WDWDY #28: The Poet Laureate

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This is a real good story about Bronx and his dad Ryan, real United Airlines customers.

We were returning home and one of the flight attendants asked Bronx if he wanted to see the flight deck and meet Kathy and Andrew.

I got to sit in the driver's seat.

I grew up in an aviation family and seeing Bronx kind of reminded me of myself when I was that age.

That's Andrew, a real United pilot.

These small interactions can shape a kid's future.

It felt like I was the captain.

Allowing my son to see the flight deck will stick with us forever.

That's how good leads the way.

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Rules and restrictions apply.

Podcasts, there are millions of them.

Some might say too many.

I have one already.

I don't have any, because there are enough.

Politics, business, sport, you name it.

There's a podcast about it.

And they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.

But nobody is covering the most important topic of all.

Why is that?

Are they scared?

Too afraid of being censored by the man?

Possibly, Possibly, but not us.

We're here to ask the only question that matters.

We'll try and say it at the same time, Max.

What did you do yesterday?

What did you do yesterday?

What did you do yesterday?

That's it.

All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday, nothing more.

Day before yesterday, Max?

Nope.

The greatest and most interesting day of your life?

Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it.

I'm Max Rushton and I'm David O'Daherty.

Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?

Hello, and welcome to today's episode of Midweek Mayhem, brought to you by the good people of What Did You Do Yesterday.

I'm Max Rushdon.

There's David O'Doherty.

And whirring away behind me, like the last chopper out of Saigon, is Miel the cat, who's on the bed.

Just.

This is all you hear.

Just very distant.

Miel

the frog.

Now, for the tape, we've just had a...

sort of pep talk meeting the three of us to say come on lads let's keep it tight and david was really insistent keep it tight nothing less than 50 and i tell you we'll be at 59 minutes 32 and you'll be like interruption

just in our discussion of last week's episode which i felt good about yeah it was a good one it was raised that maybe i'd gone too deeply into the inner workings of promoting jazz concerts that's nicely specific so i say more of that back then yeah well let's begin with some feedback mars bars says this topic has blown up the inbox in a way we haven't seen since David tried to scupper the podcast with his incorrect cheese categorization torpedo.

We haven't had a lot of emails.

And between you, me and Tom Bazden, we should be slightly ashamed regarding the maths involved in Brian Adams' alleged summer of 69.

Oh, no.

You're going to have to tell Bazdin.

Trish.

Hi, guys.

I'm sure you've got many emails about this, but Brian Adams' summer of 69 refers to the sexual position, not the year.

Yeah.

Brian Adams confirmed on the early show in 2008: listening from Juneu, Alaska, while I run, often laughing out loud as I trot through my neighborhood.

I'm sure now the neighbors refer to me as the crazy running woman.

I've become a sad, cautionary tale for their children.

The jingle for their just normal countries is terrifying.

It sounds like a recording that someone's claimed to have made by contacting the dead.

So, before we tell about it, yes, this one is

D-A-I-T-I.

Who's that?

Dahi.

It's David in in Irish.

David.

Okay.

Hi, Marsbar and lads.

I always thought Summer of 69 started with the lyrics.

I got my first real sex dream in the summer of 69.

I always found the lyrics to be a bit full-on, but then thought it's Brian Adams.

He can get away with it.

It wasn't until many years later I was corrected by my girlfriend.

She said, what did you just sing?

And call me a pervert.

The relationship ended two months later.

I'm not saying they're connected, but I've always disliked Adams since.

So the 69, it's pretty lame then.

It's like

a summer of boob touching or something you know but also like a whole summer of it i don't believe no one's done that

you might be a rock star brian but come on some days you're like i'm just a bit tired can't we just watch cheers no it's the summer of this you said oh god it's could have been the summer of 96 then as well yeah or It could have just been the summer of 11 where they just lay beside each other just talking.

It's It's the summer of 66 just spooning.

What's that one?

What's the rest of the 67?

That's 67.

Matt says you'll like this one.

Hello, default man 3, DOD and Marsba.

I've just listened to the Tim Key episode and his Hugh Laurie is 30% more talented than Nigel Havers line really instantly reminded me of an old colleague.

We were talking about Soccer AM, Glory is, of course, and he couldn't remember Max's name.

We knew exactly who he was talking about, but played dumb to annoy him.

As time went on and without access to his phone, he grew more and more frustrated.

He then tried to describe Max to us, which led to the line, quote, you know, the guy who's like Dermot O'Leary, but 50% less handsome and 40% less personality.

He is referring to Christian von Hugenholt, the twin brother who is the consumer affairs person on BBC Breakfast.

I think we can all agree.

50% less handsome, 40% less personality than Dermot O'Leary.

At the time, and since, I always thought it was a really odd way to describe someone.

But after hearing Tim do the same, I'm wondering if I'm the odd one out.

Keep up the great work.

Love the pod.

Everything is show business from Matt.

You know, I take that.

You know, O'Leary's a talented guy.

Okay, I'll put this out there.

I'm happy with 50% less handsome than Dermot.

Yeah.

But I think I match Dermot on personality.

Wow.

Imagine if O'Leary and who's 50% more handsome and charismatic than me, Chris O'Dowd.

Imagine if O'Leary and O'Dowd start doing one.

Oh,

then we'll be in a lot of trouble.

Although, you know, O'Dowd, a listener's a football weekly, I could text him, get him on.

Yeah.

And, you know, I could try Dermot O'Leary.

I think I DM'd him once in

about 2014.

So

possible.

Yeah.

Now, Now, on our unpaid Lululemon sponsorship Odyssey, Lorna says, Dear David and Max, I saw these discarded men's Lululemon pants while on a hike in Werribee Gorge and I've thought and thought of you.

It is a blue pair.

It's a navy pair of Lululemons out in the wild, in the wilderness.

It was not a toddler or newborn-friendly trail.

Otherwise, I would have wondered if Max had had some sort of mishap.

Although I expect not, as that would have been a very on-brand anecdote, which surely would have been top of the list for discussion for the pod.

Anyway, as an Irish person living in Melbourne, I particularly enjoyed the combination of David and Max's yesterdays for Melbourne and Irish references.

Having previously lived in Edinburgh for years, I'm really looking forward to David's August yesterdays to complete the trifecta from Lorna.

Thank you for the picture of the discarded pants.

I hope nobody saw you while you were taking that photo.

The question is whether they're Al, the classic Russian size, or XL, the Odarity size.

Looking at the picture, which I have, I should have sent it to you.

You can't can't see because the strap is.

They're looking not in that bad Nick.

I reckon you can pick them up, give them a wash.

I'd probably ignore the advice of Default Man 3 Van Tugentot and do a 60-degree wash specifically for these.

They'd be good to go.

Still on clothes.

This is good.

Do you remember on the Tom Bazdinet, David, I was talking about how I used to get my friends to the pub and just give away clothes from some.

Well, my friend's Fiona is married to my friend Nathan, and Fiona sent me a picture of Nathan still wearing a soccer am giveaway jacket circa 2010 a green penguin zip up still there they're still out there guys this is very exciting wow i'm imagining sort of an oasis type vibe you know what i mean he's got like a can of beer held above his head and sunglasses on he's shouting in this picture you know no no he's standing there looking just like, what are you doing, Fiona?

I think that's sort of the general vibe.

Well, here's my question to you.

When you look at your wardrobe, what is the oldest piece would you say you have that's still in circulation?

I have a jacket from school.

Wow.

Do you still wear it?

I keep it now as a historical piece more than anything, but the collar is fully worn away.

It's the original Chino jacket, but yeah, it's quite nice.

I would have worn it still the odd time until recently.

I mean, it's a good question.

I've probably got some old t-shirt t-shirt lying about from 10 years ago that I just haven't quite shifted yet.

Not one for clothes, posterity, I would suggest.

You don't have a Shed 7 t-shirt that you got at a gig in 1996 or anything.

I don't think I've been to a gig since.

Oh, no, not this again.

Me chasing a goose around.

I'll tell you one funny gig.

Once, England got Casabian to unveil their England kit ahead of a tournament in France, in Paris.

And so I went with them on the Eurostar and was at the gig, still not quite sure why.

I played table tennis with them, and then I went home.

It was a very early social media days.

Don't think I posted about it, but they thought it'd be good to have Max just coming on the Eurostar with Kasabian.

Don't know if I traveled with them, but definitely played table tennis with them.

And then they went and did the gig, and I sat in the theater.

That's why people listen to this podcast because we're still like last week during a snowstorm in Heathrow, you decide to hang out with the reigning U.S.

Open champion, Graham McDowell.

And that was just a part of another anecdote about how you couldn't get to Australia to hang out with the now Mrs.

Rushton.

But you bury the lead a lot in your anecdotes where it's just some boring bullshit about going out to get cat food.

And on the way, you know, you drove into Morrissey's transit van or something.

And I don't like to shout about my credibly well everything is showbiz but you know the Eurostar to Kasabian I guess to play table tennis.

Ostensibly I went to play table tennis.

They said we need someone.

They couldn't find Desmond Douglas so they got me.

Now I've just discovered people's comments on Spotify.

This is a rich seam of content David.

Mark says I would definitely listen to the spin-off pod hosted by Jamie and the Helencopter, which is something we should do, isn't it?

Cafe News.

Mixon says, I'm furious that Max gave that cafe a five-star rating.

Having worked in hospitality, I prided myself in giving excellent service.

And that cafe owner angered me beyond belief.

Max, I'm a fan, but you need to grow a pet.

And the fallout is: I don't know if I've given the full denouement, is obviously that one listener, John, gave it a one-star review and says, Nobody upsets Max Rushton and gets away with it, or something.

So, just for the listeners here, Max goes to a cafe.

The listeners know this.

Otherwise, what am I doing?

Gets a lot of coffee.

The guy keeps asking if he's going to be sitting there all day.

max gets a sandwich and the guy is still like you're just going to stay here and eat your sandwich for hours so max reacts to this by leaving you left to no star no i mentioned it on the podcast and i named the cafe and then somebody gave them a one-star review i felt bad so then i went and gave them a five-star review and then i told the guy to take down his one star review so now all they've got is a five-star review and no one star review and so they've got a better rating than all the cafes i really like but i would never review because who the fuck does google reviews i haven't got time to do that but it turns out the one cafe i've been to recently where actually i had terrible service has got a five star review from me

it's a disaster

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On the Suze Kempner episode, Sean says, another classic example of Max assuming he could jump into any career in showbiz.

Suze suggested David could do a musical and Max is immediately in there with, we could do Joseph.

I love the self-belief, he says

mark says here's some praise for you and it was a very good line maybe the line of the series what is a horse if not an acoustic motorbike chef's kiss says mark yeah i really like that but you know can't just give praise without it's not a shit sandwich it's just there's an amazing five-star review on iTunes which will make you feel 10 feet tall oh wow which the leads with glad i stuck with it

been listening listening since the beginning I'm glad they got out of the habit of only asking women what they were wearing initially I'm not an uber feminist guy but this was a bit weird lads

was this an era is there an era of this podcast we just don't talk about anymore where we're just it was a different time

Do you not remember when Fatima Whitbread came on?

You know, when we did it in the 80s and we were like, oh, who's on?

Linda Lusardi.

Do you not remember?

Do you not remember those?

Vicki Michelle.

Do you not remember those years?

Anyway, it goes on to say, you'll like this bit.

Not a fan at all of David's type of stand-up.

To be fair, I don't really enjoy stand-up comedy altogether, but I really enjoyed David on this one.

So well done.

He sounds like this person wants more tales of jazz promotion in the 90s.

How have we got five stars out of this?

He's called us sinister perverts.

Then he says he's absolutely no interest in your work specifically on comedy as it is.

He does say, I'm a fan of Max's sense of humor and I enjoyed the gory days.

So there we go.

That's Ben Foe.

I'm with you, Ben.

Thanks.

Not sinister perverts anymore.

That would be a good heading to that one.

Heidi says, I don't know why, but I love this podcast.

I genuinely do not know why.

But this has quickly become one of my favorite podcasts.

I think I even enjoy the midweek mayhem episodes more than the regular ones, which makes even less sense.

But we only get four stars because Heidi says it would be five stars.

However, I've had to knock a star off as I now think I fancy Max and I really don't know what this says about me.

So any review we ever get from now on that isn't five stars, I'm putting down to you.

Imagine how she feels about Dermin O'Leary, to be honest.

Oh God, imagine.

She can't listen or watch any of his stuff, constantly giving one stars because he's so handsome.

She says, I tried recommending it to a guy I'm seeing, but he wasn't convinced.

He does enjoy my excitement about it, though.

So somewhat of an endorsement.

Everything is showbiz, in it for life.

That's almost the definitive review.

It's just, I don't know why I like it.

I played it to someone else who was like, what the hell is this?

But it just keeps coming up on my phone and I keep listening.

So I guess I like it now.

Somebody called Dylan Tibbs, who was in the year above me at school and has kept the school magazine from 1987, 1987-88 sent me a poem that i had written about dinosaurs would you like to hear it

i was in class 2a

imagine if i said no now and we just moved on

i mean we put it in the whatsapp group you've probably read it you probably don't need it if you don't want it absolutely we don't need it Not only do I want it, but I want to hear how it should be read.

You know what I mean?

The great thing about the Seamus Heaney poetry is, you know, because you look at a poetry book and you're like, oh, I'm not reading this, but then you hear him reading it on the radio and you're like, that's a brilliant poem.

Exactly.

Like John Hegley or like Pam Ayres.

Here's a Max Rushton.

An original from 1987, 88.

So hang on, what age?

2A.

I would have been seven, seven or eight.

So let's just give a bit of cultural background to it.

Okay.

87.

Thatcher's second term.

She's still there.

Pat Cash is about to win Wimbledon.

Stephen Roach is about to win the Tour de France.

Coventry City are winning the FA Cup.

I cried that day.

Is that all of culture?

Our references are so fucked.

Mousetrap is on.

There you go.

There's a reference.

Here we go.

I don't have a title.

It's just untitled.

As all my poetry is, as fans of my work will know.

In the sea, the sauropods lay.

Down in the swamp.

Whoa.

Stop.

You wouldn't laugh that quickly for a Tim Key, would you?

You'd let it breathe.

The sauropods.

What's wrong with me?

This is very insulting.

Sauropods are a prehistoric sea-living dinosaur.

I'm sorry.

You know better than me, as you know.

I don't know anything about

sauropods.

Let's have a look.

One of the most recognised group of dinosaurs.

Oh, no, the sauropods are sort of your

Diplodocus, your Brontosaurus.

But you've put them in the sea in the first line.

Sorry, I'll let the rest of it go now.

But

there wasn't much fact-checking in 87 at my school.

I think they're sort of in the shallows.

Okay.

There's a drawing, a pencil drawing of a triceratops just to the left, but I don't think it's one of mine.

I think, you know, it's a sort of collage of work.

Okay, start again, please.

Sorry.

Untitled

in the sea, the sauropods lay down in the swamps on a sunny day.

Long tail.

The sea and the swamps.

Sorry, the swamps are not the sea.

There's no sign of the swamps.

I'm only seven years old.

I'm seven years old, David.

What do you want from me?

They're down in the swamps, in the sea.

There's in the shallows of the sea.

It's sort of at the mouth of the sea and it's a bit swampy.

Okay.

It makes perfect sense.

Wow.

So what's the metaphor here is a sort of lurking danger?

Do you see what's come?

Do you see John Major at future political?

No, I see the fall of the Berlin Wall.

That's coming.

That's what this is about.

Oh my god, of course.

I see the breaking of the Iron Curtain.

That's what this is

in the sea.

The sauropods lay down in the swamps on a sunny day.

Long tail, big neck, rough skin, massive legs, plodding plodding along.

Massive legs.

Massive legs.

Plodding along, swaying aside.

Dark, dank face.

And the earth is crumbling wildly.

Oh my goodness.

Is that a haiku, do you think?

No, I don't think it's a haiku.

I think it's iambic pentameter that I just naturally discovered at seven.

Yeah, because the non-rhyming thing, like it's a funny one because the rhythm is so, you know, it's like that thing that contemporary poets used where you lure them in with a bit of rhyme and then for the heavy bit at the end yeah for the asteroid yeah you're on your own now yeah exactly in many ways people see me as the pioneer of that form of modern poetry i think anyway thank you to dylan tibbs for sending that in if anyone has any more of max's poetry

do not hesitate in sending it in to our podcast thanks dylan let's play their just normal countries ladies and gentlemen gentlemen, it's time for the one and only.

I am the one and only.

What country could I be?

I am the one and only.

Where in the world could our listeners be?

Welcome, everybody, to the one and only.

Previous guesses are Madagascar, Namibia, Costa Rica, Uganda, North Korea, Guyana, and the northern Marianas Islands.

Are we allowed to say what Marisbara said last week?

I think you threw all of your toys out of the pram, which was the closest guess had been no.

Okay, sorry, sorry, everyone.

Omit that from the record.

Russell in Sydney writes, hi, David, Max and Marsbar.

I really enjoyed the pod, but keep experiencing odd food-related coincidences while listening, which so far have involved grape nuts, guancale, rhubarb, and apple crumble, and the misleadingly named tea cakes.

My choice for their just normal countries is a place that uses gross national happiness as a measurement for how well the nation's going.

I believe that maybe a bureaucrat was given the task of identifying podcasts that the government can recommend the population listen to in order to increase the GNH.

The bureaucrat randomly chose an episode from series one, listened for about 10 minutes, and then thought, this is not for our people and immediately blocked access to what did you do yesterday for the whole nation i think you can guess which episode he picked i can't actually unless it's a kumar reference yeah it's got to be kumar it's got to be my

just normal country selection is

bhutan miles bar bhutan bhutan

so not bhutan it carries on i mean if somebody because it is winner stays on but you know what is going well david this is going to last until the cheese board.

What if it's still going?

And then really this podcast becomes quizzes, just quizzes.

Bhutan has had two listens.

Stop it, Marsbar.

That is insane.

That is the closest guess.

We've had two listens in Bhutan.

What we need to know is: did it only have one when the game started?

In which case, that could be a correct guess.

But this is very exciting.

The closest we've had.

Well done, Russell.

It's like getting one on pointless.

You don't win, but go, you get a lot of kudos.

Yeah.

It had zero listens when we started the game.

So it's gone from zero to two.

Marsbar's microphone doesn't work, despite being a podcast producer.

So that's why I'm relaying the information to you.

Bhutan uses gross domestic happiness then.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

And yet they seem to not need this podcast.

Only two people have needed it.

Just one.

Maybe one person has listened twice.

This is very exciting.

If you're the person in Bhutan, please, what did you do yesterday, pod at gmail.com?

Tell us what you're doing while you are the only person, or the two of you in Bhutan listening to this.

Unless you listened once and thought it's not for you.

But I know we'll take that.

You're not listening now.

So, why am I asking you?

I'm asking someone in Bhutan who stopped listening to this podcast to get in touch with us.

Hey, David, it was my day yesterday.

Max Rushton, what did you do yesterday?

What time do we rise and shine?

Well, rise and shine is not necessarily the words that I would use as we begin the 2nd of July, 2025 at 4 a.m.

Willie Rushton wakes up.

So Willie's the five-month-old.

But we're trying leaderboards.

Yeah, it does.

Yeah, we're trying a new tactic.

He's drinking too much.

Why?

Why?

He's in a bleak household and he's like, this is the only way to get through.

He's drinking too much at night, too much milk.

So basically, we've worked out he's going to get food at sort of two or three occasions in the night.

And if he doesn't want the food, I'm going to settle him.

Jamie's not there because if he can smell the milk, he might go for it.

But I don't have any.

And so it's just me rocking a baby for 20 minutes, 10 minutes, whatever.

The best way is when you just lie next to them and you fall asleep.

And by the time you've woken up, they've fallen asleep.

And you don't know what's happened.

Anyway, it's been quite successful, but at 4 a.m., he's hungry.

So Jamie arrives.

And I go to the day bed, right?

So this could still be the night time.

But at at 10 past four, Jamie comes in and asks for help.

Oh, no, which I am very sad about because this is my day bed time.

I've got in the day bed, it's like day bed time.

I suggest this is not a two-man job, but I say I will take over.

I hopefully, not just because it's my yesterday, and I want to get some points earlier.

I'm just thinking, look, Jamie has harder nights than I do.

I'm okay.

I think I'm okay.

Or like, I'm just awake.

I'll just go and do it.

Yeah.

And because it's food, you immediately start making king prawn in a box.

But anyway, it says food.

That's just what you start.

Anyway, so 4.10, I go back to mum and dada bedroom.

Me and Willie Rushdon are there.

From 4.10 to 5.05 a.m., I'm rocking a baby, pushing it back and forth.

holding it, putting it down.

Yeah.

I mean, it's my baby, it, him.

Yeah.

Putting the dummy in, he's spitting it out, putting the dough back in, rolling in this way, patting his bottom, blah, blah, blah.

Okay, so that's 50, 55 minutes of that.

5.05, Jay comes in.

She takes over.

I'm appreciative of this.

I go to the day bed.

So here's where you could say, I think I get half an hour's sleep.

5.41, Ian wakes up.

He didn't need to wake up.

Love this guy.

We didn't need him to enter the chat this early in proceedings.

He could have done a 6.30.

I'd have taken that.

I get into his bed thinking 5.41, you know i will say it's the middle of the night it's the middle of the night we need to go outside sometimes it works but he is awake we discuss life and the meaning of it for about 20 minutes sauro pods big on sauer pods he wants the loo then he says let's play lego and i say why don't you go and play lego i'm just gonna stay here and then he announces he says but you're my best friend so

and he's such a con man because

If Jamie's in the room, I'm not his best friend.

In fact, he wants me to go away, but she's not an option at this stage.

So suddenly I'm his best friend.

But when a three-year-old says, I'm your best friend, you say, well, I've got to go play Lego.

You know, so Lego starts.

And at six o'clock, he checks the time.

Interruption.

Yes, David.

Are we just building a straight-up tower?

Are we just building the classic wall?

There's a lot of wheel work.

There's a lot of making cars, taking cars apart, taking the wheels off their little bits.

What I tend to do is open a wheel shop.

So I find all the wheels in the big thing.

And then I put them in a little basket and then I sell sell him the wheels and then we put them on things but he says i can't find a oneer like a tiny thing or whatever yeah so then he tips the lego onto the floor all the like the thing that sound of the kind of lego going

you know just like it's actually a beautiful sound but sometimes you're like oh we don't need all the lego on the car oh all the legos on the carpet Where my brother is backs on to a late night bar.

And you know, the tipping of the bottles

into the large thing of bottles.

I I mean, that's the only thing that I can compare, the sound of the Lego monsoon.

Yeah, it's a very good analogy.

ABC Wednesday, Shifting Gears is back.

He has arisen.

Tim Allen and Kat Dennings return in television's number one new comedy.

What?

What?

With a star-studded premiere, including Jenna Elfman, Nancy Travis, and

hey, buddy!

A big home improvement reunion.

Welcome.

Oh, boy.

That guy's a tool.

Shifting Gears, season Premiere Wednesday, 8-7 Central on ABC, and stream on Hulu.

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Palmala Vultra removes up to 2.5 times the grease versus Dawn non-concentrated Palmolive's most powerful formula instantly cuts grease leaving you with sparkling clean dishes palmalov ultra click or tap the banner to shop now or visit palmalo.com he looks at the clock it's 6 a.m he wants just in time just in time goes on there's an episode about clocks that he loves yeah schnoozel schnoozel nine wants to stop all the clocks he stops all the clocks i think he's in sort of southeast asia he's then he's in jaipur and then he needs to get to london so he gets there on an elephant which is as we're flying to london soon he has on occasion said why don't we get an elephant tricky to explain that that is an impractical way to get from Australia to London.

But you could make a good Channel 5 show.

I sent my three-year-old to London on an elephant.

I get to work doing a lot of admin, dishwasher, laundry, Ian's porridge, my porridge.

Jay and Willie arrive at 6.45.

So she's going back down and then she's had a touch there.

That's really great sleep.

Yeah.

This stage.

I mean, no, but yeah.

It's all relative.

I've got the two of them.

I'm trying.

I I think Jamie's getting ready.

I'm trying for a bit of fun to be fun and a bit of ventriloquism.

So I'm using Willie as a dummy and I decided that Willie should be an old Scotsman.

I'm like, oh, Ian, look at me.

I'm Willie Austin.

Anyway, the reaction to this is...

It's so lead balloon.

It's like nobody thinks it's good.

It's the worst reaction I've had to anything ever.

Ian is completely ignoring me.

Obviously, Willie's five months old.

He's just going, why are you, this is not what I'm here for.

Jamie is like, this is the, the least funny thing you've ever done.

Oh, it's difficult to introduce a new art form.

You know what I mean?

If someone has no idea of, say, balloon animalism, and you just start wrapping, you know, the awful tension of wrapping blown up balloons around each other.

I see why the people would be, this is not good.

But at least with balloon animalism, you have the release at the end where you're like look it's goofy or pluto or homer simpson or whatever whereas this is just shit i'll also make the observation you should do cameos of you using

your youngest as a ventriloquist i mean

your default scottish accent is that more glaswegian one i'm going to call it to the ire of our scottish listeners yeah it's not a sort of edinburgh it's not a sort of beautiful scottish so yeah i'd be more like this, but I don't know if I don't know.

I can do that.

Hold on.

You see, it's easier, right?

Yeah.

It's much easier to do this kind of Scottish accent.

It is a surprise there aren't more ventriloquism pods, isn't it?

When you think about it.

Can you do B's though in your ventriloquist?

Because that's famously the problem.

So, I mean, I don't think it was seamless.

If I'm really honest, Ian knew it was me making the noises.

Scott is suddenly Scottish four-month-old brother.

He's not really aware of Scotland.

So I think that was a mistake on my part.

But the one person who is thoroughly entertained by this is me.

So I'm having a good time.

And it's whatever gets you through, right?

I've been up for two hours.

We're all in the room and Ian is putting a lot of wheels on a car.

So I put a lot of wheels on a car.

I suggest counting them because Jamie's there.

He just yells at me and says you can't count the wheels you can't do that what a stupid idea willie needs a napwalk jamie's gonna do it so she says i'm off and ian is very sad for 15 seconds but then i turn the hot wheels on and he's happy it's got four big batteries it's incredibly noisy and it does a kind of loop the loop or if you take the loops off it just shoots cars sort of across the room i think i've seen this yeah so it's well hot wheels were around in my day but they were just the cars themselves yeah yeah so now little track yes

The loop track.

And the joy of this is when you turn it off, because the noise is like,

when you turn it off, it's like

the silence is just, it's like the most atmospheric silence you'll ever hear.

It will be interesting when the e-car era reaches Hot Wheels and they'll just silently glide down the track.

Maybe with that slightly dystopian, you know, sinister chorus chorus sound that a lot of electric cars make just

8 a.m sophie arrives to look after ian we love sophie yeah she's the best i join jamie at our favorite cafe shout out to listener emily who is leaving hopefully not because of our coffee order coffee footnote the day before i'd ordered a strong three-quarter to go from another cafe as i was taking ian to the museum of play and art i left him in the car so i'm sort of like i'm running from the car to the cafe.

He's fine, but I'm running back and forth.

They hand me the coffee.

It's completely full, but I don't have time to complain because I'm late for the museum art slot already.

Actually, the coffee was totally fine.

They should know if it's wrong.

They could be getting a five-star review from you.

Okay, so I get to the cafe.

I have a long black.

It's great.

I talk tactics with Jamie.

We talk about our London plans, get the diary out.

There's been a little hat in lost property that's been there for ages and ages and ages.

Um, so they give it to us.

It's got little ears and it makes Willie look indescribably cute.

Yeah, Jamie takes Willie on a second nap walk.

I stay, get a second coffee, strong food or flat white.

It's perfect.

I do the script for Football Weekly.

Sit there going blah blah blah.

There's a bit of club World Cup, a bit of women's Euros.

There's plenty of football kicking about.

Chelsea have had that two-hour delay because of possible lightning.

Have you ever had on Football Weekly when's the famous day, 1958?

Today there is no news.

You know, that BBC report where there was no news.

There's always, there's just, when, when you think, oh, it looks a bit light on Monday, stuff always happens.

Like, it just never ends.

And now there's actual football being played all the time, you know?

And so, yeah, it never ends.

But you just have to be Swansea.

You've got a new physio.

No, no, we're allowed to be like, is anybody watching the Club World Cup?

I can't be bothered.

Like, there is that level of honesty.

And I think when you work in football, the magic goes a bit, right?

It's not your escape because it's your job.

But there are so many moments in a season which remind you why you love it.

Yes.

I think it's complaining about being paid to watch football is a risky strategy in my experience.

My experience, but it doesn't mean sometimes you go,

hull, West Brom on Monday.

Really?

Max, I work in the yesterday industry and I'm not sick of yesterdays.

I still love yesterdays.

I walked to the doctor.

Jamie is covered in sick.

It's not her sick.

It's Willie's sick.

He's got a little appointment.

So Jamie is like, I just am covered in sick.

Can you get here and just take him?

So I get there just in time.

And she goes home.

And I take Willie into the doctor.

And he's fine.

He's got a slightly dry back.

A dry back.

He needs more moisturizer.

He might need a little, you know, a little steroid creamy system.

But the guy's like, every baby gets this.

Don't stress about it.

Okay.

And then the doctor is like, you know, you just need to wear sunscreen all day.

You know, that's what's good.

Yeah.

And I say, Baz Luhrmann was right.

I say to him.

And he agreed with me.

About Moulin Rouge?

No, about that.

Wear sunscreen.

About that.

Oh, yes.

Zero song.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I walk to the chemist.

Willie's down.

I walk for an hour.

I listen to Sounds of the 90s.

The highlight is P.M.

Dawn's Set Adrift on Memories Bliss.

It is so wet out.

It is raining.

It is proper shit Melbourne winter weather.

It is like hammering down with rain.

And so on the high street, there's like about 500 yards, which is undercover.

And so I probably do that about a thousand times.

Just go back and forth and back and forth.

And then I am consumed by a ravenous hunger.

So I walk through the rain home and he's been down for long enough.

So I leave him on the porch and he'll wake up pretty soon after that.

If he's still,

he wakes up, which is actually slightly annoying.

Just be asleep.

I make some toast and peanut butter.

I'm not feeling 100%, so I make a hot lemon and honey.

Oh, no.

Big news.

Ian's got new bathers, new swimming outfit.

Oh, great.

Me and Ian are off to Brunswick baths.

Is he swimming in a special swimming nappy or is he now just a bad?

No, no, of course.

He's potty trained now.

He's potty trained.

He's not number two potty trained.

Before he was potty trained, you'd take him in the pool.

I just hope he didn't dump.

For sure.

Now he's at a stage where if he needs a number two he'll say i need a number two it's the great thing about being a sauropod in the slime they can just number two number one away it's not a big deal for them anyway i've mentioned it is very wet so we get drenched just getting to the car and getting in the car and he's saying maybe i'll go in the front maybe i'll go in the back he climbs in whatever door he wants then he climbs through to his seat but i'm in no mood for this because i'm getting rained on but it's okay we have fun with that he noticed there's lots of puddles he jumps in the puddles i'm in my second coat because my raincoat raincoat is so wet from the walk so i'm now in a coat that's not waterproof we get in the car we listen to the only cd we have in the car which is a play school jazzy street party it's quite fun i promoted them once in the 90s

had to get them out of an early house in order to make a flight back to new york

so i did listen to your bread meal day oh i told that on an episode we which is out soon so we listen to that humpty dumpty's you know got a bit of swing to it yeah You know, there's the cow jumped over the moon.

There's all the classics in there.

What's the metaphor of Humpty Dumpty?

So what's the first line of Humpty Dumpty?

Humpty sat on the wall.

He had a great fall.

Had a great fall.

What's that about?

I think if you're a big egg, like just be really careful where you sit.

Oh, it's so good that I've never had that sort of analysis of it before.

I bet it's about like Oliver Cromwell or something.

You know, do any of the listeners know?

Is it about like a politician called, you know, Sir George Humperton, who once fell off a, was a giant egg and fell off.

Can I just, for the tape, say, I don't mind if nobody emails us to tell us.

I'm happy in the ignorance of whatever it is.

Ian's bathers look sensational.

We're in the pool and

he goes down the slide a bit.

He asked me to come down the slide with him a bit.

Sometimes he does it on his own.

He's got two small Lego motorbikes, which are his and not mine.

We get a couple of noodles.

We turn them into a tunnel.

It goes through the tunnel.

The tunnel is closing closing and it's like

Is this one of those it's obviously a free swim with kids, but is there a serious lane in which older people are going up and down?

There's a kid's pool.

I mean, it's just me and one other dad and his two kids in it.

It's amazing.

Then there's a outside pool where some mad people are swimming because it's really raining.

But I suppose there's a beauty in swimming in a heated pool with the rain falling on your face.

You know, in a different time, maybe I'd have done that.

But I do not want to go outside.

Sometimes he wants to run outside when it's cold.

It's like, I just don't.

Please, let's.

And the automatic doors open.

You're like, oh, God.

But generally, swimming is actually a really, really fun thing to do.

He doesn't love swimming.

He jumps around in the pool a lot.

Some three-year-olds are already doing butterfly, but he's got some goggles that he doesn't want to put on.

He doesn't put his head under the water.

One of the other kids has a water pistol.

It gets Ian once.

He's sad about that.

He wants to go home, but it's okay.

He has a small yogurt, and then we're back in the pool.

So that's good.

I have a nice chat about how much it costs to to renovate a house with the other dad in the pool in the pool where he'sn't we're just chatting about life and that comes up you never said you got out of the subaroos you've just driven the subaroo straight into the pool yeah yeah yes that's bubbling away and the channel ends you've opened the windows so it's starting to fill as you just chab out the window down in the sea the subaru lay down in the swamps on a sunny day you know the row

Oh, there is one really funny moment where Ian, he says, you know, you can't do poos in the pool no, but he says, if you can, we in the pool.

I say, yeah, yeah, sure, you can.

But then as we're getting changed afterwards, and I take all his clothes off, he says, I just need a wee.

And he stands by the side of the pool and just pisses in it.

You someone say, try and be a bit more subtle about it than this.

That's famously, Tom Daly said that once, you know, where he's standing up on the high platform

and he remembers you're allowed to pee in the pool there.

He just wazzes straight off.

Well, actually, the synchronized diving, him and his partner both did exactly the same with the same trajectory.

It was a 3.1 difficulty.

You do a big piss and then you go bounce, bounce, spinny, spinny, spinny, no splash.

So we get home and

Jamie is still, I think she's still in the bedroom with Willie, who has a long nap in the middle of the day, but it has to lie on one of us for two hours.

Sophie's gone.

Sophie went ages ago.

Yeah, yeah.

I make pitter, humus, and cheese.

It's a pretty beige plate for me and for Ian.

And I prefer it to Ian.

He just wants some plain pitter, doesn't want the cheese.

Then we turn the sofa into a train, which involves him sitting on one end of the train with a small, Jamie's small Irish whistle.

If you remember recently, I sent you a photo of some Irish trinkets that Jamie was given by her dad in her childhood when she loved Irish dancing.

So one is a toot, toot, whistle.

So I sit in the back of the train and he tells us if we're on the train or not on the train, this is a really good fun thing because also I'm lying on a sofa, but also I'm playing.

So like it's really good for everybody.

It's why sometimes you don't mind doing a doctor type thing

where they're going to perform surgery on you because you do get to lie down fully then.

Yeah.

And if you say sometimes I'm going to lie on my front and don't whatever you do, take this back scratcher and softly rub it up and down my back for the next three and a half hours.

We've got friends coming over for the afternoon, Court and Raff, who we love and their daughter.

And our cupboards are bare.

So they bring biscuits and crisps.

This is a great time salt and vinegar crinkle crisps and some classic arnuts australian biscuits raffle nadal this is isn't it it's raffle nadal yep yep and carl court the former wimbledon and newcastle centre forward uh so that they play we all play together we do a bit of train but there's a busier train sort of a rush hour now in on the sofa there's some marble work and uh just a nice time it's you know it's quite hard to find good company with good kids where you like everybody.

You might get a kid you like and parents you're not sure about or parents you're not sure about and kids you like, whatever.

But like this is a great package.

Good company, easy company, very happy.

They leave at four.

Can't remember what happens between four and five.

Here's the highlight of the day.

Willie has a bath at five.

He really makes a mess of that.

He's not focused on keeping the water in the bath.

He's a lot of slapping the water.

You know, it's like a sumo wrestler just absolutely slapping the shit out.

Great.

Yeah.

Ian wants a bath because Willie's having a bath.

We've lost the plug to Ian's bath.

Oh, shit.

It was a bit of rubber attached to because we don't have a bath.

So there's one's just on the top by the sink, Willie, and Ian's in the shower.

But there was a little sort of the plug was attached to the bath and that broke.

So then we just had the bit that we...

we've just done really well not to lose for six months but we've got no plug this is a disaster yeah we're just thinking what could be a plug and then i try

a bolt from a mechanics set, and it fits absolutely perfectly.

And the elation and pride

I feel in discovering that this work, I want to tell the world.

I right now am telling the world, David, it was all worth it.

I fixed it.

I fixed the path.

It fills up.

I keep telling Jamie how amazing this is.

She says, Yes, this is good, but you know, it's not the most extraordinary thing in the world.

But it's great news.

To the listeners, I apologize for Max prefacing this bit by saying this was the absolute highlight of the day.

I think we all presumed it was going to be something a little bit more exciting than him just putting a dangerous piece of metal into his son's bath.

Oh, no, it's plastic.

It's plastic.

Don't worry.

And the great thing is, if we lose that plug, we've got loads more of those where that came from, whole set.

So this is fantastic news.

Now he gets out of the bath at about...

five past five ten past five so maybe the bath was a bit earlier but jamie is putting willie to sleep he's knackered it's too early for him to sleep but like he's got to go but he's not down yet and i've got football weekly so i leave ian in a towel with a bowl of pasta and say you'll be all right in front of the telly which i think is what you're meant to do

he's eating his pasta he's very happy series one of 24 you're gonna love this

I do football weekly, which is good fun.

I run into the kitchen.

There is some leftover massimum curry from a box.

Yeah.

And Jamie's ordered Thai in for herself.

So I have a bit of her Thai with my Thai.

I eat all that.

I take a vanilla bean yogurt from Gippsland back into the shed.

I turn on the laptop and there you are, David.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, we recorded a great episode.

We did with my friend Charlie Baker.

That was really good fun.

And then as we finish, I check my emails and our Airbnb we've booked in the countryside for the five days to get over jet lag has cancelled for maintenance issues.

I smell a rat there.

God, they've got a better offer.

It's bloody, I blame Oasis.

Everyone in Britain and Ireland this summer.

Bonehead is staying there.

It's really annoying.

And he's driven a Rolls-Royce into the swimming pool, like the video for Don't Look Back at Agar.

We finished the dat pod and then I see that and I'm like, oh, okay, well, I can't do anything about this now because it's been a long day.

So I'm in bed at 8.44 and I say, we'll work out what we're going to do tomorrow.

But it does play on my mind.

I'm too tired to play squaredal and I fall asleep within about a minute.

8.44.

8.44.

Yeah.

I mean, look, I know that.

You always do this at the end.

You always do this at the end.

I mean, there are, you know, it's kind of, it's different.

8.44.

So I had great sympathy for you when you got up at 4.10.

Yeah.

But if you're going to bed at 8.44, that is eight hours sleep if you were to be woken at, well, it's seven hours sleep, but you you know what I mean?

Still, you know, it doesn't work like that.

It doesn't work like look, I had a lovely day.

You know, I think Jamie finds it hard that I'm spending a lot of time doing fun stuff with Ian, you know, and she's sitting in a dark room with a five-month-old.

But it's all part of the journey.

We've decided

that we're just going to tell each other that we've got so much vim that we can't stop.

But, you know, there is an edifice there that my eyes are so small now.

Isn't there a quote that's sometimes said to parents that for the vast majority of your children's lives, they'll just be grown-ups or self-contained adults.

So, this is this magical, this is the most wonderful little journey you're on at the moment.

But it's funny, there's this reel that I saw, and it's a podcast reel.

We might do some someday.

And it's two women are saying, someone's reading out like a letter from an 80-year-old saying, you know, it was only yesterday that the kids were so small and their hands are so small.

And I would ring my mum, and I haven't spoken to my mum for ages because, you know, she passed away.

And, you know, and then, you know, and I just want to go back.

I'm back in my 38-year-old's body.

And my husband is young and lithe.

And obviously, that doesn't exist for Jamie even now.

And I was just saying to Jamie, I suppose, you know, that is the point.

You have to really embrace this time.

And these are the best bits.

And then Jamie was like, yeah, but I bet on day two, she'd be like,

yeah, yeah, you're saying this to Jamie as you hand her wet wipes to wipe the puke off herself.

Best days of our lives.

Shall I finish with a lovely email from Chris who said, Hey, Max and David, hope you're having a good day and had a great yesterday.

This is a wonderful podcast.

I thoroughly enjoy listening to it.

Your journeys through the everyday bring a joy and whimsy to the normality of life that I feel we all need.

Like many, I found this podcast because I was previously a fan of David and his tiny keyboard.

But this pod was my introduction to Max.

I have to say, I find him to be a great host and really fun to listen to.

He truly has cemented Generic Man 3 as my favorite of all the generic men.

I wanted to thank you for the interesting new outlook your podcast has given me on life.

Blimey.

In a few of the season one episodes, you were talking about how people should live their lives like they were always going to be on what did you do yesterday.

Yeah, that is, we're going to bring out a tea towel and a breadboard that says, live today like you're going to be on what did you do yesterday, tomorrow.

As I am someone who has an almost constant inner narration, the idea of telling people stories about my day was very appealing.

But I ended up taking it one step further.

At the beginning of the year, my daughter, who's three, decided she didn't want to wear nappies anymore and wanted to try pants.

My wife and I were really proud of her, so I suggested we take her to the local ice cream parlour to celebrate.

While we were eating ice cream, I decided a better application would be to try and make sure she always has a day worth telling about if she was on what did you do yesterday.

Five months later, she is toilet accident-free, and I'm fully committed to make as many days of her life as possible to be ones worth telling telling people about.

I just want everything in her life to be showbiz.

Thanks for the pods.

This listener is in it for life.

Thank you, Chris.

The number one potty training podcast currently on the internet.

Thank you very much for that, Chris.

Is that a category?

It should be, shouldn't it?

It should be a category.

So there we are.

Thank you, Chris.

If you would like to get in touch with the podcast, say, for example, on where Humpty Dumpty, the rhyme, actually comes from, from, or indeed anything else you'd like to tell us about.

Here's how to get in touch.

To get in touch with the show, you can email us at what did you do yesterday pod at gmail.com.

Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod.

And please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform.

And if you didn't, please don't.

Thank you very much, Max.

Cheers.