#3134 My Secret Santa Part One With Reality Gays

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Speaker 4 Y'all, get your sleigh bells ready and your creepy

Speaker 4 prosthetic creepy Santa mask because this is the annual gay crappens with reality gays and watch what crappens

Speaker 4 with myself, Jake Anthony, Ben Hugh Mandicler. I never say your name right, man.

Speaker 3 Mandicler, okay.

Speaker 4 And Ronnie Karam, y'all, this is what you've been waiting for. We are talking about Netflix's My Secret Santa.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 4 it's no secret because it's number one.

Speaker 3 It's the number one movie on Netflix. Although, how real are those rankings? I don't even know.
There's no proof. There is no Nielsen family.
I don't believe

Speaker 3 what they say.

Speaker 3 I think it's a shadowy company.

Speaker 3 I love them. Although I love them.
I love you, Netflix. Just your shadowy.
Netflix. And everything you do.

Speaker 3 Netflix can go fuck itself because A,

Speaker 3 they're charging me even more money to watch your damn channel. And this is what they're going to give me.

Speaker 3 Yeah. They sponsored us this year, so I would have.
Oh, sorry.

Speaker 3 Well, they love you. I still hate your asses.
Give us some more money. I'm still paying you.
Especially quick game the challenge, which was very exciting this season.

Speaker 3 This is our second Netflix holiday movie in a row.

Speaker 3 But that doesn't mean it's gotten any better.

Speaker 3 Although I do think that My Secret Santa, I think of the terrible Christmas movies we've watched over the past five years or so, this one may have been one of the best, I think, in terms of

Speaker 3 storyline.

Speaker 3 It's like a stupid-ass movie, but like there were a lot of characters and they all got like a small arc and like it was sort of like they tied up all the loose ends in a way that like other movies have kind of failed to.

Speaker 3 Of course, I think our low benchmark, our low watermark, or low whatever, I think is what, the very diva Christmas, whatever that one was. Oh, ladies of the 80s.
Ladies of the 80s.

Speaker 3 That was such a ridiculous fever dream that didn't seem to have any reason to be there besides those women getting a check. Right.
That's a little bit of a reason. Shit, I don't care.

Speaker 3 Don't drop her right on the sidewalk. I'll give her money.
I mean, four of us, when we were podcasting in 20 years. Still follow Donna Mills.

Speaker 4 you know in four years we're gonna or 40 years we're gonna make a fucking podcast Christmas movie and sell on fucking Patreon with us four queens just going about chat GPG don't write the script

Speaker 3 but I will say I will say that like in this movie's um

Speaker 3 I guess for lack of a better word

Speaker 3 adept

Speaker 3 like it's it's quality for its quality adeptitude

Speaker 3 for its quality it was also one of my least favorites that that we watched. It is because it was probably my least favorite, yeah, because it had kind of like a bland

Speaker 3 okay-ness to it, as opposed to the glaring plot holes of a hot frosty

Speaker 3 or the uh, the one where they the minty village where the pioneer woman lived in the middle of the day.

Speaker 3 The mint village, yes, mint village, you know, erased people's memories when you went into it because that's not the way you would know there's not an an outside world.

Speaker 3 With what was the food network lady's name who worked at the

Speaker 3 Red Drummond. Reed Drummond.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And you drank the hot chocolate and then you all abandoned all

Speaker 3 of your earthly thing, delights that you wanted to do. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Remember, hey, what's cancer?

Speaker 3 Boy, that was worth it.

Speaker 3 I sometimes still think about that.

Speaker 4 Him going, Hey, he was saying, though, with this movie, it's cancer.

Speaker 3 I never laughed out loud at this movie.

Speaker 4 It felt, honestly, it felt a little joyless to me.

Speaker 3 You know, I laughed out loud in the bad dialogue.

Speaker 3 There was some bad dialogue that some of the worst dialogue that I've ever heard a non-human person say, most of it came from the father.

Speaker 3 Who was I don't know where they found him. There were definitely some choices in this movie.

Speaker 3 So like it definitely definitely still was a bad movie and there were definitely choices that were made that were really bad um

Speaker 3 but they weren't as glaringly terrible i wanted actually it to be so much more worse than it was you know i also remember in that minty it was the food network uh holiday it was the food that we're talking about

Speaker 3 in that in that food network holiday movie that this woman she was a lady from the city she was a career woman who's coming back home to this tiny town and she goes to this this house that this new family is living in, and she rings on the doorbell and she's like, Hi, are your parents here?

Speaker 3 And she goes, Yes, no, unfortunately, they died in a car wreck two years ago.

Speaker 3 Someone wrote

Speaker 3 like that. Someone, I agree.
Someone wrote that.

Speaker 3 This had what you were mentioning, Ben, is everyone was kind of playing the middle because they had Alexandra Breckinridge, who's done really serious stuff.

Speaker 3 Lucille Balls, she ain't.

Speaker 3 Now, what is she? Lucille

Speaker 3 Who's a newer comedic actress

Speaker 3 instead of someone who's in the 70s?

Speaker 3 Spaghetti.

Speaker 3 Sagetti.

Speaker 3 Or like someone who does physical comedy well.

Speaker 3 You needed a female Robin Williams and she didn't have it.

Speaker 3 Even though she's done a lot of serious, I remember her from Dirt. Remember, remember

Speaker 3 that she was a Dutch show. I didn't remember her from that.

Speaker 3 She was like the ingenue of the show. And Courtney Cox was like the bitchy boss.

Speaker 3 I think

Speaker 4 this movie would have been way funnier with Kate McKinnon

Speaker 3 as well,

Speaker 3 as Santa.

Speaker 3 You know, phantom comedy. But it doesn't work.
The problem is,

Speaker 3 you know, you should have played it, Meryl Street. They should have

Speaker 3 Glenn Close.

Speaker 3 I mean, what you said, Maddie, makes sense, but the problem is you have to have a heroine ingenue playing this part and a budget. And a budget.

Speaker 3 But the other thing is, you had to get, so it doesn't really work. Someone like Alexander Breckinridge does not play a comedic Santa.
So that's why it was never really going to be funny.

Speaker 3 Well, Santa's not funny either. You know what I mean? Like, I'm going to play Santa and then they have you playing Santa.
It's like, oh, ho, ho, what do you want for Christmas?

Speaker 3 Like, I need, you need more.

Speaker 3 At one point, did you hear him go or she go, oh, ho, ho, jingle bells. Like every single time, like when everyone would see her.
Oh, that's right. I'm Santa.
To ho-ho, jingle bells, Rudolph.

Speaker 3 You know what? I didn't, I had no idea who Alexandra Breckinridge was. I just sort of like vaguely recognized the name, but I really have not followed her career or anything.
So I knew

Speaker 3 she was in this movie.

Speaker 3 I only knew her from dirt, but she's in this like Sad River or Mystic River or Spirit River. Oh, she was a Mystic River.
Suicide. Not Mystic River.

Speaker 3 You know what? This

Speaker 3 were in this.

Speaker 3 Now we've got a movie. Virgin River.

Speaker 3 I said Sad River. Well, because it's the same thing.
It's like Virgin River, Suicide,

Speaker 3 Suicides. You know,

Speaker 3 there was a show on Netflix that was like five seasons. No one watched it.

Speaker 3 I think people did.

Speaker 3 Let me tell people who were in hospitals watched it. Not people watched it.
Let me tell you something.

Speaker 3 First of all, one thing I noticed is that

Speaker 3 Alexandra Breckinridge and the woman who played her daughter who did not replenish the Canadian, I'd like to add.

Speaker 3 I need to know what her real age is. I have a lot of age.
She's really 20 in the entire movie.

Speaker 4 Of course, she's 23.

Speaker 3 She's listed as 23, but I think we all know she's about 32.

Speaker 3 Madison McIsaac.

Speaker 3 The two men would do a lot of, they would do a lot of like

Speaker 3 eyebrow lifted smirking at each other, where they turn their head to the side and they go,

Speaker 3 yeah. Like, I know for people listening to the podcast, it's going to be very hard to describe, but they like had a lot of these like cutesy moments where they were almost in an herbal tea commercial.

Speaker 3 Like, oh, really? Sleepy sleepy time

Speaker 3 yeah like that's what they would do every scene they're like like mom i didn't know you were in a band me in a band yes you mom i was like okay you two we also need to talk about the fact that the mother has kept her daughter completely in the dark of her entire life

Speaker 3 uh of what happened before the daughter was born we still don't really know

Speaker 3 i think that mothers should do that i mean mothers and fathers should do that my mom doesn't tell me shit you know

Speaker 3 I don't blame her.

Speaker 4 I wish my mother would have done that when my daughter got divorced instead of telling me everything.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I think that parents deserve like silence. The kid does not need to be baggaged with your, you know, badges

Speaker 3 from the past. You know, like, I know you got pregnant in the back of the rack, you know, where they rack the fucking pins at the bowling alley, but do I need to know that? I don't.
You know how

Speaker 3 I got drunk one night and just opened up. I don't need you to open up.
Feed me. You're my mom.

Speaker 3 Besides, you want to have like a little bit of a twist later on. Like, I, um, I had this Aunt Ruth, who was really my mom's aunt, but she, you know, like, what do you call it?

Speaker 3 You don't call them grand aunts. So, Aunt Ruth, great aunt.
She was this lovely, Leia, a lovely, lovely, sort of baddie, older lady.

Speaker 3 And every time, every time it was the holidays, you know, see her at Russia Sean on Passover. She was always very flummicked about David Dinkins.
She's like, did you see what Dinkins did today?

Speaker 3 And she was like, I only eat potatoes because of sodium. I only eat potatoes is Aunt Ruth.
That was her whole thing. She was this, she was, I loved Aunt Ruth.
She always sent a car. She was so lovely.

Speaker 3 Like dating sodium.

Speaker 3 sodium dinkins now that's the name she's always like larry because my dad's larry and it's all she's like larry did you see what dinkins did today larry so um she died and we're you know going through her things and it's like one photo after another of her with sammy davis jr her with jerry lewis she was fleeing the root pack i was like what aunt ruth

Speaker 3 she was in like smoking stogie and sinatra's just like tweaking her boob yeah like some old vintage david Dinkins porn.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I haven't thought of David Dinkins.
Nice to withhold things.

Speaker 3 You need to write. It's nice to withhold things.
You get like a surprise for the family later.

Speaker 4 Yeah. You really need to write a movie where like gay nephew goes back and look through his old aunt Ruth and you find out that Sammy Davis Jr.
is your grandfather.

Speaker 3 Yeah. You've got like a glass eye in there.
Yes.

Speaker 3 This was such a good find.

Speaker 3 Before we get started, I know we already have gotten started. I just want to tell people this is kind of about a Christmas movie, movie, but not really.

Speaker 3 We're just four friends who like to hang out, and it gets really dirty. Uh, and we talk forever.
So, if you're here just for the Christmas movie, go somewhere else.

Speaker 3 Is anybody really here for the Christmas movie?

Speaker 3 No, I don't know. Sometimes, and I guess we should do some book, we should do some housekeeping, which is that this is a crossover event.

Speaker 3 Yes, so uh, if you know who we are, you may not know who they are. They're read the reality gaze, and if you know who they are, you may not know who we are.

Speaker 3 And we are watch our crappins, we are two podcasts coming together. Be sure to follow us on Instagram at Reality Gaze or is it The Reality Gaze?

Speaker 3 At Reality Gaze. You guys have an Instagram? Do you know who?

Speaker 3 We are Reality Gaze podcasts. Yeah, we're a podcast.

Speaker 3 Reality Gaze Podcast.

Speaker 3 I hear it's very

Speaker 3 huge, huge, big one. Say that again.
Be sure to subscribe, bin.

Speaker 4 You can find you where I want to hear it.

Speaker 3 Okay, you can find the Reality Gaze at Reality Gaze Podcast, and you can find us at WatchWorth Crapins. Be sure to follow both of our podcasts if you don't do it already.

Speaker 3 And with that in mind, I think we have to dive into this. I want to say

Speaker 3 I want to say one more thing.

Speaker 3 No, I have one more thing before you're one more thing. No, I have one more.
No, I have one more thing, Ben.

Speaker 3 I am exfoliating my lips today. So if anybody is wondering why I keep wiping my mouth and then putting on lip stuff, I'm trying to get very smooth lips while we do this.
Okay, Ben, please.

Speaker 3 And I, oh, wait, one more thing. I'm working on my posture.
So if you see me slumping, and I'm also trying to work on my resting bitch face. I pulled, I looked, I was, so I have a teleprompter.

Speaker 3 So when I look up, I have this sort of strange angle.

Speaker 3 And I notice that when I'm trying to have a pleasant look on my face, but sometimes when I'm reading the notes, I forget about my face and I scowl at the camera. And I'm in a very good tube.

Speaker 3 The scowl betrays my emotional state.

Speaker 4 I get Botox so I don't scowl.

Speaker 3 I can't. No,

Speaker 3 look at me, mad, right now.

Speaker 3 This is what my face looks like. Wait, wait, here.

Speaker 3 This is what my face looks like when I'm not paying attention.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 You're about to like. A little bit of saliva just coming down.
You're about to complain about the weather.

Speaker 3 Yeah. It's very scary.
Sorry for people who are just listening, who have no idea what's happening with my face, and maybe you're lucky. I want to say something.

Speaker 3 We're talking, okay, we've talked about Alexandra Breckenridge. Oh, wait, no, I have one more thing before we talk about this.

Speaker 3 Go ahead. Go ahead.
I do. Go ahead.

Speaker 4 I just want to say for our listeners, because every once in a while, listeners come to us and if you don't know Ben and Ronnie, you say, why don't you cover housewives?

Speaker 4 Because no one does it better than you two. And that's so if you're a housewives fan.

Speaker 3 Like you're historic.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 3 So if you're into, if you're a bravo holic back in the days,

Speaker 3 literally for the, for, for the, for reality TV programming and podcasting. Yeah, you were, you were doing this show like

Speaker 4 Lisa Renna was like four faces ago.

Speaker 3 Oh, I'd be like, well, before Cook in the Bathroom, girl. Yeah.
Yeah. Well, yeah, for both of our audiences, you guys are the, you guys are specializing in 90-day fiancé.
We specialize in Bravo.

Speaker 3 So if, you know, did y'all do Secret Lots of Mormon Wives too? I think you did one of the first things. We did the first season, and we did not do the second because we were really busy.

Speaker 3 And we considered doing this one. And, God, I am so glad we didn't because I watched the whole thing.
I just finished it. I loved it.
But, God, what a dark, dark.

Speaker 3 It got really, y'all, it covered every single thing.

Speaker 3 Did you guys get in trouble? Like, just, just even having the discussions. I'm like, I don't know that two two men need to be weighing in on some of this.

Speaker 3 It was really tricky

Speaker 3 because, and we deferred a lot to when we had

Speaker 3 co-hosts on who were women.

Speaker 3 But luckily, Demi made herself so ridiculously awful, it did all the work for us. Yeah, she really did.
Oh, and her husband, Brett, Brent, old man.

Speaker 3 They were calling him old man Brett. That was so funny.
And he got what a prick.

Speaker 4 The guy used to fuck Angie from Housewives.

Speaker 3 And also, the good thing about that is Angie, his his ex-wife was on housewives for a minute she blew up her life too but she was on housewives for a minute and she has a really messy current husband who up her time on housewives by getting too involved in all of this and he started all of these fake accounts against the women and we're coming after the women online under fake names and stuff and so

Speaker 3 he had two messy men right in a row yeah Brett, with his new work,

Speaker 3 he looked like Ron Perlman from Duty and the Beast.

Speaker 3 You know,

Speaker 3 he's lived in the sewers, and Linda Hamilton was like, I love

Speaker 3 that kind of like cat face.

Speaker 3 It's an everlasting romance.

Speaker 4 Okay, so that was my one thing. We can start.

Speaker 3 Thank you.

Speaker 3 Well, we talked about,

Speaker 3 we've shown a light on Alexandra Breckenridge. We've shown a light on

Speaker 3 Walking Dead. She's in Walking Dead.
She was in Walking Dead. Yeah, I don't remember her.
And I watched most of Walking Dead. Oh, because she had red hair, maybe? That's all she did.

Speaker 3 You know what's great is The Walking Dead is also, I think, the note they gave everyone for their acting choices this episode. It would have been for this movie.
They're like,

Speaker 3 I think she definitely

Speaker 3 trying to say for the past 24 hours, ever since I saw this movie, that's been on my mind. The headline here, Diana Maria Riva, what a breakout star.

Speaker 3 where have you been where have

Speaker 3 you been diana maria

Speaker 3 why is she not new

Speaker 3 why is she not like in every movie she was wonderful she was why was she not like in real women have curves or some new

Speaker 3 like

Speaker 3 like she was dialed in she was i mean she was giving a comedic performance that was nuanced and layered i mean every time she came on screen i was so happy happy. She was so good.
I did laugh at her.

Speaker 3 She laughed.

Speaker 4 Yes, she did. She did.

Speaker 3 She just was lonely at the end of the day.

Speaker 4 Just a lonely butt.

Speaker 3 Well, but it's also, of course, we're going to love her. It's like we've got three lonely whores here.

Speaker 3 That's true. This is like literally three of us on this show right now.
We are the landlord down the hall who's going to try and fuck your dad. That's true.

Speaker 4 Ben is the only person on this podcast that still believes in love.

Speaker 3 Not just your dad,

Speaker 3 your grandfather.

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Speaker 4 Have y'all ever been? And it's okay. This is a safe space.
For some gay men, it is. Have y'all ever had any type of like Santa or bearded man fetish?

Speaker 3 I think Santa

Speaker 3 versus bearded man fetish is very different.

Speaker 3 A white, when I worked at the gay bookstore, we had these dirty cards that was like furly Santa,

Speaker 3 but like some were like kind of like Tom of Finland Santa. No, that's different.
That's fun. Yeah.
That's fine. That's okay.

Speaker 3 But then there's the ones like straight up Santa with a big dick.

Speaker 3 It was always just weird. No, I've never had that fetish.
I've always been taught to be very wary of older men offering me things.

Speaker 3 I never learned that.

Speaker 4 Yeah, they come down the chimney. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 But I do have a fetish of somebody being attracted to me because I, you know, I'm 50 and I'm like, I come in and out of Santa.

Speaker 3 I mean, if it weren't for like weight loss drugs, I'd be fully in the Santa camp. Got it.
So you want to be the Santa in that.

Speaker 3 I mean, not in a creepy like kid way, but like, you know, I hope that's not like somebody with a Santa fetish. I mean, I could use those people.

Speaker 4 So if you know anybody, like that'd be nice if you have a 28-year-old with a tight ass who's into Santa.

Speaker 3 Yeah, exactly. Like, so if you know anybody with that fetish, I'm not against them.
But yeah, I've never really had a Santa Santa. Because you know what?

Speaker 3 I really don't like beards and I don't, I really hate white beards because I feel like it's just rude to everybody around you because you get shit in them you get every time you drink a coffee you're looking at stain it's like a dog you know it's like a dog a white dog and you can tell that they've been eating shit outside because it's all over their mouth I just do have to say when when white dogs have stains all over them I do say can't you clean your dog like Malteses I'm like someone clean your dog's eyes it bothers oh the eyebuggers on on dogs like the eyebugger stack on the chain

Speaker 3 is just so wrong they have medicine with gone off the rails You can take. Not dogs.

Speaker 4 No, my dad, my dad, I remember when I was in Oklahoma taking care of my dad because he had two Malteses, Emmy. Well, first of all, Tila and then Emmy, but Tila died.

Speaker 3 Tila and

Speaker 4 Tila and Emmy. No, he man.

Speaker 3 That's just the names of the dogs. Yeah, I know.

Speaker 3 You didn't have much going on. I mean, we named Tiltila.
Irene Love. No, we kids.
That's right.

Speaker 4 We were sitting in the hospital at MD Anderson. He was doing like some type of treatment and he was sitting there.

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 4 I'm just like, you know, in the hospital as well, and looking on my phone. And my dad goes, Matthew, I said, Yeah, Pop,

Speaker 4 go on there and look up and see what that stuff is called that you give them all teases so they don't get tears in their eyes.

Speaker 3 And I said, What are you talking about?

Speaker 4 I thought my dad was crazy. And there's this thing, I think it's called like no more tears.
And it's like they stop the dogs from getting eyebookers.

Speaker 3 Oh, wow.

Speaker 3 I have to say that I think you may have just given a monologue that would count as character development on any one of these Christmas nights.

Speaker 3 Why don't you celebrate Christmas anymore? The last time I saw my dad, we were sitting in the hospital room and he says, look up that medicine that takes the tears out of a dog's eyes. And I did.

Speaker 3 I did. I just haven't been able to celebrate ever since.

Speaker 3 That would have helped actually when they said, why don't you want to date? Well, I don't know. I've just kind of sworn off guys.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 3 So you're like mid-30s, maybe 40s i have a problem with the age all the ages like she got pregnant high school then there's this daughter how old are you what why when when

Speaker 3 inconsistency

Speaker 3 backstories uh i and the last piece of the last performance i really want to highlight because obviously diana was the standout for me she did excellent work but also like let's not overlook tia of

Speaker 3 tamara fam she really like somehow she like didn't really have to do much she barely had any lines but like some of those scenes where she's at home alone drinking a glass of wine, staring at a computer with like kind of rage in her eyes.

Speaker 3 I was like,

Speaker 3 I've met this girl before. Like, I've worked with her.
I've been with the girl before.

Speaker 3 I mean, I really, I really related to the moments where she was trying to Google things, but couldn't figure out the right terms to get the information

Speaker 3 and she just couldn't figure anything out. And I was like, that is so me.
Like, I can't use AI. You know, a lot of people love it.
I can't, I don't even know what to ask it.

Speaker 3 I just get flummoxed, you know? But talk about a character who had no want at all, just blind ambition. That's what they gave her.
And she's actually a physical comedian.

Speaker 3 The characters who had no wants at all were the

Speaker 3 characters who had no wants at all were the 30 people who showed up for this like strange Christmas concert that the hotel was throwing.

Speaker 3 Don't forget they heckled.

Speaker 3 They heckled everyone as well. Yeah.
Yeah. There was a heckler.
There was like a Joe Rosen heckler over there.

Speaker 3 And then

Speaker 3 also just a town that is so into Santa. I just thought that was so funny.
Santa's a celebrity. They're like, oh, my God, Santa is going viral.
The hotel Santa is going viral.

Speaker 3 And she went

Speaker 3 off. It was a really good Santa experience.
Everyone's going to see that Santa.

Speaker 3 They get a review.

Speaker 3 The local paper wrote

Speaker 3 to Santa at the hotel. Like, did you think, Ben, is

Speaker 4 that you, you know, you're Jewish. And so growing up, did you think it was weird that children went and sat on a stranger's lap?

Speaker 3 I don't think you know, no. It's just sort of like part of like the Christmas lore.
Just something Christians do, you know? I hated it.

Speaker 3 I screamed and fought. I did not want to sit on an old

Speaker 3 lap. Yeah.

Speaker 4 And now I would do it

Speaker 3 for a good $5,000. I did it.
I just demanded a 20 on the spot. I was like, you're not going to promise me some presents later.
Money first, bitch.

Speaker 4 I want it now.

Speaker 3 Well, should we dive into this movie?

Speaker 3 Sorry, let's talk about who is in this. We've talked about who's in it.
Who's made this movie is what I want to know. Because I wrote down the name Howard Bronstein and Son.
Okay. So I Googled that.

Speaker 3 And the first thing that came up is a man and his son were found guilty on multiple charges.

Speaker 3 It looks like wire fraud for a signature signing a forgiveness application on a second PPP loan. So do you think that was them? This whole movie was just a tax shelter

Speaker 3 they could get out of it. I think that's what it was.

Speaker 3 So, then I looked up his real IMDB, and

Speaker 3 I see some stuff here. 2023, The Girl Who Escaped, the Carol Robbins thing, something called the

Speaker 3 formant, the Brooke Ellison story. The girl who escaped.
The girl who escaped. Oh my God, Sinners.
That's just a movie. That's just on this.

Speaker 4 No, not actual. This person did not make Sinners.

Speaker 3 Ben, I've got a present for you. His previous movie last year was called hanukkah on the rocks

Speaker 3 i think my friend wrote that actually hanuka on the rock my friend she writes like she writes christmas she writes these movies oh my god i think she wrote a hanukkah hanuka oh no she wrote one about the kansas city

Speaker 3 julie thornwolf oh that's a hundred percent her that's her

Speaker 3 yeah she did she wrote yeah hanukkah she's jewish so she like she can she gets some of the like the the jewish holidays in a little yiddish in there and it what's what's all that. Julie's wonderful.

Speaker 3 She is like, she's so great.

Speaker 3 She's one of the first people I've met out here in LA. She lives in Connecticut now.

Speaker 3 She found her lane and she just does these movies. She used to write on Everybody Loves Raymond.
I mean, she's a real blessing.

Speaker 3 And that's why I'm like, we'll never do any one of her movies because I don't want to ever have to tear apart one of her movies because I know her.

Speaker 3 But, you know, I'm happy that she's doing well with this. I think there's a formula, though.
I think

Speaker 3 you can do the formulas really smartly.

Speaker 3 Like, I still say that Lindsay Lohan movie, the first one we ever did, was probably the most successful because at least it kind of knew what it was and it wasn't, and it was really digging into that.

Speaker 3 Speaking of, I just wanted to say that movie was written by Ron Oliver, who also co-wrote this movie. Okay.
Well, there you go. Now we understand why this one was so good.

Speaker 3 And also someone named Carly Smales, which, again, sounds like a fanny Rock name.

Speaker 3 Sounds like someone of Norwegian descent.

Speaker 3 Smails.

Speaker 4 That's a fail of a parent because that name never is going to sound adult.

Speaker 3 Carly Smales at your service.

Speaker 4 No, you're never going to sound like a 40-year-old woman with that name.

Speaker 3 I'd like to introduce you to my daughter, Pookie Snooky Tinkertown.

Speaker 3 Now, Esquire.

Speaker 3 Actually,

Speaker 3 my favorite credit that I saw in the opening credits of

Speaker 3 this movie was in the middle of it. There are all these names, and I have to say, the line producer really stood out to me.

Speaker 3 I remember when their name showed up, I was like, excuse me, their name was Gill, Gilles, G-I-L-L-E-S, Gilles LaPlante. I was like,

Speaker 3 Continental.

Speaker 3 I'm going to make a movie about it.

Speaker 3 I only want something of you. Please, this is what water means.

Speaker 3 This whole thing is very Canadian. It stinks of Canada.
Like

Speaker 3 the whole movie does.

Speaker 3 Not that bad with you.

Speaker 3 Like maple syrup.

Speaker 3 Yeah. It's like maple syrup.
It's got Canada all over it. Be nice to Caitlin.
We're all going to be asking for citizenship soon.

Speaker 4 Don't have Caitlin stop doing our social media.

Speaker 3 It was filmed in like

Speaker 3 Kill Map or something like that. Or one of our lists who's from there.

Speaker 3 They love getting lost there. They're like,

Speaker 3 this was British Columbia and Sun Peak. I think there is a place called Sun Peak that they filmed this in.

Speaker 3 Yeah. So I have two observations.
First of all, yes, they were clearly filming on location because that was not CGI breath.

Speaker 3 And this movie, the entire movie, anytime they went outside, there were full on two hole.

Speaker 3 This was freezing. Didn't it make you guys clear? Oh my God.

Speaker 3 Like if ever I have breath that is questionable, that I know, like I've just had coffee or whatever, I'm like, well, just not, you you know, talk right in someone's face.

Speaker 3 Like to see how breath travels that far out of you and into someone's space, it was just, I don't want to talk anymore around.

Speaker 3 I don't want to ever speak in public again after seeing everything coming out of these people's mouths.

Speaker 4 They should have just called this My Secret COVID.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 It was Arctic.

Speaker 3 By the way, before I one more thing before we updated this, when the title is called My Secret, Santa.

Speaker 3 And every time I see the phrase My Secret something,

Speaker 3 I think of when I was looking in my mother's drawers when in her room, and there was a book called My Secret Garden,

Speaker 3 and it was this book of erotica. And I, of course, erotica for women by Nancy Friday.

Speaker 3 And I obsessively read it when I was. I'll bet you did.
That is the creepiest story I've ever heard. I can just imagine you standing there touching yourself at your mother's drawer.

Speaker 3 Reading a book out of my mother's probably sock drawer. Oh,

Speaker 3 Secret Garden. She's like, wait a minute, where are our socks laid out differently in here? Wow.

Speaker 3 He touched his throbbing memba.

Speaker 3 It's all like story.

Speaker 3 I don't want to read it. It was, it's peak 1980s ladies' erotica.
And it's like story. Nancy Friday.
Like every day. Nancy Friday.
That's the sexiest name you can have. Friday.

Speaker 4 Now that's a lot better than Carly Schnail.

Speaker 3 Snails.

Speaker 4 Now, Jake has a connection to, well, Tia or Tamara. We're not sure, but Jake does have a connection to one of them.

Speaker 3 I had my birthday party once at Boardwalk 11, this karaoke bar in kind of Palms, West LA.

Speaker 4 It is Palms Motor National.

Speaker 3 Yeah. You know, the motor, which goes like every direction of the compass.
It's like west, then you're north. Then you're like, how is this? It's like National Boulevard.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 West LA is weird. Well, Culver City specifically is just a disaster.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 So I had my birthday. And of course, as you do, you drink some and you may drink to excess.
And Tia or Tamara, I'm really not sure. I think it was Tamara Mori.
Is she the one who's loony these days?

Speaker 4 You don't know. You have no idea.
Don't even act like you know.

Speaker 3 I don't think that she has. I don't think so.
I don't think she has any. I thought one of them went loony.
No, I don't think so. I don't think so.
One of them was on the back scene.

Speaker 3 I'm speaking of the girl from Save Save by the Bell.

Speaker 3 Oh, maybe.

Speaker 3 So,

Speaker 3 no,

Speaker 3 I don't think it's a Voorhees.

Speaker 4 Lark Voorhees. Lark Voorhees.
Yes. Sorry, we can.

Speaker 3 Cameron Mannheim.

Speaker 3 When in doubt, the answer is Cameron Mannheim or Park Overall. Remember

Speaker 3 Taylor. We have dropped Park Overall.
Our listeners have been telling us we made a Park Overall reference. You guys made it literally the next day.
Really? Or she's on the gone.

Speaker 3 she's like a willie that's what jake jake yeah wait so what happened so one of the sister sisters was that your birthday party were no kind of

Speaker 3 okay

Speaker 4 i'm gonna finish telling this story

Speaker 3 this is kind of she was there like with like a competing birthday party i think and twin birthday party if you will i saw exactly i saw her and i was like oh my god that's one of the Maori's.

Speaker 4 This is when Jake just moved to LA.

Speaker 3 So he's been here maybe two months. No, I've been here like six months.

Speaker 4 He was still a big star fucker, like, and got really enamored by any celebrity.

Speaker 3 It's that level of stars. Like, it's like Tia and Tamara.
Like,

Speaker 3 all the big ones I would see, I wouldn't, I would, I wouldn't even talk to them, but I would get really excited by like by like a Diana Maria Riva. Yes.

Speaker 4 Or the whole time in this karaoke bar, he's getting drunker and he can't stop obsessing watching what Tia or Tamara is doing.

Speaker 3 And I say, and I say, do you remember? Do you guys remember Twitches? Their movie where there were teen witches, but it was called Twitches.

Speaker 4 And everybody was like, no, because we're not gay. We didn't watch that.
And

Speaker 3 so finally, she was by the end of the night. And I just, I was staggering out of the

Speaker 3 bar. And so was she.
And I finally was in a crosswalk.

Speaker 4 I know she was not drunk because I was not drunk. And I remember walking right beside you.
I'm going to continue this story.

Speaker 3 I don't remember it that way.

Speaker 3 And I screamed, Twitch!

Speaker 3 Twitch!

Speaker 4 You did scream drunkenly, Twitch at her. And she turned around with fear in her eyes while Jake ran up to her

Speaker 4 in the middle of the crosswalk, held her by her shoulders and said, I love your work.

Speaker 3 I told her I loved her work.

Speaker 3 What did she say? I screamed, twitch at her. She said, thank you so much.

Speaker 4 Thank you. And her hot boyfriend, whatever, immediately grabbed her arm and drug her away.

Speaker 3 Oh, wow. It's a good thing her brother Taj Mowy wasn't there.

Speaker 4 He's hot now. Anyway, now we can start.
Now we can start.

Speaker 3 It's only 35 minutes in. It's pretty.
Wow. Well, that's great context.
That's great context to power us into this future film.

Speaker 3 You know, one thing about this

Speaker 4 Kelly Clarkson song.

Speaker 3 Oh, I was going to say, this is how you can tell it's a Netflix Christmas movie because the opening music is actually a licensed, you know, Kelly Clarkson Ariana Grande duet.

Speaker 3 And, like, Hallmark's not paying for that. And definitely Food Network is not.
Food Network just is going to have have like you know paula dean grunting into a wooden spoon on yeah

Speaker 3 voice voice memo under it and dress up in those suits yeah and not paying her because she's had controversy they're like you took a pay cut remember just do it paula just do it

Speaker 3 keep the sleigh rods blah blah how many times i gotta say sorry uh so um

Speaker 3 who's singing the duet in this it's kelly clarkson and ariana grandeur It's Ariana Grande. No, it's because I Shazam did.
I Shazam did. I was like, this is sort of good.
No, this is.

Speaker 3 And I was like, it sounds like

Speaker 3 it's a Christmas song, but it's actually,

Speaker 3 the problem is there was like

Speaker 3 after

Speaker 3 with Mariah Carey's ubiquitous song, everyone tries to make that song again.

Speaker 3 Never heard of that.

Speaker 3 It's the same exact. I'm going to get the third for you really quickly.
It's the same exact harmonic progression as all of them. They all are

Speaker 3 if you listen to them. They're all the same.
All the exact same

Speaker 3 so frustrating. This one, this one is called Santa, Can't You Hear Me? Which is a bit needy, I think, of these two ladies.
Can't you hear me? Can't you hear me?

Speaker 3 Santa is in heaven and you don't belt. But I do like that.
I do love that song, Santa, baby, and

Speaker 3 that's a great Ariana Garate song.

Speaker 3 It's also kind of sexual. Yeah.
But they played a lot of fun. You know what I'm saying? I also like.
Yeah, I wish they had that one.

Speaker 3 You know what's one I like that's very similar? Instead of not Santa Baby, I'm also into baby baby.

Speaker 3 You know, Amy Grant. I'm just

Speaker 3 never bad.

Speaker 4 El Shada.

Speaker 3 See, okay, look, it is so weird. He was raised Catholic, but he knows all these contemporary Christian songs because all his friends were like big evangelicals.
No, all my girlfriends.

Speaker 3 I thought you were

Speaker 3 a Christian, Christian. I didn't know you were a Catholic Christian.

Speaker 4 Oh, I was raised Catholic. I thought about becoming a priest, and then two months later, I fucked my R.A.

Speaker 3 Adam. Wow.

Speaker 3 That had a rough ending.

Speaker 3 You know, it did, literally.

Speaker 4 I didn't know what Lube was then. It was rough.

Speaker 3 Oh, God.

Speaker 3 That's it.

Speaker 3 Meanwhile,

Speaker 3 sorry, where do we go from there?

Speaker 4 She's not.

Speaker 3 So her job

Speaker 3 class,

Speaker 3 we

Speaker 3 can't even get to her job yet. I'm sorry.
Please, please please.

Speaker 3 Go ahead.

Speaker 3 So we have this

Speaker 3 song that's playing. It's definitely Netflix signaling.
And we're seeing, you know, sort of generic small town, winter, everything.

Speaker 3 And as the credits roll, there's this like shimmering tinker bell effect that swirls around everywhere. That's like before like Howard Bronstein's name shows up, it's like tinkle, tinkle, tinkle.

Speaker 3 So there's sort of like a suggestion that there is going to be some sort of magic in this movie. And I just want to say right now,

Speaker 3 there's no magic. There's no magic.

Speaker 3 Nothing magical happens. But how is actually,

Speaker 3 you guys, this was directed by somebody named Mike Roll.

Speaker 3 And he is directed

Speaker 3 when Calls a Heart, Falling Together. Oh, lots of lots of huge ones.
My favorite title on here is from 2023, and it's called Married by Mistake.

Speaker 3 So,

Speaker 3 been there.

Speaker 3 I loved, you know what? And actually, you know what's also funny? He also directed Tar. So, this is a real great show of

Speaker 3 versatility, range.

Speaker 3 There's lesbian intensity in this film.

Speaker 3 That was a good movie. I was kind of on her side until I was like, I just couldn't see do that anymore.
I was like, surely she's innocent. She wasn't.
Spoiler alert.

Speaker 3 Okay, so you go to a cookie company called the Klotz Cookie Company. Who's buying? Who's buying something from somebody named Klotz? I'm not buying food products from you.

Speaker 3 I'm trying to keep my heart dulling. But the Klots Cookie Company, these are the most basic ass Christmas cookies I've ever seen.
They're terrible. I know.

Speaker 3 So a couple of questions about the business model here.

Speaker 3 Do they do cookies all year round? Or is this some type of seasonal business? Yes,

Speaker 3 seasonal and regional business.

Speaker 3 So we're talking this place operates maybe three to four months a year. What do they make? Like

Speaker 3 bialis?

Speaker 3 What do they make the rest of the time? Klots. I mean, it's seasonal and regional.
It's a pop-up, basically. And

Speaker 3 clots.

Speaker 3 It's like

Speaker 3 a Jewish bakery. I know, it's like, you know, well, there are, there is that like San Francisco ice cream sandwich.
What's it called? Utz? No. Utz.
Yes. Utz.
It's it.

Speaker 3 But there is also, it's Utz is the one who makes it. It's it.
Yeah. Wait, Utz is the potato chip, right? Utz is the potato chip.
You're right.

Speaker 3 The point is there is a story tradition of delicious snacks that end with like a TZ.

Speaker 3 And that's why we have Klotz Cookie Company. Klots.
But yeah, I agree. They have to work on their branding.
Because Klotz just does not sound good.

Speaker 3 And by the way, I would also like to say, I was pretty invested in this Klots cookie company from the beginning, and we never see it again. Like, this is the beginning of Klot's cookie company.

Speaker 3 I would have preferred the story of Klotz cookie company because, and I also really liked her because she was really killing the game. Commercials,

Speaker 1 here comes one right now.

Speaker 3 So we meet our lead actress who, listen, I know Taylor. This is not Taylor.
We're talking about how much budget you guys have. You could afford Ariana Grande.

Speaker 3 You could not afford somebody to do this poor girl's roots. I mean, the girl was from a Christmas movie on Netflix, so TVs are bigger now.
Do you think that was intentional? No, it was not.

Speaker 3 It made her look poor.

Speaker 3 I think it was because she used to be in a band, and so there was like sort of like a grungy 90s look

Speaker 3 because they were still like

Speaker 3 blunt. Like they weren't like roots.
Unwashed hair. If they had said we wanted to look more and have roots, that would have been one thing.

Speaker 3 It would have been, it would have been visible in a way that you got it for the character. This was just like they didn't send her in, in, you know?

Speaker 3 I felt for her. Yeah, she just

Speaker 3 I definitely noticed that as well. I was like, this hair is doing something, but I just sort of assumed it was part of her post-grunge, you know, persona.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 But she doesn't, the thing is, she doesn't have, it seems like she was a punk singer, but there's nothing about her that feels punk. No.
Nothing. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Nothing. Nothing.
And like, she, like, well, she, okay, her kid is 50. Also, what's funny is that like.
Okay. I have a lot of questions about age here.
Yeah, her kid is. The child is 15.

Speaker 3 The child is 15.

Speaker 3 The child's watching. I've learned not to ask.
I just roll with whatever you tell me.

Speaker 3 She gave up her pop punk career when she, when, when her, her child

Speaker 3 15 years ago. So that means that she was in a band around 2010.

Speaker 3 So I'm like, I'm trying to like. figure out what kind of was she in the Veronicas like where

Speaker 3 where what

Speaker 3 what kind of band was was she in in 2010 The illustration that they had, it looked like something from earlier. It looked like it was from 1990s, 94.

Speaker 3 The artist would actually make her closer to being like 55 years old. Thank you.
That's what I'm saying. Something was, and when he said, that's you on the corner, I'm like, it's an illustration.

Speaker 3 Someone drew her. You can't tell that's her.
Just from the

Speaker 3 Linda Perry is 60 years old. And, you know, of course, from Fournon Blonde.
Yes. So like, that's kind of like the vibe they're giving.

Speaker 3 And the the way when we, when we meet this guy, the way he talks about her. He's like,

Speaker 3 look up on you. Like, this was like a change in my life.
I was like, sir, you made me want to take a talk. He was 36 years old when her band was out.

Speaker 3 That was a thing. Like, he was like a predator or something, like going back because she was only like a local band and he was just like following around this high school band or something.

Speaker 3 It was weird. Yeah.

Speaker 4 I mean, he's no Aaron O'Connell.

Speaker 3 But now he really is not.

Speaker 3 I think he's a better actor than all, because he's been in tons of stuff.

Speaker 4 This guy was, I thought he was the best actor of the thing.

Speaker 3 Besides, besides,

Speaker 3 thank you. Diana.
You know what I didn't believe? His hair. I never loved this actor.
I didn't believe his rug. That rug was disturbing.
It was a disturbing rug.

Speaker 3 It's been on and off. He's been around.
He was on like

Speaker 3 the black, the blacklist. Is that the show? Yeah.
The blacklist, New Amsterdam.

Speaker 4 He's been, I had a lot of bronzer on it first.

Speaker 3 I think he, I used to think he was so hot. And I will say, when he was in that towel, I enjoyed it.
He's hot, but he's very factory. You know, he's, he's just too

Speaker 3 smarmy, but he is very cute.

Speaker 3 A lot of character things we should talk about with him. But we'll get there.
We'll get there. Right now, we're concentrating on this.
There's a lady who was in a

Speaker 3 brand in 1992. Now she's 30-something and it's 50 years later.
And somehow she's in the cookie company.

Speaker 3 And also, she's quality control yes in a small cookie company went from being like listening by the way i'm we're only on the fourth sentence that i wrote oh lovely well so just buckle up i've already got 10 pages into this so um we are um we're with her she was a punk girl but now she's like a cookie karen and she's the manager who walks around she's like um that cookie is not good enough that

Speaker 3 everyone hates you yeah i was like whoa everyone root for cookie karen no

Speaker 3 also also, like, she's like, she has standards, and she's like, we're not putting out a shitty looking Santa Claus. Santa was fine.
That Santa was fine. It was a fine.
That's the problem, Ronnie.

Speaker 4 It was fine. It was spectacular.

Speaker 3 Well, the fact that they're wondering,

Speaker 3 we're telegraphing this Santa thing. Like, this Santa should be good.
We're telegraphing the fact that she knows about Santa's. Yes.
Yeah. Well, what happens is,

Speaker 3 so, so, right now, what we are establishing is that this character is ornery

Speaker 3 and is persnickety

Speaker 3 and has, and is, has, is very detail-oriented to a fault and has no joy and doesn't understand life. And that's why we will see her acting this way for the rest of the movie.
Just kidding.

Speaker 3 We'll be able to see her again.

Speaker 3 I know. Just kidding.
None of that. I know.
They were like, okay, here's our lead character. She just called the police on a minority in the neighborhood for no reason.

Speaker 3 You're like, okay, I guess we're going to watch a Karen Christmas. And then after she's like, totally nice.
I didn't get it.

Speaker 3 I thought they were going to change her character. like Christmas.
It was like Mrs. Scrooge or something, like Vanessa Williams when she learns the yeah, that's a good thing.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I think that they try to later on. Jumping ahead, like I think they try to show that like she's a joyless person and she can't even enjoy like whimsical things or whatever.

Speaker 3 But like what I got from it, it was like, this is someone who's actually like scrutinizes things very carefully and she's like a difficult manager.

Speaker 3 But I'm like, also, she doesn't seem to be able to hold a job. And also, since she can't hold a job and she's taking all these odd jobs, how does she wind up in a management position at this cookie?

Speaker 3 That's what I'm talking about.

Speaker 4 You don't just, you have to be an experienced baker to be a manager of a bakery.

Speaker 4 So I thought, so we're just abandoning probably the years of baking school and like working at bakeries for years and just going, fuck it.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 And also, she dropped out of college. So there's no degree.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 who's cooking iceberg balls?

Speaker 3 Okay. But everyone has to go to college, Jake.
Wow. No, I'm saying, I'm saying.

Speaker 3 Unfortunately, it looks like her dreams of being a Northwestern grad have done her.

Speaker 3 Sorry, can't be our cookie manager. Wow.

Speaker 3 Can't be cookie quality.

Speaker 3 I can't recognize a lazy Ayana Santa you didn't go to college.

Speaker 3 Wow, I guess I agree.

Speaker 3 You know, last time I checked, all those other Stanford graduates were doing pretty well with their cookies.

Speaker 3 But the issue here is she's she's like lecturing her employees, or they're not really her employees. It seems like she's somehow above them.
Yes, yes. And

Speaker 3 her job is to go behind every other baker and check their work.

Speaker 3 Okay, I mean, I think that like you're like, you need a quality, if you're doing at the clots company, you need to have quality control.

Speaker 3 And like the indication is that this is something that she has expertise in, that she's worked her way to this position, and she's very demanding, and she's had to make a lot of sacrifices along the way, which is what has, you know, usually in the way in the world of these movies, that's why she has a cold, hard heart that she can't find joy at Christmas time because she had to work so hard to get to this position.

Speaker 3 But it turns out. what the implication is later on is that she just somehow got this position

Speaker 3 and like she got it and was like, I'm going to take it very seriously and I'm going to be a bitch to everyone who's frosting cookies right now. But it has nothing to do with how I am at home.

Speaker 3 Yeah, she's also like, I get, and they did play this off in the movie that she's just severely depressed and stuff, but she's like projecting a lot of her own shit onto the cookies because she's like, this Santa's not good enough.

Speaker 3 I mean, he's clearly depressed. It's like, okay, you know, like, don't, don't put this on the Santa.
Like, I don't need to eat your failure. You know, just

Speaker 3 ice the cookie and send it out. Can we talk about the fact that there are multiple Christmas trees in this kitchen?

Speaker 3 There's like a Christmas tree over here.

Speaker 3 There's like one over here. And there's like decorations everywhere.
Just there's something about that beginning to code. It seems to be a sanitation issue.
I would think so.

Speaker 3 But I think

Speaker 3 they're trying in the first 10 minutes of a movie, a Christmas movie, they try to show there's so much decoration. There's so much reminder.

Speaker 3 It's fucking Christmas, everybody, to make sure we know that.

Speaker 4 Really patient.

Speaker 3 And they're also, so this, the supervisor comes over and he's like, excuse me.

Speaker 3 Miss Jacobson, can I speak with you, please? okay so he pulls her he pulls her over and he's basically like

Speaker 3 look unfortunately like

Speaker 3 you know cookie demand is at an all-time low there's too many people who are at home favorite sentences of dialogue who is yeah too many people are cooking

Speaker 3 or making cookies at home i'm like no your cookies are shit actually that's what exactly

Speaker 3 yeah

Speaker 3 you know what i mean tariffs do you think do you think

Speaker 3 the fact that people would people would stop like buying portos

Speaker 3 if if people started making cookies at home because this portos is fucking good so I think we all know this was just an excuse this is an excuse for the supervisor to fire Taylor because they're like she's miserable because no one likes seeing things in these cookies that do not exist rejecting her own issues from her failed crappy band and we don't like her around anymore so they just

Speaker 3 have to love her and she said no and this was like the retaliation i did not this guy. That's life.

Speaker 3 That's life right there. It is.
And I didn't like him at all. And she got like zero justice.
Like, she didn't do anything wrong. He's like, hey, guess what? The cookie economy has changed now.

Speaker 3 Take it. Okay.
And if you don't like it, thanks, Obama. Okay.
Say it on your way up.

Speaker 3 You dumb slut. Like this guy, I didn't believe him.
This guy was a harasser if I've ever seen one. And I'll die.

Speaker 3 Christmas. If this is so seasonal, there's no other time, honey.
You had to go.

Speaker 3 And yeah, I

Speaker 3 yeah, that was those that seemed like a not a smart time to fire someone.

Speaker 3 Now they have a bunch of lumpy ass, like lopsided sad Santas going out there. Yeah, fire the frosters, by the way.

Speaker 3 Like, I find that you're making cuts, fire the frosters because you need like you don't fire management first and then just have to get out on the

Speaker 3 racist America.

Speaker 3 If you want to ruin someone's Christmas, go for the lowest level position.

Speaker 3 Um, just a quick question.

Speaker 3 There was this is more about like how how the stakes um are just the flimsiest stakes in the world for a movie because she loses her job just something to remember later and this whole thing is going to be about snowboarding later and yes well and she also can't find a job which is funny because you know this the original name of this movie is the town with no door dash so

Speaker 3 She wasn't able to find a position, unfortunately, in town. DoorDash forgot.

Speaker 4 Town that dreaded DoorDash.

Speaker 3 So I assume that this initially I assumed, okay, it's going to be about like this cookie company is like a family cookie company and they got to save the cookie company.

Speaker 3 It has nothing to do with this cookie company. This is the one thing that never really they come back to.
Just Klots's cookies. They don't even reference them.

Speaker 3 They're not like we just got some Klots' cookies. It's not like

Speaker 3 she doesn't go and make a delivery of cookies back to them to help them out to save the company. Like it's nothing.

Speaker 3 Like that's just, it's just, she needed to have a job and she needed to lose her job. She needs to be in financial straits.
I will say that this guy walks like he has a butt plug in.

Speaker 3 Did you guys notice how he was walking?

Speaker 3 Like, watching for a lot of this stuff.

Speaker 3 There was a lot of gay stuff in this movie. Like, they had the boss with the butt plug.
They had the guys fucking in the stall in the end. They had the gay brother.

Speaker 3 There was a lot. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Well,

Speaker 3 we're assuming he was gay.

Speaker 3 There were more. Oh, he's definitely gay.

Speaker 4 No, that was his partner. That was his partner.
Although his partner was about to cheat on him when he followed those two hot snowboarders.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that wasn't it. Dude, I think I thought that was too.
It was he heard Stephen King. You missed that.

Speaker 3 He's a big Stephen King fan, remember? Because he loves him. He's a horror person.
Oh,

Speaker 3 I didn't get that either.

Speaker 4 How could I have missed that?

Speaker 3 I saw it later. No, here's the thing.
Here's the thing. I thought what you did, because I said, is he going after those two snowboarders? But it was that he heard Stephen King's name.

Speaker 4 I thought, wow, Netflix is supporting open relationships.

Speaker 3 Good for them. uh

Speaker 3 no i i immediately i had to correct that too yep so she gets fired which means she has to crawl into her old blue van oh boy that like why does she have one of the least believable things how did she get this van y'all how it has to be explained where why the van anthropology her house is an anthropology everything she wears is a soft you know sweater And yeah, she's brought me a fashion.

Speaker 3 Well, the van actually is really cute. I mean, I know it looked junky, but it was actually super cute for like hashtag van life because it like had a full interior of like a living.
It's big, yeah.

Speaker 3 Like she, I mean, this, and this is a problem with this character. Like, she's ready to be homeless from the very beginning.

Speaker 3 She's driving around in a van life van, and it's like you need to aim higher. You know what I mean?

Speaker 4 So, what was this the van? And they should have, was this the van from when they were the screaming kittens, and this was their band van?

Speaker 3 Oh, maybe, I think that's the implication. That would have been really nice to be here in their past, yeah, that would have been nice to be here.

Speaker 4 Like, if we had like screamy screamy kittens kind of like on the side, but it's like, oh, that tall craft so much.

Speaker 3 Can I ask? Yes,

Speaker 3 that's what I assume was her old band, her old band's band. But the thing is, again, her band is from like 2010 and like bands and like teenage girl bands in 2010 are not driving this van.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, you just need something to get your amps, et cetera, to the thing. So, I mean, I think they would drive a junkie van.
So maybe that is what it is.

Speaker 3 But what about, I mean, we don't have kids, obviously, but you know, people with kids. Do they keep pictures of them and their kid in their sun visor in their car? Who does that? Gross.

Speaker 3 It was, I feel like that was just a moment for her to speak us to say, I'm doing everything for my daughter. I'm living for my daughter.

Speaker 3 But it's just not good to your daughter because you use the sun visor when the sun is burning out your retinas and then you pull down the sun visor and you're like, this bitch.

Speaker 3 It's all very convenient. And this is very

Speaker 4 late 90s because I remember even mid, like in middle school and high school, like everyone, if you were dating someone, like in high school and you had a car, you would put a picture of

Speaker 3 you and that person in your little,

Speaker 4 this was very big in my hometown of Lone Grove. Everybody would have a picture of their love on the visor, not in their visor, but

Speaker 4 on the dashboard in front of the steering wheel.

Speaker 3 It's always like this one side. Oh, yeah, I've said that on my compression network where people are looking forward to it.
Yeah, so I'm not sure.

Speaker 3 I need to know about your kids. Just nobody does this anymore.

Speaker 3 Well, honestly, though, this was the beiser was about the reveal. This was about the

Speaker 3 here's me and my kid. Yeah.

Speaker 4 And it does seem like this person that wrote this movie was in a Kimmy Schmidt bunker for about 15 years and they came out and thought life hadn't changed.

Speaker 3 Because they probably wrote the script in 1999 and it's been sitting around for 25 years and they finally just like threw it at Netflix. So they arrive at, I was actually very impressed by this.

Speaker 3 She arrives at her home and it's like a multi-family, like sort of apartment building kind of thing.

Speaker 3 And like, it's funny because normally in these movies, there's always someone who is poor and broke, like, oh my God, the family business is about to fall. We don't have any money.

Speaker 3 And then they like go back to their like hollow 1905 Victorian mansion house.

Speaker 3 This actually did feel like it did feel like it's not government housing, but it felt like she would live there.

Speaker 3 It did feel like she would live there it was flop house uh adjacent with nice with with nice like with nice crisp looking stuff

Speaker 3 like condo-y is like sort of condo-esque but it was like it was like actually almost too realistic for these types of movies because normally they just make it seem like these beautiful towns where everyone lives in a lovely house with like a with an angled roof and like shingles and a and a chimney and like a front porch and i was like no this is the she lives in an apartment building yeah and so um she's walking in and she's walking into this like very gloomy hallway,

Speaker 3 scary hallway.

Speaker 3 She's basically left like the set of Nomad Land and now is like entering into like that would have been good if she just lived in her van and like Francis McDormand was her neighbor and she like had to pretend to be Francis

Speaker 3 pretend to be Santa so that Frances McDormand didn't freak out every Christmas because her son died. Yes.
Yeah. There you go.

Speaker 3 Or she like, she's like, I know what I'm going to do to raise the money for my daughter's snowboard camp. I'm going to sell these precious family dishes.

Speaker 3 And then David Struthairn comes by and breaks all the dishes by accident.

Speaker 3 Spoiler alert. Spoiler.
Sorry, T. Sorry, Nomad Land.
Nomad Land cut.

Speaker 3 So, yes, she's trying to, she walks through and she's creaks, she steps on, and there's a creak. And then we meet Dora Lee.
Now, Dora Lee. She said her name was Dora Lee.

Speaker 3 I immediately resisted her because that is the name of Dolly Parton's character in 9 to 5. And so my first thought was, how dare you? you? How dare you? How dare you? Dora Lee.

Speaker 3 How is this not Dolly Parton? Like, you can't just call somebody Dora Lee in a movie and have a great be okay with that.

Speaker 3 So it took me a minute for it to be one over, even though it was that actress and I love that actress. So it didn't.
I feel like if you call someone Dora Lee,

Speaker 3 you are immediately telling them, I think this was a misnomer. I think you're immediately telling us that this person is stupid.

Speaker 3 Or this person is well, because that was Dolly Parton's, she was backwoods and they think they considered her dumb. And she wasn't.
They considered her dumb. So she had to go above her name.

Speaker 3 And there are, so they're already saddling Dora Lee as this. And she's so much more.

Speaker 3 I don't think they were thinking about that.

Speaker 3 They were, though, because this was gays, wasn't it? I mean, this was like gay guys. Your character.

Speaker 3 Your character name is a huge deal. Your character name is really important.
They are. There were too many references to beards in this movie that I was like, this has to be written by a gay man.

Speaker 3 Yeah, this was like. Especially there's there's like, there's like a, there's a lot of scenes.
Ron is the gays. Yeah.
Yeah. So she comes out and she's basically like, you're late with rent again.

Speaker 3 And she's annoyed and she's like, this fucking twit here thinks I don't know about her stupid band. I know she's got money.
I know she's getting residuals. Perfect.
Okay.

Speaker 3 Her teenage band, her teenage local band from 97 years ago.

Speaker 3 She says, they release an album. They have, they have a vinyl.
One album.

Speaker 3 I I had to put a new carburetor in my van. And Zoe wants a new snowboard for Christmas.
Like, that's an excuse. But

Speaker 3 I really felt for Kaylee or whatever the girl's name is because Zoe.

Speaker 3 Zoe. No, of course it is.

Speaker 3 Oh, Taylor. Taylor.
I felt for Taylor because I used to live in, when I lived in West Hollywood, my landlord lived right upstairs from me. And that is so fucking annoying.

Speaker 3 And she had a window that she could see me come out of my apartment. It's like an outdoor building.

Speaker 3 And so she would always be like, come, honey, could you maybe be a little quieter down there during the movie? It's like you always had to hear her shit.

Speaker 3 And so I felt for her for having her landlord be right there up in her business. I don't need that.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Could I also say that maybe

Speaker 3 this is a real trope of the landlord being a bad person, of the landlord saying, you know, you're late on the rent again. This is four months.

Speaker 3 Maybe the first time she was like, hey, Taylor, good to see you.

Speaker 3 It's the second,

Speaker 3 or it's actually the fifth, and I just didn't get the check yet. It's great, you know.
I Zoe's looking really, really fun.

Speaker 3 That is one of those, that's one of those things you say as you age because you start siding with the people that are supposed to be the villains. Like, you watch rent.

Speaker 3 When I went to see the movie version of rent, I was like, but they're not paying their rent.

Speaker 3 Like, how are they in the career?

Speaker 3 Just trying to abide by the rules of business.

Speaker 3 It's not like Dora Lee and Scrooge McDuck here, like swimming around in pools of gold. She's living the same thing, too.
She also needs to pay for her. She predicted your ass a long time ago.

Speaker 3 This isn't California. You don't have squatting rights.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And like, and by the second, by the second time, she's like, Dorale's like, Taylor, you know, I know money's tight, but just maybe by the sixth or seventh, the check.

Speaker 3 The third month, she's like, Taylor, I know you've been avoiding me. Just give me the money.
And now this time is like, I need the money, which makes sense by the fourth.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I love it.
100% does, you know, because I'm kind of rating against the girl. I'm like, where's her cushion?

Speaker 3 She's the most well-drawn character in the entire page.

Speaker 4 We should have had an eviction notice on the door that said be out two weeks. That would have also raised the stakes of this movie.

Speaker 3 Reality gaze and watch what crap insides with landlords. Put it out there.
Yes.

Speaker 3 We love landlords.

Speaker 4 All right, everybody. That was the first part of our marathon.
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