Rudy & Her Sister Are Bullies

You two are bad friends.

Who are these two idiots?

White dude and an Asian dude.

You two are disgusting.

We're bad friends.

Look who's here.

I know.

She lives in my house.

Does she really?

We clean.

No, you don't.

Yes, we do.

So I gave her $100, right?

Yeah.

Just do this.

$100.

Just do this little small laundry.

Yeah.

Stays in there for 24 hours in the dryer.

Oh, my God.

Right.

And then I go, you're not going to fold it?

She goes,

I folded it right away.

I know.

After I said something,

for $100, what do you have to do in the Philippines to make that?

Yeah, what do you have to do in the Philippines for $100?

That's a lot.

Well, you have to be the fastest tree climber in the neighborhood.

Yeah, yeah.

What's $100 American dollars?

How many

5,000 pesos?

What can you get for 5,000 pesos in the Philippines?

Buy a whole village.

Yeah, I know.

Property, everything.

What can you really buy?

Seriously, like, what does 5,000 pesos get you?

An iPhone?

They said a pesos, like, it's

an iPhone is more expensive.

Yeah, it's like a hundred thousand.

Are your iPhones made out of coconut shells?

Yeah,

like, how do they get all those components in there?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's breaking off.

Yeah, okay.

Wow, but I remember you can buy a lot of clothes for

shoes,

shoes, but you'd have to work how long to get to get a hundred dollars, uh, five thousand pesos.

Do you think?

Um, I think two days, no, more, more, yeah, Like a week.

So one hour laundry.

Look at this.

This is the average daily pay in the Philippines varies by region, but the minimum wage for non-agricultural workers in Metro Manila is 645 pesos.

And he gave you 5,000 pesos.

Yeah.

And so when I say do the laundry, does it mean just leave it in the dryer?

I just, I want to understand your language.

You know what I mean?

If I'm going being direct, I don't know.

Do I have to be specific?

Yeah, because you were like, oh, can you do the laundry?

I thought you just meant just put it in the laundry.

That's only one half of the laundry.

I know.

That's just one half.

The hard part is folding it.

Right, right.

That's what it is.

I'm not paying you for.

What?

I'm unfolding it.

You like folding.

I like folding it.

Yeah, yeah.

But I had to ask you the next day.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

The average monthly salary for a housekeeper, what you're asking her to do in the Philippines, is around 14,000 pesos.

So

you got one-third of a month pay in one day.

Yeah.

I got to tell you, this is.

It's too much.

It's too much.

I think I'm paying too much.

You are.

Yeah, yeah.

Why don't you pay them in pesos?

Can you do that?

Yeah.

Mexican pesos.

Yeah, that's right.

Is it the same thing?

No.

If I got pesos in Mexico, can I spend it in the Philippines?

They'd take anything down there, I'm sure.

Yeah, yeah.

Let's introduce ourselves.

Introduce our guests now that we've just paraded them for five minutes.

We got Jules.

We have the old school Rudy Jules is back.

You know what I mean?

And then we have her little sister, Issa.

Issa.

Issa.

Isa, Izzy.

Izzy, how how old are you now?

I'm 17.

Wow.

That's Rudy when we started.

We started when Rudy was 17.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

And you were a little nervous before.

Are you nervous now?

No.

Because you know us.

You know us now.

No.

You don't know him.

I've met him like four times.

That's enough times.

I know, but are you still be honest with me?

Because he's a lot.

Are you scared of him?

Are you scared of Andrew a little bit?

No.

Yeah.

Why won't you lock eyes?

Lock eyes with Andrew.

Lock eyes with him.

She's not.

I know.

Dude, but the way you lock eyes, look eyes with me.

See, I have to turn over.

You're like a dog.

Yeah, yeah.

My asshole trembles, dude.

It does.

And it goes,

you know what I mean?

The inside of my butt comes out a little bit.

It's my body going, no.

What?

You know what I mean?

The hat a little bit high.

Uh-oh.

Hold the hat a little high.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude.

Do what you do, dude.

Do what you do, dude.

Yeah, exactly.

Do what you do, dude.

That was

out of pocket, bro.

Yeah, yeah.

Dude, I gave him this gift and he's talking to me.

Give me the shirt back.

Now, I'm going to do it too.

Oh, my God.

Oh my God.

I'm protecting the equipment.

Take it off.

Come on.

Oh, my God.

I feel better now.

Yeah, I feel illegal.

That's a warning.

That's a warning, dude.

God, dude.

It ruins the show.

You ruin it, dude.

You put us in bad moods, bro.

Why do you do that?

Yeah, you put us against a wall.

We have to fight our way out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You ruined it.

But you know what you guys are right now?

What?

What?

You guys are Simon and Theodore.

Who's that?

Oh, my God.

Alvin and the Chipmunks.

Oh, oh, my gosh.

No.

Oh!

Alvin!

What?

Theodore.

Oh, Alvin and the forest.

Alvin and Theodore.

Alvin and Theodore.

That's what we are?

Yeah, that's us.

Are they the bullies?

Are they the bullies?

Back up, Jesse.

Keep it up.

Keep it up, Jeff.

We bought you gifts.

By the way, you know what he texted me?

Because

I have to do a read for my show, and I said, okay,

we can do it after, or we can do it before bed.

And he's like, come to the studio at six.

And then I hit him and I said,

I can't make it at six.

I'm meeting up with you.

And then he says, in the text, he goes, I'm already here, but fine.

I almost got up.

I almost got up.

No, stop, stop.

I almost got up.

I almost got up.

Oh, my God.

Fine.

Fine.

He's gotten, dude, he's gotten so.

Carlos, say it, though.

He's gotten way too much lately, and it's going to his head.

I can tell.

Is the stars on your face a fashion statement?

Yeah.

Okay.

It is for pimples, right?

Yeah.

But you don't look like you have any pimples.

Are there pimples onto there or is this to look cool?

There are pimples.

This has has got to be a thing to look cool now, too.

Yeah, you wear them sometimes.

I wear them

when they're bad.

Under the skinnies, you know what I mean?

I had a deep one when you knew it was going to be a fucking volcano.

Yeah.

It was Pompeii, bro.

Did it

explode?

No, but for five days, I just kept putting those fucking stickers on.

All right, Izzy, what's been going on with you in your life?

It's been fine.

My school just ended like two months ago.

So what are you doing now?

Now it's summer for you.

Like before I went here, I was doing nothing.

What what are you gonna do here while you're in la not do laundry sounds like not yeah yeah yeah we're just having fun we've been going out like almost every single day where are you going when you go out what is oh can i say something okay the other day the other day i go you guys are gonna go do something and i go can i go

and they go

no Why don't you take him?

Because he was making it awkward.

I said, oh, we're going to get coffee.

And then he started smiling.

He likes coffee.

Dude, it tastes coffee to me.

Hey, do you want to get coffee?

Oh, let's go.

Oh, my God.

How fun.

Automatic reaction.

He's excited.

I love coffee.

I told him you can come, but then he was like, no.

He started laughing and making it weird.

No, no.

And I was like, maybe not.

You made it worse.

No, no, you made it worse.

No, because when we were there, you weren't even there.

We were waiting for you.

We're like, where's the Tobabi?

I told you I wasn't going to go because of

the reaction of you guys.

No, no.

And then you said you would go, and then you said that if I see you, I won't even talk to you.

Yeah, but that's normal.

That's normal.

That's called a joke.

Yeah, he's just joking joking around.

He's just joking around, dude.

The fact that you wouldn't bring Tito Bobby for coffee, it kind of breaks my heart a little bit.

It breaks my heart.

It makes me think that your Jules is a little too

above it.

Above it.

Yeah, she's above it.

Yeah, yeah.

She's graduated.

And she's getting like that too now.

She's going to start soaking up.

But she's going to be the worst.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

See, look at that.

Yeah.

I can already tell.

Your attitude, even as a kid, you were fucking too much attitude.

Yeah, yeah.

You went through your phases.

Remember, you went through your emo phase?

Oh my gosh.

Yeah, I'm going to dye my hair.

Every single time.

I'm going to to dye my hair and be all sad and cut myself.

What color did you dye your hair?

I dyed my hair pink.

That's not that bad.

Is that you?

There you are.

Yeah, that's me.

Yeah.

Is that you?

No.

No.

I'll go.

But they all look the same.

Every emo kid looks exactly the same.

Are you through?

What phase are you in now?

I don't know.

Uh-huh.

Chill.

You chill?

I'm chill.

Yeah, yeah.

I know a new word.

I know a new word.

I want to learn about what the kids are saying.

She's skibbity.

Oh, you're so skibbity.

Skibbity.

Skibbity do da skibbity gay.

Why oh why wonder wonder both skib.

Very good.

I don't know.

Skibbity slang.

Skibby, what does it mean?

YouTube videos, a filler word like cool, bad, or dumb.

So it means everything and nothing.

All right, let me see if I can use it in a sentence.

Yeah.

Yo, man, did you put poo on your face?

This?

Yeah.

No, no, this isn't poo.

This is just, it's just a little bit of sunscreen.

Oh, you're being skibbit.

You just say, you have to say yes.

You have to have to yes and it.

You don't know improv.

You have to yes and the fucking thing, dude.

Why do I have poo on my face as this?

It's a sketch improv sky.

If you could ask me anything, are you hungry?

I would have said yes.

You said everybody poop on me.

Because I was trying to make it foolish.

Ask me again.

Yeah, yeah.

Ask me again.

God, man.

Sorry, ask me again.

Anyway, do it again.

Hey, man, you got

no, do the same thing again.

You got chunky poo on your peanut poo on your face.

I do?

Yeah.

No, I don't.

You're doing

it again.

You're doing it again, dude.

You mean it's anti-comedy when I do it?

Do it.

All right.

All right.

Yo, man, what a party.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You have poo on your face.

Yeah, I do.

You have skibbity poo all over your face.

Yeah, I'm being skibbity.

You're skibbity right now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sick, dog.

I mean, we

all that way to get to that.

I know.

I just had to foil the bit.

Okay.

How do you, what does skibbity mean?

I have never said that word.

Yeah.

But you know what it is?

You've seen it on the internet.

What's some terms?

We want to learn terms.

What do Filipino kids say?

You can say bo'ang.

Bo'ang.

What does bo'ang mean?

No, it has to be harder.

Bo'ang.

Bo'ang.

Bo'ang.

Bo'ang.

What does it mean though?

You're being

right now.

You claim that you're too fast.

You guys are using it right, though.

Bo'ang.

Exactly.

Bo'ang.

Because we're smart.

It's like somebody chokes you.

Bo'ang.

Yeah, yeah.

Sounds like a chicken.

Sounds like a nut disease.

Yeah, I'm sorry, sir, but you have b'ong.

I go, really, I'm both?

Anyway.

Give us more terms.

What are the Filipino kids saying right now?

Like your, like your age is.

My age?

Yeah.

Oh, giatai.

Giatai.

Oh, God, let me guess what that means.

Okay.

Giatai.

Stinky feet.

No, let me get.

No.

Oh, you're swimming in a bog.

Pooh on your face.

No.

You're swimming in a bog.

Yeah.

How come whenever I say a suggestion, you bury me with fucking poo on the face?

I'm sorry.

What is going on with you today?

That's our relationship.

I know.

All right, go.

Yeah, yeah.

I just threw it out that it wasn't good what I said, right?

But I'm just guessing.

What is it?

Say the word again.

Grandma, did you make some kayatai?

Oh, it's a good dish.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, no, that's the thing.

No, it sounds good.

You really?

Yat pai.

Yeah.

How come you're walking so slow?

Oh, my yatai hurts.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's pretty good.

What is it?

Yeah.

It means shit.

Oh,

actually, we were close.

Pretty close.

You got gyatai on your face.

Yeah, I got gyatai on my face.

Yeah, yeah.

But it's more like, oh, shit.

Like, oh, I just did something.

Oh, I stepped on a nail.

Oh, gyatai.

Yeah.

Oh, gyatai wi.

Agyatai oi.

What does that mean?

What does that mean?

It's just an expression.

We're learning everything new.

I like it.

Give us more.

Give us more.

Also,

you like Sublime?

I just noticed that.

Yeah.

You like them?

You know, they're playing again.

His son is playing.

Yeah.

You don't know that.

No.

She doesn't even know.

Do you know the songs?

Yeah, some.

Okay.

Give us one.

I don't know, Santeria or something.

Sing it.

I don't know it.

No.

We don't know it.

We don't know.

You have to say, I don't know anything about it.

It was before my time.

Way before my time.

Yeah.

I'm more into, you know what I mean, Bach.

I feel like it's before your time.

No, you're not.

Yo, you're Beethoven.

Sati.

Yeah.

Debussy.

Ludwig.

Yeah, yeah.

Go ahead.

There's the lyrics.

There it is.

He brought them up.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't practice sensoria.

I ain't got no crystal ball.

Well, I had a million dollars, but I'd spend it all.

Jules, next line.

Go.

If I could find that

Sancho that she's found.

Sancho.

Well, I'd pop a cap and Sancho.

Sancho.

And I'd slap her down.

What does Sancho put her

down?

What does Sancho do for you to put a cap in him?

Well, let me tell you something.

Sancho, Sancho is her new lover.

That's ex-s lover.

I don't know.

I don't know the lyrics.

Okay.

Also, you know what bothered me about the song forever?

What?

Go up there?

He says,

I don't practice Santeria.

Santeria is basically card reading, tarot reading.

It's the same thing.

I don't have a crystal ball.

Okay.

Got it.

Well, I had a million dollars.

Right?

But I'd

spend it all.

So he he said he had it.

Then he said if he did have it, he'd have to.

Well, a Santeria

$600,000.

Oh.

Right.

Yeah.

And a crystal ball of a high-end one, $400,000.

So a million dollars.

That's a million.

Yeah.

Oh, that's what it is.

That all adds up.

Yeah, yeah.

If you want high-end, when I get it, I get high-end.

I get it from Gandalf.

Yeah, this one right here.

I get a crystal ball from Gandalf.

No, you get your crystal ball from

Andrika.

Yeah, Andrika.

Because Andrika is

a crew on the show.

And at Santeria, I get a black market.

Oh, you do?

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

I'm getting everything on a a black person.

I get it on the white market.

You do?

Yeah.

You play retail.

I like the white market.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I prefer the white market.

Can you buy Santerias in Philippines?

Yeah.

Are there tarot readers in the Philippines?

Palm tarot readers.

Yeah, real ones.

What do you mean?

Real ones.

Like, they're legit.

We have real ones here.

No, no, no.

I think they have the legit ones.

We have them too, dude.

We have them on Ventura.

There's like three of them that have.

No, they have scarves on their faces.

They have the whole thing.

Oh, scary ones.

Yeah, Filipino.

Oh, that one.

Yeah, look at that.

Oh, my God.

And look at the fucking cars above.

black figures like that.

What does that mean?

One day you'll be black.

No,

Jay-Z, Jay-Z,

and like my aunt did a reading, and then this old lady, like, she did like read her palms.

And then the old lady was like, oh, you're being followed by this capre who wants to fuck you.

What's a copre?

What's a capre?

It's like an, it's like a, like a gorilla slash.

Carlos is a copre.

Is Carlos a copre?

Yeah, he smokes.

Capre smokes a lot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They live like in the trees.

Cop, copre.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you weren't in the states, you'd be copre for copre.

King copre.

So wait, a capre was following her, trying to attack her.

No, fuck her, because like he's, the capre is, like, obsessed with her.

That's what the wow.

And did she ever, did the capre ever get her?

Yeah.

I don't think so.

But then the old lady was like, you have to get out of town because this is like.

that is Carlos.

That's a copyright, dude?

Wow, dude.

My God.

Dude, dude, copries are cool, bro.

This is so rad.

Yeah, it has an old school.

Oh, there's another one.

Doing karaoke.

Oh, no.

He's blowing up.

That's definitely Carlos.

That's Carlos.

Look at his hairline.

Yeah, that's a copy, dude.

Yeah.

Wow, dude.

That's 100% Carlos.

That's that copy.

Give me more copyrights.

Oh, right.

Wow.

Yeah.

That's a fucking.

have you guys ever seen a copre around the philippines but i i know but i saw the shadow of one oh i got a shadow of a copre

yeah it could have been a monkey but no okay okay

what's the difference between monkey shadow and copre shadow copre's bigger they're like huge look it's the size of a tree oh look at that guy he's look at the look at the second photo that you brought up second one he's sitting in a tree i mean look at that big naked guy in there yeah yeah you would be able to spot a copre

Why is he balding?

Yeah.

Why is the copre balding?

I don't know.

Yeah.

And what is he blowing on?

He's smoking.

That's smoking.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Wait, they smoke?

They sit in the trees and they smoke?

Wow.

I would do that.

This is 100% you.

Yeah, yeah.

I would love to do that forever.

Can we get that on a shirt?

Are there good copres out there?

Like, hey, I know, I'm going to invite a friend to this party.

Right.

Like, hey, dude, Andrew.

Yeah.

I have a friend.

Yeah, who is it?

It's a copre.

You want him to come to my house?

Yeah.

Hmm, what is he bringing?

You have trees at your house?

Yeah, my whole front yard is filled with trees.

Yeah, he'll be up there.

Okay.

All night?

All night long.

Yeah, yeah.

You want to come inside, man?

Sitting in the trees all the whole party.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So this woman got chased by the cop ray or it never happened.

Yeah, you wouldn't come inside.

I mean, this is insane.

Yeah.

Look at that.

That's a little Filipino kid with one.

Yeah.

Can you train to be a copre?

I mean, like, if I was born in the Philippines.

You're supposed to be born, not trained to be a copre.

What do you mean?

Can I be born?

How do I be born to be from another copre?

He's not allowed to dream.

Yeah, yeah.

You're taking away his.

If I was a regular person, I couldn't dream to be a copre.

It's like, I want to be a ninja, too.

Why can't I be a ninja?

Why can't?

No, I mean, you'd have to be big enough.

How big?

Give us the details.

How big are copres?

Tall, dark figure, reaching up to 10 feet in height.

That's pretty tough.

You look like Michael Yeo then.

Yeah.

Okay.

They're trickster figures who play pranks.

Oh.

But they don't kill.

I've heard they kill.

Really?

Go down and go show more.

Let me see if they do kill.

Yeah, yeah.

Coppres are said.

Appearance first.

Well, appearance says that copre is described as tall, dark figure, sometimes reaching up to 10 feet in height.

Depicted hairy, humanoid with long legs.

Coppres are said to dwell in large trees,

bamboo, mangoes, pelete trees.

They're also seen under these in pass and forest.

Mischievous, playing pranks on people, make you lose your way in the forest, and then all your shit disappears.

Over here.

Oh, here.

Right?

You love this.

They have the power to remain invisible.

Oh, that's why you can't see them.

Children or people with a special third eye can see them.

Oh, wow.

Do you have third eyes?

I think so.

Yeah.

I feel like it's something that you would know.

Yeah, I think you'd know by now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like a tail.

Like, you'd know if you had a eye.

You would know if you had a third eye, you'd know.

Yeah.

Can you really see aborigines and ghostly things?

Not right now, but when I was younger and when I was living in the Philippines, like, I like in our old house,

I saw like an old lady just floating.

And I told my mom that, and she was just like, oh, that's just nothing.

Maybe it's a caprejor.

Caprejor, caprejor,

and there's a lot of things.

But you know what?

What?

Um, she can also feel if there's anything around a space, and there's nothing in your house, so that's good.

Well, okay, there's nothing

Jules, you know, this about your sister, she can feel what's in her space.

No, like if there's anything in the space, and the entity in the space.

So, in my house, there's no entity.

Do you know why?

Why?

Why?

Because my entity is stronger.

You seanced it, didn't you?

I seanced it out.

Yeah, it's cool.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who's your entity?

His name is Dave.

You guys don't know him?

You don't know Dave?

No, I've never seen him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's there.

Yeah.

He's better than Copra.

I want you to come over and see if something is in my house.

Now I think maybe I have an entity.

She has it.

She has the ability.

Because I'm telling you, some nights when I go take the dog out to piss, I'll walk down the stairs and the dog and I will be walking.

This happened twice.

We'll be walking down the stairs to go outside and we walk down the stairs and we get to like the bottom to turn the corner and she'll stop, and I'll stop.

And I'll kind of, and I'll like feel it, it feels really weird.

And the dog will kind of stop and look inside the front room,

and then she'll quietly move back to the door.

But I can feel something is different, it's very strange.

It's happened to me twice now.

You know what happened to me, right?

What?

When I was in Oklahoma City, this native guy picks me up because I was doing that movie

and he goes,

My friend, you have a spirit following you?

Yeah, following you.

And I go, because earlier that day, I saw a lamp in my hotel room, but I saw something flash to my right.

Like a black figure.

And I kept seeing it.

I called Kalila actually.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, remember?

I called Kalila and I go, I literally think that there's a spirit.

And then he goes, you must get sage.

So I bought sage.

Did it help?

No.

No.

Yeah, yeah.

But he disappeared eventually.

Wait, no.

So how did you make it go away?

Because I'm dating a Switch.

Oh,

that's why I think I'm dating a witch.

Because you want all that shit gone.

Yes.

Does she sage you?

Yeah, she saved me out, dude.

Yeah.

So there's this Reddit story.

I forgot exactly how it went, but basically, it was this guy.

He was talking about how he like he lives a really good life.

He has a wife and kids and stuff.

But then he looks at the lamp on this, like the corner of his room, and then it starts to look weird.

And then just everything that he knew just disappears.

His His family disappeared, his wife, his father.

It was all like, it was all like

shed.

It is an illusion.

But he lived through it.

He lived through it.

Having family,

having kids.

Oh, it's like the inner light then.

You have no idea what you're talking about.

I'm talking about me.

He's still pointed.

I pointed.

He still pointed me like he knew.

He knew what I was talking about.

I was amazed.

He goes, oh yeah.

Shopify.

We have an online business here at Bad Friends and we only use Shopify.

Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e-commerce in the U.S.

from household names like Mattel and Gymshark to brands just getting started.

That's right.

Like this brand, we're baby compared to all these other ones.

We sell a bunch of different merch for you guys, and you know what?

They help so much.

You want to boost sales with

99.99% uptime and the the best converting checkout on the planet.

You'll never miss a sale again with Shopify.

And if you're looking for your business to grow, you got to use Shopify.

Shopify makes the marketing minefield easy with built-in tools for running social media and email campaigns so you can find new customers and keep them.

In-person more your thing?

Shopify's award-winning point-of-sale connects your online and offline sales all in one place.

That's right.

And if you're keen to start selling globally, Shopify helps you sell in over 150 countries.

We didn't even know there was that many, tackling everything from translations to global shipping, all with Shopify.

Turn those what-ifs into cha-ching and keep giving those big dreams the best shot with Shopify.

Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com/slash bad friends.

Go to shopify.com slash bad friends.

That's shopify.com/slash bad friends.

Gemini.

Andrew, I use my credit card a lot.

I know you do.

But struggle with choosing the right credit card, which one's the best one for what?

Some points work here, not there.

And where are my points even worth?

That's right.

And today's podcast is sponsored by Gemini Gemini Credit Card, the only instant crypto reward credit card.

We love this card.

You're not trying to time the markets you invest while you spend.

You're going to get 3% back on dining, 2% on groceries, and 1% on everything else, plus 4% back on gas and transportation, up to $300 a month.

And the best part, the rewards are instant, so you benefit from any price appreciation.

Wow.

Bitcoin rewards earned and held for over one year on the Gemini credit card have appreciated 176% on average.

Pick Bitcoin or 50 plus other cryptos and switch any single time.

This World Elite MasterCard has no annual fee.

See rates and fees in the description for more info.

To sign up, go to Gemini.com slash Bad Friends to get $200 in Bitcoin when you spend $3,000 in your first 90 days.

You can see if you pre-qualify with no impact on your credit score.

So click the link in the description or head to Gemini.com slash bad friends to apply and start earning crypto instantly.

Zock Doc.

Oh my God, my arm hurts from the rollerblade.

Well look, you fell hard and I'm telling you, now you can use Zock Doc.

Zock Doc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high-quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment today.

I mean, I guess we're talking about booking in-network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent care, and more.

That's right.

You can filter for doctors who take your insurance located nearby in a good fit for any medical need you may have, like a bruised elbow like Bobby or bruised tailbone or bruised ego, even.

It doesn't really matter.

ZocDoc has all that available.

I moved to a new neighborhood and I got flustered about finding a new doctor.

And thanks to ZocDoc, I was able to find one in my area.

And by the way, they can happen fast, these appointments, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking.

And sometimes you can score same-day appointments, which your boy was lucky enough to do.

Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zocdoc.com slash bad friends to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.

That's Zoc Doc, Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash bad friends.

It's Zock Doc.com slash Bad.

Bad Friends.

Dude, that was insane, dude.

Yeah, yeah, Inner Light.

Yeah, so Inner Light is a Star Trek

Next Generation episode.

Do it again.

What?

You know what it's like?

It's like Inner Light.

No idea.

So

it's, you know, you know, Adam Egan from the Comedy Store.

Yeah.

He hated Star Trek Next Generation, right?

But I told him to watch this episode called Inner Light.

It's the second to last episode on season five.

I feel like we told me about that.

Yeah, I've talked to you about this episode, but it's much like this episode, you know what I mean?

Where Jean-Luc Picard lives a complete and

full life in 60 years, but only five minutes passed.

Wow.

You know what that's like?

That's like a mushroom trip.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's happened to me on a mushroom trip.

I've lived like five lives.

Oh, yeah.

If If you ever want to watch the best sci-fi episode of all time, I think that's the best TV episode of a sci-fi show.

I need to watch it.

Yeah, it's incredible.

Where is it on?

Is it still on the internet?

Yeah.

Can I explain to you the episode or no?

Probably not.

No.

Okay.

Okay.

No.

It's like one of my passions, but okay.

I'm telling you, man,

these girls have energy that.

It's good.

Yeah, it's like the room feels different when they're here.

Yeah, yeah.

It's good.

What does it feel?

I don't know.

It feels like chaotic.

It feels chaotic.

Yeah, it feels like fucking like jazz drums.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, run at home.

Yeah, yeah.

He's like in Sinners.

You ever see Sinners?

Yes.

Did you see it?

No.

Okay, well, why'd you see this?

What's wrong with you today?

Dude, the poo-face thing, now I'm saying yes to everything.

Oh, I see.

You want me to say yes?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did you see Sinners?

Michael B.

Jordan is so hot in that movie.

All right.

Which version of him?

Not with the horny shit.

Both of them.

What?

Both of them.

Okay, I know.

I've heard because he plays

twice, right?

He's so hot.

Pick up photos of him without a shirt on.

These are.

Michael B.

Jordan is jacked.

He's such a good-looking guy.

It's unbelievable.

Yeah.

Wow.

Crazy.

Whoa, dude.

Jesus Christ.

That one's inappropriate.

That's inappropriate, dude.

Oh, my God.

Imagine.

Imagine.

This is Jules once this chocolate guy.

Yeah.

She's looking for chocolate.

Have you had chocolate?

No.

Yeah.

Would you do this?

Would you do this chocolate?

She said last time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How many chocolates would you do?

How many bars?

A lot.

Yeah.

A lot.

Okay.

Rudy, now you're single.

You can go date chocolate if you want.

I think she's, honestly, can I be honest with you?

Okay, go.

I don't think that's interesting to you.

Dating?

Yeah.

Like right now?

Any time.

I guess.

Yeah.

You dated for a long time, right?

Yeah, I just want to rest, but it's like, I just want to rest.

Like you were jogging.

Like she was jogging.

Yeah.

I was 23 when I started standing up her age.

It's unbelievable.

Same thing.

And when I look at her, I go, I was was that young?

It's crazy.

Isn't that crazy?

It's fucking crazy.

I was that young when I was.

Yeah, I was 22, 23 when I started.

Yeah.

Oh,

we got some submissions.

Oh, so we got BBC submissions.

That's BBC.

Big black, huh?

Okay.

And so what?

So we got BBC submissions to date Rudy.

So who's this first guy?

Yeah, let's see the first guy.

Let's see the first submission here.

This guy is Sean Harris.

Yeah, he's 28.

Aries?

28.

He's in Aries.

What's up, Sean?

Credit score is 720.

That's good.

Business credit, 84.

Not bad.

He's six feet tall.

He's got a Honda Civic working on it.

He's an artist consultant, lives in Pennsylvania, travels to New York a lot for work.

That's neither of those places are here.

And Rudy, your gorgeous follow my IG.

To the bad friends, love y'all.

Keep it up.

Okay, so let's see.

First photo.

This guy.

Okay.

All right.

Well, he's out there.

He's smoking weed, maybe.

Yeah, yeah.

All right.

Okay.

Oh, he raps.

Oh, he's handsome.

How do you know from?

He's got a microphone covering his whole face.

I from I Love Good.

What about this?

Cute.

Yeah, yeah.

Smoking again.

Smoking again.

Better with a microphone on, huh?

Yeah.

So this is his Instagram.

This is actually one of his

on one of his songs.

Oh, here we go.

I won't hesitate to air.

No, he smokes too much for that.

I think he smokes too much.

Let's get a different contestant.

But we do like him.

We like him a lot.

Very talented.

You know what my problem with that guy is?

Too cool.

Oh, too cool.

Way too cool.

Okay.

Rudy's BBC Dream.

Next up is A Fam.

Not sure how to do this.

My credit is $6.53 and my dick.

Pass my belly buttons off.

I love One Piece.

Tell him what up.

Okay.

All right.

Any photos?

No.

Oh, there he is.

Nope.

How old is he?

He's 52.

I can't tell.

Oh, he loves horses.

Yeah, the kid?

Yeah, he's going to be.

Why'd you see the horse first?

I just don't see a lot of black people on horses.

Do you?

I mean, let's time out.

Do you see what, dude?

Let me think about it.

Okay, just think about it.

I've never seen a black guy on a horse.

I've never seen a black guy skydiving.

Or drink coffee.

Or drink coffee.

What?

What?

Wow.

Okay, next up.

We like them, though.

This is for the girl BBC request.

Ha ha ha.

Her chocolate love.

Tell her, follow me on Insta.

Yep, here we go, chocolate love.

Can I ask something real fast?

Yeah.

They all put their credit score in there.

Do we ask for that?

I think you did ask.

Yeah, yeah.

You're being protective.

Well,

first of all, first of all,

Bobby's, my friend, you guys are laughing at me.

My friend said, I'm being protective.

I want to make sure they have a bright future in case Jules can be taken care of.

Exactly.

You wanted to be specific.

I said, what?

Yes, but that and the car.

That's why they're.

Well, I want to know, do, do the, do, okay, does Jules want to date someone who's making less than 5,000 pesos a day?

No.

No.

This is my case.

Exactly.

There he is at a mall by a fountain.

Bro, you walk into the

West Covina mall and you see that guy sitting on that fountain.

Dude, what would you do?

Run away.

No, you wouldn't.

No, you wouldn't.

You're like, let's get an aca bowl together or whatever.

Go back to the mall photo real fast.

I got to tell you the truth.

Look at those lips.

Nice lips.

Nice lips.

Nice lips.

Big lips.

I'm telling you, my guess is he is on break at the kiosk he works at and took that photo.

That's a guess.

What kiosk is it?

They probably.

Wait, wait, wait.

Look at me right now, dude.

No.

What?

Yes, yes.

What kiosk is it?

I think they fix iPhone.

Good.

Good.

He has tattoos, though.

I just feel like he loves himself, too.

Oh, I see.

Tattoos on the face.

Do you like tattoos on the face?

You do.

Wow.

Yeah.

All right.

Okay.

But I feel like the title alone was just like, oh, BBC requests.

Haha.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You don't like that haha.

You don't like the ha-ha part.

I understand.

You know what?

And he's half naked in the parking lot.

Yeah.

You, as a sister, you wouldn't approve.

I wouldn't approve.

I get that.

I get it.

Moving on.

I get that.

And very smart to say.

The ha-a does throw you.

Chance to meet Rudy.

Hey, guys.

She's white.

Yeah, but can we mix it?

Can we mix it up a little bit?

You can't have BBC and be a little bit more.

He might have a big black dad.

I don't know.

I may not have a BBC.

All right.

All right.

All right.

Being white and all, but I'm 32.

I think Rudy would have fun with me.

My credit score is in the 700s.

I drive a Lexus ES350, and I have a cruiser motorcycle.

Let me stop you you right there, pal.

We're not letting our kid get on motorcycles.

I mean, look at the photo.

What if he has a WBC?

Let me see.

A white black hawk.

Let's see.

Let's see if it has a white black hawk.

Yeah.

Zoom in.

Oh, my God.

James Dean, dude.

Screenshot of it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

The screenshot of it next.

Give me next photo.

Oh, so you're interested.

Nice, man.

Uh-huh.

Hello.

Well, happy Thanksgiving.

Right?

You can imagine him saying that.

By the way, that definitely is a Thanksgiving photo.

Yeah, yeah.

There is the cruiser motorcycle.

All right.

We're going to unfortunately pass.

We're going to pass on that.

We're going to pass.

For Rudy's love, this next guy is 25, 6-1, black.

I love how he just wrote.

I'm 25, 6'1, black guy.

690 credit score with a 2016 Mustang GT.

He's in North Carolina.

He's in school to be a doctor.

A doctor.

Wait for it.

In physical therapy.

All right.

So it's not.

It's a doctor.

What do you think it's leaning toward?

Doctor or physical therapy?

It's physical therapy.

Is this him?

Yeah.

My man.

My man.

I need PT, so maybe we can hook this up.

He's a child of God.

That is good too.

That's really good.

There he is on Main Street.

Just doing his thing.

He's doing his thing, this guy, dude.

Dude, go to the slide before.

It was literally just like seconds before.

Go one more.

It was just like, this is like all the same day.

Zoom in.

Zoom in.

What do you think he's doing there?

Bro.

It's just, it's like, this is like moments later he took these photos.

People my age post stuff like this.

Like seconds later you took the same photo.

Go back to that photo, the first one.

It's like a slide of time.

It's a chronological.

What is he looking for on the ground there?

You tell me, bud.

No, no, no, bud.

No, bud.

No, it up to you.

No, bud.

What are he looking for on the ground?

You tell me.

No, you tell me, my friend.

You tell me.

No,

he dropped his keys.

Oh, he did?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is that what's down there?

I don't know.

But do we like this guy?

He's okay, but all his pictures is like of his back.

He likes his back.

He has a great back, dude.

Kids got a good back.

Look at that.

And he always has scripture on his back.

Yeah.

I have a guy who dresses, I mean, I have a classmate who dresses like this.

What do you mean you have a guy?

What did you mean by that?

I have a guy classmate who dresses like that.

This guy loves words on a shirt.

And this guy, what is he?

What kind of shirts does he wear, your guy classmate?

The ones with the words on your back.

What does the word say, Issa?

I don't know.

I forgot.

I don't look at this guy all the time.

Okay.

I got to tell you, though, I like this guy.

That last shirt he just had, I really liked.

What is that?

It's a dear person behind me.

The world is a better place with you in it.

I like that kind of stuff.

We like that kind of stuff.

That means his heart is good.

Yeah.

You know?

But you don't like him, do you?

I'm not vibing.

Okay.

Move on.

No vibe.

All right.

I'm from Canada.

I was just there.

Maybe

I can get a date with Rudy.

He's in Edmonton, Alberta.

Okay.

I'd rather date the dog.

I'd rather date the dog.

So,

ooh, what the fuck is that?

That's Josh.

He's half black.

Half black, half native.

Find and go up.

Whoa, that's the guy, dude.

Wow.

Look at him.

Look at, oh, my God.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Does he do stand-up?

Is that what that is?

Well, and also, he can't memorize his jokes.

He's reading it off his phone.

Wait, go down to the next one.

Yeah.

That's it.

Okay, where's his Instagram?

He didn't leave it.

Oh, my God.

Fuck, Rudy.

We might have to put the brakes on that.

Yeah.

We might have to put the brakes on that.

Yeah.

He's a long face.

He's a long folio.

Yeah, why the long face?

Yeah, quite a long face.

Anything else?

Nothing.

What do we have other applications?

Yeah, please.

More, please.

This is Gary Nelson.

Okay, first of all, that's not a black guy.

Gary?

I bet he is.

Find out if Jules would be up for 2BWC.

Big white cop.

Yeah, that's a white guy.

Yeah.

Okay, let's look.

Send a video you said to Gary.

Haha.

Here you go, bud.

This is like a video of him jerking off.

It fucking better not be.

It better not be, or I'll get angry.

Hey, bad friends family.

The reason I think I'd be a good match for Rudy is I'm obsessed with One Piece.

I love how gross she is.

I love how she doesn't have a filter.

We're both on the spectrum, most likely.

I have a fat dog

and a fat cat over there eating some food.

And I've got a big white dick.

Hold on.

We're the parents.

Yeah.

That's first of all.

I'm all in.

First of all.

I'm all in.

As a parent.

I only have one big fear.

What?

What?

Go back to it and don't play it.

Just, yeah, okay.

Push pause.

Pause.

now now like scan

to when he scans the room okay ready yeah let's look at the background okay okay up when he goes back up again there stop pop stop stop okay what is going on back there is a basement

dude you're right and that is scary to

let me say something who lives above parents parents mom and dad yeah mom and dad now the only thing that would give that away to this is not a basement in a weird turn of events is that is a doggy door it'd be weird to have a doggy door in the basement

but i will say for the cat what it's for the cat he can run you're you're you know what i i don't think it is a basement oh yeah

i don't know what it said but i'm i'm all of you

i don't know what it said but i'm all over

the door

he has a cat and dog too

No, that was understandable.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

You're a regular.

You're a regular.

You're a regular on the dog.

You said that was understandable.

Because you were like, oh, that's a doggy door.

And he was like, oh, it's for cats.

Right.

Exactly, dude.

You get it.

In the Philippines, you understand.

Broke my fucking headphones.

Shut it down too hard.

Okay.

Let me tell you something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Here we go.

Cut it out.

Cut it out.

Cut it the fuck out.

Yeah.

We're trying to do an investigation here for Rudy's sake.

Cat?

Why didn't you say squirrel?

Yeah.

That's a hamster door.

Yeah, hamster dirt.

Come on, guy.

Hester door potato.

All the fucking species.

So tell me, is this guy of interest?

I like that he has a cat and a dog.

And a fat dog.

Fat dog is cool.

Fat dick?

Fat dick.

Fat dick, dude.

Okay.

All right.

Sweetheart.

Sweetheart.

All right.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Okay.

Sorry, honey.

Okay, baby.

My mom.

What?

Huh?

My mom.

I am.

She is.

Hello.

That's so obvious.

She is your mom.

Go to the next applicant, please.

Well, we'll put him on hold.

Okay, who's this next guy coming over?

He doesn't even, he didn't even say anything.

So, um, we're gonna meet Zach.

Oh, I love you.

Honey.

Yeah, sweetheart.

We're going to meet Zach.

All right.

I hope Jules picks right.

Oh, my God.

Oh.

Oh, my God.

Pause.

What are we?

In Gaza?

Why can't I say that?

He can.

He can.

All right, here we go.

Don't judge me.

I watched your shows in the shower.

I don't touch myself to.

He's naked.

Yeah.

To Bobby in the shower.

I just watched your shows in the shower.

Anyways,

Rudy, yeah, 100%.

100%.

Yo,

honestly, we want her on the BBC side.

I've talked to a few of the BBC community members.

She's English.

We were thinking, like, Rudy Jules, like, she'd be a great part of the community.

Let's just exclude Bobby from this conversation for just a second.

Push, pause, push, pause.

Hey, guy, what's your obsession with me?

She mentioned you three times.

I know, there's some sexual tension between me.

I think he wants you.

Yeah, I don't think it's about you.

I think it's about me.

Yeah, and no thank you, dude.

I think you should get with him.

He's really funny, and I like how he's like kind of nervous to talk about my sister.

You think he's funny?

Yeah, he's kind of funny.

He's trying to be funny.

No, he's funny.

God, the humor, no.

The level of humor in the youth.

All right, let's go to the next guy.

Next one, please.

I don't think we can have you get that guy.

Zach.

Hi, Zach.

We liked him, though.

Zach, we love you.

We love you, Zach.

We love you, Zach.

You're handsome, Zach.

This guy has a 2022 Chevy Camaro.

He put that in the subject line.

I hope Rudy likes my car.

If not, please show it on the next episode.

Oh, his photo is going to be bad, I think.

It's a video, I think, yeah.

Jamal.

I hate car guys.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Already.

Oh, another back.

Okay.

Oh, you can do that.

You can do a figure eight on the freeway.

Wow.

Yeah, yeah.

That's pretty cool.

I know you want a BBC on the Next Best thing.

Big Brown Weenie.

Ah,

a BBW.

Big Brown Weenie.

I'm trying to fall in love with Rudy.

I'm 26 years old, and I live in East LA.

Okay, this one's finally in Los Angeles.

Oh, dude.

Whoa.

Honey, I really like him.

You like him?

Yeah.

He's spicy.

He's spicy.

What?

Zoom in

to his face.

He's flicking off the camera.

I don't know.

His attitude is a little aggressive.

Is there another photo?

He sent a video, but it's just like him at a party.

Let's see.

We love to see people party.

We love to see parties.

I'm going to see how he parties.

You'd like to see him party, sweetheart?

If he parties heart, there he is.

Oh, shit.

Oh, he's got good.

It's like an anime party.

He's got good friends.

Good friends.

Look at him.

I actually think this is a smart move.

He's showing you that he has fun people around him.

A girl is sitting on a fridge.

I think this is actually very intelligent.

Let me see the girl in the fridge.

It's a girl on a counter.

So cute.

Yeah, look at her.

He's so scared.

Mama, she's so cute.

Okay.

That guy.

Look at the Groucho.

Groucho's at the party

from Sesame Street.

Everybody's here.

Everyone's here.

Ernie or Ernie, everybody.

Look at this guy.

A young.

What's his name?

How come there wasn't a Mexican character on Sesame Street?

Groucho.

Who the fuck is Oscar the Mouse?

Oscar, I mean.

I mean, Oscar.

I mean, Groucho.

Hey, Groucho.

Yeah.

Oscar IBM.

Oscar.

Who's Groucho?

Who's Groucho?

Croucho, Marks.

Marks.

Groucho, Marks.

Oh, okay.

Marks Brothers.

Wait a minute.

Oscar wasn't Latin.

He wasn't Mexican.

Okay, think about...

Play Oscar and let's just close our eyes and see what he is.

Just close your eyes.

Okay, visually.

Visually, what is he?

Mexican.

Why do you say that?

You Spanish oppressor.

Why do you say that, you oppressor?

It just has good style.

Okay, nice try, pig.

Yeah, nice fucking.

Let's do a video so I can hear what he sounds like.

I forgot what he sounds like.

This is over with.

Okay, well, Oscar, thank you for coming to the LA Times to answer our very important questions.

You're not welcome.

Okay, I already know.

A fentanyl white.

Fenty white.

Yeah, yeah.

Fenty white.

Right, a fenty white.

You know, what do you think he is, girls?

I don't even know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

White.

Yeah.

Okay.

Play it right there.

Yeah, go ahead.

He's an old-timey hobo.

Yeah, he's an old-timey guy.

Yeah, old-timey guy.

Old white guy.

He hops on a train, a boxcar train.

Exactly.

With the thing.

He's a leg missing for some reason.

He wasn't even in a war.

Is that the last BBC?

I think we have one more.

Let's see it.

Aaron Taylor.

Anaheim, 6'2.

Wow.

He says, full sack.

What does that mean?

Full sack.

I think he's got a full sack.

Yeah.

It's filled with other things.

Credit score 580.

Not great.

Not great.

2001 Jeep Grand Cherokee.

He met Bobby Lee in a 7-Eleven.

Okay, that's where I meet my black eyes.

That's 7-Eleven.

Yeah, every time.

There he is with his mom.

Oh, great.

He's so cute.

Oh.

Whoa!

Like, we're surprised he can do that.

I would expect that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, he loves sunsets.

That one's a good one, honey.

That's great.

He loves sunsets.

How old is he?

He looks like this one's from five years ago.

So, oh, right.

It's okay.

Give me another one.

Uh, that's it, but we do.

He uh, he left some of his music in here.

They all leave their music.

I'm like in the ocean, like avatar style.

I'm swimming with the yeah,

there's a mermaid.

No, that's not.

Oh,

it's my lover.

Hey, hey, it's my lover.

I'm blue in the ocean.

Flying through the ocean.

I'm blue.

Factor.

Summer is here.

I'm a summer boy.

More sun, more light, more time to do all the things that make summer so special.

And the number one thing that you don't want to be doing all summer, spending hours cooking inside.

Bobby and I hate cooking inside.

We want to be on the pool together in our floaties.

That's where Factor comes in.

Factor's chef-crafted dietitian-approved meals are ready in just two minutes.

Two minutes.

As long as you last in the bedroom, that's how long it takes to get your meal ready, taking the hassle out of eating well.

Factor meals arrive fresh and ready to eat.

I love them, Andrew.

They're so delicious.

They are.

Perfect for any active lifestyle over summer and beyond.

With 45 weekly menu options, you pick from gourmet meals that fit your summer gains and goals.

Choose from options like Calorie Smart, Protein Plus, Keto, and much, much more.

They are so very good.

If you never tried Factor, it's quick, easy, and delicious.

Enjoy more this summer.

Get Factor if you want all the flavor and none of the fuss.

Get started at FactorMeals.com slash Bad Friends50Off and use code Bad Friends50Off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box.

That's code badfriends50off at factormeals.com slash bad friends50 off for 50% off plus free shipping.

Factor meals.com slash bad friends50 off.

Talk space.

You know what?

My dad used to beat me.

I know that.

I had a lot of trauma growing up.

And I went to the best place to get therapy, which is Talkspace.

Yeah.

It's really good.

It can be challenging to find and meet with a therapist that's not the right fit.

Can you agree with that?

Yeah.

Talkspace, the leading virtual therapy provider, makes getting the help you need easy, accessible, and affordable.

Talkspace therapy and psychiatry are covered by many insurance plans and employers, including TRICARE for active duty veterans and their dependents.

Most insured members have a $0 copy.

Now, Bob and I both believe in therapy.

We think it's very important.

And I do think people need to talk out some of their problems.

You let them fester, you let them bubble up, and then what happens, Bob?

Then you scream at the woman at Ralph's.

Exactly.

And then you end up on the news.

Yeah.

And you can easily sign up online, get paired with a licensed provider.

That's the right fit for your needs, typically within 48 hours.

You can also switch providers at no extra cost.

ToxFix makes getting help convenient because you can take your appointments from the comfort and privacy of your own home.

That's right.

You can take it from your car, from your bathtub, from your rooftop, from the street corner, from your buddy's house, whatever you want.

You can even talk it out between sessions, sending messages to your therapist.

And Talkspace provides personalized treatment for individuals, couples, LGBTQIA plus community veterans, and teens, everybody under the sun this summer.

As a listener of our podcast, you'll get $80 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to talkspace.com/slash bad friends and enter promo code Space80.

That's Space80.

That's S-P-A-C-E-8-0 to match with licensed therapist.

Go to talkspace.com slash bad friends and enter the promo code SPACE80.

That's what I came up with.

I don't apply it to you.

By the way, I fly.

Wow.

I love that guy.

That beat is.

He's my number one.

Me too.

I think he's my number one.

We go on a date with him?

Yeah.

All right, Aaron, we'll set it up.

The funniest part is he had the worst credit score in the oldest car, but the beat's so good.

We love him.

Yeah, yeah.

And it looks cute.

He's in the picture.

Like every girl yeah well he's with his mom and i don't know who the other lady was but the mom is key but they were happy yeah yep they were really happy and that's all that matters that's all that matters are you happy i'm happy yeah you happy i think he looks okay good yeah okay yeah just diverts the question you think he looks what i think he looks a lot like um kendrick lamar brother okay he looks like your brother what yeah you don't see it No

really no, I'm just saying he just looks a lot like our brother.

Yeah, but don't say that.

Yeah, yeah, don't say that.

Reminds me of my brother.

Okay, okay, anyway.

He doesn't follow the bad friends' account, so he can't call him.

But if he wants to call him, oh, that's nice too that he doesn't follow him.

He's not a fan.

You don't want that.

What are you trying to do here?

She's a wedge.

She doesn't want it to happen.

Do you see that?

Swimming in the ocean.

I'm blue.

Swimming in the ocean.

I'm blue.

I'm avatar.

Swimming in the ocean.

I'm blue.

Blue.

Swimming toward my lover.

I like it.

I like it.

No.

Swimming toward my lover.

I do.

I do.

I do.

Okay.

We like them.

We like them a lot.

Too bad.

We can't call you.

We can't call you, guy.

So I feel like you're a wedge.

I feel like you're being more picky than her.

Well, yeah.

Why?

Why?

Because I'm the sister.

Yeah, but what do you give a shit?

Yeah, you don't even live here.

Yeah.

No, but I call her.

all the time, yeah.

How long?

So, when you're in the Philippines, how many days a week do you guys call?

I mean, I never call, like, months will go by, yeah, it's just texting, just text, but you text every day, no, like once a week, no, no, once a month, yeah, yeah, that's interesting about siblings.

Like, how often do you talk to your brother?

Like, once a month,

I call my sister today.

I do think I try, we've connected more as our parents have gotten older.

Yeah, that is a big piece of it, yeah, yeah, because I used to hate Issa.

Used to hate her?

Why?

I just, like, I was just annoyed at her.

Like, I would just beat her up and just.

Can you beat her up any?

You can't beat her up anymore.

Not anymore.

Because you're stronger than her, aren't you?

I want to see you guys fight so bad.

So, Issa, do you have a high school love?

You're in high school still, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You have a senior next year?

No, I'm a junior next year.

At 17?

No, because I had to repeat a grade.

Why?

Which one?

I had to repeat seventh grade.

Why?

Because I was.

A, B, C, D.

I wasn't

mom.

I wasn't.

I wasn't

going to be five.

Hey.

Yeah.

You're being mean.

I am?

Yeah.

You're being mean.

All right, I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry.

I was just sorry.

I'm sorry if you could finish it.

Say sorry.

Can you finish it?

A, B, okay.

No, you have to say sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Isa.

You were depressed?

I was really depressed.

It was your emo stage.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I feel you.

So you never went to school?

Yeah, well, I.

Stopped for a year.

Yeah, I went to school for like half of the school year.

And my school was like, they were doing, it was mental month, mental health month.

And then we were doing this

forum thing.

And I was like, oh, I'm going to answer it properly.

So I answered it properly.

And then they called my parents.

And said what?

They're like, oh, you need to get your, you need to get your daughter out of school.

Oh, because it was that bad.

What were you, I mean, sometimes we talk about serious things.

I was just wondering, like, I mean, are you through all that hardship?

Yeah.

Okay.

What happened?

Did you go to therapy?

I mean, what happened?

Yeah, I went to therapy.

Yeah, yeah,

and I was on antidepressants.

Which one?

I don't know.

I forgot.

But I forgot that.

I mean, I remember that it was a lot.

I was on it.

I took them for a while.

You did?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I hated it.

Because your parents are, you know, I know your mother well.

Your father's a lawyer.

A judge.

A judge.

Oh, fuck.

Huge difference.

He was a lawyer when I I met him, no?

Yeah, he was.

I didn't know he upgraded to judge.

He's a judge now?

Yeah.

That's amazing.

Wow.

So your father's a judge, and you just have good genes.

You mean?

Because

your mother is hilarious.

She's crazy.

And crazy and fun.

We love her.

We love her.

And I love your daddy.

He's very stoic, you know?

So you have good, you know, family, right?

You have a beautiful sister and two brothers.

And you have a dog at home?

I have a lot of dogs at home.

How many?

I have six.

No, seven.

Seven dogs.

Holy shit.

That's a lot.

Any of them fat?

Yeah.

Do you know those dogs or no?

I grew up with two of the three of the dogs, but when I left,

they got more.

It's too many dogs.

It's way too many.

I mean, it's too many dogs.

What's the max dog?

Three?

In America?

Yeah.

The most pets you can have, I think, is three or four in California.

Well, no, no, no.

Three is the number of dogs.

Four is number of combo pet to me.

You can have as many as you want.

I don't think so.

Really?

Yeah.

Los Angeles County legal limit for dog household is four.

Yeah.

All right, but that's, but that's what I'm saying.

But to me, three is the most dogs you should have.

And if you have a cat, that's it.

Four, you're done.

Four animals, and you're done.

We have five.

I'm going to call the cops.

Yeah.

The legal limit for the number of dogs you're holding in your house in Chicago is five.

Illinois is fine.

Wow.

Good way to go, Chicago.

Let me ask you ladies something real quick about our house.

You know, how long does cat vomit need to sit before you clean it?

Oh, my God.

Yeah, what's a timeline?

Yeah, what's the timeline?

Because, you know, you've been doing three or four days now, and are you waiting for it to harden or what?

Have you seen the house?

It's clean.

We cleaned it last night.

Is that how you talk to the people?

Exactly.

That's exactly what it is.

That's insane.

Yeah, I don't charge rent.

Right.

All right.

I provide them whatever they fucking want, right?

And that's the way they talk to me, dude.

I'm just saying, why are you complaining?

There's no, there's no mess.

Okay, but I'm just saying that for two days there was the cat vomited by my bedroom door.

How,

how what?

You could you can't clean it?

Oh, here we go.

I, I, I, I know, it's, it's gotten so out of control.

It's, it's bad.

It's really bad.

It's so bad, dude.

Because

aren't they your cats, too?

I'm so angry.

I can't control myself.

Oh, my God.

So,

you know, I don't want to get rageful right now.

I do.

I want you to.

You really do.

Okay, well, I'm pushing all your buttons.

All right.

All right.

So.

Okay, here we go.

All right.

So number one, right?

When you were in high school, right?

Okay.

All right.

How long did you live in my house?

Like,

three years.

Yeah.

Did you pay any rent?

No.

Okay.

Yeah.

That's big, that's huge, yeah, yeah.

Whenever we go out and eat, right, do I pay every meal?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Have you ever picked up a tab?

No, yeah,

did I invite you to be a part of one of the biggest podcasts on planet Earth?

That's right.

Uh, I think the two Andrew did.

I did, yeah, yeah, yeah, I did.

But that being said,

you're my partner, so we did together.

Yeah, yeah, beep boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, bob,

okay, all right.

How is this relevant, though?

Wow.

Wow.

You know what I mean?

I'm just asking, right?

I'm just asking, can you please?

We're talking about cats and their vomit.

Yeah, yeah.

Can you please, when you see it, you know what I mean?

Because, you know, I've been so generous and open, right?

Then maybe clean it fast.

I do clean it.

You let it dry for two weeks.

Yeah, because you have to let it dry because I don't want to get it when it's wet.

It's gross.

How often do cats throw up?

A lot.

Our cats throw up a lot.

A lot.

Why is that?

I overfeed them.

Right.

Okay.

So it's mainly your fault.

So you.

What?

What?

What?

Giggly.

I think you need to start from where the problem is.

Where's the problem?

You do lobby.

You overfeed the cats.

Heavy.

So many buttons here.

Yeah, yeah.

What are you talking about?

No, I want to say something, okay?

And yes, you know, Gobi and Julio, they're getting fat.

Why?

Because of you.

Wow.

Yeah, yeah.

Why?

You feed them a whole chicken.

I know.

From Zanku?

No, not from Zanku.

What is it?

From Kismet

Rotary Chicken.

Oh, Kismet Rotisserie?

Rotisserie.

Oh, delicious.

One of the best, right?

Yeah, it's delicious.

I buy them a whole chicken.

Yeah, sure.

And I feed that to them.

Doesn't that make sense?

I'm the bad guy.

But then Atikalai said you can't feed them that.

Yeah, we're co-owners.

Right?

Why does her, Why does she trump what I have to fucking what I do?

Yeah.

I'm so mad I can't even talk, dude.

Why, how come?

It's 50-50, right?

Yeah.

Because it's ethical lie.

Yeah, it's what?

What?

She's the empress?

Yeah.

No, she's not.

I'm the king.

They both said yes at the same time.

I know.

Do you not respect him at all as the king?

He's not the king.

Wow, dude.

Wow, dude.

What are you talking about?

Ethikai is like the king, and you're like.

I'm like, what?

She's the king.

Yeah, I.

Okay, so what am I in Games of Throne?

You saw Games of Throne, right?

Game of Thrones.

Yeah, yeah.

No, it's called Games of Throne.

Here on Bad Friends with Games of Throne.

All right, you saw Game of Throne, right?

Who am I in Games of Throne?

You're like, who's

the Cersei's son?

Oh, yeah.

Joffrey.

I'm Joffrey.

I'll talk,

but then it's no bite.

All bite?

Yeah, no bite.

No bite.

You think that's Bobby Lee?

That's me.

The evil one.

Okay, and who's Kalila then in it?

I guess Cersei.

She's Cersei.

You're right.

She's evil as well.

Probably worse.

Significantly.

You know what I am, dude, in that world?

Jon Snow.

Yeah.

Jon Snow?

Oh, you're Jon Snow.

I'm Tyrion Lannister.

There it is.

Yeah, yeah.

The little guy.

That makes sense.

Really good advice.

Yeah.

I'm the hand.

Wise, smart.

Yeah.

Helpful.

Yeah.

And by the way, hot.

Tyrion Lannister?

Yeah.

Wait.

You think Peter Dinklage is hot?

Yeah.

Would you?

Yeah.

You would date Peter Dinklage.

No, who is that?

That's Andreas for sure.

No, that's Bobby.

You think that's Bobby?

Yeah, that's Andreas for sure.

You're not right.

You're trying to put that up.

You're trying to say that's him.

No, no, no.

They say it.

No, no, no.

I just.

Dude.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, that's you, dude.

And then you know who Carlos is?

Ramsey Bolton.

Bolton.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you're Ramsey Bolton.

Oh, oh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The crack addict?

Mm-hmm.

Ramsey, you are.

Who's McCone?

I already know where he is because I re-watched the series.

Who is he?

I went from one to eight again.

You did?

Yeah.

Who is he?

He's fucking the baker.

Oh, the fat baker.

The fat baker kid.

Yeah, yeah.

Just not like an NPC, not really in the show.

You know what I mean?

That's you, dude.

Like, what's his name?

You know, he has night terrors.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, so that's you, McCone.

Yeah, let's hear.

Can you do an English accent?

What should I say?

Pretty good, dude.

But be a baker.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, we're at a bakery.

Bobby, you're back again.

Okay, we're at a bakery.

That's pretty good.

We're at a bakery.

We're at a bakery.

Ding-a-ding-a-ding.

Hello, sir.

Oh, hello.

What do you have, fresh?

We've got some fresh buns right here for you.

What kind of buns?

Grain.

grain buns

honey they have grain buns yeah i don't like this guy's grain buns the grain buns are fucking disgusting they're terrible yeah what else have you got yeah what else do you got

we got a croissant

oh we love friends bullshit

show us the croissant i only have grain buns i don't i was lying are our english kids what our clips what what does what does our english kids want

hello what you two want to eat yeah what do you want order from the man order from the man gone uh

i don't want them grain buns well you know her accent is there and our other daughter who's you know a little eccentric

you know what i mean and um got the tism

you want grain buns or not yeah do you want grain buns or not do you guys have an english muffin she's

our oldest one is

she went to boarding school sorry lads yeah yeah yeah in all right outside the floor Outside.

Way outside.

Yeah.

Excuse us.

So funny.

So funny.

That's actually pretty good.

Yours was actually really good.

Very good.

Yeah.

Why didn't you try?

I can't do accents.

Yeah.

Yeah, you can.

You've done them on the show.

You've done it on the show before.

Maybe you should come to London with us.

You don't want to.

No, no.

She needs a visa, too.

Okay.

Oh.

Okay.

Oh, rain on the fucking parade.

Rain on the fucking parade, yeah.

Jesus Christ.

Just trying to have a good parade.

Pretty good English accent, McCone.

Thank you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Not bad.

Have you heard Carlos do it?

It's pretty good, right?

Costa Powers?

Yeah.

Oh, it's Shagger Delic, baby.

I hate it so much.

Andres, you do one.

I couldn't even do an American one.

Let's hear an American accent.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's up, man?

Welcome to the Trump store.

Say, hey, welcome to the Trump store.

Say that.

Hey, welcome to.

Fire.

Say it again.

Hey, what store is this?

What store is this?

Oh, welcome to the Trump store.

What?

Welcome to the Trump store.

This is the only job you could get.

You realize that, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Be careful because this is the only fucking job you're going to have in your life.

Honey, honey, what a beautiful store.

I love this store.

Yes.

You know what?

I've always wanted a Trump poncho.

Well, let's get you one.

Yeah, yeah.

Excuse me, sir.

Yep.

What up?

Yes.

Do you have Trump ponchos?

Do you have ponchos here?

All we have.

What?

All we have, ponchos.

Are you.?

You don't sound like you're from here.

Are you from here?

Where were you born, man?

In Louisiana.

What part?

Vato Ooj.

What?

He said Vato Ooge.

Vato Ooge?

Yeah, where's Vato Ooge?

In Louisiana?

Is that New Orleans?

Yeah, where is that?

Where is it?

Close to New Orleans.

Okay.

Close all colon.

Sir, you're fired.

You're fired, dude.

Get this guy out of here.

Yeah, yeah.

Call ice.

Call ice.

Call ice now.

Yeah, yeah.

You do realize that you literally could work no other job besides with us.

Like, this is the only one.

Yeah.

Can you imagine?

Yeah.

Without us, where would he be?

I don't know.

You know where I tried to go last night?

Oh, I waited in line and we couldn't get in?

What?

Jumbos.

What?

Clown room.

I haven't been in so many years.

Who'd you go with?

Well, we didn't go.

We never got in.

We walked in line.

Wow.

My buddy, you know Sean Malto?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Malto and I were going to go with our ladies and my cousin and nothing.

We walked.

It used to be you could walk in, pull up jumbos.

One of my favorite.

You used to be able to walk in.

There was a huge line.

It sucked.

And so we left.

This place is the best.

It's the best.

I went, I googled, I've been watching a lot of Sean videos.

Malto?

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's so talented.

No, we love him.

Yeah.

He's the man.

David Lynch claimed he wrote Mulholland Drive at Jumbo's.

Shut the fuck up.

That's amazing.

Is that a real story?

He wrote Mulholland Drive at Jumbo's.

Oh,

reportedly wrote the screen paper Blue Velvet at Jumbo's Clown Room.

Better movie, I thought.

Even better, yeah.

Blue Velvet's so good.

I know, but I love Mulholland Drive.

Me, too.

Such a good movie.

But Dennis Hopper and Blue Blue Velvet, what a crazy.

It's a great movie.

I'm just saying.

You guys like David Lynch?

I don't know.

They have no idea who that is.

Yeah, yeah.

You never heard of David Lynch?

Well, how could the how?

How could she know?

I don't want to get in this argument.

How could she know?

I just don't want to get into this.

She's wearing a shirt of a band she doesn't even know.

I don't know.

I think she knows.

I know.

No, actually, she did know Santeria.

He did know Santeria.

Yeah, he was a very, well, it's a one-of-a-kind director.

When you watch a David Lynch movie, you immediately know it's him.

style there is like popular movies blue velvet um elephant man that gen z would know that's the problem that's the problem no well well they would know twin peaks because twin peaks they remade into a show yeah you guys know twin twin peaks laurel palmer there's a new show when was the new twin peaks out 17 yeah it's not that long ago you know that alien baby i have in the living room i don't know if you've seen him that's uh from erase your head oh yeah i'm a very big fan you guys wouldn't know any of this stuff yeah how yeah but he's and the cone brothers you don't know.

Cohen, no?

No.

Wow.

It's crazy.

Well.

What do you mean what?

Well, it's like who's...

They have their...

They're not film fans.

Well, their generation has.

What they were watching the other day?

Oh, my God.

It was driving me crazy.

Yeah, yeah.

They don't know this, right?

But they're watching some sort of like...

Overcompensating.

Yeah.

What is that?

Is that TV?

It's some Gen Z story.

Yeah.

And they were laughing.

It's a movie or TV show.

Yeah.

TV show.

But we were watching an episode with Bowen Yang.

Yeah.

And his podcast host and Tito Babby

got so mad.

No, I didn't.

I get that.

That's insane.

Look, I'm a big bowen.

I bet you got mad.

Okay.

Wait, hold on, hold on.

Let me see the show.

What is the show about?

It's about this

gay guy.

No.

That's too controversial for me.

Wait a minute.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A new Gen Z show about a gay guy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And where is it on?

Prime?

Amazon Prime.

Amazon, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

It's so funny.

It's a good show.

So it's about a gay guy.

Yeah, but he's still in the closet and he's just trying to figure out.

He's already in college and he's like trying to figure out how to do it.

Coming the age.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it's so fun.

What are you concerned about, honey?

You should watch it.

Honey, what are you with these kids today?

Once again, this is Hollywood pushing a gay narrative

to the world, dude.

Making everybody gay, dude.

Is that guy gay?

Yeah.

Is that guy gay?

Is that dude gay?

Yeah.

So it's about about him coming out.

Does he ever come out?

He does.

Yeah.

In the first season?

Really blowing their load there, huh?

Jumping the sharks.

It's a big show, though.

Big popular show.

People must love it, I bet.

Yeah, they must love it.

Yeah.

I think you and I.

Gen Z.

Andrew, I think we're out of touch.

No, I wouldn't say.

Yeah, I think we are.

I wouldn't say we're out of touch.

I'd say we are.

We're stuck in the past.

I feel like Andrew is more open, though, than you.

Yeah.

He's

what do you mean?

Because you got so mad.

You told us never to mention Bo and Yang anymore.

All right.

Cut all that out.

Don't cut that up.

That's hilarious.

No, I didn't.

I love him.

I'm a big fan of his.

No, no.

First of all, we're leaving that in.

And let me tell you why.

Why?

Because

you can, then be honest, that doesn't mean you don't like Bo and Yang.

It just means you're a little jealous.

And that's okay.

I'm jealous of his career.

That's what I'm fucking with.

He's in wicked.

He's in everything.

I never got that.

And that's out of jealousy.

And I'm a bitch.

You're not a bitch.

I'm a loser.

You're not a loser.

And I'll kill myself.

Yeah, please don't.

Okay, is that what you want?

This is what you fucking did.

Look what you guys did.

Bo and Yang or death.

What?

Yeah.

Choose.

Choose.

Look at him.

He's the future.

Wait a minute.

Those are the same things.

Bo and Yang would be death for you.

So it's either Bo and Yang or you.

No.

You said Bo and Yang or death.

Choose Bo and Yang or my death.

Choose Bo and Yang or his death.

Yeah.

He's super talented.

He's the right guy for the right time.

Is he spitting in that man's mouth in that time?

Yeah.

And he's

I'll watch that show.

I love him.

I don't think I'll watch it.

Okay, so don't say that.

I didn't mean it in that way.

Okay.

But you two.

You guys have been sitting there.

But you seem to think, you said to me, and I'm going to say this now.

I'm going to call you out, dude.

What?

To get you riled up.

Give it to me.

She said Bo and Yang has a bigger podcast than ours.

There are numbers to support that's not true.

Fucking all.

Wait, what?

There are numbers to support that that's not true at all.

Is that true?

Because I feel like maybe it is.

No way.

What's the name of their show?

They just get a lot of like the A-less

that I know of.

No, you know what it really is?

What it is, is that I'll tell you what, it's sabotage.

It's sabotage.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What did that just say?

Yeah.

When I asked AI if Bad Friends was a show for Gen Z, yes, it's a popular show with Gen Z.

The Bad Friends podcast featuring Theo Vaughn and Bobby Lee.

Great.

I'm sorry.

Me, poop, poop, poop, poop, poop.

Why do you guys always pick on Bobby, do you think?

We don't pick on him.

They don't fuck with me at all.

They don't say hi.

They don't fuck with you at all.

Yeah, they don't say hi.

They don't do nothing.

If I'm upstairs, they're not upstairs.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Wake up at 4 p.m.

Okay, that's my lifestyle.

Let me ask you something, right?

When's the last thing you give me a hug?

You don't like hugs.

I do love hugs.

He does from you.

He says he does.

He only likes hugs from people he trusts.

Yeah, yeah.

So, yes, he doesn't want to hug from people.

There's no high five.

There's no, you know what I mean?

It's like, hey,

good morning.

Hi.

I said, good morning to Tabo.

And she'll say, she'll go say something like, the dogs are fat.

What?

Right?

No, we are nice to you.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

We're more comfortable with you than, like,

than, like, who?

I don't want to say that.

Other people in the family.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

I see.

Like a couple of days ago when you were leaving, I was like, oh, be safe.

And you didn't even say anything back.

You were like, oh, thanks.

That is very sweet.

You don't think that's sweet for her to say be safe?

That's how she said it.

How'd you say it?

No, I'm safe.

That's not.

Like, what, dude?

That's fucking rude.

No, but that's nicer because then I would be like, I'd be devastated if you weren't safe.

Oh, that's very sweet.

I honestly believe if I died, you wouldn't cry.

I would cry.

What do you guys call each other?

What's your nickname for each other?

You have a nickname?

Yeah.

I used to call her Bilat, which means pussy.

Oh, very good.

What a good term.

That's nice.

That's sweet.

Sister love.

Yeah, yeah, sister.

What did you call her?

I didn't call her this, but people used to call her this because she was like the tallest one.

Yeah.

Like in our place.

She was called Agda.

which is also called Kapri.

What's Agda mean?

It's also like Kapri.

Agda is Kapri.

It's the same as the Tree Man.

Oh, really?

Oh, so you're the Tree Man.

You know what?

You're you know who you are in the fucking Game of Thrones?

What?

The three-eyed raven.

What's this kid's name?

Oh.

Bart or no.

Branson.

Bran.

Bran.

Yeah, you're the three-eyed raven, dude.

That's cool, though.

Yeah.

Wait, what was the first word?

Not Capri?

The Bagdak?

What is it?

Agda.

Agda.

What does that mean?

Just the same.

Just the same thing.

Why do they have two names?

I don't remember.

I think Capri is for Tagalog and then Agda is for Bisaya.

This whole fucking country is confused.

I know.

They got different languages with the same.

They have the same mythical creature, but called something else.

Well, we have it.

What?

Bigfoot is also known as Sasquatch.

They are one and the same.

Yeah.

So

you can have called

Tooth different things.

I've never met, have you ever seen a real Bigfoot or no?

Oh, yeah.

Okay, where?

I was in Pocatello.

Oh, yeah, that story.

I remember.

Tell it, please.

You guys know Pocatello?

Remember?

Okay, let's say we're in a campfire and we have marshmallows

and we have tents set up.

It's midnight.

And this old, timey, you know what I mean, man approaches the campfire.

Hello there, lady.

Exactly.

Hello there, you guys.

Where'd you come from, sir?

Chinese boy.

I'm from way out yonder.

Yes.

Where did you come from?

Oh, we're just, you know, my family, me and my daughters were camping here.

Where have you come from?

We came just from the big city of Los Angeles, sir.

I mean, before that, where are you from?

Right, right.

We're all from Cleveland.

Yes.

You don't look like Clevelanders.

Yeah, well, there's a lot of sun we got.

You know what I mean?

We're field workers.

Well, next time wear sunglasses, your eyes won't end up like that.

Already.

Get the fuck out of here, man.

What?

Yeah.

You came here to tell a story.

You came with guns.

So you're going to tell us.

Listen here.

Tell us a story.

Came here with guns.

Are you a part of the KKK?

Part of it.

I'm the whole damn thing.

I'm K.

KK is down the fucking street.

All right.

Kanye, come here.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Let me tell you something.

I saw myself some Sasquatch one time.

You ever seen him?

No, no.

Big, big man.

Beautiful man.

Yeah.

I was walking through Pocatello.

Pocatello, where is that, sir?

Idaho.

Oh.

Fixing myself to get myself a sarsaparilla.

I wandered around for hours and hours.

Wow.

Didn't find anywhere to wet my whistle.

Anyway, sir, we're.

It's bedtime.

Girls, go to sleep.

Oh, you'll want to stay up for this.

All right, well, I guess stay up.

Sir.

Right.

Yeah.

So nowhere would wet my whistle.

Who would wet my whistle?

Honey, sweetie?

Don't ask that question.

Yeah, all right.

Sir, come on, there, kids.

I wanted to wet my whistle.

Okay.

An actual whistle, you know, they wet the tips when they blow on it.

Oh,

I was looking for a hooker to give me some head.

I couldn't find a good whistle.

Okay, sir, that's enough.

We have an early morning.

We're going to go fishing.

They're going to hear it from me or somewhere else.

Okay, anyway, guys, you know, we love whistles, no?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tweet, tweet.

So here I was.

Okay.

Strolling around Pocatello,

looking for somewhere to wet my whistle.

I didn't find it, sir.

But I sat on the curb and thought to myself, well, this thing ain't going to beat itself.

So I pulled my pants down.

And I started whapping my wiener against my legs.

That's the Sasquatch call.

We can imagine the sound effects.

Here, listen, I'll do it right now.

Here, girls, listen up.

Yeah, yeah.

Listen up, girls.

Yeah.

And of course, there comes Sasquatch.

he loves it.

He's hungry, folks.

What is that?

Is that him?

Is his penis rubbing against his legs?

I make that noise.

He recalls.

Some would think he was walking, but he wasn't.

Oh, no, that's just his penis.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, clanking against his big owl hairy legs.

Yeah, yeah.

And you're still doing yours, sir?

Yeah, we're communicating.

Yeah, you're communicating that way.

Okay.

And his goes.

Yeah.

And what does your sound like, sir?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Is that how you call a Sasquatch?

That's how you call him.

He came.

Anyway, good night.

Good night, sir.

Good night.

Good night.

Sleep tight, girls.

Wow.

By the way, that is a Sasquatch call.

You know that?

You know, they say if you're naked in the woods, he'll appear.

If you have clothes on, he won't be there.

Yeah, I've done it before.

He doesn't appear.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Never.

Yeah.

That is what they say.

Attract Sasquatch.

Leave gifts, make noise.

This get naked's not on there.

Those fellas at school tricked me.

Yeah.

Can I tell you a street joke?

Can I tell you a Gilbert Godfrey street joke?

I love it.

And can I do it like Gilbert?

Because rest in peace, one of the greatest of all time.

You're going to like this, girls.

All right, but honestly, ladies and girls,

don't laugh if it's not funny.

Okay.

All right, so let's go straight face.

I'll go straight face.

Don't even smile unless it's funny.

That's right.

It's okay.

Ready?

Here we go.

No, don't, you're smiling now.

Don't fucking fucking smell.

Stop.

You're smiling now.

This is Gilbert Godfrey's joke.

Two Jewish men in a park.

The one Jewish guy says, I'm so old.

I'm so old.

I'm so old.

The other guy says, you're not that old.

Yes, I am.

You don't even know how old I am.

He goes, I bet you I can tell you how old you are.

How?

He says, take off your pants.

He goes, I'm not taking off my pants.

I'm in the park.

Take them off.

So he does.

Then he says, now take off your underwear.

I'm not taking off my underwear.

I'm in the park.

He says, take them off.

He does.

Then he says, bend over and stick your thumb right in your asshole.

I'm not sticking my thumb in my asshole.

We're at the park.

Just do it.

And he does.

And the other man says, you're 95.

And he pulls his thumb out of his ass and says, how did you know that?

He said, You told me yesterday.

Thank you for being a bad friend.