WDWDY #16: They might not actually be normal cheeses...

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Podcasts, there are millions of them.

Some might say too many.

I have one already.

I don't have any, because there are enough.

Politics, business, sport, you name it.

There's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.

But nobody is covering the most important topic of all.

Why is that?

Are they scared?

Too afraid of being censored by the man?

Possibly, but not us.

We're here to ask the only question that matters.

We'll try and say it at the same time, Max.

What did you do yesterday?

What did you do yesterday?

What did you do yesterday?

That's it.

All we're interested in is what the guest got up to yesterday, nothing more.

Day before yesterday, Max?

Nope.

The greatest and most interesting day of your life?

Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it.

I'm Max Rushton, and I'm David O'Daherty.

Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?

Hello, everybody.

Welcome to today's episode of What Did You Do Yesterday, Midweek, Mayhem.

David O'Doherty, welcome.

Hello, the woke Jeremy Clarkson.

Yeah.

That's really stayed with me.

It just.

I'm not saying it works because there's a grain of truth to it, but just you firing coffees in people's faces.

Do you think it makes me the bad guy, the coffee thing?

Like,

the more feedback I get, no one deals with it positively.

Because, like, for me, I'm like, I'm, I'm completely right.

I'm like, I'm spending $5

on this coffee.

Like, I want the coffee that I've asked for.

And yeah.

I'd come across as like an entitled arsehole.

And I just don't think that's me.

It's just if the coffee was a latte and you were like an experienced barista and you kept being like, this is not a latte.

This is the flat white or whatever.

But it's the fact that even you take about three paragraphs to describe the coffee you want and then get angry when people can't telepathically read what that is.

Yeah, it makes you an awful guy.

Well, listen, it's my day today and I'm not going to say anything, but you know, there may be some coffee news.

We begin, David, with perhaps my favorite feedback so far.

in the journey that is what did you do yesterday and i know i've bigged that up but i think you'll like it hi max i've been listening to what did you do yesterday and it's great.

I have been sat on some information for a while, which I think you and David might be interested.

Wow, here we go.

I am Nish Kumar as Gastro.

It's better than that.

It's better than that.

My dad invented the bajoying noise on catchphrase.

He is a sound director and has worked on many light entertainment programs in the UK, including the first few series of catchphrase in the 80s.

Given this didn't happen yesterday, you probably aren't interested.

I understand.

He created the noise by winding a large reel of tape and gradually speeding it up.

Please don't read my name out.

Happy for you to refer to me as Mr.

Chips.

Obviously, if your dad is, you know, making these sort of things, your identity cannot be revealed.

Side note, he said, he also did the sound for Premier League games on Sky for a number of years and introduced the whoosh noise for action replays in the early Premier League years.

There we have it.

We found the guy whose dad created Bajoing.

Well, it's so interesting because we did speculate last week as to whether the written transcript that AI makes of these episodes made a stab at buzzering.

Oh, really lovely.

You threw that in so early, I wasn't ready for it.

And I was so happy about it.

Okay.

And then one week it had a go

and it spelt it, which is a lovely way of spelling it.

It's almost like the phonetic.

If you were Susie Dent looking at the etymology of the word, buzzering is what?

Like B-U-Z-Z-E, I think double-R-I-N-G.

How would you spell it, listeners?

do you ever think on countdown they'll go and uh Tracy I've got a nine and what is it Bojing and then they go Michael also Bejing hands over the piece of paper saying yeah

I mean there could be a real mix-up where if you said your word was Berjing you'd be like can you stop pressing the buzzer and answer the question

although I will say this what I really liked is producer Marsba who clearly has too much time on his hands, made an amazing Instagram reel of the Bajoing, of putting in your Bajoing into the actual, you know, catchphrase, you know, Roy Walker saying, just say what you see.

You did say, I think he could have picked a better Bajoing.

That is true.

I think he had about, I probably,

I probably dreamed about eight times over the course of this.

He picked,

I'd say bottom division two one.

Really?

Really?

Lower mid-table Bajoing.

There we go.

It's funny why exercising, you know, while the world is in flames, and this is the thing.

Ah, he could have put a better Bajoing on that Instagram reel.

Damn it.

Anyway, moving on.

Adam says, just listened to the latest pod, Omit, great stuff.

As a 44-year-old man who lives in Suffolk, this really ticked a lot of boxes.

Ipswich Town, Christchurch Park, waterfront, and inexplicably rollerberry.

Word of medical advice, however, I had an operation on my bowel.

My surgeon told me you should not sit on the toilet any longer than is necessary to perform the evacuation.

An hour watching YouTube seems, quote, longer than necessary.

You haven't had that tea.

Thanks, Adam.

It's a good point, isn't it?

It really lived up to our...

Someone once described this podcast as, what did you poo yesterday?

Yeah.

Because of the, but people are being honest, max that's true um just another note on that pod i told my tower meaner anecdote about nikki burn from westlife and i was with my friend ian and my friend ian messaged to say he was listening and as soon as he said you know i was he mentioned that i was shit faced with him his heart sank for a second then he realized he wasn't on that holiday so i can't remember it may have been davo my osteopath friend but I'm not going to ask them.

I'm just going to keep saying who I think it is.

And by a process of elimination, some will eventually message me saying, yes, I was with you with Nikki Bird from Westlife when he sent you off for banging his drum too loudly.

Hi, guys, says Niamh.

N-I-A-M-H, Niamh, correct?

Yeah, surely that's not that difficult.

That's not that.

I just want it to be accurate.

I know, but last week you struggled to say Emma because you thought

it was too complex an Irish name.

Hi, guys.

I'm writing to inform you both that the taste of lilt is still still discoverable.

Marvelous.

Here we go.

As a fellow Lilt lover, it too shocked me to the core when in early 2023 the mighty Coca-Cola announced it was being pulled from the shelves.

Fortunately, if you still want the taste, you can find it in a can or bottle of Fanta pineapple and grapefruit.

Although the excitement of that name versus Lilt is certainly less palatable, it must be said.

P.S.

If David wanted another method of getting into the bath, he could hold onto the sides and rollipoli in, thus entering headfirst rather than balls balls first yours sincerely avid listener on the water university niam thank you niam so there we are it's masquerading a little as phanta pineapple and grapefruit yeah that's interesting i also like the idea of me sitting on the side of the bath like the way a scuba diver gets into the sea from a boat where i just fall backwards headfirst in there's also

you could go in sort of like number two or three on the bob sleigh you know the sort of running alongside, you know, running alongside the bath, and then hop in sort of knees first, only then you sort of knees first, sit in.

Maybe that's if four of you are trying to get into the bath at the same time.

Yeah, that would be the best way if for you, me, Morris Barr, and Ama Jalili all decided to have a bath together.

We'd have to have a big discussion as to how to do it.

Look, there's two moments of tension in the bath, and I do love baths.

I realize I spoke to Dara in the bike shop yesterday.

He said he had never had a bath in his whole life, which I find that hard to believe.

Which is so you're in the squat position, say,

and you've dunked the lads, and then it's the point where you put your legs out straight.

Okay, that's the first one where you're like,

and remember, I'm running a very hot bath, I'm running a ramen noodle temperature with you, yeah, Bath.

And if you like, in that metaphor, my legs are the ramen noodles.

And in laying them out, they are starting to

deosify or

whatever noodles do.

And then the second.

Do they de hang on?

Do they?

I've never read a recipe when they say, and then deosify the noodles for three minutes in a jug of boiling water.

That's because any recipe you've ever read comes on an idiot card.

And it's probably like a button, like a book for Ian Rushton, where it's like, hit the kettle and wait for it to go blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

That's called boiling.

My point is, the second moment of tension in a bath is when you put your head back then.

Oh, yeah.

Heat going up your back.

Oh, yeah.

That's okay.

John Powell says, dear Max and David, on the recent episode with your producer Michael, you asked for listener proposal stories, so I offer you mine.

I prepared diligently to propose to my wife at a dire straits concert during the song Romeo and Juliet.

The moment arrived in the song when the husky tones of Mark Knopfler sang, You and me, babe, how about it?

You and me, babe, how about it?

So in your wheelhouse.

However, as I blurted out my question, the music started up again sooner than I anticipated.

No, you're all right, thanks, came her reply through a loud blast of Knopfler's guitar chords.

Although initially shocked, luckily we quickly worked out that I hadn't asked her if she wanted a Murray mint, as she thought.

Wow.

What a specific.

You know, normally you'd have a beer or something like that at a concert.

I know, you're right.

Not many people have a pack of Murray mints.

Take a little tin, a little tin, those old tins you've got that Granny and Granddad had.

A little tin of Murray mints.

In fact, I was asking whether she wanted to marry me.

Nearly 40 years later, I still wonder if the top of the Empire State Building or somewhere equally exciting but more practical would have been better.

But it wouldn't have allowed me to be on your marvelous podcast.

Best wishes, John Powell.

40 years married, John.

Yeah.

Well done.

It's tough

because so many Dire Strait songs really are quite dynamic.

It would be hard.

So take

money for nothing with the, I want my MTV.

You'd be like, yeah, and will you buy?

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This is on famous people stealing things.

Hi, Max.

Hi, David.

On the subject of famous people stealing things, I used to be a press officer for the Department of Health during the pandemic and was accompanying Matt Hancock on one of his morning media rounds.

Well done to you.

About five minutes before his last interview of the morning at Broadcasting House, he asked me if I could get him a coffee and a pano rosein.

gina

coladangelo unbeknownst to me his secret lover yet to be exposed by the red tops also asked for a coffee not only did he not reimburse me for this coffee but his mistress coffee took me over the five pound limit that civil services expenses would allow which meant that i had basically just paid for the breakfast of matt hancock and his mistress i was hoping some of his i'm a celeb cash would find its way to me but so far no dice dice.

Then he says, P.S., loving the podcast.

It's been getting me through my time trapped on a cattle station in Baduri, far west Queensland, while I wait for the floodwaters to subside.

Cav.

So that is just spending that much time with Matt Hancock will make you move to desolate Queensland, to a cattle station, just to get as far away from real life

and into real real life as possible.

Also, Baduri does sound like another attempt of AI to spell

Kav lived in the small village of Bajoying

when.

Oh, dear.

Is that somebody famous stealing from you?

I mean, I like the story, but

I don't feel it's that.

You've bought him a Pana Raisin.

You haven't bought a Pana Raisin.

And then Matt Hancock or his mistress have wandered away.

We just fell in love.

What could I do?

I love

also the five pound, as the price of coffee rises,

the five pound

civil service limit to a snack.

Like, what the heck is that?

You're gonna hit that limit very, very soon.

You are, but look, if you want it to be bigger, you've got to raise taxes.

Are you calling for that?

Because you're not going to get back in power, David.

That's the thing.

And I would vote for you.

I'm waiting for a politician to say that's what we have to do if you want more stuff.

but

i want britain to be great again

hooray

i vote for david prime minister david o'doherty now do we have time to do world bin news bins of the world or do we need to move to the cheese game that's my question i think save it tease it save it tease it listen to that wow

Think how many millions of people are going to listen next week to world bin news, bins of the world.

But here we go.

That's what's going to happen i mean bearing in mind we're still teasing detective agencies of the world oh yeah from children we are now teasing bin news from the world as we go into i mean this could be the last ever game of curdle worldle yeah curdle worldle mastermind i mean this is absolutely extraordinary now there is a there is a point of uh a contentious issue david

As the guesses have evolved, we've had an increasing amount of feedback on David's catchphrase, they're just normal cheeses.

And to which Mars has written, and the throne of lies on which he sits, multiple emails and replies have been received, pointing out that these are, in fact, not reflective of the normal cheese choices of the common mayor.

The consensus is, he continues, in what kind of gilded palace filled with gold-top hats does David exist?

Does he spend his days laughing maniacally as he consumes increasingly niche dairy produce while his court of 18 bikes laughs sycophantically as his every words?

These These are not normal cheeses.

Defend yourself.

Comte is just fancy cheddar.

That's all it is.

Make a toasted sandwich with Comte in it and you will tell me.

Granted, goat, are we calling goat a fancy cheese now?

I mean, there's parts of the Swiss Alps that would want to speak to you then.

Cashel Bleu, fair enough.

But I'm from Ireland and cashel blue is very popular here as our

baby bell.

It's the baby bell of Cork, isn't it, Cato Blue?

And this isn't my opinion, by the way.

This is just a society collective view.

Right, I understood.

Parts of the Swiss Alps as a defence for the common man is maybe not the strongest country.

Hey, I mean, I'm not here to defend David, but you know, you get your average working man in the Swiss Alps as well.

You know, it's not all chalets and at-pre-ski.

There are people working the land there, I presume.

But hang on, what I am intrigued by then is what are these listeners, and I'm being derogatory there, referring to as normal cheeses?

Is it just Baby Bell, Dairy Lee, Easy Singles, Tesco cheddar?

Is it mild cheddar, medium cheddar, mature cheddar, Cathedral City?

That's what we're looking for.

The full spectrum of cheddar.

I mean, I love the full spectrum of cheddar.

I love cheddar cheese.

Mike says, hi guys.

About a month ago, someone guessed one of the cheeses as being Chevre.

This was marked wrong.

This is literally goat's cheese.

If you're going to do a cheese quiz spanning months, you've surely got to have a basic grasp of fucking cheese.

Oh, shit.

Oh, no.

You make a good point, Mike.

And between the three of us, between the entire team on what did you do yesterday, none of us picked that up.

It's not my fault.

As we've established already, i'm an open book i know nothing but between masbar and david they should have got the fact that chevre is literally goat it's literally the word for goat in french isn't it isn't that what it is

oh no

this really is a throne of lies that i'm setting out there oh gosh here we go it's now a single cheese board it is a one cheese board uh we are in uh as mark last week guessed the first four cheeses this week it's the turn of Darren Kershaw.

Hello, Darren.

Hello, chaps.

Really enjoying your persistence into the pedantic.

Before I share my cheese guesses, is it just me, or does everyone else have quite a visceral response to the Master Rhine theme tune?

I'm always appalled at how long and anticlimactic the tune is, but can't bring myself to fast forward out of respect for your commitment to the cause.

No, I'm all here for a long jingle.

You know, I would make them all as long as possible.

Also, bear in mind, you could be about to kill it now.

This could be the last time you may never hear it again.

And then the verb to be Darren Kershaw will be used for murders on the news, won't they?

So, here are the guesses:

Cashel Blue, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing,

Manchego, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing,

Goat slash chevra,

Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing,

Compta,

bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.

Here we go, Here we go.

Could this be it?

Could this be it?

Gorgonzola.

We're still alive for one more week.

I've checked Gorgonzola in 436 languages.

Okay, so here we are.

Still the one cheese board.

The pleasure it would give me if we didn't get it for a year.

I cannot tell you.

But listen, what did you do yesterday, pod, at gmail.com or you can blue sky or x or instagram whatever we're taking guesses from all over the place now as regards the final one

no clues they're just normal cheeses but

oh no no that is a clue not interested not interested edit that please miles bar not interested not interested they're just normal cheeses t j n c okay here's no one no one has stopped me in the street and just gone t J and C yet but I'm waiting for that moment.

No, no clues.

I don't want clues.

It's a very cryptic clue.

Okay.

And you may choose to edit this out if Morris Barr decides it's too much of a clue.

But the clue is...

Edit that out.

Absolutely.

Lose that.

Just bleep it.

I'm disgusted that you even thought that would pass through.

It's not a good clue.

It's really obvious.

Okay, so look, it's my day, but before we get there, obviously we need to know about how the mushrooms are getting on.

And Juicy Marsbar says, I'll make a jingle if it's a new regular feature, or if listeners want to submit their own jingles, please do.

Wow.

So actually, what we're getting them to record stuff and send them to us.

It's been a week now since you bought the helicopter, what will be a kilo of oyster mushrooms.

They're in a cupboard and you're spritzing them three times a day.

How are we getting on?

Okay.

So the reason this can't really become a thing is because there's going to be two progress updates, this one and the next one, because it's a two-week process.

And then they're grown.

Then they're done.

Now, what you can do then is you can do that harvest.

I mean, I'm just going on what the piece of paper says.

And then you can do a second harvest where you'll get half a kilo of oyster mushrooms from it.

So it looked like a bag of shit.

as I've described before, slashed two slits in the top of it.

And for the first

so we're a week in now for the first four days felt like an absolute idiot years ago I once had to look after a stick insect I was staying in a friend's house and there was a stick insect in a big glass.

Now, I was scared of the stick insect because it was big.

It was maybe four inches long.

And it was the exact same thing where every day I had to go out, get leaves, a fresh branch, put them in, take out the old one, and spritz, spritz, spritz.

And I did it for 10 days.

And the day before they were coming back, I happened to nudge the stick insect with the branch as I put it in.

And the stick insect just cascaded to the bottom of the container, completely dead.

like various six legs up in the air or however many legs.

So it had been dead.

I suspected it to have been dead the whole time, but I had been religiously sprinting and replacing branches.

It was like the stick insect version of Weekend at Bernie's.

Exactly.

He was in a little golf cart, the stick insects, having a wild of a time.

And you were like, I'm going to persevere with this.

Okay.

This was a similar, for the first four days, I just felt like an absolute patsy go me or the helicopter opening the covered with a little spritzy saying hello to mushy because it felt like we were just spraying water out of plastic bag

then

three days ago no way what is this there was initially

did when this you opened the cover did that song start playing Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

You know that one on all nature documentaries.

Do you know what I'm talking here about?

No, it sounded like good vibrations.

No, no, no, no, no.

It's like,

oh, it's like goes bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum.

Then it gets really big, and that's when it sort of like pans out to the whole of the tundra, and the polar bear is there.

It's one of the most obscure references that you've ever done on the podcast.

Lots of people will know it.

Do you mean Siga Ross?

Yes, there we are.

Got it in one.

Thank you so much, Marsba.

Sigar Ross.

It was obvious.

I did it so well.

It was basically like you were listening to Siga Ross.

That's what I'm saying.

Thank you, Marsba.

Your frame of reference, okay, it's normally top loader, but now it extends into sort of post-rock from 2010 as well, in the context of nature documentaries.

Yes.

I'm not giving everything of myself.

I'm just holding stuff back because we're in this for life, right?

So I'm 45.

You're, what are you, 49?

21.

Okay.

So like, like, we're definitely, you know,

serious illness aside, we're in this for 40 years or something.

I don't want to put it all out there straight away, you know?

So it would not be inappropriate to invoke alien with the

coming ripping through the, yeah, that's what we've got now.

Over the last three days, it was initially the size size of action man's head but terrifyingly action man's head with tiny little plugs coming out of it and now it's the size of a baby's head and the individual hairs each of which i suspect will become a giant oyster mushroom so i put it in a kitchen type cabinet on the bottom and Tomorrow, I suspect I'm going to have to take out the middle shelf.

Something.

Yeah, because it's going to be like a foot-high beast.

Helen heard a noise the other day in the house.

Noise, mushroom.

You're lying in bed together and she's like, they're coming to get us.

Yeah, that's...

This could all be a plan by the mushroom butcher.

So that's where we're at at the moment.

I'll put a photo of it online if people would like that.

But it's

pretty traumatic.

Okay.

So it's my yesterday.

Producing Producer Marsba does say a bit of a double standard to slam ready-made HelloFresh gusto, quite like style food boxes when DOD is using the HelloFresh of mushroom farming rather than foraging in the wood for mushrooms as he should.

Good point.

Well made.

Thank you, Marsba.

Okay, so yesterday, my day began at 5.30 a.m.

So let me just state here, we're not doing this.

on the day we normally do it.

So it's not going to be just your incredibly repetitive Monday that we've all come to know and love.

We're the point where David Squires, the incredible cartoonist from The Guardian, could ring you at any point in that day and know exactly what you're doing.

I spent no time with Thomas Sorensen or any other Danes yesterday.

No Danes.

No Danes.

It's a zero Dane day.

You know, it's worth noting that down.

You know how some people write down what they're grateful for?

Each day, I just write how many Danish people I've come come across and when from a weekly tour to copenhagen that was a tough counting everyone that's hard 5 30 willie rushton who is 10 weeks old woke up next to me and with him was aqua the band i'll stop you right there danes one two three four okay so

Willie wakes me up at 5.30.

I'm in the bed with him.

Jamie is in bed with Ian because sometimes Ian wakes up in the night and one of us gets into bed with him.

And it's probably something you want to nip in the bud, but you're also like, he's three, and like, soon he won't want to,

this won't be a thing, you know, when he's 26.

And it's kind of sweet.

But his bed is too small.

And so you wake up like an hour later going, oh, your whole body, you just need like an osteopath or something.

Anyway,

Willie wakes up and he's crying because he's hungry.

And the only person that can feed him is Jamie.

Jamie's in bed with Ian.

So Ian wakes up.

Everybody wakes up.

5:30 a.m.

is really sad because sometimes we're lucky it's six, seven, six thirty, you'll take six o'clock, you're like, okay, five thirty, desperately sad.

So everyone is sad.

Okay.

Jamie comes into the bedroom.

Ian comes in.

He sits on the bed.

He sort of wants to hug Willie Rushdon.

He sort of, when every time he's a hug him, he sort of like whacks him in the head.

And then we have to say, be gentle, but also what a great big brother you are.

Right.

But it's 5.30 in the morning.

What I love about this is, have you seen those videos that have gone viral recently of of CEO bro types doing their get up at three in the morning routines where they splash their face into ice and rub tangerines on their chests or whatever they do?

I'd like to see a film of this, just pure chaos.

It's chaos, and you know, it's the start of the day, and you know your day is going to be quite long.

And you're like, okay,

let's just recalibrate and just go in with it.

And so, anyway, at some point, we decide that Jamie is going to take Ian into the living room to make him some porridge and, you know, watch some TV, whatever.

And I'm going to stay in bed with Willie and try and keep him getting back to sleep, whatever.

He has made an interesting decision as a 10-week old to, I would say, vomit up almost all the milk that is given to him.

Now, it's not a big health concern.

He's doubled in weight.

He's a massive lump, but the bed is covered in sick and he's sick all the time.

And like the sheet is covered in sick, you're covered in sick.

There's wet wipes everywhere.

It's just a sort of sort of, it's a milky, vomity

sort of mess that you're lying in.

But like the, the,

you know, of the two choices.

Like the first boy did.

Of the two choices, right?

If you manage to get Willie back down, you can then go back down.

Whereas if you go to the living room, you are on and you're doing a, you know, you're making play-doh or something, and like all of these things are just a wonderful part of the journey of parenthood.

And I'll look back so fondly that you know, that is not happening currently.

So, anyway, at some point, we Willie is just not happy, he's not going to go back to sleep, I can't feed him.

So, we all

arrive in the living room, and there's sort of general conversation about plans for the day and whatever.

We probably put a laundry on because our washing machine, our washing machine must sit there and think, ah,

I could have been bought by like a bachelor with like, you know, three pairs of trousers, and I just have a really easy life.

And this, we are absolutely killing this guy.

We are hammering him to death, the poor bastards.

There is not a moment where he's not on.

Do you whisper into the door just before you shut us, I'm so sorry.

And then

slam and put it on like the six-hour eco clean.

I really should.

I really should.

The only time it stops is when Ian goes in and just turns it off.

Same with the dishwasher.

And then you realize that, you know, it's just been off for three hours.

Anyway, I'm currently on a Wheatabix journey, or in Australia, as they call it, Wheatbix.

What have you got today?

Wheatbix, interestingly, which is what you would use for a wheatabix.

I know, but you were tricking them, you were putting like mayonnaise on it and stuff.

Yeah, I'm being facetious there.

So, and I don't know if this is totally inspired by all your comedian friends who are having midlife crises about what they eat, but I think if I start wheatbix, that is good, that's got good stuff in it.

I can put the flax seed, the

you know, the hemp, all the stuff we try and hide in Ian's porridge.

I put all that on, a few blueberries, a bit of granola.

I'm using semi-skin milk now because I have high cholesterol.

So I get that down me.

Interestingly, the radiators are on.

And I'd say that's like first or second day of the year.

The house did not come with radiators.

It's an odd thing about Australia.

In the same way that the UK cannot handle the heat, Australia is just not designed for the cold.

You know, it gets quite cold.

So the radiators are on.

Big moment.

But what's good about that is you can put your clothes on them.

And that is a lovely thing, right?

There's no greater feeling than just laying out what you're going to wear and sticking them on.

Interruption, yeah.

I was once made a TV pilot with Phil Wang was in it, Jess Naput was in it, yeah, okay, all right.

The one where we were Antarctic explorers, and one of the characters tried to make a lady out of snow, okay.

And the props department wanted to know what this looked like, they wanted to be sort of crude, so the only material I could think to use was Huidabix.

Okay.

So I bought a box of Huidabix and then soaked them and then in milk and then started crafting and

made a very sort of

imagine you've got to get the right amount of milk, haven't you?

Yes.

Not enough.

It's just not going to do what you want.

Too much slop.

Also starts to smell of milky vomit after a while as well.

Sorry.

Yeah, yeah, I know that feeling.

Quite often we,

you know, you take the sheet off and then you put the fan on the mattress, which is now so kind of browny.

It's like, like, it's so grim.

But obviously, you can't get a new mattress until he's out of this phase.

There's no point buying one now because, you know, it's just going to...

So you're just like, God, we're sleeping on just slurry basically.

Real Hello magazine lifestyles of the rich and famous here.

Max and Jamie invite you to their beautiful three-bed detached house in the Melbourne's inner north.

And this mattress is the most disgusting.

I don't think there's a worse mattress on earth.

Anyway,

so Jamie takes Willie because he needs a nap about half seven.

She goes first, right?

And we're going to meet at a cafe, but I'm going to bring Ian later.

Ian is watching Blippy, who's a sort of quite energetic American.

There's like more than one Blippy.

It's like Lucy and Neighbours.

You don't know which one you're going to get, but they all have an orange bow tie and he dances around a lot.

and the first time you see him you think my life is over if I've got to watch this shit for the rest of my life But actually, it's sort of like Stockholm syndrome.

Now I really like the guy

and like he is like a multi-gazillionaire because like every YouTube video he has a million

million trillion hits.

Is he cartoon or is he live action?

No, no, no, he's a live action real human.

I think there was one blippy who then thought, I've got so much money, I don't want to be blippy anymore, cast someone else to be blippy.

And then that guy, someone else became blippy.

Well, this one, we're on a construction site, you know.

This is right in Ian's wheelhouse.

We're looking at diggers, it's all great.

Yeah, he's dancing around a construction site.

Blippy does also sound like something you would use to describe if you'd had a heavy night the night before.

I'm a bit blippy today, yeah.

I'm a bit blippy today, yeah.

Although blippy gives the impression that he is never working after a tough night out.

This guy has energy, he has like more, like, there's more energy from, you know, like the heat, a pinhead of the sun has more heat than the rest of the universe.

He has more energy in like his fingernail than me.

Like, it's incredible, this guy.

Anyway, so Ian then does a poo

and part of our relationship is.

He wants mama to do everything and she is not in the house.

So then he refuses to let me change his nappy and we have to chase him around the house.

It's a sort of like Benny Hill sketch, but just you're not chasing like a sort of 1970s lady with tassels on her nipples.

You're chasing a three-year-old with a shit in his pants.

Okay,

and there's no musical soundtrack.

Anyway, I managed to get that done, get him in the pram.

He sometimes says, Daddy, go fast.

And so then I have to do like I basically shuttle run to the cafe.

So I'm sitting there thinking, I'm not enjoying this, but it's great incidental fitness.

You might not get out for a run.

This is good for the football season.

Focus, take these runs seriously.

He's really enjoying them.

And like, this could be the only exercise I do today.

Get to the cafe.

I have a long black and it's great.

Oh, wow.

I'd say you've a lot of space around you as the vomity man and the shitty boy come into the cafe.

It's not that busy at this time.

And we know that, you know, basically, if you have two kids and you've like you fill the cafe with your prams and all your bullshit and your covering pencils, you've got to be good.

Like, we're nice.

The staff know us.

It's a lovely cafe.

And so that's really good.

Now, at the end,

we've had a really lovely time obviously me and jamie are exhausted but i ian's pram is at the end i've just put it right at the end we don't need it we might need willie's because we might sublime down but so i put that at the end of the cafe because i'm thinking you know just keep it out of the way so i say oh i'll just go and get we're leaving i'll just go and get ian's pram and as i go there the toilet is there and i'm thinking i'm just about to take willie for a pram nap i mean i need a wee so i just duck into the toilet but i tell jay i'm going for a wee and when i come out she stood there in the intervening period Willie has vomited all over her and Ian has left the cafe So she's been left with this chaos and I've just gone for a piss and then she's like Can you just tell me when you're going for a wee?

And 45-year-old me is like I just don't want to ask permission to go for a wee.

And there are people around and we're sort of having a bit of an argument.

And I'm like, can we just not do this in front of everybody?

And so we basically have a row, right?

We have a row, but not as, you know, like as serious as our rows get, which is not that serious.

So what I want here here is not Russell Howard to come in.

Yeah.

The fake Russell Howard.

He enters.

And he decides.

You're actually being quite unreasonable.

And the two of you are like, you shut the fuck up, fake Russell Howard.

So anyway, we leave the cafe and we say, I just say, look, I just didn't want you to, like,

I just went for a wee.

Like, if it was the situation the other way around, I'd just have dealt with the chaos.

I appreciate it.

I should have said I might be a minute.

whatever

so then we're sort of a bit annoyed with each other and she's walking home i'm walking back.

I'm taking Willie for a pram nap.

So we're going the other way.

And then she has lost her keys about a week ago.

So she says, have you got any keys?

So I then have to come back, even though we want to spend some time apart.

And I give her my keys and then we walk together for a bit.

Anyway, I then walk to the supermarket, IGA, which sort of is one of those supermarkets where it gives the impression of being friendly and local, but just charges the fucking shit out of you for everything.

Yeah, Australia is weird.

IGA is International Groceries Association as well, which sounds sounds like it's a global body, but I've never seen them anywhere except they're basically like a Tesco Express level.

You don't want to buy batteries in there for your novelty keyboard six before a gig.

You're so right.

If you just go to Bunnings, you can get so many batteries.

I've learned that.

I get peanut butter.

I buy Jamie a Mint Intense as a kind of, I'm sorry that I'm for my part in the row.

I buy a sort of ready-packed four slices of melon, which is a grave disappointment.

and some cheese.

They're just normal cheeses, some Dorset cheddar.

And nostalgically, I always try and buy cheddar that has been shipped from the UK because it makes me for some utterly stupid reason.

And some tomatoes.

So then I take those home.

And, you know, the mood is tense, but we're all okay.

But like

Playgroup is on at this.

church nearby you pay 50 bucks for the term and it's really nice it's got lots of different things different you know diggers and cars and train set and art and whatever and they feed you they feed you know they give a snack to the kids there's a playground outside it's lovely and we're like okay so i get back at about 10 and that starts at 10.

so we're sort of in a bit of a hurry to get out we don't know whether to feed willie or not and it's all a bit like oh what should we do so i'm going right i'm packing the car i pack the car with everything the pram i put willie in the baby seat whatever we're all really good to go jamie needs to get wants to sort of be more presentable than she has been i think she looks great but she's decides she needs to change again yeah so then as she's shutting the front door i just say i don't have my keys because she's got them and she shuts the front door okay

now we're in business in terms of content for the podcast but we're in a very disappointing state of play for our real lives yeah okay

so we're locked out Now, normally, one of the windows is unlocked.

Yeah.

So you just slide out of the window and climb in the window.

That's fine.

Normally, like of the two of us, I think we should lock the door.

Jamie never wants to lock anything because she grew up in Australia, neighbours, everything is unlocked.

Shit.

We left our back door unlocked once, and some people came into the house when I

went and Clive the doctor.

Yeah, Dr.

Clive Gibbons came in and they stole our car key, my wallet, and the car, and we never carved for five weeks.

So in my mind, I'm like, we should probably lock the house because crime does happen in this area, literally our house.

It happened in our house, and we weren't insured.

The fact we found the Subaru was a massive surprise.

So, anyway, Jamie's annoyed with me because the house is locked.

I'm annoyed with her because she lost her keys a week ago.

And if she hadn't lost her keys, she wouldn't have had my keys.

I'd have my keys to everyone else.

But we're not, neither of us are mentioning this.

Okay, we're just going, how are we going to get in the house?

Ian thinks it's the perfect time to run into the garden, open a big pot of black paint, and pour it all over himself.

Yes.

So, Ian is covered in black paint to the point where Jane has to take his trousers off, right?

They're covered in paint.

And then we explain to Ian that we're not going to go to playgroup.

And he

is so sad.

He is grieving like, you know,

I can't think of a moment in a movie.

Is it so bad that you consider smashing a small window?

We think about that.

But then what we do is we text the neighbor, go, have you got any trousers?

And

you know, just a normal text.

Yeah, yeah,

just normal text.

Yes, to be clear, that's not just a neighbor with no children.

And we were going to use just an adult's trousers.

You know, our next-door neighbors have three young kids.

So we were like, they'll probably have something.

Jamie then gets, I think, like, I don't know if she's opened a paperclip, but she's got like, she's found some bit of metal and she is trying to unlock the back door, like hot wiring a car.

And it looks cool, right?

It looks like she's in the FBI.

And I'm like, well, this can't fail.

I've never seen this fail because I've only seen it in movies, right?

So in in movies,

and you just hear click.

In real life, it's just,

you can't, a locked door does not unlock with a paperclip.

This is what you learn.

This is

very famous saying.

This is a very famous saying.

So then there's one window where the latch is not that much on.

You know, they're the sort of turn, let's say you, you know, you close the window and you'd lock it just with a little latch that goes round in like a semicircle.

But one is not that much.

And every time I push it, I think it's going round, but it might be an optical illusion.

But I go, okay, I'm going to do this for 10 minutes.

Just boom, boom, boom, and just see.

And then within about two minutes, I realized it's just an optical illusion.

That is not open.

So then we're like, okay, fuck.

We're going to ring the locksmith.

And you know what?

They're like, they're going to charge you, the call-out fee is like, oh, the call-out fee is like $1.55.

I ring one and I say, yeah, but how much?

It's just like a Yale lock.

It's not that, how much?

And they went, we just can't tell you.

And you're like, okay, so we're, you know, we're over a barrel here.

Yeah.

I ring another one and they say the same thing.

I'm like, okay, fine.

So anyway, they say, what happens is our locksmith will ring you in five minutes.

So in five minutes, a guy rings and says, this is our address.

How much is it going to be?

He was like, oh, it depends on the space and between the pins and blah.

And we're like, ah, shit, this is shit.

Anyway, while this is happening, the council have come to there's lovely trees down both ends of our street, but they middle with with the electrical wires but anyway the tree surgeons have come to cut all the trees down and this ian covered in black paint is mesmerized by the tree and the neighbors are all out the neighbors opposite frank and janet have bought armchairs out and coffees and are just watching the oh it's beautiful scene they're just there go we're just watching the trees be cut down it's really good fun

anyway so like it's been 20 minutes the locksmith's going to be half an hour and i'm like oh

Still annoyed that Jamie's lost her keys.

She's still annoyed with me.

We've annoyed with the row about permission to we or not.

You know, but it's fine.

Like, we're like, okay, we're not going to go to a playgroup.

It's all okay.

I get in the car.

I look at, because we, I've already checked the car and the car keys and the house keys are not in the car.

So I get in the car again.

And then Ian has a Lightning McQueen red rucksack.

Yeah.

And so I like pick it up and I just feel into the side pocket.

Nothing.

I feel into the next side pocket.

Jingle jangle keys.

What?

I cannot tell you the euphoria I feel.

The absolute,

I take them out of the pocket like they're sort of, you know, like the gold amulet from some Harry Potter.

I'm looking at them and there's like sun shining around these keys.

I'm like, this is just the greatest single moment of my life.

And so what I do is Jamie and Ian are in the garden.

Willie must be there too, I presume.

So I just open the front door and I walk through and I just stand at the back door and they look at me and they're like, how did you get in the back door?

I'm like, I found your keys.

It's amazing.

Everyone's happy.

The The world is great.

It's great.

Do we think that Ian Rushton had stolen them or do you think Jamie had put Jamie had put them in there?

Can I add, can we all just bury keys somewhere in our gardens in the future?

But I was saying to Frank and Janet, why don't we just leave some keys with Frank and Janet?

Yeah.

They're very trustworthy people.

They're lovely.

They are really, honestly, they're like surrogate grandparents.

They're wonderful people.

Anyway, I sounded a bit like Donald Trump.

Wonderful people, great people, ripping up the whole world, wonderful people.

So anyway, so this is great.

But then I ring the locksmith saying, look, we don't need you anymore.

And he's like, I'm five minutes away.

And then I just had this image of, you know, locksmiths are sort of like Batman, aren't they?

They're just never needed.

And then when they get the call, they're like, I'm going to charge these guys $850 and there's nothing I can do.

And I'm like, oh.

And he's like, I'm just five minutes away.

I'm like, I'll pay you the call out fee.

So then he just texts me and for absolutely nothing, I send a man $29 because I just feel bad.

Fair enough.

And he didn't, do you know what?

Like, that's fair enough, enough, but he didn't even text back thank you.

I texted him the, uh, you know, the bank transfer.

Here's your $29, locksmith with your bank details.

Not even a fucking thank you.

And I'm like, there's a Larry David episode where it's like the commensurate apology or whatever.

And this is it.

That's fine.

That's fine.

He needed to say thanks.

You know, I know he's annoyed.

He hasn't won his million dollars for breaking into my house.

I found my keys.

I can't just say, oh, do you know what?

I found my keys, but, you know, sod it.

Just break into my house anyway and charge me $5,000.

I've given him $30 for nothing.

He should at least say, Thanks.

Yeah, okay.

You don't agree?

You don't agree?

You're making me feel like the coffee thing again.

He's planning his way to the next person.

He doesn't have time.

You know what I mean?

You don't, Spider-Man doesn't text you afterwards being like, it was a pleasure to save your life as you fell from that skyscraper or whatever.

You know, he's a locksmith driving to his next job.

He probably doesn't have a next job.

He's just annoyed because he can't fleece me to get in my house that I've got in by myself.

Wow, everyone's not trying.

I went out to get the locksmith out, and he arrived.

There was no, I didn't have to offer any proof that this was my house.

He had a drill that was like a rifle that sat on his shoulder that obviously had a diamond tip because he was like, Is it this lock?

And I was like, Yes, and it touched the edge of it.

Basically, the whole lock just melted, and he went, 200 euros, please.

Like, it was very impressive.

Oh, okay yeah no no fair enough fair enough so okay so then jamie and i agree to recalibrate rescue the day right because we've not had a great day so far so we agreed to go to a cafe that we really like that we haven't been to it's just come back on our rotation but the chili eggs are great the coffee's great the avocado and toast is great jay uh once again walks with willie hoping that he'll sleep I am to cycle Ian on the back of my bike.

As you know, I own one bike and it has a a big seat on the end for Ian.

And Ian now wants to stay at home.

And so we come to an agreement where, you know, he's good at puzzles.

He's good at sort of a nine-piece puzzle.

And the only way we agree to go is if I take with me the 150-piece Mr.

Chicken puzzle.

So

that goes in the bag.

He gets on the back of the bike.

We cycle to this really lovely cafe called Joan.

When I get there, Jamie says, Jamie apologizes to me for what happened in the morning.

That's this is actually

this is a big moment because Jamie's not, at best, even if she's totally wrong, at best we'll get to, we're both sorry.

That's the best we'll get to.

So I say to Jamie, are you apologizing?

Because

it's my day on what I asked, it's my day on what did you do yesterday?

And she says, yes.

Shit.

Yeah.

That's how deep this goes.

It was like a bona fide.

I'm sorry.

There was not like, are you also sorry?

We normally do we're both sorry and then it's fine.

But this was just a bona fide.

I'm sorry.

Because

Helen will listen to this occasionally, but Helen's mother came over for dinner.

last night.

Shout out to Aileen.

And

she was like, how are the mushrooms?

And Helen's like, How the heck do you know about the mushrooms?

So we're not at the point yet where Helen is performatively acting.

I'm with you.

I'm with you.

I can't remember if she said, Is it your day tomorrow or not?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Anyway, because I smell a rat.

It was just such an authentic, beautiful apology.

I don't think I've ever had that in like, uh, we've been together for 12 years.

I don't think.

Anyway, anyway, it's fine.

We're all good.

We're sat at the table.

Ian's got the the puzzle out.

It's enormous.

It's bigger than the table.

I order a strong three-quarter flat white, my second coffee of the day.

Yeah.

Coffee comes.

Three-quarters full.

Yeah.

I just want to.

Like, this is like the second series of Big Brother.

Whereas in the original series, I think they thought no one was watching.

So they were just acting normally.

But as soon as it became the biggest TV show in Britain, from series two onwards, everyone knew millions of people were watching their every move.

And I just wonder if Mrs.

Rushton has now reached series two of Big Brother.

It's like in The Apprentice.

They used to start as sort of pretending to be business people.

Now they just talk how people talk on The Apprentice.

Like how nobody talks in real life.

Anyway, I order a strong three-quarter flat white.

A three-quarter flat white arrives.

Looks perfect.

I just say, oh, is this strong by any chance?

He goes, oh, no, it's just got one shot.

And I go, okay, I just wanted it strong.

So he comes back.

He says, okay, well, I'll just, okay, I'll just chuck another shot in.

I'm like, okay, so he comes back.

So obviously the other shot has now just made this a full strong flat white.

And I want to.

But the cups are quite small.

So I just go, that's totally fine.

And just to be clear, I'm happy with the coffee.

I'm not thinking, I can't complain about another coffee.

It just made me laugh that it was not the coffee.

This coffee, they've never messed up the order until the day before I'm doing this podcast.

Every time they've got it perfectly until now.

Very funny.

You know, people talk about the Goldilocks point, which is,

but that implies Goldilocks and the three bears.

In order for you to find the coffee you would like, it would have to be Goldilocks and the over a thousand bears,

where it's like, this one's a little too hot.

This one's too cold.

This one is too hot, but just has one shot on it.

This one, when the second shot goes in, the level is, you know what I mean?

We do the puzzle.

We do, we don't complete the puzzle.

We do a bit of puzzle.

The chili eggs are absolutely great.

So nice.

They've got whipped fetter underneath them they've got like spring onions few peanuts the it's not the chili jam is so good the chili oil is not too spicy just a really it's a great meal i'm totally delighted miss australian we then go to a playground over the road and uh ian is playing and here's interesting thing we have a we share a cookie we're all very happy willie is sort of sleeping not really sleeping whatever Ian is on a swing and on either side of him there are two brothers and there's a girl and they're chatting away.

They're about 11 or 12.

They're just chatting really friendly, really happy.

And then one of the brothers just says to this girl, are you a boy or a girl?

And she says, oh, I don't know.

And

in a kind of genuinely sort of gender identity conversations that 11, 12, 13 year olds are having now.

Yeah.

Kind of like, oh, maybe I'm a non-binary.

I don't know.

And they're like, oh, all right, that's fine.

And I just thought, this is.

Absolutely, you know, and I'm just pushing Ian and he's just going faster, faster.

But I'm like, how fascinating.

That is just a fascinating conversation that young people are having.

Yeah.

You know, and like, they just go, and then they wouldn't, like, none of it was like controversial, sort of anything.

It was just really blase.

Oh, I don't know, maybe, maybe not, not sure, whatever.

And they were like, oh, right, yeah, fine.

And then they just carried on then saying, if you could be an animal, any animal, what would it be?

And that was their conversation for the next like 45 minutes while I was pushing the animal swing.

A pigeon, no, a pigeon, stupid.

What about a phantom?

That's not an animal.

Blah, blah, blah.

That was a sort of normal 11-year-old conversation, but it was just a really interesting thing.

Anyway, I cycle home.

I cannot believe it's only 2.20 in the afternoon.

I feel like I've been awake for the rest of my life.

I then get into bed with Willie in the aim of getting him down in the bed, because then if he goes down, I can go down.

Right.

I can't.

I'm sad about that.

I realize that that is my moment.

If my moment to get a nap in, it was then and I'm not going to get it.

Ian and Jamie are in the garden.

Ian is in a paddling pool demanding some biscuits.

It's my sister's birthday, I remember.

I send her some flowers.

Great.

To her house in Putney.

Yep.

I then check my WhatsApps and my dad messages to say, don't forget your sister's birthday.

She's in Ibiza.

So my sister now has some flowers and completely wilted dead flowers on her doorstep when she comes back from her yoga retreat in Ibiza.

I give Willie a bath.

And he's like a big chunky baby.

So there's creases everywhere.

And in every crease is just milky vomit.

I then take Willie for a 45-minute pram walk, where I think I listen to the rest of his politics.

Rory Stewart and Alistair McGowan.

That'll really

cheer you up after this.

That will.

Having just washed puke out of your big fat baby's wrinkles.

I'll get to hear about those tariffs.

That's what'll really lift me up now.

So anyway, it's not Alistair McGowan, is it?

It's Alistair Campbell.

He could do them.

He could do it.

He could do it.

It's true.

anyway you just realize golly the world is bleak but I don't have time to think about it um anyway dinner tonight is not a box it's Ian's best friend's birthday and we're going to 300 grams for burgers

so I cycle 300 grams is the name of the place yeah it's really good the burgers

okay I thought you were Phil wanging out the exact measurement of the burger you wanted I cycle up uh Jamie doesn't want to come really because she's exhausted uh but I want her to come I just do.

And

so she brings Willie up.

I order some chips as soon as I get there so that they'll be cool by the time Ian wants to eat some and his best friend wants to eat some.

They arrive, the burgers arrive, they're really, really good.

There's one high chair, it's a small restaurant, and both Ian and his best friend want to sit in the high chair.

So then we have to put a timer on for five minutes.

And every time it goes down, one of them gets out and one of them gets in the high chair.

We get home.

The burger is really great.

It's nice time.

His best friend's parents are nice.

This is lovely.

What do the lads do?

You know, what do two, three-year-olds, like they're not having conversations about gender identity?

Are they just driving trucks through chips?

Driving chucks through chips.

His best friend eats the burger.

Ian is not interested, just wants chips at this stage.

Great.

Get home.

I watch Mika, who's kind of Blippy's friend with Ian.

So this is his second bit of TV of the day.

I then swap with Jamie, so then I'm trying trying to get Willie to sleep.

I get him to sleep.

I sleep for myself for about an hour.

Oh, yeah.

Which is absolutely amazing.

That gets to us to about eight o'clock.

And then

you've got football.

You have to talk about football now after all of this.

No, I don't.

No, no, no, I don't.

Is there no football?

Well,

I don't have to talk about football, but I do have to do the pod with you.

with a footballer, but we don't know who that is yet.

But it is my booking.

I've booked a footballer, and here's the interesting thing: so we do that podcast.

I see you, I see Mars, but you know, I don't see Mars, but he doesn't show his face because of his veneers.

But we

do the podcast, it's a good part, I think it's a good episode.

Like the thing, this was going out before that was going out, so we won't say who is the guest.

Interestingly, and I think you'll like this, uh, the football season starts in a week or so, and I promised Jamie that I wouldn't play football for 12 weeks after Willie was born.

You know, I'm not going to bug her off for five hours on a Sunday, but I have moaned to her every day about wanting to play football.

Like a spoiler.

And she's like, I'm postpartum.

I've had a baby.

Like, shut up about football, but I just can't help myself.

I love playing football.

You're just clomping across the tiles in your studs.

Well, imagine it.

So I have bought these.

I've bought some puma kings.

I wrote a column about these puma kings.

I know puma kings.

They're made by Monday Ale magazine, which is a great football magazine.

Like, reasons why you love football.

And I wrote this column and I was offered a a free pair because I'd written a column.

I thought, for integrity, I have to buy them.

But there is,

here it is.

So while I recorded that podcast yesterday, I was wearing these in.

So I did the whole podcast in Puma Kings.

And not just because we were doing this episode, because I've worn this for every podcast I've done since they arrived to get them in.

To the listeners, Puma Kings are the definitive boots of the 90s.

They have giant

white flowers

that

bounce up and down as you in your giant 90s polyester jersey run up the pitch and your hairy chest and your little belly.

So we finished the pod at what?

We finished recording at, I don't know,

10.30 p.m.

We then talk for half an hour about life, you, me, and Marsbar, about quite how stratospheric this podcast is going.

And so we do that

and

then I say goodbye to you guys.

Get into bed.

I'm a little bit wired because, you know, like it's quite hard to go to straight to bed after doing these podcasts.

So I lie in bed and everything is showbiz.

So I do squaredal.

I do were, I think I've done Wordle already today.

I do the Squaredle.

Great.

Where that I want to be up at five o'clock the next morning to watch Arsenal play Real Madrid in the Champions League.

Yeah.

So 11.15, I just say I've got three words left of Wordle.

One of them turns out to be larynx.

Couldn't get it squared all the mother.

so i just go to bed at 11 so i

in the day bed i'm in the day bed the first bed you get to when you get back in the house you don't want to go to the squeaky floorboards which will exactly yeah so i'm in bed at 11 11 15 i put the phone under my pillow and i'm like lights off great at 11 17 ian wakes up

and

so he wakes up and My feeling is I'm going to leave him for three minutes, just see if he goes back down, but he's awake.

So then I go and stand outside his door.

He's definitely awake.

So I get into bed with him and he's awake for about

half an hour of just jostling and being a dick.

And then

and then he goes to sleep.

And then I think I go to sleep, but

I wake up again at 1.16.

And so I think then I go back into the day bed and I fall asleep.

And that wasn't my first trip in.

back in with Ian.

I think I'm back in again for an hour or so.

But I would say 1.16 is when it all ends.

And so that that is, that's a 20-hour, 20-hour day, guys.

Yeah.

It's funny because I just came to the

podcast that we recorded yesterday, said good morning to all the bikes, Spritz the mushrooms.

And I'm like, here we go.

Bit of fun now, the podcast.

And I don't think that you've just been through essentially the First World War.

I'm convalescing by the time I sit down to do this podcast.

This is like War Horse, except where i meet the horse just back in somerset in 1920 and i've like been up to anything for the last few years

but i ever didn't show i think you know like i love coming to my shed to do these things whenever i complain about work you know it is true that i really love doing it so it was a great pleasure well i'm happy to do it with you and also to be an active participant in your relationship now, where you air your grievances

straight into it.

I was just to say, I'd been reasonable.

I should have just said, I'm going to go for a wee because then she would have been able to plan for the chaos that happened while I was just on my phone, really taking too long over a piss.

Wow.

If you, the listeners, would like to send any covert messages to friends or partners who may listen to this podcast, here's how to get in touch.

To get in touch with the show, you can email us at what did you do yesterday pod at gmail.com.

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And please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform.

And if you didn't, please don't.

Thank you, David.

Should we do it again?

Yeah, I love doing it.

There's something about this podcast that brings us to life, that makes us feel like more than just a sum of our parts.

That's what me and you are, David.

Between you, me, and the listeners, it's not just what did you do yesterday, it's all life, it's everything, it's everything that brings you, me, and them together.

And between us, everything

is sobiz

Jesus, that mushroom is huge.

Hello, Max Rushton here.

You might remember me from Series 9, Episode 2 of Parenting Hell.

I'm here to tell you about Dog by the Bakery Door, the debut children's book by author Jamie Bruce.

Dog by the Bakery Door is a charming story of the magical things a little boy sees on a normal trip to get a coffee with his mum.

Perfect for newborns, three-year-olds, six-year-olds, all children.

Just Google Dog by the Bakery Door.

Here's a review from my three-year-old son.

Dog by the Bakery Door.

I have this book.

Full disclosure: the author might be his mother and my wife, but even more reason to buy it.

She has to live with us and a baby 24/7, has sacrificed her career for mine while also being an amazing mum to two boys.

Thank you, goodbye.