WDWDY #44: General Sadness

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Speaker 3 Here's a quick podcast for all you true crime fans.

Speaker 5 The case of the missing Reese's.

Speaker 7 It was me at the store with my mouth.

Speaker 3 Motive?

Speaker 5 Um, they're Reese's.

Speaker 3 What was I going to do?

Speaker 9 Stop myself?

Speaker 7 Tune in next time to see if I do it again. Spoiler, I will.

Speaker 10 Wow, that had everything.

Speaker 7 Reese's, suspense,

Speaker 7 Reeses.

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Speaker 16 Terms and conditions apply.

Speaker 17 Podcasts, there are millions of them.

Speaker 18 Some might say too many.

Speaker 2 I have one already.

Speaker 20 I don't have any, because there are enough.

Speaker 22 Politics, business, sport, you name it. There's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.

Speaker 24 But nobody is covering the most important topic of all.

Speaker 26 Why is that?

Speaker 27 Are they scared?

Speaker 18 Too afraid of being censored by the man?

Speaker 23 Possibly, but not us.

Speaker 17 We're here to ask the only question that matters.

Speaker 30 We'll try and say it at the same time, Max.

Speaker 20 What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday?

Speaker 13 What did you do yesterday?

Speaker 14 That's it.

Speaker 22 All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday, nothing more.

Speaker 18 Day before yesterday, Max? Nope.

Speaker 30 The greatest and most interesting day of your life?

Speaker 13 Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it.

Speaker 19 I'm Max Rushton. And I'm David O'Daugherty.

Speaker 13 Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?

Speaker 32 Hello, welcome to Midweek Mayhem.

Speaker 16 From the people that bring you What Did You Do Yesterday?

Speaker 35 I'm Max Rushton, and he is David O'Doherty.

Speaker 37 Welcome, David.

Speaker 40 It's very nice to be here in the middle of the week, not having to deal with

Speaker 41 some special guest.

Speaker 6 Gross.

Speaker 42 Oh, they really get in the way, don't they?

Speaker 35 But also quite useful for growing the podcast.

Speaker 27 Thank you, guests. They do this for nothing.

Speaker 30 Do you think we'll be able to phase them out at some point? Yeah.

Speaker 8 And then we phase each other out and then do rival rival yesterdays which are just us on our own sorry i shouldn't have said that out loud the pod was when we release it exactly the same time and then we hate each other and eventually we find ourselves a bit like heat we're in that dark dank sort of alleyway i'm al pacino you're robert di niro or we're on the top of the train you're tommy lee jones and i'm harrison ford and you know we're just there it's exciting i thought you said heat my first thought was like heat magazine

Speaker 57 and they're very different

Speaker 21 and

Speaker 52 and someone from geordi shaw now listen david the podcast has fallen once again into crisis oh no namaste kila friend of the pod has been in touch regards the allison spittle episode a huge opportunity to play curdle with the cheese board allison bought for her grandfather not a single question about the cheeses

Speaker 56 What have we become, David?

Speaker 14 How did we miss that?

Speaker 64 Of all the podcasts in all the world, somebody gives us an open goal of, and then I got a cheese board and it just passed us by.

Speaker 65 I have form for this.

Speaker 14 I have form.

Speaker 23 On Boxing Day, 2024, I forgot about your cheese board.

Speaker 66 But we should have between us, one of us.

Speaker 2 We can only apologize.

Speaker 28 Yeah, and then the bit where...

Speaker 21 Alison Spittle went to Teddington and saw a footballer and a comedian who was putting up posters for his gig.

Speaker 40 And we just let that go.

Speaker 60 We didn't inquire as to who they were.

Speaker 14 She was like, There, it was weird because I walked past Ashley Cole, and then I saw Phil Jupiters, but I didn't put two and two together.

Speaker 67 Lots of positive feedback on the Ian Smith interruption to her the part of that podcast where she went to Ulan Bator and listened to our podcast,

Speaker 64 potentially becoming the first,

Speaker 8 and again, we just let it, oh, yeah, Ulan Bator.

Speaker 10 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 53 And then when she did this, Mick going, I've written a cover version of The One and Only by Chesney Hawks.

Speaker 71 Do you want to hear it he said ah no

Speaker 72 don't worry about it

Speaker 73 annalie says ah

Speaker 16 yeah a former flogster screamer and present what did you do yesterday lover this is regards screaming in sweden which ian smith is driving to do because you can no longer fly i was part of this loud tradition as a student at uppsala university in the 80s and 90s it's a daily occurrence at 10 p.m the student high-rise buildings 12 floors in flogstar also have roof terraces.

Speaker 32 And sometimes during parties, people scream from there, but mostly just open the window in their rooms to scream out of it for a couple of minutes.

Speaker 78 I look forward to the road trip documentary.

Speaker 79 So there we are. We found a screamer.

Speaker 5 I look forward to you and Mrs.

Speaker 81 Rushton and your two wonderful children going on holidays to Uppsala.

Speaker 60 And you just get the two kids asleep at around 9:50.

Speaker 57 This was literally the worst place in the world to come.

Speaker 78 Fresh and Minty's been in touch regards swaps and sales.

Speaker 73 If you remember, we were trying to get a little unit for Ian to put his TV on.

Speaker 85 In one of my favorite bits of the entire series, of the however many series, we should end series three soon, I think.

Speaker 73 Shouldn't we start series four?

Speaker 56 But

Speaker 86 measuring the distance between his radiator and his bin really was just felt like such a high point for me.

Speaker 47 Anyway, Fresh and Minty says, I've got the most beautiful TV entertainment unit, perfect for storing a PlayStation, a selection of Blu-ray discs, and having the TV and the lamp on top.

Speaker 66 It's the perfect width to fit in Ian's gap.

Speaker 47 I'm willing to swap this unmissable piece of rare furniture for a desk lamp and a 2013 MacBook.

Speaker 28 I did feel slightly guilty.

Speaker 21 Did you see the footage last week of a skip on fire?

Speaker 80 It was while the back, you know, the way Ian loves to watch the bins flipping into the bin truck.

Speaker 72 My Ian, not Ian Smith.

Speaker 57 Oh, yes,

Speaker 91 to be clear.

Speaker 49 We didn't get Ian Smith's thoughts on when the rubbish truck arrives to take the rubbish.

Speaker 35 Maybe he loves it, but yes.

Speaker 80 Yeah, and you'll know we're really short of guests when Ian Rushton appears on this show.

Speaker 51 But yeah, there was footage of somewhere in England, and I don't know if it was a laptop, because I don't know if a laptop would do this, but the whole back of the bin truck on fire and the bin men looking at it in a way that implied it was about to explode.

Speaker 67 And I do wonder if that was Ian Smith's local, like the tantalizing part where it said, warning, laptops, and then he just couldn't read the rest.

Speaker 8 And I doubt it was.

Speaker 68 Laptops are absolutely fine if they go in here.

Speaker 21 Oh, welcome to that. No wasses.

Speaker 33 Joseph, and this is tricky, possibly a first for podcast corrections and clarifications.

Speaker 47 I feel it's worth noting that Fred West wasn't one of the Moore's murderers.

Speaker 28 So I do remember that bit.

Speaker 40 It was the idea that Alex Ferguson would have Fred West sitting on the bench such that the reps would feel intimidated to give more injury time so much as you know it could score late.

Speaker 73 Yeah, he says Fred and his wife were serial killers in Gloucestershire.

Speaker 63 I did have to look this up to confirm my search history is now slightly problematic.

Speaker 71 Moving swiftly on, Jamie.

Speaker 59 No, that's the next bit of feedback to my wife.

Speaker 2 Jamie,

Speaker 32 no. Sam says, Dear Generic Man 3, Michael D.

Speaker 93 Higgins and Mars Barr, you recently,

Speaker 21 the Irish president.

Speaker 71 You recently asked for feedback on your live show at the Hackney Empire.

Speaker 64 I'm not saying your listenership is middle class, but on leaving the theater, I overheard a lady at the cloakroom asking for her jar of capers to be returned.

Speaker 94 I'm sure that happens at motorhead gigs, Sam.

Speaker 68 I went to the gig in Leeds Academy, and they thought I was a band because the stage was set up with a riser for a drum kit.

Speaker 16 People hand you different keyboards, different tuned keyboards, mid-gig.

Speaker 35 You know, Roni comes in and gives you a new keyboard that he's tuned up.

Speaker 38 There were no seats out, so we had to then get seats.

Speaker 45 So they thought that it was just going to be a fully standing audience. And then there were bouncers just everywhere.

Speaker 80 There was crush barriers in front.

Speaker 51 It's very funny in retrospect, but at the time, it was very weird.

Speaker 95 And also, everyone was patted down coming in to see if they were smuggling either firearms, but probably just booze in.

Speaker 80 My dressing room was too close to the entrance. And like you heard the bouncer be like, what's this, love?

Speaker 68 And she was like, that's a bottle of Bronco Stop.

Speaker 83 Like, you know, the cough mixture.

Speaker 8 That was as crazy as Timo Doherty got in Leeds Academy.

Speaker 53 Do you remember at Nine Inch Nails? There was a problem with Benelin and people bringing Benelin in to Nine Inch Nails gigs.

Speaker 35 Some feedback from Mrs.

Speaker 73 Rushton, David.

Speaker 96 Oh, shit.

Speaker 72 Well, it's not from her, really.

Speaker 98 It's that if you remember Malachi, who flew from New York to come to the gig, and he had, I left you having a beer with him.

Speaker 34 He's a nice guy, isn't it?

Speaker 99 Yeah.

Speaker 73 But I called Ruth Jamie's best friend, and Malachi is now annoyed that I called Ruth her best friend because he thinks he is her best friend.

Speaker 66 And

Speaker 16 I think they're all 37 years old, so they should be past this, but I don't know.

Speaker 73 I'm sorry.

Speaker 32 I haven't asked Jamie to give me the, I'll get her to give the top 10 friends and we can read it out.

Speaker 46 Yeah, maybe like in a VD printer or it comes out as a sort of a fax

Speaker 4 really good.

Speaker 100 Yeah, the end of all the president's men where it's like Nixon has resigned or whatever, except it's just her latest list of best friends.

Speaker 73 Elizabeth writes, this is regards, what did you do yesterday being the center of the known universe?

Speaker 32 Hello, Max and David.

Speaker 71 The other day I had a surreal moment because of your show.

Speaker 87 I live in California.

Speaker 58 I was in a supermarket where some music was playing overhead. I wasn't paying any attention to it until I started to hear something oddly familiar.

Speaker 76 I stop and realize I'm hearing a version of the song that's used for guessing of the places where there's only one listener.

Speaker 101 It was odd because the guy singing doesn't sound weird.

Speaker 71 I used Shazam to find out it's some guy called Chesney Chesney Hawks singing the one and only.

Speaker 50 That song was never a hit here.

Speaker 92 And why it was playing in that story, I have no idea.

Speaker 54 Until that time, I thought it was some song you guys came up with to introduce the segment. It does go to prove that what did you do yesterday is indeed the center of the universe.

Speaker 54 Keep up the great work.

Speaker 23 Everything is showbiz Elizabeth.

Speaker 14 Is that amazing?

Speaker 54 There are people that don't know the Chesney Hawks one and only.

Speaker 102 We joked about this on the podcast a few weeks ago that someone somewhere must think our version is the definitive version.

Speaker 57 And then when they hear Chesley Hulk, they're like, this is off.

Speaker 60 This does not have the melancholy of the real version.

Speaker 58 Edward says, Dear Max, David and Miles, Barbara, I've been putting off writing this email.

Speaker 35 I can't resist it any longer. Do I have better things to do?

Speaker 59 Probably.

Speaker 104 Am I going to do them?

Speaker 53 Probably not.

Speaker 63 A few weeks ago, DOD set out to paint the railings of his front garden.

Speaker 78 He found a tin of Hammerite and proceeded to heap praise on the product.

Speaker 66 Unfortunately, just as sponsorship became a possibility, DOD praised the paint by quoting the catchphrase of Hammerite's main competitor.

Speaker 50 It does exactly what it says on the tin,

Speaker 76 which It is Ron Seal.

Speaker 58 The ultimate irony is that DOD then proceeded not to do exactly what it says on the tin, ignoring most of the recommended preparations and watching Rugby on the telly instead.

Speaker 47 Love the podcast.

Speaker 73 Best wishes, Edward.

Speaker 80 Another one bites the dust. Responsors.

Speaker 21 Oh, well.

Speaker 59 I think we could be sponsored by Ron Seal and Hammerite.

Speaker 106 Do you think in their two big advertising hubs, they're like, if you go near Hammerite,

Speaker 35 Jeff Ron Seal is saying, if you go near Hamorite once, you are dead to us.

Speaker 8 You are dead to us.

Speaker 108 This episode is brought to you by Diet Coke. You know that moment when you just need to hit pause and refresh? An ice-cold Diet Coke isn't just a break.

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Speaker 78 Now, last week, I had a lot of fun because I got you to guess the A to Z of the podcast that someone had done on the Reddit page.

Speaker 76 And you struggle with H, which was the helicopter, your partner, and the love of your life.

Speaker 16 For God. Because you say, what do I like?

Speaker 104 We're getting with H, hats.

Speaker 16 I don't know if Helen has listened to

Speaker 65 this episode.

Speaker 32 I really enjoyed it.

Speaker 35 But then I challenged you to come up with an A to Z of things you like.

Speaker 47 Now, question, and we were discussing this before we went on air.

Speaker 65 Do we reveal all 26 now or do we alternate A to Z and it takes a whole year?

Speaker 57 Oh, God.

Speaker 28 Personally, I feel like we already have a couple of those going.

Speaker 31 Can you ever have enough of those?

Speaker 83 There's no way that the one and only is going to be finished by the time cheese starts again because listeners, we're a mere seven weeks away from the 2026 cheese season.

Speaker 93 So we're almost at pre-season, aren't we?

Speaker 44 We're almost in cheese board pre-season.

Speaker 32 Where some of the old school cheese boards, they get you running up hills, you know, going to marine training. The newer ones are a bit more data-driven.

Speaker 107 They're cheeseboards.

Speaker 17 This is exciting.

Speaker 32 So, no, you're right.

Speaker 66 We will have two concurrent ones there.

Speaker 71 But this isn't a quiz.

Speaker 44 This is just every week you say, I like apples.

Speaker 80 And I say, I like apples and then you oh god and then you say i like bananas or do you just want to do the full 26 i mean i can fly through it if you want some of them are not particularly interesting but i did try to be honest in the a to z of things that's what we want we want honesty so here we go here is the a to z and masbah you're welcome to add music to sort of hide what a simple concept this is using music to make it sound like an interesting bit of a podcast

Speaker 94 It's David O'Doherty's A to Z of things.

Speaker 34 Do you want me to guess each one? A to Z?

Speaker 82 No, no, I'll just turn to you.

Speaker 46 Well, there's very little chat.

Speaker 82 If the A is, say, Accol Island, you're going to go, yep, that's an island where you go sometimes and put fencing up.

Speaker 39 Okay, right.

Speaker 39 A, Ako Island.

Speaker 104 Got it.

Speaker 55 See, you've nothing to say.

Speaker 55 B, I've gone for the simplicity of the morning bagel with peanut butter, banana, honey, and salt on it.

Speaker 39 Nice. Now, C, you may have something on this.

Speaker 67 It was going to be chowder or cash kish, which is that town.

Speaker 15 Seafood chowder.

Speaker 8 Yeah, I love that.

Speaker 84 Disgusting. Okay.
It's not united.

Speaker 39 But instead, I've gone for Cooper's Pale Ale, a specific Australian beer in a bottle.

Speaker 100 And it's the only beer ever I've known where they roll it across the counter to wake the sediment before they give it to you.

Speaker 7 How do you feel about that?

Speaker 34 Well, I was just thinking how far down chowder would be on my seat.

Speaker 35 We'd get through so many, like every place on earth would be above chowder.

Speaker 81 Pretty much everything.

Speaker 105 Like I think chowder might be the absolute bottom of the sea.

Speaker 85 Like beyond, I don't know, operophilia or whatever it is.

Speaker 7 Oh my God.

Speaker 28 If you order chowder. It's close.

Speaker 44 It's close.

Speaker 39 If you order chowder in an Australian bar, they roll it just to awaken the different fishy bits in it.

Speaker 44 I'll go and have a Cooper's Pale. I haven't had it for a while.

Speaker 52 I've sort of moved back from Pale Ale to lager.

Speaker 115 But Australian Cooper's Pale Ale isn't that sort of sweet type, sugary

Speaker 5 Irish Brit Pale Ale.

Speaker 55 I feel it's more of a classy effervescent.

Speaker 82 I'll do a few more and then we'll leave a bit more. I'm going to do another five.

Speaker 16 Okay, it's exciting.

Speaker 7 D.

Speaker 39 Double Deckers. It's my favorite chocolate bar.
Right.

Speaker 55 And so apparently with the rise in the price of cocoa, they're now using kind of stuff that's like chocolate but isn't quite chocolate.

Speaker 39 And because the double decker has never been a particularly popular bar, that Cadburys do sometimes just fly a kite, we may be getting rid of this.

Speaker 47 So do you have like a stockpile?

Speaker 76 Do you have it under your bed?

Speaker 82 No, I don't.

Speaker 94 Would you like people to send double deckers to the P.O. box?

Speaker 46 Yeah, that would be nice.

Speaker 68 But then, because the P.O.

Speaker 100 box is in London, Marsbar will then have to send the double-deckers on to to me.

Speaker 33 This podcast is making billions.

Speaker 3 He'd happily do that.

Speaker 103 E is for

Speaker 82 Ernest Shackleton.

Speaker 85 Of course, yeah.

Speaker 80 So if we haven't covered him on the pod before, and I believe he is one of the most spoken about people, he was born in Ireland, tries to get to the South Pole.

Speaker 82 Calls off 100 miles from the pole because he calculates he doesn't have enough food to get the men to the pole safely and back to the ship again.

Speaker 55 And then the next time he attempts it, gets stuck in the ice for a year.

Speaker 43 Yeah.

Speaker 67 And they found the ship recently.

Speaker 68 He got home.

Speaker 39 Everyone survived.

Speaker 82 Okay. He's from a couple of suburbs over.

Speaker 55 We're going to do three more.

Speaker 81 Three more.

Speaker 7 F.

Speaker 80 F minor nine is my favorite chord. I put it in most of my work.

Speaker 82 But also the Facebook marketplace, I enjoy mindlessly looking at bicycles on there.

Speaker 55 If I need a bit of a lift or I'm trying to do a big boost.

Speaker 103 I thought bicycles might have been B, but it's okay.

Speaker 55 Don't worry, bicycles will feature later in this list in future episodes.

Speaker 35 Yeah, Stephen Roach's 1987, whatever, carry on.

Speaker 55 That's T for Tour de Vrads.

Speaker 47 Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 55 Some of these I had too many. G is my favorite writer, George Saunders.

Speaker 5 And H, or H, as you would say, is hats.

Speaker 107 So there you go. Yeah, good.

Speaker 61 Do you want mine then, A to H?

Speaker 112 Apples, bolognese.

Speaker 33 I did think about a pint of bitter because I missed that because I don't get that here.

Speaker 94 Cornhole, which is a game you play with like hacky sacks, you throw it in a hole that I play on a weekend away with my friends every year.

Speaker 115 Wow, and do you kick the hacky sacks into it or just throw them in?

Speaker 43 No, you throw them.

Speaker 58 You throw them from a distance.

Speaker 53 Really good game.

Speaker 63 Death in Paradise, Exmouth Market, which is like a street in London that has some really nice cafes and bars on it.

Speaker 73 And I used to live really near it.

Speaker 34 And I love it.

Speaker 43 First bottle of lager on holiday.

Speaker 33 Sound like a footballer, don't I?

Speaker 7 But I really do love that. I really love that.

Speaker 36 Golf brackets, the rider cup. I love the rider cup.

Speaker 112 And Glenn Hoddle.

Speaker 63 There we are.

Speaker 55 Wow. Did you write yours while I was saying mine?

Speaker 43 Oh, no, I gave them more thought than you'd imagine.

Speaker 91 I really do like apples. I do like apples.

Speaker 28 That was the one that made me think.

Speaker 115 I really spent a long time thinking about this.

Speaker 10 Yep, apples.

Speaker 70 Hey, let's do their just normal countries.

Speaker 9 Let's do it.

Speaker 117 I am the one and only.

Speaker 117 What country could I be?

Speaker 117 I am the one and only.

Speaker 117 Where in the world could our listeners be?

Speaker 33 Previous guesses, and uh, thank you to Kristin in Wrath Minds, who sends us a song from the Animaniacs Yakos World, where they do every country in a kind kind of kids song yeah but it's a few years ago because you know czechoslovakia is still in it and some countries no longer exist but you know i sort of you just have to breeze past that bit anyway he wants me to sing these but i'll just do them as quickly as i can madagascar namibia costa rica uganda north korea guyana the northern marianas islands bhutan brunei nepal zwatini the u.s.

Speaker 71 virgin islands equatorial guinea sanmarino correct lichtenstein turkmenistan the seychelles mauritius georgia the vatican city oman fiji correct vanuatu and those dates are all sold out but this tour if you wanted to come to where you are, get in touch with the vodkas.

Speaker 85 What an amazing tour that would be.

Speaker 42 How much money would we lose?

Speaker 105 We'd lose so much money.

Speaker 29 The t-shirt with all the flags.

Speaker 85 If the music isn't working when we play Bhutan, I'll be absolutely furious.

Speaker 64 Here we go.

Speaker 56 This is from...

Speaker 77 How do I pronounce C-A-O-I-M-H-E?

Speaker 29 So Kiva or Kiva.

Speaker 56 Okay, Kiva or Kwiva.

Speaker 92 Brian Kiva and...

Speaker 37 Oh, well, I'll have to save who the other one is from in just a second.

Speaker 93 Dear David Max and producer Marsbar, in November, my wife and I will be leaving the goose chasing segment of the population and joining the 7 a.m.

Speaker 32 I wish I could sleep to 7 a.m.

Speaker 94 segment of the population.

Speaker 47 In other words, my wife is pregnant.

Speaker 35 To steal Max's line, I'll note for the tape that my wife has already stopped listening each week to save up episodes to listen to during labor.

Speaker 98 So there is another what did you do yesterday baby on the way. Yes.

Speaker 47 And if you choose to read this out, let me indulge another what did you do yesterday tradition and communicate with my wife via podcast.

Speaker 31 I love you and you're doing great

Speaker 43 for the tape Jamie.

Speaker 32 I also love you and you are doing great Over the course of her pregnancy, we've been using a simple app to track progress.

Speaker 84 One of the fun features is that each week it'll tell you a fruit or vegetable that corresponds to the rough size of your baby.

Speaker 76 To avoid calling our future baby an it, especially before we knew when we were having a girl, we started using the fruit of the week as her moniker.

Speaker 34 Sentences like the lettuce is kicking probably made us look like lunatics to pass us by, but it was some good, harmless fun.

Speaker 66 That is until last week.

Speaker 52 Last week, the app spat out a bunch of carrots.

Speaker 106 The best fruits in our experience have been two or three syllables.

Speaker 43 So this was a bit of a mouthful.

Speaker 47 On our daily walk while deciding what to do, I found myself starting to suggest we abbreviate it.

Speaker 64 How about B O

Speaker 47 I stopped dead in my tracks.

Speaker 34 And a split second later, so did my wife.

Speaker 13 We quickly moved the conversation on and later went in search of another pregnancy app to tell us a different fruit to use for the week, a Swiss chard for the weapon.

Speaker 16 The only saving grace is that we're both huge, what did you do yesterday fans?

Speaker 59 I can't imagine trying to explain to a person with no love of yesterdays why we can no longer use the phrase bunch of carrots to refer to anything up to and including an actual bunch of carrots.

Speaker 16 And if you'll allow a just normal countries guess, back in August of last year, I was listening to a bunch of episodes that I'd saved up while we spent a few weeks chasing geese around South America.

Speaker 66 We had some time to kill at the airport in La Paz.

Speaker 107 So I'm pretty sure I popped on an episode.

Speaker 47 So my guess is Bolivia.

Speaker 48 Thanks for the yesterdays and the mayhem.

Speaker 92 Brian, Kiva, and the papaya.

Speaker 21 Hello.

Speaker 118 So the question is, is Bolivia one of the countries?

Speaker 10 Oh,

Speaker 10 no.

Speaker 36 We are huge in Bolivia.

Speaker 33 Like, people listen to this podcast at altitude famously.

Speaker 104 And so.

Speaker 69 It plays slower.

Speaker 29 You have to speed up our voices because we've... Yeah.

Speaker 80 I wonder if that was the point where Cuiva or Kiva gave birth there as well.

Speaker 32 Oh, possible, isn't it? Just on the uh-uh.

Speaker 10 Yeah. Bop.

Speaker 100 Morris Mara, how many listeners have we had in Bolivia?

Speaker 119 When we started the quiz, we had had a total of 64 listens.

Speaker 10 64?

Speaker 10 Yeah. Wow.

Speaker 14 We're enormous in Bolivia. This is so exciting.
Yeah.

Speaker 62 Well, look, the board is open once again to the entire population of Earth.

Speaker 5 Did you go to Bolivia while you were following Mrs.

Speaker 95 Rushton around the world?

Speaker 32 No, no,

Speaker 33 she didn't go to Bolivia, so I didn't go to Bolivia that trip.

Speaker 59 But I went to Bolivia another time before we had encountered but another.

Speaker 24 You've been to so many more countries than me.

Speaker 38 Wow, that wouldn't be a bad game to guess how many countries has each of us been to.

Speaker 78 Save it.

Speaker 4 Save this gold, David.

Speaker 44 Do you have any questions for me?

Speaker 29 I have one

Speaker 8 question for you.

Speaker 5 What year were you in Bolivia?

Speaker 41 What time did you get up at yesterday, Max?

Speaker 80 I'm just curious.

Speaker 35 Okay, well, Willie's got a touch of bronchitis, which is, I would say, irresponsible of him to have caught this.

Speaker 35 And so he's not really asleep at all.

Speaker 16 So whether I was ever really asleep is open to debate.

Speaker 13 But for absolute confirmation, at 4.30 a.m., Ian gets up to join the party and leaves his room for reasons which we have no idea.

Speaker 74 He has been sleeping until half six, six o'clock every day for weeks.

Speaker 87 But half past four, he wakes up and walks to the living room.

Speaker 34 So I get up and I say, What are you doing, Ian?

Speaker 59 I say, Not today, Ian.

Speaker 106 We don't need this. We're already dealing with another minor emergency, sort of ongoing emergency.

Speaker 47 He says, I don't want to go to bed.

Speaker 16 I say, What if the two of us get in the day bed together?

Speaker 98 I'm thinking, I get him down and then I'm in the day bed.

Speaker 19 That's long enough for me, not his bed.

Speaker 65 He says, Okay,

Speaker 56 I pick him up, I walk into the playroom.

Speaker 71 It's dark.

Speaker 43 I tread on some train track

Speaker 35 so then i sort of readjust my footing and as i readjust my footing

Speaker 8 a bit like an episode of some other two album my neck goes right so i put him on the bed and i realize i'm lying on my front and i'm in serious pain and i can't move my head either direction so obviously for a short amount of time i think i'm completely paralyzed while ian is singing the theme to poor patrol i

Speaker 106 i managed to move it onto my back and and I can find that I can turn my head to the right.

Speaker 62 I just can't turn it at all to the left. So I'm sort of moving about, and sometimes it's comfortable, sometimes it's absolute agony.

Speaker 53 But I'm trying to get Ian to sleep.

Speaker 99 Eventually, I say to Jay, I'm thinking, oh, God, I've got to go to AE or something.

Speaker 84 Maybe I'm just going to be podcasting in a neck brace for a while.

Speaker 35 You know, maybe that's content. Maybe it's worth losing the feeling in my legs.

Speaker 112 But I'm moving my legs and arms and they all feel fine.

Speaker 59 And I say, Jay, something's wrong.

Speaker 107 And so Willie had just fallen asleep.

Speaker 62 She has to get up and Willie wakes up.

Speaker 114 And she just says, you've cricked your neck.

Speaker 84 And she goes back to bed.

Speaker 46 It would be a funny trip to AE.

Speaker 38 I stood on a train track.

Speaker 95 It's one of those things. Yeah.

Speaker 51 It's like when my friend, his mom rang AE to say he's got a Skittle stuck up his nose.

Speaker 90 And they were like, get in now.

Speaker 8 And they thought it was obvious, like it was a sort of 10-pin bowling accident or something.

Speaker 51 Whereas it was one sugar-coated treat that just gradually gradually dissolved up his nose so it's absolutely fine i walked on a train track does sound like something more serious you were trying to escape from a prison or you were a fugitive of some kind but in fact it was just a tiny little lego train track it was a tiny toy toy train so five o'clock in the morning i'm in pain i managed to get ian down and he's just going to sleep oh what's that it's the trash truck 5 a.m yeah

Speaker 87 sometimes it comes at 10 a.m but this time at five and i can hear it and i know that he's going to wake up because it's so obvious what it is you can't pass it off as anything else i can't make enough noise because i don't want to wake willie up so anyways he goes trash truck he's totally awake we don't go and see the trash truck there's a game he likes where i lie in bed it's a really good game for me and i go have you got a yellow car and he goes out and finds a yellow car and they're all lined up yeah but unfortunately to do that i have to look to the left so i have to turn to the other end of the bed so i'm looking to the right and we play for half an hour have you got a green motorbike?

Speaker 73 And he gets a green motorbike.

Speaker 44 He wants to watch Corporate Patrol, half past five.

Speaker 71 I'm fine with that.

Speaker 35 We go to the sofa. I make him some toast.

Speaker 71 I'm catching up on the scores.

Speaker 112 Liverpool Man United and Tottenham Aston Villa.

Speaker 71 I'm doing a bit of work.

Speaker 8 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 72 I'm in quite a lot of pain.

Speaker 31 I'm wondering whether to go to the doctor, AE, or whatever.

Speaker 34 But I book in with Chris, my chiropractor, at midday.

Speaker 51 Interruption. Yeah.

Speaker 46 My mother, whose sight wouldn't be her strong point,

Speaker 25 but she has,

Speaker 38 I'm her son, she has grandchildren, and then she has two great-grandchildren as well who enjoy Pole Patrol.

Speaker 5 And for no reason, we all love it.

Speaker 21 Mother has always just referred to it as pest control, and nothing will ever put her off that.

Speaker 38 But it is an interesting idea that Chase and the other big characters for Poe Patrol are like ratters.

Speaker 60 You know what I mean? They go and they horrifically eradicate mice and mosquitoes.

Speaker 74 Yeah, I mean, like the woodworm episode is less interesting, isn't it?

Speaker 105 We'll lay this down and we'll come back in about four weeks.

Speaker 88 And, you know, should all be done.

Speaker 22 About six o'clock, I'd say, Willie and Jamie come in.

Speaker 58 There's general sadness.

Speaker 50 Jamie makes me some peanut butter on toast.

Speaker 28 General sadness. Is that the name of this episode, do you think?

Speaker 47 Jamie makes me some peanut butter on toast, which is delightful.

Speaker 71 I have a baroca because my throat is fucked.

Speaker 59 Everyone was sick and I didn't get sick, but then I got sick.

Speaker 53 On the radio the previous night,

Speaker 104 Sunday morning in the UK, I've been compared to, my voice has been compared to a child taking a sicky.

Speaker 34 Henry Blofeld, when I laughed, somebody said I sounded like Jim Davidson doing an impression of Frank Bruno.

Speaker 91 It's 7.50 a.m.

Speaker 47 I take Willie for a nap walk.

Speaker 35 He goes down at 8.09. I walk in for 20 minutes.

Speaker 89 I meet Jamie Ophelia.

Speaker 87 We have a coffee.

Speaker 105 She takes Willie. I watch match the day, have a second coffee.

Speaker 33 My first is a long black. Second is a strong three-quarter flat white.

Speaker 19 Both great.

Speaker 70 it's a good win for manchester united anfield jamie has changed her pilates to 12 30 i move my chiropractor to 11.

Speaker 52 i do the football weekly script i drive to the chiropractor i pop into the organic food store i get some bread some chocolate some apples it's chiropractor time there's more shopping i need but i don't have time yeah he says i'm going to survive he says this is not uncommon It's a buildup of stress, of bad posture, of all these things.

Speaker 59 And it was just the straw that the train track was the straw that broke the camel's neck he's thinking about i've been to see him before he's thinking about doing an adjustment but he moves my head a bit and i go no thank you and so then he gets a thing that sounds a bit like a staple gun it's like you're just allowing a man to get a staple gun and just go

Speaker 118 into your neck but there are no staples great and it frees things up a bit and he rubs some magnesium oil into my neck and massages and stuff and it's like okay this is good i leave with renewed hope david yeah i'm just disappointed there he didn't either like punch you in the liver

Speaker 46 or do the one where he's like, is that the bin truck?

Speaker 80 And you look out the window. And like, do you ever see in rugby, sometimes people dislocate a finger and you see the trainer being like, look into the stand and they pull it back in.

Speaker 51 I was hoping for more of that now

Speaker 72 as opposed to.

Speaker 112 Mel Gibson and lethal weapon. No, there wasn't any of that.

Speaker 106 So I have got renewed hope, but every time I turn my head without turning my whole torso, I wince in pain.

Speaker 73 We go back to the organic store for some of my own magnesium oil or magnesium spray, which of course I will use.

Speaker 30 We were told in this podcast that's good for sleep, weren't we?

Speaker 24 Didn't someone say that

Speaker 30 Chris McCausland?

Speaker 72 Yeah. But I'm not drinking this stuff.

Speaker 34 I'm just putting it on my neck.

Speaker 73 Maybe I'll drink some tonight.

Speaker 96 Yeah.

Speaker 84 I also get some micro greens for Jamie, which is posh cress, as far as I can tell.

Speaker 79 Some peanut butter, some chili jam for me.

Speaker 78 and some oats.

Speaker 16 The oats, just a bag of oats.

Speaker 31 How much did that cost?

Speaker 72 Oh, yeah. I'm in a long store.

Speaker 59 I'm in in an organic store yeah they were um ten dollars they were twenty two dollars right so i'm i'm not normally and you know just because this podcast is doing well i'm not staring at what the things in the supermarket cost

Speaker 35 i'm very lucky like that but i see oats 22 and i say are those oats 22

Speaker 35 and she says yes and out loud i just go holy

Speaker 58 and like i don't think that's what you're men are doing this organic store like nobody else is acting like this and i say i can't i'm sorry i can't take them i'm sorry that's too much for oats.

Speaker 44 It's too much for oats. She says there's some other oats, and I'm sorry, I can't.

Speaker 47 I'll just go to Aldi.

Speaker 56 Yeah, imagine making overnight oats with them and oat milk, where you drown the $22 oats in the blood of their friends.

Speaker 75 But you'd have to remortgage on it.

Speaker 33 I mean, people, you know, the Daily Mail write about avocados if you're getting them from this store and not being able to afford a house.

Speaker 31 Anyway, later, Jay gets some oats from Aldi for $2.50.

Speaker 91 I feel good.

Speaker 94 I make some eggs.

Speaker 35 These are eggs from my sister-in-law's chickens.

Speaker 89 Oh, wow.

Speaker 35 Ali and Xavier have chickens, and the eggs are great.

Speaker 62 And we picked them up yesterday.

Speaker 79 So I have jammy eggs seven and a half minutes on a rolling boil, put them in some cold water, peel them, done.

Speaker 51 Are chickens sad when you take their eggs?

Speaker 72 They didn't seem concerned.

Speaker 57 You know what I mean?

Speaker 23 Are they like, oh, they're generous people.

Speaker 46 Yeah. And how often do you...

Speaker 29 I mean, I realize I'm asking literally the worst person.

Speaker 77 They call me Mr. Chicken.

Speaker 44 They call me the egg whisperer.

Speaker 105 What are your questions?

Speaker 26 Text us now.

Speaker 46 How often do you lay eggs if you're a chicken?

Speaker 81 Every day.

Speaker 35 Every day.

Speaker 74 Most days you lay. Yeah.

Speaker 63 Well, my experience are Kath next door who's got chickens who sometimes I have to look after and these chickens.

Speaker 36 And with Kath, it was like, well, if they lay anything,

Speaker 35 you can take the eggs if you're looking after them.

Speaker 14 Sometimes there were none, sometimes they were five.

Speaker 10 Wow.

Speaker 31 But not all of one chicken.

Speaker 58 Jammy eggs, microgreens, parmesan, chili jam.

Speaker 35 Great. I have a bonus piece of toast and peanut butter.

Speaker 47 Jamie goes to Pilates.

Speaker 62 Willie falls asleep on me.

Speaker 84 i do some admin i take him to bed great jay comes back willie is still asleep on me it's around half past one we lie there for a bit jamie makes her lunch has a shower it's 2 40 jay is taking willie to the doctor because his bronchitis i go to sleep really it's 4 p.m jay comes back i've had one of the world's great naps it is absolutely amazing and i wake up and i feel fucking wretched because you do after you know an hour and 20.

Speaker 80 i've had an hour and 20 it's amazing the question that i can't really ask but i need to is that this day began at whatever it was, 430.

Speaker 38 And so when you sounded like Jim Davidson doing an impersonation of Frank Bruno, had you had to stay up?

Speaker 61 That was till 11:30. 11:30.

Speaker 57 Yeah. Okay, fine.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 80 So I get the purpose of that sleep then.

Speaker 51 And my question is really what I'm wondering, and we'll find out, is that enough sleep to keep you going until

Speaker 10 we'll find out? Whoa.

Speaker 58 Anyway, Jamie makes me some hummers and breadsticks and hands them to me as I lie in bed.

Speaker 73 And she she says, I'm like a postpartum woman.

Speaker 114 But it is said with love.

Speaker 84 So I take it.

Speaker 63 I take Willie outside with two mini cucumbers and Jamie picks up Ian from Kinder.

Speaker 34 He comes back. He's wearing a crown with a worm on it.

Speaker 35 It's 5 p.m. Ian gets some sort of budget ravioli.
He's not interested.

Speaker 5 It would be tricky if you were a worm and the king.

Speaker 80 Yeah. Because if someone cut you in half, you know what I mean?

Speaker 83 It would be like a sort of, is it called a schism in history?

Speaker 38 Right.

Speaker 60 It could be two rival houses

Speaker 10 vying for the

Speaker 43 surefire way to civil war if worms were royalty.

Speaker 28 That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 95 Just tell him that. As regards his worm crowd.

Speaker 99 Okay, that's a very good point.

Speaker 35 So Ian gets this cheap ravioli.

Speaker 58 He's not interested, but Jamie takes it out of the room and brings it back in a smaller bowl.

Speaker 99 And he is all over this.

Speaker 77 Jamie makes us some posh ravioli, Italian fennel sausage with pecorino, and she pips it with some garlic, some peas, some chard from the garden, some leek and some parmesan.

Speaker 73 It's delicious. I have seconds.

Speaker 67 This is like you're making this up to try and get past the dinner-in-a-box thing.

Speaker 10 You're now just reading these extravagant Otto Lengi recipes.

Speaker 25 And then Jamie procures a stout-walled vessel and runs the rice through a colander four times till it is bright white.

Speaker 35 We eat Watch Paul Patrol or Chuggington, which is a train-based entertainment program.

Speaker 93 We give Willie a bath. He's sad about it.
I go to the shed.

Speaker 47 It's Football football weekly time.

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Speaker 66 This is a good bit.

Speaker 58 I log into the Zoom and this microphone I don't use.

Speaker 62 I have two microphones here, but one I use mainly for Football Weekly, one for this and TalkSport.

Speaker 35 And it's got these headphones attached to it.

Speaker 85 So I lower this mic because I'm off mic.

Speaker 44 And as I i lower it i lower this special talk sport headphones that they gave me when i was in london directly into a boiling cup of lemon and honey it's like a procedure i've done it so well without noticing so then i run back into the kitchen with these headphones and the only rice we've got is our boreo rice of course so

Speaker 46 you know that soaks up a lot of water so i tuck them in the risotto rice and hope they'll be okay God that's so funny that the rice then absorbs the headphones and the only way to use them is you just have to cram loads of rice.

Speaker 21 Just delicious.

Speaker 45 What you need is you need two arancinis.

Speaker 114 That's it.

Speaker 74 Two arancinis.

Speaker 69 Also, I want the mic you have to use for the football to be one of those football commentators ones that you hold up to your top lip and then just one arancini ball that's been cut in half and then is draped over your ears like a scotch egg.

Speaker 70 Anyway, the pod's good.

Speaker 45 Occasionally i do turn my head and wince in pain but it's done it's 7 30 p.m i give myself a magnesium oil massage yes david well obviously it's a big day in football many things happening there is sometimes space in football weekly to say i have a sore neck yeah but in this occasion maybe this is just too much football to go into something i didn't bring it up normally what i think about this that pod which might surprise listeners to this one is people are tuning in for the football so i like to start with the football i don't start with the nonsense.

Speaker 8 Yeah.

Speaker 89 We'll always end there.

Speaker 78 I want to get into the football because I know it's going to end with, you know, footballers that look like lettuces or whatever.

Speaker 19 Like, that's,

Speaker 49 I can't help but get there.

Speaker 59 But I'm desperately, mainly, I'm trying to stave off getting there for as long as possible because I know I'm going to end there.

Speaker 78 That's the way I see it.

Speaker 80 I bet you've seen the numbers.

Speaker 28 Do a lot of people, when they've heard the bit about their team, stop listening to that.

Speaker 76 I don't know, actually. I should find out.

Speaker 80 Yeah, because I bet the listenership of this podcast really drops off when you mention that you were once in Teddington, et cetera.

Speaker 60 So I think your dream is to just drive every podcast into the soil.

Speaker 79 I'm the podcast killer.

Speaker 27 That's why.

Speaker 66 So anyways, it was slightly counterintuitive to begin my own one.

Speaker 50 I didn't, you know, it'd be much easier just not to start this one.

Speaker 61 It's 7.30.

Speaker 52 I get into the day bed.

Speaker 64 I sort of lie there, bit of scrolling.

Speaker 98 By 8, I'm trying to get down to sleep.

Speaker 73 8.30, there is a bronchial episode in Mama Dadda bed.

Speaker 78 And Willie is thrown up all over the sheets.

Speaker 75 We look at them, we go, we'll just put a towel on that.

Speaker 73 That'll do. We can change those sheets in a week or two.

Speaker 35 That's not a huge vomit.

Speaker 87 Back in the day bed, there's a mosquito.

Speaker 63 I can't be asked to find the mosquito, but I can't go to sleep because there's a mosquito, but it's okay.

Speaker 97 I get some rest.

Speaker 55 Do you feel the bites or do you hear the e?

Speaker 76 I just hear the e.

Speaker 71 It's around my head.

Speaker 35 And the only thing available for it is my forehead.

Speaker 34 And I'm thinking, there must be something better for you around.

Speaker 44 Look, you know, there's a three-year-old in the the next room just you know go that way 9 50 p.m i'm up i go to the shed i check the line i'm doing the afternoon show on a monday covering for the mighty paul hawksby i thought there we we had a nice half seven and you were a bit to me and then oh no i sleep like a god till you know whatever time 3 19.

Speaker 62 I'm in till 2 a.m.

Speaker 73 And so are you guys.

Speaker 78 So I have a shower.

Speaker 58 I miss my press-ups because I can't move my neck.

Speaker 70 Okay. Oh, yeah, yeah.
So it's 10.30 p.m.

Speaker 107 We get on the Zoom pre-show.

Speaker 73 And then, and this is a gear change for this pod, but it's incredible.

Speaker 35 We hear that the really devastating, and I'd wondered whether to talk about it now, but it is what happened yesterday.

Speaker 118 And that's this pod is the news about Stuart Pierce losing his son, 21 years old

Speaker 76 in an accident.

Speaker 65 And like it hits us.

Speaker 118 And Ali said in the office, but it just totally is such a devastating thing to hear because he works at the station and he comes on the show that I do every Saturday.

Speaker 76 And he is like intelligent and fun.

Speaker 79 And we talk about, he's always the co-comms on a Saturday

Speaker 8 kickoff.

Speaker 76 And, you know, we talk about the game, but then we go, what were the last gig he went to?

Speaker 96 And he talks about the Stranglers or, you know, punk rock.

Speaker 104 And he's just a really lovely guy.

Speaker 35 And I've got so much affection for him.

Speaker 79 Yeah.

Speaker 35 And, you know, I know what an amazing dad like this guy would have been.

Speaker 104 And so.

Speaker 2 Obviously, this is far less important, but we are then have to work out how we are.

Speaker 66 They've talked about it on the previous show yeah and i've sort of been in this situation so many times and you know it's a a part of doing live radio is sort of you know when news happens it's how do you cover this in a sensitive way and you have really weird editorial discussions about you know and normally it's a you know it's jimmy greaves or something you know it's a sporting god or terry venables or you know but also normally you don't have a relationship with

Speaker 96 a member of the family as well so when you do that you are you know just rip up the running order because you know talk about jimmy greaves and then there's this weird hierarchy of you know a footballer who perhaps didn't play for england or whatever and you go well we could we'll do half an hour like what is a life worth it's so impossible to quantify sure and at the same time you sort of have your job is to make this radio show and this radio show is a kind of an upbeat radio show so we sort of we sort of decide look that we will start the show in a sort of normal way and then we will pivot to just talk about how much we how terrible we feel and actually we i think we get the balance right but it's one of those really hard things to know

Speaker 62 you know a nothing you can say is worthy of what has happened really and you just want to send your love totally and it is totally different you're right when it's somebody that so many people in that building have such a strong relationship with and you know are just so sort of it's so crushing and we get so many messages from listeners you know and I think podcasts and radio are similar like this and in a different way to TV that they quickly become a family right so that show that paul and andy host and me and charlie cover for quite a lot yeah that is a family and the saturday and the sunday show a bit like you know the listeners that have sort of come into this show right you have a weird relationship with them and so there are people that literally are you know listening to talk sport 24 hours a day you know like whenever they get in the car whenever they get up in the morning and so they are similarly moved so then you're trying to really strike a balance between

Speaker 36 this incredibly important thing and sad thing but as well as talking about the football and what happened, the cricket and all this kind of stuff.

Speaker 91 And so I think we get that balance right.

Speaker 35 And, you know, sometimes the show is funny and we're talking about a Bernie player called Loom Tuna.

Speaker 35 And then people start texting us, you know, footballer fish, of which Rude Van Nistel coy carp is obviously really terrible, but really makes me laugh.

Speaker 62 And then there's sort of nonsense in this show.

Speaker 76 So the Daily Star have reported that Brian May has said he might know how to time travel.

Speaker 99 So like we do a big 10 minutes on this.

Speaker 95 This is, I mean, it's why I'm very lucky to do this with you because your instincts are, you know, I am just like a sort of jack-in-the-box guy that occasionally bounces up and talks about a bath of cum.

Speaker 80 Whereas because you've been broadcasting for so long, and you're so good at it, instinctively you would be able to deal with this.

Speaker 19 i would say they were they were very lucky that you were there to helm it yeah i mean i didn't bring up a bath of calm so you know you know what it is yeah no no no no i'm i'm not very good at taking compliments david i'm much more used to you know taking insults so just keep it that way anyway you know the it's a nice show and i get some more comparisons to my voice as it gets worse and worse through the night roger moore chat gpt

Speaker 71 by 1 45 a.m i'm calling andy charlie i'm not quite on it but like we limp home We get done 2 a.m.

Speaker 71 So at 2 a.m., I send my funny WhatsApp.

Speaker 2 Just got home.

Speaker 19 Great show. Gets very little reaction.

Speaker 16 You know, I'm persisting.

Speaker 47 It's a different WhatsApp group this.

Speaker 99 So, you know.

Speaker 88 And then it's bedtime.

Speaker 103 And then it is bedtime.

Speaker 100 Any more mosquitoes?

Speaker 31 Not that I can recall.

Speaker 71 I'm pretty out of it.

Speaker 6 Right.

Speaker 104 You do have that sort of post-show buzz of like, I've just done this.

Speaker 35 And I mean, it obviously is weird.

Speaker 75 Like, it is weird that it's, I'm off air at four in the afternoon.

Speaker 91 I've, on the other laptop, I've kind of got the running order.

Speaker 73 I've got a British clock saying the British time.

Speaker 89 You know, that sounds quite Brexit, but you know, it's the only clock I use. Yeah.

Speaker 42 And so, you know, you're sort of saying good afternoon and you're dealing with that time zone.

Speaker 75 So you're not really, you know, it's not four o'clock, but you sort of start to believe it is.

Speaker 26 And then it's two o'clock in the morning.

Speaker 73 And so you're going, well, you know, it's weird that I just go from my shed and have broadcast to the United Kingdom.

Speaker 44 The whole thing is odd.

Speaker 13 Yeah.

Speaker 104 And very lucky that I'm allowed to do it.

Speaker 99 I do question my life choices and why I'm doing it two in the morning.

Speaker 27 It's completely completely ridiculous.

Speaker 8 Why am I doing it?

Speaker 82 I would give you another compliment there, but I know I'm not allowed, so I will just call you a generic bastard.

Speaker 62 Thanks so much.

Speaker 35 But what's interesting is you say my instincts are right.

Speaker 49 And this brings me to an email from Garvin McKevoy, who says, Hello, Max Dodds and producing Miles, but I love the podcast.

Speaker 62 As I know you're fond of detail, I've done some research and crunched the numbers in relation to Max's Teddington quiz.

Speaker 112 As of March 2025, 1,290 men have represented the English men's senior football team, 227 for the women's national team.

Speaker 78 Figures can be found on Englandfootball.com as part of their legacy program.

Speaker 31 Taking post-1950s player caps into account, we can assume anywhere between 850 and 950 are still alive, so therefore could possibly have been in Teddington that day.

Speaker 19 Let's split the difference 900.

Speaker 26 A 2024 UK Live Comedy Sector Survey analysis suggests there are between 500 and 700 full-time professional comedians who earn most of their income through comedy.

Speaker 79 Logic assumes they would therefore be well known enough to be recognized in Teddington.

Speaker 73 Let's split the difference and say 600.

Speaker 50 So that's roughly 900 times 600 to find all the distinct potential pairings.

Speaker 26 This is 540,000 potential pairings.

Speaker 77 If there are two distinct guesses per week, Doddles and Marsbar, we've 270,000 weeks of guesses.

Speaker 35 Divide this by 52, and we've got a maximum of 5,192 years to guess correctly if all combinations are needed to be guessed.

Speaker 44 On average, you'd expect to hit the mark halfway through your guesses.

Speaker 17 So the average time is looking at about 2,596 years of mid-week mayhem guessing.

Speaker 34 Worst case scenario, 5,192 years of guessing.

Speaker 19 Best of luck, Miles Power and Doddles.

Speaker 26 So now some months ago, sort of sort of mid-July.

Speaker 73 I'd say just sort of July, between July the 16th and 20th, I was in Tennington and I saw a comedian putting up posters for his show.

Speaker 27 in Tennington. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 76 And then a couple of days later, in the hotel I was in, I saw a footballer walking past.

Speaker 10 But who were they? Oh, I know who they were. Oh, okay.

Speaker 14 Well, you should have said weeks ago.

Speaker 29 I've worked it out just based on, I've been giving, like, do you know when you're playing Cludo, sometimes you just go to the ballroom and stay in the ballroom because you have that card to work out what the weapon definitely is.

Speaker 39 Yeah.

Speaker 80 And by that process, I can now tell you with 100% certainty, it was Saul Campbell and Sam Campbell.

Speaker 27 Incorrect.

Speaker 116 Is it a splash?

Speaker 5 You know, in battleships, you know, when you're close to

Speaker 10 a destroyer.

Speaker 26 You think you're getting a splash in this.

Speaker 105 We've just discovered that basically it is a piece of cake to get it.

Speaker 62 You think you're getting a splash or any sort of clue?

Speaker 77 Mars butt.

Speaker 119 So I know we're not allowed clues, but in the inbox in the last week, we've had a lot of, well, say a lot, five or six people message in to say that on a recent episode, people believe that you slipped up and implied that it was a woman comedian.

Speaker 119 Now, I've gone back through and just now when you described it, you did say his poster. Yeah.

Speaker 10 So are we allowed to clarify the gender of said comedians?

Speaker 91 Yes. Because if it is a woman, the misdirection that you've given us here, I think, is absolutely unacceptable.

Speaker 71 I can confirm, and it is against my better judgment to give you this kind of clue.

Speaker 36 Great.

Speaker 87 That we are looking at a hundred percent male category for both.

Speaker 10 Okay.

Speaker 119 I think that will put a a lot of listeners' minds at ease.

Speaker 33 But I do like the fact that listeners are reading so much into it.

Speaker 119 There are a lot of people that thought that in your sort of sleepy haze you'd let slip a key detail.

Speaker 119 But then I went back and listened to a few others and you did say his a number of them.

Speaker 23 Surely you've got better things to do than to go back and listen to all of these for the clues that I may have subliminally let out on what is the quiz that is fast.

Speaker 57 Go on, fast what?

Speaker 57 Fast causing the breakup of this podcast.

Speaker 23 No, it's taking over the nation, that's what it's doing.

Speaker 119 I said, This is our Yoko Ono.

Speaker 23 People aren't interested in traitors anymore, they're interested in the Teddington quiz.

Speaker 8 Okay, that's that.

Speaker 119 Well, you say you're surprised how much time I had.

Speaker 119 I did genuinely start writing a list of female comedians that I then started to cross-reference with comedy clubs in Teddington before I went on to everythingishodis.com just to triple-check.

Speaker 119 Such is my desire to torpedo this fucking quiz.

Speaker 119 My guesses are

Speaker 119 Nikki Butt and Ed Gamble.

Speaker 27 Incorrect. God.

Speaker 29 Like the problem here, Marsbar, because this is something that Max has spoken about before.

Speaker 40 Do you remember he used to shit on about his other quiz, Think of a Thing?

Speaker 100 Yeah. And then the fact that once one of his friends just said Prunella Scales.

Speaker 80 Yeah.

Speaker 39 And it was Prunella Scales.

Speaker 107 That is pretty amazing, right?

Speaker 28 Yes. Yes, it is amazing.

Speaker 5 But a stopped clock is right several times a day.

Speaker 100 And Prudello scales is right once a thousand years.

Speaker 25 Whereas as we've learned from this, it's going to take two and a half thousand years to get the.

Speaker 71 The thing is, right, I would kind of like to give you a clue, but I feel like I've committed now to not give you a clue.

Speaker 119 I might just start editing this whole section out of the show. You guys don't listen back.

Speaker 10 No one will care.

Speaker 42 Imagine if you did that.

Speaker 93 And then what, you could release them all as a big bonus episode in 3,000 years.

Speaker 33 If you'd like to get in touch with the podcast, here's how.

Speaker 22 To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidoudo yesterdaypod at gmail.com.

Speaker 106 Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod.

Speaker 20 And please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform. And if you didn't, please don't.

Speaker 59 Hey, thanks, David.

Speaker 82 Thanks a lot, Max.

Speaker 67 Everything is showbiz except the Teddington quiz, which occupies some other realm.

Speaker 36 Taking the nation by storm.

Speaker 34 That's what I meant to say when I momentarily forgot how to speak.

Speaker 29 Thanks, Marsbar.

Speaker 26 Thanks, Marsbar.