#3126 RHOBH S15E03: All the Single Ladies

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Well, hello, and welcome to What Crappens? I'm Ronnie, and that's Ben over there. Hello, Benooni Toons.
How are you doing today?

Hello, hello, hello. I'm doing great.
I am manifesting what sort of provider I want to be. So I think I'm kind of set for life.
I've done the hard work of manifesting. How are you doing? Manifest.

You're putting the man in manifest, Tiger.

I'm doing good.

I love that Amanda Francis is already so incredibly full of shit.

It's just a gift to us as an audience, you know, because now I think we're going to finally enter a season where Darit is not the most full of shit, which is going to be interesting. Because Dore's

shit.

Darret's full of shit. They're all a lot of that.
They're pretty much all full of shit. And I'm also enjoying the Bose versus Amanda burgeoning issue there of like

seminar to seminar, seminar on seminar violence, as I would say. Of like wait a second, you know, like I do seminars, but you do seminars, but your seminars are full of shit.

My seminars are the good shit. So I was like, um, this will be fun to watch.
Seminar

Bose's seminars, like we did Amanda's website last week.

Maybe we'll do that later in the recap today because I'm curious what those are because I thought that was a little weird that Bose got so instantly turned off by Amanda's like shtick.

And then I didn't even think like she's got competing seminars. Ooh,

let's see what they are. Bose seminars.
Anyway, while I Google that, everybody, welcome to the show. Monday is our final crap.
Not crappy are. We already did that.

Monday is our final Amazon live for the year. And that's going to be a 4 p.m.
It's going to be a good old time. We just chat with you.
You chat with us. You ask us questions if you want to.

We talk about stuff. We shop together.
So, 4 p.m. Pacific time, Monday.
So, join us. You can find our link and bio on Instagram.
Also, if you want these videos on recap, you get them on Patreon.

That's also where you get all our bonus episodes. We've got a really fun two-parter coming up Friday and Monday for the traders.

We do a cast breakdown and do two episodes on it. So, that's super fun.
If you want to talk trash about that cast, join us over there. But today, today,

today, we are doing

the badass workshop Workshop curated by Bose.

Well, here you've come to the right place because we've got your next move right here. Every session of the Badass Workshop is now available for you to watch.

So take your first step towards building your baddest self and sign up today.

I mean, this sounds pretty full of shit too, right? The Badass Workshop.

Bose access to 10 sessions. Don't forget to check out Bose's special urgent life super session where she breaks out her memoir lessons.
I love it.

It's like, everyone, there's an urgent session that needs to be had. That's just kind of like the other sessions, probably.

I mean, I think that what Bose has going for her is that she does have like, she does have real credits in the world of corporate America.

I mean, and Amanda has sold, has sold, you know, books and everything.

But yeah, I kind of feel like this is a, this is a battle royale between the seminar queens. And, you know,

I think with these seminars, just in general, I have to say, and I'm a skeptic because I'm also never taking them, but I'm a skeptic.

And I feel like all these, all these seminars, all these self-help gurus on a certain level, they may be helpful, but I do feel like there is a good amount of bullshit that comes with it too.

You know, oh, yeah, there's a lot of cool things. Yeah.
Yeah. So you may get value from it, but I feel like the business model is to get people to keep coming back.

So you have to feed a certain amount of bullshit. So I just don't trust any of them.
And they know that, which is why like

there's only enough room for enough workshops. Like I feel like you kind of need to like to do the workshops.
My outsider view is you sort of have to like create like a cult.

I'm not saying that they are cults. You just have to create a cult like following.

And that means you have to have blinders on to everything else, which is why now like Bose and Amanda, they would butt heads potentially.

over their seminars because they would be they're literally direct competitors well and when you look at their websites they really are because amanda's we saw last week it was you know every workshop is her in a different badass dress and you know looking glamorous they're all glamour shots and like holding purse pretty purses and big letters saying what's this chapter is about but in amanda's case they're big like girly cursif they're like

part two manifesting your money bitch and then in bose's bose does not use cursive she uses extreme bold like extreme bold But hers are the same.

It's all pictures of her and you know, looking beautiful. There's like chapter one, bring the badass looking gorgeous.
Chapter two, looking gorgeous, but on a floaty lips. Boardroom batty.

Chapter three, in a suit in front of a bunch of flowers. Get that money, honey.
Chapter four, spirit, mind, body, and wellness. And you can tell because I'm wearing something athletic, but also hot.

And five, I'm in a wedding dress in a in an ocean. Live, I Live life urgently.
I could drown right now in a wedding dress. Who wants that? So they're similar.
They're similar vibes. So yeah,

I'm glad you pointed that out because I forgot that Bose even had workshops. Yeah, they haven't highlighted that at all.

But when we first met Bose, I always had this image of her walking to her seminar and she had her whole team sort of like walking behind her.

They were like a second line and they were just sort of like doing this like march to the seminar together. And it was so funny to me that like that shot was like, it's like seared in my brain.

But what's interesting is I'm looking at bose's website and her workshops like her level two workshop her her her level one is fifty dollars

then i'm sorry super session is fifty dollars the urgent life level one is 100 that's five sessions level two is 150 five sessions and then level three is 250 for 10 sessions or so and i'm trying to find prices on amanda's website and

i'm not seeing a lot of prices The only thing I did find is on the bundle page that like you can get a bundle of videos.

and if you were to buy each video separately it says it would cost twenty seven hundred dollars which makes me feel like

amanda may be overcharging

for whatever it is if you're buying all her videos you'd spend twenty seven hundred dollars whereas bose is like a class is 150 it's 150 for five classes so where are you seeing the prices because when i press sign up it's trying to get my info and i'm not giving it to them on amanda No, on Bose.

Oh, on Bose, it just says thebadassworkshop.com. You just scroll down.
It just says the workshop. It says the badass workshop, $150, all five sessions.
It's just, it's just right up right there.

Oh, I'm on a page

that says the badassworkshop.com, but it doesn't say prices. But anyway, oh, yeah, there it is.
Oh, my gosh. I scrolled down to the glamour shots.

I mean, yeah, it's so high up that I didn't even look for it. I was expecting it to be at the bottom.
Yeah, this is definitely cheaper than Amanda's. Because

this is worth $19,000. Like, oh, geez.
So now she's going to act like $18,000 is a bargain or something, you know?

Well, I think also the fact that she doesn't really publish her prices anywhere easy to find is a huge red flag. Like,

that's actually like Booze is just like, this is how much it costs. Sign up.
But Amanda does not have prices anywhere. I'm trying to find them or they're not easily accessible.

I mean, I'm scrolling through and that's just, that's, she needs to manifest some prices on here, okay?

Because she has a lot of information but i'm not seeing anything okay let's see i'll click on uh sell from your soul okay you click on this it's her sitting amanda in some sort of like roughly

roughly shouldered top with like a leather skirt it's the sacred art of calling in sharing with and selling to those who need your work And it's like a lot of text. Here's the thing, why you need it.

I mastered this. Blah, blah, blah, blah.
Hi there. I'm Amanda Francis.
I don't feel like a salesperson. Blah, blah, blah, blah.
It goes on and on and on. There's the platform.
Blah, blah, blah.

Fear tactics, force your funnels. And you scroll down and down.
You're like, okay, where's the good stuff? How much does it cost to take this class? Scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. Module one.

Oh, oh, here we go. Finally, the training.
Okay.

Pre-work.

The soulful art of sacred selling value $497.

It's a 10-part.

See,

she's telling you the value, but she's not

telling how much it is. Yeah, that's what I think.
$3.97.

$3.97.

This is more expensive i'm saying it right now yeah so let's

get hustled with positivity go to bose

so i'll see you for cheaper

i also feel like there's something about like how how wordy amanda's website is that makes it feel

like more of a con job it's like you're working extra hard to convince me which has me with my red flags up

um well yeah that's kind of the nature of these you know they they each have but you know bose is like i said is in bold and not like cursive and they're paragraphs instead of like entire pages so yeah i don't know um so let's get to it shall we here we go uh 1503 a match made in beverly hills heaven and it's beverly hills so we start with dior tiny dogs lots of clazel zool bottles

i collect them i love them got 20 of them

sorry i was just trying to do the violins in the background to set the stage you know get the tone just right for us.

Bose is with Nico, her assistant, who's pulling a la-la today with his over-the-shoulder, but arms not in his jacket. Look, Luke.

And she's like, oh, I feel like the hostess of the Bachelorette today. And he's like, and then what are the men called on that? Like the bachelors? She's like, yeah.
Yes.

Yes. He says it like it's like, oh my God, are they so stupid that they call him the bachelors? It's like, yeah, Nico, that's what they're called.
Poor sweet Nico. He's so sweet and so lovely.

And sometimes he says some very dumb things and it's hilarious. You just want to hold him in your arms, just cuddle him a little bit, just rock him.

Just put his jacket on is what I want to do before his wrists catch cold.

So he's like, I've never seen that show. It's for the old people date, right? She's like, um, no.
So I've come to a striking revelation. Almost everyone is single in this group.

And these girls are going through it.

So Bose is like, she's going to match make.

Yeah. And she's like, oh, Dorit's going to be the most enthusiastic of all the girls.
And he's like, no, maybe Erica. Oh, Erica's going to scare them.
And secretly, Kyle's going to be nervous.

It's not going to be a secret. Kyle's going to be performatively nervous.
And

she's like, oh, Kyle, finally, she can let her hair down. Hopefully she can do the splits or something.

Something new.

Yes, hopefully she can feel so relaxed she can do a split. You know, I went through my contacts list and found eligible bachelors that meet my friends' needs.

i also learned that i don't have a lot of friends who are single it's really the best i could come up with it's kind of sad i went through my contacts and realized god i know a lot of aging douchebags so it's time to have a party so we see the guys they're all outside like hey yeah hi what do you do what do you do what do you use in your hair everything how about you literally every stem cells i use stem cells in my hair that's why yeah bro yeah and we see a flashback um where bose has called the girls together and and she has a whiteboard and she's like, all right, everyone, give me adjectives for men that you like.

Rich. Okay.
Wealthy. Okay.

Lots of money.

Okay. And what about personality-wise?

Old as fuck. I want old as fuck.
Almost dead. Really pasty.
Balls down to his ankles. Can you find that for me? Thanks.
I want someone who can like feed Kaius. Caius means like a lot to me.

Like Kaios.

I just want someone who won't hurt my ex-husband's feelings or my or my daughter's.

I'm an actor.

I want someone who is okay with fixing vending machines. He'll have to do that before he enters my house.

So she goes out and she meets the guys and she's like, oh, let me tell you a secret, guys. These ladies are nervous.
The group chat is filled with, what do I say? What do I do?

You should see the group chat. It's crazy.
And Sutton's, we see the group chat, and Sutton's like, I can wear a cat cat sweater. Here's a cat, Jeff.

They're saying, what do I do? Because what they're trying to ask is, how do I seem friendly, even though I have no interest in these people?

Like,

what are the things I should say so I don't look like a total bitch on camera, even though I already know I don't want to date any of these men. None of them are famous enough.

So then we go to Erica getting glam, and she's like, I just want to look like a normal human being. Try and do that today.

I know it's nothing i've ever asked for but i want to look normal because men get scared of me the face keep it young but approachable but not approachable i want to look like i could give you a blow job in the back alley but i might my might

not okay my might my mind

okay glam team make me look pretty that's all i want like okay i'm gonna make you look snatched well i don't want to seem like i'm something that belongs in darit's house you know no that's not what snatched means anymore well watch your mouth what you better watch your mouth in here.

Okay, I've already gotten a letter from the Catholic Church this week.

I need a Coca-Cola. I'm going to struggle.
And we see Dorit, she's having a moment where she's just like putting on rings, and it's like,

like, what?

Well, we're seeing what Dorit does when she can't afford glam. She's like, oh, I'm going to put a ring on a different finger because I'll just talk to myself.

If I put too many rings on here, then no one can claim me, right? Because then we you can't put a ring on it, like my aunt

says, right?

Oh, I'm so done with the popular music. So we go to Bose's, and everybody starts showing up.
And when Kyle and Erica come, the music's like,

It's like, well, I don't know about Kyle's single state. Is she singled because she's accepted her separation from Mo? Or is she really even singled at all? Hmm.
Hmm. The mystery.
Hey.

Sorry to interrupt your inner monologue, Bose, but I I do have to ask a question. Why'd you bring the most expensive bag, Kyle? And Kyle's like, oh my god, it's me.
I got like a mini Cali.

Shows up, shows her an airman's bag, $36,000.

Yikes. Well, you're signaling high maintenance and stay away from me.

Oh, speaking of, here's Doreen. Andrea's like, ooh, Booz, you're a goddess.
Look at you. I've never seen anyone so gorgeous.
Goose, have you seen booze?

Gorgeous. Gorgeous.

by the way just circling back to kyle's little message that she's gonna bring her most expensive airmas bag so that way um the guys know what they have to live up to or what they have to provide for her i guarantee that message is going to be totally lost on them i guarantee especially the comedian the comedian is just going to be like hey cool bag did you get that at marshalls

yeah they're guys

um

so um kyle's like oh my god we're all wearing black why don't we all look like we're going to a funeral

Because for most of them, for everyone who's watching this show, they've just watched the future 25 minutes die in front of their eyes. Like, oh my God.

Wow. We're going to be watching this for about 25 minutes of airtime.
We're mourning our Thursday nights. So Rachel's like, well, the key is you have to try too hard.

Because

if you look desperate and thirsty,

look, if you wear black on the first date, you're saying, I want to have sex with you. So I wore black.
Yeah. Because I wanted to look like I didn't think about that because I like didn't care.

Cause like, I wasn't thinking. I was like, I die.

Like I was like, oh my God, I'm going to wear black because I'm like not even paying attention to the fact that I'm like going on a date, not even realizing that I'm like dressing slotty in black.

I heard about this party and then I died. So I dressed for my own funeral, but I came back to life to come here.
But like I'm dead being here. I'm like literally flatlined.

Because like when I'm at home, I have to wear black because like when Kaius eats, he spits like all over my shirt. This way it hides and stands.
It's like I wasn't even thinking of like dating. meow.

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So Erica's like I look like a maid that's about to get bent over and fucked

She does kind of she's wearing this like black dress with kind of a white under thing that hangs out in the bottom like a flip is sewing Yeah, yes

very cool set and country black

Everyone comes in black And she's like, well, we look like we just came from a witch convention, which, by the way, I mean, that's a very glamorous witch convention. Now, there's a new

Yeah.

Real witches. The real witches of Eastwick.
So Erica's like, it says that we're in our lives, okay? Black clouds hanging over all of us. Yes, we just have to know that they go with...

We have to just know going in that they're all cute, they're all successful, and they're all very, very nice. So who's going to be afraid to talk to them next? Who's first?

Kyle, you're going to run into a closet? No. Just don't go in at...
Oh, no, it's Buzz. She goes, don't come in asking for dick pics.
And Erica's like, how dare you? How dare you?

And Kyle's like, I get enough dick pics in my DMs. Like, what's a dick pic supposed to make me do? Be like, mom, hi.
Want to meet up?

Yeah. I mean, I think actually

these are really weird, though. Just like random in people's DMs.
They are kind of weird.

It's weird to just send one without context. It's like one thing if if you're already sexing and then one comes up, but like just to start with that is such a bold move.
Yeah.

So Rachel's like, I'm going to go out there wearing my sunglasses. Like, did anybody else die when I said that? And like, literally, like, that's crazy.
Like, just, you know what?

Turn off all the machines. I'm dead.
There's just no use for me.

Yeah, Rachel's going to go out in sunglasses and Dorit's like, don't do that. It's rude.
So they go out. She's like, hello, everyone.
Hello. I've just come in from the continent.
Hello.

Oh, well, I didn't realize how many of these women are socially ukwid. Quiel, irk, sutton.
Well, I knew Sutton was, but.

So Sutton goes up to a guy and she's like, okay, hi, Greg. Rick.
Greg? Rick. Jonathan? Rick.
Please change your name. I just don't like Rick.
Are we going to get there?

Are you going to work with me here?

Thank you.

And there's this guy named Sebastian, who's a motivational speaker, who is probably the hottest of the bunch. Would you say? And a crab.
And a crab. And a crab.
You think he's the hottest?

Well,

cheeseball. Who was, can you tell me who was hotter than him? The douchebag that Rachel was going to be.
The lawyer? Yeah. I guess he's kind of spot.
I mean, he was an asshole, but he was the hottest.

And then I think second was the real estate guy that worked with Mo before.

I don't know. I mean, like, if you're going for like old men country club guys.

yeah.

So, uh, Rachel is like, oh my God, is this like a receiving line or is it like a flat line? Because like I'm in the flat line, I'm like, dead. I'm like, I died.
I died on the line.

It's like a dead, it's like a flat line in the receiving line. Like they brought a corpse to the receiving line.
You're shaking hands with the corpse right now. It's literally a dead corpse.

Listen, put a mirror under my nose. There's not going to be fog.
I'm dead.

So she's like, yeah,

I want biggest flirt at six years old. Day camp.
I want a ribbon and everything. They asked us to choose a husband to marry on the camp bus.
Guess who I chose? The 18-year-old camp counselor.

I think this is supposed to be a charming story, but instead I left concerned. So I did too.
I was like,

someone check on the sleepaway camp, please. And so Erica was acting nervous, which is hilarious.
She's like, oh, my God, I can't do it. I need to go to the ball.
I just don't know how to do this.

You know, there's two boys in me. There's Erica Jane.
Erica could jane. Erica Jane can do anything.

She can crawl on the ground. She can get blowjobs in an alley.
She can sing. Okay, well, she can't sing.
Let's be honest. But Erica, Erica's very nervous.
Very nervous. Oh, God.

So we're back to the Erica has two personality things.

Yeah, exactly. I've never seen this version of Erica before.
Where's the woman on stage crawling around in heaters? Probably with whips and chains somewhere. Where is she? Where is that, Erica?

Oh, there she is.

All the guys are like, good night, everyone. Good night.
We're going to go home.

So one of the guys is like, oh, I've thought of an icebreaker activity. Let's just do some icebreaking.
Let's do it the old-fashioned way. So, Dorit, how long have you been single?

She's like, oh, God, five minutes a year. Who knows?

It's painful. Was I single when I was together? I don't even know.
Who is Piquet? Who is he? Was there a man in my bed? Was there ever a man in my bed?

I could have put him in the oven and come out with croissants if I'd had it on 350 for 12 minutes or so. That's what I'll tell you, buddy.

I like that that guy's idea of a good icebreaker is asked how long someone's been single for. I'm like, is that an icebreaker or is that an ice maker?

So

then another guy is like, oh, well, Darreet, I've never heard a lemon referred to as a carcass when it's done. She's like, listen, it's clean, it's easy, and it's a good way to describe my marriage.

It's like, oh, is that how you'd also describe yourself? Well, I am not easy, but Kyle is though. Go tell him I told you so.
Which is Reed's way of saying, okay, our conversation is done.

You can sort with Kyle now. You suggested that I was a slut.

And you think it's hilarious to diss my carcass out thing? How dare you, sir? Yeah. So she's like, well, I'm out of practice, but that doesn't mean it's goo.
I mean, I know I'm a good free-lop.

So Bose gives an announcement and thinks I'm... Oh, were you going to say something? My little darling.
No, I was not going to say anything. I was just merely going to make noises.
Continue speaking.

We've got stations for ladies to sit and questions I've written and we're going to go round until everyone's met Kyle. Sit here, Erica, you go inside.

Sutton, just please don't embarrass us as a country. Just as a country.
So Erica's like, well,

I'd be more comfortable on a stage with more clothes. I mean, with no clothes.
Sorry. I'd be comfortable naked on a stage.

So Bose starts a clock because they each have sessions because speed dating. So Kyle is talking to some guy.
She's like, um, so have you been married and is he famous?

And he guy's like, Well, uh, yes, I have. Oh, yeah, oh, cool.
That's really exciting. Yeah, um, have you ever created a show with John Wells before, like I have? Oh, no, okay.
He's did the pit also.

It's kind of a hit right now.

So, I'm just saying, did Alicia Silverstone play your mother once?

No, okay. Moving on.
So, we go to Erica and she's like, oh, see you, lawyer. And he goes, well, I was, but I'm not anymore.
Oh, thank God.

excuse me now what do you do for fun you know because i i haven't had fun in so long and he goes well it's such a sexy dress how is that not fun what you're wearing

well i'll tell you this much still good

still good

So we go back to Setton and he's like, oh, so you are, are you more dominant or submissive? And she's like, well, I've learned to be more dominant in my life. And I'm real proud of myself.

You know, last week, I got mad at the grass and I had somebody come over and I had him cut it.

I think the card means sexually. Are you more dominant sexually?

She's like, oh, well, that's rather much of a heathen question, if you ask me. I've been on a lot of bad dates.
I went on that one that was all about the mother. Remember that one?

And we see flashbacks of that guy who just wouldn't stop talking about the mother. God, I am so sick of those people that only talk about their mother.
Anyway, let's do another scene with Reba.

I wonder what Reba thinks of this man. Yeah, I wouldn't describe myself as dominant, more dormant.

So he's like, okay, moving on. So then Rachel is chatting with a guy named Garib, and he's like,

yeah, you might know me because I started Comic-Con. What? Yeah, you know, so if you're into superheroes, I'm just like, no, I can't.

Please stop it. No.
Like, I just came back to life. Like, please stop.
I mean, you're like, you're like my kryptonite. Is that a superhero thing? Cause like, I want to die right now.
Like, please.

Like, literally. The only superhero I like is Deadpool.
Cause that's, like, literally me. I'm like a deadpool, a pool of, like, extensions.
Just like dead right now. Like, dead.
I'm over it.

I'm over it. So there's a huge doucheboard.
Oh, go ahead. I just want to say when I was like, whoa, this guy started Comic-Con? That's major.
But then I looked it up and this guy started.

like an alternate Comic-Con called like Ace Comic-Con, which I'm sure is a perfectly fine convention.

But for him to be like, I started Comic-Con when there's like a very well-established, internationally famous Comic-Con, and then there's also your Comic-Con, you're a little bit of a con artist, I have to say.

But that being said,

but that being said also, I love that like she doesn't, she doesn't know this. All she knows is this guy says he started Comic-Con.
And that's like, if I heard that, I'd be like, whoa, that's major.

And she just does not care. She's like, Comic-Con? So it's like a convention for like nerds.

Well, it does say he's founder. He's chairman and CEO of Wizard Entertainment and also a co-founder and CEO of Ace Comic-Con.
But is that the regular one?

Because it says Comic-Con founder on his Instagram. Is Ace Comic-Con the Comic-Con and they just call it Comic-Con?

So the San Diego Comic-Con is a comic book convention and multi-genre entertainment event held annually.

I don't know why I became Lisa Vanderpum, but she just had to jump in there.

But the founders, it was started in 1970 by Shell Dorf, Richard Alf, Ken Kruger and Mike Towery, Ron Graff, Barry Alonso, Bob Sork, Scott Shaw, John Pound, Roger Friedman, David Clark, and Greg Baer.

And as far as I can tell, I don't see Garab in there. There's no Garab.
Garib's in there, Garib. Uh-oh, Garab, you're a fucking Comic-Con scanner.

That is exactly what that is, okay? We all know San Diego Comic-Con is the one.

That's the one, people.

So Erica is talking to the biggest douchebag in the room, and he's like, yeah I don't date a lot of girls in Los Angeles girls here are pretty bad and she just goes oh god

I love when guys do that as if they're like some great trophy like you think you are sir really

and also like really smart move like you're sitting down with a woman being like god the women in la are just pieces of shit huh like oh geez so we go to dore doing that he's doing the game that's what he's doing he's nagging trying to make her feel insecure so that way she's attracted to him more like this is a guy who who 100% 20 years ago read the game and was like, I'm taking all those lessons.

I'm going to look up Mystery and find out what he's doing. Was that that guy's name? Mystery? You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah, I remember that.

Yeah, with the hat. Gross.
Yeah.

So

the only guy worse than that is the salt guy. The guy who comes in and goes like this was.
Salt Bay.

Yeah. Oh, I hate that.
How did that go viral? Like, I don't understand why that went viral. I just hate salting from his.
Yeah, I hate him.

Okay, so my favorite conversation is Durit with this next guy.

He goes, so where do you live? This side of town? She goes,

We're on the west side, right? And he's like, No, this is more like the east side.

Well, I don't know what side I live on. I live in a place called the Villy.
Have you heard of it? And he's like,

Oh, okay. Well, do you know where it is? And he's like, that way.
Well, could you find out? Because I want to make sure I get back there and and join.

Dirty definitely door splits. I don't know where I am.
I just get into a car and I show up.

I just live in Boss House somewhere. You live on the extreme west side of the valley, Dorit.
That's where you live, right?

Isn't she in London?

Isn't that Encino? It's like on the west side of the valley.

She lives in Encino, which is... Well, the west side of the valley will be like Woodland Hills, but it's still more western valley.
She's on the other side of the 405.

She's like, I don't know where I am. East side, west side,

west side to the east side. No dignity.
Where am I now?

I don't know where I am. I just love, just she just gets in cars and arrives in places and has no spatial awareness.
She's like, she could be in Kentucky for all she knows.

So Rachel is talking to the douchebag guy, and she's like, oh my God, it was like musically, like, who's amazing? And he goes, I don't know, like the Rolling Stones.

No, wait, but like, what about like Chris Martin, though?

He goes, Cold Blade sucks. White women love cold play.
I'm like, okay.

And like, please get

this guy's like saying, white women love cold play. Cold play sucks.
You just said the Rolling Stones.

Not that the Rolling Stones suck, but like, I'm pretty sure that's also white women, too.

This guy has so many issues with women. My God.
I'm like, he wasn't he the one who was just like, yeah, women in LA suck. And he's like, ooh, white women love cold play.
What's this guy?

He's probably a fucking problem.

He's probably still listening to his like outcast CD from 2003, trying to get cred from that. Being like, yeah, man, speaker box,

that's an album. It's like, okay, congratulations.
He's like, hey, yeah,

that's music.

So Rachel's like, yeah. When I was younger, like I was always in love with the wrong guy.
And I realize now that like, I'm still her.

Yeah.

I'm still her. I shouldn't be able to choose.
Don't let me choose a man. And we just cut back to her and she's like giggling and smacking his leg.
Like he's just so hilarious.

Like, yep, you picked the worst one.

Yep. The first time in 20 years of Bravo that we've seen Rachel Zoe get animated and giggle.

She's like, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

You're crazy saying that about codeplay. I mean, by the way, it is hilarious that I never would have thought Rachel Zoe, of all people, would be like, I really like codeplay.

Like, that was not what I expected. I thought she was going to say some DJ, like, you know, like DJ Frankfurter, like, so good.
Like, he's like playing at a party tomorrow night.

Like, I'm actually going to go. He's actually, actually like a friend of mine but he's like actually kind of hot like we kind of have a thing going on but like whatever I don't know I die

cool play

yeah I feel like she wants like also none of these guys are for rituals though I think she wants a guy who has longer hair like who's like hipster it's kind of edgy you know

yeah like um so now we go to Kyle she's talking to some real estate agent named Chase and she goes oh my god my husband would die we're separated and goes yeah I know your husband we We had a deal.

She goes, oh, yeah, I'm sure you did.

I can't get away from Mo, especially when I bring him up.

Yeah.

Like, it's like everywhere. Like every, every time I'm talking to someone and I'm like, oh my God, I used to be married to Mauricio.
They're like, I know Mauricio.

I'm like, oh my God, I cannot get away from him. Like, why do people keep talking about him?

He goes, but he does make good deals. So then Darit's talking to another, she's talking to the self-help guy, I guess.
That's what he is, right? A cell phone speaker or something.

God, we're overrun with them right now on Bravo. Enough.
So he's like, Yeah, I married a stranger in Vegas for a day. That was on my bucket list.

And Drake goes, Oh, I was just gonna say that's a bucket list thing. And

she got married.

He's like, Well, it's legal in your country.

Well, when I turn the charm on, I'm not just the giggle type, I'm more in the eyes, the hair flip, the three different accents I do at once.

Whenever in doubt, just say, it's a bookie list thing.

All right, the guys all love to reach, but they also all love, and all the girls love Sebastian.

And

they're all saying, oh, yeah,

Miss Guy's.

Yeah, I think that's like, yeah, I think they're good together because they both have accents.

Everyone says I'm loquacious. And I say, what's that? Is that a location that we're in?

Does that mean if you're loquaquacious, does that mean you don't know the location that you've actually been driven to? I've just learned I live on the west side.

Sebastian's like, wow.

Loquacious, word of word.

Big one. That was a big one.

Erica's talking to Galeb, and she's like, so you're a nerd. So I spotted you a mile away.
Tell me more. He's like, yeah, I grew up on.
I'm a little thump nose, picker. Go ahead.
You got five seconds.

You know, if you grew up potbelly and were about 20 years older, I'd actually find you sexy. So he says, yeah.

Well, I grew up really into comic books and sports cards. Yeah,

I love a sports car. I just want to get in one and drive it on.
He's like, no cards.

Oh,

sports cars.

I didn't know cards was a sport, but whatever.

So she's like, yeah, I've got no game. Now she's talking to the douchebag and she goes, oh, so you're in law, huh? So what are you, a slimy weasel? And he's like,

yeah. Like, he looks so offended, but she's the first person to shut this fucker up.
So I was actually really proud of Erica because she's the first one that got that guy like, oh, oh,

so then Rick is talking to Sutton. He goes, I love your accent.
I mean, mine comes back when I'm home. I've been fortunate to be in baseball, represent a bunch of baseball players.

I'm basically famous. I'm famous by proxy.
What doesn't wait? Sutton owns a baseball team, doesn't she?

I think so. Yeah, maybe that's why they were talking about it.
Yeah.

She did. I think she did.
And so he's like, she's like, well, I'm interested. I could like Rick.
And so now Bose kicks all the men out because time's up. And Sutton's like, nice meeting y'all.
Bye.

Bye, Rick. And then Rick, on his way out, is like, Erica, got your heart.
Here's my card. Give me a call sometime.
Please, please.

and basically does not give the number to Rosutton so Rachel is like I love bows and there's like nothing I won't do for her but I knew there was like 0% chance I was meeting a guy at speed dating like does anyone here even know how to play guitar I don't even think so

dead dating I'm in speed dating no

So the girls gather outside and Rachel's like, wow, Dari, you were like so amazing at flirting. Like that was fantastic.

You use like 30 different accents like I've never seen anybody pull out like um their app for like Rosetta Stone before but like that was amazing good job

but they do say I'm loquacious so I'm very good in these locations situations that is what's what a words really

tonight was a boost of confidence I feel like fun flirty Doreet was back and it felt good

it took fun flirty Dored a long time to get back to me, but that's because she had no idea if she was on the west side or the east side.

But now, once the body and the soul connected, it's been all great.

So DeBose is asking their favorite guy, and they all agree it was the Aussie self-help guru. And so it's like, well, I kind of liked Rick.
And Erica's like, oh, really?

Well, did Rick give you his card? Because Rick gave me his card.

She's like, well, I'm just saying your attorney husband didn't work out too well, so maybe you should reconsider that slut.

Sarit in the corner, laughing, but also having her soul exit her body temporarily to go get coffee.

It's back. My soul got coffee.
All right, ladies, gather around, gather around.

I'm about to do something very important in the spirit of kindness and friendship and goodwill to those less fortunate than me. Sutton, please take the card of the hot man that didn't like you.

Oh, gosh, I just want to prove that I'm a good friend. Like, wow, nothing showing good friend like pointing out in front of everybody that the only person Sutton liked liked you and not her.

Yeah, you're such a good idea. Enjoy these lots of seconds that I never had in the first place.
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So, uh, Aaron's just like, they, but they do, they do view this as like a lovely gesture. They're like, oh, that was nice.
And so, Doreen's like, Coyle, are you actively looking for someone?

And is that person a boy or a girl? Can we catch the bottom of it? She's like, of course not. Like, whatever.
She's like, but what do you mean? I mean, you're not looking, right?

She's like, but I'm not three years in. It's like, oh, well,

I just like, I just want to be married again.

And everyone's like, oh.

And Erica's like, Doreen, hey, Doreen, come over here for five minutes. Come on, let's have it, let's Let's have a private talk.
All right, come on.

So they go off and then Sutton just immediately follows them. She's like,

my ass. I'm going to sit down.
I'm going to listen to everything.

Well, I'll tell you what you're not going to do. Have a private talk.
Okay.

Hey, Dorit, I just want to check in on you. Okay, Sutton, you just sit right there.
Okay. So did your kids go to Florida or whatever?

Because this is a really uninteresting storyline that I feel compelled to ask you about because the producer said, hey, go ask Doreen a question in the other room.

So that way Kyle can have a scene outside with Bose.

They did go, they did go. And finally, they fist time me from Florida.
And finally, I had my baby back.

I saw Chico. I saw Chico on the field.

Did they go to wait? I have a question. Did they go to Disney World, Disneyland? Because Disneyland's on the west coast, and Disney World's on the East Coast.

Who's loquacious now?

Hey, so you have to take care of yourself.

You know, because when I look at you, I say, you are a lady who does not get pampered, does not have free time, can't just putter around her kitchen drinking Coca-Colas and putting rings on her fingers.

You need to take care of yourself for once.

America's like, here's the deal. When you're going through a divorce, you got to be in a good state of mind because anything and everything will be used against you.

Got starving orphans, people on fire, plane crash victims.

Hello, you gotta be counting against you. Stolen earrings out of $4 million that you're bragging about because maybe they were funded by the plot of some other people.

They don't use anything they can get against you.

But men can get away with everything. Your husband's going to die in jail.

So Sutton's. She's largely right.
But yes. Oh, yeah.
She is.

She's right.

She's like, that's the first person to deliver it.

No, of course she's right, but it's just Erica. It's like, oh, my gosh.
Uh, so Sutton's like, okay, well, here's the thing: you will survive this, but you know what? It sucks, and you suck.

And I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that a sucky person is going through a sucky time.
I'm so sorry, Tariq. And she's like, ooh, to see a different sort of Sutton.
She's telling it from a heart.

A cold, cold, crispy, crunchy, shriveled-up little heart. And it feels Zhong Yuing.

It feels Zhong Yuing. So I appreciate it.
It takes me back to 1995 and seeing a commercial that announced the softer side of Sears, and I thought, wow, gee, there's another side of Sears.

I never realized.

Gee!

Well, I see myself in this broken wing she's walking around with, and it's the hardest thing to watch. Oh!

Did someone summon me? There's a broken bird in Hollywood.

I'd love to help you, but Kyle's still here. Call me when you get rid of the skank.
He just poofs out.

So, Bose, Rachel, and Kyle are talking in the other section, and Bose is like, Well, I want to be a good friend to anybody, everybody. Kyle, Kyle, there's somebody.

I'm trying to peel back the onion of Kyle. Kyle, let me peel that.
Oh, Kyle, stinky, stinky onion, stinky onions. So, Kyle, tell me, did it spark? And if not, tell me, girl, what do you want?

Do you want? What do you want? Just tell me, do you want a manly? Do you want a big, long hair, short hair, vagina, penis? Go ahead, tell me, tell me.

And just know that if you bring me to tears, it's only because you're an onion and it has nothing to do with my emotional state. It's just a chemical reaction to being near you, Carl.

She's like, well,

thanks a lot.

I mean, I'm not the only single one here, so I don't know why everyone's asking me questions all the time.

But you. Okay, well, you just don't want to hook up to hook up, right? You don't want to just be like,

My mind, is that what you're saying? You don't want to just start. Hello, hello.
You just don't want to.

Well, what do you want, Kyle? What do you want? And

Carl, are you? You're like, you would like die if you, I would die if I did that. Unless it was like Chris Martin, I would totally hook up with Chris Martin.
Like, I die. I die.

I literally die for Chris Martin.

So Kyle asks, well, how long have you been in love? And she's like, hmm, three times.

And Rachel's like, four. Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed to admit that.
But four, four. One was with an ice cream truck guy when I was like, I don't know, 13 and he was probably 19.

So it was inappropriate, but it counts. And Kyle's like, well, I've been in love three times too.

It's like, okay, well, nice to try to change the conversation, but we're still going to ask you questions. Does that mean you've been in love three times or six times?

Because three times two are you doing math. I can't tell what's going on here.
She's like,

I don't know. What answer is the better answer to get you guys to stop asking me this question.
We'll say it's three, but go with three. Yeah, three.
So she goes, have you found love?

And she goes, that's like a good feeling to find love. Like, I actually fell in love just like last week, but it was like a Versace jacket.
And I just like fell in love. So both like,

yeah, yeah, yeah, I did. I did find love.
I did. She goes, but now you don't have it anymore, Kyle.
And she's like, but now I just, I'm, I'm, I'm on my own again.

Oh, Kyle, you're still dating that girl. I don't believe it.

Oh, by the way, I also have to apologize to you and to the whole audience because I've been getting comments all week that are like, Ronnie, duh, Morgan has been out of the closet.

She's out of the closet. I went on this whole thing last week.
I took up everybody's

like an hour and Ben was like, no, I think she's out of the closet. And I was like, nope, she's absolutely not.
The reason I said that was because when this was going on last year,

I was Googling it and reading Reddit threads about it. And everything I found says that Morgan will not talk about it.
She says no, which to me means in the closet.

But people are telling me that she's been out of the closet. She just is private about her life, I guess.
So my pity is kind of waning here.

Because if you're out of the closet, then I don't want to hear it from you, Kyle. Talk about it.
Miss Open and Honest. Get to yapping.

Yeah. Get to yapping.

On

your face.

I don't know why. Sometimes you just have to say get to Yapin period and not add a preposition because then we get a lot of time.
Sometimes the period's okay. Yeah.

I'm a preposition queen, okay? When I'm supposed to have my period, I go for the preposition and then I get myself into trouble time and time again. I cannot help it.
I cannot help it.

Well, Kyle is saying, oh, Bose is acting like she's never heard anything or seen anything. And she's like asking all these questions.
And I'm like, okay, okay, Bose.

Like, like you don't you don't ever like read people magazine okay like you don't you don't know what's going on with kyle like i'm pretty famous so uh

yeah like hello i kind of like invented like like the show so like it's like so was it your choice or was it not your choice because um

it's complicated sorry I just, I know I could just like answer your questions normally, but I just want to keep having you ask me questions because it feels really good to be like center of attention once.

So Bose is like, okay, well, it's really hard for Kyle to be vulnerable, but I'm really glad that she's at least sharing a little bit because I want to be there for her and support any way I can.

This new

characterization of Kyle as this heavily guarded person that's hard to get to know, this is, that's not, that's not Kyle.

Like Kyle is always yammering about every single thing in her life that makes her feel sad and she like trembles her lip, but she's doing it now. Now she's like, I just need to be private right now.

And it's just, it's funny because as they say how, how difficult it is for Kyle to be vulnerable when Kyle is the queen of being open and honest.

Like that's her whole thing is be open and honest, open and honest. And yet for some reason, now all of a sudden she's the one that they have to do baby steps with to be vulnerable.

It's like, I can't, I can't deal with this anymore. But it's so funny because Kyle gives her nothing.
She's just like, it's dot, dot, dot, complicated. And Bose is like, wow, look at Kyle opening up.

That's all I needed. That's all I needed.
Because I'm a girl's girl, Kyle. I want to be in everyone's business.
And she's like, okay, well, why don't you just ask what you want to ask, Bose?

Okay, I could go, Brad, or I could go Angelina. That's what you want to say, right? Just say it.

It's like a shockingly serious moment because the previews had us believe it was like this hilarious moment, but it comes off as kind of like her being like, Well, just say it.

You want to out me in front of America? Just do it. Do it.
Do it to the community, Bose, not just to me. Look every homosexual teenager in the face that's not ready to talk about it.

And you do this to them.

so then kyle's like my biggest worry after separation was being alone but finding someone you have a lot in common with is like really really exciting you know like for instance um like we're both like we're both child actresses and we both are competitive with our sisters um and we both know jamie lee curtis and we both um started tv shows with lica silverstone like this person like we're like very very similar we found like a lot in common

what i'm saying is i masturbate

acting i would love that as an answer

so kyle's like well i've always been attracted to men you know tall dark and handsome and butza's like but does that apply to women too

it's like not that i'm allowed to ask and kyle's like well i'm just like worried you know like what if i go out with someone and then mo's upset by it i'm like what if the girls are upset you left your husband for a woman stop this crying i can't grow a pair already grow your heels so Rachel's like,

well, you don't have to know, Kyle. You know, you've been like with Mo forever, and it's okay to be you, and it's okay to connect with you and connect who you're with.

You know, like, look, it's like I told Mo when I told him an Saman Aspen. It's totally fine for you to dance around and sing Tiffany songs at karaoke to try and get 20-year-old Pousse say.

It's just what you're what? What? What did you do? Sorry. Sorry.
That's neither here nor there. What are you saying, Kyle?

This is also my favorite part is somewhere in the middle of this.

I think we talked about it at length during the trailer trash, but at length, I think when Kyle says that she could go Brad or Angelina, they cut to Rachel, and she has this moment where there's like a piece of string that's like pulling her head back.

She's like,

She's like yanked awake, like she was like a marionette that was like sagging down to the floor, and someone's like, Oh shit, we're on, like, get the thing ready. And the stream's like, What?

I'm reanimated, I'm alive. I was dead, but I'm alive.

I'm sorry, but somebody actually mentioned actual friends of mine.

It just woke me up for a second. And a realization came to me.
You're not getting either one of them. So

Brian's, you know what I mean? Yeah, they're like famous. So Bose is, so Kyle's saying, you know, I've gone through a lot in the last three years.
I've changed my perspective.

And I'm sad, but I'm also grateful. Like, you could be a wife and a mother and get like lost with who you are.
And Bose goes, well, I'm going back into my contact list and looking for paranesbians.

Just no, no, no, no. I'm like a fate kind of person.

I just kind of want to like meet someone where where Rich will meet someone like in a famous circle. So yeah.
How are you a fate person?

You met your girlfriend by DMing her.

Okay.

What the hell? So now we go to out of this party. This was like half the episode.
So now

we go to another white house.

I thought it was so funny because in one of the lines here, Sutton's like, oh my God, I love a white house. Well, that's good because every single house on here is a white house.

White box house so we go to kyle's house it says kyle's house and then it's like wait a second it's amanda's house because amanda lives in kyle's old house and we see like a glimpse into amanda's world and we see everything around and there's like a one of a piece of wall art that's like a black amex card it's like she knows money and she has all these kids in there and her fiancé eddie is they're all in the kitchen i think we only get to we only find out like some of their names there's like shoshana and canon or kanan

and then i think maybe there's like one other, like one other girl, we get to find out whose, whose name it is. But then Shoshana and Kanan are like painting something on the table.

She's like, hey, Kane, that's my side. Hey, guys, what if we both paint on both sides and like we work together collaboratively?

I'm like, your children are going to be a monster, well, it could be monsters. Okay.
The answer is, get the fuck off that. Get your brush off the fuck up her side.
Paint your side, Kanan.

So,

the producer is like, so how does growing up in Oklahoma differ from the way your children are growing up? And she's like,

how do I say this?

Yeah, I came from very humble beginnings, and my kids are rich as fuck. So, yeah.

We didn't have a lot. On Friday nights, we would just hang out at Walmart.
I mean, I would walk around Walmart for fun. That actually sounds pretty good to me.
I mean, I had plenty of a

walk around a store night. You know? Yeah, that sounds

great. Where'd you guys walk around? We had the mall.

We had the mall. We'd go to the movies, go to the diner.

I'm trying to think, like, we'd walk around the mall, but that wouldn't be really at night. It wouldn't be walking around the mall.

At night, it was like going to a friend's house a lot and watching like a video. I mean, I was like in two groups.
I was in,

because I joined my high school in sophomore year. So I skipped all the middle school bullshit that everyone went through.
So I didn't have to be locked into a group.

So I was like, you know, the, the, the ben who always wanted to be popular, like ingratiated his way into the popular kids group, but I actually didn't hang out with him that much because I just didn't.

But

every once in a while, I did hang out with him. And I got to go to like a party where there was like drinking and that was like so cool.

But like the people that I usually hung out with who were like more like my real friends, we just like go to each other's houses and like watch movies like impromptu

drinking soda.

Yeah.

You know, who doesn't doesn't love a Judy Davis? That's how to do it.

Like Judy Davis and Chopin. Hello.

Wasn't that what that movie was?

She's like, yeah, I was walking around wall. Wait, what movie? Chopin? Isn't it like impromptu? That movie impromptu with Judy Davis?

I think that she's in that. The first one I saw of hers was Husbands and Wives a long time ago.
I'm sorry. Judy Davis was George Sand and Hugh Grant was Chopin.

And Mandy Patinkin is Alfred de Mousseet, in case anyone cares. And Bernard Peters is Marie.

I got to rewatch this movie.

This is a gay Phantasmagoria.

Berndette Peters? What?

So she's like, whoa, my God, my kids are never going to grasp that.

The reason I walk them around like Beverly Hills in the stroller, like get them ice cream or lunch or whatever, is because I want them to see like what I didn't have.

I'm like, or maybe because it's their neighborhood. Like, what else are you going to do? Like them up in a closet?

You walk them around Beverly Hills and buy them ice cream because that's where you fucking live, Amanda. She's like, but I want them to like see it.
You know, like I dreamed this for them.

And we walk the streets that like I watched the streets on Clueless.

That was a strange.

I don't know how I felt about that.

On the one hand, I was like, I know what she's talking about because a lot of times when I'm just driving around LA and like, if I'm like driving down Rodeo Drive and it's like, oh, I got to get to Rodeo Drive.

I'm like, it's so weird that this is just like. A street I'm driving down when it's like you grow up as a kid watching Clueless and it's like, whoa, Rodeo Drive.

And now it's just like a road right so like i get that on the one hand but on the other hand it feels weird because it feels like she just like moved out here to live take over chairs chairs lifestyle she did i'm gonna be she did that's what she's saying and that's what you know that's what kind of hit me watching this and we're singing on two shows right now because vanderpump rules has the manifester venus who's like oh my god i like totally manifested everything in my life and on one hand you're like well you're a waiter though but on the other hand you're on a tv show and you're a star now and that's kind of the thing with her.

So maybe their manifesting works, you know, you've got two people who are like kind of making it and they're just kind of dodo birds, both of them. So well, the key is can she manifest?

Okay, I want Amanda to stand outside the gas station under circus liquor and see, see, like, if she's going to do the clueless thing, see it all the way through.

Well, that's, you know, and that's, that also made me think because I was like, well, maybe my manifesting is broken because whenever I pass that clown liquor store and I see that, which I pass all the the time, I'm like, oh my God, I manifested the valley.

I manifested the valley. I did it.
I just want you to know, by the way, to anyone who is driving to Circus Liquor, just to see it from Clueless, that's at the corner of Burbank and Vineland Avenues.

There is a little donut shop there called Perfect Donuts, and they do an excellent bodega-style breakfast sandwich there. I'm just going to let you know that right now.

And their donuts are actually quite excellent. And it's just this little under-the-radar donut shop.
And so is their liquor

well not

yeah

so eddie goes um so she's talking about like how eddie's going to disney monday and we worked we met five years ago and he works in construction and you guys before daddy proposed i kept having this dream that he got me a ring with a smart and final logo on it could you imagine

which is funny because it you know the proposal get this marriage probably isn't smart and it probably won't be final

Yeah. So she's like, yeah, once we were living together, he asked me what I wanted, like my purdies.

So she's like, my purdies. Yeah, she does have purdies.
And I was about to turn 36 and I was like, there's more of an expiration date on my ovaries than a ring. So like, let's have kids first.

So we did it. And we just started making babies.
And you guys, it took me, it took a long time for us to get engaged, but daddy crushed it. Look at my ring.
Now look,

manifesting stuff for you is great, but like she just posted a picture of her baby in a crib or something, like covered in $100 bills that she just dropped.

Don't raise assholes. You know what I mean? It's too late.
It's too late. It's okay if you grew up poor and you're like, I want money.
And then you went out and got money. I mean, that's good.

There's like a Cinderella story there. But kids who are already rich, just teaching them to be obsessed with money and only money, you're raising four assholes.
And I'm telling you that right now.

At least three of those kids are going to be sociopath assholes. Prove me wrong in 20 years.
Well, it's good to earn that money because you'll need it for rehab probably.

So then Amanda is like, well, she's like, hey, kids, daddy got me the exact ring that's been on my vision board. Literally.
It's because it's on your vision board. He can see it.
He saw it.

You probably emailed him your vision board every goddamn day until he bought you that thing.

As a financial empowerment teacher and coach, I'm the biggest, I'm the embodiment of everything I teach. I'm my biggest testimonial.
Guys, look at everything I did.

I have an American Express painting on my wall. So like, yeah.

Someone who was like in one of my courses was like, of course, Amanda wouldn't come through manifesting a man. Amanda comes through manifesting a whole ass family.
Oh, my God.

I love that person, whoever she was who said that thing that I told her to say.

So then we go to Rachel's and Sutton comes over and she's like, oh, my God, I love your house. I have a penchant for white houses and people.

So thanks for having me over. Oh, so you drink white wine? I love white wine.
I love white houses too.

Yeah, I love white wine. Yeah.
I love white wine. And I white wine white house is white wine

that's good i brought you some white wine yeah had a lot of the year why yeah great oh my god i love well here we are isn't this a fun life

my gosh this is going great i die i die for police the chemistry gotta feel it yeah okay

so rachel's like yeah i know sutton because like we know other people like i'll see her around at like parties and stuff you know because like she knows kathy i know kathy like especially around the holidays like it's where that's when you have to invite sutton so like i'll see her but like i don't really know her

so anyway satin have a seat

rachel's like yeah like she's always someone who invites me and like very is like very friendly and like outgoing and invites me to all these things i just like never was like very close with her which is her way of saying she's always invited me to shit and i never go to it because she annoys me But now I'm going to get to know her because we're on a TV show.

Or she tries really hard, but I've never like had to, I've never been cornered long enough to have to have a conversation with her.

But here we are.

I don't associate myself with reality folk, but now I've lowered myself back into this world. So, can we talk about

Buzz's house? Like, I can't believe we did a speed dating thing. Did she really think we're going to like date those normies? Like, it's crazy.
Does any of them even play a Coachella?

I don't think so. I didn't even know, like, there was a name for this.
Like, did you know, like, what speed dating? There's like a name for speed dating.

Like, really? Seriously? Like, I die. Like, did you think any of those guys were cute? Like, how ugly were they? They were so disgusting.

They were so, like, I was like, how desperate are these women who would actually want to date these people?

Sutton's like, I thought they were all cute and I was hoping they'd all give me their numbers, but that's okay.

Well, I'll tell you this: I would have thought it would be real cute if my phone rang, but they didn't. So they were all fuggos.
Okay, that's where I'm going to go with it.

Well, I feel like I'm like so fresh out of marriage that I'm like enjoying not being married. Like every guy that I met there, I just said, Thank you so much for not being Raj.

And, you know, that was good enough for me. So, like, would you get married again? And she's like, well, get this.

I found out that over a year ago, my husband filed for an annulment in the Catholic Church. Oh my God, how would you know? Like, do you go to Catholic Church? No.

Do you get letters from them? Well, I did. Why would you talk to the Catholic Church? They're gross.

They're like not even celebrities, like maybe the Pope, like everyone else, not really.

They love poverty.

Well, guess what? Within our church, our marriage never existed. Oh, yeah.
Sort of like you on my social calendar. Yes.

But when I got the letter from the Catholic Church, it just came to the residence of Strack Brown. Oh, my God.

i don't get it why did they add a color is that like your color palette strack brown like no my name my maiden name is brown oh how unchic gross disgusting

and i just kept looking at it strack brown and you know what maybe i'll change my name back to brown oh god don't do that no why would you do that that's not the color of the year hand to the color of the year is white like white houses not brown houses

well yeah i dropped my married name the day i left i mean i never really took it let's be honest but still, like, I would have. And she's like, Well, the truth is, I'm not a strack.
Yes, you are.

You had those babies, and you can keep that name as long as you want. Your children name that.
And if you want to keep that name, that's your name. Keep it.
It's cuter than Brown. Sorry.
It is.

You need to, you need to like unstract yourself. Like, you need to distract.
Like, like, guess what? You, you, I hope you get pulled over for texting.

And the, and the police officer says you were a distracted driver because like you need to unstrack the strack, be the, be less stracked, stracked be be

extract extract extract your us okay rachel i'm gonna stop you right now because i think you're having a little bit of a brain conniption but i get what you're saying and i will take the strack off i mean it's just the last little thread though it's the last little thread that holds me together to that family you know what i mean and she says i always felt like i could get christian back whenever i wanted to you know and sometimes there's a time we talk and and we get along and i think god did i just win him back is he gonna take me back is he gonna take me back?

Sometimes when he calls up and he says, Sutton, why am I paying for these things? You have to stop coming in the middle of the night and ringing the doorbell of my house and running away.

I think, God, he does still love me. But now I'm realizing he don't.

So she's like, I just think about my grandchildren. I mean, grandma and grandpa Strack over there, the good ones with all the houses.
And I'm just Grandmammy Brown,

14 dogs, 18 cats, a mother that won't die. You know how it is.
Ew. You have 14 dogs and 18 cats.
That's actually kind of gross. I'm going to leave.

It's your house. I know.
I'm never coming back here again. It's your house now.
I'm literally burning this house down. Just get out.
I have a Brown in my house with cats. Like, I can't.

When Kaius comes back from camp, can you just give him a boarding address? Just like send him there.

She's so funny, though. She goes, I mean, like, Sutton Brown, that's not bad.
What's your middle name? Thurman?

Okay. Well, yeah, that's harder.
Harder. All right.
Well, you're basically fucked, and I was right to never go to any of your parties, but thanks for coming by. You want to take the pussé say?

I feel bad for you. Do you mind if I just start calling you not Uma? Thanks so much.

Now we have Alexia. Yeah.
Alexia and Kyle go to the florist. So I have to issue a massive apology, really only to my friend Neil, because he turned 50 yesterday.

And for his 50th birthday, happy birthday.

And for his 50th birthday, I got him the gift of outrage at at me because I was saying such mean things about Geary's. And he was like, Ben,

I loved that scene at Geary's. It was everything I wanted.
He's like, you're not, you're clearly not from the South. We're like registries and family registries and everything is like everything.

And I was like, I definitely am not. So I apologize to Neil because I would never want him to be upset on his 50th birthday.
But I stand by everything I said.

I do not think that Alexia is a Geary's kind of girl. But of course, ever since then, I've seen Geary's everywhere.
I saw some TV show where someone brought something with the bag that said Geary's.

It's like Geary's is haunting me now.

You're never going to get away from Geary's. I'm never going to get away.
So now Alexia and Kyle go to this florist.

It's called Orchid Republic, which I don't know why I thought that was so funny. Like, welcome to Orchid Republic.
And there's this lady Margarita, who is the floral designer.

And she's like, so what sort of color scheme and flowers are you thinking about? And she's like, um, I don't really have a scheme. I just, I do want like something colorful and bohemian.

Oh, you know, just like Geary's, by the way, I just want to point out, God, I love all that bohemian stuff they have at Geary's. The perfect match for Alexia.

My $10,000 a plate china, you know, just something bohemian. Yeah, I want like wild, unique-looking flowers.
Like, you know, like I'm into artichokes.

You know, those ladies like, you're in Beverly Hills right now, and you want artichokes?

Go back to Van Nuys.

That shit was funny, though. I think that sounds pretty.
Just put artichokes on the table. It is pretty.
Sounds pretty Artichokes are very cute. I actually like Alexia's vision for this.

And Kyle's like, Alexia's ideas get me a little stressed sometimes because like my wedding was like more traditional, kind of like black tie at like a very, at like a country club.

And like I had 12 bridesmaids and like very traditional flowers. And Fey Resnick was there.
And like we had like pink and white roses. And like Alexia's like my earth child.

She's like a free spirit and she's like very eclectic. I'm like,

it all makes sense. Gearies, it totally makes sense why you bring her there.
It totally matches Alexia's aesthetic. I'm so glad you did that, Kyle.

So they look at stuff and Kyle's like, this is giving art a choke.

And

they just talk about her style and stuff and her bridesmaids. And she's like, so you're not going to have bridesmaids.
She goes, no, I am having bridesmaids, mother.

She goes, but you said you weren't having bridesmaids. She goes, but I am.
Okay. So they're just not going to be in matching dresses.
No,

they are going to be in matching dresses, but you said you didn't want them in the same color, but they're still matching though, mother. She's like, oh my God, this is so hard.

And I just want to point out that after Alexia says all this stuff about like, how she just wants something like different and like bohemian and Kyle's like, I just want my daughter to pick out pink and white flowers.

She picks out pink and white flowers. Like she just, after all this Bohemian stuff, she just takes a, she just like chooses like a very generic, wet, perfectly pretty wedding palette.

I think that she picked a couple of the like.

you know frilly the different ones and then Kyle added in the pink and the white ones as well because they didn't like the pink and the white one didn't look right with what the daughter had picked you know that looked out of place what I can't tell tell is, is Alexia just trying on her like bohemian persona because she thinks it's cool, but she's ultimately a Giri's girl down inside, or is she a bohemian type and Kyle is forcing a Giri's persona on her?

I cannot figure that one out. And

it keeps me out of that. Well, I think it's not Bohemian.
I think it's like Boho Chic because this girl's not like going to have some wedding.

She's not going to be like, let's get married in the, you know, the farm or whatever.

So then, you know, Kyle, let's find a way for Kyle to make this about her. Yeah, seriously.
You know, here comes Kyle's pity party about the stupid ass scene. Oh my God, this drove me nuts.

It's just strange to think that my daughter, I mean, our daughter is getting married and like we're not together.

And when I look at Alexia and Jake getting married, I just hope that they have a long, happy marriage, that they can always trust each other and that neither one ever hurts each other.

And I hope that Jake always looks at Alexia the way he looks at it.

Kyle, you are

this very sweet. And of course you will hurt her.
And of course, this marriage is going to fail. So don't even, you don't even have to stress about it.
Just know it will happen.

And then you can release it and enjoy yourself.

Just enjoy it while it lasts. That's what I say.
So Bose

goes to a restaurant with Amanda. So they're going to have lunch.
And Amanda's like, can I have an iced tea?

She asks it. She's like,

I'm like, what is this voice that she's doing? Every time she's talked to the waiter, she's like,

I'm like, ma'am.

And so Bose is like,

even when she ordered Calamari, she's like, oh my God, is this gluten-free? Well, I haven't had a gluten-free for a long time. I have to do the gluten-freeing.
I was like, why are you doing it?

I'm like, what is this weird, high-pitched voice you do with the weight staff?

Gluten-free, what? I'm eating it.

That's funny.

So Bose is like, I met Amanda at Jennifer Tilly's party. And we see that they bonded because they both were Balmain, which, you know, in Beverly Hills, like your best friends.

So she's like, so she seems interesting. She likes Balmain and she's a businesswoman and she's getting married.
So I want to get to know her more. Tell me everything, girl.

I feel like you're really like breezing over how deep that connection was at that party. So let's reenact it.
Whose jacket is that, by the way?

This is Balmain.

This is Balmain.

Oh, my God, really?

Yeah, that was it.

It was like, this is about me. This is Dalmatia.

We're best counseling now.

So then we see Amanda saying that she has a master's in counseling. So she's telling her about herself.
So she's like, yeah, you know, like, I wasn't even in finance at all.

Like, I have a master's in counseling. And so I decided, like, what can I do? So I made a personal development brand, you know, and I just was putting out really good content every day.

I would like wear different clothes and talk about money. And so I started started as a therapist and a life coach and then a business coach.

And my audience just grew and I wanted to help more people. So I started making online courses that help people create professional personal lives of their dreams.

So then I started a digital course called Become a Life Coach. Oh.

And then I found that I had a gift around money, but I'm not like a financial planner.

I'm more like, it's more around like the energetic part of money, the mindset part, the psychology around it. When she said the energetic part of money, I was just, I was like, this lady, she is,

she is clearly a charlatan, but like, I don't know, she's like a charlatan I'm really enjoying.

She's such a charlatan, and I know that she's going to annoy so many people that I, I, she's not the hero I want, but maybe she's the hero I deserve.

Yeah.

I'm not sure. The jury is still out for me, but I am enjoying so far.
So Amanda's like, well, yeah, I mean, that's what I became known for. And I have a best-selling book called Rich as Fuck.
Yeah.

She goes, oh, yes. Yeah.
So I became known as the money queen. It's like, you became known that because you called yourself that in your book.
Yes. What are we acting like?

It's like writing your own reviews on a movie poster. You know? Yeah.

And Amanda says, yeah, I create courses on all kinds of things. So Dorit walks in.
She goes, oh, my God. So I've been thinking about you a lot.
I just like literally manifested you at this lunch.

Like that's crazy that you're here. I've just been like sending you love and good vibes and like every day, just like praying that you're getting some sleep.

I just hope, I just worry, you know, like with that crazy nine-to-five job of yours, that you're just not getting enough sleep. Are you doing okay?

I also love how every time Dorit enters, how she compliments Bose because it's always so over the top. She's like, ah, Bose,

translucent, transcendent, loquacious. Never seen anything like it.

Are we on the north side of Los Angeles now?

So

Amanda says like, oh, Dorit, I've been praying for you and I hope you get sleep. And Dore's like, that is so sweet.

My first impression of Amanda to be unisdum, I didn't know what to make of her. But now, hearing she was thinking of me all weekend and prayed for me, it's incredibly kind and sweet and curing.

Oh my god, the calamar is gluten-free. That never happens.
I literally manifested the gluten to be gone from the calamara today, and at long last, it happened. Wow,

wow.

Couldn't you manifest yourself a system that could handle gluten

yes how about that so so

just concentrate on the important things in life you wouldn't need to be rich if you could have gluten just saying that right now

well i'd like to talk about pk now what do i say my ex-husband my my husband my my pringle pringle monster what do i call him estranged yes well he's very much an alpha male but you you know that by the way he trails around Mauricio every day and he's a businessman and he built a very big business in the UK and when the go- in the world tilted on its access in 2008 he lost his business

so she talks about how they didn't have a prenup and

but what I guess when but when they met like he was totally broke so we had nothing to even

To like worry about right, so there was nothing to protect so she says that she's like oh Piquet handled all the finances I I didn't have to do anything. And we had a business manager.

So there was never a handoff. There was never an agreement.
I just would find out who's not going to pay this anymore.

And they're like, oh, no. You know, they're just looking at each other.
Oh, this lady is so screwed.

Yeah, exactly. So Manda's like, so you're living in the family home and he's trying to not pay the mortgage, like, for example.

So he's like randomly has decided that like you're on your own is like that what's happening?

Well, he's paying the mortgage.

I mean, he is he making X new no, he's not And so she says that for the 14 the last 14 years PK has been paying most of the family's outgoings But when they separated he said the finances would stay the same So she never really did anything about it But then a month later she got an email saying he decided he's no longer gonna do that and she's like why this change all of a sudden Doreet have you never heard of men?

This man dumped his family to be with you. What is what in the world made you think that this would be okay?

Everybody was telling you last year, protect yourself, protect yourself, protect yourself, protect yourself. Why would you, I mean, come on.
And I know this happens a lot.

So I'm not saying like, oh my God, you stupid women. It's nothing like that.
It's Darit specifically. You knew that you're married to a fucking con man and a loser.
And how are you doing this?

Do you think he's just going to pay for you whatever you want forever? Come on, Darit. Come on.

Well, for you to have a fair position in mediation, you have to know what you're working with like do you know about your retirement accounts anything

well we don't even have one as far as I'm concerned no

so not invested nothing

no I've yet to discover everything and I can tell you where I am it's a place called the unknown Lucretius

Sabo says that when her husband died, she had to, you know, raise Lele on her own. And like, you have to, you have to figure out where all the money is, and it's very tricky.
And Amanda's shocked.

Like, how do you turn a blind eye to all this stuff? I'm like, have you met Dorit? Actually, you haven't. You've just met her right now.

Well, you'll find out how Dariet can turn a blind eye very easily. Very, very easily.
Yeah. So Amanda's like, wow, yeah.
You can't do this as a woman, you know? And Dorit says,

Piquet, he's a very complex person. And by that, I mean a complex cob.

And he's not a bad guy, not a terrible bad guy. Does he smell like funny ones? Yes.

But does he have some bad behavior? Absolutely. And then you throw drinking into the mix and the occasional cokey cokey.
And then for someone of his character, it gets even more complicated.

And not only that, my name is on everything.

So basically, he just saddled her with a bunch of debt and is now just going to walk away fucking her over, which pretty much everybody saw coming years ago. But

wow. Right.
So Bose basically turns to Amanda and is like, well, well, what can Amanda? You're a financial guri. What can Dori do proactively

knowing these unknowns? Is there anything she can do to protect herself? Amanda, you have the floor to be the financial girl you proclaim yourself to be. And she's like,

here's your test, Amanda. Let's give Amanda a test right now and see, because you know, Bose already knows all this stuff.
Yeah. Here's some fail-safe ways.
for you to protect yourself.

First, I think you have to decide what you want, what you've been creating, and who you're going to be. And I know that's like, those are big overarching questions, but I am just put on the spot.

So I'm just going to give you some, you know, classic bullshit and just make it sound very professional. So who do you want to be as a provider? Who do you want to be as a woman who earns?

Who do you want to be as a woman who goes to Starbucks? Are you a grande person? Are you a Trente? Are you a Venti? What size drink do you like?

Because that's going to inform how much money you're going to save. Think about that.
Who are you?

Pigtails, ponytails, ponytails, or a bun. Think about it.
Think about that. Hatchback or sedan.
Okay. How to recliner.

Is it a love seed? Do you like a love seed? Do you like a convertible? What are you? Tile or wood.

Yeah.

Fluorescent or LED. What's your vibe? Tang or battery acid.
You have to really think about these things.

And it sounds like a bunch of bullshit. She has no financial advice.
Here is the financial advice that you need.

You need a

financial, what do you call it when the

person goes, a forensic accountant and a lawyer. That's what you need.
Okay. Lawyer.
A lawyer and a forensic accountant. Done.

Why is nobody saying that to her? It's making me nuts. And Boza's like, wait a minute.
What is this frou-frou mess she's talking about? I was looking for one plus one equals two.

You're on the wrong show.

That's

Darit.

Hello.

You're trying to to get Darit to do math. She doesn't even know what part of town she's in.

What kind of provider does she want to be? What does that even mean? That's not financial advice. The math ain't mathin.

Okay, let me give you some real financial advice. What sort of badass woman do you want to be? Because that's the financial advice you need.
There we go. That's the real shit right there.

Yeah, that's actually what I wanted to hear from Bose because I mean, you know, Bose is the one that I'm going to assume has it more together in the self-help department than Amanda does, just because I so far like Bose.

But wow, this is scary, man. Yikes.
Poor Darit. Literally.
Yikes. Yeah.
Yeah.

So that is the episode. We'll see how it goes.
Yeah,

it's not going to be good for Dariet because PK is crafty, and I feel like he's going to rake Darreed over the Coles. I think it's going to be bad.

He's already set her up for complete failure by putting everything in her name and then walking it off and refusing to pay it. So

not going clear. Very Jacks.
Very Jacks on the Valley. I don't know what the next Beverly Hills episode is, but this is our last one until the new year.
So thanks, everyone, for being here.

And we will catch you next

week. Bye, everyone.

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We got our wish, it's Jen Plish. My favorite Murdoch, Karen McMurdo.

She's a total knockout, it's Katie Manoch. In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock.
G, it's Lisa H. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder-Baron.
She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthe.

Always killing it, it's Lola Alkalani. The incredible, edible Matthew Sisters.
She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose.
There's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud.

Maximum love for Sandy Maximoska. She's the queen bee, it's Sarah Lemke.
We cannot tell a lie, it's Sarah Telefson. Shannon, out of a cannon, Anthony.
Please don't stop. It's Solian Pop.

Let's take off with Tam Laplain. You'll always get the full story with Tori Parsons.
She ain't no shrinking violet couchar.

We love you guys.

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