2 Million Subscribers

Speaker 1 Chronic spontaneous urticaria or chronic hives with no known cause. It's so unpredictable.

Speaker 2 It's like playing pinball.

Speaker 1 Itchy red bumps start on my arm, then my back,

Speaker 1 sometimes my legs. Hives come out of nowhere

Speaker 1 and it comes and goes. But I just found out about a treatment option at treatmyhives.com.
Take that, chronic hives. Learn more at treatmyhives.com.

Speaker 2 This podcast is powered by Huell. H-U-E-L.
New customers can use code BAD Friends for 15% off, plus a free gift. You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 2 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends.

Speaker 3 Two million subscribers.

Speaker 2 Oh, two million. Yeah, two million, baby.
Thank you so much.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. You shoot yourself? Yes.
That's so funny. You deserve that.

Speaker 2 Fucking idiot.

Speaker 2 Today we don't have Carlos because you were so mad at him.

Speaker 2 Oh, you know the band. I just came up with a new nickname with Andrew and I.
I'm Little China and he's Big Trouble. Big Trouble, Little China? No, you're in Big Trouble with me.
No, no, no.

Speaker 2 You're Big Trouble and I'm the Little China. I asked you for one favor.
I asked you for one favor. What was yours? I said, I'm at a

Speaker 2 show. I'm at a business dinner.
I can't make it there. I'm at a dinner.
And I was on a date. Timeout.

Speaker 2 You were on a date. I called the date.

Speaker 2 What's better?

Speaker 2 Or business? We'll say it together. One, two, three.

Speaker 2 Business.

Speaker 2 It's business. Three, four to this one.
You can't play this game. Look at him.
He looks like an accountant. He's an accountant part three, the new one after this next one.

Speaker 2 And this guy, he's an in-cell. No, he's an outsell.
He's been doing really well over here. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He told me in the car right over here. He's doing great.
Anyway, no, I'm mad at you.

Speaker 2 I call Bobby. mad at you more nice try dude good good one nice try look at your face dude nice try sad face you get all red and you know in your eyes

Speaker 2 in your eyes dude you know you're wrong i just realized he says he's wrong did you put all that flare on your hat did you place those pins on your hat no it came that way loser that's right you look like a truck star you can call me you loser you look like a bucket you look like you got that at a bucket Did you go down to Austin and get all that gear, you loser?

Speaker 2 No, I got it shipped here from Austin. You know what's really annoying? I wanted to make fun of your shirt, and we're wearing the same color of like diarrhea shirts.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 This shirt I thought was a different color when I ordered it. And it's like,

Speaker 2 it's baby poo. It's like, yeah, it is.
It's like runny baby poo. Well, I mean, no, are you on a safari? What's going on?

Speaker 2 Look, look.

Speaker 2 What did I do? I met with a Korean friend. I'm not going to say who.
I met with someone who loves you, who loves us. You couldn't come meet him with me.
He was was a big fan.

Speaker 2 He was upset that we couldn't, you weren't there. That's fine.
And that's fine. Then I called Bobby, you guys, for your reference.

Speaker 2 I said, Bob, all I need is a couple of fun Korean phrases to say to him for the show. He goes, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
I go, just text me. Just text me three things.

Speaker 2 And then he goes, okay, okay, I will. I will when I stop, when we're driving, when we stop.
Okay, fine. Hours, hours, hours, nothing.

Speaker 2 Nothing. And he says, I'm on a date.
He's on a date with a girl that I made laugh, by the way. I gave him a layup.
He's on a date with a girl. He puts me on speakerphone.
and I said, No, you did.

Speaker 2 Wait, wait, I'll tell you what you said. You fucked.
You fucker, dude. I know what you said.
What did I say?

Speaker 2 So he calls me. I pick up, I'm on speakerphone in my car, right? And I, as soon as I pick up, I go to Andrew, I go, watch what you say.
You know, I'm on a date, right?

Speaker 2 And he goes, how did the surgery go on your nutsack? That. Did you get that thing burnt off?

Speaker 2 Burnt off.

Speaker 2 And she wasn't laughing like. Cracking up.
No, she was dying laughing. She was was laughing.
She was like,

Speaker 2 looking at me like this. Like, as if it was true, dude.
What did you say? Yeah, I got them burnt off. It's fine.
Yeah, I was playing along with it.

Speaker 2 And then when we hung up, I had to tell her, oh, that was a joke. Really? She knows.
Fuck you. She knows it was a joke.
She's trying to sabotage me there, guy.

Speaker 2 Do you think she's dating a rocket scientist? She knows who she's dating. It's a comic.
Yeah, I told her I was a rocket scientist. A scientist? Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Did you look at the part

Speaker 2 anyway?

Speaker 2 So I was upset. No, so I'm doing a show in in the belly room.
Okay. Tickets were bad.

Speaker 2 It sold out. It sold out.
I looked online. It sold out.
No. You're a liar.
Do you want me to call the store right now? I know it sold out. You know why it sold out?

Speaker 2 Why did it sell out? Because I put your name on the flyer. No, no, you didn't.
First of all. First of all, my name.
Let's stop. My name wasn't on the flyer because I looked at the website A and B.

Speaker 2 It already sold out. You're a liar.
Dude, you're lying. I'm not a liar.
Don't lie to our fans. I'm not lying to anybody.
We got two million subscribers and you're lying.

Speaker 2 Congratulations to us. To us, thank you for two million subscribers.

Speaker 2 Jesus, dude. Let me see.
How many more of those do you have? Don't do another one. It's scared to show me.
Well, do I have non-flashbacks? Carly, down, down. Down, down, down.

Speaker 2 Yeah, stop that. Halpul.
Helpole. All right, so I'm struggling to sell out the belly room.
This is so not true. It was sold out.
McCone and I looked online. It was sold out.

Speaker 2 After I put his name on a flyer. That's not true.

Speaker 2 Here's how I know you're lying. We were.

Speaker 2 He doesn't know. Bobby's right.

Speaker 2 Are you out of your mind right now? Thank you. Are you literally out of your mind right now?

Speaker 3 He's having trouble selling the belly room.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's out of trouble.

Speaker 2 So I was like, you know, who do I? I need a favor. You're going to piss me off.
Can I have my point of view?

Speaker 2 In court. I get my time on the stand.
But you have to swear on the Bible. This is a lie.
I'll swear on. Swear on the kitty.
The kitty, okay?

Speaker 2 But so I swear. I swear to God.
Okay, so

Speaker 2 I get this belly room show, and it's a new joke night, and I'm like, we put it on the market, and it's slow because of the economy and whatnot.

Speaker 2 And it's also, you know, my name doesn't have the kind of value it's. This is so annoying.
It's like. I don't care.
I get my time in court.

Speaker 2 Your honor objection.

Speaker 2 I get my time in court. Do I not? He does.
You're in contested. I'm like,

Speaker 2 I might have to use some of my friends. So I call Whitney Cummings.
And guess what? Twice Whitney showed up for for me.

Speaker 2 Tim Dylan showed up for me last week.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 And I was sure that my best friend,

Speaker 2 right?

Speaker 2 When you think about friend, right?

Speaker 2 You think about a man, right? Your best friend, a man that's a ride or die, right? That no matter what's going on, he's going to be there for me. Totally.
And that's what

Speaker 2 the definition of friendship. It's a love.
It's a brotherhood, right?

Speaker 2 If we were in the army, another Vietnam reference, okay, right I would need his back in a warlike situation you would hide behind me

Speaker 2 you know what and you're right when I wasn't selling tickets I hid behind you because I needed you no no no no yeah so then once I put Andrew's name on the flyer right oh

Speaker 2 that's the tickets going up do you guys smell this do you smell that do you seriously smell that no it it's it seriously smells like gas you gaslighting piece of shit that's a good joke you're such a piece of shit you're not done with my no you're on you're done I'm not done.

Speaker 2 You're done. Right.
So then as soon as I put his name on the flyer,

Speaker 2 right, right. And so now I'm at the show, right? And I'm calling Andrew.
Driving me now. Mosha Casher.
Nick Thune showed up for me.

Speaker 2 You know, I don't even know Nick that well, showed up for me. And then all of a sudden, I go, just get here from 8.30 to 9.
I did text you that. And what did I say? Nothing.
I'm at a business dinner.

Speaker 2 I can't make it. I'll show it.
I'll show it too right here. I'll show it.
I'm going to let me show it first. I'll show it.
All right. So Andrew Santino.
Bobby Lee. All right.

Speaker 2 All right. So, Andrew.
What time is it? I have a dinner, 8:30 to 9. And then what did I say?

Speaker 2 I'm not able to head over after dinner.

Speaker 2 I was out of

Speaker 2 trying to secure some stuff for us.

Speaker 2 Stop. Because you know what? It's so funny what you're doing, right?

Speaker 2 Read it. No, I am going to read it.
It does say that. But can I say this?

Speaker 2 You go, what time is it? I'm at dinner. That's at 6.50.

Speaker 2 7 o'clock. The dinner was at 7.30 dinner.
Okay, stop. Okay.

Speaker 2 Then I say at 6.50 immediately, just get here from 8.30 to 9. Then you text me at 10.30 after the show's over.
Sorry, I couldn't come. After the show's over.

Speaker 2 So the whole time I'm like going out to the lot, it's like, I don't see Andrew's car. Hey, guys, is Andrew here? No, no show, right? I'm running around like a fucking animal, dude, right?

Speaker 2 And I'm going, he's not here. And then at 10.30, when the show's over, then you text me, and that's the truth right here.

Speaker 2 You can read it right here. Truth.
So, Your Honor, I rest my case.

Speaker 2 Now I have a surprise for you. And then the next day you call me and go, hey, can you do something racist for my Korean buddy I'm doing an interview for? Racist? I just wanted some Korean language.

Speaker 2 I wanted some words in Korean. No, Your Honor, I don't want to do something racist against another Korean person.
No, I wanted words to help me understand. Is somebody in there that's shaked?

Speaker 2 Is somebody in there that's shaked? Is someone in the yeah, somebody's peeing in there or something's in there. You know what it is? You know what it is? Huh.
It's fucking Carlos.

Speaker 2 Right? Carlos is in here, right? And he's in here. And I'm going to say this right now, dude.
If Carlos pops out of there, I will literally get up and leave the podcast. All right.

Speaker 2 I don't want anyone to get out of there until we're done with this podcast. Right.
So an hour later, that better not open until the end. Who's in there? I don't care who's in there.

Speaker 2 What if it's someone that you love? But it's not. What if it's someone you love? It's Carlos because he's not there.
You think I'm dumb?

Speaker 2 And let me say something about last week, about the fucking Trump letter. Okay.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 And I was on therapy today, and he, I swear to, I swear to God on my mother's life, if something pops out of there until we say thank you for being a fat, fat friend, I will fucking leave.

Speaker 2 I don't give a fuck. All right.
Okay. Okay.
So whoever's in there, I hope you took a piss. I don't take a shit because you're going to stay there for the next hour.

Speaker 2 All right. And so that's the fact.
Okay. Whoever's listening, I know if you're a girl, beautiful girl, whatever, a stripper, whatever.
What if it is a beautiful girl? I'll forgive it.

Speaker 2 But if it's Carlos Herrera, right, I will fucking leave. Come on out, beautiful girl.

Speaker 2 Why are you mad?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Fuck. Go get him.
Go get him, Mr. Cake.

Speaker 2 You stayed in there for the whole office.

Speaker 2 Bro, I just... You don't even listen to me.
That was the rule.

Speaker 2 Go!

Speaker 2 That's good. Go get him.
Go, go, go. Go out there with him.

Speaker 2 I'll see you later.

Speaker 2 Three hours later.

Speaker 2 And I did it to be funny. Yeah, yeah.
We're friends.

Speaker 2 Just go for today. This is, no, that's crazy, bro.
Why, why?

Speaker 2 It's crazy. Andrew, can you back me up for once? Look, first of all, I back you up on a constant basis.
Okay. I've never not had your back.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Hash this out with him. Tell him why you're really upset.
I'll tell you why I'm really upset. Clearly, he's really upset.
I'm going to tell you. Because I went to therapy today.

Speaker 2 It's not about the cake, is it? No, it's deeper than that.

Speaker 2 Tell me what it is. I'll tell you what it is.
When I was in eighth grade, okay, I bought parachute pants. MC hammer pants.
Because I was break dancing.

Speaker 2 All right. And there was a group, Major Tomo, or something.
I don't know what they were called. You know what I mean? But they were like the bake dancing group.
That was my middle group.

Speaker 2 That was the crew. Crew.
And they were like, and they heard that I wanted to be a part of it. Right.
So they go, hey, show up to this warehouse because there was an industrial zone in Powwe.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? So my mom dropped me off there. And I went there.

Speaker 2 And they weren't there.

Speaker 2 And I walked home crying. Okay.

Speaker 2 And then a couple of months later, the same crew goes, yo, we're so sorry about that. Go Go to Tommy Huddleson's.
Tom, I forgot his last name, but

Speaker 2 party tonight. It was a Friday.
And I showed up. There was no party.
And it wasn't even his address.

Speaker 2 It's not funny at all, dude. I don't know.
It's fucking horrible. Right? And then I cried again.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, Carlos, stop it. Honestly, what's up?

Speaker 2 Stop, sit down. Stop.
Stop laughing. Honestly, Denny, what are you doing, dude?

Speaker 2 Let's talk. All right.
Honestly, Honestly, Dennis. Can I say one thing as a friend?

Speaker 2 What I'm saying is. I understand the pain.
But

Speaker 2 you guys constantly do it. Who's you guys? I'm not.
Why am I?

Speaker 2 You were a part of the water gig. Was I a part of the cake at all?

Speaker 2 I wasn't a part of the cake. He was part of the water gig.
He was a part of the fucking Trump land. Was I a part of the water gig? That was fancy.
And at the end of the day, I look like a fool.

Speaker 2 Is that good? I'm a fool. Stop.
I'm a fool.

Speaker 2 But can we be? Oh, I'm the blind leading myself in the world. I think this is all a you issue.

Speaker 2 And I'm glad you went to therapy because I think you have very real issues about people not respecting you when you think me and McCone don't respect you when in fact we do.

Speaker 2 And we're just trying to make you funny and make you laugh. It doesn't make me laugh.
Gonna make two million people laugh. Okay.

Speaker 2 Dude. Dude, I'm sorry.
Can I say one thing now? I swear to fucking God. Dude, I swear to fucking God, dude.
What are you doing? You want to go to Blows?

Speaker 2 You want to go to LeBlows with me? Okay, that's it. Bad friends boxing.
That's it. No, he'll beat me because he's younger and more athletic.
Thank you. You know what I mean? Well, don't give him that.

Speaker 2 Okay. So now.
About the thing about them tricking you. I don't like that.
That makes me. Fuck you, dude.

Speaker 2 I don't like that. You're the mastermind.
Oh, my God. You're the wizard behind the curtains.
What are you talking about, dude? No, it's not true. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fuck you, the guy.

Speaker 2 Andreas, fuck you, dude. Listen, you're the wizard behind the fucking thing, right? I'm a co-host.
You don't get pranked ever. Prank me.
I don't want to because that's not my style. That's right.

Speaker 2 Exactly. That's your style.

Speaker 2 I had nothing to do with this. And by the way, him out of the cake wasn't a prank.
I didn't have anything to do. By the way, who told me, well, okay, let's come clean.
When did I learn about the cake?

Speaker 2 I saw you walk in. Okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I had nothing to do with it.

Speaker 2 I know, but you. How am I getting roped into this? Because you texted him to pop out of the fucking.

Speaker 2 Because I knew he was in it.

Speaker 2 That's how I know. You think I'm blind? Time out.

Speaker 2 Wait, you you think that i'm like you what he what he was

Speaker 2 when he was in there you texted him come out yeah what when i directly said don't put

Speaker 2 your right so who he can't breathe in there's the wizard dude you're the wizard dude what do you want you're full of lies you want him to sit in the cake for the whole show yeah yeah that's not a good show you dude that's not a good show i know it is no it's bad so funny to think that he's gonna be stuck there for a whole hour he doesn't care miserable he was he was sitting there just fine.

Speaker 2 I said, come out. You need to come out.
Yeah, yeah. So don't tell me that you had nothing to do with it.

Speaker 2 He built it and I learned about it. How'd you know he was in there? Because I'm not a fucking idiot.

Speaker 2 There was three people in the booth. There were times that he's not here.
When?

Speaker 2 Have there not been times that you haven't been here? When I know he's back in Texas and you do too. Right.
So in my mind, I was like, I don't know his schedule. So I'll see you.
Yes, you fucking.

Speaker 2 I saw this thing wiggle and I go, he's in there, right? And in my mind, he's the last guy I want to see, right? How would you not know what his schedule is?

Speaker 2 We talk every day. So anyway, what I was thinking is that, you know what, I'm going to make him punish him.

Speaker 2 It wasn't going to, trust me. This is more punishment.

Speaker 2 And then you texted him like the wizard that you are, dude. Come out.
Right. And you're like, come out.
Which means to tell me there's something about it. And anyone listening, the fans, right?

Speaker 2 You know that I speak the truth. This goes back to the fucking him not showing up to my show.

Speaker 2 It's all linked together, you know? Now I have to say something right now that I'm going to come clean. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I lied about those stories

Speaker 2 about the break dancing. I know.
Yeah, and Tommy Huddle. I don't know.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I knew those were lies. Yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean? Because you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 You can't dance. Oh, I'm a dancer, dude.
You cannot dance. Watch me.
Get up and do it. Oh, I'll dance out of here.

Speaker 2 Fucking do it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because if I dance out of here, right? You're going to call me and go come.

Speaker 2 Well, we need to finish the two million.

Speaker 2 Don't ask me to dance out of here because I will. You know what, dude? Don't threaten me.
Don't fucking threaten me.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 Two million subs. Two million subs.
No.

Speaker 2 In there.

Speaker 2 Yeah. What?

Speaker 2 Two million subs. We're not at scene.
We had the routine. Two million subs.

Speaker 2 Two million subs. Two million subs.
We appreciate every single one of you. Oh, watch it.
Bounce constantly.

Speaker 2 Two million subs.

Speaker 2 Watch it constantly.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Turn it off now.
All right. Turn it off now.
We did it. All right.

Speaker 2 So, um. By the way, that's jazz.
That was jazz. I love jazz.

Speaker 2 So, where are we at now? Now, okay, so, um,

Speaker 2 you know, um. Sorry, I couldn't make it to the show.
I was trying to secure something for us. Okay, that's good.
And I'm sorry that I didn't call you back with those names because I.

Speaker 2 You were on a date. I was on a date.
But it bothered me because it made me realize, it made me realize,

Speaker 2 I made me realize that girl was more important than me, even though I've known you for almost almost 20 years. Yeah, and having dinner with your friend Charlie Day, that wasn't.

Speaker 2 That's first of all, you're making stuff up. I wasn't and Scott, Jason Bateman, and all your friends.

Speaker 2 See, this is you. This is

Speaker 2 trying to grab onto something. I don't know what this was, I was trying to secure something for us.

Speaker 2 Is it plausible?

Speaker 2 Okay, and I would like a little backup. Is it plausible? You can't say I'd like backup.

Speaker 2 You got it. You know, is it plausible?

Speaker 2 Is it plausible that he would be having dinner with either Charlie Day or Jason Bateman? Totally. No.
Thank you. No.
Andreas, dude. We're going to do that show together.

Speaker 2 It's plausible unless he said he wasn't. That's right.
And I said I'm at a business dinner. That's not a business dinner.
You're an extension of his dick.

Speaker 2 You always have been, and that's why I betray you. The hairy part.
Yeah, yeah. You're so glued to him, and you're such crawled so deep in his ass.
This is him. You can't even see.

Speaker 2 Holding on to my cock.

Speaker 2 I know. That's why.
Yeah. All right.
You're a fool. A business dinner where I'm trying to secure a deal for us, which I wrote in the text.
I'm trying to close something for us. Yeah, yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Yet another thing I'm doing for this show. Oh, here we go.

Speaker 2 Let's hear we. Oh, you want to hear we go? Let's hear we go.
Let's hear we go. The game show, the animated show.
Let's fucking, here we go, pal. Yeah.
What about my resilience? What is that even?

Speaker 2 You know, it's so funny. Yes.
Resilience doesn't count anymore. Have you noticed that in our society? You know what I mean? Dynamic, dynamic personalities.

Speaker 2 You know? Laziness. Being authentic.
Being lazy. Being authentic.
Being lazy. Charismatic.
Charismatic, right?

Speaker 2 You come from a time of do less, get get more it's over now pal do nothing and get more you do nothing that's actually right you're right that's where i come from you know and i've risen because that's the truth you're welcome yeah and thank you you know what you're welcome no you're welcome yeah you're welcome no you're welcome you're very lucky to have me you're very lucky to have me and i and i've said that out loud so many times you can clip it I've said it on all these other podcasts that I'm so lucky that Andrew asked me to do this podcast.

Speaker 2 I adore him. I've said the same thing.
I've never seen one thing that you've said that about me. He knows that's not true.
Anyway. Bring up the Emerald interview with Daniel.
Bring McConnell into it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you've seen it? All right. No, I said, bring it up.
When you're so crazy as fucking ass. Bring that.

Speaker 2 I can show you so many. With the episode.
No, let me. Let's not do that.
That's right. Let's do it.
Because I'll prove you wrong. Yeah, yeah.
Anyway. The fans know that.
The 2 million subscribers.

Speaker 2 Thank you so much. And the fans know that.
Thank you so much, guys.

Speaker 2 This is just a little road in the bump of the road. But let me see.
It's a little road in the bump. So let's resolve it.
Okay. So on.

Speaker 2 I had nothing to do with it. Okay.

Speaker 2 You want to get mad at someone. You haven't even yelled at fucking him once.
I'm getting all this bullshit.

Speaker 2 Oh, i'm never gonna talk to him again that's not true yeah yeah it'll take a while it's insane though then block his number and delete it right now okay

Speaker 2 it's gonna fuck up the show a little bit it will fuck up the show you want me to no okay well then it won't well then don't say you're not gonna talk to him again because yes you are yeah in like sporadic like what well like when i called you today

Speaker 2 uh what time are we starting tonight and then what'd you say

Speaker 2 seven and that just hung right up huh yeah i knew it was a power move yeah

Speaker 2 oh that's interesting a power move a power move. So you're doing power move? What is the last time I did a power move?

Speaker 2 You just almost walked out on the show.

Speaker 2 Gold belly. Yo, look, I have Gold Belly on my phone.
Do you know why? During COVID, it was the only way I lived.

Speaker 2 I survived, yeah. I got pies from South Carolina.
I got pizzas from Chicago. I got cakes from New York.
I got the best food from all over the country through Gold Belly. It's the best.

Speaker 2 Have you heard of it, Andrew? I know it very well. I love Gold Belly.
It's this amazing site that that we order from. You get the most iconic, famous foods from restaurants all across the U.S.
Donuts.

Speaker 2 And they ship it to your door for free. Ramen.
For free.

Speaker 2 I love getting Chicago deep dish Lumel Natis, and I have it in my refrigerator anytime someone comes over and I say, You want to watch a football game and cook a little deep dish?

Speaker 2 I go, How'd you get that deep dish? And you say, Goldbelly. Y'all, man.
I like barbecue, man.

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Speaker 2 That's goldbelly.com, code BadFriends for free shipping, 20% off your first order. Talk space.

Speaker 2 Oh, boy. I had a lot of trauma growing up.
And you know how I fixed it? And I'm working on it through therapy. And no one does it better than Talkspace, y'all.

Speaker 2 It's got to be challenging in this new world to find immediate therapists that's the right fit for you. And I got to tell you, it is kind of a pain.
It's not easy. You got to get recommendations.

Speaker 2 It's hard. With Talkspace, they make it affordable.
You can search for in-network that are with most of your insurance providers. And most insured members have a $0 copay.

Speaker 2 And as two people that take therapy seriously i think it's important for people to get stuff off of their chest off of their mind and out into the world oh so talkspace is the number one company that does this yeah right they're the leading virtual therapy provider makes getting the help you need easy accessible and affordable talkspace therapy and psychiatry are covered by many insurance plans and employers most insured members have a zero dollar copay you can easily sign up online get paired with the licensed provider that's the right fit fit for your needs, typically within 48 hours.

Speaker 2 You can also switch providers at no extra cost.

Speaker 2 Talkspace makes getting help convenient because you can take your appointments from the comfort of your own home, car, shower, backyard, neighbor's house, wherever you want.

Speaker 2 As a listener to the podcast, you're going to get $80 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to talkspace.com/slash bad friends and enter the promo code Space80 to match with a licensed therapist.

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That's Talkspace.com/slash slash bad. Bad friends.

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And how do you activate your ding-dong? I activate with the best thing out there, which is Blue Chew. I have it.
You know, Carlos, I use it, right?

Speaker 2 And I tell you about my experiences. Oh, yeah.
I always take one. I know me too.
And it works for you. One for you, one for me.
Yeah, one for me. One for you.
Two for me, one for you. Okay.

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Speaker 2 But another time.

Speaker 2 Showing off in front of the girl that you're dating and not just texting me three Korean words that I asked for. Power move.

Speaker 2 I'll give you another one. I have so many too.
Lying to our fans about putting me on the fucking flyer when it was already sold out. Power move.

Speaker 2 I'll give you more.

Speaker 2 Dude, I have so many lines to do. Let me address that.
Can I address that?

Speaker 2 In the middle of the recording of the animated animated movie that we're doing, you literally said, I'm done, no more.

Speaker 2 That's true. Yeah, yeah.
Power move. Yeah, that was broken.
I got a couple. All right, so I

Speaker 2 throwing your keys at the valet

Speaker 2 in the store.

Speaker 2 Throwing your car keys at the kid. When? What's his name? Ramsey? You threw your keys at him.
I watched you do it. So I opened her.

Speaker 2 You can't throw your keys at him.

Speaker 2 I spit on his back. You can do whatever you want.
Yeah, yeah, okay. You can spit on his back when you're loving him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You weren't loving him.
So let me say something about the show.

Speaker 2 I did lie a little bit. Yeah.
The show was sold out. Of course it was.

Speaker 2 I added your name late. You don't need anybody's help.

Speaker 2 You're a shooter.

Speaker 2 I was still excited that you were going to be there. I'm sorry I had to finish dinner.
And I'm sorry that I was in the midst of a romantic date and I forgot about your fucking call.

Speaker 2 But that's what scares me. You're going to fall in love and forget about me.
Oh, here we go. That's what I talked to my therapist.
You fell in love years ago, guy. What? I lost you years ago.

Speaker 2 That is beyond unsure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's ridiculous. You want to get to it.
You want to get into it? Let's get into it, dude. Let's get into it.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 She took you away from me.

Speaker 2 She did. And I'm so glad it's out.
That's so stupid. And when I look at her, there's a deep resentment.
I do love her.

Speaker 2 But you know, the truth is, I think you really do like this girl that you're seeing. And you're a little scared and nervous and you're vulnerable and you seem a little on edge.

Speaker 2 I'm already friend zoned.

Speaker 2 So you take it out on us?

Speaker 2 You, you,

Speaker 2 but that's what what you did.

Speaker 2 No, what you fucking did, dude, the water, right? The donut, right? The fucking Trump letter. I've had enough.
Angry grandma. Right? Angry grandma.
I mean, you could even rattle up more.

Speaker 2 There's so many different. Borderlands, Borderlands reviews? Borderlands reviews.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Thank you so much.
Borderland reviews, all right?

Speaker 2 How many can I take from you, right? You don't ever prank him. Wait, but time out.
Do you hear what you're hearing what you're saying? What? It's all Carlos. I know.

Speaker 2 So why are you taking it out on us i don't get it because you because when you came in here you're like i have a gripe with you i do

Speaker 2 that golf thing that hurt my feelings yeah it hurt my feelings that you know and that's why that's not true the reason why i didn't give you the thing you didn't give me the thing because you just you didn't care because you're with that girl and you didn't give a you didn't care about my show that's not true end it there no why can't we used to be even you

Speaker 2 know that's how wham broke up look george michael said to the other guy i don't know the other guy's name is like yeah man you know what i mean george michael said i'm george michael i gotta go yeah that's what you're gonna and that's what you just tried to pull.

Speaker 2 You tried to George Michael.

Speaker 2 No, you just tried to George Michael. You're Paul Simon.
I'm Art Funkong Funk. Buddy, let me tell you something.
Okay. Let me tell you who I really am.
Oh, here we go. Watch this mini.

Speaker 2 You know who I am? I'm Shifty. Who are you? I'm Shifty Shell Shock.
Yeah, you are. I'm Crazy Town.
Yeah, yeah. You're my butterfly, sugar, baby.

Speaker 2 And if you don't fucking stop messing around, you're going to lose me. No, I'm not messing around.
I was, you know, this is how relationships are. You're my butterfly.
Don't call me that sugar.

Speaker 2 Don't call me that. Come, my lady.
Come, come, my lady. Yeah.
Don't call me that, man. But anyway.
He died? Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Oh, shit. I didn't mean to.
I had no idea he died.

Speaker 2 And he's a friend of mine. I thought that was rude.

Speaker 2 Still?

Speaker 2 Did he really die? That's not fake. Yeah.
Shifty, shifty, shit. I didn't know he died.
You've never heard this guy. Yeah.
No, he would have. N.
A. Legend.

Speaker 2 This guy's an N.A. Legend? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How did he die? Probably narcotics. Relapse.
Well, that's not cool.

Speaker 2 That's not funny. Like somebody we know in here.
I really didn't know. Who? Carlos? Carlos, yeah.

Speaker 2 What's been going on, Los? See, his, his, you know, how he's very sensitive, and he just like out of there, he just was like so defensive, right? Right. It's drug behavior.
That's drug behavior. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, this is such a manipulation right now. See, even what he just said they're doing.
Yeah. That's part of it.
That is? Wow. Well, he knows the sign, so go on.
Tell me more. What else is it?

Speaker 2 That's it. That's it.

Speaker 2 Carlos, are you on drugs? Marijuana only.

Speaker 2 And Xanax and Lexapro. You get psychosis with some of that.
Wait, Xanax and Lexapro? Yeah. And weed.
And weed, yeah. So now.
Do you not?

Speaker 2 Why Xani?

Speaker 2 Just a chill. Lexapro is depressive, right? That's a, that's a.
Xanax like calms your heart rate down. Like it relaxes you.

Speaker 2 Well, common warning signs of relapse include glamorizing past drug and alcohol use. Bobby does that.
False sense of control. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
What? Don't you glamorize like the past? I don't.

Speaker 2 Okay. I'm shameful of it.
Not engaging in sober fun.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm always. I'm Mr.
A, a convention guy. I'm on the dance floor.
Sudden changes in behavior. No, I'm straightforward.
I think what happened today was a little sudden. I wasn't.
It's, it's,

Speaker 2 it tracks well with who I am, though. It does track for us.
Well, that's not sudden. That's not sudden.
Hanging around old people in places associated with past use. Yeah, him, Carlos.
No, I can't.

Speaker 2 Well, that's bad for both of you. That's bad for both of us.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. What can we do to get you off weed? He's not going to ever get off.
Do you need it? Do you get me on other drug? No, no.

Speaker 2 Carlos. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
You don't need weed. But I think I do.
You do. Every day.

Speaker 2 Every day, yeah.

Speaker 2 All day? Something. You're back all day now.
Just when I wake up and then like at three and then at six and then at nine and then at midnight. So when you wake up

Speaker 2 after you eat, hi again. High at lunch.
High at dinner. High for here.
Are you high now? No, because on shoot days, I stop around three.

Speaker 4 Yeah, but just those five.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Thank you.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Because I don't want to smell in front of Andrew. Or you? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't care about if you smell like weed. I'd rather you try to not get high for a while.

Speaker 2 I mean, I just think that some of these warning signs are of Bobby, and that could be like a new thing for therapy next week.

Speaker 2 See what he's doing. It's smart.

Speaker 2 It's working like a charm. You see what he's doing, though? Talks about the past constantly.
Has a false sense of control over his life. Hangs out at the comedy store even though it's been 40 years.

Speaker 2 Changes behavior constantly. Isolates all the time.
Stop. Never goes to meetings.
Doesn't do sober fun. I went to a meeting Monday.
What do they talk talking about? Yeah, but that's not a lot.

Speaker 2 Just one a week and doubting the recovery. How many times are you going a week? I'm like one a year.

Speaker 2 Okay, dude. Yeah.
One a year.

Speaker 2 See what he's doing. See what he's doing.
I see exactly what he's doing. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. He's combative.
Well, he's, he's, what he's doing is trying to pit. He's trying to pit you against him.

Speaker 2 Uh, if I'm the owner at Home Depot. Oh, here we go.
Okay. I don't know.
That doesn't seem likely. Give me somewhere else.
Okay. I'm at, I'm the owner of Ichiban Japanese restaurant.
I see it now.

Speaker 2 Right, right. And we have a new waiter.
Who is it? Carlos. Oh.
I'm the owner. I own a chain of them.
You do? Right. And he starts proling pranks on me.
Oh, he's pranking the owner. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Pranking the owner. Like what?

Speaker 2 The owner's going to have enough. He's putting his balls on the walk.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Yeah. He's goofing.
Yeah. In the stir-fried noodles, he puts his butt hairs.
Oh, no. Which is something that he would do.
You know what I mean? It's good for morale. The owner's wife would think.

Speaker 2 No one wants cum on their tofu.

Speaker 2 Right? That's you. you tofu's pretty bland

Speaker 2 that is true it does help yeah yeah yeah well you keep that i like to come on the tofu

Speaker 2 no more hair in the fucking store fry all right they contend that they complain all the time right but it's like you would you prank him the owner of a chain we've been having this conversation for years bob look at that but what am i would you print check bezos what what's my chain you're an ichibon sushi what i'm what's mine an irish pub oh Yeah, he's not pranking me at the Irish pub.

Speaker 2 No, no, no. He's not even, but he can't.
Yeah, I wouldn't get a job there. Exactly, dude.
I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You hire who you love and they betray you. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I just don't think that in a situation of any boss, you know, employee situation, that the employee would talk to the boss or do things like that.

Speaker 2 But key things in this environment, I guess, outside. If we weren't doing this, we'd be friends.
But this is like more of a business. I get it.
Yeah. Right? There's an example, though.

Speaker 2 Give me an example. One day you walked off the set and said, I couldn't be here, but I'm right here.

Speaker 2 That's true. Today.
That is true. That happened today, right? That happened literally today.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm saying.
I get it. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 It doesn't feel like it's not. All right, let me change gears.
Okay, go ahead. Because this is going to make you mad.
This made me mad. We're going to be, we're going to.
It has this to do with me?

Speaker 2 No. Well, then go ahead.
It's going to hurt your feelings like it hurt mine. It's actually going to piss you off because it pissed me off.

Speaker 2 But has that anything to do with bad friends or us, our comedy? No. Okay, let's go.
So I'm sitting down there. I had to fly to Vegas yesterday.
I'm just having lunch.

Speaker 2 This guy's rapping and chatting with me. Nice guy.
Very nice.

Speaker 2 Somehow, some way, he gets into the chip. We're chatting.
What do you do? Da-da-da. And I'm kind of throwing everything away because I just want to eat lunch.

Speaker 2 And then he goes,

Speaker 2 is this thing that you're shooting? Is this like a comedy thing? I said, not really. It's kind of an interview show.
You know, he goes, oh, yeah. You like comedy? So far, it's good.

Speaker 2 Let me. Can I judge your story from now from here? Sure.
Right?

Speaker 2 Bueno story. Bueno.
Yeah, it's positive. You like comedy? Because he now knows who you are.
No, no, no. He doesn't know.
I know.

Speaker 2 That's what it sounds like right now. No, I'm saying he doesn't know me.
Because he goes, do you like comedy stuff? And I was like,

Speaker 2 yeah. Okay.

Speaker 2 Now you get it. I know, now.
And so I'm kind of being passive. Yeah, no, no, yeah.
I like it. I like it.
And then the bartender chimes in. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Have you seen, have you seen Kill Tony? He says to the guy, oh, dude, have you known about that? You ever seen that show?

Speaker 2 Yep.

Speaker 2 I have. Are you trying to ruin my 200 fucking? Get ready.
This one.

Speaker 2 This one's going to hurt way harder. It's not even done.
The guy goes, I love comedy. You ever run into, because I said I live in Los Angeles.
You ever run into Joe Rogan out there?

Speaker 2 I said, you know, yeah, I, I, I, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, he lives in Austin, I think, now. Yeah, yeah.
I'm trying to, we're closing the door.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I've tried, I've done it four times. I just want to eat my chicken wrap.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then finally he goes, yeah, we go to a lot of shows.
And the girl goes, I do too. I just saw Adam Ray.

Speaker 3 Fucking that, fucking man. He doesn't have 2 million subscribers.

Speaker 2 The bartender and the guy are both like, I love Adam Ray. And Adam, our buddy, he's killing it.
I'll tell you another story. I wasn't going to bring this up, but this happened last night.

Speaker 2 This is real, dude. What? I do a show.
We love you, Adam. I'm just going to.

Speaker 2 Right now, we don't. No, I love you.
No, no, no. You know you don't.
I love him so much. It's a It's a war.
It's a war with us, Adam. All right, so I'm going to tell you another thing.

Speaker 2 Last night, you know, I'm the guy on the list. Sometimes you're the guy.

Speaker 2 You're always the guy. Right?

Speaker 2 Do well, right?

Speaker 2 And then I get a text, hey man, you there at the store? I go, yeah. Ron White? No.
Who's that? You know what I mean? Fuck yeah, I'm on my way.

Speaker 2 Theo. Oh, Theo.
Right? Your buddy. He shows up.
Yeah. Not even on the lineup.
A group of girls in the hallway, they had already seen me perform. Loved it.
They didn't say anything.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they loved it. Right? They see Theo and they go, can we get a photo with you? I'm standing right next to Theo.
So they all grew up up, right? And then one of the girls saw that I was sad.

Speaker 2 Say the line. You know what I mean? Can we get a photo? Throw a photo with you, Theo.
Oh, Theo, can we get a photo with you?

Speaker 2 Sir, would you take our picture with Theo? That's what it was about to happen. No.
But one of the girls goes, you can be in a two.

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 no, no, don't, don't.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 I've had enough. Nobody likes us anymore.

Speaker 2 We're old news, babe. I know, dude.
We're old news. Yeah.
It's over. We should do falling down part two.

Speaker 2 Can we make you happy?

Speaker 2 At this point, I don't think today.

Speaker 2 Carlos.

Speaker 2 Hold on, stop.

Speaker 2 Stop.

Speaker 2 No, Bob.

Speaker 2 I swear to fuck. I bet we can make you happy.
I bet you not. And if what you're about to do doesn't make me happy, I'm going to be even more mad.
Let's play the video from our boy. Here we go.

Speaker 2 Sweetest prince. Already, I'm not happy.
The sweetest prince on earth. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Hey guys, I've been in Tokyo for less than 24 hours and it's been awesome. I don't feel sick at all or anything yet.
And I saw some four-leaf clovers on a building that made me think of Andrew.

Speaker 5 And then I saw a guy on a poster that made me think of Bobby. So, thanks very much for sending me here.

Speaker 2 That's you. Wow.

Speaker 2 That's you in the corner. Wow.

Speaker 5 Day two, and I don't feel sick at all.

Speaker 2 He's having a blast. Oh, that's great.
He went there alone.

Speaker 5 I'm trying to think of some kind of gift to get for Bobby and Andrew, just as a way of saying thank you. So I've just been on the lookout for that.

Speaker 5 I saw, like, um, a place that was selling bars of gold yesterday, and you can get a really little one for like $35

Speaker 5 So I was thinking maybe something like that, but I don't know if that's

Speaker 5 if they would rather have that or just the money

Speaker 2 To the coolest museum

Speaker 2 Wow, he loves trains

Speaker 5 Yeah, say that Loves wow Airbnb is across the street from a tattoo parlor and it gave me the idea that maybe a good way of saying thank you and expressing my gratitude would be to get

Speaker 5 a tattoo that says thank you or says bad friends or something. But I just don't have any tattoos and don't want any, so I don't know if I'll do that.

Speaker 5 Carlos asked me to buy some women's underwear from a vending machine, so I'm going to try to find a vending machine like that before I leave.

Speaker 2 Are those used?

Speaker 2 They are. So they're used women's underwear and they sell them in vending machines.
They don't wash them. No, his adventure getting them is right here.

Speaker 2 Oh, you smell them?

Speaker 2 What do you do when you get them? Smell, put in your mouth. Oh, God.

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I love Rocket Money. Do you know why? I love saving money.
You do. You know how many subscriptions I used to have? It's embarrassing.
It's embarrassing.

Speaker 2 Three video games, a meditative one. And some of these I don't even use anything.
At one time, you were paying for like 13 game apps or something. That's what I'm saying.
And it bleeds money, right?

Speaker 2 So

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Speaker 5 Carlos asked me to buy buy some women's underwear from a vending machine, so I'm going to try to find a vending machine like that before I leave.

Speaker 2 I found the vending machine Carlos is looking for, but it's really hard to do it.

Speaker 2 Used. It does say used.
This is used. Dude, look at what he did for you, Carlos.
Oh, wow. That's so awesome.

Speaker 2 How much are they?

Speaker 2 Like four Japanese quarters.

Speaker 2 Four Japanese quarters. Oh, and they come in like a toy ball.
Yeah. wow that's incredible

Speaker 2 is this just a grocery store i got it and i put it

Speaker 2 he wants it far away from him yeah

Speaker 2 so great it's got air holes on it so you can how long was he out there for he's still out there no he we didn't buy him a return how is he gonna get back that's not on us to figure out

Speaker 2 we put up the air in bnb no We gave him a one-way ticket. No, Airbnb.
He paid for that. We gave him a one-way ticket to to Japan.
How is he going to get back? I don't know, bud.

Speaker 2 I'm sure he'll somehow. Let's get him back.
Do we want to get him back, you guys? I don't think so, but.

Speaker 2 Leave him there for a while. Okay, we'll leave him there.
We'll just leave him.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he'll be fine out there. He texts me every morning.
He seems happy.

Speaker 2 I think he's loving every second of it. I got these chocolate chip cookies, by the way, if you want to.
By the way,

Speaker 2 can this be a segment of the show where we literally just send him around the world for the next couple of years? Yeah. I just want to, literally, let's fly him from Yemen.
Yemen. Yemen? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Look at tickets to Yemen. Yemen are omen.
Yeah, yeah. But let's fly him from Japan to another location.
Let's see how long he just stays out of the country. Yeah.
Can we do this?

Speaker 2 Carlos, text him and ask him if he wants to go somewhere else. Okay.
That'd be

Speaker 2 just fly this kid around the world. Seoul Korea.
Would love. But no, we want him to go the other way.
Oh. I want him to keep going west.
Can he go to Moscow? No, he shouldn't go there. Why? Why?

Speaker 2 Moscow's nice. It's a country at war.

Speaker 2 So are we. Yeah, we're always in war.
We're always at war, man. Yeah.
All right, we'll send him to another place. Ukraine then.
Yeah, send him him to Ukraine. Yeah, Kiev.

Speaker 2 See if there's tickets to Gaza.

Speaker 2 See if we can send him.

Speaker 2 Wow. Can I take a second to say something tragic? You guys have some tragic things.
Heartbreak. There was a school shooter on FSU's campus today.
I know.

Speaker 2 And obviously, this episode was a little bit more. Two people passed.
How many people? Two.

Speaker 2 Did you guys see the video on the internet? No. McCone showed me.
He got banned. A girl was filming.
A girl? Guy. Girl? McCone? Is that a girl?

Speaker 2 We don't know. Or the girl is dad.
We don't know who was filming. But you saw a girl.
There was a girl on her phone. The video went viral for a second.

Speaker 2 She's just filming a body on the ground, and she's drinking a Starbucks walking by. Like, it's not a big deal.
Honestly, like, this is the kind of stuff where you're like,

Speaker 2 I don't know what's happening now. I don't know what's happening now.
Everybody's into pure panic. Juan Carlos Gomez-Lopez.

Speaker 2 Is that a new basketball player? Yeah. Who is that? Juan Carlos Gomez-Lopez.
Is that Louis Gomez's brother? Right, so this is what happened.

Speaker 2 This kid, American citizen, born in Atlanta, Georgia, went to Florida, got pulled over, and then he was in ICE custody.

Speaker 2 But if he's an American citizen, I don't know. And then the mom showed up with his fucking birth certificate.
Do you know? And the judge said, ICE has him. Well, there's also, he's got too many names.

Speaker 2 Go back up. It's like, yeah, it's like...

Speaker 2 If you meet a white guy named Kevin Steve, you know what I mean? Bob Allen. Smith.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Juan Carlos Lopez-Gomez.
That's the problem. You're giving them too much animals.

Speaker 2 That's what what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
If it was just Juan Carlos, fine. I mean, or Vladimir.
Vladimir. Vladimir Gomez.
Fine. That's fine.
That's totally fine.

Speaker 4 Yeah, that's why I only use one last name.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Rosende. Because it's probably like Rosene Capano, Fosado, but

Speaker 2 do you have a lot of those? Fuccino Cosano? Yeah. Yeah.
Why?

Speaker 4 Well, you have a middle name, and we have two last names.

Speaker 2 It's for it. You know what theirs is for? Land and lineage and all this.
That's fucking nice.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 2 They're not special, dude. The record for the longest personal name belongs to Herbert Blaine, Wolfenschleigen Gaussenhoffenbergendoff Sr.
Wow. German-American typesetter.

Speaker 4 Yeah, this one won't go to ice.

Speaker 2 So Juan Carlos Gomez, he's being deported. He got released.
Oh, he's back. Yeah, but he was still in custody for hours, and I was crazy.
That's crazy. But he came back.
And then

Speaker 2 for Kilmar Abrego Garcia. Again, too many names.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 2 But, you know, the senator went down to El Salvador to visit him, and he sat down with him. Really? Oh, that's him.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 It's crazy. Give him something to drink.
Just water. Yeah.
Just what? Bring him a coffee. Bring him a soda.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but he's in a maximum, you know what I mean, gulag.

Speaker 2 That looks pretty minimum to me. That looks like a

Speaker 2 cracker barrel.

Speaker 2 Denny's out, you know what I mean? But I don't think he's out. I think he has to go back in.
By the way, I had, while I was gone, I had Waffle House. Haven't had Waffle House.
Love it.

Speaker 2 I haven't had it in 20 years. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Pho.

Speaker 2 Nominal.

Speaker 2 It's the best.

Speaker 2 We don't have one in L.A. We don't have any Waffle Houses in Los Angeles.
It's California. What? Yeah.
The South. Well, it's funny because we're always on the road, so I see them all the time.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I see them all the time.
And I always point, I go, I want to go there. It's the best.
Or Hardy's. Hardees is Carl Jeff.
Oh, my God. Hardee's is what? What's the same chain?

Speaker 2 Carl's Jr. Carl Jr.
Okay.

Speaker 2 This, dude, I ate late at night Waffle House. What'd you get? I mean, we got the, what is it called? The, uh, it's this combo.
It's, it was eggs, two kinds kinds of meat, potatoes.

Speaker 2 Uh, I, we got multiple waffles to share because I was hungry. I was a little.
I don't know what kind of bread this is, but it's called Texas bread. Oh, yeah.
It's like.

Speaker 2 Why is it so thick and delicious? Well, because it's like, what do you call it? It's like garlic bread, butterbread, garlic. Yeah, Texas toast.
I love it, dude. Texas toast.
That's what it's called.

Speaker 2 Texas toast.

Speaker 2 And then, so I'll get a breakfast sandwich with that. Oh.
Yeah, I mean, but you know, they're a little rude. At Waffle House? Yeah.
Can I explain why? Why?

Speaker 2 Do you want to work a 24-hour restaurant for $6 an hour? Yeah, that's right. And deal with drunk fuckheads at three in the morning? You're right, right.

Speaker 2 I tip my hat to these people. Oh, yeah.
By the way, here's the thing about Waffle House. I'll give them a shout-out.
They love fights. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 They posted this. This is Waffle House posting it from their account.
Wow. This is incredible.
You know why they're doing this? This girl, she didn't finish her waffle, and that's the staff.

Speaker 2 You got to finish your meal at Waffle House. Oh, my God.
That girl had too much Waffle House.

Speaker 2 That's Waffle Mansion right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wow.

Speaker 2 Entire Waffle subdivision happening. Yeah, look at that.
Oh, my God. So this is an entire Twitter page dedicated to fights at Waffle House.
A lot of times it's the staff fighting.

Speaker 2 And also, just push pause for a second. It only happens to be black people.
I didn't even notice that.

Speaker 2 I didn't even notice that. You didn't? I didn't.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 Here's the wild shit. You always see a manager jump in? Yeah.
Like this lady, this old white lady jumping in. Yeah.
Hey, Sheila, take a hike. Yeah.
You're going to get killed.

Speaker 2 You're going to get killed. Look at her static.
Guys, cut it out. Not by by the murder.
If you're in the wall falls, you and I, we would already be in our car.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Like, if somebody, like, I've had Team Z put a camera to my face.
I hate it. What do you think of this? I don't say anything.
I get so nervous. Have you got it?

Speaker 2 They had you at the airport before? No, yeah. And I always pull them aside.
I go, dude, you know, all right. You know what's so funny?

Speaker 2 The last couple of guys that have come up to me have been so polite and nice. Like, I've never, we're not famous enough for it to be a thing.
Yeah. But the guy came up to me at the airport.

Speaker 2 He was like, oh, Miss Santino, I was like, hey, man, I just got off. I don't want to do this.
that I'm so yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was like, Oh, cool, yeah, that's what they do.
It was very nice.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they're very nice. No, but they don't do that to everyone, dude.
The way that real famous people get harassed, like, look at all the shit that's going on with Justin Bieber.

Speaker 2 They can't leave this fucking kid alone, man.

Speaker 2 And they're like, Oh, he's being mean to the paparazzi. He's like, Yeah, no shit, man.
No shit. Leave the kid alone.

Speaker 2 This was an hour ago.

Speaker 2 This was posted an hour ago. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yo, y'all know.

Speaker 2 You're not supposed to be down here.

Speaker 2 yeah they're yeah it's insane dude

Speaker 2 leave the kid alone leave him alone obviously he's dude obviously it's it's like he's twisted up right now he's dressed like a smurf let him be let him be a little papa smurf yeah

Speaker 2 i can't i would you be able to live like that no yeah me either no the good news is i'm not that talented so i'll never have to worry about it either me them either yeah the kanye stuff too it's like almost you can almost say part of his crack came from the paparazzi like this like filming him in the morning in the morning.

Speaker 2 But that's just crazy. Yeah, it's crazy.

Speaker 2 I think part of the reason these people go nuts is because of this, like

Speaker 2 constant. It's constant.
It's not healthy.

Speaker 2 Neither is the fame, though. Beyond the paparazzi, the fame itself isn't healthy.

Speaker 2 Being that famous isn't healthy. Who's that?

Speaker 2 No, it's right there to the left. Young Bobby Lee.
Look. No, go back.
Oh, that's. That thing right there, the shorts.

Speaker 2 The first one. Yeah, that.
It's you. Oh, my God.
Wow.

Speaker 2 Wow. Wow.

Speaker 2 Look at how young you are. I know.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. My comedy was so bad back then.
Well, at least some things never change.

Speaker 2 I don't need one more cookie.

Speaker 2 I don't know if what

Speaker 2 are you?

Speaker 2 I don't know. I wouldn't say anything.
Yeah, I don't know what was worse. But Cohn saying that, or the weasel laughing.

Speaker 2 I can't describe to you. I can't figure it out.
Like, what am I more angry about?

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Carlos, you want to pop up and defend yourself, buddy?

Speaker 2 I was laughing because I knew how mad Bobby would get at that. Yeah, yeah.
You know what? When I do my special, you guys aren't coming.

Speaker 2 Oh, like

Speaker 2 when I'm 45 years old, I'm doing it in January of what year? January was two months ago.

Speaker 2 All right,

Speaker 2 whenever I do it, you're not going to go.

Speaker 2 Are you serious? Yeah,

Speaker 2 but I do want to go. You're not going.
There's no way. I want positive people there.
I was just kidding, Bobby. No, no, no, you're not going.

Speaker 2 You're not going.

Speaker 2 And you know, a lot of people on the streets are just like, we can't wait. We'll be there.
We're going to support it. All my community, the community, Tim Dylan, everybody, everyone's like into it.

Speaker 2 And the people that work. They're into your special.
Yeah, they can't wait. You're a crusher and it's finally, you know what I mean? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And a lot of fans can't wait. And

Speaker 2 the people that are close to me, that are part of my team supposedly, are against me.

Speaker 2 What does that mean?

Speaker 2 What would you do in a situation like this? Well, I didn't invite any of those guys to my special. I know, that's right.
Right. Right.
Well, I wouldn't want them there. Did Carlos go to yours? No.

Speaker 2 Yeah. He wasn't invited.
Yeah, yeah. So, um.
That was deliberate. You won't be getting an invite.

Speaker 2 You know, it's going to break his heart. That's like, that means the most to him.
Who? For Carlos. Yeah, it's like sad.
We've known each other since like fucking Obama was president. Okay.

Speaker 2 Like you've met my parents and you're like, you get mad because like you thought you were. Man, your dad's very disappointed.
I tell you that right now.

Speaker 2 Surgeon.

Speaker 2 No, no, no. Let's go back, though.
What's insane is that you're mad at me because you thought you were important enough. Oh, I can't do it.
I didn't. I can't.
The leader of the free world house.

Speaker 2 I can't slam you.

Speaker 2 Oh, no. It's

Speaker 2 turning it around. I'm slamming him up with his dad, right? When he slams me, what? I keep it quiet.
Kept it quiet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He gets immediately defensive.

Speaker 2 Like, oh, but you, you know what I mean? No slams, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No slams allowed.

Speaker 2 I can't do that. No, I did that.
I'm learning. I'm learning right now.
Yeah, real time. Is this a no-slam allowed? Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's a one-way street. How about this? Is Fancy invited to your special?

Speaker 2 I think so, yeah. You do? Yeah.
He's been kissing your ass all day. I know.
I think so. Playing it right.

Speaker 2 I think

Speaker 2 when I leave in May, taking my parents on vacation, not to be

Speaker 2 sound,

Speaker 2 it's probably our last family vacation together.

Speaker 2 Well, my parents are getting older. They're not going to travel a lot.
So, like, it's weird. It's fucking weird to be this age and to be like, I don't know.

Speaker 2 I don't think my parents will ever get on a plane again with me and go somewhere far. Wow.

Speaker 2 Where are you going to go? I'm taking them to Italy. Oh, great.

Speaker 2 But I think like when I go away, because I'm gone for them for like a week and a half, why don't you take a Bobby vacation

Speaker 2 and get away

Speaker 2 and disappear from all this shit? Yeah. And don't do anything business.
Yeah. Just disappear for a while.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And see where you fall into. See who you meet.
See what you get into. Go like what Dax is doing in Japan.

Speaker 2 Why don't you do that? Why don't you disappear for a week? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Seriously, shut off your phone. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And disappear. Why?

Speaker 2 Why are you shaking your head? Addicts shouldn't do that. Wait, why? I'm not asking him to use.
I'm saying go be one with yourself. Okay.

Speaker 2 You don't trust him?

Speaker 2 I mean, alone in a hotel room without us knowing what you're doing. He's alone in a hotel room all the time.
Yeah, all the time. He just did it.
I just did it. He was just in Columbus.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay. I trust you enough to know that you're comfortable in your sobriety.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Don't you think so? Yeah. I got to go to a foreign land, though, I think.
Where?

Speaker 2 You can come to Spain. No, Barbados or something.
Barbados. Yeah.

Speaker 2 What? I'm going to be 100% honest with you. Yeah, not good.
I don't know where that is. I don't either.
I heard it

Speaker 2 flyer or something. I actually don't know where that is.
I don't know where that is. I'm not even kidding.
Yeah, Barbados.

Speaker 2 Is it in the French Polynesian? No, I mean, is it in the. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Virgin Islands? Virgin Islands. Let's go.

Speaker 2 That's how Sal it is?

Speaker 2 Yeah, friend.

Speaker 2 What is that? That's the Virgin Islands. Am I right? Look at the pictures.
Go to Barbados, Bob. I want to go to Barbados.
Can we get him to Barbados, guys? No, I have. I can do it.
Look at it. Wow.

Speaker 2 Wow. Don't you think? Bobby on a beach.
Barbados. Bobby in Barbados.
Bobby in Barbados.

Speaker 2 See that coral reef over there? Yeah. That's where you're going to see my dead body.
Stop.

Speaker 2 Three days bloating.

Speaker 2 They haven't found me in three days. I wash up under that coral reef.
You're not going swimming. Oh, yeah, yeah.
No, you're beaching it. Yeah.
You're sitting on that.

Speaker 2 Half my torso is in a shark's mouth. Look at it.
I see you in that cabana right there. Yeah, dead.
Smoking a cigarette. Going at overdose.
Stop it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Stop it.
That's where I'll die. Go somewhere foreign.
After May, I just want to say this now. It was really good to know you.
And everyone here. No, no.
No, no, no, no. No.
After all the laughs.

Speaker 3 You have to wait until January.

Speaker 2 You're trying to get out of the special.

Speaker 2 Oh, is that another slam? Trying to get out of the special. Yeah, I mean, what you're going to do at 2032.

Speaker 2 That's what you get.

Speaker 2 Hey, so we genuinely want to say thank you so much to our fans. It means the world to us that you guys have been around five years.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 You've been doing this, and we're up to 2 million subscribers. That's incredible.
We're going to keep making you laugh with beautiful content.

Speaker 2 Please come see us because we don't know when we're going to tour again. If you're in London or Dublin, you got to come.
You got to come see us because we might not be able to tour for a long time.

Speaker 2 Bobby's got a special coming out, then he's going to take some time down because he's been working very hard.

Speaker 2 So please come see us in London and Dublin. And we really appreciate the fans.
You guys mean the world to us. Thank you so much.

Speaker 2 I love it. From the bottom of my heart,

Speaker 2 honestly, before Bad Friends, I feel like I was just not doing anything important or making a wave in my creativity. And the family that we've gotten from Bad Friends has been such a surprise.

Speaker 2 And it's really keeping me alive, I think. You know, so I just really appreciate the love and the support.
I'm going to get a new staff eventually.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? So there might be some changes, but Andrew and I will always be here. We'll always be here for you.

Speaker 2 And if you at home want some changes, if you can submit to take over for one of the staff members, please email carlosinthebooth at gmail.com.

Speaker 2 That will go to Carlos, but we'll have to have someone else flag it because he will just delete all the events.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. In fact, go to Andreas, maybe.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Andreas, you will give him the login. login.
Go to carlosinthebooth at gmail.com, and Andreas will read those. And by the way, send in a video of you.

Speaker 2 What is that? Auditioning for that job. You can replace one of these guys.
I have no problem with

Speaker 2 it.

Speaker 2 You can effectively delete resumes that come in. Well, we're going to make sure that we're going to change it now.
We're going to change it so that Carlos.

Speaker 2 If you ever wanted a job on here, I've deleted it.

Speaker 2 Another thing we can't trust. That's what I'm saying.
It's like we cannot trust this guy. We're fucked.
He's smoking weed, deleting emails.

Speaker 2 All right. Thank you for being a bad friend.