, what were you, what did you think when I was gone all day?

Like, she kind of said something like that, or like, and I was like, oh, what do you mean?

Like, what do I do?

Or, like, what did I?

And she's like, yeah.

And I was like, well, I missed you.

And I, and I was like, but my job, because I had a wardrobe fitting yesterday.

So I was like, well, I have, you know, what we do, what daddy and I do for our job is like, we get dressed up like different things and people put us in costumes.

And I was like, here's my costume.

And she was like laughing.

And she thought it was, but I haven't explained.

I thought I could show her a picture of Big Sue, maybe now that I've set this layer and then be like, this is me.

being this.

And then we made this document.

I'm worried that if you showed her the episode with you as Big Sue, that she would get scared or something in the middle of it and say, turn it off.

I don't want to watch it.

I don't want to show her the episode.

I would would show her a picture of me, right?

Right.

I think.

Start with a picture of her naming during the Big Sue segment.

Yeah.

Start with a picture and then do like 29.33 per second.

Okay.

Well, she brought it, anyway.

She brings it in her backpack to school.

She was like, and we had put it into like this little cabinet in our bathroom.

It's like a glass cabinet.

And she was like, what's Big Sue doing in there?

And then we were like, she was like,

she wanted to go in there.

What's Big Sue doing in there?

It's so funny that she's saying Big Sue.

I know.

Sometimes she says Big Sue's.

I feel like Kulop told her that it was me.

Yeah.

And so now, and she's retained it.

Yours is you.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, dressed, yeah, yeah.

Dressed as what?

A sweater?

Come on, man.

Stop doing this.

Yours is you.

Or you mean the one where you're wearing a costume?

Well, no, I mean, no, I'm, yeah, I'm just, I don't really dress in the sweater or whatever.

You don't wear a sweater.

But yeah.

At least you could imagine it.

It has the hallmarks of me.

Head, face.

There's a Scott Augerman written all over it.

Body.

But then the bang bang book is in one of the rooms of our house, and she's always like, daddy's book, and then points to me on it.

So I think, but then anytime she goes, are you going to work?

It just means, am I going downstairs here?

I don't think she understands.

Yeah, I mean, when I go to work, it's at any hour of the day, and it can mean anything.

She was at the door when I was doing Scott Hasn't Scene with Sean and, or sorry, Sprague.

And she was tapping on the glass and looking in and trying to get my attention.

And then later on, she was like...

She's looking through the window.

She was like, you were talking to your friend?

So you were talking to me.

I thought you went to work.

It is working.

You liar.

It is work.

Trust me, it's not easy.

Back in the days of the Pod F Tompcast, which was

my very first podcast,

we used to record at Evan Schleter's studio.

And his daughter, who was very young at the time, was

there.

And she was old enough to kind of,

I care, I think she was old enough to to kind of be on her own in the next room, kind of playing.

And she came to the doors.

She came to the door as we were recording.

There's like a little tap on the sliding glass door.

And we turn around.

She's holding up a sign that says, I'm bored.

And you're like, the reviews are in.

The reviews are in.

It was really good stuff.

I got a picture of it.

It's great.

It's funny.

That's how bored she was.

She was willing to stand there and hold up that sign all you did for me to get a picture.

Bob Dylan style.

Then I called her on on stage.

What if Bob Dylan did that?

Like, he had a big conch.

He's like, I got something new I'm working on.

And then he just held up a sign that said, Import.

And everyone's like, Are you going to play music?

He just stands there with the sign.

I mean, that could be interesting.

It would be noteworthy at the very least.

It'd be worth taking a picture of.

I'll say that.

Sure.

I would think, speaking of concerts, saw Trap the other night.

What's that?

Trap is the movie.

The M Night Sean Won movie.

Yeah.

That your husband watched with us.

What?

For Scott Ashton?

Josh Hartnett is in it.

Oh, that one.

I remember being called Trap.

It's really fun.

Josh Hartnett.

We were all excited that he was back.

Yeah.

The Hart Renaissance.

Yeah.

Art Renaissance.

Arnissance.

Kill us if we had the chance.

And then.

Kill us if he's not.

But it's really funny when he is.

I mean, the movie obviously knows what it is doing.

Yes.

It's a fucking goofy movie.

It's not the goofy movie.

It's not a goofy movie.

A goofy movie.

Oh, is it only a goofy movie?

Yes, I thought that.

That means I could put out a movie called the goofy.

Yes.

It's just one of many.

I have to.

And it wasn't about the character goofy.

It's just the movie itself is very goofy.

Yeah.

Oh, no.

It'll be a goofy movie.

It's just a goofy movie.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But he switched, he, he, you know, after he blinds someone by putting a glass bottle in a French fry fryer.

Yes.

He just grabs a fucking apron and then goes up on the roof for whatever.

The cops are like, hey, what are you doing up here?

This guy doesn't work there.

I know.

The apron guy should not be on the road.

The nine-foot middle-aged man does not work at the hot dog stand.

Yeah, this model-looking guy.

Yeah, he's very tall.

Like, you should be an actor.

Josh Hartnett.

He's a tall guy.

You're going to see about this.

Yeah, look at him in Oppenheimer.

He towers above everything.

That's what I found out.

That

Killian Murphy is a short king.

He is a short king.

5'7.

He's not even a medium king.

Josh Hartnett's 6'3, just in case you were.

6'3.

That's tall.

That's tall, baby.

For an actor?

You put him next to a 5'7 guy,

and then you're like, I gotta look up this little guy's height.

Yeah, I know.

That's the thing.

I mean, we tall people can look quite large.

You make me sick.

You make me sick.

Well,

the fans love sending us messages to this website.

Had claims ape.

Oh, that's what we were talking about.

So, okay.

So, yes, you can still leave voicemails.

Yes, you can still do that.

No, it is not a phone plan anymore.

No, sorry.

And all of your phone plans were canceled

and they were non-refundable if you read.

And if somebody knocked on your door and they took your phone away.

Someone knocked on my door.

Someone knocked on your door.

They took my phone plan away.

They took your phone plan away.

And I can still use my handclaims.com anytime of the day.

The novelty dictionary, it's still a dictionary, no longer a novelty dictionary.

It's just a dictionary.

There's still like some words like asshole with a picture of somebody, but that's just a that's the

here's the problem: all the definitions and words are correct, they are not connected to each other, and you can't buy it and put in a definition of your own for your friend as a joke.

No, which is that's too bad, really.

Yeah, that's too bad.

And do you think we're going to get the capacity to do that back?

Probably not.

I think they said the internet didn't have enough space anymore.

Yeah.

Because there's a lot of TikToks.

They made an announcement about it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And tweets and too many people.

Two tweets.

And it posts and TikToks.

Kissed the microphone.

Tweets and twats and tweets.

You know when your lips touch this and it feels disgusting.

No, I love it.

But it is Hadclaim Date.

If you should tell me this voice that I'm referring to, by the way.

That's a great point.

Your asses.

The microphone.

I said I kissed the mic, but you didn't hear me.

Oh, I didn't.

There's a little, the little foamy thing.

If you do leave a voicemail on HackclaimDay.com, now somehow this is tied to your heating bill, which is not a problem during the summer, obviously.

Obviously, the cold months are coming.

Listening to Freedom is going to be very cheap during the summer, but at wintertime,

I'm afraid you're going to have to

do your part

with your heating bills.

If you listen to our show more than once, it's going to drive up your heating bill.

Yeah.

And we are sorry about that.

I am sorry about that.

Well, not at all sorry about it.

I'm sorry.

None of us are relishing this opportunity, but it's just what had to happen.

Sorry, but look, we have to move on.

We did get a voicemail.

We did.

Yeah.

And I want to hear it.

Who's it from?

What's their name?

Well,

let's see if they say what it is.

But here we go.

Hi, Freedom.

I'll try to keep this short because I know how much Scott hates us.

Who are you?

So you were talking about...

Wait a minute.

What did he say?

How much?

I guess you hate the language.

What?

Voicemail.

Hi, Freedom.

I'll try to keep this short because I know how much Scott hates us Scott Ken I just talked about how much I love all of the fans guess what dude who nameless who are you the Clint Eastwood man with no name yeah why don't you or the chair that he's talking to why don't you check out the previous segment where we talk about how much we love our fans yeah Just rewind just a little bit before hearing your own goddamn voice for just one second.

We're talking about slumber parties, or as us dudes used to call them, sleepovers.

And I, without a doubt have the most embarrassing sleepover story in the history oh okay everybody's staying over i want to say this was probably fifth or sixth grade mid 90s you're looking at um so because my parents were

motorcycle culture enthusiasts so

it was very common for biker magazines to be strewn about the house so growing up you might have had entertainment weekly in your bathroom i had easy riders so a fun fact about biker magazines is they're full of tits.

Usually, hammered women at biker rallies who flash their whack tits at the camera, but this is the 90s, remember?

And our tit options were limited.

So, we're at the age, we're starting to get interested.

So, we're flipping through these magazines, and my mom walks in on us.

Oh, no.

Now, you might be thinking of your own parents.

You might be thinking of them.

Why are you 8 boys?

What are you guys doing?

Put those away.

No.

She says, Oh, I was in one of those before.

Let me go find it.

And then walks out.

So, let me go.

I had never heard about this, so I thought she was being a weirdo joking.

She comes back about 10 minutes later, which, by the way, is more than enough time to think it over and decide against doing this.

She comes back with an issue of Outlaw Biker magazine and proceeds to flip through and find and show me and my friends a picture of her flashing a singular tit.

So yeah, that sucked.

I don't even have a question.

I guess I don't either do.

What's a couple of instances maybe from your childhood where someone you know's parent did something

way fucking crazy crazy like that.

All right.

Thank you through.

You're the funniest people in the world.

Love you.

Bye.

Thank you.

I feel like I sort of covered this an episode or so ago when I talked about my friend's mom.

It might not have come out yet.

It might not have come out yet, but I'm saying that to you now.

No, no, because it was so, it was actually so similar to that that it's interesting.

His story is much worse.

Well, that's gross.

It's gross.

Yeah.

I know that there, well, there's a rumor that this person's mom

would answer the door nude.

What?

In your neighborhood?

Or in our neighborhood?

No, that like this is like a long time ago.

Is it the go-to-hell lady?

That would be great.

No, but she would, I wouldn't put it past her.

So there was this rumor that, hey, if you go knock on this door and do it.

It has happened from time to time that she would answer the door nude.

That can't be.

Probably not true.

No.

Let me think of the other ones, though.

Did anyone's parents do anything weird?

I don't think so.

I think I've ever felt like unsafe.

I've more felt like

judged or

like constricted by parents in my neighborhood because everyone was always like, No, you got to do this, you got to do that.

You know what I mean?

Like, there was a big snake that lived in your neighborhood.

Yeah, that's a big part of it, and we were all in caves.

Oh, yeah, we were all in caves.

I lived in a system of caves.

Yeah, the only things that I have are like rumors that are actually so sick I can't even say,

and they're and they're most likely not true.

I remember one sleepover, it was just me at this same friend's house, and his mom had unfortunately married this fucking horrible dude.

Um, this is the guy who made me

well, I was having dinner at their house, and I didn't and still don't like baked beans.

Oh, no, um, and so I baked you all these beans, though, Paul.

I didn't want to,

it's a bean cake.

Why did you do that?

I just was like, I gotta get some beans baked for my good friend.

How do you like your beans then?

I like them fried.

What about boiled?

I like them fried.

I like my bean fried friend.

Bean fried again.

Have hilly.

Give me some fried beans fried.

Give me that fryer.

Baked beds.

And he made me sit there at the table

until eventually I scraped the beans into the tray.

I don't think you can make another, like a kid that's not your own.

No, it's demented.

Then I went and had dinner at my friend's bio dad's house.

And he made this, we were eating like some kind of stew or whatever, and I didn't like it.

And I was like choking it down.

And the guy saw and said, if you don't like that, you don't have to eat it.

How nice.

That's actually really nice.

It is like nice of both of them.

What are the rules of the world?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Inconsistency.

But this guy, we were so me and my buddy, we're like brushing our fucking teeth or whatever.

Together?

Yeah.

I'm brushing his

head.

You do yours.

Yeah, exactly.

It was a steamboat.

And

his fucking stepdad, I can't even call him his stepdad.

This fucking guy comes up and slaps my friend across the head.

Jesus.

Like

with no warning.

It was fucking...

Why?

Because we were making noise.

Oh my God.

That's awful.

Well, that's abuse.

I don't think I ever was around.

She eventually divorced that guy.

Thank God.

Oh, good.

I luckily, I think, was never around any parent that made me feel unsafe

or

at least let me see that there was any kind of strife.

It actually was very rare to ever hear about like a friend who had divorced parents.

Divorce wasn't that rare for me.

I guess it was a little rare now that I think about it.

Most of my childhood friends'

parents were.

Oh, this guy

used to just have Playboy Magazine out.

The guy who slapped his kid?

Yeah.

That's

on the bed.

That's disgusting.

Yeah.

It's very interesting.

Imagine being the wife.

Yeah, it's also just like, oh, he's just, that's his reading material.

Yeah.

He just likes to look at it.

He likes jazz and loves to.

he's researching speakers.

It helps him fall asleep to look at big tits.

Look at how big the

title is.

I can't fall asleep unless I see one big tit.

Well, nameless person, we're sorry, but that's a crazy story.

Sorry to hear that.

Also, don't blame you for leaving your name out.

What's funny to me also is you said they were motorcycle culture enthusiasts, but you did not say they were motorcycle enthusiasts.

I guess I own motorcycles.

I don't know if they have motorcycles, but maybe they were just into it.

They just

wearing leather vests and posing with one tit out.

I was like, if you can read this, the bitch fell off.

There were motorcycle enthusiasts who went to our church and they would wear, like, they would drive the motorcycles to church and they would wear leather vests with fringe on it and stuff.

And it would have crosses on it and stuff like that.

You know what?

You can't have both.

No, you got to like one of the other.

You can't have both.

That's fucking stupid.

You can't be a

biker and a motorcycle and go to church.

Get the fuck out of here.

Although, don't you think if they were invented

at the time?

Yeah, I stand by it.

Jesus

had a game.

It's like a motorcycle gang, in a way.

Back down.

No, I won't back

down.

You might want me to back ride down, but I won't back round.

Back down.

Hey.

Jude.

Baby.

There ain't no easy way out.

Jude.

Hey, Jude.

Jude.

Baby.

No, I won't.

Back, Jude.

Back,

Jude.

Jude.

Wait, I'm getting to a D.

Well, that's that's three of them for another week.

It really is.

We hope everybody is having a great summer.

Actually, summer goes past Labor Day.

Maybe it's still happening.

That's true.

I think it's like the 22nd is the last day of summer.

Oh, I think we're well past.

It's just going to be hotter and hotter here.

Everything is going to settle.

I think it's cooling down, actually.

Okay.

And

anyway, we.

We hope that you...

We thank you.

We cherish you.

We love and keep you in our hearts.

And we hope that you will listen to the show next time.

I hope you listen to it again.

I wouldn't blame you if you stopped because your heating bill I know is going to go through the roof.

Well, don't

encourage them to worry about the heating bill.

You know what I'm saying?

If you leave a voicemail and listen to it, then your heating bill is, it's all tied up.

If you leave a voicemail, yeah, you get a discount.

Oh, really?

Well, the voicemail is what connects it to the heating bill.

Yes, but you, but you get a one-time discount.

A one-time discount.

Yeah.

For one,

what do they call them?

BTUs.

Yeah, British thermal in it.

All right, bye.

Celik.

Look how cute.

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