#3095 Below Deck Med S10E10 Part 1: Who’s The Boss?

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Hello and welcome to Watch What Craps, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today, this morning, Beaujourdouie, it's Mr.

Ronnick Aram. Hi, Ronnie.
How are you? Well, hello, Ben. How are you?

I am, I'm just great because it's below deck med day.

Yay.

Yay. First of all, thanks to Jeff Lewis and company for having me on their show today with the wonderful Julia Cunningham.

Unfortunately, Ronnie could not be there because he's in Texas, but his spirit was felt. And coincidentally, we decided to match each other on Crap is on demand today.

We're both wearing shades of orange and brown for the fall. Yeah.

Yes. And sort of like stripey, too.

So speaking of crap is on demand, come watch us on Patreon, patreon.com/slash watchwork ends. And you can access their crap is on demand.
We can watch us.

And but the videos do actually wind up eventually on YouTube. So go subscribe to our YouTube channel as well.
We have bonus episodes on Patreon. I don't know what this week's is going to be.

Maybe a chatty one. Who knows? I I don't think there's any trailers coming out anytime soon.
Probably just some good old-fashioned life updates. What are you talking about?

Yeah, we could talk about Thanksgiving, what we made, what we cooked, what we did, what we shopped for, et cetera, et cetera. All my Cyber Monday stuff has all arrived right before this.

It's like still all wrapped up, and I just want to tear into it.

I think that's all the stuff that's like worth mentioning for now. It's all the news that's fit to print.
All the news that's fit to print.

By the way, thank you to everyone who came to Crappy Hour last night. We had a really fun one.
We were really gabbing away so much so that we almost, we almost went over.

That was super fun. And of course, every Monday we do,

it's now every Monday. It's not every other.
It's every single Monday. We're now doing our little Amazon live show where we give our recommendations on things that you might want to get.
So

that's that. That's that for that.
I don't, I feel like there was something else I wanted to say. I wanted to express.
I want happy birthday to my dad. Happy birthday to my dad.

It's his birthday today. So happy birthday to you.
Wow. And happy happy almost birthday to you.
There's two days left until the birthday of Benjamin Mandelger, everybody. Two days left.

Very, very exciting.

Yeah.

I'm spending my birthday by going to see Allison Roman at the Wiltern Theater in Los Angeles. So that's amazing.
That's like the perfect.

I know my hero, my personal hero. Yeah.

That's basically it. Yeah.
Well, today is Below Deck Med, Season 10, Episode 10, Bowing Out.

Who bows out?

Bows out?

Nobody bowed out.

But it's because the bow thruster went out.

Girl, you can't call it an episode bowing out and not fire somebody. That's a fire.

It could also be bowing out, okay? Because

at least someone is like, don't bow at me, okay? Like Leanne Lockin said one time. Don't bow with me.

Don't bow at me.

But that's none of those things happen. Okay, well, we start where we left off.

It is mayhem on the yacht because Max has gotten in the tender with that fucking horrible human being, Imron, and let Imron drive the tender.

And then Captain Sandy saw it and she's like, wait a minute, what the heck's going on in that tender? You get back on this boat. Hey, Monkhare, get down there and tell that guy to get back here.

Oh, by the way, someone tweeted at us that

Monk Hair, where's his name? Nathan. Nathan.

Cut his hair. You guys, it's so cute.
He did. That is the biggest news I have to report from this week.
He shaved his head. And you know, sometimes that is the best thing a man can do.

The man looks fine. He looks hot.
Go ahead, argue.

Argue.

Yeah, I'm going to. I'm going to.
I like that he changed his haircut. I just,

I don't love the one that he landed on.

And if anything, I feel like it makes him look a little bit like that guy, Luke, who was on Below Deck Down Under, who got drunk and tried to make a move on Margo. And so that makes me uncomfortable.

Try to rape. But I just also.
You mean? Yeah,

I just feel like it came out. No way.
I like that guy.

maybe he could bring it a little tighter on the sides I don't know I think Nathan is so cute I was actually like reflecting I was like he is so cute and I just like I just feel like he's so close to having the right hair even with the new revision but it's still not quite there for me yet

well I loved it so good for you Nathan thanks for all your hard work on your follicles it really worked for me so um captain sandy's like hey listen Nathan guest can't try the tender okay

and she's like this isn't a free-for-all get your fucking shit together on this deck. You understand? Okay.
And he's just staring at her, like, but I work so hard.

And she's like, get Max back with the boat.

So he calls Max back.

This isn't like Norma at Burlington Coat Factory. It's not a free-for-all.
Okay. Get back to the boat.
This isn't like Norma at a county fair. Not everyone gets a free ride.
All right.

Get that boat back in the slot.

What's the opposite of a blue ribbon?

Who wins the ribbon anyway? The cow or the owner?

Not to take away any enormous joy, but. Oh, I'll tell you who's going to get a blue ribbon.
Me after I rib Norma a little bit more. Am I right? Okay.
Yeah. That's cool.
What you call a blue ribbon.

Hey, Nathan, you know what you need to be? A boss. Okay.
That can never happen again. You got to ask.
Okay. And he goes, well, he took initiation to get him onto the tender, though.

She's like, well, that's when you pause him because you're in charge All right, you need to durinda his ass and after this he can bring the slide out and I'm pointing at you you like that I'm gonna point at you and I'm gonna emphatically point multiple times in this sentence and I'm not gonna really move my mouth a lot when I talk I'm just gonna show you my teeth.

You got it? Yeah, be a boss. Okay, I'm gonna tell you this about 25 more times over the course of the next hour.
Be a boss. Okay, pretend your first name's Hugo.
Be a boss. Get to it.

Fuck's sake. I'm sick of this fucking shit, bro.
I'm getting getting sick from doing that. It's bullshit.
And Joe's like, you're doing fantastic, bro. And he's like, it's bullshit.
It's bullshit.

He's like, Max, get to the fucking boat.

So Nathan's like, yeah,

the captain's coming down on me so hard. You know, you're that stupid to let the guests drive the tender.
I feel you. You're fucking wanting me fired at this stage.

So he's like, Max, the guests can't drive the tender ever. He's like, okay.
It's like, no, you can't leave the boat without telling the captain either. Okay, but Captain Santee was mad.

He's like, yeah, she came at me like this. She started pointing her finger and saying, be a boss a lot.
A lot of being the boss. She even said, who are you? Tony Danza? Who's the boss?

I don't even know what that means. Something about a cow not deserving blue ribbons.
I'm not really sure, but don't take the tender.

Something about, hey, Angela. And I didn't know what that meant.
But whatever. It's something to do with the boss.
I don't know. Get back here.

Well, I understand what he's saying, but you know, I don't know what I'm doing. It's far from the wheel, eh? No, just breathe, just breathe.
You're barely touching the wheel, huh?

So Asha is telling the girls that the cabins are ready to be cleaned and Kathy's like, pleasure treasure, instead of copy, which, you know, so cat. That's so Kathy.
Pleasure treasure.

That is so Kathy to rewrite the rules and have it work out in her favor. Nobody said anything.
You know why? Because Kathy is a boss bitch. Okay.

That's who Captain Sandy wants you to be. Would Kathy be out there letting somebody else drive the tender? No.
She would be renaming that fucking tender to pleasure treasure.

Be a Kathy.

So now Captain Sandy walks up to Nathan and guess what she says? Be a boss. Be a boss.
Yeah, boss. Be a boss.

My favorite joke in your ear is the wind. The wind is whispering to you.
Be a boss. Do your food.
Be a boss. Do your food.

You know, there's even babies out there that are bosses.

boss babies okay be like them ratting a lot at the box office okay guess what box baby wouldn't do be not a boss also guess what he would wouldn't do wouldn't let somebody drive a tender it's not supposed to because he's a boss okay be a boss hey you know who i wrote for in super mario brothers bowser because he's a boss

have you seen the new preview for the super mario brothers sequel yes because i it was attached to wicked well i assume it was attached to wicked i did definitely see that. Yes.

It was attached to Wicked. Yeah.
They made Bowser a tiny little version of Bowser.

I guess they turned him into a toy. No, I don't want them emasculating Bowser.
Oh, it's Bowser. Just because you're small doesn't mean you're less of a man.
Oh, really?

Then why was he walking backwards and going, haha, just sorry, guys? Sorry, guys. Didn't mean it.
Well, that's his man.

That has to do with his trauma. That has nothing to do with him being a man.
If you're small, you can still be a full man. He's a short king now, okay?

And now I never saw the first Super Mario Brothers movie, which I actually do want to see.

but i um i do i am curious how bowser got to to be like that by the way did your did your did your wicked also have the message from um cynthia and nariana before yeah i didn't like it that was the worst part of the movie what the fuck was that what was that i just want we just want you to know that we are friends too and after this movie we hope you can be friends with someone yeah i hope everybody's friends here we just want to thank you so much for coming on our journey with us this has been so wicked bro

get the fuck out of of here. You're taking me out of this.

It has been the journey of a lifetime to have to go through so many press tours with this little twit by my side, and I can't wait until I can finally go back to Lena and never talk to Ariana again.

I have a nail as large as this idiot. Please end this press tour.

She does have long nails. Great movie.

Great felt. Yeah, I cry.

You know why? Because you know what that wicked witch is? The boss. She's a boss.
She's a bass. You know what a boss is.
She's a bass. she's a boss.
Be a boss.

Um, be a boss. He's like, I come, I just can't see that far.
You know, how am I supposed to tell him not to do it if I can't even see him out there?

Well, you should know where he is and not be horseplaying and sticking pinkies up your best friend's bum over there, Joe.

Exactly. Because remember, he was inside when this happened.
Yeah. Captain Sandy was like, hey, Nathan, you didn't come outside and do your job.

And if you're going to do the job, you know what position you should be as someone at the job? I'm going to tell you right now, it's not entry-level. It's a boss.
Be a boss.

Be a boss. Don't be a hugo.
Be a boss. Okay.

Pressure makes us better because when you apply that pressure and you have that expectation from a crew member, they step into it or they get a heroin addiction like Anna. But you know what?

It's a challenge for them. And they see your belief in them.
And when you have that belief in someone,

they don't want to disappoint you or themselves. There's no love for the wicked.

There's no love for the non-bosses. I love when Captain Sandy gets on her, like, women empowerment.

These are, this is a moment for my women empowerment speech that I last gave at a Marriott Marquis somewhere in Oklahoma.

Be a boss.

Be a boss fest. Be a boss coming soon.

Color soft only. Color soft only.

Captain Sandy looks at the at the toys that she always demands. She's like, This is what Captain Sandy does.

She's always like, Okay, the moment this boat stops moving, you put out every single toy that's on this boat. It doesn't matter what size or shape, it's always in the water.

And now she looks out and she goes, looks at it. She looks at some sad toy.
She goes, That's pathetic, isn't it? What a pathetic toy. God.

I didn't even want to put it out. It's that pathetic.
She goes, Yeah, it's embarrassing. You know what? It's not ever going out again.
Not ever. Like Max on the tender.

Hey, toy, be a boss.

Be a boss.

And my collection.

All right. So now we're getting ready for dinner.
It's going to be family style.

And included in this family style is someone who was robbed of their family, a daddy pig who has been slaughtered and splayed out. In all of his pole pig glory.
That was disgusting.

That was a baby pig. There's a piglet.
He was a

babies can be fathers.

Babies having babies. Ever heard of it? Ever had sex in class?

God,

teenage pig pregnancy is really, that's an issue. I'll tell you.

Pigs, pregnant yourselves.

Guess what? That pig was not a boss. Definitely not a boss.
Well, I didn't like this. It was disgusting.
And so he's got foil on his ears and tail. It was just very disgusting.
And

gross. And so, and he's not only doing that, he's also doing octopus and ham.

More ham, more pig. Just kill the whole fucking family.
Why don't you? It was like grandma down there. Did you kill grandma?

Who's the alphabet, right?

I listened to the stupid New York Times podcast,

The Daily, because it was about Wicked. And I was like in a mood, okay? Because I had just seen Wicked.
So I was like, oh, I wonder what they're saying about Wicked.

And it was these three people basically bitching about Wicked, which how dare you, okay?

And one of them was like, what's the alphabet thing anyway? I mean, she's her whole storyline is like rooting for animals.

I don't get it. I don't get like the whole animal activism story.
Sir, they were animals that talked and had rights like humans and then they were taken away. What are you confused about?

How is the New York Times confused about the plot of Wicked? It's a pretty simple plot. And he's like, and guess what? I don't understand the political.
the political structure of Oz.

Sir, you don't even understand the animals can speak.

That's fair. I do think it's kind of crazy to question why she's into the animals.

Like, the animals were like intelligent creatures who were autonomous, and then they were robbed of their rights and their voice. Like, it's a pretty obvious

on the nose, sir. Pretty on the nose.

On the whiskered nose. But I do agree that the autonom, like how Oz.
functions as a city is a little strange. Like, because it existed before Jeff Goldblum got there, right? Well, he wasn't a leader.

He was just like a, you know, I know, but like, who was one of the celebrity with with with a voice

also i feel like miss marble should have like put up a stronger fight like i feel like she should have been like this is mine now yeah mrs marble was just like foiled oh well

oh well like what the hell you got nothing up your sleeves yeah you got you're literally a you're literally a witch you could make a tornado but like when the wizard of oz leaves in his balloon you're just going to stand there like oh well that was fun while it lasted i guess off to watch family feud why did we just spoil the end of wicked we're gonna get in trouble all i said

well i mean everyone knows miss morble is gonna get what's coming to her right i'm just saying i don't know i believe in her she's one in oscar

listen if she conjured up tornadoes like that all the time she was so beautiful and graceful i don't know why we're rooting against her

keep spoiling away just keep on you just keep throwing more logs on the spoil fire There's nothing spoiler that she makes a tornado. Uh-huh.
I didn't know she did it.

If I saw that movie, I'd have been like, when's she going to make the tornado? This movie is ruined for me. It's something to look forward to.
It's something to look forward to now.

Also, Dorothy's a skank. Okay, so Aisha goes to talk to Josh about dinner.
Okay, so we see this dead pig. I'm still not happy.

And Josh, the murderer, is like, well, they just want this really authentic Spanish experience. And, you know, he goes on his whole food thing, explaining food and blah, blah, blah.

And he doesn't want to kill the pig, but he's trained himself to not look at the pig emotionally. And so he does it anyway.
Well, you know what? You're just following orders, I suppose. Deep.

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So now we go back to Nathan talking to Max and Joe, and Nathan is like, I was told to be a boss. Am I not being a boss?

Yes, you are. You're very much a boss.
Yes, yes, you're a boss. You're a boss.
Yeah, the most boss thing you can do is be like, guys, am I a boss? Guys, am I bossy enough?

Like, I'm like, like, I'm like boss enough for you.

Hey, hey, V, get over here. Okay.

I want to show you.

Do these jeans make my butt look boss?

Guys, if I listen to Fergie sing bossy, does that make me a boss?

So, Captain Sandy.

Bossy, bossy.

So, Sandy is like, hey, V,

look at that pathetic float. Look at that.
Look how stupid that float is. It's like not even a boss.
All these floats are bosses, but not that float.

I mean, we're never going to put that float out again, ever, ever, again. Look at it.
The worst float of all time. Why is he even here? Get it out.
Was wind pulled off the air?

What are you doing on the deck this much in one episode? Go back to your room. How don't you also never notice that toy before? It's like, it's your toy.

Yeah.

So Nathan's like, well, I just want to know that McDame is on the same wavelength. The people that I work with, you know, they're like, oh, you look like a boss, sir.
Just such a boss.

Such a big boss. And now Kizzy is talking to Josh in the galley for her daily dose of attention.
And she's like, Kathy's on morning. She

still spends a lot more time outside than I do. But maybe that's a me thing.
I don't know.

Kizzy, like you literally have had like the entire season to like talk and schmooze with stupid people, stupid guests.

And now you have like one, like a day and a half of being downstairs and you're having a mental breakdown. Like I've had enough of you.
I like Josh's answer. He goes, I don't know.
I don't see.

I'm always down here. It's like someone complaining.
It's like someone in prison who only gets an hour in the yard complaining to somebody in solitary confinement. I know.
This one really sucks.

I only got an hour to do aerobics today in the yard and like take in the sun. Like, look, I have like a, I have like a farmer's stand on my arm.
So I've been in solitary confinement. Something.

What are you even doing down here?

But Aisha's thing is to make it fair and you take turns. And I haven't spent any time with the guests because I've been in the cabins all this time.
He's like, well, next charter's Kizzy's turn.

Here she is, boys.

Here she is, world. Okay, let's settle down.

Go do the laundry.

So, um, V and Joe have their little flirting scene because that's why people watch Below Deck Baddies.

It's to watch people like flirt and convince each other that they're in love when they never fucking are.

And so then we go back to the crew mess where Kizzy's folding towels, and Aisha comes down and she's like, Kizzy, Trolley, because you seem off again today. What is is it?

Your teeth are frowning.

I just I was used to being a right-hand man and now I feel like I'm useless because all I'm doing is laundry and crying down here. I mean Kathy, she's a better stew than I am.

Am I fishing for compliments? No, of course not. She's just so good and I'm just so bad.

I don't think you should say she's a better stew than you are. The rest of us say it enough, darling.
You don't have to go so hard on yourself

well she just has more experience than i do oh i'm sad not sexually there there

there

you know this is literally you go ahead me

oh thank you you are so kind of than me

This is literally what I was trying to avoid by making Kathy seconds too. And I wanted to create one big interior happy family.
And it's all falling apart. Thanks to me.

I have to say, Aisha's style is very, very good as a leader. Her leadership style is so good.
She never backs down and she never really kisses their ass like she wants.

Like she didn't say, no, she's not a better stew than you. Are you kidding? You're fucking amazing, girl.
You are so good. She just said,

you shouldn't say that about yourself. You know, she never took it back.
Or when she said last week, like,

last week, you know,

she did that whole thing.

I heard you talking about me. And she's like, well, I would say it to your face, but you're also very pretty.
And I like the bows that you put in your hair occasionally.

In addition to being an awful, slut, horrible person who screws over other women in favor of men.

All right, this is a good joke.

I believe

her cold read was like, I

absolutely love you, and I'm so happy you've come into my my life and you're an absolutely wonderful stew.

And all those other things are true as well.

It's so slick. I love it.
And so Kizzy, she's like, oh, I'm going to give Kizzy some love and concentrated attention.

And she pretends she's cradling a little baby. She's like,

I kind of worry for the baby, to be honest.

I know. Aisha's really good.
You know, have you heard of the compliment sandwich?

Aisha does the open face compliment sandwich. So a compliment sandwich is you say something nice to someone and then you give a critique and then you have, say, another compliment.
So that way, like

the critique is palatable. Be like, you know, you are so wonderful.
Everything you do is great. You know, you could be faster in laundry, but I think that, you know, you have such a great spirit.

And like, it's like a little more palatable. But I like that Asha does the open face where she gives a compliment compliment and then she's like, yeah, but you're terrible.
Yeah.

I do the carb-free. I do the carb-free compliment sandwich where it's just criticism and then I charge your ass gratuity at the end.

Maybe you add like a, no, you'll add like a compliment condiment, I think. I'll just be like, get a mint on your way out.
They're by the hostess stand.

I just give like a compliment dinner roll.

And then afterwards, people discover that the roll was made of meat all along because I'll be they realize you put something they were allergic into the roll. They're like, wait a minute.

He wasn't even here. He insulted me.
I was like, well, I said the nice thing to your face though.

All right, guys, captain's on my ass. I'm bringing the professionalism and the guests shouldn't drive Tinders.
It's unacceptable. Okay, I think they got that part, Nathan.

I think the part that Nathan's not getting is the reason he was on the tender without you seeing is that you were fucking around in the mess. That's what you're not seeing.
It wasn't the actual thing.

The thing happened because of the thing that you were doing. So they already know that they shouldn't be taking the guests on tenders.

So he also would benefit, I think, from having like a little bit of a stern conversation with this crew. Be like, guys,

I love you all. You're all my mates, but...
You're all messing up and I'm catching the heat for it. And I'm the one that looks bad.
You guys have to get it together. Okay.
I don't want to see this.

I I don't want to see that. I don't want to see this or that.
You all look great, by the way. Compliment sandwich.
But no, you're shitting. You're shitting the bed.

Like, I kind of think he needs to give some tough love now. The time has come.
Yeah. So now everybody's getting ready for dinner.
We see Imron the asshole in the mirror going, damn, I'm good looking.

Which, listen,

if you be your, be your own hero. You know what I mean? Be your own boss.
Be your own boss.

So they go to dinner. And

Imran's talking to Kathy. And he's like, you know, we give kudos for men and women in their 20s for being so positive and energetic.
And it's hard to find that within the 20 to 20 year olds, you know.

But

I know this because I date all of them. She's like,

please just

go away. Yeah.
He's so gross.

So Patricia Ja,

the co-primary, comes and Aisha's like, oh my God, Bibelicious. Amazing.
Love your rack.

And

then Kathy, Max is flirting with Kathy, you know, as usual. And she's like,

I enjoy the flirts. I enjoy the attention.
It's not that deep, really. But to me, that's normal.
And we are going to have some very strange

context to watch. Below deck backstory.
Below deck backstory. Now, don't you wish they had the Instagram walls now so you could see Kathy's Instagram wall? Because I'll bet that

I'm in a bikini, in a taxicab. No, I don't want to see an Instagram wall.

What I want to see is whoever is typing Kathy's backstory into Chat GPT because I'm telling you all these backstories make no sense. So she's going,

here she is explaining why

she enjoys flirting and why it's not that deep. She goes, she literally goes from, to me, That's normal, like flirting.
That's normal. My mom owned a taxi company when I was growing up.

She was so busy, I was left alone quite a lot. We've never eaten dinner at a table as a family, but I don't think of it as sad.
That's just really what made me quite an independent person.

Sweet, what does that have to do with you being a flirt?

Well,

my mom had a taxi company, so therefore I'm quite the flirt now.

So weird. I guess you're used to picking people up.
I mean, I don't know. What does that mean?

I'm always fair. You know, I concentrate on face fair.

Can't kick me to the curb, but uh, Get it.

They show a picture of her, and she's a teenager, I guess, and she's in these huge braces. Like, I didn't know they made braces this big.

I have to say, I've never seen someone look exactly the same when they're a teenager. Usually people look a little different.
It's exactly her, but with braces. It's crazy.
What a cute little face.

That's like my mom owned a taxi cab company when I was young.

Teeth. It's like braces.

I mean, the backstories on Blow Deck are getting crazier and crazier.

I mean, we were just barely getting over last week's confession from Joe that he was in real estate 10 years ago and got defrauded and then lived in his car and was so ashamed of it that he broke up with his girlfriend and hasn't been able to open his heart ever since he got defrauded because someone stole the furniture in the place he

said

while eating entire loaves of bread while he's taking sentisters so um she kisses max goodnight and then asia asks captain sandy to help her run plates. Well, I'll do it because I'm a team member.

You know what? That's what bosses do. And then Kizzy is sent back down to cabins.
And she's wearing a different outfit because she wanted to be included in dinner.

But sorry, you're back in cabins, Cinderella.

So then the suckling pig comes to the table. So everyone's excited.
And Josh introduces what...

the meal is. He's carving up the meat.
And I did think of you, Ronnie. I was like, God, this is probably not.
Ronnie probably hates this right now.

yeah no i can't be too i'm just kidding when i'm like murderer because i can't be too judgmental because i still eat fish and there are people too but um yeah i don't know it's just gross when it's like the whole animal i actually started reading this book that a vegan suggested to me and it is called tender is the flesh and it's about

a world in which all the animals get diseases. And so people start dying because they're eating animals.
So they have to kill all the animals.

So they kill all the animals and then people start, it becomes legal to eat people. So they start breeding human beings just to eat.

So there's like a class of humans that's just for food and then a class of humans that is breeding these animals. Okay.

So, you know, you can see the heavy-handed lessons there, I'm sure, without me going into it. I had to stop this book.
Can I tell you, this is the most disgusting thing I ever read.

The whole thing is just descriptions of people being chopped up and how they make the meat. And it is too fucking much.
So I came out of there like, you know what?

I'm going to be less judgmental because it leads to books like this. And then the full pig came on the screen and I was like, I'm going to finish that book.
I actually deleted it off my Kindle.

I was like, I'm going to read it again. I'm going to see if any clowns get made into hamburgers.
Why don't you just watch Sweeney Todd and be done with it? You know,

it's a much more palatable version to get to the same end point.

Yeah.

Maybe I will. That sounds disgusting, but that's provocative.
That's disturbing as fuck. It's one of the most disturbing things.
I've never deleted a book off my Kindle.

I still have the Bible on there. Okay.

You know how infuriating that thing is to me.

But yeah, I had to take that off. I mean, that was too much.
But now I think I'm going to get it after seeing this full pig. Okay.
So Kizzy's cleaning. And I don't know why I told you all that.
Sorry.

It's disturbing. And Josh carves up the pig, disturbing.
And Kathy sits down to help, get sent down to help with cabins, etc. And Kizzy's just mad.

She's down there going, fuck off, fuck off, fuck off. I wasted a dress.

she really needs to settle down i've had enough out of her um and also like the sheets are disgusting they're like moist and wet and ugh they're and kissy's like and stained with what is it tanner like what do you think is on there or sweat or tanner i don't know what it is but like and kissy like touches it she's like it's still wet i can feel it i was like why are you touching it like that i guess she has to choose to pull it off And so now the guests are like, they're just having a great time.

And everyone is,

everyone's just having, they're just having a great dinner they're just drunk they're being loud and rowdy and just typically annoying and now they're gonna get in their bathing suits and they're gonna get in the hot tub um and everyone's cleaning but kizzy in her in her bunk and she's checking her her phone no text messages for kizzy poor thing oh what does she do what does she do when she's not the star she just has to sit there yeah

um so then we're in the hot tub okay so we've got a gross couple in there and imron comes up to them and he's like whoa I'm going to have a threesome with you guys. And the guy's like, Jesus Christ.

Yeah, I was going to go in there, but never mind. So everyone else goes to bed.
And now Imron is still with the couple who probably, they probably do all bang.

I feel like that bald guy is a swinger for sure, don't you? He's like, yeah.

My wife doesn't take her top off for much, but for this, you might take her top off for real. Hell yeah, Kathy.
Get in here. Let's fuck Kathy.
And Kathy's like, no, no, thank you.

I'm off duty. If you know what I'm taxi reference, I guess you guys don't know.

I'm used to this. My mother owned a taxi company.
We're like, we know, we know, I know. She relates everything to that.

So there, yeah, he's trying to like, Imran's like, Kathy, Kathy, come on. She's like, no, thank you, please.
And she's just so over this. They're all like, let's get naked together, Kathy.

And the guys are like, we'll take off our trunks. And we see Imran's little butt.

And she's like, Kathy just has the most disgusted look on her face. Like, Kathy does not have a service face where everything's with a smile, you know, like, oh, isn't that nice for you?

And then you turn around and you're like, disgusting pigs. Kathy just looks at you straight to your face like you're a disgusting pig, which I respect.
Yes, because guess what?

They are disgusting pigs. Yeah.

So then in service, you fake it usually, but she doesn't. She's like, you're disgusting.
She's like, uh-uh.

She's got, she comes from the Hannah Ferrier tradition of, I will glare at you and I'm not going to hide my disgust.

Yeah. So V

meanwhile is FaceTiming her friend Christy.

And V is like, bitch, I am literally so happy to hear from you. I mean, everyone on this crew is just like such a wonderful person.
I hope it's not a trick. So then Chrissy's like, shit, you crushing?

She's like, a little bit. I'm afraid to let myself feel feelings.

But it actually, it's nine days away from the

one-year anniversary of her boyfriend's passing.

So she's getting apprehensive about that.

his name was Bon. Isn't that weird? Doesn't that mean goodbye?

Bon means good. Or does it mean good? No.
It means good voyage. Oh, I was thinking because bon voyage means like bye, have a good voyage, but I guess it means good.
Yeah.

I was going to say, God, who names her child bye? You know, prophetic. But it wasn't.
It was, it was, it was bye. I mean, it was

good. Listen to what her her friend says.
So Via's saying, like, yeah, I think like I'm going to feel guilty. It's like one year and like, I'm going to feel guilty about that.

And Christy goes, hey, hey, he's the one who ruined your birthday.

Whoa, Christie.

Jeez.

That's me. I'm your friend, Christy.
And she's like, yeah, fuck that guy. And they laugh.
She goes, yeah, fuck that guy.

So she's like, yeah, it's nine days until the one year anniversary of Bond's passing, which was on my birthday. And I just, I don't know.

My feelings are so all over the place because Bond would want me to move on. But how can I?

When Kathy's mom was a taxi driver when she was young. That's why I can't move on.
It's like, wait a minute, you're just reusing these now, guys.

Yeah.

The only way I can move on is if I can finally find a taxi. Just hard these days.

She's like, I didn't expect to open up to Joe and like let him in this quickly, but now that we're getting more intimate, I feel for my heart that I need to talk to Joe about this.

They're trying to make this, this fling seem like it's a Jane Austen novel and it's not. It's just two horny people on a boat together.

And like, I swear to God, if I have to hear Joe say one more time, like, I've never felt something like this before. This is new for me.
I'm like, I don't know. Do you want an award?

Do you get an award for liking someone? You don't like just

enjoy it. Yeah.
He gets a gold medal for not cheating on somebody that he's been dating for two days. Yeah.
It's like, yes.

I've never done this before.

I've never done this. I've never been like this before.
Oh, grandpapy.

So now we go back up to the deck, and Kathy is still supervising these idiots in the hot tub. And Imron's like, hey, Kathy, can I pee off the boat? I I do it on my own yacht.

Yeah. She's like, you have an absolutely gorgeous bathroom in your cabin to use.
He's like, no, it's three floors down. I'll check a dangle my wiener for you, Kathy.

Yeah, you can see a rich person's wiener. Yeah.

She's like, I don't want to see your penis because, you know, my mother did have a taxi company growing up. So, you know, you understand.
He's like, actually, I don't know what you're getting at.

Well, you wouldn't understand if you don't have taxi in your blood it's like I'll just stand here my penis will go out it won't drip Kathy come on let me piss up the thing

she's like listen I have a very checkered past all right

my friends and family are always super jealous that I get to travel the world on these luxury yachts and look what I deal with wrinkly penis Imran dingling its ding ding off the side of a boat to make a little pee pee

Do you know how difficult it is for me? My friends are so jealous. They say, oh, you get to travel the world.

But you can't just travel when in your mind you're just thinking about how big the fare is going to be. All day long, I just think, $5,

$6,

$7,

$8. It's torture, I tell you.
Torture.

He's like, well, Candy, Scapton's going to kick me out.

She's like, well, I don't think she would appreciate it. So she's like, this is what you call Instagram versus reality.

We see reality, Imran, and then we see the Instagram, and

it's that lady from Real Housewives of Potomac, Angel. It's looking 20.

So

Kathy is like, all right.

The Instagram was the name of my mother's taxi company. You say,

do you need grandma in an instant? And then she'd show up in a yellow cab.

So he's like, yeah, there's too many rules. I'm going to pee downstairs because that would make me so happy.
Thank you so much.

So, by the way, if you pee off the side of your own yacht, then why aren't you on your own yacht? That's what I've got to ask. Exactly.
That's the thing. Then, why are you on some discount TV yacht?

Yeah, this is a TV yacht. We all know this is like not true five-star yachting, right? You know, it's going to be shitty.

Remember when there was that horrible lady who got kicked off the boat that time? And she was like, Yeah, I got a yacht. I got my own yacht.
That's right. I'm a boat person, motherfuckers.

And then we found out she was just one of those people who lived on like a little tugboat or something.

So was that Dolores? That was Dolores. Dolores, yes.

She was not the Democrats lady.

So Imron and Michael are wandering around the boat and they're in their robes. They're drunk.
They're like knocking on their friend's door and everything. And Kathy's sort of like monitoring.

And now they're in their hallway, the guest hallway. And then Michael just drops his glass because he's drunk and it shatters on the floor and they're all barefoot.

And Kathy is like, you've got to be fucking kidding me. So she kind of just tells them both, like, okay, time for you to go into your rooms.

And And Joe,

Joe starts to clean up. And I like when Kathy looks at Joe and she goes, I'm a raccoon.
I look cute. But if it comes out again, I do bite.

And I like how she talked to them because she was like, all right, all right. Both of you go to your rooms.
You go to that room. You go to that room.
Have a nice sleep. I'll see you tomorrow.

It's like, yes, Kathy.

Yeah.

I love that. Kathy's great.
I think, I feel like Kathy

could be on the track to be a below deck franchise first dude. Like, I think that she could be, she could kind of graduate to that level because she seems like she's really good at her job.

A Chiefs dude. And she,

like a Chiefs, dude, sorry. Yeah, Chiefs dude.
And like, she's good at her job. She has just enough

sort of judginess in her eyes to sort of like really do the role. And that's, and that's it.
There's no third thing. She's just, she's good.
I'm going to need some more one-liners.

I don't know if that's the same thing. Yeah, but I think the recording thing was sort of, I enjoyed the, yeah, I get it, but I think she's on the track.
She's on the track.

I need more scathingly, I need more scathing one-liners in the diary room, I think.

So we now it's, but you know, hey, she's just starting. You know what? Give her a chance.
Give her a chance, I say. So it's the next morning at 6.30 a.m.
My lisp is getting worse lately.

What do you think that is? Is my tongue getting bigger? Am I getting gay?

Is that a thing that happens? What is that needed Invisalign? Maybe your teeth are not moving.

Your teeth may be moving slightly out of position, and you may need Invisalign to sort of get them. Is that what it is?

My teeth are moving, so my lisp is worse. Yeah, because your teeth are in a different position.

You're God. Your tongue is not hitting where it needs to be.

I thought I was as good as your fricatives are not coming out as well as they should.

Like, if I was in heaven and I was putting together a menu of who I wanted to be, and I was like, I want to be the gayest I can possibly be. I would be, I'm that gay.
Like, how can I be any gayer?

And then I get more of a lisp. And now I have a whistle lisp where I like some of the words I whistle with my tongue.
I go,

I can't even do it now, but you'll hear it. I mean, what the hell, man?

Oh, I could do that.

That would be very gay. That's true.
Well, maybe I could be gayer. Thanks, man.

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Okay, so now it's the morning and Kizzy is talking to Josh and telling him she hears voices. I hear voices too.
They're yours and they're fucking annoying.

Yeah.

And she's setting the table and everything and Nathan is like, oh, that's a good sight. You're bent over the table.
She's like, hey, shut up, Nathan.

And now

V is getting the jet ski on the hook and everything. Everyone's getting ready.
And Captain Captain Sandy is like, oh my God, I love Sweeps Week. Wind is out of control.

God, there's so much wind this week. Oh, guest star.
Wind with the guest star of gusts. Oh, I love a crossover.

22 knots landing. God, I love this show.
Good crossover. Ever since Taylor Sheridan took over, wind has been so good.

Wind now has giant trucks in it. Everybody, every piece of wind.

Gigantic trucks. Oh, once they got Billy Bob Thornton in Wind, oh, it's really been very compelling.

So now Nathan is telling Max, no fucking around today. Just do your job, all right.
And he's like, okay.

So

then Captain Sandy calls Nathan to the bow. We're going to start hauling the anchor.

So Asha is reading Kathy's notes from the night before. She's got like 10 sticky notes out.
And one of hers is like, went to bed at 3 3 a.m.

after chasing Mike and Imron around the boat, cleaning shattered glass. Might sleep an extra hour feeling rough.
Don't question me, Kathy.

Now, wait a second, there's three more notes here. The first note says chocolate.
The second one says chocolate. And the third one says chocolate.
What does that mean?

Ack.

I'm leaving these on sticky notes. Unfortunately, I can't find a sticky man.
Am I right? Ack.

So

everyone's cleaning and everything. And Aisha tells Kizzy to set the table.
And she's like, by the way, Kizzy, you look absolutely wonderful for Trollop. Look, look, I love you so much.

You're doing such a great job. You're the star of the inside area where no one can see you.

She starts like humping her. She's like, you are you're doing so good.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

And then Nathan goes to see Captain Sandy. And she's like, Hey, when we dock, we're going to have wind.
Ding, ding, ding. So it's important that you're precise, okay?

Because yesterday was a tough day for you guys. All right.
I need you to be more of a boss. Be a boss.
Bring that professionalism for me. Here's my finger in your face.
You see it? I see it.

It's right up my nose. All right.
Be a boss. Be a boss.
Listen. Listen.
If they're going to cast Joan Allen on wind, then you have to be a boss because everyone's upping their game around here, okay?

So now, uh, Joe and V, more flirting. They're like, oh my god,

I've never met anybody like you. I've never met anybody like you.
Yeah, I'm so crazy. Like, my boyfriend died.
Yeah, well, how do you feel about it?

I hope that you're fine with me sticking your wing or in your feelings. Oh, yeah, I'm ready for it.
Yeah, don't be afraid of my feelings. I'm totally ready.
I've never felt like this.

I've never felt like this ever before.

So Aisha is now talking to Mike, and she's like, hey, I heard you were not

last night.

And then this lady is like, yeah, his nickname is Crazy Mike for a reason.

He has mental illness, unfortunately. So we're just trying to

make him comfortable.

His nickname was Crazy Mike. Wow.
What a fascinating person. What a great thing.
You know,

if your nickname is something that basic, you are just a boring ass human being. Crazy Mike.

Electronics. Yeah.
Like, what he sells stereos down in like 8th Avenue. Crazy Mike.
Crazy Mike. We do your oil changes for $5 off every Wednesday.
We are crazy.

Max brings some stuff to Kathy's cab, and then he's like, bizoo, bizoo bizoo. And she's like, no, thank you.
He's like, oh, well, I'm a vis, I'm there.

When I'm serious with a girl, they become family to me. Because when I was younger, my mother cheated on my father.

And after my father father cheated on my mother, and then they divorced, and my mother left, and then my father kicked me out of my house. And so I did feel like a little bit of a madamant.

And like, oh, the love I

told her parents. And I put them in a relationship.
And like, the Dharma subconscious, like, I just want to create new family because I have all this love. And I never had the love before.

That's very nice, Max. But did either of your cheating parents own a taxi company? Don't think so.

Sorry.

Not as compelling as me.

Yeah, his whole thing, it's sad, you know, like his parents cheated on each other. They hated each other, so they divorced.
And I guess he got dumped by both of them.

Like, it's one of those things where the parents don't really fight for the kid. They're just like, you take him.
No, you take him. No, you take him.

And then nobody took him, I guess, is what happened, which is sad, you know, and that's sad. But he's like, you know, since I don't have love for my parents, I take it all out in my relationship.

So deep down on my subconscious, I like to create a family. It's not your subconscious.
Like you're doing it. You know, you're doing it.
Yeah. You know?

Sounds healthy. what could go wrong um i'm just mad at his parents you're like uh

do you want idiot's son he just put uh touched he just tried to pet a jellyfish again like no why would i want a jellyfish petting son you take him no but you're the one who talked about jellyfish yeah but you're the one who told him to pet things no i did not okay neither of us take him leave him in the park it's friends it'll be whimsical truly i mean because you watch this show and you know you hear a story like this and it's really heartbreaking because he seems like a sweet guy but then you're like well i've watched max on two seasons now what are you leaving out of this story because

part of me is one did you set the house on fire because you left the stove on did you let you know some stranger borrow your mom's car and just drive it out into the middle of nowhere what did you do He was probably bouncing off those walls, nazop.

He was probably a very, very active child.

I mean, it also like his behavior kind of makes sense when he tells that story because he does sort of seem like he's kind of paused in like a 14-year-old old adolescence, you know, a 13 or 14 year old sort of state of mind.

And he's like, he does like require a lot of attention. He wants so much.
And he, it probably does come from the fact that his parents have basically scuttled him to the side, which is sad.

But also, yeah, he's a lot. Yeah.
Oh my God. I'm teen parenting.
We're like, this is so sad, but also I get it. Okay, so Max brings up kissing her and

sandwich.

You know, he's so nice. I totally get why his parents abandoned him.
But you know what? Look at his work ethic.

Yeah.

Exactly.

That's a backhanded sandwich. It was a

open-handed sandwich.

No, no, it is actually true. It's sad.

But I get it.

But not compared, unless you have a taxi involved. I'm sorry.

Seriously. I know.

If you want me to feel for things, get a taxi cab in your family. Like, I'm sorry.
We have a defrauded realtor pass. We have clown commune pass and we have taxicab confessions pass.

So, like, parental trauma, that's just like so run of the mill. That's like the crazy mic of backstories.
Sorry. I don't know.
I just feel like if you have somebody

that knows their parents don't like them, then you have somebody that's actually been paying attention.

Because I think a lot of us just don't really pay attention to what our parents are really thinking. Thankfully, my mom will just say it out loud.

There's no wondering on my end. She likes me some of the time, and some of the times she's like, no.

So there's no wondering, you know. Well, anyway, point is not about me.
Max is trying to kiss this girl again. He's all over.
He's way too much. He is way too much.

And the thing I think that's bothering me is that he's way too much and he knows he's too much, but then he excuses being too much by being too much and being like, oh my God, am I too much?

I'm too much. I know I'm too much.
Come here. Give me a kiss.
You take off your clothes. I take off my clothes.
I love you so much. Would you like to get married? You want to get married?

Oh, I'm too much. I'm too much.
It's because of my mommy. Me, me,

Get your hands off me, sir. I'm trying to get ready for work.

Yeah, I think like putting all this energy onto a British stew who likes to scowl. It's just not.

It may not work out. It may not work out.
I don't think it's going to work. It's like a fly trying to date a fly swatter.
You know, it's just not going to work out.

You just know what's coming, and I'm rooting for the swatter.

I'm always rooting for the swatter. Always root for the swatter.
Let's go honest.

So now it's time for breakfast.

The deck team is getting ready for talking. Nathan's putting on fenders.
Captain Sandy comes up behind him and she's like, Nathan, hi, it's me. Your boss yet? Okay, still not a boss.

All right, put him low because if I'm next to that silvo crunch, crunchy, crunchy, all right?

Yeah. Okay.
Because remember last time how when you asked me to put out the fenders and I said, what are we? A walking garbage barge? And by walking, I mean sailing. Oh, God.

Because we walk on water a little bit.

It's it's a religious experience and then this time I'm like no get him out get him out right now he's like okay that's what I'll do so um then they're in the uh and the we're in the galley and Asha's talking to Kathy and Josh is there and Aisha's like how bad were they last night he's like they were bad almost as bad as Max but somehow more charming I don't know I'm tired

One of the guests asks Mike, so you guys were really in the hot tub naked? He's like, yeah, we both were crazy, Mike.

so um now kizzy is pulling off a sheet that's covered with the tanner or the brown stuff whatever

and um

kathy's just kind of watching her kizzy's about to barf and kathy's just like you can do it i believe in you i won't help you but i'm sure you can do this

all right lads we're gonna be talking it's gonna be a challenge a boss challenge That's what I've been told. It's extremely windy.
Oh my God, it's on TV again.

I thought it wasn't on till tomorrow night. Oh, geez.
I'm running back to the TV. I'll be right there.
Oh, my God. Is that David Strethe Aaron? Wow.
All-star casting for

Sweeps Week. Wow.
Wow.

We're going to have the same setup in the stern. Me and Joe and VE.
And once he's done, he'll come up and let's fucking bring it back. Get the focus in.
Get the game faces on. Be a

forget. Boss.
Be a boss. But not them.
Can't have multiple bosses. What are you trying to give your job away? All right.
Be an employee. Well, that wasn't very inspiring, Nathan.
All right.

got to come to anything right on the screen. Be a consultant.

Be someone who's

on a

brief contract.

Good enough.

So back at breakfast, Imron's like, oh, Kathy's going to be a great mother, Asha. The way she yelled at us last night.
Yes, God, I'll just whip my dick out right there. Start a peeing.

She's like, I'm so pleased.

And then Kizzy is cleaning or whatever. And Kathy's like so are you in a good mood?

Do we have to pander to your little tantrum for being indoors while I'm up there getting a penis with doubt in my face?

Oh, I don't know. I don't know.
Oh, I'm sad. Kathy's like, so over this.
It's like this fucking twit down here.

And now it's time for the docking. The wind meter is showing on screen and it's 12 knots, guys.
12 knots. Uh-oh, it's 17 knots.
It is 17. Well, according to Sandy, the screen says 12 knots.

And Sandy's like, it's 17 knots. 17 knots, guys.

27 knots.

Oh, my God. And they just cast Maria Bellow, too.
Wow, it's just an all-star cast. Wind is out of control this week.

And everyone outside is like, oh, my God, it's so windy. It's so windy.
God, the wind is blowing, isn't it? It's 22 knots. It's 22 knots.
The knots are not. The knots are not.

Oh, no, the bow thruster went out. I got no bow thrusters.
Oh, my God. If I take a bow, more like, where's the bow? I can't do it.
What's happening? We're going to crash.

We're going to crash in the sailboat. Are the fenders out? God, I don't care if we look like a garbage vessel.
Just get the fenders out and save the sailboat. Oh, geez, it's not working.

This darn boat's not working. And I like that Captain Sandy, Captain Sandy fixes things the way I do.
She's like, oh my God, the button's not working. Press it.
The button's not working. Press it.

The button's not working. Press it.
The button's not working. That's exactly how I fix things.
And you know, shockingly, it somehow works sometimes.

Sometimes. Well, like my parking, I'm playing chicken with my garage door opener at the moment because it needs a new battery.

And it's at that point we have to hit it like 10 times before it finally like connects.

Okay, I will send a signal. But I'm like, I refuse to bring it into inside to replace the battery, even though I have the battery, the little circle battery that goes in it.

And I'm like, no, no, I'm not bringing it inside. I'm getting every last ounce of juice in this garage door.

But you know, the moment that like I lose that game of chicken, I'm going to be like, oh, the garage door is not opening. This is so annoying.

I'm going to have to park the car on the street and have to come inside and come back out. It'll be actually 10 times worse, but I refuse to do it.

But that's kind of the same thing, just pressing the button, pressing the button. It would have been nice to get some warning.

And then she's like, Ben, Ben, get over here. Cause I guess the first mate's name is Ben.
I was like, okay, I'll be right there. I'm so obedient.
I'm like walking through the TV.

I'm like, I will help you, Captain Sandy. Yeah.

And so the real cast comes in to help, which i like i like when the real the real cast has had to come out a few times recently we've seen them and we know because they don't work out like you know like a real boat worker because they don't have any muscle tone they're just like wow they've always got a sandwich in one hand like what's not working the button it's the button

they always look like they should be like

you know talking outside of a deli somewhere So she's like, bad, it's not working. The bow.
The bow. They're like playing guys outside of a deli.

I got to go have that Sandy again. It's like the Sopranos.
It's like when they hang out outside that meat shop. You know, like, okay, guess we got to go fix the bow thruster, huh?

You know, so we come back, still no thruster. And so someone comes to help her.
And then the phone, the guests don't know. They're on their phones.
It's like, whatever. It's amazing.

Like, I can't even park into like a regular parking space. And she's parking into this.
And meanwhile, Captain Sandy's like, we're going to hit that sailboat. Go good.

So ultimately, I think what happens is that they have to throw the ropes to the dock, to the workers on the dock in a specific way. And basically, they just get pulled in.

They just get towed into the spot. They get towed in.
They have to do it at kind of an angle. Like they throw the, instead of the center pole,

they have to do it to one over the left or whatever. So it pulls them a little bit differently.
Captain's like, wow. The deck needs to pull those lines in a certain place.

And we need to use the wind lasses to pull the boat over. Okay.
Wow. One little wrong move could end our charter season.
Milliseconds matter. So hold on.
I'm going to tell you what I'm going to do.

The button's broken. The button's broken.
The button's broken. Hold on one second.
It looks like we're about to crash in that sail button. Our season's

about to end. So near, far, wherever you are.
I sorry, I always sing that right before we sink. Oh, oh, we docked? Oh, great.
Great. That's wonderful.
Okay, so

everything's okay. All right.
Take a rest, Celine Dion. Okay, you live another day.

Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap. For part two, go look for the recap that says part two.

See you over there, suckers.

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