WDWDY #12: Not your average Monday...

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Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

I lit the fuse and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

He's going the distance.

He was the highest paid TV star of all time.

When it started to change, it was quick.

He kept saying, no, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show.

Now, Charlie's sober.

He's going to tell you the truth.

How do I present this with a class?

I think we're past that, Charlie.

We're past that, yeah.

Somebody call action.

AKA Charlie Sheen, only on Netflix, September 10th.

Podcasts, there are millions of them.

Some might say, Too many.

I have one already.

I don't have any, because there are enough.

Politics, business, sport, you name it.

There's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.

But nobody is covering the most important topic of all.

Why is that?

Are they scared?

Too afraid of being censored by the man?

Possibly, but not us.

We're here to ask the only question that matters.

We'll try and say it at the same time, Max.

What did you do yesterday?

What did you do yesterday?

What did you do yesterday?

That's it.

All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday, nothing more.

Day before yesterday, Max?

Nope.

The greatest and most interesting day of your life.

Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it.

I'm Max Rushton, and I'm David O'Doherty.

Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?

Welcome to this episode of Midweek Mayhem, series

one of Midweek Mayhem.

Because there was no series one of Midweek Mayhem in the original series one of what did you do yesterday.

David O'Doherty is here as an important clarification.

Do you think we should do prequels of midweek mayhem where we go back and try and remember what we were doing on the various yesterdays?

Yeah, Mrs.

Rushdon had an idea, which is you could do nostalgia episodes where you ask the guest, what is your dream day to have recorded what did you do yesterday when something actually happened yesterday?

I mean, it does raise an interesting thought, which is

with, say, your photos, all of my photos since 2008 are all on my phone.

Yeah.

And I can go back to pretty much any day in the last 17 years.

Yeah.

I'm not going to remember everything that happened, but I'll be like, oh, that and that.

You know, the past isn't as much of a mystery as it used to be.

So we could do, let's look at your photos from the 18th of December 2013.

Well, I'll tell you why I would remember that because it's my birthday.

Yeah, I know.

But I didn't know.

But it was a 1,365 guess, and I got it.

Are you the sort of guy who remembers birthdays?

No.

I remember Teddy Sherringham's birthday is April the 30th.

I'll tell you what I had.

I had

someone

bought me a Cliff Richard calendar of 1993, to be ironic.

And then I just kept it on my wall for years and put everyone's birthdays in and it was really incredibly useful even if the days didn't tally oh yeah june 1993 cliff richard is sitting cross-legged and the photo is from above and he is on a blue tennis court and he is sort of raising his hands to the lord i think well yeah that is the most memorable if anyone else still has the 1993

calendar let me know the other months he i remember those calendars because he was a man not afraid to take his shirt off into his 70s.

Not at all.

Yeah, I know.

And he didn't have the little, you know, the way sometimes dudes, even Cliff, develop little boobies.

Yeah.

Little kind of squidgy boobies like eggs.

They're more like sort of long strings, aren't they?

It will happen to all of us, apart from Miggy Pop.

There's a sort of long...

Yeah.

Spaghetti is too much.

Yeah.

But sort of a linguine.

That's what you'll get.

Yeah, they're like Joan McNally's eggs.

That's what they're like.

So some feedback.

Hang on.

Because you've raised an interesting point there.

Iggy Pop's in Good Nick, okay?

As is Anthony Keedas.

Keydes from the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Yes, his physio did my knee.

Anthony Keedis's physio.

Yeah, physio my knee.

Yeah.

Max, so they're both in good nick.

I think partly because they perform shirtless on stage.

Do you think we should podcast shirtless?

No, but I think for the live shows,

we should insist on it for us, the guests, and the entire audience.

Will that mean will we sell more or fewer tickets if that was the case?

Some feedback.

We've got a lot of feedback about Phil Wang's personal training.

On Instagram, a lot of people below the little clip that was put out of Phil Wang talking about his personal training not being able to count.

MJT Bell says, I'm a personal trainer, and it's true.

PTs can't count.

And then Hooper said, I'm also a personal trainer and can confirm that I can't count either.

And then Instafran94 said, I once had a personal trainer who didn't know how many seconds were in a minute.

What?

I mean, I realize you may not have the answer to this, but why did we go for the 60 seconds in a minute?

Whereas everything else in our society is arranged around tens max.

Why isn't there 10 hours in a day?

Why isn't there 100 seconds in a minute?

And should we be the ones to try and change the world around to that?

It really works with...

No, I was about to say it works with the sun coming up and going down, but it doesn't because that does change during the year, doesn't it?

It's a good question.

The only thing I can think of is this is not answering your question.

And I may have brought this up before, but the former Welsh centre-forward,

Robbie Earnshaw,

who came on my radio show on Saturday and I called him Robbie.

And someone said, Why are you calling him Robbie?

He's Robert.

And I was like, Am I being overfamiliar?

Are we friends?

And he said, Well, I'll tell you what, I'm on the way to the hospital because my wife is about to be induced to have a baby.

And I've stopped for 10 minutes to you to talk about Nottingham Forest's form.

So I was like, I don't think that was the right choice, Robbie.

But anyway, he once tweeted, how do we know today is Sunday?

What if the person

who first said it just said it was Sunday and actually it might not be Sunday after all?

And I can't answer that question.

It's a classic philosophical, why are things called things?

Yeah.

Now, that said, we're locked into there being 365 days because that's to do with the Earth spinning around as it does a lap of the sun.

So that is set in stone.

However, what I am suggesting, and I would like any listeners to pick me up on this, why not have 10 months?

So we divide 360.

So each month has 36 days.

Yeah.

There's 10 hours within that, each of which has 100 minutes, and every minute is 100 seconds.

Okay.

That's all I'm saying.

Yeah, but hang on.

If then someone says to Phil Wang, a minute of press-ups,

it's just much harder.

Maybe that's why.

Here it is.

7.12 p.m.

on the 17th of May, 2020.

Robert Earnshaw tweeted, there is zero evidence that today is Sunday.

We're all kind of relying on the fact that somebody has kept an accurate count since the first one ever.

You can't argue with that, Robert Earnshaw.

I can't argue with it.

Like, you sort of think that's a silly thing to tweet.

And then you think, I can't argue.

I can't argue with it.

Also, congratulations to Mr.

and Mrs.

Earnshaw.

Congratulations, yeah.

On weighing spaghetti.

C-I-A-N, Cian.

How am I pronouncing that?

Kian.

Keean.

Yep.

Kean says, hi, Max and David.

I was always told that 75 grams of pasta was a regular serving.

It's always telling you this.

I just checked the pack of little fusili in my press, and it says that a 500-gram pack contains six servings, which is approximately 83 grams.

Phil Wang is moaning about eating a normal-sized pasta serving.

Wow.

No, he's not because like many of the listeners, and I regard myself as both a listener and a partaker in what you do yesterday, I weighed 80 grams of pasta.

Did you?

Yes.

And then I added another 40 to make a portion.

Did you weigh it in the way that Del McGee told us to, which was to place an empty pint glass or other tall glass on your kitchen scale, reset it to zero?

You know, those magazines like Pick Me Up and Take a Break.

Yeah.

And they have a tips page that viz top tips is a ripoff.

That's now what we're doing, which is how to weigh spaghetti.

You are listening to this.

You're actively chosen to download a podcast where two men are telling you how to weigh spaghetti.

Yeah.

Pint glass.

Pint glass.

You put it on the scale, you set it to zero, then you put your spaghetti into the upright glass.

Have a cry that you're having to weigh spaghetti, then cook it.

And you did send this to Phil Wang, didn't you?

Yes, and he responded positively because we don't know the exact system Wang was using.

I suspect Wang just has one scales in his house, and it's the scales that he weighs himself on.

He holds the spaghetti in his hands like this, and then subtracts his body weight from the spaghetti to calculate exactly how much spaghetti he's holding.

I mean, this is a much better system with the pint glass.

Ian Bergen got in touch, David, and I'm reticent to go down this avenue.

But at some point during the Phil Wang episode, we were discussing him weighing himself and whether he would weigh himself before or after a movement.

Oh, yeah.

Ian Bergen has messaged me on X to say, as someone who weighs themselves every morning, I can confirm that an average movement is around 0.3 kilos.

Wow.

Which I presume now we should refer to as one Ian Bergen.

It's one Ian Ian Bergen.

He has sent for context a list of 14 things that weigh the same.

Would you like all of them?

Well, I did speculate that it's possible a turd weighed a stone.

Yeah, that's not because I never weighed one.

I think I did take that back then.

But yeah, the spotter is on deck looking for the Ian Bergens floating through the night on the Titanic.

So he went on to Chat GPT, which I've never used.

And he got the following things that weigh the same as an Ian Bergen.

A standard coffee mug, a can of soda, a medium-sized apple, a small loaf of bread, a 300-gram pack of butter.

Well, I mean, obviously a 300-gram, a TV remote control, a small Bluetooth speaker, a gaming controller, a paperback book, a large notebook or journal, a pack of 100 A4 sheets, a lightweight jacket,

a small candle in a glass jar, a small indoor pot plant.

Depending on soil and pot size, small plants are about 300 grams.

Many decorative candles weigh around this much.

So, I mean, Ian Bergen could pass any of those things, as could Phil, as could all of us.

But there we are.

A lightweight jacket is the most disturbing one to imagine passing, or maybe 100 sheets of A4, because I imagine they're coming out like a photocopy machine.

You just don't want a paper jam.

That's all.

So you're really just hoping that someone in a boiler suit has to turn up and like pull out something and then shove it back in.

Hughes says, Phil Wang episode, great listen this morning.

And he says this.

However, what squirrels does Max know that hibernate for six months?

Squirrels don't hibernate at all.

Yeah.

Squirrels hibernate.

Do they not hibernate?

No, I backed you up on that.

Thank you, David.

They gather the nuts.

Right.

But then it'd be foolish having gathered them to then just go asleep beside them for six months.

They famously trot around the park.

You've been gone too long, Max.

You only know the ways of the possum now.

I have so many nuts.

I now can sleep.

Listener Becky Fox got on to me because she was angry because I said a fox was an untrustworthy animal to base an energy company on, like Fox Energy or whatever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Would be ripping you off at every turn.

And I would like to apologize to her for implying.

Oh, I see, because of her name.

Yeah, what's the deal with those names?

Sounds like your first ever stand-up.

What's the deal with names, eh?

What about that?

Names.

What's the deal?

If you're called Fox, what does that imply?

Like, I get if you're called Archer,

you know, one of your ancestors, whatever, Fletcher.

I mean, these are mostly archery-based names.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Arrowsmith.

Yeah.

Crossbowman.

Crossbow Crossbow sons.

The famous Norwegian crossbow sons.

Mr.

Quiver.

Good one.

Good quiver there.

John says, hi guys.

I'm enjoying the pod greatly.

I can report.

That I do favor the what did you do yesterday midweek mayhem as opposed to the guest content.

Yes.

Weird.

A little while ago, you wanted to find out if everyone was aware of obelix from Asterix.

Of course, I know your secret.

And that this is actually a racket to increase the family business, is what he says.

As a child of the 80s, I grew up with audio tapes of said diminutive gall constantly playing.

What?

And whose dulcet baritone voice was the narrator for the majority of these?

None other than one Willie Rushton Sr.,

my grandfather.

I'm sure after your shameless plug the other week, your shares in old cassette tapes have skyrocketed, even though they can all be found on YouTube.

Whatever next, you're going to break out into a game of Mornington presents.

Love the pod, John.

So who knew?

It's passed me by entirely.

The asterisks and obelisk thing.

I do remember it from school.

Maybe I went more in a Smurf's direction of continental European cartoons and stories.

My friend Fraser at his nativity was the Smurf DJ, which is my favourite Nativity character to have been invented.

What?

Do you not remember in the stable?

The Smurf DJ.

Cracking out the hits.

Joseph would say, have you got living on a prayer?

And the Smurf DJ would look through his vinyl and then he'd just get it out and play it.

So they just added in tons and tons more characters.

Then I think that's what happens, yeah.

You know, it's more creative than just extra trees.

This was many years ago, like he's 45 now.

I suspect he hasn't appeared in a nativity for some time, but you know, yeah, Rob Corston, a friend of mine, says, I can confirm David has only experienced this is on the bin collections of Edinburgh.

Of course, it is

the authority issue.

David has only experienced fringe Edinburgh, which ironically mostly exists in a square mile in the city centre.

Big bins exist there for retail and to service the many tenement flats.

I have normal bins living one mile from the centre of town.

David would have also experienced Bin Geddon in 2022 or 23 when the bin people went on strike and there were lots of rats.

There were.

Yeah.

Just piles and piles of reeking bin everywhere.

I still stand by.

It's the best system for bins.

Are there listeners from around the world?

What are your bin systems?

Oh, my God.

The guy who's just sad he prefers this to asking exciting guests what they did yesterday is eating his words.

The quality control where a message that simply says, I have normal bins gets through.

We don't weed that out.

Oh, I have an apology to everybody because on the Joan McNally episode, when she went to have her haircut, I said, this is the first haircut we've ever had.

And Rosalind, amongst others, said, first haircut, who can forget Richard Osmond's daddy-daughter home-based haircut?

And absolutely right.

I'm sorry about that.

Oh, yeah.

That's an apology.

Also, the squirrels, you need to apologize to the squirrels as well.

Oh, yeah.

I apologize to the squirrels.

I thought that forever.

Should we do the Chief game?

Last week, you just threw in there at some point you'd lost all of your passwords for all of your online accounts ever.

Did we get to the bottom of that?

The thing is, I just can't log out of anything ever now.

There are some things I just don't know, and I just don't think I know my Apple ID and I can't shut down the computer or update it to, you know,

Osmosis 58 or whatever the next download is because then it'll make me do my Apple ID and then we are, I'm screwed.

So I'm stuck on this.

Shit.

Wow.

It reminds me of a dull version of speed to the movie, whereby we can never end this podcast because then you'll need to remember your password to send the we transfer of the audio over or whatever.

Hey, so it's still a three cheese board.

Welcome, everybody, to Curdle.

What did you do, Fondu, yesterday, Master Ryan?

Five,

four,

three,

two,

one.

We've got two bits of exciting news as the format evolves into its inevitable final form as the replacement for pointless in the daytime TV quiz schedule.

Yes.

Firstly, this is Mars Bar.

I'm reading this for the first time.

I'm learning this when you are and when the listeners, you will find the latest game board pinned to the top of our Instagram page.

Wow, great.

At yesterday pods.

So you can keep up to date with the status of the game.

Hey, we laughed.

2,000 people downloaded a PDF of Tom Rosenthal's Day.

There are people that will be excited about this news.

Yes.

Over 2,000 now have downloaded a picture of a nappy with a poop out, among other pictures.

We got some criticism.

You see, the thing about Colonel Master Rind is, what did you Juve Fon do yesterday?

Yeah, is that they're just normal cheeses.

Yet people were like, can we get a list of all of the cheeses that have been guessed already?

And to those people, I say, simply go back and listen to all of the previous episodes of this podcast.

Here's the thing.

In the description of the post that is pinned, you will also find all the old and incorrect cheese guesses so you can keep track of everything that has been unsuccessfully guessed so far.

Secondly, we received our first ever cheese board submission via the post and the P.O.

box address, Kim and Mo.

Are you joking?

What?

It sent us via Royal Mail a five-star submission complete with handcrafted gold stars and miniature cheese models.

I'm worried about the pair of you, but I also love you.

Dear David and Max, Kim and Moe here, two women who share a love of the what did you do yesterday.

Kim living in Manchester, Moe living near Holmfooth in yorkshire we wanted to enter curdle master ryan what did you fond do yesterday competition but finding it difficult to leave a five-star review as we don't own iphones we listen on spotify on our android phones mrs rushton had this problem as well if you remember i said she couldn't guess until she submitted a five-star review this is not a criticism of mrs rushton but she has taken to responding under some of our posts with guests she would like and tagging those guests in it.

Yes, she asked for for Richard Herring.

I'm working on Herring.

We're at a very tense point in the negotiations here.

Right.

Okay.

Ukraine, America, Russia style.

Yeah.

And bloody Mrs.

Rushton comes in like the Prince Salman and just starts reading out new demands then.

So you get geopolitics on this.

Yes, you do.

See, the thing is, because I told her to leave a five-star review now, Tioni actually now talks to me in sort of underneath my posts on social media.

Anyway, here is their guest.

They say we both love the pod from the start.

Mo favors listening while out walking.

Kim can give no greater compliment than to say she enjoys the pod so much she can no longer use it to get to sleep and has promoted you to conscious daytime listening only.

Amazing.

Wow.

Yes.

Keep up the cheese.

Tastic work.

Okay, so here is the guest.

Do you want to do the bojuang or not?

I'll say good luck, Kim and Mo.

I should be able to hold myself back.

Whenever you tell a really good joke, I just go, yep, that was good.

But when you do a bajoing, you've got me.

Here we go.

Cachel Blue.

Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.

Manchego.

Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.

100% so far, they're just normal cheeses.

Compta.

Oh!

Bing!

So it's right,

wrong place.

Right cheese, wrong place.

Wow, we're getting somewhere.

Yeah.

Brita Mo.

Right.

Irish Porticeda.

Okay, so we have a three cheese board,

but we know Compta is coming in fourth or fifth place.

This feels like a real breakthrough.

Marsbar says we will now be accepting cheese game submissions from any source.

Once again, not just five-star iTunes reviews, because we've just had too many five-star reviews now.

And it's starting to look a bit suspicious.

It can't be this good.

Tim Cook was on to MarsBar being being like, you've made a mockery of my beloved star system on my app store.

Whose yesterday is it?

It's terrible news, David.

It's my yesterday.

It's your yesterday.

Now, I'm here to support you.

Thank you.

Problem is, we've recorded this on a Tuesday quite a few times now.

So I am pretty much familiar with your Monday.

I think this is the third Monday.

This is basically Groundhog Day now for everyone, I think.

And I can't lie about what happened during the day, right?

There are some things that are slightly different.

Many things are the same.

You could guess quite a lot of them.

But do you want me to start at the beginning?

I think we should all lean into this.

I'll just be taking the side of the listeners.

Okay.

It's going to be as much a checklist as a what did you do yesterday?

So at 5:30,

Willie Rochdon woke up, asked if he could come in, was told it's not six o'clock yet.

At 6:01, he came in and was given a surprise for not coming in until 6.

Is that the stars?

Pretty good.

5.50.

It's Ian.

Willie's still only five weeks old.

All right.

So, you know, Ian wakes up.

That feels like with a day starts.

So, as usual, it's given me a maximum of five hours broken sleep because of when radio finished on a Sunday night.

I go and get Ian two puzzles.

One is a sort of 3D,

it's got a fire engine on the top, ambulance below it, police car, helicopter.

And I give him the clock.

You can take all the numbers out.

It's like a wooden clock.

Last week, you gave him the gift of time.

I did, yeah.

Albeit a clock that didn't work that he put in a Ziploc bag and carried around with him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I can't believe he's still carrying it around a week later.

That has gone into the landfill of time.

So 10 minutes, that's 10-2.

I go back to bed thinking, ah, he might just play with those on his own forever.

Six on the dot, he comes in to get me.

So I say, right, let's go into the living room and we're going to watch a TV show we've just started called Number Blocks.

Oh, yeah.

Do you want to hear the theme tune?

Yes.

One, two, three, four, five.

Number blocks.

Six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Number blocks.

Number blocks.

One and another one is two.

And another one is me.

That's three.

Five, four, three, two, one.

Number fun.

Number blocks.

You're a number block.

Let's play number number blocks.

The last bit, I don't know yet, but that's sort of how it goes.

It doesn't seem like an exciting idea for a show.

Like, in the past, he's enjoyed Tractor Ted, which is classic life on the farm.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's animated.

There's like two little ones running around.

If they jump into each other, they become a two.

They become a different character.

Imagine it's good for maths.

I don't know.

Yeah.

But it's good for him sitting quietly on a sofa.

Let's be honest about this.

If the ones bump into each other, there is a gestation period of nine months

it's really boring and then you watch them go to the scan

and then you watch them like 12 weeks in like go on facebook and put like a picture of the scan

and then like about seven months in one of the ones is like in a black and white photo holding their pregnant belly you know blessed in the past when people have put up the photo of the scan on social media, it does sometimes look like the the satellite picture when there's a storm coming in.

You know, when they do it during the winter,

you're like, uh-oh, batten down the hatches.

I always feel like responding.

Also, I've started like a Google Doc for him where he can just type letters and numbers.

And I started calling it, let's do business.

And now he says, let's do some business.

And I say, yeah, let's do some business.

And the irony is neither of us know what business is.

I'm also like, I'm doing business.

This is as businessy as my life gets.

But we sit there, we do some business.

We write out his name.

We write out mama, dada,

his friend's name.

Sometimes we just type lots of letters and numbers and then delete them.

Does remind me a bit of my detective agency era where...

Now, granted, I was like eight or nine, where we were struggling to get cases.

So we would get like mortgage applications and forms from the bank and then just take them back back and fill them in for hours.

That's amazing.

We have had quite a lot of detective correspondence.

I don't know why I haven't read it out.

I don't know why I have normal bins was above it in the pecking order because these are really quite good.

So I would promise to do them next week.

Okay, so then while we're doing that, at some point I'm watching Spurs, Bournemouth and Manite Arsenal and just sort of, you know, and a bit of the A-League style.

I'm just trying to do a bit of that.

Jamie makes me three slices of toast.

Now, sometimes, quite often, she spreads the toast.

So I just get delivered, could be toast and butter, peanut butter, peanut butter, and jam.

This time, it's a choose your own adventure.

Oh, cool.

The spreads are there, it's for me to choose.

Yeah, so I like to go straight in with the toast and butter and just start eating that because I like my toast hot.

So, I like wine is just getting the butter on it and start eating it.

Start enjoying the feeling of the toast

while I'm thinking about what else I'm going to put on the toast.

Yes, David.

What shape does she cut the toast into?

Oh, no, these are just three slices, all big full slices of sliced bread toast.

Ugh.

No.

What do you mean?

What do you mean?

Like, I'd prefer a triangle or a quadrant

or a soldier, maybe.

You want your toast cut into soldiers before you spread it with peanut butter.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Post.

Post, right?

I've just got three toasted.

It's not on a toast rack, but if you're a BB and someone put the toast rack down, it's for me to choose what to do.

So I could cut it into triangles.

She's left that to me.

She's given me the free will to do that.

So hang on.

Has she also brought over peanut butter, jam, Natala, butter?

It's on the kitchen table.

Jam, peanut butter, butter.

They're my choices.

Okay.

Yeah.

So I do one butter,

one peanut butter, and then one peanut butter and jam.

I eat them in the process of least to most exciting, culminating in peanut butter and jam.

I do hear Phil Wang's personal trainer being infuriated here.

I'd say that's probably 80 grams of pasta right there.

What are you going to do about it?

Fortunately, Philip with an F was not there, failings account in my kitchen.

I do really want to go on a health journey.

And I wonder if I will slowly be influenced by all your boring friends

into like going on a health journey.

But I really love peanut butter.

Yeah.

And it is something you hear with the miraculous weight loss drugs of our time that to miss out, though, on the joy of having three slices of toast, you know, were you not to feel like eating it?

I do still very much enjoy that me and the helicopter would be more bagel type people.

Really interesting.

I find often a bit too much dough.

That's part of the unhealthy joy of it, I guess.

Yeah, that's fine.

It's a public holiday.

Here's a curveball.

I don't cycle to South Yarra.

I get in the Subaru.

Whoa.

Yeah.

Because also it's 35 degrees.

Yeah.

So I listen to about two minutes of something serious.

Whatever it is, Aleister Campbell's on it.

Yeah.

Normally I'd listen to that, but I can't be bothered.

So I go to Fern Cotton's Sounds of the 90s and I presumably listen to Inikamozi and think, oh, I like that and replay that loudly.

And I enjoy the freedom of being alone with me and Inikamozi in the Subaru driving to South Yarra.

Your dream would be if Aleister Campbell got rid of Rory Stewart and replaced him with Fern Cotton.

Yeah.

And so they would have Mark Carney, the new Prime Minister of Canada, on and Alster Campbell would ask him a question about the financial crash and then Fern Cotton would play Marilyn Manson.

Don't speak by no doubt.

Go back to your mansions, whatever that song.

Don't give up.

You've got the music you

exactly right.

Uh, do you like elastica, Mark?

Yeah, good.

Right, I'm early, so I go to a cafe called Rustica and I have a long black, and I do some work and I have a nice time.

You know, I am intrigued with this because

I'm not going to say we don't do much work for these ones, Max, but it's fun, it comes easily, let's put it that way.

Yeah, whereas for your A-League podcast with Archie Thomas and Thomas Sorensen, is that their names?

Archie Thompson, but close enough.

You presumably have to stay up with what's happening to the West Coast Mariners this month or this week.

Yeah, I do have to have watched at least the highlights of the football matches.

That seems like a prerequisite to do a show about football matches.

I don't need to have watched the highlights of my yesterday before doing this.

Like I'm experiencing them.

I did at the end of the day think about what had happened just so I could, you know, remember it.

But yeah, I mean, the beauty of this pod for guests is there's no prep.

Sure.

And I think they like that.

Yeah.

Anyway, so I go into the office once I've done that work and no Thomas Sorensen.

What?

So he is replaced by Macedonia's finest, Norm Sekolovsky.

Yes.

Who would like to be known as Batka?

He's a funny guy.

Good guy.

Yeah.

Another goalkeeper?

No, right back.

Right back for Perth Glory back in the 90s.

Right.

Now, you're not going to believe this.

The boss, David, says, what's everyone's coffee orders?

Okay.

Yeah.

I really walk him through it.

I walk him through it.

he writes it down ah

so let me try and just so you want a mug a cup not filled to the top yeah but with very hot flat white is that your order strong strong half full flat white

now interestingly in this cafe they have small and large cups.

You'll remember Denmark's third greatest goalkeeper, Thomas Sorenson, brought me a large, and I was disappointed.

Okay, so I said to David, Look, I'd like a strong, small, flat white, make it half full because they always overfill it.

We've been through this, they're going to overfill it.

So if you say half, they can't go above three-quarters because they're not mad, these people does seem to me

a running theme between personal trainers and baristas with numbers and fractions and these kind of things.

We should investigate it further on a later episode.

So I say this and I say,

small, strong, flat white, half full.

He returns with six coffees.

There are five small cups.

And he hands me the large cup.

And I genuinely think it's a gag, right?

Because we've had the Thomas Sorensen.

I wasn't quiet about Thomas Sorensen gave me the wrong coffee to the point where I think Thomas was a bit like, come on, mate.

You know, I'm the third best goalkeeper Dame Melt's ever produced.

I've got your coffee.

You'll enjoy it.

But I'm serious about this because every coffee matters.

And I'm aware it appears that this issue that I have does not paint me in a great light.

Shit.

And I trust me, I'm a really nice guy.

What about when your arm goes out and sweeps the six coffees off the table directly into the faces?

Like literally, it wasn't even like he wrote it down.

I was like, you wrote it down.

What's happened here?

And everyone is laughing because they were all there for Thomas Sorensen game.

I'm like, I'm being trolled now, you know.

And I try and drink it, but it tastes like a baby Chino, right?

There's just too much milk in it.

So I can't drink it.

So then I'm very apologetic because I'm like, I'm really sorry.

I don't want this coffee.

He said, let me go back and get you another one.

I'm like, you can't go back and get me another one.

I refuse.

He's the boss.

I'm just not going to drink this coffee.

I put it in his eye line.

Fuck's sake.

I didn't think it was like this.

I thought it was more just a sort of a eye roll.

This is like, you know, the annoying kid at the birthday party who, when someone puts salt on the McDonald's chips, won't eat them then.

That's basically you.

What it is, is I'm going to have two coffees in a day and they really matter to me.

Yeah.

So I'm going to get it right.

And if it means waiting, I'd rather wait.

But they're this fundamentally the same.

Can you not just wait for the milk to go down a bit?

No, no, it's not foamy.

It's basically a mug of milk.

When you come back to the UK,

you are in for a rude awakening with all of this zosy bullshit.

It's okay.

Because the only cafes I go to in East London are run by Australians.

It's fine.

Anyway, it's funny.

You know, inside, very upset.

But on the outside, I'm doing it in, I think, I'm doing it with a soft touch.

That's what I think.

No way.

This is what assholes always think.

So anyway, we do the show and everyone thinks I'm an absolute twat, obviously.

Yeah.

There's probably a WhatsApp group where I'm not in it where they talk about my coffee order.

The show's fun.

The show's good fun.

Great.

Great.

Is there any big incidents?

Did anyone jump into the crowd and two-footedly dive at a supporter?

Any big stuff like that?

no no you know it was like a pretty humdrum weekend of a-league football i would suggest

love it but you know lots of good youngsters playing there's a really good football culture here they're all just so terrified that it's not as amazing and so they panic and you know everybody keeps trying to say everything's amazing and you can't bullshit football fans if a game's bad you say it's bad And if it is a bad game, a football fan isn't going to go, hang on, that game was bad.

Maybe I'll never like football again.

That's not how football fans think.

It's like, it's okay.

Some Premier League games are bad.

It's fine.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I have to do a shop on the way home.

Oh, I stop at Woolworths, which is not the same as a UK Woolworths.

It's not just Cola Fizzy Lances and Smashers magazine 1994.

It's an actual supermarket.

And actually, I'd say the nicest one in Australia.

And then you go to Comet to get the new top loader.

Yeah, and these records.

And I buy a poster from Athena.

Sony's got a lovely layout and I get lots of stuff.

and then I'm at the checkout and you know I've got my headphones in

and I don't go to the checkout.

I go to one with a person A, because there's not a lot of queue and I hate the weighing bit, you know, unnecessary item in the bagging area or whatever.

That really just, you know, I just can't bear that.

Anyway, so I take her earpod out because that's polite.

And she says, how's your day?

So I say, oh, it's okay, mum, how's your day?

And she's getting off at four, but she really wants to do this shift.

You know, you get paid more on a bank holiday to do the shift.

I'm like, that's interesting.

Chat, chat, chat, chat, chat.

This This is why you're such a good interviewer.

You go straight in.

You're like, what are you on?

Sundays is double.

What about around Christmas?

What about the day after Christmas?

What about New Year's Day?

Anyway, the difficulty is at some point, I can't remember how we get onto it, but she just says, yeah, I like everyone except Americans because they're all stupid.

I'm like, oh, God, I can't face lazy stereotypes anymore.

You know, there was a time maybe I would have gone, oh, yeah, yeah, they are all stupid.

So I just completely shut down.

I just say, I don't generalize.

And I'm just like,

I'm like, you've lost me, I'm afraid.

And I really wanted to say, my parents are American or just something, but I just didn't quite have that in me.

I just was like, you don't know me.

What are you doing?

There's no need for this.

We won't inquire into it, but all the listeners and I were just all thinking at the moment.

How'd you get on to this?

You were like, what countries do you hate?

Of all the customers here.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I can't remember how it came up.

And I wasn't really paying a whole lot of attention because A, I was on the clock.

Sure.

Mrs.

Jamie has two children at home.

Then I sort of went, okay.

And I walked off thinking, I'm pleased that I blanked shut off because there's no time for this kind of lazy stereotypes these days.

I thought I was did a good thing, but I felt impolite.

So I was slightly conflicted, but it was okay.

Yeah.

Also, I would imagine the Woolworths in wherever you are in Melbourne doesn't get a huge number of Americans coming through.

You know what I I mean?

It's weird that three people behind me all had Stetsons and were on the balls.

So, like, she was in for a rude awakening after I'd banged up my shopping.

One man was yelling root and tootin.

Yeah.

He was using a whip to get all his goods and wares.

That needs me some sarsaparella.

Yep.

This day is interesting because just the slight variation of it being a bank holiday means that you haven't sent Ian off to Kindy.

No, he's not a kinder.

Well, we have got Sophie to babysit.

We've got Sophie doing some babysitting.

Yeah.

Okay, it's fine.

That finishes at midday.

So I don't reap the benefits.

So I'm sad about that.

But it's helpful for Jamie, which I guess is important.

Jamie, if you have anything to say about that, you can also just comment under any of my Instagram posts.

Anyway, Anyway, Jamie has reheated some meatballs that I'd had my eye on and she's put them in a roll

and I've added some mozzarella and cheddar cheese and I've had a great lunch as soon as I've gotten the door.

Great.

Delighted.

Are they meatballs?

What have you made from a kit?

Therefore, they're little cardboard photographs of meatballs.

I think these were meatballs that Jamie had just made spontaneously.

Yeah, I know.

I know.

Now, normally at this time, you sneak in a little snooze, Max.

Yeah, no time for that.

Well, you're going to push through.

Hang on, that's a good question.

I'm pretty sure that I did get a nap in, actually.

Gonna try and raw dog the whole day.

Push right through.

Yeah, no, no, no, because I think after lunch, if she gives me a nap, I really owe her for that.

I'm going to say she gave me a nap.

She did.

Because I'm watching Macintosh 2.

Ian's running around.

And I know that at 3 p.m., I've booked to go to the Museum of Play and Art with Ian.

I'm not booked in.

Yeah.

So before that, I do get a nap in.

I must do.

The last two days, she's given me naps because it's not important for yesterday.

But today, I gave her six till 7 a.m.

and she said, Thank you for giving me that nap.

And I said, That's okay.

And she went, It was very nice of me to give me you naps the last couple of days.

So she was like, It wasn't like a, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's transactional.

It is really.

It is transactional.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anyway, so I have a nap.

I get up, but I'm not filled with the sadness that occasionally happens with naps.

We have received some feedback on that, which is both of us.

In particular, the one where I woke up and felt that couldn't remember who I was because I'd woken up at half eight or something.

It took a while for the language to load.

I want to know what happens at the Museum of Play and Art.

Yeah, Mopa, it's called.

So it's been 35 degrees all day.

And Ian and I get to the car and it is baking hot.

so i throw him in the car and he is not happy about this it feels impolite wow but i get the air con on as quick as i can but it is not enough and i put the music up loud because what you don't want the irony of children is most of the time you want them to go to sleep except when you don't want them to go to sleep and when you don't want them to go to sleep they go to sleep so i probably drive for five minutes i get my coffee that i've been waiting for since dave the boss didn't get me the right coffee oh god i've got that locked in i'm driving to mopa and he falls asleep I'm like,

and I'm trying everything.

Music is so loud.

I'm tickling his feet.

I just can't wake him up.

Once ever I was in your Subaru,

you gave me a lift back from the city farm.

I did, yeah.

Yeah.

Where we'd had hard eggs.

The one thing I remember about it is it has.

the normal steering wheel to drive the car.

Yeah.

But it also, I think I was sitting in the back.

Yeah, yeah, you were.

In the kids' seat.

We strapped you in.

I have a tiny man.

It has a secondary steering wheel then.

And you can pretend that you're driving the car.

Yeah, like The Simpsons.

That's no longer there.

Ian does like car still, but it's not there.

Don't know where it is.

But he's asleep and the car is still really hot.

But it does mean I can listen to some more sounds of the 90s.

So I'm.

We get to Mopa and it's nice.

It's a bit feral because it's a public holiday.

So there's thousands of kids there.

Yes.

And I really love my own child, but I can't be bothered with anyone else's so they're all running around but you know i'm friendly enough i put on a front if a little kid comes up what's at this place there's ramps for little lego cars there's nice slide there's a flying fox you know sort of you can hold on and slide across there's some sort of things but you can put plastic balls into tubes and the air sucks them out and they whiz out really fast there's a bit of water play the people who work here the stamina they have is wild yeah a very upbeat 25 year old says time for a dance party and all the kids run off and dance to something except ian does not like those

all i'll say is it does have museum in the title yeah it does seem more just like a play place there's a an ayy exhibition on human rights abuses in china

For some reason, they're just not all into that.

That's more for four plus, I guess.

No.

It's not a soft play.

Okay.

Yeah.

Because some soft plays are like, it's basically like you just know every every disease is in there.

Sure.

And you have to really like get your game face on.

That's probably like going to war, I think.

There's some areas that are quite chilled out.

And if he's tinkering around with the car, I can just sit.

But I don't have my phone with me.

I like to be present.

You see a lot of parents just sit on the phones.

You think, I can't be that person.

That looks terrible.

I don't want to be that person.

This is coming from a man who was watching.

Bournemouth playing football on an iPad on his son's head earlier while his son watched car is making love.

Listen, we're not consistent in this, but you know, in public, I don't want to be seen like I'm that barren.

In my house, sure, I'm doing squeddle right in front of him, going, I don't know, I'm trying to get a seven-letter word.

I'm just not happy with the misuse of the term museum here.

Okay, I'll have a word.

Can you do that?

Yeah, I mean, it's a franchise now.

There's two or three of them, and they're doing really quite well.

So it hasn't seemed to have hampered their business, but I'll have a word.

So we do all the things, and that's fun.

And it's really nice.

At the end, I say, Can I just have a glass of water?

Because you sort of forget about your own sustenance when you're like giving your child snacks.

And they say, I'll have a bottle of water, it's really hot out there.

So I got a free bottle of water, so that was very kind of them.

Wow, and then we drive home, and I give him his snacks in the car in the hope that he doesn't fall asleep, and he doesn't fall asleep.

Great, so that's good.

What snacks would you try to keep up?

He had

Ritz crackers, yeah, and some like sort of puffs.

It's probably like a carrot puff, something depressing.

Okay, fine.

It looks a bit like a crisp.

Sounds like a Tom Rosenthal dinner.

It's a Tom Rosenthal dinner.

It's divided into little.

The box is divided.

He likes it.

Yeah.

And then I give him six pineapples.

I take the grapes off him because they're a bit of a choking hazard.

And I'd seen at a birthday party a kid choking on sausage the day before.

So I was slightly scarred by that.

They're okay.

And I can't see him in the car.

And also, I want some grapes.

So, like, it's win-win.

Okay.

Everybody wins.

I get some grapes.

He doesn't choke on the grapes.

We get home.

Dinner is chicken and potatoes from a box.

And even I will suggest

we could have managed this one.

But it's got a nice sort of sage echelote sauce.

And, you know, it's sort of the potatoes.

You sort of fry them and then...

put rocket and parmesan over them.

And it's really delicious.

Does it come with a big hat with a fake rat in it?

So you can pretend you're Ratatouille and the chef.

And then all you do is pour boiling water on it.

And it just goes bling and suddenly appears.

I'm a chef.

Look what I've made.

Because the box arrives on a Monday.

We'll have our box of food, probably one on a Monday, one on a Wednesday.

But if you ask me on any other day, you know, we've spent hours slaving away like Hugh Fernley Whittingstall.

This is not an accurate portrayal of every day of my week.

Real loyal listeners will really know what my Monday is.

Yeah.

Okay, so then Ian's in the bath.

I walk Willie around the block in the pram.

Sometimes you carry him, sometimes in the pram.

I go to the drive-through

off-license that they have in Australia, big drive-through off-licenses, but you can walk in.

With a pram, that is one of the bleakest sights in all of Australia.

And I get a small bottle of gym beam.

and I sit on the pavement in the evening sun and down it and just think about the mistakes I've made in my life.

I buy some alcohol-free beer and I think this is because of the guests we have and just thinking, yeah, it's a Monday.

I can't start on a Monday.

Okay.

But it's so hot.

You just need something.

I see one can of that makes me think, okay,

takes the edge off.

It makes me think I don't need six pints of lager, which is what I really want to have.

And then we get to Kerry Godleman levels by the end of that pod, you know.

So it could be good for the pod.

I get home.

Ian's asleep.

Willie's asleep.

I pass Willie to Jamie.

I come into this shed that I'm in right now.

I record Football Weekly.

Interruption.

Yes, David.

Normally, you treat yourself to a little Kit Kat or something like that, a little treat.

I'll have a Kit Kat.

Great.

The thing is, right, we can't, right, as the pioneers of yesterday, yeah, we can't change our days.

Because if a guest said, oh, I don't do this normally.

No, yeah.

So, yeah, I have a kit-kat chunky.

It's the familiarity that people like.

When you watch Nothing to Declare Australia, you don't expect someone to start singing.

You know what I mean?

You want it to be basically the same show every time.

And that's what we're doing here.

That's the service we're providing, Max.

So I record Football Weekly with Barry, Johnny Lou, and Nuradine Chowdhury.

So that's a good panel.

Great.

We have a good chat about the football.

Love Chowdhury.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Good guy.

And then Brussels McTeith, go to bed.

Yeah.

The bank holidayness of it brought a freestyle.

I was looking forward to the cleaner.

Yeah.

None of that.

You know,

was looking forward to the library where he raises hell

around people trying to do their PhDs.

None of that.

But it didn't need it.

I enjoyed your yesterday, Max.

Yeah, there's some real consistencies here, and I agree with you.

It's only a Monday.

What can you do?

You can't have a wild Monday every day of your life.

Oh, I do.

I absolutely do.

Okay, well, you can, but I can't.

It had everything that I wanted and more.

I felt like I had a nice day.

I bought a chainsaw yesterday, so I'll just tang that out there as

yeah.

If it had been my turn, we could have gone in.

Yeah, I just wanted to be like Elon Musk cutting through the red tape.

Good for you.

Helicopter, check this out.

If this podcast ends because you like go on a murderous spree.

Because it's going quite well.

I'd have to stop doing it.

Like if you were in prison going, could I run the prison podcast studio?

Yeah.

I don't think I could carry on if you'd chainsawed.

a load of people.

Yeah, it would be difficult for us to discuss the sort of mundane things we talk about if I was awaiting trial for having chainsawed like 10 nuns.

Yeah, but if you were in the prison, that would be good.

You'd go, then I did 50 chin-ups.

And then I just beat up the biggest guy there to show everyone who's boss.

And then what would happen is there'd be all these prisoners who, like, you could turn their life around by teaching them all the piano.

Yeah.

There would just be like this phalanx of concert pianists coming out of Dublin penitentiary.

And you'd be like Tim Robbins.

The difficulty would be, I'd be plotting an escape, obviously.

Yeah.

But because we don't lie on this podcast, you'd be like, what did you do between two and four?

And I'd be like, I filled my pockets with dust from the tunnel that I'm digging.

And then I walked around the yard.

I got through two yards.

It was a bit tough, but I'm getting there, guys.

I'm really getting there.

And you'll never guess what?

They're cooking the books.

It is lucky, isn't it?

That Tim Robbins wasn't recording.

We've never interviewed Tim.

Andy Dufrane was never a guest on what did he do yesterday while he was digging that tunnel.

What a relief!

Hey, good.

It's been a short one.

We want to make these short.

So we should go, really.

We should call it a night, shouldn't we?

If you would like to get in touch with the podcast, and I think you should, I do.

We've raised a lot of very important topics today,

and we would like your feedback.

This is how to get in touch

to get in touch with the show you can email us at what did you do yesterday pod at gmail.com follow us on instagram at yesterday pod and please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform and if you didn't please don't

Yeah, please get in touch because we rely on that.

Remember?

I mean, somebody got on this one by just saying I have normal bins.

So pretty much we're at the stage where we'll read anything.

Thank you, David.

I had a lovely time thanks max i had a lovely time i'll talk to you very soon yeah you will

hey there i'm keen above and i have a new podcast it's called icebergs and it's about the endless journey to find ourselves and find out what it really means to have self-acceptance and self-love I'll be exploring the inner landscapes of some of my favorite people.

Oh, I don't like being self-aware.

And asking them about who they are, how they got that way, and how they feel about it.

That's subjective what I do on stage.

I'm objectively not funny off stage.

A bit of their present.

I didn't know that I was ugly until I was like 16 and record executives told me it.

A bit of their past.

I need more time being alone than I thought.

And how they navigate all that stuff.

That's definitely something I think my therapist would have an opinion on.

The thing about icebergs is only 10% of them is above the surface.

90% we can't even fathom and I think people are a lot like that.

And if they're not, then that's a really dumb name for a podcast.

Hello, Max Rushton here.

You might remember me from Series 9, Episode 2 of Parenting Hell.

I'm here to tell you about Dog by the Bakery Door, the debut children's book by author Jamie Bruce.

Dog by the Bakery Door is a charming story of the magical things a little boy sees on a normal trip to get a coffee with his mum.

Perfect for newborns, three-year-olds, six-year-olds, all children.

Just Google Dog by the Bakery Door.

Here's a review from my three-year-old son.

Dog by the Bakery Door.

I have this book.

Full disclosure: the author might be his mother and my wife, but even more reason to buy it.

She has to live with us and a baby 24/7 has sacrificed her career for mine while also being an amazing mum for two boys.

Thank you.

Goodbye.