36. The House Didn’t Fall Through— The Ceiling Blew Off

hi friends change of drink over here on the side i got a little piece of wine i got into the wine thing recently i never understood it my whole life i'm like what is this like obsession people have with wine i don't get it if we're drinking let's get drunk i'd rather take a shot than drink all this liquid i guess i grew into it i'm 27 now i like the wine thing it's. Hi, friends.
I have a lot to talk about this week. My soul's real chatty.
There's so much that's been happening and unlocking. I have a story about a house that I went to tour by accident and the amount of synchronicities that lined up.
You're going to gag. I'm going to talk about how I trust my soul and hear it and the things that line up with it too.
And also disappointments because it didn't go how I thought it was going to went. But we'll get there.
Okay, what do we want to hit first? Let's say performative personalities. That's something that's been irking the hell out of me is especially performative masculinity.
but people's personalities and when they're being performative it's one of the most like what is it called off-putting and like it's the thing that makes me want to push people away the most is when I see you performing and with performative masculinity that is running rampant in society and I want to bash my head into the wall like it's not that bad I want to bash their head into the wall but for me my whole life I think it might have to do with being gay and I know a lot of gay people will relate to this and especially women all women will understand this and get it but I've always felt weird around men there's only been a couple of men who i've felt comfortable around but the whole performative masculinity thing i see it and the way that it's been breaking down in my mind is it relates to the whole thing of like me having a little spiritual experience of a partner that i'm supposed to meet a guy i about it in the last episode. You need to watch these in order because shit's nuts.
But since opening up to a relationship, not that I've met the guy, but like opening up to the possibility of a relationship, the type of guy that I'm going to need is masculine, like truly masculine, not masculine where he's performing it. That's the type thing that makes me feel very uncomfortable.
And it's like that fragile sense of a man where you feel like you have to dole yourself or like pull back and draw back. And that's how it feels like for me personally.
I always get weird around men. Well, I used to.
And I always thought it was about being gay, and it's not. Straight men are supposed to be the more masculine ones in every situation.
That's the way everybody just kind of assumes it's going to go. I'm the opposite of that.
I'm always the more masculine one. Even though I'll siss it up but you make a joke make a hee hee ha ha anytime i'm around men it's so obvious and it's not just that i look and am built a certain way that's part of it i'm six seven i'm muscular i'm a fucking asshole and everybody feels safe with me because they know I'll protect them physically.
Financially, I pay for my girls. When I'm out with my girlfriends, they don't pay for nothing.
I make men feel very, very threatened because I'm gay, but I do not let my responsibilities as a man slip or fall. And that is the mind fuck.
And it's always caused this weird like dynamic with other men it's like I always felt so uncomfortable and had to dim myself down or like dull it down a little bit or at times I felt like in the past years ago I would have to like siss it up extra so they felt less intimidated or would be less weird. But the reason when I say dull it down, my issue with masculinity is always because of a connection that I have.
So like with my mom, for my stepdad, for me to have any kind of challenge present in him, for him to feel challenged by me at all was a threat to my connection with my mom. I had to stay in good standing with every man because I was close with women.
Like with my sister, certain relationships she's in, it's just a weird thing between men. And I would always feel like I had to dial things back because when I show up and there's men in the room, if you're cool with me, we're going to be the best of buds, best of buds bro we gonna have like the best time if you're someone who is performatively masculine you will feel naked and people start doing all kind of weird shits around me like they start trying to over play themselves like they talk about how much money they make they try and like do the whole over masculinization thing and like try and be like having a physical altercation you're gonna lose okay and i always felt like i had to like dial it back and protect the situation from going there because if it ever came to a point of like a challenge actually was gonna happen it would impact my relationship with the woman that i cared about friends my sister my mom any woman in my life i've always felt like i have to like do this weird fucking dance with the men in my life because there's so many people who are performatively masculine and when you have someone who's truly with the shit in front of you it like flares that up and they start acting real weird my whole life i've always heard i don't know why they act like that around you it's just a thing i i don't know how else to word it but it's just the performative shit is kind of how it makes sense in my brain it's not my fault you're insecure and acting weird and i'm no longer bending myself and like wavering because that's what's gonna block me from meeting the guy i'm supposed to meet and i noticed like my energy shifts as soon as a man walks into the room like a straight guy whenever they walk into the room i always think their energy's weird mine shifts and i've started to notice it like as i've woken up to my body i'll either tense up because like i'm ready and not tense up like i'm ready to fight but like it's like a weird dominance thing with men and a lot of women do not understand that this goes on especially with straight men men have a weird thing with respect and anyone who knows anything about prison has dealt with a felon has dealt with anybody who's been to prison, they can explain this to you better.
With men, there is an unspoken underlying form of communication where you are kind of big dick in each other and nobody knows. It's clear in front of everybody's face.
When it comes to the handshake, when you meet somebody, when it comes to the eye contact, when it comes to watching your movements and the way that you do, we're sizing each other

up.

That's how it is.

That's just, there's a whole other nature and a side to this.

And people don't know about it.

And I never hear people talk about it.

So I would like to talk about it as someone who can hang in a room with all straight men

and someone who can hang in a room with, I don't want to hang in a room with all gay people. They annoying.
Like if everybody's cool, we're cool. But like they're too performatively like the opposite.
And it like, it's a hard thing to balance and navigate, but there is a whole unspoken language that men speak. That is a problem.
And if you ever notice a problem between two men, just start out of of nowhere it's not out of nowhere there's an underlying communication being had between men and that's just something people need to wake up to and i don't think anyone else can talk about it besides men but i don't think men know how to explain that because men who are like having podcasts and men who are like spiritual are usually pussy they can't hang in that dynamic don't have the strength and like the wherewithal and the knowledge to talk like that. It's a whole hidden communication between real men.
Like actually masculine men have that weird dynamic and performatively masculine men are too obvious about it. It's like, there's so many situations.
I don't know why I want to keep talking about this but there's so many situations where like you'll do that thing with a guy like when i meet you we see who's gonna break first it's like who's gonna hold eye contact longer or who's gonna size who up and when you meet someone who's actually masculine as a man we'll do the thing where you like have that unsmoking communication and then if you match each other and neither of you bend it's usually like a little like you smile and you throw your head up it's like an acknowledgement you do your head down of like bitch i see you like we respect each other you know what i mean the fragile ones will want to turn it into an issue but when you truly meet somebody who's like with it it's different and it's just like a respect thing and then you could become like best friends like all my friends who are like that it started like that it's gotta come with respect though because even though i'm gay i'll still mop the floor with you and i'll still pay for your bitch so that's a weird dynamic i'm not disrespectful about it but i want to talk about this because

all gay men feel very very uncomfortable around straight men and there's a big thing going on with my social media it's like straight men have found me and they love me and they're like why the fuck do i love this guy it's because i make them feel safe when you can allow a man to not have to perform masculinity, that's when they relax and feel safe. They're safe to like me and they know it.
Because, like I said, I'm more of a man than most men. Just because I'm gay don't mean my responsibilities as a man fall.
I'm Albanian. I'm old school.
My values and morals are going to stay like that. and when people who have to perform masculinity are around someone like me who don't give a damn, like we're going to be who we're going to be.
We can hang out. We're going to talk shit.
You can sit up with me. You can relax around me.
And you're not my type. Like I'm not into the type of people who like me that are straight.
And I mean the ones that are performative with the masculinity shit but that's the thing i've been noticing it and observing it i need to take a sip of my wine it's just sitting here but the thing that made me think of that not me chugging it by accident the thing that made me think about the whole performative masculinity thing is someone in my last episode commented performative stress and I was like wait gag that's so funny because like we stress ourselves out and it's just performative like you have to convince other people you're stressed out or you have to convince yourself that you're stressed out so you feel productive a lot of people can't relax and feel safe to do that they have to like be doing shit or like stress out mentally so they feel like they're being productive it's like performative productivity and performative stress and then that unlocked like the whole performative masculinity thing and truly masculine people are not gonna be intimidated by other men and that's something i had to realize with the guy that i'm gonna be with whoa i just said that by accident it is gonna happen my body knows it the guy i'm gonna be with it's i can't have that like energy shift when i meet him and i have to not have my energy shift preparing for other people's bullshit it's like true masculinity is gonna stand there and it's not going to waver. I'm going to be who I am.
And I've been doing that. I am who I am.
And no matter what room I walk in, I don't chameleon myself anymore. I used to do that all the time.
Like if I walked into a room and nobody knew me, I would chameleon like I was straight just to feel out the vibe of the room before you let it be known or before you do something, because people do treat you different if you're gay. You got to hide it a little.
I used to feel like I did, but the more that I've just relaxed into it and I don't give a damn, I'm not shifting my energy. True masculinity don't shift.
It's like, I look at it like being a lighthouse. Like you're standing there.
I'm a standard. I'm a shine.
I did a light.

And no matter what wave crashes into me,

I'm still shining my little light.

I don't give a damn.

I'm not falling down.

So whoever wants to fight about it,

get mad about it,

cry bitch.

But I've noticed the interactions that I'm having with men in life now are not so ego driven.

I'm not like flaring up people's like performative masculinity because i make them feel safe to just like chill out because i'm not rigid i guess i'm not being like performative it's not even being performative it's like i'm not putting a wall up just like for protection it's like i'm just being myself and letting the truth of me be shown if i intimidate you so be it i might have them it's not intentional and i think that's the thing now where it's like very clear it's like i just relax i'm good it's not intentional if i intimidate somebody they're inspired to ask questions it's like so weird the shift that's happened and how quick it mirrors in the external weird boots but one more thing i want to talk about random as hell and then we're gonna get into the story about the house oh my god yeah i don't know how to really word this it's like goes along with the performative kind of trend that i've been noticing it's like performative victimhood and it's not performative like you're a victim, you're a crybaby bitch. It's like, just an example, someone who is in a bad relationship or they're in a toxic relationship.
Let me use the example, me and you are both friends with somebody. Let's name them Fiona.
I don't know. Fiona, she can be a dumb dumbass okay he goes fiona she's in a toxic relationship or fiona it could be a guy it could be a girl who cares fiona's over here in a toxic relationship we're all three friends me and you are over here watching this shit be so awful and she comes to us about her problems she is always talking about how bad it is but how much she loves this person she's with so she just keeps going back and every time she goes back she gets hurt and then we have to pick her up and be there for her her sense of connection to us is to do with being the damsel in distress so miss fiona over here it's like fiona keeps running into the deep end of the pool and she don't know how to swim and me and you are sitting here we trying to have a beach day we trying to relax we trying to tan we have trying to have a good time me you and fiona and fiona's dumb ass keeps running to the pool as soon as we don't have our eyes on her she goes running to the pool because what happens we come running after her to save her or if she jumps in we jump in and get her and we save her okay the level of exhaustion it takes for me and you to have somebody like Fiona in our life.
This is like an incessant, very draining dynamic. This person, Fiona over here, she knows don't go in your water.
She knows it. Let's say she's allergic to the fucking water, whatever it is.
Because to say, oh, you could just learn how to swim. No, she's allergic to this water.
Every time she gets in it, she don't know how to swim and it gives her hives. Okay? She just keeps running into this damn pool.
I just love it so bad, you guys. You have no clue.
And me and you over here sitting here. We cannot relax while Fiona is in our life.
While we love Fiona and care about her, we cannot relax. because anytime we sit down at this little pool, anytime we do not have our attention 100% on her, she's throwing herself back into danger.

Now, the dynamic with somebody like Fiona is going to flip because we're going to be constantly running to save her, trying to talk to her. This is why you you shouldn't go back this is why you shouldn't go jump in a water Fiona why you keep going we can sit here and talk till we're blue in the face we're gonna be there for her we're gonna go save her and she's getting a big sense of connection she's getting a weird childhood wound parented by having somebody like us look after her because our attention is on her 24-7.
And she takes it as the reassurance that we love her. A lot of people get caught up in these dynamics and I've been in them before.
And I want to give this example so cutthroat and just straight up because people need to quit with this shit. So somebody like Fiona, going back to this water, going back to this toxic relationship

or whatever the hell she's doing, she knows she don't need to be doing. She's allergic to it, keeps running back to it.
Me and you are going to get so fed up one day because we cannot live our life. We can't enjoy anything because our attention is stolen by fiona she's a liability and our love for her will turn to frustration and just like annoyance because we're like no matter what we do we could chain this bitch down to this tanning chair and she's still gonna bite her way through and go jump into Wadie.
We don't get a minute to relax.

Fiona's way of feeling connected to us destroys us and ruins our entire life. So there's going to come a day where we say, you know what, Fiona? Jump in.
And we're going to throw our hands up. And that's the day Fiona is going to walk up to the edge of that pool, look back, and be like, wait, nobody's coming to save me from hurting myself?

Nobody's coming to, wait, what?

Her sense of connection will be severed, and she ain't going to jump back in that fucking pool.

People play stupid, like they don't know what they're doing.

Fiona got a lot more out of that whole dynamic of jumping back into the toxic relationship and jumping back into that deep into the pool of the water she's allergic to then just going into that she didn't love that water she didn't love that relationship she loved how connected she felt and how looked after and safe she felt when we had our full attention on her to protect her from it that performative victim shit i can't stand it and anybody if you notice and you can recognize oh my god i'm doing that don't do that because it will make people hate you like the love will turn to hate because we can't rest we can't relax and you taking your parental issues and trying to make other people parent you and look after you is not fair okay so if you notice you do that cut the shit out and if you notice you're someone in this analogy sitting next to me and we got to deal with this person let them go because they're not stupid that's the biggest thing to get they'll wake up as soon as you say, okay, Fiona, go ahead. She ain't jumping in the water.
And if she does jump back in one more time, it will be her last time because she will have to claw herself out. She's not going to die.
It's not going to be something where they go back and like it's destroyed and like they never come back. Nothing bad is going to happen.
They've been in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out out they know how to get in and out at this point they will go back maybe one more time but she'll climb her house out that water and then realize wow and stop going back your people's safety blanket sometimes for them to be stupid and to avoid responsibility for what they're doing but it's for the subconscious reason that it makes them feel closer to you and it makes them feel loved. That's their way of feeling loved.
And it's not their fault because that's something that they've learned and it's probably subconscious. But I just wanted to talk about this because everybody deals with friends or family members in dumb ass relationships where they just keep going back.
You just got to take the leash off. It's like trying to hold back a dog who just keeps trying to run.
You got to just let it go. You got to see your life is spent just resisting them and holding them back.
If they want it so fucking bad, let them go. I'm not saying go let your dog run off, but you get my point of the analogy.
This is about people going and doing shit that you can't protect them from because they just want to do it but i just want to talk about that from the friendship dynamic because it's exhausting and it's not your responsibility so if you got a friend like fiona let the bitch jump in the pool i'll be sitting right here with you we'll be having some wine we'll be laughing because she's gonna jump right to jump right back out. Like, what the hell, guys? What?

What?

I'm like, what? You learned your lesson this time? Cool. Come sit down.
Okay. Now let's talk about the house story.
The amount of synchronicities about this whole situation is absolutely insane. So I talked about the whole thing with the performative masculinity.
that kind of came to my head after the whole dynamic with like I believe that the guy out there there's a guy out there for me that exists perfect for me no you can't have him I kill you over him but I trust that a guy out there for me does exist and we gonna meet okay I. Okay? I can feel it.
And that's when any block that I have to it is coming up. So like the masculinity thing, I can't bend my energy because I got to meet him in who I am.
He's going to love me for who I am. I'm going to love him for who he is.
We can't be doing that whole energy shifting, energy dance. Okay? We got to show up straight up how we are.
And that's what it's going to be. So with that, I have been like open to things happening and kind of listening to my soul.
And this little motherfucker has been taking me on some wild rides, but it's kind of cool because every limiting belief is cracking itself like an egg.

It's just like they're all cracking and dropping out. I'm like, okay, cool.
So other day, I spent the day as the version of myself who has a certain amount of money in his bank account. And I was like, okay, if I was Leo with this amount of money, what would I be doing? and I was looking around my house now and I was like

I was Leo with this amount of money, what would I be doing? And I was looking around my house now. And I was like, I will be looking for a new house.
So I get online. I have my old like login to this website from my old realtor where I can go in and see all the houses nobody else can see.
So I go on this website and I just put on some music. And I'm just like in my bed perusing these little houses.
And I'm like, I don't know why I'm looking for houses, but okay. And then I find this one house.
It is the most me house I've ever seen in my life. I went to the Versace Mansion for my birthday.
It is my own version of the Versace Mansion because the versace mansion i love the vibe of it i love the detail and everything but it's all like brown wood and like a more roman look i like a little bit more gothic and black wood but still like um glam like opulent like the old school shits i like that vibe like a castle and so i find this house all the trim of the fucking house is black all of the wood accents are black wood the whole kitchen black marble kitchen but not this modern shit where everything's square and like kim kardashian's house i don't like that vibe i like it for other people cool it's pretty to look at i don't feel comfortable i feel like i can't fart i feel like i can't even like Kim Kardashian's house. I don't like that vibe.
I like it for other people. Cool.
It's pretty to look at. I don't feel comfortable.
I feel like I can't fart. I feel like I can't even like be a human being in a house like that.
Like God forbid I spill something. Oh my God.
I feel like I can't live in it. I like a house where I can relax a little.
You know, I like the nineties, eighties, seventies houses, but like sickening. So this house is $ 1.2 million dollars I don't know who I think I am over here like looking at a 1.2 million dollar house but I was like you know what the Leo with this amount of money in his bank account that I'm trying to like line up with yeah he would afford that he would like to go look at these house so i was like you

know what let me go text my realtor and go see the house so i text my realtor and i was like hey girl can we go see this house i could afford it if i didn't have this house but it would stress me out beyond life i'm very weird about money i'm very like you i've talked about money in the past y'all understand my relationship with it i'm very strategic with money and i'm very like whatever i'm trying to learn a whole new like relationship to it but i'm like you know what this house something feels right so i'm like you know what I'm gonna go look so I text my realtor we go? This house, something feels right. So I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna go look.

So I text my realtor.

We go see the house the next day.

I see the house.

We pull up.

A gated community.

Nice boots.

And I'm in Texas.

So like a $1.2 million house is insane here.

In LA, a million dollars will get you a shoebox.

That's why I don't live there.

And 50% tax.

Don't fuck yourself.

So we're pulling up to the house three car garage i didn't notice that before i was like wow three car garage okay because i have two cars right now and i want to get a truck but if i went and bought a truck right now i'd have all three all of a sudden this house got three car garage okay nice and it's like tall nice like everything would fit so easily i didn't notice that on the listing i wasn't looking we pull up to the fucking front of the house there's black steel spiked gates around the whole house that is my dream i've always wanted a 12 foot spiked fence around my entire house like a little sanctuary.

But if you try and jump over it and you fall on it, you're going to impel yourself and die.

Because if you make it over, I'm shooting you.

So you can get stuck like a little shish kebab or I can shoot you.

You can pick your deal.

You know what I mean?

But I just love to buy me like a nice scary house.

That's something always has been on my wish list.

So I walk up to the door. There's a lion head.
Gold on the black front door. And it's an old school turnkey.
Not like the digital keypad. I don't like that.
People can hack that with the Wi-Fi. So it's like an old school like key for the house.
And it's a gold handle, gold lock on everything. Ah! So we walk in the house black marble red marble floors sickening and right to the like when you walk in the door to the right is the dining room the coolest dining room i've ever seen in my life gold wallpaper already installed for me all the trim is black the coffee's black.
And there's a table in that room, like toward the back that I have saved. It's from the seventies.
It's a black and gold table, black lacquer. And I've saved this table like four different times over the past three years.
I've always loved it, but I couldn't find one that wasn't stupid expensive. And it was in the house.

I was like, what the hell?

Next to that table, there's another little like cabinet thing.

And it has a little lion statue.

I have that exact lion statue and I got it from a vintage store.

It was like 200 bucks.

It's like a little lion.

It's like all bashful.

Like it looks all cute.

It's the exact lion that I have. It's not one that you buy off Amazon.
It's not nothing like that. It's like a little lion it's like all bashful like it looks all cute it's the exact lion that i have it's not one that you buy off amazon it's not nothing like that it's like a marble lion i don't know if it's marble or not but like it's just sitting and it's not something common so it's not like oh you just like amazon prime gate and everybody got the same decoration it's not no cb2 shit okay so i'm like wow my little lion's over here and my table i've been wanting over here.
So we go walking around the house. I walk through the kitchen.
Everything's nice, nice and black. Ooh, black cabinets, black marble.
Sickening. I walk to the living room.
The side tables in the living room are two side tables that I've also saved for three years. The side tables are $5,000 for the pair.
And they both sit in there in my face. And I asked the realtor, I was like, hey, if I buy the house, can furniture come with it? And he was like, yeah, anything's up for negotiation.
I was like, perfect. I got two side tables and a coffee table in there.
What else am I going to want? Because the decor of it was like very me. So like with me, looking at houses, everything is usually like the structure of it.
The way that it's built is wrong. This house, the structure was right.
The decorations were not right. So that's the easy part for me.
I could decorate and match it to the structure of the house. Every detail, every piece of hardware or metal is gold.
All the bathrooms, all the faucets, the showers, the trim for everything, gold. The toilets, black with gold little pusher things when you flush it.
Everything black and gold. The master bathroom, everything black marble, gold.
It's sickening.ing like the structure of the house the way that it was built was so me and i usually have the opposite problem like this house i don't like the structure of the house it doesn't matter how much i decorate and put my vibe on it and change certain things if i don't renovate this motherfucker it's never gonna be what i want and i don't want to put that much money into it you know what i mean i'm like let's just buy a new house and i was thinking this like just for like an idea but after seeing this house i'm like gag so it's huge i think it was like 4 000 square feet like 4 200 something like that i'm like gag ceilings high boots ah everywhere theilings were high. So I'm obsessed with this house.
I walk outside to the back patio. I've always wanted a fountain at my house.
There's a giant fountain in the middle of the backyard. And there's a mirror at the back fence of the backyard.
A mirror outside is very me. I have mirrors everywhere.
Y'all know i have a thing for mirrors i love them there's two mirrors outside i'm like what the hell i love it i go back inside i go walking around everywhere upstairs is all carpet it's four bedroom house so the upstairs is all carpet i'm like okay i'm gonna rip all this carpet out and leopard carpet across the whole fucking thing. Because they have some crazy kind of like plaid carpet up there.
No. But all the details of everything were gold.
Perfect. Like so me.
I go back downstairs. There's two office areas.
There's like one. I love stained glass windows.
There's an office area that has a stained glass window and the whole room is red, but it's not like, it's like a rusty red. It's not like a deeper, like a, what's it called? Like a, it's not a wine red.
It's like a light rusty red. But the way that the light came in to the little like stained glass windows that made it look like the Versace mansion in that room.
And it had a little windowsill with like a little bed on it. Always wanted one of those.
I'm like, this will be my new recording room. It had a fireplace in it.
I have a thing for fireplaces. There's fireplaces in both offices and my bedroom and upstairs.
And the bookcase upstairs in the second living room is all black already. Ah.
So the first little office with the red, I'm like, sick dang that'll be like a filming room in an actual office then there's like a second office where it could be like it's big enough where it could be a second little like living room i'm like okay t i'll ventilate that i'll put the ceilings that have like the ventilation so i could be my smoking room i'd be i have like the big living room in the middle and then at the front of the house there's like a separate little room it had curved windows like rounded i've always loved that living room in the middle. And then at the front of the house, there's like a separate little room.
It had curved windows, like rounded. I've always loved that.
My favorite thing in the house. That little room.
I'm like, perfect. I'll ventilate it.
Put a nice little sofa. Nice little second living room.
I'm absolutely loving it. And I just like feel like, woo.
And I knew this house was going to be a lot of work. It gave abandoned vibe a little bit, but I like that scary shit.
My favorite. I love to feel scared.
I don't feel scared about nothing. That's why I used to like to get so high.
Like with weed. Like as soon as you get that paranoia.
Ooh, I was in. I love to get scared.
I get startled easy. Like if there's a noise, it'll startle me.
I'm like, ah, like I get ready, I get ski. But I'm talking like where you get so scared, you like have to run and jump to your bed.
I love that. I don't feel that ever.
So when I could like have that, I like it. Like I like the scary house.
So I knew it's going to be like a little bit of a project. And I'm like'm like you know what i'm kind of down for it for some reason like i kind of like it i will be down i'm over here running around like i got the fucking money to buy the house and then to put 300 000 into it to renovate it i'm over here living like future leo i'm like okay we'll see happens.
So I all of a sudden have to piss real bad.

It felt like an energetic release in a way, like it's a flush. Like when you piss, it's a flush.
But if I have like a different tune into my body now, I told you all about it in the last episode. It felt like a little energy release for a second.
Because when I was in this house, I had zero doubt that this was possible.

I didn't know how, but I just felt like it was so possible. It felt like so easy.
And I see the furniture and I see the stuff in it. And I'm like, there's so many little things that are so me.
There was two, like, uh, what's it called? Like rock, what's that? Like stone, two fish made of of stone like making the pisces symbol in the front walkway when you walk up okay there's so many little synchronicities so many things lining up and i was like i have to piss so i told my realtor he was like let's go look at the garage i was like okay you go look at the garage and i'm gonna go look at the master bedroom one more time girl I went to go piss and I felt like I was marking my territory in a way, but I go

piss in the master bathroom and I felt like I had seen that before.

It was weird.

I had seen me pissing in that toilet before.

Black toilet.

Nice.

Go to handle.

So it was just like a weird moment where I was like okay this feels too weird give me a sign like a clear absolute sign this is meant to happen i can already feel it i know i feel very in alignment right now i can tell when i'm in alignment and out of it very easily now and i'm like i know i feel so in alignment right don't have to ask for a sign, but I want one. I want you to put something in my face that I can't ignore.
So I walk out of the bedroom and my realtor's in the kitchen. He was like, Leo, I need you to come see the garage real quick.
And I was like, okay. He was like real serious about it and i was like all right so i go walking out to the garage he goes open the door i said why you setting me up like my paranoid ass i was like why he looked like real scared like scared boots to open the garage door i was like did you go in it he's like yeah you're gonna get a kick out of it i said okay so i start opening the door and i rear back like my body reacted because there's somebody standing in my face and it was a witch it was a halloween decoration life size looking at me eye to eye six foot seven witch i rear back to crack that bitch i was scared i got startled i liked it like, what the fuck? And my realtor starts laughing at me.
I'm like, whoa. And then I open the door.
And there's like eight different or like six or eight different life-sized Halloween decorations. And there's like a witch.
The second one I see is a Medusa. Right.
There's like a prisoner. There's a couple other ones.
Just really, really weird Halloween decorations. And I like them.
I like Halloween. It's my favorite holiday.
And I was like, okay, the whole garage was full of shit. Like you could barely walk around.
So I was like, okay, cool. And I was about to turn around and walk out like, okay okay, I've seen the garage.
It's full of shit. So something told me to step forward.
And I was like, I'm just going to pay attention to it. So I just like started stepping forward a little bit.
And I got like the whole staircase thing to go up into the attic of the garage was down. So it was blocking my entire view and there was boxes stacked up so something was like walk around it my realtor's outside he's scared boots so i'm just like walking around being a little nosy i'm kind of like what the fuck just taking it all and looking at everything when i come around the corner where the stairs were down there's a painting right in like right across from me right in my face i'll insert a photo of it because remember how i talked about the baptism thing and how that whole experience was when i went to miami it was a fucking guy shirtless sitting with his hands up like surrendering a little bit and it it was water falling all around him.
It looked like me. He was not in as good of shape in the painting.
But I was like dark hair, dark eyes, dark facial, so symbolic. It literally was the baptism that I just went through.
And it's a fucking hand-painted thing. And it's just like sitting there across the way that I was looking sideways.
And when I saw it, full body chills, I knew that was a sign. Because when I was asking for my sign, I said, make it so undeniable in front of my face.
And it was in front of my face. That immediate moment wiped out any doubt that this house was possible.
I was like, 100%.

All the angels, all the spirit guide, God himself, my soul, everybody on board.

Everybody going to make it happen.

I don't have to fucking force nothing.

Everything lining up literally blew away any doubt that I have for my reality to fucking fix around what I want this quickly.

I was like, there's no doubt that this is possible. And I i'm gonna get this house if i'm meant to get this house so being nosy as i am i walk up the little steps rickety dickety scary i'm 240 pounds i'm like if anybody's gonna break it me so i'm real careful i'm morelands.
And I'm always ready. And I'm walking out to Los Tis to go to the attic.
And I didn't go all the way up. I just peeked my head so I could turn around and look.
I've seen that attic before. 1,000%.
I don't know where, how, or what the fuck. But the way that the sun was coming in the one little window.
and it was like the whole attic, and it was up to a point, like an A shape, I'd seen it before. I've seen that attic before.
And that was like a confirmation. I was like, okay, I'm getting down.
This house is possible. I have zero doubt about it, okay? The thing was, when I left, I was like so happy that i was like any belief i had that that it wouldn't work was blown out the water like i felt so in i like me i felt so good i was like this is possible if i want it motherfucker i was like i'll make it happen but i'm not doing the whole force it thing i'm not forcing nothing in life no more if it's meant to happen it'll happen i weirdly when i left had no urgency to put in an offer and i went home and i was like okay it's possible weirdly i don't feel an urge to put in an offer or to start calling my business managers to say hey how could i get a mortgage for that house do i qualify with my current income i'm pretty sure i would i'm like with what i have in cash and i wouldn't be able to pay the whole thing off but like with everything we got could i get approved i don't want to start messaging them that felt forced to start like reaching out and asking them and start moving around money and trying to sell shit real quick or like list my house for sale i was not doing none of that old me would have done that 100 i'd have been so anxious and scared and like i have to do it because i wouldn't trust that it would line up but i'm like i don't feel an urge to make a move so i'm not going to i'm just gonna trust it whatever because i don't really want to stress about that i don't really want to have to put that on myself you know what i mean that would be a lot so i was like you know what it was meant to be it'll be when my soul is ready to make a move it'll make the move after like two days i was sending an email to my business managers about some updates of some things some things that i bought and like the the new manufacturer that I'm working with for the clothing line.
That's like a monthly thing that I'm paying them. I was like, hey, you know, that's a business transaction.
So it's a write off business expense. So I'm like updating them on that.
And then something at the end of the email was like, hey, so I found this house for like 1.2 million. I would love to get on a call and like discuss options for it and like see where we stand see what could happen i felt the urge to throw that in the bottom of the email so i sent it i feel like i need more wine before i keep going hang on i'll be right back i'm gonna get more you want anything okay a key piece of this story the other day when i was at the store I got a weird intuition soul moment of buy a bottle of champagne.

I don't know why. I don't even have champagne glasses, but something was telling me before I even saw the house, something was telling me buy a bottle of champagne.
I walked by it in the store and I was like, no, I'm not going to get it. I walked off and my body full throttle was like, turn the fuck around.

So I walked over and I got it.

I was like, okay, whatever.

There was something to celebrate going to be coming soon is all I kept hearing and feeling.

There's going to be something to celebrate very soon.

So I'm like, okay, I don't know what it is.

I don't need to know.

I'm not going to stress myself out trying to figure it out.

I'm going to buy the champagne. My soul wants to go shopping now.
My soul wants to buy liquor. Okay, here's your champagne.
So I get the champagne and I come home and I put it in the fridge. I don't think nothing about it.
Two days after I put it in the fridge is when I started getting a little urge to look for the house. And I found the house and I was like, after I sent the email I was like wait is that what the champagne was for I don't know whatever the next day comes I'm feeling real good I feel like what I think is possible is totally different like I feel free in a way like so many limiting beliefs were dropped by so many things lining up in that house where i felt like it was so supported and could happen that i was like hey t this could happen with no effort like the way that things have been going this could happen very easily so i randomly go check my po box the only people who know my po box and send me stuff is the people on my Substack.
I like it to keep it private. I don't want to be overrun with shit.
If you want to join the Substack family, I'll leave a link in the description. It's like the private thing where I go live and I talk about the clothing brand updates.
And also I go live and just have cigarettes at each other. We hang out.
We talk shit. Anytime there's something going on, we talk about it.
They're private. But the Substack family has the address for the PO box.
And somebody sent me something. And I first, there's an artist on Instagram, a tattoo artist, who made me a painting.
Huge, big, sickening boots. I'll insert a photo too if you're watching this on YouTube.
It's a Medusa. So sick.

And it has a gold frame.

But it's like the exact vibe

for the house that I was looking at.

For this house, it wouldn't go.

This house is too modern looking

for that painting.

But that painting would go exactly perfect

and match the exact vibe of the scaly house

with the golden and black and everything. So I'm like, whoa, no shit.
This guy messaged me and I've been talking to him. He said he was going to paint me something.
Okay, cool. But I didn't get the package of the painting until now.
And it actually got delayed, he told me. So I was like, whoa, this lined up.
Cool. I'm like, did I just get a decoration for my new house because like it could go in here but it would go better in the house you know what i mean so i was like wait this is cool lining up and then i get another box in the po box and i'm at home and i'm opening them i open the painting first gag sickening love it i open the second box somebody sent me champagne glasses i've never talked about needing them i've never talked about nothing and i just bought the champagne and the glasses were just provided for me the other thing about the glasses is they fit the exact vibe of the fucking new house the person wrote on the note just thought you

would love these they go with your vibe it was so sweet like i love it and it gagged me the timing

of it because i just bought the champagne and i'm like no way like this house finna be mine

but my sister was here so we're hanging out we open all the shit together and we're both just

like in shock because i've told her about this whole process i'm like what the hell and then

and then we're talking about my clothing line and the first thing that i'm launching is a t-shirt sickening you'll see it's like an introduction from going from merch to clothing brand like we're taking it there and i want to give you like a little teaser it's's going to be a very limited shirt. But they're from Turkey.
But I'm talking to my sister. I'm like, I was online the other day looking at houses.
And I saw this one that was like $60 million. And I was like, it was so sickening.
When we do a photo shoot for the shirt, I want to do something sickening. Maybe I can get my realtor to go let us in that house.

You know what I mean?

Like if I like pay him under the table or something.

So I go back onto the website where all the houses are at.

The little woman my realtor let me in.

And I'm trying to find this house.

And when I'm scrolling past my saved properties, I see the house that I went and toured is active under contract. So somebody's buying it.
I did not skip a fucking beat because of what happened the night before. I had like a whole little come apart, like soul moment.
But I see that the house is under contract and I I'm like, oh, well. And I keep scrolling.
Fully unfazed. No emotional reaction.
No panic or sense of loss. And I'm just like, I kind of stopped and was like, wait, why do I not give a shit? I'll tell you in a second.
But then I go find the big house and I show her. I'm like, oh, whatever.
And about my day the house is still under contract I don't give a damn because the night before this I had like a weird moment of doubt about the house I was like is this gonna happen but it wasn't even like am I questioning if it would happen I was was questioning what it was going to take from me.

I was asking myself, do I really want a house that's going to be a project? Like, I'm going to have to put a lot of money into it and renovate it. And like, it will be what I want it to be and more.
But it is going to be a project from hell. So I was like, you know what? if it's meant to come to me easily, if I'm meant to get the house and it's meant to be a fully smooth process, I want it.
I'll accept it. If it's going to be a headache, I don't want it.
If it don't come with ease, I don't want it. If I have to force for it, fuck it, let it go.
And I kind of

declared that to myself. I was sitting in my bed.
I had this whole thing. I was like, instead of fearing, worrying, and doubting, I read through the doubt.
The doubt wasn't that it was possible. The doubt was, do I really want this? And so I came to terms with it.
I was like, okay, if it's meant to come with ease and I ain't got to force nothing, I'll take it. If it's not, I know it ain't meant to be.

That next morning is when I saw it was under contract. The relief I felt because I know 100% it would have been a headache from hell.
I'm not worried about it. I'm not nothing.
But the gag of this whole story it don't stop here i need to hit the line

oh my god because what i'm about to tell you oh my god i forgot to swirl it i love doing this like a bougie ass though but i see the house on the contract don't give a damn and then i showed my sister there was this

other house that

was double the price.

$2.4 million. the house under contract don't give a damn and then i showed my sister there was this other house

that was double the price 2.4 million dollars the one i liked was 1.2 okay that's the one i toured that would have been a project there was a house that i saved it's kind of like the exact same vibe just everything times a hundred it's like almost 7 000 square feet it's much more bedrooms it's no renovations needed no nothing like it would be fully perfect livable and i all the marble is perfect all the trim is perfect this house is so much better it's got a pool the other one only had a fountain this one got a fountain and a fucking pool and this one is on an acre of land and it's like this whole it looks like a castle oh my god it's also got the scary looking vibe even worse and i love it oh my god but i just saved that house the other day when i was looking at the house that i found i'll call it it the Versace house. The $1.2 million house was the Versace house.
I'm looking at that one. Okay, I find the 2.4 house.
And I saved it. But the day before, so like the day that I got the painting and the day that I saw that this Versace house was under contract.
The day before that, I went back to look for the 2.4 house and it was gone the listing was gone it said it had been removed i was like shit did it sell i didn't know so i'm like oh whatever when i'm back scrolling through and see the versace house is under contract i also see the 2.4 house is back available and i'm like what the hell just happened that does not feel out of reach i 100 cannot fucking afford that right now but that first house and all of the alignment that happened all the little synchronicities and shit made me 100 certain this will line up if it's meant to be a 1.2 million dollar house was like huge to me until i went and then i was like oh that would easily happen if like i trusted it so much i trusted my soul that much i'm like it would happen it blew past my my beliefs and raised my threshold.

Because for whatever reason, call me crazy, the $2.4 million house don't seem too far-fetched. If I never saw the Versace house, I would have never considered the $2.4 million house.
I clicked save on it so I could go through and screenshot it. but going to the other house,

all the things lining up,

feeling that supported and feeling that anchored into alignment made me believe it could happen. And now I believe the $2.4 million house could happen.
I definitely don't know fucking how, but I don't have any kind of reservation about it. I don't have any anxiety around it i haven't even toured the damn thing but i'll keep you posted as it goes but i want to talk about this whole thing of like it wasn't a disappointment that i lost a versace house it was a fucking stepping stool and like a stepping stone it wasn't it was like a little like springboard for me to get the other one if i get the two.4 million house i would have to be god's favorite like 27 years old and get a fucking castle oh my god i would die over it i would die for me but truly i feel no disappointment about losing the versace house because it feels like a full springboard like now i feel like the 2.4 million house is achievable so i'm like okay cool we're gonna go with that like have i lost my mind watch me in like a month be like hey friends from the 2.4 million dollar house i would have to have like a welcoming party it's so fucking big everybody come over i'll get security get some nice liquor but even with the 2.
house, I don't feel anxiety around it. I'm not forcing it.
It's kind of like an idea. And I'm like, okay, cool.
I do feel like I'm going to want to go see it soon. So I will text my realtor, hey, let's go see it.
I'm going to wait till I feel it. But I'll keep you all posted on this whole saga.
But I wanted to talk about this specifically because all the alignment that happened and then the disappointment of it going under contract wasn't disappointment because i released it if it was going to be headache so i want to talk about that nobody talks about that they always talk about oh the alignment shits and it just goes perfect no sometimes it doesn't but sometimes it's setting you up for something bigger so i will you posted. But that's all I got for this week.
I've rambled enough. This episode is long enough.
I'm going to go finish my wine. Actually, I'll finish it right now.
That's it. That's all we got for this week.
Everything you need from me is in the description. If you want to keep up with my social media, my TikTok, my Instagram, everything is down there.
Also, Substack is down there. I'm going to be keeping you updated about the clothing launch but within the next month the t-shirt will be live so there's only a thousand so you gotta be quick it's gonna be sickening but i'll post photos soon yeah if you're listening to this on the audio version hit the download button helps me a ton leave me five stars raining and all that if you're watching me on youtube hey, hey, if you're new, subscribe.
Girl, what the fuck?

Hang out.

Hit the thumbs up too.

Oh my God.

I didn't tell you all to comment something last week.

Comment a wine emoji.

Because we wine assholes now.

Maybe I was meant to get a taste for the wine before I get to the big house.

You know what I mean?

Ooh, my castle.

Comment a wine emoji if you watched it this far and you're still here because

i'd like to see who makes it to the end also comment let me know what you think what's going

on what's t uh i'm so excited but i'll keep you posted until then everybody be safe take care

of yourself and i'll talk to you guys next sunday