Think Ya Docta Pimple Poppa?

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Speaker 1 Freedom! Wait, that came in so fast. Fucking kidding me.
It's never come in that fast. Freedom!

Speaker 1 Freedom!

Speaker 1 It's never come in that fast. It never has.
Something changed. Freedom! Freedom!

Speaker 1 I don't know what's going on. Hi, everyone.
Welcome back to Freedom. Welcome back to the meaning.
This might be your first episode ever. Welcome back, welcome back.

Speaker 1 Welcome back.

Speaker 1 I truly hate that song. Sorry.
Hi, Paul. I think I didn't, I was indifferent to it before.
But then when I sang it, you just started fighting.

Speaker 1 I think that when, because, of course, when we say, we end up saying welcome back a lot.

Speaker 1 And it puts it in my head, and then I realize I don't like having this in my head. Why? It's so fun.
Welcome back. It's so fun.
It's so fun.

Speaker 1 I'm like dancing. I'm like laughing.
I'm so funny.

Speaker 1 This guy failed.

Speaker 1 Right? This guy failed.

Speaker 1 He left me. I don't know the mythos.
But they welcome him with opened arms. Do you know the mythos of Cotter?

Speaker 1 All I know is the fucking hammerhead or whatever in the back going, Mr. Kotear.

Speaker 1 Hammerhead?

Speaker 1 What's his name? Travolta. No, not Travolta.
I know him. That's Vinny Barberino, but who's Hammerhead in the back?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Who's Hammerhead in the back? I don't know.

Speaker 1 What's his name? Calm down. I I don't know.
What are you talking about? Horseshack? Horseshack. That's what I'm talking about.
The guy who sounds like

Speaker 1 horseradish. But he didn't say Mr.
Cotter. That was Freddy Boom Boom Washington.
Okay, I didn't know. I don't know about Freddy Boom Boom Washington.
This show predates me a little bit.

Speaker 1 He would say

Speaker 1 freedom predates me.

Speaker 1 Somebody would say, why do they call you Boom Boom? He's like a big boom boom in the potty. And he would.

Speaker 1 That's not what he would say.

Speaker 1 Okay. He would mime an upright bass, and then he goes, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
Is that supposed to be a bad thing? Because he plays it or because he's a buddy as a child.

Speaker 1 He never on the show played the bass.

Speaker 1 But that was how he explained his nickname. Okay.
Lawrence Hilton Jacobs. Chilling performance as Joe Jackson in that Jackson's miniseries

Speaker 1 many years ago. Right.
But what is Mr. Cotter's whole thing?

Speaker 1 He fails as what?

Speaker 1 He goes to this school okay oh he's a student he was a student okay of this high school much like now paul giamatti in the holdovers much like he starts out as a student this is all off camera at this high school i'm sure they were filming buchanan high school this is just understood they don't explain it they never show camera they never show articles but they never talk about it i think in the pilot yeah they probably mention it

Speaker 1 but the song sort of tells the story let's look up the of like now you're back here. The same old place that you laughed at.
I went away and did some other stuff.

Speaker 1 Welcome back.

Speaker 1 Your dreams were bad. Your dreams were your ticket out.

Speaker 1 Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about. Yeah.
And now who's laughing? The place. Well, the name.
That actually is pretty sad.

Speaker 1 The names have all changed since you hung around, but those dreams have remained and they've turned around. Who'd have thought they'd lead you? Back here where we need you?

Speaker 1 Yeah, we tease them a lot because we got them on the spot. Welcome back.

Speaker 1 We always could spot a friend. Oh, and I smile when I think how you

Speaker 1 go past the length of the opening credits.

Speaker 1 I know what a scene you were learning in. Was there something that made you come back again?

Speaker 1 And what could ever lead you back here where we need you?

Speaker 1 We tease him a lot because we got him on the spot. Welcome back.
You already said that.

Speaker 1 And I know what a scene you were learning in. Was there something that made you come back again? And what could ever lead you back here where we need you? I want to kill you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we just want you to die.

Speaker 1 We tease him a lot.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's fun. Okay, you already forgot back.

Speaker 1 That's the one thing we know. So he was a teacher.
He leaves Brooklyn. Yeah.
Went off to do fucking turfs out. Who knows what?

Speaker 1 Be a motorcycle turfs. Trans exclusive radical feminists out.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's a weird card. They never talk about it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Fucking Back Cotter is loosely based on

Speaker 1 J.K. Rowling before any of she was even a person.
She was a student at Hogwarts, though. The K stands for Cotter.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yes.
Jay Cotter Rowling.

Speaker 1 We've cracked the code with a K. Now, when I was a child, I thought that show was

Speaker 1 fucking hilarious. Is it funny? Fucking Back Cotter? No, it's not.
It's a drama, right? It's drama. It might as well be.

Speaker 1 It's really not funny. It seemed like shows at the time were like, if we can get some actor being very broad, saying a very broad thing, and then repeated over and over,

Speaker 1 that'll be great. Did that

Speaker 1 would be great. Were you watching when you would watch Family Matters as a child, Lauren?

Speaker 1 Would you be upset if he didn't say, did I do that?

Speaker 1 No, I wasn't really, I don't think I was keeping tabs on that. I just enjoyed the program and all the characters.
That's a fun. I don't know that I would ever be

Speaker 1 waiting for the catchphrase. Yeah, I don't think I really even understood there was a formula.
It feels like

Speaker 1 obviously when they would say it, I'd be like, yes, he said the thing.

Speaker 1 It feels like though, when you would watch Hans and Franz or whatever on SNL, you'd be disappointed if they didn't say pump you up or isn't that special?

Speaker 1 Well, it'd be weird if you would get like a riot laugh. That would be very strange if they never said pump you up in a Hans and Franz.
It's like, it's kind of all you're there to do.

Speaker 1 All right, we're Hans and France. We're back.
Anyway,

Speaker 1 don't

Speaker 1 think about what we usually do.

Speaker 1 We're not here to talk about, you know.

Speaker 1 Because we're very busy right now. We're very busy right now.
No terrorists will ever extinguish the spirit of New York, the greatest city on earth.

Speaker 1 It gets serious. They should have done a post-9-11 episode where all the sketches were.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they bring back old sketches. Like all of them are just like

Speaker 1 New York is the greatest any in the world. Like the West Wing episode post-9-11.
That's right. Which is not in continuity.
An aberration.

Speaker 1 As they said at the beginning. An aberration.
Don't consider this as part of the timeline of

Speaker 1 the real West Wing. Just something we felt it important to do.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Okay, what are the worst pieces of media about post-9-11?

Speaker 1 Oh, well, that West Wing episode is pretty bad. Sorgen's too for two.
He's got that

Speaker 1 newsroom episode on the plane. Oof, that's so bad.
I think the Marvel comic they put out is really bad where Dr. Doom is crying as he looks at Ground Zero.
What?

Speaker 1 Is this real? Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 Dr.

Speaker 1 Why is Dr. Doom? Because even he knows how

Speaker 1 horrible this is. He's a bad guy.
No, Dr. Doom

Speaker 1 sounds nice. He sounds sounds like a cool guy, right? I'm just if you were to meet a guy named Victor von Doom, you'd think he's cool, right?

Speaker 1 God, I really wouldn't think he was cool. Doom because you would know he made that, he made up that name

Speaker 1 and he's wearing a top hat in an LA bar. Yes.

Speaker 1 He's doing magic, close-up magic.

Speaker 1 My name's Victor von Doom. I'd be like, can you fuck off?

Speaker 1 Like at least once. Tonight would be preferable.
At least once.

Speaker 1 Could you fuck off at least once? Hey, Dr. Doom, can you fuck off at least once?

Speaker 1 He didn't say he was a doctor.

Speaker 1 He said he didn't. Oh, he's a doctor.
I didn't know he was a doctor. Yeah.
And now I'm interested in that. Dr.
Doom.

Speaker 1 Mr. Doom.
I've got this boil on my ass.

Speaker 1 So you're interested in a doctor when you're at a bar just to look at the boil? Yeah, because I know it's been diagnosed. I know what it is.
I have medication for it.

Speaker 1 And I just want to know if it's a good idea. I'll look at a second opinion.

Speaker 1 Just take a look. Just look.
Take a good long look. Because you're a doctor.
You like this kind of shit. I'm assuming that's why you went to medical school.
Freak ass weirdo. You want to see boils.

Speaker 1 Fucking freak. Think you're Dr.
Pimple Popper. Well, you're nuts.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're Dr. Pimple.

Speaker 1 You think you're Dr. Pimple Popper.
You think you're Dr. Pimple Popper? You're nuts.

Speaker 1 You're not.

Speaker 1 Wait, so why is he crying? She's an expert. Because it's such a horrible thing to do to humanity.
Isn't it the kind of thing that he wants to do? Yes!

Speaker 1 But not on those terms.

Speaker 1 He wants to do it himself. He's crying because he missed his chance.
You don't kill people like this. You build a ray.

Speaker 1 Welcome to Freedom. I'm Scott.
I'm Paul. I'm Lauren.
We're saying our names at nine minutes in. That's not a good sign.

Speaker 1 Is it a bad sign? No, it's a great sign, is what I meant. Oh, you know, when you're watching a television show, especially in this streaming era,

Speaker 1 and they have a

Speaker 1 theme music, you know, they have a title sequence.

Speaker 1 Theme, theme, music, title sequence.

Speaker 1 Norm, norm.

Speaker 1 like a Netflix or an Apple TV Plus thing, right?

Speaker 1 And it doesn't come until 22 minutes in. It's like, why did you bother? That's crazy.
The fucking OA, that show on Netflix, where the dance pronouns are going to save the world.

Speaker 1 Their

Speaker 1 opening credits came, I want to say, 40 minutes into the show. Just do without.

Speaker 1 And I was like, I'm never watching this again. Because you just go, we don't need it.
We don't need it at that point. What is the point?

Speaker 1 Just do whatever Big Brother does when they don't have time for it and just go, boom. Do whatever Big Brother does.
Yeah, just go survive.

Speaker 1 We were watching the sitcom Leanne on Netflix. I've been watching that as well.
Philop's been watching that too. Yeah, because our friend Hannah Pilkis was in it.
And then Leon Morgan.

Speaker 1 Leanne Morgan's very funny. I think Leanne is funny too.
And the thing we always forget every episode is that they don't have an actual theme song, but they do.

Speaker 1 Out of nowhere, you never know when it's going to happen. You hear these voices singing, singing, Leanne!

Speaker 1 That's akin to like a man

Speaker 1 Reba or something. Or does she have a theme song? She reminds me of Reba.
I guess she has remarks to come star.

Speaker 1 Isn't that her theme song?

Speaker 1 I think she remembers. That's true because she's a singer.
I think that reminds me, Lian reminds me of Reba. Does that make sense? Sure.

Speaker 1 I get it. Yeah.
Because she's always talking about her. Yep.
She reminds me. She goes, do we remember? Don't forget, Reba.

Speaker 1 Hey,

Speaker 1 remember Reba? Wait, what was the, I don't know what what the Reba theme song was. I thought that was.
No, I think it probably was. Single Mama Workshop.
Two dogs who loves her kids, but never stops.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 give me a spinning wheel. Otherwise, I'd play it right now.

Speaker 1 What's your laptop, Barry?

Speaker 1 You got a laptop problem. This is an old one that I use for recording.
I started watching the Charlie Sheen dock last night. Ew.
I look forward to finishing it. It's interesting.
Tiger Blood.

Speaker 1 Winning. Winning.

Speaker 1 It's interesting. It's interesting.
I

Speaker 1 well, I know all of. Talk about all of his adventures with sex workers.
Yeah, I think

Speaker 1 he's not holding back. And they had adventures, right? Treasure maps and stuff.
Yeah, sure. Ex-Markets.
Spelunking.

Speaker 1 Can I spelunk with you?

Speaker 1 It'll cost an extra $50.

Speaker 1 Spelunking. Spelunk.
Spelunking.

Speaker 1 Remember his tour that was just based on him saying beginning? Yeah, yeah. Well, I just started at the beginning.
I mean, I've only watched the first like 20. It's a very good place to start.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm like that. But I'm interested at this point in the dynamics of his family with, you know, Martin Sheen.
And I didn't keep it. We were seeing his childhood, what happened there.

Speaker 1 Interesting. And they lived a very modest life.
Martin Sheen came to our house once. Really? Why?

Speaker 1 Because his wife was at a fundraiser that we were holding. And he popped by at the end.
It was very nice. That's exciting.
That's so exciting. Who's his wife? I don't want to.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Like, he's very proud.
I don't don't want to dox her

Speaker 1 because her name is her address. But they showed this one clip of Martin Sheen and Charlie Sheen playing basketball against Michael Jordan.
What? I bet they won. They did.
Yeah, two against one?

Speaker 1 Absolutely. They did.
Yeah. But Martin Sheen, like, all you got to do is one of them grabs his ankles.
Well, Michael Jordan had to cover his eyes for part of the free throw shoot off.

Speaker 1 And then on a different part, when they were playing,

Speaker 1 Michael Jordan did a half-court shot that went in nothing but net.

Speaker 1 And then Martin Sheen also did. It's kind of fun.
Really? It's pretty fun. All right.
I just want to see that part. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Watch that part then and get back to us. Okay, I will.
I'll give you a full report. Okay.
It sounded like I got the full report from Lauren already, but you haven't got it from me.

Speaker 1 Well, speaking of docs, did you watch the documentary, The Cat Factory? And Dr. Doob.
Yes.

Speaker 1 No, I did not. Wait, there's a documentary on.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 it's a documentary of

Speaker 1 this teen girl who was being bullied through text messages, and she and her boyfriend were on a group of chain with this anonymous person who was. What you guys do to me on the Threedom text.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Okay, got it. We use our burner accounts and tell you you're a cuck.

Speaker 1 But it was like this horrible bullying. I mean, honestly, the spoiler is probably already out there.
It's you know, you know what, because I knew what it was when I went into it.

Speaker 1 Can I just say? I didn't know, but

Speaker 1 as it was going on, I was like, are we going to find out an adult was doing this? But then there was a further

Speaker 1 shock. You don't know any of this.
I don't know anything. I would say, watch it.
I don't want to spoil it. It's really, really good.
No, I want to spoil it. Listen, skip ahead.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 30 seconds. Honestly, yeah, skip now.
It was her mom. The little girl's mom is sending her these mean, crazy texts.
And then when they, when she admits it and they, you know, oh God, she admit it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. When, when in the documentary, like, it's already, she's already caught Ford and went to jail and stuff.

Speaker 1 And then they're doing this documentary and she's just like acting like it's not that weird.

Speaker 1 Like, she's like, she honestly doesn't really seem, she has a serious 30 seconds and that was what it was about

Speaker 1 um that's not these are nuts and dr doom cried at that these

Speaker 1 are nuts dr doom cries at everything now he's he's very weepy yeah

Speaker 1 he i mean

Speaker 1 he's that mask covers a lot of just tear-stained faces that's why he wears that mask

Speaker 1 i think he's doing it on purpose it's like the jimmy fallon of crying yeah

Speaker 1 He because he's just always giggling. I mean, always crying.
He's doing it on purpose. And people are talking.
Because he knows it works. He knows people think it's cute.
Yeah. When Dr.
Doom cries.

Speaker 1 People got to stop crying on the show, Big Brother.

Speaker 1 Are they crying a lot on that show? There's one contestant who cries all the time. It's like, come on, man.
Oh, my gosh. Wait.
What are they crying about? Oh, I wish I had dropped it.

Speaker 1 Don't nominate me. Oh, you did nominate me, but I swear if you don't vote for me, oh, just shut the fuck up.
Fuck off, everybody. I'm Big Brother.

Speaker 1 I would love it if someone were to be in Big Brother and not give a shit and be like, vote me off. Don't vote me off.
I don't care. They'd probably win the whole thing.
They probably would.

Speaker 1 Probably woke up. They wouldn't care.
I don't know if I've ever watched a full episode of Big Brother. It's done by now, by the way.
But you never watched a full one. You got to watch a full one.

Speaker 1 Report back.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to take that report. You got a lot of homework.
I'm not doing that report. I want it on my desk at 6 a.m.
I will not. 9 a.m.
I'll give you three extra. Okay, okay.
5 a.m.

Speaker 1 Wait, what? You're almost done anyway. Do it.
5. You're almost done anyway.

Speaker 1 God, remember having to do reports? Oh my god. I do.
I sometimes you know what was the by the way, what did they do with all that research? It's nothing. I filed my reports year after year in school.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's what difference did it make. That's how the school gets its funding is by publishing these reports that the kids do.
They publish our reports

Speaker 1 in the magazines

Speaker 1 and then they can dot, then they can use it on Wikipedia for references. Fuck.

Speaker 1 Fucking shit.

Speaker 1 As much as you think about like, oh, it'd be fun to be back in school again.

Speaker 1 As much as I think about that? Well, I think about it sometimes about like, oh, you always think that.

Speaker 1 It would be fun to jump street, like catching drug dealers while you're in school again.

Speaker 1 Catching drug dealers is probably the most fun part about it.

Speaker 1 But just having to do all that homework.

Speaker 1 That would fucking suck. At a certain point, I just gave up on doing it homework.
The day-to-day of going to school every day. day, that's enough.
I wouldn't do that again at all. I don't care.

Speaker 1 Because it's 8 a.m. till

Speaker 1 3:30, I think is what we used to go. You're allowed to stay there as long as you want.
That's like eight hours right there. Yeah.
That's a full-time job.

Speaker 1 And then they want you to go home and do homework. Yeah.
Get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 1 What are you doing at home? Getting drunk. I know how it works.

Speaker 1 So am I. If you're my geometry teacher.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Would he come to school drunk? Or

Speaker 1 he came to school, I would say not drunk, but clearly

Speaker 1 massively hungover from the day before to where you're still a little bit drunk.

Speaker 1 And when I think about it now,

Speaker 1 oh yeah, he was 22 years old. Cartoonishly born.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then bubbles flying out of his mouth. His nose was red and had lines on it.
Good. Gin blossoms.

Speaker 1 I had gin blossoms. I'm sorry.
Broken capillaries on my nose. That's okay.
It's called a gin blossom? Yeah. Yeah.
What?

Speaker 1 If you're from drinking? Yes, yes, yes. I didn't know that the band names

Speaker 1 meant something. Yeah, you get broken capillaries on your name means your nose.

Speaker 1 Every band name means something. Toe the Wetz Procket.
Monty Python reference. Okay.

Speaker 1 Great one.

Speaker 1 Other bands mean other things. The kinks.
I think you get it. White stripes.
I think out of anyone? White stripes. These are stripes.
This is based on stripes that are white.

Speaker 1 I never thought of it that way. Remember any other band in Malta? Remember when it was like, are they brother and sister or are they dating? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Radiohead, actually, weirdly, is a reference to Stephen Toblowski.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Well, I just heard this story for the first time.
No, for real? Yeah. Yeah.
For real.

Speaker 1 It's very cool for him.

Speaker 1 He told this story on Adam and I's show about Talking Heads, but he

Speaker 1 has Adam Krull. Adam Krull, yes.
He has some sort of like psychic powers, anyway, where he like receives frequencies in his radio and in his head. And David Byrne wrote a song

Speaker 1 called Radio Head about him, and Radio Head took their band name from the Talking Heads. And Stephen Tablowski was friends with David Byrne.
Yes. Bing! That's crazy.
Isn't that all very interesting?

Speaker 1 Bing again!

Speaker 1 Paul gives that two bings.

Speaker 1 And he's in Treakier Friday. Is he? How is he? Wonderful.
Great actor. Great actor.
The movie's fantastic, as I've said. Yeah.
Loved it. What about Freakiest Friday? Would you want to be in that? Yes.

Speaker 1 I want to be the grandma in that. The grandma.
The grandma. What if there were gremlins, but there were grandmas?

Speaker 1 Grandma, grandma.

Speaker 1 So cute.

Speaker 1 Gremlins. Gremlins.
Gremlin. Gremlins.
Gremlins.

Speaker 1 They're sassy old gremlins.

Speaker 1 And they play basketball and they rap.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's funny. With white hair and like floral dresses.
Yes, and they're using big-ass glasses. Modern slang.
I love this.

Speaker 1 All right. We're going to take a break.

Speaker 1 We'll be right back.

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Speaker 1 We're

Speaker 1 back.

Speaker 1 We have written the Gramlins script and we're going to do a read-through right now.

Speaker 1 Yes. By the way, we got this sold.
We did it on spec. It's the highest number for a spec script of all time.
We sold it for $150.

Speaker 1 It's never happened in the history of entertainment. Here it goes.
Here it goes. Exterior

Speaker 1 retirement home day.

Speaker 1 Grandma, I brought you your favorite cookies. Hey, canned it after midnight.

Speaker 1 Well, come on, Grandma, just eat one. Why are you coming to my retirement home at fucking two in the morning? This all takes place outside, by the way.

Speaker 1 Grandma, just eat one. Okay.
I met you outside here because you begged me. You threw these cookies against my window and got my attention.
And I came down here. What? It's not two in the morning.

Speaker 1 It's two in the afternoon, Grandma. Well, that doesn't work for the plot, honey.
No, but you're dementia. So it's dementia.
Do you think the time is later? It actually affects you. But it's nice.

Speaker 1 I think you're upsetting her. You'll have to leave.
Hey, hey, hey, don't push me. Don't push me.
Yay! But it's my granddaughter. Just eat one of the cookies.
I'm trying to lean on you.

Speaker 1 You keep running away.

Speaker 1 Okay, then it goes on for like 120 more pages.

Speaker 1 At the end, the gremlins win. Yep.
Gremlins. Gremlins.
Gremlins. Gremlins.
We do. Anyway,

Speaker 1 thanks for buying it.

Speaker 1 I'm a gremlin. Only in theaters.

Speaker 1 Only exclusively in theaters. Never to be streamed at home.
Never.

Speaker 1 My movie march continues. What does that mean? I have been watching more and more movies.
I've been watching, I started my spooky season early. I've been watching a lot of horror movies.
Good.

Speaker 1 Here's what I've seen so far. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 1 In the theater, weapons, of course. Of course, you have to.
Loved it. The monkey, starring our friend Tatiana Moslini.

Speaker 1 I started watching that and I really loved it. I did too.

Speaker 1 I told her I want to do a prequel about her and Adam.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 How they got into the movie. She said she would love it.
Okay, I don't think you watched it. What? Paul's so weirded out.
I don't think he watched it. Yeah, you didn't watch this thing.

Speaker 1 I did watch it. I was confused.

Speaker 1 You want to do a prequel about her and Adam? Adam Scott. Adam Scott is in the first scene.
I forgot about that guy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you did, didn't you? The very first scene. You also forgot about Dre, you were telling me.
I never forgot about Dre. Nowadays, everybody

Speaker 1 feels like they got something to say.

Speaker 1 If anything, I'm reminding people of Dre all the time.

Speaker 1 Now, he was

Speaker 1 her husband. He was the husband.
And he brings it back, and that's why all this shit goes down. No, I remember the rest of the movie.
Well,

Speaker 1 how am I supposed to know that? You don't remember the first thing that happened. What do you remember things in reverse order? What if I did? And what if I was about to get there and you cut me off?

Speaker 1 I also watched Oddity 2024. Very good.
Very good movie. Okay.
Features my boy from the great.

Speaker 1 Howl 2015.

Speaker 1 Werewolf movie takes place on a train did you ever see the jack nicholson uh wolf movie wolf

Speaker 1 you know i was working in the video store when that movie came out on video so i think i've seen parts of it but i don't think i ever saw the whole movie i was working in a

Speaker 1 cocktail

Speaker 1 bar

Speaker 1 when i when i met

Speaker 1 as a wait terror in a cocktail bar

Speaker 1 Why is that it? Why do we need to gender waiter and waitress? Oh my gosh. Why do we

Speaker 1 let's just call them servers i also say hey server i also saw dangerous animals get your ass over here

Speaker 1 get your pretty ass over here whoa 2025 very good dog soldiers 2002 roof roof

Speaker 1 another werewolf movie

Speaker 1 good a lot of fun oh wow sean pertweet yeah he's in it you're you're seeing a lot of things you like 28 years later yeah rented it yeah great

Speaker 1 the last scene it's crazy yeah last scene's extremely crazy setting up a sequel i didn't know what was happening.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I almost was setting up like, like, they already set up a sequel. Well, no, they already shot it, they already shot it.
It's coming out in like February.

Speaker 1 But that was news to me, so I was like, why are you doing this? That's very wild to me. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It was an odd movie, but I enjoyed it. Yeah, I enjoyed it too.
It was kind of, it was not what I expected. Jody Comer, Jody Comer, Jody Comer

Speaker 1 Relic,

Speaker 1 Relic,

Speaker 1 scary movie. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Below.

Speaker 1 Below. This was the

Speaker 1 fucking submarine movie.

Speaker 1 That's right.

Speaker 1 You were texting Sean and I about this last night. And is Zach in this? Zach Galifanakis is in it.
I couldn't quite tell the picture you sent. I was like, is that Zach?

Speaker 1 The reason it's the title stuck in my mind, I was like, why do I know this? I've heard of this movie that I've never seen. Well, you've probably said the word a few times.

Speaker 1 Oh, do you think that's what it was? Just from the word below? Yeah. That's why all titles sound familiar to me because they're made up of words.
When you tell someone, hey, would you below me?

Speaker 1 When you tell someone else. When I tell someone, hey, would you belong to me? Hey, would you below me?

Speaker 1 But I forgot until 20 minutes or like 10 minutes in, there's Zach Galifanakis. I'm like, oh, yeah, I didn't know he was in this.
That's why I remember hearing about this. That's what Paul said.

Speaker 1 I don't know who he was in this. I didn't know he was in this.
I didn't know he was in this. I didn't know he was in this.

Speaker 1 Did you enjoy Below? I said, like, Joe Biden.

Speaker 1 I didn't know. I didn't know he was in this.

Speaker 1 No, I didn't enjoy Below.

Speaker 1 I didn't know he was in this, bro. But you're on a submarine movie kick after having watched Master and Commander with us.
Yes,

Speaker 1 talking about it.

Speaker 1 Crimson Tide. Yes.

Speaker 1 Red, red, wine.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 We played that in my old band. Here's my high band.
Here's the words I know to red, red wine. Red, red wine, you go to fine.
And then red, red wine, you make me feel so fine.

Speaker 1 You keep me rocking all the time.

Speaker 1 Rocking all of the time.

Speaker 1 Now, in 1987, did the other lead singer of the band

Speaker 1 imitate that certain patois? I can't imagine that he would. Of course, he did.
Oh, he did. Yes.

Speaker 1 In 1987, yes.

Speaker 1 Red, red wine, you make me feel so fine. You keep me rocking all of the time.
Oh, God.

Speaker 1 did i just do it right now in 2025 you sure did sure did

Speaker 1 it

Speaker 1 that has a certain interesting aspect to it that's interesting i was so so interesting i thought it was very interesting

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 but yeah that was one learning how to play songs was always so fun because back then there weren't there weren't websites there's no songs they're hard that's true. There was happy.

Speaker 1 Think about how many more songs there are now. From 1987 to now? Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's so many more. How many songs come out in a certain year? In 1987, you could conceivably, if you really tried, learn all the existing songs.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, especially since Louie Louie chords are the same for so many. Please don't talk about him.

Speaker 1 Why can't I talk about Louie Louie?

Speaker 1 Lauren, what's wrong? Your face is in your hands. I'm scratching my brow.

Speaker 1 Your bra? My brow. Scratching my brow out.
Scratching my brow. You were like Dr.
Faceance.

Speaker 1 Was I? Good old Dr. Faceance.
You were in a lot of ways. How often do you get rid of clothes? Get rid of clothes? Yeah.
Not often enough.

Speaker 1 Oh, you mean, you don't mean at the end of the day?

Speaker 1 Taking all my clothes and getting nude. Ew.
Getting nude.

Speaker 1 That's the reward at the end of the day.

Speaker 1 Taking all my clothes and getting nude. Now, you have a lot of suits and you have a lot lot of nice things, quality pieces you've picked out.
Do you ever go, I'm done with this one?

Speaker 1 Or are you kind of like, no, they're always kind of lasting pieces because they're a little timeless.

Speaker 1 Both. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Sometimes you'll say, I'm retiring this.
There's some stuff that I've had for a long time, and then there's some stuff that's like, I

Speaker 1 wore this once or not at all. Do you donate or do you try to sell? I donate.

Speaker 1 I consider trying to sell, but I don't want to get in all that hassle of

Speaker 1 putting things online, packaging, taking pictures. I would donate by

Speaker 1 finding someone with the exact same measurements as me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's the way donations work, right?

Speaker 1 You don't donate because no one would ever fit into your shirt. You go to Goodwill and they're like, hey, get up, I guess the size chart.

Speaker 1 Okay, we have one Scott shirt for you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I like to, especially with suits, there's various charities that take specifically men's suits to help people get jobs and stuff. That's nice.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. There's women's donation places like that as well for like the night, for like businessy clothes.

Speaker 1 Exactly. The one place I used to...
I didn't have time to get those five. Oh, that's hot.

Speaker 1 I've been very busy recently. I don't have a suit right now.
I don't have a suit right now. I'm very busy right now.

Speaker 1 There was a place that I used to.

Speaker 1 I used to drop off

Speaker 1 a lot of stuff. That was the sound of all the traffic.
I just made the sound for you. They stopped doing it.
I could just throw the stuff in the bag and then they would take it.

Speaker 1 And they stopped doing it. Now

Speaker 1 there's another place, but everything has to be on a fucking hanger and stuff. No,

Speaker 1 I can't go buy hangers all the time. Look, I got plenty of hangers.
So it's not a problem.

Speaker 1 I got plenty of problems.

Speaker 1 But then it's like it's easier, some more steps are involved now. Now, see, I like to sell things from time to time at like a crossroads or buffalo exchange or whatever, that kind of thing.

Speaker 1 Buffalo Wild Wings. But

Speaker 1 as we all know, they're very, as we know, they're very snobby and picky. And then they also give you like two cents of whatever the thing is.

Speaker 1 I can't take the disappointment when they don't buy my stuff. But one thing that bothers me that I'm struggling with a lot

Speaker 1 is that they won't buy if it's off-season. So you have to kind of time things out.
So I'm like getting rid of some winter coats.

Speaker 1 And I think that they're good quality and I want to sell them, but I'm just like, but now's the time to do it. I think right now.
I think I have to go right away. So you couldn't have done it.

Speaker 1 I think I should call first before I waste my time.

Speaker 1 Can I practice? Yeah. Okay.
Hello, this is that place that you were talking about. Hi, I was calling to see if you guys are accepting winter clothes at this time.
What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 Like skis?

Speaker 1 Winter. Oh, sorry.
Getting another call.

Speaker 1 Hello, this is that place that the other lady was talking about. Would you like to play a game?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I love games. What are we talking? Are we talking Monopoly? We're talking Scrabble.
We're talking Sorry. We're talking operation.
You have 30 seconds to complete this phone call.

Speaker 1 Hold on, hold on. I'm getting another call.
Hello, this is that place. I'm trying to call the other guy.
Oh, let me merge all the calls. Ready? Here we go.
Both of you guys talk to each other.

Speaker 1 Hey, what's up? You haven't finished my game. You haven't finished my game.
Wait, are you guys accepting winter clothes? Oh, I merged. Sorry, I merged you, lady.
Let me take you offline.

Speaker 1 Hi. Hi.
So are you accepting winter clothes? What are we talking? We're talking like oh, winter jackets. I'm still here, by the way.
I am too. And you haven't finished your game.

Speaker 1 haven't finished your game. Your voice is the same as that lady's.
No, it's not. Both of you talk at the same time.
I was

Speaker 1 sorry.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 I heard two distinct voices.

Speaker 1 I'm hanging up on all of you. I can't take this anymore.
This crazy phone call. Can you hang up? Because I'm in person waiting for you to deal with that.

Speaker 1 You just talked to 10 different people with 10 different phones. I'm sorry.
I thought you were on the phone. The phone rang when I was talking about it.
You're going on speaker.

Speaker 1 All right. Here you go.
Attention, employees and customers. Would you like to play a game? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You have 30 minutes to get out of the store before you're killed by thee. Well, that should be easy.

Speaker 1 And now the silence.

Speaker 1 Because the store is

Speaker 1 empty. Are you in line?

Speaker 1 I just came in. Yes, I am in line.
Okay.

Speaker 1 No one's here, though. I don't see any employees or anything.
But you are in line. Well, yeah, I guess I'm listening.
Police.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 We heard that there a game happening here.

Speaker 1 So, what?

Speaker 1 Why are they playing? We heard somebody's playing games. I want to play.
I didn't hear this. Hey, my partner over here.
I just walked in.

Speaker 1 I'm two weeks away from retirement, and this is my new partner. I'm 20 minutes away from retirement.

Speaker 1 Why are you working? Well, we have 30 minutes to get out of this store. They really sweat you for that time.

Speaker 1 All right. Cops like to play games.
I'm turning off the TV. Boop.

Speaker 1 Wow, what a good show. That was really interesting to watch.
That was so good, honey. Thank you for asking me to Netflix and chill tonight.
Dinner's ready. Thanks, honey.
Thanks, honey.

Speaker 1 We're in a thruple.

Speaker 1 You know, I have to keep reminding us of that.

Speaker 1 We're in a thruple.

Speaker 1 We're in a thruple.

Speaker 1 We've got a lot of water things. I've got a lot.

Speaker 1 This is a successful improv show, right? Imagine when the song We're in the Money came out. People must have lost their money.
Oh, yeah, but thank God we can sing this. Yeah, we could sing this.

Speaker 1 What an aspirational song.

Speaker 1 It's a lot like the Jefferson's theme, though.

Speaker 1 How so? Isn't that we're moving on up? Yes.

Speaker 1 To the east side, to the great big apartment in the sky. Deluxe apartment.
Okay.

Speaker 1 So. So you're saying it's the same sentiment? Yeah, just like celebratory, hey, we're rich.

Speaker 1 There aren't a lot of songs like, hey, I'm rich now, other than, I guess, in hip-hop, but

Speaker 1 you know what I mean? Like, there should be more songs about, like, well, I used to be a poor rock star, and then my album sold really well.

Speaker 1 Are there any rap artists who are bragging about their televisions anymore?

Speaker 1 Was that a thing? I feel like technology goes out of date so quickly. It was in Rapper's Delight, of course.
Oh, right. Yes, of course.
That he had a big color TV that he watched the sports on.

Speaker 1 But now TVs are so great. Yeah.
It's like, is there anybody rapping about how they have the TV that can make it look like a painting? I mean, yeah, that's one right there, right behind you.

Speaker 1 It's right behind me, isn't it? I have one remote. No, honey, my Apple TV screens.
I have one remote. Do you want me to turn it off to your hand? Do you have that TV? Hand me that remote.

Speaker 1 I love it.

Speaker 1 You have the subscription? The Samsung, yes. I want that so low.
You should get it. Look behind you now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but can you pick it to be better art than that? I guess you could. Can I tell you that? You might not have the a subscription.
That thing is what I saw. I did this gig.

Speaker 1 I did this gig where I had to stay at

Speaker 1 the person's house who had sort of commissioned this gig. That's fun.
And a great way to be murdered. It was fun until my room was a disused room

Speaker 1 in the basement that they put an air mattress in and nothing else. That's awful.
That's awful. And they had a huge TV on the side of the wall that I could not turn off.

Speaker 1 Why would they have have a huge TV when you just have an air mattress on the floor? Because the room was for something else. Wow.
Oh. But you used to be something watching TV.

Speaker 1 I think the room used to be the gym or something. So your ass on the hard cement floor.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
That's wild. So you couldn't turn that on? It was that exact screensaver.

Speaker 1 It was that one right there. This one dims when the lights are all off.
That's not a screensaver. I don't think this is the Samsung frame.
Okay, okay. This is the frame that looks, that's a picture.

Speaker 1 Yes, it is. Okay.
It is. Well, get that off of it because it gives me bad memories.
I don't want to. I want you to have bad memories.
Why would you want to? Change it now. I'm a sweetie.
Or I walk.

Speaker 1 Or there's the duel.

Speaker 1 You don't like it? There's the duel. There's the duel.
You don't like working the ticket master machine? There's the duel. There's the duel.
What happened to that person?

Speaker 1 Do you keep track of any of your old bosses? No.

Speaker 1 I sometimes think about it. That never occurred to me.
I think about some of my old managers at some of my restaurant roundup jobs. And I go, God, I hope they're still with us.

Speaker 1 I wonder what they're doing.

Speaker 1 One of them had their 50th birthday party when I was working there in 1995.

Speaker 1 So he would now be 80. I would imagine.
And I went over to his house to watch the old couple. Me and a few.

Speaker 1 The old couple.

Speaker 1 How old he was?

Speaker 1 The odd couple. Because we had never seen it.
So me and me and the old TV show? Or the movie? The movie. The movie.
Okay, okay.

Speaker 1 Because I was always like, yeah, the odd couple, the TV show is bad. But he's like, no, the movie is really good.

Speaker 1 So I went over to his house with some friends to watch The Odd Couple, and it was really good. But he must be 80 now, so I bet he's not with us anymore.
I also thought he was very tan.

Speaker 1 80's not that old. I know, but he was very tan.

Speaker 1 Was he tall and lovely as well?

Speaker 1 I know he wasn't young.

Speaker 1 He's the girl from Ephonima.

Speaker 1 I knew. He was just really tan.

Speaker 1 Tall.

Speaker 1 He's tall and young and lovely. The girl from Ipanima goes walking.
And when she walks, each one she passes goes,

Speaker 1 you've heard that song, of course. I haven't heard that part where they go,

Speaker 1 yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's gross, yeah. Because they're creaming in their shorts.
They're creaming their jeans.

Speaker 1 They're creaming their jeans.

Speaker 1 That's the first song that's officially about creaming your jeans.

Speaker 1 The first song that's officially about creaming your jeans.

Speaker 1 The girl from Epha D. Casey Kasum.

Speaker 1 All right, we have a signal.

Speaker 1 Do you miss that feeling when you finally get the gang together for a night of gaming and it just hits? Well, that's Ark Raiders.

Speaker 1 In Ark Raiders, robotic killing machines have forced humanity underground as they roam the surface, attacking anything that moves.

Speaker 1 You're a raider, one of the survivors brave enough to venture topside to loot, battle the machines, and complete quests for humankind. Up top, every raid is unique.

Speaker 1 Will you rally as one against the robots or shoot your rivals and take their stuff? The choice is yours, but always trust your gut. Is your gang tied up?

Speaker 1 Head to the surface alone and write your own story. Complete quests, upgrade your den, and become the raider you want to be.

Speaker 1 Kind-hearted or kind of an ass it's time to find out arc raiders is on sale now available for playstation 5 xbox series x and s and pc hey don't let an overpriced phone bill ruin your holiday mood who are you i'm sorry i'm the ghost of christmas mint mobile oh okay

Speaker 1 no christmas mint mobile died

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Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying, where you scare him and turn them nice. Yeah, exactly.
That's what Scrooge did. Yep.
Now, let me ask you a question.

Speaker 1 Are all Mint Mobile plans coming with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text on the nation's largest 5G network? Paul, you know that that is correct.

Speaker 1 Now, I wish that past me. Christmas Past You? Christmas Past Me knew about Mint Mobile earlier because I could have saved so much money over the years.

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Speaker 1 And when I say hundreds, I don't mean hundreds of, you know, breadcrumbs. I'm talking about dollars.
Oh, that's better. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
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Speaker 1 Chand, we're back. And it's time.
Chandra back.

Speaker 1 Do you have something you want to tell us? No, it won't happen. I know.
I have a squeaky wheel over here, and of course, it's getting the grease. It's a microphone arm that made a sound like

Speaker 1 an ancient creature. Yeah.
I thought it was like a spooky door. I thought it was like a spooky door.

Speaker 1 Oh my god, this door is so spooky.

Speaker 1 It's like a spooky door while the ghost come out. Oh, no, haunted door in a regular house.

Speaker 1 Everything's fine, but the door is squeaky and haunted.

Speaker 1 I'm flashing back to

Speaker 1 the Vietnam War.

Speaker 1 One pill makes you smaller, and the other pill doesn't do that.

Speaker 1 We only have information

Speaker 1 about the first pill that makes you small. I was going to bring this up, but I'm worried that I brought it up just a few weeks ago.
I'm sure you did. And are we really concerned about that now?

Speaker 1 This is when I was in fifth grade, and our music teacher, who would come once a month,

Speaker 1 um,

Speaker 1 decided to make a tape recording of it was Halloween time, so gonna make a tape recording of all of us doing sound effects and telling a spooky story.

Speaker 1 And she was gonna read this, or maybe one of us was the narrator or something. And but everyone, and that's music.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 yeah,

Speaker 1 very very loose. But it was very, it was very fun.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 she said, okay, we need a girl to scream at this part.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 she pointed to a few of the girls who were like, just like, ah,

Speaker 1 but not going for it, right? Just going like, ah. And then Scott Ackerman raises his hand.
And then I raised my hand and I could try.

Speaker 1 And I let out a blood-curdling shriek that sounded, you know, because I'm young, sound like a woman.

Speaker 1 That's right.

Speaker 1 Okay. But I,

Speaker 1 you know, I was so shy and, of course, told I had an ugly smile and couldn't sing. That's awful.
But by someone in your family. Yes.
Yeah. Who shall not be named?

Speaker 1 Voldemort.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 even though I was so painfully shy and thought of as a nerd, I, for some reason, was still going for it.

Speaker 1 And like, that urge to perform was still so in me that I was like, and everyone, of course, all the guys made fun of me afterwards saying, like, oh, you scream like a girl.

Speaker 1 And you said, wasn't that the requirement?

Speaker 1 Did you have to see the

Speaker 1 cups?

Speaker 1 You saw those girls scream. Did it sound like that? No, it didn't.
So actually, I scream like a woman. So eat my shit.
Damn. Scream like a woman.

Speaker 1 Anyway, the Halloween time's coming up, and I just flashed back to that. Great flashbangs.

Speaker 1 And I did do it. I just, when I think of that story, I still have shame about it.
Yeah, well, I'll kick it out. I'm going to kick your ass for telling that.

Speaker 1 That weird mixture of shame that I was that outgoing and everyone was going to make fun of me for it, but still wanted to do it, and pride in knowing I did a great job. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 That's show business, isn't it? Shame and pride. Shame and pride go hand in hand.
Pride and shame,

Speaker 1 sunshine, and rain.

Speaker 1 Yes, that's right.

Speaker 1 Hey, Paul,

Speaker 1 I wanted to

Speaker 1 play a three church.

Speaker 1 Okay, I'll play one with you. I want to play one with you and Lauren.
Okay. Yeah.
Are you okay, Lauren? Are you up for this? I would love to. Okay.
Why don't we?

Speaker 1 Yeah, why don't we do that?

Speaker 1 Why don't we do it? Why don't we do it?

Speaker 1 Do it. Sure.
I have one for us. Oh, okay.
Oh, that's perfect. This is called I've Got Some Bad Tunes.

Speaker 1 and I forget who submitted this one, but thank you for your service. Yes, it was Sergeant Staff Sergeant, I believe.
Uh,

Speaker 1 it was Staff Sergeant, Staff Sergeant. Yeah, his first name Staff,

Speaker 1 last name Sergiant, and it was Serf for Staphany.

Speaker 1 You have a Staphani infection,

Speaker 1 and the way this game works is

Speaker 1 someone is tasked with before you go into this. I have to answer the

Speaker 1 I have to answer what's on everyone's minds

Speaker 1 because I know they're screaming up there. Are you seriously doing this? Yes.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Because everyone's like, no, no, no, no, no. Last episode,

Speaker 1 you said you were going to eat the cookie puss

Speaker 1 cake. Oh, that.

Speaker 1 I thought you could do something else. And everyone's been listening to this episode fast forwarding, playing at two times speed, trying to get to the cookie puss thing.

Speaker 1 We found the local Carvelle. We found a place that would deliver it.
All they would deliver is a fudgy the whale. They didn't have Cookie Puss.
We found Cookie Puss, and he's dead.

Speaker 1 Is it just that they refused to deliver Cookie Pussy? It wasn't even on the menu. It wasn't even on the menu.
It was on the menu. Yeah.
So I don't know what.

Speaker 1 And, you know, when we tried to get a direct from Cookie Puss, they said it's not available for delivery this time. Yeah, we went to Cookie Puss himself.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And said, will you deliver yourself unto us? It is making me feel, though, for the next episode, that perhaps I could go try to pick one up. I was thinking the exact same thing.

Speaker 1 It's on Santa Monica Boulevard. Boom.
In the worst place on earth. Why?

Speaker 1 It's just always like anytime I have to go somewhere and it involves Santa Monica Boulevard. The traffic is bad.
They're always doing work on it. It's a fucking nightmare.
A nightmare.

Speaker 1 It's not as bad as the 101 freeway trying to get to Santa Barbara, where they've been doing work on that for 25 years. Well, I'm not going to Santa Barbara, so that doesn't concern me.

Speaker 1 And also the five freeway going south, they've been doing work on on that since before COVID. And I thought, oh, COVID, this is going to be the perfect opportunity for them to finish it up.

Speaker 1 Nope, still going on. Boy, that would have been nice if they'd finished all that shit during quarantine.
Would have been great. We finished everything.
Like we did with our specs pilots. Specs RAP.

Speaker 1 Specs RAP. Like I did with my specs pilots.

Speaker 1 I did that with my specs pilot. Shay.
See? Hey, raid my spec pilot, see?

Speaker 1 I'm James Robinson. I'm James L.
Brooks, see?

Speaker 1 James L. Brooks.

Speaker 1 Edward G. Robinson.
Edward G. Robinson.
I'm James L. Brooks.
Yeah, she's Edward Brooks.

Speaker 1 Have you ever finished your spec script? Shay. Can we play a three-time? Someone is tasked with delivering bad news, but they have to deliver this news to the tune of a popular song.

Speaker 1 So one person comes up with the tune. One person comes up with the bad news.
The third person must combine the two. Oh, it has to combine the two.
Okay, so got it, got it.

Speaker 1 And then is there a guessing part of this where the person has to guess who gave the bad news has to guess the surrounding? No. No, there's just no.
Okay, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it.

Speaker 1 Got it, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it. All right, so who would like to go first? Got it, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it, I got it.
Paul would.

Speaker 1 Okay, so I'm going to text Paul the tune. Yes.
Lauren is going to text the bad news. Yes.

Speaker 1 And Paul is going to combine.

Speaker 1 By the way, this doesn't need to be a text, does it?

Speaker 1 I think

Speaker 1 for the rest of the day, it's going to be a surprise for the listener. For the listener and for the two of you.
Yes. Because you'll only know one part of the equation.

Speaker 1 My last text to you, Paul, by the way. Taco's alive and only 70.

Speaker 1 Because I believe as you exited a show we were doing together, I started singing Puddy on the Ritz.

Speaker 1 And you said, is Taco still with us? And if so, how old would he be? And I texted you as you were walking out the door. I was happy to see it.
Yep. Good for taco.
Good for taco.

Speaker 1 And what's good for taco is good for the country. What's good for the taco is good for the burrito.
All right.

Speaker 1 Let's see how I do here. Yep.

Speaker 1 Excuse me. I was wondering if you could give me a hand.
Sure. Oh, yeah.
I'm always happy to help people. Sure.

Speaker 1 Look for the helpers, as they say, and that's me. Well, says Mr.
Rogers said.

Speaker 1 When I say they, I mean Mr. Rogers and his wife.
You mean people who quote Mr. Rogers? No.
Oh, you think his wife also said it a lot? Yeah, he never credited her.

Speaker 1 He said that his mother told him to look for the helpers. No, he was wrong.
He was wrong. He wasn't lying.
He was wrong. He was mistaken.
He would think his wife was his mother all the time.

Speaker 1 This is very interesting information about what he's doing. What do you need help with? Hey, why are you trying to cut to the chase? No, because I see this man.
He's pouring wet.

Speaker 1 i'm pouring i'm pouring wet that's not my problem why are you pouring wet concrete

Speaker 1 into this thing

Speaker 1 because the dry concrete won't do anything oh that's a good point it's hard to pour too

Speaker 1 a big slab it is big slab of dry concrete

Speaker 1 not just the powder yep i'll see you later okay what he's leaving before well uh pogo horse

Speaker 1 maybe you could help me yeah this is a very delicate situation okay

Speaker 1 oh i'm a nurse by the way

Speaker 1 Are you really? I am. Congratulations.
You tease me a lot because you got me on the spot.

Speaker 1 Hold on a second. Let me get some pots and bands here.

Speaker 1 Thank, thank you, thank you. That feels so good in my heart.
Good. And I feel very much gratitude.

Speaker 1 And I feel very much so glad. Gratitude.

Speaker 1 I'm leaving again. Okay, man.
Just come or go. He's making a lot of.
Do you know he's going to be a ball? He's making a lot of holes in your concrete. Welcome back.

Speaker 1 I love that song.

Speaker 1 i know you do so good how do you know because you walk around mumbling it all day so you've seen me before of course i have why are you watching me he's a spy dear i'm a spy i'm not supposed to say that well why are you spying on me my cover's blown i'm blown

Speaker 1 i'm blown

Speaker 1 baloney

Speaker 1 listen that cover's baloney

Speaker 1 mine cover's baloney

Speaker 1 i'm hiding under baloney what do you need sir

Speaker 1 Okay, sir. For God's sake, I'm gonna be scared.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to weed my garden, and I understand you think you've got me trapped because I'm out here already.

Speaker 1 I'm looming over you. I could go inside at any moment because you're pouring concrete on us, and we're trapped.

Speaker 1 I might go inside. All right, please, before you go inside, boing, boing, boing, what?

Speaker 1 Before you go inside,

Speaker 1 there's something I hope you can help me with.

Speaker 1 I got a thing and I'm in a burn. Cause I got something in my car, not fan.
And I need someone to help me get it out,

Speaker 1 out, out, out.

Speaker 1 I had a fight with a friend of mine.

Speaker 1 I hit him on the head with a hammer and star. To tell you what has happened next right now, now, now

Speaker 1 I got a body.

Speaker 1 Oh, oh, oh, oh, in a rug in my truck.

Speaker 1 Okay, I want nothing to do with that. I'm calling the police right now.
You're trapped in this concrete. We can't.
I can use my phone. Why don't you just pour the concrete over the body? No, don't.

Speaker 1 Police headquarters, would you like to play a game? Yes.

Speaker 1 We love playing games. You have 30 minutes to find out where we are, and before you do, we're going to tell you that we're going to kill someone.
You just said that we were at police headquarters.

Speaker 1 Shit.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 We'll talk to you later. Okay, bye.

Speaker 1 They are coming to get you.

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 1 I could hear

Speaker 1 a little bit of you and you're in trouble. You were holding your phone reality show style and we heard the entire conversation.
All right, fine. I can't.

Speaker 1 I don't know why I'm on your side.

Speaker 1 It's better to be on my side. I've killed someone.
That's true. Yeah.
You don't want to be next. I don't want to abet you, though.
No, just you can aid me without abetting me. Oh, yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1 Yeah, aiding is not against the law, right? I think it's nice. We're going to say that aiding is now something that's not good.
Oh, wait. Oh, we can't aid someone? Abetting, I get it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Pour some concrete down her throat. Pour some concrete down her throat.

Speaker 1 Do, do, do. Should we try this again before? All right, Lauren, I'm going to text you the ailment.
Okay. Or the bad news you're delivering.

Speaker 1 Here is so nice and quiet. I got really calm.

Speaker 1 I can't wait to get a text from my friend. I want to text him.

Speaker 1 I've texted the song. Got it.

Speaker 1 I am in the middle of texting.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's going to be a long problem. No, I just misspelled words.
Okay.

Speaker 1 There we go.

Speaker 1 There we go.

Speaker 1 So I said, no way.

Speaker 1 You actually said that to their faces. Ladies, ladies, more tea, more sandwiches? Thank you.
I would like

Speaker 1 fewer sandwiches.

Speaker 1 Drink some of my tea, please.

Speaker 1 Can you put the crusts on this? Yeah, you know, I double stuffed. I'm so happy to have you guys over.
Can we have a double stuffed crust?

Speaker 1 You're so specific about in particular about what you want to eat. Well, and about our friends.
That's right.

Speaker 1 We don't like anyone but you. Well, darling.
That's so great. I do have something I need to tell you.
Well, I have news too. You do? You have news too?

Speaker 1 What's your news?

Speaker 1 You go first.

Speaker 1 I am not getting engaged. Congratulations.

Speaker 1 We were so worried. Thank you.
Yes, I realize I don't believe in marriage, and so I'm not going to take the first step, obviously. When Jasper said he was taking you on that hike

Speaker 1 up to that big mountain. Yes, and he was wearing a tuxedo.
Yeah, I was worried that you were going to say yes. No.

Speaker 1 I said no. Good.
Congratulations. I bet that was really hurtful to him.
It was. I made him pick out the ring.

Speaker 1 I told him what I wanted

Speaker 1 and gave him very specific instructions. And he absolutely crushed it.
Yeah. It was the exact ring I was thinking about.
It's just in the moment. No, I just realized: no, I don't want this.

Speaker 1 And it's not about Jasper. It's just about my life.
Wow. I have news too.
I'm not having a baby. Yay.

Speaker 1 So you are a sterile. Yes.

Speaker 1 I'm so happy.

Speaker 1 A little bit of my news. Oh, give us a little bit.

Speaker 1 Just a little bit. Just the tip of news.

Speaker 1 You know how I had a lot of inheritance. What? I beg your pardon.
What? Honey, you're going to have to speak up because

Speaker 1 you're not going to have to have a lot of inheritance. Know how you had a lot of inheritance.
Come in my way when my mom died.

Speaker 1 Well, my mom spent all of my inheritance

Speaker 1 at the track. She lost all of my inheritance.

Speaker 1 Ain't no inheritance in my account

Speaker 1 I don't know what

Speaker 1 I have to admit ain't no inheritance in my account

Speaker 1 ain't no inheritance in my account

Speaker 1 ain't no inheritance in my count my count is zero

Speaker 1 what's on this and it wasn't actually my mother it was my mother-in-law who did it

Speaker 1 and my mother-in-law took my inheritance and she bet it all on some horse races she lost all my inheritance

Speaker 1 i know sancho i am now quite very poor

Speaker 1 do you have money to spare

Speaker 1 i would take any

Speaker 1 money i love to have some money with my account where there is no more

Speaker 1 Well, here, take all of my money. Thank you.
Here's $7.

Speaker 1 That's also helpful. I have three.
That's all you have. That's 10.
That's 10.

Speaker 1 $10.

Speaker 1 Ah, ah, ah.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 She's counting. Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Maybe it's time for you bitches to leave.

Speaker 1 It was ain't no sunshine, and it was hard to sing that.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. Okay.

Speaker 1 Do you very quick want to give me one? Yes, let's do one more.

Speaker 1 But just jump into it.

Speaker 1 Very quickly, everyone texts me. I'm going to text you the song.
Yes, Lauren's texting me the song.

Speaker 1 Paul's texting me the bad news that I'm to deliver.

Speaker 1 And when that is combined,

Speaker 1 that

Speaker 1 is essentially how this game is played.

Speaker 1 I have the song. I'm waiting for the bad news.

Speaker 1 It will be received by me

Speaker 1 once Paul sends it across the airwaves. He's going to send it to a satellite, which is going to send it back to me, even though he's right next to me.
It seems like it's wild. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's taking a long time for it to get there. I've sent it.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 So, what do you want to do later? You want to just go around? I want to go around. I want to see all the little shops here.

Speaker 1 Excuse me.

Speaker 1 Hold on. Excuse me.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Are you little whippersnappers?

Speaker 1 That's my question.

Speaker 1 Well, not really.

Speaker 1 I'm 70. You're 70.
I'm 17.

Speaker 1 What do you have in common?

Speaker 1 We like fucking each other. Ever heard of it?

Speaker 1 And guess what? Now I'm 19.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Because I didn't feel right once you said that.

Speaker 1 If we were in New York, that is, of course, the age of consideration. New York, the greatest city in the world.

Speaker 1 In a New York minute.

Speaker 1 In a New York minute. Who did you meet? I left Perisk.
We met at an Alicia Keys concert.

Speaker 1 He wasn't able to get in because he was too young.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 How many years ago was this?

Speaker 1 One. One year ago.
One year ago. What's your problem?

Speaker 1 What's my problem with us? Who said I was? I know you have when you look at your aldehyde you do look ald

Speaker 1 well I'll tell you my tale if you really require me to do so

Speaker 1 please do hear it

Speaker 1 well it was Saturday

Speaker 1 evening

Speaker 1 and I was hungry

Speaker 1 so I went to a store

Speaker 1 and I got a little

Speaker 1 sushi

Speaker 1 and I thought

Speaker 1 I'd like to eat some more.

Speaker 1 So I took my little chopsticks and I put it

Speaker 1 on what I thought was an avocado roll.

Speaker 1 But I ate a big lump of wasami.

Speaker 1 And my

Speaker 1 wife

Speaker 1 is cheating on me.

Speaker 1 That really worked with the end of my life. They even said wife.
Really good. That's why we don't say it out loud.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Really good. I'm sorry to hear that, by the way.
Oh, no problem. Anyway, keep fucking.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 That's that. Oh, that's that.
That's that.

Speaker 1 Paul, you have tour dates this weekend. Yeah, man.

Speaker 1 That you need to talk about. I think it's October 16th right now.

Speaker 1 I think it is. Yeah.
That means, you know what that means.

Speaker 1 Every October 16th. Every October 16th, like Clockworks and like Craftwork,

Speaker 1 you can find me in

Speaker 1 On My Way to

Speaker 1 the Polski Theater in Overland Park, Kansas, because we got a show there tomorrow night, the 17th of October,

Speaker 1 7.30 p.m. Show.
Come on out. And then Saturday, we will be at the Sheldon Concert Hall and Art Galleries in St.
Louis, Missouri. And then Sunday, Old Foresters Paris Town Hall in Louisville, Kentucky.

Speaker 1 Please come see those shows for iatopia.com. Don't make him beg.

Speaker 1 If they come to the show, will you beg them all to come inside when they're lined up outside? Oh, that's don't do that. That's a fucking hassle.

Speaker 1 Just come into the show, just come into the show and beg you once again. I'll beg you before the show, but I'm not going to.

Speaker 1 Come on, guys. Let me have some dignity.
Just a little bit. I got to go out and vampire rules you to come in the show.
He's already out there like buying costumes and stuff.

Speaker 1 He already has lost his dignity just doing the show. Yes.

Speaker 1 The show itself is the indignity. Come on out.
Lauren, anything for you? You know, I'm just doing my thing. I love that.
So keep an eye on my Instagram. All right.

Speaker 1 I'm doing my thing, which is nothing.

Speaker 1 Um, we'll see you next week. Bye.

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