Triforce! #305: The Least Attractive Men in the World

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Well, hello there, everyone.

Welcome back to the Triforce podcast.

Sips is here in Bristol.

Yes.

He's right next to me.

I left.

Well, we're like a room across.

We're isolated.

It's like 2020 all over again.

We have strict social distancing in effect right now.

Sips hasn't been to the office for four or five years.

And he's come down for a gig.

And of course it's snowing.

Why is it actually snowing there?

It was snowing yesterday.

In Jersey, it was snowing yesterday.

And my flight was almost cancelled.

And

when I landed in Southampton, all of the trains were delayed because there was trees on the tracks.

And I think a truck collided with a bridge someway along the way.

So everything was delayed.

But it actually worked out pretty good for me because

the trains that I had booked.

I was able to refund all of them and then I was able to book new ones.

And

it was perfect.

I got off the plane, walked right over the train station walked right onto a train uh swapped over i saw the next train that i had to get on beside the train that i was already traveling on so i got to the station got onto the next train and it was all perfect but it took like 10 hours yeah yes i mean you did fly to the wrong city well yeah it's just as well i did because the the only flight to bristol from jersey yesterday was cancelled so i know and the one that i did book to go to southampton because the time was better uh was just delayed not cancelled This is like that.

We know this, though, right?

With any hint of a any hint of a little white stuff coming out of the sky,

the UK is like,

stop everything.

Yeah.

And

kids are going to school.

By extension, Jersey is like times 100 that.

Like if there's even a threat of one snowflake falling from the sky, everything just shuts down.

My wife was messaging me yesterday saying that the lights were flickering and stuff.

And while I was in the airport, all of the power at the check-in desks desks went down because everybody was just at home cranking the heaters because it was so cold.

Wow.

Yeah.

So there was like rolling brownouts across the whole island.

Oh, that's so funny.

Can I just say brownout is such a terrible word?

It sounds like

soiling itself.

It does sound like soiling yourself.

You got a brownout.

I think

people always say, it's not brownout, it's blackout.

But no, it's not blackout because it wasn't, the power didn't cut completely.

It was flickering, you know, it was in between.

So they call it brownout.

But it does sound like you're shitting.

It does sound like

a storm of diarrhea.

Guess what?

Talking of a storm of diarrhea, I went to see a play last night.

It was not called Storm of Diarrhea, but that would be my review.

Okay.

What is one of your children?

God, no, they're all excellent.

I went to see Doctor Strangelove with Steve Coogan.

All right.

Right.

Oh, really?

That doesn't sound like it would be necessarily a storm of diarrhea.

I know, which is crazy.

And Armando Ianucci, who's one of my comedy heroes.

Yeah, he wrote a lot of famous sitcoms in the 90s.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

And the 2000s as well.

Brilliant guy.

He's lost it.

He's lost it.

This was

diabolical.

I mean, the movie is a classic.

Why are you remaking this film, which was set during the Cold War now?

I suppose it's kind of topical, but they don't update it at all.

There's like two references to current events, I guess, but they're kind of so on the nose, you're just like, okay, yeah,

I get that.

And it's like they've kind of remade the film, but they've missed all of the key beats on the jokes.

It's like the guys are just reading the lines, but don't understand what they mean.

Steve Coogan plays four characters, whereas Peter Sellers plays three.

And the problem is, two of the characters are in the same room quite a lot.

So you have to come up with this conceit of, Mr.

President, there's a phone call.

And while he goes and answers the photo, it changes into the other costume and then comes in.

So, you never get the two, the president, and Dr.

Strangelove talking to each other because they're both played by Coogan.

Just get one of them to be played by not Steve Coogan.

Like, you don't have it, it's much harder to do as a play.

It is insane that he's playing four characters in it.

Like, does he need to

know?

No, like, so he plays Colonel Mandrake, who's like the Bristol, like fucking Eddie Murphy in Meet the Flumps or whatever.

As a stage show,

no, it's not Meet the Flumps, it's nutty professor.

Hercules, Hercules, Hercules, remember that at the dinner table?

No, I never saw it, but very odd, man.

But it's just, it's just like so many of the jokes, they just either

said the line the way it is in the film, then added another line that was like, Did you see that joke?

Let's explain it to you with another joke to say that's what that was.

Like, what are you doing?

Like, there's no subtlety.

And the whole scenes in the B-52 bomber are awful.

I don't know what the accent he was going for was.

I don't know what this character was meant to be.

It was terrible.

It was honestly, it was so bad.

Was it packed?

Was it very busy?

Or was it like

quite intimate?

Was there only like 10 people in the crowd?

No, it was busy.

It was busy.

Right.

And was it weird seeing Steve Coogan on stage?

Well, not really.

Because

we were very high up.

Oh, right.

Okay.

My mates were like, this probably isn't going to be great.

So let's not spend a fortune on it.

So we were right up in the gods, but that's fine.

I mean,

I've seen plenty of plays either down low or up top.

It doesn't make a difference.

If it's a good play, it's a good play.

This was just, oh my God, it was so disappointing.

It really was bad.

And I read one review saying that Steve Coogan's turn in this play absolutely wiped out P.S.

Ellis' turn in the original movie.

I'm like, you've got to be kidding.

P.S.

Ellis was so good in that.

Way funnier, much more subtle to his to his performance.

And it was just so good.

This was just so bad.

If you enjoyed it, fair enough.

I hated it.

I thought all the extra jokes they added felt like radio four, comedy hour, bullshit.

Um, just the most obvious joke every time.

It was really disappointing.

Man, do you regularly go to theater?

Do you actually like, is this a thing for you?

Fairly regularly.

I mean, you know, not like every month or anything, but have you ever been to a poetry slam before?

I've never been to a poetry slam.

Okay, no,

just kissing.

I thought you were going to give a little anecdote about a poetry slam.

I know I know.

I've never been to one and neither is the zip.

Okay, fantastic.

I would say I've never been to one and I don't intend on ever.

I'm pretty sure I could probably make it through this life without ever attending one.

I'm not

taking away anything from Poetry Slam if you like to do that.

But for me, I just don't think I can't see myself

ever going to one.

It's just, I don't, I mean, I like poetry, don't get me wrong.

I've read some good poetry, but it's not something that's some poetry.

You know what I I mean?

I like if, you know, I think that's like a good poem.

And

there's some classics out there, don't get me wrong.

Sure.

I just don't want to sit there with a bunch of people doing that.

I feel like the poetry space is probably quite saturated as well.

And maybe there's

a lot of bad poetry out there.

I don't think the poetry space is a little saturated.

Yeah, I think it's a little bit.

I think one of those things.

I think poetry, essentially.

I think like when you're young, you know, like when you're kind of like 20, 21, and you're still figuring out who you are and how you fit and stuff, you know, you kind of go on, you write a bit of poetry, and some of it's probably not great.

I'd say most of it's probably not great.

Every once in a while, somebody will write some poetry and it's really good.

But for the most part, I think most poetry that's written is probably pretty bad.

It's just a lot of people that could potentially be poets, you know?

People use poetry in things, though, right?

A lot of poetry, it doesn't have to be rhyming.

No, like it's written by Dr.

Seuss, right?

No.

It becomes song lyrics or it becomes scripts or monologues or speeches or other things in other things, right?

A lot more people are writing

plays and radio shows and books and short stories and Reddit posts and tweets, you know, than they are doing poems, right?

And I think doing a like a poet

poetry, a lot of that stuff, I think, you know, like even some poems.

Twitter does have a bad rap.

Yeah, it definitely has a bad rap.

I don't want to go to a poetry event where people are up on stage reading their poems because I think those people are, quite frankly, um, sad.

Unhinged.

I don't know.

No, I mean,

I mean, some of it is can be really, really

brave.

I've written a slam poem about the Triforce podcast.

Oh, fuck me.

Recording a podcast.

A pod.

Cast.

Cast.

Cast around for a topic.

Bring it up like vomit.

Listener looks like Grommit from Wallace and Grommet.

Poetry slam, man.

Like jam on a wall near a dam, holding back the tide of vomit.

I think this is like the song.

You know, like the tone.

The tone that you use to read your poem is kind of like that really stereotypical, you know, like I'm a poet in the 60s in New York and I'm angry.

And

it's that tone, right?

But like, absolutely.

That's got to be still a thing, but probably not as much so as back then.

You know what I mean?

I don't know.

I don't know if it's like what they called beatniks back in the day.

Yeah, beatnikniki.

Sort of alternative.

That's right.

I mean, I think more than hipsters, hipsters seem to be people who were just looking for the cool thing to go to and do.

Because I felt beatniks were actually trying to be anti-establishment and do something.

But of course, because they were all like art school graduates and dropouts, you know, they just sort of felt like

what you just did there would be you'd see that on The Simpsons, you know, like if Lisa, if Lisa went to a poetry recital, that would be the recital.

It would be, it would be talking about something somewhat relevant or recent, but it would be in that exact tone.

Like it would be, he would have a turtleneck on and he'd have like

the John Lennon glasses and he'd be, you know,

angrily pacing around on the stage

doing his slam poetry and stuff.

It is like a bit of a stereotype, isn't it?

It is.

It is.

So were Beatniks like kind of the original hippies?

I don't really understand.

No, I don't think they were hippies.

I think that they were more...

If you can imagine people that then became like, like, do you remember back in the day, if you don't remember?

More vocal activists than hippies.

Hippies were always

more peaceful, weren't they?

They would turn up and sort of sit around, but like.

Yeah, but they weren't, I mean, they went on protest marches, like very famously, like the Trial of the Chicago 7.

If you watch that movie, there's a bunch of hippies there.

Like, that was a very anti-war movement.

Yeah.

If you think about the Beatniks, I think they were too cool for school.

You know, like you said, the turtlenecks and all the rest of it and poetry.

And maybe they were more of the artsy side of things rather than the protesty side because the hippies were just getting high and having sex and going to protests.

I think the beatniks were out there making slam poetry and cool music and stuff like that.

But I I don't know.

If you guys know more about the history of beatniks and hippies, go ahead and email them.

We'd love to hear.

We'd love to hear.

We'll hear how wrong we are about all this.

Hey, I've got an interesting study if you want to hear this.

Sure.

Crack on.

This is the least and most attractive male hobbies to women.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

I thought this was really interesting.

So, first of all, wait, can we guess

the top hobbies?

Absolutely.

Let me give you the categories.

This is top hobbies men think women like.

Okay.

All right.

That's the first one.

Men think women like these.

Okay.

Men think that women like when they go to the gym a lot.

That's got to be the top one.

Your hobby is going to the gym and that.

And in men's eyes, that's the top one.

Women look for that in men.

No, I think we're taking fitness out as a hobby.

Fitness is a hobby.

So, I mean, because it's not on any of these lists.

So

fitness is.

I don't think things like volunteer firefighting count either.

That's not on there, no.

That's not on there.

Okay.

I think

I use, for example, woodworking.

So, woodworking is not on the list of hobbies that men think women like.

Oh, no, sorry, it is.

It is one, two, three, four, five.

Sixth from the bottom, 89%.

Woodworking.

Yeah, woodworking.

Fucking hell.

I didn't see it there.

89%.

Is bowling on the list anywhere?

Bowling is not on the list.

Are you saying?

Bowling?

And woodworking is?

What are you talking about?

Well, we're talking about

the ancient art of woodworking and bowling and somehow bowling has been removed.

Like how far are we going with this?

Eddie TikToks, there's men like chopping wood outside and like it's like semi-naked.

Like it's it's it's basically porn.

That's kind of like

a lumberjack.

I can't tell if you're joking or not about bowling.

Like I can't tell if you think bowling should actually be honest.

It has to be the least sexy sport ever.

Oh come on.

Just listen

in your voice.

All I'm seeing is Jesus from the fucking.

Jesus was really good at bowling as well.

The bowski.

That's all I'm seeing.

Well, okay.

It's got to be things like

DIY, maybe?

Or like building stuff.

I think that would probably come under woodworking and all that.

Okay, how about pottery and like clay and stuff?

So pottery is not on there.

My guess for least favorite men's hobby by women is video games.

It has to be.

Wait, wait, wait.

We'll come to that section.

We'll get the worst ones.

So I guess the best ones, hang on, okay.

It's got to be things that, like dancing, how about that?

Grooming your dog.

Walking and no, dogs and dancing are not on there.

What?

What the hell?

I wouldn't say walking your dog as a hobby.

I'll give you an example so we get back on track.

Astronomy.

Oh.

All right.

65% of men, 65% of men thought that women would be into their love of astronomy.

Okay, for example.

Writing is listed as writing.

90% of men thought writing would be something women would be into.

I really, okay, my experience of women, I would say that one thing that women would love for men to be into is shopping.

But most men that I know are not into shopping.

But

that's also not a hobby.

I mean,

you know what a hobby is.

A hobby is not shopping.

I think for some women it is a hobby.

Yes, exactly.

I think cooking would be something that's not a bad thing.

Cooking is there.

Men think it's at number five.

Right.

Or the light not a hobby.

I would say that's a necessity for life.

Exactly.

I agree.

But you can either.

Washing.

Doing the washing.

No, that's not a hobby.

Exactly, see?

Exactly.

Tidying up.

My hobby's tidying up.

Do you want me to explain it to you?

Are you going to keep getting angrier?

I think this list is

understand the men think we're going to be able to do it.

I'm going to explain this to you very simply.

If it's something that you can try to get better at, like say cooking or archery, which is on the list, fucking

archery.

That kind of stuff.

Yes, these are things that menu.

Women just compiled in like

1909 or something?

This is a word.

Just bear in mind if you're on one of these dating apps, these are the kind of fucking hobbies you get to pick as things I like doing.

Archery.

Archery is on the list, yes.

How about slaying Normans?

That's a big red flag for me.

If I'm on a dating app and somebody's listed archery as their flag, I'm like,

that's immediately I'm out.

Well, that's fair enough.

I will read them to you to save you guys getting angry looting and villaging We are not normal men who we can't get into the mind of a normal man

from the bottom up astronomy blacksmithing archery blacksmithing who does that as a hobby garbage

astronomy as well.

I mean come on man astronomy whose hobby is astronomy woodworking writing painting and reading foreign languages cooking hiking traveling swimming playing a musical instrument that's reverse order so playing a musical instrument, 97% of men think women fucking love that.

Here are the top 15 most attractive hobbies to women as reported by them.

Right.

At the bottom is traveling.

How many women?

87%.

I don't know.

They interview like 10 women.

Hold on.

Oh, fuck me.

Now you're making me read the.

They asked a shitload, all right?

They didn't ask three people.

87% of women think traveling is attractive.

Yes.

Is that what you're saying?

That's not a hobby of anything.

Blacksmithing at 87%.

Blacksmithing is on there, is it?

Yes.

That's 88.

Archery, hiking.

Archery is still on there.

Astronomy.

Astronomy is at 90%.

Photography, swimming, gardening, writing, painting, animal husbandry, woodworking.

Woodworking is at number five.

Cooking is at number four.

Playing an instrument is at third.

Foreign languages are second.

And number one is reading.

Recreation.

Recreational irrigation.

Reading is not a hobby, by the way.

Reading is just

something that you do in between other things.

It's not actually a full hobby.

It's not full hobby.

Well, no, it's not

just watching movies.

Watching movies isn't a hobby.

That's just a thing that people have to do.

That was challenging.

That's a time filler.

I understand that was challenging.

Now let's look at hobbies that women don't like.

Right.

Okay.

Now, we've got the hobbies that men think women don't like.

Yeah.

Okay, magic the gathering.

This is what men think women don't like.

Magic the gathering, 7% of men think women don't like magic the gathering.

That's at number five.

Fifth from the bottom.

Fifth from the bottom.

I'll give you the very top one as some idea.

Men think women.

Pokemon.

No, clubbing going clubbing all right going clubbing men think women hate men that go clubbing all right i don't know why they all think that but that's because they're all players that's right that's why i guess so men think women hate a player yeah

no they think that they hate men that go clubbing i think they think maybe in men's minds women will think i'm not serious and magic the gathering is on there magic the gathering is there my little pony wait no my magic the gathering is listed as magic the gathering yeah oh my god man i would have just grouped that into just general gaming right?

Yeah, video games.

Anime's there.

Oh, wow.

This is a fucking funny list.

This is quite a modern list on the woman's side.

On the men's side, it sounds like the stupidest list from...

It's like something out of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

Coming back with fucking blacksmithing.

Archery.

I mean, come on, man.

All right.

I'm going to read these to you to save you guys the time.

This is from the bottom up.

So this is what men think.

Men think women don't like this.

One of these hobbies

one of these hobbies is funko which means collecting funko puffs i guess funko yeah collecting

no i'll just chuck it under there arguing online four points arguing online that's not a hobby

all right then this one this one i don't know what this is manosphere oh my god which i think just beat me in one of my

your body my choice all that kind of shit one of those guys it's like men's rights activist and all those guys all right so it sounds like a it sounds like a type of ship that like the Portuguese Navy would have used in the 1400s.

All right, gambling?

Oh, fuck.

Here comes the Manosphere.

Magic the Gathering?

Porn?

Only 8% of men think women would not like them if that was one of their hobbies.

Hobbies.

Hobbies.

Comic book.

Who's writing that on their fucking list of hobbies?

Comic-block.

Porn is a hobby.

Let's go around the circle, introduce ourselves, and just tell everyone what hobbies we do.

I like Magic the Gathering.

The Manosphere.

My name's

I'm into the Manosphere and Porn.

Hi, I really like arguing online.

Come at me.

I'll argue in real life as well if you want.

Debating is on there.

Debating.

Debating.

Marijuana.

9% of men think women don't want to do that smokes weed as a hobby.

My hobbies are

marijuana and Funko.

Yeah.

Give me a fucking hobby.

There needs to be a stricter definition for hobby as well.

Anime, crypto, makeup, crypto, makeup.

Yeah, that's a bad one.

Well, it's like saying, like, taking long shits is a hobby.

It's not.

You just, they have to shit.

All right, regularly.

It's not a perfect list of hobbies.

I can't modify that.

So let's work with what we've got.

Cosplay, cigars,

drinking, and as I said, clubbing.

Now, these are the actual least attractive hobbies as reported.

Stop, everyone.

If you are doing any of these,

stop it.

Stop doing them straight away.

These are in reverse order.

So apparently, 3.1% of women list Manosphere.

So I still have no fucking idea with that.

Holy shit.

So some women know what this is as well.

Gambling.

That's it.

10%.

Porn is 10%.

Arguing online is 12%.

Oh, wow.

Funko Pops is 12%.

Weed is 15%.

Clubbing.

Only 20% of women say that clubbing is unattractive.

Cigars is 22%.

Crypto is 23.

Makeup is 24.

And anime is is 27%.

Wow.

Magic the Gathering of whopping 28% of women.

Drinking 29%.

Debating 30%.

Cosplay 32%.

And comic books, 33%.

The least attractive hobby to women is comic books.

Comic books.

Wow.

Okay.

We should have known that.

Is comic books.

So you're talking not only reading them, but collecting them and then talking about them all the time.

That's like your whole thing is comics.

like do you mean graphic novels exactly they're like oh this data is over it's not working out so yeah that's the thing is i one thing i don't understand is is why it's such a a big deal like you i'm you're a person with your own needs wants and desires and therefore hobbies why can't you not just have your own hobbies that you enjoy doing when you can do them and then your partner also has their own hobbies that they like to enjoy when they can do them or whatever that you don't You don't have to have the same hobbies

at all, right?

You can be completely different people and still have

a functioning relationship.

It shouldn't be a big deal-breaker that somebody likes

collecting comics.

Sort of cultural bias, though, like a subconscious ick.

You know, it's what do you, what do you, they're talking to the average per man or woman and saying, What, what do you, what's unattractive to you about, like, what, what, what hobbies do you think will, I think that that everything has a stereotype attached to it, right?

And I think comic books still have this stigma of gross, nerdy thing to do, which is unattractive, right?

And I think that's a very prevalent and persistent thing to overcome.

I'm not saying everyone is that way.

And I think a lot of people aren't, obviously.

I know plenty of women who play Magic the Gathering and, you know, and love it more than their...

partners do.

And I think, I think in a sense, that is sometimes the guys, guys do find women into nerdy stuff more attractive there's definitely that gamer girl thing because it does usually mean that they are more

open to the nerdier hobbies that you know us us nerds are into can

was advocate for the for this list for a moment and i understand what you're saying about how i mean for example uh mrs f is into cross stitch and and she likes knitting and stuff i have zero interest in that not an issue but equally equally unattractive equally she doesn't just talk about that all the time so i think in a way this is like saying if you met a guy and all he talked about was Magic the Gathering, that's a massive turn off because it's so nerdy and like awful for

those women that responded that way that they just can't bear it.

That's a massive

explain my success on

Tinder.

Like, I get it.

If your hobby is like, that's your primary hobby is Magic the Gathering, a lot of women might say, geez, this guy never fucking shuts up about Magic the Gathering and mono projects.

The thing is, like, I think there's, there's types of hobbies as well.

Like, like a hobby like Magic the Gathering, for example, you're probably at home doing Magic the Gathering, right?

You're not, it's not like you have to go somewhere.

You might have to go somewhere sometimes, but like, say your hobby is surfing.

Well, you're not, you're never at home, right?

You're, you're, you've got to go to the beach and go surfing.

So a hobby that takes you out of the home a lot is probably a hobby that you'd want potentially to share, right?

Because otherwise you would just never see each other.

Yeah,

Yeah, if your hobby is like reading or watching movies or gaming or, you know, cross-stitch or anything at home, these are things that you could do at the same time in the same room together.

You're not necessarily doing the same thing, but you can still spend time together doing.

So it shouldn't be a huge deal.

But if your hobby is archery,

you've got to go out to

Shropshire.

You've got to to hit the range.

You're never going to be at home.

You know, you're greasing up

your arrows all the time and stuff.

Oh, yeah, you've got to grease your arrows up, as I understand.

And maybe, you know,

if your hobby is LARPing, you'll have to be away a lot too, right?

You go on LARPing events and stuff.

So I think stuff like that, where it's out of the home, it's probably pretty good if you're both into it.

Because then you can do it.

Yeah, I guess I don't like the word hobby.

I think I'd rather it was interests or something like that you know like oh i i think that is better fit i think just hobby i consider it to be something more committed than reading you know i don't know yeah i just i think i think it's a it's just a linguistic issue i have with the word hobby there maybe maybe it means different things so i guess maybe interest or you know so something that you're going to do in your spare time i don't know it's uh either way i think i have a lot of interests though like i i i'm interested in loads of things and i wouldn't consider many of the things I'm interested in the hobbies though.

In fact, I'm pretty, you know, I wouldn't say.

Here's a thought.

Here's a thought.

I suppose we could define a hobby as something that you do in your spare time, whether that be something that you can also do like cooking, right?

Okay, so porn.

Yeah, porn, right?

That may cost money and takes up your time and something that, you know, you're invested in

finding out more about or buying all your horns.

I'm very invested in it as well.

Yeah.

I mean, I'm surprised gaming wasn't on there um yeah well that's normally such a such a topic isn't it like oh you know my husband just plays his playstation all the time just wants to play playstation i i'm i mean obviously we we understand that because we we are into gaming and stuff um but like that that i would say for me that's like my main hobby you know i i'm i'm sort of always wanting to get onto a game and play a game.

And if I can't for a number of reasons, you know, like having like a family, kids, everything, most of the stuff that I'll do in between when, you know, for example, cooking or reading or stuff, this is all just stuff that I will do like, you know, in small amounts throughout the day sort of thing, you know, leading up to being able to actually do my hobby, you know, if that makes sense.

Like I'll read quite a bit during the day because I have time to do it, but I'm not gearing up to get in like a good three hour session of reading.

You know what I mean?

Like, if I have three hours to spare, I'm going to actually do my hobby.

You know what I mean?

Like, everything else is just kind of like filling time here, there, and here, and there, where, where I can, you know, like, if I'm picking somebody up and I'm sitting in the car waiting for them to get to the car, I'll read a bit.

You know what I mean?

I wouldn't say that's my hobby, if that makes sense.

I don't know if that's yeah, and same with cooking.

Cooking, I like, I don't dislike cooking, but you have to cook a little bit.

Like, I mean, I suppose maybe you don't don't have to but like i feel like it's more of a necessity rather than a hobby and like if you're doing it as a hobby there is a difference you've got like a like a kitchen lab where you're like testing out new recipes and stuff like that like yeah i mean i would just say

like it's quite easy to get into the habit of cooking as a functional thing yeah and you just basically cook pretty much the same thing and you get this

is what you need

exactly so as to make it more of a hobby would be people who go out and source specific ingredients from specific places.

Yeah, they'll try new recipes and I'm trying to, oh, I want to make this.

I want to make that.

You'll go to a restaurant and try something and then be like, oh, I need to try to make that at home and stuff.

Right.

Yeah.

So that, that would, I think you could definitely consider cooking a hobby.

I mean, baking especially is something a lot of people, you don't need to bake for food.

But a lot of people bake for fun.

Well, then again, like, I suppose if someone identifies, if someone does identify themselves as, I don't know, they love blowjobs.

That's their hobby.

I would find that very attractive.

You know, that's all I'm saying.

I would say that.

If a woman said to you that her hobby was giving blowjobs, you would.

Yeah,

that's just like she's

really made herself an expert at it as well.

Yeah, but then does she want to go practice on other penises?

Oh, I see.

So, well, she goes to a weekly blowjob class.

Yeah.

My blowjob instructor says I'm really doing well this week.

Does he?

Does he?

Is there any chance we could just stop the classes?

No, I want to get really good.

Yeah.

Okay.

You are amazing.

You don't need any more training on this at all.

Well, I think you can always do better.

And we got the world finals coming up soon.

We've been in a month and blowjob.

I'm a good person around the world.

This reminds me of something from maths recently, which, I mean, I know you guys don't like it, but it does have moments.

I don't know what you're talking about.

It is quite funny.

Married at First Sight.

So then listen, no, no, no, listen though with the fucking acronym for Married at First Sight.

Well, I watch it a lot, so I haven't.

We use the acronym now.

So

this guy is paired up with this woman, and they're not hitting it off.

There's not like the initially, the woman is like, you know, sort of into him or willing to make a go of it, but him, right from the start, he is just not having it.

He's really like not attracted to her.

There's like no spark whatsoever.

He doesn't even really want to make an effort, but for some reason, he just has decided that he needs to try and stay on the show or whatever.

And this has been going on for weeks, you know, like lots of lack of like intimacy.

Like he, he just, he, he, he's always like recoiling, like he doesn't like her.

And basically one of the experts comes in and is like, you know,

this expert is like the, uh, you know, like the

intimacy expert, you know, so when she turns up, everybody's, you know, like normally she brings like a bag of dildos and like

handcuffs and stuff.

Yeah, yeah.

So she turns up and she's like, what's wrong, guys?

Like, we'll try a couple of like hugging exercises and stuff and see if we can, like, you know, ignite a flame or whatever.

And uh, they're talking and talking, talking.

And she's like, Why do you feel like you can't be intimate with this beautiful woman?

And he's like, Oh, you know, I don't know.

I think it's like this and that, and whatever.

And he's like, The thing is, like, I know I need to practice my intimacy, like, you know, for future relationships, even.

So, like, I should be more willing to like just practice intimacy in case in the future I need it.

And the woman's just like, what the fuck?

Makes sense.

What the fuck?

So, what, you're just going to practice intimacy with me and then just discard me after all this is done?

Like, and you're very upfront about it, but he's just completely, it's just like, this doesn't register with him at all.

Like, it's just like, yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, no, I definitely need to practice for the future, you know, like if I have a

partner in the future.

He's like married.

Wife's like single.

Deciding that you're going to practice your intimacy.

I'm sure that's a positive thing, but it sounds like you're fucking re-speccing your character class in WoW or something.

I know.

Spec more into intimacy next time.

I think it didn't turn.

Oh, I put 15 points into blowjobs.

What a waste of time.

I was supposed to be in intimacy, but I made the fatal mistake of only putting one in charisma.

So it's...

It has to be.

It's so hard to learn.

Like, if you find it hard to be intimate with someone that you're with, I think, I guess part of it might be, if you lack experience, that's fair enough.

But if you've been with a bunch of people and you just like, you find it very difficult to be intimate, even in a relationship, are we saying emotionally intimate, physically intimate?

That must be very, very difficult.

It's everything.

Yeah.

With this guy, it's everything.

Some of them are emotionally intimate, but not physically intimate.

And then, but I'd say the most of them become physically intimate, but then less so emotionally intimate.

You know, like a good portion of the couples will be immediately physically intimate and think that, oh, this is perfect.

it's going to work and everything.

But those ones crash and burn fairly quickly.

The ones that last a little bit longer are the people that become emotionally intimate, but not overly physically intimate.

But those normally sort of fizzle out near the end.

But then you do have these cases where they're not at all physically or emotionally intimate, and you wonder why they stay on the show, and then they just

horribly crash and burn as well.

Like

the success rate of the show, as you can imagine, is

so so insanely low.

I don't think anyone makes it up the other way.

It's impossible.

It's interesting, though, but it's like it's so bad at the same time.

I don't know why I watch it, but it does sound like he's just not attracted to this woman.

He's not.

Well, the first thing he said was, she reminds me of my sister.

So, like, and I mean, that's terrible.

And his sister is at the wedding, and they are very, very similar.

So he's just like, it's impossible for him to get like even aroused by her because I think he just thinks, oh, it's my sister, basically.

For some people, maybe that's not a huge problem, but for him,

it is a big problem, you know?

I think everyone's different.

Everyone is different.

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I've actually done that this Christmas, lads.

I have sent an Aura frame to my dad and his wife in Florida, and we've preloaded it with pictures of the kids and the holiday snaps and stuff like that.

Nice.

So when it arrives on Christmas Day, they get to see what we've been up to for the last couple of years.

Yeah, me too.

I've actually sent one to some of my family members.

I've sent two off to some of my family members, actually, this Christmas.

It was really, really easy to do.

I just uploaded some pictures from my phone and I said to them, you know, add your own.

It should be quite easy.

It's a great gift.

It's very easy.

And also, I kind of like to troll them by uploading like silly pictures as well.

Exactly.

Just knowing that it's going to appear

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And now, on with the show.

Anyway, do you want me to read some shitty gaming news?

Yes, please.

Sure, go on then.

I like shitty regular news, but I guess shitty gaming news.

Shitty regular news is great.

If you've got any of that, P-Flex, go for it.

No, I mean, what happened to Lose News?

It's here.

Lose News.

It's gaming edition this week.

This one is to do with gaming.

Well, at least this article is.

Nintendo has made an announcement.

Okay.

And it's important.

You need to stop letting your dog piss all over your Switch.

Right.

Okay.

This is the radical new advice coming from Nintendo Japan's customer service, explaining that pet urine will in fact damage your electronic devices.

This is number one on women's most hated hobbies by men, letting dogs piss on their Switch console.

Yes.

When you take your eyes off it, your pet can turn your Nintendo Switch into a toy.

By the time you notice, it's already all wet.

Yeah.

So yeah, like, I don't...

This is a common thing that dogs like to piss on a Switch?

Yeah, pet saliva and urine can cause the device to malfunction due to water exposure i mean i i i i don't know why they're worried about dogs uh doing this but um yeah maybe maybe maybe you should you should you should stop your pets from pissing on your stuff yeah keep it keep it off the floor i would say what if you can't stop your pet from pissing all over everything yeah i mean no Sherlock Nintendo,

I guess it says in this article, you should also avoid putting your pets in the washing machine or running them over with your car.

I'd love it if they if they put like at the end of the article, like if you find that your pet has pissed on your switch, uh, maybe you should have it put down.

I could just

no, no, your pet.

Oh, you should put the switch down.

You should put the switch down, yeah.

Put down the switch, put down the switch, just old solo style, just out in the backyard.

You pissed on my switch, there's no going back from this.

I need that for work.

I'm shooting.

You could use the Nintendo light gun to put it down,

you know.

When you put it down, that stupid dog appears from behind the bush.

He's like laughing.

Oh, man.

I was going to say you got to use a power glove on your dog.

That's the

light gun is better for sure.

Super Nintendo had a light bazooka.

You could use that to put your pet down.

Oh, wow.

You could use that to blow it up.

Yeah.

So, next up, Minecraft have decided that they need to get into the business of theme parks.

I thought you were going to say that they wanted to get into the Manosphere.

How brilliant.

I don't even know what the manosphere is.

I don't know what it is.

I don't know what it is.

The manosphere.

I think it's just the anti-step, anti-feminism.

Men going their own way.

Oh, okay.

You know, there's a lot of toxic masculine.

It must be the pro-men campaigns.

You know, it was some of them

are simply you could sympathize with watching more men having more suicides but a lot of it is just awful international men's day was uh oh i saw 19th yeah and i saw some guy tweet international men's day haven't heard a peep and a woman responded do you need us to organize this for you like doing it so

like if you actually want to hear stuff about international men's day go ahead dude like the internet is right there go ahead and make a big hoo-ha and start a post and get a youtube channel and make it all about International Men's Day and celebrate men.

Go for it.

Go for it.

There is literally no one stopping you, but you can't expect women to celebrate it for you.

Like, you've got to come out and do it yourself.

So if you want International Men's Day to be a success, lads, fucking get together and do something.

But we all know when it comes to business.

Well, who gives a shit?

That's what I generally.

I don't fucking care if I, whatever.

But it's just, it's just so funny that people get all uppity when there's no big deal about it.

There's a comedian called Richard Herring, and whenever it's International Women's Day, he has his Twitter on a search for International Women's Day.

And it's always men saying, International Women's Day.

Well, when's International Men's Day?

And he gives the date.

He just replies with the date.

So

it's there.

It's right there if you want it.

It made me laugh.

It's so funny.

What did you guys do for International Men's Day?

Did you guys

drank some cider, played Hearts of Iron, and got a blowjob, mate?

How about you?

No, I had a wank instead.

Sorry.

Jesus.

But I was thinking about getting a blowjob.

You know, know, it's a hobby.

Keep it.

That's one of my hobbies is getting blowjobs.

Yeah, me too.

I'm very bad at it.

You're an amateur.

All right.

So, Universal Studios Hollywood Super Nintendo World is actually open.

Right.

And they did one in Japan as well, like a Super Mario Nintendo World thing.

And obviously, there's Legoland.

That's very popular.

You know, it's only a matter of time.

Have you ever been?

I've never been to Legoland.

I'm surprised it's at all popular.

It sucks.

Which well the one in windsor i went to and it was awful

so bad

so so so bad we thought it was gonna be like a bit like disney you know like we thought it would be gonna be left behind i think it is so fucking bad like it's it is really terrible lego has come along in leaps and bounds yeah

yeah lego land 20 years 20 years ago lego land is is awful what got me was the the the thing is it you know when you've you've got a theme park and it's obviously grown over time and there's the things that they made when they didn't have a huge amount of money and maybe people weren't that into it and that that those things were fine for those people back then but we've we've we've advanced we expect better and lego has made a lot of money and could do some clever but they still leave that old stuff in the park and you've got to go past all that old to get to the new and it just feels kind of sad and depressing there's that bit where you're looking at like they built all stuff in lego like a bridge or as the fucking statue of liberty you're like who gives a shit like this don't even look very good it's all kind of rain soaked and sun bleached well this i this is what i was gonna say i think if legoland was in california or florida or spain or somewhere where the weather is generally good it would be different but because it's in windsor and you get about three days of summer in this country if you're lucky uh the rest of it is just gray and cold and rainy and miserable it's it's just gonna suck isn't it like we went to we went to thorpe park was it Was it Thorpe Park that we went to, Flex?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

And it fucking rained all day.

And it was just not.

If we were going around,

you know, like if you, if you'd gone there for the day to actually go on rides, that would have really sucked ass.

Yeah, you've gotten soaked.

I mean, I've been there.

The last couple of times I've been there, it's rained.

And there was lightning at one point.

They had to shut the rides down for half an hour.

But after half an hour, they think, well, it'll be all right.

And they'll let you back on.

But yeah, it's like the weather, anything like that, where it's very outdoors-oriented, you know, if it rains, you're just kind of out out of the way.

Lego's a big enough company to pull off like a theme park, a nice theme park, like, you know, like of the quality of like Universal Studios or Disney or whatever.

Um, but to have one in the UK is just

really not not the best idea.

Like, I guess it must make some money because it's been open for so long, but it is not great and would be so much better if it was somewhere where the weather was just better and they actually were able to take care of some of the stuff that was outside because it just it's so depressing like you said everything just looks totally weather beaten sun bleached like you know they haven't they just don't they don't take good enough care of it for it to be a nice place you know like it just feels it just feels like shit

it really ruins the uh the the illusion of lego being good when you're there you know like you get lego it was sad you get lego in a nice box at home you open it you build it it's awesome it's great but the theme park should reflect some of that.

But I guess that's the issue is that if you're going to have a theme park based around a toy, a very interactive toy that is essentially hands-on, and then you say, now we're going to have a theme park where you don't get to touch the Lego apart from in these pre-approved and very greasy areas, which are covered in snot and kids' fingers have been all over it.

And it's just rides like in any other theme park, but Lego-themed.

Yeah, but the thing is, they've got so many, they've made so many movies, they've had so many tie-ins and stuff, they could make some really good rides out of it.

They could make like those immersive 3D dark rides or whatever, like if they, you know, if they were willing to

do something interesting with it, they could maybe have a couple of roller coasters.

There's a lot that they could do with Lego, but they just haven't at Legoland Windsor specifically.

I don't know about the other ones, but the one in Windsor is pretty pretty dire.

For what it costs as well.

Fuck me, it's expensive.

And it's

ahead of the game with it, though, in a sense, because nowadays

it's almost like the trend.

The thing is, so you have your thing that's popular, you then it gets its movie, right?

Like the Minecraft movie, and then it's, you know, gets its theme park to tie in and just to really hook in all the fans.

I'm surprised there's no, you know, Fortnite movie, but then again, Fortnite kind of is like a constant movie within itself.

It's kind of this swarming culture like catamari where it's just

soaking up like

fucking Snoop Dogg and Marvel and fucking you name it.

It's like it's wrapped up in it.

If you did like rides themed around the MCU, that would make sense.

Like you could have a ride themed around like swinging on something like Spider-Man or

there's a Spider-Man ride at Disney in well all the Disneys, but the one in Paris has a new Spider-Man one where you it's like this interactive thing.

It's like it's a ride.

It takes you to these huge screens and then it tracks your motion so that you're like slinging webs at these robots and it's like you know it counts like score and stuff it's like a ride for four people and it's it's it's really well done it's clever like like the technology and everything there's this cool waiting room and and stuff and i mean at the one in paris all in french so it kind of wrecks the immersion a little bit if you're not french i suppose but otherwise it's it's really well done it's really good and they've done some other marvel stuff at the one in paris and i'm sure at the other other Disneylands, Disney World, or whatever, they've got Marvel stuff too.

But like, they could do some stuff like that at Lego, for sure.

Like, there would be so many opportunities for them to do it.

Like, Lego Batman, they got like the Lego movies themselves are pretty fun.

Like, there's loads of stuff that they could do with, you know, interactive sort of like rides or whatever, but I don't know.

Do you know what?

They have all this motion tracking.

What about emotion tracking?

Emotion tracking.

It could know when I'm bored, like immediately bored, walk in in and sit down my emotion tracker would have to like yeah yeah give me something interesting the silent alarm goes off in the catacombs and they they come out and they pull you under and and cut you

get him get him out of here that would be great to like find out when our listeners were bored you know it would be when we tell the same anecdote over again you know you can tell there's analytics on all of these platforms you can see where the drop-off is and it's usually about 10 seconds yeah

uh shall we move on to the next

Airbnb?

They're planning to host gladiator fights in the Colosseum in Rome.

Why is Airbnb involved?

Well, you know, they have like,

when you go to Airbnb, you have like the front page of it, and it's always like quirky things.

Sure.

They always have some quirky tie-in event.

Like they did like a...

someone painted their house up as like a Betelgeuse thing or whatever.

Do you know what I mean?

And it's a brandy or sort of tie-in-y thing or whatever.

So yeah, I think the idea is to

have some, there's a $1.5 million tie-up, which I think is a brand deal between Airbnb and the Colosseum Archaeological Park.

So apparently 16

participants and their plus ones

you can, I guess, register or sign up for it on the app, I guess, to be involved in two mock battles that are happening in 2025.

Knowing Airbnb, you'll get there and some other cuts already booked it.

But yeah, that's the gladiator fight.

You just double book it, and the two families have to go to battle, and the victors get to stay in the fucking Airbnb for a week.

They do these sort of gimmicks, you know, where I think a lot of people can apply to stay in some weird place, you know.

I don't know, as a kind of

advertising, but I think that's actually a fun idea.

There has been, in America, in Los Angeles, a bear has been attacking cars,

Apparently, in the, in Lake Arrowhead in the San Bernardino Mountains.

If you live in a place called Lake Arrowhead, you're going to expect bears, I'm going to say.

Upon further scrutiny of the video, the investigation determined the bear was actually a person in a bear costume.

And it was an elaborate insurance fraud.

Brilliant.

So insurance companies paid out $150,000 to these various cars.

And it turned out that this one guy had been sabotaging them, like, I guess, like...

to order almost.

I don't know how.

But

to be fair,

I will say this.

There hasn't been a Muppet movie in a while.

It could be Fuzzy Bear.

Oh.

It could be out-of-work Fuzzy Bear is offering his services as an insurance fraudster.

He is.

Just think about it.

Ice scam.

Waka Waka.

So there's a picture of the bear costume here, which looks like a very sort of deflated, sad

situation.

After careful video analysis, I mean, come on.

Yeah.

Why has has it got a shirt on?

Exactly.

It's got a shirt on, which I'm not sure quite why.

I don't know what that is.

That's funny.

But yeah.

Other news, weird news.

That's not weird, obviously.

There is a Swedish minister

who has been going around the world on official visits, but has a severe phobia of bananas.

Right.

And so has to like insist that rooms are free of the fruit ahead of any meeting or visit.

No, no, no.

What is the phobia with bananas pertain to?

Like,

what is it about bananas that makes you scared, though?

Is it how they look or

how they smell?

No, it's just irrational.

They're always irrational.

Phobias are irrational.

Well, in this case, she also has a strong allergy to bananas.

Right, okay.

Well, that makes a lot of sense.

So, no bananas are allowed anywhere in the room on the premises,

or

I think it's a serious, it's an allergy plus anxiety and nausea.

However, she is having treatment.

She's getting professional help to deal with it.

Slow week in the news, I guess.

If a woman is scared of bananas is a story.

Welcome to the Banana Republic.

We are so happy that you've got it.

No.

How is she going to do business with them?

Oh, no.

We declare war.

Sweden have broken their 300 years of neutrality to like fucking declare the banana republic.

kill them all

burn this place down

from a distance i can't be near the banana republic it's giving me hives um

that's that's all i got for the lose news honestly

great great lose news that was really good

really good yeah excellent dad i'm glad you enjoyed it i like how the i like how lose news is is like the the more obscure news you know you don't have to talk about any of the mainstream news oh gosh

You need a break from the mainstream news.

It's nice to just hear some news stories about something a little different, you know?

No, it's good to know.

Well, that's all we got to have for.

Thank you, everyone.

Thanks so much.

And we'll see you all next week.

Goodbye.

Bye.

Hi, I'm Dan Maher, host of the Convergence Podcast, where I invite the talented, inventive, and uncompromising minds behind some of your favorite and soon-to-be-favorite indie games to talk about what they do best.

On each episode, I invite two members of the indie community, many of whom will be meeting for the very first time to share their journeys, their formative experiences, their successes and failures, their advice for aspiring indie devs, and no doubt lots of unrelated waffle too.

I mean, this is a podcast after all.

If this sounds like your cup of gin, then subscribe to the Convergence podcast from wherever you choose to ethically source your podcasts.