S3 EP11: Sara Pascoe

Say hello to the next generation of Zendesk AI agents, built to deliver resolutions for everyone.

Loved by over 10,000 companies, Zendesk AI agents easily deploy in minutes to resolve 30% of interactions instantly.

That's the Zendesk AI effect.

Find out more at Zendesk.com.

Treat your crew with Starbucks cards for National Coffee Day.

Send up to 10 e-gifts in one transaction from the Starbucks app or online at starbucks.com/slash gift.

Or if you have a larger group or team to celebrate with, you can send physical or digital cards in bulk directly from Starbucks at starbuckscardb2b.com.

No matter how you like to connect over coffee, Starbucks cards have got you covered.

CRM was supposed to improve customer relationships.

Instead, it's shorthand for can't resolve much.

Which means you may have sunk a fortune into software that just bounces customer issues around but never actually solves them.

On the ServiceNow AI platform, CRM stands for something better.

With AI built into one platform, customers aren't mired in endless loops of automated indifference.

They get what they need when they need it.

Bad CRM was then.

This is ServiceNow.

Podcasts, there are millions of them.

Some might say too many?

I have one already.

I don't have any, because there are enough.

Politics, business, sport, you name it.

There's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.

But nobody is covering the most important topic of all.

Why is that?

Are they scared?

Too afraid of being censored by the man?

Possibly, but not us.

We're here to ask the only question that matters.

We'll try and say it at the same time, Max.

What did you do yesterday?

What did you do yesterday?

What did you do yesterday?

That's it.

All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday, nothing more.

Day before yesterday, Max?

Nope.

The greatest and most interesting day day of your life?

Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it.

I'm Max Rushton and I'm David O'Doherty.

Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday.

Hello and welcome to today's episode of What Did You Do Yesterday.

Once again, David O'Dougherty is here and we're talking to a great old friend of mine.

Even once again, David O'Doherty is here.

I knew that you were going to say something not self-deprecating, but just, yep.

No, Sarah Pascoe is our guest today.

She is a friend of mine from the world of comedy.

Yes.

You will know her from various appearances on various things.

She has her Weirdos Book Club podcast that she does with friend of the pod, Carrie Ad Lloyd.

It's Carrie Ad Sarah and Lord Percy of Dingbat.

Those three on that podcast.

She has hosted Sewing Bee on TV.

She's on tour this winter doing her beautiful stand-up comedy.

Max, shall we find out what she did yesterday?

Yeah, sarahpasco.co.uk.

No H S-A-R-A Pasco.co.uk.

And this is what she did yesterday.

Sarah Pasco, welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?

Thank you.

Thanks so much for coming.

It's been quite a fraught.

It's not relevant for yesterday, but both you and I have had internet issues, which could mean the, you know, the relaxed nature of the podcast.

We both could be het up.

So we need David to provide some, you know, it's a very relaxed introduction to this episode.

Yeah, we need it to be mellowed out, don't we?

Is there a greater smugness than when your computer is just working?

It's like when you pass the driving driving test and you think that anyone who hasn't passed the driving test is an idiot.

Sorry, you guys.

Yeah, I haven't passed my driving test, so I don't know what that's like either, but I do know what it's like to always.

I've never ever been bibbed at the airport.

When you go through those monitors, they've never gone off.

I've never been a problem.

I just sail through, belt on, jewelry jangling, gun in my pocket.

No one cares.

And you look at the other people going, you moron.

Suckers.

Yeah.

You've got that shrapnel in your leg from NAM and you should have taken it out.

Enjoy being touched up by a stranger.

Sarah Pasco, what time did you wake up at yesterday?

5.50, 8 a.m.

Wow.

I've got young children.

Oh, you have my sympathy.

Yeah, sometimes it's earlier than that.

They are very chipper at that time in the morning.

So they're sort of very smiley and like, why would you be asleep?

It's morning.

It's morning.

You know, there's stuff to do.

There's baby shark to listen to.

What age are they, Sarah?

One and three.

But the one-year-old is going to be two in October.

So he's nearly two, really.

Got it.

Got it.

So, which one comes?

Because I was woken this morning by my three and a half-year-old, literally, his face in my face, and I was still dreaming.

And I was sort of confused, but then I remembered who that was.

So who comes in?

Well, yeah, so our three-year-old Theodore, he comes in, and you're right.

The first thing in the morning, he'll say something like, I like balloons.

Caterpillars become butterflies.

And I'm like, yeah.

Or I need a toy mummy i just need one something like that i like when uh max's three-year-old just wakes him up with the words dance party yeah and then just starts immediately going for it and my co-host has no option but to start dancing it's really glorious it's really glorious i sang a song the other day because he hit his head and to cheer him up i just have to pick a song and i started singing my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard theodore thinks i made that song because it's about milkshakes, which he really likes, and boys coming.

The idea of boys coming to our garden for the milkshakes that I'm making, he thinks it's the funniest song he's ever heard.

And I haven't told him actually quite a successful

American singer actually wrote that song.

I'm sort of just riding it out because one day he'll find out it's not a mummy original.

Yeah, it's going to be the same with all about the bass.

It's going to be the same when you're singing, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number yeah that's one that you give to plumbers

why do you give it to plumbers you give it to people who you desperately want to go and fix your boiler and you give them your number if you have any free time and you're in the area could you please look at our immersion I'm trying to think of more innocent readings of what are quite horny songs Sarah so when you're saying this is crazy what's crazy is what's going on with my plumbing but I've not specified I've just said this is crazy it's coming through the ceiling it's coming through the ceiling.

It's sewage all over the floor.

It's crazy.

Call me.

It's 5.58.

And those two minutes, for some reason, psychologically, they're big two minutes.

If you see it, for me, if I see a six, even if I'm sad and tired, I'm like, that's fine, guys.

You know, you've done your jobs here.

But 5.58, you've let yourselves down.

Yeah, even 13 minutes past six, I feel like that's reasonable.

Some people do start their life at that time in the morning.

But yeah, anything with a five or even a four, it's been so bright.

so that's the problem with summer i used to like summer now summer is my enemy you do say look it's dark bedtime and now ian can open the blackout blind and look out and see people we i live in australia normally but we're right on london fields and he can just see people in the park i'm just not quick-witted enough to explain why they are not asleep like they're all going to bed and he said they're not going to sleep they're playing football i'm like oh shit yeah and then you have to go outside in london fields and ring your bell go to bed everyone it's bedtime and that goes down really well it is really i'm sorry guys you'll understand this in 20 years but you must go to bed do me a favor please yeah if i can just step in here so sarah a few weeks ago we spoke to guy montgomery of new zealand on this yeah who really made a big push for lululemon boxer shorts to the point where max A lot of our listeners think that me and Max are sponsored by Lululemon boxer shorts because we've mentioned them so many times.

But I'm here at the Edinburgh Fringe where the curtains tend to be quite light and the windows tend to be quite large.

So I've taken to sleeping with a pair of Lulus over my head.

Oh, really?

Yet another use for these incredible boxer shorts.

Yeah, the elastic waistband blocks 80% of light coming in the eyes.

Thank you, Lulu.

You don't want to get some actual eye covers, David?

Don't need them.

I've got the Swiss Army knife of undies.

It does sound a little bit like you're sponsored by Lululemon, also like you don't know how to put pants on.

Yeah, it's those two things.

The trouble is, we are sponsored by them, but in a sense, that we have both given them quite a lot of money to buy pants.

Yeah, they get a lot of airtime because we talk about the fact that right now you're talking to two people, I can guarantee, in Lululemon pants.

I'm also in Lululemon shorts.

Wow.

We've got it the wrong way around.

But the thing with Lululemon is that they are accused of being a cult, and you two are just reinforcing that to me now.

That once you're in, it's dangerous.

And also, David, I'm not saying I'm imagining you like this, but when you say you're wearing your pants on your head, I then assume you're completely naked.

It's just eyes covered, everything else out for anyone looking through the window.

I mean, if you want to know, obviously, I removed the pants from my bod and popped them straight on the head.

You know what I mean?

That way, you get, I feel, full usage out of the pants for a day.

Yeah, of course.

It's um

a cycle, it's the cycle of life.

It's the cycle of life.

From bum to head to washing machine.

Okay, so 5.58

set the scene for us.

What are we?

Are we just lying in bed?

Because I quite often just try and stay horizontal.

It's not helping.

I'm not going back to sleep, but there's just something about, can I be on the noise?

And, you know, rather than might have gone to the toilet, whatever, I'm just trying to be horizontal for as long as I can.

Yeah, we do try that.

And also, we use our phones.

So sometimes we can, if only one of them's woken up, we can pretend we're doing it so the other one can sleep and then what we do then is we let them watch youtube on our phones andrew tate joe rogan what are we doing oh yeah of course i want to grow up like proper men

cucks

thank goodness thank goodness for that no soy boys around here thank you okay so does this happen yesterday no didn't work yesterday okay what happened so the first thing i did and i do this because we are sleep deprived i checked checked my Fitbit app to see how much sleep I've actually had.

Because sometimes psychologically, if I get an 81, I tell myself, you're not really tired.

You've had loads.

It was good quality.

So do you check yours, Max, ever?

I don't have one.

So what does an 81 mean?

In my mind, it goes 81 hours.

I'm going, I'd take that.

81.

So anything, if you have over eight hours sleep and it's good quality sleep in terms of your REM and your deep sleep, then you'll get a score in your 80s.

And that's what you're aiming for.

No, because we've just transferred Willie to the cot and I'm doing the settling.

So I'm giving myself a 28 yesterday.

That's what I'm giving myself.

Yeah, how old's Willie?

Seven months.

Okay, old tiny.

Okay, so you've still got lots of night wake-ups.

I have heard that those wahoos, or what are they called, whatever those watchy things are called, are immensely confused if you do a gig because it thinks you're about to do a workout because your heart rate's gone up and then over the course of an hour you take six steps and just smoke starts to come out of it and it's just like i don't know anything i give up yeah so you go into fat burning mode and also you can tell how you feel about the gig because gigs where you feel very in control you're obviously much calmer so you sometimes really know oh they scared me tonight because your fit bits like you would for a 90 minute run

you're like oh yeah never relaxed into that did i so yes you're an 81.

So you're basically, you've had eight hours sleep.

Yeah.

This is magical.

Yes, I did have eight hours sleep.

I'm bragging now to someone still in the past of baby dum.

Yes, so I felt really tired, but actually, I looked at my Fitbit tracker and I told myself, you're absolutely fine.

Okay.

Stop being such a cuck.

Yeah, exactly.

You've had loads of sleep.

So then we're up.

There's some breakfast making.

My kids have discovered Nutella.

They think it's a breakfast food.

And then it makes them go bananas.

Do you just give them spoons of Nutella?

They stick their fingers in it, actually.

I've got them some small jars and they sort of just finger it and then put it all over their faces.

It's delightful.

I brought Josie Long's children to a children's show the other morning here in Edinburgh and a man ate Nutella out of a nappy.

Oh yeah, great.

It was an interesting one because he told us, he asked the audience if...

which was all children.

This is not late-night performance art, I hope we realize, whether he should eat it.

He was hungry and he found a nappy and people were strongly against him eating it.

At the end, he said it wasn't Itala, but I'm not sure I've ever been in a room with that strong a vibe of people like screaming.

It was like in a megachurch in America where the Holy Spirit is about to descend.

People are like arms in the air.

No,

Satan, no.

But he did it.

Catherine Ryan, once at Violet, her eldest birthday party, she did the thing, and blew my mind where you microwave in nappies, a Snickers, a mask bar, a bounty, all of the different chocolate bars, a picnic.

And then what you do is the kids have to guess.

So you've got loads of kids shoving their face in, trying to guess which chocolate bar it is.

And it's so wrong, isn't it, to watch it, but so brilliant.

But you know, because restaurants do try to go beyond the plate, like the little cross-section of a tree with a steak on it.

Maybe that's the next step that everything will be served in a nappy.

So, you know, like a sea bass with a sort of, you know, a tarragon ju.

Would it taste the same if you ate it out of a size six pampas?

Yeah, I read something once that said that if you eat something off gold cutler, it tastes nicer, like soup.

So it would be great to find out if it works the other way with something really sort of delicious.

You don't really enjoy it out of a nappy.

I found, because you know kids grow out of their nappies, you end up quite often with a couple of packets sort of left over.

They're very good for packing.

if you ever want something like delicate or you're sending something you can just shove a couple of nappies round it but i always have to put a note in explaining you know these are clean and it's not very beautiful but it really works i just do like um just the idea of that master chef you know lady going you know derek has cooked rack of lamb with a pea mint sorbet served in a huggy size three nappy paint

also all of the dew would be soaked up by the nappy So they'd be like, this needs gravy.

I did put gravy on there, actually.

They're just very, very absorbent.

This podcast is supported by Progressive, a leader in RV Insurance.

RVs are for sharing adventures with family, friends, and even your pets.

So if you bring your cats and dogs along for the ride, you'll want Progressive RV Insurance.

They protect your cats and dogs like family by offering up to $1,000 in optional coverage for vet bills in case of an RV accident, making it a great companion for the responsible pet owner who loves to travel.

See Progressive's other benefits and more when you quote RVinsurance at progressive.com today.

Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, pet injuries, and additional coverage and subject to policy terms.

At blinds.com, it's not just about window treatments.

It's about you, your style, your space, your way.

Whether you DIY or want the pros to handle it all, you'll have the confidence of knowing it's done right.

From free expert design help to our 100% satisfaction guarantee, everything we do is made to fit your life and your windows.

Because at blinds.com, the only thing we treat better than windows is you.

Visit blinds.com now for up to 50% off with minimum purchase plus a professional measure at no cost.

Rules and restrictions apply.

There's only one place where history, culture, and adventure meet on the National Mall.

Where museum days turn to electric lights.

Where riverside sunrises glow and monuments shine in moonlight.

Where there's something new for everyone to discover.

There's only one DC.

Visit Washington.org to plan your trip.

Okay, so what is it?

6.01?

Where are we at now?

Oh, no, we're downstairs.

We're making breakfast.

We're making breakfast.

Theodore, my three-year-old, he goes to nursery on a Monday.

So we're sort of getting ready for the school run.

And because, so we all go as a family.

So everyone needs to be dressed is what I'm trying to say.

And that does take about an hour and a half.

He's due at nursery at 8 a.m.

There's some breakfasting.

And mostly what it is is looking for socks and pants and trying to get the children dressed.

How often do you say, could you just hold Alby for one second?

I've just got to do X.

And it's sort of, you don't necessarily need to.

You just want your other half to hold Alby for a bit.

Well, I'll be, there's no holding Albie.

I mean, they're both running around fighting

what the negotiation is usually.

We have a passive-aggressive sort of tennis where I'll be doing something and I'll see that my husband's on his phone.

And because he's Australian, actually, the morning is very exciting.

That's when he he gets all of his messages from Australia yeah but that doesn't stop me going oh are you on your phone are you yeah

I'm doing everything in the hallway like that and then of course what will happen is then once he's helping someone put their shoes on I check my phone you know having a scroll is there and goes oh on your phone are you like that is there any attempt to and I ask this to you both do you ever coordinate the outfits?

Do you ever be like, I'm going to make them into two little sailors today and we're all going to go out like we're on shore leave they've both got matching hungry caterpillar outfits oh yeah we've got some fancy dress so that they can dress up like the dog i've got fancy dress but no not necessarily seamen in public

no we're very much like are these pants clean yeah are these shorts all right yeah what do you think about this they slept in this but no one else will know come on exactly that's sort of fine sarah when you just said i dress them as hungry caterpillars i'm obviously imagining they're both like lying down like snakes and then have to go to nursery along the path in that kind of a way.

Yeah, we just sort of drag them on a lead.

Yeah.

Do you breakfast, Sarah, in this breakfasting period?

I drink a lot of coffee.

No, not really breakfast.

I've got this struggle at the moment where I'm trying not to eat carbs all the time, but I don't eat meat or animal products.

And so really all that leaves is bread.

Which is nice.

Bread is so delicious.

I love bread, but I always tell myself, wait until you've eaten some protein before you have bread.

And then by 10 a.m., I realize there is no protein and I just have some toast.

But every day I think something else will occur to me.

Something else will be invented.

Yeah.

Give us the coffee situation.

There's just a pot on and you're just pouring it and pouring it.

Yeah, we do a very strong cafeteriere and then when we leave the house, we get another, what we call a proper coffee from a very expensive coffee shop.

Good.

That's perfect.

And is that after drop-off?

Yes, that we go sort of, that's the, oh, we're down to only one child.

Let's enjoy our freedom.

Go to a coffee shop.

shop I hear you and is this do you all get in the car to drop off or is it just a nice walk walk we don't drive my husband drives but we don't have a car we walk we walk around yeah got it okay what coffee shop does one-year-old appreciate coffee it's an opportunity for a little downtime maybe read an old caravanning magazine something like that Well, the delightful thing about being a child in North London is in the coffee shop, he gets a free biscuit.

And also, he gets to do his savings thing, which is go, hot, hot, hot, hot, no touch, no touch.

he loves us getting he goes hot coffee mummy coffee hot coffee hot hot and then he get eats his biscuit oh that's perfect so drop-off is good we've lost one child this is great news we're down you're now two on one yeah we're in the cafe what's your coffee of choice in the cafe please sarah flat white with oat milk okay it's a classic coffee and is there a baby chino no they don't drink it they just spill it yeah also i mean it's my children are growing up so much more middle class than myself the baby chino tips me over the edge.

And I feel like just put him in private school and be done with it if you're going to get my baby Chino.

So we live in Melbourne, but we come to London for two months.

So now Ian has his London toys and his Melbourne toys, his London house, like, you know, at three and a half.

And you're like, oh man, this is a killer.

We've killed this guy.

We should introduce Ian to my husband who's from Sydney because he had so many shoes.

That's why he had to leave Australia.

Now he's got his England shoes and his Sydney shoes.

And they're both much more shoes than anyone should have in any hemisphere.

And I feel like Ian would understand.

Question.

Do they put anything in a baby Chino?

Does it have like cowpoll in it or something?

Do they put a single shot?

They put like cowpole grinds in and then

that's absolutely what they should do, shouldn't they?

Some cowpoll, a little bit of vanilla essence, Nesquick, something like that.

Take the edge of it.

Yeah.

Okay, great.

We are now fully caffeinated.

we've got a two versus one situation

what's the next thing well yesterday the bottom floor of our house we're airbnbing and so the airbnb people left yesterday so i was excited because i was going to get in there see how much mess they'd left and then wash everything okay now this is exciting are you going down to see what the mess is to see what review you give them or do you always give them a good review?

Do you like meet them and say, look, I'll give you five stars.

You give us five stars, that kind of thing.

My husband likes doing the reviews of the people.

I can't review anyone.

It feels like bad karma.

You'd never be, I don't, I don't like being reviewed as a comedian.

Even if it is a technically good review, my response is, how dare you judge me?

Got it.

And so I don't review other people.

I just, I don't believe in it as a process.

If there was a reason to warn somebody, oh, don't let this person stay in your house.

They let fireworks off.

Perhaps then I would do it, but it would have to be that extreme.

They would have to shit on the carpet for me to think I need to give them a four-star review.

I love the idea of Sarah as a sort of literary person just leaving this really stinging, beautifully written.

A Maudlin man, he lurched into the property, scanning it for places he could leave his sadness.

Whoa, this is so grim.

Yeah.

Is it okay?

Is the property okay?

It's so much cleaner.

I mean, they did amazing.

They were French people, actually.

So they kept themselves to themselves.

There were five of them.

So I thought there'd be a lot of mess.

They stripped the beds.

I don't know how they left it so clean, but I think one of them's dusted.

Wow.

Like all of the shelves and stuff.

It's so clean.

Are you tempted to get them to rent your actual house out?

So they'll leave and clean it.

Yeah.

We'll pay you.

If you ever need another holiday, they even took the bin out.

And I don't even leave instructions for that because I think, obviously, I'll do all the rubbish for you.

And they took it out and put it in the right bin.

What's the worst thing that anyone has ever done?

We've been very lucky.

No one's done anything bad, but it's made me realize when I've stayed in Airbnbs, I have never done things like strip the beds or tidied up after myself.

I think I just sort of go, well, you pay a cleaning fee.

Bye.

Like that.

Awful.

I like to really, you know, sort of be too,

I don't know what it is, too thoughtful.

And you can't say you are that, but I'm thinking, because I'm Airbnb a flat here.

And I'm like, oh, if everyone says anything, I'm like, oh, shit.

But if I'm a guest, I'm like, oh, God, we can't touch anything.

Don't do that.

And there was one in america where we they had a cold fire so you're like oh i'm gonna light this but the hatch wasn't down so within three minutes the whole house was just like full of smoke so instead of like enjoying portland i just spent all day like opening windows and just fanning the place so that by the time we left it didn't smell of smoke and then just fearing the review and they would be totally fine

but from the others perspective they would be worried oh i didn't put clear enough instructions about how to do the fire yeah because that's the trouble with the reviewings it can be really vindictive people are sort of attacking as a form of defense yeah it's a dangerous game i do idea that if you ran a restaurant every review would say something and you could just write how dare you judge me under each

very tasty how dare you judge me

yeah

okay great we've got the airbnb sorted and will the cleanup happen immediately or will you leave that for a while i was excited to do it and so what i've been doing is washing things and then obviously trying to dry them and then getting everything ready downstairs.

But my husband, he moved his desk downstairs because the room where the baby sleeps used to be his office and he's decided he's going to use the bedroom downstairs and he so that was exciting.

We moved the desk down.

Are you ending the Airbnb for a while then?

We haven't got a booking until Christmas and so We could leave the desk in the bedroom and he could just move his pens and his laptop out if we got another one.

You could also, he'll be able to leave reviews of you and you in turn will now be able to respond to him.

And he will also pay a market rate for the use of the room, too.

You're absolutely right.

This guy is taking me for a ride.

I'm going to send him a bill.

And I think this is going to be really helpful.

Some people go to sort of like relationship counseling, don't they?

But are we going to use Airbnb reviews?

Does anybody ever come in and go, aren't you,

Are you Sarah Pasco?

That's a bit weird.

I'm in your house.

I don't meet them, actually.

But Steen was like saying, oh you shouldn't even have a picture on airbnb in case someone recognizes you my level of success is not the kind where anyone would be anything other than i think i know you from somewhere but the picture i've used very cleverly on airbnb is when i met buzz aldrin so they're much more likely to go that's buzz aldrin

than to go that's that girl who did mark the week

Because I haven't changed anything.

There's like photos of like me and Jay like all over the place, like literally like little Polaroid photos everywhere.

And absolutely, obviously, nothing except once someone direct me on Instagram going, I'm in your house.

And then you're like, oh, that is actually quite

a bit weird.

But obviously, you are.

Patrick Kilty tells a story about Buzz Aldrin that he was on some weird corporate with Buzz Aldrin.

They got to the hotel.

And I think one of the rooms was ready.

And the guy was like, I'll just show you one of the rooms to show you what you're like.

And this guy had like a view of a lake.

And like, they walk in, and the guy running up the hotel doesn't know who Buzz Aldrin is.

He just goes, Have you ever seen a view like it?

That's good.

And how did Buzz Aldrin take it?

He didn't take it as like another person claiming it wasn't real.

My all-time favourite Buzz bit is Buzz punching a moon landing denier.

Yeah.

That happened before, quite shortly before we met him on this radio show, actually.

Was he nice?

He was very nice.

He was very funny.

My two favorite things, number one, he'd brought a date.

So it was a BBC Radio 4 show.

He brought a woman he'd never met.

So she had to watch him on the radio.

And then we all went for drinks.

You know, in that radio way, like, oh, she'd go for a beer afterwards.

And this woman was like, oh, hello, nice to meet you.

She went, oh, it's my first date with Buzz.

But Buzz is still like.

He's Buzz on the apps.

How weird have you just scrolled through and saw Buzz Aldrin?

Yeah, he's on radio, you know, the celebrity one.

That's really good.

And were you tempted to not ask Buzz anything about the moon?

Yeah.

Or would that have been not appropriate for what he was there for?

I think he knows that's the big story.

He did talk about it because he was supposed to be the person who gave the speech, you know, Neil Armstrong.

And it was taken away from Buzz because of his political views, I believe.

He's very right wing.

So they were a little bit worried.

And also he made the moon part of his Masonic lodge.

Did you know this?

That he put a flag down on the moon, like claimed it for his Masonic lodge.

So I do understand why they were then a bit worried about what he might say.

Imagine if he goose-stepped stepped like the first steps on the moon

going full Hitler.

The photo that I've got on my Airbnb, so it's Jimmy Carr and some other people from the radio and Buzz Aldrin.

And as they were taking the photo, Jimmy Carr, who I'd never met before, leaned into my ear and he said, touch him, he's been on the moon.

So I put my hand on Buzz Aldrin.

Touch him.

He's been on the moon.

Okay, so we've tied to the Airbnb.

Yeah, we're tidying the Airbnb.

Okay, right.

We've taken the kids to school.

We've moved a desk.

We've taken some bins out.

And then got a text from David O'Doherty saying in capital letters, remember everything.

I just think it's good advice for a life, regardless of whether Sarah's doing this podcast or not.

I send that to her every day.

Just, I think, as we get older.

It helps me be present.

It helps me live in the moment.

Remembering that today will also be a memory.

What bin day is it?

Is it bin day today then?

No, no, no, no.

Bin day is Thursday, but you still got to get them out when they're full.

You're not wrong, but you don't want to leave it on the street for too long.

The neighbours will be going, oh God, the past goes.

Not in the streets.

There's a bin area in the front garden.

Don't make presumptions about the bin situation.

Of course.

I was just worried about

what the neighbours might think.

And hang on, are both the kids at Nerstra just one?

No, just one.

Just one, yes.

So is he with you while you're doing the cleaning?

Yes, he's jumping on the bed.

There's a game that my children play.

I don't know where it came from.

And so, of course, I love it deeply.

It's called Dancing Ladies.

And Dancing Ladies is about jumping on the bed and having the hoover on for some reason.

And what the lady does, she jumps on the bed and she yells, dancing ladies, dancing ladies, and then she jumps off, she turns the hoover off, and she says, Dancing lady needs to sleep.

And then she lies down.

And then when she wants to dance again, she gets up, she puts the hoover on, which is the music she's dancing to, and then she jumps on the bed again.

For some reason, it's so hysterical for them, or even if Albie's playing playing by himself.

It's a variation on musical chairs, really.

But

maybe that's what your children regard music to be, just the sound of a shark Hoover going on.

Oh, I was going to talk to you about music, actually, David.

This is a good segue.

But yes, essentially, I think because they've listened to so much white noise, maybe the Hoover does feel like, you know, that's their drum and bass.

Melody, yeah.

Yeah.

The other morning, it was a get-together of all of the Irish participants at the Edinburgh Fringe.

We went to an Irish bar.

You know, there'd be people you hadn't seen, there's proper actors doing proper shows.

Yeah.

And we went to a bar that had Murphy's, Guinness, and Beamish on draft.

And unbeknownst to me, I mean, there's a phrase that's used in Irish politics.

Apparently, a politician once came into parliament drunk and he claimed to have been cruelly overserved.

And I claim a little bit of that.

But the next morning, I had to go and see my friend Ellie's show.

And Ellie comes from a performance art background.

And the idea of her show, which was for grown-ups, was it was like a children's party for grown-ups.

And I realized the number one thing I didn't want to be doing, hungover at 11.30 in the morning, was playing musical chairs with some people I didn't know.

And then having to sit instead of chairs on performance artists who were down in their hunkers.

There was a time and a place for everything.

And that was not the dream spot.

Love the show, Ellie, but just not then.

But however, Dancing Ladies, you love it.

Yeah.

And also you're in control.

So you'd have had a lovely nap probably in Dancing Ladies.

The Dancing Lady would have needed a big rest before jumping on the bed.

Yeah, yeah.

So yeah.

Do we have a Dyson or are you a Henry?

It's a massive Henry.

And actually, we have a cleaner called Barbara who comes once a week.

And she hates that I've bought a Henry.

She thinks it's shit because there's no settings on it.

And so she's annoyed with me.

She wants me to get another Miele because that's the best best one.

And to be fair, she uses it most, but it's an ongoing tension.

But I wanted to talk about music because yesterday, so David and I have something in common, which is that we both have jazz dads.

Max, I don't know if you have a jazz dad.

No, tropical medicine, mainly.

Okay, okay.

A bit of jazz on the side.

So my dad, and I love this because it couldn't, it couldn't be more jazz.

But my dad recently released a new album on DVD.

No, not DVD, CD.

CD.

They love that.

It's 18 CDs.

It's a saxophonist and a pianist.

Here's the saxophonist.

It's the two men and they've done an 18 C D box set of Ulysses, James Joyce's Ulysses.

And I'm so obsessed with it because in this day and age, we're all worrying about AI.

There couldn't be something more opposite

than a C D collection of jazz inspired by James Joyce's Ulysses.

And I started trying to listen to it yesterday, but I find even the beginning, just the sound of a solo saxophone so hard I have to turn it off.

How long in total?

I mean, I know Ulysses is long, but how long is it?

26 hours.

I actually think what I'm going to do now for the rest of my life, you know, like they did.

My dad wrote a porno where they read a bit of it and they did jokes.

I'm going to do a podcast series for the rest of my life where I listen to a little bit and talk about jazz.

I think.

Yeah, I like the idea that even if you'd started at midnight yesterday, you wouldn't have been able to get through the whole thing for this.

Right, sorry, don't be too hard to come back for episode listening to my dad's album.

Yeah,

I love everything everything about jazz.

And I think I would like to listen to it, but I also, like in an era of commercial, you know what I mean, people making songs shorter and snappier.

I love that people put out 26 hours also on a sort of semi-dead format as well.

Yeah, I'm going to have to buy a CD player.

Yeah.

My computer doesn't even know what a CD is.

I've downloaded it off Bandcamp.

I bought it because my dad sent me a free one because it's lovely.

And I really want to be encouraging because I've got that, even though I'm in my 40s, I've still got a sort of a child.

No one really supports me.

No one came to see my show.

No one asked how my thing went.

So, and I realized I'm never supportive of my dad ever.

So I want to be supportive now, but I am going to have to buy a CD player.

Yeah, I mean, you can't accuse him of going commercial.

You can't say.

He's sold out.

I would love if I told my dad about that.

And he just rolled his eyes and he's like, why didn't they do Finnegan's Wake?

You know what I mean?

Ulysses is such hack to do a 26-hour saxophone piece about.

I think Finnegan's Wake is where they're heading, if I'm honest, David.

Because he started off, this is his first CD, or the first one that I've got from a couple of years ago, and that's Under Milkwood by Dylan Thomas.

So I'm pretty sure it is going to go Finnegan's Wake is next.

Tell your dad, don't worry.

I don't know if you've asked him about the process.

And obviously, I'm the least qualified to talk about jazz.

Although I did perform the shoehorn blues on the clarinet in assembly when I was nine.

Wow, well done.

Down a storm.

I'd say it really brought in the deep south, those solos you were playing.

It really did.

The history of struggle really came across.

And the eight-year-olds in that private school in central Cambridge, they really understood it because of where they'd come from as well.

But like, have you asked him about the process?

Like, how do you put Ulysses to jazz?

Oh, God, man.

The first stage, I believe, is that you have to have read Ulysses.

Right.

And I started it.

I bought it because I thought, how can I understand the music?

So I've read the first two pages now of Ulysses, which I read over the weekend, not yesterday, not relevant to yesterday.

Didn't read any of it yesterday.

Okay, great.

I was always under the impression that it was a bit more like Finnegan's Wake, that it was sort of difficult to read.

But you can read it.

It's a book.

It's grand.

It's characters.

They're doing stuff.

Yeah, yeah, it's grand.

So you could, I'll tell you what, to make it more commercial, you could jazz up the theme to the cartoon Ulysses, which I remember, of course.

Ulysses,

Data Through the Galaxy, That bit, maybe that comes in in CD6.

I don't know.

Or maybe that's a sort of a motif throughout it that only fans of the cartoon Ulysses would recognize.

Before we move on with the day at Lil Jazz Corner here, my father did a concert a few weeks ago.

He's 86.

Brilliant.

And he did a tribute to Natkin Cole concert in Dublin that involved him reminiscing in one of the talkie bits about when Natkin Cole played in Dublin in 1956 or something.

And dad talked about being there.

And he said, was anyone else at the show?

Because the crowd is older and no one put up their hand.

And my dad shook his head and was like, you young people, you've no idea what you're in this town.

And everyone is in their 80s apart from me.

Okay,

what next?

So next, I called up.

LNER about a train refund.

Right.

Okay.

Yeah.

Give us the details.

Now I'm really, I'm leaning forward.

So on the 4th of August, I was due to go to Inverness for a job and there was a storm in Scotland.

David, you'll remember, Max, I don't know, but there was a big storm.

And so the train was cancelled the night before.

And I couldn't get to Edinburgh.

So then I couldn't get to Inverness.

Eventually, the job was just, it was postponed until September.

But they never refunded me for my train.

And I got all these emails about how they were going to give me a token.

And I don't want a token.

I rang up to say, where's my refund?

that and then i had a luck well hang on how long are you on hold to lner how quick it was actually right for a monday morning i thought it was going to be a nightmare i was quick let's say the calls picked up within two minutes wow that's good so i was winning already and then lovely helpful person it's 383 to answer your question david because it was for me and our nanny and the two kids because i was going to drop the kids off with steen in edinburgh he's performing and then i was going to go across to inverness 383 and the person explained to me i had been refunded back to where I'd bought it from.

And I checked, and yes, I had.

So it was a waste of a call.

Oh, no, that's so annoying because the money's you've penciled in, you've got 400 more quid in your account.

That's it.

I was about to be going, oh, hello, mummy can get some trousers.

Yeah, I had been refunded.

It was just to a different bank account where I'd actually bought it, but at least I could cross it off my list.

Something done.

Did you come out with Atham with a now?

You listen to me.

I've been a loyal customer for longer than you've had hot meals.

And then they utterly undermined you by saying it has been done, madam.

Luckily, I'm always civil and polite to people.

So, while I was like, What's happened with this thing?

I'm chasing it up.

You seem to have made a mistake.

I was very happy that they hadn't made a mistake.

And I hadn't been rude.

It was just more.

Oh, thank you so much for clarifying.

Sorry to have wasted your time.

I had six months of, for some reason,

somebody asked me to sign like hundreds of like sports cards, right?

Like football cards.

And like Messi's done it.

And there's like a gold Messi card and Ronaldo, whatever.

And I suspect they got paid more than me.

But I was offered not an insubstantial amount of money.

The poor bastard who opens the packet and it's me.

It was absolutely devastating.

And in fact, all the shows they said I did, I've lost all those jobs.

So you're signing footballers that aren't you?

No, no, no, no, no.

This picture of me grinning, I had to sign like 400.

It took forever.

It was all exhausting.

So someone's going to get 400 pictures of you that you're hopefully they split them across packets.

Is it a collectible sticker of Max Rushton?

Yeah, there's like a trading card.

It's like there is a

I'm going on eBay to see if I can find him.

Stay there.

So anyway, they never sent me an email going, we've paid you.

So I kept saying, have you paid me?

for a long time.

And then about six months later, they were like, you know.

I just couldn't get into that bit of my banking because it was on a UK phone.

Oh, yeah, how are we going, Sarah?

This isn't embarrassing at all.

Right.

So the bidding starting at £14, dollars which is about 10 pounds yeah that's pretty good that's got one that's from gavin fitness who by the way has got a hundred percent positive rating good old gavin fitness gavin fitness it's your face and then you've signed it blue pen yeah broadcaster you have a junior with an autograph from 22 23 yeah

famous footballers and stars yeah gavin fitness is one of max's aliases

It's one of his least imaginative aliases.

It's such a toast of London name.

Presenter of Soccer am the warm-up on talk sport the cambridge native secured his fur i'm learning a lot about you from this card okay i might buy it as a memory from today because i want to remember everything including everything everything

if you know nothing else you know that gavin fitness will come good with the card hang on here's a mystery yes shipping is going to cost me nine pounds because it's located in shanghai china

oh there's more i found one for 41 pounds 24 Yes.

The same pack.

40 quid.

Oh, but Ronaldino is going for three grand.

This is a fun game.

Okay.

I think 41 is your most expensive.

It's pretty good.

It's really good.

It's not bad at all.

Anyway, I did spend a long time on an email chain when I had been paid.

So apologies to them.

That was the link.

But you do, being self-employed, you do just have a little ticker in your head sometimes of going, oh, that's got to come in.

Or, oh, great okay you're finally oh i forgot about that you know anyway we can cross it off the things to do list and i did it yesterday tito's handmade vodka is america's favorite vodka for a reason from the first legal distillery in texas tito's is six times distilled till it's just right and naturally gluten-free making it a high quality spirit that mixes with just about anything from the smoothest martinis to the best bloody marys tito's is known for giving back teaming up with nonprofits to serve its communities and do good for dogs make your next cocktail with Tito's, distilled and bottled by Fifth Generation Inc., Austin, Texas.

40% alcohol by volume, savor responsibly.

Attention, all small biz owners.

At the UPS store, you can count on us to handle your packages with care.

With our certified packing experts, your packages are properly packed and protected.

And with our pack and ship guarantee, when we pack it and ship it, we guarantee it.

Because your items arrive safe or you'll be reimbursed.

Visit the ups store.com slash guarantee for full details.

Most locations are independently owned.

Product services, pricing, and hours of operation may vary.

See Center for Details.

The UPS store.

Be unstoppable.

Come into your local store today.

Perfect.

What next?

Is it lunchtime?

No.

I went to exercise, actually.

Great.

I went to a bar class and I did think as I went, I'm going to have to talk to them about this tomorrow.

So is that like bar pilates?

Helen, my Helen does something called bar Palates sometimes.

Yeah, so bar palates, that's, I guess, a sort of like mega mix between two conditioning forms of exercise.

This bar was more classical bar in that it is ballet moves.

And as you can imagine, it's very focused and it looks like nothing and it really hurts.

It really hurts me.

Do you ballet it up?

Do you wear those little ribboned up boots?

Tutu?

No, bare feet and leggings.

People, if you wore a tutu, people would be expecting a level of professionalism.

They would think you were taking, like, going to teach the class.

I bet bar palates is good as well.

What hurts afterwards?

Very small muscles in your thighs or in your glutes because you're working muscles that you don't use the rest of the time.

Yeah.

Great.

Where's the kid?

Where's the kid?

I have a husband who the kid is with.

The kid is with the husband.

That's good.

Okay, good.

Do you know the teacher?

Are you someone first name, terms it?

I don't usually go to bar class, but it was the only thing at that time which still had space in it.

And then I thought, oh, I'm going to have to talk to the others about this tomorrow, but I don't usually usually go to bar class.

Do you do an arabesque?

So you get a ball, you put it between your thighs, you've got to hold your thighs together at all times.

And then it's more like what you're doing is like the positioning of your feet that you would have in ballet, which like first and fifth and first and fifth with your arms.

And then you hold three kilogram weights in your arms and you do moves over and over again in very slightly different positions.

Wow.

So you're sort of really working those muscles and then lots of, I guess, core strengthening, but that would be on your hands and knees.

You know, when you sort of hover your knees a little bit off the ground but you do that for ages and then moving your arms and your legs and with weights right sounds like agony I'll tell you what I did yesterday I went to a bar class as well where I lifted a few weights if you know what I mean

drank those weights on a human being as you chair

do you think your decision to do this was influenced by the fact that you were doing this podcast today No, I've been working a lot at the moment.

I've got a job that's abroad.

And so if I'm here, my husband and I, we try and exercise once a day that's our free time out of the house really so in death in paradise you the new detective new detective i'd love to be the nude detective on death in paradise is there a new detective i want that job so much i want to be in death in paradise i think i can do it surely you don't think i'm i know he had gambling debts but surely you don't think i'm capable of murder yeah exactly let me step in i know a detective

hanlon yeah god

someone i will not review.

No, it takes a long time because there's many, many episodes.

It's not something you dip in and out of like a regular acting game.

But you're in Guadeloupe.

You're in Guadeloupe.

In the winter, though, aren't you?

You're there, and it's not always that pleasant.

Classic male comedian, middle-aged male comedian.

Yeah, I was in Guadeloupe in the winter time.

This is absolute classics.

They complain about anything.

Oh, this gig only pays six grand.

I got six grand for it five years ago.

It hasn't gone up.

So actually maybe because i spoke to angus dayton he was like a suspect and there you just go for two weeks but you only have like three days shooting that's the thing so maybe i don't want to be the detective i just want to be a suspect i don't even want to be the murderer maybe be just be the dead body yeah where did you speak to angus deaton i spoke to him after a game of five aside football are you in the same football team as him or gang I wouldn't say I'm in the same gang as Angus Dayton, but I'd say occasionally we've played football together.

Where are we now?

You've just done your class.

Have you had any lunch?

Have you had any breakfast?

No, now it's lunchtime.

And I went to Marks and Spencer's.

There's a small Marks and Spencer's in Crouch End, but it's lovely.

And it's very relaxing.

Marks and Spencer's, I don't know, again, this isn't an advert.

They're lovely to just walk around because

I don't eat meat, but I really like looking at all of the ranges and what they're thinking of and what people are having and what things are influenced by.

It's a lovely browse, Marks and Spencer's.

Anyone else is going to get a bag of stir-fry vegetables, and that's what I've got.

What I like to do in Marks and Spencer's is I get a pair of Lululemon underpants.

Cool, you do.

Tie up the legs so they're like a bag.

Yeah.

And then you can just use the waistband as a really handy carrier.

But you can put freezer stuff in one leg and non-perishables in the other leg.

That's the way I use my Lulus.

And then when you put them on again, they're really nice and baggy, like a much bigger man

has been inside them.

Just a question.

Sorry, say, just for the tape, did you have any breakfast?

This is the first thing you're consuming of the day, or did you have your toast or something?

I did.

I had a vegetarian sausage before I left.

And then for lunch, I had a stir-fry.

Okay.

Tell us about the stir-fry.

Give us the details.

It's just a bag of stir-fry with a sweet and sour sauce.

Did you trick it up with anything?

I did pop some avocado on there at the end.

Okay.

How do you feel about avocado on a stir-fry, David?

So long as it's put in on the end, I mean...

Yeah, it's cold.

Yeah, it's not warm.

What would happen if you tried to cook avocado, I wonder?

People do do it.

People do do heat them up, but they shouldn't, but they do.

They shouldn't.

Yeah.

Bullshit.

We all agree.

That is bullshit.

But there's something about the creaminess of an avocado and the sort of sweet tartness of sweet chili is a very, very good match.

Oh, good to know.

Really nice.

I don't have time to go into this, but I do sometimes wonder if I never had another avocado, would I miss it?

You know.

I've been swept along in the last 10 years by big avocado.

Before we recorded this, I went to the cafe on the street and I had an avocado with an egg on it.

And I was thinking, this is fine.

This is absolutely fine.

But do I love it?

I would say your problem there is that if you've got egg, you don't need avocado and vice versa.

I think you're doubling on consistencies.

So I think it's an either or situation.

I do think you'd miss avocado in certain circumstances, but never on an egg.

Okay.

It's a bit late now, guys.

It's It's rapidly heading for my poop chute as we speak.

It would be a weird reason to go and have like open

intestinal surgery to say, I've just decided I don't want avocados anymore, but I just had one.

So rather than letting this pass the course of nature, I want it out right now.

Oh, I heard a funny mix-up in the cafe yesterday.

There was an Italian couple, and maybe they weren't Italian.

They'd mixed up avocado with avocado.

And they're different.

They're so different.

So they'd ordered an avocado.

And when it arrived, you sort of saw him with a spoon going through, like thinking, firstly, what a weird thing, coffee over avocado.

Maybe it's delicious.

Maybe it is delicious.

But he took it back and the server was not great in expl rather than just sort of laugh it off and say, oh, I'll get you what you actually want.

There was a like, no, this is what you ordered.

So this cafe does sell avocado avocado and avocado so there's quite a posh cafe what's the worst way around is it worse to want an avocado you know after a nice meal and then to get an avocado in a glass coming coffee or is it worse you know, to get smashed avocado on toast?

No, I think that would be a lovely surprise.

I think you'd be like, oh, it's delicious.

I think that way's best.

They misheard avocado and give you an avocado.

Look, we need to get through this day.

We're at lunchtime.

How's the afternoon looking?

How does it spread?

Are you excited for it?

Yeah, I am because one of the kids is in the nursery, and by now, our nanny has come and she's taken Albi, the baby.

So I'm working, and it's boring.

And as I did it, I thought, this is boring, but I did.

I got some work done.

I finished something that was due.

It was due to Australia.

And so, by because I got it in Monday night, that means they got it Tuesday morning.

We're winning.

We're getting dopamine.

We're getting, yes.

And then I tried to print it and then my printer broke.

Is it a script for Home and Away?

Ideally, that's what I'm working towards, Max.

Yeah, of course.

The gold standards.

Yes, we're working towards that.

It's for an ABC show, comedian calls Naz Hussein, who's very successful in Australia.

So I'm writing two episodes or co-writing two episodes of his program.

So it's really great and working towards that home and away.

Wow.

And when the programme goes into production, say to them, Boy, do I have an idea for the theme music to this?

And give them a 26-hour version of Ulysses Jazz?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's going to be a long show.

It's going to be 13 hour intro, the show, and then a 13 hour outro.

They'll love it because we all know that TV is struggling

at the moment.

And what better than having only one program on a day because the theme tune lasts for longer than a day?

I just solved your problem.

One program on every day.

It's a BBC.

All I need to do is write Death in Paradise, a really, really long theme.

I'll get my dad to write the theme tunes for every TV programme.

We just saw TV.

What's really good about Death in Paradise theme is there'd be like a minute, you know, where you get the scene, there's a finance conference in San Marie for some reason.

Somebody dies, they find the dead body, and then the theme tune kicks in, and then you can sit there for 26 hours waiting for the episode to start.

And then when the theme tune stops, the next programme's theme tune will start, which is probably going to be, we've had Death in Paradise on a Monday, probably have the news on tuesday the news can only be once a week now because of the theme tunes and then wednesdays uh house of games house of games is now going to spread over a month because of the theme tunes thursdays extenders omnibus but that also means an omnibus of theme tune so that lasts until sunday

question

your printer doesn't work but you've already emailed it so you don't need to print it out it's all about the feeling of achievement so the process of printing it hole punching it putting it into my folder as in like the first draft is done it's very important so i've got all of my projects physically i can see them on my shelf

and i print off the notes that i get back and then i print off the next draft and so they all sit together in their folders it's very i find that part of it really satisfying i print out all the transcripts for these podcasts yeah yeah actually the ross noble episode did take out all the wine forest of ecuador so it's an issue sarah in doing these podcasts, we found that I can only do one impersonation in the world, and it's the sound of the buzzer on catchphrase in the 90s.

It's so fun.

Can I hear it, please?

Well, before I do it, I will tell you that, so there is an auto-AI transcript of this that comes out for

people who might like to read it.

And the word it really can't spell is this.

It's really good.

Yeah, well done.

Somebody sent emailed us to say his dad wrote it, and that was a really good moment

for us.

He wrote that beijing.

He made the beijing.

Wow.

Okay, we have hole punched.

We have put in our ring binding.

We haven't.

We haven't.

The printer didn't work.

I got it working this morning.

It doesn't matter.

It didn't happen yesterday.

So was it a paper jam or was it paper jam?

Yep.

I just, while we're talking about transcripts, because I know you had John Robbins on, I saw that he came up last week.

When John Robbins and I got together, and I'm just adding this because it's a really romantic thing, if anyone's early relationship, he, when we got together, he somehow got all of our text messages ever since we first texted each other all printed out and to pretend isn't that amazing so through these texts you see it's been like oh yeah see you at that gig on Tuesday and then you can sort of see where we start to like each other and the texts get longer and there's one where I say oh I'm just reading in the bath so he was like that's when I knew you liked me like there was all these points in it and then us getting together So that's quite a good romantic thing to do if anyone's trying to impress anyone.

I'm trying to think, like, Jamie and I, we remembered yesterday it was our seven-year wedding anniversary.

We've been together for many years before that.

But now, a book of, you know, the texts of he's down.

I'm really tired.

Could you get some bananas?

It's just not quite the same.

Are you annoyed with me?

Why do you keep snipping?

He's done a weird poo again.

I don't know what's wrong.

Make sure you wash your hands.

He has done a weird poo.

It's a fascinating thought, though, that Seamus Heaney dies and the correspondence of Seamus Heaney is goes to whatever library in the world and it's a cardboard box of, you know, all of his letters and things.

Yet we have these enormous digital footprints.

If you knew where to look, there's probably old MSN conversations of me trying to chat people up in 1996 as well.

It's frightening.

You know, I'm not saying I will win the Nobel Prize for Literature, but it's at least possible that my descendants will have access to this absolute useless dirge.

People have to put it in their will now, actually.

It's something that you have to consider, what you want destroyed, what you want to be kept.

And then it is, it's passed over.

You have, there are companies that run essentially digital warehouses where they collate and keep it there so that it doesn't get lost or deleted because that's what happens.

Because some people, you know, you lose a loved one and you want to remember them.

You think, think oh wow yes they sent me that message or that dm and you want to be able to go in and find it again and so you can leave it all there collated so people do think about that now that's interesting i did wonder about do you schedule loads of tweets for a time when you're definitely going to be dead like 100 years time saying what you really think about some people just you know just popping it oh no it's the dead max is just laying into you know some football manager or something yeah yeah yeah do that now schedule it for a hundred years and then you get hacked and it's all released when you're absolutely fine.

And then you're like, no, no, no, you can't be angry with me till I'm dead.

All right.

Okay.

Right.

So printer didn't work.

I then hung up some washing.

Uh-huh.

Because, you know, the washing now that's been sitting in the washing machine since I washed the bedding.

Hung that up.

Sorry, interruption.

Are we using a clothes source?

We've got a line outside.

And are you very good at it?

Because I'm quite methodical in the question.

Great question.

Great question.

Thanks, David.

The situation we've got is we've got a heated dryer that was recommended because then when it's raining, you can still do your drying, can't you?

But I bought one for outside because we don't have a washing line and it was much smaller.

Yesterday was the first use of it.

Oh, okay, the debut.

Yeah, so it's from our GOSS NOAAD.

So it's one that you can put up in the garden, like a big clothes dryer, or you can have it in the house.

You can move it around.

So it's not in the garden all the time because, you know, we play in the garden.

We don't want a big washer there all the time.

Anyway, much, much smaller, less tall than me.

I'd say up to my hip.

It's a small version of something that I thought would be big.

Got it.

Got it.

And is it kind of that sort of lattice?

It's the same shape as what you would think would be permanent in a garden.

It's a spider's web at the top on a stick.

Yes.

Oh, right.

Okay.

It's that one.

It's a pulley-pulley one.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

And it's great because you can pick it up with a handle and it goes all like an umbrella, all straight, and then you put it down, but it's small.

So I'd say you'd only get two towels on there.

Well, okay.

So I am thinking about drying a lot here because we are in an apartment here that doesn't have a dryer, but it does, because it's an Edinburgh apartment, the rooms are very large.

So I've been using one of the lattice ones that pulls up.

And then the other day, I happened to click the unlock on it, and the entire thing with all my clothes on it just fell down into

it.

It was about, you know, four inches high with all of my clothes effectively sandwiched like a sandwich press.

But I'm pretty sure, because it has sharp edges, it could have taken a fit, it could have guillotine, I could have lost my life to a dryer.

Oh my gosh, I know, yeah, Those little keyboarding hands, useless.

But I will say this.

The Lululemon underpants almost come out of the washing machine dry.

They're almost intolerant.

They're impervious to water.

And actually, these shorts that I'm wearing here, these shorts.

Because, you know, Willie vomits on them, like all over them.

Some you can just rub that off and still go into talk sport and no one notices.

It's like you don't change your shorts.

I have two.

I bought a deluxe clothes horse, but then I, the middle section, I like to put the laundry basket on it, but I put it on too hard and it snapped it.

So I use some string to tie it up, but it doesn't quite go.

I can't face buying another deluxe clothes horse.

And then I've got a secondary one, but sometimes in Melbourne, it's like it's hot.

And then suddenly it gets, you know, the night's coming in.

Or the, you know, suddenly it's just going to...

absolutely piss it down.

And I can just get them in the back door.

I'm just not quite thin enough to go in with them.

So then I have to sort of hold it like a sort of big, like I'm holding some sort of medieval weapon and i can just get it in but then we can't open the fridge clothes horse is max's follow-up to war horse

the successful book and play and it's the reviews are awful of it it's just him well i cast gavin fitness and he's no actor and that's the problem i honestly don't know how you went from a story about you being covered in vomit on your pants and then the story got sada and sada

that was the high point that was the zenith of this it was a little insight into your life like no it's broken i won't get it fixed oh i can't get into the house no this is stuck

with it anyway so we we hang out the clothes on the mini clothes uh dryer the spider's web oh sorry i have something here i believe that's called a hills hoist and i believe If you speak to New Zealanders, and one of our listeners will step in here, it's one of the inventions of New Zealand that they feel most proud of the spider's web

garden clothesline.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Hills hoists is great knowledge.

The next thing I did, so I have been selling old clothes on vintage, you know, that app?

I sold something and then I went to the post office and I posted it.

Oh, well done.

Getting all that done so quickly.

Yes.

It's very impressive.

What was it?

It was a dress that doesn't have the label in it anymore.

So I have to sell things quite cheaply if I've cut the labels out because I never thought I was going to sell things.

I didn't know.

Does it have the same price difference as like a Picasso without his signature?

Is it the same?

It's like a Picasso or a postcard of Picasso.

Right.

Why did you cut the label out?

Because it poked out of the back.

So it's like a dress that comes off the shoulders.

I don't think I ever even wore it, but when I did try it on, the label poked out.

So I just cut it off.

Okay, yeah.

And then I found it screwed up and I thought, oh,

because it's easy.

You just take a couple of pictures and it uploads and then people just buy it with their Affle Pay and you'd just send it to them.

Men need a store that has the right thing for their thing.

Like a Kenneth Cole suit made with ChoFlex fabric to keep them cool at their cousin-in-law's third wedding in the middle of July.

Whatever the thing, men's warehouse has the clothes for it.

Love the way you look, men's warehouse.

Trip planner by Expedia.

You were made to outdo your holiday,

your hammocking,

and your pooling.

We were made to help organize the competition.

Expedia, made to travel.

Did you do anything else at the post office?

We went to the coffee shop, even though by now it was nearly four o'clock.

So my husband came with me because it was the first time he needed to leave the house.

He was feeling a bit mad.

So we walked there and then we're like, too late.

We shouldn't have a coffee.

We shouldn't have a coffee.

And then we go, oh, if you have a coffee, I'll have a coffee.

All right, yeah, we'll have a coffee.

And then we both had a coffee.

Great.

What do we have there?

Same coffee?

Flat white?

Yeah, flat whites.

Yeah, flat whites all round.

Yeah, oat milk for me.

We looked in the fridge because they had some kimchi.

I just wanted to look at it.

It's Marks and Spencer's all over again.

I like to browse.

Sorry, I know we don't want to drag this on for Ross Noble lengths of time, but how is it that Italians have a double espresso after their dinner?

Yet if I inhale a flat white after three in the afternoon, I lie in bed jiggling.

Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know if that is genetic.

We would have to do some tests.

Yeah.

If it's environmental, as in if you always do it, you're used to it.

But I do know that caffeine has a half-life.

So it's how many coffees you've had cumulatively rather than

the time of day.

So if you've already had two or three in the day and then you have a fourth, you're a fool.

Shit.

Whereas if you've had one in the morning, which I would say is classic Italian, you've had one at the espresso bar on the way to work.

If you're then having one with your dinner, you will have less caffeine than someone who's had three before midday.

No spoilers, but do you live to regret this one?

I didn't drink it.

Oh, I had one sip and I knew it was wrong.

And then it just sat on the side.

And then this morning I thought about microwaving it but I didn't.

We're getting close to pickup time.

Yes, five o'clock is pickup time.

So I get really excited.

The only thing I can compare it to is when I used to date and that being excited about seeing a boy.

That's how I feel when I realise I'm going to see Theodore again.

And the whole like, are we going to make dinner?

And he's going to tell me about his day and being so excited to see us.

And then me and my husband quite often argue about who's going to go and get him.

But Steen won yesterday.

So Steen got to go and get him.

So I got to wait here, excited for him to come that's really nice i mean i get that ian definitely wants mum to pick him up from kinder because when i get there he goes i thought mum was picking yes

and then i say you know what happened at kinder and he's like good so i'm really excited to see him but within half an hour i'm like we could have probably picked him up half an hour later been fine oh

max i think for me you're absolutely right because you know they call it the golden hour it's so slow that time between you know four or five and then bedtime you know you were looking at watch going okay now we can eat.

God, now we can have a bath, but it's a long, but because I work nights most of the time, when I don't have a gig, it's so exciting to go, Dina's going to come home.

I can have a glass of wine.

I don't have this feeling of like, okay, okay, okay, get him to sleep so I can go out to my gig.

Or I'm so tired, I can't believe I now have to go to Leicester.

It's so great.

What's his thing at the moment?

Does he have a dinosaurs thing or a balance bike thing?

He's into Transformers.

So he came home and I bought him a secondhand.

It's not the brand of Transformer, but it is a robot that becomes a car.

He's into that.

He likes that because there's an age where suddenly if someone buys you a go-bot and you want a Transformer, you want a Decepticon, you're just not happy about it.

Yeah, he doesn't care about that stuff.

Also, I know it didn't happen yesterday, but on Sunday, we went to a kids' party.

And as we were walking home, someone was clearing out their house and they gave him free toys and he can't get over it.

His mind exploded like this is possible in the world.

And he keeps asking.

So he's got this Iron Man now that this man gave him.

He keeps going, why do you give it to me?

Why didn't he want his toys what

and i was trying to like get into the magic of it but also saying you can't just take toys from men and please don't go into people's houses

but yes they didn't want their toys anymore aren't we lucky sorry there's a potential delightful mix up here that he's obsessed with 140 volt to 220 volt electrical step-down transformers because you know that that's what those things are called as well that means you can use an american hair dryer in the uk yeah he actually wanted an afogato you can't believe he gone iron, man.

All right, so now we're in the midst of dinner, bath, bed, all this stuff, right?

That's what it is.

It's like stick the telly on, trying to stop my fighting because there's a lot of fighting.

We've got these things called towers, you know, so you can have them by the side with you, but they can't go anywhere.

It's a Montessori thing.

It's the children can be the same height as you at the surface.

They're brilliant anyway.

So we've got two of them, but it means that you can push them far enough away from each other.

You can keep them away from anything hot, but you can cook around them.

They can play.

All right.

And can they get out or they're sort of stuck in there well they can throw themselves onto the floor but there's no way of stepping in and out you have to put them in there okay so they're like little tall prisons prisons prisons yes yeah

but if you say montessori it sounds great yeah so montessori prison so we lock them in that until 7 a.m yes that's it and then and we have a we we go out and have a lovely night all right so you're all set at the same height yes that's really interesting so they can join in or they can snack or they can have juice and or do play-doh all messy stuff but they could do it at the side Again, not adverts, but there is stuff you could get so that you can get Montessori knives and peelers and things that they can help you with dinner prep.

That's what they're supposed to be for.

Yeah, yeah.

We've got those little peeler and scissors and knives and stuff that they use, yeah.

Yeah, that's cool.

So, what's for dinner?

What's everyone having?

We had noodles yesterday.

We had noodles, it's just different forms of carbs, isn't it?

Of course, pasta and noodles is essentially the same thing, but it makes us feel like we're not eating pasta every night if we have a noodles.

And are they uh, you know, Kazan is currently on, he's on a very, I mean, in many ways, you could see it as a mindfulness journey that he just wants plain

no flavor.

So I see it, he's just exploring the simplicity of plain pasta.

Yeah, so Theodore is much more in that stage.

He likes cheese.

He calls it like yellow, just yellow, which means like butter and cheese.

Whereas Albie, he's a thrill seeker and he wants chili.

He wants chili, he wants soy sauce, he wants spring onions.

Yeah, they want fancy stuff.

Deepest confession, in a way, I've never left that phase.

I'm still so happy with just, if I'm really hungry, i'll just put toast in the toaster and not even put butter on it just be gnawing on like what's basically a phone book of nutrition you know but also those base blocks are very tasty yeah

aren't they and not necessarily with without butter but plain pasta or pasta with cheese and a bit of pepper on it is delicious but the algorithm is constantly telling me you know this is how you get your child to eat mackerel i'm a devil i don't want to eat it myself but i want to have a kid that eats mackerel.

You know, and I mean, we just don't try.

Sometimes we do, but Sarah, is it bath?

Are you going to have a bath?

I didn't have a bath, but the kids had a bath.

They had a, well, they were diving.

They were just jumping and splashing as much as they could, and they called it diving.

So, in together, because that's an adorable site.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, this is

what I want.

I kind of,

I mean, there's probably something very profound in this, but I want

to be washed like a baby once again and because I'm a 16 stone six foot one man I'm gonna need big boys to lift me probably Richard Osmond and Daro Brian are the only two people I know who could lift me and then just a big bath full of toys you know what I mean

relief

get sponsored it would have to be gunk wouldn't it it would have to be a gunk tank and after the gunk they'd have to give them a lovely watch

normally after the gunk tank they never showed you andy crane Crane being showered afterwards, did you?

That was never on comic relief.

You know, bath time, because sometimes Ian's at a stage where sometimes he says he doesn't really want one, and then you're like, okay, you can go a couple of days.

The more I hear about Ian, the less I like him.

He's a great guy, but like sometimes he doesn't want a bath.

You know, he did brush his teeth this morning, so we can't.

One thing, if we get one thing out, we're pretty happy.

Can I just like, he doesn't have any like smells or anything.

Oh, terrible B.O.

Yeah, absolutely absolutely reeks of BO.

He's been wearing the same polyester shirt for six days.

Does it make any difference if he doesn't?

Like I would say this about all of these small people.

Does it really make much of a difference if you don't wash?

I think you want their bottom clean.

Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.

Yeah.

Yeah, back to that.

And their balls.

Yeah, probably.

I think so.

Oh, my God.

Thinking about it.

And their feet.

you know because he's barefoot he's australian so he's always bare feet okay right also it's just something to do it's just a chunk of time, is the other thing.

Yeah, it's like half an hour.

Once they get good at it, you can just sit and sort of watch and like.

They're fun, yeah.

Yeah, it is fun, it is fun.

At the moment, they like making cups of tea, and all that means is they're just pouring water from one container to another, and they go to me, cup of tea, cup of tea.

And actually, because Ian is so cafe culture, he does go, I've made you a flat white mama, you know, like that is,

and because you're as the Japan in the artist, you're like, Can I get three quarters?

I wanted a Cantado, I throw it in his face.

Yeah,

Okay, so bath time's good.

And then do you, do you do bedtime together in the same room?

Or do you alternate, take turns?

One of us will read stories with one, one of us with the other one, and then we put them to bed.

So there's a little bit of like half an hour rampage, running around, putting on sort of low lighting and things and trying to make it relaxed.

It doesn't work.

But then by half seven, they're both asleep.

Wow.

Great.

And then we essentially get into bed and watch a program on the laptop and then we go to sleep.

Has this always been the case?

This dreamy

going to sleep or is it something that you really had to work on and come up with a method for getting them both to bed?

It wasn't a method.

Theodore, you have to lie with him till he's asleep.

But the one-year-old, he's quite good.

If you give him a bottle in a dark room and then pop him in the bed, he'll go through a few words.

He's really sweet.

He goes, good night, mummy, good night, daddy, good night, baby shark, good night, bath, good night, walls.

And he names everything that he sort of can think of.

And then I'll say, love you so much, too much, I love you too much.

He goes, Too much, mummy, too much, and then I can leave the room.

Yeah, Ian needs someone next to him, and so quite often, you know, he's down at seven, and then 20 past seven, Jamie's like, Where are you, Max?

And I've gone to, you know, I was just out, that's it.

Great little mini nap.

Gotta take it while he can.

So, you're both in bed.

Then, what do you watch?

We're watching Blue Lights actually, because Steen had never watched it.

I've seen it and now we're re-watching it.

What is it?

Blue Lights is a police drama set in Northern Ireland.

BAFTA winning.

It is very good.

Very good acting.

I think it's very good.

Steen said to the other day, like, oh, I don't really know anything about, you know, the troubles.

And I said, the thing is, it's not just you're Australian, you don't know about it.

I said, I'm English and I don't know enough about it.

But, you know, being slightly younger and also, I'm not saying it's a really deep dive into history, but I guess the ramifications of the troubles sort of continuing to exist.

But it's a great BBC drama.

People who like things like Line of of Duty, I would say it's better.

All right, okay.

It's less silly.

Less silly.

And the third series is about to come out.

So it's a good time to revise the first two of your series.

Okay.

And this is an advert.

The theme tune is too short.

It's my own wish we have.

I think my brother might be in it.

My brother is an actor.

Yeah.

He's in a channel five one at the moment where he's a sort of down-to-nee type one where he's a butler.

And there are few more delightful things in the world than you watching something and your brother appear.

Like you just, you'll see it's a shop and you'll see a hand and I'll be like, oi, oi, I know that hand.

Because he can do voices and stuff.

Like he's from the north of England or he's from like the north of Ireland.

It's one of life's joys.

There's Mark.

Yeah, until you're watching Death in Paradise and then he says, surely oh no, and you can see he's got a tan and you're like, you bastard.

And you fall asleep watching that.

We wait to the the end.

But sometimes, this is why I do a re-watch on things: is that because of tiredness, it needs to be something that I can switch off.

That we don't do the naughty thing, God, I'm so pathetic, of going, let's just watch another episode.

You can't live that life, you will regret it.

You will regret it.

So, it's going to be good, but not that good.

That's your tagline for this show, Sarah Pascoe.

Good, but not so good.

You want to watch the next one?

Yeah, and also, Blue lights an hour episode, so it's really good.

Because if 20 past nine, you're not going to watch another one till 20 past 10.

You're not insane not insane you stop so nod off around 20 past nine then that's when straight to sleep put a podcast on put case file on because that's the easiest one to fall asleep to what's that case file australian true crime it's an anonymous australian host and it's mostly australian murders which as we all know are the worst and weirdest in the world and put you to sleep famously the most sleepy murders of all are australian murders yep that's true do you listen to that with headphones and staying asleep, or you both listen to it?

Put the phone between our pillows.

Yeah.

Whose responsibility is it to press stop the person who falls asleep second?

You don't.

You put a sleep timer on a podcast.

You put the little moon and you say, so turn off when podcast ends or turn off in half an hour.

Do you both wake up going, where did you get to?

Well, that's what we do in the morning.

How far did you get?

And then neither of us got very far.

So the next night, put it on again.

Right, so you're still on episode one, series one, episode one.

The whole cycle continues.

Yes.

What a beautiful day.

It's a great day.

Yeah.

I think it's a very cool day.

I don't think anyone's going to be thinking, wow, Sarah's got a great life.

There was a lot of admin.

Yeah.

There was washing.

Yeah, but you succeeded in the admin.

I'm amazed.

Like taking that address to the post office.

Yeah.

Bang, bang.

That is sending the script as well.

Yes.

Yeah.

It's got my work done.

Yeah.

Wow.

Well, I'm so happy that you will remember this along with everything when I keep sending you those texts for the rest of your life.

Remember everything.

Sarah Pasco, thank you very much for telling us what you did yesterday.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you for asking.

Great episode, David.

The most detailed, we've gone into clothes horses, which it was something we needed to do.

I mean, we've had a lot of Hoover chat in the past, but somehow the big question of our time, also very personally,

as the son of a jazz musician, I relate so much to the 26 hour.

My dad had a Ulysses, but his was just, I think, 10 songs inspired by passages in Ulysses that...

I think he did it with Louis Stewart, the famous jazz guitarist.

Anyway, 26 hours.

That's where I want to be when I'm that age.

It's a great sentence that you go, my dad also had a Ulysses.

Like, it's just not, it's just not a commonly said thing.

And also, I'm really delighted to know that not someone's buying a trading card with my face on it for $42, but someone is thinking, someone in Shanghai called Gavin Fitness is thinking they could get $42

for that trading card.

The name is fitness.

Gavin Fitness.

Toast of London, isn't it?

It's a Toast of London name.

I'm alleging this is you.

So

your aliases are now Max Rushton, lord percy of digbat and gavin fitness gavin expect a lot more of that going forward if you'd like to get in touch with the show here's how

to get in touch with the show you can email us at what did you do yesterday pod at gmail.com follow us on instagram at yesterday pod and please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform and if you didn't please don't

Thank you, David.

Everything's so biz.

I think let's keep doing the podcast forever, Max.

Yeah, for life.

And then we'll schedule tweets putting it out after we're both gone.

Bye.

See ya.

Hello, Max Rushton here.

You might remember me from Series 9, Episode 2 of Parenting Hell.

I'm here to tell you about Dog by the Bakery Door, the debut children's book by author Jamie Bruce.

Dog by the Bakery Door is a charming charming story of the magical things a little boy sees on a normal trip to get a coffee with his mum.

Perfect for newborns, three-year-olds, six-year-olds, all children.

Just Google Dog by the Bakery Door.

Here's a review from my three-year-old son.

Dog by the Bakery Door.

I have this book.

Full disclosure, the author might be his mother and my wife, but even more reason to buy it.

She is to live with us and a baby 24-7 has sacrificed her career for mine while also being an amazing mum to two boys.

Thank you, goodbye.