Triforce! Mailbag Special #49: Wait, people listen to this?

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All right, welcome.

It's a mailbag.

It is a mailbag.

Mailbag episode inside.

It is a mailbag.

It is a mailbag.

A mailbag.

A mailbag.

Email a mailbag.

Mailbag.

A email bag.

Mailbag.

I'm sorry, I'm trying to do your aliens thing.

Your little aliens jingle.

The little alien one.

That was weird.

Very good.

I'm going to listen to it again right now, actually.

All right, let's

get into it.

I've got a mail bag.

A mixed bag

this week.

Here's one.

This is from Zoe.

I lost my shoe.

Can you help me find it, please?

Last saw it in my bedroom.

What?

Oh.

How do you find a, how, how have you...

A bedroom can't be that big.

It shouldn't be too hard to find.

One shoe is missing.

But that is saying I lost my shoe last saw it in the bedroom.

But that's just the last place that they can remember seeing it.

It could very well not be.

Yeah.

How do you look for things?

What's your strat?

I get in trouble for the way that I look for stuff all the time because I wonder if you look for things the way Mrs.

F looks for things.

It could well be.

What I tend to do is I open a cupboard, expecting to find what I'm looking for immediately.

And then I realize that actually, no, the cupboard is full full of stuff that doesn't belong in the cupboard.

I get pissed off, close the cupboard, and I say, I can't find it.

That's how I look for stuff.

Wow.

I did not see that coming.

The whole give up strategy.

Immediately.

I open the cupboard and stuff falls out.

And it's like, and the stuff that falls out shouldn't be in there in the first place.

Stuff is not put away properly or anything.

And then I just close the cupboard and I just say, oh, yeah.

You just give up immediately.

I love it immediately.

I love that you're so annoyed by it.

You just like sag.

You're not even, yeah, you've just skipped all of the frustration and all the other stuff.

I feel like that's a fairly common thing that people do.

I don't feel like I'm alone in doing that.

Is it because you have done this so many times and you feel like

if you can't find it straight away, you're not going to find it?

Is that because your memory of where it was means that it is now gone and impossible to find?

Do you see what I mean?

Like you were sure it was there.

And now it's, and then since it's not, you're like, well, I'm never going to find it then.

I think there's always a lot of pressure associated.

I mean, Flax will appreciate this.

When you have kids, when you're asked to find something, it's usually in a rush.

Yeah, it's normally like, I need to go to school.

I can't find my bag.

Yeah.

And you're like, well, where'd you put it?

And it's like, and then you open a cupboard.

I have no jumpers.

And you're like, where are they?

And they have stuff down the back of the bed or something, all their school jumpers, all that kind of shit.

Yeah.

So, yes, it can be very frustrating.

Mrs.

F's way of looking for things is to stand in the middle of a room, turn in circles and go, I can't find it it anywhere.

If she's looking for something in the cupboard, she will open the cupboard.

If she can't see it immediately, she's like, Oh, no, I can't find it anywhere.

And I'll like,

I'll move one thing.

I'll move one thing.

I'm like, it's here.

It's there.

Oh, thank you, love.

Now, my youngest is very good at finding things.

She has a good memory for if she see, if something's been put somewhere, she'll go, like, I think I saw it.

Oh, I think it was upstairs.

And she'll go and she'll dig around and she's found it.

She's very good at that.

Mrs.

F is terrible at looking for things, but she also realizes that if she gives up, I'll go, no, I'll find it for you.

So

our youngest is really good at finding stuff.

Our youngest is really good at finding stuff in the midst of the chaos of everybody looking for something.

Everybody will be really pissed off, yelling, looking for something.

And then she'll just sort of stroll out of left field holding the thing that we're all looking for like it was no big thing.

You know, she'll just be like, oh, here.

There's a couple of things which I routinely lose, right?

Which are headphones and umbrella and gloves right things like this right there's a couple of things i i obviously mostly i keep my keys and my phone like in my jacket pockets or something like this so they're not hard to find right but um i've just got multiple umbrellas and multiple sets of gloves and multiple headphones so that way i could just grab whichever one is is most accessible at the time and then i can leave right in in a rush and i don't have to run up and down and check under the covers or you know check in the bathroom if i took them off up or something like that.

Do you know what I mean?

Um, and so it's, I think that's that's my solution.

Did I tell you when I was on holiday, um, I lost some of my travel money?

Did I tell you this?

I can't remember.

I don't remember.

You don't have travel money?

Well, I have like a couple hundred euros left over from

Rotterdam.

A couple of hundred euros, like 200 euros.

That's all.

How much cocaine does that buy?

Not much.

I didn't get to find out, sips, because it just disappeared out of my wallet.

Oh, stolen?

Well, here's the thing.

I didn't pay.

I paid the entire trip.

I was away the whole two weeks.

The only time I paid for anything was on my phone, right?

I just had to use the card on my phone.

But everything was really convenient.

But I'd also paid for like a lot of stuff in advance, right?

The hotels and stuff like this.

And so I bought my wallet just in case, got my cards in and my driver and stuff like this.

And it had all this travel money in, and it never left my bag, right?

Yeah, that was in the hotel room for the whole week.

And so I was like racking racking my brains.

I was like, how could this have been stolen?

Right.

Because I've never in my 41 years on this earth had anything stolen out of a hotel room.

I remember when I was

at cadet camp one time, I had some, we had to pay for something like that.

There was some thing we had to pay for.

We'd all be told to bring money with us.

And I couldn't find my money.

Right.

And I searched everywhere.

I searched in my old bag.

I couldn't find it anywhere.

Anyway, I told the guy I couldn't pay because I couldn't find my my money.

And he was like, Well, why didn't you bring it?

I was like, Yeah, I did bring it.

And he was like, Well, where's it gone?

I was like, I've lost it.

And he was like, Has it been stolen?

I was like, I don't think so, but you know, um, and then they turned the whole barracks upside down.

They did this thing where they were like, No one's leaving, everyone's going to search for this money, it's been stolen.

Did you have to stand in the middle of the barracks with your piece of steam sucking your thumb while they were looking?

I kind of did.

It was kind of this embarrassing thing, right?

Because everyone was like kind of angry with me for it.

Um, and I sort of felt like and they felt like I was accusing them of stealing and stuff.

That's what I was doing.

And eventually, about sort of you know, 20 minutes later, I was, I was just rummaging through my stuff and I found it stuffed into the bottom of one of my shoes.

And I realized that I had fucking done that.

I, I had actually, yeah, it was, I'd put, I'd put it there for safety and completely forgotten.

Um, and of course, I, you know, got it out and was like, oh, I fucking found it, you know, it's here.

And so everyone was like, oh, relieved.

And, and the, and it carried on eventfully, but uneventfully.

And I, I remember this moment is with great embarrassment for my whole life.

And so I'm I'm very reticent to say that it was a maid or something in the hotel or some criminal came in or maybe like, maybe they just, but the thing is, my wallet's still got all the cards in.

It's still got all my stuff in.

It's just the money that's gone.

And it's kind of like, was it me?

Did I not bring it with me?

But when I got home,

only cash is missing.

So only cash is missing.

There's no resolution.

Is there a resolution to this?

I still don't know what happened to it.

I didn't report it or anything when I was away because I thought maybe I just didn't bring it with me.

Do you see what I mean?

I thought maybe it'll be in my desk when I get home and

it wasn't and it's not here.

And it's fairly obvious because it's like a couple of hundred euros and it's not turned up in the last two weeks either, like since I've been back.

So I think it got nicked and I don't, I can't think where.

You know, I asked my partner because I was like, did I give it to you for safekeeping?

Like, I've gone through my whole luggage since I got back and I didn't like put it anywhere weird.

It didn't come in like a post office travel envelope or anything like that, right?

So I reckon it's definitely been nicked.

But because my wallet never left my top of my bag the whole time, someone must have gone open my, had an opportunity at some point to open my bag, get my wallet out.

This was in the hotel room as well, and take it and put it back.

And again, I don't mind really.

Like, I'm not like that,

I'm not like that shaken up about it, because, but it does like make you think, either, am I getting senile or

Does someone go through my bag?

So I never use those little safes in the hotel room.

No, I always forget to use them as well.

I use them a couple of times.

There's a couple of times where I thought, you know what?

Just to be safe, I'm going to use the safe.

But then you spend the whole time stressing, like, oh, can I remember the code?

What if the safe doesn't unlock?

What if I can't get my important stuff out of it?

Well, they can always, they can actually.

What if there's a back door?

You know, like, what if, like, you know, what if the back of the safe just opens up?

There's a secret hatch where everybody can access the safes.

What if they're not?

And then they won't be caught on CCTV stealing or anything.

It's like one of those sucky pipe things things they have in banks.

Yeah.

It's going to be an episode of Midsummer Murders, you know, like you could just get the hotel all set up so that you could just steal from every safe.

I mean, I've got my theory about what happened.

I'll talk to you about it later, I guess, but we'll see.

And you're going to be

too

hot for the cast.

It's too hot for the podcast.

Yeah.

Right, okay.

Bloodletting.

You think my partner was stealing from him?

Yeah, okay.

No, that makes sense.

I haven't heard from her since, honestly.

Bloodletting in Jersey.

Yes.

uh it's a hot topic at the moment bloodletting recommended for jersey residents after pfas uh contamination brandon emailed me thank good yeah brandon uh they've been recommending bloodletting which is apparently still to like 20 to like 30 people on the island yeah to reduce high concentrations of forever cannot chemicals in their blood after tests showed some islanders of levels that can lead to health problems.

Well, there was some

back in the 90s,

they awarded a contract to a company to clean out some pipes or something they used for.

It was at the airport, apparently.

Yeah, close to the airport.

So just down from the airport is where the contamination happened.

But it was basically the same stuff, like, you know, like the

DuPont, like 3G.

You know,

those chemicals they put in the in like the in the carpet bag stuff and Teflon and shit.

Yeah.

3M, yeah, like the big firefighting foam stuff.

Yeah, so they cleaned out these pipes using some of this stuff and it contaminated a water supply.

And there's about,

I think there's like 30 people or something that are still affected by it.

And now they're recommending bloodletting to reduce the amount of...

Apparently, it's a thing.

Bloodletting is a thing.

These things,

these nasty forever chemicals that are in them through some contaminated drinking water.

And I think...

I think there's like some degree of this stuff exists, well, almost everywhere, but like certainly in the uh in the reservoirs over here and stuff as well but the recommendation is not for a hundred thousand people to do bloodletting right it's just like there's like 30 people that are ready the ones that are most affected yeah but this is a story that keeps coming back because it was very controversial back in the in the day when it was discovered that this stuff had happened that there was contamination and people just

you know, rightly were fucking pissed off about it and are still pissed off about it because,

you know, it's just um

it's not what you expect you know i think there's a lot of disappointment and a lot of anger and uh yeah so now they're saying that uh these people should get some bloodletting so i'm not one of them by the way i moved here in 2003 yeah uh as far as i know i don't need to do any bloodletting so i'll i'll leave it for now but if the recommendation comes through i'll be first in line i'll be budding to get up there for my bloodletting but uh for now no bloodletting required thanks so much there you go so um do you guys remember we were talking about I think Lewis was talking about some plastic crap he bought from China and how cheap it was.

I thought you were talking about that in one of the mails.

No, I didn't buy plastic stuff.

I was like, Yeah, so Lewis brought it up and I looked into it and then we were talking about the wigs.

Yeah, I thought you saw like a really like a knockoff Lego set.

Right, exactly.

Oh, that's right, that's right, yeah.

So, so this is from

they want to remain anonymous because

they work for a company.

After the discussion you had on manufacturing with plastic, I thought I'd share my experience of working in a plastic/slash plastic/slash rubber-making factory in Wrexham.

We make parts for a well-known British brand that rhymes with Shaguar and Randover, amongst others.

So figure it out.

We also make our own brand of bikes and exercise equipment.

To answer your question on production costs, the price for us to produce a part is less than half a penny, but when it's shipped out, it's significantly marked up to cover labor and transport costs.

This, I believe, in China is different as the wages are so much lower.

It's why an average part from us is about 40 quid, yet the price to make it is so low.

I've attached a link of an old promo video of our factory.

Um, if you want to see it, I have a, it's a

this promo video is two minutes long.

I'll pop it in the discord.

Okay, okay, we won't, we won't name the company.

We won't name the company, right?

Okay, wow, they've got a car park, there's a lad working on a machine, plastic bits are spitting out, more machines.

Don't describe it too accurately.

Oh, I'll try not to.

Oh, bicycle there.

This is something else.

Look at this.

It's like an episode of How It's Made.

But without the sexual assaulter.

With more pictures of warehouse.

It's back now.

Patty McGinnis is the new host.

Oh, there you go.

Yeah.

Two business guys meeting.

There's

a CAD.

I had a fright.

I thought that was Greg there for a second.

He made an appearance.

Greg?

God.

It's just another one.

Is that Alistair Campbell that just walked in?

You looked just like him.

It did look a bit like him.

They're making

rubber things from a shape.

Plastic parts.

A lot of plastic stuff.

these rubber parts you guys are making

for keeping the world going yeah more bloody plastics that's a thing and then there's like yeah anyway i think that's enough of that um so look just imagine listeners i realized that was probably the worst piece we've ever done sorry i mean you too it's we're watching a video and just

we had to get uh we're doing our research here where you had to get some reference you know yeah it's important it's like a warehouse on an industrial park making like bits of rubber tubing and rubber plates and things and actually kind of cool.

So, yeah, like they all look weird, though, because they're all obviously custom for a specific part of a car or a

thing that needs a very specific.

It's like it's like 3D printing, but for rubber kind of thing, you know, that's what it is.

3D printing for rubber.

Does that mean that they could 3D print

rubber boots?

Oh, boots.

Sorry.

Yes.

Yeah.

Rubber boots.

I thought you were going to say a custom-shaped dildo, which I think is a very good thing.

Very common French Canadian last name.

Every French Canadian seems to be either called Jongi rubber boots or jongi tougher wear.

So

it's a little some Canadianisms for you right there.

That's an old Canadian joke.

Yeah.

All right, this is from Ben.

I was recently in a car accident that wrote off my old 2009 car.

Oh, it was on the motorway, and an idiot hit the brakes hard to avoid a queue, which made a skip lorry driver break hard, and I went into the back of the skip driver's lorry.

Somehow, I came out without a single injury.

The skip driver was lovely, said he knew it wasn't either of our faults.

It was the twat at the front who drove off.

We exchanged details and off I drove for at least six minutes to work.

Later that day, I gave the skip driver a call.

He said he wasn't going to claim on his insurance for repairs as there was no damage to his vehicle.

I thanked him for being so nice about the whole situation, to which he replied, It's all right, Ben.

You know, you're one of my own.

At least you're not a foreigner who came over here and did it on purpose like they do.

Mouth agape at what he just said, I quickly thanked him and hung up.

Thankfully, my spirits were kept high by the Triforce podcast.

Yeah, you know, what can I say, Ben?

There's a lot of racists out there, and some of them have cars.

I think, like, I think you can have your views and then not share them like that, you know?

Yeah, but the assumption is keep it private.

You're white, I'm white.

We should be on the same team and hate these non-white people.

Like, especially as a bold, middle-aged man, like I've spoken about this before.

That's ridiculous.

You get in a cab, the cabby will be like, oh, here's one of mine.

He's one of us.

Yeah.

He's going to hate foreigners and women as much as I do.

And it's like, well, you know, I'm just going to have to nod because otherwise we're stuck in a really awkward situation.

Ben, you should you should phone the police and report a hate crime I don't think you can if there's no when they're that they're hated on they're just

report the the skip driver just say I've had a really uh a really unpleasant interaction with a fellow member of the public that I would like to report I'd like to make it aware maybe you can be put on some sort of like register or something god I hope not I hope that you can't be on a register if that's the case because we've said some

people just saying shit anyway uh hello, my favorite podcast group.

This is from

Dravidian.

I've been listening to you guys, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I work in the Arctic parts of Canada, mainly Nanavut,

but also sometimes the northern parts of the Northwest Territories.

I really do work, I generally do work within retail stores in the area, and I'm always listening to podcasts as I usually work alone.

I thought I would share some interesting facts about Arctic Canada from my experience working here.

Right.

Some of the most northern parts of Nanavut in the winter can reach temperatures in the minus 50 degrees centigrade.

Minus 50.

But can feel colder with the wind.

I've worked within sea cans, which act almost as freezers up north and can feel like minus 60 or colder.

I've done inventory in these sea cans with a computer handheld to enter the items.

It was so cold, the handheld immediately stopped working.

I was forced to start using a pen and paper to take inventory, but the pen ink froze.

I would no longer work.

I was then forced to retrieve a pencil.

It was the only thing that would work in such freezing temperatures.

The temperature is so cold that exposed skin can experience frostbite within a minute.

The temperature is so cold, I can almost describe it as feeling hot.

The wind can be so strong and freezing, it literally feels like it cuts your skin.

That is insane.

Yeah,

yeah, I used to walk to school in those conditions sometimes.

Minus 60?

Nah, I was like, wow, minus 40 at least once with wind chill.

Yeah.

That is wild.

It was bad.

I had like big balls of ice at the end of each of my eyelashes when I got to it.

Oh, my goodness.

It was rough.

Yeah.

In retail stores up north, the top-selling products in the entire store is soda, followed by chips, followed by cigarettes.

Yeah, but Inuit people are the locals who live in these small communities that sometimes barely reach a population of a thousand.

I thought I would share this fact regarding the consumption as the Inuit primarily in the past lived off the land in these harsh environments and were extremely healthy.

Due to southerners, as we are called by the locals, introducing these items to them, diabetes and poor health is at an all-time high in some of these communities.

Speaking of shame, eh?

It is a shame.

Speaking of health, since communities are so small, they don't have any hospital or proper healthcare in almost any of the communities, besides a few major ones like the capital.

I'm going to mispronounce this, Ikaluit.

If you have any serious medical issues and need a proper doctor, procedure, or surgery, you have to fly south.

If you succumb to a major emergency, they can send up a medevac to take care of you, but then you get a bill of about $10,000.

True.

Hunting is still a large part of the culture here, mainly being seals, polar bears, and even boating in the summer to hunt narwhals with harpoons.

Interesting fact about narwhals is if you successfully hunt one, their large singular tusk is removed and measured.

If you're lucky enough to get a giant tusk, they can be taller than seven feet, you can actually sell them for $20,000, $30,000 or even $40,000 and up, depending on size and

that's like four medevacs if you need them.

For the lads who got injured, capture the narwhal.

Yeah, right.

Of course, if you're thinking of coming up to do so, there is hunting limitations in place, and most of the hunting is restricted to local people.

Due to these extreme weather conditions with blizzards and high winds, it is extremely normal for flights to be delayed and usually cancelled.

People get stuck in a community for sometimes a week or longer waiting for a plane to arrive.

The planes that are flown are usually much smaller aircraft designed to be flown in the northern conditions and tailored to the fact that sometimes there's only 10 or 20 people on the plane.

It's interesting that people live in such like a harsh climate.

I couldn't do it.

Yeah, I could do it either.

Pretty much all of the land Nanavut covers, there are no trees as the permafrost in the soil is frozen year-round, not allowing trees to grow.

Although a lot of parts of Nanavut do actually get warm during the brief summer, the permafrost below is still frozen at the soil layer.

Wow.

Wow.

That is fantastic.

Thank you.

Yeah, thanks very much.

That's some really cool facts about northern Canada.

You don't hear

a lot about northern Canada.

I think you just kind of look for a map and assume it's like it's cold and probably uninhabited, but it just shows crazy.

I mean, it reminds me of when I flew over Diavik, the Diavik diamond mines.

I'm sure I spoke about this before.

Yes, you did.

Yeah.

But if you look it up, look on a map where it is

and zoom out, like that's the offices.

If you look for Diavik Diamond Mine offices, but if you look for the Diavik Diamond mine,

it's way out there.

Like, it's absolutely crazy how

what were you doing all the way out there?

Flying.

I was in the, I was in the air.

Yeah, but why?

Where are you flying to?

Just

as a sightseeing tour.

No, LA.

All right.

Yeah.

It's

it flies in over the Arctic Circle, pretty much.

Oh, of course.

So, yeah, but so it's, it's got the offices here, which is much more southern, uh, but the actual mine itself is way up in the in the north.

If you look it up on Wikipedia,

it's really interesting.

It's yeah, I remember you spoke about this before.

Yeah, we all, I was like, I was, I had spent the whole podcast looking at it.

Yeah, it's it's crazy.

So, if you look for pictures of it and everything, it's it's a very, very odd um looking place.

But I mean, the people that live up there are similar kind of deal.

It's like tiny sort of community, gonna be miserable weather conditions year-round.

But I don't, I don't know, I can't imagine.

What's the success rate of mining diamonds up there?

Like, how how many diamonds...

Are they at

level 46?

I don't know.

I genuinely.

No, level 12 they need to be at.

What are you talking about?

No, is this a Minecraft?

Yeah,

it used to be the case that you had to be at a certain

level, yeah.

Well,

Minecraft fans would have enjoyed that one.

Sorry.

This is some recent news from the Dijarvik diamond mine.

It might have been greatly mistaken at first to look at the mine in the barren landscape of northern Canada and think nothing more than another mining company that digs for stones.

But it has now become a precedent for renewable energy.

This could be bollocks, but we'll carry on.

Apparently, they have installed a 3.5 megawatt solar power station in the area, which is the largest solar project in all of Canada's territories, or the largest off-grid solar project on all of Canada's territories.

It has 6,620 panels designed to capture sunlight and light reflected by snow.

And I think that it's used for mining.

So they're using that many solar panels for mining.

They're just only using it for mining.

They won't share.

No, no, no.

Sorry.

This is for mining only.

This is just for mining.

This is energy for mining only.

Special.

It's really special.

If you try to use it for anything else, it it'll it'll blow up.

It'll blow up.

It's it's not usable.

Only mining energy.

That's it.

Can only

you know that the cost for diamonds, natural quote-unquote diamonds, is still higher than artificial diamonds.

Really?

Yeah, but here's an idea: just build the manufacturing facility underground and tell people you mine them.

Yeah.

And you just crank it them out.

Oh my god.

You could get like get Disney into do like a facade so it looks like a real diamond mine.

You know, like it would be a Disney-fight diamond mine.

They could imagineer the shit out of that, though, to make it look like authentic.

But then behind the scenes,

it's like basically a huge diamond

We mine the diamonds, keep them tight.

We mine the racks for Uncle Walt.

Let's get the diamonds in the vault.

There you go.

You could just do that.

I mean, you know, you'd be like, no, no, no, it has to be authentic.

Like, this is how they mine it.

This is authentic.

This is authentic.

Yeah, that'd be cool.

That's a good idea.

Just get the facility down underground and make it look like it's a mine.

And you just have a handful of mine.

You just come out every day with like a big bag of gems.

Perfect diamonds, another good day in the mine, guys.

Look how many diamonds we found.

Perfect diamonds.

Oh, my God.

So when I was in Cornwall, I found, well, I was walking around, I saw there was a lot of like abandoned mine shafts.

Did you go down any?

And, well, no, because they're just frightening, right?

They are literally littering the landscape

shaft, which goes down ridiculously.

Do you think that any of those are haunted by ghosts?

And I would also like to ask the question: why do people believe that, like, say, something like a spooky-looking mine shaft is more likely to be haunted by a ghost than, say, a really modern, fresh-looking, minimalist, decorated apartment or something?

You never see that.

Because they never have

ghosts can move around, surely, no?

How do you know?

Well, okay.

Yeah.

How do I know?

I'm the one being questioned.

How do I know?

I'm wondering why the setting has to be the same all the time for ghosts.

Like, it always has to be some like crappy old dilapidated house in the bayou or whatever.

Right.

Why don't they ever haunt anything more pleasant to be in?

Like, what?

Yeah, you'd think they'd all be hanging out in like the cinema.

Yeah.

The girls' locker room.

And the thing is, there might be like a modern block of flats built on like an old cemetery

burial ground or something.

Exactly.

So the ghosts would have to exist in there, but you never see, they never cover it on TV.

You never see these modern, like lush flats that are haunted.

No, it's always like some dreary, crappy old.

I think you've solved it.

Sealed it.

So anyway, one of the things I was worried about walking around was falling into one.

And I saw a post about it the other day.

And this guy said, basically, I'll read you it because I found it.

It's like.

Simon Mayo's.

Simon Mayo used to do this like confession show on the radio where people would write in their stories.

And this is one which was sent in.

Dear Simon, this confession is aimed at an unknown Cornish farmer.

We didn't stay long enough to find out his name who lets out a field to campers.

Four of us pitched our tent in his field one Friday, shortly before opening time.

Well, at 11 o'clock, they poured us out of the village inn and we were wobbling back up the moonlit lane when Steve thought he'd sussed out a shortcut across the fields.

Uh-oh.

Walking anywhere wasn't easy by then, but we climbed over the gate and set across the grass.

Cornwall has loads of abandoned tin mines, and we'd only gone a little way before we stumbled onto a flimsy fence around a very big black hole.

The fields were dotted with open shafts, and this one was particularly large.

Someone had the bright idea of seeing how deep it was.

So we tossed a stone in and listened for the sound.

Nothing.

Then a rock gets lobbed in.

Again, not a sound.

So then Steve and I leave at a boulder out of the ground and manhandle it over the edge.

Again, not a peep.

We were determined to find out how deep it was, but there isn't a lot lying around in your average field that's going to make a lot of noise.

Then Brett and Russell discovered a railway sleeper and tossed that into the void.

So we're all craning forward around the edge for some sound when suddenly this chain comes snaking through the grass between us and a goat with a clump of grass in its mouth goes flying straight past us into the hole.

That's a very old joke.

Obviously the farmer tethered the goat to the sleeper to stop it wandering down one of the shafts but he hadn't banked on the sleeper going in first the goat didn't even get a chance to bleat uh that sobered us right up and we left early the next day for devon this is that is a very old joke well it's a very old story this was from 20 years ago this story no no it's a literal

well sorry you mean it's an urban myth or whatever no no i mean it's a joke it's a joke it's just a joke yes it is actually a joke and they've just turned it into a story but this is what happens right with all of these like professions of reddit things they're all fake you know, like they're all of them are fake and they were fake 20 years ago.

Of course.

This was 20, 20 years ago.

Do you know what I mean?

Like, I mean,

for them to chuck something down and not hear the sound.

Do you know how deep that would have to be?

Like, insane.

Like, it would be the deepest thing ever, Doug, for them to literally be waiting.

And yes, of course, it's gibberish.

It's gibberish.

And I should know because I've had to look through several made-up stories.

Someone sent me one in saying that the logos of Mercedes-Benz, BMW, and someone else are based on the airplane propellers that they used to manufacture during the war i'm totally untrue luckily i looked it up i'm not i'm gonna try and okay not spread misinformation when you looked it up where did you look it up wikipedia and various articles uh written by like car fans about the origin of the logos right so bmw or baymve sorry it was just

baymve it's like the bavarian background is like that that sort of uh blue and white pattern or something like that and Mercedes-Benz merged with another company and has the three points because it's like the three pillars of excellence or something.

It's like a literal standard corporate logo shit.

It's nothing to do with World War II and propellants.

It's just made up.

That's made up.

Right.

Yeah.

I think some of it is.

It doesn't mean you can't get

a little smile out of it, P-Flex, you know.

I'm just sensitive to it because of the dog story, all right?

After the dog story, I had people, a lot of people messaging me about the fact it was fake because they listened to the dog.

Oh, the dog in the suitcase and they immediately mailed it.

So I've had that for

what was the deal with the dog in the suitcase?

This is just an urban myth.

It's an old urban suit.

What was the other one that was her dog had died and she was taken up?

I'm thinking of the one with the dog

stolen.

Where the dog had somebody else's underpants in their stomach.

Is that one an urban myth?

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On with the show.

All right, let's move on.

I saved a life while listening to the Triforce podcast.

You want to hear this one?

Sure.

We've heard this before, haven't we?

Well, I'm an apprentice plumber.

And occasionally, when I have to do some basic chores, I put on the podcast to make things better.

Honestly, Sips, I've lost count on the amount of people, listeners, who have saved lives while listening to the Triforce.

You can only recall one another

every fucking week.

It was the awkward conversation between the medical tech and the, I think it was like the police officer or whatever.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, I think he said something and she said, I have a gaping vagina like on the scene of a rescue or a crime or something.

That's the one I was thinking of.

No, this is, I think, yeah, this is a slightly different one.

I put on the podcast when I'm doing my plumbing to make things more bearable.

One day, as I was packing up some tools and tidying my work van, I heard what sounded like a loud yawn followed by a quiet thump.

The house next door to where I was working had a pair of tree surgeons doing some basic hedge trimming, and when I looked to see where the noise came from, I saw a person in a high-vers outfit lying on the ground with his colleague standing next to him.

Immediately, I thought someone had cut a hand off, but when I looked closer, I could see him shaking.

I quickly walked over the fence and asked if everything was alright.

The other man was being strangely quiet.

I asked if he needed an ambulance to be called, and he said yes.

Immediately, my boss had just walked past, so I got him to call 999 whilst I went over to help.

The man on the ground was having an epileptic seizure, which had apparently happened before.

Oh.

He suggested we just let him sleep it off, which I thought was genuinely insane.

When he stopped seizing, I could hear what sounded like snoring, and his colleague once again suggested we let him left him to sleep it off.

I have no formal medical or first aid training, but my knowledge snoring in these situations usually means the person is swallowing their tongue.

So I put the person into a basic recovery position.

It was at this point I realized I still had my earphones in.

Lewis was reading another terrible AI haiku.

It was a strange feeling.

I nearly laughed in an emergency situation.

I pushed on and attempted to communicate with the colleague who'd been almost silent the entire time.

Looking back, the man was clearly in shock and didn't know what to do, but I ended up barking orders at some random man whilst I tried to prop up an unconscious body.

After 10 minutes, an ambulance arrived.

There was nothing we could do.

We asked if we could leave, and we left.

He was dead.

He's dead.

There you go.

He's dead.

He's dead.

There's nothing we could do.

He's dead.

Put him in this suitcase.

Quick stuff these underpants into his stomach.

Here's another one.

This is from Jordan.

Mailbag 45 made me look insane on a busy train.

I was on my way home from a day in the office, London back to Stafford, when I was listed to mailbag 45.

Train was busier than usual due to cancellation, so I had to sit on the fold-out sits, seats packed in.

When you start reading out the words banned by the sponsored video, I tried my best to hold in my laughter.

SIPS went down the list in alphabetical order, but as Sip shouted the words muff diver, I burst out laughing in front of everyone, which made me look silly.

Sorry, John.

I could just imagine Muff Diver just yelling.

Oh man, oh man.

Thanks for listening to the podcast.

That just fills my heart with joy.

I love that.

I love that.

Whether you're on a packed train or saving lives.

It is nice to hear that people are listening to the podcast.

I don't know.

It just sounds weird to say that.

I don't know.

But we sort of forget that sometimes we just sort of shove this stuff off into the void and hope for the best, you know?

Yeah.

This is the time that we, for me, this is the time we come together and we get to get to catch up with you.

Yeah, yeah.

It's nice.

It's nice.

You know what I've noticed, though?

I kind of, you know, when before we start recording, I don't like to hang out in the recording room while we're waiting for all three of us to get here.

I wait until you guys are in there.

Because I always think if we go in there, I'm going to get, I'm going to start chatting.

Yeah.

And when we start chatting, there'll be stuff that we'll talk about that we should have talked about on the the podcast.

So stuff will happen.

And I'll be like, oh, I'll tell the lads about that on Thursday.

But I don't tell you at the time.

Well, here's the thing.

It's a little bit like a Discord chicken, though, because

I find that I look on the Discord and no one's there.

And I'm like, hmm, why is that?

And then it's obviously because you are there.

George's waiting for me and Sips to appear.

But I'm not in there because I'm thinking you're not there.

So I'm like, I go, I'm like, oh, they're not.

Yeah, there you go.

I'll go make a cup of tea.

Do you know what I mean?

So

sometimes we start waiting for Christmas.

I'm always late.

i'm always like you always come on straight away oh okay that's a relief all right

i always think you know i know if me and sips are just in the channel we'll end up chatting yeah and then it's like oh this is i would have now we're going to talk about it again on the podcast i know it's never the same when you talk about it the second time like the first time is like is usually perfect and then yeah if you're just repeating the story you've you've just told it and you're like uh Well,

I found myself doing that

with other things, though, as well, because I'll be like, I'll be like telling someone else, like my parents or Ben or someone in the office about something a story that happened and halfway through I'll be like thinking oh man I should be doing this on the podcast because I'm not now I've told it to you I'm gonna think I've told it on the podcast and and then I'm not gonna tell it on the podcast you know so I'm like even like I'm like holding back from do it talking to other people about stuff

stupid oh well there we go um got any more mailbags yeah yeah of course uh french fry ball this is eat this is on the eating strap they would probably eat it honestly, but I couldn't believe that was an event.

No, it's not a French fry.

I've got a bit of French fry ball.

Oh.

All this, all this talk about eating things strangely triggered a memory of how I used to eat French fries in a horrifyingly grotesque way when I was a kid.

I used to take one fry at a time, insert them between my cheek and teeth until they formed one giant fry ball in the inside of my mouth, like a hamster, basically.

In order to make it the fry ball, a fry would get chomped down as if on a conveyor belt going through some kind of crushing device it's got only once a special place in hell for people like this you know like bizarre you go to hell and they're giving you the tour and you're like yeah this room don't pay too much attention to it these people all have fry balls in their mouths

we just let we leave them here and let them just do their own thing it's

it's honestly making me gag a little bit because i can just imagine it and it david i i hate that i absolutely're going to go to hell for that it's fine when you're a kid you do stupid stuff everybody knows that.

Isn't like a hash brown basically a fry ball?

Well, no, it's more, it's shaped like maybe like a

puck.

It's like a puck.

It's like a puck or sometimes maybe like a guitar pick, you know?

Is it a puck, just a

squashed ball?

Yeah, but it's made that way.

And it's different texture.

He's deliberately making chips into a giant mushy ball in his mouth.

Just eating

chips.

I try not to think about what happens to all of that.

You know, you chew stuff and you eat it, you swallow it, and it all goes down into the same hole.

Like, I don't want to know.

I've seen what that looks like when it comes back up.

Yeah, but just really cares.

I'll tell you one thing.

That's why it doesn't come back up.

Where I draw the line with weird ways to eat or whatever, I used to work with a guy who would, he would eat something and then he would take a big sip of Diet Coke and he would like swish it around in his hand.

Oh, I hate that.

That's so gross.

I can't swish.

I just can't handle that at all.

It's so gross.

It would be like, I don't like, I don't like the mouth sounds general.

You can just imagine all the food, like, you know, turning into little bits and mixing in with the diet of Coke.

All right, that's disgusting.

I don't want to put anyone off their lunch.

I do try and avoid watching other people eat when I eat at a restaurant.

I'm like a fucking animal now.

I don't pay attention to anything when I'm eating.

I'm sweating.

I'm focused.

Man, the fucking world might as well just stand still while I'm eating.

And not even for long because I eat fucking fast.

Like

everybody else is apparently still working on their first hash brown.

My whole plate is like empty.

I'm like licking the plate, snarling, like asking people.

You're going to eat that fry bowl.

Exactly.

Oh shit.

All right, this is from Harry.

Thought I'd write in with my weird eating habit as everyone at work comments on this every time I'm seen doing it.

Oh man.

I eat my cereal without milk dry.

Okay.

Every fucker that walks into my office asks, is that dog food?

Because his favorite cereal is Craves.

So Craves, by the way, is just sugar, dude.

You should get a different

sugary.

It's just a sugary snack.

I don't think it's crazy to eat cereal without milk.

Like, if you're just snacking on it, like, my kids have all done that.

Like, you know, you're not going to give them, like, when they're like two years old, you're not going to give them a full bowl with milk in it.

Stuff.

It's a pain in the ass.

You just give them like some dry in a little cup and they, you know, they just snack on it.

It's fine.

Sure.

I don't know.

But

this isn't him snacking on it this is him having a bowl of it right like he's using a spoon and everything and eating it yeah like he's eating it like a bowl of soup but with no milk but this is where it gets even weirder he has a drink of milk with the cereal what to help wash it down

yeah to wash it down okay but he doesn't he doesn't like himself i thought he was just snacking on them like you know no no no that's fine i've done that yeah i used to love that yeah but yeah no he just eats the dry cereal because he doesn't he hates it if it goes soggy how do you guys have uh your porridge?

I don't eat porridge.

I think it's gross.

Okay, what about you, Lewis?

I make, so every Sunday, I have a lot of stuff.

I have like some big cool convoluted porridge.

Go on.

I use coarse oatmeal, one part oatmeal to, I think it's two and a half water.

Right.

And that goes in the instant pot pressure cooker, takes about 18 minutes.

And then I put flax seed in there.

Right.

And then I, I, I have a portion of it with like a banana or some blueberries or whatever.

And I put the rest in the fridge and I have it like over the course of a few other days, and it's very healthy.

I recommend it.

Good breakfast, delicious.

Highly recommend it.

One cup of oats to a cup and a half of

water.

Well, it's

then

I let it cook.

I cook it.

I liked it to be a bit creamy.

I don't want it to be too chunky.

So I make sure.

I think you're using rolled oats by the sound.

Yes.

And then

I serve that with some raisins.

I love having raisins

in my pork.

Oh, geez.

Yeah.

Really nice.

Amazing.

Yeah, really nice.

Yours sounds very

nourishing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, like prison food.

Yeah, it is prison food.

The one I have, the coarse, the rough oatmeal is like the unsquashed.

I'll tell you what, though.

They're tough.

They're hard.

You have that for breakfast.

You're not hungry again until like the afternoon.

No, yeah, because it puts you off food.

It just fills you up so much.

It's so good.

Honestly,

good with a bit of fresh.

I wish I wasn't so lazy.

I would have it every morning.

Like it is the best thing to have in the morning.

You can get microwavable instant porridge it's really decent like there's only one there's only one problem with that go on no microwave microwave yeah of course he doesn't oh wow yeah well i i i i wouldn't recommend getting a pressure cooker either because there's no if there's no space for a microwave then you should get that one first yeah priorities i think

microwave first then air fryer i got a kettle i can just boil some water you know

too lazy to do it so this would solve that problem i yeah can you put milk in a microwave yes Yes.

Fucking everything in there.

That's disgusting.

You can't put metal.

You can't put metal in there.

Yeah, that's true.

You can't put a cup of water or living things.

Yeah, you can't draw your dog off.

Or a magnet.

I think a magnet would be a matter of money.

Well, actually, I guess it's only

in there.

That's for crack addicts only.

It's only magnetic metals you can't put in the microwave.

Well, I put something in there the other day that was metal and it was making some very odd noises.

And it was a a fucking carton of soup, like the carton.

Wow.

And it was, I was like, I was sure it shouldn't be making that noise.

Zipping and zapping.

It was going like,

yeah, yeah, yeah.

So he took it out and it said on the carton in big letters, do not microwave carton.

I was like, oh, sorry.

Sorry.

When I was younger, I was at my friend's house and his plates had like a, like, like a gold trim around them.

You know,

yes.

Oh, my God.

I had this as well.

And we, I, and I didn't realize I put this plate into the microwave.

I can't remember what we were making.

And he's like, no, don't.

I'd started it already.

And it was like,

zipping and zap.

And everybody was like, you can't put those ones in the microwave.

I was like, fuck, I didn't know.

That's what gave you the fucking lifelong fear of the microwave.

Maybe that was the trauma point.

Maybe that

solved it.

So maybe that's it.

Oh, wow.

Okay, we need to overcome this.

When you're in the next office, we're going to make some stuff in the microwave and we're going to overcome your fear.

I mean, it's going to confront it.

I've sat within a couple of feet of Dav microwaving Russell's burgers and eating them and blowing snot out of his nose.

And that didn't put me off microwave.

So you'll be all right.

Get Dav.

Have you got any other fears, Sips?

Because we could overcome them by putting them in the microwave.

Well,

I just want to start by saying I wasn't actually that scared of the whole microwave incident.

And certainly not to the point where I think it has left me with like some PTSD.

I would have been.

I think the similar thing happened to me.

And it was scary.

It's like that time I

put a a knife in the toaster and gave myself electric shock oh my god you did that everyone's did you never watch mini tunes as a kid like you everybody knows not to do that never throw your toaster while it's plugged in and on into a bathtub either yeah that's the other one i do have everyone's done that yeah no oh god all right this one's from kevin hello triangles heard the hotel stories on the recent mailbag and thought i'd give you uh one of mine having worked as a bartender at a fancy hotel for a couple of years nice for two weeks we made a deal with a building firm where all the workmen stayed at our hotel for a discounted rate.

Over the two weeks, we got to know a few of them and they got to know a few of us.

And this one guy was quite creepy/slash-flirty with our 18 and 19-year-old waitresses.

This dude was in his 40s.

So one evening, this guy kept calling to say the remote for his TV didn't work.

Right.

And if someone could come check it out.

A waitress that I'll call Kelly.

went with some batteries to change the remote.

But when she got to the room, the remote worked fine.

TV turned on with no issues and she quickly left.

The guy rang three more times asking for her specifically to come and fix the TV.

yikes.

And eventually, Kelly asked me, who's a six-foot-two, 16-stone lad, so a big lad, to go and have a look instead as she felt uncomfortable.

Annoyed at this guy, I went to check the TV, knocked on the door.

He shouted, It's open.

I walked in only to be confronted by the sight of an overweight middle-aged man yanking his hog on the bed, stark naked.

No, we called the police on the guy, and he was immediately sacked by his company.

But I'll never be able to erase that image.

Oh my God, man.

Why?

Fucking hell.

Men are gross.

You want to know?

Is he in jail?

He should be in jail for that.

This is why we need to get rid of the patriarchy.

I dreamed.

All right, this is from Andy.

I have two novel food-related stories to report.

Thank you for your reportage.

I once worked with someone who washed his peeled banana.

Oh, God.

I'm so glad.

Oh, hang on.

Well, let's carry on.

That is the actual banana without its skin.

So he would peel the banana and then wash the banana.

Yeah, upon questioning what he he was doing, he muttered something about washing it as it may be dirty.

I was adamant that this was not needed, but didn't pursue this as felt the conversation was close to becoming argumentative.

Right.

Okay, you know how you guys were saying that I was traumatized because of that microwave?

This person needs to be investigated.

There's some trauma there.

There has to be.

Yeah.

There has to be some trauma where somebody is washing the inside part of the banana because it might be dirty.

I mean, I don't know if it makes sense.

Some shit has gone down.

You know what I bet it is?

I bet he doesn't like the sort of almost fluffy outer texture of the banana can can kind of make people gag sometimes.

Can it?

So yeah, it's like it's like one of my kids, when she ate a banana, it almost stuck in her mouth because the texture is a bit odd sometimes.

So he might be smoothing it under the tap.

Well, listen, like, you know, leeks.

I don't know if you've ever had many leaks, but I've been cutting up a lot of leaks recently.

And they get...

They're lovely, but they get dirty inside.

Like some of the inner folds, you wouldn't expect there to be dirt in there, but there's quite a lot.

And I imagine

what folds.

Lots of people don't wash their leeks properly.

No, we're talking about a banana.

So is it the case, though, where he's opened something

unexpectedly found dirt in there?

No, it's not.

It's bad, right?

It's sealed.

The perfect food.

It's perfectly sealed.

It comes with its own

disposable wrappings.

You just described a banana as having quote-unquote folds.

What is wrong with your bananas?

Well, look, I don't know whether this man has experienced some sort of impossible situation.

Based on the leak, it's a banana, Lewis.

Vegetable or fruit-based, dirty

situation.

You're continually bringing up leaks in a banana conversation.

I don't understand whether it's a bad thing.

I've noticed, though, because it's, you know, sometimes when I'm having a salad, I think that I noticed that some of the leaves are dirty as well when I'm in a restaurant.

I think that a lot of people don't wash their vegetables.

Right, I know.

Look, I completely understand all of that.

I used to know this man.

We're talking about a banana.

Yeah, yeah, I know we're talking about a banana, but Lewis keeps talking about vegetables.

And I just felt like I had to chime in.

He was a very sensible man.

He read New Scientist magazine and he was, he was a dad, and he worked for a reputable company.

And he refused to wash any fruit and vegetables.

In fact,

he was adamant about not doing it.

I think we got to get away from this, the assumption that because somebody reads a magazine or something, that they're good.

Or I think we need to get away from all this.

This causes so many problems.

There are weirdos among us, like everywhere.

Closer than you think.

Don't trust people based on these stupid things, like what they're reading or, you know, what they seem to be doing or whatever.

Look at that 40-year-old guy jacking off in his hotel room

for all to see when that guy came to replace his batteries.

Who knows?

He might be the nicest guy ever.

He might be reading, you know, Reader's Digest with some spectacles at the bus stop one minute.

Next minute, he's jacking off in a hotel room in front of somebody that doesn't want to watch him do that.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Stop trusting people for stupid reasons.

Just assume that everybody is a fucking weirdo until they prove otherwise.

That's got to be the more sensible approach.

Okay.

Sure.

By the way, Louis, if you want to know a good way to clean your leaks, I've been watching a lot of Jacques Papin recipes on YouTube.

Go fuck off.

He gets the leak.

He trims the

Jacques Bapin.

He's fantastic.

He trims the very end of the leak.

He's like 100 years old.

He's 90 years old.

Yes, he's a very old man.

He's been cooking for decades.

He's a legendary chef, right?

So you get a leak.

You know the rooty end that's got the little the root, right?

You hold it there and with a knife, you put it straight in, like you stab through the leak, like lengthways, and then you pull to the end of the leak.

And then you turn it 90 degrees and do that again.

And the whole thing opens out like one of those bunches of flowers made in newspaper.

You can get all the dirt out of the leak.

And it's amazing how fast it is.

It's sad to think that you're just coming up to the end of your legendary run, and there's not another run after that.

You know, you can't just restart again.

You know,

90 years old.

He's had a great life.

Yeah, no, I guess you set the leak back.

It must suck to get to like a really old age and just sort of realize, well, this is it.

It's almost over.

It's almost done.

Cut it in half is not really that much left.

Yeah.

And then you reach out to he's doing exactly what I'm doing.

He's, In fact, he has, I've accidentally learned the Jacques Pepin leak washing.

So now what I want to know.

My partner's been complaining at me because she's been saying to me, you're throwing away too much leek.

And Jack Pepin is throwing away way more leak than I throw away.

So if you look at that, he's got a very large leak.

I bet I know which video it is.

It's a very large leak.

He's doing Jack Pepin's cozy potato leak soup breast.

Yes, so this video is kind of a leak.

If you look, he trims the very end of a very big leak, which is just a leaf.

Like, it's not even really edible.

He's still got, like, 90% of the leek left.

Yeah, me too.

No, no, no.

He's keeping a lot of the dark bits of the leek, which is fine.

Yeah, but you don't want the very ends.

You don't want the very variants.

I don't want any of it at all.

Fucking leeks.

I hate them.

Oh, my God.

They're so good.

Oh, they're good.

You're like that fucking guy eating craves out of the back of a bag

for breakfast.

At least that tastes good.

Leeks taste like

a shit.

I love how you are the least healthy vegetarian person I know.

It's so fucking funny.

All right.

This is

from Tom.

Do you want to hear this one?

This is titled Fat People MRIs.

Oh, God.

My friend works as a physiotherapist for the NHS.

Now, Tom, if this is untrue...

I feel like I'm being called out here.

If this is untrue, I'm going to be called out.

I got stuck in the machine last time.

He works for the NHS in the Midlands and told me this beautiful anecdote the last time I visited him.

He had a large slash enormous lady in one day who needed an MRI scan.

So he signed her off for the appointment.

A few weeks later, the MRI team contacted him saying she was too fat to fit in the machine.

I mean, it is, they are quite narrow, so I can understand that.

Incredibly how.

How do you delicately say that?

You say, I'm sorry, madam, we're going to need a bigger boat slash machine.

Incredibly, it turns out that certain hospitals have special fat machines just for this occasion.

So he thought so.

So he sent her off there.

I would have personally felt a bit ashamed at this point where it me, but it actually gets worse.

Another message came in from the MRI team.

She was too large for their special XL machine.

So in those rare cases, they sent people to the zoo to use the MRI machines to sign for Jerusalem and Rhythm.

It's not true.

There's a guy.

Absolutely not true that there is a zoo

machine taking somebody to a zoo for an MRI.

So it's absolutely so funny.

No fucking way.

I hope it's true.

It's funny.

Oh, bird.

Oh, man.

This is from Jake.

In your last email, one of the listeners mentioned they swallow peas and beans whole.

I can't believe it.

I also swallow peas and beans whole.

Oh, no.

I told you that there's weirdos among us and they're closer than you think.

They're walking among us.

Starting a bean swallower club.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

You fucking bean swallowers and your fucking peas swallowing ways.

All right, well, here's another one.

Here's a strange food coming up.

Most people will happily just chew them up and swish some diet coke around with them.

No, not you guys.

You got to take it that step further, don't you?

Here's one from Isaac.

He dips fresh, warm, salty tortilla chips from a Mexican or a Tex-Mex into ice-cold Coca-Cola.

Oh,

I know it sounds fucked up.

It's just a matter of sweet, salty, hot, and cold.

That does sound like a fucking weird thing that a kid would.

That has to be something that developed as you were a kid, right?

Because kids kind of, like, again, they do weird shit.

It's sometimes gross or whatever.

But then if nobody's there to say, please don't do that, you never know.

And then you just become an adult who does that.

It's not a bad thing.

I'm just saying,

I can totally see how that would start as you being a kid and then just follow you through.

Sometimes being too controlling, though, can cause other problems, though.

Because it causes rebelling.

Like, you know, I was the same.

Well, I was never allowed fast food or anything.

And as soon as I got a sniff of freedom, I was in McDonald's every day.

You know, I think it was, I think it camped back fire.

Yeah.

Well, once, as soon as I got got a sniff of freedom, I was like, McDonald's of the jeans.

Bring the cuffs in to drag me out of the establishment.

I will not leave.

That's hilarious.

Wait, every day you went to McDonald's?

Well, I was doing that was in sick form, you know, we were allowed to go.

We had to bring our own get our own lunch, you know, so I was just walking down and there was a McDonald's right there, and it was like, Did you ever have a cafeteria like in your school?

Fucking, I don't know.

No, well, we did, but it's full of kids in there.

And of course, sick almost down.

Hang around.

We used to leave school and walk across this massive, massive parking lot to get to Pizza Pizza, which was a kind of like a

pizza place?

It's a pizza place, but like a very NA pizza place.

You don't get them much over here, but you can just get a slice, you know?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Big slice.

Like it was enough, like a slice of slice.

Your whole lunch was just like one big fucking slice of pizza.

And it was

a shitty pizza, but it was kind of good at the same time, you you know?

Like there was a thing that I remember as a kid.

I loved pizza when I was a kid because New York pizza was so good.

Like all these Italians were making it the best.

There was like a garlic salt that would be on the table.

It was like a garlic salt.

That's the only way I can put it.

And when you put that on the pizza, I fucking loved it.

I can't find it over here.

All right, let's move on.

This is from Will, who we read out.

This was the hotel thing that I read out about a guy left a suitcase with the concierge for a year and it was full of dildos and all that stuff.

I remember that one.

Okay, so this is weird guest requests that Will had.

We had this 40-year-old man who kept calling down to get the remote batteries changed and asking for the same person to do it.

It was

like an overlap.

I was trying to get my remote control batteries fixed.

This guy won't do me jerking off.

I couldn't believe it.

A pilot that contacted us.

This is weird guest request.

This pilot contacted us in advance asking for a wooden board to be placed on top of his mattress.

Maintenance had to cut some MDF to size just for him.

What?

Only to have the guy come down and tell him that the wood wasn't hard enough and did we have another?

I'm assuming he slept on the wooden board and it was a back thing or some kind of weird fitness thing.

Who knows?

A very well-weird gentleman.

Yeah.

A very well-dressed gent that looked me dead in the eye across the front desk and asked, where can I find a fat prostitute?

A young couple in a really busy lobby that wanted to know if I thought eating space cakes or just smoking a spliff was the best way to try weed.

A room of friends that didn't like anything on the room service menu and asked if I could surprise them.

I infiltrated the executive lounge with my master keycard and nicked a load of fruit and cheese.

They were so impressed and happy that they invited me to join them after my shift for a quick orgy.

Unfortunately, my shift wouldn't end until 7 a.m.

and I politely declined.

Fuck,

you know what you should have done?

Instead of the food, you should have hid in their room and when they came back, burst out of the cupboard and been like, surprise, you know, like, like, you know, they said, surprise me.

That could have been a better surprise.

There you go.

And a way to get fired, right?

And probably a way to get fired.

You'd probably get fired for raiding the executive lounge as well, though.

Yeah, that's true.

So this is from Louis.

This is an interesting one.

Have you guys heard of the bold, hairy rule in Russian politics?

No.

Bold, hairy rule.

Bold, hairy rule.

Okay, so

it's a long-running joke.

Slash, it's not really a joke, where the state leaders of Russia alternate between bold and hairy.

Right.

So

if we start with Nicholas I in 1825 to 1855, bold.

Alexander II, hairy.

Alexander III, bold.

Nicholas II, hairy.

Lavov, bold.

Kerensky, hairy.

Lenin, bold.

Stalin, hairy.

Beria, bold.

Malenkov, hairy.

And then it alternates.

Khrushchev, Brezhnev, Andropov, Chenenko, Gorbachev, Yeltsin.

Yeltsin was hairy.

Gorbachev was bald.

Putin is bald.

Putin bold.

Medvedev was in briefly hairy.

Back to Putin, bold.

So yeah, you've got to go bold, hairy, bold, hairy, bold, hairy.

So the next potential, and it may never happen even in our lifetimes, depending on

how many supplements Putin's taken to increase ourselves.

Or how short our lives become.

Yes, yes.

Or that

we may never know who the next hairy ruler of Russia is.

But if it was an election between a bold man and a hairy man, you should bet on the hairy man.

You should, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's interesting.

That is.

This is a sped up accent.

Just watch the mailbag episode with the guy speeding up media.

The times two, times three.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I'm a computer science student, and a lot of the tutorials explaining hard maths and programming are made by Indians.

Just like Pyrran, I speed up the videos to two times as I just need the information smashed into my brain as quickly as possible.

However, I've found that I now understand the thick Indian accents in these videos only on two times speed.

Hello, any slower and I can't understand.

I can't understand you.

Any slower and I can't understand a word.

There you go.

Crazy.

That's interesting.

I guess you just trained your brain to be able to understand.

You could probably train it.

Just start just start listening to them on normal speed and you'll train your brain to understand it like that.

Who's got time for that?

Who's got time for that?

You'll be the ultimate Indian understander, though.

You'll be able to do it fast and slow.

That would be amazing.

Yeah.

And let's finish with this one from...

from Zamwa.

I'm curious.

I tried that bloke's crunchy peanut butter and egg sandwich, which we spoke about in a previous episode.

It was disgusting.

Well, yeah.

I mean,

you didn't even need to to be surprised.

That was going to be fucking gross.

Like, come on.

I did this so all curious people never have to.

Look, I'm not kidding.

You are the hero we need.

Yeah, we really needed you to investigate that.

Otherwise, who knows?

We would have had no idea.

So, yeah, gosh, thank you so much for that.

Thank you, brave

soldier.

Brave hero.

Yeah, that's a lot of her.

I guess we'll finish with this one.

This is a little bit of info for everyone because that was a short one.

Yeah.

Found out today that there's two brands of Pyrex measuring jugs.

You know, the glass ones that you have in your kitchen.

The brand Pyrex, the original, is the high-quality one that's virtually indestructible and made of heat-resistant glass.

And it's always got the red writing on it.

Right.

In uppercase letters.

Yes.

That's key.

The brand Pyrex lowercase letters is just normal glass and is not meant to be heated.

My friends told me this is a reasonably common knowledge, but I had no idea.

Now I looked this up and you can read articles about the difference between Pyrex and Pyrex and why they're both easily confused, but different.

So it's weird.

It's really Pyrex, they make a lot of the labware that I used to use as a chemist.

So I think it's very common to see that.

But lowercase is different.

That's what it said in the email.

I'm going to have to go and check all my Pyrex stuff to see if it's lowercase.

Make sure that you're not using the lowercase stuff for your high heat experiments.

I reckon it's all lowercase.

I'll keep an eye out in the future.

anyway, that's it.

Keep those emails coming in.

More of those, yeah,

thank you so much for the emails.

Thank you, and see you next time.

I mean, most of those ones are just smashed out.

Like, I just read them in sequence as they'd arrive.

Yeah, and I was like, damn, this is like 15 good emails in a row.

You guys are killing it.

Thank you so much.

Yeah, really good.

Yeah, and the email address, because I keep seeing people asking, pyrrhionflax at gmail.com.

Pyrianflax at gmail.com.

P-Y-R-I-O-N-F-L-A-X at gmail.com.

Thank you all.

Thank you guys for listening.

We'll see you next time.

Take it easy.

Bye-bye.