100 Men v 1 Gorilla

You two are bad friends.

Who are these two idiots?

A white dude and an Asian dude.

You two are disgusting.

Kill a you two or something.

We're bad friends.

I can kill a gorilla on my own.

I don't need 99 other men.

He's doing this because there's a guy who was wearing a shirt that said,

I'm not a gorilla, but I can beat off a hundred men.

Not that based on that, but I saw that.

That's what we just talked about at lunch.

Yeah, but there's these memes and stuff going around about 100 men versus a gorilla.

You couldn't, you could not.

100 men versus a gorilla?

Yeah.

We'd lose.

Is that how big a gorilla is?

It's not how big a gorilla.

Uh-oh.

I mean, how many.

Okay, let's go.

Let's go all animals.

How many men would a kid?

A York Turk Terrier?

Like a grown adult male, just one.

One?

But not Brad Williams.

How many kids?

But not Brad Williams.

No, BW.

Yeah, he'd be taken down.

How about how many people would it take to fight off a

Doberman pincher?

Ooh.

I saw a guy manhandling his dog this morning, speaking of which, and it really pissed me off.

Dude, because you know how people tug on the chain?

And he whipped it around because he was barking at another dog in a fence?

Yeah.

And he whipped it so hard it leapt off the ground and then he grabbed it by the neck.

That guy, write his name down.

That's uncalled for.

A pit bull.

He had a pit bull.

I hate when animals are treated that way.

I don't like it at all, man.

It pissed me off.

There's my dog in the window.

Yeah.

He scared both the carnivals and me.

Did it scare you guys?

Yeah, it jumped, literally.

Or they'll see like a puppy being beaten down on the side of the road.

Disgusting.

Right.

How come I can't find them?

You know how there's this show on the internet where they can.

I can't find kittens or anything.

You know this show on the internet where they catch, there's a guy named Colorado Ped Patrol.

He like baits people that are trying to interact with underage people, and then they beat them in public.

They like beat the life out of them.

Why can't we bait people that are abusive to dogs and beat them in public and stream it?

I think if you beat dogs, we should beat you in public and stream it.

You know what I do?

I put

peanut butter on my butthole.

That'll get them out there.

That'll get the dogs excited.

I don't know about the guy who does the abuse.

I'll make him eat it.

Oh, that's smart.

Yeah, yeah.

That's very smart.

After the dogs are done?

Chunky peanut butter.

Extra chunky.

Crunchy.

You like chunky or smooth?

I'm a crunchy guy, dad.

Really?

Oh, 100%.

Yeah, you're kind of crunchy.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, you like smooth?

Nah, smooth is so weird.

It's so weird.

It's so weird.

It feels weird.

What kind of jelly do you use?

Mm.

Mm.

Raspberry.

No, what brand?

I use the one.

What's the one that's, you know, you know.

Yeah, it's the one that looks like a mom-and-pop?

Yes.

That one.

Who is that, though?

I don't even know.

We just buy it.

We buy it because it looks so like cottage.

Yeah, it's a fancy body.

Yeah, cottage bay by an old white lady.

Yeah.

I make you some jam.

Yeah, where is it?

I think it's smuckers, right?

No.

No, man.

We're not smuckers.

We're at smuckers, guys, for sure.

That one, the first one.

The first one.

Go up top.

The first one.

The first thing.

That girl.

That's what I use.

Who's this woman?

This one.

Bonnie.

Bonnie.

Bonnie Maimon.

Oh, she's got a skill set.

That one.

Huge rack, Bonnie Maimon.

She's just an old, fat white lady.

I'll make you some strawberry preserves.

Yeah, that's a really good one.

Do you refrigerate your jam?

No, I don't think so.

Do you refrigerate your peanut butter?

No, and I definitely don't refrigerate butter.

People that put butter in the fridge, weirdo.

Leave it out.

Leave it out, you weirdo.

Let it get soft.

Yeah.

Butter should generally be refrigerated.

No, that's not true.

Yeah, I think that you're wrong about that.

I was going along with you, but I'm like, but I don't know.

No, no, no.

Butter lasts longer in the fridge, but you don't have to put it in the fridge.

You don't look it up.

Here's another thing you shouldn't put in the fridge.

Tashimi.

Leave it out.

Leave it out for a month.

Wherever the sun is coming in your house.

Yeah.

Big slice of tuna in your front, just in the front.

Recommended refrigerate jelly, especially especially if it's not high-sugar variety.

I'm going to tell you, I don't oblige you any of that.

I drank spoiled milk yesterday, and I'm fine.

Really?

I did.

I'm not kidding.

I had cereal.

I looked at it.

It was like seven days past when it said don't drink.

Was it curdled?

Tasted fine.

I mean,

my fart smelled weird.

But who cares?

I do.

Your body is.

I'm lactose intolerant.

Oh, well, you can't have it.

Curdled milk?

Forget about it.

You're lactose intolerant?

Yeah.

You're Korean and Jewish?

Yes.

That's what I had for breakfast.

Yuck.

Yogurt.

You had yogurt.

Yeah, okay.

By the way, yogurt is, isn't that curdled milk?

There's nothing wrong with drinking spoiled milk.

Thank you.

It just doesn't taste good.

But it doesn't do anything to you.

No.

No.

How old?

How old?

Drinking milk can be dangerous.

It's so good to have doctors in the house.

Yeah.

Like we're on Rogan's show.

Just giving out medical advice.

Two fucking idiots giving out medical advice.

Did your mother have titty milk still in her breast?

Because that's, I'd like to try it.

We know know yours doesn't.

See those fried eggs hanging off her chest.

Those things hit her belt.

Dude, you know what's so funny?

Your mom goes, oh, you rookie gata my boobies?

No, you know what?

No, mom, look at your face, not your fucking belt line.

Yeah, you went mean with it.

Are you rooking at my boobies?

No, dude, you're going mean with it, dude.

You started it.

I just said, are there?

Like a scientific question.

Clearly there's not.

Dug into my mom.

Clearly there's not.

You know milk goes away.

Yeah, okay.

How long does breast milk stay in a woman's breast after giving birth?

After they stop breastfeeding that's what i mean you know what your mom's titty

two years you know comes out after cessation you know what comes out of your mom's titty

mac and cheese dust the cheese dust

did that land

you thought that was gonna hit didn't you you thought about it and it didn't hit i i think it's gonna um it's gonna hit with some of our fans i think

okay

well let me have the line again then go on the cheese powder from macaroni and cheese oh that's pretty good craft Yeah.

Yeah.

Rubber craft.

You know what penis I want to see, though?

Woo-hoo.

Remember that flying horsey and never-ending story?

Falcor?

Yeah.

It's packed.

Yeah, it's got to be packed.

Dude, I saw, I read this thing.

This is crazy.

He's in OnlyFans now.

Oh, Falcor's on OF?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, look at that tongue, though.

Jesus Christ.

The never-ending penis.

Yes.

It goes on and on and on.

Yeah, if you were giving Falcor that actual fucking robotic whatever thing, would you display it in your home?

Yeah.

Where?

Front door.

Yeah, amazing.

Right out the front window, so people coming up.

No, I would have got wrapped in my roof.

Oh, that's smart.

I think so.

Put an Asian like roof, right?

And wrap that thing.

Oh, that would be so.

You have an Asian roof.

I do, yeah.

It's on your house.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wow.

Amazing.

That's funny that your real estate agent will sell your house afterwards and be like, and this is an Asian palace.

They're like, it doesn't look like it looks Spanish.

They're like, wow, it was Bobby Lee's house.

Wow.

It was an Asian palace.

Just by me living in it, doesn't it?

You're King Lee.

You give me value.

Are you not King Lee?

You think you give value to your house?

I'm just a white.

You're King Lee.

I'm giving you credit.

You're missing a compliment.

I'm the fraud king.

Frog King.

Fraud King?

I can't talk today.

It's all right.

So drink some of that coffee.

Hey, look this up.

This is crazy.

A guy on the internet said, you know, when somebody goes, I'm hung like a horse, he's hung like a horse?

Yeah.

They did like the math comparison of a horse's penis in comparison to the weight of the horse and its size.

And technically,

look at this.

Here you go.

The average horse weighs 1,000 pounds and has a 20-inch dick.

That's a ratio of 50 pounds to one inch.

So an average man weighing 200 pounds only needs a four-inch dick to be hung like a horse.

Wow.

We're good.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, you're much less than 22.

How much do you weigh?

I'm hung like a giraffe now.

Sure, it is.

With that metric.

But isn't that brilliant to think about?

That's hung like a horse is very average penis.

Oh, wow.

I did not even realize that.

News from Spain.

a day without power what 12 hours of darkness looked like in spain and portugal so i read this the trains went down everything went down huh what'd you do fancy look at all those fancies yeah yeah i can't catch the bus to their place look at their bodies just like it's like a village of porgs it's a porg convention dude they're all wow

it's not your fault then it's not it's not your it's the people my god it's genetics yeah it's genetics it's not genetics

it's like that movie wreck remember that movie Wreck?

Wreck.

Yeah.

Do you remember that movie?

Yeah.

Great movie.

You know Wreck?

Yes.

Did you see Wreck 2?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And 3 and 4.

There's not 3 and 4.

There is.

There's four of those?

Yep.

Wow.

Wow.

And an American version called Quarantine.

Oh, Quarantine.

Yeah.

Mino film.

Mino film.

Yeah.

Shut up.

Wreck was good.

Honestly, dude?

Yeah.

You're a little snippy today, aren't you?

So you haven't watched any Last of Us?

I've never seen The Last of Us.

No.

Why?

I'm stuck.

I told you, I'm stuck right now on the studio on Apple TV.

I was watching that, and you haven't seen it.

So we have, you know, that's the divide.

Interesting.

Okay.

I got to tell you, it's very meta.

It's inside, inside, inside baseball.

Yeah.

We get the jokes.

Yeah.

The problem is, I'm so fucking jealous.

Of course.

That's why I can't watch it.

I went to bed last night so fucking jealous.

That's why I can't watch it.

It's because I was like, why can't I be just.

I have friends in it.

I cannot watch it.

Let me be a page.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know?

Why can't can't we get work?

Duh.

Because of this?

Probably.

Yeah, it's got to be a piece of it, right?

Yeah, yeah.

But this is.

I'm going to email Seth Rogan and ask him if he can cut me out of that one, too.

Put me in this, cut me out of it, just so I can be on set for a little while.

All right.

Just like the room.

I'll get cut out too.

You'd probably stay.

We apparently did kill the Pope.

Our 266 episode came out the day he died, and he was the 266th Pope.

Are you serious?

Yes.

No.

That's confirmed.

I knew he had power.

I knew it.

Oh my God.

Did you see that Pope, Pope Francis, as a young man?

He was a haughty.

Was he hot?

Yeah.

A young Pope Francis.

Please be right.

No, that color photo right there.

That one.

Zoom in.

Yeah, he's a handsome cat.

Dude, look at the eyes.

Dude.

Piercing eyes.

Those eyes have some.

Betty Davis's eyes.

Betty Davis.

Betty Davis.

Davis' eyes.

That's what it is.

Ton of music.

Now, he could get girls.

He had to resist it.

Don't you think some of these guys are

getting top and just not telling anybody?

Yes.

You think so?

I think if you get to heaven and you're Pope Francis, he's like, you did so much good, but I do know you were getting your wang sucked.

But just to get your message out, you're going to get dove, put a message on it, put it in the sky.

You know what I mean?

It takes three months for it to come back.

That's their raya.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's their raya.

As long as you confess that you're fine.

If he confesses that he did something bad, what are these ones?

Hottest popes.

Okay, let's go.

Take us through the hottest popes.

No, it's got to be.

That guy was not hot.

That guy's hot.

His civilian name was Fabio.

You know what he looks like?

Dirty Harry.

You know who Dirty Harry is?

The porn star?

Oh, nuts.

I thought Dirty Harry, the movie, the clip.

The coach would look.

Look up Dirty Harry, the porn star.

He does.

He does look like Dirty Harry, dude.

Dude, that colored one.

That's my old landlord.

I'm not even kidding.

That's literally my old landlord.

Go to the first one.

Dude, that's the Pope.

This dude is

an animal.

Let me guess.

Yeah.

This guy died of a bad, bad disease.

He's still alive.

Is he?

Yeah, I think Dorty Harry is still alive.

Dirty in the name is great.

But he is.

Wow.

Is he alive?

I'm seeing.

Dude, Clinice with Dirty Harry Make My Day so good.

How does that line go?

Make my day.

Go ahead.

Make my day.

Go ahead and make my day.

Imagine saying that to somebody and then them beating the shit out of them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Go ahead.

Make.

Yeah.

And

your kids are there?

Damn, no.

Why would you say that to him?

Tell me about Derdi Harry.

He was born in the Bronx, New York, in 1951.

Yeah.

I love how it says he's an actor.

Let's see some of his titles.

Go and zoom in.

Play Daddy.

Dude, he was great in Play Daddy.

Bang Bus, relax.

He's my stepdad.

I thought he was.

Deserved a golden globe after that one.

Bang Bus.

I suck.

I suck is so good.

Cash for Chunkers.

Oh, yeah, he does Chunkers.

I love Chunkers.

You do?

I think Cash for Chunkers is great.

Yeah.

I'd have to get cash for the Chunker.

29, not 41.

29 of them.

He did 29.

How many films has he done in total?

Go back up to the top and I'll show you how many.

He's done so many.

How many titles?

323.

Dude.

And he's got one coming.

Really?

Pink visual pass.

Oh, I got to see see that.

He's keeping up with AI.

It's released already.

Also, I want to do an alert.

Can I just go back on my word about the

Death and Ramen real quick?

About Death and Ramen?

Yeah.

I've already done a spell on Rival Road.

I know.

I feel bad.

Is there any way to get rid of that spell?

Let me read the bottom.

Let me see.

Let me see.

Look in.

Let me see at the bottom.

It says.

I think I overreacted.

As the day progresses, those changes will gradually, slightly become more apparent.

However, you cannot reverse any of these spells as they are permanent within the universe.

Oh, my God.

I resent the fact that

hair looks better.

I know.

It does look really good, doesn't it?

It does literally look better.

It looked cool.

He does look good.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't like,

there's definitely like a tension between me and Carlos post-Trump.

Maybe.

Maybe.

You think because of Trump's election, you guys have had like weird beef?

No.

Since you know what.

Since Bobby was invited to the White House.

Oh, yeah, you're going to go to that?

You're being real?

What are you doing?

Are you being real right now?

You brought up the tension.

But

that wasn't the tension.

It's an overall tension.

Oh, okay.

What are you doing?

What?

Yeah, you know what you do?

Put gas on the fire.

You're a fireman.

Let's say I'm stuck in a house, right?

And I'm on fire.

I run out.

And you're a fireman, and you just, you throw more gasoline on it.

You put more gasoline on me.

45 for 79.

It's a Korean family.

We're going to let this one burn.

Yeah, yeah, that's you.

No, dude.

Yeah, yeah.

You're not on my side half the time.

Dude.

Yeah.

That's true.

You really want to do...

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Yeah, because he's the logic and reasoning behind this.

No, he's a piece of shit.

Yeah.

No, he's on my side all the time.

He left his daughter in a hot car for hours.

Do you know this?

They called the cops on him.

No, just a little bit of a camera.

Yeah, he was going into Ralph's.

Only once.

I know, but why do you...

Dude, you left your child in the hot car?

Yeah.

Five minutes, in and out.

Five minutes?

Did you get in trouble?

Yeah, the cops came.

It was fine.

He doesn't want this to be brought up.

He tried to murder his daughter.

He did.

Yeah.

It's generally not safe to leave your child alone in a car, not even for a few minutes, and you did it for five.

I love the windows open, though.

She's not a dog.

Yeah.

This is one lady that came out of a casino, and they're like, Do you know your children are in the car?

She's like, I was only gone for 10 minutes.

Meanwhile, she had been gambling for 10 hours.

10 hours, 10 minutes.

What's the difference?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, was she on a heater?

If she's on a roll, you got to let her do it.

Yeah.

Also, those kids, that's her mom.

I mean,

she's the mother.

They're going to turn out shitty anyway.

What's the difference?

What, because she's black?

I never

said that.

That's insane that you would say that.

You just said she left them them in the car.

Yeah, you might as well just say, well, you know, they're used to heat.

They're from Africa.

You know what I mean?

Like, what is your mind?

Where is your mind today, dude?

Who made up all this stuff?

You did, dude.

I didn't know the race of the woman.

I said she was a bad mom, dude.

It was a viral thing, dude.

I said she's a bad mom because she.

God damn you.

Nice try.

All right.

God damn you.

All right.

Anyway, what is this?

Police are planning to charge a mother or two whose children died inside the Van of Detroit Casino Garage.

Wow.

Oh, they died.

Yeah.

I saw this dude.

I was at Vegas last weekend, and I'm telling you, what breaks my heart the most is when you see people with babies at like one in the morning in the casino.

Jesus, what are you doing?

I mean, but the fact that that's not, how is that not illegal?

What are you doing?

You got to be 21 to gamble, right?

Yeah.

So it should be like, no babies on the floor also.

That's a law.

Yeah.

Can't have babies on the floor.

What would happen if you did get drunk?

Look at that.

No baby, baby's generally not allowed on a casino floor.

Yeah, it is.

I saw it all fucking weekend.

All fucking weekend.

Do babies get drunk?

If they have alcohol, yes.

Oh.

If they have that guy, you guys,

they can come intoxicated from small amounts of alcohol.

Oh, my God.

Imagine your baby drunk.

Did your dad ever give you...

The baby's like,

I want to laugh at this bit.

It's not good.

I know.

I'm throwing blanks.

No, you're trying.

We're throwing it in the sky.

Yeah, nothing's happening.

Did your dad never, like, you know, when you were teething, you ever heard this and they give they give whiskey on your on your gums?

No.

We do that.

That's the whites do that.

My mom, my dad used to do it with sake.

It's not the same thing.

It's not the same thing.

We're dying.

If you put a piece of kimchi in your toes.

Yeah, we're dying.

We're fine.

I'm not.

You think it's the fucking the interns that are here?

Where's these interns?

Send them down here.

Let's get them.

Yeah.

What's your name?

Diego.

Diego, you know what you are?

Diego.

What am I?

A young, dirty hairy.

Look at that mustache.

Is it bad or is it?

No, it's a good look.

No, it's pretty good.

We're kind of like rocking the same thing.

No, no.

Oh, mine's a little better.

A little bit better.

That's you right there, there, Diego.

That's you, dude.

Diego, what happened?

I saw you on the pull in the parking lot.

You couldn't get into the bathroom.

Couldn't figure it out.

The door was jammed.

Yeah, jammed.

I mean,

this is the new generation.

They don't know how to turn it off.

They don't know how to push.

Yeah.

Let me ask you, guy.

What's up, guy?

Are you in?

Ooh, careful.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Damn, Diego.

Audrey, sorry, sorry.

You're skating on thin horchata right now.

I know.

Are you in the movie Xanadu?

What's up with your shoes, dog?

Do you like them?

No.

Wait, why not?

What brand is that?

La Tigre.

They're like the Kill Bill, like yellow type.

You know those people.

You think that's yellow?

No, they're like the same ones as the Kill Bill ones.

Yeah, they're tigers.

They're tigers.

Okay.

The pants.

Pants, you don't like them?

No, I'm just analyzing you, dude.

That's what I'm doing.

I appreciate it.

Can I analyze you?

I like your hat.

You analyze me and I'll analyze you.

All right, let's go.

Tip or tat.

Tip for tat for tat.

All right, all right.

Go ahead.

I love your hat.

Where's it from?

It says right on it.

Yep.

But made horn.

Made horn?

Oh, made worn.

So bad vision.

Yeah.

Bad vision?

What are you?

19?

20.

Yeah.

You have bad eyes at 20?

Horrible.

What's your vision?

What's your number?

Like

8 out of whatever it is.

8 out.

No, no, no.

Isn't it 2020?

Like 820 or what is it?

Well, you should.

Have you ever been to an eye doctor?

Yeah, but.

Do you have contacts?

I do.

You don't know your prescription?

I don't, because I don't wear them.

Do you see what these kids?

What do they know?

Can't open a bathroom.

Don't you?

Do you thread your eyebrows?

My barber does them.

He does thread them?

I'm my barber, huh?

They're really nice.

Yeah, thank you.

I appreciate it.

What's your barber's name?

His name's George.

George what?

Washington.

Carver.

George Washington Carver.

Oh, yeah.

He makes peanut butter and does your eyebrows.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Square.

You know what?

Yeah.

Checking out people is so easy with square.

Yeah, it used to be easy.

Remember back in the day when you were selling merch after a show?

Exactly.

And people had cash or credit cards, you had to go to the club and be like, hey, could you charge this to the thing?

And if they want to buy a shirt, and the club is like, your shirts are stupid.

And you're like, I know.

I brought 185 of them.

Yeah, but now you have a phone.

Now you got a phone.

Right.

And you got a square.

Swip, swipe, swipe.

Sweep, swap, sweep.

Or tap, tap, tap.

Tap, tap.

Or tap, tap, tap.

Square is incredible.

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It's built to move with you and adapts as your business grows.

Yeah, they got intuitive POS.

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And it is.

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Bobby, unfortunately, has to hire his nieces to clean his apartment.

I don't like it.

Not anymore.

Yeah.

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Yeah, and it's downloaded cleaning is so easy.

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How do I know who I'm getting and if they're legit?

Well, I mean, they have a certification process.

They do, homoglow don't.

It's like, you know what I mean?

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They do.

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That's HomoGlow.

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And how old are you?

20.

About to be 21.

So you've never had,

you know?

I have never had.

I don't know what.

Well, guess what I was saying?

Yeah, figure it out.

You've never had

empanada?

Yes.

No, you've had empanada?

Yeah.

Never.

No, never had empanada.

I guess it right.

Never.

Yeah.

Empanada.

Never had.

You've never had.

Spear.

Spear.

Spear?

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

Whatever.

Do you own a spear?

I never own.

No, No, I don't own it.

Bingo.

I've never owned it.

He's right.

I've got a spear fishing.

That's not the same thing.

I'm talking about a Viking spear.

A Viking spear?

Yeah, yeah.

I've never seen one.

Let me do another one, okay?

You've never been to Canada.

Been to Canada?

Yeah.

I'm actually Canadian.

I knew it.

That's why I knew.

How'd you know?

Wait, how'd you know?

How'd you know I was Canadian?

Look at your weak mustache and your tender face.

Thank you.

I appreciate that.

That's Canadian.

Well, you got a new prime minister.

Congrats.

Yeah.

Oh, I didn't even know that, but thanks.

How do you know?

You don't know this?

What do you guys know?

What do you know?

Yeah.

You're a film student, right?

Business.

Oh, you're in business?

Yeah.

But I am.

Can you tell?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

What business do you want to do?

Like social media management.

Oh,

really?

Wait, you guys want to know a crazy story?

Oh, we love your stories.

Go ahead, Dirty Harry.

Speaking of business and all that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You guys were, or you had actually gone on Instagram Live, and I had commented, oh, would it be be cool if I ever worked for you?

And like, would it?

And you're like, no, you're never going to work for us.

Are you working for us now?

I'm not working.

I'm just saying, look.

Are you working for us now?

I'm not working, but look where I came.

Look how far.

I know, but you're never going to work for us.

In fact, we're never going to see you again.

I'll tell you what.

We'll hire you for no money, though.

I'll do it.

Damn.

Well, are you seeing somebody?

I have a girlfriend.

Is she living here?

I heard that little crack in the voice when you said girlfriend.

That was good.

Yeah, let's analyze that.

Wait, what?

No, hold on.

He got nervous.

Girlfriend.

Yeah, I'm a little nervous.

How deep is the relationship?

Three and a half years.

High school sweethearts.

Wow.

You know it's not going to work out, right?

But do you know that?

Why do you say that?

Wait, why do you say that?

It might.

It never does.

Wait, why?

What'd you say?

He's autistic.

Would you show him the statistics?

Show him the statistics.

That's what he says.

No, what I'm saying to you is that

you're ultimately not where you're going to be.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

You're going to become successful.

We don't know what's going to happen to you.

2% of all marriages from high school sweethearts.

Success comes.

I'm just going to like.

I've seen it all day, every day, dog.

Well, I might be the

2%.

No, because when you fill out, you're going to be a chunko.

When was the last time that we had tails connected to our tailbone?

That's a weird question that you came up with.

I have a little pain in my tailbone right now.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I'm thinking about that.

Humans lost their tails 25 million years ago.

Oh, my God.

Really?

Why did we lose it?

Yeah.

We didn't need it.

Fuck you.

Don't.

You know what?

It'd be nice to sit on a tail.

Yeah.

We didn't need it.

That's crazy.

That's what we used to look like.

You could have sex with it.

It's so thick.

What would you do with your tail if you had a tail?

Me?

Yeah.

I would bling it out, dude.

What would you do?

Bling it out?

My tail?

Yeah.

I'd tuck it between my legs.

You'd be a tucker?

Yeah.

Be a tucker for sure.

Or I'll make the tail look like my penis and then I'll pull it forward.

Oh, there you go.

Would it be hairy or would it have to just be skin?

I would clean it.

I'd clean it.

I'd manscape it.

Manscape it?

Yeah, manscape.

I would manscape it, too.

Yeah, yeah.

You got to keep some orderly fashion to that thing.

It's wagging around everywhere.

And also, I would rocket money it.

No.

I definitely would rocket money at this.

Yeah, yeah.

You know what happens?

First time you clean it in the shower, you go, hello, fresh.

Yeah, yeah.

Look at that.

Oh,

so some people are born with it still.

Maybe it's Maybelline.

Maybe.

Wow.

Oh, is he wearing a jock strap?

Why has he got like a line by his butt cheeks?

Yeah.

Maybe, and it's just chubby.

What's a chubby baby?

It looks like dough or like a like clay.

Doesn't even look real.

You better be careful with your girlfriend.

You might have one of these babies with a tail.

They say it's the higher percentage that you have a baby with a tail if you get married to your high school sweetheart.

Oh, great.

What color is your girlfriend?

What color?

Oh, oh, I get your generation.

You guys don't see color.

No, no, no, no.

Is that what it is?

No, she's the same color as me.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

To an Asian accent.

Okay.

I can't.

You can.

Ruin his entire business career.

Oh, yeah.

See, I can't do that.

I can't just do this.

Haro.

I dirty hairy.

You got permission.

Oh, my God.

Wait, wait, what was the second?

What was the second?

I'm dirty hairy.

I roll.

I am dirty hairy.

No.

No.

No.

Would I need to do like get a little bit more under it?

Or?

There we go.

I'm

dirty hairy.

His His is immaculate.

Go.

Go ahead.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dirty.

My name is Dirty Harry.

Yeah, this is a bad idea to put this kid through this.

All right, last exercise we're going to do.

And you can't think about it.

You're going to go right into it.

Okay.

You're doing, you're a college professor.

And we're a film class, and you talk to us about film

and you introduce your name and all that stuff.

Not your real name, make it up, right?

Three, two, one.

You go.

We're kids.

Okay, so welcome class.

My name is Bobby Santino.

That's a mix of

Korean and

Irish.

My parents are from my mom from Korea.

My dad's from Ireland.

Ironic.

I don't know how that works.

What about film, dude?

This is getting to know me, right?

It's a film class.

This is getting to know me, right?

What's this guy doing in the film?

I don't know.

Let's get into the film, professor.

So,

what kind of film did I do?

That's a great question.

I couldn't tell you because.

The history of film.

Oh, the history of film.

Yeah, and go.

Blank.

I would just walk out.

No, you know,

you know what I would do?

You know how to do improv.

Is this LA City coming out of improv?

No, I'm 20 years old.

This is Quinnipiat.

He just

get up.

You make it.

You're special needs kids.

Yeah.

I'm part of that group.

Yeah.

All right, let's bring the other incel in.

Intern.

Intern, I mean.

Oh, yeah.

Intern.

Tap him in.

Yeah.

Oh, look at this guy, dude.

Thank you, Ronaldo.

Thank you.

Hey.

We like him.

Yeah, we like him a lot.

Hey, how's it going?

You know.

All right.

I got to say this because it's been burning me, all right?

Bobby, you always transition with this word A-L-S-O,

but you pronounce it o-so.

And it gets under my skin.

And now that I've said that, I don't feel more clear.

Give me the example of when I said also.

Don't get under this guy's skin.

Look,

don't want to catch you at a music festival anytime soon.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I feel clean now that I said that, so I appreciate you.

No, but give me an example.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Oh, Andrew, also, I am going to be hanging out with Kalila later.

You say also instead of also.

Oh, so.

He's saying you say also with no L.

Yeah.

Also.

I'm not joking.

But that's all I got.

But yeah.

Have you ever noticed that?

No, but I do notice that fanny pack, and it's giving me me the TV G.

Let me guess what's in your fanny pack.

You want to guess?

Yeah.

A Swiss Army knife.

It's gun.

First thing, gun.

Gun, gun, gun.

All right.

First thing, gun.

You know what?

I actually did bring a gun on here.

No, just kidding.

I scared you.

I scared you.

I don't know about this guy, dude.

Thanks, Lou.

What's in there?

Open up your fanny pack.

I'll show you.

By the way, how much does this guy love Asian women?

A lot.

This is the kind of guy that loves Asian women.

Yeah, yeah.

He's like everyone you work with.

You're going to live in 20 years at the Philippine Philippine Islands.

Are you dating someone right now?

Yeah, I am.

Is she Asian?

She's not, but you know what?

I'm practicing ethical non-monogamy.

So I'm allowed to explore.

Wait a minute.

It's called ethical non-monogamy.

I'll tell you about it.

So you tell your girlfriend, hey, we're going to sleep with other people.

Yeah, so basically, if I talk to her, I have open communication.

I don't like the way you say that.

Well, that's because he's Eastern European.

Not come up here.

No, just kidding.

He looks like it, though, doesn't he?

Where are you from?

I'm from here, but

I have a lot of friends from all over the place, and then I develop fake accents and fake personalities.

Whoa, let's do a East European.

Let's come to the internship.

Let's go with, I want to stick with an East European

accent.

Hello, Bobby.

My name is Jackson.

It's good to meet you, man.

I'll tell you what, dude,

meet me down at the casino.

We could play some Black Jack.

You know what I'm saying?

Pretty good, dude.

Sure.

Let's go into another one.

Another watch.

Any kind of character that you have.

Hey, dude, what's going on, dude?

I'm from North Carolina, and I fly a damn airplane.

And, you know, I chew dip on the side of the road sometimes, and I got to spit it out there.

But the damn raccoons be eating it up, and I don't know what to do at that point, man.

Okay, good.

That's Theo.

Yeah.

For sure.

Do you have any suggestions?

I just hope we're not on a kill list.

I'm a lover.

That's actually my dad.

That's the first thing they say.

All right.

As they're stabbing you to death.

How about this?

A sensitive vampire.

A sensitive vampire.

Yeah.

Ah, there's lights.

Oh, hey, how's it going?

No, a sensitive vampire is.

Would it be okay if I suck your blood?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't want to impose.

Yeah, yeah, that's good.

Give him another one.

Last one.

Give him one last character.

Shy Bill Cosby.

I actually saw Bill Cosby before it went crazy.

And he's kind of like...

Before, before

it went crazy.

I kind of want to eat the hoagie, but I don't know.

Yeah.

Pretty good North Carolina guy, dude.

Bill Cosby's from North Carolina.

Oh, that makes sense.

Wow.

Can I see your teeth with a smile?

Yeah, it's nice.

I actually, part of the reason for my body looking so fucked up is I actually called on the show one time to tell you guys about this is that like I found out that my biological mom is actually my cousin.

I called you guys on the phone about that one time.

Nobody could tell.

And that's why I looked at it.

Basically what happened is my mom who gave birth to me, her eggs were all fucked up.

So then they put an egg on my cousin.

So then my whole family tree shifted.

And I also have a lot of Neanderthal lenses DNA.

But

dude, that doesn't mean that I can't have a good time.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

No, it sounds like your family has a real good time.

Your mom is your cousin.

Yeah, so biologically, my mom.

Your mother burnt

my great aunt.

So they use your mom's cousin's eggs.

They use my cousin's eggs, but it's my mom.

My mother, who

her niece put egg, and then I spawned.

And now I'm here ready to rumble.

Did anyone regret that?

Your cousin is your mother.

Biologically, yes.

Yeah, your cousin's your mom.

Your actual mom is the woman who pushed you out of her body is your cousin.

No, no, no, no.

That's my great aunt.

That's his aunt.

Oh, wow.

Technically, his.

Yeah, that would be his.

Right.

That'd be your great aunt.

But my mom who pushed me out of her body, she looks up to you because

she's in the program and she talks about it and how you're a good influence on the program.

Where does she live?

She used to live in LA and now she lives in Northern California.

Wow.

And you grew up in California?

Yeah, I grew up in.

I was born in Burbank, and then I moved up to Northern California.

Then I went on a couple of alien spaceship travel adventures, and now I'm back here somehow.

I wound up back here.

When you say an alien spaceship, do you mean Sandy Hook?

Listen, man, like I said,

the only guns I have are these ones, right?

If you do the gun thing, I swear to fucking God, dude.

We're never going to see you again.

No more gun arm jokes.

I'll show you.

I'm not armed.

Don't, don't, don't, don't.

Don't, don't, don't, don't, slow down, slow down, dude.

Show me your hands.

Yeah, what does that say?

I got something here.

What is that?

Hand sanitizer.

Hand sanitizer.

Sleeping mask.

I got a battery pack from the casino.

Because I do go.

Yeah, I'm learning poker.

This guy is unbelievable.

What medication are you on, man?

Dude, I'll tell you.

I take a daily dose of good vibes and also anxiety, and then you combine those two.

You take anxiety medication?

No, I don't.

You'll take any medication.

I am on copious amounts of caffeine.

Maybe that's considered

a good thing.

I drink roughly about 400 milligrams per day, which is about four cups of coffee a day.

But if I want to, I push the limits.

Maybe there's an assignment I got to deal with, you know, maybe 600, 800.

We pushing, you know, but my heart is pumping, so I'm alive.

And I'm, I'm, it would do that without the coffee, you know.

Yeah, it just goes a little faster.

It certainly does.

How many times have you been at Burning Man?

Dude, I've never been, but I've gone to a couple of uh raves here and there.

I like to turn up, but I'm sober at the raves, which is funny.

All my friends are like rolling and tripping out, and I'm just like pumping my fists on caffeine.

Just how.

Stop waving those guns around.

Yeah, it's scaring us.

Wait a minute.

So you're sober completely, yeah?

No.

For the most part, I like to live a sober lifestyle, but because of all the addiction in my family and stuff, but I've never actually been sober.

I like whiskey.

I've been trying to experiment a little bit, but I'm not like drunk.

I'm just for the flavor, like an old man.

And I'm 23.

Interesting.

Well, how is a dating life?

It's great.

Like I said, ethical non-monogamy.

It's a lot of fun.

You have a girlfriend, but you're practicing ethical non-monamas.

Yeah.

Okay.

So they're hooking up with other people.

And is she allowed to?

Yeah.

Does she tell you about it?

Yeah, she does, and she's bisexual, so it's mostly women, which is a good time for me.

That's the dream.

But, you know.

You guys live together?

I, no.

Not yet.

Yeah.

That's one thing to send.

Well, it'd be hard to live together and fuck so many other people.

I mean, if...

Get a camera set up in her place.

I trust her.

No.

Well, she tells him.

My feeling is

it's bad.

Why?

She tells him.

They tell each other.

She tells me.

Does she show you photos of the guys?

They respect each other.

And it's like I said, it's mostly women.

Oh, it's mostly women.

Because I don't have that.

I don't think so.

My gut says it's mostly men.

Well, and real men.

I know you're also, you had a pass with Ozempic and stuff, so maybe your gut might be a little wrong here, but I don't know.

I respect.

He's a doctor, dude.

I knew it.

Dude, I'm actually thinking about getting away.

I'm texting the cops.

Hello, Fresh.

I love HelloFresh, my friend.

Do you know why?

Why, babe?

I don't have a lot of time.

You have almost no time.

Right.

And then also, I want high-quality food.

And it's quick and home-cooked.

Yes.

And you want to schedule it every week.

And how easy is it?

Because it goes to where?

What do you get, though?

Do you have to go pick it up somewhere?

No.

It delivers right to your door.

Your door.

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My mouth is already watering looking at the Southwest-inspired chicken bowl and the stir-fried udon with pulled pork and veggies.

There's also a creamy Alfredo truffle.

You know, I love it.

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They delivered right to to your doorstep.

So flexible.

We've been using them for so long.

You know, we love HelloFresh.

Bobby, tell them how to do it.

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True classic.

You want to look like Paul Newman?

Yeah, he was so cool.

You want to look like Marlon Brando?

Classic Fits.

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Which classic, because the mission goes beyond fit and fabric.

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Bobby Lee has confidence and purpose, okay?

It comes from things like this.

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You feel amazing.

And it's priced so guys everywhere can step into confidence without stepping out of their budget.

Do you know why I like True Classic?

Why?

Because I'm classic.

You are, and you're true.

Dude, I'm truer than you.

That's right.

Most people.

You're the most true.

I've been wearing True Classic for a while now.

Yeah.

And you can feel the difference the moment you throw one on.

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No bunching, no stiff fabric, no BS, just a clean, effortless fit that actually works for real life.

The True Classic basics are my favorite because the basic T's you can wear.

I wear them sometimes around the crib, sometimes when I'm watching TV, playing with the pup in the backyard, when I'm taking a walk.

It's so sexy when you wear them.

Well, I do look a sexy boy.

When I'm even going to meetings and stuff, that's the best part.

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You can ditch that disposable fast fashion.

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You can grab them at Target, Costco, or head to trueclassic.com/slash bad friends and get hooked up today.

Nah, the only threat I am is to if you're having a bad time, you're going to be having a good time.

And that's not a sexual induendo.

Those lines work still with women?

Yeah, dude.

My best line with women is like, look, is there a mirror in your pants?

Because I can see myself in them.

It's a working, it goes 10 out of 10.

You know, their legs are trembling.

You hear a clam getting wet.

We're going to die today.

This is it.

When we looked at each other, we knew we were going to die today.

Yeah.

Thank you.

My God.

Don't kill us, please.

What do you plan on doing when you get older?

I like the bad food.

What's your goal?

My goal in life?

Or what?

No, in somebody else's life, maybe Harry Truman.

Yeah.

Harry S.

Truman.

Yeah, yeah.

What's your goal in life?

My goal in life is to make enough money that I don't have to worry about bills.

How much money is that?

That's maybe $100,000 a year.

That's a good level for me.

And then I just want to make cool art and enjoy the world and practice

mindfulness and creativity.

I want to also make movies.

I'm in film school right now.

Yeah.

You know what?

I bet you he's a better director than you are, bud.

Okay?

I trust him before you, bud.

I don't.

I can direct.

Can you get financing?

Yeah, I can get financing.

Sometimes it's a little under the table.

You know, it's Hollywood.

This kid is from the Eastern Bloc.

He's not from Burbank.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This kid is from the Eastern Bloc.

Yeah, yeah.

There's no doubt about that.

Inland Empire.

The way he talks, there's a little Russian in the background.

Oh,

he's got a little sneak in there.

Where were you really born?

I was born in Burbank, California.

Yeah, Burbank, close by.

Like I said.

I hear it, dude.

I was born in Burbank, Moscow.

Burbank, Kosovo.

Say Gulag.

Gulag, welcome to the Gulag.

Call of Duty, man.

You play.

See?

Let's get it, bro.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's how they talk.

I know.

There's something about them, though.

Good meme, bro.

Are you good or bad?

I think there's a combination of both.

Yeah.

Bobby, I've seen you one time, like, polling in real life.

I saw you at the comedy store.

And you were getting mobbed by a lot of women.

And I was like, good on you.

Yeah.

Did you see anything to me that night?

No, I just watched it from a distance.

I said hi, but you're busy, bro.

You're busy, you know, navigating the precious.

Well, my friends are there, so you know.

Let's go over preventing gun violence here.

Let's signs of a shooter.

Critical signs.

Yeah, yeah.

Number one.

Suddenly withdraw from zoom in, please.

Okay.

Do you withdraw from friends and activities?

No.

Very social.

It's pretty social, yeah.

Excessive irritability.

Yeah, that one's up there.

Yeah.

I like one time I heard fireworks going off and I just hit the deck.

I thought it was something else.

This for sure.

Experiencing chronic loneliness or social isolation.

Yeah, I play games, dude.

Yeah.

On the internet, making direct threats towards a place, another person, or themselves.

You ever done that?

Only the haters.

There you go.

Do you have any guns or at home?

No, just samurai sword.

Number 10 is worse.

That's the dangerous one.

That's worse.

Cruelty to animals.

Have you ever been mean to any animals?

No, I love animals.

Good.

Then you're cruel.

I really do love animals.

That is the testament for me.

If you're in a bad one.

I just moved in with some little wiener dogs.

What do you mean?

They had an apartment and they put out an ad?

Four little wiener dogs put out a fucking.

So the wiener dogs, they look nice, but then they are fairly football-shaped.

In need of human roommate who will pick up poop, get us food, and also pick up our poop.

Please walk us.

But it's kind of like a football.

And I didn't want to hurt the dogs, but it's just one of those.

Oh.

That's my dog.

How many dogs are in the house?

There's three.

And then me, of course, because I'm an animal.

I'm a creature feature.

You know what I'm saying?

My guy, for sure you want to.

Hide your kids, hide your wife.

Because they're going to fall in love, dude.

That's why you got to hide them.

I feel that.

Well, because, you know, they'll end up a member of the family of the family, you know?

That's what I'm going to say.

also

thank you how's your also also

thank you that didn't play but anyway uh i'm buying i'm bombing today well you know you're a very interesting guy dude consensual nominal i'm an open book i think he's he could be in the crew just promises you won't kill us i won't kill you i promise ever i'll defend you with my life yeah if there's a rhino coming down the road i will not be able to stop it but i'll try where are we with the rhino's you never know they're rhinos in burbank have you seen babylon Babylon, dude?

They've got animals hooking off trucks every day.

So who knows?

There's a stray rhino.

I'll defend you, Bobby.

I won't stop it, but I'll try.

I like you.

Thank you.

I like you.

What's that?

You like him?

You know, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I do like him.

I do.

I do like him.

Yeah, yeah.

There's something special about him.

You know, I feel like he's got something extra, like a chromosome or something.

That's for sure.

Yeah.

And do you have brothers and sisters?

Oh, that's where it gets complicated, right?

I love it.

We don't want to go down.

No, no, I do.

I want to hear the complication.

I'll tell you.

So I got one brother, and he's my dad.

And I have an uncle

who's also my brother.

You're not going to believe this.

My sister is my mom.

Yeah.

My cousin

is my dog.

Yeah, is my dog.

Yeah, yeah.

What is it?

Tell us.

And DNA is a double helix.

That is true.

Okay.

It gets complicated.

Tell me about about your family.

I'll tell you.

I'll tell you.

So I had a brother.

I always knew he was my brother.

I always knew he was my brother.

I have him still.

He is 13 years older than me, and he's an interesting fellow.

He's going to be moving to Thailand.

He's a DJ, but he still lives with his mom and stuff.

But he's cool.

He's moving to Thailand.

He's also a DJ.

Well, why else would you go to David?

Call the FBI, dude.

No, dude.

That's who moves to Thailand.

DJs.

And then.

That's DJ Island.

This is the cool part or the crazy part is that essentially my second cousins, who I thought were just some distant ass relatives, they're my biological siblings now.

Dude.

Dude.

Dude, it's so.

Hell yeah, dude.

White trash bag.

So.

Burbank.

Who would have known?

Where do you live in North Carolina?

Where in Northern California?

I used to live an hour north of San Francisco.

So that's out in the wine country.

It's called Santa Rosa.

Lodi, yeah.

Yeah, So then there's a lot of animals out there.

I probably got some brain damage.

One time I drank a puddle.

I drank a puddle for $5.

Because you know, when you're a kid, $5, $5.

Yeah.

So I drank a puddle and then now I'm here.

Drank a brain-eating amoeba.

And even the amoeba got up there and was like, not much that you had.

That's crazy.

Crazy.

I'm just going to hang out for a while.

What else have you eaten and drinking that?

Besides mounting bodily fluids on accident a couple times, a couple times.

Yeah, yeah.

Like your pee?

One time, shame on me.

Two times, I like to taste the pee.

Players fuck up, man.

That's what happens.

Yeah, players got to play.

Players fuck up.

Yeah, players got to play.

Celebrate it, players.

Wow.

Fancy, get it out clean if you're going to get it out.

God.

Every time.

I think you're rubbing off on me, dude.

I don't even know what to do.

I've never stumbled like this.

I know you're going to be.

It's you, dude.

So, Bobby, I was wondering, can you give me some advice?

I'm trying to learn.

On what?

On how to just be out in the world, like in this crazy world.

Oh, okay.

So, I think you need more flames

on your body.

You're right.

Like, flamey pants.

Like, on fire?

Or like...

Oh, you know, like, you know, flame stitchings on your jeans.

Yeah, he means like Guy Fieri.

Yeah.

I met Guy Fieri.

Go on.

Doesn't surprise me.

Go on.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So that, I think you need some chain mail.

Chain mail.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look at that.

That's pretty cumbersome.

What?

Chain, an entire bodysuit of chain?

Just a chest chain mail.

I was considering going to the Ren Fair, and I saw you were out there, and I was thinking, you know,

maybe I should get some chain mail out there.

How'd you meet Guy Fiery?

I'll tell you, I was a DJ technician, so I was setting up cables.

Do you have technicians?

They always put me in the grunt work, so I was out in the dark freaking setting up cables, and then they were having some kind of Salvation Army event, donation, and Guy Fier is walking around.

So, I said, What's up?

I took a picture with him, and then my boss got mad at me, but I took it on the chin because I'm not a beta male.

I don't tuck my tail as we were talking before.

Whoa, whoa,

shots at me.

Yeah, ready to rumble.

Yeah, well, is that the biggest celebrity you've ever met?

Uh, the biggest celebrity that I ever met is

probably

PewDiePie,

who's the one of the biggest YouTubers.

I don't know who that is.

Actually, no, you know what?

The biggest celebrity I've ever met is Bobby Lee.

That's true.

Dude, I saw him.

What's his name?

Anderson.

I saw Bobby Lee

in the border.

That would be great.

Enough.

All right.

He looks just like you.

Yeah.

But you met him.

Are his cousins married?

Dude.

If I asked him, do you remember?

Oh, hell no.

Oh, I remember him.

Yeah.

He freaked me out.

I mean, how obviously foreign is this guy?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, he's from Sweden.

Yeah, no shit.

Yeah, Yavla, you know.

See?

You look just like this fucking guy, dude.

Hey, that's pretty cool.

You do.

Doesn't he look like this guy?

Am I sure?

The same type of guy.

Yeah, so going along with the style, like flames on the pants.

What else should I do?

I'm trying to up my, you know, I'm a new.

I'll be honest with you, with your look, I could see him in Game of Thrones or something.

You know what I mean?

Like a weasel or something, right?

Yeah, but you do have, you are kind of oddly good-looking in a weird way.

Nope.

Yeah, you're not seeing it.

I'm not.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He looks like a nice guy.

Like a Jude Law.

But Jude Law was in an accident.

He looks like Jude Law.

Yeah, look up Jude Law.

I'll tell you, though, you mentioned Weasel, and I like to consider myself a certified lawyer.

A young Jude Law, a young Jew.

So, like, I'd be loitering around, waiting, weaseling out.

You know, I don't think he looks anything like that.

Those are old Jude Laws.

Oh, dang.

I think I'm wrong.

Yeah, no.

Like there, boom.

Nope.

There you are, dude.

Yeah, see, look at.

Oh, no.

It's more Romulan.

Yeah, yeah, it's a Romulan, as I was thinking.

Yeah, wow.

Yeah, I think that I did have a cameo in Game of Thrones.

I was one of those guys who just instantly got archer down.

I fell off the wall.

Yeah.

Are you being real?

No.

Oh.

Couldn't tell?

No.

No.

He's confusing.

He is.

Yeah, yeah.

He is confusing.

All right, bud.

Well, you know, we

very good interview.

Thank you.

Do you remember his name?

Do you?

You don't remember his name?

He said it three times.

I'll tell you.

No, give me the first initial.

Give him a hint.

First initial.

Jay.

Jay.

Jay is the...

No.

Uh-oh.

Jason.

Jake.

It's partly Jason.

Jackson.

Yep.

There you go.

Now, you know who they call the cops about, am I right?

I dude, this guy.

I got it.

I love this guy.

Don't give me a restraining order, because, like I said, I speak a lot of languages, but my favorite language is the language of love.

And

I'm not here to

speak it so much.

I also speak Jigglypuff.

Oh, hey-oh, hum.

What's Jigglypuff?

The Pokémon.

Do it more.

Yeah, dude.

Jigglypuff?

Yeah, do more, please.

Jigglypuff goes hard.

I don't know if you've seen, but.

Give me what you can do, Jigglypuff.

Give me an YouTube.

Give me what he sounds like.

All right, I'll turn it off.

I can't do it.

He's saying, oh, jiggly puff.

Physically.

That's literally what I'm saying.

Oh, jiggly puff.

Oh, jiggly puff.

I'm not gay, but I just felt something.

Did you feel something?

Dude, you're irritating me, man.

Yes.

Look at my eyes.

No, don't.

Look at me in the eye.

Oh, jiggly puff.

Dude, this guy reminds me of when we would do fan meet and greets.

Yeah.

And this guy would show off.

Yeah.

And he'd be like, dude, Andrew, I'm sorry, but I just, I love Bobby so much.

And I'd go, I know, dude.

Andrew,

I know who your fans are.

I know who your fans are.

Give them some compliments.

No, no, no.

I don't want any.

I got to be honest with you.

I can tell who your fans are.

What do I say?

Well, from a mile away, when they come up, I go, Bobby's fan.

Hardcore Bobby's fan.

I I actually really like your stand-up comedy.

Thank you.

I love you.

Let him finish.

Let him finish.

I love you, buddy.

I can just tell from a mile.

Shut up, Anu.

Go ahead.

Finish.

So I love your stand-up comedy.

It's really witty.

Thanks, man.

And I've never seen your pubes on stage or anything like that.

No.

Like another comedian who I've probably seen.

Oh, that's what it is.

He's connected to your pubes.

Stand up.

Stand up and show him your pubes.

Would you like some to take home?

Give him something to take home.

Can we get some scissors real fast?

Do you have any scissors?

Would you take some home?

Give him some to-go pubes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Isn't that sick?

Yeah.

Oh, not a knife.

Oh, my fucking God.

Not a knife, dude.

Get scissors, fuckhead.

Well, give me that knife.

No, no, no, dude.

Don't cut yourself.

Yeah, I don't want that.

No, no, don't do that.

No, you'll cut yourself.

Don't get the scissors.

Yeah, here we go.

Oh my god.

Well, I have to sing the song while we're doing it.

Oh,

I do it.

I do it.

I do it.

Oh, shit.

Giggly pop.

I'm on my way.

I don't have any pubes.

Yeah, you do.

Look.

Yeah, there's some there.

You gotta go to your nutsack.

Go close to your nutsack.

Be careful, bud.

You do it then.

You put your ball sack out.

You do it then.

The ball sack is shaving clean.

There's nothing?

No.

Get this section right here.

Oh, no.

It's so close to your penis.

I don't care.

I know.

See, how do you grab it though?

That's the problem.

You scoop it off your chest there.

Can you choose to scoop it up?

I can't.

Come here, buddy.

You gotta get these.

I'll come.

No, no, no, no.

No, crack up.

Sit back up.

All right.

We'll deliver it to you.

Understood.

I understood the assignment.

Now you could you could you know what you could do?

You could sniff these scissors.

Hey, man, I drank a puddle, so anything for money at this point.

What would you do?

I have a hundred bucks in my pocket.

What would you do for a hundred bucks?

I'd do anything for a hundred bucks from Bobby Lee, man.

Except some some uh sexual acts that

how about brown nose him?

Brown nose him.

Lay on the ground, you got to stick your nose in the hole.

This is your butthole.

Oh, fuck.

I'm down for some experimentation, right?

Stick this in your butthole.

This is monogamous, not monogamous.

I'll tell you what,

I'll tell you what.

What?

I'll give you some insight just because I like you guys.

Oh, thanks, brother.

Thank, brother.

All right.

I've tried some kind of stuff along those lines before, and you know what?

It's pretty fun, dude.

And look, I'm telling you, man.

Well, give me that.

there you go i'm secure in my masculinity dude but listen

when baldemore is coming for me dude in both ways you know what are you talking about what are you talking about dog

it's a little bit of a cursed object so i i only like uh you know made objects and that doesn't have a good enough flared base you know what i'm saying can you do a handstand i could do a cartwheel but it's pretty mid.

I don't want to see you break.

How about this?

Dude, just pop-locking for a minute.

Pop-locking?

What do you do for us, by the way?

Yeah, yeah.

Is he an intern for us?

Yeah, I'm an intern.

I think a lot of research, and

I got to come here.

This is tight.

What do you do for us?

Same thing.

Do you guys get along?

Are you guys over at 7 Eckies?

You guys are tight?

So George hired you.

Bryce.

Bryce or Lane.

It was one of them, but

Bobby, can I say something?

Not on me.

I object to this.

Bobby, I try to walk up to you one time in real life and I try to give you my resume.

I'm not even joking.

And that was a bad mistake on my part.

Very bad.

Players fuck up, like I said.

Yeah.

But.

I don't do that anymore because of McCone.

Remember what you did to me there?

What did I say?

You said,

nah, I'm going to lose it in my car.

And then you went to go

and sell some more.

That's pretty accurate.

Beautiful women.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The guy gets beautiful women.

Guess what?

Guess what, dude?

Yeah.

Jackson.

Hey, thank you.

Sorry.

From now on, I'll say hi to you.

We know each other now.

Hell yeah.

No, you.

You'll forget.

No, I will know Jackson.

We met there before.

I have to warn all the other comic books.

Like, clear the hallway.

He's here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I'm sort of a creature feature, and people always think they know me.

They've seen me around.

They probably have, because, like I said, I'm a loiterer, but

a creature feature is the type of film, typically horror science fiction, where the monster supernatural creature is the main antagonist.

Well, guys, if you're talking about the paradigmity of the film industry, all right?

I'll tell you a thing or two about there's different genres.

You gotta pay mind of the mise-ons,

all of that kind of stuff is quite important.

So I was not quite referring to the creature feature per se, but you know, that is a good genre

see this this could be a psa for inbreeding

how dangerous it really gets it really is dangerous don't fuck your cousin i thought you were gonna be talking about like everyone should do it like nobody no get on board no get on no way no way guys get off the boat no way guys

dude i gotta tell you jackson jackson hole you're an interesting guy interesting guy

You've got a bright future.

Like the baby, if I hire anyone to babysit my kids, it would be this guy.

um,

yeah, this cat.

This cat seems normal.

I'd hire you to, I'd hired you to landscape.

You hired him.

No, fuck.

Oh, no.

I didn't care about that.

But landscaping in North Dakota.

Like, far up, far up.

Yeah, yeah.

I know I live in, you know, I mean, LA, but go to North Dakota.

Have you ever done manual labor?

Dude, I have.

They put me to work, man.

Like I said, I was a DJ technician, so I carried a lot of speakers and stuff.

But then there's like situations where you just go off a Craigslist ad and they're like, we got some machetes.

Can you just go cut some some shit and then what would you go cut dude you cut bamboo you cut whatever and I was that you you did that you hired him to do that

what else did you go cut my pandas were hungry yeah you gotta feed them they can't just not eat yeah did you know that bamboo is technically the largest grass yeah

yeah we didn't need to know that but i do know that i'm like an encyclopedia dude i know oh good

single thing if you want any information i'll tell you how to I'll tell you how to.

What do giraffes eat?

I'll tell you.

Giraffes, they eat the conifer tree because

it

is quite high up and it's very nutritious as far as the photosynthesis goes within the plants.

The second half was bullshit.

Ask him another one.

Describe to me

give me the scientific explanation of why fish can breathe underwater, how gills work.

All right, so listen, there's a fish, right?

I don't know.

Good start.

You've eaten a couple of sashimi, but they can also be our friends.

So you see a fish, and as the trajectory of the fish cuts through the water in the perfect angle, the oxygen is absorbed in the gills.

So for us, that's like...

I don't know, maybe if you're 69ing and you just get a second and you get a fresh of breath air.

That's what it feels like when the fish swims through the water at the perfect trajectory.

It's getting that extra air in, you know.

But if you take him out the water, dude, you're back underneath, and you gotta hold your breath again.

I know who you are now.

Who am I?

The fucked-up Willem Dafoe,

dude.

And I also have the big punishing.

Can you see it?

Can you see it?

Just kidding.

Yeah,

there is something about him that's Willem Dafoe-y.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Actually, not now.

You're way worse.

Yeah.

Dude.

Do that smile.

AI is going to fix.

AI is going to fix me, dude.

Pretty soon, it's going to be like one of those video games.

You just customize your character.

I can add a couple of inches to my height.

You know, maybe lose the fucking.

Expect a Patronum that hole.

Am I right?

Yeah, yeah.

We're muting you now.

Yeah, yeah.

All right.

Well, Jackson.

Jackson Hole, thank you.

Thank you.

I think you're a fantastic person.

Okay, you don't have to bow to me.

Sorry.

It's polite.

It's polite.

Thank you, Jackson Hall.

Thank you, Jackson Hall.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Jackson Holly.

That's not because.

It's not screwed in.

No, no, that's not your fault.

Mako didn't put the weight back on the fucking.

It's okay.

Thanks, Jackson.

What a guy.

Where do we go from there?

I don't know.

What a guy, though.

Interesting guy.

That was wild.

He is wild.

Should we fire him?

No, I kind of want to keep him.

Only one more month.

Really?

And we got to get him a job, I think.

Yeah, I think we got to get him a job.

And then what?

What are we going to make him do here?

Landscaping.

In North Dakota.

Yeah.

In North Dakota.

I like this guy.

Both of them I liked.

They're both great.

Yeah.

We've done a great job having a good crew of interns come through this show.

What?

He wants a job.

You want a job?

Okay.

He wants a job.

What are we going to do?

He just begged.

That was so sad.

Give him money.

I'm going to even bother hungry.

You're going to get him money.

Yeah.

Should I do it now?

Yeah.

Make him come get it.

Come here, guys.

You're going to make this fight for money?

No, no, no.

Here's some money for you.

Are you serious?

Yeah.

Because I actually am not paid at all.

There's money.

Just have a dinner.

Nice dinner for you guys.

Are you sure?

Thank you so much.

That genuinely means a lot.

Thank you.

That's very nice.

I don't shake hands, but.

Thank you.

Do you want to spread the lines?

No, no.

Back the fuck up, bro.

One day?

No day.

No day.

No, no, no.

No day.

No, no, don't over that.

You deserve that.

You deserve it.

You guys deserve that.

You guys are both fantastic.

Thank you so much.

You change their day.

You see what you do?

That's like five Chipotles

visits.

Can I do

like a little Larry King out for this?

Yeah, please.

Here's the deal.

What we've learned today

is the levels of which Bobby Lee's depth of love in the public eye goes deeper than any of us ever anticipated.

He's able to reach out and shape lives he's not even really connected to.

We learned that Jackson's mom,

cousin, sister, brother,

needed help with sobriety, found it through you and your humor and who you are and your commitment to the program.

And we learned that Barnacle.

That's his name?

Yeah, Barnacle.

Diego.

Diego.

Diego.

Oh, Diego.

Like Sam, Diego.

Yeah, I know.

We learned that Diego.

No, he's a good guy.

He's a good guy.

Bob, you got any final words for the kids?

No.

Absolutely not.

Thank you for being a bad friend.