#3133 Crappens Rewind: My Octopus Teacher on Netflix (Part 2)

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Speaker 2 Hello, and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. This is part two of the recap.

Speaker 2 If you missed part one, go check out your podcast feed. It's right there.
And without further ado, let's get right back into the recap.

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 2 day 134, named after my favorite highway in Los Angeles. And it's a week later.

Speaker 2 And she's healed quite fast. And guess what? Patty's grown a miniature arm.
She has this little arm

Speaker 2 to keep a good diva down.

Speaker 3 And you know that's happened in real life. You know that like during anything goes, like a toe fell off or something.
It's like, don't worry, it'll be fixed by Tuesday.

Speaker 2 Literally anything goes.

Speaker 3 Anything grows.

Speaker 3 The octopus patty the podemus.

Speaker 2 And then he and then, of course, Craig has to make it all about himself. He goes, seeing her with her little nubby tentacle, I realized that I too was getting past difficulties.

Speaker 2 In a strange way, our lives were mirroring each other. Like, Craig, you did not lose a limb, okay, while your friend watched, okay?

Speaker 2 Like, your thing is that, like, you, you said hi to your wife today for the first time in six months. It's not the same.

Speaker 3 It's like my relationship with people, with humans, were changing.

Speaker 3 My son at this stage was fairly interested in everything under the water, so I put him down into the water, waited for a shock to bite one of his his limbs off, and said, There, now we both know how bad he feels.

Speaker 2 I like that he said his relationship with humans was changing, and yet we really saw none of his relationship with humans, except for his son swimming.

Speaker 2 I mean, that was nice, his son was swimming, but like, why don't you show us your wife or family? I mean, assuming he has a wife.

Speaker 2 Oh my God, could you imagine we're saying all this stuff and his wife has like passed away or something? You take it all back.

Speaker 3 I hope not. Jeez.

Speaker 3 Maybe that's why he was so depressed, actually. Okay, what's his name? Let's look it up.

Speaker 2 Okay, Craig such Craig Foster.

Speaker 2 I think it's Craig Foster.

Speaker 3 Australian retired soccer player.

Speaker 2 Octopus. Craig Foster octopus.
Craig octopus. Wife.
We're doing like an emergency.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 2 Is he married?

Speaker 2 There's an actual article that says from the cinemaholic.

Speaker 3 Craig Foster is married to Padma Lakshmi.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 2 Where is he from? He's from South Africa. Yes.
What does he do? Okay. Yes, yes, yes.
Where's his wife? I don't see it yet. Where is he now?

Speaker 2 His wife, Swati Theagarajan Garajan. Okay, good.

Speaker 2 Oh, he lives in a pristine hillside overlooking False Bay. Of course, he lives in False Bay.

Speaker 3 What's False Bay?

Speaker 2 I don't know, but that's where he lives.

Speaker 3 They have a, when I looked up her name, there's a little video, and from far away, it's a very small picture of her, but she has a Padma vibe. She's very beautiful.
Smalla.

Speaker 3 Okay, now I have to look where False Bay is. False Bay.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, there she is.

Speaker 3 False Bay is a body of water in the Atlantic Ocean between the mountainous. Oh, so this was the house that we saw, right?

Speaker 2 No, no, you're looking at the wrong Craig Foster. That's not.

Speaker 2 Oh, wait, no, Craig Foster wife, Swati?

Speaker 2 Yeah, Swati. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 God, she's gorgeous. See, okay, so here's the thing with Craig.

Speaker 2 Now that we know he has a gorgeous wife, of course he's the guy who's like good looking, has a gorgeous wife, has a gorgeous house, has everything perfect, and he's like, but something's missing.

Speaker 2 It's like, Craig.

Speaker 2 Look around. You've got everything.

Speaker 3 Yeah, and she's a famous author, too.

Speaker 3 Wow.

Speaker 2 Okay, I'm so glad she's alive so we can. Me too.

Speaker 3 You really scared me. I was like, we're going to have to re-record this.
I can't go through the emotions again.

Speaker 2 Well, guess what? Day 250,

Speaker 2 the octopus's confidence is back. She's back, baby.
Limited engagement on Broadway.

Speaker 2 My name and the big lights because I'm back and I'm going for the Tony.

Speaker 3 Finally, 180 days later, my arm is regrown.

Speaker 3 So violins are playing, and he's like, it's amazing to think this animal is capable of that, withstanding that type of attack and fully recovering.

Speaker 3 And I'm so happy because I thought this was it for her. You know, I was like, this is over.
I was already crying. I was ready to just be done with this whole thing.
But she's back.

Speaker 3 She's got a second chance, baby.

Speaker 2 She's got a second wind and Craig is busy appropriating her pain. When I lost my limb during that shock attack, I didn't think there was another chapter for me.
I'm like, no, it wasn't you, Craig.

Speaker 2 You did not lose the limb.

Speaker 3 so she goes back to normal and um she's sinking on a rock and he's like it was a nice calm clear day just crabs chilling and she comes around the corner and she sees a crab and he's like never saw

Speaker 2 from war paint it's patty versus like i'm not she's like uh-uh no no no no i'm the one here i'm gonna win this yeah and she's like the problem uh he says the problem when you all crack did we see that musical together warpaint no you saw no you just saw it by yourself and told me about it.

Speaker 3 Oh, so good. I mean, not really, but it was cool to see them.

Speaker 3 He's like, the problem when you're a crab, you're now being hunted by a liquid animal. She could pull herself through a tiny crack.
I know the feeling of being hunted by a liquid animal.

Speaker 3 I'm like, no, you don't. Craig.

Speaker 3 You don't know the feeling.

Speaker 2 And Craig, can you just, okay, just... Just grab the crab and give it to her.
Like, this is ridiculous. They're spending so much energy.
So this crab, this crab thinks it's got it all figured out.

Speaker 2 I kind of felt bad for this crab, mainly because it was about to die, but also, like,

Speaker 2 I don't know, sometimes, I mean, I find crabs to be hilarious because they're like basically the Bethany Frankls of the sea, right? Like, so what's the matter? What's happened? What's going on?

Speaker 2 Just hanging out with you. Okay, you know what? You got to do? Okay, just get away from me.
Okay, you're a liquid animal. Okay, how about you eat other liquid? Okay, because I'm a crab.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Let me just, okay, I'm just going to, I'm going to jump off this ledge. Okay.
I can't. I literally can't.

Speaker 3 And the crab. Now, I was wondering, why am I feeling for the octopus?

Speaker 3 And now I'm never going to eat an octopus again, but I'm not feeling for the crab is it because I think the crab is dumber than the octopus and so yeah the crab is crabby I guess, but the crab, it's kind of a cute scene, even though you know it's going to end in death.

Speaker 3 And I was like, this is sick that I'm thinking this is cute. But anyway, the crab knows that she's coming for it, right?

Speaker 3 She can't really see it because it's so good at hiding itself and turning into rocks. I mean, the whole time it's changing into different things.
It's so cool.

Speaker 2 Terrifying for the crab.

Speaker 3 I know, but the crabs just knows that it's there. It senses it, right? So it starts hiding.
And then it, you know, it waits, and then it hides.

Speaker 3 And then it just waits, and then it hides under, like, the C version of Mrs. Roper.

Speaker 2 Stanley, is there a crab under me?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Hey, Stanley, I finally got crabs. It's like, oh, gross.
Like, Mrs. Roper making old gross sex jokes.

Speaker 2 It's this big red C enemony. Is it enemine, enemy? How do you say it? Enemone.
Whatever it is. I don't know.

Speaker 3 I wrote

Speaker 3 poisonous enemy, but I was like, wow, why would they name that thing an enemy? It's like the most gorgeous pink, you know, frilly dress, frumpy, but like Moo Moo.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it is. No, but it's spelled, I think, A-N-E-M-O-N-E.
I think it's anemone.

Speaker 2 And it's, you know, it's like clownfish hang out in them. Like, hmm, who want to get me? You'll have to deal with Mrs.
Roper first.

Speaker 2 So the crab is like under it. And then, so Patty's like, fine, I'll wait.
I can always wait. Okay, this show's not starting without me.
So she just waits.

Speaker 2 And the crab, this is where the crab is not very Bethany because Bethany would never fall for this shit. Maybe now that's...

Speaker 3 Yeah, Bethany's smarter for sure.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't know. Maybe it's not Bethany.
It has a Bethany vibe, but maybe it's, I don't know what would be a more accurate Bravo star for this, for this crap. Maybe Kristen from

Speaker 3 like a raquel. It's kind of a raquel, I guess.
Raquel is a jellyfish. I'm going to hide in a dress.
It's like you're wearing a dress.

Speaker 2 No, the crab is Lindsay from Summerhouse. You do not want to see me activate it.
I'm going to pinch you. Oh my God.
And then, like, hides and is like, I'm literally in a new hiding space.

Speaker 2 And this is awesome. But then someone tells her that there's like a cocktail special at like Hampton social or whatever it was.
She's like, oh my God, I got to leave Mrs. Robert.

Speaker 2 I go out and find a cocktail special.

Speaker 3 I'm going to hide in the shower.

Speaker 3 Like, oh,

Speaker 3 that's your body.

Speaker 3 So,

Speaker 3 so it thinks everything's okay. Here's an event at Hampton Social and comes comes out and dumbass.
I mean, God, dumb, dumb. So

Speaker 3 the close, you see the close-up of the arm and it starts to kind of envelop the crab. And you should be yelling, run, crab, run.
But I'm like, I can still eat crabs. They're idiots.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Patty's like, give me that. And she's like, tries to grab it.
And so then this crab just is like, then the crab just like skitters away somehow.

Speaker 2 And then it just like, careens off of a off of like a sea cliff. And then it's just like floating.
It just like it's a full on, like Lindsay, like, do not activate me straight to the rose.

Speaker 3 Yeah, and just like floating through the water, yeah, dropping like a slow-motion diehard. It's like, that's it, I'm going off this building.

Speaker 3 And then it just like drops, but you're like, it's the water. How fast can you drop? You're a crab.
And also, crabs are there. It's not fair what God did to crabs.

Speaker 3 I feel like God was like, ha ha, you're going to get eaten. I'll give you a shell, but you're never, you're never going to walk straight.
Yeah, for one thing. You can only see side to side.

Speaker 2 yeah

Speaker 2 and like everyone can get through your shell too by the way your shell is just like a fake defense because like everyone gets through crab shells like every every animal has figured out a way to get through crab shells don't worry your shell is going to be super hard unless it's wet

Speaker 2 enjoyed looking delicious too by the way

Speaker 3 Oh, gosh. So, yeah, so it drops and then we see a close-up on the crab's eye, like, oh, fuck, fuck me.
And then the octopus jumps on top top of it and spreads out and just like like

Speaker 2 envelops it you know and then takes it back to the rock and then craig being so like judgy to his friend is like well she's not a very clean eater like just let her eat her food okay so then so she of course she does have like food everywhere and and like this crab is like everywhere so then all these like creepy ass

Speaker 2 i think they were called brittle stars they approach out of nowhere they're like they look those look like aliens they're like these little black squares, but they have like those four arms.

Speaker 2 They just like...

Speaker 2 It seems like they don't have eyes or mouth. Whatever they are, they come out of nowhere.

Speaker 3 They're starfish. They're like

Speaker 3 starfish in the movie Alien, you know? Yes. They look, they're black, they're terrifying.
And she just tips one over, like she flings one over on its back.

Speaker 3 And it really does look like a starfish, but they're just like the creepiest, scariest version of starfish you've ever seen.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they were terrible. I hated them.
They just kept coming. And I was like, please stop.
And she's just like, you know, she's like, get out, get out.

Speaker 2 This dressing room is for friends and family only. Get out.

Speaker 3 Get out, especially if you're Glenn fucking close.

Speaker 3 So

Speaker 3 he says she's going to have this problem of brittle stars taking all of her food. And not that long in the future, she thought, there's brittle stars coming after her.

Speaker 3 And then I realized she has this talent of picking them up with her suckers and throwing them out of the den. Now she's the boss.
And I was like, yes, girl.

Speaker 2 But also, like, she literally has eight arms. Like, what did he expect her to do? Like, she does, like, literally the simplest thing.
She takes an arm and bats them away. Of course.

Speaker 2 They're like, they basically are like...

Speaker 2 They basically look like Oreos. Oreos with legs.
Like, they're not going to have a huge amount of defense.

Speaker 3 But it is funny how she does it. Like, she suckers one.
She suckers one with just like one sucker and just flips it on its back. And it's like, hey, wait a minute.
God damn it.

Speaker 2 and now where are the sharks why don't the sharks eat the brittle the brittle stars because like something should eat them i don't want them around i don't know they really show you in this that there is like the order you know the order of the food chain and how everything has something to eat or whatever it's so terrible i would hate to be like

Speaker 2 like in i i don't want to be in the food chain like that you know like to think that like your entire life is basically like

Speaker 2 Like am I going to be eaten by something else today? Like, that's a terrible way to live.

Speaker 3 Yeah, well, I guess i think humans are probably going to end up getting eaten one day like aliens are going to come down and be like oh ronnie looks delicious he's been seasoned with cheese tomato sauce and carbs for 40 years get him pretty much

Speaker 2 so um so now patty decides now that she's like all cocky because she got a crab now she wants to go for a lobster and uh she's like not very good catching lobsters.

Speaker 2 She keeps on trying to do crab techniques on lobsters, but you know, those are two different kind of, you know, beasts.

Speaker 2 And so she keeps on like whiffing she keeps on like sort of like trying to do like almost like a big like surprise I'm hugging you but like the lobster's like I'm out of here like every single time yeah she like tries to do the embrace thing yeah where she's like sneaking up but the lobster and lobsters aren't that bright either like they swim backwards I never did that Did you well, I read, I recently read a book called The Secret Life of Lobsters.

Speaker 2 So I actually know way more about lobsters than I ever thought I would. Like, did you know that they pee out of their eyeballs? How about that?

Speaker 3 Ew,

Speaker 3 like Michael from Real Hot Swas of the Potomac.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they, no, they do, like, they do, like, shoot backwards like that.

Speaker 2 And I used to know, like, if you asked me about two months ago, I could give you every single fact about a lobster, but now they've already started to fade.

Speaker 3 It's like an enemy's coming and they're pressing reverse, you know, and you just, there's movies where they're going down the freeway all in reverse, speeding away.

Speaker 3 Also, they're not the cutest animals, which I don't know if that makes you feel better.

Speaker 3 Well,

Speaker 3 that lobster was was like that was a like a spiny lobster so it didn't have the big claws when you have the big claws they become a lot cuter oh okay you know when it's just like body and and tail it's kind of they look a little ridiculous so then he starts noticing all the animals that she's capturing and he's like well how is she killing them and eating them you know because like let's face it she's not the most graceful like she's got eight arms so

Speaker 3 so then um he says that at the base of all of her arms there's a drill and it can drill through the shell, and it drops poison into the shells to see how they react.

Speaker 3 So she has to test different ways to get into that shell and find just the right spot to drop the poison into, because it'll only relax if it's right in the apex of the shell.

Speaker 3 And he's like, The geometry that she does to drill the precise spot to get her food, it's very high level.

Speaker 2 But still. Pretty much a lower primate.

Speaker 2 Let's not cross that line, right?

Speaker 3 She will never have the right to vote that much, I can tell you. But great with geometry.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's like, she's teaching me so much. And we just see him with shells.
He's like learning about shells. He's like saying, oh, there's a hole in that shell.
Okay, I've learned.

Speaker 2 Like, Wikipedia could do the same thing.

Speaker 3 And we also see badass, though. Like, I never, I mean, of course, I don't know that much, so I'm impressed by everything.

Speaker 3 But I was like, oh, I guess you do see those shells at the ocean that have a little hole drilled in there. It's like, how did that happen? Who drilled a hole in it?

Speaker 2 Well, was that hole from the drill, or was that

Speaker 2 hole she drilled that hole, right?

Speaker 3 She drilled it. Yeah, she drills it and then she drops poison in, and then the animal opens up and comes out of the shell so she can eat it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, exactly. Also, I like that we saw there was like a cutaway shot too.
It looked like a sea slug that was wearing a yarmulke.

Speaker 2 And I was like, I love that my people are being represented in the kelp forest.

Speaker 2 It's like a slug with a yarmulke, literally a slug with a yarmulke.

Speaker 3 So on his board, he's like, now I know how the helmet shell is connected to the octopus, and I know how all these lines and dots are connecting with all the animals of the ocean.

Speaker 3 And then we see some more amazing footage with the unsung hero of this film, the jellyfish. I mean,

Speaker 2 jellyfish is not getting any credit. Jellyfish are just...
just floating around, looking beautiful. They are.

Speaker 3 They're stunningly gorgeous. Okay, so like the forest mind, I could feel it.
That big creature. It was a thousand times more awake and intelligent.

Speaker 3 This giant underwater brain developing for millions of years, keeping everything in balance, and everything was perfect in the forest. And then horror music, of course.
It's a sharp

Speaker 2 By the way, everything was in balance until you showed up, Craig. Let's not forget, you're the one who was the outsider here with your camera.

Speaker 3 Balance tipper.

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Speaker 2 so here comes the sharks okay so scary ass sharks i don't like it the shark looks bigger than it ever has it's just so big and so now there's like this really harrowing shark sequence that really stressed me out the entire time i'm not gonna lie i was very stressed during all this it was really really stressful because you kind of know it's coming right and um

Speaker 3 He looks just so sad. I mean, he's about to jump off the rock he lives on.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so we're like, this is.

Speaker 3 He's He's so depressed and he's blinking back tears the whole time. So he swims down and there's horn music and he's like, I have this burnt in my memory of this shark just suddenly approaching.

Speaker 3 She kept still and tried to hide and you just saw the shark swimming on the periphery, picking up a scent. And I thought, oh no, this nightmare is happening all over again.

Speaker 2 And then like a chase begins.

Speaker 2 So now it's like the shark is chasing the octopus and everything and then like she's like she just like finds some kelp and she's like latches onto it and she's like i'm getting back into my fur because she like whenever she gets finds like a leaf she just gets so glamorous and she rolls herself up and she hides and the shark is like she's like looking out from the kelp like is he there is he there are the critics here still is that so so the shark is like swimming around smelling her and like biting off pieces of kelp really aggressively and i was like that's not cool that was like like can you just like eat a little more politely like with your violent bites of kelp No reason not to have manners.

Speaker 2 Yeah, seriously.

Speaker 3 So it's dumb, you know, and it's only going off smell. So yes, it's snapping at all the kelp.

Speaker 3 And this guy also, again, has balls of steel following this because it's like he's right there the whole time. I mean, he gets such amazing footage and he holds his breath for such a long time.

Speaker 2 I know. But I'm also like, she's probably like, yo, could you like get away from me? I'm trying to hide like this camera right here.
Like, this is pretty much tipping off the shark where I am.

Speaker 3 Could you just like go get out of my kelp yeah true but she also hides and so it's like there's so many rocks girl and you're hiding like it's like Patty the okay Patty someone's coming it's like all right I'll be a showgirl you're like well like that's not how things are all right I'll be a tap dancing showgirl how about this boy no go to your escape go to no go to your panic room all right give me a fur and a bow and a top hat we're gonna do this the proper way no just get to your panic room she's doing like Busby Berkeley down there

Speaker 3 Uh, so she shoots. She finally, the shark is gonna get her, right? Because she's in this fabulous outfit.
So she shoots out of the outfit and blows ink out.

Speaker 3 And then she is running so hard, she's like, fuck it, I'm going to where the guy came from. So she climbs out of the water onto a rock, and he follows her right up onto the rock.

Speaker 3 And he's like, I'm amazed. I almost can't believe my eyes.
But then the problem is, of course, she's got to go back.

Speaker 3 And so she's, Oh, God, this is heart-wrenching. So she jumps back in and the shark picks up her scent again.
And then another crazy chase is on.

Speaker 3 She runs like hell, and then she sinks back into a rock. And the shark keeps coming and coming at her and coming at her.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And at this point, again, I'm like, Craig, at what point are you like, you've already like...

Speaker 2 You got to step in here, Craig. I mean, you already gave her a muscle.
So you've already crossed a line. So it's fine.
Just

Speaker 2 get rid of that shark because this is your friend here. And this is going on way too long.
It's over. Enough.

Speaker 3 Enough. Yeah.
It's too much, dude. So then

Speaker 3 he's like, and then, oh, so then she goes.

Speaker 3 Go ahead. What are you saying?

Speaker 2 No, I'm just laughing because I know where this is heading. And basically.

Speaker 2 She finds a bunch of shells. She has like a moment of freedom.
So she finds a bunch of shells and she wraps herself up in the shells just like before. And Craig has like the most obvious realization.

Speaker 2 And he's like, and that's when I realized when she surrounded herself with shells, she was doing it to protect herself. I'm like, Yeah, do you know what shells are for?

Speaker 2 They're not only for accessories.

Speaker 3 I know, but she does it so fabulously. It's so cool because she's got like thousands of suckers on her, and she just grabs individual shells from all over and puts together this amazing outfit.

Speaker 3 I mean, she just

Speaker 3 gorgeous. It's like Molly Ringwald and Pretty in Pink, how she sews her own prom dress.
You know, it's like, oh my God, she's so talented. But this thing does it in two seconds.

Speaker 2 I love the pockets. I love the silhouette.
I love it.

Speaker 3 The only thing I don't like about this outfit is the death.

Speaker 3 So

Speaker 3 she's like a crazy little piece of art, you know, this like beautiful shell ball, the shell bowling ball. And

Speaker 3 the shark doesn't notice her at first, but then obviously he smells probably the old spice covering her. And it comes and it grabs her.

Speaker 2 And then I'm losing my fucking mind at this point yeah it is like because so patty like patty is a ball of shells and the octopus has her in his mouth and it's just like shaking shaking shaking shaking just trying to like get her to relent and the the shark is doing whatever it can and then of course craig's like but i have to breathe so he goes up and he takes a breath and and then when he comes back down again Patty has done the most Patty Lapone thing of all time, which is for some reason, somehow, we will never know how, she is now on top of the shark, just riding it like a horse.

Speaker 2 Still all in her shells.

Speaker 3 She's fucking amazing, this chick, okay?

Speaker 3 I guess she reached up somehow and stuck herself onto his back and pulled herself up there and confused the hell out of him because he can't move to catch her back there.

Speaker 3 And so it's like this beautiful little jeweled shell bowling ball riding a shark.

Speaker 2 It's like this weird thing of like, wait, what? There's an octopus riding a shark. And she's just like, here I am, boys.
I told you anything goes.

Speaker 2 Oh my God. And then, so the shark is like, you know, Jill's like,

Speaker 2 this is when Jill Zarin gets fired off the housewives. She's like, what, huh?

Speaker 3 What?

Speaker 3 Sorry, Jill Zarin. The audience just thought you were too negative this time.

Speaker 2 Sorry, you're a shark, and then you end up with an octopus on your back. It just doesn't work with your brand.
We're going to have to demote you.

Speaker 3 So she's swimming, and the shark doesn't know how to get her. And he goes, the shark had just been completely outwitted.

Speaker 3 And then the shark just swims so dumbly. I mean, you just, it's like so dumb.
They just lost McClure. They're probably culkin again.

Speaker 3 You know, it's like they had him cornered and they firebombed the wrong house or whatever.

Speaker 2 This shark, I hope that this shark was actually just like banished from that, that like weird shark sex cave because like they probably were all watching.

Speaker 2 Like, are seriously, like, this really, like, this, like, do you see yourself? You have the art, it's on your back. It's on your back.
You are a shame to all of us sharks, and you are banished.

Speaker 2 Go out to find another Keltifarster.

Speaker 3 Well, maybe that's why they were biting him in the beginning, you know, because all of the stuff starts to circle back. And in the beginning, we saw the sharks fighting with each other.

Speaker 3 And maybe they were just like, You idiot! You either get enough of us, you're out of this family. And that's been his arc the entire time.
Like, I'm not sure.

Speaker 2 We told you to get a job. We told you to get a job, earn your own money, and like make make, like, make a decent name for yourself.
And what are you doing?

Speaker 2 You're running around with an octopus on your back.

Speaker 3 So

Speaker 3 she finally

Speaker 3 gets off of him because he's so dumb. Like, she sees a rock and she pushes herself off of him and slinks into this rock.
And

Speaker 3 Craig is just so impressed. Everyone's impressed.
I'm like cheering in my house. And then they do a close, he does a close-up on her face, and it's so awesome.

Speaker 3 Like she's just peeking out from this rock and she squints her eyes like, yes.

Speaker 3 Fucked with the wrong octopus.

Speaker 2 Yeah, not only did I win, but I humiliated you, you stupid shark.

Speaker 3 That was on film, moron.

Speaker 2 You'll always have to live with that. I don't know what's going to happen with me going forward, but you will always have to live with that.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 he starts saying that he suspected he was around for about 80% of her life, which, you know, you now know, like, uh-oh, things are wrapping up here.

Speaker 2 And then we have this,

Speaker 2 it's like, it's, there's a school of fish that have come by, and uh, there's all these fish on the line, and Patty just has all her arms up, and she's just like slapping at the fish, like, hello, hello.

Speaker 2 Oh, I love when all my fans come to see me. Hello, who wants an autograph? I'm very approachable, despite what the articles say about me.
Look at me, I'm having hair.

Speaker 2 So, here's my arm, here's an arm, here's an arm.

Speaker 3 I'm not getting in that limo until everybody has a signature on a ticket. Pass over the playbill, honey.

Speaker 3 Yeah, she's signing all these off, and the fish are kind of it looks like the fish are playing with her because they keep coming over in their school and then like sitting right above her.

Speaker 3 And then she snatches at all of them and then they run, but then they come right back. And then she chases.

Speaker 2 I think the fish just have no idea what's going on. They're like, oh shit, we got to get out of here.
Wait a second.

Speaker 3 What if we go back there though?

Speaker 2 She's like, oh, the dumb fish are back. I love playing these idiots.

Speaker 3 We were getting swatted at, but now we're not getting swatted at. Maybe if we go back to the place that we got swatted at, we won't get swatted at anymore.

Speaker 2 Maybe next time we won't get swatted at.

Speaker 3 Get out of here, Patty. Get out of here, Eliza.
This is my

Speaker 2 this is my kelp far. There's only room for one diva in this place.
Swat, swat, swat.

Speaker 3 So I thought she was playing with the... It looks totally like a pet, like animals playing together.
Well, I mean, you know, it looks like Dodge playing with whatever, fish.

Speaker 3 I can't make a comparison, really.

Speaker 3 He's like, well, I was like, hold on. When she hunts, she's strategic and focused.
This behavior doesn't feel predatory. She's playing with.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And she's like this anti-social animal playing with fish.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 when she's done playing, she sees Craig and she like swims up to him and then cuddles up on his body. And it's like just so cute.

Speaker 2 She's like, My friend, who doesn't save me around sharks, but still, like, I've just come to accept that about him. And you can't change people.

Speaker 2 And I've accepted him for who he is, and I really like him. He's a terrible protector, but he's got soft skin, so I'm going to cuddle on him.

Speaker 2 So they cuddle, and then he goes, and that was the last time we had physical contact.

Speaker 3 I was like,

Speaker 3 no,

Speaker 3 I know. And then he's about to cry.
And then day 324, a storm's coming. And the waters are all, you know, rough, and there's sentiment everywhere, or sediment everywhere.

Speaker 3 And he goes down, and horror movie, boong!

Speaker 3 There's another big octopus right next to her. Tony's very babe.

Speaker 3 It's very rare to see two octopus close together.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Where the hell did this guy come from?

Speaker 3 What's going on?

Speaker 2 I hate to break it to you, Craig, but certain things happen

Speaker 2 when a man octopus and a lady octopus have feelings for each other.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but

Speaker 3 octopus is such men, you know, it's like I'm going to come here, lay, and get out of here. Have fun raising off five million children.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 3 He lays next to her and he's like, all right, they're boning, I guess.

Speaker 3 And one of them has their octopus arm sticking straight up, which was hilarious, like a boner. And I don't know if it was like touching the camera or what it was, but

Speaker 3 did you notice that?

Speaker 2 I did. At that point, I was like, now Craig knows what it's like to be a gay man, okay?

Speaker 2 Because when your straight friends have babies and then you never see them again, okay? That's when you just got the experience. Congratulations.

Speaker 3 The last time she had dinner with me.

Speaker 2 The last time we had

Speaker 3 a baby.

Speaker 2 Then she got a baby.

Speaker 2 This is what it is, people. I'm just breaking the news to you.

Speaker 2 You may not like it, but this is the truth.

Speaker 3 By this stage, I knew quite well the stages of an octopus's life. So while I was excited to see the meeting, I mean, who wouldn't be? Bonatown,

Speaker 3 there was a dread in the bottom of my stomach. She wasn't coming out of that den.
There was no more feeding, no more game night, no more films at the Arc Light.

Speaker 2 How did... I have a question, though.

Speaker 2 How did Tony Shaloup find her? Because, like, it seemed like she was the only octopus in town.

Speaker 3 He must have just been, like, it must be something like when the guy is ready to do it he just starts like trolling you know kelp forest or something like that you know it was those idiot gossipy fish that were like what when you slut get off the street slut huh look at the lady slut walking down the street like a lady this lady slut slapping at us yeah they're like hey octopus stud you looking for that slut she's probably under that rock over there looking like a bowling ball or something

Speaker 2 stupid slut hanging out with humans why don't you show what a real octopus is like yeah they were like the busybody townspeople

Speaker 2 they have like they have like bandanas in their hair

Speaker 2 chewing gum yeah

Speaker 2 but that slut down by the corner and kept fire she's hanging out with a human yeah why don't you show why don't you be a real octopus and show what a real octopus does how about that huh yeah hide your husband's ladies it's like

Speaker 3 yeah all of them so uh he's like i just keep going back every day to check and she's oxygenating her eggs with her siphon she's slowing her death and timing her death for the hatching of those eggs.

Speaker 3 And it struck home so hard of me. Here's an invertebrate, a mollusk, sacrificing her life for her young.
Reminds me so much of myself.

Speaker 2 Like how I almost sacrificed my life. Really only for myself, actually.
Yeah, not just for myself. It was just for myself.

Speaker 2 I have an entire family and I could have died many, many times out here just for the sake of an octopus and left them in the lurch, but it did remind me of me in some sort of way.

Speaker 3 Oh, so then the

Speaker 3 eggs hatch, and they're these tiny, invisible, like they're see-through little tiny things, and they go into the water column.

Speaker 2 She's not eating. She's not eating at all, by the way.
Right.

Speaker 3 She's like Jessica Tandy end of cocoon, like totally full on.

Speaker 2 And so they all hatch. She's spent all her energy doing this.
Again, like, Mark, where's your muscle now?

Speaker 2 Like, maybe she wants to eat something because, like, she can't afford to leave and because it'd be vulnerable.

Speaker 3 So she just has to like chill there and not feed and not hunt and it's like bring her a muscle maybe she wants to be there for her kids okay no it's time to die it's just how it works out so she's starting to die basically and then of course the asshole townspeople come out and just start eating her

Speaker 2 yeah because she sort of like she sort of like tumbles out of the den she's so weak she like the water i think just sort of like washes her out of the den so now she's just like out there on the sidewalk like in her bathrobe with yeah hey i used to be on broadway you know yeah she's all white and she's dying.

Speaker 3 It's so sad. So, of course, I'm crying.
You know, I'm crying at this part.

Speaker 2 Brittle stars.

Speaker 3 And then these fucking starfish things.

Speaker 2 Get away from her. Give her some privacy.

Speaker 3 Monsters. They just start pulling on her leg, just ripping her apart, eating her alive.
Really?

Speaker 2 I can't stand them.

Speaker 3 Come on.

Speaker 3 I think when people are like, why do you want to live in the middle of nowhere? Don't you want to live in a community? No, this is why. This is what they do to you.

Speaker 3 You know, they see you out there at your worst, and what do they do? They fucking eat you.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they fucking eat you, stupid brittle stars. And then, of course, I'm surprised it took this long.

Speaker 2 This shows how stupid those pajama sharks are because she's just laying out there vulnerable for like two days.

Speaker 2 And then finally a shark just comes and is like, all right, I'm taking this and just comes and eats her.

Speaker 2 I was actually almost happy at that point because I was like, can we put her out of her misery from these fucking brittle stars and those random ass like Dynamano fish?

Speaker 2 Just like, get her out of there. So the Jill's Aaron just comes in one soup, just takes it it in her mouth and just goes.

Speaker 2 I don't know why it took two days for that shark to find literally free food, like a big old piece of dumbest shark ever.

Speaker 3 Dumbest shake at home. It was like, I finally did it.
Congrats, Theodore. You got a dead one.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you found your hat. Congratulations.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 God, it was.

Speaker 2 It was sad. So Craig starts to choke up.
And this is when I started to choke up now, also. I was like, damn it, I can't believe I'm choking up.
But he's like looking out and he's like,

Speaker 3 he's like, sometimes I float above her den i miss her i was like oh i miss her too oh my god and he's like i mean in some way it was a relief because the intensity of going every day tracking her trying to capture footage it was tough in a way i just i slept i dreamt this animal the other night i was in a deep sleep and i woke myself up because apparently i was singing

Speaker 2 His wife is like, yeah, was that tough for you

Speaker 2 going to check that octopus every day? Yeah, you know what I was doing? Everything in the house, right? While you were gone, every single thing. Yeah, that was tough for me too.

Speaker 3 Oh.

Speaker 3 So, yeah, this was so sad. But then we see two sets of feet now walking along the beach and he's with his son.
And his son is now older. His son has grown up a lot.

Speaker 2 Yeah, like a lot.

Speaker 3 Yeah, he's teaching his son how to do it. And his son is like very natural in the freezing ass water.
And I'm sure the mother loves that too.

Speaker 3 Like, taking my I'm taking our son into freezing water kiss your mother it might be the last time

Speaker 2 he is developing a gentleness from nature because nature is so gentle like when that shock destroyed Patty yeah don't worry if he doesn't make it I'll I'll ask the brittle fish to eat him

Speaker 2 So then the son finds like this tiny little octopus, a little baby octopus, and he's starting to imagine that it might be one of her young because it's like rather the size that it should be and it's in the area.

Speaker 2 I mean, I'm fully convinced it's Patty's daughter.

Speaker 3 It's like a little baby Patty.

Speaker 2 A little baby Patty.

Speaker 2 And, you know, it's like exciting. And now there's just like swimming and there's like seals.
There's like seals hanging around, you know, which is fun.

Speaker 2 There's like a sea otter, I think, at one point.

Speaker 3 That's so cute. And then we see all the babies of the forest because I guess they're showing us the circle, the circle of life or the cycle of life that, you know, things go,

Speaker 3 they lead these really violent, scary lives where they're always protecting themselves from each other, basically, but then they're always being constantly being reborn, you know?

Speaker 3 And so they show like a little baby otter and even a little baby shark we get to see born.

Speaker 2 There's like a cuttlefish. There was like, he was like, he was like chilling with a cuttlefish, which is like.

Speaker 2 Not the same as an octopus for sure, but I guess it's like okay.

Speaker 3 Which one was that? Was that the one that's half fish and half octopus where it has this like fingery? That was a funny one. I like that one.

Speaker 2 It's like, okay, like, I appreciate you, cuttlefish, but you're like, you're not quite a squid. You're not quite an octopus.
You're just, you're not the same. I just, like, it's just,

Speaker 3 I'm sorry. I don't know.

Speaker 3 I was like, who makes, they probably all make fun of the cuttlefish because it's such a dumb looking little thing, but he's being nice to it.

Speaker 3 And then it's really cute because he's actually friends with the fish. Like, the fish come up to him and then he's holding one in his hands in the water and petting it.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Oh, it was so cute.

Speaker 4 And I can accept it.

Speaker 2 And then, yeah, and then like we see a flashback of Patty like touching him on his mask, which is so sweet. Patty, you know, she's so inquisitive.

Speaker 2 And he realizes that like, you know, that you're, you're part of this space. You're not a visitor.
You're part of this space. I am amphibious.

Speaker 3 And he...

Speaker 2 He has now like actually developed a group of people who dive with him and like check in on the kelp forest. And, you know, like.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 They all go on a group and into the wild and the one of the last shots uh is a shot of patty when she's like had a long day of play with her friend and she's back in her little nest and it does a close-up on her eyes like squinting happily and then closing like a little doggy taking a nap i mean yeah this was the best fucking thing i've ever seen

Speaker 3 I

Speaker 3 love this. I was crying.
I'm going to watch it probably a million times. I think we should make it a musical.
It was just. We should.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 it was great and this bonus is actually longer than the movie itself yeah but there was a lot to take in and a lot to discuss this was really it turns out that um uh we can do uh it was actually really not that hard to recap this as a nature documentary it was actually

Speaker 3 this was fucking beautiful to watch it was really great to talk about

Speaker 3 It was longer than the film. I guess that's normal for us.
But thank you for being a part of this two-parter, everybody. Thanks for listening to us.

Speaker 3 And we will be back next week with God knows what else, but it better not involve something adorable dying because I'm not going to make it for much longer if we have to do that all day. Seriously.

Speaker 2 Seriously. Thanks, everyone.
Have a great day.

Speaker 3 Bye.

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