In the Presence of a Movie Star

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting. You two are something.
We're bad friends. Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma movie star.
I'm in the presence of a movie star. And I'm so stunned by you because you're a movie star.
I'm in the presence of a president. I'm in the presence of a president.
Yes, you are. Little Chinese boy, sing to me.
You throw out things that don't make no sense, so I throw out things that don't make no sense to you. I'm in the presence of a movie star president.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Bad Friends. I'm in the presence of a movie star.
Movie star. I'm a little movie star, but this guy's a superstar.
Brett, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Andrew Santino. They're in the same level.
George Clooney, come to me. How funny would it be if George Clooney, what is, who's calling you? Johnny Yang.
Johnny O. Yang? No, Johnny Yang.
Jimmy O. Yang's brother? He's my haircut.
Can I answer it? Yeah, sure. Okay.
Getting your haircut soon? Getting your lettuce sliced? Oh, you hung up on one of you. Go ahead.
Call Johnny Yang back. Sounds like a character from Mortal Kombat.
Johnny Yang wins. Finish him.
Johnny Yang. Hello? Hello? Hey, how's it going? How's it my god are you aware about tonight I will buy what tonight no not natural ah this time this week oh this Okay, what time what in driving right now I'm gonna check for you in 15 minutes I'm gonna check for you you gonna check for me I'm gonna call you you call me I'll call you okay okay I'll text you okay bye how do you have any professional relationship? It's unbelievable.

What do you mean?

Like that's your haircut guy?

Yeah.

That poor guy.

He thinks I have an accent.

Well, he does.

He thinks I do.

That's how I always talk to him.

Where is he from?

China.

Oh, he's off the boat.

Yeah, he's off the boat.

Yeah.

Was he on the show?

He thinks I'm from off the boat too.

Does he?

Yeah, he goes, hi, Rao.

Okay, is this a house haircut?

You get your haircut at your house? This guy's- He comes over, yeah. Yeah, he comes over.
I'm in the presence of a movie star. I'm in the presence of a superstar.
Why do you keep saying this? Because I did two lines in Theo Vaughn's movie. I'm in the presence of a movie star.
Yeah? Dude. Dude.
Dude. Who'd you work for? Morgan Freeman this week.
Cool pictures on the internet. Morgan Freeman, right?

He does.

I do one Theo Vaughn.

I'm movie star.

What Morgan Freeman are you talking about?

The fucking eyes, the blind, the magic movie you did in fucking Hungary.

What?

A year ago?

It was a year ago.

Right.

Look at this.

There's Bobby walking around on set, smoking, being a diva.

I heard.

I got back some word that you were being a diva on set. Well, I am a diva.
Skinny diva. Look at him.
A little skinny diva. I'm fucking confused.
Are you rocking magenta? Was that your pick or theirs? Theirs pick. That looks really good.
Thanks, man. Do you think I should do the cowboy look? Because everyone's saying I should do the cowboy look.
I think you should do the shirts and the hat, but not the boots. Oh, the boots are too much.
Because you pride yourself in your shoe game.

Yeah.

You got good shoe game.

I think boots are not your style.

Yeah.

But I think the hats are dope.

I think the shirt, I think the belt is fly as shit.

You know what I look like there?

Sicario.

Sicario.

I think I'm a hit man.

You do.

Yeah.

Oh, don't bring up.

We talked about that before the show.

What?

That woman got shot yesterday and killed.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

What?

What, her husband put on a hit. She's going to get like fast food.
Her ex-husband hires a hit man, allegedly. Let's stop for a second.
Push pause. Let me get the information right.
Yeah. A man.
Yeah. They got it right? You got that part.
That's all I know. That's all I know.
A man. No.
So a man hired a hit man hitman to kill his wife apparently a group right carlos didn't say there was like a crew of people that were out to kill this woman no and let me ask you something before we get into this and they framed it as a robbery how much money would you spend to what to kill your wife how much money would i spend yeah i wonder how much well i don't i would i would want i would want top level by the way I saw a meme today that said all guys that wear those hats that have the words upside down are douche bags and it made me laugh so hard I immediately thought of you I was like you have so many of those hats that are upside down you have Dallas you have Texas you have Dallas was a bad friends fan thank you okay but you have Texas you have you have another one too what's the other one you wear too that's upside down? Yeah, Los Angeles upside down. Who makes these upside down hats that all the kids have? True brand.
Yeah. True brand.
I don't get it. I'll never get it.
It was a manufacturer. It was a manufacturer error and they just went out like that.
You know that, right? That's not true. That's how it got created.
Really? Yeah, a hat got printed upside down and they sold them. You're tricking me right now.
Dude, I'm tricking you all the time. I tricked you into doing this show.
You've been here for five years now. This is a long time.
Sucker. Thank you.
Also, make it more challenging, like mix up the letters because I can read it. That's cool.
See, that would be cool. It's Texas.
Yeah. If it was upside down.
Excite. Mix up the fucking letters, dude.
How was shooting the Theo Vaughn movie with David Spade and Theo Vaughn and a bunch of other stars? I mean, this is a star-studded cast. Dude, what are you doing? What are you talking about? What are you doing right now? Tim Dillon.
What are you doing right now? I'm not the IMDb. No, no, no.
Stop, stop. Don't even do that.
It looks good. What are you doing? I'm just trying to celebrate my friend.
Okay. I'm going to tell you something.
You want me to expose you to the fucking truth? Okay. Go ahead.
You want to be exposed to the truth, my friend. Yeah, go ahead.

What is it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm not even in the thing.

Yet.

Kirk Fox, David Spade.

Let's get the full.

Let's go.

David Spade, Kirk Fox, Theo Vaughn, Gavin Warren, Nate Diaz, Javier Suarez.

Love him.

Yeah.

Thomas Spader, Michael Eshawn York.

Dude, Thomas Spader is so good.

He always plays the diner patron in every movie.

Every.

And he's so good. He never has a line, right? But when he's eating in the background, dude, you're like, oh, that guy's really eating.
I'm surprised that's not your character. Go up.
What? Javier played Senor Senor. That's got to be a Bobby Lee character.
Senor, senor. Senor, senor.
Senor, senor. Yeah, I don't know.
I don't even know what my character. Anyway, so you want to expose to the truth? Oh, yeah.
Expose me the truth. Can't wait.
Oh, see, when you're in this kind of mood, dude, see this. I'm in the presence of a movie star.
See this mood? See this mood? Wow. Look at that.
Timmy Dillon, David Spade, Theo Vaughn. This movie's going to be huge, dude.
Why are you laughing? Dude, because you're being sarcastic. No, I'm not.
100%.

How?

They don't offer you shit because they know you're going to say no.

Buddy, buddy, buddy.

They know you're going to say no.

Buddy.

Because you know what you need?

Buddy.

Mucho dinero, por favor.

Buddy.

That's what you want.

Buddy.

Dinero, por favor.

That's you, guy.

Buddy.

I go $2.

I'll get it.

Buddy.

I'll do it for $2.

This guy.

This guy.

Oh, you got to go to UTA, then to my lawyer, and then to this guy.

And that's why they're laughing, guy.

Buddy.

Because you know you're fucking wrong, dude.

Yeah.

Buddy.

Yeah.

I'm sorry. I'll get it.
Buddy. I'll do it for $2.
That guy, this guy, oh, you got to go to UTA, then through my lawyer, then through this guy.

And that's why they're laughing, guy.

Because you know you're fucking wrong, dude.

Yeah.

Buddy.

Yeah.

They did offer me a role.

Okay?

That's what I'm saying.

And now you're spitting it back at me like,

why did you take the role? I'm in the presence of a movie star.

Let me tell you something.

No, he called me.

Theo called me to see if I could do something.

But I was in Philly.

He literally called me on a Friday. He goes, dude, can you shoot tomorrow? no i'm out of town what the fuck that's how i got it three days before no i know dude i'm not gonna do shit relax jesus christ by the way let's let's let's reframe the joke you just made that you made the boys in the booth laugh at i wait for money what we don't get paid to do anything on television or film.
The last time I got a check to do a thing on TV was Dave.

I'm in the presence of a movie star I'm in the presence of a movie star you really are no you're I'm sorry dude you're a superstar not a movie star superstar how was your week in Phoenix I heard heard it was good. Did you see your mommy? I didn't see her.
You didn't see your mom in Phoenix? You were in Phoenix? I was hanging out with people, man. No, I didn't see her.
When I go to Phoenix to do shows, she doesn't know I'm in town. Why would you do that? Because I have to get in the car and drive all the way to the desert and come back.
I don't want to do it. Phoenix is the desert.
I know. I'm saying there's more desert, though.
It's just in more desert. I know.
I know where your mom lives. It's 30 minutes away from where you work I know but deserts with less buildings What does that have to do with that When I'm in a desert I need more buildings It's your mom I understand dude she doesn't know I'm in town If she knew I was in town I'd go visit her Can I give you an old Chinese proverb Give me two He who visits sand and does not visit mother Yeah Will soon know she will turn into sand.
Wow. Oh, thank you so much, guys.
She's gonna die? No! My mom's gonna... Yeah, everyone's gonna die, dude! But she's gonna die sooner.
Soon. Okay, so fine.
Soon. Okay, you're right.
Soon die. Okay.
And soon die is the other Chinese proverb. Really? Soon die is? Soon die, live now.
Soon die, live now. Soon die, live now.
Yeah. Don't do.
Don't do. Cry later.
Cry later. Big check.
That's right. That's a really good one.
That's a really good one. So you get a check, you watch, you do shows, and you don't see your mom.
But that's okay. Yeah.
I have a proverb. What is it? Two white couple in suburb In Chicago Right? Sometimes They die in fire Oh That's funny It's too cold To get set on fire I know It's the middle of winter That's an old proverb Your mom has a higher likelihood Of dying in this I know I know why we In Phoenix Listen No no I just mean I think we're doing this Let's not do this right now Alright Alright It feels like we're doing this Right And I don't want anything bad To happen to your Two Three I'm in the presence Of a movie star Okay Let's get back into love And Cause you and I Have some fiction How about let's do some love Okay How about some love stuff Yeah I miss you I'm happy with you I'm happy with you And I'm sorry I abandoned you For what I left you on the last episode you had to do oh yeah yeah that was but still fine but i have but to say to the fans i do mean this a lot of times the fans are like oh what the fuck are they doing together it's like dude we're we're all working on stuff it's hard we're trying to go on tour work on our hours it's hard to always be in the studio every week we've done the show for five years we've literally never missed a week yeah and we're we're going to continue to that continue to do it yeah because it's been sometimes we have to um pivot we gotta pivot we gotta we

gotta jeremy pivot once in a while yeah you know it's so funny i was gonna say jeremy pivot were

you really yeah but i'm like no it's a hacking joke no good jeremy pivot yeah um i saw ian

fight ends his penis last night god bless and um it's what what i thought it was gonna look like

can i guess yeah tell me it was pierced it has a prince albert there's no pierce really no hmm it looks like does it okay is it curve it's something you get at starbucks oh oh oh oh those little egg bites close oh one of those one of those cake pops it looks like a cake pop head is like a purpley, orangey color with sprinkles on it. Yeah.
And the stem looks like a stick. Well, wait a minute.
Sprinkles. Oh, he's bisexual.
Yeah, there's sprinkles. Yeah, there's bisexuality.
They have to put it on there. There's bisexuality on there.
Does he dip it? Does he like dip it in the sprinkles? He dipped it in, yeah, butthole. Man and woman.
You know what I mean? So you have different varieties of chocolate. See, I was supposed to see him the other day.
I was working out on the west side, and he was like,

oh, can you meet up?

I said, I'm never going to make it to the store.

But I'm happy now I didn't go because now I guess he was showing his penis.

No, no, we went to the spa.

Oh, yeah.

So we're in the spa.

I'm in the steam room, and he looked at my penis,

and he kind of almost died laughing.

Why?

He goes, it's so cute.

And he started laughing.

Well, he doesn't have a big penis. No, he didn't say it was small.
Oh, he just liked it. My dick is cute.
Minion. Minion.
You've seen it. I have.
It's the best, dude. If it were to make a noise, that's the noise.
What does it do when it sees a woman? Oh. Okay, okay, okay.
Like that, Like that Like that, dude And it's like He's so happy And I can get hard now Just talking to people on the phone No It's a miracle Me? You ever do that with me? No, no, no, with a woman No, alright Yeah But what if I put on a female voice? Huh? What if when you call me and I'm like Hey, bye No, no, no, no, no I know. I know it's you, dude.
I'm going to do it. You've tried before.
It doesn't work. Pisses me off.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kanye went on a tirade about hermaphrodites on Twitter, by the way.
It's unbelievable. What? Kanye was like, you tell me if you're a hermaphrodite, you wouldn't stick your penis in your own vagina.
And I really had to think about it. I was like, that's actually a great point.
Well, you would have to bend it like Beckham. Yeah.
You know what I mean? And I don't know if my- I was literally about to say bend it like was like that's actually a great point at what you would have to bend it like beckham yeah you know i mean and i don't know if my i was literally about to say that i'm like we're on the same page we're on the same page look if i'm a hermaphrodite oh if hermaphrodite only dates women that's a hermaphrodite that was his first joke pretty good yeah yeah play on words but uh but the other one was the other one was you're telling me if you're a hermaphrodite you wouldn't try to stick your penis in your own vagina then he said i thought about it i'm no longer a nazi he literally wrote i no longer i'm a nazi that's so funny dude he thought about it he thought about it wow you got to think about it well adam sandler because of adam sandler because adam sandler gave him a tribute to the 50th snl is that what it was he probably just talked to him privately hey buddy you buddy, you can't talk about me that long.

You gotta lay off the Jews.

Lay off the Jews.

But if there was a Hollywood president of Jews,

Adam would be it. Sandler's the best.

He is maybe the coolest,

most funny, chill, down-to-earth dude

I've ever met in comedy.

And I'm not even kidding.

At his level,

Chappelle is very sweet and dope too, but like Sandler's, Sandler still has that boyish like, he's like, oh, hey buddy. It's sweet.
It's like, I can't even describe it. It's when I, remember I was with that sexy lady and we walked by, I told you that.
Yeah. And Sandler was there with his mom and he looked at my girl and goes, funny guy.
And that's, you know what he's doing? Yeah. A log.
Alley-oop. And that's something.
Don't say it. And I don't even have to say it because you know what I'm saying.
It's something that these guys never do. No, no, him specifically.
You've never given me an alley-oop, Carlos. He's not even in the game.
I know, that's why. He's got to learn how to play the game first.
Yeah, bud. Yeah on the team.
Get on the team, and then maybe you can throw me an alley-oop. Bro, tryouts are in a week.
Yeah. Let me tell you something.
You're walking down the street. You pass Carlos.
Yeah. And Carlos goes, funny guy.
The girl's going to be like, ew, what was that? Oh, that's true. Yeah.
That guy's got to go to jail. Yeah, yeah.
You know him? Yeah. Why do you know him? Yeah.
I don't know if we can. Yeah, yeah.
That we can yeah yeah that's what it is how about this when you see bobby in public from now on with a woman you you do you do not recognize him you ask for change you act homeless and you ask for change yeah like they pass each other carlos when you called me last night where were you it sounded like you were at a party or something yeah he told me you were at a night club or some shit last night like It was like 10 o'clock. You know where the fuck you were, pal.
No, I was with Ian Fidance at Fred 62's. Oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's still open? Yeah, they closed at one.
Wow, I thought that closed down. It was pretty good last night.
Was it? Fred 62's, yeah. Because they fell off for a little while.
They did, yeah. But it's a cute little, it's so many hipsters.
Is House of Pies still open across the street? No, I haven't seen that open. It is? But Fred 62's is all these like oh oh dude yeah it's very hash brown what do you mean that's like your favorite people no dude i'm fucking dude i'm yeah thank you no i'm norm no you're not dude i'm norm you're a pretentious artist you're pretty you always want to go to swingers i don't want to go there swingers is low rent swingers is still like cool though no it's not it hasn't been cool in a decade tattooed mexicans you love them i fucking love that i know exactly that's why you like to go leave home without them they're my american express right but i i haven't been to fucking french 62s in like years i'm a norms mel's kind of a guy mel sucks i know but that's what that's what and look at that swingers used to be the shit that's probably me in the background before i lost the weight yeah uh wait no listen this is this is a crazy moment we were shooting over there one time and i go al madrigal goes hey let's go get house of pies for lunch you know because we were like skipping the crew lunch yeah and i was like i'm starving dude let's go over there he's like fuck yeah and he goes oh my god my wallet's in my trailer and i looked down at my phone i'm like my wallet's in my fucking trailer too i was like shit so we're asking people does anybody have cash and everyone's like okay so i call house of pies and i she's got to be still there it's the old asian woman that answered the phone i love her and and she goes she's like hey how the pies and i was like hey uh uh do you do apple pay and she's like apple pay yeah we tell yeah apple pay yeah apple I was like, I'm not making this up.
I swear to God. I know this is such an Andrew Santino bit for the show.
But I was like, yeah, Apple. So you take Apple, yeah? She's like, yeah, Apple Pay, yeah, yeah, Apple.
I know what you're saying. Dude, I walk in and I'm like, we order the food.
I go to tap. I'm like, where's Apple Pay? She's like, no, Apple Pay, Apple Pay, Apple.
And she's pointing to Apple Pie. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Apple Pie. Yeah, yeah, they've done that.
Bro, I felt so dumb and Magical's like, you fucking idiot. Yeah, yeah.
We ordered all this food. Yeah.
And this woman said Apple Pie. You think she said Apple Pay? I'm like, it sounds the same.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. She literally goes, yeah, Apple Pie, Apple Pie.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, okay, they take it.
This is like a South Park episode. It's really funny, yeah.
Welcome really funny yeah welcome to apple pie take apple pie yeah dude that cracked me up when by the way we only got the food because al was able to that guy al was able to figure his way out of everything so how do you what do you do he found a dude to loan him cash he's in the restaurant he like knew a guy and i was like i don't even know that he's like oh i'll venmo him or get him back or whatever to give him cash to pay for the thing wow al is a magician al is he can get into anything too yeah he dude he's a magician i mean like he's like a sitcom guy now he hit you know he used to tell me on the set when we worked together he used to go dude i'll tell you what i'm gonna do i'm gonna be in like a fifth six on the call sheet kind of guy i'm gonna cruise in i'm gonna go that's what you guys are having and then get out of there and i was like yeah and he goes watch and he did now he's on he's on george lopez's show right he's been on for years and he's cruising it's incredible he loves it it's just paycheck paycheck and no and for people that don't know one of our good buddies a comic comedy store guy has the worst blow-ups of anybody on earth al on stage you fucking it would blow up on audience Oh, god i know i know someone would talk he'd be like lady yeah and then it would just spill out all the rage rage it's a real lot yeah and look at how sweet he looks but you would never guess do you get right i've been getting rage lately when i was young i did but now i just ignore people talk if they're yelling i just don't I didn't it didn't happen like when a group of people walk out

during a setup people did

that to you yeah last night I go where

are you going

and they turn around we got to go to the

bathroom yeah during a setup

well I get so mad

and then it's like or they fall asleep

oh I get late last night

spots at the OR there's always like a

heroin nod lady

just like you know me in and out of consciousness

I hate it I don't like go home or itchy people you see a lot of like oh yeah yeah a lot of itchy people in the store late at night yeah itchies bro and you know what's also driving me crazy anamre i tell you dude he's been really sticking you not only yeah he went up there we up there. We did David Tell's benefit show for the fires.
And I was second to last, but Adam went up a couple before me. He slaughtered, right? Yeah.
But now I'm getting, I'm in the back of the room looking at the audience going. Why? I don't know why.
What's wrong? I don't know. So Adam is really bugging you.
Yeah. He's killing really yeah yeah i look at audience and they're like what what you know i mean i go don't laugh no no no stop laughing yeah and then they go okay and then they stop laughing right and then when other groups i go like the mexicans they go crazy i go you know i mean and adam's still killing was he doing him him or Phil him he was doing that's easy he's playing him he's playing he's doing him right and then afterwards I go up there and I always do the weaseless thing I just sit next to him put my armor on him I go you did good huh oh boy yeah yeah yeah he's like yeah it was fun fun I go uh-huh and I squeezed a little bit you're really trying to threaten a little too is that little big dog are you big dogging him when you do that too much man yeah yeah it's so much and and he's a little bit.
You're really trying to threaten him. It's a little too much.
Is that little big dog, are you big dogging him when you do that? It's a little too much, man. I get that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so much.
And he's in a moment, and I love him dearly like a brother, you know that, right? Yeah. But it's like- But you're sick of it.
Sounds like you're sick of it. It's a little too much.
Ooh, so war has started here on Bad Friends. With who? What? With who? How can you have a war? With who? With the Greeks and the- What the fuck? No, no, no.
How can you have a war with who with the Greeks and the what the fuck no no no how can you have a war right if you're a tiny island and a micro island you know what I mean you know those micro islands you know how Philippines has those little tiny islands versus America you're America in this scenario yeah I don't know you know what I mean yeah you don't think so this is more like Seattle versus San Diego. That's really what this is about.
Dude. This is a local war.
No, no, it's not a local war. ZocDoc! Ow! Ow! Me too, me too! Oh, both of us.
I'll tell you where to go! Where? ZocDoc! Oh, what is it? It's an app. It's an app.
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This is a civil war. No, no, no.
This is the north versus the south. No, let's stop.
Let's stop. What are you doing? Nothing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the North versus the South.

No, let's stop.

Let's stop.

What are you doing?

Nothing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's not.

It's more like California versus Washington.

I'll give you that.

Okay, that's good.

Yeah, I'll give you that.

Southern California.

No, all of California. No, because Northern California is closer to Washington than we are to them.

But we're still a part of the same state.

Culturally, they can't stand us.

We're different people.

Northern California can't stand Southern California.

How about this? I get

Bakersfield down. Yes,

that's fine. I get Bakersfield down.

I'd even give you all the way up to like

just under San Jose.

Okay, can I get San Jose down?

I don't know if I can give you San.

SAC.

Well, SAC's even further. It is? I think so.

How about this? SAC, we carve out San Jose for San Francisco and then we go down okay that's fine okay good thank you thank you he's getting out the map yeah yeah but anyway yeah maybe there is a little war yeah see I think you get Fresno for sure that's huge yeah it was the Josh Holm thing I think that pisses me off that did it fucked you up yeah because he went to go see Adam backstage and now when Adam's killing I look at them as if they're all Josh Holm.

Yeah.

I view every audience

member as Josh Holm

and I go

don't laugh at that.

Don't laugh at that.

You're Queens of the

Stone Age.

Don't laugh at that.

Yeah.

Them crooked vultures

remember?

Them crooked vultures

baby.

Yeah baby.

Anyway I'm so happy

for him.

I had a nice little

weekend in Boston

Massachusetts.

Had a fun time.

Yeah Wilbur.

Went to a basketball game. Yeah did four at the Wilbur.
I see you with basketball stars now. from i had a nice little weekend in boston massachusetts had a fun time yeah wilbur went

to a basketball game yeah i did four at the wilbur and you do i see you with basketball stars now basketball stars yeah who i saw you on the court with some very large african-american people what's it yeah like that who's that take a guess at what his name is and what position he plays and what team he plays for even

okay so he plays for the

um Yeah, like that. Who's that? Take a guess at what his name is and what position he plays.
And what team he plays for even. Okay, so he plays for the Knicks.
Well, you're in Boston. That's right, the Boston Knicks.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, the Celtics. That's right, the Celtics.
Okay, right, Celtics, right? And is Jamal Bird. Dude.
I'm not kidding.

Jamal Bird?

His initials are JB.

Is it really?

JB is his initials.

That's pretty close.

Yeah, thank you.

Because I know there was Larry Bird.

There was Larry Bird. Yeah.

He was white though.

I understand that, but you know, if you mix the two.

There's Jamal Bird.

There's Jamal J. Bird Charles.

There he is.

I miss him.

Yeah.

Jalen.

So who is that?

So you're on the court?

Jalen Brown.

You're on the court?

Yeah. And what does that feel like? Courtside's incredible.
And a gift from the Celtics. Shout out to Celtics for treating me like that.
That was such like a nice, cool thing that they did. So I'm going to tell you where we're at.
Shout out Sully. Shout out Sully.
In our careers. Sully.
Yeah. And Carlos knows this.
If I wanted to go to the Celtics game. You don't like basketball.
It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.
If you wanted to go to a football game, game to an Arsenal game they would 100% treat you like a king yeah they would so what I'm saying is they've emailed us multiple times about it so if I were call yourself off real fast they've emailed us multiple times about it never got an email and I had to see it for myself you don't have a fucking email he's your email you don't even why are you screaming at me because I'm trumping you dog alright so what I'm saying you, though, guys. If I wanted to go to the Celtics game, I would get last row.
You know what I mean? This is such a bullshit. It is.
It's true. I can't...
I've never been on the court. Even if the fucking stadium was...
Even if the stadium was empty on a Monday morning, I wouldn't be able to get on. There it is.
Arsenal Football Club emailing you about... We're all buzzing.
The guys are Arsenal fans. You know what, dude? Fuck you.
Get fucked. You're going to get treated like a king.
They love you. You don't go to basketball games.
If you like basketball, they would do the same for you. I'll never see Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift in any situation.
You don't like football. I'm just saying.
And you're just, you know what I mean? All I'm saying, who's the movie star here? You're in the presence of a movie star. I'm like, you know what I'm like?

I'm like, you know, Southwest industrial film.

You know the fans don't believe this bullshit anymore.

You know that, right?

What?

They don't buy it.

This like lie you keep feeding them.

They don't, the fans are over this great lie.

Everyone that goes.

Okay, okay, okay. Everyone goes, we know Bobby's Hollywood.

They know.

It's a lie.

It's a bad lie.

When you hit the button.

When you hit the button.

I said, sorry, but I had to defend myself.

I had to defend myself.

He's sweating.

Pete, get him your sweat rag.

Get him your sweat rag.

Whatever that is.

Buy him a new Whitney Houston shirt.

He's going to sweat through this one he's got.

Get out of that.

Okay.

You know what?

You're like a black comic shooting a special and they've got that sweat rag on stage.

Get him one of those Apollo sweat r rags okay so it's dab him off okay so it's can i can i defend myself all right i'm in all right you're in you're 50 true yes all right no no you're 50 true it's way more so i do okay have i worked in things yes your whole life i mean you could just it's obvious you imdb me i've done things okay but what i'm saying is is that in there's certain like other things like events or the circle of people that one hangs out with like when we're in melbourne right and dakota fanning came in and and all these people these celebrities i they came for you no they did not they came for us they're're fans of us. Had you met any of them before? My buddy Jake Lacey.
Exactly. I've never even, there's no other situation where I'd be able to see him.
Yeah, you would through me. You're in the presence of a movie.
That's what I'm saying. No.
You know what I mean? No. So I don't get into your situation yet.
Do I have a blessed life? Yes. And I've worked hard.
You just don't create relationships. I sell out.
I just don't know how. You don't create relationships.
To put myself. My situations are me and David Tell in an alleyway.
Mm-mm. Smoking a cigarette.
You romanticize this. Me and Ian Finans at a spa.
You just don't go out of your way to talk to people. You're a fucking.
So, you know. You're a sleep till 4 p.m.
recluse. And that's your thing.
What are you talking about? When I got back from fucking Budapest Jamie Lee Curtis I'm like you want to do something and no return. That's what I'm saying I try.
Jamie Lee Curtis? She doesn't want to hang out with you. That's insane.
I know. Pick your battles buddy.
I don't know then maybe I'm like picking the wrong battle. You're definitely picking the wrong battle.
Just like Adam Ray that's the wrong battle. I was he's gonna he's not gonna think so and i'm telling him after the show that it's it's war now oh come on you know i'm kidding right no the fans know the fans don't know dude that you you the fans you know um this this podcast is a disaster i'm like i'm sweating i'm drowning this is insane get him his sweat this is crazy i don't need a sweat rack get get the fuck away from me get the fuck away from me get the if you approach me I'll fucking attack you get out of here good boy we'll eat that man anyway so alright let's back up so it's 50% true okay so let's move forward let's move forward from it yeah yeah but it was incredible sitting on the they treated me like a little king it made me feel kind of special I know for the first I know for the first, you know, it's a, it's a privilege.
It's crazy to get an honor. It's wild.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's wild. Thank you.
Celtics organization for letting him, um, see in your seats. It meant the world to me.
It meant the world for him. Right.
And who is that now? You're just showing us pictures of black guys. Yeah.
Yeah. It's Jamal Wiley, but I think it came up in Jamal Bird because of his hair.
Okay, Carlos.

What are you doing?

You always know how to reset the room, man.

Wow.

Honestly.

Yeah, yeah.

You really reset the fucking room.

You're the ultimate host.

It's a cleanser.

You are.

You're a palate cleanser.

You're my, you're, what is it?

What did Brody used to have?

Apple cider vinegar.

He used to have apple cider vinegar all the time. I love apple cider vinegar.

I know.

Dude, it's, I hate the taste, but it's good for you. It's's good for you It's just good for your toe fungus You put your feet in it I mean I have a concoction at home Really? You want to hear my concoction? It really works Apple cider vinegar Sometimes But the two mixtures Why are you laughing dude? Where are you getting so much toe fungus Can I guess Obviously the Korean spa

It's just my left foot I've always had a problem with my left foot Isn't that That's the movie It's the movie Yeah yeah yeah Is that what it's about Yeah Bobby Lee Lewis Is in My left foot A new version So my left foot So I'll tell you what you do Yeah Okay It's oregano oil And tea tree oil mixed. Swirl around.

You swirled around.

One to one?

50% 50, 50, 50, 50, yeah.

So one to one.

Yeah.

And then you dunk your toe in there.

And then let it sit?

You sit there for like an hour.

An hour?

And you have to fucking angle it.

So you're like watching an iPad movie,

but your foot's like this and you're doing this.

Wait, why do you have to angle?

You just put your foot in a bowl that's big enough.

Oh, fuck, you're right.

What are you doing? Oh, you're right. No water.
You don't water it down at all. I don't know.
And it disappears. I've been taking oil of oregano pills every day.
For what? I read that they were good for you. It is good for you.
Is it though? Yeah. What do I take it for? I don't even know.
And then I take lion's mane for my memory. You know what else I take? I'm scared.
20 mushrooms. I take mushrooms.
I take the mushrooms. Yeah.
What's it called? I don't know. I take the mixture of the- Yeah, the 20 different mushrooms.
Yeah, all that stuff. Go back and see that.
Yeah, lion's mane is mushroom. That's part of it.
Zoom in. Oregano oil has antimicrobial properties that may help with bacterial, viral, and fungal infections, help with digestion, reduce coughs.
Oregano oil can be toxic. Okay, that's good.
And may irritate sensitive skin. I've just heard it's good for you.
So I started taking small, it's so stupid. I don't fucking know.
You hear one thing and then you're like, I guess. But then I bought a TikTok machine.
I was on TikTok, an antifungal machine. It doesn't work.
Well, no shit. Yeah, I spent hundreds of dollars on this green machine.
What are you? You stick your toes in there and a green light comes on. And an antifungal TikTok machine? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is that it? I don't know. I got it on TikTok.
Nail fungus are you you stick your toes in there and a green light comes on and an antifungal tiktok machine yeah yeah is that it i don't know i got it on tiktok nail fungus and you stick your toes in there and a little glow happens it's a laser it's like a lasery thing you're lasering the fungus now yeah and it's like nothing's happening well yeah yeah another thing that doesn't work is when you're on tiktok sleep gummies that don't work. You try those? I buy every single one.

What are they?

CBD.

Isn't that what it is, the sleep gummies?

Some of them are like, oh, there's a no, dude, fuck.

I'm loving that you're deep into the TikTok now.

I want to see your algorithm.

Oh, my God.

It's crazy.

Is it wild?

The amount of stuff that I'm getting, I'm getting some bad stuff now.

Okay, what are you getting?

And then I'll share mine.

Well, it depends on what your friends share with you because then you watch it and then it knows you watched it.

Yeah.

I was getting a lot of like, guys.

Oh, yeah.

I'm not done.

I already know.

Well, then finish it.

Guys, I'm in the presence of a movie star.

What is it?

What does she do?

This is the worst.

Guys, it's Pepper's last day.

Oh, I fucking hate these videos.

Right?

And I'm like, who's Pepper? You have to ask the question who is pepper right and then you they zoom down right and it's their fucking dog it's their pet dog yeah yeah and like we just put the injection in oh god right and then everyone's crying i'm like you're sharing such an intimate moment yeah yeah i don't want to see that no please i don. I don't want to see it.
I don't want to see it. I don't want to see it.
This is going to kill me. It's going to kill me too.
Please don't. Get out.
Get out. Carlos.
Get out. Get out.
Get out. Stop it.
I hate those ones. What are the ones you hate? I'll be okay with a cat last day, but don't do a dog last day.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dog last day is the worst.
I hate those. I hate, I hate, I don't like when, when I see like a girl girl's like the get ready with me or whatever and then they they grab a thing and then they tap their fingernails on the they tap the product i don't like that i don't i don't like asmr it creeps me out you don't like asmr i try to jerk off to an asmr video once where it's just like it's joi you know the instructions there's there's one and she's counting down she's, five.
And I was like, I'm not ready. I like when- Four.
No! Slow down! I love what it's ASMR scenarios. Hmm.
Welcome to A365. It gives me the shivers.
Do you see what it just did? Space station. Oh, I fucking don't like it.
We're going to the planet Isaris. I swear to God.
But please sit down and we have to take some tests. Oh, girl.
Disappear. I don't like it.
And I'm like, you know, my dick's in my hand, but I'm still zoned, it's great. Oh.
I'm going to Azurus. It creeps me out.
I hate it. I'm going straight to Azurus, guys.
I don't know why it creeps me out so much. I'm going straight to the zeros guys

I don't know why it creeps me out so much

It gives me this weird feeling

It's like very motherly

I don't like that

It doesn't put you out?

It gives me the tingles

I don't like it

There's something about it that throws me into a

What is it?

It gives me the ick That's what is it? It gives me the ick.

It gives you the ick.

That's what the kids say.

What gives you the ick?

So many things give me the ick, man.

I got a real specific one that's really stupid.

Oh, you mean on TikTok videos?

No, in general.

Life just grosses you out.

My ick is this, when a girl goes, if I'm in a town, like, Boise.

Love Boise.

We have the best sushi here.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Do you?

Yeah.

And I go, people from other cities come here and they eat our sushi.

Like, where?

From fucking Peoria?

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

It's like, you've never had sushi. sushi yeah you've never had real right yeah real sushi it's crazy yeah yeah where is it oh they got yo yo itong ginza sushi grill and i told i've told you this before every time i play uh charlie goodnights in charlotte yeah there's koreans that come come with us to where kore.
Best in America. Well, it could be good.
Right? No, I went. Bad.
It's fucking terrible. It's like they don't know.
You know what I mean? Well, okay, let's talk about restaurants. Okay.
Okay, we were in Phoenix. We went to Pizzeria.
Where did we go? No, I just this weekend yeah so i went to bianco oh pizzer

bianco and they gave us they're huge fans of ours by the way yeah they're great yeah and went to bianco and we're sitting there with great pizza right but it's like and they can and someone in phoenix could say you know what we have one of the best pizza sure and i'll go yes okay i agree I agree

Right

But

What towns

What towns

Do you think

Have the yes okay i agree i agree right but um what towns right what towns do you think have the worst food

oh god oh how about this what towns do you think have the best food name five top cities

best food cities yeah restaurant cities and be completely honest in america new york 100

new york is i'll back you on that um i would chicago chicago yeah so our guest is here

I'll see you on that um i would chicago chicago yeah so our guest is here oh come on in come on in come say hi hi how are you sit in this blue chair down okay should i put the headphones on if you don't want to you don't have to i'll put them on you don't have to fuck up your hair if you don't want to you have great hair to be honest it's been through a lot worse okay god bless okay is that you that smells like that yeah uh it smells so good shower shaved shower shave what is it it's got like a um it's like a joe malone perfume like a joe malone joe malone god i love the accent australia or england you take a guess bud i say eng. Yeah.
Which part of England, though? I don't know. Well, take a guess.
Brighton. Oh, by the water.
Oh, no, I think that's a bit of an insult. That's an insult.
Essex. I'm from Nottingham.
Nottingham. Nottingham Forest.
Very proper. In the Premier League, yeah.
Yes. Third in the lead right now.
Half my family is Derby, half I'm a Nottingham fan. Oh, wow.
Derby you haven't seen in the Premier League in a very long time. No.
Ooh, insult. That's an insult.
No, but she's a... Are you a Forrest or Derby? In between, to be honest, whoever's winning.
Obviously, at the moment, Nottingham, so... Big Nottingham fan.
Mm-hmm. Is that...
Are you engaged, by the way? No, going through a divorce. Oh, God bless.
Yeah. What happened? Oh.
Can I take a guess? You've got a higher voice than me. Yeah, yeah.
What happened there? Do you think, was the divorce based on the sleeping with a thousand men? No. No.
Okay, right on. That had nothing to do with it? No.
It was before that? Listen, I don't know what, I'm sorry, I don't know much. You don't know much about sleeping with a thousand men? No, no, no, but I don't know.
I think you do, actually. Bonnie Blue slept with a thousand men in one day? Is that what happened? Is it one day? One day, 12 hours.
Yeah. 12 hours.
12 hours. Can I ask some questions? He's got it, dude, yeah.
Fire away. Yeah, fire away.
Give me a load. One for one.
Because let's just say, if I was a guy. You are.
I know, thank you. And I fucked a thousand women, right? I would have to pick.
Do you get to pick the women? No, I don't get to pick the guys. Oh, you don't? But in your scenario, okay, yeah.
If you want to just pick the women. But you didn't pick the guys then? No.
So just any old look, you know? Gingers, Asians, anyone. Really? That's anyone really that's us that's us wait a minute 83 guys uh 83 guys an hour an hour 83 an hour it was like you know

that game you play as a kid you put your hand in the box and you don't know what you're gonna get

yeah yeah that's a british thing i don't i don't know that well you cracker jack no

box pick out present no she's saying not cracker jack box no like the prize in the bottom

no dude she's saying there's a game where they put their hand in a box and they don't know what's in there. Yeah, we don't play that in America.
I just said that. Oh, thank you.
Sorry, I'm sorry. Fuck, dude.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is the game? Or like in Dune.
Yeah, it's like in Dune. Yeah, like in Dune.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. I don't know what Dune is, but.
Okay. The movie Dune.
The movie Dune. Yeah, there's a box.
There's a box. That's like what you guys did at Christmas, right? At Christmas, yeah.
So could I have applied? Of course. We don't need to apply.
You just turn up. That's a good thing.
As long as you are 18. Yeah, you are.
You're 18 times four, actually. Yeah.
Am I too old? That could be like in the ride. Oh, yeah.
Do you have a ceiling? Do you have a limit? Is there an age limit? If a guy shows up and he's 70 do you say no no of course not you don't care one his wife might be dead so obviously and second of all like it's a bit of a day out for him it's better than bird watching yeah but I don't know old guys imagine you're 72nd in line 70 seconds not that far there's. There's a thousand.
Oh, there is?

A thousand? I'm 430.

Like, would you be able to keep it up?

Are you watching porn to keep it up?

No, no, no.

So some of them, they're in the basement.

So I'll give you a bit of a picture.

These guys all live in a basement, by the way.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

For the record.

It's like a three-story house.

I'm at the top floor.

So by the time they start queuing on the stairs,

they're queuing for like sometimes four or five hours.

They bring the packed lunch.

They bring you a drink.

It's like a picnic. They bring a packed lunch.
Yeah. Honey, I packed you a lunch for your fuck today.
It's like that Guardian of the Galaxy ride at Disneyland. Yeah, it takes two hours to get on it.
Forever to get there. And then the ride only lasts about 10 seconds.
Oh, so how long do I get? About 40 seconds. All right, but since we know each other.
You'll never get there. 40 seconds, dude.
You're out in like 12.'re out in like 12 oh no no just because the thought of other guys that have been in there you're so excited that gets him so excited because I know that he's gonna be right before me he's 431 you know what I mean I'm gonna be oh fuck can we switch yeah you can just push his porridge in you know make it up that's right I'm still stuck on the bring in the pack lunch that's so funny do people trade like snack cups it's so like what if you didn't get something and you saw something else i just think that's so funny in line being like can i have the cookie how many seconds did you say 40 40 seconds and then one i thought you only had problems with your eyesight not your hearing maybe i should come a bit closer she loves you dude i I love her so much. they all wear ski masks yeah those always have to but like if they're like got girlfriends or they've got like certain jobs they want people finding out sure i want them to go and feel feeling confident but they still have to be on camera yeah of course who is that guy in the first frame there with the big teeth with the red jumper on name's called bevo he went viral for like went viral for like swallowing food.
He's a big tooth guy. I've seen him on Instagram.
You've seen this guy. He's got huge teeth.
Too much teeth. And that's the bit, right, that he has big teeth? Well, no, he basically went viral just for like not swallowing food properly.
Really? Yeah. Do you charge? No, of course not.
What? You could make a killing. No.
$10. I bet she's doing fine.

No, I want to say thank you.

Because of those people in the queue, I've got to where I am.

So I want to thank them.

I want to do something for them.

That's so nice.

Wow.

What a gracious person. You're just a sweet, gracious person.

You're like Mother Teresa in a different way.

It's a different type of charity work.

Yeah.

Do you live in England now or here?

London.

You live in London.

Yeah.

I don't know why I said that. I made that up.
I live in Nottingham. You lied.
I'm in London a lot. Yeah.
But now we're going there. We're going to London this summer.
This summer we're playing. I don't know.
I don't like that it's called OVO. We mentioned that twice.
I don't really like the Drake thing. I wonder who would have a bigger cue.
Me or you two. How about this? You take dicks outside of the arena.
We'll do laughs inside. Yeah, I'll warm them up for you.

You know how nice that would be? Yeah.

For them to get a nut off and then come laugh.

I mean, they'd all fall asleep

halfway through the show. Yeah.

Who would get a bigger line? I wonder.

How many tickets do you think you could sell?

To a show. If you did a live show of you...

What, a live sex show? Yeah, a live sex show.

I don't know, to be honest.

We sold 50,000 in Australia.

Beat that. I got banned from Australia.

What? Really?

I don't know, to be honest. We sold 50,000 in Australia.
Beat that. I got banned from Australia.
What? Really? Wait, why? Fucking barely legals. Wait, you got banned because of people underage? No.
So basically, women are poorly educated when it comes to sex and understanding the porn industry. And they made this massive petition saying, oh, let's get Bonnie Blue banned from Australia for sleeping with people underage and not consenting.

They are consenting and they are 18.

So then this petition basically blew up in Australia

and they took my visa away.

The government banned you.

Oh my God.

Wow.

We would never do that in America.

You know that.

You're welcome.

It's the greatest country in the world.

We would never do that.

Trump would never let that happen.

He will rename bodies of water, but he will make sure you can do what you want legally. So now it's OnlyFans, right? Yeah.
That's like the big, that's the thing. That's only must make a killing.
Yeah, it's good money. Good.
Is it posted? You know how people post what they make? We can see what everybody makes. Is that true? No, I don't.
If you allow it. No, I have it so you can see how many subscribers and stuff.
How many subs are on there now? 400,000. Holy shit.
Holy shit, man. Half a million people almost.
They watch all, and do you post shit every day? Yeah, like every day I post things, but they're probably like new videos out like twice a week. Wow.
I'm interested. The divorce thing, when did this happen? Was this in the beginning of this or did divorce spark this? Now I want to have a sexcapade.
No, no, no. So we was together from when i was 14 so we were how old was he uh 15 he's only like a year older don't worry we was we used to get i was 14 he was 38 holy shit i mean i do like the older ones but uh okay now that is now we can't do that in america yeah yeah what go from barely legal to barely from barely legal to barely breathing? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. So what, you were 14, he was 15, and you got married at how old? 20.
Oh, yeah, young. So it was like together like a long time.
We just grew apart. Like there was no dramatic split up or anything like that.
We just grew apart naturally. And then do you talk to him now still? Yeah, yeah, he works with me.
Oh, is this him? No. I'd love it if this is the guy.
Who is this guy right here? No, he helps me on the creative side with video and editing. He's also a handsome guy off camera.
Yeah, very handsome. And he's big.
He's got good thick thighs, dude. He's a thick daddy over there, huh? Well, he looks like a John Wick nemesis.
He does. Where's my dog? Yeah.
He's very beautiful, though. He is? You are.
Oh, thank you. I find him more attractive, if I'm being honest.
But that's just different. It depends which way you sway.
Wait, was that bad to say? Why couldn't I just say to another person that they're beautiful? What's the problem? Why'd you laugh at me? Because she didn't even hear you. She didn't register.
Yeah, she did. I said thank you.
Yeah, she said thank you. How old do you think he is, by the way? Unless you already know.
No, I actually don't know. Take a guess.
This is good. Do you know this guy might know? No.'s see how amazing is that 36 is that accurate or no he's 38 oh no i'm 53 he's 53 oh are you yes thank you i thought they just said black don't cry yeah we don't either 36 i'm not mad relax dude shut the fuck up that's good stuff she just said you were 36 what happened before that I wonder you're doing really well look you didn't want to talk about the girl you just met in Phoenix alright so there how old am I I'm gonna go 42.
See? Every time. I look younger.
I know. This guy looks younger than me? God damn, dude.
I don't know. You're giving schoolboy vibes.
Hey. He does.
You're gonna turn me off. Mommy, I love you.
Don't do that. I want TV, my mom, momo.
Oh, I've looked 40 since I was a fucking kid. Suck, suck, suck.
I am. Apparently I look like 42, 45, So I'm looking at that.
25. 25.
Yeah, well, you know, I mean, you look 20s, but it ages you, doesn't it? I don't know. It's exercise, it's hydration.
Yeah. Like, you know.
That's actually true. Cheaper than a gym membership.
So this is how, what, you like rent a house? So there's a guy called Lord Davenport, and he holds crazy parties. The British are so funny.
Come to Lord Davenport, and fuck money blue. Give me Lord Davenport.
I got to see this fucking guy. In LA, there's a guy named Lord Davenport? No, clearly this guy's in England.
Lord Davenport? I want to know him. I don't know any lords.
But there's a guy downtown LA that thinks his name is Lord Davenport. So this guy has a house that you are at.
That was the house I fucked in. Wow.
That's Lord Davenport. Yeah.
Obviously you had to hook up with him. No, I didn't actually.
Really? Lord D didn't take any fucking anything for the house, huh? No. Wow.
Shocked. Is he a good guy, this guy? Yeah, lovely guy.
It says fraudster. What did he do to make his money? Oh, I don't know.
That sounds problem yeah that certainly does sorry about that they call him fast eddie davenport are you super famous now in england or on the world i mean um a little bit yeah yeah how do you like it yeah it's just weird i never thought like being a slut would make you famous like i know the kardashians have got experience with it i didn't know that was gonna going to be me. What were you like in high school? First, I lose my virginity.
But as a whole, I was a dance teacher at the time. I enjoyed working.
Very mature for my age. And you lost your virginity in high school, you just said? No.
Yeah. What year in high school? Well, I was 13.
I don't know what year that would be for you. Well, that's not high school out here.
That's middle school or elementary school. Yeah.
Yeah. High school is you're 15, right? 14, 15? 15, 14.
Yeah, 15. 15, yeah.
13? Yeah, I was young. Wow.
Wow. And how old was he? 14, yeah.
Wow. Jesus Christ.
He literally put it in and was like, oh my God, I'm pregnant. Like, we had no idea what was doing.
And I think like people's first experiences are always bad. You never know what you're doing.
Like it's a bit of a flop. See, that's what I keep telling you.
It's fine. I'm still learning.
You're going to be fine. I'm scared.
Have you had pregnancy scares? Well, apparently I'm pregnant at the moment. Are you? According to the media.
Yeah. Yeah, but you're not.
Oh, you're not. I am not pregnant.
Oh, well, still clap for nothing. Have you ever been? No.
Okay. Wow.
Wow, that's crazy. It was suddenly rumored that it that there was like oh my god bonnie's pregnant and it's actually the first time i've let them continue with the story and i've not sort of commented and actually i've made jokes about it and like last night i posted on instagram oh i've got cravings and just allowed people that's funny troll them that's so good you should do do a photo shoot of you with a baby bump no because i'm actually really against that what do you mean? I think it is horrible because loads of women can't get pregnant or they are in difficult situations so I'm actually, to say I'm not a girl's girl I'm going to be a girl's girl this week because I want to use the media and the attention I've got from people thinking I'm pregnant to pay for people's IVF because I don't think it's not that is fucking amazing see? this guy's looking bud? He likes you, dude.
Yeah, yeah. Bloke? Are you a bloke or what? Bloke? Are you a hooligan or what? He knows a few English words.
He's giving me a hooligan fucking vibe right here. Hello, mate.
Got a problem? Fucking guy. What you looking at, dog? Dude, imagine how bad that guy would break you.
I know, I know. That's why I have to put this forward.
I know what you're doing. You're fighting the biggest guy in the jail cell.
You'll kill me'll destroy me but you know what I mean So you're security He does security I ain't doing shit dog If anybody comes dude don't get What's up bro We good or what Here it goes See that shit dude This is thug Bobby He gets real tough Sorry sir do whatever you want I know I've heard you've had A hard upbringing So I can imagine 100% Let's turn this Into a business Can we charge For Fastpass Yeah Yeah but that way Like a guy like me I can buy Fastpass Cut in line Buy another Fastpass So I'm constantly You know what I mean It's me again You know what I mean What if you just fake it Like if a guy Is any disabled wheel is any disabled? Any disabilities? Dude. Who gets to board first? I can play 14 Asians.
Yeah, you can. I can go, hello.
Right? Hello. Right? I could mix it up, dude.
Right? Take a mustache. Put a mustache on.
Right? Ali Wong wig. You know what I mean? I could do all kinds of stuff, dude.
What do you think? I believe it. Yeah, I'm Sandra Oh or whatever.
You know what I mean? Whoa. You know what you should do? You really want to appeal to the Americans? Do veterans.
Yeah. A veteran thing? Dude, do a USO tour.
Yeah. US, open up that mouth.
USO tour. The veterans would be very appreciative.
Yeah, that would be fun. Especially because these guys, a lot of them have PTSD them have PTSD a lot of them have you know mental health issues and they feel abandoned by their country I think you should do that yeah and sometimes we can do a theme like Vietnam yeah right we can have a little trail right like a trail to your vagina right I could play as in like a Vietnamese like Viet Cong right I would have a bushes there you know what i mean and do the sound right you know what i mean and firecrackers yeah so they can get into the ptsd of it right you know what i mean too everybody everybody get them into character yeah yeah and then we'll get you chinese eyes too you know i know i was thinking about a fox lift but then i don't know if we'd end up looking like twins yeah we should do a theme everyone in line is named Charlie Just all Charlie

Yeah Charlie

Yeah I think it's a good theme

I mean Bobby what is your name?

What?

What's my name?

Yeah

Bobby

No your real name

My Korean name?

Your Korean name yeah

Yeah cause like my name's not Bonnie

Yeah

Well on my birth certificate it says Robert

But my Korean name is Songwoo

Songwoo

Yeah

Yeah Bobby's easier

Yeah it's easier

Do you know what Songwoo means?

Guess

No

Success

Let's easier. Yeah, it's easier.
Do you know what Songwoo means? Guess. No.
Success. Success.
And look at what happened. Yeah, guy.
No, hey, relax. Stop trying to fight that guy.
Limey piece of shit. You never say your real name, do you? Tia.
Oh, you do? Yeah. I love you.
You say your full legal name? Yeah, Tia Billinger. That's my full name.
Tia Billinger. Tia's great.
Do you have sisters?

Yeah, I do.

I've got a sister called Summer.

She's got bigger boobs.

I feel like we're doing the wrong way around.

What does she do?

She's like a nurse or something?

No, she just helps me.

Oh, she works for you?

Oh, that's cool.

How about mom and dad?

Alive?

Yeah, both alive.

Stoked?

What do they say about this?

What's dinner at mom and dad's house like?

Just cream pies after cream pies.

Wow.

Yeah, wow.

I have that.

You play the dad, I play the mom.

All right.

Bonnie.

So, Tia.

Bonnie, sit down.

We all have to talk to you about something.

Yep.

Excuse me.

Our daughter's name is Tia.

Oh, that's right.

That's right, Tia.

My bad.

So, how's the cop been?

Work.

How's work?

It's been blowing in. It's been good.
You know know daddy's proud of you. Very proud.
Very proud. He came to one of your events, sweetie.
Well, I wait. He was wearing a mask.
I wore the mask of a Chinese man. I mean, I do like bringing family members together, so why not my own? What does mom and dad say? Honestly, they are so proud.
They're stoked. Oh, yeah, of course.
And everyone thinks, oh, that's so weird. And you know what? It's not.
My dad has worked two jobs his whole life. Now he doesn't have to work.
You pay for your dad. Yeah.
Yeah, that's great. And my mom, like, and people think it's weird, but like, my dad had to miss birthdays, Christmas as he had to go to work.
Now, like, money can't actually buy happiness, but it can buy time. My family now have so much more time together.
That's great. See, see my family are immigrants they don't know what i never they've never really known what i do that i do they just don't know they don't know but they know that i make money and they know that it's you know you mean that i have a skill set yeah so they just kind of accept it and go you know he's happy he's safe he's making money he takes care of us but they don't essentially know really what it is You know what I mean? Yeah Unless they If I pop on Squid Games or something My mom would go That he is You know what I mean? Or whatever But like You know But you're not on Squid Games buddy Yeah I know dude One day They're making another season Is that the goal in life? No He wants to be Squid Game.
The goal in life is to keep doing this.

Get the fuck out of here.

When are you doing your next one?

Well, the next one is like spring break.

So I'm going to go to Cancun after a week and then go to Miami.

Can Carlos go?

Carlos wants to go.

Yeah, 100%. Get you in a little schoolboy outfit straight in.

She likes schoolboys.

Oh, the guitarist from ACDC, do that.

Yeah, take off your hat though.

Show her what the schoolboy would look like with his hat off.

And do the-

Look at that, dude. Look at this.
Yeah, yeah, do that. Bonnie, can I still go? Yeah.
Yeah, no, you can still go. Yeah, thanks.
I've probably got more hair on my legs, but we're all good. Wow.
Wait, can I call you Tia? Yeah, you can call me Tia. Are you on the apps? Are you dating? No.
Can't get on that. I don't know how dating would work now.
Like, do I go in as a disguise, put an Asian outfit on and just say,

look,

I'm really innocent.

Yeah,

you could.

You could.

You really could.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean,

he's been banned off

a couple of apps.

Basically because I lied

about my age.

He lies about his age.

But it's fine.

It's harmless.

He just,

you think he's 36,

didn't you?

Yeah, I did, I did.

So, there you go.

I mean,

I will be inviting you into my queue because i do want the disabled fuck you yeah i love it sorry sir do you does la feel different than england yeah definitely what the fuck i haven't been there in years i don't know it's a gloomy it's so different it's unbelievable does a ginger feel different than asian inside like honestly us we feel identical body where where can people follow where are you going to post the video um online i don't know which platform exactly and it's going to sell it right yeah wow how much are you going to charge for it i've not worked out yet maybe like 70 80 80 dollars 80 because it's a very long video yeah but just do 100 make it flat 100 Yeah, I could take. 100 feels like a, 70, $80? $80.
Because it's a very long video. Yeah, but just do 100, make it flat 100.
Yeah, I could do. 100 feels like a, if you're 70, 80, you're kissing 100, just make it 100 flat.
Do that 99, 99. Yeah, yes, yes, yes, $99, 99 pence.
Oh my God. Think about that, dude.
I think when people buy it as well, they're not buying it, thinking, oh yeah, I'm really horny and want to work. Like sometimes.
It's art. Intrigue.
Yeah. Yeah.
Fasquette Live or whatever. It is more fascination.
It's more like, it's more voyeuristic than sexual. Yeah.
People just want to watch it because they can't believe it. It's like a mixture.
Everyone's got like a different story. Like these with one guy, he brought his mom.
Ooh. That's tough.
That's tough. Yeah.
And then his mom was like banging on the door like,

Joseph, get your coat.

We're going.

Now he's there like,

Joseph, hurry up and finish.

Was he late for something?

Yeah.

I don't know.

Like, I don't know why he brought his mom in the first place.

Joseph!

No, his mom was like,

Joseph, get your coat.

Joseph.

Oh, that's so crazy. Joseph, we have to go to Asda.

Wow.

Yeah.

That is crazy, man. And then it's like a clip as he's leaving, his mom's putting his hat on, his scarf on, coat back on.
And then they went out for dinner. Wow.
Sweet. Incredible.
That's very sweet. Take your mom out to dinner.
Where do they go eat? They went to Nando's, actually. Oh, Nando's.
Oh, chicken. We have Nando's.
Yeah, we do. Oh.
Yeah, we have chicken. It's a South African business, is it not? South Africa.
Yeah. Anyway, let's move on.
I think it is. It's going to be out on your website.
When does it come out? I'm not sure. It's going to be soon.
You haven't decided the date? I haven't decided a date just yet. Smart.
100 pounds. 100 great British pounds.
But he'll get the video for free? I'll send it to you. I'll buy it.
I do want your load first, though. I feel like in return.
What do you mean? What do you mean? Sorry. Do we have a translator? Yeah.
Yeah. Go ahead.
I'll tell you. What, I'll tell you.
He's saying, what are you trying to ask him right now? Okay, I like to get on my back and you put your dick inside me. He said, that sounds fun.
I'm a little nervous about all that. Yeah, I'm a little nervous about it.
He says, but I am hard right now. Okay, could you tell him I've had a lot of experience with Asians and I don't think they've got small dicks.

He got it. Yeah, he's fine.

He's fine with it.

I'm very fine with it.

Well, that'll be an exchange.

We'll do a nice little exchange.

That'll be foreign exchange.

Yeah.

We'll call it foreign exchange

and we'll film it.

I'm sweating.

I just said, you know.

Oh, you're nervous about it?

Yeah, yeah, I'm nervous.

You made him horned.

I won't be looking hard.

It'll be just too much pressure.

Nah, you could do it.

Maybe I get Bluetooth. Maybe put some Bluetooth.
Yeah, I want to get one of our sponsors to help us out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then you'll need better help. Bluetooth, Bluetooth.
Right after it. Yeah, yeah.
We'll double down. All right, so look for the Bonnie Blue tape.
Bonnie Blue. Thank you for coming, by the way.
Thank you. Give her a round of applause.
That was fun. Bonnie Blue.
All right, check this out. We end the show.
You look into your camera and just say thank you for being a bad friend. Do it in your little spin,

however you would do it.

Okay.

Thank you for being a bad friend.

Next time,

make me your spot.

Wow.

That's a great way

to end the episode.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo. Woo.
Woo. Woo.
Woo.

Yeah.

Woo.