#3036 Below Deck Med S10E03 Part One: Run, Wave Runner! Run!

51m

This is part one of a two-part recap!

Below Deck Mediterranean struggles with a crew that doesn’t know what it’s doing as a waverunner makes a run for it and a silly fop boards demands szechuan in the background. To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens.

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Transcript

The holidays are approaching, and that means it's time to have some parties, baby.

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Yeah, people don't realize that Ronnie really is an excellent host and he really goes all out when he throws a party.

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All of my outdoor is done in Wayfair.

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Well, hello, and welcome to Watch What Crappens.

I'm Ronnie.

That's Ben over there.

Hello, Ben.

Hi, Ronnie.

How's it going?

Good.

How are you doing today in this gloomy, rainy Los Angeles day?

Oh, I'm so cozy.

I've got my sweatshirt on, as you can see, with crap-ins on demand.

And I've also got my sweatpants on.

And I'm just just like, I'm just like ready to crawl under a blanket and do something even cozy.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

I'll play like spelling B on my New York Times app.

I don't know.

But I'm just cozy.

What about you?

Yeah, I'm cozying it up.

I'm wearing my Beyoncé hoodie, my cowboy Carter hoodie.

I feel very

Beyoncé up.

I love wearing a hoodie.

to work.

And it's a very exciting day because, oh, this is a very rough hoodie.

It's like a very stiff material.

So I'm echoing actually my own ears.

I'll take that off.

Um, welcome.

I've never echoed in a hoodie before.

That's so weird.

I know I could hear the ocean.

I didn't either.

Well, everybody, welcome to the show.

It's below deck Mediterranean day.

Get a ran for some hugs and some naps, okay, on this cozy day.

You can find this video on Crappins on Demand, which is on Patreon.

That's also where you get bonus episodes.

This week, we are doing a preview of the Southern Charm Trailer, a trailer trash, as we call them.

So, join us over there for that.

Thanks for everybody who came to Amazon Live last night.

That was super fun shopping with you guys.

We do that Mondays at 4 p.m.

every other Monday.

And when we're not doing that, we are doing Crappy Hour live, which is a Bravo news thingy that we do every other Monday at 5.30 p.m.

on YouTube and Patreon for free.

So join us for that.

You can find links to everything on our social link and bio at

Instagram.

Okay.

Or on Instagram, I guess I should say.

And that's it for that.

Let's get to the recap.

Well, you know, before, you know, before we do the recap, I just want to give a shout out to one of our great friends here in our Bravo world.

Also, we just love her in general, Amy Phillips.

Amy Phillips.

Amy.

Excuse me.

I'm getting choked off.

Oh my God.

Amy Phillips.

Oh, my God.

I know everything to Amy Phillips.

But anyway, Amy Phillips is a little drama darlings podcast.

We love Amy.

She subbed in for both of us over the summer at various times.

And she's wonderful.

And if you're going to BravoCon, we just want to flag this for you that at nighttime, like, you know, I don't know what the schedule is, but I don't think there's things scheduled tonight.

So if you're looking for something cool to do,

Amy Phillips is doing this thing

called

Cabare Me.

And it's going to be at the Hard Rack Cafe.

She does her comedy cabaret.

And you like, you know, she does like a million impersonations.

So she's going to be doing it.

So if you ever wanted to see Tamara and Gretchen singing Wicked,

which

I think we all want to see, it's Tamara and Gretchen.

You know Amy is going to knock it out of the park.

So definitely go check out Amy's Cabareti that's going to be happening during BravoCon weekend.

And she's also let us know that it's going to be at the Hard Rock on the strip.

And your ticket.

Yeah, isn't that amazing?

Like Hard Rock.

And your ticket gets you 20% off of food for the day of the show.

And if you want to get tickets, go to ticket web and search Cabaremy.

That's C-A-B-A-R-A-M-Y.

Or you can just check out Amy's Instagram at meetamy Phillips

and her link will be in the bio.

So go support our girl Amy.

Yeah, she's great.

I saw her last time I was at Bravo.

Yeah.

It was great.

Yeah, she does a great show and she's a great person.

She's a great person.

She really is.

Ventriloquist.

She's like legitimately a great person.

She's not a ventriloquist, but she is is a great magician.

It's a great magic show.

She does.

And she strips.

She takes off all her clothes.

What she can do with a tassel.

You don't even realize.

She can make her tassel sound like Rachel Zoe.

Wait until the ping-pong section.

The ping-pong ball section.

It is absolutely incredibly me.

Okay.

Okay.

We'll be there.

Love you, Amy.

Okay, everybody.

Let's check out Below Deck Mediterranean Season 10, Episode 3: Excess Baggage.

we have been in a fight with christian who's a dummy who tries to make us think that he's getting phone numbers wherever he goes and max who's also a dummy he's a french dummy and which really makes no difference except his voice is super fun when he yells at people and christian's mad that he's getting bossed around all the time and max is mad because he's trying to be

who did he say he was what dictator was he trying to be with the guillotine uh oh he's trying to be robespierre he's i'm trying to live up to the legacy of robes pierre yeah mussolini i don't know where that came from but he is um i don't know history very well can you tell i'm a reality person and um so they're yelling at each other and christian is like don't do that dude you fucking you don't fucking know me okay so don't push my buttons and max is like push the button then push the button push the button

Okay, Fantasia.

So Max is like, yeah, he's like, you don't know.

He's like, this guy,

you know, I asked him to just put this and I see him the other way doing like the chaming.

Oh, my God.

And Tessa's just sitting there watching, quietly, judging, putting everything in her, in her like,

in her vault to complain about later.

Not actually doing any cleaning, of course, because it's Tessa, but she's just watching.

Yeah.

I like that Tessa's so judgmental, but also doesn't work at all.

Yeah.

That's my favorite kind of judgmental.

I love a judgmental that comes from a place of not having any leg to stand on, you know, in the argument.

And so that's what she does.

And it's really fun to watch.

And so I don't even know what they're really fighting about.

Like Max wants him to dry certain things.

And he's like, but I did dry that.

And he's like, no, you didn't dry it.

And it's just a stupid fight.

Max wants to be in charge.

Christian doesn't want to be bossed around.

But they're both dumb.

So Max is like, oh, since two days, every time we ask you something, there's a reason you don't do this thing.

And he's like, but literally, I did the whole thing, bro.

Okay.

The chamois gave me his phone number.

Max is like, oh, you, you, I asked you to put on cover.

There's no cover.

So Nathan's like, okay, stop, lad, stop.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Let's keep it professional.

Finish the job.

When you're off the boat, you have a conversation.

But for now, you know, get changed.

We'll get ready to go out.

Let's concentrate on not fixing my hair.

Peace.

It's definitely a clash of egos, but they're not actually alpha males.

They aren't lions.

They're behaving like fucking cats.

Like, oh, this.

I like cats.

Stop that.

Don't sully cats with these two idiots.

They're acting like two

stupid

platypuses fighting over a piece of grass.

Yeah.

They're acting like boys.

So Nathan's like,

what was that test?

And she's like, honestly, I don't know.

Just can't.

Could you pick up Sammy?

No.

Still no.

So everyone is cleaning because it's their, you know, the, they're, they're fixing up the boat, you know, because tonight they're going to go out.

So now they're they're getting excited and kizzy says she's gonna get so drunk tonight like she really can't wait and then sandy is in the uh bridge and she's listening to a voicemail from leah that's like hi mimi i'm on my way to work i miss you you're like so cute like in like a sexy wife like i'm so in love what kind of way and like i don't know like call me when you can i love you me

yeah you're like really sexy but like you're cute but i don't mean it like in a bad way, baby.

I mean like you're gonna cute in a really sexy way, baby.

Come on, baby.

Oh my God.

How new are you to?

Do you talk like that all the time?

And Captain Sandy's just sitting there with a huge grin on her face, like, wow, the luckiest girl alive.

So I asked Norma if she ever gets voicemails like that.

And she says sometimes she gets something left by the representative from sadness.com.

So I don't know.

People just get different kind of messages, I guess.

Sadness.com or normal.

My head's exploding over here.

So,

V is asking Aisha for feedback on her cabins.

And Asha's like, Whoa,

you did it.

And then Kizzy is hanging with Josh.

I don't know.

People are doing things.

You know, we're just taking a nap before tonight.

What are we going to do?

So V still doesn't really seem to know what she's doing.

You know, she has to learn about things like hand towels, you know, and Alicia has to like explain what hand towels are and why they're important.

Because sometimes your hands get wet and you need a hand towel.

I feel so determined to get V up to speed because a stronger team needs more cold, hard cash.

And right now, Scott and I, we've got a wedding coming up and we're doing repairs on the house.

And I've got a mortgage and I need to paint the house.

Paints expensive.

Alexa.

Too much more.

Sorry.

So Sandy's walking through the boat, like, wow, good.

Great.

Looks like a hug.

This is like the clean version of a hug.

Great.

Everybody did great.

So we're about to go out.

Max is going to go for Kizzy tonight.

Everyone's all for Kizzy because she's like, oh, I'm just so horny.

I just love, love.

And, um, Kizzy, is it me?

Does Kizzy look different in every single shot that they show of her?

I cannot get a grasp on what her face actually looks like.

Like, like one moment, she sort of looks like kind of a

British, like, what was the name of the woman from Jerry Hall from Star Trek or whatever?

Like, sometimes she looks like that.

Sometimes she's like a little kind of like, like, kind of like a mom version of like Charlie Staron.

And then sometimes she's like this.

She just has different looks.

And I cannot think she looks like Rose McGowan sometimes from Charmed back in the Charmed days.

And I think sometimes she looks like Christina Ricci

back in the

back of the Addams family days.

But I don't know.

I can't really figure it out.

I do not like that.

She's probably a sociopath,

which I like.

She's like a sociopath with an extreme need for attention, which I think works really well on this show in general.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's usually, it usually winds up like that.

Yeah.

And so she's texting Tommy, who I guess is her boyfriend, and it's really super romantic.

She texts him, I can't poop.

And he says, sorry, I'm driving.

I don't know what that means.

Like, would he normally be able to help you if he wasn't driving?

Would he be able to talk you through it?

Like, squeeze, but not so hard that, you know,

you get a little bump.

Yeah.

What would you do?

Close your eyes, breathe deeply.

Think of coffee coursing through your system.

Yeah.

Think of all the good things.

Think of the fiber.

So Aisha is,

she somehow found some like fake balls and she's like dipping them into Kizzy's mouth.

So that's fun.

They're like teabagging.

And now they're all getting ready to go out.

uh to have their first night out as a team so they're getting into their vans and they're excited and v spills a beer on herself and they're laughing and uh

sticks her finger up Nathan's ass and he's like, well, if that's the first time I've ever had a finger up my ass, I do not believe you.

I don't believe you.

So then

Nathan is saying to Max, first charter and I think you and Christian are going to rip each other's throats out, hey, brah.

And Max is like, yeah, yeah, every time we ask him something, he always finds something to say, you know,

you know.

And then in the other van, V is with Christian and Josh.

And

they're, you know, having more fun while Max is just making everything about gossiping.

Yeah, exactly.

And

Asha and Nathan are like sort of like, they're talking because basically,

you know, his team is totally inept and he's, you know, like, they're just trying to figure out what to do with everything, with his.

deck team and everything.

And Asha is saying there's just like, there's no time to train anyone.

You just have to like dive in and go

and uh you know because basically because it's blow deck so they are thrown into the fire as soon as possible they get like no lead time to get ready for guests etc yeah so they arrive now

they're purposely giving people who don't know what they're doing to make a good show but i worry for the boat like it's they're getting out of hand at this point i like when they had one or two people who don't know what they're doing and then everybody can bully that person But having this many people not know what they're doing is a little scary.

So tessa meanwhile is like it's real hard though like i don't think i've ever worked this hard in my life since the boys were born and

now everybody's in downtown barcelona party it's our first party night with this crew right it's the first night we see them

doing their thing and nathan is um

he's like talking about how like the women are good looking he's like the good looking crew and he's like oh because of one talk what i went through with gay last season you know and then we see flashbacks of them being annoying.

He's like, I just want something casual.

Casual is exactly what I like.

Something deeply, deeply casual, where you wouldn't have to say something like, nine months later, there's a baby.

You know, something easy, not too, nothing that will be like a lifetime commitment.

Don't I'm saying?

Yeah, he's like, on the boat, I'm a bosun, but when I'm in the club, I'm a playboy.

So they get to the restaurant,

and

everyone's really liking Kizzy.

And

Asa is, I don't know, it's one of those.

It's like the first time we got together.

It's super awkward.

Nothing's really going on.

They're kind of trying to pretend that they're all, they're all in below deck mode where they're just walking around going, woo, woo, but nothing's really happening.

And no one has

ship yet.

Yeah, Max is still talking about hypnosis.

Max is definitely like the kid that went to sleepway camp and learned a lot of like cool things at sleepway camp from his friends and then has like come back to his regular regular friends and is trying to be like, oh, and here's something really cool that we did.

I'm going to teach you how we did it.

And like, no one cares.

It's like, leave the hypnosis for hypnosis camp because no one cares about your hypnosis here in below deck world.

He's like, I want to, I want to all do a hypnosis clinic.

Yeah.

He's like, I did learn for five months a therapy, hypnosis, you know, and the one moment I swear, it fucking came to me, like,

you will do hypnosis now.

I'm like, well, I have bad news for you.

I know that you said that you had this epiphany, that you're suddenly going to become like a hypnotherapist, but you unfortunately may have been hypnotized because you're currently a deckhand on the boat.

So

I think you're a little bit farther field from your therapy practice.

Yeah, get hypnotized harder, bro.

Yeah.

So Kizzy is asking Nathan about his exes and he's like, well, the most recent was last season.

We're like best friends, you know, just kind of, I kind of fucked it up.

And she's like, R.I.P.,

I haven't pooped today.

And Josh is asking where Max is going next.

He's talking about the hypnosis.

And then everyone just wants him to shut up.

Christian's just looking at him like, are you fucking kidding me with your fucking hypnosis?

Shut up.

Who wants to calm themselves and close their eyes around Max?

Literally nobody.

Okay.

So now Kizzy's doing that thing.

This is something we see.

on below deck a lot, which is like the thirsties too, who wants to get with all the guys, which by the way, I support it.

Ghost let it up.

Those guys are good looking.

Go get your fun, etc.

But she does it in like her, her flirting is just so clunky and so obvious.

It's like, so she's like, she turns to Tessa and is like, do you want to do a vajazzle with me?

Of course the guys can hear it.

And she's like, oh my God, she's going to talk about like jewels on her vagina and everything.

Like, you know, oh, what?

Oh, you were listening in on that.

It's like, okay, clunky flirt incoming.

Yeah, she's kind of doing the flirting thing that people who are kind of not not hot commodities do, you know, like we see it a lot with people who can't get dates who are like, hey, everybody feeling horny all the time.

It's me.

And you're like, oh, God, it's like always awkward.

But it's an actual hot person acting like that.

It's like, you don't have to put yourself out there that hard.

You're already hot.

Like, what more do you need?

You don't like, you don't need the bajazzling prop.

You know what I mean?

You're gifted.

You're facially gifted.

You're gorgeously gifted.

So like, you don't need to rely this hard on props.

That's what I say.

Yeah.

And I feel like we've seen some of these people on like Below Deck Sailing.

Like, there was,

remember that one crazy girl?

Was that Ashley?

Was her name Ashley?

I don't remember, but she was the one who like binged on spaghetti when she couldn't get with Gary.

She was at this mold.

And then the last season of Below Deck Sailing, there was a girl, Diana.

Was it Diana?

I think it was Diana.

Maybe no, Diana was.

Diana, you know, I don't remember Below deck people.

I don't have, I don't have space in my mental DVR to remember below deck people.

I didn't even remember Max, and he did a full day season.

I still don't really remember Max, and he's on the show right now.

Yeah, it was Danny.

But like, these girls who are like, you know, they walk up to a guy and be like, I'm going to get a vajaz in my vagina.

And like, of course, you're allowed to say that.

And of course, you're allowed to be proud of that.

There's nothing wrong with it.

There's no slut shaming coming here.

It's more like a clunky flirt shaming.

I just feel like just

don't be so transparent.

Put some art into it, you know?

Yeah, artful, artful flirting.

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So she's like, Yeah, you know, that's where you put

diamonds on your vagina.

I just have a little uh love heart of gems.

But then later, she tells us that the last boat she was on, she had three, she left with three STDs.

And I'm wondering how that works with all the vajazzling, you know?

I mean, doesn't that make it like crustier?

And or are you trying to like hide stuff with the vajazzle?

Like, it's not an STD, it's a vajazzle, you know?

Yeah.

I am very curious about that.

It's an interesting detail.

And then she giggled it off.

But like, it's, I think, again, it's just to be like, look at me.

Well, then she's like, acts like she's embarrassed.

She's like, oh, my God.

I'm like, you're the one who introduced it to the table.

Like,

it's fine.

I mean, obviously, like, if it's fine, I'm sure you got it all cleared up.

Right.

But like, I don't know.

Like, I can't stand a clunky flirt.

That's just what it comes down to.

Yeah, but they're all falling for it, you know, because it's like, it's just muff diamonds.

And so the girls are laughing.

And Nathan's like, wow, she's definitely trouble.

She's definitely trouble.

You know what I like when I have sex with somebody?

I like to feel my penis being slowly chipped away like a pencil in a pencil sharpener.

That's what I imagine that her bajazzle is like.

Her bajazzle.

It's like

textured it's like when you uh

it's like when you're feeling the the radio button on your steering wheel um

the yeah that was a really specific comparison uh i also like one of those finger torture games you know where it's like a basket weaving thing that you put your finger into i mean i know that you don't you don't vajazzle the interiors or whatever but you see that's what you get for talking about vajazzling and trying to make it this big deal because you're making everybody wonder like well what is that like?

You know, especially with the STD talk in the same conversation, it's just too much.

And so, I also, by the way, you know what I hate is when guys say things like, Kizzy's definitely trouble.

No, you're trouble.

You don't put it on her.

She's a clunky flirt.

You're the guy who has no self-control, although it doesn't seem like you need to have self-control because it doesn't seem like you're in a relationship.

But I hate when they do that.

They just put it all on the girl.

I mean, it's like that drives me nuts.

Yes, she's annoying.

And yes, she's basically like, like, you know, trying to be like, look at me, boys.

But at the same time, like, bro,

like,

she's not trouble.

I mean, girls say that about guys too.

Like, uh-oh, here comes trouble.

I think it's just

sexy.

Well, what always happens is it's always guys like Nathan or Gary or whoever who like the big flirt is on board.

And then they get their rocks off.

They have sex.

They have a good time.

And then they want to keep the option for more good times.

So they say sweet nothings.

And then the girls wind up getting attached.

And then all of a sudden, they're like, whoa, this is too much.

And suddenly this idea of like their trouble is now come to fruition.

But it's largely because the guys have been fucked with them in the first place.

You know, like it's usually on the guys.

I guess I'm just on one this morning.

Well, I'll just wait for the, I'll just wait for that to actually happen because, you you know, that's going to, something like that always happens on below deck anyway.

So I'm just enjoying the calm before the, this, the storm.

Yeah.

The calm before the man trouble storm.

So, um, because he's like, oh, my goodness,

it says bravado.

That's a gigantic private part you have there.

Jesus.

That's a big

vajazzle.

It's also a bold statement to put on your, on your hoo-ha.

I feel like bravado.

Bravado.

hoo-ha, coming soon to a wiener near you.

This vagina has been places you've never seen before.

Bravado.

And Nathan's like, I would do a sparkly cobra.

That would be my pizazzle.

That would look like a mealworm.

What are you talking about?

A sparkly cobra on your wiener?

No.

And also,

also, penises change sizes too much to be vajazzled.

That's why you can't have a vagaza.

One minute it would be like, oh, oh, you know, like it's crumpling all up together and it would cut you.

It wouldn't feel good.

You need to have it on something, I guess, more solid.

You couldn't put it on your nuts either.

Those things are always up and down, up and down, big, small, big, small.

Here, there.

What are you going to do?

Guys, just don't bejazzle yourself.

Don't pizazzzle yourself.

Just we, we should do it on like the back of our elbows.

Something like that.

I think, I think you should, you should pizazzle

an image that looks like the back of a yacht.

And so that way, every time you get a boner, it looks like the passerail coming up and getting reaching for the dock.

They can bring luggage across it.

Or maybe you could sew one part of your nut sack to like closer up towards the head of the penis so that whenever it gets erect, it can look like the sails going up on

sailing yacht.

How about a ballerina who is in the process of doing an arabesque?

It's like, oh, my,

oh my God, look at that.

Look at that.

Look at that ballerina's wonderful form.

It's like, no, I just have a boner.

Or you could just sew like little arms on the side.

And so when it starts to get bigger, it looks like one of those car wash things that's like,

flinging its arms around.

Yeah, but you have to do a little bit of work.

You have to do some flopping on your end as well.

That's true.

Hey, sorry, guys.

I'm doing just what we're accusing Kizzy of, and I'm doing really sexy flirting right now.

I'm doing artless flirting right now.

I know how many people have pulled over their cars right now, just too turned on to even drive.

Sorry, guys.

Sorry.

You know, I think the thing I'm trying to like articulate what it is about Kizzy, like this style of flirting that drives me nuts, because I feel like you have to be really careful when you, when you, when you try to describe what's irritating about it, you open up the door for people saying like, you're slut shaming.

A girl's allowed to flirt.

And it's like, absolutely.

A girl knows not only allowed to, a girl should and enjoy it, yada, yada, yada.

But there's something about like the, this kind of flirt where she'll like make a passing comment as if she, as this, as if she, it tumbled out of her mouth as if she didn't mean to say it.

And then it brings the entire conversation at the table over to her.

And then she has to like laugh like, oh, this is so embarrassing.

I can't believe I accidentally said that.

And then everyone's asking her questions about herself.

And then it's, of course, but it's also like usually about her sex life.

So in a way, like she's trying to kind of like, uh, it's, it's her way of, I think, trying to present herself as like, you should like, like, hey, hey, check, check me out, which that part's fine, but it's more the way that she like commandeers all the attention of the table.

And I don't like anyone who does this.

I don't like anyone who is just like, does some social manipulation where whatever conversations were happening all come to a halt because this this girl needs like attention at this moment or this boy it can happen with the boy too i want to add so i'm trying to like work through this you're really getting yourself tied up over there well i like you know what i mean i like to when i start a theory i like my theory to to make sense and i like it also to like i don't want to have to once the theory is locked in i don't want to have to explain it again i don't want to come on next week because because people are like what ben was saying on the show was so inappropriate and so backwards and i have to be like like, this is what I really meant.

Cause now I've thought about it for a week.

This is what I really meant.

I kind of want to like lock it in.

And I think that what I'm locking in here is that Kizzy wants, is just like obnoxious.

And she just wants a lot of attention.

And she wraps it up with her flirting and she makes her flirting annoying as a result.

Yeah.

And I don't like it.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, fair.

I mean, I, yeah.

In my eyes, she's just an annoying attention hog.

Like, she's just, she's just like

desperate for attention and it's, um, it's awkward.

Um, so she's just using the avenue of her vajazzle to get there.

But, you know, we all do it in different, we all have our different ways of doing it.

Uh, so we hear a phone dinging and guess who it is?

It's Tommy, guys.

Is Tommy still driving?

I'm dying to know.

So Tommy's like, are you good?

And she's like, yeah.

And she's like, oh my God, you guys, he's so in love.

He just asked me if I'm good.

He just asked me if I'm good.

That's Tommy.

He's my gentleman at home.

And the guys are like, what?

She has a gentleman at home.

And Tessa

wants to know if they've said the L-word.

And she's like, yeah, we have.

And then Josh looks very confused, even for

a clown.

Yeah, he's very confused.

And Nathan is like, holy shit, she has a boyfriend.

That's fucking bizarre.

And then Christian's like, oh, fuck, that sucks.

And Max's like, oh, she went too far away flirting with everyone to announce that she has a boyfriend now.

And then Josh, we just see him in clown makeup going,

please tell me that guy never gets laid because it just

wouldn't be fair to see that guy, that clown getting laid.

Please, oh, he definitely gets laid.

It's so annoying.

That's why he's getting a positive feedback loop on that clown makeup, and it's very unfortunate.

So, everyone, you know, the guys are confused, but they're like, okay, I guess cheers to that.

So, now it's 14.5 hours before the next charter.

Max and Nathan go out for a SIG.

And

Max is like, sorry, you have a boyfriend.

And Nathan's like, lad, I don't know there.

I don't even know.

I still don't even understand the vitasle.

They are acting like the star running back on their fantasy football roster just went on injured reserves.

They're like, oh, wow.

Wow.

We really thought like I built my whole season around Kizzy, but now she's like not going to be playing football for the next several months.

So I got to go find someone to replace this.

Like, what do we do?

Like, what's going to happen?

I got to recruit.

Do I go to the waiver wire?

Like, is there anyone even available?

Everyone is like a

third RB3 at best.

Like, what do we do, guys?

Like, they're in panic because Kizzy is off the market.

So they're standing out there smoking.

And then inside, Tessa and Isha are talking about it.

They're like people standing at the Golden Corral and there's one, you know, there's like one roll left on the buffet and they see someone take it and they're all upset.

Like the roles were there for everybody.

It didn't make you, it didn't make you special.

You know what I mean?

Like if you all thought you had a chance.

I mean, I don't know.

Just keep looking.

You're fighting over the cottage cheese.

So Tessa inside,

the girls and Josh are still there.

And Tessa's like, well, it's a deck meeting and I'm never heard of it, which is okay because those boys, I've watched them and they grew up and they're little children looking for the vumier.

I mean, it's concerning that they're cracking so early.

You know what I mean?

I mean, that whole team, I don't know if I can trust this team.

I don't know if I can even trust this team.

It's stressing me out, boss.

It's stressing me out.

Do you reckon it's rectifiable?

I'm just happy it's not me.

I'm just happy it's not me.

So that's what's going on.

So Max

outside tells Christian, he's like, bro, can you punch me in the shoulder, please?

Because I really want that we succeed into males that can communicate each other.

And Nathan's like, okay, well, how about you hug instead?

Like, no punching.

Hug it out.

Like, we don't need to do any punching.

A good hug.

So they hug.

christian hates max i actually i have to say i liked christian more this episode because his hatred for max is so enjoyable for me like the way he just cannot hide how much he can can't stand this guy like his even though christian is a totally inept deckhand and probably should be fired and like his tales of aggression are not charming at all and they're the exact opposite i do just really enjoy how like Every time Max says something, Christian's just like

shaking his head.

Like, why did I leave

anything I was doing in my life to come here to deal with this jackass?

Yeah, so we get Christian backstory.

And he's like, growing up and also called the crazy eyes in the first five minutes.

And

here they are.

Here they are.

Here's the backstory.

So he's like, growing up, I used to solve my problems with being physical.

Last time I got in a fight was two years ago.

I was in Sydney.

And there were some drunk guys, you know, being stupid and having fun.

And one guy came towards me and he grabbed my nose and he said, got your nose.

He did that to me.

So I punched him in the face and I said, no, I got your nose.

So

first of all,

I knocked him out.

He said, what the hell?

You can't knock somebody out for doing the I got your nose trick.

Do you know how many times I would have been knocked out?

Jesus Christ.

I love that.

No, you can't do that and you shouldn't do that.

But if you're drunk and you do the I got your nose trick to a random stranger, just know you might get your face knocked in.

Like that's, I'm not saying you had it coming, but just know it is on like the shortlist of things that may consequences that may happen.

They are the consequences of my actions.

I mean, no, I'm not advocating for it.

That's an international sign of like, hi, I'm just trying to be nice to you.

Got your nose.

That's like a nice.

Do you know, my nieces.

I agree.

I don't

know.

I live in, you know, Texas is a concealed carry state or whatever.

My nieces could have shot me back then if that was acceptable to be hatred towards that.

I was always catching their nose.

I love catching noses.

I am definitely not catching anyone's nose in Texas.

I will have a bullet in my head in three seconds.

Okay.

Like, no, I'm not doing it.

There's just certain things you don't do.

And I'm not saying, like, I don't like the mentality.

I'm going to to steal your nose.

I'm going to steal your nose.

I don't like the idea that, like, we have to, like, like violent men, we have to, like, cater our actions to, to suit their needs and their impulses.

Like, they're the ones that should be working on themselves when we do things, things stupid.

But that being said, we do live in a real world.

And I am not grabbing the nose of any stranger anytime soon.

I think.

At least what I'm saying.

Well, you reserve the right to not grab a nose.

I'm just saying, you know, if someone does grab your nose, you shouldn't punch him in the face.

I mean, that's like

a very nice thing.

It's like, I don't know.

It's like someone being like, I don't think it's a nice thing.

Hi, I see you in the world.

Got your nose.

You literally are stealing my body part.

That's not nice at all.

That's terrible.

Don't steal my nose.

Don't put your fingers on my nose.

Don't steal it.

Don't hold it for ransom.

Don't pretend to steal it.

Don't even do a hoax robbery.

Don't do it.

Don't do a hoax kidnapping

for publicity.

Get away from my nose.

Stay away from my baby.

yeah

so um it was a big deal so he got violent and uh he knocked this guy out and also i feel like in sydney i feel like that's like a drunk culture right australia i feel like is where guys like get really drunk and start patting each other on the butt i don't know and kissing each other on the neck and stealing each other's nose i mean it sounds like a perfectly charming place It does.

My impression of Australia is that there's a lot of like charming laughter.

And so I think probably if a drunk Australian grabbed my nose in Australia, I'd be like, all right, it's funny.

But

I don't know if I would otherwise.

I think I might give it a pass in Australia.

So he's decided since he's already, you know, beaten a lot of nose robbers that he is going to accept Max's apology

because he doesn't want to put his job in jeopardy by punching.

Max in the nose as well.

So he's like, yeah, I'm just trying to keep myself calm so I don't do something stupid.

Like, okay, crazy guys.

Get rid of him.

Get rid of him yeah um

they seem to be setting up that he's gonna do something stupid which he does by the end of the episode which is uh yeah strands it on a jet ski so because kizzy is kind of a jazzle thing like her trying to look cool this is his trying to look cool it's like yeah i beat a guy i beat a guy for stealing my nose get out of here sir so josh is asking kizzy where her guy is and she's like oh back in england it's new you know i came off my last bed with three stds

which has nothing to do with her guy by the way she's just like the question was where's your guy back in england and then i came off the last boat with three stds that has nothing to do with anything but yeah she's like

so now of course they're like what so it's a great deflections that way they're not talking about the guy anymore and they're centering the fact that she like loves to have sex so she's like really like she's like you know like and then she's like oh my god did i say that and then like what She's like, no, it wasn't at the same time.

Yeah, it was at the same time.

I had three at the same time.

Isn't that hilarious?

Josh is like, so would you say you're juggling STDs?

I'm a clown.

I'm a clown.

Speaking of grabbing your nose.

Oh, geez.

Well, I guess that's like nose durbation if you're, if you're honking your own nose.

So then.

So

Tessa's like, is this one of them?

And she claps.

And Kizzy's like, no, I didn't have the clap.

And Aisha's like, is this one of them?

So she like panomimes the crap.

You see, there's one clown on board, and now everybody's like panomiming.

And well, actually, the irony is the clown is the only one not miming right now.

Everyone's trying to mime differently.

So I'm surprised someone didn't try to be like, all right, okay, okay.

Sounds like chat, pawn, pawn, pawn, gone, gone.

Come on, keep going.

Sounds like gone.

Gonorrhea.

There we go.

Little STD charades.

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So she's like, well, I don't have anything anymore.

So, well, those were three lucky STDs.

If you've had three STDs and they're all the ones that you don't have anymore, those are very lucky ones because I think the normal, you know, the most common ones you have like forever, right?

So that's like, I don't know.

I don't, I don't, I don't feel like you'd be bragging about STDs at dinner, but, you know.

Yeah, it's, it's like a weird thing.

Like, I'm not going to shame someone because they got like, they got an STD.

Like, you know, shit happens, happens right but like uh it's just like can I eat my calamari you know what I mean

without thinking of your private part crust can I just enjoy my calamari so um

she's ready to party and they're like yeah Max like life is good boy

So now they head to the club, you guys.

Max still wants to dance with Kizzy.

He's like still into it.

There's no keeping the men away from Kiz.

So,

you know, they just party and woo a lot.

And then max and christian are dancing and christian's showing max himself some moves and everybody's like what's with the romance with these guys

and then uh josh is josh tries with kizzy again he's like is your boyfriend worried i'm worried clown back away yeah you don't need to be following me around all the club all night asking me questions about tommy sir okay go go in a corner and pinch your and pinch your nose for squeeze your own nose squeeze it off

so kizzy is talking to tessa and she's like i'm like naturally a very flirty person, but I also love connection.

Like I just really, I love, love, just so much.

But while she's telling this, she's telling this to Tessa, who seems bored out of her mind.

And meanwhile, because Kizzy's basically off the market, the guys are now circling around V, truly like sharks.

And they're all.

They're all being flirty.

And Max is saying, like they're saying some flirty stuff about how he's ready to bite anything.

And she's like, oh my God.

And Kizzy's still just going on about like, you know, I just want to like embrace people and i want to hug people and i want to like have conversations and feelings for people and i love that it just makes me feel so nice i love connection now hold on one second let me go uh twerk upside down on asha excuse me

yeah and tessa's just looking at her like gross

because basically she does it because V is getting all this attention from the guys and Kizzy is watching and she's like getting jealous.

And she's like, wait a second.

So she barges in and does like an upside down twerk lap dance thing yeah well v is giving aisha a lap dance and then now v gets up so kizzy is going to like upstage her lap dance so she like does the upside down handstand lap dance thing and so like whoa yeah

and of course asha immediately acts like she's eating her butt

yeah it's gonna be a good this is gonna be a good season and uh josh is like oh yeah encourage that twerk

and Max is like, oh, she already put fire on the powder.

The mail is about to explode.

More partying, more lap dance and everything.

And Kizzy's like, I've been told I've been a naughty girl.

We all knew this.

Aren't I outrageous?

So now they're all heading back to the boat and everything.

And

Christian's showing.

everyone a tattoo on his butt of his ex-girlfriend's Instagram handle, which I love the branding, literal branding.

That's funny.

And Asia is finally like grossed, grossed out, you know?

And so Christian's like, yeah, she's hot.

You guys can follow her.

You guys can follow her.

They're like, okay, you're gross.

So Asha sends Scott a miss you.

Text emoji and he doesn't even text back, you know, like, hope you're pooping well, which I don't know.

I don't know if this relationship's a solid one.

We'll tell you that.

So they go back to the boat.

Everyone's just jacuzzi time.

And Kizzy's like, let's FaceTime my mans.

Let's FaceTime my mans.

And Christian sees her FaceTiming.

So he gets on the phone and he's like, oh, she's a keeper.

Yeah, she's a real keeper.

The jazzle, bro.

Yeah.

So meanwhile, Max is like very disgusted by this because he's saying that she's like really thirsty and like she's in love with a guy, but like she also wants to be single and it's like really fucked up, et cetera.

So then the way he deals with it is he decides to hypnotize Christian.

So they're like drunk and Max is doing some sort of hypnosis.

He's like, okay, this we're going to settle into a trance.

Okay, you're breathing in and breathing out.

Okay, you're going to fall asleep.

You're getting very sleepy.

Are you okay?

Oh, good night.

And then he basically is like, when you wake up, you will be good at lines.

And Christian sort of like wakes up and he's like, hmm.

I don't think I went to sleep in the first place.

You're just looking at him with this face like, what are you trying to do right now?

So Nathan calls Gail and it's 7 a.m.

where she is and he's really tired.

She's like, you need to get some rest.

And he's like, yeah, but I can't.

And she's like, but you need to.

And then we're supposed to be like, wow, these two belong together.

So then Max and Christian,

yeah, Max's,

Max's hypnosis is really bad.

We're still doing that.

So then we go to Asia holding noodles up.

above her face and lowering them into her mouth very slowly.

And then we go back to Nathan and Gail's notebook conversation.

He's like, I have to be up in eight hours.

And she's like, I'll let you sleep then.

I can see the wrinkles under your eyes.

And he's like, fuck off, that's gross feet.

You cheeky bastard.

I like that he's like, no,

I don't have wrinkles from fatigue.

I have wrinkles from age and weather.

So Nathan's like, last season, I had an amazing girl I cared about.

We had an amazing deck team and a great bond within the team.

And I don't have that this year.

And I think a major part of that is not having Gail around.

There's like a slight hole in my heart, but I'm not trying to show that because I fucked things up.

And it's just time to move on.

This is so disappointing.

I mean, like, Gail is like,

you know, she's this like very lovely,

drop-dead, gorgeous girl.

And

even, even with that, a guy's still going to be like,

I want something better.

I'm going to fuck it up.

It's just like, what, what hope does anyone have?

Yeah.

So Nathan is

giving a speech to the team.

Guys, we need to have more urgency, okay?

There's like drool coming down Tessa's face.

She's like, uh, okay.

All right, I want people in the lads, organizing inflatables, getting everything out, and obviously time management.

What time is it?

Uh,

okay, well, we'll start.

We'll start with that one at lunch.

Everybody, get a watch.

All right, job lists need to be done.

We've seen job list.

Uh, Christian, you ever seen a job list, Christian?

Do not make me steal your nose, Christian.

He's like, I fucking dare you.

Fucking dare you.

First charter, Tessa came in late and she was sick.

I came on late.

I was sick, blowing chunks everywhere, diarrhea all over the deck.

But going to the second charter, we all know the boat.

We're all healthy.

And now it's time that we actually do our job well.

No more excuses.

Yeah.

Well,

Nathan, sorry, someone took my nose.

Oh, geez.

How are we going to do that?

How are we going to clean the decks without a nose?

So good news, we see V making a bed.

So she can do that now.

And then Tessa is talking to Christian, and she says that she's getting pissed off because there's like smudging or something.

I don't know.

Tessa's always like walking around griping about stuff under her breath.

And I don't really ever know what she's talking about, but I always am friends with that person at work who's griping a lot.

I find them entertaining.

Yeah.

Now it's time for the preference sheet.

And wait, is that person me?

No, you're a very positive person.

And I gripe.

I would actually be honored.

I am the griper.

So, Asia, we now have our preference sheet meeting.

So, there's this guy, Jack, who was on, I guess, Blow Deck Down Under.

I just don't remember him very well.

And, and so, Josh asks how this guy is.

And she's like, Well, he's a little bit specific.

And we see

like when he was last on the show, he's like, I want a pinata made out of chocolate.

And also, um, can I have a deckhand come and breathe into my ear?

So, she's saying that Jack and his friends Katarina Eleanor and her fiancé Sam Taylor Simon and his girlfriend Edina and Mickey with two K's have been traveling through Europe ruining all of the continent and upon arrival Jack would like the steams to unpack for him and Katerina

Okay, so day one's water toys, wave runners.

You know, everybody remember I said wave runners, all right?

Because that's going to become a big pot point, okay?

You're going to get your jam down, right?

We're going to get our jam down with the wave runners, okay?

Listen, I know I know you seem like I'm in a really good mood today, but it's because I got a little message this morning.

They called me BB a few times.

That's really enough to get me going.

Okay.

So they want a truffle-focused menu.

And Josh explains that with truffles, you have to put them with stuff that really works with them or they can taste kind of flat.

So that's something that we should know in general, I guess, because it has no bearing on anything else.

Do not add truffles to things that they don't go in.

Okay.

General chef rule.

Wait a second.

Wait a second.

Are you saying I shouldn't put truffles on my Reese's Piece's peanut butter cup?

I don't know.

I actually don't know what truffles go with.

I thought truffles were over, but I think it's truffle oil that's coming.

Truffle oil is over.

Because on the food network, those chefs are always like, truffle oil, basic.

You're out.

Yeah.

Did you really just give me truffle oil on my fries?

You are out.

This is the Guy Fieti Network and we have class.

So.

they really hate it.

I seem to remember there was some top chef where Gail Simmons was like, was like truffle oil.

It just, he said, truffle oil.

It's like too much.

Like, quiet, Gail.

I actually still like truffle oil.

You know whose favorite I hate truffle oil face is?

Alex Gornashelli.

She has

the best, I hate you in your truffle oil face.

You know, when Alex Gornashelli gets upset with someone, well, she's always kind of upset.

She's always like,

I'm giving this look to people.

But man, when she hates your truffle oil, you're in trouble, mister.

You are in trouble.

But this, you know, what's so funny?

I'm such a follower because I actually really enjoy like a truffle french fry or a truffle.

Like, I don't have any problem with truffle oil whatsoever.

I enjoy it.

It's fun.

It's tasty.

Um, but someone recently came over and was like, Wait, you guys don't have truffle oil?

Okay, you guys have to get truffle oil.

And I was like,

peasant.

But like, I actually really like it.

I'm such a food trend follower.

It's like, oh, really?

Truffle oil?

What are we, farmers?

Hey, everyone.

This is the end of part one of this recap for part two.

Keep an eye on your podcast feed.

It is coming up in just a moment.

Thanks so much for listening.

Catch you on the second half.

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You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones.

I go, Hugo, we all go for Hugo.

Jamie, she has no less namie.

She's our kind of mess.

It's Jennifer Messer.

Sip some scotch with Jessica Tratch.

She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Caroline Peacock.

Kristen the Piston Anderson.

Get a B in your bonnet with Lacey B.

K-Sera, Syrah, whatever will be, will Lauren Sills be.

She gets a name from us, it's Lindsay D.

Let's give a kiss a Reno to Lisa Lino.

Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry.

We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox.

Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the burg.

This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian.

I love a ya, Olivia Williamson.

She sure is swell.

It's Raquel.

Yes, we canna.

It's Sedana.

Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman.

Let's share with Sharon Eldridge.

Darn Skippy, it's Tippy.

And our super premium sponsors.

She's V V I P, it's Amanda V.

Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin.

Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD.

We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva.

Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neal.

Put us on a stretcher, it's Charlotte Fletcher.

Don't get salty with Christine Pepper.

Can't have a meal without the emily sides who what why where and gwen pentland let's go into the woods with guy tubbs it's our queen it's queen laifa Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall.

Hail the cork master, the master of the cork, Jennifer Corcoran.

We got our wish.

It's Jen Plish.

She's not harsh.

She's Jill Hirsch.

My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo.

She's a total knockout.

It's Katie Manock.

We love him madly.

It's Kyle Pod Shadley.

In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock.

G, it's Lisa H.

We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder-Baron.

She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthe.

Always killing it, it's Lola Alcalani.

The incredible edible Matthew Sisters.

She eases our woes, it's Melissa St.

Rose.

There's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud.

Maximum love for Sandy Maximoska.

She's the queen bee, it's Sarah Lemke.

We cannot tell a lie, it's Sarah Telefson.

Shannon, out of a cannon, Anthony.

Please don't stop it's solely and pop let's take off with tem la plain we're obsessed all with tessa v she ain't no shrinking violet couchar

we love you guys

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