Threevisiting: Only Yuck Yucks and Only Yum Yums

Speaker 1 A

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Speaker 1 That's drinkag1.com slash threedom. It's morning in New York.

Speaker 1 Hey, everybody, I'm Mandy Potenkin. And I'm Catherine Grody.
And we have a new podcast. It's called Don't Listen to Us.
Many of you have asked for our advice. Tell me, what is wrong with you people?

Speaker 1 Don't listen to us. Our Take It or Leave It Advice show is out every Wednesday, premiering October 15th, a Lemonada media original.

Speaker 1 Is that good or bad?

Speaker 1 Freedom!

Speaker 1 Where I do a little moan at the end. Oh, is it good? It's good for me.
And it could be a moan of pleasure or it could be a moan of pain. Either there's the Pole Razor teaches us.

Speaker 1 They're such a fine line.

Speaker 2 Wow, because he likes those pins in his face.

Speaker 1 Because he likes those pins in his face.

Speaker 1 You have all those pins in your face, don't you, Governor? You're acting a right pinhead, mate.

Speaker 2 You got pins in your head, in it.

Speaker 1 In it. In it.

Speaker 1 Welcome to.

Speaker 1 Welcome to Trito, book.

Speaker 2 Well, I never did this before. My name's Scott.
I'm scared.

Speaker 1 I don't know how to do it. I'm a coward.
I'm scared. I'm too scared of this.
Welcome to Freedom. I'm Paul F.

Speaker 2 Thompson. I'm Lauren F.
Lapson.

Speaker 1 And I'm Scott Plopper.

Speaker 1 Scott Plopper? Plopper. Plopper.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Wow, indeed, my younger. To the show.

Speaker 1 Mike was like, this music was coming out of your mouth, and so I couldn't

Speaker 1 hear what you were saying. Don't ever say this.
Don't even hear the words coming out of his mouth. I'm confused.
Do you understand the words that are coming out of his mouth?

Speaker 2 May the moocher is one of of Mike's ringtones.

Speaker 1 Why? Why? I don't know, but I hear it all the freaking time.

Speaker 1 What made you say that? Because I was singing Minnie the Moocher. Why were you doing that? I'm the guy you don't pay attention to.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's you! Yep, you're just focused on her. Oh, we're doing freedom.
Okay, now I remember.

Speaker 2 He's the problem.

Speaker 1 It's him.

Speaker 1 So he loves Minnie the Moocher.

Speaker 2 He does.

Speaker 1 Is it a ringtone for a specific person?

Speaker 1 About Minnie the Moocher. The Moocher.
Or is it everyone?

Speaker 2 It's a ringtone. It's like a text tone.
It's a ringtone. I don't even know who it's for.

Speaker 1 He just loves it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, usually the phone sound is off, but when it's on,

Speaker 1 I certainly hear it.

Speaker 1 Do you think he's texting himself so you can hear it?

Speaker 2 He definitely does that.

Speaker 1 What do you think he's listening to the song? Do you ever use it? He doesn't have a Spotify app.

Speaker 2 Do you ever use that

Speaker 2 approach of texting yourself things? I don't do that.

Speaker 1 I've done that.

Speaker 2 I mean, I've done it for a picture I want to have or something, but I've never done it for like, remember to do this.

Speaker 1 I don't do it for that. I started using the reminders app.
Really?

Speaker 1 There's a reminders app.

Speaker 2 I actually use that app a lot.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's actually very healthy.
Actually,

Speaker 2 it comes with the iPhone, and it's actually.

Speaker 1 So it's a sanctioned iPhone app? It's sanctioned. It's been a while.
I'm actually curious because I was a grandfather.

Speaker 2 Yes. On Nobody's Listening Right, Elizabeth Lames podcast with her husband Andy, which I listened to.

Speaker 1 It's like a candy. And I love it.
It is like a candy.

Speaker 2 Andy was talking about a

Speaker 2 to-do list app that is supposed to be really great for help. He has ADD, and so it's supposed to help keep you on track with certain things.

Speaker 2 And you, the second you think of something, you put it in the, I don't know why the app is better than just making a list, but maybe it has reminders or

Speaker 1 that's why because I make a list and then I don't look at it. That's true.
I don't really look at my list. Just last night.

Speaker 1 What did you put in your list? I made a checklist of things that I have. I had a show last night with

Speaker 1 Amy Mann and Ted Leo. Congratulations.
And thank you. Congratulations, Paul.
That's so amazing. Thank you.

Speaker 2 That's so great, Paul. Yeah, thank you.
So that's all you wanted to say.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Goodbye.

Speaker 1 Finally, this was just a final pretext.

Speaker 1 I made a checklist of things that I needed to bring with me for the show.

Speaker 1 And then guess what? I didn't look at that list and I got in the car and I was about to pull away and I was like, I remembered one of the things. Because

Speaker 1 I got cocky and I was like, I remembered all the things. I got all this.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you can't do that.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 But it's like, what's the, why did I make that list if I wasn't going to look at it for exactly that reason? It's like right before you leave the house, look at that list.

Speaker 1 The list used to be so important when you, like, all all the years

Speaker 1 that we were putting on like shows at the HBO Workspace and all that kind of stuff.

Speaker 1 Making the list of every prop you had to have and every single thing. It was so important.

Speaker 1 And I remember a particular performance where someone I was performing with did not bring a huge thing on the list. And it was just like, well, this is why we make the list.
Drag them. Drag them.

Speaker 1 This is why we make it. Drag them to fill through.

Speaker 2 So the MMs are no more.

Speaker 1 Oh, I knew we'd get to it.

Speaker 2 Well, we have to mention it because we didn't know that, obviously, when we were recording, that hadn't happened yet.

Speaker 2 The M ⁇ M Corp was having a meeting debating while we were having our conversation.

Speaker 1 I don't memo during that. This is all fake, by the way.
I think this is for the Super Bowl. It's not real? Scott, don't say that.
I'm so sorry. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 1 Am I dumb? Is it fake? You're dumb.

Speaker 2 I legit thought it was real.

Speaker 1 Which part of the music?

Speaker 2 That they got rid of the the characters.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, this is all a Super Bowl lead up to a Super Bowl. On Earth.

Speaker 2 So, wait, hold on. No, and please, audience, know that I do have brain cells and I do use them regularly.

Speaker 1 But when I'm scrolling through Instagram.

Speaker 2 About other things. When I'm scrolling through Instagram, I just kind of take it, you know, and

Speaker 2 I let it wash over me and I just move on.

Speaker 1 Why would you think about it for more than just? And that's it.

Speaker 2 I was like, oh, they're done with the mascots. Yeah, I wish.
But they said they were having Maya Rudolph be their person. And then to me,

Speaker 2 I think people would be happy because people were so upset about the mascots.

Speaker 2 So now you're saying that they are going to have all of them come out at the Super Bowl and they're all going to do a dance to Rihanna? Who was?

Speaker 1 That's what I am saying. Janet Jackson will be reinstated.

Speaker 2 So you saw that and you immediately.

Speaker 1 Super Bowl, Emeritus. Oh, I also want to point out.
How do you pronounce that word? Emeritus? Emeritus. God.

Speaker 2 The Super Bowl is not on my radar at all. So I also am not looking for pranks right now.
I'm not looking out for

Speaker 2 to be tricked by a company at this time.

Speaker 1 It happened at the exact same time that they killed Mr.

Speaker 2 Peter. I was about to say, the peanut thing I remember, and I didn't, I knew people were saying it was super.

Speaker 1 This is the typical leader. That one I bought.
I was like, oh, no, he's actually dead. You went to his funeral.

Speaker 1 What I thought was you mourned.

Speaker 1 I cried.

Speaker 1 I put cloths over the mirrors. I rent my garments.

Speaker 2 I just.

Speaker 1 I think the Super Bowl is this Sunday, by the way. I'm just thrown by this.
The Super Bowl is this Sunday, so we'll find out. So I'm glad that we're talking about that.

Speaker 1 As it's being released or as we're

Speaker 1 being released. Okay.
Oh, that's great. Do you think the Super Bowl is this Sunday? Well, you know what? I don't fucking know.
You know what I actually think? You started watching basketball.

Speaker 1 I'm never going to watch it. I thought they would talk about it there.

Speaker 2 What I'm missing, though, by not

Speaker 2 Twitter, because I think if I was on Twitter, I would have seen everyone.

Speaker 1 What about the lions?

Speaker 2 I'm going to go to the Super Bowl, you stupid.

Speaker 2 And I would have understood.

Speaker 1 You know? No, I just think, I think this was like a, oh, people are talking about the MM's thing. We have this big campaign with Maya Rudolph coming up.
Let's make a big thing out of it.

Speaker 1 And instead, it's like this weird backlash where people are taking it seriously.

Speaker 2 We will see because I'm seeing a lot of articles about this.

Speaker 1 It's weird that people are invested, but I guess they are. Like when you don't care about a thing,

Speaker 1 it's impossible to believe that somebody does. Something is stupid as well.
Yes. I find it weird.
Okay, here's something I've been noticing. Could you turn me up in my headphones? Actually, don't.

Speaker 1 I just turned myself up. Yeah, you have to do it yourself.
Lisa right next to you.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 what I find very strange is like that there are fans of of things like Scooby-Doo who are so protective of it that they hate like versions of it, like the new Velma version, right? It's got Kulops on.

Speaker 1 Like there's so much hate for it. Kulops on it? Yes, she is.
She's working on it. She recognizes that.

Speaker 2 That's awesome. What's it called?

Speaker 1 Velma. Oh, great.
And it's just like...

Speaker 1 It's not the official Scooby-Doo movie or anything like, you know, how you used to, when the Superman movie came out, it was like, oh, I hope it's good. I hope it's good.

Speaker 1 And then it turns out to be good. But it's it's just another random like Scooby-Doo show of 8 million Scooby-Doo licensed properties that will be out there eventually.

Speaker 1 Why get so upset about it?

Speaker 2 Look, I defended the M ⁇ Ms last week, and I stand by that. I hope that the company is.

Speaker 1 I was hoping you would reach the match. I hope the company keeps it.
They're going to show up.

Speaker 2 And I hope they all do a dance.

Speaker 1 I think they will do a dance. And I hope it's Tarihana.
I really hope it is.

Speaker 1 What if it comes out and no, they're never mentioned again and Maya Rudolph like eats them at the beginning of the commercial and is like, they're dead now.

Speaker 2 and then I feel bored for that I actually think that's funny and I think I actually

Speaker 2 when I read that they were going to replace them I felt bad for the people who had just gotten those jobs as the mascots but I liked the idea

Speaker 1 for

Speaker 1 Amber Ruffin

Speaker 1 see and then they introduced the character and then a week later they were like nah we can't do it yeah everybody's mad yeah and then um we have to appease these people and then i thought

Speaker 1 who are filled with human beings but i thought

Speaker 1 but i thought

Speaker 2 maya doing like a candy commercial is actually really refreshing, and there's something sort of throwback about someone just holding a bag of M ⁇ M.

Speaker 1 It is something she hasn't done the commercial for yet. It is refreshing.

Speaker 2 I like the M ⁇ M. I like a candy commercial where someone just holds the bag and they're like, yum, and then they eat it.

Speaker 1 And then they eat it. Yeah, that's all we need.
Why are we spending millions of dollars on these Super Bowl commercials? Yum.

Speaker 1 Or they say yuck, whatever they feel.

Speaker 1 This should be honest. Yes, be honest about it.

Speaker 1 This is not to my taste. And don't yum anybody's yuck and don't yuck anybody's yum.
Oh, God. Only yuck, yucks, and only yum yums.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So if somebody says, I think this is gross, you have to say, I think it's gross that you think that.

Speaker 2 Oh, you have to make them feel bad.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's do I. You're actually a pervert for thinking that.

Speaker 1 That makes you a sick individual.

Speaker 2 Look, I don't know. We just helped hype up the commercial.

Speaker 1 I know, I know. Sorry, we're talking about MMs again.
We've already done the taste test for them. We played their commercials on this look.
We had a symbiotic relationship.

Speaker 2 We had to chill and help M ⁇ Ms grow their power.

Speaker 2 I just thought it was a topical thing, and I guess it's not.

Speaker 1 Do other candy companies make MMs? They just call them something different? Yes, absolutely. Yes, absolutely.
And they're not as good, by the way. Why? Why shouldn't they be as good?

Speaker 1 Okay, you know what?

Speaker 2 Wait, do you know what is really good?

Speaker 2 But they're expensive. But they're a sort of

Speaker 2 healthier, quote-unquote.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's like a healthier alternative to an M ⁇ M, I guess. Unreal.
Do you know Unreal? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I've always seen that Minin's. They make

Speaker 2 peanut,

Speaker 2 chocolate-covered peanut, whatever, with a shell. It's essentially a peanut M ⁇ M, and it's really fucking good.

Speaker 1 Although, I do think the hell is like $10. Does it have like

Speaker 2 it's

Speaker 2 made from all plants? I don't know.

Speaker 2 I don't know why it's better. It's just better ingredients or like less dyes or I don't know what the fuck.
Natural dyes.

Speaker 2 I follow this account on Instagram called The Food Babe.

Speaker 2 And she's always like

Speaker 2 so hot.

Speaker 2 It's just him saying that.

Speaker 1 She's always. The food babe.

Speaker 1 It's like the Daniel Craig.

Speaker 1 Ladies and gentlemen of the weekend. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 She's always posting. He used to do commercials for Eminem's.
Daniel Craig? Dennis Miller. Oh, Dennis Miller.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
And 1-800 Collect. And 1-800 Collective.

Speaker 1 Remember when he called Monday Night Football for a year? Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's making a lot of money. He's so insane to me.
I hope he's okay. I think he's doing great, I guess.
Let's protect him at any cost.

Speaker 2 Anyhow, this account tells you all the bad things and what you should eat instead.

Speaker 2 And sometimes it's kind of like, okay, okay. And other times you're like, oh, that's good to know.

Speaker 1 Okay, so I had pizza last night. What should I have had? It's not like that.

Speaker 2 Salad?

Speaker 2 Well, yeah, it's not like that. It's more like this.

Speaker 1 Everything they just go, salad.

Speaker 2 If you're buying

Speaker 2 this granola, you should know that it has these ingredients that are actually really

Speaker 2 synthetic and bad. And you should buy this brand because it's all natural or whatever.
And so I'm like, you know, taking a lot of that in right now.

Speaker 1 It is true. You cannot take, I, you know, you can't take at face value a package that says, this is all natural and it's healthy and chilly.

Speaker 2 Which is so crazy that I could literally say all natural.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. Yeah.
It's like in quotes.

Speaker 1 I remember I used to think that Trader Joe's was somehow healthy. Healthy.
I think I thought that too.

Speaker 1 I think so because it's like...

Speaker 2 It's like the way it looks because it looks like a farmer's market or something.

Speaker 1 There's something granola-y about their approach. I thought that for a long time.

Speaker 2 And then eventually I was like, this has more calories than everything else I ever.

Speaker 1 You can't can't just eat these peanut butter cups, yeah. Which I like

Speaker 1 staving off cancer, they taste worse, they should be healthier. You bite your tongue.
Oh, I'm so sorry, the dark chocolate peanut butter, I have them in my cabinet right now, so good, yeah,

Speaker 2 yeah, and the brownies that they sell-like the packaged brownies-really delicious.

Speaker 1 Yeah, oh, of course, I mentioned them in my famous Werner Herzog review of Trader Joe's parking lot, uh, which uh lately I've been getting a lot of people uh on Instagram tagging me with other people doing Werner Herzog impressions.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And I just want you to know, I'm not interested.

Speaker 1 Real Werner Herzog, tag me all you want. Yeah.
Fake Werner Herzog, I'm doing my own. It's fine.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you don't want to be influenced by them.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's what I'm worried about.

Speaker 1 They're so much funnier. You don't want to steal them.
You don't want to feel bad when you see how funny they are. I actually am hearing an echo on myself.

Speaker 2 I was hearing that on you.

Speaker 1 I hear you guys fine.

Speaker 1 Turn all the headphones down other than yours.

Speaker 2 That was me, so that was bad.

Speaker 1 That's probably the issue.

Speaker 2 What is this special recycling bin you have here?

Speaker 1 This is for trash now. Kool-Op got it.

Speaker 1 It's so cool. This is cool for trash now.

Speaker 2 It's so cool. What does the yellow side say? I can't remember.

Speaker 1 Half of it is for trash. Half of it is for recycling.
It's so fucking cool.

Speaker 1 Wait, yellow means trash? What is yellow say?

Speaker 1 Lauren's going over to invest it. They both have a recycling thing on them.
By the way,

Speaker 1 put this down. This is

Speaker 1 plastic recycling. Plastic recycling.
Plastic recycling, paper recycling. And paper recycling.
Oh, wait, so it's both recycling? Oh, here's what I'm saying. That's not what I want.

Speaker 1 Sorry, dude. Sorry, dude.

Speaker 1 You

Speaker 1 do it to the left.

Speaker 1 Do it to the left. Do it to the right.

Speaker 1 That's the way you block out the light. Did that fix your problem, by the way? It did, honey.
Okay. Thank you.
Thank you, honey.

Speaker 1 Well, wait.

Speaker 1 We have just received word. Uh-oh.
That now we have to start composting our food waste.

Speaker 2 I saw this on Instagram.

Speaker 1 Like that in the green. I'm pretty sure it's a Super Bowl thing.

Speaker 1 So this is...

Speaker 1 This is the thing. That would be...
That would get me.

Speaker 2 Yeah, if they got me with composting.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? And it's about Bud Light? Yeah, that would be good.

Speaker 1 We got a composter for it for this express purpose. But it's

Speaker 1 my kind of a lot of work. It's a lot of work.
But here's my issue with it is that the recycling, they already admitted that they just throw it all into the tree. I know.
So what are we? So

Speaker 1 why are we doing this?

Speaker 1 First, well, the composting thing is actually very important because.

Speaker 2 No, no, I think composting is important, but I'm saying, why are we, what is the lie? Why are we lying? Why are we saying recycling is not really, oh, it's not really going there.

Speaker 2 I'm like, well, then what am I making this effort for?

Speaker 1 And we're still doing it. Of course.

Speaker 2 And plus, I don't have enough room in my trash for all the recycling. So I need the section.

Speaker 1 Basically, it's just two trash cans. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just giving you a task of sorting them for fun.

Speaker 1 But it all has to do with the gases. Right, no.

Speaker 1 Composting is a huge

Speaker 2 composting will help a lot, but you also have to teach everyone how to do it. You can't just say, now

Speaker 2 you can do it.

Speaker 1 I should not say composting, although some people in my neighborhood have started doing that. Well, you have to put it in a separate bin.

Speaker 1 We have to put it now in the green bin, which is where like the organic leaves and shit.

Speaker 1 But then that means that you have to get another little trash can in your house to put eggshells and

Speaker 1 it also is

Speaker 1 stinky. Yeah.
It's the stinky stinks. And it gets the fruit flies and stuff.

Speaker 1 I don't like. They have said that they're going to start giving people these special treatments.

Speaker 2 Well, they should if you want anyone to do it. I have a friend who has a big composter in her yard that's like huge, like a big old

Speaker 1 thing.

Speaker 2 And then they kind of like roll. It's like it's as big as a table.

Speaker 1 For the listener, Lauren put out a tape measure and she just ran around the room. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's like this big.

Speaker 1 That's big. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And she like, you know, has her little worms in there and all this activity going on.

Speaker 1 And they, yeah, they do stuff to it. They put worms in there? Yeah.

Speaker 2 yeah wow it helps it like become dirt worms help

Speaker 2 look i don't know i think you know i wouldn't be able to explain it

Speaker 1 make things dirt that's what they've always done that's what they always worms shit dirt so if you like whatever they eat even if it's like they chew bubblegum and they kick ass yeah because i dissected like a diamond i dissected one i saw a big line of shit in it i dissected one in school wasn't that a big day did i do a worm i don't remember

Speaker 1 we talked we talked about this remember the pig and the frog i don't remember the worm i did the worm and the frog

Speaker 1 You just did a frog? You did a worm. Oh, I love that worm.
Worm, frog, and baby pig. You did a baby pig.
I know I cannot discuss it. Can I say, in a way, we're the worm, the frog, and the baby pig.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we are. Who ate? I'm the baby.
Obviously, you're the worm.

Speaker 2 I'm the pig.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 you're a pizz pig.

Speaker 2 You're a frog because you're kind of like you wear a suit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're like Michigan J frog.

Speaker 2 I'm a pig because I'm like, I have a great personality, but people still want to kill me.

Speaker 1 They think you're filthy, but you're actually very clean.

Speaker 1 And you have a little curly dick.

Speaker 1 Stop.

Speaker 1 Pig has a curly dick and curly tail? Yeah, that's a good thing. Pig has curly tail.
Can you believe that?

Speaker 1 He was playing around when he made that. Might as well have a curly nose.
God was just like, he was so pleased with himself that day. He's like,

Speaker 1 I checked this shit. Could you imagine God going through all those details? Like, if you believe that God created everything, he's like, all right, I got to design this pig.

Speaker 1 I mean, he got it, right?

Speaker 2 Honestly, that's what would happen if you started just drawing random stuff.

Speaker 1 But wouldn't, if you're a supreme being,

Speaker 1 I just hope you are at some point.

Speaker 1 I think our listeners are. I would make all these things work with fewer parts.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, you just don't need as many things in the world. No.
You know what I mean? Like, they're always like, oh, the bees do this. Blood should just flow.

Speaker 1 It shouldn't be, you don't need a heart for it.

Speaker 1 Let bees do the pollen shit and all that, but like, take, take away the stinging. Yeah.
Like I own it.

Speaker 2 How much of it is, you know.

Speaker 1 How much does it help?

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's like, oh. It helps the poets.

Speaker 1 Well, I hate them. Some would say like, okay, well, all the bees, if they can't sting the people trying to get them, then they will die out.
So it's a natural diffusion. Guess what?

Speaker 1 It's already been happening.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 give them two stingers. I told you I got stung by a bee this summer.

Speaker 1 No. What did you do this summer?

Speaker 2 You got stung by a bee this summer at Disney?

Speaker 1 Oh, I know what you did this summer. You You got stung by a bee at Disney.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 What did it hurt? You did mention it.

Speaker 2 I was actually in the streets.

Speaker 1 Was it Splash Mountain where he gets stuck in the beep?

Speaker 2 And then they said that.

Speaker 1 They put in real bees in there. They're like, hey, this is going away.
Let's have some fun with it. We put in real water.
We might as well put in real bees. And a real fox.

Speaker 1 Where did you get stung, deer?

Speaker 2 If I've already told it, I'm not telling it again.

Speaker 1 You're not telling it again?

Speaker 2 I got stung on my... hand and it was in downtown Disney waiting to go back to the park for night time.

Speaker 1 That's why I tell you, don't go down there. I know.
you said it's

Speaker 1 Disney's very distant.

Speaker 2 Bad things happen down there.

Speaker 1 Did I tell you I got stung by a bee when I was searching for my friend's dog? Yes. Yeah.
Yeah. I'm a hero.

Speaker 2 That's so amazing. You did two good things at once.
And I sacrificial.

Speaker 1 I didn't stop either. Like I went, ah, and I cradled it and I massaged it, but I kept calling out that name.

Speaker 2 Do you want to see how my hand is healing?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Pretty crazy. It is right.
Isn't it crazy how the skin just comes back together and like heals? And it's just amazing.

Speaker 1 It's miraculous. Like a T1000.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like it's weird having stitches and like looking at them and being like, you're keeping it together.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Sometimes I trip out on and I'm disgusted by the seal that your mouth makes, your lips coming together. Yeah, it's airtight.
That's it. It's just like,

Speaker 2 sometimes you can't think about that kind of stuff.

Speaker 1 Yeah, sometimes you can't, but sometimes you do.

Speaker 1 And this is one of those times.

Speaker 2 Sometimes your brain just wants to be nested.

Speaker 1 I have. Yeah.
Oh, wait, wait, wait. Oh, we should maybe we take a break.
Okay. And we finally have something interesting to talk about.
Oh, oh, oh, oh. It's one of Paul's prompts.
Paul's prompts.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Okay, let's take a break.

Speaker 1 Let's take a break. When we come back, Paul's prompts.

Speaker 1 An astounding new segment on Threedom. This is big because I've never seen Paul's eyes light up like this.

Speaker 1 Not at his wedding. Paul's eyes.
No.

Speaker 1 Which you weren't at. Which I wasn't at.
Which is why I didn't see it.

Speaker 1 God, he's airtight.

Speaker 1 Like your mouth. We'll be right back.

Speaker 1 Listen, telephones, right?

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Speaker 1 And we're back. Okay.
All right, Paul's time.

Speaker 1 Paul's prompts. Yeah.
And here's the the jingle.

Speaker 1 If you're not late, you're on time, I say. If you have a friend, then that's the way to be happy in your life.
It's Paul's prompts.

Speaker 1 I love that. I really thought something would rhyme with prompts, but nothing does, unfortunately.
Prompts.

Speaker 1 Plomps. See? Clomps.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 prompts. Gazumps, yeah.

Speaker 1 Gazumps.

Speaker 1 Okay. Paul's prompts.

Speaker 1 What is this? How do we play for

Speaker 1 it's not a game? It's just you talking. It's not a game.
It's me.

Speaker 1 Do you think I'm playing a game? It's not a game. This is me saying something that will prompt conversation.

Speaker 2 Conversation.

Speaker 1 I love that.

Speaker 2 Okay, let's hear it.

Speaker 1 There is an intersection that I have to go through almost every day. Intersectional family.
It is a very broad intersection.

Speaker 1 And it's unpleasant because it's like it's too wide, and you feel like there can be, there's the potential for an accident. It's a four-way stop.
It's too wide.

Speaker 1 You prefer it to be a little more narrow to get in there.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 pretty much,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 it's the rule of, okay, did you get here before me? Then you go. Wait, is the issue here

Speaker 1 more than four-way stop or it's just too wide? No, it's too wide. It's a four-way stop, but how many lanes?

Speaker 1 Just single lanes. Single lanes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But the cars are so far away, you can't tell who got how to.
No, you can, but it's like it's so wide that some people might be,

Speaker 1 it's just like people are not sure who goes when. Okay.
It seems.

Speaker 1 So one time I'm at this

Speaker 1 four-way stop, and it's my turn. I know that it's my turn.

Speaker 1 And I start going into the intersection, and this woman coming from the

Speaker 1 perpendicular,

Speaker 1 yeah, either the left or the right of you.

Speaker 1 She's coming through. She starts coming through, and then she honks at me.
Right. And I stop, and then she goes through, and she's like cursing at me through the window.
Yeah. And I drive.

Speaker 1 Was she like the curse and thinner or anything? No, she couldn't touch my face. Okay.

Speaker 1 And so

Speaker 1 I drive on and I'm like, that sucked. And when I get to my destination, I have a text from my friend Todd Cooper

Speaker 1 who says,

Speaker 1 by the way, you were right. Oh, that lady, that lady was wrong.
He saw you. You had the right of way.

Speaker 1 He saw you. And it was first, it was very validating.
So nice. It was very validating.
But now

Speaker 1 I think of that every time I go through that intersection. You think of the text or you think of the

Speaker 1 whole incident. I think of the whole text.
You think of everything.

Speaker 1 And so your question is. I think of everything everywhere all at once.

Speaker 2 Oh, I just watched that.

Speaker 2 Do you have a is there a a location that you that you have to frequently be at that prompts a memory you know every time you get there it happens so much wait let me think i have to think of one but i do feel like my brain does that a lot where i'm like why now i have to think of that every time or you know what i think of because once you become conscious of it then it's cemented in you forever sometimes what i'll think of is what podcast i was listening to when i was in this area like i will remember part of a podcast connected to i was driving here and i was listening to that and then that was what they said is right here.

Speaker 2 And it's like, that's not anything. It's completely worthless.

Speaker 2 I don't know. Do you have one off the top of your head?

Speaker 1 I mean, I've had, and I know I've talked about it on the show already. So I've had stuff like that where it's like going into Carl's Jr.
and remembering the time that I,

Speaker 1 someone was offering me like all the leftover fries that were in the

Speaker 1 in the fryer because they were closing. And I thought he was trying to say like, hey, would you rather have these fries to replace your fries? And I was like, yeah, these are actually kind of cold.

Speaker 1 And he was trying to be nice. And I said, these are cold.
And so anytime I go into a Carl's Jr., I think about that.

Speaker 2 Okay, but that's also like remembering Carl's Jr.

Speaker 1 remembering

Speaker 2 a mistep that you made. I have like those like haunt me differently, I think.
This is yes.

Speaker 1 This is it remembering something good that's where someone cursed.

Speaker 2 It doesn't matter

Speaker 2 that it happened at all.

Speaker 1 I thought I was doing good in answering your question, but now you've told me I was bad.

Speaker 2 I think you're great.

Speaker 1 I'm just following the prompt.

Speaker 1 I know, why am I in in trouble?

Speaker 2 I don't understand. I'm following the prompt, and I'm trying to parcel out what the prompt is asking, and I feel like you're off base.

Speaker 1 So I'm wrong. Okay.
All right. Well, noted.
Goodbye. This segment was a flop.
Well, no, I think it's a great segment. Why do I try? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 I'll never have a segment on this show.

Speaker 2 Whenever I hear pulse prompts again, I'll think of this.

Speaker 1 You're never going to hear it again.

Speaker 1 This is the only time it's ever going to happen. Are you trying to forget this stuff, though? Are you trying to...
I don't care. Because you go through this intersection a lot.

Speaker 1 I'm worried that you're going to constantly be rethinking of this one memory and it's going to suddenly overwrite some of your memories that you should be remembering

Speaker 1 until all my memories are just matched

Speaker 1 every time I remember it, it replaces another memory.

Speaker 1 I'm worried about this for you, Paul. Until eventually, I don't know what my birthday is.
I don't know who I'm mad at. When's your birthday? Oh, I was at this intersection.
It was very wide.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I mean, oh, you know why, Elsa?

Speaker 1 It kind of, I realize why it also, that intersection freaks me out because I was at, it was a similar intersection where I had a horrific car accident where I totaled my wife's car.

Speaker 1 Because I did not see a stop sign. I blew through a stop sign.

Speaker 1 So you, so you're, you told one story where you're in the right, but you're really

Speaker 1 also in the right.

Speaker 2 You have to stop at a lot of stop signs to make up for that one.

Speaker 1 So true. That's so true.
How many stop signs are worth a car? So they make these stop signs octagonal. Octagonal.

Speaker 1 Octagonal.

Speaker 2 Octagonal. Is this where the podcast has gone?

Speaker 1 And it's so that you will notice these things, Paul. Should we get back to M ⁇ M?

Speaker 1 You'll be like, wait, that sign is not square. I got to look at this thing.
Right. And yet you just were like, oh, octagon.
Who gives a shit? And you just went right through it.

Speaker 1 Is that basically the story?

Speaker 2 It would be a stop sign.

Speaker 1 It's more what Lauren is saying than what you're saying. Although I'm not discounting your theory.

Speaker 2 That it was obscured obscured in some way.

Speaker 1 They also make them red so you can be like, well, that's not a white sign or a yellow sign. This is a red one.

Speaker 1 If it's the wrong shade of red, you'd be like, well, no, that's not real. It's off-red size.

Speaker 2 If it was maroon, I don't know that I would take it.

Speaker 1 It was copper, like blood red

Speaker 1 in a way.

Speaker 2 You think blood looks like copper?

Speaker 1 Blood tastes like copper. It tastes like copper.
It's not like copper. But it's brown.
It certainly blood is brown, not really red. That's when it dries.
That's not really true.

Speaker 1 You got to admit. It's a beautiful color when it's coming out of you.
oh it's beautiful

Speaker 2 when i sliced my hand it was all

Speaker 1 blood blood blood blood blood blood

Speaker 1 you're getting blood that open just gives everybody blood yeah

Speaker 1 so you you just did not see this stop sign what were you looking at no i did not see it uh i think i was reading a book i had a book on my lap

Speaker 1 i i remember once i said to gula she's like oh this is when iPhones were just coming out and she was like there are a lot of studies that there are a lot of accidents caused by people looking at their iPhones.

Speaker 1 And I was like, it's just the same as reading the newspaper on your way to work. And she's like, well, you shouldn't be doing that either.
Were you doing that? Occasionally, like, if you had to go to

Speaker 1 like Santa Monica and you're stuck in literal

Speaker 1 like

Speaker 1 the 405-101 interchange. There's no movement.
You will stay there for 45 minutes, just barely moving.

Speaker 1 Everybody hurts.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and I feel like that's when people, you see people like putting their makeup on and doing all sorts of dangerous things.

Speaker 1 Changing their clothes. Dangerous exciting.
Jennifer Beals takes her bra off under her sweatshirt. That's what got her the audition.
Is that what I'm doing? Or got her the role.

Speaker 1 She's rather do that at a restaurant. Like, hey,

Speaker 1 we have this written into a script.

Speaker 1 No, she did it in the audition, and so Adrienne Lyon cast her in the thing and

Speaker 1 put it into the thing.

Speaker 2 She did it in her audition? Yeah, she was doing it. That's the kind of bold move I wouldn't think to do.

Speaker 1 You should do it in your next audition. Yeah.
Take your bra. I'll just throw it in.
Throw it at the camera. Imagine, like, thinking, like, what should I? Maybe I should take my bra.

Speaker 1 No, I think she was.

Speaker 2 What's the scene that

Speaker 1 was happening in the middle? No, no, this was like just in a meeting, I think. It wasn't even like

Speaker 1 her reading.

Speaker 1 She was just like talking to him and just like was changing and kind of did that.

Speaker 2 And he was like, it was a different time.

Speaker 1 Gotta put this in my mood. It's also, this was her first big thing.
Yeah. Nothing.
Like, to be an unknown.

Speaker 1 Can be true. And you're like, I'm going to go for it.

Speaker 1 I don't think it was. She was actually just so planned.
You're mischaracterizing it.

Speaker 1 It was not a planned thing. No, I'm doing that on purpose.
Oh, why, though?

Speaker 1 It amuses me to do so.

Speaker 1 I like to think of Jennifer Beals with a whiteboard before this meeting. She's plotting this whole thing out.
She's practicing Dang Morale.

Speaker 2 I love her. I'm all caught up on Lady

Speaker 1 Generation Q.

Speaker 1 I'm not, but I do love her.

Speaker 2 It was great because we had a lot of bet in this season and a nice finale ending that was a good story for her.

Speaker 1 Do you know what I want to rewatch, which I saw in the theater when it came out? And it's not a good movie, from what I recall.

Speaker 1 The Bride, where she plays

Speaker 1 Frankenstein. I've never heard of that.
And Sting plays Dr. Frankenstein.

Speaker 2 Oh, I was just hearing that he's a good actor.

Speaker 1 Where? On Smartlist.

Speaker 2 What? Because they were talking about Bono, because Bono was on the show, and then they were like, Bono, he'd probably be a good actor. And they're like, Sting's a good actor.

Speaker 2 He was naming other singers who are actors.

Speaker 1 Okay, actor for Sting.

Speaker 2 I think that's probably where the bar is.

Speaker 1 He was great on Studio 60, of course.

Speaker 1 No, he's like finding quadrophenia because he's not a fan of the family.

Speaker 1 I don't know anything about it.

Speaker 1 But then suddenly he's like hugely famous and he's just Sting. I don't know.
What's going on in your wrist, Paul?

Speaker 1 I'm having a quick one off the wrist.

Speaker 1 My wife and I are engaged in the hunt for some important documents. Right, October? And I think she may have found that.
Oh, you want to share what we are?

Speaker 1 Did Joe Biden leave something in your garage? My friend Hunter.

Speaker 1 Let me guess. Is it the burism of life? What are you looking for?

Speaker 1 The title to my old car. Oh,

Speaker 1 because you need to give it away, give it away, give it away now.

Speaker 2 I know that was the kind of thing, like, sometimes you just go,

Speaker 2 where,

Speaker 2 did I have the for site to put this somewhere logical? And I recently had that experience where I was like, hey, the thing I'm looking for is in a folder labeled that thing.

Speaker 2 And I was like, that was amazing. And I actually need to go in my file cabinet and do that with everyone.
And do it all again because it's been years since I've really organized it.

Speaker 1 We do have a big binder that's all like just important documents. Like every single thing.
Is that what you're going for when your house is on fire? I say when, by the way, because I know it. Shit.

Speaker 1 I'm going to be setting it on fire. I have to.

Speaker 1 Why would you do that?

Speaker 1 Will you tell me when? This is like fanshees of an inshira.

Speaker 1 I haven't watched that and I want to watch it. Oh, it's great.

Speaker 2 I put it on, but then I wasn't in the mood, so I was just like not paying attention.

Speaker 1 It absolutely is one of those. You have to be in the mood, yeah.
But it's great. It's really great.
He loves me.

Speaker 1 Um, uh, but uh, he loves many of the moods, so I ah, I too, you were talking about Mike, I didn't hear, yeah, okay,

Speaker 1 no idea.

Speaker 2 So, this didn't know if what we were talking about.

Speaker 1 He likes no, I heard blah blah blah. He likes many of the mood chair.

Speaker 2 Were you talking about Mike? Because I just wanted to say that that's what you're just guessing if I was talking about Mike.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, I'm no longer listening.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God! We talked about this off, Mike, but Mike loves. Oh, wait, that wasn't on the show.
That wasn't on the show, no, it was on the show. It was on the show? Yes.

Speaker 1 Are you sure?

Speaker 2 I think it was.

Speaker 1 This show sucks.

Speaker 1 I know. I know.
How? I hit my hands. Oh, Jesus.

Speaker 1 Why are we doing this?

Speaker 1 How? But here's the thing. Okay, so here's the thing.

Speaker 1 It was in that unbinder of important documents. Okay.
But I had already taken it out and put it with the rest of the old car stuff.

Speaker 2 But that's dangerous.

Speaker 1 It is dangerous because then I misplaced it. Yeah.
Oh, wait. So you took it out.
You took it it out of the important place in your life. To prepare it.
To prepare. To go to the final folder.

Speaker 2 Here are all of the things that you're going to need. Here's this.
Exactly.

Speaker 1 And then you misplaced it. And they're in a smaller folder.
And then I misplaced it in a smaller folder. But luckily.

Speaker 2 Danger zone.

Speaker 1 My baby came through.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You know, I do think like there's something about...

Speaker 2 Do you feel like you misplaced it in the house or do you think it got moved?

Speaker 1 I misplaced it in the house.

Speaker 2 Okay, because I feel like I have like a system in my mind for like my bills and things. Like I'll get mail and then I'm like, I'm going to put this right here and I'm going to deal with that.

Speaker 1 And then Mike will put it in a different pile and I'm like yes that's a pile where I forget about everything I need to be sure yeah I don't like the I have to go on a hunt for my pills hunt hunt

Speaker 1 and I put it for my pills hunt for my bills hunt for my pills hunt I don't like like putting something of mine somewhere and then having cool up move it somewhere so where do you

Speaker 1 want to cool up

Speaker 1 somewhere else

Speaker 1 yeah so like I put it in the same place every day because I because I'll wake up in the morning, I'll have my coffee and I'll have to take all my pills, right? Yeah. And I know where they are.

Speaker 1 Take your eggs and your bacon too. And it's not like Kulaps up.
Take my pills. Or I can ask her.

Speaker 2 I do what I do.

Speaker 1 I do my podcast all day in my little room.

Speaker 1 Kulop's still sleeping. So it's not like I could ask her, hey, where are my pills? So I'm, so like, I open the cabinet door and they're not there.
And I have to go, fuck, now I have to.

Speaker 1 Moved from the cabinet. That's just no,

Speaker 1 they're in a different place in the cabinet.

Speaker 1 How big is this cabinet? Are we talking medicine cabinets? It's gorgeous. No, no, no.
In our

Speaker 1 kitchen. A cupboard.
You mean a cupboard? In the cupboard. I call it a cabinet.
I call it a cabinet. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Anyway.

Speaker 2 Okay, so we put somewhere else and then you're like, if I don't have my pills by nine, I'll turn into a werewolf.

Speaker 1 My anti-werewolf pills.

Speaker 1 They have pills for it now. Isn't that great? Yeah, they do.
Nobody has to be a werewolf anymore.

Speaker 2 I think that's really nice.

Speaker 1 It's not curable, but it is treatable. But if you watch you only have to take...

Speaker 1 You have to take nine a day. If you want to be a werewolf, you still can be a werewolf.
It is your choice. You want to see your doctor.

Speaker 1 And if your doctor's a werewolf, then you can go see him. My mother-in-law, by the way.

Speaker 1 My mother-in-law had a car accident on her way to visit us. Why? On her way to the airport and totaled the car.
This is a couple months ago. Oh, God.

Speaker 1 Totaled the car.

Speaker 1 And I heard her on the phone talking to the insurance person, I guess. And they're like, well, can you send us the title of the car?

Speaker 1 And she was like, it's in the car.

Speaker 1 And I audibly, this is all on speaker, I audibly heard the person say,

Speaker 1 well, you're not supposed to do that.

Speaker 2 That's really tough.

Speaker 1 That's a tough one, though, because

Speaker 1 I feel like

Speaker 2 you need need someone to tell you that.

Speaker 2 That's not a given about this type of thing because it's a give your registration.

Speaker 1 Don't you think somebody always does, though? Probably.

Speaker 2 I mean, I was told at some point. I don't know, but I'm saying like, I don't know who told me or why I know that.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But like, there should be a lot of people who are like, it feels like it makes sense to be like license registration. Slash, I think in your mind, you can also kind of go, title is registration.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 1 There should be an official guy in the car. It does seem like all car things go together in the car.
Anytime you buy a car, there should be a guy there, and this is his only job.

Speaker 1 And he says, hey, by the way, dear don't put that title in the car the person who sells you the car says congratulations and they ring a bell on their desk and then this gentleman comes out and he looks imposing but but he's dressed really fancy but he's yeah it's friendly it's like a friendly neutral look at lord grantham and he comes out and he says just a reminder don't keep the title in the car yeah and then smoke bomb uh-huh and he's called you're gonna remember

Speaker 1 he's still there after the smoke bomb he just moved over

Speaker 1 And he says, who was that from?

Speaker 1 It's like, come on. I know what you're doing.
You kind of know. He just took off his bow tie.

Speaker 1 Who was that?

Speaker 2 I was just thinking about a magic trick I saw on Instagram.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 No, I said a magic trick I saw.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Like, you didn't know the word magician.

Speaker 2 Justin Willman, who's the magician. Oh, sure.

Speaker 1 He's a magic trick. Magic trickery.
He's a magic trick trigger.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I like his show.

Speaker 1 He posted this trick, and I was so, it was the kind of thing where I just went, I just have no idea how I need of course there were cameras and someone could say well that person's in on it and it was all camera I don't think so um I choose to spend my time I hear that that's how all the David Blaine specials were done like where he's floating off he's floating off the sidewalk you know did you ever see those oh yeah uh-huh where it's like they the camera looks down and he's like floating and and everyone around him in on the sidewalks are going whoa but they're all actors or paid they're not only i think are they actors You can be an actor or you can be paid, but you can't be both.

Speaker 1 They're either

Speaker 1 either actors or they have to film it so many times because so many people can see how he's doing it that

Speaker 1 the few times where he's doing it with the exact right angle where no one can see that he's actually standing on the ground. Right.

Speaker 1 They go, whoa, and they're like, oh, thank God we got one. We've wasted so much tape.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, I'm sure a lot of stuff is fake.

Speaker 1 I've wasted so much tape.

Speaker 2 I just, you know, I assume some tricks are being performed.

Speaker 1 Well, no, I don't think that would have been.

Speaker 2 I do think some tricks are being performed in real time and the person doesn't understand how it happened.

Speaker 1 But I also think like the David Copperfield making the Statue of Liberty disappear is bad because it's like, hey, we're going to do this. And he has a crowd, right?

Speaker 1 And then it's a simple camera trick that they do. The way it was, I saw it explained.
It's basically like the cameras pointed at the Statue of Liberty. They put a curtain down.

Speaker 1 They move the camera like slightly clockwise to a part where the statue of liberty is not, they raise the curtain and the statue of liberty isn't there, but the whole crowd is going, whoa,

Speaker 1 but they're just liars, but yeah, they're liars. The crowd can see the statue of liberty is right over there where it's always seems like a waste of time.
Do you know?

Speaker 1 I did that pretty much the same thing at the end of my last comedy special. What? I made the statue of liberty disappear.
Yeah, he did that. But for real, nobody cared.

Speaker 1 Somebody said David Copperfield already did that, and I was like, oh,

Speaker 1 yeah, did he?

Speaker 1 Somebody could have told me yesterday.

Speaker 1 I ended the special by

Speaker 1 the idea was I was going to

Speaker 1 throw a smoke bomb down on the floor and then disappear.

Speaker 1 And so

Speaker 1 it was all done in post, but I had to coach the audience.

Speaker 2 Much like Mr. Grantham.

Speaker 1 Much like Lord Grantham.

Speaker 1 I had to coach the audience through it. To say, like, oh, pretend I've disappeared.
Yeah, so here's what's going to happen. I'm going to jump back.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go like this because I didn't actually have a smoke bomb. Right.

Speaker 1 And then I'm going to walk off so that the camera can get the shot of me not there.

Speaker 1 And so I need you to,

Speaker 1 you know, you're, you're clapping because it's the end of the show. And then I do that.
And then you have to be like, like stunned. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then take a beat and then give me like huge applause. And did everyone just applaud right away? No, they did it perfectly.
They actually did it perfectly.

Speaker 1 I can't believe you got an audience to actually do it.

Speaker 2 But they were your favorite

Speaker 1 steps.

Speaker 1 I think we did it one time. They did it.
They They nailed it. It was great.

Speaker 2 But your whole audience was like Oscar winning actors.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Oh, I went.
Yes, full disclosure.

Speaker 1 My old buddy D-Day was there. D-Day.

Speaker 1 Who's that? Daniel Day. Daniel Day.
Oh, Dehoe. My dear boy.
D-Day. D-Day.

Speaker 1 I agree about that every day.

Speaker 1 And then you retired from acting because of it.

Speaker 2 The trick was it involved him putting, so he had a woman look at a deck of cards. She chose one in her mind of, you know, the card.
He put the whole deck in between her two hands very tightly.

Speaker 1 He put the whole deck in her hands? Yeah. Wow.

Speaker 2 And then he reached in and like grabbed the card and it was the proper card.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 2 And she was like, wow. And then she wasn't that impressed.

Speaker 2 And then he goes, yeah, it's pretty crazy because there's not even any cards here. And then in her hand was just a brick of glass.

Speaker 2 So I was like, that's amazing. However, you're doing that is amazing.

Speaker 1 I don't, like, I don't know at all how that's possible.

Speaker 2 Like, someone wouldn't feel their hands change. And a lot of tricks involve that.
Yes. With someone holding something and then it is something else.
And I'm like, how?

Speaker 2 How do they not feel the shift in their hands?

Speaker 1 Tiny minds? Tiny mimes as well. Yeah.
Mice and mimes. It's sort of cool that magicians refuse.

Speaker 1 Tiny minds. Oh, yes.

Speaker 1 Well, they throw the cards into tiny, tiny minds. I just met.
I think people were stupid. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But don't you think it's cool how magicians like refuse to share their secrets?

Speaker 1 Do I think it's cool? I think it's rude.

Speaker 2 It's kind of cool because it's like, if I could just know right now, I don't think I'd be that happy as a person

Speaker 1 right now.

Speaker 2 But I'm a happy person because I don't have that.

Speaker 1 And so I think that they're actually keeping me like not depressed. I do like that.
I do like that. And that was Penn and Teller's whole stick.
But yeah. And that magician.
What, not telling?

Speaker 1 The masked magician. The masked magician when he was talking about it.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 I must have told my pen and teller story before.

Speaker 1 Oh, what?

Speaker 2 That I went to Vegas and saw them.

Speaker 1 That's a great story. And which one talks?

Speaker 2 Penn. Gillette.
He lost his voice.

Speaker 1 Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 1 It was one of the funniest things ever. Because what did he sound like? He was just like,

Speaker 1 he was like, his voice was really high. Tyler, can you help me out here?

Speaker 2 He'd be like, he'd be like, his voice would go really high. Then he'd be like, sorry, sorry.

Speaker 2 And then he'd try to get it back. And then he'd,

Speaker 1 yeah, yeah. At that point, just canceled the show.

Speaker 2 It was wild. But I was on gummies and I was having the deer.

Speaker 1 It was a great show. I don't remember it.

Speaker 2 I actually forgot they did magic because I was so focused on what happened.

Speaker 1 What a great act. He comes out with a crazy voice.
The other guy can't talk. The other guy doesn't help.
So he can't help at all, which is like kind of amazing.

Speaker 1 All right, we have to take a break. We'll be right back.

Speaker 1 This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Fall, autumn.
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Maybe a special fall-flavored latte.

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Speaker 3 Well, hi everybody, it's Julia Louis Dreyfus from the Wiser Than Me podcast. And I'm not going to talk about food waste this time.

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Speaker 1 And we're back, and it's time for a three-ture.

Speaker 1 And this was submitted by Elliot Mastin.

Speaker 1 And Matt, our producer, says he thinks this one's good. Yes.
Matt, our producer says

Speaker 1 he gives it a seal of approval.

Speaker 2 So if you don't like it, approval.

Speaker 1 Take it up with Matt. Yes, if you you don't like this threecher, we want you to tweet at Matt Apodaka.
Yes. And say, what were you thinking? Your threecher dar is off, my friend.

Speaker 2 No, don't say anything negative to Matt. He doesn't need that in his life.

Speaker 1 Only say nice things to him. Yeah.
Yeah. And only say nice things to us.
Try to say a negative thing in a nice way.

Speaker 1 Look, if you can't say nice things to us, at least say nice things to Matt, our producer. And just write, just tweet him and say, like, I think you're doing a good job or you're sweet.
That's nice.

Speaker 1 Like, the back half can be a slam, can't it?

Speaker 1 As long as you have to be nice up front, you can do it. Every game you want in the back half.
All right. Well, this one is called Musical Characters.
Yes.

Speaker 1 I know you know.

Speaker 1 I forgot. I almost said fans.

Speaker 1 They're listeners.

Speaker 2 Don't be presumptuous.

Speaker 1 Listeners is more aggressive.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 We're being very sassy today, everybody.

Speaker 1 All right, so what this is, the game, most of you. it's what we start with an improvised scene where we're all

Speaker 1 improvising okay yeah I guess we're not playing ourselves we can be whoever true I don't want to play myself I don't want to play

Speaker 1 myself

Speaker 1 I want to be a character right now

Speaker 1 so we do one or two minutes how long do you think we should be

Speaker 1 gonna do this you think one yes okay one minute's a long two minutes feels like an eternity when we're doing a game and then we switch roles and try to do it as accurately as possible to the previous time.

Speaker 2 Oh, so we really have to listen to each other.

Speaker 1 Then we switch roles

Speaker 1 again, it's gonna be really tough and try to do it as accurately as possible. Then we switch back to our original roles and try to do it and try to remember everything that we said.
All right, Oche.

Speaker 1 This is gonna be impossible.

Speaker 2 Ote, I said Oche.

Speaker 1 Ote. I don't know why.
Ote buckwheat. Wookin' panub.

Speaker 1 Wookin' penub in all the wrong places. All right, here we go and start.

Speaker 1 Yes, hello. Am I in the right place? I think so.
This is the filthy alcoholics meeting. Yes.

Speaker 1 Hi. So I'm sorry, you look too clean.
Oh, I'm very dirty inside. Did you take a bath before you got here? No, a bath was given to me.
Oh, I see. Okay.
Do you have manservants?

Speaker 1 No, some people tackled me and made me take a bath. Oh, okay.
That makes sense. Well, next time, just try to come in

Speaker 1 a little more dirty if you could. Will do.
All right.

Speaker 2 All right, everyone, we're going to have our seats now.

Speaker 1 We're going to have our seats now.

Speaker 2 Yes, everyone, grab your seat.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 2 And if everyone could please take a couple of minutes.

Speaker 1 I was in charge.

Speaker 1 It seemed like I was in charge. No, you were.

Speaker 2 That's.

Speaker 1 Am I just the doorman? I thought you were just the first person to be able to do that.

Speaker 2 We're going to have you speak to the therapist about that afterwards.

Speaker 1 My name is. Am I just a doorman to you? My name is.

Speaker 1 My name is. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to tell you because this is Filthy Alcoholics Anonymous.

Speaker 2 So.

Speaker 1 A what?

Speaker 1 Anominous. Anominous.

Speaker 1 Anominus.

Speaker 1 See how long that was?

Speaker 1 Can you imagine if that was two minutes?

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ. All right, are we going clockwise, meaning this way, Paul?

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 I'm going to play Lauren. Okay.

Speaker 1 I'm Paul. You?

Speaker 1 You play me. Yes.
Here we go. Okay.

Speaker 2 Hello, am I in the right place?

Speaker 1 Yes. Filthy Alcoholics Meeting?

Speaker 2 Oh, yes. That's what I'm looking for.

Speaker 1 You look a little too clean.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. I was filthier before.

Speaker 1 Did you take a bath or something?

Speaker 2 A bath was given to me.

Speaker 1 Oh, you have man servants or?

Speaker 2 Um, something like that.

Speaker 1 Okay. Well, could you try to come a little dirtier next time?

Speaker 2 I'll work on that, please.

Speaker 1 Thank you. All right, everyone, have your seats.

Speaker 2 Oh, excuse me?

Speaker 1 Everyone, take

Speaker 2 we're going to have seats now?

Speaker 1 Have your seats now. Yes.

Speaker 2 And we, and I'm not in charge of this meeting.

Speaker 1 I thought I was.

Speaker 1 You're in charge of this meeting? I thought I was. Oh, wait, no.
Who am I?

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 I'm in charge. You're just the first person.
You're just the doorman? You know, you're just the first person that

Speaker 1 everyone sees when they walk in.

Speaker 1 We'll talk about this in therapy later. Anyway,

Speaker 1 everybody.

Speaker 2 I say you're the first person I saw. That's what I say.
Hmm.

Speaker 1 Anyway, let's get started. Okay.

Speaker 1 It ran out, but it didn't.

Speaker 2 Well, you didn't get to your whole name.

Speaker 1 What was it? I don't even remember.

Speaker 1 Oh, right, right, right, right. Okay.
All right, let's switch again. Okay, who am I? I'm Paul.
Oh, yeah. I'm

Speaker 1 Scott. Yes.
Why didn't it go off? Okay, here we go. That's what I said about my career.
Hi, am I in the right place?

Speaker 2 Oh, are you looking for the Filthy Alcoholics Anonymous meeting?

Speaker 1 Yes. Oh, good.
I'm here. Oh, yes.

Speaker 2 Although you do look a little clean.

Speaker 1 Oh, I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 You should be dirtier.

Speaker 1 I had a bath earlier. Oh, you had a bath? I was given a bath.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay. Do you have a bunch of man servants?

Speaker 1 No, people tackled me and then put me in the bath.

Speaker 2 Oh, that sounds right. Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. Well,

Speaker 2 yeah, next time, if you could just be a little dirtier, let me know.

Speaker 1 We'll do. Okay.
Okay, everybody. Please take a seat.
Take your seats.

Speaker 2 Oh, we're going to take our seats now?

Speaker 1 Yeah, okay. I will.
Hey, take a cookie.

Speaker 1 We're going to start the meeting. Okay.

Speaker 2 I thought I was in charge here, so this is a little weird.

Speaker 2 Didn't it seem like I was in charge?

Speaker 1 Oh, I think that maybe you're just the first person I saw when I walk in. Okay, well, we could talk about that in the therapy.

Speaker 1 All right, so this is Filthy Alcoholics Anonymous, Monominous.

Speaker 1 What did you say? Amominous. Amominon.

Speaker 2 Amominon.

Speaker 1 Amomonon. It didn't go off again.

Speaker 2 Get a better phone.

Speaker 1 You get a better phone. Warren.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Coming for the phone.

Speaker 1 I've never heard you so vitriolic. I'm really full of rise.
Maybe I'm not pressing start. Okay.
Well, that would be a problem. I swear I am.
It's just expiring. Okay, here we go.

Speaker 1 We have to do it one more time as ourselves.

Speaker 1 Don't get back on your phone.

Speaker 2 When you look at your phone and look at my phone, it's kind of like.

Speaker 1 I'm looking at it because the timer is on. I'm trying to.
When I look at my phone, you look at your own phone.

Speaker 2 When I look at my phone.

Speaker 1 Here we go. I look at my own phone.
Okay, it's definitely going. Hi, is this the...
Am I in the right place? Oh, the filthy alcoholics meeting?

Speaker 1 Yes. You look a little too clean to be here.
Oh, well, I have had a bath. Oh, you had a bath? Well, a bath was given to me.
Oh, you have manservants or something? Yeah, I was pretty dirty.

Speaker 1 Some people tackled me and they put me in a bath. Oh, that makes sense.
Well, next time, try to come a little bit dirtier because that's our thing.

Speaker 2 Absolutely. All right, everybody,

Speaker 2 we're going to have our seats now.

Speaker 1 We're going to have our seats now?

Speaker 2 Yes, we are. Please have your seat.

Speaker 2 All right, we are going to start the meeting.

Speaker 1 Wait, I thought I was in charge.

Speaker 2 Everyone, take a cookie?

Speaker 1 Didn't it seem like I was in charge? No, I think you were just the first person I saw.

Speaker 2 I'm in charge, so I don't know why.

Speaker 1 I thought I was in charge.

Speaker 2 We thought that, but that was wrong. So we're going to have to talk about that in therapy later.
But

Speaker 2 if everyone could just,

Speaker 2 I'm leading the meeting, and of course, my name is.

Speaker 2 My name is Anonymous, because it is an anonymous meeting. And so I will not be sharing my name.

Speaker 1 Anonymous.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Perfect.
Perfect. Wow.

Speaker 2 And that's how you play.

Speaker 1 We should play Walmart.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Is that what they called?

Speaker 2 I was trying to say.

Speaker 1 You were a chair actor. Chair actor.

Speaker 2 Okay, let's do it again. And this time, let's do big characters.
Okay. Some of it'll be sillier.
I like it.

Speaker 1 It'll be so silly. Here we go.

Speaker 2 You're crazy when everyone's got to do something different.

Speaker 1 Hello, everyone.

Speaker 1 How are we today? Uh-oh, you're late.

Speaker 1 I know I'm late, but I'm sorry. I had

Speaker 1 a huge thundercloud erupted right above me. Okay, so you're both Bradley's parents, right? Yeah, of course we're Bradley's parents.
I'm Bradley's mother. I'm Bradley's other mother.

Speaker 2 That's great. I love a lesbian couple.

Speaker 1 You do? No, we're not a couple. Oh, you broke up? Yeah.
We are a couple of lesbians, obviously, but we're not a couple anymore. Okay, that's fine.
We hate each other. Well, that's good.

Speaker 2 I think that's actually coming out in Bradley's behavior.

Speaker 1 It certainly is, really. Uh-oh.

Speaker 2 It certainly is, really.

Speaker 1 I forgot who Bradley was. Can you see why we broke up?

Speaker 2 Yeah, she sounds like an idiot.

Speaker 1 She is. Why Why are you talking about being like, I'm not here? I'm right here, everyone.
Because we wish you weren't here. We both do.

Speaker 2 I've never seen anyone walk in on a pogo stick, but that isn't.

Speaker 1 I was on a pogo.

Speaker 1 All right. So, wait, I'm playing Lauren now.

Speaker 2 I have no idea what you're saying.

Speaker 1 You're playing me. Okay.

Speaker 1 I was paying less attention. Yeah,

Speaker 1 it was harder.

Speaker 1 Doing the broad character makes you pay less attention. It truly does.
All right.

Speaker 2 Okay, you're Scott?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Hello. Is this the right place? It certainly is.

Speaker 1 All right, everyone. Thanks for coming to the meeting.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. A big thundercloud was following me.
So you're late. You're always late.
Yeah, Big Thundercloud. Well, okay.
Well, now you're here. All right.

Speaker 1 We got to talk about Bradley. I'm trying to get struggling.
No. Either one of you are.

Speaker 1 we have to talk about Bradley's behavior.

Speaker 1 I'm his mother. Yes, and I'm his mother, too.
Oh, so I love lesbian couples.

Speaker 2 We're actually not lesbian couple.

Speaker 1 We broke up.

Speaker 1 We are lesbians, though. A couple of lesbians.
Oh, but

Speaker 1 yeah, go ahead. You're not together.
I think.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. You're not together.

Speaker 2 We've been having a lot of fights.

Speaker 1 Oh, yes, and I think think that's coming up in Bradley's behavior. Hell, is it?

Speaker 1 It's really hard.

Speaker 1 All right, here we go. Ready?

Speaker 1 And go.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, I'm late.

Speaker 1 Is this the right place? Oh,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 How did you sound?

Speaker 1 Ah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 We're here. Yeah.
I'm glad you made it. You're late.
Oh, there was a big thunder cloud over my head. Oh, okay.
Well, it was following you around or something. Yeah, it's making me late to everything.

Speaker 1 Okay. You're Bradley's parents.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 I'm Bradley's mother. And I'm his other mother.
Oh, you're a lesbian couple. Oh, we're not a lesbian couple.
We broke up. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We actually hate each other now. Yeah, we fight a lot.
So you're just a couple of lesbians. Yeah.
We hate each other.

Speaker 1 Well, that's coming out in Bradley's behavior. Oh, it certainly is, is it?

Speaker 1 Wait, you forgot? It certainly is, is it?

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 I imagine Bradley is really taking it on.

Speaker 1 All right, and now we're back to the original. Oh, my God.
The original? Yep. Oh, here we go.
Forgot. Hello, everyone.
Darn late. Oh, I'm sorry.
A big thundercloud was following me around.

Speaker 1 It just erupted right above me. Okay, we need to talk about Bradley's behavior.

Speaker 2 I mean, the the principal, obviously.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're both his parents. Yes, I'm Bradley's mother.
I'm Bradley's other mother. Oh, I love a lesbian couple.
Oh, we're not a

Speaker 1 couple. No, we're a couple of lesbians.
Okay, so we broke up. Yeah, we hate each other.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Well, actually, that's coming out in Bradley's behavior.

Speaker 1 It certainly is, is it?

Speaker 1 You can see why we broke up. Yeah, you're really stupid, aren't you?

Speaker 1 I forgot who Bradley was.

Speaker 2 I've never seen anyone come in here on a pogo stick.

Speaker 1 Yes, I'm on top of a pogo stick.

Speaker 1 Benominal.

Speaker 1 Phenomenal.

Speaker 1 Whoa, eight seconds left.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Woo!

Speaker 1 And that's how you play musical chair. Wow, we really did it.
Thank you to the person who submitted that. Thank you, Elliot Master.
Elliot Master. Thank you, Elliot.

Speaker 1 We love you, Elliot. I want to say that for being the number one injury lawyer in Los Angeles.
Yes, we see your bus heads everywhere. I'm Elliot Maston, and I fight for you.

Speaker 2 If you would like to follow us on social media, you can do so at ThreedomUSA. Send three chairs and emails to threedomusa at gmail.com.
And please leave us a voicemail at 424-252-4678.

Speaker 1 Or easier to remember, Hag Claims Eight.

Speaker 1 I like that one the most because it sounds like a headline.

Speaker 1 Hag claims eight. T-L-A-I-M-S.
Witchcraft explosion.

Speaker 2 That actually is the easiest one. Hag claims eight.
Yeah, because haha la umpu was like not, it was also too many letters and

Speaker 1 yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 If you want to hear ad-free episodes, you can do it at Stitcher Premium and

Speaker 1 of this show and cbbworld.com. And remember, on Tuesdays, we're three visiting on the twos.
That's right. We're putting out our old episodes in this very feed, and you can hear all of them.

Speaker 1 Look, you're going to be with Maury anyway, so why not listen to a podcast further?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it sounds great.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 2 We'd love to hear you listen.

Speaker 1 We'd love to hear you listen. We'd love to hear you listen.

Speaker 2 Oh, we love to watch you lose.

Speaker 1 So get out of here.

Speaker 1 Go home. All right.
We love you. Bye-bye.
Bye.

Speaker 1 Story Pirates is the number one podcast for kids and families in the world and the newest addition to the Lebanon Media Network.

Speaker 1 We take stories written by real kids and turn them into sketch comedy and songs featuring professional actors, famous guests, and original music.

Speaker 1 So get ready to light up your kids' imaginations with a show that you'll also enjoy. The Story Pirates Podcast, new season coming November 6th.