WDWDY #25: Why are you telling me off?

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Podcasts, there are millions of them.

Some might say too many.

I have one already.

I don't have any because there are enough.

Politics, business, sport, you name it.

There's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.

But nobody is covering the most important topic of all.

Why is that?

Are they scared?

Too afraid of being censored by the man?

Possibly, but not us.

We're here to ask the only question that matters.

We'll try and say it at the same time, Max.

What did you do yesterday?

What did you do yesterday?

What did you do yesterday?

That's it.

All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday, nothing more.

Day before yesterday, Max?

Nope.

The greatest and most interesting day of your life?

Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it.

I'm Max Rushton and I'm David O'Daugherty.

Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?

Just really quickly, I think are you able to turn your headphones down very slightly, Max?

Just because I'm getting a bit more.

One, two, three, oh, that's even louder.

One, two, three, four.

How's that?

One, two, three, four.

Is that better?

David, could you say something so I can hear on Max's headphones?

Max, what the hell are you doing?

You look like a sci-fi alien from the 1940s with those.

See, say I couldn't do improv?

What about that?

Right, that's fine.

Thank you.

Hey, ladies and gentlemen, I hope they keep that in because that was a little bit of behind the curtain.

What did you do yesterday?

This is midweek mayhem.

As introduced by me, it just feels more natural.

David O'Doherty's over there.

Welcome, David.

Hello, Lord Percy of Dingbat.

Already.

Another one of his characters.

Did you see that?

What did you do yesterday Instagram account?

It popped out the Lord Percy of Dingbat, David Squires.

And so I sent it to Carrie Ad, who I don't know at all, as we established.

She sent a heart emoji back.

So that was good.

Yeah.

That's not my way of trying to get into ostentatious.

I just

thought she'd like to see it.

So lots of people have been in touch about Justin Morehouse's day.

I mean, it went down very well, didn't it?

Yeah.

Stewart says, this is your Ulysses, your Moby Dick, your Mona Lisa, your Sergeant Pepper, a Hall of Famer, one for the ages.

Simon says, fucking hell, this had uncut gems level of stress.

A brilliant reference, isn't it?

Because at the end of that film, you're just like, you're on edge.

It was like, I didn't think I had any psychological problems, but at the end of Uncut Gems, I thought maybe it had given me some.

There was a few key elements to Moorhouse.

The fact that he's a vegan trying to get bacon.

at six in the morning, like the dim half-light of the half-open Tesco or wherever he's going, and then the rising panic of traffic, of rush hour is about to come and then the other element where he's driving through rush hour in just a little French van so if we had shot this I think as a piece of drama you know there'd be sounds of cars beeping every time he showed the traffic and then it would just cut to gentle accordion music while he's sitting in the like it's even smaller than a two CV That is actually, once we make billions out of this, David, that's such a great idea that we take each episode and we cast the person in it and then we release it as a dad.

It's Justin Morehouse having to act being in that van, doing exactly what he did yesterday.

Liam says that Morehouse episode is mad.

I felt tired listening to it.

And I was decorating for nine hours yesterday.

I feel like I should send him some Huel bars.

I'm not really sure what's in a Huel bar, but you know, we're the only podcast currently not sponsored by them.

So I for one, have them for breakfast.

Another Huel.

I've had six Hules already.

The Munt says, like Max, an expat living in Melbourne, listening into Justin describing the coffee van.

That sounds familiar.

Bit of googling later.

Thought I recognized it.

Yeah, it's at the end of my brother's street.

I mean, this is similar to the people who saw Adam Buxton running along

the train platform.

It's when what did you do yesterday intersects with actual real world?

Well, we have that because Subban Gill, I hope I pronounced that correctly, and I think you sent this to me, David, says, I never normally email, but this literally just happened 30 minutes ago.

The most bizarre occurrence to be sat in traffic listening to what did you do yesterday midweek episode on a Saturday morning when David O'Doherty literally walked past my car with this bright orange bag and blue hat on his way to Bristol Temple Meads.

I was lost for words.

I couldn't believe he was on my car stereo and walking past me simultaneously.

Alas, I had nothing only for all the things I should have said once he had disappeared into the distance.

So the only time that's ever happened was

for me

was in the depths of the pandemic.

I was cycling on Akal Island and at a little junction, there was a car there

and I heard one of my songs playing in the car.

Really good.

Okay,

so like i've released some albums they've never gone platinum or whatever you said was the pity so it's obviously someone so i wave like that in the car

and then

the person uncomfortably looks over and then i point to my ears which strikes me as the only thing to do and then they just drive off uncomfortably okay

so they didn't know it was you they didn't know you were singing.

So at dinner that evening, mom in passing mentions, oh, they played a song of yours on the radio today.

I see.

So they just played it on the radio, and this maniac, and this was kind of at the height of paranoia, of like, don't open your car windows, COVID will get in.

This guy just appears beside the car.

The absolute height of the pandemic, I was in Tesco's, you know, the self-service checkout, and I just got a bit of dust in my throat.

and I had the worst coughing fit like I have ever had and honestly people looked at me like I was a leper it was amazing it was just like people like running out of Tesco's you know it was that time when you were like what's happening here are we all about to die I understood the stress and there was me you know just trying to find a toilet roll I just and I the thing is I tried to hold it in because I was like I was so aware I was like I mustn't cough I mustn't cough I was like hold up swallowing it a thousand times so when it started it was just completely there Chris has been in in touch.

And we mentioned this on the Tim Key episode, but he's, it's so brilliant.

He says, all I can say is I'm a very, very bored man.

Good to see that season two is moving to be much more in line with the high performance listenership with the average wake-up time shifting more than an hour and a half earlier.

Things are being skewed a little by Tom Rosenthal insisting his day began at midnight.

He has gone through every episode, and this is something I dreamt of doing when we came up with the concept.

He's gone through every episode and written down the wake-up time of every guest and he's averaged out season one 8 14 a.m and season two 6 37 a.m oh my god okay rose and tarl at midnight really does you should take that out i think statistically of

yeah well maybe you're right i mean that is when he said he woke up the thing is in season two we haven't had any really we haven't any late ones and in season one we had sanders 1015 matafeo 10 a caster 10 30 maddox 11 still the outlier.

It's the latest wake-up is Jamali Maddox at 11.

And I suppose the earliest wake-up is Tom Rosenthal at midnight.

You know, there's a few 5 a.m.s.

And of course, Tim Key famously 4.35 a.m.

by The Intruder.

But that hasn't made it on the list because it was after Chris did the list.

But thank you.

Thank you, Chris.

Is there a trend here?

Do you think, Max?

Are our guests becoming more high-performance?

I think it's too early to say.

Obviously, I think we ended series series two on Sunday.

So welcome to series three, by the way.

Yeah.

Warm welcome to series three.

We're back after a hiatus.

What have you been up to, David, since series two?

We've both been busy.

Our diaries are so, honestly, there's so much in my diary.

It's insane.

But like, it's so great to be back.

So nice to see you.

I just had my team renegotiating me a much bigger deal for this.

For this.

AI, for series three.

They were like, you can't have him for series three no you'll have to really have to wet his whistle for him to do right series three well i remember because i was about to get i was in los angeles i'd given the pen to david d'acovney because i thought you weren't coming back but as it turns out you're back in and i must admit david dikovny was very very disappointed but yeah well done for getting yourself a million pound pay rise i haven't seen a pattern yet but but i did have this dream chris is clearly has nothing to do and he is now our senior statistician.

Could he go through some other things?

I'm trying to keep this episode out of the toilet, but could he go into breakfasts, lunches?

Could he see a pattern bedtimes?

Surely bedtimes is the next one, isn't it?

Average duration that people are up for could be interesting as well.

Because I think eventually we'll give all the evidence to, what's his name?

David Spiegelhalter.

He's always on more or less.

And we'll find out how people live their lives.

What we need to do, David, is to get guests to weigh all the food they eat.

Phil Wang weighs this spaghetti.

If everybody could weigh everything and say,

I had 400 grams of, because guests famously like the fact there's no prep.

Now it's saying, could you weigh all the peas you eat yesterday?

Could you photograph your turrets and send them to us?

Max.

Yes, David.

I don't chip in here with the current.

This is, although it's not a format, generally you read through i read it and it's new to your ears so you get the natural reaction i've editorially selected what i think is good after mars bar he's got rid of the flotsam if you're upset your email hasn't been read it's probably because it hasn't got to me it hasn't passed the high bar of mars bar

i've got one for you though okay good stuff now is it positive it doesn't sound you've the way you've begun it's okay it's fascinating it's absolutely fascinating and it threatens to shake this podcast to its foundation.

Okay, well, now I'm very excited.

I'm going to take a swig of 6% beer for that.

The reason.

6%?

Well, I didn't do it intentionally.

Jamie bought me a bottle.

She didn't check the percentages, but it tastes really lovely.

I mean, obviously, in a blind lager taste test, I wouldn't have a clue, but I feel like it's my favorite one currently.

And it's in a glass bottle and it says reservoir on it.

So it must be posh.

Well,

this

email could turn the world upside down such that your future will just be drinking bottles of special brew under a tree in a small rural town.

And I hope that's not the case.

I just say before you get into it, David, recently I managed to kill another TV show at the project in Australia.

It's actually a great shame.

It's a really good TV show.

And I only just stopped getting involved and now that's gone.

So actually this podcast might just be a bit of fun to you.

Actually quite important for the nutrition of my children.

Let me just go into that a tiny bit.

My question is, because you had just joined the project in the,

I mean, death spiral is too strong a word to use.

I think it was absolutely flying when I did my first show in sort of mid-August.

And it's taken less than a year.

The irony was, not only was I booked to host what is now the final show, and they've actually given it to the main guy, I was actually booked for my first full week of the year.

of hosting.

You know, I did a few days just before Christmas, but this is my full week.

I was booked for the full week this was great is the week after it is no longer on the television which does bear a striking similarity to the fact that i had an audition for neighbors on the friday and they cancelled the whole show on the thirst

oh no the angel of death

let's not give him an audition

i was on the project twice oh so i also feel some sense of loss but my main question is i'm sure they made some emotional montages of the various hosts laughing to each other over the years.

Oh, yeah.

Will I make it?

Will I make it?

I doubt I'll make it.

You know, exactly.

The current hosts were like, well, you are rostered down to host the last one.

We should get you on.

And I thought maybe either I'm on the desk, but they just don't, I don't say anything.

for the whole hour, just there.

And then I say the last goodbye.

Or maybe I'm not on and they just say, and as is customary in these situations, we leave you with Max Rushton singing Someone Like You by Adele, and then a cappella.

I'm just there,

just one spotlight, and I just belt it out.

And, like, amazing, not I can't sing it, but in the next two weeks, I've learned how to sing it amazingly.

And the people are like, Oh my god, listen to this guy.

So, anyways, work to do on that.

Just the clarinet in your hands that you occasionally

actually on that.

I will say this.

This is a great story.

Fuck knows why I sang that song.

It's amazing.

This is amazing.

Must have been 2013.

Maybe a bit earlier.

I'm not sure.

It was during the Soccer Aim Glory years.

And Chris Kamara had organized, and I love Chris Kamara.

He's a great guy.

And he has a place in Tenerife and I think a share in a bar in Tenerife.

And he was doing a charity thing with the soccer satellite lot.

So Merce, Letissier, Charlie Nicholas, Ian Dowie, Phil Thompson.

For listeners who've done this,

David will do a separate podcast meeting at the Wikipedias of these plans.

Anyway, Jeff Stelling couldn't make it the last minute.

They said, Look, could you come and be like us sort of?

I wasn't hosting it.

I was doing something.

I'm not sure.

And I went, Yeah, sure, why not?

It was one week, I had four days there, and I come back.

The last soccer in the season, I was off for the summer.

Parts of it were quite incredible.

I was rooming with Ian Dowie

One night, I think we had a few beers, gone to bed.

Of course, he did.

I went to bed at about one in the morning.

Oh, no, he had peed in your shoes.

Not quite.

But I'd got up and I was just, I was in the shower and I'd locked the bathroom door and he just broke the bathroom door and went, CRAMA!

I was like, what are you, why are you doing this?

This is weird.

Anyway, and that night he was like, you're out with the party meister tonight.

So you better raise your game.

The party meister, Ian Dowie.

A nice nice guy, as it turns out.

Next morning, I was uh in the toilet, sitting on the toilet.

Once again, door.

What are you?

Why are you doing this?

I'm just sitting on the toilet.

But anyway, Chris Kamara had a bar and he used to sing songs.

And I was quite drunk, so I sang that's live, Frank Sinatra.

I can do that.

I can do that.

The Blue Rinse Brade were in there, and the audience was incredible.

It was all like 80-year-old women.

They all liked that.

Next day, they had a guitar.

I was like, okay,

I've just started learning.

I sang.

I did sing someone like you to a crew i don't

i'd sang a couple of other songs can't remember what i mean i must have been really quite drunk but anyway cami took me aside he went like this place was pretty dead everyone was 80 and he just came in

you've killed it in there not in a good way

Anyway, I digress.

Do carry on.

Was he being serious?

I think so, yeah.

He just sang don't let the sun go down on me or something.

Anyway, I have nothing but total love for that man.

He's an amazing guy, but do carry on.

Hi, Max, David, and Michael.

Love the pod.

This is from Harry.

In particular, I appreciate your policy of needing full honesty, asking the guests to leave everything about their day in, warts, farts, sharts, and all.

Yeah, good.

Okay.

Okay.

I'd be worried if I was you now.

Oh, God.

So it's fair to say I was a bit disappointed when I listened to a recent midweek episode to find the same policy doesn't extend to those episodes as well.

Oh, dear.

I was walking my dog through the park a few weekends ago when I saw a game of football being played.

As any football fan knows, you can't just walk by a game in the park.

So I stopped to have a watch.

It's involuntary.

So as I wandered to the sideline, what I wasn't expecting was to see one of the world's most iconic players on a random pitch in Melbourne.

Not Messi, not Ronaldo, but none other than default man 3.

I watched for about 10 minutes as Max dictated play, not in the style of a Stevie Gerrard, but by literally dictating what his teammates should do, shouting, shape, shape, shape.

And Henry, you got to go.

As Max himself got his breath back on the halfway line as the action unfolded around him.

Okay, here we go.

Here's the tricky part.

The part of the match I thought Max might bring up was his little moment of petulance, deliberately kicking the ball away from an opponent to waste time and getting himself booked in the process.

What part of what happened in your match last week that I asked you about thought you could leave out a booking?

Something previous guest Gary Lineker never got in his entire career.

So, Harry goes on.

A textbook act of shithery.

This is the content the listeners need, not a truncated count of how many farts you've done during the day.

Keep up the great work.

Everything is show biz, Harry.

Oh, that's great.

The ball is not so much in your court, but has been kicked away from your court to waste even more time.

I just don't.

I don't think that was the game where the game fell on my yesterday.

So I wasn't giving, I was just giving you the tiny detail.

I'm surprised I didn't bring it up.

Yeah, it was absolutely brilliant.

They were young.

They were fast.

We were winning.

They got a free kick.

And it was really awful.

It was just awful form.

But I just waited until the guy was standing over it and I just toe punted it.

So he's, hang on, he's about to take the free himself.

He'd put it on the floor and he'd walk back a bit and, you know, like stuff was happening.

Some of our players are over 60.

Like, you know, we all need a breather.

And some of our players like to try and get on with it quickly.

And I'm constantly saying, slow down.

The funniest bit is when he heard, you've got to go, Henry, because fuck, I showered that a lot.

Cause Henry, the anesthetist, he can run for fun and I can't.

So like, if we're on the pitch together, I'm saying, he's like 20 yards behind me.

I'm like, you need to go, go over there.

It's like a dock.

Go over there, go over there.

But yeah, it's actually, I've been booked twice this season, which is, I don't think I've ever, that's ever happened to me before.

The other one was when I was not even on the pitch, and I had a word to one of their players.

It got a bit heated, and I was trying to, he had misheard what one of our players had said and had accused him of racism, and it wasn't that at all.

And so I just said, no, no, no, I just said, look, we wouldn't have someone on our team who did that.

And the ref saw that I'd gone to that player and ran over laughing and gave me a yellow card.

And I was like, well, this is ridiculous.

Guilty as charged.

It's an amazing email.

Okay, I like that you've just accepted it, but I do have in my mind now, just particularly from the Lineker chat where you bored Lineker by wazzing on about the different positions you've played on the pitch.

In my mind now, you're like a grizzled 42-year-old Italian who's still playing for Brescia or Barry or one of these teams, you know what I mean?

Whose only job is to throw the ball into the crowd, to do the hands down motion a lot of like, let's just slow it up.

One of those players that

you hate him, but you'd love him if he was in your team.

Hey, well, look, interesting.

Big 2-0 win at the weekend against quite a good team, young team.

And I played the first half in centre mid.

We were 2-0 up at halftime.

I got one assist to Quentin by heading the ball, heading a goal kick, flick on that he

then ran on and scored.

And we kicked them a lot.

They were young.

At halftime, they were like, I was off the pitch second half chatting to their guys.

They were like, you're really filthy.

I was like, we're not really.

It's like, yeah, you are.

And I was was like, yeah, but no, you're faster than us.

What are we going to do?

It's kind of the beauty of the game is that the shit outsurrey to listeners who aren't football fans

is generally just bending of the rules.

But then what I do like about it is that upon the final whistle, there is...

nearly always just, ah, well,

I remember playing

Finchley away, and that was fucking awful.

There was one guy who literally was like the meanest person.

Like there'd be a goal kicker and then he'd just punch you in the stomach.

Like he was horrible.

It was really horrible.

And at the end of the game, he went, oh, good battle, mate.

Can I have a photo?

And I was like, are you?

You've literally been punching me.

Like, the rest start looking at you just like punch me in the face.

But I was too polite to say no.

I was like, yeah, all right, fine.

Jim says, on the subject of which politician, the highest level politician who would do the pod, makes a good point.

He said, Ed Davy, leader of the Lib Dems, would be all over an appearance.

Oh, yeah.

He'd have probably been hang gliding, skidooing, or such like during his yesterday.

It's a good point.

Yeah, I think he actually admitted it during the last election in the UK, was that no one cares about the Lib Dems.

So all I can do is set up a press call every day where he,

whatever, just goes canoeing at a banana and talks about unemployment.

Today I'm going to throw a toaster over the house to tell you about the electronics industry and our plans for it.

Carmen says the podcast is brilliant for sleeping.

This is an iTunes review.

I just listened to the Joanne McNanney episode where Max was discussing how guests attempt to go to sleep, his own attempt at gimmicky drop-offs being disrupted by not being able to readily think of food, starting with D.

Oh, yes, I remember.

I thought I'd let you know that I now try to go to sleep by playing my own podcast of What Did You Do Yesterday in my head.

I start with yesterday's waking moment and run through my day.

I've never yet made it to lunch without falling asleep.

Preach.

We can relate to that.

Also, validates to not play the podcast while long distance driving.

Thank you for your joyful and relaxing take on the lives of your guests.

I genuinely love your podcast.

Thank you very much, Carmen.

That's good to hear, isn't it?

Now,

I made a conscious effort, and then we did get one really disappointed email about the amount of shit talk there is.

And that corresponder has stopped listening to Midrick Mayhem.

So I'm going to read it on a weekend pod so he can hear it.

But hang on.

Was he disappointed that we weren't talking about shit enough?

Or we were talking about shit again for a while?

Very much on the contrary.

How much he loves the podcast, but I think he said the bath of cum was the final straw.

But anyway, we...

Fair enough.

Fair enough.

What a great sentence.

I was thinking about for our live show, the merch, the t-shirt opportunities are so great, but the bath of cum was the final straw.

would you wear that on a t-shirt not sure you would anyway so maybe we maybe we limit it to one per episode i mean most of our correspondence is on this subject but julian says hello there max's recent flatulence count means he can join samuel peepys as one of the great chroniclers of history Pepys recorded that on the 7th of October 1663, he began to break six or seven small and great farts.

As Max can outdo Sam on the numbers, perhaps Midweek Mayhem will be as great an insight into today for future historians as Peep's Diary is for Restoration fans.

We can't stop talking about them now.

I just saw a wonderful work in progress show.

I don't think she'll mind me saying one of my favorite bits.

Josie Long is putting a show together, Friend of the Pod, for the Edinburgh Fringe, but she just has a throwaway line about how when she's buried, she's going to steal a Mesopotamian helmet from the British Museum and be holding a Mark IPA.

And she'll be buried with the two of those.

Just so archaeologists are like,

we knew nothing.

We thought we had a handle on these people, but we know nothing.

That's great, isn't it?

Sutton Who and a Tamagotchi.

You'd be like, oh, the fucks, this is weird.

Okay, so here is the shit.

Message from Kath.

Hello, recently I spent four nights in hospital recovering from hip surgery.

Despite the numerous consultations with various medical professionals and being provided with a 45-page PDF on what to expect from surgery, not once was the effect on the bowels mentioned.

Night two, I woke at 3am with enormous stomach pressure.

Unable to tell if it was a fart or a poo, I rang the call bell and got wheeled to the bathroom.

The poor nurse stood outside the door while I farted non-stop for 15 minutes.

The quietness of the sleeping ward with the massive echoing bathroom made the sound absolutely deafening.

Back in bed, I put on your podcast to help me come down from the sheer embarrassment, only to hear your version of Siga Ross complete with Symphony of Farts and be forced to relive the horror.

Set us carefully.

Love the podcast from New Zealand.

And then I think this may be Gaelic.

Enga Mihi.

Is that Gaelic?

Was that Maori?

I don't know what it is.

It's just the solid tone in the hospital.

That is so funny.

Just this cursed sound that

I'm also imagining it's, I've moved it now to the sort of Serengeti of last week's writer who, you know, I'm imagining the flamingos shooting up into the sky.

That's indeed Maori.

Thank you in Maori.

Thank you, Kathy.

Anonymous.

Hello, Max and David and Marsbar.

I know we're going on a little, so this is the last one.

Then we'll do, they're just normal countries.

Hello, Max, David, and Marsbar.

I'm leaving this anonymous as I don't want my sister to realize my mediocre neglect.

I mind my nephew a number of days a week.

and while he is a delight, his conversational skills leave a lot to be desired, so naturally I have a sneaky earbud in listening to podcasts.

I laugh.

He thinks his mindless car chat is highly entertaining.

No harm, no foul.

I recently misplaced my earbuds, and Meridi played several episodes of What Did You Do Yesterday over the speaker.

It should be noted we live near the city centre, so there are often helicopters overhead.

Since his indoctrination into the world of What Did You Do Yesterday, his brain has simply deleted the old file with helicopter in it, and in its place he now shouts, Helencopter, each and every time they pass i expect him to start counting his parts any day now love the pod anonymous

yeah we were in the pub me and helen at the uh kilkenny cat laughs comedy festival a week ago and someone came up to me and went ah and then just went straight to helen and said you must be the helencopter jamie said when we catch up in london which we will i said oh it'd be nice if the Helen Copter comes.

And Jamie just said, I'm going to call her Helen.

Hey, let's play.

They're just normal countries.

Can I go and get another beer?

Does anyone upset if I just go?

Leave that in.

You can edit this bit out, Marsbar, but just leave that bit in.

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Okay, let's just...

I have a beer now.

Let's just do their just normal countries slash the one and only...

6%.

6%.

It's only two, and they are...

How big are they?

I think they're just 330.

Yeah, they're just 330.

6.4, though.

Pretty wild.

It's meant to be a non-drinking day.

I'm just having such a good time, David.

Producer Milesbar says, please do a pronounced intro to this section feature.

I can play the new Sting music for the game.

Thank you.

Okay.

Can I do it like a afternoon on smooth?

So

Thursday evening coming up to about five past eight.

We've got hits from Shade and the Lighthouse family and Kate Bush, of course, one of our favorites here on Smooth.

Just winding down to the weekend.

Hope you've got something fun planned for tomorrow and come Friday afternoon.

Then you can tune in to Dave Stringer

with all the hits taking you into the weekend.

And I tell you what, I cannot wait.

It's been a tough week.

Dave.

I can't wait.

Sorry, Max.

Yes.

Dave Stringer, he's just been arrested.

He's just not another one.

Happens to all of them.

Anyway, let's just before we do that, let's play our brand new quiz.

They're just normal countries.

I am the one and only.

What country could I be?

I am the one and only.

Where in the world could our listeners be?

Okay, hey guys, this is Stephen the Sloth, providing some sleuthing regarding your Costa Rica listenership numbers.

I work for a big Irish exotic fruit grower and distributor.

I'm in charge of straightening up the bananas, amongst other things.

Everything about this is great so far.

I travel to Costa Rica several times a year and always listen to your podcast when I'm there.

I've also got some Costa Rican and other overseas colleagues based there to tune in.

Pura Vida, Big Stephen.

So there we are.

That's why we're big in Costa Rica.

I'm not as big as we are in Uganda, of course.

Suggested name from David Gunn.

Where in the world is Carmen Yester Diego?

Really good.

So look, previous guesses.

Madagascar, David, no.

Namibia, Max, no.

Costa Rica, Katie, no, Uganda, Ben, no.

We'll put them all pinned to the top of our Instagram so you can see what previous guesses there were.

And now this this is which country guess.

Oh, you did get a message.

Someone said we should call it worldal, which is already very clever, but I believe that already exists where you get the outline of the country and you have to guess what country it is.

So we don't want to get sued by the world all people.

Dave says.

Good morning.

Just want to say before anything that I love this podcast.

It's a beautiful piece of art about the mundanity of modern life and it's moved very near the top of my podcast priorities list.

Ooh.

With that in mind, I wanted to have a guess at the countries with one listen and would like to submit North Korea.

My theory is an underground group of rebels managed to hack through all the firewalls and find the archive to this podcast that documents the normal day-to-day life of your average Westerner.

One of them was tasked with listening to it and report his findings.

Unfortunately, he chose the Nish Kumar episode, and the group have now decided that totalitarian rule isn't so bad after all.

Keep up the good work, Dave.

So we go over to Marsbar with the guess of North Korea.

I mean, I was just more thinking practically the stats probably not readily available.

But yeah, you would think Kim Jong-un, like he's saying, would let this would be the one podcast people would listen to because they would hear what life in the decadent west was like.

They'd be like, this sounds awful.

We've actually got 25 million listeners in London.

Actually, you have to listen to it.

If you haven't listened to it, you get 20 years in the gulag.

You know, those bit where they all march with all the weaponry past Kim Jong-un.

That's what's playing on the speakers.

It's that and Sigaros.

But sadly, they don't really advertise things.

You know, this podcast is brought to you by the nuclear testing capabilities of North Korea.

Stick that next to your NordVPN, guys.

Come on.

Anyway, David, it's your day.

Don't rush it because these things can never be rushed.

You're only saying that because you've just opened a second beer and you don't want me to whip through this in five minutes.

No, no, I want to enjoy this.

I want to sit back and enjoy it.

David O'Doherty, what time did you wake up yesterday?

I woke up classic helencopter alarm, 7:30.

I woke up.

So I know this has been going on for six months now, but you know, I've been working on my sleep position.

Oh, yes.

And I got a new pillow the other day that I think is part of the solution.

Okay.

I know what the problem is.

The problem is, do you ever see the position that Egyptian pharaohs are buried in, which is, yes, exactly.

So on the back.

Hands on shoulders.

That's basically, except I think I fold my arms further up, but then bizarrely sleep on my front.

So with my head to the side.

So the shoulder pain I'm getting is coming from this.

I mean, head to the side is good if you're on your front, I would say.

So we're getting closer to working this out.

Helencopter bounces up.

It's her turn to make breakfast.

She makes a sort of granola Greek yogurt

peach thing.

Oh, that's nice.

Like chopped up peach.

Yep, yep, yep.

That'll do us.

Clang.

What's that from the hole?

What?

I run down.

What's happened?

It's a book has arrived.

It's Pierre Novelli's book.

Why Can't I Enjoy Things?

I think is what it's called, which is about the life of a comedian with autism.

And now, did you order it or did he send it to you?

I ordered it.

Yeah.

Now, that makes me feel bad.

I was about to make Pierre feel bad, but now I feel bad.

Now, Helen goes to work.

It's a very, very nice day.

Clanging around my head is a not great work in progress that I'd done the night before.

Another one.

Oh, dear.

Yes.

My notes.

Do you want to meet in a gallery?

I've been some good work

since then.

So, and it's no harm.

In a way, it's no harm.

I say this at the removal of a day because there is definitely something to be working on.

In fact, there's a lot of things to be working on.

But you learn more from your defeats than your victories.

You would if you didn't spend pretty much the rest of this day just procrastinating horribly.

Now, I've been working too hard recently on various gigs and various other things.

So it's no harm to have the day that

is about to unfold before.

Clang!

What's that?

Another parcel.

Wow.

It's a parcel.

And they've crushed it through the letterbox.

Great.

Is it an anvil?

It's four pairs of Lululemon boxer shorts.

Which is a real throw ahead to the Guy Montgomery.

I'm going to throw ahead.

It's just a little Easter egg.

teas he said they were the best undies he's ever had

and we know that my undies are reaching a crispy the canvas has gone like an old sail of a ship they're like crumpled parchment

yeah

Dead Sea Scrolls is what I'm wearing every day.

And then some of them, the actual bars has gone out of them, leaving my balls just to dangle freely.

Of course.

So I'm excited to order a five pack of Lululemon boxer shorts.

All the same colour or have you gone for a mix?

So there were two lots available.

They're really expensive.

I know because I've just bought them.

Oh, God.

We should be sponsored by Lululemon underpads.

We really should.

I'm desperate to find out what they're like because I bought six.

I'm enjoying them.

Are they good?

Are they?

So, can I ask what size you went for?

XL.

Oh, I see.

I've gone for L, but I think that might be right.

I'm a 34.

Yeah.

This is a podcast.

It's a conversation I would tap out of if I was just in a cafe with you.

If we were having this on the bus, someone would lean forward on the seat behind and just be like, can you please shut the fuck up?

Now, here's what's interesting about this, Vax.

Oh, tell me.

I've ordered a five-pack for 77 Euros.

Okay.

So put that into your sterlings, 62, 63, something like that, maybe.

Okay.

That's a lot.

That is a lot.

I think mine a bit cheaper.

Well, if you've been listening to what I've said carefully, four have arrived.

They've under panted me.

They've under

under you've been under-underpanted.

Lulu Lemon is having a laugh.

Come on, Lulu.

Shake up.

He wants five.

You've given him four.

You can't under-underpant David O'Doherty.

So, and this is in the spirit of the procrastination that will riddle this day.

I'm going straight on the website.

Yeah, okay.

Lulu's website has a chat bot.

Okay.

It's not Lulu.

No, it's Sabrina.

You open it and it goes, way,

and you're like, oh, come on.

That's a great reference.

Thanks.

Before Sabrina arrives, I say, yes, I want to speak to the chatbot.

And this is how high class the Lululemon website is.

The website says, you've been put in a queue to chat to one of our educators.

Educators.

You want a D-phil in Lululemon pants.

That's what you get out of this, isn't it?

Sabrina appears.

I mean, I know Sabrina's not real.

Sabrina's just AI, but I'm imagining her sitting at her computer, like nursing a coffee with two hands, you know, in athleisure wear on those chairs that don't have a back on them.

You sort of kneel forward.

Your back is really good.

That's how I imagine Sabrina.

She's singing boys, boys, boys by Sabrina.

That's a horny Italo disco song from Sabrina.

She wasn't in Lululemon.

I mean, she wasn't in barely anything.

Sabrina says, I'm sorry to hear this, but this is a real chat-bop thing to say.

Please allow three to five minutes for me to look at this order for you.

Three to five minutes, come on, Sabrina.

She's a teenage witch and she needs that much time.

Consult the spells.

But I've written a good one, I've just written a straight up one.

And I've also, the chatbot allows you to upload a photo.

So

I am taking a photo.

This is not a pair of pants.

Yeah.

This is a photo of four four pairs of pants.

Note, not five pants.

And in fairness to Sabrina and Lulu.

She comes through, does she?

Yeah, I'm sorry to hear that you're missing one boxer, she calls them, sounding like a dog that's been lost.

I'm gonna, she says, I'm gonna go ahead and refund the value of one boxer, 19 euros.

Oh, that's good.

Yeah, but let me tell you, I paid 77.

You brought the pants?

No, I paid 77 for five.

Sabrina doesn't know that I've got them on sale from the website.

You're making money out of Lululemon.

Yeah.

So 77 euros for five is 15 and a half euros each.

Therefore, I am 360 up on this.

So in many ways, we are sponsored by Lululemon.

And then we follow this with the ceremonial throwing out of some parchment pants.

Oh, that's great.

Yeah, because it's a one-in-one out.

Straight in the kitchen bin or did did you throw them in the bin outside?

What did you do?

No, I put them in the bathroom.

You burned them.

They wouldn't burn.

That's how old they are.

You'd have to fire them into something.

They're completely rusted.

They completely rusted over.

I put them in an oil barrel and leave them in the middle of the desert.

Okay.

Now, it's a really nice day in Dublin.

Yeah.

And as I say, I have to do work on this show.

Now, in fairness, I listen back to it.

And as always, it's not as bad as you think it was.

Like, there is a thing where it is getting incrementally better every single time.

But then, what makes you a good comedian is your standards are very high.

That's why I haven't made us a good comedian.

It's like the Beatles saying that, George, we're not recording your songs.

I'm all for Beatles

at any one given moment.

Okay, that's why I mean

A bit of a big caller.

All four Beatles.

He's that good.

It's the pants that are doing it.

Also, yes.

Sorry, I don't wash the pants.

Would you

straight on?

Would you

straight on?

Yeah, because that's the first wear is the best wear.

I can't wait till we are podcast and wear both in Lululemon.

Because I don't step up.

Seriously.

Particularly, Whoop tried to step up and offered us free whoops, and all we'd done was mock Rob Beckett for having an annoying watch.

So I need to work, Max.

So obviously, first thing I do, complete computer desktop cleanup.

My computer desktop is chaos.

Did you just put everything in the bin or did you actually like put things into documents and no, I just I save everything to the desktop.

Okay.

Be it a whimsical photograph, a meme, a funny interaction on the internet that I'm sending to other people.

Because that really slows down your computer.

Is that the case?

I wonder if that is actually the case.

Yes, you should put them all in documents and then you can't see them and it's quicker.

Okay, so we need to do work.

So the next thing we do is we read some of Pierre's book.

Okay.

Is it good?

Yeah.

So some very good metaphors to describe.

The line that stays with me, I've just read the first couple of chapters, is being autistic.

Like he says he was always very good at fitting in and acting like he wasn't.

He compares it to a saltwater fish living in freshwater.

Interesting.

Whereby, you know, it's all very uncomfortable.

And so when people say, Are you disabled in a conventional sense?

He's like, Well, I wouldn't be if I was a saltwater fish living in saltwater, et cetera.

Very interesting.

Interesting.

Yep.

We need to work.

So the next thing is we do is we buy leggings for Helen.

From Lululemon?

No, there goes the sponsorship.

No, because I bought some track suit trousers as well.

From them?

Yeah, because my track suit trousers that I'm in at the moment are also, there's a hole in them.

So if I'm wearing my husk pants and my husk tracksuit trousers, really I'm just naked.

Is that from do you grind as you podcast?

Because I don't grind as I podcast.

Thank you for asking.

I just have had these track sick trousers, I think, for a decade.

I think we're all enjoying you saying track suit trousers.

Here are two words that I've never put together.

Although i used to go out with an american girl in my early 20s and her favorite that she had two things that she loved that i said one was waste paper basket

i guess they call them trash i don't know what you call them little one in your bedroom and the other was tracksuit bottoms she'd be like have you got your tracksuit bottoms When Jamie moved to the UK, she stayed for a bit with her aunt Pat, who wasn't her aunt, but was just a friend of the family who was old.

Yeah, and uh, Jamie was said, you know, like, I've can I put a wash on after about a week, and Pat was like, Yeah, sure, yeah.

She said, Because Jamie said, Yeah, I've only bought, I'm here for two years, I've only bought one pair of pants.

And Pat was most confused,

diff their trousers, aren't they?

But one pair of pants for two years.

Not saying Jamie's grubby, but that's not enough pants, isn't it?

Do carry on, David.

The other great mix-up with uh Sarah Crowe, we're still great friends, was she thought bookmakers, when you would see the one on the street, actually made books?

And because Ireland being like quite a literary country, she was surprised by the number how there were bookmakers on virtually every Main Street.

A lot of first-time novelists.

Yeah, that's interesting.

All those bookmakers, as well, they're a certain type, aren't they?

Smoking with their tiny pens.

Must be a special.

Must take a long time to write the first draft with the tiny pen on those tiny bits of paper just a little sheet

i need to work so we sweep the kitchen good i need to work so i get a text from my friend eva and she says passing in a minute let's go for lunch great oh great we go for lunch eva is also a smarty pants so i decide i will unload some of the

Like my brain's been running a little loud recently, which tends to happen when you're writing a show like this, because

everything is potentially, you could spend every waking moment, even while you're talking to your mom, actually thinking, how could I improve the bit about if I was a politician or whatever it is.

Sure, sure.

And so we need to quieten that down.

Eva is a writer and has many insights.

Her main one is don't drink coffee first thing in the morning.

Interesting.

Yeah.

I don't buy it.

She clearly doesn't have two kids under three.

I know.

I know.

I'm sorry.

And I do feel this way when I do my weeks.

Like, I know who I'm talking to here.

And so very often my week is just like, and then I lay on a chaise long and complain that the quality of banana leaf I was being fanned with was tubrus.

Everybody's journey is different.

That's fine.

You know, but then we hear your one and it's just like there was shit exploding into the coffee shop.

So,

do you know what?

I do have a coffee anecdote.

I know we're running long from yesterday.

Do you want it now or do you want it at the end of your day?

I'll have it now.

So, yesterday, I know it's not my day.

So, my apologies for lovers of the format, the pure lovers of the format.

I'm meeting quite an important person in television

tomorrow, a deal maker.

This is like Tim Key.

Yeah, it's like the Tim Key.

Yeah, he could change my fortune.

Important person.

So, I get to a cafe opposite the hotel that he's staying at.

Harvey Weinstein.

I'll name it.

I'll name the cafe because I'd recommend you go there.

The coffee's good.

The food's good.

It's called Postal Hall.

Okay.

I go in there and I'm an hour early, but I've got work to do.

It's fine.

Or 40 minutes early.

So I order a coffee.

Strong to go a flat white.

It's great.

My phone's got 10% battery and I need to know if he's going to be there or not.

So anyway, I say, look, could you just plug this in?

Have you got an iPhone for charger?

They went, oh, yeah, sure.

Plug it in.

Fine.

So I drink my coffee.

I'm halfway through my coffee.

Been about 15 minutes.

I've done some work.

I want to get my phone, text him, say I'm here.

And I go up, and it's not the person who I gave the phone to.

It's what turns out to be the owner.

And I say, oh, I've just left my phone there.

Can I just get it?

He just turns around, picks up the phone, hands it to me, says, this is not an office.

So I'm slightly taken aback, but I'm like, okay, you know, fine.

I just sort of, I feel a bit confused, but yeah, I've got things to do.

He might be having a bad day.

Fine.

The guy I'm meeting turns up.

There's a slightly bigger table.

It's a small cafe.

It's a bigger table at the end.

Oh, no.

So I go and move to that table.

And the guy I'm meeting comes.

I order a coffee for both of us.

We get those coffees.

We chat for maybe 40 minutes.

Meeting goes, well, we get on like house and full.

Yeah.

Great.

Right.

We've got to go.

So then we leave together.

And then he goes.

And I think, actually, the chicken schnitzel sandwich in there looked good.

And I've got a tiny bit more work to do.

So I'm going to pop back in, have that sandwich, finish the work, go home.

So I come back in and I see the girl who I've given the phone to.

I say, look, can I have the chicken situation sandwich?

She went, Yeah, are you going to sit back where you were?

I went, Oh, yeah, yeah, sure.

So I sit back down.

I've ordered the sandwich, I've got a knife and fork, I'm back on my laptop.

Owner comes up to me again.

He says, You can't be here all day,

post it.

And I said, I've just ordered a sandwich.

And he went, Yeah, I'm just saying, You can't be here all day.

I'm like, So I'm really sort of, this man has told me off twice, and I don't really know why.

Like,

I think I've been really polite.

And I say, Do you want me to not have the sandwich?

I said, do you want me to not have the sandwich?

Yeah.

He's like, no, I'm just planting a seed.

So I'm sort of a bit confused.

And I'm not very confronted.

I can't really do confrontation, but I'm inwardly thinking.

I'm saying, so you want me to stay for the sandwich?

He's like, yes, but you can't be here all day.

I'm like, I don't want to be here all day.

Yeah.

Can I have the sandwich?

So then he wanders off.

So I do my work.

The sandwich is great.

And I am really like, this is really odd.

Yeah.

Had you done anything previous to this?

Had you marked your card at the start?

Did you come in with a coffee from another place or something like that?

I hadn't done anything.

I mean, I had done nothing but be polite and order coffees.

So then I, as I leave, 90% of me is, I'm just going to go.

You know, who cares?

But I am, I'm intrigued.

And I say, look, thanks so much.

I just wondered, why do you keep telling me, why do you keep telling me off?

Oh, that's good.

This is like when you get to about 17 and and you finally confront a grown-up.

Yeah.

Why do you keep telling me off?

And he's like, I didn't tell you off.

And I said, well, first you told me this is not an office because I just had my phone charging.

And then you told me to get out of here when I'd ordered a $16 sandwich.

Seems odd.

That's a pair of Lululemons.

Then he said, people come in here all the time and they sit on their laptop and they nurse a coffee for hours.

And I say, well, I totally get that.

But that wasn't me.

Like, I wasn't.

I did have a laptop.

And then he said, when you sat with your friend, you sprawled across the table.

Your bags were everywhere.

And I was like,

and he was like, no one else could sit there.

And like, there was no one else.

There was like two other people in the cafe at that time.

And I was like, well, there was, I was like, anybody could have sat there.

They just had to ask.

And there was loads of other tables.

And he went, I just, I run a business here.

We're here to sell coffee and serve food.

Yeah.

And I said, but I bought coffee and I did the things.

I did all the, I did everything you're asking from me.

Why are you telling me off?

And then I left shaking my head.

And I don't know if it was worth it.

And I then went to check if there'd been lots of mean reviews on Google that hadn't.

So maybe he was just having a bad day.

I don't know.

Wow.

Sort of stood my ground a bit.

Yeah.

The more I do this podcast, the more I think I'm the asshole.

I really think I was polite in this instance.

I feel it's a real development from old Max, who when finding hair in pasta, simply ate the pasta and then left left the hair in a parallel line with the knife.

Why have you been telling me off?

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Don't you want that max?

Cooper loves that shoe too.

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Totally intriguing.

Anyway, sorry, it's your day, but it was a coffee anecdote.

I thought I'd share it.

Okay, this day really steps up now.

Got it.

Where are we?

2 p.m.

2 p.m.

Yeah.

So we've had an attitude makeover.

We need to.

This is the problem essentially at the moment is I've become a little disassociated from the world because I'm thinking about this show too much.

You know, you need to ground yourself a little bit more in it.

And also, that's where more funny things will come from, etc.

I walk back.

I better do some work on this show.

I meet Ralla, my neighbor, sitting on the neighbor's step.

And he said he's about to go to Woody's or BQ or one of those places to get some patio cleaner.

Oh, zix, now I'm in.

And I say, well, do you have a power washer?

Because that's the way to go.

He goes, I actually don't, but I'm going to get a yard brush.

But, like, Ralla's doesn't need to be doing this.

Ralla's in his late 70s, you know, of

his 99 neighbor.

So I say to him, I'm going to sort this for you you're gonna say i've got a show to work on so i'm gonna power wash your battle i'm gonna power wash your battle

the one question if to any big power washers listening is you need to know what's what sort of tap are we working off here yeah is it an outside tap forgive me is it surely it's a turny tourney tap and there there ends the list of taps you need to open your peepers and see there's so many different the turn attorney isn't where the rubber hits the road with a power washer.

You need a thing that clamps onto the end of the

power washer so that the water is gushing in.

Ralat doesn't have an outside tap,

but he's got a kitchen tap that's kind of like two separate bathrooms.

Tournament.

Two turny tourneys.

And I say, I'm very busy, so therefore I'm going to go to the hardware shop.

I'm going to get the special connector that will work for that.

And I'm going to reappear in 10 minutes with the power washer, a hose,

and an extension cable as well.

So you have a power washer?

I have the one from the center aisle in Little that I got about 10 years ago.

And it's been one of my great.

Have we discussed this already?

I know you have a leaf blower from there.

I didn't know you had a power washer from that.

You're so tooled up.

Yeah, I am tooled up.

So we arrive back and I put on dirty shoes, which is the key to anyone new to power washing listening it destroys your shoes ralla invites me in and his patio is enormous it's most of the garden so the deal okay great power washing is have you ever done it max you know i i think i've absolutely aspired to it probably more than anything else and i think i would love it but i don't think i i think i am a power washer virgin

so you've basically a rifle in your hands yeah And, you know, I'm pretty sure that Musk would approve of it as a thing that young men should do.

You know, join the army, do coding, and do power washing.

They're the three things.

The power washing rifle sends out a sort of full stop of intense water.

So what you need to do is go along in lines.

It's very therapeutic.

There's no shortcuts here whatsoever.

But as we will find out in a minute, Ralla's patio hasn't been cleaned, I would say, in 10 years.

Okay, great.

And it's a granite slab patio.

So as you clean it, because it's a beautiful day, the sunlight catches the quartz and the granite.

Oh my goodness.

It's like a Hollywood sound stage from the golden era.

Is it like the satisfaction of like, maybe even more so, but you know, when you hoover up the pine needles from a Christmas tree, there's a real joy in that.

Is it a similar type of joy?

I'd put it up there with painting a wall white.

Never done, never done that.

It's just so obvious when you're done, you're done.

Now, we go into the kitchen and we have a real 10 minutes of panic because I have exuded this cam, which is like, I got this.

I got this, you guys.

And we then find out that the attachment doesn't quite fit his specific tap.

So, initially, when I attach it on and I put the tap on, water shoots out, like in Laurel and Hardy,

like fully in my face.

And then I turn it around and it's like hitting kitchen units.

And then it fills up the whole kitchen, and you and Ralla have to get one of those uppy-downy things on a train just to escape.

That is the absolute fear.

And then you add to that: Ralla and Dixie are my neighbors.

I love them.

And Ralla for 15 to 20 years occupied this key role in Irish sport where he was the bagman for the Irish rugby team and for the British and Irish Lions.

So on the walls around me are, you know, these various team photos and like the wild celebration of the first Grand Slam in 50 years.

There's a like a letter from Prince Andrew or whatever.

No, not Prince Andrew.

The one that Prince William being like, thank you for all of, I think he's the patron of the lot.

You know, there's real good stuff around.

You had a letter from Prince Andrew.

Would you put it on your wall?

And I'm now dousing all these priceless artifacts.

No, that's my fear.

Okay.

So, okay.

I

ask him for a towel and I manage to sort of bind the thing onto the tap with the towel.

So that's impressive.

That's impressive.

We've got it in now and there begins two and a half hours

of power hosing.

Is it great?

Is it all great or an hour in and you're like, okay, I've had no fill.

No, because...

It's like driving across the country or something.

You know exactly where you are with the project.

There are no shortcuts here whatsoever.

And because I'm also procrastinating, it's absolutely ideal because, like, I can't even turn the power hose off because there's a chance when the pressure drops, the towel that I've tied the thing to.

I'm amazed it sticks for two and a half hours.

That's amazing.

Prince Andrew will get doused then.

So I just have to keep going.

And because it's such a nice day, you do a bit.

And then 15 minutes later, you look at it and it's dried off and you see the shiny silver magic of it.

I'm very pleased with the whole job.

I haven't flooded the kitchen.

He's very happy at the end.

The last thing you do is, so there's a point in power washing because you've fired all this muck up off the patio.

It's gone all over the walls of the house.

Yeah.

Where he is definitely thinking, while it's very nice that you did this, you have destroyed my house.

So the last thing you do is you put it on a very low setting and you just kind of hose the walls and they come up even more pristine than they were before.

And it's really good.

And because we're now up to maybe 5.36,

there's still time to do a little bit of work.

Of course.

So I get back to the house and immediately decide I need to go on a cycle.

Even though I've clearly had

from two hours of that.

Oh, absolutely.

No, this is pure procrastination.

I have it in my head that I want to take out one of the summer bikes because we're getting near to the tour de France.

Tour of Italy's just finished.

I really should, as a tribute to those brave riders, take out the Colnago Olympic and I go for, you never regret a cycle.

How many times have we said that?

We cycle right around the Phoenix Park.

It's brilliant.

It's Helen Copter is making dinner.

And so

it's going to be pretty ready when I get home.

So I get back at about seven.

She's like, not quite ready.

And I say, good,

because another thing about power washing is it puts like moss in your ears.

Do you know what I mean?

Like you are filthy.

It's actually, it looks like you've had a spray tan where you pull down your sock.

There's just dirt there.

So I have a wonderful shower and we eat.

it is very, very delicious.

At this point, you have, what's dinner?

Helen has done a thing with she's fried pork mince and put in garlic and oyster sauce and fennel and stuff like that.

But it's slightly crispy because she's cooked on a very high heat on the pan, added in some green beans and some other veggie bits.

have it with some rice it's unbelievable it is absolutely unbelievable one of the things that eva has said earlier in the day is she feels because

I do drink too much coffee sometimes.

And she says sometimes in an attempt to suppress the coffee in the evening, you're inclined to then like eat a pizza.

She's a writer, though.

So she's used to just sitting still and trying to figure this stuff out.

So I feel this is good wisdom because I did have a coffee at lunch.

I do stuff my face with rice.

That's fine because we are going to watch the new

Colin Farrell narrating a really prestige history of Ireland TV show.

Okay, that's interesting.

Like drone shots of lines of waves coming in.

You know, little monks on the scalags writing their ornate Bibles, that sort of a vibe.

Do you know Colin?

Could you get him on?

No, I don't have any in there whatsoever.

Don't worry about it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think he used to live on the other end of the road that I grew up on, but that's not enough.

Imagine if Jermaine Clement or Jermaine Pennant had been the narrator for the history of art.

And then we add one more element to this.

It's high budget stuff.

And it's good, I think, because sometimes these shows, because all the money for these shows is in American TV networks buying them.

So sometimes they pander a little to the American market.

Got it.

Do you know what I mean?

By making it just a bit American.

This has got, it cuts from history.

Kevin Costner's not in it.

No, no, it's not.

It's historians and scientists.

We learn some fascinating facts about history.

Most Viking raiders, this is only episode one, so we only go up to end of the first millennium.

Most Viking raiders aged between 17 and 20.

Wow.

I didn't know that.

That's pretty interesting because now you see kids.

I was like, oh, you should be off plundering or whatever when you see them standing there, but yeah, they were utilizing the testosterone of young men to steal.

I mean, I'm not saying it's easier just to sit in a shed and talk about shit.

Imagine growing up in a fjord and then being sent on a longboat to just you know kill another set of people.

God,

it would be a good yesterday, though, wouldn't it?

What did you do?

I invaded Dublin.

I sailed from Norway to Dublin

on a I rode.

I rode.

My mother is an enigma, and she will just occasionally give me a thing that I wasn't expecting.

And she has given me the previous day a bar of chocolate that she said cost a tenor.

Wow.

And it is the sort of hipster trending chocolate of the moment.

Dubai chocolate is what it's called.

Dubai chocolate, good.

So we look at the ingredients.

It is unspeakably delicious.

It's basically a lot of nuts, pistachio-type bactlava stuff on the inside.

We managed to eat half of it, not the whole thing.

That's fine.

We watch Colin Farrell.

That's pretty much it.

I think we did a little bit of channel surfing then afterwards because we're up to about half 10.

But I've had a goodly amount of athletic exercise today.

Show's done.

Show's done.

Edinburgh starts tomorrow.

You'll be fine.

The other fascinating fact about it is they've done DNA testing on early pre-Bronze Age Irish people or people who are here, and they just entirely vanished.

Like there is no genetic similarity with the people of Ireland today.

Yeah, there were two entire populations of Ireland, probably Ice Ages or something like that, and they just went.

They do not exist.

Amazing.

They do not exist.

Yep.

Yep.

Then went up to bed and failed to complete the Irish Times simplex crossword.

I blamed it on the fact that I was starting to feel tired and then set off on another exciting night of sleep, attempting to not

sleep with my arms folded face down in the pillow.

But what

concludes that day?

I think it's a great day.

And actually, I think I'd like a day of procrastination, as I will say after every one of your days.

Oh, no.

Fuck, I'd love a day of procrastination.

I knew this was going to be it.

There was certainly a sense of accomplishment from it.

And then

also...

a sense I'm going to work very hard on the show today and almost taking the day off yesterday gives me a little bit of distance some philosophical insight I mean this shows it's going to be good unless of course you know dave who sit lives next door to you know rala says you couldn't power wash my

patio i love the way you open the door and then suddenly it's like why do you have a six mile patio that does that can't even fit with like the size of our gardens in this street but it just goes on forever i think it was a lovely day david I know, we don't care about what happened today, but when I sent the helicopter off to work this morning, Dixie was coming out of Rala and Dixie's house, and she said we had to sleep in sunglasses because our patio is so shiny.

Oh, what a good neighbor!

What a good neighbor.

And also, you got to like humble brag on a podcast to so many people about what a great

neighbor you are.

Yes, I did, Jamie.

Well, I think we should carry on doing this podcast.

This is now we're deep in series three, aren't we?

So, this is.

I'll be honest, Max.

I didn't realize we'd done this many.

I know.

But the man who compiled the document, I think it might have been an Excel spreadsheet, even of all the times that our guests have woken up.

We've been doing it for a while now.

I mean, it's so because it just happens.

I don't really.

Are we new?

Are we up and coming?

Are we established?

Where are we now?

It's still, there's an ad for our podcast that sometimes gets played after other podcasts, which we describe it as a new podcast.

Do I have to say that now it's a stayed,

just run of the mill, like all the others?

This is prestige podcasting 66 episodes says michael we're seasoned but not veterans he says

this is the absolute peak now this is the peak no because we're we're so we're like yamal ah we are

as if we've played a lot of games yeah but we still have this freshness this carefree attitude that we're bringing to it so it's like we're podcasting in the park with our friends that's

that's what it's like if you'd like to get in touch with us here's how

to get in touch with the show you can email us at what did you do yesterday pod at gmail.com follow us on instagram at yesterday pod and please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform and if you didn't please don't

And please do get in touch with us because your feedback is essential, especially for the first half of these episodes.

If anyone has seen seen Max do anything untoward, that's amazing.

Don't let him see it, just send it directly to me.

That's really, really good.

That's so funny.

Absolutely spot on.

All right, David, let's do it.

I mean, I'm in it for life, so of course we'll do it again.

But you know, it's great to get series three up and away.

That's what I think.

Everything is showbiz, even power washing.

Thanks, Max.

Thank you, David.

Hello, Max Rushton here.

You might remember me from Series 9, Episode 2 of Parenting Hell.

I'm here to tell you about Dog by the Bakery Door, the debut children's book by author Jamie Bruce.

Dog by the Bakery Door is a charming story of the magical things a little boy sees on a normal trip to get a coffee with his mum.

Perfect for newborns, three-year-olds, six-year-olds, all children.

Just Google Dog by the Bakery Door.

Here's a review from my three-year-old son.

Dog by the Bakery Door.

I have this book.

Full disclosure, the author might be his mother and my wife, but even more reason to buy it.

She is to live with us and a baby 24/7, has sacrificed her career for mine while also being an amazing mum to two boys.

Thank you, goodbye.