#3002 RHOSLC S601 Part One: The Mer Witch Project

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Watch what crap is, watch what crap is.

Who cares what happens for this?

So much that crap is

a good thing.

Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens?

I'm Ronnie and that's Ben.

Hello, Ben.

Hi, how's it going?

Good.

Looking gorgeous today, as usual, my little friend.

Well, thank you.

Everybody.

Welcome to the show.

Today is a very important day.

It's a very special time in our lives because it is the premiere, the season premiere of Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.

If you want to watch this recap on video, join us over at Patreon for Crappins on Demand.

That's also where we do our bonus episodes.

We've got a few new trailer or a couple new trailer trashes up over there.

So go check that out.

They're for Real Housewives of Potomac and Below Deck Med.

And coming this week, probably Wife Swap.

I don't know, the Bravo Wife Swap thing.

Who knows?

Is there a trailer?

I'm not sure there's a trailer for that.

I think I thought there was.

Oh, it's just a pad.

It might just be a little bit more.

Well, then I don't know what we're going to do, but it's going to be something amazing.

So go over there.

Also, Monday night is Crappy Hour at 5.30 Pacific time over on Patreon for free, YouTube for free, or Instagram for free.

Okay.

And thanks for being here.

What do you think of the season premiere, Ben?

Oh, it's so silly.

I mean, I laughed.

Salt Lake City is the only Housewives show that can have a premiere like this.

Like

kind of heavily produced, stupid, you know, this like a cliffhanger that's not even a cliffhanger.

Like, we're supposed to believe they're getting like lost in the woods and are going to be attacked by a ghost.

Like, that's it's ridiculous.

Like, this is it was like it was like a blatantly stupid premiere, and it was so funny.

Like, they're the only show that can do this.

Like, normally, you know, me, I would get mad, I'll get in a tizzy, like, this scripted bullshit.

But it was, it was good.

And, um,

uh, Lisa not being there, I just read

an article in the Hollywood Reporter that was an interview with,

among other people, the showrunner for Salt Lake City and also an executive at Bravo.

And they were like, yeah, you know, like the question was whether or not Lisa wasn't there because she hadn't signed on yet.

It was a question whether or not she's going to come back.

They're like, no, I mean, you know, you know, we really do think that she had to work.

I mean, if she chose, you know, she could she have moved her work trip like maybe but that was her choice and you know it

allowed the women to all talk about her

without her being there in a way that they wouldn't have normally been able to.

And I think we'll see the ramifications of it throughout the season.

I was like, okay, Bravo is going to punish her all season long for skipping the opening trip.

Got it.

What did you think?

Another Lisa Barlow villain edit, which I love because she makes it so easy to, you know, I mean, even in the clips they showed.

Although the clips they showed today were pretty unfair because they show clips of Lisa being evil and telling people off and having an opinion, but it's all in retaliation of shit they started so team lisa thank you team lisa barlow team baby gorgeous you gotta show up you gotta show baby gorgeous you gotta show up for the cast trips otherwise production will always get their revenge if you are not doing what they want they're gonna find a way to make you look bad so you gotta play well not only that but it shows that they can do the show without you you know and that's not that's never good

that's that's really backfired and it's blown up in people's faces many times when they're like i won't eat them i'm not gonna go and then they're like oh it was still entertaining without you bye we're not going to pay you your you know

zillion dollars a year or whatever they i mean it's not a zillion it's housewives but still we're not going to pay you that money so don't do it be careful baby gorgeous i need you in my life

so here we start

i loved it but i mean i died laughing the whole time i thought it was hilarious you know and everybody came back kind of ready to go like with the old seasons fights but you know kind of on a new heather's doing that look at me i'm just innocent heather which she does every season.

Like, what?

I didn't hear that.

You know, she does her.

And then Heather's the biggest hokey producer, you know, because she's the one who's like, let's make a whole Blair Witch episode.

You know, so

she's saying that.

She's clearly like.

Yeah.

She's clearly had her fingerprints all over this stupid prime husband's episode.

Yes.

Whitney, you know, we see, we see everybody setting up their ham-handed seasons.

We see everybody trying their, their sweet innocent act for the first episode.

Bronwyn coming back, just acting like, look at me, just fun, loving girl.

You know,

loved it.

Mary complaining about everything.

Meredith staying calm for about five seconds.

I love Brittany that they invited Brittany back and didn't make her a real-time, a full-time housewife.

It still still brought her back.

I think that was very important.

That was a good move.

So overall, I loved it.

I mean, listen, if I can laugh, and this was super size.

So if you can laugh for a full hour and a half, I give them credit.

Yeah, 100%.

And I was,

again, I think this is definitely going to be the season that the audience is going to turn on Braun Wynne because sophomore seasons are tough.

I feel like the cast is going to go after her.

She was popular last season and people were already kind of, you were pretty early in sort of

get it, like sort of being skeptical about her.

And by the end of the season, people were already like really starting to go in that direction.

And I was like, this is going to be the season.

And even I'm like that.

I'm like, like it's infectious.

It gets into you, like under your skin.

But then watching the premiere, I was like, oh, I, I'm like remembering all the things I really liked about Bron Wynn and like how quick and how sharp she is with like a clapback.

She's just a head nodding.

I just miss the head, the constant head nodding of Bron Wynn.

There's a lot of head nodding work in this recap because it's Ron Wynn and Meredith.

So in one show, we're going to need to like get our necks back in order.

You know, I'm Meredith Marx.

And then there's that.

You agree with that, yes.

So you are saying you're a stupid, stupid dumb bitch and you deserve to die?

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

You are?

So there's all of that.

So let's get going with it.

We open with

everybody recording themselves on camcorders.

And it's just wacky.

You know, it's like one of those girls.

Here we are in camcorders.

And we hear Mary in the voiceover saying, true friendship unfolds over time, shaped by hardship, grace, shared memories, and made safe with trust.

But when trust is gone, fear takes over and Blaine points fingers and friend turns against friend and then it turns into a horror movie.

Yeah.

And the footage is like when it's the happy part of that little monologue, we see them on these camcorders and they're together and they're joking and they're sweet.

It's like summer camp.

And they're like, oh, friendships, true friendships.

I was like, none of you guys are true, truly friends.

You guys all hate each other.

Okay.

We've sat through.

Five seasons of you guys yelling at each other nonstop over the stupidest things.

Okay.

Like, at least let's not pretend you're really friends.

Yeah.

They're like, oh, it's just sisterhood.

It's the housewives.

It's all about the sisterhood.

And then, boom, they're all running and afraid of getting killed by something in the woods.

And it's all black and white.

And they're all shooting themselves with camcorders, but they're doing it from under their faces where they're holding their flashlights.

And that's just never where you want to shoot when you start getting facial work done.

You know what I mean?

Because only the facade looks right.

The minute you start turning and having angles, you start seeing all the staples.

yeah that's why everyone on love island looks crazy because they all have their faces like specifically accustomed to their one angle that they have on social media on like tick tock or on instagram so the moment that you see them sort of like in motion from different angles everything goes weird but what's also funny in retrospect this monologue of like when the trust is gone fear takes over and blame points fingers, yada, yada, yada.

And we see this Blair Wish footage.

They did not get lost in the woods and chased by a ghost because they lost lost trust with each other.

They are doing this because Heather said, let's go into the woods and find a ghost.

This actually was because of trusts.

You trusted the wrong girlfriend and now she's feeding you to some ghost.

So Angie pulls up to Mary's house in an RV,

which is horrifying.

I mean, thinking of Angie driving an RV around,

but that should be allowed.

Yeah, I was actually a little surprised that, well, at first, you know, she pulls up and she's behind the wheel.

So I thought, okay, they

shot the RV coming in and then they got like a pickup of her sitting at the wheel to make it look like she drove it.

But she, Angie actually drives an RV and she's in like a little business suit.

It was surprising.

And Mary, and Angie's like, Mary Cosby, here we go.

You ready for your class A Greek away?

I mean, get away.

And Mary's like, why are you dressed like you're going to the office?

And Angie continues the tradition of talking talking to Mary like she's a 90-year-old woman, you know, that she's taking care of.

She's like, hello, Mary.

Are you excited to go on a get-o-way?

Everything she's, and Mary just disses her and she just ignores it.

And she's like, can you believe we're doing this, Auntie Mary?

Mary's like, no.

So then we meet T, the driver.

He's going to be driving.

And Angie is wearing this huge, crazy bow dress, like a linebacker bow.

And she's like, I know by the look of this this dress, you wouldn't believe that I would be into RV living.

And I wasn't until Sean forced me to buy one.

But now it has been the funnest time bonding with my family.

And

it's the only RV they could find that has a bed the size of a football field so that she doesn't have to touch her husband.

That's sweet.

I'm waiting for them to like renovate the interior.

So it's just a gleaming stark white RV on the inside

with like one like piece of pink.

that's like a piece of art that Electra made once.

It dawned on me.

Why have I never done this with the ladies?

And I know the perfect person to host it with.

And it's going to be Mary.

Mary is unwittingly co-hosting a trip in an RV, which does not seem like something Mary is totally down for.

And by not seems like something she's totally down for.

She hates it.

She hates this entirely.

No, she's like, yeah, I did this as a kid.

I don't need to do this as an adult.

Okay, thanks.

Cause her grandma owned RVs, which means that Mary owned RVs because Mary inherited all that stuff because she married the grandma's husband.

So

she's like, I just sold all these RVs.

Okay.

They all smelled like my grandpa.

I mean, my husband.

And I don't need to be in this again.

Okay.

I.

When I was a kid, I wanted an RV so badly.

Like the idea of like that you could be sitting at a table while you drive somewhere was so amazing to me.

And I don't i mean i've i've stepped inside of like trail trailers before or like i think i've been inside an rv but i've never actually driven somewhere in an rv and like i don't like the idea of actually being the driver in an rv but like i do see the appeal of

like i don't want to camp i want to take an rv from one city to another and then stay at a nice hotel I just want to have a nice accommodation

tour by, you know, when I was growing up, my me, mom, and papa had a mobile home and they would take me and my cousin Matt across the country.

And it was so fun.

You know, we would have peanut butter and banana, no, peanut butter and butter sandwiches in the morning for breakfast and tang.

That was our healthy breakfast every day.

And then we would just go, I saw the whole country.

You know, I saw the Grand Canyon, I saw Dollywood.

And at Dollywood, I ran away because I got sick of being bossed around.

And so me and my cousin ran away and just did Dollywood by ourselves.

And they were calling the police and my parents.

All the memories.

So I see an RV and I'm like, yes,

run away,

let's do it.

RV which stands for Ronnie

vivaciousness

Ronnie vibes run away from home by Ronnie

Ronnie vibes

this could be a

I am I I am in like a Salt Lake City hangover this is gonna be an interesting recap just like

I feel like I'm like, you know what it is like when you feel like awake, but like the words just are not coming out properly.

And that's what today is going to to be like.

Just warning you.

Well, you are in good company because we are talking Salt Lake City and they don't know very many words.

So

she reminds us that after New York, there were some fractures in some of the Greek ships.

So we see flashbacks to the reunion where everybody's fighting with each other.

And so Angie's tricking them all.

And she's told them all that they're going on a luxurious vacation.

Little do they know.

They're going to be sleeping in an RV.

There is nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.

It is you, Zorba, and your closest frenemies.

So, don't dawn.

We are using,

we are using Faget Greek yogurt as pillows.

Why do I feel like the only one who's really going to be not down for this will be Meredith?

I feel like RVs are not Meredith's vibe at all.

But everyone else, like, this is Salt Lake City.

I feel like everyone else will be like, okay, fine, we'll stay in an RV.

I mean, this is the only real housewives show where they will unfold some Kirkland chairs in a parking lot next to a pile of dirty snow in April and pull out like a tray of supermarket cheeses and shoot a scene.

Like there's so like RV, like spending a night in an RV, this is just like par for the course for them.

This is not like the real housewives of Miami or Beverly Hills.

Like this is just, this is like a weekend, a weekend excursion for them.

Yeah, this is actually kind of a nice trip for this cast.

They didn't even get to do anything glamorous until two years ago, until they got rid of Jen Shaw.

Yeah.

And then even when they, and even last year when they went and like went to Mexico, they, they had like an international trip to Mexico.

They still had to have their big climactic dinner at a restaurant in an amusement park.

Like, that's just what this cast is.

Yeah, that's how this cast rolls.

Yeah, this is the parking lot cast.

You know, they do everything in the walking lot.

Yeah, they'll pull over on the side of the road and have a scene, you know, and the shoulder of a freeway.

That's just how this cast rolls.

So them acting like it's so not glamorous.

Like, Whitney, you're about to be living in one of these if you're lucky.

You know what I mean?

Whitney, you go to Sturgis every year.

Okay.

Like, let's not act like you were, like, you need to be like fetted in, like the Ritz Carlton of Paris.

So Heather, Whitney, Bronwyn, Meredith, and Brittany are all standing outside Beauty Lab, which is never a good sign.

And Heather's like, guys, where do you think we're going?

And she kept saying it's somewhere glamorous and whitney's like i tried to call and get that info from mary and she wouldn't bidge

what was that

bidge

yeah

did you

oh wait sorry everyone she means budge sorry it's been a while this

i have to turn my whitney translation on okay don't tell me what i meant

You exploited my vocabulary.

So Heather's like,

she's like, oh, well, with Angie, I thought she'd sing like a canary.

And she was just mysterious as you can be about where we'll be going.

Where are they?

Meredith's like, well, I called Mary.

You know, I didn't ask anything other than what I should pack.

So I don't know anymore.

And Mary, we see the invite, and it's called the Class A Getaway.

And it says, bring bikini, boots, and blessings.

And to illustrate this there's bikini boots and a cross so and but there's also an airplane isn't there

yes there's an airplane and it's all like drawn like yellow submarine style so heather's like well based on the invite there's only a few places that we can be going there's a private plane there's a pier over water and there's a tropical drink but then the invite also said boots Heather is even more media training sounding, media train sounding this season than ever before.

She's always like very good in her in her interviews, but she's even more like, Hello, I'm on camera now and I'm doing an interview.

I'm just, I'm a wacky housewife.

Yeah, Heather, Heather sticks to her guns on this shtick until you really get under her skin and then she flips.

Yeah, you know, and that's what we need.

But I'm fine with the shtick for now because you know it's episode one, slow burn, slow burn into it.

So, Bronwood's like, Well, I packed a little bit of everything, so I'm I've got something, I've got, I've got hideous outfits outfits in whatever genre we choose

i mean we could be helicoptering in for all i know i mean i'm ready for anything i mean and lord knows i have a lot of experience with helicopters toddling you know what i'm saying anyone think about it she's been helicoptering todd for years so um

now they're like oh my god where's where's angie and and mary what the hell oh we're also missing lisa and meredith's like oh lisa's not coming she didn't tell you

and they're like what Lisa's not coming.

Oh, my God.

Everyone who hates Lisa is like, oh, she's not coming.

It's because they were planning on just railing on Lisa.

They were so ready.

So now Heather says, so now seems like a good time to update you on where everyone stands with each other.

Meredith cannot stand Brittany.

I'm not a fan of Bronwyn's.

I'm not really sure where Mary stands with anyone, but that's kind of what you get with Mary.

And then there's Angie, Whitney, and especially Bronwyn, who are all not getting along with Lisa right now.

One might ask, why are we going on a girls trip when there are five ongoing disputes?

But that's actually kind of tame for this group slash Bravo's making us do this.

Yeah, pretty much.

So the RV pulls up and no one really notices at first because it's Beauty Lab.

I'm sure RVs pull in there all the time, you know, so they're like, whatever.

But then the RVs are a little bit more.

It's just a family of 12.

Yeah.

To get their facials.

Heather's like, you know, it's that Mormon family special.

You know, bring all the kids in to start their Botox.

Preventative.

It's preventative.

Five and up.

Five and up.

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So they start honking, and it is Angie.

The honk is like, grease, grease, grease, grease.

Grease, grease, grease, grease.

And it's Angie.

Athens, Athens.

Athens.

Oh, she has an old-timey horn.

Yeah.

An old-timey horn that says Athens.

That's real old-timey.

That's a few thousand years old.

They found this in the Acropolis.

It's an old horn they used on the Argo.

Athens.

So Brittany's like, wait, so we're not flying somewhere?

No, we are not flying, but you gave me an invitation with a plane and I'm ready for bikinis.

I'm wearing a bikini.

And she opens her jacket and she's wearing a bikini.

And they're like, oh my God, fucking Brittany showing up in a bikini.

She was going to wear a bikini on the airplane.

That's what that means.

She was like,

she was,

who wears a bikini on an airplane?

Who wears a bikini on a commercial flight?

God bless Getty's little heart.

I mean, God bless Brittany's little heart.

Just reading the invite and taking every word so literal.

Well, do they all get different invitations than me?

Because it said bikinis, boots, and blessings.

I mean, why am I the only one wearing a bikini?

What about me?

It means pack those things.

It doesn't mean you have to wear them on whatever mode of transportation we'll be taking to the trip.

So Ether's like, yeah, you really took the theme to heart, huh?

Yeah, I have no idea where we're going.

But unless she's planning on going to a pool party with a congressman, I'm not sure where this outfit even works.

So they get on.

Like the Brittany, like Brittany wearing that bikini under that, like, was that some sort of like felt jacket that she was wearing over it or a felt top?

It sounds like a, like a,

you can like a camel trench or something.

Camel, camel hair.

It was, I was like, okay, we are so back.

So they get in and they get into this RV.

It's a nice RV, but I actually felt, I felt it was a very cramped RV because it's so nice that all the seating is like big armchairs.

But as a result, they're all like stuffed in there in the back.

And Bron Wynn is not happy because

she says, I've lived my life as a germaphobe.

And it's a very small enclosed space.

And I don't like when other people are coughing or breathing or eating snacks.

And we're all using the same air for everything.

And if anybody could make a hazmat sheet on a

camping trip, it would have been me.

I just needed a little bit more advanced notice.

You're a germaphobe, huh?

Because last season, your house was covered in dog poop that you hadn't cleaned up in like a million days.

And you're married to Todd, Todd, who you know spits at you while he talks and is a constant silent fart.

I don't believe you.

I do not believe you.

Well, I don't believe this latent germaphobe, germaphobe.

I have a ritual every two days.

I go to CVS and I get over-the-counter medications to deal with any sort of potential germs that might be coming into my body.

And of course, I pick up a new bag of Werthers originals for Todd.

So

germaphobe.

I thought it would be special that we're like close, ladies.

We can spend close time time together.

And so Brittany's like, oh yeah, we are really close.

And she's sitting right next to Meredith.

She's like, oh, Jesus, help,

help me.

So then all of a sudden, police start to swarm the RV in a site that is very reminiscent of season two Salt Lake City.

It's SWAT.

It's a SWAT team.

But we all know, like, we all know where this is going because this is like,

like, this is a stripper version of the SWAT team, which means they just have shirts that say SWAT.

They don't actually have any gear or anything that makes them look remotely like real SWAT SWAT team members, right?

So they knock on the door and they're like, oh my God, oh my God, what is happening?

What is going on?

We're here for Whitney.

We're here for Whitney.

Whitney, get out of the RV.

So, oh my God,

what is going to happen with me?

So she comes out and they handcuff her.

But guess what?

It's strippers.

Yeah, you've been a bad girl, a very bad girl.

And they start to strip and then they like, the strippers come onto the onto the RV, but there's like no room for them.

It's so cramped.

So they're just sort of like in the doorway, kind of like writhing and taking off their shirts and stuff.

Yeah, they just take off their shirts and kind of do a couple of fist thumps and they're out.

She didn't really think that one through.

It didn't quite work the way it was supposed to work.

When I heard we were departing from from Beauty Lab, I knew I had to pull a prank.

And so I got strippers.

It was harder than I thought to find male strippers in Utah, by the way, which I find kind of odd.

You would think that there'd be enough repressed emotions that there'd be tons of them.

But I guess it's hard to get to where they get down further than the long underwear or whatever, you know.

But she found them.

So here they are.

And they are, yeah, easiest job ever.

They're like, wow, we didn't even have to whack anybody in the face with our dongs.

We're done.

Nailed it.

Lunchtime.

Chilies.

Chilies, boys.

I will say the stripper quality on Salt Lake City, maybe not as high as on maybe a show like Atlanta, but I appreciate the, I appreciate the attempt.

I appreciate the attempt.

They were hot.

I love a small space stripper.

Like here.

Okay, I want you to strip for my party, but you're relegated to the laundry closet.

Okay.

It's like that works you know what it is it's like house hunters tiny homes you know like you have like full-size like you can be a stripper in like a full-size room that has space or you come on to salt lake city and you strip in a very very small confined space and everyone watches saying how can they live like that you know that's the tiny home version tiny home stripper

um and mary is mortified she's like no i will no no no no no no and one comes up to her and starts touching her and she goes you don't even know me

There has to be a thorough like get to know Mary phase before they can do any lap dances.

So now everybody does shots and they won't tell them where they're going, but it's going to be an hour away.

Okay.

And Heather's like, an hour north, an hour south, an hour east, or an hour west.

Which is it going to be?

South.

And Brittany says, so we're going to pass my house then.

And Mary goes, yeah, maybe we can drop you off.

Kidding.

Kind of kidding.

Mostly kidding.

By the way, I just have to say one last thing about the trippers.

I love when Mary goes, I mean, where are the muscles?

So yeah, they're going an hour away,

which is hilarious that they're staying actually so local.

And Mary is, so Brittany's, you know, making jokes about

dropping Brittany off.

And Mary says, you know how some people just get on your nerves?

And it just cuts to Brittany going, I'm like, hello, hello, hello.

I was like, yeah,

she's one of them.

We've got an hour to gaze into each other's eyes, talk about whatever we want.

I'll start.

Grape leaves.

So they're like, wait a minute, where's Lisa?

Uh-oh, don't, don't, don't.

Well, she was kind of not very clear.

She said she had some work going on, so she was going to go out of town.

And we see flashback of lisa on the phone and lisa is one of those housewives you don't ever want to get stuck on the phone with we've both had experiences with them and i love lisa but i don't ever want to get stuck on the phone with lisa because she just goes on and on and on about herself and never takes a breath she could be talking to the operator she could be talking to the guy at the other end of movie phone You know, you never know.

You never have a chance to say anything.

And she's like, well,

she's like, hi,

I don't want to spend the night with Bronwyn because she's a pathological liar and she can't tell the truth to save her life.

It's like disgusting.

It's like literally disgusting.

Like I can.

I'm working.

I've got work to do.

I'm going to be, I don't, I don't want to like name drop, but it's like a big deal.

You know, people forget, like what people forget is that I have like a very full plate.

It's like so full.

I keep it like kind of private.

So I'm not going to drop names, but I'm going to be with Ben and Blake, Affleck and Lively.

So would I rather be with you or Ben Affleck and Blake Lively?

I don't know.

What is it with the women on these Mormon shows trying to name drop Ben Affleck all the time?

Yeah, I have to testify in the Justin Baldoni case against Blake Lively.

Yeah, I just, I guess I'm sort of like a key witness.

Yeah, so I've just got like things to do.

Sorry, can't make it to the camping trip.

Yeah.

I brought Ben Affleck in town so that we can go stand up to Jen Affleck and remind him, remind her that he's not.

related to them.

It's just trying to weasel her way into that Dunkin' Donuts commercial.

And she's like, and Ben and Blake, she's like, yeah, I'll be with Ben Affleck and Blake Lively, Blake Lively, who's married to Ryan Reynolds.

So I'll basically be with him too.

And since Ryan Reynolds is like in like that Marvel movie, Deadpool, I'm basically an Avenger now.

So yeah, I've got like new friends.

I've got to hang out with him.

Bye.

You'll have fun with Bronwyn.

Yeah.

And Angie is like, well, it wasn't very clear if it was work or more the fact that Bronwyn was coming on the trip, but everyone is invited it's probably Bronwyn because we know she's not working

which by the way and uh have Angie saying well it was that or Bronwyn coming on the trip is like totally lighting a fire right yeah Bronwyn's like don't blame it on me and so Brittany goes well I talked to her you know she was definitely working and like she has like a huge work thing like a huge thing like something about like an like Thanos like coming to like Earth and she has to like go find him off like I don't know like she has a lot to do.

She would miss a girl's trip over work.

I don't believe it.

She's like, Yeah, she would.

I mean, don't drag her.

Don't drag her.

We need to drag her.

She's a very good friend of mine.

Lisa and I are extremely close.

We are extremely close.

And you're one to talk

with me.

I don't think she's working.

Oh, yeah, you're one to talk.

You're one to talk to.

Your business is getting dragged right now on social media.

What about that?

What about your business getting dragged?

What?

Are you kidding me Brittany are you kidding me are you kidding me and we see headlines that say from reality blub Whitney has been accused of being involved in an MLM scheme okay it's not even an accusation it's literally like would you like to be involved in multi-level marketing call Whitney It's not like, it's not like some investigative reporting going on.

It was literally an MLM scheme.

No, I wanted to make a healthier version of candies.

So I came up with these like chocolate-coated candies that are sugar, have a sugar shell.

And I'm going to be like, mm, you're going to love them.

That's why I call them MLMs, not MNMs.

So it's like a little bit better.

It's like, Whitney, you're literally selling MLMs with your MLM.

What?

Sorry, that was a long way to go for that.

You buy an MLM and then you sell it to somebody and they sell the MLM and you get a piece of their MLM.

And before you know it, everybody has diabetes.

When you get a bag of MLMs, you have to send one MLM back to the person above you in the pyramid because our office is in a pyramid.

It's not a scheme.

It's an actual pyramid.

And then like that person has to send an MLM up.

And then the person at the top has so many MLMs.

Winley's just saying this because she feels emboldened that Lisa's not here.

She can say whatever she wants and get away with it, but you can't because I am here to stand up for my best friend, Lisa Barlow.

Yeah, out of nowhere.

I was questioning where Lisa was.

That's all I was doing.

Yeah, and that was shady because she is on a business trip with someone whose name I won't drop named Ben Affleck and Blake Liverly.

So, how dare you?

How dare you?

You know nothing about my business.

Well, you don't have a right to drag Lisa.

She's a very loyal friend.

A very, very loyal friend.

No one would be kinder to Wendy than her.

Wait, so, like, what do you do for money?

How do you make money?

Um, sucking dick.

Are you kidding me, Whitney?

Yeah,

yeah.

You just went there with me, Brittany, and that was low, and it was so undeserved.

It's not low.

Your business is being dragged on social media in the public eye.

I'm at, i'm at a i'm under i'm up the bottom of a rock i mean i'm like a rock fella i wait hold on okay wait i'm at i'm at rock bottom

and i'll climb my way out on top of you and then i'll have sex with you wait huh what am i supposed to say

come on guys we're we're flummoxing whitney we just started the trip You don't have a right to drag Lisa just because she's not here.

And Brahma's like, you need to keep your hands out of my face or I'm going to jump in too.

lisa's a really good friend of mine she's a good friend and i'm not gonna let someone just throw shade when she's not here that's what we are calling all of you quietly to send to her and heather's like yeah i don't know when they became friends so uh then we see she goes you'd have to ask lisa when they became friends so we see a shot of lisa's couch where she should be sitting and it's just empty and it says where's lisa on a business trip

they're trolling her so brittany's Lisa's, yeah, Lisa's like a sister to me.

Okay, she's, I got really close with her after Puerto Vallarta.

And just because she and Meredith are close, it doesn't affect our relationship whatsoever.

Brittany, don't say anything mean about Whitney's business.

She's like,

I didn't give any detail.

I just said I read about it online.

It's like, especially, don't kick a one-legged dog when they're down.

Sorry, Whitney.

You kicked a dog.

That's not right.

I'm calling the SFA sick ad Murthyson.

Hey, I'm exporting.

i'm a four-legged dog

you exploited my fourth leg

so uh there's a bump and everything falls off the shelves so they arrive at the provo river resort which is one of the more scenic places they've gone to on this show um although there's like a rusted out school bus on the side and trash cans and like rabid raccoons doing like reenacting river dance in the corner.

Like it's a toothless guy playing, you know

he's playing the banjo

it definitely feels like that scene in sinners when the vampires approach the nightclub and are like playing their banjos like yeah stay away stay away

they they would actually fit in as that as that cast uh the people approaching them

the religious people they're like just singing the religious songs on their way there um just

singing mmb

i would like to sing my favorite song from Temple, mbop.

Can you let us into your club?

Is that a dumpster?

Oh my God.

Ron was like, I was picturing like a glamorous cabin.

Yeah.

Like maybe something fabulous and a chef, but you know, we'd say, oh, it's so freezing.

And then we'd run out into the hot tub, something like that.

I don't know.

I planned that line all the entire trip.

I was, I was thinking, thinking, oh, it's freezing.

Oh, it's freezing or, oh, it's freezing.

I did it like 10 times, but there's no hot tub.

And it's muddy.

And Mary's like, we're not just in nature.

We're in the trenches.

I mean, there's mud.

There's trees.

She's mortified by trees.

She's like, how dare you?

Bring me somewhere with trees.

I think mud and trees are, that's fairly, well, mud is not great, but it's like acceptable.

I think like the rusted school bus in the corner is more of an issue for me.

I thought it was actually funny when someone's like, there's a dumpster.

I'm like, well, at least there's someplace to put your trash.

I'd be happy to see a dumpster, personally.

Yeah.

So Whitney's like, I grew up in a Winnebago, which no one is shocked by.

And Mary's like, yeah, I don't know how my name got attached to this trip.

Like, this is not me.

I did not do this.

Whitney in the Winnebago.

I don't know.

Winnebage is different than saying that you want to bagel once when you grew up.

Oh, okay.

Never mind.

Well, cheers, everyone.

Welcome to nature.

Let us have lunch.

I got a sandwich straight from the store.

So no one's allowed to have phones or anything.

And then Brittany, of course, stands up and immediately is like, everybody, I have a little activity planned for us.

Yes.

I didn't clear what the hostess is, but I actually think since I'm the video girl and you all know me as the video girl, it's kind of my wraparound here.

So fun.

Isn't it fun, girls?

And they're all just staring at her like,

you recorded us and that was not funny, ma'am.

Brittany brings it back like it's one of her greatest hits.

She's like, yeah, remember me, recording girl.

She's like, well, so I had somehow landed a corporate sponsorship and you all have camcorders.

So she gives them all camcorders.

I was surprised at how jealous I was in that moment.

I was like, I want a camcorder.

I don't know why, because we all have our phones.

Like, there's literally no need for a camcorder anymore, which is sad.

But it was also like so Brittany to be like, here's a piece of antiquated technology that you have no use for and already have all the capabilities on your phone, but it's another piece of clutter for your house.

Enjoy.

And they all were looking at her like.

What is wrong with this woman?

And yet they did also the thing that I would do, which was immediately get onto their camcorders and shoot all sorts of silly videos like they were kids again.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They were looking at her like you're fucking crazy.

But that's another thing I really like about this cast is they'll do it.

They're like, okay, I mean, we're, we're playing with camcorders.

We'll do it.

We all hate Britney and want to, you know, set her on fire, but we'll do this.

And we don't want to be here camping, but I guess we're just going to do this.

So let's, you know, they're all game.

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I love, I just, I also just like,

I just, I love that this camcorders is their special treat.

Like, you know, you go on to Beverly Hills and Kathy Hilton's giving everyone like baccarat glass or, you know, they're flying on Stephanie Shojai's private plane front to Sevilla, then down to Marbella, then up back to Sevilla, then back to Miami.

And here it's like, you all get a camcorder.

Yeah.

There it is, a camcorder.

We went to Best Buy and picked this up on the way.

Enjoy.

Yeah.

So they make a bunch of funny videos and stuff.

And of course, Mary's camcorder goes black immediately.

And you just hear her going, well, how does this work?

I think she hit the fade-out button because it like faded to black.

And she's like, wait, what?

Which is, she didn't realize.

I mean, that fade-out button, I don't know, Ronnie, when you were a kid, how much did you love the fade-out button?

Like, you'd be like, every time you make these little scenes, it's like, well, here I am walking through the kitchen and seeing fade-out.

That was like my, that was like my, my director's touch.

No, I never used any of that stuff.

I just used the main, because you know me.

I'm like, fix it and post.

You know, be like, okay, here I am standing in front of my mother's bedroom.

Okay, cut.

I never said it.

I'm just like, someone will edit that later.

There's so many videos of me as a kid going, cut.

It's like, you're recording yourself, you moron.

There's nobody to cut this.

So Whitney's like, this wasn't on my bingo card for today, but I'm happy to be here with all of you.

I just love being in nature.

It just puts everything into perspective.

Like, why didn't Lisa come?

Let's think about it.

When someone plans a girl's trip, you go.

And when you don't go, it's to make a statement.

Like, we would have rearranged a trip around her, but it's just the way for her to say, I'm not, I'm not into you guys as much as you're into me.

And oh gosh, Heather always makes it like, oh my God, she wouldn't invite me to her lunch table at BYU.

That's exactly right.

Every single time it goes back to that.

Well,

she hasn't shared anything with me, but I read what's online.

And, you know, we always have to believe everything we read online unless you read something about Prism.

And I think that there's just like a lot out there.

You know,

I'm sorry.

No, no.

Yeah.

She was was just getting mad at Britney because Britney read stuff about Whitney's business.

Why are you reading things on Blibs of Reality?

But now she's like, well, I read stuff on Reality Bip that says that Lisa killed 10 people.

So I don't know.

Yeah.

She has a lot of people accusing her of crazy accusations.

Oh, God.

I love Whitney English.

Yeah, accusing her of accusations.

I heard that Lisa's been accusing people of things.

You're an accuser.

Didn't she just mention this the other day, Heather, to you and say everything was okay?

And Heather's like, yeah, she said it was all bullshit.

That's what she said.

But Heather, aren't you claiming in about five minutes that you've heard none of this?

Heather's so bad.

And Brittany's like, well, that's what she said to me, too, as her best friend.

I think I would know.

Well, interesting timing.

Uh-huh.

Interesting timing for Lisa to be too busy.

That's air quotes.

Okay.

To go on a free girls trip.

Maybe she's air quote too busy reading about herself in the press with all of her lawsuits.

It's just very convenient timing for Lisa's schedule to be maxed out.

Nop knock is what I've heard.

Not nod.

Knock, knock, who?

Who's there?

No, I said nod nod.

Who's there?

Oh,

oh, who's there?

Orange.

Wait, I always thought it was called a nod-nod joke.

Ronwyn is nodding so emphatically that Britney thinks it's a knock-knock joke.

Hello,

Whitney.

Hello, someone there.

Well, what I've heard is that there's multiple issues and some of them are not done yet.

They're not done.

That's what I heard.

They're not done.

I've changed to shaking my head now.

What do you think of that?

Oh, now I'm nodding again.

Now I'm nodding again.

You're back to the nodding.

It's very serious.

For somebody who's so worried, you know what?

Now we're going to get serious because I'm going to not only nod, but I'm going to go to a three-quarter view when I talk.

Okay.

Because for somebody who's so worried about my finances, and now let's move all the shoulders forward and do some extra, you know, lurch forward to really emphasize some things not in lurch about your jewelry.

Someone who's so interested about jewelry or what your husband may or may not have done, and that she heard from someone else, not nod, and never did.

I mean, whatever you want to call it.

For somebody who talks an awful lot,

maybe she should spend some of that time working on some of the stuff she's got to fix.

Nod, ignod.

Well, wouldn't not showing up on a girl's trip to to work be working on some of the things that she's going to fix?

I don't know.

It feels like she's already doing what you want her to do.

So Angie's like, you seem to know something that you don't want to say.

And Heather's like, spit it out, Bronwyn.

Just say it.

Just say it, Brynwyn.

Just say it, Brynwen.

Well, Lisa's go-to accusation is that all of us are liars when she doesn't like what we say.

And then she is the one pointing it out and never sharing with us what's hard or what's difficult or messy or frankly, maybe even fucking bullshit about her own life.

Guess what?

She doesn't even go to Wendy's.

I tracked her.

There, I said it.

That's why she talks so, because then if she talks, then other people don't have to say that she talks about accusations about it.

Burn.

Well, Mary's like, yeah, we can't talk about her stuff, but she can always talk about ours.

Oh, yeah.

And by the way, most of the lawsuits that I've looked at, I mean, I don't know how many there are.

I don't.

I don't.

Hold on.

Let me shake my head for a second just to emphasize.

I do not know how many there are.

100, 110, 3,000?

I don't know.

But I've seen at least five that have been filed against Lisa or Lisa's businesses or Lisa and her husband or Lisa and her husband's businesses or businesses and Lisa and her husband and her husband and his businesses along with Lisa.

That's what I've seen.

And one against Henry, which is weird.

I've seen it.

And how there's like, like, file lawsuits against Lisa Barlow.

Yeah, Lisa and John.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like, I don't understand.

What is a lawsuit?

I don't even know.

Is that like a little outfit you put on the law to make the law more acceptable to people?

And Bronwyn's like, no, it's a serious, these are serious allegations.

And it's for a lot of money.

I mean, so she's litigating.

She's in court right now.

I don't understand.

Even though I just said I spoke to Lisa about this and she said all the accusations are bullshit.

I didn't even know there were accusations.

What are you talking about?

I've never heard of anything like this.

And what are you doing?

Reading testimonials?

Are you Googling?

What are you doing, Bronwyn?

And she's like, it was in the Salt Lake City Tribune, Heather.

Okay.

The Tribune.

Everybody reads the Tribune.

Everybody does.

What is the Tribune?

Is that like a bus?

Is that a new bus line that people are taking?

I don't know what these things are.

Salt Lake Tribune.

It is everywhere.

Angie, have you seen it?

She's like, I have seen it.

You've seen it too.

Mary, you've seen it.

You've seen it too.

Teague, Teague, have you seen it?

Teague has seen it.

Teague has seen it.

And Heather's like, what?

I've never heard of any of this.

This is absolute insanity.

I love Heather, but right now, for you to pretend you didn't see it, I think Stevie Wonder saw it.

Stevie Wonder's at home like, well, hey, why are you dragging me into this?

Don't.

Don't

like, please don't.

I thought we were past Stevie Wonder jokes.

Didn't we leave those in the 80s?

So Angie is like, if you're saying you don't know, you're...

playing stupid and we've all seen the same things.

Lisa talks a big game and then you hear all this other stuff going on.

It's weird.

Oh, God.

This whole thing makes me uncomfortable.

Why Bronwyn thinks she would tell us this?

Why everyone at the table seems so riveted by it.

I mean, Lisa and I have worked really hard on our friendship, and I want to be a supportive friend.

So every instinct in my body is like, defend your friend.

I'm just thinking about what I would want someone to do in that position for me.

And when I thought about it, I thought, I would like them to get me a very small Bolero jacket to hide in.

Yeah.

Well, you know what?

Borrowing money is part of business.

And I think the lawsuits are about borrowing money.

I mean, what are you going to do?

It's part of doing business.

Yeah, but so is paying it back.

So is paying it back.

You've got to pay the money back.

You've got to pay it back.

And I'm saying this is Bronwyn.

And this is the only name that I've ever used.

And I've never been accused of anything in Grand Theft Auto.

So I don't want anybody even to mention that.

Okay.

At least for a few episodes.

Okay.

This is

like,

yeah.

well it's like I told my toddler you have to pay the nice man if you want to keep the electronic fly swatter okay and he did because it's business

and um heather's uh andre's like heather one might say it is similar to what Jen Shaw did

no this is a real sticking point it's not and this is gonna be a thing I know this is gonna be a thing like Fast forward to like two weeks from now, Lisa be like, how could you say I was like, Jensha, that is the the worst thing you could ever say about me.

I guarantee that stupid line is going to haunt it.

And the reason why also is because in this Hollywood Reporter article, the journalist says, Well, Angie says in the premiere that Lisa is like Jen Shaw.

What do you guys think about that?

I was like, Okay, this is going to be a thing.

This is going to be a talking point because, like,

I just, I just feel like it's going to be a whole thing.

Because you know, Heather's going to say, Well, Angie was saying that you were like Jen Shaw.

She said that about me.

Oh,

just brace yourselves, everyone.

What the fuck are you spewing from your mouth, Angie Kay?

I don't even understand Angie's analogy.

I mean, these are not criminal charges.

This is a civil lawsuit that has yet to go to trial.

And this is coming from DJ lawyer Meredith Marks.

Okay.

The state of Utah is not coming after Lisa Barlow, nor is the United States of America, nor are five bean salads, for that matter.

But I'll tell you who is coming after Lisa Barlow.

Me, because I need an extra hand to help me slice this lemon because my sister is busy this weekend.

I mean, this is blowing my GD mind.

You're comparing LB to Jen Shaw, and you two are like bonding over this.

What is going on?

Why are we even talking about Jen Shaw?

We shouldn't be talking about her.

We shouldn't say her name.

We shouldn't unearth her spirit because she's in prison where she belongs.

You better watch your mouth because Jen Shaw is about to be out in five minutes and she is going to curb stomp you.

She's got new trips.

What about me?

What about my curb?

So Bronwyn's like, I know.

Okay, Heather, I know you can't stand me.

And that's fine.

You don't have to.

Heather's like, that's not true.

It's like, but you just said if anybody compared someone to Jen, it would be too far.

What about when Lisa compared me to Jen?

Was it too far then?

Lisa publicly tweeted that.

Heather's like, I didn't hear that.

And if I did hear that, I probably would have laughed.

Well, I just told you.

It's like, well, I'm not on Twitter Googling your fucking name, Bronwyn.

I have a relationship with you based on this.

And what I have on you is not great.

And I'm not going to sit here and have you tell me all this shit about Lisa's business when you just got caught red-handed lying about a $4 million necklace.

Oh, she is quick.

Oop.

Oop.

So

might I add a

in there?

Thank you.

Thank you.

So

we see a flashback to the necklace

where Andy's like, so you do have a necklace?

She's like, oh, you know what I should do?

I should probably have shown it.

I should probably have brought it.

So I could show the other ladies.

That would have been great, wouldn't it?

I could have done that.

I sure could have.

Yeah, I could have.

Is this

Ron when is this retaliation to the necklace?

Is that what this is?

Well, you know what?

Ronwin said, it's my fault.

I should not have tried to be cutesy about it, cutesy about the $4 million necklace that I didn't buy, but I could have if I wanted to, but I didn't buy.

She says, but you didn't own the necklace.

No, and I said I shouldn't have, I shouldn't have said it that way.

I shouldn't have said I own the necklace when I didn't have it.

I shouldn't have said it that way.

I should have said, I don't own the necklace.

That's my fault.

That's my.

That's my cross to bear.

Yeah.

Okay.

I was just trying to protect myself and the jeweler, and it came out sounding like a lie.

And that's bad on me because it was a lie I should have made sound like the truth more.

So that's on me.

I should have made it sound more truthful.

Yeah.

I know I wasn't going to, I knew I wasn't going to buy the necklace, but I made the girls believe that I had it by saying, you know, when I wear it, you'll see it and thinking that I would get a different version and they just wouldn't notice because they're all stupid.

You know, it's between you and me, America.

That's okay.

And that was wrong.

And how did that become more important to me than my integrity or the importance of Todd and our anniversary.

I thought that I was being tough enough to not give a damn about what anyone else thinks.

And I thought they were dumb enough to not follow up.

And just this whole monologue, she's doing this really tight smile while she nods.

And you know that Todd is making her do this because she does not look happy that she has to do this, but she's like.

And you know, I know it sounded like a lie.

And that is unfortunate because I was just trying to look cool.

And I don't know why I would do this to Todd and I's anniversary because todd is very important to me and i would never want to embarrass todd over this it's like oh god so things are going real well over there with todd huh

hey everyone this is the end of part one of this recap for part two keep an eye on your podcast feed it is coming up in just a moment thanks so much for listening catch you on the second half Watch what Crapins would like to thank its premium sponsors.

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