Triforce #313: The Worst Movies Ever Made

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Hello, everyone.

Welcome back to the Triforce podcast.

Hello, everyone.

Welcome back to the Triforce podcast.

We've had a bumper start to the year.

Folks may have noticed there were some extra extra pea casts.

That won't continue.

I mean, because we were going away and stuff.

We're lazy.

But at one point, we weren't.

You know,

the back end of 2024, we were all filled up with piss of vinegar.

And now that 2025 has started, back to our older people.

We pissed out all that vinegar, and it's just, we're just all the vinegar and the piss is gone.

We just, we did two a week for very consistently didn't we for a while and then we suddenly had i guess we all we just didn't need them like we normally oh then we thought we were getting out of date as well yeah like some of the mailbag episodes were they were all um but so no we haven't recorded like tons and tons and tons of podcasts per week it's just that literally yeah we had we had a big backlog we just had a moment of madness we just went for volume over quality and now we're back to quality

smart listeners would have realized that we haven't done much Like I was saying to my partner, we need to do something interesting because I've got nothing to talk about on this podcast.

So wait, wait, wait.

You want to do interesting things for the podcast, not because life is precious.

Nah.

Fair.

Yeah, fair.

But both.

Both.

Well, it's all this made me realize that we haven't been doing anything interesting.

You know, we haven't had a trip.

Well, you and your partner haven't been.

No.

No, we've just been.

You need to spice things up.

Watching crappy shows on Netflix.

Like, watch ones.

Which crappy shows have you been watching?

We watched

those Harlan Coburn murder mystery titles.

Oh, those are crappy.

You're right.

They're crappy.

One of them had Joanna Lumley in it.

They've all got Richard Armitage in.

I've seen something recently with Joanna Lumley in it.

It's,

you know, remember Motherland?

They've done like a spin-off of Amanda from Motherland, and it's called Amanda Land.

And

Mrs.

F and my youngest are enjoying that.

Yeah, it's quite good.

I mean, it's not as funny as Motherland.

I thought Motherland was a lot funnier, but

it's still pretty good.

It's still pretty nice.

All these shows are fine, but then they get to a point where they really have to crowbar in what's good.

People really have to act irrationally or stupidly, or, you know, someone has to do something really unbelievable for the plot to actually work.

Because they build, they paint themselves into a corner a bit with these plot twists.

They're like, they're like, oh, you know, well, what he was over here he couldn't have killed her and then she was she you know it turns out that half the people knew about it all the time the whole time everyone knew about it the whole time and were lying for some obscure reason they're like yeah i didn't want to talk to the police because i accidentally burnt my cookies once and i didn't want to find out that i was a bad cook so i covered up a murder it's like what it's like why are you doing do you mean the stuff like that that stuff happens in real life as well though i mean um i've been watching a lot of 24 hours in Police Custody, and you won't believe some of the shit that goes on.

Like,

it's crazy.

I suppose that's the truth.

Fantasy is stranger than fiction.

Yeah, you're right.

They say,

you know, the things that people will do.

I did have a walk the other day, and we went to like a little foresty place, and I saw a little boatside house, like a little boathouse.

And it was so weird looking.

I said to my partner, if I built that, like if I tried to build that or draw that or like, you know, recreate that in a video game or anything like that, people would say it looked didn't look real, right?

Yeah, like it was so, because it was so odd looking, but that was a thing that was in real life, you know, and it's, it is real.

And, but that's what, that's what it's like.

I'm like that.

I'm like,

that looks crap.

No one would build anything like that.

And then someone's like, oh, that's a real building.

And you're like, oh, you know, but, but that's okay because now you can just assume everything's AI.

Yeah, true.

Yeah.

Yeah, everything.

Everything's taken over.

Do you know what I mean?

Now you can't believe anything.

You can't believe anything you read on the internet.

You can't believe anything you see.

I'm hoping that this is the end of the internet.

This is the end of the internet era.

Let's kill it off.

Let's go back to doing stuff in real life together.

Yeah.

With all that stuff that you have in real life to get rid of.

People are.

We tried and it didn't work out.

It was a good go.

We had a good go.

We had a good run.

It's gone too far now.

It's been a fun while it lasted.

Yeah.

Shut it down.

Delete it.

Delete all the internet.

We don't need it.

I don't like it.

I just hate now how

the truth is just what you want it to be you know what i mean like there's no you you can't there's no reasoning with people anymore you know like

you can fact check anything can you no like it's impossible because there'll be some website that says yeah it's true and there'll be some other one that says no it's not and then people will only believe the one that they want to believe it's just it it's it's it's too easy to lie and and then be able to be backed up by this news channel or that news channel or this website or that website and people don't know what to think.

So, you can manipulate the entire fucking world.

Yeah, I know, it's sad, isn't it?

Hey, let's talk about terrible movies, which I went down a bit of a rabbit hole looking at this.

This is a popular, recurring topic on this podcast, but

we've not mentioned these movies before.

No, that's good.

I mean,

I haven't seen any of them.

I just don't really want to see it.

No one's complained about the terrible movie segment, okay?

As far as I've seen, so let's go.

That's a that's a winning formula.

So, let's start off with a 1966 classic, manos the hands of fate okay i'll read this from wikipedia is this a classic you will see this movie i've not seen this one uh right the low-budget horror film manos the hands of fate made by el paso insurance and fertilizer salesman salesman hal p warren concerns a vacationing family kidnapped by a poly polyamorous cult of pagans uh the film was conceived after warren bet academy award-winning screenwriter sterling sylliphant that anyone could make a horror movie Warren was convinced by the film cinematographer and stunt coordinator that most of its glaring mistakes could be fixed in a Dallas post-production studio when in reality the two wanted to quickly wrap the production because they were not being paid.

Several technical gaps made it into the film, including scenes filmed out of focus, a marking slate being seen in a shot, the scarf on the female lead's head disappearing and reappearing between shots, an insect bumping the camera lens.

The film was shot with a camera that could not record sound and had a 32 second maximum shot length.

All dialogue was

later dubbed by Warren and four others, including a grown woman who dubbed the voice for a seven-year-old girl.

Manos opens with nine minutes of monotonous driving scenes, reportedly intended to be overlaid with opening credits that were never added.

The movie includes dialogue spoken while all characters are facing away from the camera.

a character complaining about it getting dark while the sun is brightly shining, and the character Torgo, a satyr with overly large thighs that three women attempt to massage to death.

Right.

So yes, it's been on loads of TV shows and stuff.

Everybody's saying

it's like the absolute picture of Torgo the Satyr.

It's like it's voted one of the worst of all time.

Yeah.

Torgo the Satyr is just a man.

So what's the best thing?

He's just got padding in his thighs.

I want to be there when this guy realizes that it wasn't actually that easy.

I hate that attitude.

Well, yeah, he made it, but like, it sounds like it sucked big time.

And everybody was laughing at him and the movie.

But like, I just, I, I, I hate that mentality sometimes, you know, like, I know sometimes it gets things done, but like, when, when it doesn't go right, I want to be there to see the, the, the guy's reaction, or he probably just has no fucking self-awareness whatsoever and just, you know, like, just thinks it's a huge success or that he's owned everybody.

This shit has happened before.

I mean, when you've got, you've seen these movies made on an absolute shoestring budget of next to nothing, right?

And yeah, it's kind of a

thing in the history of cinema where, where,

on purpose, right?

Like, and sometimes

it's funny, like, there is a difference though between bad, so bad it's funny that it becomes a cult classic and just bad, bad.

Like, I've, I've, you know,

it's the same with games, you know, there's tons of games that are made for nothing, and they are shit,

but that doesn't make them funny or even like worth commenting on.

Uh, But it sounds like this one does have

some mockability due to its

semi-effort that was done.

He obviously...

Sometimes it's hard, right?

You have to

do a movie on your own, whatever, with this guy, being the actor, director, screenwriter, and editor.

Have you ever made your own movie?

Exactly.

Well, yes, I have, in fact.

Yes, it was very well received by three people.

All right, so next up, this might be considered a a controversial addition to this list.

It does feature the well-known comedian Bill Cosby.

Made a film called Leonard Part Six.

Leonard Part Six.

Yeah, it was not part six of anything.

It was just called Leonard Part Six for some reason.

It's meant to be a sort of parody spy movie.

So I watched some of it on YouTube.

You can still find some bits on YouTube.

It is absolutely unwatchably bad.

Like, like terrible, terrible, terrible.

So bad that he actually disowned the film

and went on Johnny Carson show and talked about how bad it was, brought his raspberries.

He won a shitload of the

golden raspberries or whatever they're called.

And yeah, he was like, it's terrible.

It's absolutely terrible.

There's really tons of product placement in it for some reason.

That's really weird.

Here's a review.

The only good thing about Bill Cosby's Leonard Part 6 is that we didn't have to see parts one through five, which I think is well said.

It is honestly, if you watch any of the clips of this film, it's terrible.

Oddly enough, it does have an actor in that you might recognize, the woman who played the Oracle in the Matrix movie.

She's like the villain in this film.

All right.

What year did it come out?

1987.

It's kind of weird, isn't it?

Like when, I mean, Cosby, I know now it's not, you can't really

get back or whatever, but no, but at the time, he was big time.

He had comedy records enormously.

The Cosby show, like he was, he was really

quiet at the time.

So the director, Paul Whelan, says, this was a terrible mistake.

When anyone gets into the position that Bill Cosby had, which is his position of power in the 1980s, they are surrounded by sycophants and no one will tell them the truth.

His ideas and him just wasn't funny.

I couldn't tell him directly.

I'd say, this is feeling slow.

And he would say, you worry about construction.

Let me worry about funny.

So, obviously, Cosby wrote it, like, planned it, like, paid for it, like, starred in it.

It was his whole, it was a vehicle that he thought he was making the funniest movie of all time.

And it wasn't, you know, it wasn't until afterwards that everyone saw it that he was the sort of the ground fell out under him.

And it was obviously absolutely terrible.

And I assume he was horrified, you know.

Um, Leonard Part 6 is a smug, tedious exercise.

It's self-indulgence.

There's nothing to laugh at, and too much of everything else.

Oh my God.

It is so bad.

Just try it.

If you can find any clips on YouTube, if you can find a clip that makes the film look like anything other than complete dog shit, let me know.

But yes, it is.

It is dreadful.

It is dreadful.

He won three golden raspberries and accepted them on Fox's The Late Show.

But he demanded that they be made out of gold and marble, which were paid for by Fox.

He brought the awards with him when he starred on other shows, happily displaying them and saying, I swept the awards.

Well, at least he lent into it, but oh my god.

What else could he do?

I mean, that's the only thing you can do in that situation.

You got to dive in.

All right.

Next up,

the garbage pail kids movie.

Now, I didn't know that they'd made a movie.

I remember the garbage pail kids being really like

on trend at the time.

Like

when they came out, everyone wanted them, loved them.

I mean, I didn't realize it was a movie.

No, I didn't.

But like, with a lot of these things, I feel like the

movie comes after the hype dies down, you know?

It's like, and something like that can never maintain popularity, you know?

Like, it was such a kind of like gimmicky throwaway toy.

Yeah.

I feel like the movie probably came out, you know, a couple of months after people had moved on to Army Ants or whatever the next big thing was, and nobody cared about the movie.

So, obviously, the whole point of the garbage pal kids was to parody the cabbage patch kits.

Yeah, which were huge in the 80s.

Like,

everybody had one.

I had one.

My sister had one.

All her friends had one.

It's just a doll.

Careful.

Care Bears is just a doll.

Remember Care Bears?

Those were shoes.

They weren't as big as the Cabbage Patch kits.

No, probably not, but they were still pretty.

Yeah, they were.

The Garbage Pale kids, they were just cards, right?

Like Pokemon cards.

Yeah, they were like trading cards.

I mean, they were also stickers, but the main thing was that it was a card, but you could peel it as a sticker.

But on the back of it, yeah, I mean, on the back of it, it had like a story or like jokes or like weird things.

I've still got a ton of garbage pail kids cards in a bag somewhere in my

office here.

But we would collect them.

We would go down to the news agent

near our school and we'd buy packs of them and trade them.

And obviously, some of them are ultra rare and some of them are super common.

And it was like, it was a fad.

It was absolutely a fad.

But they were funny.

If you're a kid, like they were gross and the imagery was kind of bizarre, like really surreal imagery.

The sort of stuff that I don't think parents would want their kids to see.

Some of it was so weird.

It was an odd thing.

Yeah, it was, it was like, it was like, it was like a kid covered in spiders or like a kid hanging themselves.

Yeah, it was really dark.

Some of it.

A kid with their,

they're really dark.

This one is like a kid playing with those ball and stick, except balls are their eyes.

And they've popped out of of their head.

It's fucking weird.

Yeah.

Yeah, and it's not and gross.

And everyone, I mean, we know this, right?

When you were a kid,

there was certainly gross things that

you were into, right?

Like, whatever it was, bogglings or whatever, you know, whatever it was.

Kids love that shit.

Do you know what I mean?

I always wanted a really big one

that had like the movable eyes and like the, it had like, it had more like mechanics in it.

You could get the small ones, which was just basically a a little like hand puppet, like a rubbery hand puppet.

But then the big one had you, it was still a hand puppet, but it had tons of stuff inside to like move the eyes around and everything.

And they were really cool.

They came the box that they came in was like a cage, so it was like uh, you know, they were like

in like a little jail.

God, I love those things.

I remember getting one and just I loved it so much.

The only thing with those was because they were like a bit rubbery and

they weren't, it wasn't that they were sticky, but they would get covered in dust and fluff and you just couldn't get it out.

Like they would age very quickly.

Yeah.

And then they would just look like shit.

I don't know what the material was that it meant.

It literally adhered dirt and dust to them.

Yeah.

I think boglins might have had a use as like something to clean under a sofa with.

You could just roll it under it.

Yeah, just leave it under there and let it do its thing.

So, oddly enough, the garbage pail kids were created by a cartoonist called Art Spiegelman, who wrote a very famous graphic novel called Mouse, which was about the Holocaust.

And he won, like, he's won a Pulitzer Prize.

He's an extremely well-regarded cartoonist who also just happened to come up with

the garbage pill kids.

That's so funny.

Yeah, Mouse, I weirdly, funny how these things happen.

I read it a few years ago.

Bridge came up to me yesterday and said, oh, I just read this.

Are you interested in reading it?

And I was like,

I've read it.

Yeah.

It's a classic comic.

That's weird how that's

a classic comic.

And yeah.

But so the garbage pill kids move.

You'll find it online somewhere.

But so as a summary, the film features seven of the garbage pill kids played by dwarf actors in animatronic costumes interacting with society and befriending a regular boy.

That's it.

A garbage can spaceship is seen flying near Earth, which is then shown inside an antique shop.

A boy named Dodger is being assaulted by four older older teenage bullies.

And basically,

the garbage can somehow, these kids come out and he hangs out with them.

Utterly bizarre.

That's weird.

It is weird that a sticker game would then evolve into a movie.

Yeah.

But I feel

they had like puppets and stuff.

It wasn't.

Yeah, but don't you think it's the kind of thing where they...

I feel like back then, it was a much more Wild West approach to filmmaking where it was like, is this popular?

Let's make a movie of it.

And there was no art to the movie making.

It was just smash a movie out there as cheaply and as fast as possible like it was so obviously a cash-in and a lot of

these

it felt like it very commercial i mean you'd have like um you basically

a lot of the cartoons that were out in the 80s existed solely to sell the toys that they made like they would design the toys first and then they would sort of crowbar in a cartoon yeah of course is mad to think because those cartoons are actually really good like the

which Which ones?

Well, like He-Man, G.I.

Joe,

like Transformers.

These were all kind of iconic.

They were good when we were a kid, but I mean, if you watch them now, it's good.

I mean,

they'll be good forever, though, because you're still looking at it through a lens of nostalgia, right?

I guess so.

I mean, you don't have to.

Kevin Smith remade He-Man, didn't he?

It was.

Remember, there was an old skill setting.

Yeah, Super Mario Brothers movie.

Yes, that's also on the list.

I was going to read that.

What,

the one with Dick Tracy in it?

What's his name?

Dick Tracy?

The guy who played, not Dick Tracy, he played the

guy who saw Roger Rabbit.

Bob Hoskins.

Bob Hoskins.

Bob Hoskins.

The one I said.

I mean, that movie was like insane.

It kind of tried to.

It was a movie about Mario made by someone who'd never played a Mario Brothers game.

Yeah.

Right.

And no one had.

And I think it differed so much from,

it you know it was almost like

nothing like a mario game or ever and i think the same thing with the garbage patch kids you know it looks like uh like the art of the art style of the garbage patch you know

cards was kind of endearing right whereas the movie is just like some nightmare puppet theater that looks nothing like the original it's not like people liked the characters from the cards and they became iconic you know i feel like in the same way it was just a clash in of something that was popular at the time

and just completely misstepped.

But also, I think it is a situation where Hollywood had the power and they had a few people like Bill Cosby get to make all the decisions.

You know, they're just surrounded by, you know, it's like, oh, we know best.

Hollywood's our thing.

Let us do it.

We've got a great guy on board.

He'll use his vision for it.

I also suppose a lot of the time, even if you come up with a good idea, you're going to have people get hold of it.

And it's a bit like a big company where you have like, maybe someone comes up with a good idea and then it filters through all the layers of management and bullshit and money until something really shit pops out at the other end.

And I mean, so the people that directed this movie were a couple.

And Bob Hoskins, this is in 2007.

He said, the worst thing I ever did, Super Mario Bros., it was a fucking nightmare.

The whole experience was a nightmare.

It had a husband and wife team directing whose arrogance had been mistaken for talent.

After so many weeks, their own agent told them to get off the set.

Fucking nightmare, fucking idiots.

That's Bob Oskins talking about the directors.

I mean, that's just pretty damning right there, isn't it?

Yeah, good for him, though, like just saying it as it was, sort of thing, you know?

Like, I think people just like pussyfoot around a lot of this stuff now.

And

I think just because somebody's a fucking idiot, just call them a fucking idiot, you know?

Because otherwise, these people get to work again.

I know.

And fuck everything up for some other point.

So word of mouth

is important.

Same goes with tradespeople, anything.

If somebody fucking sucks, you just got to tell people that they fucking suck.

Like, don't, don't worry too much about it because it has to come out.

The truth must be revealed.

I think it's so funny that he said that about a couple, a directing couple.

You just imagine.

He called us a fucking idiot, hon.

Oh, hon.

Sorry.

I'm just trying to eat some spaghetti at home after a hard day of directing.

I think they finally figured out what to do with the more recent movies, like the Mario movie and stuff, where they don't put in any real people.

You know, we know what Mario looks like from the video games since Mario 64.

You know, for the last 30 years, we've got a very consistent-looking Mario.

And I think that the way the Mario movie is, is not to have him played by a person.

No, but

then equally, every movie has Jack Black in it and Chris Pratt in it.

And like, it's always the same.

Well, this is the, I mean, the Minecraft movie.

We're going to see what goes on with that.

That's coming out soon.

And I'm not holding out any hope for it.

I mean, it's probably going to be an absolute fucking disaster.

I mean, the Sonic movies have been, there's been three of them.

Yeah, they've been received pretty well received.

Fairly well.

I think

initially when they announced them, people were like, this is just going to be dog shit.

I think they were surprised that.

They were pretty good.

But you haven't got a guy in a fursuit playing Sonic.

No.

He's like an animated character, right?

In the past, you would have had a lad in a suit being Sonic.

There's certain things that are fairly, you know, like, need to be who's clicking.

I can hear clicking.

It's me browsing the Sonic.

It's me strolling through the Sonic 3.

I thought you were playing one of those clicker games or something.

Sorry, people.

You know what?

A good movie.

I thought this movie was great.

When I was a kid, I mean, if I watched it now, I probably wouldn't think it was great, but it was a movie about a video game, but it was not like you weren't immersed in the game.

It was like to do with being around the video game and it was uh the wizard remember fred savage the wizard yeah and it was and it was a it was showcasing super mario brothers 3 before it came out so you gotta you got a sneak preview of the game i mean hang on because the movie was about um fred savage and his autistic brother uh and his autistic brother is very good at games like he was good at like tetris all these like home nes games at the time or whatever and they wanted to go to a game competition tournament thing in California, but they lived in like Chicago or whatever.

So they, they basically just go like on a road trip.

And along along the way, they meet a guy who has a power glove, and he's like the local arcade kind of top gun, you know?

He's got his power glove and he's got his like NES controller belt buckle and everything.

And then he ends up being the guy that the brother has to face like in the tournament.

But it was super exciting at the time because Super Mario Bros.

3 was announced, but nobody knew anything about it.

There was nothing in Nintendo Power or whatever, just a couple of screenshots.

But then you actually got to see some gameplay of the game, like in the movie.

And I just thought it was like, looking back, at the time, I was just excited because I was a kid, but looking back is quite a clever way of doing a movie around a video game franchise.

You know what I mean?

Most video game movies are like, you know, they are carbon copies of the movie, of the video game story, or they're, you know, like immersed in the world of the of that video game.

But I just thought it was kind of clever to have something in and in and around the game, like, you know, in real life, rather than just well, the original idea behind the wizard was based on this film called Tommy from 1960.

Yeah, the Pinball Wizard.

Yeah, that was about the Pinball Wizard, right?

Which was again, that was based on the Who's album of the same name.

I mean, that's just the soundtrack is there.

There's so many good sounds, which is mental, but it was about this sort of, you know, pinball prodigy kid you know johnson in the movie i think isn't he it's it was the whole thing no in the hands-on of superhero brothers

i think they were thinking because oftentimes you see this power glove on

people see a popular movie and they're like oh we could remake this but with a video game spin right or whatever and i I think it's this movie, The Wizard.

Yeah, I do remember it because I think it has got kind of this cult following in that retro Nintendo world.

You know, I'm sure someone like James Nintendo nerd or whatever, I watched a video of him talking about it or whatever.

And, and I get it, right?

But so many of these, so much, even today, so much of this, so much is, is, is tie-in crossover stuff, like, like, like selling toys or selling a product, you know.

All the Lego movies are about selling products.

To be fair, the Lego movies generally are pretty good.

The ones I've seen, I thought were really good.

They're, they're funny.

I I think that's because these, these, the way they make these films, if you think about it, this is like advancing the technology of how do you make a tie-in movie that isn't a shit disaster.

Yeah.

Like when they used to do this, like the He-Man movie, abominable.

Oh my God.

Yeah.

Masters of the Universe.

Yeah.

Like all of these things.

They would almost always be absolutely terrible.

Yeah.

But now I feel like they've they've learned the lessons from those movies and they're like, no, no, no, no, no, if we're gonna do this, it's gotta actually be good.

And they do try, although you do end up with things like the emoji movie and shit like that.

I mean, fuck me.

They're a terrible ones.

But something you don't see as much now is the direct rip-off.

For example, a film called Hobgoblins, which is just a rip-off of Gremlins.

Right.

And it's just, it's considered an absolutely dreadful movie, one of the worst ever made.

It's on the list.

The original Transformers movie and the original G.I.

Joe movie, which were both not live action, you know, they were just animated as you would expect from the cartoon.

And in the original Transformers movie, if you guys saw it, Optimus Prime dies, which was pretty fucking wild, actually, at the time.

And the G.I.

Joe movie was really good too.

Like, really good.

I remember loving it when I was a kid and thinking it was just great.

Whether it stands up or, I mean, again,

kids love anything, any old shit.

Not true.

We had no taste when we were kids.

Not true.

It's not true.

It is true.

When you're a little kid, you watch any old god.

No, no, no, no, no.

There's a ton of movies that were aimed at kids and flopped

like a catastrophe.

I used to watch a show.

Because kids were like, this sucks.

Okay.

I used to watch a show called

Bionic 6, which was...

amazing okay and the toys were amazing as well i used to also watch a show called captain power Oh my God, man.

Captain Power was just insane.

There was a cartoon that used to be on called.

Captain Power.

Captain Power was insane.

Like, it was so good.

Oh, this kind of looks like, what's it called?

The Power Rangers.

Yeah, it was just one guy, though, and he had like this, it was almost like a, it was like some weird like power thrown thing that he stood up in.

Captain Power and the soldiers of the future.

Yeah, yeah.

This looks amazing.

It was fucking awesome.

I remember it being awesome at least.

Captain Power, Bionic 6 was really good.

It had a cool like jingle.

It was a cartoon.

And then the toys were all like

because all the, it was like a family and they had this big robot monkey, but then the family were all bionic in some way.

Like, you know, they had like a, one had like bionic legs and another guy had like one bionic arm.

And on the toys, the bionic bits were like kind of like cool, like aqua see-through and stuff.

And like, but they were like fully articulated like the like the small gi joes of the 80s you know like not action men but like the the gi joe toys they're all wearing kind of silver metal yeah suits and it was so it was so good i used to watch that and i used to watch this other one oh my god i love

captain power

was cancelled after one captain power was cancelled because of its dark post-apocalyptic storyline showing the aftermath of nuclear war and allegories on topics such as nazism well ultimately this became the show's undoing it was too violent for children because of its toys shooting at the television live action violence and less mature aspect it was filled with romantic kisses sexual innuendo and occasionally scenes that implied sexual encounters between characters everything

wanted in the show pilot told blastar 1.2 go to hell

a violent A violent death of one of the major characters was also an unusual development in a children's series.

So this is why you loved it because it was entirely inappropriate.

Because it was fucking awesome.

That's why I love it.

I used to also like this one called Cops.

It had

Longarm, who had like this, like this.

Did he have a very long arm?

Yeah, it was like this.

They were like super cops, basically.

You had

like the long arm of the law.

Yeah, he was called.

He was called Longarm.

But he could extend out his.

It wasn't not like Mr.

Fantastic.

It was like robotic, you know, like it would come out.

Like a gold garage.

Oh, it was

very awesome yeah it was like a go-go gadget

listen to this the other reason captain powers cancelled is because of the 30 minute it's basically a 30 minute advert for the for toys but five minutes of each show was devoted to a section where you had to play with your toys

to watch the show like with it it was like a participation segment and apparently it was one of the most expensive children's toys of the region and so as a result it became too it was actually flagged as too much advertising.

Well, I don't know if you remember, but like Inspector Gadget, G.I.

Joe definitely had it.

They used to have at the end of each episode, they'd have like a little two-minute kind of like, hey, kids, don't be racist.

You know, the G.I.

Joe's don't tolerate racism, and neither should you.

Hey, Tunnel,

drugs are for losers.

Tunnel, what's up with your skin color?

That's racist, G.I.

Jane.

Don't be racist, kids.

You know, like it was, there was like always a message.

And Inspector Gadget used to have them all the time as well.

Remember, it would be like, Now, Penny, make sure that you look both ways before you cross the road.

This should teach you that you're going to get, and then Brain would like almost get hit by a car, and then Penny would have to bring the computer book out and stuff.

And

you don't have that in cartoons or anything anymore.

Well, that's why you need to buy the new Captain Power Dog.

Yeah, your parents won't be lucky.

Kids, don't close yourself in a fridge at the dump.

you could die like it was there was always a message you know at the end yeah yes i think there were there's a lot of that in kids shows right and not not so much like smalls like like my kids have always watched like cbbs in britain a lot uh it's just on uh and a lot of their shows will have a lot of those like little messages like woven into them into the story rather than having like a segment or whatever but i don't know i always just uh maybe just because i'm like nostalgic for it or whatever but i always just thought it was kind of cool to have like a little segment at the end.

They were just like a bitch because it was just like 25 minutes of violence and then like a quick

lesson for your kids.

You shouldn't uh you shouldn't use in windows or be overly violent with your friends.

Don't use karate like the character karate one,

yeah.

Um oh, cops say, All right, he's got look up cops, man.

We used to try to draw them all the time.

Like, uh, the villains were just as cool as the the good guys like i would say cops tv show i mean it's very difficult because all you see is cops yeah no this was uh animated animated tv series animated tv series called cops cops central organization police specialist yes no no no it's called cops that's the intro is like abbreviated just get you going like it stands for central organization police specialist

let me listen to the music it had like kind of like almost like an a team uh intro you know like it just, it had like a catchy tune, but then it would have like a really serious voiceover.

Long arm, the long arm of the law and stuff.

Like it was really good.

Wow, the animation is quite interesting.

It's wild, eh?

But like the characters are so cool.

And the toys were awesome, too, because they were like

kind of like action man-sized dolls.

And like the guy, the bad guy that has the machine gun in his chest, you could like open up his coat and like the gun would come out and stuff.

Like, oh man, they were so good.

Like, we used to bring the toys to school and play with them and everything.

I was amazing.

So,

here's the next one.

This is this one is called Titanic: The Legend Goes On.

Oh, okay.

Uh, which is silly because I thought this might be a sequel to Titanic, but it's not.

It's an Italian, what's called a mockbuster, which I, a term I hadn't heard before.

It is a film created to exploit the publicity of another major motion picture.

Yes, so so much of this still exists and happens every more and more now and in the last you can see you see this all the time there's every every big release there's some parody versions of it like in order to make people who are lazy get miss mistake make a mistake and buy or rent or watch the wrong version not realizing you know they heard about a movie that was something to do with a asteroid of a volcano and they type it in and they they you know

get the wrong one right um but yes it's pretty smart

so this one this one is called titanic the Legend Lives On.

Goes On.

So it was in Italian, it's known as Titanic La Lagenda Continua.

It's an Italian animated mockbuster about the sinking of the Titanic.

It features a similar romantic storyline to James Cameron's 1997 Titanic film, but also has a number of talking animals, most notably a rapping dog.

Reviews condemned the quality of the animation and criticized the plot for being insensitive to the memory of the victims of the Titanic.

It's meant to be one of the absolute worst.

It's a kid's movie, oddly enough.

I think it would have lightened things up having a rapping dog on the Titanic.

I do think it might.

He rapped as the and the rapping went on as the ship went down.

Oh my god.

He just raided.

What was he like doing rap battles with people on the deck as it was sinking?

Let me see if I can find Titanic the Legend.

Oh my goodness.

I've actually scrolled way too far.

interestingly enough because these movies are so bad they've basically been disowned um it's quite easy to find them in complete form on youtube um because there's very little interest in them uh so because i don't want this copyright flagging no one

can upload it yeah right so i found it here for example um and uh yes the full movie it looks to be about an hour and a hour and 20 long and the animation is indeed absolutely terrible and does have talking animals.

It looks appalling.

I want to get to this,

but the main characters are a man and a woman.

A man and a woman,

like weird cartoon.

Where's this rapping dog?

This sounds like most modern cartoons that my kids watch.

There's always like some weird ragtag group of individuals, and then normally like an animal that can talk as well, or they're all animals that can talk.

But this sounds like the this sounds like it, it it wrote the playbook for new cartoons.

Oh, it's it didn't mean to.

It's really bad.

Well, I'm just watching.

It's terrible.

Beyond terrible.

All right, here we go.

Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

I lit the fuse and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

He's going the distance.

He was the highest paid TV star of all time.

When it started to change, it was queer.

He kept saying, no, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show.

Now, Charlie's sober.

He's going to tell you the truth.

How do I present this with any class?

I think we're past that, Charlie.

We're past that, yeah.

Somebody call action.

AKA Charlie Sheen, only on Netflix, September 10th.

I'm Scott Hanson, host of NFL Red Zone.

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All right, so here is

another one: Glitter.

Did you ever hear of this film?

I had never heard of it.

I've never heard of a film called Glitter, no.

So, this is a Mariah Carey film from 2001.

Um, she's the lead role as an aspiring singer, and of course, guess what?

She makes it.

Uh, it's like a musical.

Oh, no, does she do like the really high-pitched um singing like all the time?

Like, I just gotta

do the pin.

Yeah.

So it's, it just looks dreadful.

Sounds dreadful.

So the problem was, in her opinion, this was the reason it failed is because the film was released just a little bit after

the September 11th attacks.

Yeah, look, that's the picture of a billboard with the towers burning in the background.

But it's also just like a massive Mariah Carey vehicle

for her to sort of, you know, to be like the star and the singer and all the rest of it.

Because Madonna then did one as well, Swept Away, which was terrible.

J-Lo had a movie out last year that was made in Manchester.

I watched some of it.

No, no,

that's very old.

I'm talking about one that came out that was like, oh, it's utterly bizarre.

J-Lo sort of disappeared off the radar as far as I knew.

And then she was in a bunch of stuff.

She was in a film where she was in something.

I saw her in something recently.

I think it was a kids' movie, and she was singing, uh, like doing like a, I don't know what the fuck she was doing, actually, but it was definitely

terrible.

She's absolutely terrible.

She is pretty dreadful, actually.

But so she was in a film called, God, what was it?

It was about, I'm just trying to find it.

It was about AI somehow.

So, okay, a couple of things.

One, this, it's

terrible.

This is one of these great examples, the Malari Maria Carey one, of selective memory around September the 11th, right?

People, when they look back, they think that they misremember things or they remember things that make more sense, right?

And so she says the film was originally planned to be released on September the 11th, but it wasn't actually.

It was released on September 21st, 10 days later.

But you could see why she has...

It's a much more interesting story and a much more interesting thing to say to people that, oh, my movie was released

at September the 11th.

So, I think the soundtrack was released on September the 11th.

And obviously, people aren't going and buying a

soundtrack.

Who's released?

They released the soundtrack before the movie came out.

Well, yeah, they whatever.

Yeah, of course.

I think they realized that the movie's going to fucking tank.

Get the soundtrack, get some money from the soundtrack.

So, she released three movies last year, Jennifer Laura.

J-Love, J-Lo.

Oh,

this is me now, a love story, which is abysmal.

And I urge you to see it because you won't believe how bad it is.

It is the most bizarre, just fucking self-congratulating piece of shit.

It is so bad.

I hate it.

I absolutely hated it.

An Atlas where Jennifer Lopez plays an AI genius and special agent of some kind.

And this AI android or something goes to this other planet and they have to go catch him.

I just think

J-Lo has the range for any of this stuff.

I don't believe she does.

No.

And she's very distrusting of AI.

They go out there to

catch him.

And while they're parked up in these giant mechs that are AI-assisted, waiting to go beam down, something shoots them and they all crash land on the planet and it's like that.

It's abysmal.

Jesus.

It's absolutely abysmal.

Yeah.

Really, really, really, really bad.

So Swept Away is another one.

Master of Disguise is another one, of course.

The Room is quite famous.

Gigli, which is J-Lo's movie with Ben Affleck, which is appalling.

Sorry, Atlas, Atlas, this movie had $100 million budget.

Yeah.

$100 million.

Yes.

All of these things.

Like the biggest thing I feel...

If you make a shit movie, that's fair enough.

But if you make a shit movie that costs $100 fucking million dollars, you've got no fucking excuse and I got no time for you.

What are you doing?

She should have done it.

How are you all spending that much money?

It's not her fault.

Like, though, I mean, she's obviously paid to act in it, but it's written and directed by other people.

Yeah, it's not like they're all collectively involved, they're all culpable.

And in the in the trial,

all this shows is that she doesn't have any taste.

Not that she's not, you know,

she somehow boxed office poison.

She is

the character of the volume.

She is.

I mean, how is she still getting work?

She's been in so many shit things.

It's unbelievable.

Well, she's like Nicholas Cage.

She just takes anything that comes along.

Just likes being busy.

Yeah, but Nicholas Cage has actually been in some good stuff, though, like over the years.

He's got a lot of people.

Yeah, but he did.

He has to do a lot of stuff to pay his tax bill.

He's got a tax bill, but

I think she just doesn't understand what a good movie is.

She's that kind of person that has had such a weird life that

they're just detached from reality.

Her agent needs to be fired.

But then again,

she's extremely rich and has enormous self-belief.

Yeah, but she's Jenny from the black proportion.

She is just a good proportion of that hundred million dollar budget probably went her way.

Her name probably still can pull in audience.

People have heard of her.

Yeah, but

they're like 60-year-olds basically now.

I guess it must be.

Yeah.

Do you know what?

A film that I've never seen,

also available in total on YouTube, Sex Lives of the Potato Men.

Have you ever heard of this film?

No, I have.

So, Sex Lives of the Potato Men, for those of you who haven't heard of it, is a 2004 British sex comedy.

It's about the sex lives of a group of potato delivery men in Birmingham.

Right.

It's like a carry-on movie kind of

similar sort of humor or not really.

I mean, no, it's really not.

It's just kind of gross out humor and it's kind of meant to be sort of like,

it's hard to describe.

I watched about 20 minutes today.

It's got, it's, it is, though, you will recognize these names.

It's Johnny Vegas, right?

Mackenzie Crook.

Yeah.

From two very funny guys.

Very funny.

Mark Gattis, who's a very funny guy.

Yeah.

And Dominic Coleman, who I don't know, but I assume he's, you know, it's almost like, it feels like a BBC comedy

TV show.

It's literally a British movie.

So they're just grabbing all the British actors they can get.

And it's just another real symbol of we can't fucking make movies really anymore.

We just, we just can't.

We've got all the talent in the world, but the inability, there's some inability for us to make a good movie.

Like, I don't know what the fuck is going on, but this is like another example of the death of the British film industry for me, because it's terrible.

Here are the reviews.

One of the worst films ever made.

Novelist Will Self called it mirthless, worthless, toothless, useless, which is a great review.

Yeah, it's just absolutely dreadful.

Totally unfunny.

Absolutely, Kermo described it as absolutely, indescribably horrible, vulgar, stupid, taudry, depressing, embarrassing, filthy, vile, stinky, repugnant, slimy, unclean, nasty, degenerative, and mind-numbing.

And some people describe it as depressing.

I love that.

I love that.

Sex Lives of the Potato Man.

Yeah.

See, then you get into things like epic movie, right?

Movie Meet the Spartans.

So they're like parodies of things that were famous.

So there's like disaster movie.

Yes.

Meet the Spartans.

Scary movie

and all that kind of thing.

Scary movie, where they just get a bunch of sort of Zeldist actors off of a voyage.

And they just bosh him in a movie and they're like, yeah, just fucking, we'll just have really obvious, stupid gags

that poke from

those other movies.

I remember some of the scary movie being kind of funny.

The old spoof comedy movies.

like airplane and naked gun and all that were so fucking funny.

Like, I guess it's like boomer humor now, but like, I still think that some some of it is fucking hilarious.

My favorite bit in the airplane movies is the guy trying to make his way through the airport and he keeps getting stopped.

Yes.

And he just ends up like karate kicking.

I don't know why it's so funny.

We always make it.

Do you remember the scene in, I think it was Naked Gun 2.

It was

OJ, but he played Nordberg.

Remember he played

and he's stuck under the van and he's fucking, his legs are open and the van is just like running over traffic cones and like all this shit is hitting him in the nuts.

And then eventually there's like this massive, it looks like a huge spiked watermelon.

It's just bouncing down the road and hits him in the nuts.

So stupid.

Yeah.

And Shyamalan is on this list with The Last Airbender, which, as I understand it,

fans of

Avatar.

Yeah, my son watched a whole bunch of the original animated series of Avatar.

The anime is fantastic.

Which was pretty good from what I remember.

I didn't watch it avidly, but it was on and it was not annoying or anything.

So,

10 out of 10 from me, I guess.

But

I think it had a whole bunch of problems, didn't it?

Any live-action remakes of

anime stuff can really go wrong.

And I think for the same reason that people who like the original really have trouble

visualizing the characters as real people when they were cartoons.

And

in a lesser extent, it's the same transition you see with a book adapted to a movie, right?

Like a lot of people are like, oh, I wish it was the way it was in the book, which is the same as the book.

To a lesser extent, I thought Game of Thrones adapted well from the books.

Well, and the Lord of the Rings.

Yeah, for sure.

But then again, like, I don't know.

Like, Shyamalan, Shyamalan, has, has, I mean, he's iconic as the twist guy, right?

The twist engineer.

Only really for like two movies.

No, not even.

It was really just fifth sense, wasn't it?

Like, what

sixth sense.

The other ones, just like, whatever.

I don't know.

Like, I know, but he's carried on.

Have you seen

that was the only one?

That's what he's known for, right?

There's not been any other really big ones.

Yeah, there were.

There were.

Like what?

Well, The Village.

I've never heard of it.

For example.

Yeah.

The village.

So here's a stunning fact about M.

Night Shyamalan, who I hate.

I absolutely hate.

I haven't even seen any of his movies other than The Fifth Sense.

So, what I

fifth sense.

My goodness, we didn't have to see senses one through five.

I care so little, I just don't even want to correct myself.

I just

don't fucking.

So, here's the thing with M.

Night Shyamalan.

I would love to do some kind of watch-along where I'd watch The Happening, which is one of the worst films I've ever seen.

And I could pause it and show people at every moment why I hate M.

Shyamalan's style of directing, the kind of dialogue he writes, the way he gets people to act.

He is, there is something about him that is wrong.

I think he's evil.

However, he has never made a movie from Sixth Sense onwards that has lost money.

Really?

All his films are profitable.

He is box off.

It's magic.

Like every movie, like the one where there's one called Old, where people go to a beach and they, they, they suddenly get very fucking old.

It's weird.

And, you know, Knock at the Cabin is

last year.

It's appalling.

It is beyond appalling.

It is so, so, so bad.

I hated it.

It's awful.

Yes.

It's got Rupert Grint in it.

Knock at the cabin came out a couple of years ago last year.

2023.

He did a movie last year called Trap, but actually he is also producing.

I read this the other day, an Apple tv show that's got like three seasons of it uh it's called

servant uh i think it's called servant it's like a i think it's like a doll creepy nanny doll reborn doll movie

but sorry tv show that they've somehow got 40 episodes out jesus

yeah like a couple in philadelphia who hire 18 year old leanne grayson to be the living nanny of their infant son however their infant son is dead and has been replaced by a reborn doll right Creepy.

Really creepy.

How'd they get 40 episodes out?

40 episodes of that?

And also, apparently it's critically okay.

That sounds like an episode of Inside Number Nine.

That sounds like something that you could, you know, cover in like 45 minutes to an hour.

I know.

40 episodes?

Fucking hell.

Apple TV is putting tons of these things out that I have absolutely not seen.

No.

Right?

I haven't even started watching the new season of Severance, which is apparently pretty.

Oh, no, me neither.

Oh, it's very good.

I know.

that's great.

It's very good.

But

I think that's the only thing I've really watched on Apple TV.

Ted Lasso, which kind of fell off in the end.

Yeah.

I mean, look, I'll be honest with you.

When I look at Apple and it's a new series or an Apple original movie, I generally, the standard has been very good.

And they've had multiple TV shows on there that I've really, really enjoyed.

I will not be watching this M-Night Shyam alive.

Foundation is one of the first sci-fi books I ever read when I was a kid.

Well, teen teenager, young teenager, I guess.

And

as I'm off, and I loved it.

And honestly, it was hard work, honestly, actually getting through it.

But I really enjoyed reading through the series and watching the Apple TV version.

I can't really remember any of the books from when I was 15, you know, but I'm loving it.

It's great to have a bit of sci-fi.

You know, I'm kind of sick of watching sci-fi that is basically just low-budget sci-fi, like things like Travelers.

I don't know if you've seen that

show.

It's basically about

in the future, the Earth is fucked.

So the future sending back guys Terminator style, but they possess people.

And so it's like,

oh,

you know what they're reading and possess someone.

Yeah, I never watched is if they were about to die.

So like a guy's about to die and he's about to get hit by a bus or whatever, but just before he gets hit by the bus, he like has a headache and then turns into a guy from the future, basically, right?

And so they're sending back people to replace people who are going to die, but very quickly it spins off the rails.

And the whole point of it really is that there's no budget, there's no spaceships, there's no lasers, there's no nonsense.

It's just, it's a sci-fi show set today, and they're doing like general cop things.

They'll have a shootout and they'll arrest people, you know, and they'll be undercover.

And this one person who's dealing with baby drama, one person who's dealing with other human drama.

It's like the cheapest sci-fi show you could ever fucking pitch, right?

But I, and as a result, like, give me, I want the expanse, right?

I want people, you know, I want a bit of spaceships flying about, I need a little bit, just a little bit of it.

You know, I know not all the expanse is on spaceships, but a lot of it, there's enough.

The expanse is pretty much.

I didn't like the expanse.

I thought it was really, it got really stupid.

I mean, at the end, a guy turns into a fucking ghostly spirit or something, or a waterfall, or something ridiculous.

It's really bizarre.

Very, it's a weird, it's weird.

A man turned into a waterfall.

What the fuck is that?

I've been watching sci-fi.

I like it.

It's not sci-fi but on tv on channel four they got this series called go back to where you came from have you heard of this goodness no it's about uh it it's a okay it's about illegal immigration you know or people even seeking refugee status oh it's like who do you think you are and what you do in africa

six people who are so highly opinionated about this uh topic but so what they do is they take them over to like syria and somalia and stuff and they tour them around these like tent slums.

And

these, you know, these countries are war-torn.

They have no resources.

They don't even have fresh water.

They're like shitting in ditches and stuff.

And, you know, they're just trying to like take them over to make them realize

why somebody would go through all this trouble to arrive in Britain illegally.

you know, because at the start of the show, it's just like, you know what?

They just need to get a big wall on the beach.

And if they see a boat, they just need to blow it out of the water.

Like they're really, really like anti-anyone coming in.

So, they take full up,

nobody else should be getting in.

You know, why should I share all this with people?

Anyone who tweets that should go.

It's infuriating to watch.

You just literally someone's you find a bigot and you send them to like do a channel crossing, yeah, or like you know, do uh to go to like Syria.

Yeah, oh, that sounds fucking brilliant.

It is, it, it's, it is, it's interesting, but it is, oh my god, it's you want to just reach reach into the TV screen and slap people.

Like it is just

wild.

I can imagine them making

in some dystopian future a game show where you get a bunch of people who want to emigrate and you have to complete a series of challenges until you get down to two people.

And then you have the audience votes on who gets to stay and who gets sent back to the war zone.

Yeah.

Make a TV show of that.

It's wild.

It's just

crazy.

It feels like very sort of symptomatic of like, you know, a lot of stuff that's going on nowadays as well.

But like the opinions just seem so, um, I don't know, like unhinged almost, you know, yeah, like they have no,

they just live in these small, small little boxes and they have the most daily mail like they cannot handle, they don't want

to be able to do it.

I don't know who is over there.

They're in a van and they're with these like highly trained military people because it's so dangerous, you know?

It's a wall sign.

You know, there's drone strikes.

There's fucking kidnappings.

There's all sorts of shit going on.

So they've got these people with them.

And one of them is in the backseat of the van.

They're going to like a new place or whatever.

She's like, okay, well, first of all, I think they need to work on sanitation here.

And it's just like, okay, like, what the fuck are you talking about?

Who the fuck is laying like sewage under roads?

Like, have you looked at the state of the cities in this country?

Like, they are all bombed out and depleted.

There is nothing left.

Like, who is going to fucking put sewers in?

You know, like, yeah, I get it.

They need them, but it's, it's not, it's not like the number one priority.

She's just there, like, you know, with like her simple mind going through the checklist of stuff that they need, like, trying to fix this massive, complicated problem.

It's amazing.

You should watch it.

Like, it's, like I said, infuriating, but it's interesting.

Fuck.

She's a social media manager for a company in London who is going to fix this.

Of course.

Yeah.

Of course.

Very good.

Would you like some of this?

Yes, it's today.

So first off,

this piece of news comes around very often.

It has been

doing the lapse since 2013.

There's this guy who lost...

a hard drive in a landfill he threw out 600 million the number keeps changing because it's bitcoins but it's currently 600 million dollars of bitcoin on a hard drive that this guy chucked away uh he claims his ex-girlfriend mistakenly threw it out and he's accidentally threw out a hard drive or like an old pc or whatever anyway he threw them out he knows that they were in a landfill and periodically tries to go to the landfill he sued the council to try and get them to like give him access and all this stuff anyway the landfill has filled up and is being um sold off to i guess building fucking houses on it or whatever the fuck they do with Landfield Scott, right?

Yeah, he wants to buy it so he can find his home.

He wants to buy the site, right?

So he can find the missing fortune.

Now, this guy, I hate him.

I hate the story.

I hate to read about it, but

he is clearly a smart guy trying to keep this in the news because I reckon there's some money in it, right?

If he's saying he's got 600 million,

people who invest, he'll say, like, oh, you know, if you give me a million, I'll give you 60 million when I find my hard drive right and so he can make money out of this little scam that he's got going but it's just another scam isn't it the whole thing is bullshit he's never going to find this thing and it just keeps coming up because it's so much money and it's such a good story of crypt you know look how much money you can make on crypto it's it's all wank i hate it i hate him i hate the idea of it please stop making it news people who are news people stop telling me about it i don't want to hear about it ever again thank you you do mess miss his show.

I will just say, I know, but

I'm sick of it.

I'm sick of it.

Let's go.

I don't want to hear about it again.

Just I can smell the

off coming from James Howells from Newport in South Wales.

Fuck you.

I haven't heard you that in a while.

I wanted to calm down.

You've got to watch that show go back to where you came from.

Do you know what?

I don't know.

Do you know what?

Just to calm down.

Oh, I don't know.

Okay, here's an article from Kotaku.

This is a verbatim from the article i probably don't need to tell you this but facebook is bad checking the site sucks the only reason i do it anymore is if something related to my job makes me or i'm bored in bed i want to scroll through pages of horrible ai garbage yeah speaking of horrible ai garbage the most popular post on the entire social media site of facebook last month was an obviously ai generated image of a large horse made of bread posted by a religious facebook group from romania that is supposedly selling clothing.

There you go.

That is what we're dealing with, guys.

That's why Zuckerberg is the third most

famous, wealthy man in the world.

And he has rebranded himself recently from being an AI robot, because that would look bad, to being a cool, bro Trump supporting cunt.

So, yeah, and he plays Civ, guys.

So he's just like you, Mark Zuckerberg.

He's just like you.

All right.

Next up.

this is this segment has changed from

this is

this is not good for your blood pressure lewis this this segment we're gonna have speaking of cunts lulu loses his raging a swastika t-shirt is that what this is yes it is uh he's yeezy.com has been shut down because uh kanye west has started selling a swastika t-shirt um it's insane And that's the world we live in.

So, no, that's that's no, we're not going to do that news.

Uh, okay, there is a

there is, there is a guy apparently.

Here we go.

Okay,

this is the title of the article.

This is the title of the article: poop smearing bandit on the loose in Jeep's engine factory.

So,

okay, almighty.

In Indiana, right, they're making uh engines, 2.0 liter global medium engines inline four cylinder turbo uh for the jeep wrangler compass and grand cherokee right but apparently someone in that factory is smearing shit all over the place and they've had to put a plant-wide memo out pleading for whoever is doing it to stop acting like a deranged chimp do they not have any cameras

like what the fuck man it's 2025 everybody's got a camera somewhere like

i'm sure this is not like a big mystery that's unsolvable okay Kokomo Engine Plant and all employees.

It is unfortunate for us to have to deal with an employee S, employees that continue to create situations that are unsanitary and certainly disturbing.

Wiping feces, blah, blah, blah, blah, everywhere, blah, blah, blah.

Effective immediately, we have been directed not to clean up after such events, with the exception being in front locker rooms.

Any bathroom found in a grotesque state will be immediately locked and taken out of service.

This is the way to to do it, isn't it?

Is

just close those bathrooms.

That's going to make this

better.

I'm interested to see

how this turns out, actually.

I want to know the motive behind the smearing.

Thank you.

But I also want to see what happens with these kind of measures

that they're taking to combat the smearing as well.

Can you keep us posted on any

future developments?

Yes.

Can you follow this

stories for updates so that we can find out more?

Well, if there is an update and you see it,

let us know via the mailbag page.

Mailbag

page.

Mailbag website.

We have a mailbag website.

We do now.

Period.flax at gmail.com.

Just email me.

We don't need a website.

Finally,

100,000 eggs have been stolen from a trailer in Pennsylvania.

Obviously, eggs have increased in price

after the recent transmission.

Not many of them going around either, is the thing.

And 100,000,

what are you doing with 100,000 eggs?

Like, they'll go bad in a couple of days.

You sell them as quick as you can.

What, you just make a quick cluck?

Eggs last for a few weeks.

Some turbo egg sales.

Yeah.

Make a quick cluck.

Yeah.

Oh, dearie me.

Do it.

Finally,

there was one of the lesser followed executive orders that Trump has put forward is no more one cent coins.

The penny.

Now, I actually agree with him on this.

It's not going to be made anymore.

Like

we should get two cents each.

We should get rid of these.

There are so many in circulation.

I'm surprised that they still even make them.

I mean, they go missing.

I honestly say that we should get rid of pennies, two P's and five P's.

Get rid of them all.

Get rid of them all.

Yeah, but they can't do it.

You can't do it because they won't round up.

They love the

$4.99.

You still think it's not five yet, but I mean...

People just accept that they don't get the penny.

The penny doesn't exist anymore.

Sorry, it doesn't exist.

I just think that things, yeah, get rid of all the small denominations.

And like, so the lowest costing thing is one pound, no matter what.

Because the thing is, if the penny doesn't exist, the shops now have to deal with people saying, well, if you don't want to sell one chomp for one pound, then do like a bumper pack, four chomps for one pound.

You know what I mean?

Like, don't, don't just sell something.

Don't sell chomps anymore is what I'm saying.

They cost what, like 35p?

Nobody's got 35p on.

The freddo is generally the uh

give them two freddos for a pound.

Come on.

Every price.

You just need a sticker to stick them together

for even price.

Yes, all the prices have to be divisible by, let's just say it has to be has to be a factor of

not a factor.

It has to be be divisible so that a number five is involved.

It has to be a round number.

No pennies.

You just want to get rid of the pennies and the two the two pennies.

Get rid of it so everything is 95.

Job done.

95p instead of 99.

Job done.

They change prices like every day.

So it's easy to fix.

Job done.

And then, you know, no more of that loose change.

You know, it is the end of an era, though.

What are you going to do about the two-penny pushers in arcades?

Who cares?

Who cares?

It's gone.

Goodbye.

We don't fucking need it.

They're horrible, grubby old things anyway.

Get rid of them.

Oh, I think I've infected you with my rage.

No, I'm not angry.

I'm not angry.

So you agree with that executive order, that one for me?

I actually do think that that is one of the few times when I was like, when I saw Trump signed new executive order, I was like, here we fucking go.

What did you think about?

What did you think about the one relating to paper straws bringing plastic straws back?

I mean,

they are shit.

What, paper straws?

The paper straws are shit.

But I also like the planet and and I don't want things eaten.

But they are so fucking bad.

Like, they haven't figured out how to make a decent paper straw.

I had a Coke the other day from a Sprite, actually, from McDonald's.

And two, three sips in, the straw basically became useless.

It was really,

they're so shit.

I don't really use them, but I know what you're saying.

Finally, I've got one.

What about, you know, you have to take your own bag places now.

Why don't people just bring their own Tupperware straw places?

Because it wouldn't be clean, would it?

I mean, where are you going to, you're going to keep it in a bag you can put it in like a case like you know like how you'd put glasses in a case you could just get like a long oval case to put your straw in you don't put your straw in your mouth you need to put your glasses in your mouth you need to bust that thing well the thing is once you've used it you just put it back in the case and wash it when you get home that's too much of a faff who can be doing that well precisely well i mean i gotta carry bags everywhere i go now because they're they cost so much to buy a bag and sometimes some places don't even sell bags anymore

but a bag you can smush a bag up and put it in your pocket Yeah, I can carry a strawberry.

I just put it on my wallet, my phone, my key.

Wait, I keep it in my ear and I can just pull it out and then it goes up my nose.

Go on, Lulu.

So, finally,

Sabre Interactive, who make that's a huge game developer, they make all sorts of stuff.

They make

like

Sabre make,

which we call it.

Mudrunner.

Yeah, Mudrunner, Snow Runner, all those ones.

Yeah.

And a few others, like

interesting stuff.

They publish some things they make sense.

I think it's Focus Home.

Interactive Entertainment.

They're a dev.

So anyway,

they made one of the worst reviewed games ever back in 2018 called Shaq Fu, A Legend Reborn.

Oh, that's a classic.

Isn't that like a become like a cult classic?

Or is that a different one?

It's terrible.

That's a different one.

This is just about.

Oh, no, it's the Charles Barkley one.

What is it?

Charles Barkley enter the

it's Shaq.

No, no, I'm thinking the classic one I'm thinking of is Charles Barkley Streets of Rage Enter the Gayen or something like that.

I see that was a classic, Charles Barkley the video game.

I think so, yeah.

Holy crap,

Barkley Shut Up and Jam.

No, no, it was like,

oh, maybe it was, maybe it was Barkley Shut Up and Jam, enter the Gayden or something.

It was like,

anyway, Shaq Fu a Legendary Born 2018, terrible, terrible game.

Had a DLC

themed around Barack Obama called Barack Fu, The Adventures of Dirty Barry.

Which,

in the words of the person, I some sort of person,

absolutely nobody played.

Not even one person.

But they had plans, if it had done well, to make a spin-off called Trump Foo, which had a concept about how Trump's cabinet sabotages him and his plane goes down and he gets stuck in a Mexican desert and needs to escape back over the wall.

Jesus Christ.

Good God.

Never got made.

So

the plot of the Barack Obama DLC, which is not a sentence I ever thought I'd say,

he goes through France and outer space to defeat a fictional take on rapper Kanye West.

Wow.

Utterly bizarre.

Well, there you go.

That is.

It sounds like Saints Row DLC.

This is, it fits in with the theme of the podcast, I joke, we talked about all those terrible 80s, 90s movies and just weird tie-ins trying to get like any, like, like trying to find any fucking way to get eyes on your game.

And, you know, I think at the time, obviously, they thought, oh, we'll make this Barack Obama DLC and put Trump in it.

And do you know what I mean?

And it'll get loads of news and then everyone will talk about it.

And then it'll become a meme.

And all the streamers will be putting it in.

What about his friends and Seinfeld crossover 5v5 hero shooter?

Right.

Yeah.

I would love it.

Can you imagine you'd have Seinfeld and Friends and their extended universes all together with you know playable characters with abilities in a 5v5 shooter like Marvel Rivals or Overwatch or whatever?

Aren't there six friends though?

Yeah, but there's only room for five.

It's a

balance around five.

Well, no, I mean, you don't have to have the full

Lisa Kudra ain't in it.

Yeah, just

the worst friend.

What?

Phoebe's the worst friend.

She's the only one.

She's the hot one.

Let's rank the friends.

Okay.

Do we have to in order?

Do you mean in order of how much we like them?

Yes.

Right.

So, what are we?

We've got S tier, A, B, C, and D.

Yes.

Put them all in D.

Yeah,

pretty much.

Let's move on.

Okay, well, there you go.

That's the podcast.

Thank you, everyone.

Thank you so much for listening to this.

Thank you so much.

See you on the list.

See you next time.

Goodbye.

Take care of yourselves.

Goodbye.

Hi, I'm Dan Maher, host of the Convergence Podcast, where I invite the talented, inventive, and uncompromising minds behind some of your favorite and soon-to-be favorite indie games to talk about what they do best.

On each episode, I invite two members of the indie community, many of whom will be meeting for the very first time, to share their journeys, their formative experiences, their successes and failures, their advice for aspiring indie devs, and no doubt lots of unrelated waffle, too.

I mean, this is a podcast after all.

If this sounds like your cup of gin, then subscribe to the Convergence podcast from wherever you choose to ethically source your podcasts.