Don't Bring a White Girl

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You two are bad friends.

Who are these two idiots?

White dude and an Asian dude.

You two are disgusting.

We're bad friends.

Oh, what a night.

Right in May about the 31st.

I put together a show of hoods and hymns from Asia.

What a night.

I'm gonna get the lyrics.

Oh, what?

Oh, what night?

Lyrics.

Oh, what a a night oh what a night

late

when she tutor by the way i was in an internment camp i was full of glee

what a rainy what a night

about i want to be oh what a night late december

uh nineteen forty five

look in the sky and what a night

It was so unbelievably bright.

Was it 45?

I don't know.

45.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How about

similar time, too?

From the Germans' perspective.

Yeah.

That would have been a terrible night, actually.

What?

Just you're out.

You're like, you know, me picking rice.

I don't know how they do it.

And all of a sudden you look in the sky.

I know.

What a dreadful.

It doesn't even make a noise, does it?

Dude, did you see, have you seen the rehearsal with Nathan Fielder?

He learned to fly a commercial plane.

It's like one of the craziest things I think I've ever seen in my entire life.

Yeah, I think I saw him in a news interview saying that.

But he really did.

Wow.

Like, I thought I was a bit.

And then I was like, is this a bit inside of a bit?

Inside?

Because he's very layered.

He digs down as deep as you go.

He literally flies.

He looks like one.

A 730.

He does look like a pilot.

Yeah, yeah.

Does he land at Sasux?

Obviously.

Smooth, dude.

Really?

He does a great job.

But he had tons of hours of training.

He did all the training.

Wow.

So he flies

He has a commercial airline pilot's license.

You need to watch it, man.

That's incredible.

I want to watch it.

The guy's absolutely brilliant.

Oh, he's so top-level.

I know.

Can you imagine the difference between guys like him and us?

It's unbelievable.

Yeah, he's at the top of it.

Like, I met another one of our.

Where do you think we're bottom dwellers?

We're, yeah.

We're, what are the, what are the fish at the bottom?

Carp?

What are the bullheads?

Whatever feeds on dirt.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's us.

Dirt, dust, and grime.

No, we're like.

That's us.

Yeah, we are that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's you for sure.

That's me.

That's for you, for sure.

That's sort of absolutely me.

Yeah.

And go with the black.

What am I?

I'm the black one.

That's you.

That's me.

Yeah.

I'm not even the black one.

You're an angler fish.

Oh, yeah.

Where am I?

There you are.

That's me, dude.

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

That is one of the ugliest fish I've ever seen in my entire life.

I know.

It's unbelievable.

Would you eat it?

Would you eat it?

It commits my hunger.

See, this is the thing about food.

Food has to look good for me, too.

If I was a chef, I would slice that up, dude.

I bet you could make it look nice.

I would chop the nose off.

I did the ice house last night and I went back to back with Arsinio.

And I'm telling you, man, still to this day, Arsinio Hall is a joke writing machine, a cultural icon, still up on his game.

He's on his A game.

Not just A game.

He's also kind.

He's the sweetest guy, man.

Anybody's genuine.

It's not his generation, like right above you.

His generation has a lot of, well, he's.

He's three generations before me.

No, what do you mean?

He's one class above you.

You're 53.

He's 68.

What class are you then?

Two below you, pal.

No, you're one below me.

Two.

There's no way.

Yeah, there's people in between you and I.

You're 40.

I'm 41.

You're 53.

There's no.

That's the same difference between me and you.

You're not listening.

There were less comics back then.

Though classes were smaller.

The people that made it back then.

You remind me.

That was the

everyone's nodding at me.

There's way more comics now today than there was.

I was around back then.

There was triple the amount.

Not that.

And then the comedy death.

Successful comedians, there's way more now than there's ever been.

Oh my God, this is the most insane thing I've ever heard.

There's way more comics selling tickets now on the road than there was when your generation.

You had like 10 guys selling tickets.

There's like 30 people selling tickets now.

Like real tickets.

Eddie Murphy selling tickets.

Go on.

Martin Lawrence selling tickets.

Okay.

Jerry Seinfeld selling tickets.

Who's that?

Okay.

Carlin.

I mean, the list goes on.

I'm telling you.

Cosby.

There's got to be more comics now than ever.

Because the internet, there's guys that we don't even know that sell out theaters that we're not even aware of.

Yeah.

Because comedy is just so broad now.

I would hate to be Bill Cosby's assistant.

I mean, imagine the errands.

Go get it.

Okay.

It's like here, here's that medicine that you're going to be doing.

Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Why so much?

A lot.

Did you see Ricket Gervais got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and he goes, I'm here next to so many legends, Michael Jackson, Bill Cosby.

It was great, dude.

It was great.

It was a great speech.

Really?

He's the man.

He just did the Hollywood Bowl.

He sold more tickets.

I'm sorry.

Not more tickets.

He had the highest grossing sale at the Hollywood Bowl because his ticket prices are set differently.

But he had the highest-grossing Hollywood Bowl sell.

Wow.

Isn't that crazy?

Is it crazy?

He's so funny, though.

So famous, so funny.

I love all his specials.

I know.

I begged him to be on this show.

And he's, I think, I wrote him a DM one time and I said, Would you come on, Bad Friends?

I'd love to have you on the podcast.

And he just wrote, I'm all right, mate.

And I was like, Great.

That's good.

Did he really respond?

Yeah, he did.

Yeah.

You know him?

No.

Oh, he knows us.

Yeah, yeah.

He knows we know him.

We love him.

He likes us.

Right.

Here, I'll try to find it.

Oh, my God.

I try to find it.

I hate, I hate rejection.

Oh, right.

He just wrote cheers.

Oh, cheers.

That's good.

No, it's nice.

Cheers is yes.

No, I don't think so.

Yeah, cheers.

Cheers.

You know what cheers is?

Cheers is the British thumbs up to a text.

When you just get like a thumbs up, it's like saying, yeah, sure, whatever.

No, Liverpool won.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Cheers, mate.

Yeah, but Liverpool won cheers.

That's a different cheers.

That's a yes.

But otherwise, like they say,

have a good day to me.

Go.

Let me give you something else.

Huh?

I stubbed my toe.

Nah, cheers.

See what I mean?

It's applicable for everything.

Right.

It's kind of like our

what's up?

This John Badge line is too long.

Oh, yeah, cheers.

I see.

Because you could be annoyed.

I understand that.

I understand.

Are you getting geared up and excited for London and Dublin?

I'm actually so excited to go over there.

Yeah.

Cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers.

Cheers, cheers.

Yeah, yeah.

So on this show,

what we do is we banter about stuff.

And what I do is I find ways to like lead us down new conversations.

It's so funny.

It's so funny what you're doing right now because a lot of times you don't agree.

Last episode, you didn't agree.

Well, when you negate it.

So I just negated you.

And don't ever talk to me like that, Sonic.

I'll talk to you how I want.

All right.

You're one generation below me.

Two.

No, dude.

Listen, old man.

Yeah.

I'm two below you, pal.

You look older than me.

Okay, let me just say this, okay?

If no one knew who we were and we lined us up, right, and and go, how old are these guys?

We'd be the same age.

That's not true.

Yeah, and that's the sad part.

I mean, they do that to be nice to you because you're portly.

They do that to portly guys to be nice.

Anytime you see a portly guy, you're like, you look young.

Okay, I'm not portly anymore.

It stays with you.

Do I still look portly?

What, Carlos?

What?

You look great.

No, I look portly.

Be honest.

You're 70% there.

You're skinny fat.

You're skinny fat.

Because your body is skinnier, but they're still fat.

I know.

It's the level of health.

I looked in my mirror today.

Oh, no.

You just got to change your diet.

Stop eating trash.

I know you're eating trash.

What'd you have for breakfast?

Nothing.

That's not trash.

That's not good.

That's not bad either.

But protein, nothing.

Or what would you have for lunch?

I didn't eat anything yet.

Okay, this is bad.

Yeah.

And by the way, there's got to be something else.

It's not intermittent fasting.

You're intermittent.

I woke up at three.

What can you eat from three to four?

I raced over here.

I had to do things and then come over here.

What did you have to do?

I had to look at my body in the mirror.

Oh, my God, I'm Portly.

You're not Portly.

Yeah.

You actually look better than you've ever looked.

I'm shocked.

Why would you say that even out loud?

You got me all paranoid.

On a comedy show.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, you know what, dude?

I'm tired of you lecturing about comedy, dude.

Okay.

Say that again.

Why don't you lecture me about comedy?

Just say you're excited about London.

Start there.

Man, I'm so excited to go to London.

Me too.

Oh, my God.

Cheers.

My God.

What are we going to do?

We're going to get some fucking crumpets.

Yeah, we'll get some crumpets.

Yeah, yeah.

I watched a clip the other day.

You know what I'm saying?

Nutcracker.

Are there nutcrackers out there?

Oh, they got them.

Okay, good.

I watched a clip of a bunch of what I assume to be female footballers, and they were asking them what their favorite biscuits are.

Now, biscuits here, different story.

Biscuits there are cookies, right?

Yeah.

This is interesting.

Look this up.

Look it up.

I don't know.

It's a team.

It was like a TikTok, but they're like about to go on a bus.

But the point, my point is, look this, they all said the same thing.

They all said chocolate digestives.

That's the name of a cookie.

Oh, yeah, I've had those.

But they're so good, right?

The name digestive is so off-putting.

Have you ever noticed, though, it does digest better?

It does.

It goes right.

It goes in and out.

Yeah.

Chocolate digestives.

Yeah.

Milk chocolate.

It's a weird name.

Everything about this place is goofy.

Look at that.

266 grams of chocolate digestives.

Yeah.

Why?

Be normal.

Look at the name of the company.

McVictis.

Yeah, yeah.

All right, get some McVictis there.

These guys are cartoon characters.

Right.

Like, they haven't caught up.

Look at that, though.

They are very good.

I mean, you know, my favorite.

The candy anastasia.

A candy anastasia.

Yeah.

Would you like a candy anesthesia?

Yes, please.

With a glass of warm copulosu.

Yeah.

There it is.

McVictis digestive milk chocolate favor coating waffles.

I mean, it's insane.

It's crazy, yeah.

Since 1839.

It's very Japanese, actually.

It is quite Japanese.

Right?

It is.

That's also, that is exactly what Japan.

What are they called?

Japan people do?

Polakana.

So

what I'm going to say to you is that let's start over.

Start over.

Don't be negative.

No, be positive.

Yeah, yeah.

Because since we've been here, you've called me Portley.

Right?

I did.

Since we've been here.

I take it back.

You do?

Take it back.

Okay.

I just took it back.

You see that I negate jokes?

Careful with that word.

Yeah, yeah.

Why?

So you saw M.I.

What?

Do you see Mission Impossible?

No.

Let's go see it together.

Tonight.

You want to see it tonight?

Yeah, I have tonight.

But it's got to be IMAX.

Let's IMAX tonight.

But there's only four IMAXes in L.A.

Let's go tonight.

It's the only night I can do it because I go to Hawaii Wednesday.

Let's do it.

Okay.

Okay.

Tonight.

I've heard it's not that good.

Dinner and

IMAX.

IMAX.

I heard it's not that good.

Yeah.

I've heard a lot of different.

Oh, you didn't like it?

You saw it?

I saw it.

I think it's pretty good.

The first hour is flashbacks of the previous movies.

And

I've seen every single one, so they'll be very nostalgic for me.

I haven't missed one.

It's some white girl that's never seen it before.

Like, what the fuck is going on?

You know what I mean?

I mean, that's not as, you know what I mean?

HT as, you know, you know what I mean?

Is that going to be an, is that going to be their promo?

It's like, don't bring a white girl.

Yeah, dude.

Mission Impossible.

Don't bring a white girl.

Yeah.

I can't wait to see it because it's his last one.

I hate romantic movies.

Anyway, I saw it last night

because people are on TikTok.

You saw what last night?

Taken.

The original Taken?

Yeah, I've never seen it before.

Oh my God, it's such a good movie.

I hated it.

What?

That movie's so so good.

It's after you see all the equalizers and John Wick, and you go back to see Taken.

Right.

It's like, what is this bullshit?

This is the problem.

It doesn't make any sense.

Well, because it's old, dude.

The movie came out such a long time ago.

It's not going to stand the test of time because there's so many better versions of it.

You go to Paris and all of a sudden there's a guy that puts you into fucking human trafficking.

That's never happened.

I know, but what?

That's happening right now all the time.

At LA.

I have had it twice at LA.

Yeah, you've been kidnapped twice.

I've come back every time, though.

You have.

Without a fucking father who's part of the CIA or whatever.

You know what I'm saying?

Me with the back of my son.

Yeah, I crawled through the mod.

I will kill you.

Right.

Risson Crossery.

If you have Bobby, I will find you.

I will kill you.

Dude, the Asian version of Taken would be so fucking funny.

It's so funny, dude.

But they would turn him in right away.

Yeah.

Can you imagine how quickly they, if he was ever captain captured, how quickly would they give him back?

If I was in the story, if I was in the story and my dad went to the brothel, I would have been like, I want to stay.

Leave me.

Leave me here.

They have opium.

Right.

Right?

And I'm fucking a lot.

You know what I mean?

Leave me here, Papa.

I would stay there.

So you're telling me that MI is not going to be worth it to go see?

No, it's worth it.

It's worth it.

It's his last movie in this vein.

What are we going to do without Tom Cruise?

I'm not even kidding.

What are we going to do?

He just did a movie with Ariana Arato.

What's his name?

Alejandro Ansale Tinaritu.

Yeah.

Did he do that?

Don't ever do that again.

Yeah, don't ever do that.

That pissed me right off.

That pissed me off.

Number one, he's doing, he already did that film.

That's in the can, right?

He's thinking about doing another Maverick.

Yeah, I know, but this is something.

MI is so special.

There's something about it.

It's like Bond.

It's special.

It is pretty special.

The first one was so good.

So unbelievably good.

Yeah.

I've seen it maybe a thousand times.

Me too.

It's my go-to movie that you're going to be.

I'm feeling relaxed.

What's that song?

Oh, hot penny.

Banda band.

Oh, that's what you look like, McCone.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, back.

Oh, black Betty.

Banga bang.

Oh, black Betty.

Yeah, look at that.

That's you, McCone.

Oh,

what's going on here?

That looks like you doing an impression of me.

That face he's making.

But is that the look you're going for?

I just like long hair.

I mean, yeah, I like a 70s vibe.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

I think that's what it is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I thought talking to the mic.

Why is the mic so low?

I can't hear anybody today.

You like a 70s vibe?

What are you complaining about all the time?

Have you seen them today?

Everything.

Oh, this is.

You know what it is?

I'm anxious.

Okay, let's talk about it.

Well, I'm leaving tomorrow for two weeks, and I'm like, I'm all every time I got to go packing the suitcase, and my dog sits and she cries by the suitcase.

No.

She sits and she literally puts her head next to you and goes,

oh, no.

I hate it so much.

I hate it so much.

I hate suitcases.

When I roll it out of the closet, immediately she goes,

she takes a breath.

Oh, my god she knows when you're gone dude it's it's it's awful not only does she know when i'm gone this is something and look i know i'm being a dumb dog guy right now yeah

she has no idea when the fuck i'm coming back right she has no clue right for some reason the energy probably conveyed by my wife in the house or something yeah she will just sit by the front window that day and wait for me to come home oh it's like she know i swear to god it's so stupid i know i'm being annoying but like it's one of those things where she won't do that any other day that i'm gone but the day that i'm coming back it's not like like she, how would she know?

She will sit by the front window.

Wow.

It's creepy.

Their intuition is.

You know what my dogs do when I'm leaving?

What?

Shit all over the house?

No, they already go.

I go, I'm leaving.

They go.

Yeah, yeah.

And they just, they walk away.

They don't give a fuck.

It's because you have too many foreigners coming and going in your home.

I have three foreigners in my house.

You got to get rid of those.

Yeah, I know.

Maybe it's the foreigners fucking them up.

They are.

They're manipulating that.

I have seven animals.

No one gives a shit.

And when I come back, they're like, oh, you again.

You.

Is this you?

You?

Is this your place?

Yeah.

I honestly believe my cut Bojo doesn't even know who I am.

No way.

Bojo loves you.

No, every morning I go, Good morning, Bojo.

And he's like, Where am I?

Maybe he has Alzheimer's.

No, he's always been like that.

I've raised him since a kitten.

Yeah.

Every time I, every morning, he pretends like, what's going on?

Do cats get dementia and Alzheimer's?

Do they?

He's six years old.

It starts early.

Oh.

Yes, cats can develop a form of dementia called feline cognitive dysfunction, similar to cognitive decline seen in humans above above 52 to 53 years old, especially those that are Korean.

No, that doesn't say that.

That says that right there.

No, it doesn't say Korean, man.

Wow, cats with dementia.

Dogs don't get it, though, right?

Please tell me dogs don't get it.

They have to get it.

I don't know.

Yeah, dogs can get it.

Canine cognitive dysfunction.

Yeah.

Com Max doesn't know.

By the way, look at this.

This is what all your animals do.

Signs of dementia.

Not responding when called to.

Forgetting house training.

Yeah.

Your dog's pissing shit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is all.

He's on me.

Do they have any play?

Do they have enthusiasm to play or no?

No.

By the way, getting stuck in corners is sad as shit.

Seeing a dog stuck in a corner.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Nobody puts puppy in a corner.

Well, when cats are about to die, you know what they do?

They disappear.

Yeah, well, dude, that's like a nobility thing.

They don't want you to see them die.

Yeah.

That's kind of rad.

It is not.

Dogs are like, look at me.

I'm dying.

Look at me.

By the way, I saw a cat fight on a walk the other night.

Two cats in the neighborhood.

There's one that my neighbor has an outdoor cat, you know.

He just roams around and comes and goes as he pleases.

And I was walking, and he was on the street over, and I was like, oh, what are you doing over here?

And he looked at me and then he slowly turned and saw, and I saw there was another cat underneath the car tire.

Yeah.

I was like, oh, is this his fucking enemy, dude?

Yeah.

And he was slowly creeping up to him.

And I was like, and I'm encouraging him.

I was like, get him.

Cat fights are so fun to watch, dude.

They beat the shit out of each other.

Because the paw can go up.

When the paw goes up and they start smacking each other in the fucking head, what is that, dude?

Coyote killing a cat.

Oh, my God.

Carlos!

See that, Carlos.

God damn it, Carlos.

They're in my fucking backyard.

I can hear them.

You need to be careful, though.

I know.

I have a fence, but still.

Yeah, you do.

I gotta be careful.

I hear them all.

Is that a coyote?

Yeah, did they talk, dude?

That's all they talk.

They talk that.

What?

Asian coyote.

They're not Asian coyotes.

Fuck you.

What's going on today, man?

What is going on today?

Why is everything Asian today?

Yeah, let's cut this out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm sick of this shit.

I'm sick of this shit.

Sick of this shit.

Yeah, but the thing is, is that

will you cry when your dog dies?

Come on.

Why are we doing this though?

Who would you, though?

It'll be the saddest day of my life.

That's what you get.

I get more.

I know, but if I get more, then more of them die.

I know, but the less you feel, no?

I don't think so.

I think so.

You probably feel even more.

I think so, too.

Like, we had we have

in our family, an extended family member.

They had, they did it smart.

They had the dogs have puppies.

So when the older ones died, then the next one that had puppies.

So they had, they still had the same like generation.

They had like four generations of the same family.

Oh my God.

I thought that was rad.

That's rad.

I was like, we should have done that, but we snipped her too early.

I have a dog that's 17.

Blind.

Who's crooked?

Remy.

Is 17?

Yeah, blind, crooked spine.

You know what I mean?

You know what I mean?

Good morning, Remy.

Crooked spine.

Yeah, crooked spine.

About to die at any second.

I want to ask you a real question.

Do you take your dogs, and I know the answer.

Have you ever taken your dogs to the dentist?

No.

Never.

That's what you mean.

He doesn't go.

Can I go first?

Yeah.

You got to go.

Yeah.

Why?

Because you can cause brain damage from not having your teeth.

Bro, I have so many techniques at home.

You have no idea.

So cleaning your teeth?

Yeah, I don't want to reveal certain things, but.

reveal okay um do you water pick what do you water pick so i'll tell you what happened i don't i have a toothbrush that shoots water into my mouth that's a water pick i have one okay yeah yeah yeah so i bought on tick tock you know what i mean one of those mouthpieces i was gonna buy that it doesn't work of course not yeah yeah so i bought one but what you have to do is you have to heat it in water no

No, really?

I'm not doing that.

All right.

Before I brush my teeth?

No, to have it formed to your teeth, this mouthpiece.

Oh.

You boil it, and then you chomp down on it.

So it's like a form

like a mouth guard, right?

But what happened, it pushed this tooth into my gums, right?

And then I had a fucking boil above on the gum that was like gigantic.

Like a canker sore.

It was bigger than that.

Like I couldn't chew on this side, right?

This happened for months.

Months?

Yeah, yeah.

And I literally thought I had mouth cancer.

Like, I'm dying, but I'm not going to go to the dentist because I already know I'm going to die.

You know what I mean?

You're not gonna die.

So what happened was I went and got a bunch of two gigantic bottles of hydrogen peroxide.

Oh, that works.

I use that a lot.

And it's no longer there, baby.

Yeah, HP.

So I have my own systems at home.

You do.

Yeah, yeah.

Simply save.

I'm scared.

I'm scared, too.

What do we do?

I don't know, but what does safe at home mean to you?

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By the way, I saw this thing today.

They got all this new research now about how Botox, that women that get Botox, they're finding studies, it's seeping into their brain.

What is?

Botox.

No.

So now it's going to start killing people.

It's Botox botulism toxin, potentially spread to the brain.

It's rare, but it's starting.

They're starting to do more and more research on it.

Wow.

And it's crazy.

This doctor was like, stop getting this.

What does it do when it gets to the brain?

So Botox is a thing called botulism.

It's actually a bacteria, right?

It kills the muscles in your face.

That's why people with Botox look stiff as a board.

It's dangerous because it can seep into your blood and into your brain.

It causes brain damage.

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Research suggests Botox have cognitive and emotional.

This says cognitive emotional alleviating depression.

Oh, sure.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, wow.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, because you feel better, because you look better, but it's in your fucking brain.

What if it goes in your brain and your brain looks younger?

Yeah, she gets smart.

Oh, yeah.

Takes away some of the wrinkles.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's actually a really good idea.

I mean, you're stabbing your face with

botulism.

Yeah.

I mean, think how crazy that.

And everybody does this shit.

Wow.

You and I should get Botox.

Where do you, I've thought about it.

I've never thought about it.

Where do you want it done?

I don't.

Okay.

Well, then, why did you even say that then?

It's for the show.

All right, but now I feel like a piece of shit for saying

it done.

Where would you get it done?

My whole face and my fucking arm.

You don't have any wrinkles, bud.

You're wrinkle-less.

Well, then, why would you.

Oh, like that.

There you go.

Yeah, yeah.

My 57-year-old sister got a full facelift.

How do you get her look?

She looks great.

Yeah.

She looks...

Fancy.

She looks like Remy.

That's your 17-year-old spine crooked dog.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You don't look good.

How do do I look?

Yeah.

I look good.

She looks like she's wearing a mask.

Yeah.

Hannibal Lecter when you put the other face on.

Yes.

This is what we're turning into now.

Oh, my God.

Just get old.

Look old.

I'm going to Washington, D.C.

tomorrow.

Really, really excited.

I get to walk in the streets by our president.

I'm going to the White House, baby.

I got invited.

I got invited.

Yeah, great.

Wow.

I got invited to the White House, and I'm going to go over there and hang with my dog.

Who's your dog?

J.D.

Burns.

In the house.

In the house.

Yeah, yeah.

I wonder what he's like.

JD?

Yeah, hanging out with.

Fun.

So much fun.

Fun?

You think he's fun?

His Indian wife's sexy.

He has an Indian wife?

Yeah.

I know nothing about anything.

I'm so stupid.

You've never been to India.

Would you ever go?

How much money do I get?

I mean, I would go with you for like a bit.

A gig?

Yeah.

No, like for a video.

How to film it?

Yeah.

But do you know what that, you know what?

And they're vegetarian.

Most people are vegetarian.

Yeah.

Yeah, they are.

They really are?

No, seriously.

Well, the cow's not good.

Sacred, dog.

You can't do it.

Can't eat the cow.

Yeah.

In fact, the McDonald's there doesn't have like chicken, like burgers.

No, look at that.

Only have chicken.

Okay, 39%.

So just under half.

That's a lot.

That means approximately 39 over 100 Indians don't consume meat.

That's a lot of people.

That's a lot of people.

How many vegetarians in the United States?

6%.

Nobody.

Wow.

Wow.

Would you ever switch?

I think I've been thinking about it.

I've tried so many times.

I can't do it.

Every time I do it, I get really depressed.

I can't function really.

When you go to a restaurant like Crossroads, have you ever been there on Melrose?

Oh, yeah.

Neil took me there.

Yeah, yeah.

I've been there a few times.

It's phenomenal.

It's phenomenal.

Yeah.

So I could do that every meeting.

Yeah, but then you got to eat high-end.

So this is the difference.

This is a problem.

Are you eating a five-star vegetarian restaurant every day?

No.

A lot of times you're going to have to eat at home.

That's right.

What am I?

I don't even know what to do.

Let me see.

I can get bread.

Got you.

Check.

Yeah, avocados.

Check.

Check this out.

Pok Choy?

I don't know.

Check this out.

Look at this.

Check this out.

What?

Anything but meat.

Okay.

But I have to rattle through all of them.

I know.

You know what I mean?

He's like, is apples meat?

Yeah.

Or parasites.

You can't even have eggs, right?

That's if you're vegan.

Oh.

But you could have eggs.

That's a good thing.

Yeah, most vegetarians eat eggs a lot.

You have fish.

That's pescatarian.

Okay, but let's be pescatarians then.

I mean, I'll be honest with you, I eat a lot of sushi and fish, and then

so I do do that.

I could do that, but do they have feeling?

Fish,

yeah, like when you stab them, you know what I mean?

Do they go, ow?

Okay, how about this?

I feel bad if they look cute,

right?

Like a clownfish you would never eat.

There's no way.

Nah.

I saw all those whole.

Right.

Just right from the lake.

Yeah, they're like, if you, I can't eat.

I can't eat Nemo.

Yeah.

No way.

Nah.

Would you eat that?

No, No, you can't too cute.

Yeah

too cute.

That's cute in a weird ugly way.

Yeah, but it's also but look up tuna.

Look up tuna fish.

Look at how fucking unattractive these things are.

Yeah.

Look at that big dumb idiot.

I'm eating that moron.

Yeah.

That's a cow of the sea.

Those are like white walkers of the sea, dude.

They look dead.

I mean, they look, they loo look dead.

They look dead in the eyes.

Yeah, they look dead in the eyes.

Yeah.

Like sharks.

Yeah, we're eating the blubber fish.

I've been eating that all day.

Going back to that, dude?

Get the fuck out of there, dude.

Just typed in ugliest fish.

Yeah, yeah.

All right, well, let's do this.

You want to feel good?

Do you want to feel good?

We got a bunch of submissions for Carlos' replacement because you know you wanted him fired like 10 times.

Yeah, it was the Trump thing.

No, Andrew's going first.

Okay.

What do you mean?

I'm going.

I didn't trick him into an invite.

I'm actually going because Trump invited me.

I mean, JD invited me, my dog.

I know.

I think it's more like jealousy of things like that that it's getting me fired.

I don't think so.

I think you're getting fired because of your behavior.

Yeah.

I'm sorry, Bob.

All right, let me see these submission videos.

Let's see what we got coming up.

Is this really to replace Carlos for real?

Do you think we have any prospects that are legit?

We got some good ones.

Wow.

I like that.

Oh, this guy.

I'm already in.

He's already in.

Start auditioning for Carlos's job.

Hold up.

I don't have any.

Push pause.

What's going on in the background?

Oh, there's a dead girl in the background.

There's a dead girl in the background.

Wow.

Wow.

Well, at least he's also a hoarder.

Right?

He's super messy.

He's perfect.

This is Carlos.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Go ahead.

It's

my Do Know what Dawes is in the bios means.

So I think I'm pretty qualified for whatever the fuck he does.

I am a single dad, unemployed right now.

Children of three.

Mother just passed away, so

I think you should give me a chance.

I think

I might help you guys out a little bit.

You know what I mean?

I'm not going to go to Japan and bring you back

change out of my pocket.

I think I'd I'd bring you back.

Okay.

Definitely some porno.

Hold on one second.

He's a raccoon.

He's had me and lost me about six times.

I know.

He had me.

He's funny.

And then he lost me.

And then he was like, then he was cool again.

He was like, hey, I'm a single father.

I was like, I'm in.

And he's like, and the mother passed away.

I'm like, I'm in.

And then he's like, but I'm, you know, I'm going to.

I'm not going to bring you back stuff that you want from Japan.

I'm out.

Yep.

I'm out.

Next submission.

What's his name?

He just wrote his name was Sharky.

I got to say, I like this guy, especially if he would be in the booth with his shirt off.

Yeah.

Sharky's a high contender.

He's up there.

Yeah, yeah.

He's up there for.

We'll move on.

Sharky's the man.

Sharky, you're gunning for me.

I'm going to write this down.

Yeah.

Can you write it down, please?

Yeah, so I'm going to put Sharky.

What do you rank it on a scale of eight out of 10?

Chances that he'll take over the job?

Yeah, hold on.

What are you going to give him?

Like seven and a half?

So Sharky, hold on.

How do we get one fly in here?

i don't know i hate it why is he omni wrist

what would you sharky seven and a half out of ten to me okay this is best let's do half let's do seven all right seven out of ten for okay all right go ahead who's this here we got matthew roman full name oh look at this carlos just finished the latest episode of bad friends saw your job was up for grab so i want to make sure i got my application in early um that's for my qualifications i'm not sure what a producer of a podcast does uh but i am good at standing in a window.

I'm pretty good at laughing at other people's jokes.

I

can't laugh on command, sadly.

Hopefully, in the future, maybe I can show you more of my laugh and how good it is.

Push-pause.

We have to do it.

DEI.

With the DEI.

Is that his nickname?

I mean, he is mixed.

Yeah, mixy, yeah.

Yeah, he's cute.

Well, I like that we don't know what kind of mix he is.

That's my favorite.

But his lip proportions are perfect.

Okay.

Yeah, I agree.

For kissing.

No.

We must kiss our producers.

Okay, that's right.

That's a part of the job.

Yeah, his lips are good.

I'm going to give him a nine.

Roman's going to get an eight.

Okay, an eight.

That's insane to go nine.

Okay, you're right.

That's going to take a lot.

Okay, go ahead.

Next one.

This is Mackenzie McNulty.

Hold on, McKenzie.

Yeah, maybe we do need a girl in here.

Hey, guys, Mackenzie here.

I am from right outside of Philadelphia, so I'm a Philly girl.

Hell yeah.

Which I think is what you guys need.

I think you guys need a little bit more feminine energy up in that joint.

Jewels ain't always there.

There's too many men.

That's the the problem.

There's too many men in there, and you have nothing to break up the monotony.

I get it.

All right,

second off, Carlos, leave the fuck, leave Bobby the fuck alone.

Dude, she's a 10.

What I think needs to happen here is I think

some of you guys just need to be smacked up a little bit.

Oh, wow.

Oh, here we go.

She's a great.

I'm half-heart.

Is that weird?

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

If you guys

can handle some shit for you, I will handle it with a smile on my face.

Okay.

But in all reality, you know, thank you guys for everything that you do.

You definitely get my work week going.

Okay.

Push podcast.

So that's a nine.

That's a nine.

That's the difference.

She's a nine.

And let me say it's Mackenzie.

Yeah.

McKenzie?

Yeah.

Multiple levels of grade.

She said, leave you alone.

She called out Carlos for his bullshit.

Right.

Right.

Then she said, she'll smack up some people if we need it.

She does look tough.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

And then on top of it, she's recording this while she's driving, presumably with kids in the car or something.

So good.

So it's taking on danger.

I like all this stuff.

And it's in the rain, no less.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So she's, this is very dangerous.

Okay, I'm influenced by you.

So nine.

Nine.

I put it nine.

She's up there.

Hey, bad friends.

Hey, Andrew.

Hey, Bobby.

Good please podcast.

Where he's out.

You don't like that he said hi?

I don't like the high.

Yeah.

Hey, Barry.

You don't like he said hi, Andrew, first.

That already, every day we do a podcast.

Hey, Bobby.

Give him a chance.

Okay, go ahead.

This is my application to replace Carlos on the show.

I feel like I meet the only two requirements that are needed to be in the role, which are being good at Googling things, or I guess being okay at Googling things, and being Mexican.

I also don't do drugs,

so I have that as an added bonus.

You know, if I were to pee in a cup for you guys,

you'd probably be able to drink it.

Unlike with Carlos, you know, you'd probably like die in like six days.

I'm also a a big fan of soccer, so I have that in common with Bobby.

Although, I'm not gonna say what team I support, just because I think he wouldn't approve.

He's out, he's out,

a man you guy.

But here's

here's the thing: he's a seven, but

what's his name?

Jordy.

Here's the thing about him that would have made that he would

if he zoomed out and he was naked from the bottom down,

would have been so funny.

I would have loved it.

Let's see, maybe just in case.

No, no, no.

Seven.

This is Ethan Vo.

what's up andres my name's ethan i live in orange county close california and i'm auditioning for carlos's job um

i'm sober i don't do anything i can stand there and uh

not say anything i like him i'm fans of bobby and andrew i'm seeing bobby in brea coming up in june i can't cancel that game yeah i'm excited to cancel that game carlos i can drive up to la and

that's pretty much it i love this guy he's i love him.

He's precise.

And let me say why.

He's quick to it.

Yeah.

He's good looking.

Yeah.

And also go back to about two seconds.

One of my favorite things.

He strokes a beard that isn't there.

Watch this.

Watch this.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Watch this.

I live in Orange County,

California, and I'm auditioning for Carlos's Joe.

Ready?

Yeah.

I can't.

Guy strokes a beard that isn't there.

Fucking unbelievable.

He's stroking a beard that isn't there.

I love this guy.

He's lost his mind, dude.

He's a nine.

Dude, bro.

I love this guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's a

stroke's beard not there.

That's amazing.

Let me watch it again real fast, just for fun.

I mean, that's incredible.

He did that.

Yeah.

It's not even there.

Yeah.

Look at this.

Yeah.

I'm doing it.

Incredible.

I liked him so much.

Yeah.

Nine.

Yeah.

By the way, he lives here.

Yeah.

And he's good looking.

Yeah.

So what you're going to give him a nine?

Absolute fucking loop.

Yeah, he's great.

He's also not annoying.

Not annoying at all.

Yeah, he's just going to be there, a part of the wall.

That's right.

Yeah, yeah.

We'll have to say that you can't do stroke things that aren't there, though.

I don't like that.

Well, the assumption you're giving him is that he's got to earn camera time.

So he's going to be in the back, back, back, right?

He's a mime.

Oh, he's a mime.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's going to be back there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know, dude.

Well, we'll see.

Yeah, okay.

Who's next?

This is Ernesto Gonzalez.

I already like him.

Hey, Bobby.

What's up, Andrew?

Heard you guys are looking to replace some of the booth boys.

You know, hopefully I could do that for you guys.

Or, you know, my therapist has been saying I got some anger issues.

I need to find

it for you.

What was that?

Well, first of all, take whatever's out of the microwave.

Take it out.

I know.

It's done.

It's done.

It's done.

Yeah, yeah.

But I love this guy.

He's got anger issues, which I like.

Because he looks big.

He could be our muscle.

Yeah.

Unless because the up angle.

He could also be 5'1.

I know, the up angle.

Yeah, your up angle.

Yeah, yeah.

You're right.

So I'm observing that.

Let's see.

Oh, the last one last observation.

I think his eyebrows are way too spread apart for me.

You like him closer.

I want him way closer.

What do you think?

That's an aesthetic thing.

You like him?

Okay, okay.

You like what you like.

I like what I like, Dad.

Yeah.

Anger issues I need to find an outlet for.

So maybe I could just be

Bobby's henchman, maybe security guard.

You know, I could really kill two chickens with one rock here if you guys let me

pause it.

So it is two birds with one stone.

Not in Mexico.

But in Mexico, it could be different.

It's two chickens with one rock.

Right, right.

It could be different.

I understand.

Well, look, chickens are birds.

So he did say the same thing.

Yeah.

Okay, keep going.

I like it.

Well, the booth boys, whenever they start acting out and help Bobby out at the same time, you know?

My name's Ernesto.

I'm 23 years old.

I am 6'4, 300 pounds, so I'm a pretty big fucking guy.

I feel like I could handle those guys no issue.

Fuck,

yeah, you could.

You know, and I never even, I'm 23, never been pulled over before.

Yeah.

So I could really be like Bobby's personal driver, even.

Yeah, turn the bike.

Yeah, you're right.

Buddy, take it out.

Take it out.

Dude, yeah.

Push pause for a second, all right?

Also,

I've never been pulled over before.

I don't know what that has anything to do with it.

It has nothing to do with it.

Also, what I don't, so it's a little weird, is I don't even think he's from our fucking time.

No, oh, he's from the future or the past.

Past.

Oh, okay.

You know why?

Henchman.

Oh, he's a henchman.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Save bodyguard.

You know what I mean?

Henchman is like, where'd you come from, guy?

He's another time period.

He's posing as a current day guy.

Yeah.

Smart, but he's doing it right.

Yeah, yeah.

They built him in a good frame six four three hundred what do you want to give him

i say nine i say eight or nine yeah i'm gonna give him nine because of my he's gonna bodyguard me i like that yeah go ahead uh aj nicholas the name yo what's up bad friends my name is anthony nichols and i reached out to carlos the other day to see if you guys would be interested in a birth chart reading for me for your uh your astrology birth charts for bobby and andrew and actually i would do everyone on the podcast if you guys were interested.

Push pause.

My only question is, where were you at January 6th?

This is the first question I would ask.

Show us that chart.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I like that guy.

Let's hear a little bit more.

How much more left?

Let's hear.

I like him.

Astrology is essentially just at the moment of your birth, wherever the planets were in the zodiac, at that moment you took your first breath.

That is supposed to have something to say about your life.

And I study ancient Hellenistic astrology, which is like the original form of astrology.

Pause.

Okay, look.

He's not going to be in the booth because I don't want him to know where we do the podcast.

But I do want to call him because he is worth a call because he will give us some astrological insight.

Yeah, I don't think we could work with it.

Because every day is a, do you want a reading?

He'd read a lot.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

I got these crystals for you.

But he read me last week.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, no, it's something else changed.

Well,

I do like him.

And we do want a reading from you, AJ.

We like you.

Let's give him a six.

Six it up.

Okay.

But that has nothing to do with how much much we like or disagree.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's just that.

You're our reader.

We like you.

Yeah, go ahead.

Sam?

Sam Weckman.

Sam.

That's good, guys.

Oh, shit.

AirPulse just died.

I'm at work right now.

I just watched one episode.

Pause.

I'm at work right now.

No fucking shit.

Yeah.

Buddy.

He's like, hey, guys, just woke up from a nap.

Yeah.

I have to wear this.

Otherwise, I panic.

Is that paragliding?

I love this guy.

Sam, come on.

But Carlos is being an asshole.

True.

To Bobby.

True.

I've been watching the podcast a little bit, and I just turned 18 on May 8th.

And I moved out on my birthday because my parents were hella strict.

I'm out of there now.

Okay.

And I low-key need a job or else I'm joining the Air Force.

And I don't want to do that shit.

Okay, pause.

He needs a job.

He's at a job.

He's auditioning for a job while he's at a job.

I don't know how much he gets paid there, though, guy.

He needs another job.

But I do say jobs.

I want to say because what if if he goes to the Air Force and he dies in a war?

What war?

We don't know what wars are coming up.

I do.

You didn't get that email?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Are you not logged in?

He's like a young Mike Young.

Once I signed up for Kamala Harris's donation emails, she tells me what wars are coming.

Yeah, yeah.

We did it, Joe.

We have another war on the market.

Don't you get so much from them?

The amount of spam I have, not from them, from fucking

politicians, my phone, my email, every politician, Republican, Democrat.

Oh, I'm all Democrat.

You are?

Yeah.

Loser.

I know.

I get everybody.

It's honestly, it's shocking how many I get.

I got two phone calls the other day.

What are we going to get?

Sam.

It's tough.

I don't think he can be in the booth, but I do think.

Why?

He's a runner.

He could be an assistant.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He could help us out.

Yeah, yeah.

18 is quite young to be in the booth because you got to have a lot of technical skills.

Oh, so McCone will be threatened.

Yeah.

That's how Seth.

You know what?

Then he's an an eight.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think he's an eight.

I think he's an eight.

Yeah, good call.

Yeah, yeah.

Fuck McCone.

Fuck McCone.

You'd be threatened by that guy, Dan.

He's better than you.

But he doesn't have as good a hair as McCone, that's for sure.

I mean, I don't even know what's underneath that hat, but it ain't that.

Okay.

Tell you that.

It ain't that.

Cody.

Cody James Christian.

Hello, my name is Cody Christian.

I'm from Knoxville, Tennessee.

Knoxville.

I work at Oak Ridge National Laboratory

in Oak Ridge, Tennessee.

But yeah, I just wanted to submit a video.

Yeah, Carlos has to go.

You guys got to replace him.

True.

And

I'll roleplay.

He's a 10 for me.

Hold on one second.

Bobby's going off on a rant.

He's a 10 for me.

Pause.

He's getting it.

Things that we like already.

Nondescript apartment.

A lot of closets.

He hates artwork.

Except for this MC Escher tattoo he has on his right arm.

Yeah.

Which I imagine is that's what that is.

He's also willing, just based on what he looks like, to do anything.

Yeah, the Puka Shells give that away.

Yeah, yeah.

You don't fucking put those on your neck unless you're willing to do anything under the sun.

He can do anything for you.

And the gauges.

The guy who gauges, I'm gauging him by his gauges, and I like him a lot.

Like, hey, get me some Meerkat feet.

He's like, what do you mean, right back here?

What do you think?

Two hours.

Meerkat free.

Hear me.

Done.

Here, buddy.

Done.

Well, name anything.

Anything.

He can get it for you.

Yeah.

Name anything.

Anything.

Yeah, yeah.

Get me Lincoln's top hat.

He's like, I have it.

Yeah, yeah.

He already

has it.

I'll ship it to you right now.

Yeah.

Get me, you know.

Yeah, give me the gun.

Give me the gun that we used to assassinate Martin Luther King Jr.

Got it.

We don't even know where that is.

He got it.

He has it.

Yeah, yeah.

A toenail clipping from Cleopatra.

Got it.

Got it.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

It's a part of my necklace.

He goes, give me a bag filled with Gandhi's puges.

Yeah.

Got it.

Who got it?

He did.

He has it.

He's got it.

But he has it in those closets.

They're right there.

Yeah, they're all stored in his closet.

He has everything.

All right, so 10 for the nine?

Nine.

I'm going to give him a nine, dude.

What's his name again?

Cody.

His name is Cody James Christian.

In love.

In love with Cody.

There's one big hiccup.

What?

Knoxville's very far.

It's the other side of the country.

He'll move.

God bless.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you want to watch any more or move on to the next one?

I want to move on.

Yeah, we're going to move all of them.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think there's very.

There's got to be a 10 in there.

Arsenal.

Aracelli Esparza.

Oh, it was close.

Oh, okay.

I've had friends.

My name is Aracelli.

I am inquiring about replacing Carlos' job.

I have zero experience in show business, but I have my bachelor's degree in sociology, and I have my master's degree in social work.

I have quite a bit of few years of professional experience outside of college.

Also, please don't hire me.

I love bad friends.

I love Andrew.

I love Rudy.

I love Bobby.

I love the whole crew.

Please, Bobby, forgive Carlos.

Love you guys.

Pause her.

We are going to hire her now.

The fact that she was like...

That's psychological.

Yeah, that's it.

That always works with me.

She's fucking good.

That kind of shit always works with me.

Don't go to the party.

I'm going to go.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Take her information and log her because we need to FaceTime her at some point.

Also, we need a Dora.

Yeah, we need a Dora.

That's the element that's missing here, Adora the Explorer.

Hola, bad friend.

You do need a Dora.

Yeah.

Hello, bad friends audience.

So what are you going to give her?

Can you find her racism in this episode?

Yeah, nine.

It's everywhere.

I think she's a nine.

Okay.

And she doesn't want the job.

That's why I need to give it to her.

Yeah, yeah.

What's the next one?

Well, the last one is Aaron Lopez.

Aaron Lopez,

another Latino name.

And by the way, okay.

Love him.

Let's go.

Let's see him.

Bobby, look up.

Hey, what's up, guys?

My name is Aaron.

I'm 29.

I'm from Chicago.

I currently work as a real estate agent and for progressive insurance, but I have a lot of sales experience.

I used to work at Foot Locker and T-Mobile for a lot of years.

My party trick is shoving my fist in my mouth.

Oh, wow.

Wow.

People love it when I do that.

I have a lot of creative ideas.

I currently help my girlfriend with the TikTok page.

We've been doing it for a few months now, and we're almost at 50,000 followers.

We've actually gotten John Cena to post one of our videos.

We get a lot of interactions and a lot of reposts from other wrestlers.

It's mainly WWE content.

Pause it.

He took this very serious.

It's too serious for me.

I like it.

He's very serious.

I work at Nike, corporate, and but it is funny to give a professional resume and then put your fist in your mouth.

Yeah, I think that's what it is.

The juxtaposition is awesome.

It's awesome.

I like that.

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Oh, my God.

My arm still hurts from me falling on that roller.

You know why?

You know why?

Why?

Because you need to take care of it.

You stop.

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Can you do it?

No, and I won't.

Try.

Okay.

Because I don't want that screenshotted.

Yeah, you will.

No, there's no chance.

I don't want to do it.

Yeah, I can't do it.

That's an awesome.

It's an eight.

It's an eight, yeah.

So what it's boiled down to me.

We have three nines.

The nines are whom?

Mackenzie.

Right.

The Philly girl.

Arce Lee and Cody.

Yeah.

So here's my debate.

I do think we need female energy in the booth because these three pigs have been up there doing their fucking bullshit for far too long.

I think we need another female submission.

I agree.

We need, okay, so how about this?

We're logging these in.

Please submit females only on the next round because we have to get one or two more females because then we can call them all.

We can get the whittled down.

I think you're right.

We need female energy here.

We do.

Yeah, yeah.

Sharky with the shirt off was cool.

He's single dad.

I don't know.

The Cody for me.

It's a home run.

What about the big guy?

What about the 6'4, 300-pound guy?

Yeah, what was he?

Ernesto.

Ernesto.

Ernesto got a nine too.

Yeah.

So put him in there.

Yeah, we got a lot of nines.

We have McKenzie.

So funny here.

Ethan, Arnesto, ARA, and I.

Cody and Arcelli.

All right.

Yeah.

We're locking that in.

You guys remember that.

And then we're going to whittle it down.

And the next time we're together, we have to FaceTime these candidates and see what we can do.

Someone will have an opportunity to come up here by the fall, end of the summer, the fall.

Carlos, how does that make you feel to see your job kind of going up in smoke?

Well, because of y'all, I'm actually pretty qualified for a lot of really good jobs, so it would probably pay me more.

Damn.

I'd probably get a job at any talent agency.

You going to make him throw a water?

Fucking bullshit, dude.

Let me tell you something.

It's true.

When you want to go, you're more than welcome to go.

Yes, don't even say goodbye.

And

this is something that I'm going to share with Bobby right now.

I'm going to share something with Bobby right now that I probably shouldn't.

I know a lot of things, but please.

A little piece of privacy that somebody bestowed upon me, and I'm going to blow up their spot.

Please.

Andres the other day, Andres the other day goes,

I'm ready for the next phase of my life.

I don't want to do the show too much longer.

He said that.

Speak your mind.

Did he fucking say that or not?

But it was like in a Spanish way.

Go ahead.

Bobby, listen up.

Interesting.

Tell the truth.

Be honest.

Stroke the beard.

Stroke the beard.

Interesting.

I was saying in a philosophical way.

Not in a practical way, really.

Not in a literal way.

Exactly.

No.

But eventually you do want to leave.

Let's be honest as a family.

Let's get it out.

I think that's the problem here is that we're hiding what we really feel.

Is that what you're doing?

What?

Hiding how you really feel?

We're so honest here.

Wow, he's taking so many shots at you today.

I'm with Andrew for life.

For life, as long as he makes you money.

Wow,

you know, he's doing that.

You know what he's doing.

He wants out.

He wants out.

Yeah, yeah.

No, that is so like you doing some mind trick on me to quit or something.

But let me tell you something.

Yeah.

I have a buddy that's a drugs.

It is a drug.

Yeah, yeah.

But I have a friend that I know that worked at Foot Locker and at

Progressive.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got a buddy.

Yeah.

So we can get I didn't say I wanted to go.

You'd said before this whole thing started, you literally just said, I have enough qualifications now, I can go do get another job.

Yeah, I have a friend that has a Cyclops eye.

If I got fired, I could get another job.

That's what I'm saying.

Okay, but that sounds like you don't care if you do get fired.

No, I do care, and you know that.

Well, see, now we don't.

We don't.

We actually don't.

We don't know that.

Do you know that?

I don't.

Yeah, we don't.

So convince me that that.

Damn, dude.

Damn, dude.

You're great today.

He's honestly

fucking good.

I'm so enraged.

Why?

Go more toward him, I guess.

No, no, no, no.

You can't really do that.

I don't know.

We got the submissions in there.

Carlos obviously is threatened.

He's getting defensive and a little mean, and that's fine.

Here's the biggest trick of all.

I don't know.

You know what my opinion is?

What?

Oh, you want a real fucking Watchamedoozi?

You want a real real money?

Give me a Watchameduzi, dude.

All three of these schmucks are gone, and we get three new people from that list.

Oh, it's so fresh.

The fans would love it.

That'd be great.

The fans would love it.

We should try for a bit yeah yeah because

you're ungrateful andreas fact you should never leave this fact right yeah because if you leave this guess what what happens what happens no zombie movie no zombie that's right no a lot of things you you lose access to us

right because that'd be furious you'd be mad yeah what about mccone

He's your bitch.

He is, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't know what happened.

It's my little toy.

And the reason why I turned on McCone all those years is because I saw him go towards you.

Right.

So I mean, he can't get all that love.

That's right.

I do love the guy.

You know what I mean?

But it's like,

it's too much love.

Too much.

Yeah.

And you, Carlos?

Oh, you just blew that fucking smoke in my face.

You're vaping on the show and you're blowing it at us.

Yeah, yeah.

It's so rude.

I only smoke joints.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know what it is?

He got celebrity from this.

Yeah, he did.

We fucked it up.

Yeah, we fucked it up.

And I will say something.

These guys are all irreplaceable.

We love them so much.

They're our brothers.

We should do it.

They're our brothers.

We love them so much.

But we do want to bring in somebody.

We're interested.

I really want this to take place.

Yeah.

It's good fan interaction for celebrities like you to interact with normal boys.

He's being facetious.

It's so funny when he takes shots.

I know.

Well, let's bring in some of the students then.

How about that?

Yeah.

Because maybe someone in the student pool.

Maybe.

Yeah, let's grab somebody.

Does anybody want to?

No, let's see.

Incentive.

Don't grab them yet.

Just don't grab anybody.

Go back in your booth.

Don't grab a woman.

I want them to have incentive.

Incentive.

Right.

Incense?

I don't want you to do that.

Wait, I can't hear you.

I need to incentive.

I want them to have incentive.

I want to be incentivized.

So they need to volunteer themselves and walk in.

Okay, volunteer for someone to walk in.

Whoever wants to be on the first up.

Go ahead.

Who is...

Hi.

Hi.

Take a seat there.

You want both?

We get both.

Oh, both is fine.

Both is fine.

Both is fine.

Do we have a camera for two or no?

Yes.

We do.

Did you get your pants from Target?

No, Urban Outfit is actually.

I'm kidding.

Is that a shot?

I don't know why I did that.

That was so rude.

Very weird.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Because they're nice.

Those are really nice.

Pancakes and fries.

Yeah, yeah.

Somebody had to serve breakfast this morning.

God bless.

Yeah, yeah.

Serve it up, girl.

Go off, Queen.

Yeah.

Serve.

She's serving.

She's serving.

She's serving.

Yeah.

What's your name there in the blue chair?

I'm Sophia.

Sophia, put the mic up towards your mouth so we can see it.

And try to be a little louder, both of you.

Sophia.

Sophia, do you broke the mic?

What's up?

Five seconds.

She breaks the mic.

Yeah, yeah.

No, it's fine.

Sophia, what is going on, dude?

Sophia, what do you, Johnny Rotten?

She's fucking destroying the set.

Johnny Rotten.

It's very funny.

Yeah, yeah.

What does this say today?

God save the Queens.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, so Sophia, leave it alone.

No, no, no.

Have her fix it.

I want her to work under pressure.

Fix it.

Sophia, fix it.

I'm trying to.

Yeah.

What's your name?

Amanda.

Hi, Amanda.

While you're fixing that, we're going to talk to Amanda.

Okay.

Yeah.

Amanda, you guys are both at Quinnipiac?

Yes.

Yeah.

Are you you both East Coast kids?

Yes.

Where are you from?

Jersey.

Central Jersey, if you believe in Central Jersey.

We do.

I'm a big believer.

It's a real place.

I honor it.

Sophia and Amanda.

Yes.

Sophia, where are you from?

Long Island, New York.

You didn't fix the mic.

Yeah, you got to fix it.

I don't know where it came from.

Try to figure it out.

Don't worry about it.

Okay, don't worry about it.

You're from Long Island.

How far out?

Middle.

What town?

You're both from Middles.

Middle Jersey, Middle Long Island.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, you know, Suffolk County?

Yeah, Suffolk, yeah.

Yeah.

I'm, like, right in the middle.

Give me your home address.

I'm driving there in five days.

I'll be driving through.

I'll say hi to your parents.

I'm not even kidding.

Wouldn't that be fun if I stopped by?

Because I'm going out to Long Island.

So I'll be going out way out.

So I could stop by.

I'll never stop by.

No, that's true.

So, what year are you guys at Quinnipiac?

I'm a junior.

I'm going to be a senior next year.

I'm going into my third year.

So, but you guys are, let me guess, 21?

No, 19.

I'm 21.

You're

19, yeah.

So he's about to be a junior.

Okay, 19 and 21.

So you're almost on your way out.

Yeah.

Do you have any hopes for the future?

A lot, actually.

And what are they?

I want to work in the music industry post-grad.

Oh, that's where you had bad friends, huh?

That's good.

Exactly.

Yeah.

What do you want to do in the music industry?

Something like...

I want to do marketing for a record label.

Ah.

Oh.

Very good.

Yeah.

What about you?

Kind of whatever can get...

get me on my feet.

Yeah, you're my kind of person.

Yeah.

Already.

Yeah.

This is so funny.

She's you, she's me.

I know.

This is the weirdest thing.

She's you, she's me.

What are your skill sets?

Just say nothing.

Nothing?

Yeah, yeah, good.

You're me.

Yeah.

And you have a litany of skill sets.

You can do a lot of things.

You're a good student.

I can.

You work very hard.

Yeah.

This is interesting.

Did you get straight A's?

Yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, you did?

Yeah,

no, I don't.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

See, that right there is me.

You don't stand on anything.

You go back and forth.

That's great.

Flip-flop.

What do you watch?

Horror.

Oh, what's your favorite horror movie?

I don't have a big huge

top three horror movies.

Go.

Scream the original.

I guess the Fear Street series.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What?

Are you guys best friends?

We're going to be after this.

Because you look at her like she knows your answers.

Yeah.

We do.

We're both horror fans.

Oh.

Are you guys close enough?

What's a Fear Street movie series?

What is that?

It's like...

It's like a Netflix original series.

They just came out with the fourth one.

Yeah.

Fear Street?

And it takes place in like

a long time ago.

They're like kind of spoofs on the original slashers.

Cool.

Yeah.

That's cool.

Okay.

What does R.L.

Stein have to do with it?

R.L.

Stein is the one who did Goosebumps, The Haunting Hour.

I know that, but I'm saying,

why is that?

Does he have anything to do with Fear Street?

Oh, R.L.

Stein wrote the original Fear Street?

Yeah.

Prom Queen.

Oh, look at that.

Well, is it?

It's campy then.

Very.

Yeah.

I don't like it.

That's not real Fear.

Because R.L.

does do do campy stuff.

He does like kind of like kitschy.

Yeah.

Isn't it right?

Yeah.

Kitschy, yeah.

I mean, you don't like the exorcist?

Not really.

Right.

You like it to be like light and goofy and kind of like joking in and of itself, right?

I like it to look fake.

Yeah, right.

Exactly.

Like kind of he's right behind you.

Right.

Spaghetti western type of goofball, wackadoo.

Hereditary?

Loved hereditary.

Now we're.

Parasite.

You like that kind of thing?

I did not like that.

Right.

They don't like.

Parasites are horrible.

I know they don't like gross, weird, psychological, fucked-up.

They like on-the-nose, goofy.

God, it makes me mad.

That's all right.

Oh, it makes me mad.

No, they don't.

That's that real horror.

I'm not saying parasites are.

I'm saying they don't.

They like.

No, not you, them.

Fear Street?

I'm not going to watch that.

Give me Fear Road and I'll watch.

Yeah, yeah.

Do you know this show?

Have you ever seen this show?

Yeah, we've seen it once or twice.

Oh, cool.

You've heard of it, Vet.

Jesus fucking.

Okay.

You're not nervous here.

They hate us.

I know they do.

I can tell.

I know.

Yeah, yeah.

Fear Street.

We've seen this show.

Series, Neffa.

It's sophomoric.

Well,

sorry.

Sorry, you hate us.

So you want to be in the music industry.

We don't know what you want to do.

Something that involves entertainment.

Yeah.

Like a producer.

Can you write?

No.

Okay.

What can you do?

Give me one thing that you do very well.

Photography.

Okay, so

photographer.

Okay.

That's a good start.

Yeah.

What do you have

a bunch of cameras?

I have one, yeah.

What is it?

Canon Rebel T6.

Look it up.

I want to see what it looks like.

The Canon Rebel T6.

Rebel T6.

That's a camera.

Now that is.

That's a real camera.

Right.

How much is that camera?

It says it right there.

$1,200.

Wow.

No.

It's $400.

It's very old.

So you bought it when it was cheaper than that?

Yeah.

All right.

Like 2016.

Good for you.

Is it digital?

They are digital.

Yeah.

Everything is now.

Okay, I don't know.

So you're out there snapping picks?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And is this your hobby or you're trying to slow.

Is this something you really want to make your career, but you're afraid to tell everybody?

No, it's more of a hobby.

So you have no future.

Exactly, actually.

No, I think you do.

I just don't know what it is.

I'm trying to figure out what.

I want to do something like with social media, but we also want to do managing.

Managing of talent.

Yeah.

You want to manage talent.

That's what you're going to do.

Right.

Why don't you move out here and become like a...

Do not move out here.

Do not.

They don't want to move out here.

They're East Coast kids.

They're going to stay East.

Lionsgate has that job open right now.

Manager of social media, WWTV Marketing.

Yeah.

Also, you could get it like a mailroom job at an agency.

Yeah.

Very hard to shoot.

Yeah, that's a hard gig to get now.

We have connections.

We don't fucking know her.

Oh, that's right.

I can't vouch for something I can't do.

I just met for the first time.

I mean, she doesn't even know if she wants it.

I know.

That's right.

You just have to want it.

I'm willing to try anything, though.

You have to work hard, though.

And it's what?

Are you calling me not a hard worker?

We don't know.

I have no idea.

Yeah, you don't even.

I can't tell.

You don't even know what you want to do, really.

I can't tell if you're extreme, is if she's very smart and astute and good at stuff, and she's playing with us, and she's just toying with us.

But this is my energy.

Right.

You like this?

Yeah, because you look at me.

Ask me something.

What do you do?

I don't know.

Oh, right.

Same thing.

Yeah, same thing.

Yeah, yeah.

That's who I am.

All right.

Well, Jersey knows she wants to be in the music industry.

And has Quinnipiak been great?

We visited your school.

Yeah, I actually came in as a criminal justice major.

So I'm like, I made the switch my freshman year, but it's been great to me.

What does your mom?

Excuse me, yeah.

What does your mom and dad do?

They both work in the steel industry.

Vague.

I like vague.

Yeah.

Well, my dad has an engineering degree, so he does all the engineering kind of stuff, but he definitely wanted me to be a doctor.

And then your mom, what?

She works in more of the clerical side, so she does a lot of work.

I thought she was a doctor.

they used to.

That's how they met, right?

Yeah, I could see that.

That makes perfect.

You have that kind of energy.

Are you an only child?

Yes.

Yeah.

Saw that coming.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I could feel it.

Now, you, you're definitely not an only child, and you fucking hate your older sister.

I am an only child.

You are?

That's why I was like, what do you think?

You're psychic?

I was trying to.

I was the biggest fail I've ever seen.

I was trying.

I was so embarrassed.

I tried.

Yeah, yeah.

Our guy gave me influence.

The astrological guy was making me feel that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You don't have the talent.

No, I don't got it.

Yeah, you don't got it.

You don't got any fucking talent.

Yeah.

You're an only child?

Yeah.

What does your mom and dad do?

Mom's an accountant.

Dad's a mechanic.

Car mechanic?

Yeah.

He owns his own shop.

Blue collar.

Well, shout out his shop.

I'm blue collar.

I come from blue collar too.

What's your dad's shop name?

He comes from blue collar.

Get fucked, dude.

You went to a country club.

You lived in a mansion growing up.

Yeah, but my dad had a blue-collar job.

It's not blue-collar when you own a shop, fucking liar.

Fashion gallery.

Look at that.

His dad owned retail.

My dad owned that.

Retail.

That's not blue-collar.

You don't understand what blue collar means.

That's laborers.

You lived in the richest town in Minnesota.

Yeah, you fucking liar.

Shut up.

Oh.

Yeah.

Blue collar.

Her father works with his hands.

That's blue collar.

Yeah, but he owns his own shop.

How is that going to apply?

He uses his fucking hands.

My dad worked.

He had no employees.

He worked every day.

That's because he was a cheap Korean fuck.

He didn't want to hire anybody.

Okay.

But see those mannequins?

He put them in.

Yeah, I know.

Okay.

Do you know why it's called blue collar?

No.

Seriously?

Please don't do this right now.

I'm being serious.

Yeah.

I look like a fool.

No, but think about it.

They have a collar.

And it's blue.

Right.

And versus white collars, usually guys who wear suits, right?

Right.

Right.

Okay.

Right.

So people.

Right.

Okay.

My dad didn't wear a suit.

That's right.

He wore a blue collar shirt.

No, he didn't.

No, he wore a blue t-shirt.

No, blue collar.

He didn't wear a collar.

Yeah, I did.

No, he wore t-shirts.

No.

Fashion go t-shirts.

Okay.

That's what he wore.

Okay.

That's what he wore.

Okay.

Anyway, let's go back to.

What's the name of your dad's shop?

Can we see it?

We can cut it out.

Old Nichols Service Station.

Old Nichols Service Station.

If your car's broken down, go to Old Nichols Station.

In Long Island.

Long Island.

Is that it?

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's fucking awesome.

That's obviously your last name, Nichols.

Nope.

Who's Old Nichols?

Yeah.

It's clever.

By the way, it would be better if it was Nichols, like the coin, N-I-C-K, like Old Nichols.

I think someone died outside.

Oh, who died out front?

Family member?

Plants?

Oh, they do die.

That's a death burial.

That is a burial.

Yeah, yeah.

Who died there?

Old Nichols.

It's on Old Nichols.

Kill somebody.

Okay.

Well, thank you.

We're going to get the next group in.

You guys are great.

You guys are great.

Thank you.

Give it up for them.

Yeah, yeah.

Give them a round of applause.

Long Island, New Jersey.

Very nice.

Two of the best.

Two of the best in the game.

Old Nichols.

Auto Center.

Old Nichols.

Auto Center.

Bing, bang, boom, boom, ba-bam, boom.

Is that your car making a noise?

Ba-boom, boom.

You got to take it down to the boys.

Ba-boom, boom.

Yeah.

Old Nichols, we'll fix up your car.

Next two.

Boom, boom, boom.

You'll go far.

Old Nichols, Auto Center.

Bakun.

Incentive.

Yeah, back on.

Incentive.

Incentivize.

Back up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Whoa, yay.

Yay.

Hey.

Two.

Two students.

Yeah.

All right.

What's your name?

Where are you from?

What do you do?

I'm Judy.

Judy.

Judy.

We love Judy.

We love Judy.

Judy, where are you from?

I'm from North Carolina.

Which part?

Carrie.

I know Carrie.

You do?

I do.

What's there?

My dad's from North Carolina.

You know that.

Oh.

My dad's from a small town called Valdez.

You don't know it.

Nope.

No, it's near Hickory.

You do know Hickory, though.

Yes, I know Hickory.

Is that where from Hickory Cheese comes from?

That's exactly right.

It's no, it's Hickory Furniture.

Okay.

All right.

Judy's from North Carolina.

And what's your name?

I'm Zoe.

Hi, Zoe.

Zoe.

Zoe, very calm.

Where are you from?

Where are you from, Zoe?

I'm from Long Island.

Oh, really?

Do you know about Old Nichols Auto Center?

I don't, but I don't know.

You do now?

Yeah.

Let's play a game, Guess the Race.

Guess the Race.

Here we are on Guess the Race.

Guess the Race, yeah.

You're half of something.

I'm a quarter of something.

You're a quarter of something.

Quarter, a quarter.

Let me guess.

What is it?

I already know.

You got to be a quarter Asian.

Well, yeah, dude, but which one?

Anyone know.

You can't guess quarters of what.

It's watered down.

There's no way to know.

I can tell.

Okay, which one it is?

My instinct says Chinese.

Hey, can I I just

am I right?

Yeah, God bless.

Wow, you do have psychic abilities.

I told you, dude.

He has it.

I know my Chinese.

Did you know your Chinese grandmother or grandfather?

Um, no, I didn't.

They were before I knew them, but yeah, my mom's half Chinese.

So your mom's half Chinese.

Yeah, yeah.

And your dad is what?

Wait.

Boo.

Boring.

Are you half Chinese?

Judy, are you Chinese?

I just want to guess.

Did you guys want to guess?

I know mine might be hard.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Judy, I feel like you might be Puerto Rican and

Puerto Rican and

Moroccan.

And Moroccan, yeah.

Yeah.

Did I get it?

Yeah, you got it.

5%.

Yeah.

Knew it.

Yeah.

Knew it.

Yeah.

All right, so you guys are Aquinopiac, and you're what ages?

What years at Quinnipiac?

I'm a grad student.

Yeah.

You look more mature.

You look like

you've been through the gambit.

Yeah.

And what about you?

I'm going into my third year.

Third year.

Yeah.

It's so funny.

I was going to wear my Brad Pitt t-shirt.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, so Pedro Pitt is a Pedro Pascal fan?

He is the man.

Yeah, yeah.

This guy's a fucking mega baby.

Why?

This guy thinks he's Pedro Pascal, but

stupid Spaniard.

And Judy, what year are you?

Is this your first year in grad school?

Yeah, it's a one-year program.

So you're in and out.

I'm almost done.

Yeah.

What do you want to do, Jude?

Hey,

Judy.

I want to be in sports media.

Sports media?

Like, you want to do on-camera stuff?

Yes.

Easy.

Easy.

You got it.

Caitlin Clark.

You know, another three.

That's you?

That's me.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, she's very personable.

I love you.

What do you want to do?

I'm studying film.

Film.

Do you want to be on camera or behind it?

Probably behind it.

Behind it.

I can tell.

You want to be a director.

Yeah, actually, I could see that.

I can see that.

Yeah, I can see that.

You want to be a director.

Yeah.

You think you'll, oh, you like editing?

We need an editor because we're about to lose one.

Yeah, yeah.

Army, Andres.

Yeah, yeah.

Yep.

You think you could edit as good as he does?

I mean, maybe.

Ah, dude, I like that.

You seem like you have deep film knowledge.

What's your top five films, my friend?

I can't do that.

Top three?

Oh, just give us a chunk of films of meaning.

Just give me a chunk of films.

I'll say My Cousin Vinny.

Oh, such a good movie.

Good.

Fantastic chat.

That's it?

Of course.

That's it.

Okay.

That's a movie she likes.

I have some more.

I like this movie.

Okay.

Give me some more.

Okay.

I could go Singing in the Rain.

Okay.

Singing in the Rain.

Singing in the Rain.

That's a classic, yeah.

It's very sweet.

It was shot in about an hour and a half.

I don't know if you you know that.

Yeah, yeah.

Singing in the rain.

Quick film.

Who's in it?

Sinatra?

Who's that?

Fred Astaire.

What?

Gene Kelly.

Gene Kelly.

Kelly.

Singing in the Rain.

Just

it's so white, that movie.

I can't even do it.

I get like trembles when I watch that.

I'll do your version then.

Yeah.

Me?

Yeah.

Screaming in tsunami.

Hey, yeah,

that's the movie I want to see.

That's a good movie.

Yeah.

Screaming in Tamil.

Have you guys ever seen this show?

No.

Okay, good.

Have you heard of the show?

No.

I've like seen like on a TikTok.

Oh, so you're vaguely aware.

Yes.

You nothing.

No, something.

TikTok.

I'll go.

Well, lock in.

You'll be one.

You'll be a TikTok here in a couple of weeks.

I mean, you're on the show now.

Yeah, yeah.

How do you feel about that?

Uneasy?

My favorite thing about this show is people who get on this show because of this stupid program that he does, they don't want to be on this fucking show.

You know how many millions of people want to be on this show?

I know.

It's the the funniest thing I ever do.

I love it.

People who fucking are like, I don't know, these two dummies.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's great.

Come dummies.

We're us, dummies.

Oh, okay.

See, that's how dumb you are.

You're not talking about you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm dumb.

Yeah, I am dumb.

Yeah, dumb.

Yeah, yeah.

Judy, what's a dream job?

ESPN?

Yeah.

Yeah.

ESPN, listen up.

Disney, ABC, Hulu.

We're working with Hulu.

Give this girl a job.

Yeah, give her a job.

Now, what sport would you want to cover?

Basketball.

Can you give me like a wrap-up of a game just as best as you can?

Just give me like a wrap-up.

Like, you know, like what Doris does sometimes or something all right so the indiana pacers just defeated the new york knicks in game six and we had pascal c.

Occam as the finals MVP.

They'll be looking to go against the Oklahoma City Thunder next week.

She's great.

Bro.

ESPN.

What the fuck are you waiting for?

What are you waiting for, right?

That was incredible.

Judy, it's in the bag.

Yeah.

All you have to do is not screw up the next year of grad school.

Okay.

No drugs, no drinking,

no dropping out.

Okay.

Stick to it and you're good.

Yeah.

And you do drugs, drink, make film.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's the only way to do it.

Yeah.

Two opposite ends of the spectrum.

Sounds good.

All right, give them a round.

Give them the round applause.

You guys are amazing.

Appreciate it.

There's no other students.

We got one more.

Oh, there's one more solo?

Can we do one more?

Yes, put them in.

Let's just do one more.

Mike, closer to your mouth.

What's your name?

Rachel.

Hi, Rachel.

Miss Rachel.

Miss Rachel.

Miss Rachel.

Where are you from, Miss Rachel?

I'm from upstate New York.

Oh, right.

Onianta?

Albany.

Albany.

We've been up there.

The egg.

Yep.

Yeah, we've been up up there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Have you gone to the Egg to see a performance?

Not to do a performance, but when I was younger, I did like drama classes, and my performances were there.

At the end, wow.

What roles have you done?

I was like in middle school.

It doesn't matter.

I was in middle school.

I was a Huckleberry Finn.

I don't remember.

I think.

I was.

They were like original plays.

I don't like

the one I was like.

Can you sing?

No.

But you can act.

Not anymore.

Oh, you've given it up.

You lost the touch.

What are you doing at Quinnipiac?

I'm a media studies major, so

I'm also not really sure what I want to do.

That's okay.

That's okay.

We don't either.

And he's 53 years old.

Yeah, I don't have.

I like your whole look.

Thank you.

It's really cool.

Where do you get close?

Thrifting?

Yeah, this whole outfit is thrifted, actually.

It's amazing.

Thank you.

Miss Rachel, so what year are you?

Let's get a little further, Miss Rachel.

Let's guess what year Rachel is at Quinnipiac.

What do you mean?

What year, freshman, sophomore, junior, senior?

Let's on the count of three.

One, two, three.

Junior.

Junior.

Yes.

I'm good, dude.

My psychic shit is on.

I only know sophomore and junior, so I will thank God.

And I'm psychic.

Oh, senior and junior.

Oh, and freshman.

Very good.

Think of nigger name.

So I'm psychic.

I can guess.

I bet you she's from.

I bet you from Albany.

Yeah.

Pretty good.

Upstate New York.

No, we're going to cut it to make it look like I just said that.

Okay,

here's one.

Let me guess what your parents are.

Your parents are still together?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, good.

Let me guess.

Your father.

Works for the government.

Yeah.

No fucking way.

Yeah.

What does he do for the government?

He's a mailman.

Ah, that technically is the government.

That's not what you were thinking.

And your mother isn't, used to be a nurse.

No.

Teacher.

Teacher.

Oh, your mom.

Oh, yes.

I know.

She's dead.

She died.

No.

No.

She's alive.

Thank God.

Thank God.

Rachel, thank God.

Your dad is a mailman.

And your mother does what?

She's a computer programmer.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Very cool.

Yeah.

Still working?

Yes.

Amazing.

So you come from bright people.

Yeah.

Good people.

Good people.

Very good people.

Yeah.

Now a mailman would be what collar?

Blue collar.

That's good.

Exactly.

Now you're getting it.

Fuck you.

Dude, I love doing shit like that.

Is your mailman the type of guy that everyone knows?

Mailman.

Carrying the mail.

I'm a Jamaican mailman.

Hey, mailman.

No, like...

Did you open your mail?

What's your dad's last name?

Carzon.

Carzon?

Oh, Mr.

Carzon, hi.

Are they?

Or they don't know.

He talks to everybody.

Oh, he does?

Yeah.

And dogs love him.

Mailman.

Yeah, yeah.

Get that dog away from me.

I'm the Mailman.

Okay.

Dude.

Oh, good.

I can see the character of Mailman, so.

Mailman.

Yeah, yeah.

I got a little bit of a mail.

Get your dog away from me.

Boyakasha, Mailman.

Bro, Mailman is.

He's on fire.

Can somebody write a Mailman movie?

He's on fire today.

Mailman.

Yeah, yeah.

He knows everybody.

He talks to everybody.

He's the man.

Yes.

And you love him.

They go to a lot of baseball games together.

Wait, wait, time out.

You're upstate New York, so you got to be a Yankees fan.

We're Phillies fans.

What?

What the fuck is wrong with these guys?

You have a brother.

No.

Fuck.

Upstate New York.

Sister?

Your only child.

That's what they're doing lately.

Well, they're all putting him in a Quinnipiac, apparently.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Judy, are you an only child?

It's okay.

Judy's not.

So we got one.

Okay.

So upstate New York, the Bronx is not that far from you, and yet you like Philly?

Yeah, my dad, dad, well, the Phillies were good when my dad was a kid, so then he just passed that on to me one.

Yeah, you always adopt what your dad was.

I get that.

His dad was an Arsenal fan, so that's why he is.

He can't even say Arsenal.

Oh, Tano.

Okay, that's how my dad says it.

Cannon Breast.

Melman!

Yeah.

Can you do an Asian accent?

Jesus Christ.

We can.

Yeah, you're not going to do it.

Miss Rachel.

Dreams and aspirations.

I'm a sports studies minor, so I would maybe like to go into sports too, maybe baseball, baseball, but I can just.

Can you call a game?

No.

You don't want to call it, you want to do data and analytics?

Yeah, I like that.

I can, and I love learning like baseball history.

Like, off the top of my head, I can go back to like 1967 and like in the World Series winners.

Are you fucking kidding?

I don't know anything.

You know Daryl Strawberry?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's the only name I know.

Big Coke fan.

Yeah, Jackie Robinson.

Big Coke.

I have a ball signed by him.

My uncle.

Oh, my God.

You have a fucking Jackie Robinson ball?

Whoa.

She's really into it.

Yeah.

So wait a minute.

You can name every World Series winner back until 1967.

Yeah.

1967 around there.

Okay, look at me.

Don't look at the screen because he's going to pull it up.

Yeah, don't pull it up.

So I can't name a year and you can't pull it out.

Like if I say 79.

Pirates.

Wow.

76.

I do know that.

Give me it.

The 70s, because it was like there were three back-to-back winners.

And I think 76

was

the

Reds.

It was either the Reds or the Yankees.

I think it was the Yankees, but you might be right if it's the Reds.

Reds.

Holy shit.

It was Reds.

Wow.

How about...

She's great.

All right, how about this?

I'm going to jump time.

I'm going to time jump.

Okay.

86.

Mets.

Holy fuck.

Holy.

Did you know that?

You know the game?

Oh, yeah.

The 86 Mets?

You know about?

Okay.

All right.

So how about,

God, this is insane.

2017.

Astros.

Because that was the.

Bang in the trash.

Yeah, you remember.

Oh, my God.

Bang in the can.

Who was the year before, though?

2016, Cubs.

God bless.

It's my hometown.

Who was the year before us?

2015.

Royals.

Jesus.

Jesus Christ.

Jesus.

Fucking.

I don't know.

This is not.

I'm asking this.

Are you autistic?

No.

You're just brilliant.

What?

Because we have a lot of autism in this room.

And this is just brilliance, guys.

This is regular.

Are there other people you know, like presidents?

No, no.

Okay.

No, she loves baseball.

Maybe she's one of those.

You know what I mean?

She loves baseball.

Yeah.

Favorite Philly.

Of all time?

Yeah.

Ryan Howard.

One of the best.

I tell you.

I played golf with him a couple months ago.

Yeah.

How cool is that?

I love him.

Oh, my God.

I'm named wrong.

She said she had a ball from Kim.

He was wrong.

I played golf with him the other day.

So let the fuck off.

He is the fucking man.

Jimmy Rollins, you like Jimmy Rollins?

Play golf with him, too.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

I'll just name a bunch of fucking Phillies.

Yeah.

Did you like Schwarber when he was on the Phillies or no?

He's still on the Phillies.

I thought you guys got rid of him.

No.

Oh.

It's his contract year.

God, man.

Look at her.

She's a big fan.

You know why I don't care about him anymore?

Because when we dumped him off to you guys, we didn't give a shit.

And he didn't play that good without us.

We're better without us.

He's better now.

Well, we're better without him.

Check the record.

You know what's going on.

Would you take Shoshai Oronani?

Would you take Shohei Otani in cosplay

if he walked up to the play?

Is he good?

Is he Shohei?

Yeah, yeah.

Is he good?

Yeah, yeah.

Would you take him on your team?

Of course.

Okay, good.

Would you take him?

What?

He's probably one of the greatest living baseball players.

He's so great.

I've seen Cliff.

No, no, no, no.

I'm trying to explain to you.

In the way that you talk about,

I'm trying to give you the best example I can.

Pierre Henri.

Henri.

No, no, no.

Even better than Henri, though.

I'm saying, like, the greatest.

Like Mara Donald.

Messi.

Messi.

Yeah.

This guy is messy to baseball.

Wow.

He's unfucking believable.

He's a statician's mind fuck.

He's a mind fuck how good he is.

It's like shocking.

Wow.

He broke a record.

I mean, he shattered records in

multiple lanes.

Yeah.

And he's a pitcher who also bats.

Yeah.

He doesn't even have to fucking.

He had two home runs the other day.

Yeah, they beat him 18-2.

He's so fucking good, Bob, that he doesn't even have to pitch.

And they're still beating the living shit out of everybody.

Wow.

Is he a good pitcher?

He's fucking awesome.

Yeah, yeah.

What?

You might start pitching this year.

Yeah, they said maybe, but I think if they're smart, they just don't need to.

I wouldn't do it.

If you're on the tear that they're on, why would you do it?

There's a lot of sports talk radio, but I will say I do love that you love baseball.

I got to say, my favorite Quinn px food so far

do mailman again mailman

by the way there's gonna how about this do we have any fans that are jamaican mailmen mailman please email us you know there's a kid in new york who's a jamaican mailman i bet my life on it and email carlos in the booth and give us a video of you saying would give us a video of you delivering mail

i'm the mailman so um

can you do me you're going to close out the show and we need to look into that camera and say, thank you for being a bad friend?

Thank you for being a bad friend.

Miss Rachel.

Amazing.

Battered bastards of basement.