#3124 Southern Charm S11E05 Part One: Pool Intentions

Audible's romance collection has something to satisfy every side of you. When it comes to what romance you're into, you can't be pinned down unless you want to be.

Here's your invitation to have it all. Fancy a dalliance with a duke or perhaps a sexy billionaire.
Find a book boyfriend in the city and another on the hockey field.

Or, if nothing on this earth satisfies, you can always find love in another realm. Hear modern rom-coms from authors like Lily Chu and Allie Hazelwood, the latest romanticy series from Sarah J.

Moss and Rebecca Yaros, and Regency favorites like Bridgerton and Outlander, plus all the really steamy stuff.

Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.com slash crappins. That's audible.com slash crappins.

You already know we love virgin voyages. This cruise line is more iconic than Ramona Singer's Runway Walk.
We're talking all-inclusive everything.

Wi-Fi, dining, entertainment, group fitness classes, everything is included. No hidden fees, no surprise charges.
And unlike most of the Cast of the Valley, all Virgin Voyages trips are 100% kid-free.

No room for loud toys and crying kids to drown out the sounds of the ocean. The destinations are amazing, too.
Some highlights are Ruba, St.

Lucia, New York, Miami, Iceland, and a below-deck favorite, the Med. Oh my God, the boats are beautiful.
They're so modern. The rooms are just so luxurious.

I love all the colored lighting in there and the balconies. And I also just love that they are tailored for adult experiences.
That makes me so happy.

Make your next vacation a fabulous one with Virgin Voyages. Learn more at virginvoyages.com or contact your travel advisor.

The holidays are coming fast and they're coming hard. And you know what? It's time for some last-minute gifts.
It's time for home preparations. And we don't need to be stressed about it.

We can embrace it and we can have fun with it that's why we use wayfair okay you can get it done properly you can get it done quickly i'm gonna get a whole bunch of new bedding because i'm gonna have some guests over the holiday and it's time to upgrade the bedding and wayfair which i never really even looked at wayfair for bedding but it has gorgeous comfy bedding i just got a beautiful soft feathery blanket you know for cuddling up and on the bed you know the blanket that you put between the bed sheet and the bed spread

delusious Wayfair makes it easy to tackle your home goals and gift list with endless inspiration for every space and budget.

Fast and easy delivery, even on the big stuff, so you can get what you need when you need it. No more huge delivery fees for furniture.

Get big stuff like sofas, dining tables, beds, desks, and more shipped for free. Find all your must-haves from furniture and decor to appliances and cookware, all in one convenient place.

Get last-minute hosting essentials, gifts for all your loved ones, and decor to celebrate the holidays for way less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home.
That's w-a-y-f-a-i-r.com.

Wayfair, every style, every home.

Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens. I'm Ronnie, and that's Ben over there.
Hello, Ben.

Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Oh, great, great.
Good to be here. Welcome, everybody.
It's Southern Chalm Day.

And guess what? I think my volume's way loud. I'm maxing out.
I'm going to turn it down.

Turn that beat around and down. Yeah, turn the beat around.
Guess what? It's almost Christmas. You excited?

i'm excited we're gonna get some time off hanukkah is in full swing i'm gonna make some latkes tonight i'm also excited yesterday um thank you to those who reached out with concern about my coughing yesterday i just had like something in me i was not sick and um our friend judy sent um an article later in the day saying this is why my eyes have been irritated so lately apparently there has been there had been some sort of quote-unquote radiation fog that had settled in in over Los Angeles, which sounds very scary, but it's like a different meaning of the word radiation.

It's like this, the earth is warm and the air is cold and it causes whatever. Okay, the fog was messing up.
Radiation, then. How about that? Yeah.
Well, why don't we not call it radiation?

Like, I saw terrorism.

I know. I agree.
I think that like it's, it's really dramatic.

Whoever named it radiation fog is a bit dramatic, but that would explain why I all of a sudden started coughing like crazy yesterday and why Judy's eyes were messing up or like like irritated and dom dom was sniffling everyone was like you know awry yesterday but then everyone's back to normal today so no worries guys it was just radiation poisoning but not the scary kind just just the like like it's actually like the worm cuddly radiation you know that kind of just makes you cough a little bit when it makes the radiation

yeah

well um radiation aside everybody welcome to the show uh monday is our final amazon live of the year it's going to be at 4 p.m pacific time.

Over on Amazon Live, you can find the links where you find them all the time over in our Lincoln bio over on Instagram. And that's it for now.
And we're just ready to jump right in today.

What do you think about it, man?

I am ready to jump in. I'm ready to jump all the way in.
Me too. Let's do it.
All right, here we are. Southern Charms, Season 11, Episode 5, Loose Lips and Deep, Deep Rifts.
Ooh.

Yeah. Molly is gardening at home, which is exciting.
And she's not happy about it. She doesn't like what's going on with the weeds.
She's like, this is a weed, so fuck you, weed.

And then it smacks her in the face. And then we go to Sally, and she's in her little breast.

Let me tell you, everybody knows a weed is a fucker, but they're vindictive. They're vindictive and they're mean.

I used to have to pick weeds whenever I was grounded when I was young, which was like all the time. I was always out there picking weeds.
And I had to do it with my lesbian aunt Josie.

And I only point out that she's a lesbian because she was a tough, tough tough ass and very strong, strong lesbian. Okay.

And my hands would bleed. And

she was like, that's what you get. And now you need to be more careful with how you talk to adults.
And I was like, oh, God, fuck you, weed. I said fuck you, weed so many times.

Molly really is a relatable queen. Why? Why? I just don't understand why weeds can't.

be prettier because if they were prettier they'd be wonderful because they're so hardy they always grow back you know it's so hard to grow the the intentional plants but the ones that you don't care about just sprout they come back over and over and over again i would like weeds have utility i mean like a dandelion why can't we follow a dandelion's lead they're so cute they come out they're yellow they're sort of like floppy headed and then they turn go to seed and they become very whimsical you know like why can't more weeds be like that Instead, they're just sort of these generic kind of leafy things.

Why are evil things so strong too? Because they're so strong weeds. I mean, I'm pulling those weeds.

Some of them, and they don't even look that big, but they go down and they get bigger as they go down. You just can't pull them.
I mean, they're just awful, awful things.

I got a whole bunch in my, in my garden, like my little gale area.

I've got, you know, I've got this beautiful red pepper plant that's just like doing its thing, but there's a weed in there, and you just pull it out and it goes back.

Also, I got grass growing in my, in my, my little,

planter pots. I'm like, grass.
How'd you even get up here? Like, we're above. We're at, we're in this, I'm on a terrace.
How did grass get in here? But now we've got grass.

Where you don't need it. Yeah, grass is really annoying, too.
Grass is like a boyfriend. It always comes.
It's like a man, like always comes at the wrong time and where you don't need it. You know?

Yeah. And it smells

like a down.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay. So then Sally is at home.
She's in scrubs and we know that she's doing doctory things because she's circling spines. Yeah.

Yeah. Maybe she's working on Natasha's spine from Vanderpump Rules.
That's what I thought of too. I was like, wow, we're really into horses this year.
All the shows have horses.

And now I think another running theme is going to be crooked spines. Crooked spines.

It's funny because I went to occupational therapy yesterday.

And really, because I had sprained my wrist, but also while I was there, I was like, can you give me some posture, you know, exercises? So now I'm like working on it.

And I was like, yeah, like spines are in right now. So I kind of like really want to work on mine.
Spines are super in right now. I've been working on my posture too.

I don't know know that it's working really well, but I've been

getting me in shape. Gina is going to do it all for me with her, with her exercises she gave to me.

We love Gina.

She was a big laugher.

I love a physical therapist who can laugh, you know? So Sally's circling spines. And then we go to Whitner's law office and he's there.
And he's talking to, he's like, he's like shredding papers.

So he's talking to the lady, the receptionist, and he's like, hey, Beth, what's more lawyerly than shredding a bunch of papers? Am I right? She's like, huh, not much.

He's like, well, particularly when there are discovery requests that I'm not going to answer. Right, Beth? Right.

Way to get that on the record.

And she's like, well, that would require billable hours, though. Just saying.

Beth is a just saying person. A just saying.

Listen, nobody needs a secretary who's a just saying secretary. Okay.

Well, you could have gotten that call if you were here five minutes too earlier. Just saying.

She's got funny coffee mugs. You just know it.
Like,

but first coffee. I don't think she does the butt-first coffee.
That's like for the millennials. The millennials love the butt-first coffee thing.
Hers are just like,

wish I'd been sleeping

or something like that. I think her coffee cups say just saying, like, just saying.

Am I right?

It's coffee. Just saying.
Just, um,

uh, maybe she has one that says, the horrors persist, but so do I.

Oh, or maybe she has this one. I've looked up funny coffee mugs.

I guarantee she has this one, which says, it's a coffee mug with a baguette on it. It says, less regrets, more baguettes.

Yeah, that's a good one. I think she was...

Or I wish I wasn't here.

Or just like Mondays, am I right?

So Patricia is at home.

Now, I love that Patricia hates so much, hates Randy so much that she's got a gong so that she knows that she's about to be intruded on by Randy because it's martini time, which I guess means it's like 10 o'clock in the morning.

And we just hear gong and she comes in. He's like,

it's five o'clock, man.

I've got your martini. She's like, yeah, I heard the gong, Randy.
All right. Now I got the gong so I wouldn't have to listen to your voice.

The gong just impressed you, not you.

I'm just impressed that Randy startled himself with the gong.

You know, you usually get startled by things that are unexpected, but you saw yourself and you made the choice to hit the gong with the mallet and then you still got startled by the gong noise.

He was like, ah, ah, ah.

It's like, Randy, you know it coming. You know it's coming and you're still scared.
But that's Randy, you know, he's working for Miss Patricia and it's hard.

I think she probably has pictures of Michael everywhere, or she has like a handbook with Michael's picture on the cover.

And she's like, Randy, you want to come over here and read about how Michael would do it? Read it out loud. Okay, every word, read every word from this page.

And he's just like, ah, better, better, better, better. That's right.
That's how Michael would do it. All right, go back to your crate.

All right, Randy, we're going to do a test. See those two candlesticks over there? Okay, can you move those?

But of course, she points to his four, there's four different candles on the table, but she's like, see those two? So Randy's like, oh, let's make a judgment call.

So of course he takes the most old-fashioned ones. No, not those.
The fragrant ones that the stupid people keep bringing me. Get those out of here.
Those are disgusting. All right, smell it.

Doesn't it smell gross? It smells good.

Okay, ma'am. It smells gross.
All right, light it. Okay.

Put your hand down towards it. Further.
Further.

Further.

Do not scream on the gong, Randy. On the gong.

Have you ever seen body of evidence? Huh? Just a question.

So she's sipping her martini. This one is full of ice.
Is that just a new first martini of the day kind of a thing? Because I've never seen her have a martini glass full of ice. It's weird.

Maybe she likes

to marrow. Yeah, maybe in the summertime she likes her martinis on the rocks.
You know?

It's a lot of people.

Yeah, maybe that's what it is. So Madison arrives and Randy's like, She's already all got her cocktail, she's meaner than ever.
Be careful. And Madison's like, Okay, well, I'm just so jealous.

So, she walks in, they say, Hi, drop and roll, stupid. Stop dropping, roll.
What's wrong with you? Why are you answering the door on fire?

Hello, butler's on fire. You also smells quite good.
I gave him one of the fragrant candles.

Sandalwood, I never really got that one.

Oh my god, are you pregnant? Huh?

No, I've just been eating.

Fat people, am I right?

So

she's like, yeah, I'm just going out clubbing later.

Well, that's a cute dress. That's not a maternity type dress, is it? And she's like, I just size up.

Thankfully, I'm just so small normally that I can just wear actual normal sizes from a store, even be nine months pregnant.

Well, I worked until I gave birth wherein I was wearing what looked like a sack.

I would just walk up to art and be like that looks dumb it's easy to do that when you're pregnant and when she said dressing like a sack when you're pregnant is that you actually give birth to a potato

brandy take my potato some water all right renob's about to rehearse

The worst part about being pregnant is giving birth. My labor was literally two days without an epidural or a martini.
I did it once and that was enough.

I mean, the worst part of being pregnant, I would imagine, is living with Whitney for 50-something years. I mean, the man has a band named Rainob, it's boner backwards.

So how many months is it now? I'm sort of getting sick and tired of having you over and not drinking. She's like, well, I have 10 weeks left.
It's a lot. It's a lot of time left.

We've been hanging in there. I'm like, wow.

Madison's been pregnant for, I mean, it's not that she's been pregnant for a long time, but I felt like she was on the precipice of giving birth since like the first episode.

And the fact that she's like, I still have have 10 more weeks left, I was like, damn, this is a long journey. It is.
It's a long journey. And then do they appreciate you? No, they never do.
Never.

Well, tell me this. Are you going to breastfeed? And she's like, well, we'll see if you like silicone implants or not.

I tried breastfeeding for about 20 seconds. That's my idea of hell.
It is funny having the butler try to do it, but otherwise.

We're going to try to get some milk out of Randy. Could someone put him out, by the way? I mean, I always say he's flaming, but right now he really is on fire.

We just see Randy pass by smoking, running by.

Have you met Sally's friend Charlie? She's super pretty, real cute. Anyway, I think a little love triangle is happening because Craig,

you know, he flirts with Sally, and then Sally flirts with Craig, and then I think Sally likes him, but Craig's more into Charlie.

So Craig's having these girls over and he's hanging out at the hot tub, late-night party pretty frequently. Intriguing.
Did anybody sleep with anybody?

No, I don't know if I heard any report back from that just yet. Okay, well, until there's some girl-on-boy action or even some girl-on-girl action, I don't want you coming back to these parts.

Okay, so she said

you've got some harassment for me to excuse. I don't need to hear any of this.

I don't care about courtship, just the hot stuff.

So she says,

Yeah, she's like, I have an old fat, I have old-fashioned ideas about courtship. I mean, what's wrong with having sex in a bed where it's civilized? A hot tub sounds totally disgusting.

Less it's empty and filled with money. So Madison is like.
It is disgusting having sex in hot tubs. Also, it felt like East Infection Central.
That's what my friend tells me.

Yeah, I feel like I wouldn't. It's also like not.
Like ergonomically, it's a little difficult.

There's a lot of like shapes in a hot tub, a lot of like benches or like rounded ledges that are supposed to be like, oh, you sit here, but you, they're always sort of like getting in your ass crack.

And you're like, ow, like, I don't even have to be having sex to be uncomfortable in a hot tub. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.
And water makes wakes makes like skin on skin friction weirder.

It doesn't, it doesn't feel right. It's like almost like squeaky.
I don't know. Yeah.

Can I say something? As long as we're talking about sex.

I watched the first 20 minutes of the first episode of Heated Rivalry last night. Oh my God, I did too.
Literally 20 minutes. 20 minutes.
And I have to say, and I didn't hate it.

Why'd you turn it off?

I didn't hate it, but I also, I was kind of, I didn't love it. I didn't think it was that

good.

Oh, I did. I loved it.
It was like with dialogue, which I really liked, you know, I liked all the like close-ups where they like touch hands.

Oh my god, they touched hands. Or how the Russian guy is like drinking water really aggressively to flirt.
He's like,

I was like, why is that flirting? Maybe hot people just do it different. I mean, I don't know.
But I liked it.

I only turned it off because I was really stoned and I felt like I needed to be completely present.

I turned off. Honestly, I was like a little bored.
I'm not going to lie. I was just like,

but I also thought it was funny. What?

Well, I mean, they were...

I know. No, I'm going to continue watching it because I like to support the gay arts and everyone's talking about it.
I mean, it was definitely like, I liked that they were,

I liked this story, but I was like, this also felt a little bit unearned to me. I'm like, you just started the entire show

with them,

like, like, we didn't even have any sort of like missed encounter kind of moment or like, wait, does he, is that guy gay? Is he, it just was like kind of started off hot and heavy.

And I was like, I, what about the, what about the buildup? Okay, am I, am I just too old-fashioned? I feel like these shows, you need to have at least one episode of like,

oh my God, is something going to happen with these guys? But it was like really, it was so fast, it kind of like took away some of the excitement for me.

Oh, well, I felt like there was a lot of buildup because first they're in the locker room, and then the Russian guy starts to jerk off at him, and he doesn't jump his bones right in the shower.

So I thought that was the buildup. That was like the whole relationship sometimes in gay terms.
You know, it's like they actually made a date to go meet in a room.

So I thought that that was like really good character development.

I really liked it because I felt like it was like a steamy, stupid soap opera, but for gays. So I, and I love a good steamy soap opera.

So I was like, yeah, it's finally some gays getting their soaps on. I did like that.
Yeah, I like that the gays are on the opposite. It's so stupid.

It's like, of course, the Russian guy has a dad who's like, you do it for Russia. This is only for Mother Russia, you little shit.
Of course, he's terrible and only cares about Russia.

And then the mom, the other guy's mom is like, you're doing this for Asian children everywhere. Don't fuck it up.
You know, it's like the parental pressure, which I really, I don't know.

I really liked it. I only stopped watching it because i was stoned and that makes me um paranoid and i live alone but i still kept looking around like oh my god

is someone watching me like i felt like paranoid that i was watching something dirty and like i was gonna get in trouble

you're afraid you're afraid the mom is gonna come through the tv and be like i see the smut that you're watching Yeah, so I was like, I need to watch this when I'm like in of sound mind so I can be properly turned on and not feel guilty about it.

Well, well, I apologize ahead of time because I just ruined our chances yet again for us to earn a Glad Media Award because

heated rivalry. Said something negative about heated rivalry.

Just felt like it just jumped right into it. I'm like, come on, you need to tease it out.
You need to make up be like, oh my God, oh my God, the tension, the sexual tension is so amazing.

They're just like, no, we don't believe in sexual tension. But that is very gay, too.

Well, they have sexual tension, though, because they flirted, remember, when they were in the locker room before they almost had sex, but well, I guess this was when they were working out.

And then they were

one of them was on the

bike thing. What do you call it? The Peloton.
And then the other guy came. He was like really lazy and depressed and going slow.
And then the Russian comes in and he goes really fast on the Peloton.

And so the other guy's like, I'm going to go as fast as him. So they compete on the Peloton.
That was hot.

And then when they sat in the locker room and then drank water really fast and aggressively while he he like spread his legs and kind of touched his hand i was like this is hot i mean this is definitely hot i think i mean that's that's the script i i did like the the water bottle passing moment but i i still felt like that was like in the first five minutes i'm like again you're jumping into like

i'm like just tease it out give me one episode of teasing it out that's all i ask for and then i'm in it just was so

it was they just jumped right into it And again, that is very gay. I mean, gay, that's how gay hookups happen.
It's like literally walking down the street and then boop. But

I think the drama is going to come from, you know, you hook up and it's one thing, but then you know, you're competing against each other in a very straight sport. So, what's the drama?

Like, how do you stay together? And are you going to keep hooking up? Because that's not as gay, right? When it's like the same guy over and over for years and years. Like, what do you do?

There's drama in that too. You know, like, oh my God, you have to have sex with the same person.
What's it?

The drama is going to get crazy.

I don't know. Well, I'll still watch it.

I'll still watch it. I'll keep talking.
I'll watch it. I'll tell you that.

There was a show in the CW that I felt like covered similar territory that was a lot hotter. I'm going to watch it and I'll tell you what I'll be holding the whole time.

Not my penis, but a fan, an old church fan, too. I'm going to get like one of those quackety fans.
We go quack, and then I just fan myself and watch it. Like,

heated rivalry.

Well, the show that I liked on the CW was called the LA Complex. And it was, um, it was also a Canadian show.
And it was about like young people in LA trying to make it.

And there was like one guy who was like an intern for like, um, like a musician.

And then like, you know, over the course of several episodes, it turns out like the musician's closeted gay and they start like a romance. And you're like, oh my God.
Oh, my God.

This is the hottest thing of all time. Because they tease it out.
They tease it out. But you know what I'm not teasing out right now?

Yeah.

Get in there. Bang'em.

Bang them. Slam them.
Slam them. Thank you, mammum.
Be done with it. It's time for a commercial.
It's time for a crappin' commercial.

Cold mornings, holiday plans. This is when I need my wardrobe to just work.
That's why I'm all about Quince. Quince makes the essentials every guy needs.

Mongolian cashmere sweaters for $50, Italian wool coats that look and feel designer, and denim and chinos that fit just right. Their outerwear lineup is no joke.

Down jackets, wool topcoats, and leather styles that are built to last.

Each piece is made from premium materials by trusted factories that meet rigorous standards for craftsmanship and ethical production.

By cutting out the middlemen and traditional markups, Quince delivers the same quality as luxury brands at a fraction of the price.

It's everything you actually want to wear built to hold up season after season. And you know, in Los Angeles, it doesn't get very cold here, but it can get a little chilly.

And I have my beautiful mongolian cashmere sweater from quince and it has been perfect for these chilly evenings yeah i think we keep saying mongolian cashmere so much when we're talking about quince that that's what i went for too i got a mongolian cashmere hoodie like a camel colored hoodie and it's comfortable and it is a g g g g g gorgeous

get your wardrobe sorted and your gift list handled with quince don't wait go to quince.com slash crappins for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now now available in canada too that's q u i n c e dot com slash crap ins free shipping and 365 day returns quince.com slash crappins you know that feeling when you come home late from work and those puppy dog eyes just pierce right through your soul or when you're packing for a trip and your cat refuses to leave your suitcase yeah we've all been there pet parent guilt is real and you know what it's completely normal that's exactly why hills pet nutrition exists they understand that being a pet parent means being human with all our imperfections and daily juggling acts.

Hill's science-led nutrition helps you give more love than humanly possible. Whether it's those long work days or trying to balance attention between multiple pets, Hill's Pet Nutrition gets it.

They've created science-based nutrition that supports your pet's lifelong health so you can feel confident even when life gets hectic. Because you're only human, there's Hills.
Science does more.

Ready to let go of the guilt? Find the right food at hillspet.com

crap-ins. That's hillspet.com/slash crap-ins.

So, yeah, so they're gossiping about the kids who are having sex or not.

And then we go over to Witness literary-themed dinner party flashback and why Austin and Craig got into a fight, which is still the dumbest fight of all time.

I don't even want to talk about it anymore. So, then Madison's just basically telling Patricia that Craig lost it.

And Patricia's like, Well, I mean, it was just such an innocuous statement is he all right it's like no i mean obviously he's heartbroken paige the devil woman broke craig's heart

he'll never be the same the late night hot tubs the drinking it's just a void he's trying to fill because he's not over paige and then we see um they really do work overtime to get as much page content into this episode as possible You know, they have so many flashbacks to Paige.

It's like, hey, there's that place. That's where Craig gets coffee.
Remember Remember when Craig, we got coffee with Paige?

And it'd be like a flashback of Craig and Paige getting coffee and Paige being like, hmm, here's a coffee. I'm like, wow.

They really want to get, they really want to increase the amount of page they can get on Bravo while they can. Yeah.

Well, he's got to get it under control before it just takes back over his life. I mean, what is a life of hot tubs and drinking and having fun all night? It sounds terrible.

Yeah, well, I may need another one today.

Just get me another martini. Hey, gonger, have you put yourself out yet? Gong your thing and bring me another drink.

Oh, unfortunately, Randy's just been reduced down to a pile of ashes. What was fun while we had him?

So now we go over to Craig's house, and he is trying to empty out the water from a volleyball net. I guess the water that maxes the weight or whatever.
Yeah, it's like the weight.

He's there with Jack, his assistant. I think we first met Jack on the episode that we did not recap over Thanksgiving.
And the first thing that I thought of when I saw Jack then

is that I think it's so funny that Craig got an assistant whose face looks just like Paige's. And if you look at Jack's face, it's Paige.
It's Paige

with like a little southern haircut and a polo shirt. Absolutely.
If you look at it, it's Paige's face. I was like, okay.
It all makes it. It's kind of an assistant with Paige's face.

I thought that

when I was watching this, my only thought when I saw Jack was, in Jack's mind, this is heated rivalry like i feel like jack is taking everything craig does yeah as like kind of a sign you know like oh my god i'm helping craig with another party today

i hope i'm invited you know i think it's like super sexy in jack's mind and um craig's like well i hope the volleyball stand works because like that's the main event of my party

Yeah, it's going to be like a really, yeah, this is, this is how you can tell Paige is not here anymore because Paige would be like, volleyball is the main event

craig no absolutely not it's gonna be a table with cocktails on it but um yeah for craig volleyball is gonna be the thing that happens

and so they're pouring out all this shit and it's just like it's so gross like you see this green water coming out the base of this volleyball net and he's like well it's been in there for a few years right okay so what can i say So Jack is just disgusted.

Jack is playing the role of Paige today. He just has his arms crossed and he's like, well, I wish I could give you a lashing the way Paige did, but I'm actually on your payroll, so I can't.

But we could have a heated rivalry if you want.

Should this be a romantic moment? No. I can't just stare at the cameras in disgust a lot of the time, which is what he does.
He just keeps looking at the cameras like, did you hear that?

Craig is like, yeah, those water's been here for two years. Like, did you hear that? Yeah.

So how's everything going, Jack? And he's like, you know, just getting everything ready for the party that you're pretending to throw by yourself. He's like, yeah, I know.
It should be fun.

There's like a couple of minute, last minute requests, though. Okay.
So, and Jack goes, oh, great. I hear some of those undertones in there.
Were those undertones? No. What are you talking about?

Looks at the camera. Like, can you hear this bitch? Did you just hear this bitch?

The only thing I was thinking of if we call a power washing company tomorrow and see if they can come blast this because I think it'll look a lot nicer because Connor's going to set up a Ceviche station here.

It's like a Memorial Day pool party from when we were little. So I think that we're, you know, when we were little, you have Memorial Day with Ceviche.

So I was kind of thinking like we lean into it a little bit more attack, but be like tacky and be like we normally would be like a lot of stars is ribs.

And Jack is like, okay, so you just want to do an elevated Memorial Day party. Okay.
George, got it.

Undertones. I heard undertones.
Oh, also, yeah, we need a power washer. Okay.
Power wash it. He's like,

okay, same day power washing. Got it.
Got it. I'll just go hire a power washing company in the next five minutes to show up here in the next 10.
Sounds great, Craig. Yes.

To power wash a coffee table so you could put ceviche on it. And then also, like, it's so Craig to be like, yeah, let's have like a Memorial Day pool party from like when we were little.

Because I'm Memorial Day. What are these things?

But what is like the, what are like the, the childhood Memorial Day party, like pool parties? I feel like they're just pool parties, right? And that's just so Craig.

You know, he like makes you like sit and watch like Angels in the Outfield or something. Like movie is so good i loved it as a kid you guys

want to come over watch angels in the outfield he does that like every weekend

what charlie sheen's a really good actor was that charlie sheen that was

mighty ducks that was maybe major league amelio esteves was mighty ducks yeah angels in the outfield was

i don't know what was the one about the kid who had the arm like the rookie rookie of the year

Honestly, I didn't watch a ton of those. I didn't really understand them.
They needed more gay sex, which is why heated rivalry works. You're right.
Sports. They did need more of that.

They did need more of that. That's true.
Except, like, not bad news bears or something like that. But, like, you know, like the

what were the ones you just said? What even happened? Maybe Field of Dreams could have used some more gay sex. I never saw that.

I never saw Field of Dreams. You know, Jerry Maguire.

Gay sex when you say if they, if you build it, they will come. Like, it sounds like the perfect gay log line.

Well, I'm also down, you know, like I also, you know, like Jerry McGuire, that's a good one. That's football.

That was pretty good. That could have used more LSAX, though.
Could have used it, but, you know, Cupid Gooding Jr. and that towel will always stay with me.
So I appreciate that.

Yeah, that's gay enough. Yeah, that's pretty good.
Also, it's where we learned that the human brain weighed eight pounds. So that was important.

And it brought us Renee Zeliger.

And Bonnie Hunt.

Well, Bonnie Hunt was with us already, but like that was, that was, that was when we realized that we all needed a laurel in our lives in the form of Bonnie Hunt to give us some good advice that we just wouldn't listen to.

So Craig's like, yeah, I love throwing parties. Like, I was the social chair of my fraternity in college.
Do we believe that? I almost fact-checked it, fact-checked it right on the spot,

but I don't know how to.

I believe he was a social chair.

I also don't know if being a social chair in a fraternity makes you qualified to throw a quote-unquote like adult party um you know many years later 15 years later i'm just not sure

yeah

it says yes craig conover was the social chair of his fraternity kappa sigma while attending the college of charleston well he mentioned it in an interview so i don't know that's the thing like you can't fact check craig because every time you try and fact crack fact check him he's already given an interview where he's given the fact

so

i need someone else someone else let's just let's just have like a crazy conspiracy. Well, it's not that crazy because Craig is always lying.
So that's why I'm asking.

So anyway, he's like, my parties have just graduated throughout the years. And then we see a flashback to 2018.

Cameron, of course, it's always Cameron's judginess. She's like, do you even have ice?

Ew, Craig. You don't have eyes?

And I won't shoot this show anymore. I'm too good to be on a show without eyes or parties.

We're going to need a new

judgy girl on this show. I mean, Madison is pretty judgy, but she's also got a baby coming and she's just going to be too busy to deal with Craig.
So we need someone else.

Maybe Charlie can step into this role of someone who just is disgusted by Craig and

wants to boss him around and like, you know, make him better himself because that's like a really fun role for me on Southern Charm. I enjoy watching that.
I do too.

And it's one of the things that made this show so successful was Cameron.

I think that they should just kind of reboot this show and do it all like they're going to do with Orange County, where they're bringing back a bunch of the originals and just bring back most of the original cast.

I mean, I know most of them are in jail or completely canceled by now, but at least age-appropriate

people.

I mean, I didn't love her, but I mean, you know, like Cameron.

Um, is that the only one I could? I'm trying to who else could come on that's not canceled. I mean, Catherine, I think, is in jail

for like 30 days or something for DUI. Chelsea, Cameron, Chelsea, Danny are the only OG girls I can think of.
And Jenna, Jenna basically didn't make an impression.

Well, what about Landon?

Yeah,

get all the terrible people back. I think it needs it because right now it's just all the guys have gotten old.

It's like the Matthew McConaughey, like, I love dating high school girls because we get older, but they stay the same.

And it's just not as fun watching, you know, young people be like, oh my God, do you think he likes me? No, he's gonna use you, okay?

And they're okay with it because they just want the likes on Instagram or whatever.

I need like the older people,

I think that would give them more of a run for their money. Like, Audrey cares if he breaks up with Audrey or not.
I mean, who cares?

She's like too young, or she's like, she's probably not there for the right reasons. We all know it's not going to work.
I need somebody who can give them a run for their money.

Well, we actually already have a comment from Landon at the idea of coming back to the show.

Thank you.

Landon, we miss you.

Maybe we should have Ramona come and join the show.

So Craig's like, yeah, I just, I want to host so badly, but like, maybe I should just let like the yard be the host.

And uh, what does Buns just looks at the camera like, you fucking kid? Is this guy fucking kidding with me? It's like B. Arthur was reincarnated into this gay assistant.

What

sort of host says let the yard be the host? That is the laziest rebrand of, and like passing the buck of not wanting to do any of the effort of being a host. But yeah, I'll be like, the yard.

He's like, you know, because like the garden will be open. So if someone wants to pick tomatoes and peppers, why do people want to pick tomatoes and peppers at your party? Why?

Is he thinking like for the mixology? Like, if you want to make a cocktail, you like get it fresh. It's like some weird attempt at being like Martha Stewart right now.
Like, no, no, no.

No one wants your tomatoes that are probably growing within a foot of the beehive and they'll get stung. No, Craig.
No, the yard is not the host. It doesn't work like that.
It makes no sense.

He's like, I paid for the yard. So that's enough.
I got the setting. everybody else figure it out.

So, he's like, Well, we're getting honey from the hives to give to the bartenders for the signature cocktail, and we're gonna have a slushy machine.

I told Charlie we could do piña coladas because she really likes those. And we see a flashback to Charlie being like, Oh my god, I love a frozen drink.
I love piña coladas.

She's like, If you love piña coladas, am I right, Craig? I don't get it. Do you get do you like getting caught in the rain?

No.

Do you like making love at midnight? It's a little late for me. Okay, Craig, you're not really yes-anding me here.

Except Craig would know all those words because he's like a yacht rock kind of a guy.

I think he's like,

remember listening to that song when you were little? If you like being yuck a lot.

He just shows up.

Paige and Craig show up at a restaurant together. She's like, damn it.

Never should have answered that ad.

So Craig is talking about how it's so nice having a crush on someone again. Because it reminds you that that feeling is possible.
So Charlie's taken my mind off Paige.

Yeah, like she just has, which is why I'm still talking about Paige. And this party I can't seem to host without Paige.
Oh, Paige.

Paige. Paige.
And also flirting with Sally at the same time and kind of falling in love with Jack because he's kind of kind of got Paige's face. I don't know.

Jack's like, oh my God, he's screaming Paige and rocking back and forth. Now's my chance.
Now's my chance. Okay, I'm better now.
Damn it. Damn it.

Oh, and then we see here. Now I remember this detail now.
And now everything makes sense. So Craig goes, oh, I also have to pick up some Trop Hop for bottles for Austin because that's my gesture.

Cause like we got into a fight. So now I know why he's really mad that Austin didn't show up because he's like, I bought Trop Hop for you, from you and for you.
And you didn't even show up.

And now I'm stuck with Trop Hop at my house. Now I see why he's so mad later on.
Well, he says he's got to pick him up. He didn't say he had to buy them.

Probably just called whoever and went down and got some free ones. He's like, yeah, I mean, I shouldn't have yelled, but I apologize to him, so I hope he comes.

And Jack's like, well, I just can't imagine him not coming.

Looking at the camera.

Sort of, sort of like me and you late at night. Am I right? Heated rivalry fantasy.
Sorry. So we go to Vanita's house and Vanita's like, well, I don't think I had an egg this jammy before.
I'm scared.

And it's a classic Vanita in Charles scene where she is

she's really pushing the limits of uh

of adrenaline with that jammy egg situation

i hope she's okay with that extra jammy egg she's never had one so jammy before everyone america will she survive will she survive i love uh i love a charles scene i was just glad to see charles there looking all handsome

Yeah, but he was getting up to be a little bit more.

Yes, we've seen heated rivalry, Charles. Okay.
God.

Put down the remotes and scroll.

Don't you agree, though? There should have been a little bit more of a buildup. Woof, quiet, Charles.
Make my jammy egg.

So, Vanita, as she does every day, I'm sure, calls Austin and she's like, Oh, hi, where are you? And he's like, I'm in Charlotte. I just wanted to get out of town for a second.

I just wanted Audrey to like meet the cats. You know, yo, there's Audrey back there.
There she is. Yeah.
Yeah, the car broke down. So she's pushing us towards the gas station.
Hey, Audrey, say hi.

She's like, oh, hi.

And Vinita is like, I'm not buying the rumor.

Austin and Audrey are well suited for each other, but I don't know if Austin will ever be mature enough to put a ring on someone's hand, but I think they are quite cute together. And I don't know.

I'm rooting for him. So then Austin puts like Piper on camera because he's like, not really going to put Audrey on camera, but he'll definitely like zoom in on the cat.

And Vinita's like, oh my God, Piper are so cute. Yeah.
So what are you doing? What are you up to right now? I'm just making a jammy egg. Probably the jammiest egg I've ever made in my life.

I actually am like so glad you're here to witness this because I don't think I've ever had something so jammy. And if I die, just know she died eating the jammiest egg of her life.

Well, I haven't processed fully how Craig just flipped on me. He flipped on it.

And so we see the party of flipping out. And he's like, well, I mean, I talked to Shep yesterday after days of not speaking to him.
It has been days.

And we see this flashback. All the spits coming through the phone.
She's just like,

yeah, that was rough.

She's like, you got spit on my jammy egg. And Austin, we see this flashback of Austin calling Shep and Shep is sitting on a staircase.

And Austin's like, yeah, I don't want to call yet because I've just been doing a lot of thinking for the first time in my life.

And like, why do my two friends feel the need to just like attack me so fucking callously? And it just like smacked me in the face.

I'm like, says everyone who's dealt like within three inches of your tongue, just flapping around. And he's like, I was just like out.
questioning fucking everything.

I was like, are these dudes even still my friends? Like, I was just like so hurt by all of it. It's seen right now.
Commercials. Here comes one right now.

Ladies, is everyone trying to fix their health concerns with unproven gummies and tricks? Well, thank goodness, low libido has a real clinically proven treatment. Lolbido can be so frustrating.

But there is a treatment called Addi, ADDYI. Addy is the first and only FDA-approved pill proven to boost sexual desire in certain premenopausal women.
Isn't that great?

A clinically proven option for your low libido that comes from a doctor, not a gas station. Learn more at Addy.com and take charge of your sexual health with a treatment that's backed by science.

Remember, that's Addy, A-D-D-YI.com.

Addy, or flavansarin, is for premenopausal women with acquired generalized hypoactive sexual desire disorder, HSDD, who have not had problems with low sexual desire in the past, who have low sexual desire no matter the type of sexual activity, the situation, or the sexual partner.

The low sexual desire is troubling to them and is not due to a medical or mental health problem, problems in the relationship, or a medicine or other drug use.

Addy is not for use in men or to enhance sexual performance.

Your risk of severe low blood pressure and fainting is increased if you drink one to two standard alcoholic drinks close in time to your Addi dose.

Wait at least two hours after drinking before taking Addi at bedtime.

Your risk of severe low blood pressure and fainting is also increased if you take certain prescriptions, over-the-counter or herbal medications, or have liver problems.

Low blood pressure and fainting can happen when you take Addi, even if you don't drink alcohol or take other medicines. Do not take if you are allergic to any of the ingredients in Addi.

Allergic reactions may include hives, itching, or trouble breathing. Sleepiness, sometimes serious, can occur.

Common side effects include dizziness, nausea, tiredness, difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, and dry mouth.

See full PI and medication guide, including boxed warning at Addie.com slash PI or call 844-PinkPill. Addie! That's Addie, A-D-D-YI.com.

Come to Mathis Home today and save during the holiday savings event. They have all the latest styles with hundreds of sofas starting at just $2.99.

Get your home ready for the holidays with the the latest dining sets at the lowest prices ever. And we're the only place with top-name recliners starting at just $1.99.

Plus, the Mathis Home gift department is now open with something for everyone on your list at incredible savings.

For the best style, selection, and value, come to the holiday savings event at your furniture superstore, Mathis Home.

I know, I'm just sick over this thing. I mean, you're my brother, and I played a small part, but a part of it nonetheless.
Oh, you've had a terrible week. I'm hurt that I hurt you.

Uh, so Austin's saying, yeah, well, you know, Shep would be very upset by me choosing to ignore him. Like, I think my friends view me as a target, and that's that I'm gonna forgive them.
Okay, Mr.

Victim, you just did the same thing all last year to Craig. And before you did this, and kind of to Shep too, called him a loser for that girl he was dating.

Not that you were wrong on either count, but this is what you guys do to each other. So what do you want from me? Exactly.

So Vanita's like, well, Shep's reaction, that's a real friend because he's not saying, oh, you need to change these things about yourself and then come back to me.

He's like, how do I do better for you and your friendship? And then he's going to like not follow that advice, but at least he's asking, you know?

And meanwhile, Craig's just like, well, that's how I feel. And get on out.
Yeah. Because it's been really tough the past few days to come to that realization.

I mean, I guess I could have just like watched our own TV show and I would have realized it a lot sooner. But who does that?

okay like i was like wait we're wait a minute like a real friend wouldn't be taking pleasure making you feel like shit it's insane

and vanita who's not subtle at all is like yeah craig is way worse than shep get rid of craig and also sally has to stop hanging out with him too i don't like it and i'm i'm i'm gonna be on pages amazon live one day damn it so everybody stop talking to craig

yeah And Vanita, yeah, she's like, yeah, this is awful. So now we go to Molly driving her Mitsubishi and Molly's like, oh my God, it's so pretty today.
Is that a low tide?

Oh my God, it's prime shark tooth tooth prime shark tooth hunting time. Let me call my mother.
This is what, that's actually a, that's not just us summarizing. That's literally what she said.

She says, it's prime shark tooth hunting time. Let me call my mother.

I like this scene because this is Molly. And I know that it's just shot this way because.
they're shooting it, but just the way she was driving. All these cars are passing by and going.

And Molly's just stopping in the middle of the road talking on her phone.

She's not even pretending to drive half the time. It was so funny to me.
You just see all these cars trying to go around her.

So her dad answers and she's, he's like, hello. She's like, mom.
No, she's out in physical therapy. But, you know, shall we call you when she gets home? She's like, it's okay.
I can talk to you.

I'm just like, I just, I'm just driving back from Keith's dad. He's like, who's Keith? What's that all about? She's like, what do you mean, who's Keith, dad? Keith Bradshaw.
Who? Oh.

Oh, I love Bradshaw.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
I mean, Keith Bradshaw with all those funny columns about going out to brunch with his girlfriends. That's Carrie Bradshaw, Dad.
Keith Bradshaw.

Yeah.

Okay. Well, I don't know who that is.
The one that I'm recording the song with? Oh, that Keith. Yeah, that guy.
That guy.

That's Christ, Dad.

Keith Richards, right? I'm so proud you're working with Rolling Stones. No, Dad, I'm just some random old dude on a sofa that I'm going to sing along next to.
Oh, okay. Well, that's pretty cool, too.

So we see this guy. She's singing with him.
And

she just likes sings

some lyric.

And she's like, willingly attach me, no fear, no doubt. Only lonely souls inside and out.

I saw her clip. She was singing at Craigen Austin's restaurant.
By the way, is that what it's called? By the way?

That's what it's it's called, right?

I remember what it's called.

And she sounded pretty. She was like singing with the band there or whatever.
Yeah.

It was a nice little voice. So she says that her parents have always been her biggest supporters.
They've always wanted her to do all the things. And she goes, not to tune my own horn.

Pun intended if you follow me. But I was good at a lot of stuff.
And we see her last week sitting with her parents.

And her dad is like, I remember the first time I heard you sing solo and I didn't know who it was. Dad, I was playing a euphonium.
Well, that explains a lot. I was like, wow, she's got a deep voice.

Yeah, your daddy turned to me and said, who's that singing? Olivia Newton, John or something? I said, it's a trombone.

Too soon. Also, by the way, too soon.

So

the Olivia Newton-John, that's so

the fact that like that was his, that was his reference is so cute. Like, who is that? Who's singing right now? Is that Olivia Newton-John? Why is our daughter singing about getting physical?

Yeah, my dad's like, you have to do more with your singing. You know, like, you could be famous.
You could be like the next Taylor Swift. So,

maybe I'll do it.

Yeah, it's happening right now. So, she says that she's going to try to do an open mic night because she'd never done that before.

And he's like, yeah, well, I remember when you sang in all those high school musicals that you were singing at Andy's wedding. And that was amazing.
and so classic. O and J am I right, okay, dad.

I'm not Olivia Newton, John. You can just give that up.
Okay, we're two different people.

And she talks about how she's always had performance anxiety. And one time she had to do a piano

recital when she was eight or nine. And she was playing and she forgot where she was.
And so she freaked out and she stood up and just ran down the aisle of the church and left the singing,

which I really like.

I used to try and make my parents get nervous in piano recitals because the teacher would be like, Ronnie won't practice. He doesn't know what he's doing.
No, no, no, no, no.

And my parents were like, Oh my god, Ronnie's gonna be terrible. And my mom was especially worried about being so embarrassed.
And then I would get up there and just play the shit out of it.

And they're like, Oh my God, when did you learn to do that? I was like, I was practicing, but I didn't want my mom to know, just so she'd have a nervous breakdown, you guys.

And that was chopsticks.

I chopsticks. So Molly's saying, like, Michael's saying, hey, Molly, who doesn't get nervous? I mean, I had to go to court like a week after I became a lawyer and I was scared shitless.

I didn't know what to do.

And Molly's like, yeah, that would have freaked me out, especially because I'm not even a lawyer.

So she says, I think I stood in my own way with a lot of things, but I've gotten myself to a point where.

I just feel like I'm ready to mentally start facing my fears and doing all the things that bring me joy. So she's going to sing.
Yeah.

So then we go to Sally's house and she's pulling out ingredients for drinks and stuff. And Charlie comes over.
Oh, it's not drinks. It's a cake.
She's making a cake.

She's making her mom's recipe from scratch. And it's

grandma's recipe. And it was written on, you know, I don't know, some newspaper or something.
And then they photographed it and it's all stained and nasty.

And so they're making it, which is kind of sweet. But I mean, you could just look up coffee cake.
Just saying. It's on google

it's grandma's coffee cake oh i guess she does say mom's coffee cake but i thought it was grandma's coffee cake well either way whatever it is she's crying because she says that um passed down then it's a generational coffee cake okay they bake this coffee cake every christmas eve which is so you know list look i i am not christian but is coffee cake a traditional thing that you make on christmas eve is that something that is known it's like it's like something you probably give to people maybe they can eat it in the morning i don't know It's like deck the halls with boughs of holly and some coffee cake.

I've never heard of it. Nice being a tradition, but you know, I mean, we had boiled beef at my Mima's house and green beans every Christmas Eve.
Does that mean I need to have it every year?

It does not. And I will not do it.
Love you, Mima. Hope you're up there having a great old time.
And I hope you're not boiling beef for Jesus because it sucks. Okay.

Well, well, you know what? I guarantee the way this coffee cake came into existence on Christmas Eve was that like this poor grandmother was probably busy and harried, and her mom

her kids were complaining. And like, we want cake, we want cake, it's Christmas Eve.
She's like, fine, you want a cake?

You can get a, you can get a coffee cake because that's all the time, that's the only time that's all I can make with this time that I have.

She just throws a coffee cake on the table and they're like, but we want another cake, we want like a Christmas cake. And they're probably, she's probably just like, you know what?

I made you a coffee cake and that's what you can get. And that's all you're ever going to get on Christmas Eve.
And that just became their tradition.

It was like a coffee cake out of rage because she just ran out of time. Yeah.

Rage coffee cake. Yeah.
So she's like, okay, open these two sticks of butter. Okay.

Oh, wait. First, she talks about

how

her grandma passed away. So it was sad.
So they're still going to make it. And so it's two sticks of butter.
Open. Imagine if they didn't make it.
It's like, I would make it, but my grandma's dead.

So I'm not making a dead person's coffee cake. But she does make it.
And so they're trying to figure it out. And Charlie doesn't know what ounces are.
And so that's hard.

And so then they're like, how many ounces are in a cup? And so she tries to guess. And it takes her three guesses to get it.
She gets there. She gets there.

That's like her initial guess of 16 was a totally fair guess. It's eight.
It's eight. But the thing is, like, so many things are 16.
Like, I think it's, is it 16 ounces in a pound? I don't know.

I feel like that was a Bravo likes to roast their cast members with trivial knowledge. I don't think that ounces in a cup is a fair one.
I think that's like very confusing.

I think it's, it's totally fair to think it's 16 instead of eight because of the pound situation. so i'm giving charlie a pass okay that's fair i didn't really know either so

yeah i feel like bravo needs to i don't really care jets a little bit i mean it comes to cups humiliating yeah cups a cup so um also charlie go ahead

you should be using grams anyway in the scale okay go back to it well yeah that's what i was gonna say like i don't i think that would be more important than learning ounces in cups would be learning how many grams things are but i don't know yeah what do i know

so um

Charlie's like, yeah, even though Sally and I's friendship is new, I feel like we bonded more than sisters, but we've had to navigate a lot of normal friendship.

We haven't had to navigate a lot of normal friendship struggles yet until this handsome man came in off the road and asked me to find him a watercolor of a panda or a tiger or a bear.

So this means that they basically don't know each other and they're pretending like they're super great friends. So then Sally's like, hey, do you want to crack this egg?

And Charlie's like, sure, it's the entire egg. She's like, yeah, of course it's the entire egg.

And I was totally on Charlie's side when she was like, yeah, but you know, some people just cook with yolks. Yes, Sally.

Acting like you're a little baker and you're shaming someone for suggesting that you might just use an egg or a white.

Yeah.

And she's like, well, soon we're going to be able to go back there and get the eggs. He goes, oh, you're going to get chickens.
And she's like, me and Craig.

Me and Craig are going to go pick out chickens together.

yeah this is a weird power move on her part she's like I was talking to Craig in the hot tub about life and kind of like we want the farms and stuff and I was like I always want the chickens it was actually more like

always what chickens which he said was a weird thing to say at that moment but it was true it was from the heart and he was like you could do it and I'm like yeah I'm gonna get fucking chickens

Yeah, Sally, you're kind of trying a little too hard. Everyone saw the scene of Craig at the goat place with Paige talking about getting goats or whatever the fuck that was.

We know what you're trying to do. And the man is not going to marry you when he can get the eggs for free.
Okay. Yeah.
So they're insane.

Or very easily, easily at this, at the supermarket. Don't ever get chickens for a man.
Telling you that, right? No, just don't. Don't do it.

The chickens are obnoxious, annoying. They're, they're obnoxious enough without remembering the guy that dumped you for Charlie.

While they bite your meat, you know?

Don't get chickens. Don't get chickens for a man.

I think that's always like a really good piece of advice. I think it works in a really fun situation.
Yeah. And so they put the cake in the oven and then I don't think we ever see it again.

You know, Charlie's like, should we put some cinnamon on top? I was like, okay, Charlie, that's, okay, you're losing me again now.

And it's a bunch of Sophali's like, that's not even the top. That's the bottom.

She doesn't even understand butt cakes.

so they go out they go sit on the couch where the dogs are just both like lying there dead and um sally is like oh my god this is the perfect baby and so charlie's like have you talked to molly since the party and of course they didn't because i don't think they even would talk to molly even if there weren't a beef molly lives in her own parallel universe to this show where she just sort of has scenes and sometimes interacts because like people coincidentally are in a scene with her but i don't really believe she's actually on southern charm Yeah, she's on something else.

She's on a different show. What she's on like her own little show.
It's like one of those little Pixar movies they show you before an actual full-length movie.

You know, it's just a minute and it's really cute. And then after you Google like the paperclip thing, show me that again.
And you watch it over and over. It's like that.

Yeah.

She just is not on this show. So Sally is like, yeah.
So we see Witner's birthday party and Sally's like, you've been telling everyone that I've been calling dibs on the gods with who?

And we see that Vanita takes up for Sally so then Sally now back in the present is like yeah Vanita had Molly's back a little and I was like oh but I think she's worried I'm gonna date Craig I mean I do I think he's attractive and like his personality and if he made a move would I be into it yeah and like Sally is saying this

She's talking about Vanita, but what she's really doing is she's warning Charlie, lay off my man, right? Like, that's what she's really doing here. Yes.

And Charlie is like, well, and it's working because Charlie's like, oh,

her face is like, ooh.

And she says, you know, I do feel like I'm walking on eggshells with Sally because of Craig, but it's the only thing that Sally and I have ever fought about. And I don't like it.

But you've known each other for five minutes. So give it time.
Yeah. And Charlie says, yeah, but you know, I can tell there's something between Craig and I.
You know, Charleston is so small.

If I have to exclude every single guy that one of my friends has a crush on at one point in their lives, I'd be done forever, you know? know?

And so Sally's like, well, I'm going to continue to do what makes me happy. And Charlie's like, oh, I hope you remembered that advice when I do what makes me happy, which is take Craig Sockle.

Exactly. It's just so funny that Sally is like offended that Vanita doesn't 100% have her back when Sally is the one who is

who did it first, basically, to Vanita. Also, more offensively, the scene ends now and we don't even see how the K turns out.

It was like Chekhov's cake, but they didn't do the checkoff part, you know? Yeah.

Yeah.

Hello there. This is a two-part recap, okay? This is the end of part one.
So thank you so much for listening to this. Just come back a little later for part two.

Watch what Crap Ins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King.
It's always a party on Allison Block. Our way is the Amber Way.
It's the Foster and the Furious.

It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto.
Put your hands together for Carly Clapp. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt.
We never miss her call. It's Diane Call.

Sunday in the Park with Dylan Clark. Big Yay, it's Emily Gaultier.
Aaron McNicholas, she don't miss no trickolis. Hava Nagila Weber.

You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go for Hugo.
Jamie, she has no less namie. She's our kind of mess.
It's Jennifer Messer. Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch.

She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock. Kristen the Piston Anderson.
Get a B in your bonnet with Lacey B. K-Syra, Syrah, whatever will be, will Lauren Sills be.

She gets a name from us, it's Lindsay D.

Let's give a kiss a Reno to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry.
Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the burg. This is living with Michelle Vivian.
I love a ya, Olivia Williamson.

She sure is swell. It's Raquel.
Yes, we canna. It's Savannah.
Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge.
Darn Skippy, it's Tippy. And our super premium sponsors.

Make way for AJ Lopez. She's V V IP.
It's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin.
Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva.

Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neal. Put us on a stretcher.
It's Charlotte Fletcher. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper.
Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides.

Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland. Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs.
Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. Hail the Cork Master, the Master of the Cork, Jennifer Corcoran.

We got our wish, it's Jen Plish. My favorite Murdoch, Karen McMurdo.
She's a total knockout. It's Katie Manoff.
In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock. G, it's Lisa H.

We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder-Baron. She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthe.
Always killing it, it's Lola Alcalani. The Incredible Edible Matthew Sisters.
She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose.

There's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud. Maximum love for Sandy Maximoska.
She's the queen bee. It's Sarah Lemke.
We cannot tell a lie, it's Sarah Telefson.

Shannon, out of a cannon, Anthony. Please don't stop.
It's Solian Pop. Let's take off with Tam Laplain.
You'll always get the full story with Tori Parsons. She ain't no shrinking Violet couchar.

We love you guys.

If you like Watch What Crappens, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.

Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondry.com/slash survey.