#3076 RHOC S19E19 Part One: Golf Clapback

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Speaker 1 Hello and welcome to Watch Watch Crappins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the one and only Ronnie Karam.

Speaker 1 Hey Ronnie, how's it going? Oh, hello there. How are we?

Speaker 1 We are doing just great and BravoCon is in full, full swing right now um anyone who's watching us with the crap is on demand are like wow you really your hotel rooms look just like your homes that's because we're recording this ahead of time um but i'm sure we're having a great time a great friday morning here in vegas uh just a reminder if you are at bravo con

Speaker 1 be sure to come by on saturday because we are having a party we're having a party at beer park and it's in the paris casino it's at 10 p.m

Speaker 1 so once all the scheduling is done for the day, all the official scheduling of the weekend of Saturday is done, if you got nothing to do, come on over and hang out with us.

Speaker 1 We're going to have a really fun time. So join us for that.

Speaker 1 And on Sunday, we are moderating the NextGen New York City panel. So come join us and just say hi.

Speaker 1 We love meeting everyone. So really excited for that.
And

Speaker 1 aside from that, I mean, it's another week of Bravo comes to a conclusion with

Speaker 1 a

Speaker 1 pretty intense Orange County reunion, Ronnie. What say you?

Speaker 1 Hi.

Speaker 1 Hi. Oh,

Speaker 1 what say you about the reunion?

Speaker 1 Bots of. Did I not say hi to you at the top of the episode? You did.
I'm not being sarcastic. I just had that moment of like, uh-oh, I have to talk now.

Speaker 1 You know, whenever you do the intros, I get to zone out and check each and

Speaker 1 see what I'm doing over here. So, and then when you're like, Ronnie, talk now.
I'm like, uh,

Speaker 1 I was like, Did I

Speaker 1 say that? Did I just like launch into the spiel without saying hi to you? I was like, Yeah, of course, you said hi. Come on, then you called me handsome, all that good stuff.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I just, you know, check some emails. Okay, um, Orange County.
Well, let's see. Emily's hair is still big, and Emily still made me more fearful.

Speaker 1 How can you have a show with Tamara, Gina, Gretchen?

Speaker 1 And I'm still the most annoyed with Emily. How is that?

Speaker 1 Like, shut up. No one's talking to you.

Speaker 1 No one's talking to you.

Speaker 1 You're a dork. That's just Kelly Dodd from the grave.
Well, yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's basically Emily, right? It's just a lower Kelly Dodd.

Speaker 1 I don't know why. I don't know why you'd be annoyed with Emily.
Is it because she was bragging about how she's doing reverse cowgirl on Shane Simpson? Thanks.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Just get he out of here.

Speaker 1 he out

Speaker 1 new post

Speaker 1 new imp

Speaker 1 so let's get into it reunion part two uh everyone is still as orange as ever girl i mean these these people look crazy i just felt sorry for them all over again you know maybe they're doing that because by now the audience is kind of frustrated with the ladies especially with that finale where it's like all this transphobia and homophobia and we've got all this going on and the getting rid of Katie and the audience is, you know, rightfully a little bit fed up.

Speaker 1 And maybe they're just like, let's just make them look as terrible as possible and maybe look, make them all look like they have a fever.

Speaker 1 Just make a red set, make them all look red or orange, and maybe they'll get some pity. It is not working.

Speaker 1 No, it's really not.

Speaker 1 Everyone looks crazy. This is one of the most aesthetically discordant reunions they've ever had.
Just like the color palette, the lighting.

Speaker 1 We said it last week, but it really needs to be emphasized yet again this week. Just looks crazy.
But we start off with Andy, who's in the middle of Tamara and Gretchen are fighting still.

Speaker 1 And Andy is like, hey, but you know, Tamara, don't you also bring dirt up on people? Well, what have I brought up recently?

Speaker 1 Aside from the fact that Gretchen's been a bitch ever since she's been two years old.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but 15 years ago, Tamara, you brought up lies about me then. So there.
And she's like, me, me, Viceroy, we both walked in, and she and Keo saw you too.

Speaker 1 And you were on Blank Slap, and we saw you make that with him.

Speaker 1 You're such a fucking liar.

Speaker 1 You're a liar.

Speaker 1 You're a liar.

Speaker 1 You're a liar. You're a liar.
You're such a liar. You're a liar.
You're a liar.

Speaker 1 For so long.

Speaker 1 He's been coming after me for so long.

Speaker 1 He's been going after my husband. He's been going after me.
He's been going after my kids. Even the invincible one.

Speaker 1 I don't talk about you. I don't do nothing to you.
This is about you. You don't talk about me.

Speaker 1 You're saying you don't talk about her. You liar.

Speaker 1 Andy's like, all right. And then Tamara just like, she has this like tear on her cheek.

Speaker 1 She's like, I'm going to wipe this away dramatically because I've been victimized by Gretchen Rossi from four different presidential administrations on my history book of these four.

Speaker 1 It been so bad.

Speaker 1 And Andy's like, well, we have more to get into with Samuel Gresham later on. And I want to move on.
Okay, you know, I still do a wonky eye to Andy. Did you notice Andy's wonky eye is gone?

Speaker 1 What happened? Where'd it go? You got to do that. I have a wonky eye.
How do I get rid of my? Actually, maybe mine is gone too. Let me look at mine.
Do I still have a wonky eye?

Speaker 1 Maybe you have a wonky.

Speaker 1 Well, you had, well, you had like, you know, you had that star, and maybe like getting rid of the star, I got rid of the wonk. I have a wonky eye.
I've got one that's like a little.

Speaker 1 I got one that's like a little, hangs a little lower, you know. Really? A little wonk.
Yeah, just a little bit lower. It's got like trying to see.
You know, the tissue is a little bit bigger there.

Speaker 1 Oh, well, his is gone. And I think it's because he finally started getting Botox.
And I recently got some boats. Although you wouldn't know how much my face moves.
Look how it moves. Never disgusting.

Speaker 1 Well, you don't have to. You know, I just do it to make an effort.
Oh, I got it. That way I can like join in on like the incessant conversations that happen all the time about Botox.

Speaker 1 Everyone talks about Botox. And really? I just sit there.
Oh, yeah. All you Botox people do it, talk about it all the time.
Not so much.

Speaker 1 Well, it's like you, and you're just like you, and the fucking no-carb people.

Speaker 1 Like, I haven't eaten carbs. Oh, my God.
I haven't eaten carbs. Oh, my God.
I miss carbs. I miss carbs too.

Speaker 1 I haven't had carbs since before presidential administration.

Speaker 1 Yes. Carbs been talking about the new.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm back in my carbs. I had a bagel today.
So the carbs are, the carbs are back. They're back, baby.
Just like you're baby.

Speaker 1 You can't even say carbs to a no-carb person because look how you, like I say, carbs are like, yes, I had carbs. I had bagels today.
Here's what I had yesterday. Here's my food list.

Speaker 1 I I haven't had some. I'm sorry that I said.
I had some straight up sugar on carbs. I'm sorry I spent a month of our podcasting tenure talking about carbs.

Speaker 1 One month of our, listen, no, we're both, we're both guilty of it. It's just at different times, you know? Yeah.
And I

Speaker 1 helped my keto dump.

Speaker 1 I had my keto era too. Remember my keto era? That went from June to October.
That was actually several months. And that was.
I was a monster during then. I hated keto.

Speaker 1 Keto was the worst thing of all time. But do you remember that time?

Speaker 1 We were doing a live, we were doing a tour. We were on tour, and you were like so upset because you were doing keto.
It was ruining your life. I felt bad.
It was like a ghost.

Speaker 1 It was like one of those, it was like insidious, but the thing that was insidious wasn't even like a little scary doll. It was the keto diet.
And it was really tormenting you.

Speaker 1 You were having nightmares. And then you showed up to one of our shows wearing a little suit that was ice cream.
ice cream cones. And I was like, how can you do that when you're on keto?

Speaker 1 I would eat the suit. I would eat the suit.
It was a shirt with ice cream cones.

Speaker 1 Didn't it have matching pants? In my mind, you had shirts. No,

Speaker 1 it feels like it would have a matching pant. I think I just wore a white pants with it.
I remember that I loved that shirt. And I

Speaker 1 instantly outgrew it once I finished keto. Keto was great until I got my first cholesterol

Speaker 1 test afterwards. And it like, you know, I don't even know how my arteries are alive after that.

Speaker 1 I just remember I saw that shirt and it was like my favorite thing. And I was like, Ben, I love your shirt.
I shit with you, man. I love love my shirt you did.
I was like, damn, keto.

Speaker 1 Your shit's been tormenting me.

Speaker 1 Anyway, the point is it's time for one of the most exciting segments of the episode. Jen being a ding-dong and wanting to get married in a white bikini, everybody.
Let's welcome the Jen segment.

Speaker 1 I thought, you know, I like Jen okay, even though she's extremely problematic, I guess, like all of them.

Speaker 1 But I mean, I still, I still have hope in my heart that Jen's a nice person, even though I don't believe one thing she says in this reunion. But I don't need to, I don't need a gen segment.

Speaker 1 Some housewives, it's okay to be like, you know what, Jen, you're great. You're fine.
You're not as problematic as everybody else, but you don't get your own segment. Nobody cares.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's a lot of Jen this episode. So rumors that she clipped in Tamara's old hair extensions combined with the circulation of a so-called fatty photo left their friendship on ice.

Speaker 1 But could these single white frenemies

Speaker 1 take solid steps towards rebuilding their friendship? I'm surprised they didn't get mad that they were, they're actually, neither of them are single, but um, yeah, gen segment. Here it is.

Speaker 1 I can't be the only one when he said fatty photo who went, fatty photo, fatty photo,

Speaker 1 fatty photo.

Speaker 1 What I too, sorry,

Speaker 1 my bad.

Speaker 1 I just get so mad sometimes.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 by the way, I want to clarify also, when I said the thing about Botox, I have no problem with Botox. I'm just saying I feel left out because I don't get to talk about Botox.

Speaker 1 I don't get to talk about it. Are you offended that frozen-faced people are going to come for you?

Speaker 1 Well, I feel like I started talking about Botox and then the conversation became about carbs. And I wanted to just put a bow on that because I felt like I came in hot.

Speaker 1 I feel like I came in hot on Botox. And I was not, I was being facetious, but

Speaker 1 I just am left out. So I'm just saying, I just, I stand there.
I turned it on you because we're watching

Speaker 1 that line.

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 1 while everyone's talking about Botox all over the place, I stand there and then I have to wait for my opening to be like, guys, who likes board games? Am I right?

Speaker 1 And no one cares.

Speaker 1 Hey, guys, you know what's worse than Botox? Not having any carbs.

Speaker 1 Should I bring a board game to Vegas? Do you think that's a good thing?

Speaker 1 Well, we're not sharing a room. You can do whatever you want.
I'm an outcome.

Speaker 1 You know, know, my dream has always been to play Catan with real housewives. Like, that's how dare you.

Speaker 1 Who do you think? Do it. I'll come to your room.
I would do Angie.

Speaker 1 Angie would just collect sheep. This is like old Greece.
I will trade you for your sheep. I'm going to make feta cheese.
Like, I want, I bought Grease. It's like, that's not for sale, and Angie.

Speaker 1 You cannot trade. You just can't keep hoarding all those sheep.
I'm making feta, though. Isn't that the point of Catan?

Speaker 1 Okay, so, well, it seems like you and Tamara got along in Amsterdam, Jen. Where do you stand now?

Speaker 1 Hey, the bitch. Yeah, I don't like her.
I still don't like her Andy. Yeah, stupid.
Yeah, I don't know Andy. I'm right here, by the way.
What do you mean? Oh, you said, where do I stand?

Speaker 1 I'm standing right here. And I'm actually sitting.
Uh, okay, very literal. But, uh, so you don't talk.
You don't talk to her. No, we don't talk.
It's hard for me to navigate you, Tamara.

Speaker 1 And I don't know what version I'm going to get of you. I actually feel like you don't like me.
And that's okay. No, that's not you.
I actually really like you a lot.

Speaker 1 I've actually really like you too much, which is why I make my year life hair.

Speaker 1 And I'm with people, please, Randy. Yeah.
So I just think that fighting for this friendship, you know, I'm fighting and this friendship that never was. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 And I'd just like to say thank you, Tamara. Thank you so much for that friendship that never was.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
You weren't fighting for a friendship. You weren't for a friend, please.

Speaker 1 You weren't fighting for a friendship in your back.

Speaker 1 No, no, well, I was. And I guess I wasn't.
And at this point, I was just over it, you know? There are things I just don't understand.

Speaker 1 Like how anyone would take a photo in their fatty state and then keep it around? I mean, why would you keep a photo like that around?

Speaker 1 You're just really hell-belt bent on making sure I'm, you know, people know I'm not who I portray myself to be. And you say, Oh, you'll find out.
She lies, she's not kind. And that's so mean of you.

Speaker 1 But also, I appreciate that you communicate with people. So, thank you so much for letting people know.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 It's because everything,

Speaker 1 everything that we feel, you're always poking at me. Boke, broke, broke.

Speaker 1 And when Heather was over, and we were talking about T, and I said, I felt like you singled me out because you wanted to get on the show.

Speaker 1 That's it.

Speaker 1 Jen never did anything to you. What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 The only thing Jen ever did to you was stand up to you when you were fucking with her all last season. And you still can't get over it, Tamara.
Stop acting like Jen has been doing anything to you.

Speaker 1 Every time Jen shows up, she's like, hello, Tamara. Hi, are we friends now? Tamara, I just want to trust you.
I want to trust this, Tamara. She's like, yeah, we're friends.

Speaker 1 She's like, okay, thanks, Tamara. She's like, hand me your finger.
Hand me a finger. Look at this little...

Speaker 1 She's like, oh, Tamara,

Speaker 1 Yeah, Tamara brought Jen onto the show.

Speaker 1 And then Jen's freshman season, Tamara made her life hell and tried to keep get everyone talking about Ryan cheating and a dick pic and Heather Amin and all this bullshit.

Speaker 1 And now she's like, Why would Jen cheat this to me? Why would she figure me out? Why would she do that? 15 years minus 14 years. Jen's been tormenting me.

Speaker 1 Well, what's the crime with wanting to be on the the show i mean come on you know when she was coming on the show i remember asking you about her and you said she's great well we weren't on our bed turns in andy that's back when i really liked single white females okay

Speaker 1 i mean i remember i used to like tears andy until i learned until i learned how they can stock you

Speaker 1 and uh gina's like yeah well she never struck me as someone who was like thirsty for the show

Speaker 1 Okay, someone stop her. Someone stop her for come on finish saying show.
You're taking too long. Okay.
It was just a chain.

Speaker 1 I got anxious. It was just a chain of events that happens.
This is what I heard. You brought the house a couple.
You bought the house a couple of toast time for me. Who else? No, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 No, we never lived on the same street.

Speaker 1 I never bought a house near you. No, I didn't.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? Yeah, your house? Well, okay, well, that's the last time I checked your house was in America, was it not? And guess where I live? America, sucker.

Speaker 1 I saw in North America too. You're in America and also North America and California, too.
How many places are you going to follow me to?

Speaker 1 Oh, really? So you're just going to live on the West Coast knowing that I live on the West Coast? Wow, thanks a lot. I guess I should be flattered.

Speaker 1 And I like that they're doxing each other because Tamara's like, well, you live by me in Simon's house. And Jen's like, well, where did you live? Point Circle.
I never lived on Point Circle.

Speaker 1 You were a becker. You were at 2223

Speaker 1 Danson Avenue.

Speaker 1 Well, just because I love the show doesn't mean I actually live live on the show. That's so wrong.
I moved to Sam Malone Street right after. Get off my ass.

Speaker 1 I said,

Speaker 1 I had a condo on the naked truth.

Speaker 1 That's a cul-de-sac. She's like, I'll fork you.
Fork you, Tamara. Okay.

Speaker 1 So Tam is like, well, all of a sudden, you were going to my doctor. You were going to the same hair salon.
You were going to my local bar. And everyone was going, Norm.

Speaker 1 And I was like, she's not even Norm. What's wrong with you?

Speaker 1 Then I went to your house one time, and you gave everybody a lemon in their drink. Where did you get that lemon? The grocery store, exactly.
Point proven, point proven.

Speaker 1 Consider me Shelly Long here to follow your shit. Okay, bitch.

Speaker 1 Did you know that one time she found a baby and she took care of the baby with Tom's head like a sea goodbye? How disgusting is she?

Speaker 1 Goodbye.

Speaker 1 So, Tamara is,

Speaker 1 first Tamara tries, you tried to buy a house right by me and Simon. You haven't been married to Simon in quite a long time, ma'am.
She was like, what are you talking about?

Speaker 1 You weren't even with Simon. You didn't even live there.
She was like, yeah, still, I used to live there. Okay.
So you think she's trying to buy, she lived close to where you once lived.

Speaker 1 So that's a stalker thing. And then she says, you were going to my doctor.
Who's your doctor? I don't know who they are. Whoever they are, I will not consider, I won't call them a miracle worker.

Speaker 1 I'll I'll tell you that. And then you were at the same hair salon, which is terrifying.
Who would go to Tamara's hair salon on purpose? She looks like she's there to scare crows away from corn.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 she's, oh, sorry. The number of hair people that circulate throughout these real housewives is like innumerable.
So it's like not crazy to have overlap with your hair people. Yes.

Speaker 1 So then her final thing is like, oh, yeah, but then you came to my gym and you wanted to do a fitness competition, just like I did. She goes, you invited me to do fitness competition.

Speaker 1 What are you talking about? You were a girl, a normal girl, who had a gym a mile away from my yoga studio, and I was looking to train, and I loved your husband. That's it.
She's like, Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 So I invite you to a gym, then you come to a gym, and that's not stalking me. Okay,

Speaker 1 why don't you boy the bunny clean clothes? Just boy the bunny.

Speaker 1 Guess what, Andy? She goes the same starbox I got you. Crazy,

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Speaker 1 Well, um, Frances from McDorman wants to know, do you want to put your partner in a wood chipper?

Speaker 1 Gretchen, do you find a parallel in how Tamara is jealous of Jen's looks compared to how she was jealous of you when you first came on the show? And Tamara's like,

Speaker 1 I've never been jealous of your other one. Who wants to look like John Bonet Mamsie? Who?

Speaker 1 Gretchen's like, it's not just me. It's me.
It's Jen. It's Lizzie.
Pause so that way you can put Lizzie up on the screen now?

Speaker 1 Okay. And I've heard her say it a lot of times in the press.
She just wants my life. She wants my life.
That's all she says. She's like, well, why are you talking like me?

Speaker 1 You have the same voice as me today. I can't help it.
I'm around you too much. I can't dodge the link between my voice and your voice right now.

Speaker 1 Oh, I have to point out this Lizzie thing. So Lizzie is like Gretchen.
Lizzie's one of those, I mean, Gretchen was on longer, but Lizzie's one of those who's always hanging around the sides.

Speaker 1 You'll always see Lizzie at the housewives parties. Like she always finds a way to be friends with whoever is on Housewives.
She's like Gretchen that way. So Gretchen and Lizzie hang out.

Speaker 1 And I know all of this just from seeing Instagram posts. So they've been hanging out for years.
They're old buddies. They've been trying to to get back on this show for years.

Speaker 1 Now, the reason I bring this up is because recently Tamara had some posts and Lizzie was on there and she's like, love you, Tamara. You look so beautiful.
You look great.

Speaker 1 It's like, yeah, thanks, bitch.

Speaker 1 So I think Tamara has gone so far even to take Lizzie from Gretchen to like team up with her against Gretchen. on the next.
They're all trying so hard to get back on this show. It's really funny.

Speaker 1 So good luck, Lizzie. I wouldn't mind another season of Lizzie, actually.
Would you? Yeah,

Speaker 1 I thought Lizzie was okay. I think she just sort of had like a boring final season, but like she wasn't the worst.
She was

Speaker 1 at

Speaker 1 the members.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think there have been some pretty, like, pretty

Speaker 1 good mid-pack Orange County people who've come through. Well, thanks for mentioning me, Ben.
That's me, Elizabeth Vargas, and back from tour.

Speaker 1 Unbelievable. Undeniable.
Unbelievable.

Speaker 1 It's BravoCon, and I'm here to say you can list my house any day.

Speaker 1 Me, Elizabeth Margaret, just here to give a little truth. I was in a cult.
A cult, I tell you.

Speaker 1 Look for me doing my one-woman show on the roller coaster atop Circo Circus.

Speaker 1 Or I guess the stratosphere, whatever. I'll be there.

Speaker 1 Sally Kirkland died. Did you know that? I had to say that.
No.

Speaker 1 I love her brand of things at Costco.

Speaker 1 I used to see her all the time at the diner.

Speaker 1 I had the diner I used to go to, and Sally Kirkland. It was Sally Kirkland and Robert Forster were always there at the same diner.
And Robert Forster would always sit in the corner.

Speaker 1 And then Sally Kirkland would come in.

Speaker 1 R.I.P. I was like, I just haven't announced a celebrity death in so long.
Like, and they keep on dying during her show. And I said, you know what? That's it.

Speaker 1 Sally Kirkland, she's getting on to the show. So you say

Speaker 1 you're like, you know what, Ronnie, be damned. I will bring up a death in the middle of a

Speaker 1 Sally Kellerman, but we sure as hell are going to do Sally Kirkland. Yeah, I actually know Sally Kellerman personally, and that was very upsetting to me.

Speaker 1 That the one celebrity that you don't admit that dies during our podcast is one of my dear, dear friends. We were in Maine together at the Jupiter Theater in Florida.

Speaker 1 It's where she introduced me to her friend John Travolta, who took a private plane to see us. That's right.
John Travolta, right there in the front seat. Oh, Johnny, how far we've fallen, eh?

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 I'm sure Gresham's friends in Orange County have a lot to say about that guy, huh?

Speaker 1 I remember back then,

Speaker 1 18 years ago. Did you really?

Speaker 1 I remember going up to John Travolta. I said, nice to meet you, Johnny.
Have you ever heard of Eddie, Eddie Jones?

Speaker 1 You know each other? You know what I'm saying? We had any sword fights, Johnny? John Travolta?

Speaker 1 You really met John Travolta back then? Yeah, he was her friend. So he came to see her in MAME.
And everybody was all freaking out that John Travolta was coming to to the Jupiter Theater.

Speaker 1 And they had asked him what he wanted to eat because it's a dinner theater and he would have had the salmon like everybody else.

Speaker 1 But unfortunately, they gave him the offer and he chose a hamburger, which they didn't serve. And the whole place freaked out trying to get this man a hamburger.

Speaker 1 I've never seen so many service workers go crazy. They're a hamburger.
How are we going to get him a hamburger? What are we going to do?

Speaker 1 The whole theater went nuts and he got his hamburger and never knew. I always thought, you know, this guy's probably just picking the easiest thing because he doesn't want to seem seem too fancy.

Speaker 1 So he's just like, just give me a burger. Like, I don't care.
Like, a burger. We're only two blocks from a Publix.
Whatever will we do?

Speaker 1 Oh, God. There must be someone in this burger who can make a burger.
Hey, that was wordplay.

Speaker 1 Well, that's, I never knew that. That's amazing.
Or maybe you said, I don't know. I'm sure someone's listening to the podcast.
I was like, Ronnie mentioned that

Speaker 1 April 13th of 2012, but I had forgotten. So that's cool.

Speaker 1 Well, anyway,

Speaker 1 that's a man back.

Speaker 1 Good lord. Those eyes.

Speaker 1 Was that before Pulp Fiction?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was right after that. Pulp Fiction.
We had all gone to see Pulp Fiction together. So that was out that year.
And that's also when Préde Porte was on.

Speaker 1 That had just come out too, which was Sally Kellerman's kind of big return. So it was a big time for them.
It was a huge year for them. It was a good year for those two.

Speaker 1 Okay, Ben, take it away. I won't tell any more Sally Kellerman story.
I could have fallen in love with Johnny, though. Although that went down quickly.

Speaker 1 let's just pretend it's the John Trevolt of the past. Excuse me, this is a Sally Kirkland moment, and we're still getting over.
We're still just getting over the Diane Ladd moment that we just,

Speaker 1 okay. Yeah, well, Sally Kirkland.

Speaker 1 Diane Laddie didn't know you. Okay, do more dinner theater if you want any attention on this podcast.
The Sally Kirkland, Diane Ladd, Diane Keaton, Sally Kellerman thing is a real, it's a real doozy.

Speaker 1 Two Diane's, two Sally's. Don't like it.

Speaker 1 But we, you know what I do like? Orange County. So Gretchen is saying

Speaker 1 Tamara of jealousy.

Speaker 1 Oh, I'm sorry. Gretchen's accusing Tamara of being jealous of all the pretty girls, and she destroys everyone's life who is pretty.
And Tamara's like, I don't do that. I don't talk about you.

Speaker 1 And she's like, well, you go on, you go on your podcast and you have things to say. She's like, but I don't talk about you, Gretchen.
What part of my episode dedicated to you?

Speaker 1 It's late that I was actually talking about you.

Speaker 1 I wasn't talking about you. I was just talking about how how they didn't like to pay child support.
First cancer child. And Abby's like, well, by the way, I would also argue with the two of you.

Speaker 1 I feel like you're both asked about the other person in interviews and stuff. I mean, come on.
That's what we do. And Tammy's like, I do not get asked about Christian.

Speaker 1 Yes, you do.

Speaker 1 Excuse me. I have to go to the bathroom soon.
So is this going to be wrapping up anytime soon? No. Okay, that's fine.

Speaker 1 Well, just over from the sofa. Oh, sorry, I wasn't finished.
Please say that again. I'd like to hear it.
I said I was doing something. Wacky on the sofa.
Woohoo! Holding in the pee.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm little orphan, Shanny. We think you're going to like it here.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Now,

Speaker 1 over from the boulder holder says, Heather, how did you think Tamara had no ill intent in showing off Jen's photo? It seems obvious it was a fatty photo. Come on.

Speaker 1 Oh, Andy, if you had been there, it was a long evening where many things were talked about, including Teddy and what was going on with her and Wendy Malik being a forever bitch, things like that.

Speaker 1 And there were traumatic conversations that were had. And in the middle of it, she just was like, oh, Jen wants to be me.

Speaker 1 And oh, God, there was a litany, Andy, just a litany. And then just like cuts to like the Gretchen couch, and you just see Jen, Emily, and Gretchen just staring like

Speaker 1 the folks are staring. Litany.

Speaker 1 Is that a new cast member? Litany? Litany?

Speaker 1 Heather's like, I didn't mean anything by it. You had to be there.
Look, I saw that photo of Jen and I thought now there's a woman who will wear Emily's jeans.

Speaker 1 She could win an Oscar with how big she got for that photo. So Jen is like, Terry's like, well, you used my hair extensions.
And Jen's like, I didn't use your hair extensions.

Speaker 1 And Millie goes, I think it was established, that's lawyer speak, that it was a joke. And she put them in there temporarily.
Case dismissed. Now, who wants to do reverse cowgirl, Shane?

Speaker 1 And Tamra's so full of it. She knew that.

Speaker 1 They already did this. And she's still like, you stole my hair.
You stole my hair. Oh, my God.
Tamara, you move your hair too much. Corn stops starts popping out of it.
No one wants your hair, Tamara.

Speaker 1 She was like the Velociraptors. You know how they had to keep the uh the cage electrified at all moments because the velociraptors always testing it to see if there's like a weakness.

Speaker 1 And then, um, because you know, you know, it was based on real science, guys.

Speaker 1 And uh, that's what Tamara's doing. She's just gonna always like test that electric fence to see, is today the day the power went out? Can I escape today?

Speaker 1 So she's gonna be like, You took my, you put my hair in your head. She's like, Half for the 10th time, I did not.
She's like, Damn, didn't write today. Try again tomorrow.
Oh, yeah,

Speaker 1 you won't lie to me. Hey, stealer.
Everybody wants my hair, Andy. You're like, no one stole your hair, Tamara.
Calm down. Okay.

Speaker 1 Well, in the realm of this conversation, I wasn't going to say, Tamara, that's not okay.

Speaker 1 Because that conversation was not germane to what the bigger conversation was. And you cut to the other couch.
It's like,

Speaker 1 who's Jermaine? Is Jermaine Jackson on the show? Can I meet him?

Speaker 1 Emily's like, is Jermaine Jackson on the show? And I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 What was...

Speaker 1 Oh, sorry. I thought there was another big word in there.
What did she say? Germaine. Well, I think the other big word was conversation.

Speaker 1 So Emily is like, okay, lawyer speaking. What, Your Honor? What was your real intent with the photo? Just that Jen had changed? I mean, we have all changed for crying out loud.
Yes, we've all changed.

Speaker 1 You have all changed. I love seeing what Bravo does to people.
Look at you guys. I could bounce you off a garage door and have a great after-school game.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you what Bravo doesn't do for people is provide a toilet because I have to pee very badly.

Speaker 1 And I just want to say before I just make an accident, it's in front of everyone that, Tamara, when we were in Temecula, you said it was shady to bring up the photo. You did say that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, it was. It was shady.
Hey, look,

Speaker 1 I didn't even look great in that picture. I was being shady to myself, but I was mainly being shady.

Speaker 1 But when I say I was being shady to myself, I'm also saying I'm being shady to Jen because she basically is me, copycat.

Speaker 1 Yeah, basically, I didn't look in that photo either, but it was mostly because I was standing in front of the shadow that big fatty Jen was casting all over me.

Speaker 1 That was the point. She was showing me the photo in that context, Andy.
There, I knew I could get to it. So the point was, overall, Tamara was babbling so much.

Speaker 1 I zoned out and she mentioned it at that point. And I just wasn't listening or paying attention because I was trying to get ready for my caparet with Richard Marks.
Did you all watch?

Speaker 1 did you see me singing with richard marks anyone did you you watched that of course of course i did she sounded great actually

Speaker 1 for a real housewife for a real housewife yeah um that what was it like i've got money no what'd she say i ain't got no money she's like that's a joke

Speaker 1 What song was she singing? I don't know. In my mind, it was

Speaker 1 Lady the Tramp.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, it was Lady of the Tramp.

Speaker 1 i think when it comes to bravo cabaret

Speaker 1 you know we start at countess luanne and then from there we go to ashley um ashley darby so like when heather comes around and she hits 75 of her notes i'm like wow i'm gonna hand her the grammy now yeah that's true and i even sing a song like that with like musicality you know from Yeah, from time where that mattered.

Speaker 1 But yeah, back in the day when I was in the rat pack. Oh,

Speaker 1 Johnny, Johnny Troll to get over here on my lap. Let's tell some rat pack stories.

Speaker 1 I'm just a gigolo, and everywhere I go, people have something to say about me.

Speaker 1 Thank you. That's why the lady is Jermaine.

Speaker 1 Thank you, Alfreda. Welcome back.
Been waiting all day.

Speaker 1 Savannah from Never Smiles says,

Speaker 1 Why do you think Tamara can't stop talking shit about you even after Ryan sees it to say? Oh, yeah, she talks about me more than I talked about him. That's for sure.
That's for sure.

Speaker 1 Well, outside of the photo, was there more issues between the two of you? Well, I mean, she, I mean, Tamara said that she had an affair. It was, it was,

Speaker 1 it was horrifying it was it was it was terrible i need the toilet and tamara's like what

Speaker 1 yeah it happened it happened in sharles you get

Speaker 1 no tamara that's not true that's why i can't do this with you just be honest be honest tamara it was a rumor i heard about it i'm not proud of it i'm not proud of it i had an affair with on with on will with ryan but i didn't have an affair with any man at my yoga studio it was just ryan and i mean well i mean to be fair we had sex in the parking lot and i guess technically that was my Yugoslio.

Speaker 1 But, like, really, at that point, it's a little bit of a gray area.

Speaker 1 Well, okay, I got no proof that you had an affair with somebody on Ryan outside your yoga studio, whatever. So I shouldn't have said that.

Speaker 1 I regret saying that Jen is a big slow face who has fairs all the time. Whoops.

Speaker 1 Tamara, Tamra, I think your go-to is if you're going to say something like,

Speaker 1 I'm going to throw something and see if it sticks. And it just gets scary when you do that because then we don't delve into deep things with you.

Speaker 1 Because like, what if you get mad and take some bullshit and throw it at us like what if you're like you know truths about us oh come on you're just saying that because you once robbed the bank when you're 18 you had the record sealed see that's what exactly what i'm telling you about talking about okay you're right i shouldn't have said that i shouldn't have said to change the bank robber

Speaker 1 start

Speaker 1 that reminds me i need to have you have a a meal with wendy malik So that way you out her secrets. See what I'm doing.
See, everyone, that was a callback.

Speaker 1 It was a callback, but it was a reference to... It was, I'm really dying out here, Alfredo.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna need you to, I'm gonna need you to pay attention.

Speaker 1 Well, he's unfortunately in the bathroom, and it's exactly the worst timing that I could ever imagine for myself. I actually said I have to go to the bathroom, so Alfredo offered to go for me.

Speaker 1 Um, he should be back any moment. Hopefully, he's wiping.

Speaker 1 Oh, he just flushed. He just flushed.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, but you're okay with Gretchen. We okay with Gretchen, but you're not with me.
But Gretchen's never done anything like that to me.

Speaker 1 Yet. Yet.
Okay, Tamara. So are you admitting that if Gretchen did that, it would also be terrible? You're terrible.
Why don't you just admit it? Tamra's so ridiculous. Just stop with the tears.

Speaker 1 My God. So does Jen have a wedding date yet? And no, she doesn't.
What's the rush? She doesn't really care. She's just doing this for the cameras.

Speaker 1 Y'all ain't got to pay for it. And so then Gretchen's like, yeah, I mean, there's no rush to get married.
I've been engaged 16 years.

Speaker 1 You've been avoiding paying child support for a cancer victim for 16 years is what your lame ass has been doing, Gretchen. Stop acting like you're living some love story.

Speaker 1 I think Jen is being really smart. I'm proud of it.
They have a great relationship.

Speaker 1 And the fact that she's taking it slow and thinking about things about wanting her children to be there and not rushing it is really smart.

Speaker 1 Which is Emily's way of saying this is really good because the longer she waits, the sooner Ryan's true colors will come out and she'll realize she never should have gotten married to this guy in the first place.

Speaker 1 I'm just hearing it from Emily, like Emily's so kind. I was so happy that they showed the clips because it was so good.

Speaker 1 Cause Andy's like, well, that's a big deal because you were so hard on her and the way she was handling her finances. And then we cut to the clip of Emily being like, you are so dumb.

Speaker 1 You don't even know how to walk around without carrying diamonds everywhere. When you owe people money, pay money back, dumb bitch.
Like Emily was rotten to the core to this woman.

Speaker 1 Just fucking terrible. She was.
And it just reminded me, you know, every season, I'm like, when are they going to get rid of Emily? She is so rotten to whoever she's being rotten to.

Speaker 1 She's been rotten to everybody. She's just a nasty, nasty person.
But, you know, unlike Tamara, Emily knows how to rein it in when it's important so she can try and get on people's good sides again.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I think Emily has some upside, but

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 Was that?

Speaker 1 She sucks. Emily sucks.

Speaker 1 No, I agree. She sucks.
No, I'm saying that like there's moments when, when, like you said, she can rein it in for like a second.

Speaker 1 And like there are more, there's always these flashes where I'm like, I could see a world someday where I could like Emily, but it's tough. It's real tough.

Speaker 1 So she's like, yeah, I just, I'm like so proud of her. And Andy's like, well, you were pretty tough on her last year.
Yeah. And thank you so much.

Speaker 1 for calling me very stupid and shaming me when I was at my lowest point when I had no money. That was, I really thought that meant like a lot to me.
Yeah, I think she's taken some of that to heart.

Speaker 1 And I think that she just thinks more about things now. I'm just so proud of her that she does push-ups on her Instagram.
And it's just her doing push-ups. Gosh,

Speaker 1 they could have me just fix everyone's social media at this point. Mommy Makov.

Speaker 1 I really liked how they showed this clip of Emily being absolutely fucking vile. She's like, yeah, I think she learned from that.
So I'm really, I just helped her. You know, that's me.

Speaker 1 Good old helpful Emily calling you a dumb bitch until you get it in order. Jen then goes, and guys, I just want to announce that if something happens to me, me and my kids are going to be just fine.

Speaker 1 And they're all clap. They're like, yay, Jen, I've saved $35 in my account.
Oh. They're already used to sleeping in parking lots.
How worse can it be? They're going to be, she's like, we'll be fine.

Speaker 1 You know, we will be fine. We have learned to take,

Speaker 1 we've learned how to take salt out of ocean water.

Speaker 1 The kids are going to be fine. Don't worry, everybody.
Don't worry. I figured out cold fusion.
So we're going to be okay. Okay.

Speaker 1 All right. Jen in Amsterdam.
You worried if you would be enough for Ryan as you get older. Did you really say Cold Fusion? You really should publicize that more.
Yeah, I did, if I figured it out.

Speaker 1 Have you told? Have you told the government? No, I don't trust them. Okay, well, Gina, you mentioned that Ryan over-sexualizes Jen.

Speaker 1 Do you feel like the way Ryan sexy talks about Jen is the reason Jen may feel like she's not enough?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, I just think that like Jen was like in her marriage and like Jen spent like a lot of time serving others.

Speaker 1 And like Jen is like having a moment where she's like truly trying to figure out who she is.

Speaker 1 And I think that like Jen, when it comes down to a lot of insecurities, I do think that like Ryan is like going to, do I think that he's going to like leave you like when you don't look that way?

Speaker 1 No, I don't think so. He'll leave you before then.
So I think it's like has nothing to do with that.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, I'll tell you this. I've never had a best friend as a partner.
I mean, this is just so great. You know, I've never had someone spend so much time with me and touch me and love me.

Speaker 1 And I think, wow, does this end? Are we going to be able to do this forever? Will we? Will he always be able to touch me and love me?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I've been with Shane for 17 years and his hands are all over me all the time.

Speaker 1 Me too.

Speaker 1 29 years, which I guess is significantly longer than you. So I guess if you're going to one-up Jen, I'll just one-up you.

Speaker 1 I'll pretend I'm in the penthouse and I'm saying one floor up from Emily Simpson, which is a joke because it would be probably about 34 floors up. Anyway, reverse cowgirl with Terry DeBrux.

Speaker 1 Talk about a hot time, right, America? Oh, thanks a lot because now Shane asks for that all the time. Sorry, but you know what? You do at least get to turn around and face the television.

Speaker 1 Well, glad to see you made it back from the bathroom, Alfredo. Keep your finger on the button.

Speaker 1 You guys don't understand what the joy is to do reverse cowgirl on Terry DeBrux while watching old episodes of Suits. Talk about a hot time, right?

Speaker 1 That wasn't a joke. I was sharing.
I was sharing my experience. This is important to me.

Speaker 1 This is important.

Speaker 1 Suits is important.

Speaker 1 I need to see the television show that I was not cast in.

Speaker 1 You know, I'm trying to do comedy now and I'm feeling born kicks.

Speaker 1 Fine.

Speaker 1 Fine. I'll just go back to missionary.
Back to missionary with Terry DeBrux. Oh, now I say something funny and you stop laughing.
Great. Great.

Speaker 1 That was really salient, you guys. That was really salient.

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Speaker 1 So while everyone purges the vision of Heather DeBrow

Speaker 1 doing reverse cowgirl on Terry DeBrux while she also watches TV,

Speaker 1 Andy is like, my weird before Christmas, porn.

Speaker 1 I know. She's like watching, you know, My Lottery Dream Home.
Joe me.

Speaker 1 Jumie. I was watching House Hunters the other day for Dwell Hello.
And on the bottom of the screen, because it was on YouTube TV, that My Lottery Dream Home guy came on.

Speaker 1 And he was just like the pop-up on the screen, you know, that comes up. And he's wearing like a bright pink, fluffy thing with pink sunglasses being pulled down.
And he's going like.

Speaker 1 I was like, please, why do I need this on my fucking Dwell Hello? Leave me alone. He is really turning into like the flash version of the Abyss Monster.
So Jen is like

Speaker 1 Jen is like the T1, T2000 or whatever it is.

Speaker 1 Jen is like, you know, Ryan and I met with Will and it was weird. Just in case anyone wants to know how things are going with Will, it was weird.

Speaker 1 But Will sat there and he owned everything, which is funny because he owns nothing. But can you imagine doing that in front of Ryan? Having to say apologies to a guy who has paint on his denim?

Speaker 1 It's humbling. Well, does he appreciate the role role that Ryan stayed in? She's like, yeah, he thanked him for taking care of the kids.
He really did. He thanked him.
Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 So, Gina, why did you express in Amsterdam that you felt that Jen and Shannon have a fake friendship? She's like, okay, maybe that was a little harsh, but I was getting max messaging.

Speaker 1 Like, when I was with John, you'd say, like, I don't want that. But then you tiptoe around Shannon.
And then I think.

Speaker 1 Gina, I wish she knew Gina. Gina, Sheena, Gina.

Speaker 1 I wish Gina would just show up with the backbone instead of showing up and pretending everything she said was nothing and she never meant anything and she's just so sorry.

Speaker 1 It's like, show up with a pair, you know, grow some heels.

Speaker 1 Everything, everything she's in trouble for this season, instead of standing behind it and just having an argument, she's like, yeah, that was horrible. I shouldn't have done that.

Speaker 1 Because I'm like, I support all women. That's what this is about.

Speaker 1 Well, I said I don't want any traditional bridal stuff and just, it just makes me nervous.

Speaker 1 So but when I learned that it was already planned, there's no way I'm gonna go to my friend and say like undo everything you did.

Speaker 1 And then when I watched it back and Shannon, what you did and what you said, oh, what? Me? Who? What?

Speaker 1 Me, I barely, it was, it was nothing. It was just, you know, $5,000.
But like,

Speaker 1 you know, when you're unlimited.

Speaker 1 It was nothing. I listened.
I mean, I mean, would it have hurt maybe a little bit less if I hadn't paid $75,000 to John Jansson? Yes, but let's not talk about the $5,000 that I spent on my friendship.

Speaker 1 I was just so, so embarrassed that they even included me talking about money. I mean, that was disgusting.

Speaker 1 That's the $5,000 I spent 20 times. That is $100,000 I spent.
It was so embarrassing. I wish I hadn't spent that.

Speaker 1 And to think that they got the wrong flowers and

Speaker 1 the wrong type of glassware.

Speaker 1 It's just mortifying when you spend $5,000 on a friend like that. Oh, no, you don't.

Speaker 1 No, no, don't look at me. I didn't.
You're not supposed to know how much I spent at the $5,000 that I spent. But I don't deserve that, Shannon.
I don't. Of course you do.

Speaker 1 Of course you deserve someone who's single and on their own and has no children anymore to spend all of their life savings on your party. Of course you do.
Let's not talk about the price.

Speaker 1 It was expensive.

Speaker 1 I'm just, I'm just a friend who does things out of the kindness of my own heart. Does anyone need Sloan Kettering? Anyone? That's like my, that's a card I really love to play.

Speaker 1 Sloan Kettering, everyone. Sloan Kettering.

Speaker 1 And do you feel like your friendship with Shannon is one-sided? And Gina's like, no, no, I really don't.

Speaker 1 Like, even though I got salty, like, I feel like I can say things to Shanna. And then, like, I do think things to Shanna.
Yeah, we know you can because you're fucking rude to her every time.

Speaker 1 And she's like, well, when you said, I worry about you, that really hurt my feelings. You know, if you're so worried, you would call me or check in.

Speaker 1 I mean, who knows someone who's an alcoholic and just leaves them there to rot? No offense, Dad. Did I say that? Well, anyway

Speaker 1 timer

Speaker 1 it's just like you just cannot stop but bring him up uh you said that batch because she's drunk again she's drunk drunk you say what what what

Speaker 1 drunky nap drunky dad look around the room alarmed what what what yeah drunky well i will tell you who i'm accountable for myself and that's what's important and i am continuing to improve my martinis to myself

Speaker 1 that's all that matters

Speaker 1 yeah that's that's fair and I apologize for that. No, it's okay, Gina.
Oh, oh, Gina. Oh, do I hold any grudges? No.

Speaker 1 Heather, in regards to your friendship with Gina, do you think Gina has a double standard by accusing you of not always supporting her and then making light of your work to get back into Com Deck and answer that for you?

Speaker 1 Yes, hell yes, it's a big double standard, but feel free to answer in your own words. Well, what bothered me was we're both putting ourselves back in the world in some capacity in our careers.

Speaker 1 careers. She's selling one bedrooms to seniors.

Speaker 1 I'm, I don't know, taking over television, beaming myself into living rooms far and wide, reminding people that there are better options than just Wendy Malik.

Speaker 1 But you know, Gina, thank you.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 1 I was telling Nancy Travis the other day, I was saying, it's so great to work in comedy again. What are you working on, Nancy?

Speaker 1 And then I let the silence linger for a while while she tried to remember what it was like to work.

Speaker 1 Wow, a lot of Travis heads here today. Well, you know what? I have to speak my truth.
The truth is,

Speaker 1 she's no Andy McDowell, that's for sure. No Andy McDowell.

Speaker 1 Okay, why did the Nancy Travis cross the road

Speaker 1 to get to the curly hair that Andy McDowell has? That's the real stalker, Tamara. That's the real stalker.

Speaker 1 Afraido, get in here right now. Alfredo.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 1 Okay, well,

Speaker 1 Heather. Oh, by the way, Heather, I just wanted to say, it's not like everybody criticized you.
I didn't say, oh, Heather, they're criticizing your career.

Speaker 1 I just said they were surprised you were doing comedy. Shannon, that is not true, ma'am.

Speaker 1 You sat down, you're like, well, so all the other girls are saying that you're doing comedy, and they seem very, oh,

Speaker 1 they said it like this.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Excuse me. My turn.
Still me. I'm discussing why this is very important to me.

Speaker 1 What about me getting very angry in this moment says that I am not a comic actress? Please tell me.

Speaker 1 Okay, this was my error because like I was short-sighted. Like I did not make the connection between what we were having a light-hearted laugh about you with your career.
And I'm sorry about that.

Speaker 1 And I feel bad.

Speaker 1 I appreciate that, but doubling down in your interview, excuse me, excuse me, do not draw out your bed while I am talking. It's my turn.

Speaker 1 Still me.

Speaker 1 My turn.

Speaker 1 Comic actress turn. Comic actress time.

Speaker 1 The sign says on the air and that is for the comedians.

Speaker 1 I am just telling you that every time I talk about my career, specifically the comedy career, over the years on the show, someone says something and makes me not want to open up about it okay emily can you ask andy if we can go to the bathroom he apparently doesn't listen to me so and you told me you wanted to be a comedy writer gina how about that and my knee jerk reaction to that was that's so cool i love you're choosing a profession in a dying industry

Speaker 1 the comedy writers are not getting paid anything they're so poor they have to go on strike so hard great choice for you

Speaker 1 you can write a skit about the old people riding in on their rascals to look at the studio apartments. You're selling them.
I love that for you. Can't breathe.
Can't breathe. Choking on my own pee.

Speaker 1 Can I go pee?

Speaker 1 Please.

Speaker 1 Excuse me. This is very important to me.
Andy, why are you not paying attention to what I'm talking about? No, I'm just trying to say. I mean, listen, she's already beat on one couch.

Speaker 1 We don't need another couch beat on. That was me, Andy.
Okay, sorry.

Speaker 1 A lot of this cast has beat on couches before. Okay, we care, Heather.
It is important.

Speaker 1 this is important to me okay this is extremely extremely

Speaker 1 okay okay you know what i've had it with you people can we just stop for a second and say gina wants to be a comedy writer i did i hear that wrong she said that right

Speaker 1 oh my god

Speaker 1 but i

Speaker 1 And then all this stuff that they kept interjecting here when she's like, oh my God,

Speaker 1 I think it's like Jermaine to say, Salia, that like, I never meant stuff like that about you. And like, maybe that wasn't nice, but like, I know you're a really good actor.

Speaker 1 And then it keeps cutting to Gina what she was really saying. She's like, oh, my God, who told us she was funny? Like, the salespeople at the Bergdwarfs? Am I right?

Speaker 1 And then it cuts back to Gina being like, no, Heather, I got nothing for respect for you in your career. Then it cuts to her, like, yeah, she was in sitcoms like, uh-uh, 20 years ago.
Like, I was two.

Speaker 1 Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 Like, what's the deal with muffin tops? Am I right? They're the best part of the muffin. Why do we have the bottom part? Okay, now you're doing Seinfeld.
Okay, well, sorry, I've got to do my audition.

Speaker 1 Okay, well, you know, you doubled down and it hurt me.

Speaker 1 So Andy's like, well, I would like to say that she is the only person in this group who's been on many, many, many sitcoms. Okay, Malibu Country aside, Gretchen.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 Heather's like, ha ha ha, ha, ha. That's funny, Andy.
That's funny, which reminds me, it's time for my annual call where I leave a vicious voicemail for that casting director.

Speaker 1 If you ever consider Gretchen Rossi over me, televisions Heather Jabru again, it will cost you a lot.

Speaker 1 Well, I just want to say I've got to go to the bathroom right now. Thank you.
Thank you, audience. Thank you very much for your work.

Speaker 1 I wasn't even expecting one. Thank you.
Oh, that's these flowers.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Yes, I'll be back.
I'll be back. We're just taking a

Speaker 1 hot now.

Speaker 1 Oh, burning it up.

Speaker 1 Look, I'm falling. I'm falling.

Speaker 1 I'll be back. I'll be back.

Speaker 1 Wait, Andy, I just have a question. I received a text message from someone named Drake who said that he loved my bit.

Speaker 1 Oh, now you're really doing it, Shannon.

Speaker 1 So we come back from commercial, and Shannon's like, wow, I wish they could have fixed fixed my hair. Well, you're not getting the gents and steal it.

Speaker 1 And we're back. When it came to extracurricular activities, the OC proved to be as well-rounded as the oranges they hold.
Now let's watch a segment of fun and games.

Speaker 1 So it's basically, whoa, whoa, I'm going to fall over. Wow, I'm going to get onto a horse.
Woo! Bicycling. Ha, wow.
Wacky, wacky, wacky. Here I am.
Ha, I'm America Sweetheart.

Speaker 1 I just got off of Love Hotel and now i'm falling all over the place there's that slut on the beach woo i'm fun fun shannon happy i just i just came from a lymphatic drainage machine

Speaker 1 all right well this quote-unquote fun and games segment can you tell me what's the purpose of a lymphatic drainage massage it just sounds like an excuse for an orgasm did you have one emily

Speaker 1 No, but I would have if I'd stayed longer.

Speaker 1 Later on, though, I pulled the turkey sandwich out of my bag and I rolled that around on myself. And I came like a, like a rocket ship, Andy.

Speaker 1 Afraid of it. Thank you.
Unacceptable. Thank you, everybody.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Unacceptable.

Speaker 1 Thanks, guys.

Speaker 1 I'll be here all week.

Speaker 1 A new low.

Speaker 1 So Andy is like, like, whoa,

Speaker 1 three billboards in Missouri wants to know what was with Gretchen's Tomb Raider outfit and the fake breach. She's like, oh, I love a theme.
I just think it makes it fun and campy.

Speaker 1 Which is exactly what you're going for in a self-defense class. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So they talk about her telling everybody they had to show up serious because it was a very serious scene. And then she showed up like Laura Croft and then like did carjacking

Speaker 1 jokes on people. Fucking weirdo.
And Emily's trying to explain why this is so funny. And she's cracking up.
And I'm like, I wasn't offended or anything. I just was like,

Speaker 1 it was a you had to be there moment. She's like, oh, what was so silly, you guys, you guys, you guys.
What was so silly is that like, she kept on being like, this is serious.

Speaker 1 And like, you got to take this serious. And it was like a really important thing.
But then we got there. She's dressed like Laura Croft.
Like,

Speaker 1 it is hilarious. And Gretchen's like, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, you guys are really entertained by yourselves. Anyway, Ronnie, let's joke about our inside jokes again.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so they talk about how strong Jen is.

Speaker 1 And they all learned that she's very dense and

Speaker 1 nobody makes a joke. And then,

Speaker 1 let's see, Olive from Kittridge wants to know what Shane thought when he saw you at the Abbey having the ride of your life. And it's like, I was a victim of dry humping, okay?

Speaker 1 And then they show multiple clips of Emily riding every stripper that comes into town, which is kind of funny.

Speaker 1 So we talk about strippers and cockrings. And Heather's like, I have never seen a cockring before.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 So they ask Andy what a cockring is for. I actually don't know either.
Do you? I thought it was keep... King guys hard, but Andy says to make your wiener look bigger.
I always assumed it was to make

Speaker 1 people cringe during Great Porn and turn it off. Because that's usually my reaction.

Speaker 1 I think it's like an outsing of age. You know, it's like an age signifier.
I always thought it was to keep boners.

Speaker 1 Oh, Cockering. I was thinking.

Speaker 1 You know what? The entire time I was thinking a prince,

Speaker 1 what do you call it? You know, the i was thinking the piercing i wasn't thinking cochering

Speaker 1 okay i'm gonna leave you with your boner could you imagine i saw a cochering and i'm gonna cringe and turn off the gay porn no it's the it's the piercing at the tip prince albert or something oh no like a cochering like ding dong you know yeah that's different come to your door and they're like ding dong we're selling cookies that changes this this uh changes everything because really in my mind those trippers pulled out their dicks and there was a piercing and had the debris saw it up close in person was like if you ever show me that but cockering is my oh yeah yeah yeah no cockering is that thing to keep the blood in the dick so that way you stay hard right isn't it like what strippers use strippers need to use it because they're up there dancing for hours i don't know

Speaker 1 if i make my dick look bigger i just carry around like a really tiny um representation of a dick you know just like a

Speaker 1 cornice showing like a mirror something and i just when someone looks down there i just hold it next to it and i'm like oh look at look at the giant next to that that shit like a little car, like a little car and like a little diner.

Speaker 1 Like, whoa.

Speaker 1 Hello there. This is a two-part recap.
Okay. This is the end of part one.
So thank you so much for listening to this. Just come back a little later for part two.

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Speaker 1 Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com slash survey. Picture this.

Speaker 3 You're standing on the beach when you notice something strange. The horizon doesn't look right.
At first, all you can see is a thin white line stretching as far as your eyes can see.

Speaker 3 Then, the line starts to rise. But it's not the horizon at all.
It's a wave, a 30-foot wall of water, and it's racing straight toward you.

Speaker 3 On the day after Christmas in 2004, a 9.1 magnitude earthquake hit off the coast of Indonesia, triggering a devastating tsunami. It struck Thailand without warning.

Speaker 3 No alarms, no cell phone alerts, no evacuation.

Speaker 3 And this season of Against the Odds, experience one of the deadliest natural disasters in history through the perspectives of those who did everything they could to survive.

Speaker 3 Follow Against the Odds on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Against the Odds Tsunami in Thailand early and ad-free right now on Wondery Plus.